Nexus 2016 Issue 06

N.06 / V.48

CELEBRATING SAFELY PAGE 16

CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON! PAGE 18

HOW TO TRICK YOUR PARENTS PAGE 20

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CONTENTS

CONTRIBUTORS

01.

EDITOR

EDITORIAL

Brittany Rose 02. LETTUCE

editor@nexusmag.co.nz

03.

UNI NEWS

DESIGN

04.

NEXUS NEWS

Olivia Paris

07. SPORTS

design@nexusmag.co.nz DEPUTY EDITOR Lyam Buchanan

08. CARE

lyam@nexusmag.co.nz

10. ENTERTAINMENT

MANAGING EDITOR James Raffan

12. REVIEWS

james@nexusmag.co.nz

14. ARTS

CONTRIBUTORS Freddy Walker

14. AUTEUR

Meggie Bolton Joshua Morris

15. COVERED

Georgia Pollock Jared Wooldridge

16.

CELEBRATING SAFELY

18.

CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON!

20.

HOW TO TRICK YOUR PARENTS

22.

YOUR SPACE

Peter Dornauf Dr. Richard Swainson Leighton Trent Clarke Jesse Pinkman Emma Nygard MDG Renne Boyer Matthew Rae

26. COLUMNS

Bronwyn Laundry G. Halsey

29.

PAK 'N SAVE HEAD CHEF

30. SNAPPED

YWRC COVER Leighton Trent Clarke

31.

BLIND DATE DESIGN INTERNS

32. PUZZLES

Nikkole Lulu Nick Osborne ADVERTISING advertising@nexusmag.co.nz OFFICES Ground Floor, Student Union Building Gate One, University of Waikato Knighton Road, Hamilton ONLINE facebook.com/nexusNZ @nexusmag Spotify: nexusmagazine ISSUE 06 11 APRIL 2016 CELEBRATION

Editorial NEXUS MAGAZINE

EDITORIAL RAISE A GLASS TO RECESS BRITTANY ROSE

This week is the last week before recess, which means it's almost time to party.

First years, you've made it through the first half of your first semester — well done.

Stick with it, even if it's just because it's far too late to drop out without incurring serious debt (and despite the 69 compelling reasons we provided last week).

Second years, you're that little bit closer to halfway through a three year undergrad degree. If you're anything like I was then you're probably feeling a little cocky, though you're definitely starting to fall behind and should probably think about quitting your part time retail job that feels like a nagging child tugging at your sleeve every time you think you have a sleep in. Or not. Depends how crucial you consider feeding yourself to be.

Third years. I know. It's rough. You're SO OVER IT. But you're not quite there yet.

You've got this far — just keep pushing through. Especially if this is your last year.

Be grateful you're not in your fourth year with no English papers left juggling an intense relationship with Nexus, a volunteer position as an English tutor for a refugee family, and a theory-dense second major alongside that teaching conjoint that you've kinda fallen out of love with. And stop drinking red wine in the bath — this is not the way to transcend to archetypal femininity. Especially if you're crying into the tub and spilling your $7 wine from a jam jar. This is tragic, borderline cliched and there is blood trickling from your ankles because you are far too blasé when brandishing your razor. Or maybe that's just me.

Post grads, do semesters even mean anything to you? Or are you just chipping away at that daunting dissertation hovering above you? Either way, you've bought this all on yourself.

No matter whether you're miles ahead with your readings and have completed your assignments, or if you're wallowing in self pity, now is the time to take a break and recharge. Recess starts the second you leave your last class this week, and that calls for a celebration. Take a weekend break and go climb a mountain, double check your deadlines and then camp on the couch watching Filthy Rich and consume your weight in popcorn. Or go way too hard on the vodka sodas and party like you're 18 again (yes, I realise a lot of you probably still are 18. I'm talking about you, not to you). But first, flick through our Celebration Issue and have a peek at the antic anecdotes on page 20, take Jessica Roy's advice on celebrating safely and have a laugh at Lyam Buchanan's delusions of drunken grandeur.

Britt

1

NEXUS MAGAZINE Lettuce

LTOETTHTE EUDICTOER

BRMMM, BRMMMMM...

ADULT HUMAN WITH A CAR AND PLACES TO BE

Dear students who cross Hillcrest Road, I realise that your hearts are heavy with the burden of perpetual debt, and your minds are no doubt weighed down with hefty intellectual problems, but can you please be a little lighter on your feet and hurry the fuck up when you're crossing Hillcrest Road? And if you could read the sign and actually cross in groups, that'd be great.

I kind of agree with this lettuce. Like, walk a little faster you

Lettuce is the Letters to the Editor section of Nexus because If you

tortoises. – Editor

say "letters" quick enough in a super Niu Zeelund accent it sounds like "lettuce". Clever, no? Probably not.

Comment on our Facebook page, on our Instagram, or even Snap your lettuce to us. Just use #lettuce and we'll put you in print, and respond to your comments. Either that or email lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz Disclaimer Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer

HE REALLY LIKES THE SNAPPED SECTION...

SPUNK MASTER 3000

alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus

What’s with the new paper stock for nexus? Is it so it's easier to clean

and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will

spunk off?

not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory

Who uses the word 'spunk' anymore? How old are you? Say 'jizz'

to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech.

or 'cum'. – Editor

SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND

HEE LETTUCE NO WOT HE THINX

SENSITIVE SALLY

ANNUYED STUDEENT Omgggg you changed the texture of nexus mag. Do you know how happy this makes me??!! Omg it’s so much better!! I defs like this one. It’s the

Why the feck did Jehn Kee spend 26 mellion on a failed attempt to

first thing I noticed when I picked it up. I really don’t enjoy the feeling of

change the Niu Zeelund Flug. That 26 mullion could hev paid for

the other one it’s so hard to touch. I have this weird thing about strange

the paid parking at the u-ni. Or peid for free noodles for stuidents or

textures and it reminds me of bare feet on the garage floor or nails on the

made uneeversity courses much cheeeper.

chalk board kind of thing. It feels creepy. Still looks great though!

I can't care about this flag shit. Be quiet. – Editor

I thought it made us look like a pamphlet. – Editor

WHY CAN'T I GET SUPPORT?

SCHOOLYARD BULLY MARY-JANE T

STUPID IMMIGRANT The sweet innocent smell of dead animal hyde beaten, stretched and You have managed to focus promoting Māori issues as a trivialised fight

polished into sleek blackness. The neat row of tight waxed stitching

against "the white man". Dominant groups have an important and broader

holding onto that thick slab or rubber. Innovative, slightly heavy but so

impact. The profile you mention is previous education not being in English

comforting. I feel just a little bit invincible. My arches are supported and

and being the first to attend uni. Why can't support for students from all

I can stomp on stuff until it crumbles beneath me. And then that sexy

languages and ethnicities that fit this profile be supported? New Zealand

yellow tag. I am walking on air and today is a good day. The classic t bar

and especially uni students are multicultural, not bicultural.

mary-jane never did look so good, thank you doctor.

Yes, but Tiriti o Waitangi is about bi-culturalism, and the Treaty of

I'm jealous because I definitely want some Mary-Jane Docs

Waitangi is integral to educational concepts. ALSO, the whole point is

tooooooo! Ily my Docs 5 evah. – Editor

that there ARE generalised student supports — for students from all backgrounds. – Editor

2

N.06 / V.48

CELEBRATION

News from the University NEXUS MAGAZINE

BCMS (Hons) student Leah Gilbert is writing a proposal to do postgrad

ONYA

MATTERS OF THE BRAIN

research into a game that could restore memory function in people living with a mild traumatic brain injury. She’s also one of those people.

