Nexus 2015 Issue 07

N.07 / V.47

Clarence Street 7am – 10pm, 7 days a week. Phone (07) 839-4056

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27 APRIL 2015 CULT ISSUE Editor Jessica Wilson editor@nexusmag.co.nz Design Olivia Paris design@nexusmag.co.nz Deputy Editors Brittany Rose Jules Craft

01 EDITORIAL Say Jess to my Cult

03 NEWS

Australia’s Cutural Genocide

07 SPORTS Can The Pheonix Win it All?

Managing Editor James Raffan News Editor Sam Marelich Contributors Casey Dunstan Alexander Nebesky Chris Reive Alix Higby Chris Kader Richard Swainson Jared Wooldridge Caitlin Orton Melissa Stevens Hp Peter Dornauf Joshua Brill James Brodie Aunty Slut Emma Nygard Drunk Professor Rebecca Pollard Resident Gay Johnny Ryan Pene Delany (archive) Zac Lyon Shannon Stewart Sarah Hyde Priscilla Davis-Ngatai Interns Ashleigh Matthews Jessamy Topping Johnny Ryan Photography Cameron Robinson Advertising Andrew James aj@wsu.org.nz Offices Ground Floor, Student Union Building Gate One, University of Waikato Knighton Road, Hamilton Online nexusmag.co.nz facebook.com/nexusNZ @nexusmag Spotify: nexusmagazine

08 ENTERTAINMENT Horoscopes / Trending on Twitter/ What’s Hot What’s Not / Beats by J

11 REVIEWS

Furious 7 / Firepot Cafe / Zombies, Run! / The Bell Jar

14 ARTS They Died Like Cattle

15 AUTEUR Cricket Films

16 FEATURES

The Illuminati is #Real / Breaking Bread / No! Please! Don’t Make Me Marry Tom Cruise!

24 YOUR SPACE The Spew Bucket: HIllcrest

26 COLUMNS

Confessions of James Brodie / ALC 101 / Aunty Slut / The Weekly Grind / She’s Abroad

34 50 YEARS OF NEXUS Pres Sez

35 COOKING Potato and Leek Soup

36 CARE

Clubs / Advocacy / Representation / Experience

38 SNAPPED Send us your snaps!

40 PUZZLES

Editorial NEXUS MAGAZINE

Say Jess to my Cult Jess Wilson

We will have a holy shrimp named Sebastian. His every movement will be tracked and processed through a computer to create a 3D printed rendition of his movements.

We will then sell this art piece for several thousand dollars, all of which will go into my Mi Goreng fund.

In this issue we will explore what it is to be in a cult, whether the Illuminati is real (hint: it obviously is you fucking sheeple), and what Scientology even is.

Cults. What are they? A type of rat trap designed and

Whilst my cult may take some time to set up (email

marketed it the southern US? A man-skirt worn by Scottish

editor@nexusmag.co.nz to donate), here are my five

males? No, that’s kilts silly!

commandments for enriched and enlightened living.

Cults are the lifeblood of society. Cults, or social groups to

1. Use the correct side of Glad Wrap when preparing

the ignorant Nexus Editor, allow us to relate, communicate,

sandwiches. This will prevent harmful gases from

and procreate. Or not, I just wanted a sentence that rhymes.

escaping and poisoning the local environment.

When I start a cult, it will be absolutely imperative that

2. Coconut oil makes a fantastic substitute for battery

nobody wears Lower and everyone has to consume enough

fluid. Drill open the battery (be it car or otherwise) and

packets of Mi Goreng each day to make me feel less bad

proceed to jam coconut oil into it with your bare hands.

about myself for eating Mi Goreng every day — this will amount to approximately five packets daily per person. My cult will hold our services each morning around the time I

3. Pierce your genitals and attach Christmas ornaments for a delightful seasonal look.

have awoken from my goddess slumber — about 3pm. The

4. If you ever feel like your life is spiralling into a dark, dark

services will include reciting the lyrics to Mariah Carey’s

hole of depression and despair, insert two peas in your

songs and crying about capitalism into a Grande Caramel

ears and apply bright blue light to your buttocks.

Frappuccino with extra cream. Fuck the man. Slowly. With a sledgehammer.

5. Publicly embarrass yourself on a weekly basis to mask your deeply-entrenched feelings of inadequacy

Our official cult animal will be the mantis shrimp, which is

and depression resulting from a lost childhood and a

arguably one of the most beautiful marine crustaceans.

debilitating lack of social skills.

1

NEXUS MAGAZINE Lettuce

Old White Men are Oppressing Me I.Rage

Contemplation a Move?

Cold Cat

I feel as though the facilities available to Waikato uni students are inadequate.

There aren’t many study spaces and honestly I’m contemplation moving to

Dear Peter,

Auckland uni as there are better facilities there. EVERYONE SHOULD JOIN ME!!

Regarding your article last week about our Fringe Event: writers were asked to present certain pieces to fit into the theme of ‘Mayhem’. Poetry and prose about love, hope and joy are not inherently chaotic and therefore wouldn’t have been a first choice for this event.

Secondly, I doubt you would call Dr. Tracey Slaughter, Catherine Chidgey, Jeanie Richards or Adele McKelvie ‘girls’ to their faces. These women

Rowan Makes a Pun Rowan Doyle

are not, by any stretch of the imagination, ‘girls’. To call them so is both dismissive and condescending.

The two flats to the right of gate 1 are now, most literally, flat.

In fact, I’d venture to suggest that every person who read at that event would over the age of 20- so ‘boys and girls’ is not exactly appropriate. If you’re looking for a more suitable term in the future, try ‘young men and women’ or perhaps ‘human beings younger than me’.

Finally, it never ceases to amaze me how quickly you white upper-middle class men dismiss younger generations (particular the women therein) as ‘angry’.

A similar thing happened at one of the ‘Heart of the Arts’ seminars last year. Old white dude called Bevan Yeatman (OWD) listened to a selection of poetry and prose from Mayhem (again, not selected by the writers) and then proceeded to dismiss everything he had heard. Highlights included OWD

Cat Call Not Cool Sexual Harrassment is not cool.

I just wanna give a shout out to all the catcallers at Waikato! What you do isn’t a joke, and isn’t funny. It’s SEXUAL HARRASSMENT. So stop it, because we’re all tired of your dumbass misogynistic behaviour.

saying that he understood the pain described by the Māori women in the room because he currently had shingles (because decades of oppression and racism is exactly the same as having a few hurty spots), OWD praising provocative themes (approval only granted to men, by men, regarding

Cats Aren’t Cool Either

work that didn’t challenge OWD’s preconceived notions of the way the

Not a cat person

the two men in the room whose poetry had not touched on a difficult or

world should work), and OWD inferring that the work presented was not contributing to society in any way (because in his view, poetry challenging racism, classism, and sexism will clearly never change the world).

PLEASE STOP POSTING THAT DAMN GINGER CAT. Please.

I’ll say it again.

Ironically, the only thing that some people took away from that event

Please!

was that one of the writers got angry about the way OWD was criticising

I’ve seen enough of it already and have seen many more (cats) roaming York street.

everyone. Because in this world young people, and women in particular, are not permitted by the people in power (old white dudes) to be angry.

I wonder if this comes from a deep insecurity that you have about allowing people to voice how they feel about this world that old upper-middle class white guys have created.

The possibility that the work presented at the Mayhem event was not confessional does not occur to men like you. When you feel challenged you refuse to engage with the work and the issues that work explores- which is a real shame- you might learn something. It’s 2015 Peter, the world doesn’t need another old white guy’s opinion.

Disclaimer Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech. Email your lettuce to lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz

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News NEXUS MAGAZINE

NEXUS NEWS NEWS FEATURE Protests have been intensifying in Australia with several rallies being planned to speak out for this small group of Australians who have had their rights dismissed for centuries.

Here in New Zealand we are also showing what we think. The Māori party last week sent an open letter to Tony Abbott which spoke from a place of empathy towards the indigenous people and their situation, as well as slamming the closures as cultural genocide.

Multiple demonstrations have been executed here in New Zealand including one held by the Auckland University Student Association on April 22nd.

Perhaps it’s our turn to speak out?

SIDE NOTE

AUSTRALIA’S CULTURAL GENOCIDE

Do you think that it is ethical for the Australian government to remove funding which provides basic utilities to remote Aboriginal communities?

Casey Dunstan William Lewis, Law Just when things were quieting down about Australia refusing to accept refugees, Tony Abbott and the Liberal government has found another way to blatantly disregard human rights.

Ethically speaking it’s probably fair to retract welfare, but speaking equitably it’s hard to know if it’s fair or not without knowing where the money came from and why it was going there.

Following the government’s decision to phase out the federal funding that has paid for water, power, road, and waste services in hundreds of remote Aboriginal

Connor Selvy, Law

communities over the last 50 years, Western Australia has announced that it

I don’t necessarily want to make a judgment without

cannot support its 270 remote indigenous communities and that as many as 150

knowing the facts of the issue.

may be closed. Tony Abbott’s phase-out was justified on the basis that these communities would become the financial responsibility of individual states, but it doesn’t look like the state governments can or intend to play ball. This begs the question; how many innocent people must suffer and die before someone owns

Greg Holt, Psychology/Economics

up to the responsibility?

Obviously I don’t know too much about the reasons

Concern about potential deaths is not ungrounded when you consider that many of these people may refuse to leave their land even when the water stops flowing.

And for those who do leave; a whole host of obstacles await them closer to the

why they’re doing it, but in terms of an ethical perspective on it... it’s a hard one because you can see both sides of the argument. I suppose in word, no.

cities such as racism, crime, and access to illegal drugs. Within these communities, people are angry. They are confused about what is going on, but most of all they are worried for the future of their homes and families should they find themselves displaced.

While the closures were originally announced following the 2014 budget, which

Eva Linton, Cup Course No. It’s quite sad tbh, they should be allowed to have their own communities. Why do they have to give up their heritage.

saw $500 million cut in aboriginal funding programmes, some politicians are arguing (as they so often do) that the true intent is a restructuring that will see

Tinaca Schrouder, Cup Course

improvements in health care and housing in areas closer to cities.

No, because why is everyone else allowed it and not

However there has been no mention of what these measures are and members

them?

of these communities have not been part of the conversation with those writing the policy.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE News

NEWS

THE END OF THE TPPA? The Trans Pacific Partnership Agreement (TPPA) is possibly the most controversial

The big concern is that New Zealand’s ability to make its own laws — our very

piece of legislation the National Party have tried to (and are continuing to) push

sovereignty, would be undermined and left at the mercy of large corporations,

through and it is in real danger of collapse due to pressure both home and abroad.

who could sue for damages to their profits.

According to Green MP James Shaw if the TPPA is to go through, “The Prime Minister

Shaw suggested that National was governing “in the interest of foreign companies

needs to say if New Zealand’s negotiators are supportive of giving foreign corporations

at the expense of local interests. This agreement could put a massive handbrake on

extra rights under this agreement compared to other free trade agreements.”

domestic law-making. If those companies don’t like us legislating in our national

One of the reasons the TPPA is disliked amongst the public because we don’t know the

interest they can sue us.”

specifics (these details need to be confidential to protect negotiations). Unfortunately

While it all seems rather morbid and hopeless, the TPPA may actually fall over very

it’s not entirely John Key’s fault — the entire partnership was started with Helen Clark’s

quickly thanks to a Democratic bloc in Congress who doesn’t like the way China

Labour government and Obama’s trying like hell to get approval from Congress.

manage their currency. Adding more fire to the fuel is Hillary Clinton who told a

For many people this excuse doesn’t really wash as we aren’t an important country and we don’t actually have any real bargaining power. Our almighty dairy industry only produces 6% of the world’s milk supply.

group of students and teachers in New Hampshire that the United States need to focus more on domestic production and that any trade deal needs to be good for U.S jobs and wages.

GLOBAL MODE SETS SITES SKY HIGH Sam Marelich

In an increasingly competitive online marketplace, media giants Sky TV, TVNZ,

iPOLLUTE: YOU’RE KILLING PEOPLE IN BAOTOU Alexander Nebesky

MediaWorks, and Spark have decided that they deserve to control what New Zealanders watch online and are more than prepared to take it to court.