ON THE ROAD TO RIO SPLS graduate and Hillary Scholar Helena Gasson has qualified in two swimming events for the Rio2016 Olympics. Her 100m butterfly time also set a new national record.

CAMERA ACTION In between studying a BMS, Jayden

Photo credit: BW Media

Goldsack is also an action sport photographer. Check out his work at facebook.com/goldsackdesign

ANTI HUMAN TRAFFICKING Sarah Stock is a volunteer member of Hagar, a charity that supports freedom from human trafficking. She’s also doing VC CRICKET CHALLENGE WIN

a Masters in Educational Leadership

The Vice-Chancellor’s Cricket XI defeated the Northern Districts

to research ways of teaching people in

Māori by 15 runs in an exciting 40/40 match at Seddon Park last

developing countries to be leaders in

month. That’s their fourth win in a row!

their communities.

Full stories available at waikato.ac.nz/news-events. Got a story to share? Email meganb@waikato.ac.nz.

NEED HELP WITH EXCEL?

COVER YOUR POSTGRAD FEES

We’re on the lookout for students to

If you need help learning Excel,

If you’re thinking about doing postgrad

represent the university at the National

PowerPoint, APA referencing or finding

study, we’re offering six doctoral

Tertiary Table Tennis Championships

academic articles (and more), the Library

scholarships worth up to $85,000 each,

coming up in Auckland. Trials will be held

runs free tutorials to help. Visit

and six masters research scholarships

on Wednesday 13 April, 1-2pm, at the

waikato.ac.nz/library/study/classes for

worth $12,000 each. Find out more at

UniRec.

more info.

waikato.ac.nz/scholarships/ Applications close 30 April.

TRASH OR TREASURE?

GET JOB-READY

INNOVATION STATION

Find out how to reduce your waste,

Make sure your LinkedIn profile, CV

Do you have an idea for a business or

upcycle, trade or sell old goods, and

and personal branding skills are up to

project you want to get off the ground?

connect with charity and volunteer

scratch at a Career Development Services

The Innovation Station (former Station

programmes. Check out the new resource

workshop. Visit waikato.ac.nz/go/careers

Cafe on Hillcrest Road) has facilities,

exchange and sustainability space, He

for session times and topics.

mentors and networks available to help

Kohinga Oruoru, at G.10 (The Cow Shed).

you make it happen. Email uowssup@gmail.com to find out more.

Go to iWaikato or Student eNews for more information and other need-to-knows.

NEED TO KNOW

TABLE TENNIS TRIALS

NEXUS MAGAZINE News

of precarious career development where individuals do have to go back to university and up-skill. To what extent was the concept of 'the changing future of work' an integral part of that?

Hugely, yeah. It was largely that which drove the policy and made it more immediately relevant. There are multiple other social democratic parties around the world who've said "We need free education" without explaining why that might be more important today than perhaps it was twenty years ago. It probably was important twenty years ago, but the neoliberal experiment took over. But this is about saying the future world of work is going to be so different in that people are going to need to do other education or up-skilling or training and we've got to minimise the barriers to those as much as we possibly can. So that's what that was about.

Ideologically are you moving to the left or back to the centre? How would you position yourself?

We're trying to cut a social democratic path, which puts people and citizenship at the centre of what we're doing, it's not just about economics. It's not all economic, we're not all just consumers and taxpayers, we're other things as well.

Which is not to say we don't want a strong economy, and strong economic policy and economic strategy, but there's no point having a strong economy if 20% or 25% of people can't get a job or are living in poverty, so it is about saying "We do these things — the economic stuff — to serve another set of interests, those things don't stand on their own."

So it's about having everyone actively involved in the economy?

NEWS A LITTLE INTERVIEW WITH LABOUR'S LEADER BRITTANY ROSE

The basic social democratic philosophy is 'A place for everybody' — everyone has a role to play — and that is obviously not going to be all the same. Obviously valuing volunteering and unpaid work is important. Trying to get more unpaid work paid, perhaps — but certainly valuing unpaid work as a perfectly legitimate thing to do.

The state has an interest in making sure everyone is meaningfully occupied.

Well, to a certain extent the state does benefit directly from volunteer work, doesn't it?

Of course it does, absolutely. That goes to social cohesion — helping eachother

Having interviewed a Green MP and a Green co-leader we thought it was about

out, doing things for eachother. People with an altruistic tendency, the volunteers

time Nexus diversified our political interviews. So we spoke to Labour leader

who run Citizen's Advice Bureau, those who work on the marae, they are keeping

Andrew Little on his recent visit to campus. How balanced of us. He dropped

communities together.

the term 'social-democratic' a few times, threw some serious shade at the flag referendum and betrayed the obligatory answer of "red" to the favourite

Do you feel there is National Party fatigue as they close out this term?

colour question.

I think, in reality, what has become clear is that this is a Government that — for eight years now — has been very short term, never really thought about the long

For the last few election cycles Labour has seemingly had its ass handed to

term. They've never really had any big ideas, actually the biggest idea they've

it. Given these things are often cyclical in nature do you think you’re doing

had was to change the flag, that hasn't worked. Perhaps the biggest change

enough to make the party a viable electoral alternative?

is the tax change which has favoured the top 10% of earners, at the expense

Yeah, our vote has gone down in three successive elections. I think it's different

of everybody else. Frankly that is the biggest economic change they've made.

with this cycle. Are we making ourselves more viable? Yes we are. We're going back

They have done nothing that I'd describe as nation building, that is something

to some pretty basic issues which is why the future of work has been so important

that is a tough decision now that is about building something better for the

to us. We are the Labour party, therefore work and work issues have been so

future. They just don't think like that.

important to us. It's about understanding, and being able to project to the country at large, that we do understand that the future of work is going to be different.

Is the “ship steady” after a few high profile leadership changes and some

We've gotta have a regime that not only accepts that, but makes sure that people

shuffling?

aren't taken advantage of and exploited. So we've still gotta get that balance right,

Yep, it certainly feels like that to me. It has been. We had a good year last year, a

that's gonna be a different challenge than what it was twenty, a hundred, whatever

lot of it's just getting used to working with each other, last year was about sorting

years ago, but it is about looking forward, and that's what we're doing.

the relationships out. This year's about getting the ideas together, getting the big ideas out. Next year will be about campaigning those ideas. What I'm very

Nexus spoke to James Shaw last week and he complimented your policy

determined is that next year, in election year, I don't want us to be making big bold

approach to tertiary education and the fact that it's grounded in the idea

announcements. You can't make big announcements weeks out from the election,

4

N.06 / V.48

CELEBRATION

News NEXUS MAGAZINE

people just don't get a chance with all the noise of an election campaign to hear it and get used to it. Some of the stuff we're doing has a bit of controversy to it, and a bit of debate. That's a good thing. We should have good debate. I want to end this year with the principal ideas that we're going to campaign on next year. There

NEWS DRUG REFORM BRITTANY ROSE

might be an extra one or two next year focused on what we need to do to win people's confidence and get the vote. We know that there's real issues in health, we've done something on education, but it won't be the only education thing we do. In health — 1.4 billion dollars in real funding has been cut from the health system and is having an impact across a whole range of areas, but mental health in particular is really suffering, so you can expect us to say something about that.

We'll have a couple of economic policies around economic strategy that you'll hear about. Hopefully all of those things will come together in a platform.

As an avid news reader, you'll be aware last week United Future leader Peter Dunne says drug policy should change. He suggests use of cannabis should be framed as a health issue, rather than a matter of crime. Nexus reached out to politicians and asked their thoughts on drug reform in regards to medicinal marijuana and decriminalisation of recreational use of mary-jane.

Will the next Labour led government reverse the freedom of association act

The Greens have the most comprehensive response to drug reform in

that has been crippling and defunding student support networks?

reference to decriminalisation, and on medicinal marijuana use.

One of the over-arching goals we'll have is to rebuild civil society, those

Kevin Hague, addressed decriminalisation favourably (and with odd

institutions that aren't part of Government but involve people and are a bit

capitalisation of 'cannabis'). "I expect that the result will be a new policy

of a countervailing force to the power of the state. Student unions are part of

that clearly calls for full legalisation of Cannabis, but with regulation

that, trade unions are part of that, and other Non Governmental Organisations

controlling cultivation, sale and marketing."

and other organisations — it's vital to have people who are independent of Government who can come up with new ideas and challenge Government ideas

"On the specific topic of medicinal use of Cannabis, our policy has always

— that's healthy in a democracy and has been dissipating. For student unions

been that doctors and nurses should be able to prescribe Cannabis-based

it's that the voice of students is restored — councils, academic board — and

products if they believe they are clinically appropriate, and that won’t

students' unions and associations have a genuine and strong role to play in

change but may become more specific in the new policy."

tertiary institutions and the community in general.

"Most people will know that the Green Party has stood for freeing up the law on Cannabis, ever since we first entered Parliament. Right now we

United Future leader Peter Dunne recently came out and said that we need

are reviewing our policy with a view to updating it to reflect the changed

to have a conversation about drugs, where does Labour stand on the issue?

debate in Aotearoa and around the world."

He is right, we are certainly supportive of measures to make medicinal cannabis available. I think there's a pretty broad consensus that under a GP's supervision there's various products that are beneficial therapeutically and we should be making them available. On decriminalisation, I think we are keen to see a debate about that. We would support a referendum on that issue. As somebody who, in my previous union role, dealt with the early roll-out by employers of drug and

ACT Party Leader, David Seymour, stated that "ACT does not have a policy on cannabis legalisation," however in reference to "ending prohibition" and moving toward "an effective policy for keeping New Zealanders safe," he talked about Colorado and Washington before he stated that "ACT will welcome that conversation."

alcohol policies and did a lot of research into the area, the point of caution that I

Labour leader, Andrew Little noted

have is that the level of Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) in cannabis widely available

measures to make medicinal cannabis available." Also pointing to evidence

in New Zealand can cause damage to young brains, basically. In the same way

of high Tetrahydrocannabinol (THC) levels in marijuana as potentially

alcohol can, but THC sits in the fatty tissues for a lot longer, so I just want us to

causing damage to "young brains" and considered this a point of

be approaching this with a great deal of caution. The international debate has

consideration in discussions.

shown that the so-called 'war on drugs' has pretty much failed. A huge amount of police resources go into enforcing a law that is not actually having great effect. If anything it's driving those sorts of drugs, those recreational drugs, into criminal hands and creating a whole bunch of other problems. I do think it's time

"We are certainly supportive of

In regards to decriminalisation in general (as opposed to medicinal marijuana) Labour played it safe, and sat on the fence leaning towards favouring drug reform.

to blow the lid on it, have a good discussion and debate about it, understand

“...I think we are keen to see a debate about that. I do think it's time to blow

what the risks are, see if we can come up with an answer that means we're not

the lid on it, have a good discussion and debate about it, understand what

repeating the mistakes of the past.

the risks are, see if we can come up with an answer that means we're not repeating the mistakes of the past."

More and more both NZ and American Politics are becoming cults of personality (hence Sanders, Trump etc) we know a lot about the new policy initiatives about Labour but not so much about Andrew Little the man, can we ask you a few one word answer questions?

Favourite song of the last decade? 'Human' by The Killers Books or Film? Book Sports or Fashion? Fashion Fun dad or strict dad? Bit of both. I've got a teenage son. I've gone from fun to

"The National Party has not made a view on medical cannabis yet," Says Hamilton East MP, David Bennett. "My personal view is not to decriminalise marijuana, in general, at this stage."

Hopefully David Bennett doesn't like to wake and bake because it's likely he won't be able to vote in favour of decriminalisation. "The National Party has not made a view on medical cannabis yet and I imagine we will be bound by the Party on this issue when the decision is made."

strict. It's actually a lot more fun with a teenage son.

A New Zealand First Spokesperson was contacted but suggested they

Favourite colour? I know I should say red. Racing green.

would be releasing their views in the coming weeks.

5

NEXUS MAGAZINE News

MATIU DICKSON 12 MAY 1952 - 7TH APRIL 2016

The University of Waikato has lost an educator and a leader, the Students' Union has lost a friend and students have lost one of the most passionate advocates for youth, Māori, sustainability, women in leadership and education.

Matiu Dickson passed away on the 7th of April at the opening of the new Faculty of Law Ceremony at 7am. Although the cause of death was not known at time of print, Nexus understands that Mr Dickson had previously had cardiac issues.

The WSU office was filled with stories, smiles and a few tears as we celebrated the life of a man who had touched us all in one way or another. Hana, our VicePresident Māori, told the story about how Matiu had told her to move to Tauranga or quit management and study law because “we need more Ngāiterangi lawyers”.

Priscilla, our advocate, talked about their weekly catch up on his way to class and how proud he was of his new law school. James spent time talking about the last time he and Pene interviewed Matiu for the Hamilton City Council election.

Mr Dickson had just finished speaking at the event and was listening to Te Piringa, a Waiata he had composed for the Faculty of Law. “Matiu Dickson was a voice of leadership at the University of Waikato in both the Māori and wider academic communities and he will be greatly missed.” Said WSU President Indula Jayasundara.

“We want to acknowledge the work Matiu has done for the student population as a beloved educator, and friend” “Our thoughts are with Matiu’s whanau at this time.”

Matiu was of Ngāiterangi descent; his hapu is Ngai Tukairangi. He was an Associate Dean Māori in Te Piringa — Faculty of Law where his special interests were legal education, youth advocacy and the criminal system, resource management and local government law, and Māori legal issues.

Matiu was also a past Tauranga District councillor, chairing the Planning and Environment Committee; was appointed by the Minister of Tertiary Education to the Council of Te Wānanga o Awanuiārangi, was a member of the Board of Te

E Pā Matiu

Kōhao Health; Chair of Te Rūnanga o Kirikiriroa Charitable Trust; member of the

Te kaitutu hirikapo, te kaiwhakakapa ngakau

Taumata Kaumātua to advise the Hamilton City Council; and was the kaumātua of

Ku a kukume ngā au o Tauranga Moana i a koe

Te Hotu Manawa Māori Board (Māori Heart Foundation).

Maanu ki ngā kare o Ngāi Tukairangi

Matiu was an advocate for the promotion of young Māori woman to leadership

Piki atu ki te pae o Rehua, ki māturu-roimata, ki roimata toroa

and graduate roles within the community but he was equally passionate about the

Ko te parekawakawa tēnā ku a uhia ki a Te Piringa

environment. In his campaign for the Hamilton City Council Matiu was ranked 5/6

Ko Te Whare Wānanga o Waikato tēnei e noho pōhara ana i tō ngaromanga atu

for his policy positions on environmental issues and impact by Generation Zero and was recognised as the only candidate to speak on Māori environmentalism including the promotion of Tapuwae or sacred footprint.