The move comes on the back of major rollouts of subscription online TV services from Sky (Neon) and Spark (Lightbox), as well as the launch of Netflix NZ coming head to head with “Global Mode” — an online service that has been heavily promoted by internet providers Slingshot and Orcon. Apparently this isn’t fair on the poor corporations who

According to a study published by the UN University old kitchen, bathroom and laundry equipment made up 60% of the 41.8 million tonnes of electronic waste thrown away in 2014, our desire for cooler, slimmer, faster, fresher smartphones and laptops has contributed to troubling environmental damage in the form of ‘tech waste’.

aren’t making enough money (SKY TV only made $160m profit after tax in 2014 — a paltry

Tech waste is basically all of the shit that is produced as a result

$40m year on year increase).

of the harvesting of rare minerals for use in electronic devices, and

In true “number eight wire” spirit, a bunch of Kiwi battlers decided that they didn’t want to pay $70/ month (Sky Base + premium channel upgrades) to watch Mad Men at 8PM on a

nowhere is it felt more severely than in China and Mongolia, where cities like Baotou are swimming in the filth their industry creates.

Sunday, and developed Global Mode, a service that hides your location and means overseas

According

websites are accessible to New Zealand (think Netflix, BBC iPlayer, and Hulu for starters).

“Worldwide, e-waste constitutes a valuable ‘urban mine’ — a large

Let’s take a moment to appreciate this beautiful example of capitalism in action: when

to

UN

Under-Secretary-General

David

Malone

potential reservoir of recyclable materials,” he said.

giant incumbents don’t keep up with the times, someone innovates to fill the void and

The mining of that E-Waste could yield up to 52 billion dollars (US).

consumers reward this act of entrepreneurship.

The argument isn’t simply a financial one it is also a significant and

Yeah alright, of course that’s a bit too good to be true and Bypass Network Services (the

dangerous environmental problem

creators of Global Mode) are being dragged off to court. Apparently it’s not fair because

A recent BBC article highlighted the conditions of Baotou,

these companies have purchased content from the owners and want to resell it. The four

describing it as, “The dystopian lake filled by the world’s tech lust.”

companies state “we pay considerable amounts of money for content rights, particularly

A very heavy handed description, but one entirely fitting of the

exclusive content rights,” and “these rights are knowingly and illegally impinged which is

situation. The city has sprung up around the rare mining industry

a significant issue that may ultimately need to be resolved in court”. Boo hoo. Who cares?

which began in the 1950s, as has the giant poisonous lake of waste.

Getting real here, there is no justification for business models like Sky TV in an online

New-age technology comes at a new-age price and that price

setting. They don’t create content, they collect rent. As for TVNZ and MediaWorks — well

seems to be a poisonous cesspool. But luckily for us we live a long

when our crown gems include Shortland Street, The Bachelor, and any other inane talent

way from inner Mongolia so we can all probably go back to our tech

show, I’d rather see them out of business!

and feel good that we have new iPhones. Except me, my phone is

The game has changed and content creators (not curators) are in the drivers seat. Neon and Lightbox are all but irrelevant. It’s now uTorrent vs. Netflix USA. 4

N.07 / V.47

shit, not because I can’t afford a new one, but because I care about Mongolia and wouldn’t dare to support such extreme pollution.

News NEXUS MAGAZINE

NEWS FROM THE UNIVERSITY

2015 CAREERS FAIR WEDNESDAY The 2015 Careers Fair is on Wednesday 29 April, from 10am to 2pm in S Block. We have 39 employers coming from a range of industry sectors, including accounting, agribusiness, agriculture, banking and financial services, education, engineering, horticulture, information technology, logistics/supply chain management, public service, research and telecommunications. www.waikato.ac.nz/sasd/careers/careers-fair.shtml

TERTIARY CHALLENGE — REGISTER THIS WEEK Registrations are now open for the Northern Tertiary Challenge 2015.

This one-day inter-tertiary sporting event will be held in Auckland on Friday 22 May. All sports are mixed-gender and include netball, volleyball, hockey, touch, football, basketball and ultimate frisbee.

Registrations close Thursday 30 April — get in quick so you don’t miss out. Download the registration form at http://tinyurl.com/m3godgg.

For more information contact Kayla Wilson at kayla@waikato.ac.nz or

GET SORTED FOR B SEMESTER

visit www.facebook.com/SportWaikatoUniversity

If you know what you want to study you can do a Change of Enrolment online to add your B Semester papers. You can add or change papers in iWaikato at any time.

If you have a student loan or allowance, you need to be enrolled to make sure your payments continue.

If you’re not sure what you want to study in B Semester, you can check out what’s available in our catalogue of papers at papers.waikato.ac.nz We’ve got plenty of people available to talk through your options, so if you want any help with study choice or with planning your degree, contact our Student Centre on 0800 WAIKATO (0800 924 528) or email info@waikato.ac.nz. You can also contact our Tauranga campus Information Centre on 07 557 8676 or email uwt@waikato.ac.nz.

You can also ask for advice at your Faculty office.

FREE STUDENT INTERNET FAIR USE PROVISION

WIN WITH STUDENT BAROMETER SURVEY Here’s your chance to tell us what you think about the University of Waikato. Let us know what is working well for you as a student at Waikato, and what is not. All you need to do is complete our Student Barometer Survey, which will be emailed to you this week, and you go

Last year the University introduced a free

into the draw to win some great prizes, including an iPad Air 2, Samsung

internet service for students to use on

Galaxy V phones and Marley Jammin headphones. This survey is open

campus, via the computer labs or WiFi.

to all current students and closes mid-May, so keep an eye on your

Students are asked to read the student

inbox. For any questions, contact studentsurvey@waikato.ac.nz

internet ‘fair use’ guidelines and are reminded that illegal downloading of copyrighted material is not permitted. The University monitors student usage that exceeds what is considered reasonable. Halls of Residence students have additional network provision for in-Hall use, which is covered by the same policy. www.waikato.ac.nz/ict-self-help/policy/student-internet-fair-use-provision 5

NEXUS MAGAZINE Not News

NOT NEWS

HAIKU NEWS News stories you may have missed presented to you in the Japanese Art of Haiku

Man arrested over assault on woman at massage parlour At Calendar Girls.

A bit more slap than tickle.

Got himself a date.

WWSJD: WHAT WOULD STEVE JOBS DO?

Chris Martin’s “parting gift” to Paltrow revealed Heartfelt song lyrics “And I will try to fix you...

From time to time we have all wanted to viciously attack our flatmates. It’s part of human nature. Our base instinct is to destroy someone who uses our toothbrush or puts the empty bottle of milk back in the fridge. We don’t do it though because that is part of the implied social contract of living in a civilised society. Or at least it is for most parts of the world. Apparently Tulsa Oklahoma has a different set of rules as police found out when they attended the near incident involving a young man whose flatmate had repeatedly stabbed him with a bottle. What did the flatmate do to provoke such a violent reaction.

But not our marriage.”

Man saved child from fire, loses nearly everything Eh, she’s only three.

They couldn’t be that attached.

Can always have more.

He suggested that his Samsung Galaxy S6 was better than his flatmates iPhone. Which is a virtually redundant argument because everyone knows the Huawei Ascend y206 is the greatest phone ever made. Thanks again 2degrees, Nexus appreciates your shitty phones.

SHE’S A TOTAL MILF: MOTHER I’D LIKE TO FIRE (A WEAPON AT) John Key: Ponytail pulling “just horsing around” An American man has been released without charge after accidentally shooting his mother in law in the chest. Apparently the man was said to be shooting at an Armadillo on his lawn when a bullet hit the animals protective shell and deflected hitting his mother in law. Following this Armadillo theory Nexus now believes that we have enough information to solve both the Kennedy assassination and the Bain family murders.

Gave a cheeky tug Yes, a wanker; not that kind It’s just how he flirts Kanye West swears he’s not in the Illuminati Yeezus runs the world?

Yo, I’mma let you finish, But, no fucking shit.

COKE HEAD’S LIVES MATTER?

Parents, pet owners warned of spiked tennis ball Ball stuck with needles

A Florida Police Officer was arrested this week after purchasing cocaine.Amazingly when Christopher Heredia, 25 was picked up by Miami police in the carpark of a wallgreens he tried to explain the cocaine by saying “It’s for my wife.” Take a second and let that soak in. The disgraced police officer’s first instinct was to blame his wife, like she isn’t going to be pissed of with him enough already. Ironically it appears that drug possession is the only crime a police officer can actually be charged with. If only he had the foresight to shoot an unarmed black man or at the very least hit him with a car then the police wouldn’t have even questioned him on the coke.

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Either threat to kids and dogs Or pet green hedgehog?

Vatican says no to France’s gay choice Parce que je suis gai, Ils ne veulent pas de moi!

Ces bites Catholique!

Sports NEXUS MAGAZINE

SPORTS OPINION

CAN THE PHOENIX WIN IT ALL? Chris Reive

Earlier in the season, for a brief period of time, the Wellington Phoenix were atop the A-League and had a lot of the country’s sports fans on the bandwagon.

Now, sitting in third place with 46 points with the playoffs looming, the Wellington franchise will surely feature in the post-season; but can they make a big run?

The way I see it, it comes down to one word: defence.

With Burns, Krishna and Bonevacia leading the attack, and McGlinchey slotting in the midfield – the boys have no shortage of goal scoring options. What they need to work on is scoring more goals than they concede. Of the current top six, the Phoenix have the third worst goal difference. Teams like Melbourne Victory, Sydney FC and Perth Glory will punish you in the playoffs if you can’t keep the ball out of your net.

You never know what you’ll get from Glen moss. Some weeks he is phenomenal, then

HIGH FIVE

DECENT TAB WINS

other weeks he is capable of producing the biggest howlers you’ve ever seen. How he

In 2013, a Wellington TAB was hit hard by one

plays in the playoffs will be a big factor in how far the boys go.

bloke who loved his league. He was throwing

But, I’ve got a lot of faith. We’ve got the talent and the drive to do what needs to be

down decent sums, including a $5000 multi that

done to bring home the title. Even so, it’s good to see the Phoenix finally in a position

paid $250 000. Over two weeks he netted around

to be a genuine contender.

$700, 000.

During the FIFA world cup, Germany thumped Brazil 7-1. There were 9700 bets on this game.

ONE was right. A $2 bet got the punter a return of $500.

Another punter had some luck during the FIFA world cup. He put on a $40 multi on halftime and fulltime scores in three matches — netting a cool $110,000.

In more recent times, one punter won a 20% trifecta bet on a race in Sydney taking home $11, 962 – 20% of the full value of the trifecta.

While many people took home some cash from last year’s Melbourne Cup (thank you very much, Protectionist), one brave individual chucked down a $120 first-4 bet and ended up walking away with $118, 652.

SAFE BET Made up odds for real sports Safe Bet: Melbourne Storm to make the top 8 Bit of a Risk: Eugenie Bouchard to win the French Open, $10 Long Shot: West Brom to be relegated, $61 7

NEXUS MAGAZINE Entertainment

HOROSCOPES

TRENDING ON TWITTER

Aries (March 21 — April 19) Don’t fight against the desire to be a raging bitch. Steer

#KYLIEJENNERCHALLENGE

into the skid and release your inner demon. What’s the worst that could happen? Well, you could be alienated by your peers, shunned by your flatmates, removed from the University and end up living destitute on the street giving handies to strangers for loose change. Or you might just find true love.

Taurus (April 20 — May 20) This is your week, challenge everything, don’t accept

Jasmine @5hxgirl · Apr 20 The fact that people are doing the #kyliejennerchallenge....like wtf are you dumb??

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conventional wisdom. Dismiss opinions that don’t correspond with your worldview. In short just keep on being a mature student.

Gemini (May 21 — June 20) Venus is out out of alignment. Venus is out of ALIGNMENT! VENUS IS OUT OF ALIGNMENT!!! Yeah, we have no idea what that means either. We don’t actually consult the stars so just stay out of the path of black cats and don’t walk under ladders.

Cancer (June 21 — July 22) You thought that you were ROMEO & JULIET but you fell out of STYLE and you are NEVER EVER EVER GETTING BACK TOGETHER so you are going to spend the next six months having to SHAKE IT OFF. Horoscopes by Taylor coming fall 2016.

Raven Baxter @IAmRavenBaxter · Apr 20 My #kyliejennerchallenge went wrong 3.8k

5.5k

Leo (July 23 — August 22) If you’re feeling down find solace in the fact that life could be worse. You could be the one responsible for cleaning the disabled toilets of The Outback on a Friday morning.

Virgo (August 23 — September 22) Sometimes the first step is to have a brutal and honest conversation with ourselves. Examine our flaws and seek to gain understanding of our motivation. However if you are a skip to the back of the book kid then there is always mushrooms and old Sublime albums.

Libra (September 23 — October 22) Believe in yourself because absolutely no one else does. In their defence a lot of those people who don’t believe in you have actually met you.

Griffen Nauss @itoo_smooth · Apr 20 #kyliejennerchallenge have girls looking like...

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Scorpio (October 23 — November 21) This is the week to buy jaffa cakes. Don’t question us. Just buy the damn cakes. They may just save your life.

Sagittatrius (November 22 — December 21) The force is strong in your family. Your father had it, your sister had it, and now you have it. This is less of a horoscope and more a reminder that we are all geeking out over Star Wars. But, y’know... let the force be your guide.

Capricorn (December 22 — January 19) It’s time to tell her how you feel. Go old school, don’t just Snapchat her your penis, but do something really classy. Pull her ponytail. If it doesn’t get you laid you can just give her two bottles of wine and hope it goes away.

549

Aquarius (January 20 — February 18) This week Mercury found out it was Saturn’s half sister thanks to an affair between Jupiter and Mars. Meanwhile no one can find Pluto and it’s almost time for the prom. Tune in next week on “As The Solar System Turns.”

Pisces (February 19 — March 20) Recognising your own mortality and loneliness it might be time to get a pet. Or just have a baby from a one night stand. You need a license to get a pet. You just need two and a half minutes of poor decisions and Jäger to get a life long companion.

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alex @cashxbutera · Apr 17 WHY IS THIS SO FUNNY #kyliejennerchallenge

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Entertainment NEXUS MAGAZINE

PLEASE DON’T QUOTE ME

BEATS BY J

“I ALWAYS GO FOR THE LIGHT BALLS BECAUSE THEY’RE EASIER TO HOLD.” – Meghan Trainor on... bowling

“A HOMOSEXUAL MAN IS A MAN 100%. HE DOES NOT NEED TO DRESS HOMOSEXUAL.” – Giorgio Armani

“I’M TIRED OF PEOPLE PINPOINTING MUSICIANS AS THE ILLUMINATI.”

Beats

by J Everydayz, Phazz Almeria Galantis Peanut Butter Jelly

– Illuminati member, Kanye West, speaks out

Hudson Mohawke Ryderz Zedd, Bahari Addicted To A Memory Jeremih, Flo Rida Tonight Belongs To U!

WHAT’S HOT WHAT’S NOT What’s Hot

Paces, Kučka Nothing’s Forever Alfons Ganjaman

What’s Not

1. Lectures. It’s second week after recess and

1. Cold nights in town. It’s either buy a jacket

you’ve already stopped attending them.

or buy more alcohol. Guess which I chose.

2. Aliexpress. New wardrobe for $12 plus free

2. Momento queues. The joke here is that they

shipping. I’m basically a Wall Street investor.

3. Mark on Yik Yak.

don’t exist. Lower your fucking prices.

Maroon 5, Nicki Minaj Sugar (remix) A$AP Rocky M’$ Nero The Thrill Follow nexusmagazine on Spotify

3. Calling Level Zero Ground Zero on accident.

EVENTS

DOUBLE BILL: THE WATCH MAKER & REAPER

J DAY

Where The Meteor, 1 Victoria Street, Hamilton

What J Day is an international celebration/protest — held every year since 1992.

When Saturday 2 May 2015 7:30pm – 10:30pm

J Day is R18. No alcohol. No glass. No dogs. Please take your rubbish with you.

What Gambling, zombies, supporting local artists… This Saturday at the Meteor! All

Cost FREE

Where Riff Raff Statue, 206 Victoria St, Hamilton When Saturday 2 May 2015 12:00pm – 4:20pm

proceeds from the performance will go towards Remote Fiction Theatre’s Auckland season of ‘We Were Always Watching’ originally performed at The Meteor.

Cost $5 door sales only.

ZIRKA CIRCUS

ALLIANCE FRANÇAISE FRENCH FILM FESTIVAL Where Lido Cinema, Centre Place, 501 Victoria St, Hamilton

Where Victoria Square, Victoria Street, Cambridge

When Tuesday 21 April 2015 – Wednesday 29 April 2015 10:30am – 10:30pm

When Thursday 23 April 2015 7:00pm – 9:00pm

What French-language cinema? In Hamilton? This kind of cultural affair registers

What CIRCUS CIRCUS. “Death-defying acrobatics,” “beautiful balletic and poetic

lower on the procrastination-guilt scale but you only have until Wednesday, so

acts,” “hilarious clowns”. I.e no animals were harmed in the making of this circus.

check the showtimes in advance and plan accordingly.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE Left vs Right

ANTI-VACCINATION PARENT’S WELFARE CUT In Australia, Tony Abbott’s government recently announced a plan to cut welfare payments to families who do not vaccinate their children. The cuts may see families lose up to $2100 per child and is estimated to save the government more than $50 million per year.

LEFT

RIGHT

Once upon a time vaccination was part of a broad consensus of public health

Tony Abbott is not a particularly likable guy. Between shrugging off a soldiers

measures carried out by the state. Those actions aimed to put behind us the

death as “shit happens,” appointing himself as the minister for women’s rights

long, dark age of being at the mercy of viruses. Just to get this out of the

and trying to shut down Aboriginal communities, the only thing Tony Abbott

way, no, vaccines are not part of a depopulation plot and they don’t give kids

cares about less than the environment is the lives of ten year olds on suicide

autism, ahem. Vaccination is wildly successful and the crown jewel of public

watch in Australian run detention centers.

preventative medicine.

So you can imagine the widespread surprise when Abbott and his party

Now it is assailed from two sides, one side is the vapid doctrine of individual

(ironically called the Liberal Party) actually come up with a good idea. Last

choice which says it’s up to you whether to believe in reality or not (children

week the Australian Government announced that vaccinations were mandatory

and society don’t get a say). On the other, alien billionaire philanthropists like

— if you don’t get your kids vaccinated you will miss out on the childcare benefit

Bill Gates and people who rail against the insufficiently-scientific on the internet

(worth up to $10k/ year), childcare rebates (worth up to $7.5k / year) and the

while turning a blind eye to the much more central irrationalities of society. The

family tax credit (another $700 year). While the payouts do vary from family to

latter side of the problem might sometimes have their hearts more or less in the

family the point is clear: if you don’t get immunised it’s going to hit you hard.

right place, but they’re ineptly doing what is rightfully the responsibility of the public health system and public awareness campaigns.

Maybe anxieties, conflicts, and conspiracy theories arising from vaccination are inevitable given human nature, but they can also be seen as symptomatic of the state of society - conspiracy and paranoia filling the void left by collective activity, and fuelled by the behaviour of a callous and shady state.

Speaking of which, the Australian government’s proposed solution, the “no jab, no pay” policy, fits the picture perfectly. The thought of cutting off social welfare payments to people who don’t get their kids vaccinated probably puts a smile on the faces of bene-bashers as well as the aforementioned angry nerds, it’s also just the thing to feed resentment and erode trust. A perfect recipe for driving more people into the arms of pseudoscience.

Exceptions will be made — if you have legitimate medical reasons or religious beliefs that don’t allow vaccinations (the process of eligibility under this excuse is being tightened up).

You can make the argument that parents have a right to choose, but if we are being honest, it’s weak. If you think exposing your kid to whooping cough, measles and polio is ok you are an unfit parent. We don’t let people drink and drive because it ends badly. Failing to immunise is no different.

The other argument against this program is trickier — if you don’t immunise you don’t get those government payments (AKA this policy hits the poor the hardest). For this we need to be simply pragmatic. The more immunised the community, the better we can ensure the health of those who can’t get immunised due to legitimate medical reasons. Money is a great motivator.

Possibly the greatest indicator on the sense in this policy is the fact that the Australian Labor party are actually fully supporting and working with the government on this.

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Reviews NEXUS MAGAZINE

FILM REVIEW

FILM REVIEW

WOMAN IN GOLD

FURIOUS 7

Richard Swainson

Jared Wooldridge

Woman in Gold tells the true story of Maria Altmann, a Holocaust

The Fast and Furious all-out blockbuster franchise’s past six

survivor who sued the Austrian government in the 1990s in an

movies always involved high-octane racing, so it was only to be

effort to recover paintings by the celebrated artist Gustav Klimt.

expected that the seventh film would provide that same rush —

Altmann’s case could hardly have been any more symbolic: the

and boy, did it. The films have never been contenders for Best

most significant portrait in question — one of Altmann’s own

Picture, sure, but all the way through they have been nothing if

aunt — had assumed the status of Austrian national treasure yet

not entertaining, and Furious 7 is perhaps the most entertaining

it had been stolen by the Nazis after the 1938 German invasion.

of the lot. With the death of Paul Walker as well, there’s also a

The entire history of collaboration and antisemitism of the Nazi

real beating heart with how they have handled the departure of

era was put on trial.

his character.

Helen Mirren’s performance as Altmann is almost worth the price

Now you have to leave your brain at the door for movies like

of admission alone. In a sense it has to be, for pretty-boy Ryan

these, I feel like that is a given at this point. Someone could

Reynolds fails to register as her character’s lawyer and efforts to

probably develop a drinking game for all the laws of physics

build a Philomena type chemistry between the two fall flat. The

that have been broken over the course of the franchise, but as

less said about Katie Holmes’ role as Reynolds’ loyal-to-a-fault

Furious 7 shows, you won’t give a damn once the action starts.

spouse the better, though one scene in which she refuses to go

It is all over the top, Michael Bay sort of stuff. The ever-growing

into labour until after she has ironed her hubby’s shirt has to be

roster of action stars who keep turning up helps keep things

seen to be disbelieved.

fresh, although the movie does run on 20 minutes longer than it

A back-and-forth structure, intercutting event’s from Altmann’s

should, with one or two action sequences proving unnecessary.

youth with legal proceedings, works effectively enough, building

The final scene proves to be one of the best in the whole series,

to a powerful if predictable climax. Mirren’s acting helps paper

with the farewell between Paul Walker and Vin Diesel handled

over the cracks and Tatiana Maslany is also noteworthy in the

beautifully. Incorporating him into the movie the way they

flashbacks but a better film could easily have been crafted from

have, the filmmakers have given the late Walker a worthy, and

such dramatic material. The real Altmann’s exit from Austria was

heartwarming send-off. Doubtless there will be more to come

a lot more convoluted and interesting than scripted here and her

in the franchise, as Furious 7 shows: these movies are only

adventures in Hollywood in the 1940s and four children are all

getting better, but it is bittersweet knowing Brian O’Connor is

written out.

now retired.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE Reviews

FOOD REVIEW

APP REVIEW

FIREPOT CAFE

ZOMBIES, RUN!

Caitlin Orton

Melissa Stevens

For arguments sake I’m going to assume that I am not the only

Zombies, Run! is such an immersive and interesting app, for this

JAFA around campus so that I can still think that I’m being

reason it is the only app that I have ever spent money on.

relevant. For those of you who don’t travel to and from Auckland every couple of weekends, Gordonton is a pit stop just outside of Hamilton which features the slightly eccentric Firepot Cafe.

This adorably quirky cafe would have you believe the owners

audio zombie apocalypse in order to make you work out. It does this through orders and voice recordings of zombie groans.

are still getting “jiggy with it” due to the not so casual signage

Your home is your base and on your run you have to collect as

advertising “Late Night Friday Night Drinks!”

many supplies as possible while avoiding the deadly zombies.

The pricing was about the same as crowd favourite Starbucks,

You can turn off zombies if you are running around roads and

but the food was a hell of a lot more homely with beautiful salads

I would recommend doing this because that could get quite

and baked goods galore. My macadamia nut brittle dipped in

dangerous.

chocolate was so worth the extra thousand calories and by my father’s request I have to mention to all you coffee lovers out there that the long black he ordered was “spot on”.

We both ordered bagels and while neither of us could quite finish the dense and unnecessarily tough bread, we did appreciate that the chef didn’t hold back on the fillings; heavy on the bacon with a split sausage, camembert slices, tomato, and spinach. Plus a side salad which I thoroughly enjoyed.

The staff were friendly and the music that was playing didn’t remind me of an elevator which is always beneficial. I’m fairly certain that the demographic they’re going for is not students though, because the bookshelves feature products only a welloff mother would want to buy.

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ZR is an audio adventure fitness app that creates a personalised

N.07 / V.47

The stories ZR gives you are so immersive and so enticing that this app could get you addicted to going for walks, jogs, or runs.

It tracks your routes using GPS and shows how far you are from certain supplies you will need to advance in the story.

It can also give you unexpected missions such as an airdrop or saving a nearby group of survivors.

You become the hero (Runner 5) in the story of humanity’s struggle for survival, where you running to collect supplies is critical. The further you get into the story the closer you get to figuring out why this is all happening. It’s practically a video game for real life.