Ko tō reo, tē rongo

In celebrating the life of Matiu Dickson the WSU grieves not just for his family and

Ko tō mata, tē kite

loved ones but the thousands of students whose lives have been impacted by him

Ko tō pūmaharatanga, tē wareware

and, perhaps just as sadly, the new students who will never have the chance to get

Ko tō ōhākī tēnā ku a titī ki te whatumanawa o tēnā, o tēnā

to know Matiu or be challenged to live up to the standard he set.

Okioki atu rā ki ngā rekereke o Mauao

Details of the tangi will be be made available by the University of Waikato and we

Ki a au te moe

will provide further details on the WSU social media.

6

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CELEBRATION

News NEXUS MAGAZINE

HIGH FIVE DUMB JOCKS? JAMES RAFFAN

Because last week's Sports Opinion implied sports people are dumb, we thought we'd dispel that myth by highlighting the top five smartest sports players.

FIVE DAVID KIRK The first New Zealander to ever captain the All Blacks to a world cup is also a Rhodes Scholar who has led companies like Fairfax, Trademe and Hoyts.

FOUR BYRON “WHIZZER” WHITE Led the NFL in rushing yards in 1938-1940 before leaving to become a chief Naval intelligence officer in WWII. Later on he studied Law at Yale, clerked for the Supreme Court and became Deputy Attorney General for the Kennedy Administration.

THREE IMRAN KHAN One of Pakistan’s most successful players and a feared all rounder. After Cricket, Khan established one of Pakistan’s largest political parties, was held as a political prisoner,

SPORTS OPINION SMILING ASSASSIN OUR NEXT AB?

and had to go into hiding. He has also served as chairman of Bradford University.

FREDDY WALKER

on the world stage managed to do all of that while studying to be a doctor.

TWO SOCRATES Brazil’s second most famous footballer and captain of some of its biggest moments

ONE MARION BARTOLI Bartoli shocked the tennis world when she won Wimbledon in 2013. She retired six Damian McKenzie. If you follow rugby, or you’re in with the goss at uni, you have heard of him by now. That’s because he’s a University of Waikato lad,

weeks later at age 28. She has a “tested” IQ of 175 which is higher than both Einstein and Hawking! She currently runs her own business in France and has a fashion line.

and boy is he killing things out on the field.

McKenzie is an Invercargill native, and perhaps it’s the deep south where he developed the ice that seemingly runs through his veins as he busts the line time and time again for the Chiefs. Fans of the young fullback are singing his praises week after week, and with Nehe Milner-Skudder out for the rest of the season McKenzie should be next to get the nod for an All Black debut.

So impressive is McKenzie, he has taken the kicking duties away from usual sharpshooter Aaron Cruden for the Super Rugby season. Perhaps due to Cruden being injured for the majority of last year, but our lad certainly isn’t doing himself a disservice with the boot. His tendency to smile just as he kicks has certainly caught the eye, but that creepy smirk personifies his play. He’s cheeky, innovative, and downright magical to watch at times.

Even more impressive is his ability to break the line and score tries. He is the leading try scorer for the season so far with a tally of seven, and is the competition leader for points scored with 108, that’s 38 ahead of his nearest competitor. Furthermore, he leads carries and defenders beaten, and is second in clean breaks made and metres gained.

As a fullback his kicking game is tactical and accurate, making him a complete player. Questions have been asked about his size, but despite barely tipping the scales at 77kg, McKenzie doesn’t shrug off defensive duties and has made many important tackles this season.

If all of that isn’t enough of a reason to get excited about our Waikato wizard, get hyped about the fact that he is a University of Waikato student getting praised so highly by some of the game’s greats. Damian McKenzie is the rugby story of 2016, and that smirk won’t be wiped off his face

UNIREC | STUDENT MEMBERSHIPS FROM $9.20 P/W

anytime soon.

7

NEXUS MAGAZINE CARE

HALF SEMESTER REPORT CARD CLUBS

ADVOCACY

76

76 Clubs* attended WSU Clubs Day

75

75 Advocacy cases

$

19 Clubs applied for funding in first grant round

$

25 Instances of emergency financial assistance

60 Clubs are expected to affiliate in 2016

67 Bookings for rooms, equipment or vehicles

WHAT HAVE WE DONE?

22 Foodbank parcels distributed

90%

90% of feedback respondents gave the service a perfect score

WHAT WE HAVE NOTICED

• The highlight of the first term is the WSU Clubs Day with over 70 clubs it was a phenomenal experience for all involved.

• Assisted clubs like Fire and Flow club and the Volume Collective in establishing new and interesting events.

• Developed a full club's resource manual that will be amended (slightly)

• Most academic complaints are able to be resolved within 7 days.

• Personal and financial assistance issues may take up to 21 days, depending on the situation. Clients are referred to the Student Job Search and Career Development clinics, held on Mondays at the WSU. • Postgraduate issues can take up to three months before the issues are resolved as they require engagement with supervisory panels and the

every year.

Postgraduate Office. The WSU has established clinics held on Fridays at • Created interesting new partnerships and commercial relationships that

SUB (the Students' Union Building) to cater for this sector.

will benefit our extensive clubs network.

• Tenancy issues are an on-going concern as this can involve a multitude

WHAT WE WANT TO DO?

of people – flatmates, rental agents and landlords. Legal matters are referred to the Free Legal Clinic, held on Thursdays at the WSU.

The WSU has maintained for decades that the clubs network is the lifeblood

• To address Tauranga needs the WSU has recently appointed a liaison.

of the student experience. In most respects it doesn’t matter what the club

He is available to ensure that your feedback, concerns and needs are

actually does. It’s about socialising, experimentation and discovering things

addressed whether they are advocacy related or across the entire

about yourself. For our clubs network to continue to grow we need to look

spectrum. He can be contacted at Tauranga@wsu.org.nz

seriously at the expansion of resources and spaces and venues. Places that bands can practise, religious clubs can pray and boardgamers can boardgame. Places that bands can practice, religious clubs can pray and

WHAT WE WANT TO DO?

boardgamers can boardgame.

With over forty years of addressing student concerns the WSU has an excellent track record in the Advocacy sector and it’s something we are particularly proud of. Under the larger umbrella of student support there are a number of exciting projects that we will be working on with your elected representatives.

Cheaper campus lunches, frozen meals, creating better information systems to understand “how to be a student” and better support for campaigns like Thursdays In Black and at risk student networks on campus.

8

N.06 / V.48

CELEBRATION

CARE NEXUS MAGAZINE

Six weeks in and it’s time the WSU put its mouth where your money is. We present to you the quarterly Warrant of Fitness / Report Card. Remember this is a “strategic plan year” so more than ever it’s important to be engaged with what the people representing you are doing.

REPRESENTATION 8 Portfolios created

4

$

EXPERIENCE $

$231.13 Spent on hot drinks in Level Zero

4 Sub committees

4 Wall planners

12 nights of driving students to and from town

3000 Bags and Diaries

$525 given out to students incrementally for Indula’s got you covered

5000 Students moved in vans and buses

WHAT HAVE WE DONE?

WHAT HAVE WE DONE?

The biggest focus for the WSU Board of Directors in 2016 has been around

What haven’t we done? Your student experience is paramount to what we

creating structures, support networks and reporting templates to ensure

do and what we want to continue to do. ORI 2016 was about delivering

that the Waikato Students’ Union is more transparent than ever before.

on our promise of food, free stuff and a safe ride home. Every event since

A key factor in that has been the creation of portfolio areas and faculty representation. As you will have seen in previous Nexus this year we now have the Welfare and Equity, Environment, Maori Students, Sports and Recreation, Student Safety & Campus Issues, Post-Grad students, and International & Pacific Student Portfolios. Each being serviced by at least one director.

Each director has been assigned a faculty and although they don’t all belong

whether it is our Market Day or us supporting last week’s International Day is subject to a simple criteria, will this improve the experience some people are having at University. If the answer is yes then we will do our best to get it to work.

WHAT WE WANT TO DO?

to the faculty they chose they will make themselves available at meetings,

Like some of you, we have a vision in mind. It starts with high quality coffee

for advice or anywhere they can to ensure you are represented. One of the

and low, low, prices but it’s more than that. It’s that University begins to feel

eight directors will also serve as the representative for Tauranga.

like the place you want to hang out in again. The destination you come to

It hasn’t all been structure. The board rostered the vans for 2 weeks during O-week picking up slightly embarrassed students from town and taking them home. They have attended councils, fought for greater representation on committees and even went to the movies.

because the cool band is playing or the game is on a big screen and the drinks price doesn’t make you run and hide. Spaces where you can LAN or play poker. Shops that sell things you need and the stuff you just want.

Campus needs to feel like home and it may take us a while to get there but we haven’t given up yet.

WHAT WE WANT TO DO? The next term will bemassive for Representation. The WSU intends to: • Host the Big Inter-Union Hui • Help reform and develop the class rep system • Create a consultation hub with surveys, petitions and polls • Start to get feedback on our ideas for the annual plan • Develop a plan for RE-O 2016

9

NEXUS MAGAZINE Entertainment

BEST OF THE WEB BROWSER FRIENDLY JAMS TOUCH PIANIST WWW.TOUCHPIANIST.COM/ This is pretty much the Magic Piano app in your browser, except thankfully this doesn’t keep score. No matter how musically challenged you are this site will make you feel like a modern Mozart. All you have to do is press a key on your keyboard to create your own rhythm. It even includes lovely words of encouragement.

INCREDIBOX WWW.INCREDIBOX.COM/ Drag some funky clothes onto some some funky dudes and create funky beats. If sounding like Mozart isn’t your thing then this might be more to your liking. Choose a track and mix it however you want. It’s pretty impossible to fuck this up so go get amongst the funk.

TRENDING ON TWITTER #ELDERLYMOVIES Craigsreddie @Craigsreddie · Apr 6 #ElderlyMovies Jurassic Parkinson's 34

86

Michael Egan @Egan301Michael · Apr 6 Planet of the Aches. #ElderlyMovies 21

67

Duncan Whitehead @DuncanWhitehead · Apr 6 #ElderlyMovies I Can't Remember What I Did Last Summer Dude, Where's My Wheelchair?

579

Amar Adatia @amaradatia · Apr 6 -Who Zimmer framed Roger Rabbit?

-Iron deficient man #ElderlyMovies 70

OTOMATA WWW.EARSLAP.COM/PAGE/OTOMATA.HTML This sequencer allows you to create geometric shapes, or a randomised jumble of shit, before letting it all loose for your notes to collide and interact with each other.

This site can definitely produce some interesting and obscure jams, if you’re mathematically inclined this is right up your alley.

SEAQUENCE WWW.SEAQUENCE.ORG/ It might be biased coming from a biology student but this sequencer is by far the coolest. Seaquence is an experiment in musical composition; by using a biological metaphor it allows you to create your own musical lifeforms. It sounds flash and sciencey but you just press a couple of boxes and drag your little waveform organism around.

PLEASE DON’T QUOTE ME

“Can't believe I got to cuddle Sir Ben Kingsley, he is a sexy beast.”

“Hey moms! I came up wth a semi cute outfit for school drop off!”

HILARY DUFF IS A FUCKING MOTHER!?

“Only the strongest, fastest and flyest lifesavers in the game #Baywatch” ZAC EFRON IS A TOTAL FUCKING BABE N.06 / V.48

104

Lady Fancyface @auntiem1977 · Apr 6 Friends With Medicaid Benefits #ElderlyMovies @midnight 47

313

Eryn @Eryn_NotErin · Apr 5 V for Viagra #ElderlyMovies @midnight 36

173

Bryan Behar @bryanbehar · Apr 5 He's Just Not That Into Euthanasia #ElderlyMovies @midnight 65

240

Lillian Carilo @lcarilo · Apr 5 Pride and Prune Juice #ElderlyMovies @midnight 38

220

WHAT’S HOT 1. Clickhole 2. Decrease in pesky bugs 3. Bassment Vol.1 hype

SHARON OSBOURNE SPEAKS LIKE A COUGAR

10

348

CELEBRATION

WHAT’S NOT 1. Fake Tinder accounts 2. You 3. "Tag someone who"

WHAT’S ON THURSDAYS YOUR FRIENDLY LOCAL TAVERN Open from 10.00am, seven days Corner of Cook & Grey Streets, Hamilton East Courtesy Van Available 0800tavern (0800 828376)

$12.00 STEAK DINNER 200gm Prime Hereford Rump, fresh garden salad, golden fries and beer battered onion rings.

(From 4.00pm, conditions apply)

Plus between 4.00 and 7.00pm we take 15% off all Monteiths Handles.

www.theeastside.co.nz

BULLDOGS VS. WARRIORS LIVE ON THE BIG SCREEN THIS SATURDAY FROM 7PM! Don’t forget our quiz every Wednesday night from 7.30pm It’s free to enter with great bar tabs up for grabs!

WAITING FOR A BUS OR A REPLY TO YOUR TEXT? PLEASE SIGNAL THE DRIVER!

NEXUS MAGAZINE

BOOK KISS OF DECEPTION

BY MARY E. PEARSON MEGGIE BOLTON

To be perhaps a bit too honest, when that time of the month rolls around, my taste in TV, food and books takes a pretty severe nose-dive into trashy, paranormal/ romance, and chocolate-ON-pizza territory. This book crawled into that place.

Perhaps it was because of my low expectations going into this book that I enjoyed it so much.

Lia is a princess on the run from an arranged marriage. If that original, almostfeminist, plotline doesn’t capture your attention — and a bit of your gag-reflex — the prince she was supposed to marry tries to catch her (I did say ‘almost’) and he is unexpectedly hunky. No trashy YA novel would be complete without a love triangle, so there is also an assassin after her, and he is, you got it, hunkalicious.

Despite the tenderness of this bruised and over-worked premise, Lia is an engaging character, if not always a paragon of feminist virtue, and it was good emotional junk food. But then...

PLOT TWIST. I'm usually good at spotting twists long before they are revealed, but my disdain clouded my foresight, and I was thrilled and delighted by the totally unexpected injection of actually-quite-clever writing. While this doesn’t excuse

FILM BATMAN V SUPERMAN

the book from it’s unethical treatment of horses, it is a pleasant surprise, and the first half of the book is even more enjoyable in hindsight. I would definitely recommend it for a binge read.

JARED WOOLDRIDGE

Now this isn’t anything like the Marvel movies we’ve been spoilt with over the years. Batman V Superman is a far darker film, up many, including me, have been waiting for for eons, and it

PODCAST OPENING NIGHT

does not disappoint. You’ve got your Bat-on-Super action, the

JOSHUA MORRIS

more fitting with its own characters and universe. It's a match-

cinematic debut of Wonder Woman, a shocking twist, and the beginnings of a new superhero universe.

BvS picks up 18 months after Man of Steel, where Superman’s battle with Zod controversially levelled much of Metropolis.