If you are even slightly interested in fitness you need this app.

Reviews NEXUS MAGAZINE

BOOK REVIEW

MUSIC REVIEW

THE BELL JAR

BY SYLVIA PLATH

BRIGHTER FUTURES

BY GOD BOWS TO MATH

Brittany Rose

Hp

It’s probably poor taste to make light of death since Sylvia Plath

Auckland noise rock band, God Bows to Math are back with their

committed suicide herself, but this story killed me. At chapter

sophomore album, Brighter Futures. This three piece have spent

fourteen I had to take a break because I cared too much about

the better part of the last four years writing, touring, and honing

the protagonist and couldn’t deal with just how dark the story

the songs on this album and as a result they are a master class

was becoming.

in energy, rhythm, and frustration. With Nick Roughan from the

This novel explores sexuality, feminism, depression, and insomnia without overtly stating so, and handles these heavy topics with a cynical, yet poetic tone.

The bell jar (literally a bell-shaped jar) is referenced throughout and symbolises Esther Greenwood’s feelings of being trapped in her existence as a young, unhappy woman, circa 1963.

Skeptics assisting with recording and the sheer vigour poured into every beat and every chord, this album is 29 minutes of frenzied beauty.

While the album opens reasonably slowly, it shows God Bows ability to build tension and the kind of suspense that Michael Bay should learn about. But by the time we’re sinking our teeth into songs like Got Art? and album highlight, Ardent Pedestrian, God

In the first portion of the novel, Esther navigates the superficial

Bows are all snare cracks and elbows in a mosh pit. Distortion

aspects of interning at a fashion magazine in New York City —

reigns and vocals are growled, snarled and echoed over striking

here she reflects on her time at college before plunging into a

shifts in rhythm. There’s anger frothing over like a badly poured

state of melancholic lethargy.

beer sure, but there’s also restraint. That ability to build tempos

There is a stark contrast between the first and second half of the book, but the unsettling tone of looming depression snakes its way through the entire narrative, tarnishing the giddy nights of liquor and gentleman company in NYC. If you’ve ever felt like the most inane tasks are: getting out of bed because you’re expected to, attending class because you’re too smart not to, or taking a shower because you’ve been lying wide awake in your own dirty sheets for a week, then you will feel an affinity with Esther.

and smash out punk-fuelled verses is buttressed by a willingness to strip back to just guitar chords, samples and slow winding melodies.

This album encompasses some incredibly deft songwriting that allows both variance and power to shine through. While it’s easy to headbang to, these tracks will have you listening for lyrics and going back to search their depths. Anyone who scowls “Hell hath no fury like a pissed off currency trader” and sounds wicked doing it is hard to top.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE Arts

They Died Like Cattle

What a sick picture.

Peter Dornauf

Boy’s Own birth of a nation stuff.

People of course don’t want reality, they want romance. And one hundred years is enough time for a pleasant patina to grow up and congeal around this ugly spectacle that has become part of a legendary

What we forget is that in 1914 the world was still part of the Victorian era even though Queen Victoria had been dead for a decade. All the old perverted values still pertained. War was seen as a rite of passage We seem to be currently caught up in some kind of nationalistic fervour at the moment regarding the 100 year commemoration of the war and the Gallipoli Campaign. Statues have been erected in town, memorials built; even Peter Jackson and Weta Workshop have been busy reconstructing life-like models of the battlefield. It’s almost reached jingoistic proportions as nightly on the news yet another Gallipoli trope

Thus when the war came they were climbing over each other to join in the stoush. What they didn’t realise is that the world had changed.

New machines, courtesy of the industrial revolution, had brought new methods of killing which would see ten million dead at the end in 1918.

Not a pretty or romantic sight.

is trotted out and young dewy-eyed boys with microphones thrust

What was also active in the background were the remains of a

under their nostrils are recorded spouting the time honoured cliché —

nineteenth century muscular Christianity that had seen people like

“they died for us.”

Charles Kingsley, priest of the Church of England, promoting war on the

Reality check. They died because the world went mad for four years in a war that had neither noble nor just cause. Their “sacrifice” was thus pointless and morally questionable.

But all that gets lost as people become sentimental and start to mythologise the event and turn it into some kind of grand narrative of national importance along the lines of nation making. We came of age and became a nation on the blood-soaked battlefields in 1914 is the refrain. What a proud and significant moment in history.

14

and men regarded it as a means to test their virility and manliness.

basis of Old Testament example. That, together with the prevailing ideas linked to social Darwinism (might is right, and the weak go to the wall) created an atmosphere in which sabre rattling and chest pounding was par for the course. War was good and by jingo we were ready to scrap.

It is difficult to square all of this with the current rose coloured spectacles treatment it’s receiving at the moment: the proud remembrances and honoured salutes conducted up and down the land consuming the country at this time, given it was such a shameful and wasteful episode. Ten million men were slaughtered in a war for no

Here’s an alternative reading — we killed a lot of people in a meaningless

good reason. This is not heroic. It is just inordinately insane and a blot

war and made a name for ourselves. We found our identity.

on the name of humanity.

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Auteur NEXUS MAGAZINE

Cricket Films Richard Swainson

bowler. Fred Trueman has a cameo as the latter and is good but the big laughs come from the series regulars. Never has there been a more enthusiastic keeper of wicket than Lance-Corporal Jones.

3. Monty Python’s Flying Circus: “Sam Peckinpah’s Salad Days” (1972) Cricket meets colosseum in this hilarious parody as the slow motion blood letting stylistics of then popular American director

New Zealand’s success in the Cricket World Cup captured the imagination of at least part of the nation. Auteur House management

Peckinpah are applied to a genteel village green game. One of Python’s funniest and least compromised ideas.

had an emotional stake in proceedings, even enjoying a personal

4. Lagaan: Once Upon a Time in India (2001) Excessively long and

audience with national hero Brendan McCullum, 2am one boozy

featuring all the usual Bollywood song-and-dance excesses, there’s

morning. When it comes to films and television which celebrate leather

still more cricket on screen in this film than perhaps any other ever

upon willow, the pickings are sadly lean. Here are six cricketing titles

made. A mythic account of how the British “gave” the sport to India,

from our collection, all available for rental.

the stereotyping of upper class colonials just adds to the fun.

1. The Final Test (1953) The story of a veteran test cricketer’s

5. Wondrous Oblivion (2003) Cricket plays a part in bringing

retirement, this adaptation of Terence Rattigan’s play benefits from

together refugees and immigrants in 1960s England. A Jewish lad

the presence of real life greats, Len Hutton and Denis Compton.

and his mother are charmed by the West Indian who lives next door.

However, the film is long on father-son melodrama and short on

A small gem.

time at the wicket. Inspired by Bradman’s legendary last innings, the play’s main character seems closer to the Don’s English rival, Wally Hammond.

6. Fire in Babylon (2010) A documentary on the golden age of Caribbean cricket, this film was lavishly praised on first release.

Whilst the reminisces of Clive Lloyd, Viv Richards, Joel Garner, et. al.

2. Dad’s Army: “The Test” (1970) Captain Mainwaring and the

are fascinating there’s arguably a need for an outside perspective

platoon accept a cricketing challenge from the ARP Wardens,

as well. New Zealand is particularly slighted, with no mention of the

little suspecting that their rivals have drafted in a professional fast

West Indies’ contentious tours here in the 1980s.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

THE ILLUMINATI IS #REAL Jared Wooldridge

If you are reading this, and the powers that be have not managed to silence me for revealing the greatest and most shocking secrets of our time, then pay attention.

You think you are in control of your life? That you

States. But think about it! When was the Illuminati founded?

make your own decisions? WRONG! You, me, the

1776. And when was the Declaration of Independence

person or animal next to you; we are all pawns of

signed?! 1776! It is all connected!

the Illuminati.

the French Revolution, they took control of every bank in

because the world needs to know the truth, and I will deliver

the world, and the Illuminati are responsible for every major

that truth, even though it means that they will probably hunt

event in world history since, all in their evil bid to take over

me down and execute me!

the world. World War One? Illuminati. The Great Depression?

Everything around us is secretly being controlled by a group of the world’s most popular and important people. They influence the course of world events, writing their own history, and using us as puppets, as they try to succeed in their goal of world domination.

Oh sure, many people would have you believe that this is little more than the paranoid ravings of lunatics with keyboards who cannot accept that their failings in life are their own, and not the evil, twisted machinations of our malevolent overlords, but think about it! 666, the all-seeing eye, Freemasons, Beyonce; it all fits! How? Think about it!

Think about it...

The Illuminati controlled all the money. World War Two? Somehow it was the Illuminati, think about it. JFK? The CIA. And who controls the CIA? THE ILLUMINATI! What are their plans? What are they up to? Let us have a look at what they have been up to recently.

Using their puppet George Bush, they masterminded 9/11 to invade Afghanistan for their oil, while their undercover agent (codenamed Bin Laden) kept everyone afraid enough to follow them. But then one member, Saddam Hussein, went rogue, which meant that the Illuminati had to take him out before he blew the whistle on the whole shebang. BAM! Just like that, the Iraq War starts up. However, people began noticing, so something had to be done to keep everyone

“Educated” people would have you believe that the Illuminati

quiet, so the Illuminati cooked up bird flu, swine flu, and ebola

was merely a secret-society formed in Bavaria in 1776 by

to keep everyone scared and take care of those who dared to

intellectuals who sought to fight superstition and religious

speak out, so they could carry on with their master plan; the

influence over the people and the state.

invasion of the Ukraine, the final step towards bringing about

Furthermore, these “educated” people claim that this organisation ceased to exist after the Bavarian government

16

The Illuminati only got worse. They were responsible for

What is the Illuminati I hear you ask? Well, I am glad you did,

a Satanist revolution and something to do with the devil, it is all very evil sounding and terrifying, trust me.

outlawed it nine years later, in 1785. However, while this is

You do not believe me yet? Well how about this: ever seen

all technically true, what they do not tell you is that the

a triangle with an eye in it? Illuminati. This is what is known

Illuminati were instead driven underground, and every smart

as the all-seeing eye, and is used on American currency, and

and important person in the world became a member of

by the Freemasons. Oh yes, the Freemasons are all caught

the Illuminati, including the Founding Fathers of the United

up in this too, I mean think about it! They too are a shadowy

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Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

super-secret society made up of rich and important people seeking world domination. The Freemasons are the recruiters for the Illuminati, putting their members through all sorts of satanic and weird rituals to prove that they are evil enough to take over the world. The all-seeing eye is how they all communicate with one another, a way of identifying themselves as part of the conspiracy, it is the symbol of the Illuminati. Do not go around telling me that “technically” the Owl of Minerva was historically their symbol either. Look at all the celebrities making a triangle shape with their hands! It is all connected I tell you!

If Freemasonry was not enough to scare you, then the evergrowing list of members will. Want to know who fills in the ranks of the Illuminati, which keep in mind was formed as an anti-religious group? I am glad you asked. Aside from both George Bush and Barack Obama, it is believed (by people who are not racist, the Illuminati only say they are so people will not listen to them) that every Jewish person in the world is involved, every person who works in a bank, every world leader, and every famous celebrity. Kim Kardashian and Kanye West use subtext in their music and fashion to recruit people. Pope Francis was behind the global financial meltdown. Oh, I hear you say, he was not actually the pope then? I am sorry to tell you, but you have been fooled again, “Benedict” was wearing a mask the whole time! Miley Cyrus is corrupting your children, as are Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, even though the last two are in no way culturally relevant. All three are rotting civilisation from the inside out.

And who, I hear you ask, leads this deadly criminal cabal of super villains? None other than the King and Queen of the World, Beyoncé Knowles and Jay-Z. Now it is all starting to fall into place, is it not?

These people are not to be trusted. While they may seem like your run-of-the-mill celebrity, behind closed doors they are all

World War One? Illuminati.

The Great Depression?

The Illuminati controlled all the money.

World War Two? Somehow it was the Illuminati, think about it. JFK? The CIA. And who controls the CIA? THE ILLUMINATI!

satanic demon worshippers, who seek to corrupt the minds of anyone under the age of 21 with everything that is popular.

Next time you pray to Yeezus, or dance around to Nicki Minaj

it! If you were in control of just such an organisation, what

in a club, just remember what these people have done. They

would be the best way of hiding your existence? By doing

have brought untold suffering and hardship upon this earth,

the most unbelievable and absurd things possible, so no one

they have ruled all your lives since you left the womb! There is

will believe you! It is the final, irrefutable piece of evidence

no escape from the Illuminati, they control your money, your

that proves what I have told you.

phone, your car, your lecturers and your bread!