We meet up with an older, wiser, and more brutal Batman (Ben Affleck nailing it, and proving the haters wrong), a man who’s lost his parents, a sidekick, and a building full of employees Superman/Zod destroyed. He’s naturally a bit

Opening Night is a local podcast hosted by Matt Elder and Dave Taylor, both post-graduate English students at the Waikato University, who discuss in general theatre and local artistic talent. The general structure for the show has been 30 minute episodes with a mix of event reviews that go up shortly after the event, or interviews with local talent. Given the short lifespan of the podcast so far they’ve managed to cover a healthy array of events (Life Music, Mayhem Live).

peeved, and worried about this Superman fellow. On hand to

The focus on timeliness is important in encouraging listeners to engage with local

help manipulate matters also is Jesse Eisenberg’s Lex Luthor, a

theatre and really makes the episodes relevant. Both presenters are charismatic

manically frustrated genius, who waxes philosophic about gods,

and humorous in a somewhat bookishly self-indulgent way (read: puns). It is clear

men and demons. His villain might not be to everyone's taste,

the show has been birthed from enthusiastic conversation that couldn’t help but

but it won with me.

burst into the public sphere. The rapport between the two is casual and friendly

Now it’s not perfect. The first part of the story is a bit messy

creating a very inclusive vibe.

to say the least, but as the plot picks up, and the story strands

There have been slip ups in regards to names of pieces and actors getting

come together, the excitement goes up. If you’re a fan of these

muddled on occasion and due to the relatively short length and limited amount

characters, then there’s a good chance you’ll enjoy it. Batman

of time they give themselves the discussions can be a bit too terse. However

and Wonder Woman steal the show, and we see a far more

the enthusiasm and insight on offer is more than enough to make up for these

brutal and haunted version of Batman than ever before, but also,

shortcomings. They have set out with the goal of helping to construct an intimate

perhaps, the best. It’s darker than you’ll ever see Iron Man go, but

more visible artistic community in the Waikato and so far the results are promising

for my money, that makes it all the more interesting.

as long you don’t mind puns.

12

N.06 / V.48

CELEBRATION

Reviews NEXUS MAGAZINE

THEATRE GODSPELL GEORGIA POLLOCK

Where: Southwell Centre for Performing Arts When: April 12th-14th Tickets: $25, Waikato Diocesan School for Girls School Shop (855 2038 ext 2766) “If you like fun, lively musicals that move fast and keep you entertained, then Godspell is for you,” says director Lee Armitage. The show is based around the parables from the Gospel of Matthew, but is mostly about the formation of a community. It usually only features a cast of 10 — Jesus and his disciples — but this

FOOD MADAM WOO OLIVIA PARIS

is a very different version, with Dio presenting us with a cast of 51! And that’s just the cast; there are more than 100 people involved in total.

This musical is dramatic, entertaining, and moving. Best of all, it has some great music in it. Lee says “you can’t place Godspell in a genre. The music moves between rock and pop to vaudeville and haunting ballads. It is lively and joyous,

Sapper Moore-Jones Place, that side-street Mum picks your

and full of constant movement, pranks, magic and pantomime.”

drunk ass up from town at 3am, recently became home to a

If you’re put off by the religious side of it, don’t be. This is a Grammy Award

new eatery — Madam Woo.

winning musical, to be enjoyed by everyone. It ranges from the sexy vaudeville

Madam Woo takes inspiration from traditional authentic Malaysian Hawker food. Housed in a modern, fun space with asian inspired decor, the vibrant atmosphere, high ceilings and wooden floors make a relaxed but informal dining

number, ‘Turn Back, Oh Man’, to the chilling duet ‘By My Side’, to the fun gospel number, ‘Light of the World’. If the idea of going to a school show makes you sleepy, Lee says this “if you are worried about it being a ‘high school show’, it’s really so much more than that.” Godspell is a show not to miss.

experience, with a hint of sophistication. We sat on the deck outside which offered a nice view of the Waikato river.

There is an array of food to choose from — we didn’t know where to begin. Our waitress kindly helped us choose our dishes, as shared dining is often hard to determine how much food to order, and a lot of the food was new to us. “The Woo Crew” all seemed very energetic, friendly and knowledgeable.

From the Steamed and Fried section we ordered Pork & Lup

BOOK DIRTY PRETTY THINGS

BY MICHAEL FAUDET JOSHUA MORRIS

Cheong Wontons and Sukor Spiced Sticky Chicken to start. I was hanging out for the tiger prawn dumplings — pity they only came in a serving of three. The sticky chicken was delicious.

For our main we ordered three dishes off the Big Flavours menu and a side of steamed jasmine rice. The food was fast,

“To be honest, when the words come they tend to do so very quickly. I never spend too much time critically analysing my work or playing around with it … I find the first draft is the most honest expression of the idea.”

fresh, authentic and vibrant. The pork belly was chopped into

This lax attitude towards editing really shows in Michael Faudet’s Dirty Pretty

bite sized pieces and tossed amongst asian greens and oyster

Things. Having built a rather significant following on Tumblr, Faudet decided to

sauce, with a crackling crumble. My absolute favourite dish

self-publish his first poetry anthology. Faudet in an attempt to fill 265 pages of

we ordered was the honey & soy squid. The squid melted in

a printed book has written close to a hundred poems, this would be somewhat

your mouth. It was served with whole dried chillies, giving it

impressive if the poems were in any way good and not for the most part one

a good kick, and the cashew nuts added a nice crunch that

sentence long. There is a structural focus on abstractions and rhyme and topical

complemented the sweet tasting, soft squid. The dishes were

focus on female objectification, and a misguided teen preoccupation with sex. On

not only big in flavour, but big in size.

a positive note the index is in alphabetical order and the cover art is really quite

For a different dining experience in the CBD, I highly recommended Madam Woo. It definitely fills a hole in authentic, international cuisine Hamilton has been lacking.

engaging; a spare black and white impressionistic design of a lady's face with what appears to be a panda or a penguin nestled into her hair. It seems the book would have been greatly improved if cut in size, like, say down to one page.

With a casual feel, reasonable prices, exceptional service and

I leave you with an example from the book itself:

5/5 food, I will definitely be returning.

“I love spending rainy afternoons in bed getting wet,” that’s the whole poem. The whole fucking thing. In short this person does not know how to write, and should stop, Don’t read this shit.

13

NEXUS MAGAZINE Arts

ARTS ART ABOUT ART PETER DORNAUF

We take nothing at face value these days, which is a good

at the end of the block of shops, is a show by local artist,

thing, by and large. The postmodern French philosophers

Barbara Smith, called, 'Pink, it’s Nearly Red but Not Quite'.

have taught us a few valuable lessons about deconstruction.

You take it apart in order to see how it really works. There are no hiding places left any more. Hidden assumptions

With a title like that you know she’s up to something, not quite playing with a straight bat.

get flushed out into the open and a light shone on their

Smith has a Master of Fine Arts (Hons) so she must know

camouflaged faces.

what she is talking about, or more correctly, creating.

Thus just like the film about the making of the film reveals

Essentially she has taken the world of art apart and half put

the reality behind the makeup and cardboard scenery, so

it back together again so that we are permitted to see the

art, the visual gallery stuff, has been exposed and undressed

joins. She reveals to us the inner workings but at the same

by theorists to the point where artists themselves are happy

time creates some clever conceptual works in the process

to follow suit.

from the bits and pieces she deals with. And what she deals with are materials we normally don’t immediately associate

Paintings and sculptures all seemed pure and simple

with conventional art: foam rubber, knitted woollen

enough back in the day, but now, for sophisticated followers

garments, perspex.

of fashion, these creations no longer wear the innocent face.