Many will call me crazy. Many people will try to have me

I am not the only one trying to bring this truth to the rest of

locked away and silenced, but now that you all know what is

the world. All around the globe, thousands, if not millions

really happening, we can finally start fighting back. For those

of people like me struggle under constant fear of death as

that still refuse to believe all of this, I will leave you with this

we try to open the eyes of the masses. It is not an easy task,

one last, final thought: does this not sound like something

as the outright ridiculousness of these claims tend to make

Justin Bieber would totally do? Think about it. I just blew all

people laugh at the mere thought of them, but think about

your minds. You are all welcome.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

BREAKING BREAD Joshua Brill

When we talk about cults, the first thing that comes to mind is probably a manipulative religious tyrant collecting his score of virgins, and hey, you wouldn’t be too wrong. In this article we’re going to look into New Zealand’s cults in a much broader context, with a focus on the way they connect people.

I sat here for a long time trying to figure out what each of my

fam. Or are you the fat guy who works from home eating

cult examples have in common, other than the mere fact that

Doritos and guac all day? Got you too bro. We’re all in this

they are cults. What I eventually realised is that if there is one

together, because the beauty of fandom is that none of you

common function of any cult, it’s unity. Our shared interests

cook meth in a busted up RV, nor do you communicate with

and ideologies bring us together, encompassing the very

the ghosts in your house. You just watch shows of people

essence of what it is to be human. “But what cults could little

pretending to do it. So neither you, nor the fat guy, have

old New Zealand have to offer?” you might ask. Well simmer

more or less of a right to be a part of the fandom.

down Bertha and I’ll spin you a yarn...

to the ludicrous lifestyles of the Desperate Housewives, we

good weekend in bed with my favourite series. Whether it’s

all have those fictional characters we idolise and dream of

Breaking Bad or American Horror Story, I stockpile the food,

being like. But the best part of all is that we share these

draw the curtains and it’s “goodbye world.” If that sounds

fantasies, from the little guy reading books in the corner, to

like your typical weekend, welcome to fandom.

the boys playing rough on the field.

Us fandom members accept people of all types and creed,

Everyone can dream a similar dream. I don’t know about you

and we cater to the needs of most. You’re a uni student who

guys, but that shit’s beautiful to me.

likes to play hermit after a hard week socialising? I got you

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From the craziness of animes like Naruto and Death Note,

Now I don’t know about you guys, but I freaking love a

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Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

Another type of group we can discuss here is social groups — who you hang with, where you hang, and what you get up to. This could be cultural, like the Indian boys who kick back at shisha all day, or it could be locational, like the druggos hanging outside the Garden Place Netcafix. Either way, we all match up with people we think are likeminded in an effort to be a “part of the group”.

A pretty obvious group activity we can all agree on is drinking in excess, or “binge drinking”. It’s got some pretty rough connotations to it, but this isn’t an episode of Housos, so I’m gonna give you guys the benefit of the doubt and say you’re responsible enough. There’s something about shared consumption that sort of just… brings us all together, right?

To break bread with your fellow man in his or your home is the epitome of friendship. We just take that concept and apply it to drinking! After all, the Lord did say, “Love thy neighbour,” which we all know translates into modern KiwiEnglish as “Get onit with the bros.” As much as I’d love to back the researchers and say you’re a no good bunch of pissheads, I’m inclined to believe what I see with my own eyes, which is a community of likeminded students looking out for one another on a good night out. So whether you’re sporty, or nerdy, academic or… not… there’s a place for your beers in someone’s chilly bin.

Aaaaand we’ve made it guys, the part you’ve all been waiting for… religious cults! Now, most of you would’ve heard of a little place called Gloriavalle, right? Run by a guy called Neville Cooper. A perfect example of a manipulative religious tyrant collecting his score of virgins. Heck, this guy was so fucked his own son even wrote a book called “Sins of the Father” in which he pretty much bags on his old man for

You’re a uni student who likes to play hermit after a hard week socialising? I got you fam.

Or are you the fat guy who works from home eating Doritos and guac all day?

Got you too bro.

being a proper dickhead. So yes, religious cults still exist, but are they a threat? Let’s find out! Well, the 60’s gave us The Full Gospel Mission, or God Squad as it came to be known.

We don’t generally think of cults as having an outwardly malicious agenda, by which I mean if anyone’s gonna die from a cult, it’s thought to be the members themselves. However, Rosina Claxton said this about her time with the God Squad, “There were weapons all over the place. We were preparing to flee to the hills to survive the take over from communism.

We were told when this happens we would have the seal of 666 tattooed on our foreheads to stop us from entering the

into these wack af religious ideologies. In fact, good ol’ Wiki tells me 50.82% of New Zealanders are non-religious (yeah that’s right, you’re a bunch of Godless heathens). Anyways, for the 49.18% who ARE religiously inclined, I’m pretty sure we’re happy with our gods. So for the religious, and the non, we can unite simply in our agreement that religious cults are seriously messed up.

kingdom of heaven. The weapons were for our survival.” I

Everyone comes from somewhere different, whether it’s

don’t know about you, but their leader sounds a bit like a

their country, province, street, or house. We all have unique

wrap-around, bootcut jeans wearing munchkin to me. But

backgrounds, which influence our current interests. So

to the outside world, how much influence do leaders like this

embrace your cults, from bed culture to drinking culture,

really have? Depends how gullible you are, or how strong

these are things we share; these are part of what make us

your weed is. Point is, “normal” people don’t get suckered

human.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

NO! PLEASE! DON’T MAKE ME MARRY TOM CRUISE! Casey Dunstan

Feeling low? You’re probably just harbouring alien ghosts.

If you think of Scientology and imagine invisible alien spirits

that sounds ridiculous! They have auditing explained to them

inhabiting your body and causing a ruckus, then you are

as a credible form of therapy which can cure their stress and

actually on track — and you probably saw the same doco

other mental conditions.

as me. If this is not what you think of, then you have a lot to learn and are more than welcome to join me for this trial in religious tolerance.

Scientology is based on a theory that human beings are actually immortal aliens called Thetans. The belief has it that our bodies are constantly clogged by other Thetan spirits who are the source of basically everything bad that happens to you ever. To rid yourself of these rude, jealous Thetans, you must pay for ‘auditing sessions’, where a church official asks you to recount negative past experiences. Auditing

and how did it get credited as an official religion? Well this is the part of the story where it stops being a funny little cult and becomes a slightly horrific, multinational agency of doom.

In 1950, renowned liar and sci-fi novelist, L. Ron Hubbard, released a book titled Dianetics. This book later formed the basis for auditing and the flagship of Scientology. Around about this time, his wife claimed he would regularly argue that the only way to make money was to have a religion.

consists of an individual talking to an auditor while holding

Founding Scientology in 1952, Hubbard spent the majority

two steel cups connected to an ‘E-meter’ which responds to

his remaining life evading millions in unpaid taxes, but far

the patient’s physiological reactions to questions and topics.

more distasteful are the accounts of Hubbard’s character

The E-meter is similar to a lie detector machine, only less

which came from his wife.

accurate and the auditor can basically interpret the readings however the fuck they like.

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So what madman spawned this ridiculous train of thought

In his personal life Hubbard was violent and controlling. His wife of seven years, Sara Hollister, was guilt tripped into a

Practicing Scientologists will regularly pay mega bucks to

marriage with suicide threats, and when she pushed for

spill their guts about anyone and anything stressful to higher

him to get psychiatric help, he reacted by kidnapping their

ranked members of the church who then make ‘confidential’

daughter and taking her to Cuba — where he then repeatedly

notes which are stored away. Of course, newly initiated

called to claim that he had cut her into pieces and dropped

Scientologists aren’t told about aliens and spirits because

them in the river.

N.07 / V.47

Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

The horrors of Scientology didn’t end with Hubbard however.

On the 25th of January this year, HBO released the

When, in 1986, L. Ron Hubbard willingly transcended his

documentary Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of

mortal body to engage in the next level of study in Scientology

Belief and it shocked everyone a lot because no one read the

(alternative reports say he died of a stroke), new head of the

book it was based on which was released a full two years ago.

church, David Miscavige, promptly declared war on the IRS. The situation at this time was that tax exemption had been removed because of Hubbard and others directly profiting from the ‘religion’ and the tax owed was much more than the Church’s total worth. However, 7 years later after a succession of lawsuits targeting not only the IRS but also many of its employees specifically, the church gained its tax exemption and was allowed to continue on profiting without check.

A lot of people are very alarmed about Scientology’s tax exemptions and for good reason, the top three entities in the church are today worth over a combined 1.5 billion dollars.

The church of Scientology is a multi-billion dollar company that is buying up real estate all over the place and countries like New Zealand, USA, Australia, and a few others, classify this as a religious practice that is beyond government interference. But then, here in New Zealand we also supply certain tax exemptions to Sanitarium. Yup! Sanitarium doesn’t have to pay business taxes because it was founded by the Seventh-Day Adventists Church and apparently exists for solely charitable reasons. Alas, that’s enough about New Zealand’s messed up tax systems; it’s time to move onto the real drama and goss!

Amongst allegations of torture, human trafficking, spying and tons upon tons of blackmail, the unsurprising focus from the media has been on John Travolta and Tom Cruise. The celebrity ambassadors to Scientology were key features in the documentary which indicated, to no real surprise, that the two are pretty much puppets.

Yes, it sounds like the church has so much dirt on John Travolta after all those expensive auditing sessions that they could probably destroy his career if he spoke against them. Ex-officials interviewed for a Going Clear report that a ‘Black File’ was composed containing any and all compromising information on Travolta when suspicions arose that he was thinking of leaving the church. Also caught by the balls is Tom Cruise, who it was claimed had his marriage to Nicole Kidman sabotaged when she was viewed as a “potential trouble source”. According to Going Clear, the custody battle was also biased after Scientology agents sowed the seeds of maternal discontent that caused the couple’s adoptive children, now aged 22 and 20 (and full-fledged Scientologists), to turn on their mother. Unlike Travolta however, there is no indication that Tom Cruise has

21

Scientology is based on a theory that human beings are actually immortal aliens called Thetans.

attempted to leave Scientology — which is either the result of his bromance with Church leader David Miscavige or a genuine belief in himself as an immortal being.

the alleged abuse of many patients including young children.

What I was most disappointed and dreadfully unsurprised to find out was that the CCHR is actually primarily focused

Spokesperson and secretary for Scientology New Zealand,

on the abolition of psychiatry and mental health research

Mike Ferris refutes claims made in Going Clear by past

(Scientologists don’t believe in psychologists). Nevertheless,

members of the church who he argues look like a “club

Mike pressed about Scientology’s true gift to society which

of Scientology dissenters cashing in with celebrity name

is education. Educating individuals about their potential as

dropping and ridiculous claims.” Mike did however point out

people (or Thetans?), offering people auditing as a substitute

a serious lack of critical analysis towards the claims made by

for counselling, and furthering their philosophy — which is

ex-members in the documentary; many of whom are relying

centred around self-betterment. L Ron Hubbard’s intentions

financially on the success of the film. In my correspondence

for Scientology were, “A civilisation without insanity, without

with Ferris, many of the “silly claims” of Going Clear were

criminals and without war,” which sounds like a pretty lovely

rebutted and described as propaganda and I even got

set-up to me!

offered some counter-propaganda (Freedommag.org), but by far the most surprising information he gave me was about Scientology’s work in New Zealand.

So who do we believe? All accounts from within paint a beautiful picture of egalitarian values and wonderful fun times, but on the other hand a whole lot of people are coming

Having watched Going Clear and heard all the terrors, I

out and telling us they have been pretty much brainwashed

was pleasantly surprised to hear that the church has had

and tortured. On top of it all, Lord Xenu dropping people

volunteer ministers working in Christchurch doing relief work

into volcanoes… some of their beliefs are pretty wack, have

for those affected. I was even more surprised when I was

you seen the South Park episode?! While I certainly can’t tell

told that a Scientology-founded group called the Citizen’s

you what to make of it all, it seems to me that it’s mostly

Commission on Human Rights (CCHR) spearheaded the case

about the money and that if the organisation really cared for

against former psychiatric hospital Lake Alice (Spookers) and

people it would use some of its billions on community work.

Am I in a Cult?

Cult, it’s one of the most overused and varied words in the English language.

You can be a ‘cult hero’, a band can have a ‘cult following’ and a movie can be a ‘cult classic.’ But what about real cults? Yeah we could talk about the Manson Family or how Jim Jones inspired the phrase “Drinking the kool-aid” when he got 900 followers to commit suicide. The problem is none of that is fun to write.

So, instead we thought we would do a quick list of the top ten things we probably can’t legally call a cult but totally are.

10. Starbucks. You don’t really like Starbucks, you like that people know you’re drinking Starbucks.

9.

Any political movement with the words “young,” “youth” or “on

campus.” We like people who are informed in their political choices we just don’t think it should bleed into everything you do, say or think.

8. Chiefs Fans. But only when they are winning right? .

7. Vegans. You’re better than us and we totally get that but if we actually want every conversation we have to be about what someone is eating we will go on Instagram like everyone else in the world.

6. Apple Mac fankids. If I want to buy something every three months that isn’t really different to the last one but helps me see clearer and be more productive it’s not going to be an iPhone, it’s going to be weed.

5. Console exclusive gamers. Playstation and Xbox are the same fucking thing.

4. Militant Atheists. You’re absolutely ruining it for the rest of us. Just because you don’t believe in God doesn’t mean you should constantly tell people they are wrong. Put down your Dawkins book and live a little.

3. Nexites. The cult of Nexus has a ring to it. We love it when you read our magazine and demand boxes in the codebreaker. We find it a little creepy when you talk about your mural of Nexus wall art or the 18 lettuce a week just saying “Dear Nexus, is Jess Single?” But some of you really need to chill.

Congratulations if you found the hidden message by putting a certain page of every issue together though. By issue 24 it does something we are really happy with.

2. Destiny Church. A school, a political party and their own city. Absolutely nothing weird there!

1. John Key. When did it stop being National and start being Team Key? Everybody’s grandads’ favourite dear leader. Also, side note if you’re reading this Prime Minister — stop pulling girls’ hair it’s fucking creepy. If you want to know if someone like-likes you then just ask.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Your Space

The Spew Bucket: Hillcrest Outside we found what was perhaps once a garden, but now a mass of dirt, filled with cigarettes and smashed bottles. We knock on the door. A fine ginger man welcomes us inside, where we are greeted by a group of young women in a dimly lit lounge. Still in their pyjamas and curled up in sleeping bags late in the afternoon, it appears likely they are recovering from the night prior. Bottles of fruit liqueur and hard liquor line the walls.

We follow the scent of berry upstairs to find another lounge. Here I find a crowd of student-aged people sitting around a large bong, inhaling in and out... in and out.

I step on a piece of fried chicken which is surprisingly sticky. I shake my foot clean.

Off the lounge are two bedrooms, with the open door to one revealing a naked boy in bed with a girl wearing a choker. The other bedroom has a balcony atop it, which the ginger man quickly climbs onto. We are shown a bong made of car parts as I stare at what appears to be leftover pizza boxes.

Off the lounge is a balcony with a view of the entire neighbourhood.

A two week old bucket of vomit sits pride of place in the corner.

The ginger man says he would like to take a funnel from the balcony down to the lower story.

Kids these days...

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N.07 / V.47

Photography: Cameron Robinson

Your Space NEXUS MAGAZINE

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NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

CONFESSIONS OF JAMES BRODIE

“WITHOUT YOU, I PROBABLY WOULD STILL BE BITING CHEEKS IN LECTURES AND TUTORIALS TRYING TO LISTEN BUT HOLD IN SCREAMS OF PAIN.”

Running on Thin Ice

can help you recover from your physical (and emotional) ruins.

James Brodie

what is going on and how to fix it.

So, I went there to get my issues dealt with, and it seems as though with my history of bad knees that I did a little more than run on thin ice and fail. NOW I need x-rays and blood tests to figure out

Some ideas have been tossed, none of them happy endings, but when you get shot with lemons, shoot the guy who fired them back with Coca-Cola and sour worms. They will thank you… I think.

Well, here I am. Wounded, but alive. Apparently Nexus readers

Now, obviously with the situation I’m in, this will make my life a

actually like this as Jess asked me to write more — so here I am.

little harder than usual (as if I didn’t have enough to manage). So

Now, you’re probably wondering; why wounded? Well, let’s just say my already battered knees plus a pedestrian with black ice, plus oncoming traffic equals DISASTER! No, I did not get hit by the car (you’re welcome). But boy did my knees take one. And much to my …ahem…. (sarcastic) delight, I now have even worse knees than I did before. And when you’re sitting in lectures where the space between your seat and the edge of the table is so narrow even Mickey Mouse couldn’t retire there, then this becomes very painful for the one with the bad knees.

Fortunately for me, there’s this little place onsite called the Student Health Center. This place has people called doctors who

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N.07 / V.47

how I get through the next few weeks while waiting for results will be interesting, and my legs will see angles that will cause me pain.

But hey, at least we’re getting it now.

And much thanks goes to the doctors who saw to me in this sticky situation. Without you, I probably would still be biting cheeks in lectures and tutorials trying to listen but hold in screams of pain.

At least there I can actually scream and know that people care and will help me.

So, if you see me walking around with a walking stick, PLEASE DON’T KICK ME! I probably won’t be able to kick back.

Bye for now.

Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE

AUNTY SLUT

“WITH ONE IN FOUR WOMEN BEING ASSAULTED IN THEIR LIFETIME, THERE ARE MANY OF US WHO HAVE HAD TO TRY AND ASSIMILATE OUR PAST EXPERIENCES WITH OUR PRESENT ONES.”

How to Heal Aunty Slut

support groups and counselling for survivors — even if you didn’t report to the police. Go and see the counselling team at Student Health, and they can point you in the right direction.

In terms of your guy, you need to let him know what happened.

Even if it is in the broadest of terms, he needs to know if you want your relationship to work, and more importantly, if you want to heal. Together you can negotiate a way forward in your

Dear Aunty Slut,

relationship in a way that makes you feel safe. And hey, you have

I used to be in an abusive relationship. I’ve never talked to anyone

nothing to be ashamed of, your ex the fuck-nozzle is the one that

about it, but I’ve just started my first real relationship since then,

should feel like shit — no matter what ‘society’ tries to tell you.

and I’m really struggling. My new guy is lovely and I know he wants us to get more physical but whenever I try I have flashbacks. I’m scared if I tell him he’ll run.

Broken.

When healing from sexual abuse it’s important to learn your triggers, and try to manage them — and your man can help you if you let him. If there is something in particular he does that sets you off, tell him. You may not feel brave enough to say ‘please don’t ______, my ex raped me’, but there are many ways to draw

Lovely,

your boundaries without being explicit. You could frame it as ‘I

You are anything but broken — you are a survivor! And you’re not

find it sexy when you ask me to…’ but know that saying ‘no’, ‘not

alone. With one in four women being assaulted in their lifetime,

yet’, or ‘please don’t’ is well within your rights.

there are many of us who have had to try and assimilate our past experiences with our present ones.

Please go and talk to someone. It can be hard and awful, but it is essential that you don’t let this scum-sucking ex of yours rule the rest of your life. Talking about it can help you learn ways to cope and there may also be tips for lessening your flashbacks. There are

And if your dude can’t handle the awesomeness that is you then he isn’t worth your love. If he’s anything but supportive send him my way and I’ll show him what for.

Love, Aunty Slut Send your sexy sex questions to auntyslut@nexusmag.co.nz

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NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

THE SINGLE LIFE

“I AM UNSURE IF IT’S MY COMPLETE AND UTTER LACK OF ALLURE OR THE FACT THAT MOST OF THE TIME I’LL JUST LAY THERE, STARFISH STYLE…”

A Guide to One Night Stands Emma Nygard

So after 20 years of being the girl who never gets a text back, I’ve dubbed myself Sensei Emma, master in the art of being ignored and fully qualified to give shitty life advice. So, if like my friends your trouble is you have too many guys chasing you (I hate you) I can offer you a step-by-step guide on how to never hear from your Saturday night screw again!

1. Choose the douchiest looking guy in the club. Probably has a half-assed man bun, and can be found lingering around the bar, Smirnoff in hand, scoping the Outback for some first year prey. Or, alternatively check the dance floor for the guy trying to grind on anything with a skirt.

It’s no secret that I possess unnaturally bad luck in the relationship department. In turn, what I have become increasingly aware of due to said bad luck is that I am incredibly good at never hearing from people again. Although it’s not a skill I am particularly appreciative of, it is a skill none the less — and I will milk it for all it’s worth (which isn’t much).

I am unsure if it’s my complete and utter lack of allure or the fact

appears to be.

3. Do his eyes glaze over when you talk about yourself? After all of 5 minutes does he ask ‘wanna get out of here?’ Perfect!

You’ve found him.

4. He may eventually slip into convo that he has a girlfriend (lucky

any of the work, that encourages my one night stands to remain

girl) if you’re ok with being an undercover home wrecker, or

just that. I just can’t seem to get a text back.

you’re just desperate to get laid then I can almost guarantee

‘horror’ stories from friends about how some guy they fucked

N.07 / V.47

convo in order to ensure he is definitely the douchebag he

that most of the time I’ll just lay there, starfish style, too lazy to do

As heart-breaking as it is, I like to look on the bright side. I hear

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2. Once you’ve found your Prince Charming strike up a little

this guy will never speak to you again. In fact he will probably avoid you at all costs.

once got attached and just won’t leave them alone, and I’m left

5. Even if he is single, he has passed the douche-bag test with

wondering ‘why won’t that happen to me?’ But also ‘wow girl, you

flying colors and after a night of completely mediocre sex,

have no idea how to one night stand, what an amateur’.

probably won’t talk to you anyway.

Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE

ALC 101

“THE PHOTOGRAPHERS TAKE LITTLE CARE FOR ENSURING THE IMAGE IS COMPLIMENTARY OR FLATTERING.”

Lesson Seven: Town Photos Drunk Professor

1. Are you concerned about the professionalism of your Facebook persona? Yes/no?

2. Are you hiding from a stalker who has been attempting to steal your identity? Yes/no?

3. Do you wish to appear as an asshole? Yes/no?

4. Are you straight, but wish to achieve social media glory by acquiring excessive likes with limited consideration of the LGBTQ+ community? Yes/no?

5. Do you wish to show off your drinking prowess? Yes/no?

As society progresses into a model which involves local, national, and globalised arenas of social interaction and identity formation, virtual scenes become a space for self-expression. Online social media platforms, such as Facebook, are becoming areas within which an individual or a brand may assert themselves. Bars have capitalised on this and utilise photographs of drunken patrons as a means to affirm their brand, encouraging follower interaction to increase exposure to the public.

Most Hamilton bars have sober photographers wandering the shadows amongst stumbling patrons. These photographers tend to be scrawny white boys with bulky cameras and a blinding, lightning-like flash that highlights their disillusioned superiority as they press the button. As evidenced by a quick scroll through photos at Bar 101 et al., the photographers take little care for ensuring the image is complimentary or flattering — unless they’re slowing the shutter speed and wiggling the camera to give the surrounding light sources that amateur-abstract aesthetic.

Yes 1. Alter your name immediately and ensure you are not tagged.

2. Shriek with terror, cover your face and spin away.

3. Pull the fingers at the camera, or whip your guns out and start flexing.

4. x~*girls only*~x Perform pseudo-lesbianism and have your friend grab your boob. Or make out with her.

5. Never buy Vault, hold your beverage in shot.

No 1. Say “cheese”.

2. Smile!

3. Leave excessive bro-ness at home.

4. Report all the sleazy comments on girl-kissing-girl Facebook photos.

5. Hold your bottle awkwardly behind your back. Or get out of frame.

So, how do you achieve a profile picture worthy town photo and become a hangover sensation receiving upwards of 11 likes!?

Complete this simple questionnaire and discover how to be babe’n.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

A FASHIONABLE LIFESTYLE

“DRUG-FUCKED 24/7 AND UNABLE TO SPEAK WITHOUT SOUNDING LIKE THEY’RE SOCIALLY INEPT OR LACKING TESTOSTERONE…”

Recognising Cult Members

Computer Science Student

Jess Wilson

Common White Girl

Elastic waistband jeans and a t-shirt that looks like it was plucked from a garbage heap, the Computer Science Student is every man/woman’s worst nightmare.

More fun than you can shake a stick at, but not quite as fun as a bag of sand. The Common White Girl covers her frame with a plain top, either leggings or skinny jeans, and a puffer jacket.

Man Hipster Appearing much like somebody’s grandfather, the Man Hipster is becoming an epidemic. Tell-tale signs that someone is a Man

previous occupation as a receptionist for the fiery depths of Hell.

Management Student

shorts just above the knee, brogues, and a fucking ugly trilby.

Are they wearing a t-shirt dress or a tank top that shows their

The Man Hipster thinks The xx is still relevant and Alt-J is a

ribcage? Are they wearing low-cut Converse or Vans? Bam!

groundbreaking band.