We know or should know unless we want to remain chumps,

There’s a line of identical square foam blocks stuck on a

what they’re up to.

wall, each one painted pink on one side. There’s a perspex ‘canvas’ wearing a pink knitted jersey. There’s half a frame

So sometimes artists at the urbane end of things create art that is simply about art — about the constructed nature of the beast. They are in love with the question of deconstruction.

AUTEUR TOP TEN TELLY (PT II) RICHARD SWAINSON

with one dangling end done out in knitted wool.

Of course pink, as we all have been taught, is a girl’s colour, lacking the boldness of red; nearly red but not quite. One can feel in these works the acid bite of irony as she takes

Currently exhibiting at the Framing Workshop Gallery, which

apart the constructed nature of art and social convention

is just down from the University on Silverdale Road (120)

simultaneously.

Keen eyed readers of last week's column would have

Kieślowski into feature films. Stanley Kubrick thought so much

spotted the fact that no 21st century television shows made

of Dekalog he wrote the forward to its published screenplay.

my top five list. They will likewise be disappointed with the selections below. Although Auteur House stocks The Wire

8. TWIN PEAKS (USA, 1990-91)

and Breaking Bad I've yet to watch them. Nor have I seen

David Lynch and co-creator Mark Frost brought surrealism

Game of Thrones, West Wing or the American version of

into American living rooms with this dark mystery about the

House of Cards. For the record, Seinfeld, The Sopranos,

aftermath of a small town high school girl's murder. Equal

Mad Men, Boardwalk Empire, Curb Your Enthusiasm and

parts quirky, melodramatic and disturbing, with scenes of

the first season of True Detective sit just outside this highly

implied incest and outright horror co-existing with cheesy

subjective "all time" Top 10.

humour and bizarrely over-the-top characters.

6. THE WORLD AT WAR (UK, 1973-74)

9. BERLIN ALEXANDERPLATZ (WEST GERMANY, 1980)

This ground breaking and still unequalled 26 part Thames

A mammoth adaptation of Alfred Döblin's novel about a

Television documentary series sought to be the first

career criminal and pimp attempting to go straight in Weimar

small screen history of World War II to attempt a form of

Germany. Long, difficult and at times purposefully repetitive,

objectivity, giving voice not only to the winners, but the

Rainer Werner Fassbinder's magnum opus is grounded in

vanquished. Hours of stunning archive footage are intercut

the towering lead performance of Günter Lamprecht.

with quality interviews. Impeccably narrated by the actor of the age, Laurence Olivier.

10. MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS (UK, 1969-74) Five anarchic scholars from Oxford and Cambridge

14

N.06 / V.48

7. DEKALOG (POLAND, 1989-90)

Universities and a rogue American animator reshaped the

Ten contemporary moral tales, each one inspired by a

face of western comedy forever, combining intellectual

different biblical commandment. Set mainly in and around

wordplay with outright silliness, satire and parody. Rather

austere apartment block in late communist Poland, the

than just a collection of skits, the best Python episodes

connection between each installment is nonetheless slight.

are structurally fascinating, juxtaposing gags and styles,

Two episodes were expanded by director/co-writer Krzysztof

critiquing the syntax of the television medium itself.

CELEBRATION

Arts NEXUS MAGAZINE

COVERED LEIGHTON TRENT CLARKE

Name: Leighton Trent Clarke Age: 22 Occupation: Videographer, Photographer, Student and fucking Countdown worker yo haha!!

What kind of camera/s accessories do you shoot with?

I have been very privileged to work with a 4K camera lately but usually I’ll use the 600D with 50mm to 200mm lens, Boya mic and a joby gorilla pod SLR. Mac or PC? Wait, what the hell is a PC man?

Describe your style in 3 words: Simple, black, tourettes Where can people find you online?

Youtube: Just search LVLOGS, Leighton's Life on fb!!

How much would you need to be paid to eat a heaped teaspoon of your own shit? What about someone else's?

This is actually a messed up question but if you offered me enough money I wouldn't turn it down because I'm poor as shit (let me just state that there is no pun intended) and I really need money.

Tell us your best party story: My best party story.... Ok I'm gonna keep this pretty short! I was at a party with my boys (DrapeU and DJ Grayballs) and we were just doing our thing. Before long the party got very big and kids decided to pop manus off rooves onto fresh cut grass.

It was pretty funny tbh. — 15

FEATURE CELEBRATING SAFELY

This comes through practise, being able to recognise that gut churning, hurling feeling, and attempting to ride it out. Fresh air also does wonders for the soul. If you can’t hold it all in, make your way to the nearest toilet or patch of grass; but for the love of god, not the sink where chunks and smells collect like tickets on the windshield of your unregistered car.

JESSE PINKMAN

WATER IS YOUR BEST FRIEND Drinking alcohol is essentially poisoning your body in a very slow and sometimes fun way; the key to not dying is to balance it out with non-poison — good old fashioned water.

Drinking is (possibly problematically) seen as a fundamental part of New

This is easy enough until you get those mates who think water is for pussies.

Zealand culture, particularly student and youth culture. We've got a break

These are usually the same people that advocate the “eating is cheating” mantra.

coming up and we think this calls for celebration. We also think that

Staying hydrated on the DL becomes key.

some students might do drugs, mostly because we know some people do drugs, and all students are people. Not that we promote it. But sometimes celebrations get out of hand and we think you deserve to hear the advice your parents were too "responsible" (read: conservative) to tell you. Here's how to poison yourself without dying and hopefully enjoy yourself along the way. Celebrate safely, kids!

KNOW YOURSELF Not getting Socrates on you; instead, know what alcohol your body likes — and what it will vomit back up 10 seconds after ingestion. This also covers the old

• Drink spirits + mixers combos. When pouring your drink use less spirit and more mixer, or even an all mixer combo with a fake spirit pour if you have to.

Those mates are usually too gone themselves to notice.

• Pre-mix your own clear cocktail into a 1.5l water bottle, go between this and actual water and no one will know. There is potential for fooling yourself on this one and not staying too sober after all.

• Classy tap cocktails. Take a glass with you to the bathroom and have a few drinks from the tap. People think you’re peeing - actually staying hydrated.

Yaaassss Queen.

adage “Know your limits”. This is about knowing how many cans you can safely

• If you do get caught: “Need something to wash down the spew, mate” or,

knock back before that compulsory funnel; or finding the balance between

“Beers were getting boring” or, “I actually want to get into town” or, “I’ve got

playing catch-up after a late finish at work, and actually making it to town.

work tomorrow morning, and dealing with people hungover sucks.” And my

While some folks have been chugging back the Waikats since they were 10, not

favourite “Fuck you, I’m thirsty.”

all livers are created equal. All does not end well when you try to go one for

We’re all poor students here, so don’t be ashamed to pre-load before town and

one with Farmer Kyle; get fucked up at your own pace, and know when to use

then just go hard on the water in every bar; it’s free, and always easy to get.

more mixer or even chug back a water or two (See “Water is your best friend”).

Bonus: You’re less likely to get cut off.

WEED BEFORE BEER, YOU’RE IN THE CLEAR?

you. But you do want to have an experienced person, or that slightly less drunk

I prefer to keep my addictions separate; I’m either a stoner for the night, or

friend to prevent you freaking out, letting you know it’s normal. Keep your phone

an alcoholic for the night. Never both. The informative rhyme tells us to start

nearby; don’t let it interrupt your night of drinking or celebrating, but let it be

drinking after we smoke up. This is sound advice based on years of headspins

your backup if things go wrong — have that friend who knows what you’re up to

paired with an inability to chunder because of weed and science. When you’re a

and can come to the rescue.

few hours into the party and someone is passing around a joint, this seems to go out the window… All you can do is not get carried away. Stick to what you started off the night with.