They’re a Management Student fo’ sho!

Lady Hipster

Time Travelling Emo

Cutesy dress, either vintage or floaty floral. Doc Martens, Vans

Seen with black, unbranded skinny jeans, and a hoodie with either

or creepers. The Lady Hipster actually looks pretty good, if only

a striped or tattoo-esque print. The Time Travelling Emo refuses

she didn’t spend so much time on Tumblr complaining about her

to accept that it is no longer 2007, and thus hangs out around

sexual frustration and lack of tattoos.

Garden Place sulking about the “good ol’ days.” Drug-fucked 24/7

Having a clever name for this cult member would be doing them too much justice. You don’t contribute to society, so I don’t. Maths motherfucker. The Gym Going Fucktard can be found wearing

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foundation, cleverly applied to hide her burnt skin from her

Hipster include the wearing of a shirt buttoned to the top, khaki

Gym Going Fucktard

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She completes the look by decking her face out with too-thick

and unable to speak without sounding like they’re socially inept or lacking testosterone, the Time Travelling Emo is only spoken to by other emos or by those taking pity on them (such as the local homeless).

either leggings as pants or a pair of shorts so short that they make

Mature Student

you question your belief system.

Wrinkles.

Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE

SHE’S ABROAD

“TOURIST-SYNDROME, BY MY OWN MADE-UP DEFINITION, IS WHEN SOMEONE GOES SOMEWHERE SIMPLY TO BE ABLE TO SAY THAT THEY WERE THERE.”

Tourist Syndrome Rebecca Pollard

seen. There’s a walkway you can take out to a lighthouse on top of a hill that overlooks where the Pacific Ocean meets the Tasman Sea. For those of you who have not been, yes, it is absolutely as cool as it sounds and you should go ahead and add it to your bucket list.

My mother and I were there on a beautiful but breezy day. I was sitting on a rock at the edge of the hill when I heard, “Alright we’ve

Over the two-week break I was fortunate enough to have my mom come from overseas to road-trip around the North Island with me!

We went from Auckland to Ahipara, to Rotorua to Wellington, and ended up back here in Hamilton. As we drove around and sightsaw I began to notice all of the people who were suffering from tourist-syndrome.

taken three group pictures, are you ready to walk back up? My hair is getting matted.” I had to concentrate on not laughing out loud because… ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

First of all, my hair is rarely not matted. Worse things have happened. Second, you’ve already taken the pictures, so why does it matter? Third, you have an American accent. Last time I checked, the quickest flight here is about 18 hours, which means

Tourist-syndrome, by my own made-up definition, is when

you’ll probably be back here right around never. But you wouldn’t

someone goes somewhere simply to be able to say that they were

want your hair to get matted, so it’s better to go and sit on the bus

there. It applies to all the people who travel miles upon miles to

(which is what she did).

take a photo and walk away. The ones who “do it for the gram”’ (Instagram that is… in case that’s not a popular saying here) instead of the experience.

Don’t get me wrong, I adore Instagram and take a large amount of photos myself, but I try to keep in mind that photos never do justice to the prettiest of sights. I never want to look back at a

For example, while visiting Ahipara, we were able to make it up to

picture and only think, “Ah yes, I remember taking this photo.” It

Cape Reinga, which is easily the most beautiful place I have ever

should always be more than that.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

THE WEEKLY GRIND

“I SUGGEST SURPRISE CHARACTER CHANGES MIDWAY THROUGH TO SHOCK THE LUCKY LOVER INTO ORGASM.”

All I Want for Lunch is a Sausage Role-Play

money, and Game of Thrones merchandise are all mandatory

Resident Gay

suggest surprise character changes midway through to shock the

props for a successful role-play.

The most important thing to remember is: don’t be yourself.

Create a character so unlike you, it’s pretty much cheating. That’s all anybody really wants: the ability to sleep with the love of their life whilst pretending they are someone or something else. I lucky lover into orgasm. Maybe channel a mysterious Bruce Jenner to begin with but then ten minutes in, unleash the inner Gollum you were born to be.

Did you know that 30% of American men strap on a lace bra and

If you suck at impersonations, leave the room suddenly and return

play the part of femme fatale for their sexual partners by the time

in a full body Lycra. Lycra needs no explanation and everybody

they are 30? No? That’s because 8% of my statistics are made up.

looks good in it. Also, you don’t need a condom because Lycra is a

Whether it’s trying on your girlfriend’s g-string for the tenth time or getting spoon-fed in an adult diaper, dressing up to excite your

Inanimate objects can be fun as well. In fact, one of my best sexual

sex thing is a must.

encounters happened that time I pretended to be an unused

Sure, you can go with the cliché fireman or Officer Huge Dick, but the best role-plays are usually of the unsexual kind. Take last night’s stir-fry for example. There’s nothing more sensational than

hours. He ate the sushi with his hands and left me alone. It was fucking hot.

From my experience, characters to avoid trying include close

rear with a carrot or three.

family relations, big hairy spiders, celebrity children — including

your own edible lube, because last time I checked, filling all your holes with dessert foods feels better than actual sex itself. Don’t limit yourself to just food though; Barbie doll heads, monopoly

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chopstick and just lay on the table next to some sushi for a few

dangling raw broccoli from your nipples and impaling your beau’s

How about finding some 69c jelly in the cupboard and making

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natural birth control and STI preventive.

Justin Bieber, and most of all, never EVER try to do John Key. I learnt that the hard way. Nobody wants to deal with his devious shit.

In the words of Missy Elliot, “Getcha freak on.”

Blind Date NEXUS MAGAZINE

Brought to you by The Bank and 97.8 The Edge. Each week nexus attempts to make a love/sexual connection. if you’re keen for a date on us, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz

XX

XY

I arrive at The Bank to a line of men at the bar and thought, oh

We started the night with a cocktail, I had the Paradiso and she

shit. Who. is. it. I went up to bar and explained who I was and was

had the Bumble Berry Sling then we ordered entrees the waiter

taken to my table where my date was already sitting. Awkward.

left and that’s when the conversation arrived. She’s studying

The Lady’s Experience

So we order our drinks and entrees and mains and then he starts talking about how he’s studying social sciences. He’s quite intelligent, you know double majoring in geography and politics. We start talking about traveling: he’s been to Colombia

The Gentleman’s Experience

journalism and has her entire life planned out. She was a bit dorky and slightly reserved till the third drink, that’s when she became funny and smiley and little bit racist — but only in good jest!

and Peru from memory I think he went all over South America.

We discovered that we had mutual friends and I also found out

Anyway I tell him how I’m scared of flying and well traveling but

she just came out of a 1 year relationship about a month ago.

how I really want to see places like Iran and Afghanistan one

Then our mains arrived, I had the sirloin and she had the lamb

day. I think he was quite surprised. I told him how I’m really nice

and after the food we talked about politics (she’s a Winston

to people from other countries in the hope that if we ever got

Peters fan) I was actually surprised at how much she knew

invaded or attacked they would remember me and I’d be looked

about policy etc. (I study Social Sciences double majoring in

after because of how kind I was to them now lol.

Politics and Geography).

We had dinner, I had lamb but it was waaaay too rich so I

Later she asked the waiter if he was gay and embarrassed the

stopped half way through it. I wanted to drink more so I passed

shit out of herself, we decide to get another drink instead of a

on dessert and got another drink and to my surprise so did he.

dessert. It was a great night, we swapped numbers and even

I accidently asked the waiter if he was gay… and he wasn’t so I

though her phone font was comic sans we have a second date

died a little inside. We started talking politics, it was really fun

coming up at the ISIS and us: NZ and the wars for the Middle

and he explained lots of stuff to me. I told him about this lecture

East lecture.

happening in May so we are gonna go to that as a second date.

We swapped digits and he made a joke about my font but I don’t know what he was going on about because it was the default setting but yeah cool night, cool dude, thanks The Edge, The Bank and Nexus.

33

NEXUS MAGAZINE 50 Years of Nexus

Pres Sez

By WSU President Pene Delaney Paid Parking….. Are you keen?

On my travels around this campus of ours there are a few topics which insight feelings from the student membership with passion as that of campus car parks. The question posed this week is would you pay for the privilege of using them? While parking is an emotive issue there are many other issues that are affecting students both on and off campus. The fact that we are in a recession means that part time jobs are hard to come by with more students coming to us for temporary financial assistance when time gets tough. Our advocacy service has been increased to cater for this growing demand. The vibe on campus is hibernation with many students taking advantage of the cold weather by staying indoors and studying.

We hope this is going well, a main area we are working with the university is to recognise where changes made to courses due to a changes in budget allocation. That the university recognises the effects of those changes and to increase support where the change has resulted in a decrease in the student experience. As student representatives our main job is to represent you and to make changes to enhance your student experience to this extent we have increased our output on committees around campus. We have also developed a better relationship with the university towards assisting in making events happen on campus this includes partnerships and sponsorship. Recent examples include the highly successful Vagina Monologues and Kingitanga Day. Internally the your student union is working hard with activities ranging from preparing for B-Semester Fiesta through to starting the process around budget and annual plan setting. This process will include consultation round with you so that you can have a voice in the process of designing what we do next year including events and services we provide. Consultation will also be sought on the appropriate level of levy set.

Heard joke once: 11 ways to save power 1. Share blankets but be wary of bad touching. a. NB: Energy shared mid-bad-touching may also be used to replace output from your mum’s old fan heater.

2. Place your noodles in a bowl of cold water approx 3 hours before you would like to eat them. After 2 hours, drain water as desired and heat by breathing on them just before you put them in your mouth.

3. Burn fossil fuels and save all that hassle instead of it going through the NZ power generation system. Not only will you save power but you will also save minimum wage earners from embarrassing tasks making coffee for an overpaid CEO.

7. If your flat leaves the TV/stereo on all day, leave the room. If a tree falls in the woods but no one hears it then did it really fall?

4. Use solar power from Christine Rankin’s earrings.

8. Call your power company and tell them to put you on a certain plan. A few days later call back and with a husky voice change it to a different plan. Another few days later do this again in falsetto. A week after that, call and complain that your stupid flattie has stolen your identity and you demand a refund.

5. Tell your neighbour that you are doing renovations and ask to run a lead from their house for the ‘expected one hour’ to run electric drills/saws during this time. No one will

9. Call your power company and have your account switched over to your cigarettesmoking-sexually-confused-Alzheimer-suffering flatmate’s name.

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question your digging a hole and especially will not expect you to bury said cable permanently.

6. Keep warm by spending as much time as you can in the WSU building asking about where your money goes. Its air conditioned so is warm and toasty, and you’ll be able to identify which WSU board members actually do anything.

N.07 / V.47

10. Save cell phone power by instead of texting your peers to find out who’s on the sauce, just drink by yourself.

11. Change your name to God or Jesus and claim first dibs on almighty power.

Cooking for Students NEXUS MAGAZINE

Potato and Leek Soup Zac Lyon

1 onion 3 cloves of garlic 1000 ml of vegetable stock 300 ml of cream Method 1. In a large pot, fry the onion, garlic, and bacon together until onion is

You’ve most likely trundled through the first week back, wondering where the break has gone, and why the hell you spent most of it doing assignments. If you are one of the lucky few that actually enjoyed a break — man, I hate you.

Unmistakably, winter is upon us. Technically still autumn, the amazing weather (yes I mean the rain!) and nose freezing cold mornings of late are a reminder of the ominous things to come.

Though the start of the colder temps means a whole new kettle of fish (don’t actually try that, it stinks for days) in the food department. Gone are the summer salads and BBQ’s, and hello to the soups and comfort foods. The recipes to come are all winter proof, sweatpant appropriate, and snuggle buddy enticing. On a serious note, if you don’t have a snuggle buddy for the approaching colder nights, sort it out — they are free warmth.

translucent (that means see through for some of you guys out there).

2. Add in the potatoes and leeks and cook for 5 mins, stirring occasionally.

3. Pour in vegetable stock, bring to the boil and cook for 20 mins. At this point things should be nice and soft, able to be mushed up easily.

4. Now if you like things smooth, empty the pot into a food processor in batches and blend until smooth. If you like things chunky (like a real man) just give things a quick mash with a potato masher.

5. Season with salt and pepper and add cream. Stir. If it’s a mashed potato consistency add some more stock to loosen the bad boy up.

6. Serve with some nice toasted bread and ‘Bob’s your uncle’.

7. If you are a clever cookie, you might make extra of this and have it the next

Ingredients

day for lunch or stretch it for two dinners for you poor students.

6 large potatoes (chopped in 2 cm chunks) 2 large leeks (sliced in 1 cm rings)

Stay warm and dry, find a snuggle buddy and embrace the coming winter. P.S

500 g of bacon (either bacon chunks or just whatever)

Will take snuggle buddy applications for my twin brother — must be female.

35

NEXUS MAGAZINE CARE

WAIKATO STUDENTS’ UNION

REPRESENTATION

University Challenge Being on a TV show is so glamourous and exciting right? Don’t you get to hang out with attractive actors, eat from those huge food tables, and laugh the day away while filming with like-minded people? Well to be honest, that wasn’t exactly my experience. When I was sent down to the depressing Invercargill to film university challenge I don’t really EXPERIENCE

know what I expected. But it was not what happened. After being one of the top 5 scorers in the entrance quiz, I was put into a team with some amazing people who would become my family over a gruelling week of filming. And I’ll tell you filming a show is NOT as easy as it looks! The studio was freezing, often you had to thaw out your fingers just to push down the buzzer, we had 8.30am-6.00pm days of back to back filming and many technical difficulties.

The crazy thing with University Challenge is that most of the time you know the answer, but if you don’t get on that buzzer fast enough it doesn’t matter. Unfortunately our university only managed to beat AUT and Lincoln so this year we are looking for the best and brightest to battle it out.

Don’t get me wrong, although Invercargill isn’t exactly the most desirable location, I still had such a great experience with university challenge.

Training for the competition included hitting up as many bar quizzes as

Log o’ Wood 2015

we could handle, we were put up in a sweet hotel with all you can eat

Friday 1st May marks the 2015 annual sports competition between Waikato,

email challenge@wsu.org.nz.

Auckland and AUT Law Schools. Netball, Basketball, Dodgeball, Touch, Soccer, and the standard not-to-be-missed WULSA afterparty.

meals, and we had so much fun down there while filming. If you know lots of stuff and want to be a part of this awesome opportunity please

How University Challenge works is there are two teams of four each from one of the main universities in NZ (including AUT). The presenter and

If you are a Waikato Law student consider signing up for a couple of sports,

quiz master gives you a starter for 10 that gives you — you guessed it —

and at the very least come prepared for a great night out. Visit the WULSA

ten points. After getting this question correct your team gets to answer

Facebook page for more information.

3 bonus questions worth 5 points each. Games are played with every university facing each other with the finalists decided based on points

Healthy Relationships Seminar

Level Zero Wednesday 29 April 1:00 ‑ 2:00pm

If you’re not sure what a ‘healthy’ relationship entails, our Advocacy service is running a seminar on exactly that. Rock up to Level Zero during cultural hour (1-2pm) this Wednesday 29th April and get some helpful advice for how to spot warning signs or even just learn how to be a better partner.

We’ll be uploading video clips to wsu.org.nz following the event also for those who cannot attend.

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differential.

Shout out to Brendan “Mad dog” Madley who had the “fastest finger” last year, Jean Shorts our American expert/milf, Aaron trash-talking Letcher, and our fearless leader Chris Lockley who made last university challenge such a great time. Good luck to this year’s team! I expect great things from you.

CARE NEXUS MAGAZINE

ADVOCACY

CLUBS

Heat on the Cheap

UniQ

We were going to start this article with “WINTER IS COMING.” But that’s a cliché done

What is the purpose of your club?

to death, and here at Advocacy we’re far more Targaryn than we are Stark.

UniQ Waikato is the representative group for queer (and questioning)

Regardless, the cold is fast approaching, and we’ve got 10 quick tips to make sure fingers, toes and all other appendages stay free from frostbite.

students at the University of Waikato. It is run as both a social and support group.

The club is a welcoming environment which organises social activities

• Jump into bed with your flatmate. Save money on heating, get some quality spoon time, it’s a no brainer.

• Once you’ve crossed that boundary, try showering together! Twice the hot water, and a super cute flat bonding experience.

• Thermals and thick socks are a must. What might set you back $20 at The Wharehouse today, will give you a season of warmth, and a greatly decreased power bill.

for students and facilitates education about issues facing queer and a gender-queer students.

If your club could achieve three things this year, what would they be?

1. Enable our members to live the best lives they can by providing them with tools and education.

2. Ensuring all our members feel that they are valued individuals.

3. Creating a broader conversation about what it means to be queer and how we can make society a more accepting place.

• When your flatties make noodles, call dibs on the left over hot water. They get a nutritious meal, and you a stomach warming broth.

• Hot water bottles. Don’t write these off as something only your grandmother would use. She might use them, but it’s because she has common sense, and doesn’t like being cold.

What kind of people does your club look for or currently have?

Our club consists of anyone who identifies as queer, either in sexuality or gender. We also welcoming students who are questioning their sexuality or gender and students who feel that they can contribute to our community as allies.

• Get a cat. There are enough stray cats roaming Hamilton East, so adopt one of those heat-radiating furballs (they’re a lot cheaper to keep than a boyfriend).

• A concoction of apple cider vinegar, honey, and lemon juice will do wonders when you feel a cold coming on. Add this to your 5+ a day, eat a clove of garlic, and you’ll stave off any illness.

• Tinfoil hats. While the old wives tale stating that you lose 80% of your body heat

Describe the highlight 2015 event of your club The highlight of our year will be Hamilton Pride Week. It generally falls in B semester. It’s when our club gets to branch out and put on events all week all around the campus. It’s an exciting week as we generally have a great mix of fun and educational events which allow the club and its members to make new relationships.

through your head may not be exactly true, a bit of extra insulation won’t do you any harm. Plus, Illuminati.

• DampRid. This handy product absorbs a lot of the moisture in your house, just place the container on your windowsill, under your bed, in the laundry. Alternatively, kitty litter does a similar job for half the price — just don’t kick it over when you come home drunk.

• The Alcohol blanket. When even your thermals are failing, there’s nothing like a nip

Where can we find you? (web/FB/twitter/places you just chill) You can find us on social media, on Facebook you can find our likes page under UniQ Waikato or on Twitter under the same name. You can also email us at uniq.waikato@gmail.com.

The club is physically located in queer space which is the most colourful room in the cowshed behind Waikato Print.

of FireBall to warm you from the inside out.

• If you live in Hamilton East, it’s likely your house sits on reclaimed swamp land — no wonder it’s damp! A dehumidifier uses barely any power, and if you move it around the house, one day in each room you’ll notice a world of difference.

• Now that you’re working to dry out the house, don’t hang your wet washing to dry

Notice Are you a wintersport fanatic? The Waikato University

inside. While this should be obvious, even I’m guilty of leaving a clotheshorse or

Snowsports Club is hosting a meet & greet pizza night this

two in the hallway, and expelling moisture right back into the air.

Thursday as a warmup to the winter season. The club is

• Budget properly. If you need help getting a budget or a financial plan sorted then pop into see us! (Ill-placed but shameless plug for our services).

• Warm your hands on the stove top. Just turn it on, press down on the element…

No, don’t do this. Don’t believe everything you read, especially in Nexus.

• If all else fails, our WSU President might be willing to put you up for a night, and

taking expressions of interest now, so pop along to the event and register your enthusiasm!

When From 7pm, Thursday 30th April Where Gaura Room in the SUB Contact kaleisaac@gmail.com

we hear she makes a mean batch of hot chocolate.

37

NEXUS MAGAZINE Snapped

Snap nexusmag your shenanigans!

The best snap each week (printed with the white border), wins a voucher from our mates at Burgerfuel. Claim it from the Nexus office in SUB.

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DOUBLE BEEF

DOUBLE CHEESE BACON • BEETROOT • JUICY MANGO • AVOCADO

NEXUS MAGAZINE Puzzles

SUDOKU

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CODEWORDS

SLITHERLINK

Each letter in the puzzle is represented by a number 1 – 26. Crack the code to solve it.

Join the dots to create a single continuous

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TRIVIAL

19

12

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What is Buzz Lightyear’s catchphrase?

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26

What party did JFK represent?

8

11

16 16

loop. The numbers indicate how many lines

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must surround each number and the loop must never cross itself.

2 2 2

1

1

3

1

3

2

2 2

X

2

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2 1

3

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I

K

P

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How many words can you make from these letters? The letters must touch horizontally, vertically or diagonally and cannot be used more than once in a word.

3 2

2

3

2

2

What planet is closest in size to earth?

What cream cake is the French for lightning?

What is the reciprocal of 1/5?

WORD TWIST

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Puzzles NEXUS MAGAZINE

CROSSWORD

KAKURO

Solve the clues and fill in the words.

Fill all of the blank squares in the grid using only the

1

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6

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8

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numbers 1 – 9 so the numbers entered add up to the corresponding clue. You cannot use the same number

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more than once in a run (eg. 7, 1, 1).

18

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SIMPLE PUZZLES FOR SIMPLE PEOPLE

62

Spot the 8 differences. Spoiler alert on e of these vans is Across

43. Flourishing (5)

11. At a distance (4)

1. “That’s ___” (4)

44. Brandish (5)

14. Damage (6)

5. White hat wearer (4)

46. Mobster Luciano (5)

15. Put an edge on (4)

9. Assent (3)

47. Small piano (6)

20. Gardener’s spring

12. Matinee ___ (4)

49. ___ and Jeff (4)

purchase (4)

13. Forearm bones (5)

50. “Spy vs. Spy”

22. “How ___!” (4)

15. Pack animal (4)

magazine (3)

24. Essential (4)

16. Urban renewal target (4)

53. Breathe hard (4)

25. Bolivian capital (5)

17. Warning (5)

54. Build (5)

26. Excelled (5)

18. Kind of skirt (4)

56. Data entry acronym (4)

27. Peculiarity (5)

19. For each (3)

57. Cancel (4)

29. O. Henry device (5)

20. Check (4)

58. Rope fiber (5)

30. Strong tasting, as meat (4)

21. Before hostilities (6)

59. Carbon compound (4)

31. FedEx, say (4)

23. Contemptuous look (5)

60. From, in France (3)

32. Scottish landowner (5)

25. Cook in a wok, perhaps (5)

61. Central point (4)

36. Cheat (4)

26. Animal in a roundup (5)

62. Small halftime lead (4)

38. On the safe side, at sea (4)

27. British pound (4)

a meth addict.

39. Stumble (6)

28. 18-wheeler (3)

Down

40. Almanac tidbit (4)

31. Rip up into small pieces (5)

1. Speech problem (4)

43. Leg wrap for soldiers (6)

32. Ill-gotten gains (5)

2. Doing nothing (4)

45. Digging, so to speak (4)

33. Baseball stat (3)

3. Ian and Sylvia song (15)

46. Clear (5)

34. Cobra feature (4)

4. “A Nightmare on ___

47. Tater (4)

35. Balloon filler (3)

Street” (3)

48. Glazier’s unit (4)

36. Prosperous time (4)

5. Moon feature (6)

49. Kind of pad (4)

37. B & B (3)

6. More healthy (5)

51. All excited (4)

38. All excited (5)

7. ___ cheese (4)

52. Big name in pineapples (4)

40. Like fish (5)

8. Coniferous tree (3)

55. Campaigned (3)

41. Hard throw, in baseball (3)

9. Ian and Sylvia song (15)

56. “Gosh!” (3)

42. Caper (4)

10. First Lady of Jazz (4)

41

The WSU Needs

Your Brains IF YOU CAN ANSWER MORE THAN 7 OF THESE QUESTIONS CORRECTLY YOU SHOULD EMAIL CHALLENGE@WSU.ORG.NZ TO REGISTER YOUR INTEREST IN BEING ON THE WAIKATO UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE TEAM. THE SHOW WILL BE FILMED LATER THIS YEAR AND SHOWN ON TV.

1

Who voices Puss in Boots in the Shrek films?

2

Mariachi music is most closely associated with which country?

3

What is WiFi short for?

4

Here are the artists all of whom have covered a song in common, name the song: Dolly Parton, Whitney Houston and Beyoncé Knowles

5

What party did JFK represent?

6

From which book did the term doubting Thomas originate?

7

Who became the youngest man, at age 35, to win the Nobel Peace Prize in 1964?

8

Protestant William of Orange succeeded Catholic James I hence introducing Orange as a colour to distinguish that religion, from what country did he originate?

9

“I kissed thee ere I killed thee, no way but this, killing myself to die upon a kiss” are the last lines uttered by which Shakespearean character after killing his wife?

10

In what decade of the 20th century did the unmanned Soviet spacecraft Luna 9 make the first controlled rocket-assisted landing on the moon, England beat Germany 4-2 to win the World Cup and John Lennon was forced to apologise for claiming that the Beatles were ‘more popular than Jesus’.