PINGAAAAZZZZ (NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH PENGUINS) Recess is coming up fast, which does mean more free time; but you’ll probably pick up more hours at work so don’t plan too many adventures during the short break. Pills/caps can be your best friend or your worst enemy on a night out. Coming down sucks, especially if you have to serve customers at 10am

Acid ends up creating ‘cycles’, and if these are based on discomfort, stress, or even fear, then you could wind up being stuck in a too cold, too hot, thirsty, want a ciggie, too cold mindset like a friend of mine did recently. Having somewhere safe is also about preventing you from being that nutter who decided because they're the only one tripping and having good time while everyone else gets baked and watches movies that they should go for a walk by themself. RL example: my friend did this and woke up naked at a park in Forest Lake the next morning with little to no recollection of what went down.

the next day.

Don’t plan on going to town while tripping either — you probably wouldn’t even

Also, despite the drunken state you'll probably be in — use some common

make it if you tried. You also want a whole day to sleep it off: this is not a good

sense when sourcing illicit substances. There are still dodgy as fuck cunts who'll

one for end of semester when you’re trying to to pass those exams.

try and sell you crushed up panado, or the kiwi classic cut with meth combo.

Pure MDMA for $50? Pure bullshit, with bonus grinding of teeth. You’re better

WHEN TO CALL IT QUITS, CALL A TAXI, CALL YOUR MUM

off chatting to that mate of a mate than the weird looking guy at Back Bar is

If the situation starts to get dodgy or really bad, make the call. Call your mum,

all I’m saying.

your Godmother, sister's boyfriend, cousin, flatmate, and they will come and get

You want to save this for a night where you want to get fucked up and just have a hectic fucking time, not just a quiet weeknight having a few wines with the girls.

TRIPPING BALLS If you want to try acid, or any other hallucinogenic (mushies, salvia, cactus juice),

you. Yes they will be tired, maybe even a bit gutted they had to get up in the middle of the night, but they’d much rather lose some sleep than see you on stuff.co.nz the next morning. Don’t let the thought of an angry parent stop you from calling them. These people would be a lot more angry at the thought of you sleeping in a gutter or at some crack house you didn’t plan on going to.

get yourself a safe environment. This is going to dictate how your entire trip

Sometimes “safe” can be hard to judge, and it’s hard to know when to say “nah,

goes, and you want it to be friendly/relaxed/comfortable and not too overly-

let’s just go.” When there’s a difference between going with it, and going beyond

stimulating. Night time can be more fun, because any kind of brightness is a

what you’re comfortable with then give it a miss. Illegal narcotics and alcohol will

bitch. A sober person will help you realise how fucked you are, so this is up to

always exist. There’s always next weekend.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

FEATURE CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES, COME ON! NEXUS CONTRIBUTORS

We put the call out for stories of celebration, the highlights (and lowlights) of the major celebrations in the lives of the Nexus writers. We asked for stories of weddings, and birthdays, festivals and funerals — we wanted to share with you, beloved readers, tales of celebration. What we got is a shit tonne of vom related stories and two death-related anecdotes. Enjoy.

I went to a Mexican fiesta once. My flattie was dressed as a Cholo and I asked if I could pierce his ear, Parent Trap style, so his costume would be more authentic. He said, “Ask me when I’m drunk.” Sufficient amounts of tequila later… There was lots of blood. The next morning when he pulled the $2 shop earring out of his (swollen, probably infected) ear, it came out with a chunk of cartilage attached.

BRONWYN LAUNDRY A few weeks ago, on what I thought was just a regular Saturday I took my trademark two bottles of cheap merlot to my friend's flat around the corner from my house. As I walked up the driveway, gravel crunching under my boots, I saw two yard glasses standing on the front deck filled to the brim with Waikato — under the sensor light they glistened like golden beacons calling out to wasted youth.

Cut to 10pm and there's a crowd of twentysomethings standing around, chanting encouragement and filming the two boys taking a knee to guzzle back their elixir.

The most remarkable moment was 3 minutes in when one dude finished and was hurling in the garden, as the other gagged on every drop. He obviously hadn't trained his gag reflex (rookie) because one heave too many sent chunky pizzabeer back into the yard glass from his mouth, then back down his throat, and then — with force — all over the ground/the shoes of onlookers.

Thank fuck I was standing inside a) laughing my ass off at the absurdity of this fuckstupid tradition, and b) remaining thankful I opted for 21 shots in 2012.

BRITTANY ROSE It was my friend's 20th birthday, being third years by this stage it was by no means a milestone to be celebrated in the kind of messy fashion one may attribute to 18ths or 21sts. What ensued instead was a nostalgia inducing, karaoke singing, wouldyou-rather-playing, old fashioned slumber party. An intimate affair with around twelve guests, most of whom I had been friends with since about eight years old.

Also during this time there had been some particularly potent MD floating around the mean streets of Ham East. As fate would have it, the latest shipment had arrived that afternoon and my trusty drug dealer friend was more than obliging to drop it off to me at said birthday party. So he popped over with a friend and we did our deal. Of course being someone with literally zero self-control I popped a cap, not for any particular reason, just for shits and gigs. So there I was chewing my face at 10pm on a Thursday while the rest of my friends sang along to Avril Lavigne. Moral of the story is to not invite me to your kid's birthday party I guess.

EMMA NYGARD

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Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

I've been to more funerals than weddings, which is kind of sad. The worst one I went to was a very formal Catholic ceremony for someone who wasn't Catholic himself but his mum was. It didn't have anything personal in the whole ceremony, apart from his name mentioned once or twice. No eulogy, no personal stories, just a straight-from-the-Catholic-how-to book, paint by numbers, generic ceremony where I had to stay awake solely to know when to stand up and when to sit down.

Luckily we went to the pub afterwards, without his mum, and told lots of actual stories about the actual person. In this instance, alcohol definitely improved the whole process.

RENEE BOYER So there was this New Year's party, and a friend of a friend came along and decided to smoke some drugs at a neighboring Catholic school. She came back to the really nice house we were partying at, and proceeded to get quite drunk.

Whilst I was enjoying some lovely flaming sambuca, she snuck into the garage and ate what later appeared to be an entire Hawaiian pizza. I say that, because that is definitely how it looked given how clogged the bathroom sink was with pineapple and ham.. It was overflowing. The host dug it out with her hands, while the spewing girl ran and locked herself in the toilet to cry. She only came out when we convinced her we did not hate her for it, and she promptly left the land of the conscious.

JARED WOOLDRIDGE Don't try to out drink anyone when you're 16. Don't forget sunscreen at festivals.

Don't make Nathan H'ng go for a run at 2am. Don't funnel Ciroc. Don't forget to have a tactical. Don't drink copious amounts of absinthe. Don't drink copious amounts of absinthe at New Years. Don't drink copious amounts of absinthe in the Halls of Residence. Don't text mum.

LYAM BUCHANAN New Year's party a couple of years back. Some time after midnight one of the guys was plastered on Jäger and Double Brown and started eating butter straight from the block to a few cheers. Between dry retches he managed to scrape his way through about a quarter of a block before hurling hot yellow and brown into the kitchen sink. I saw him scoop some into a cup and drop it in the devil's soup later.

He disappeared pretty quickly after that with the block of flat cheese and a pool cue (there never was a pool table).

MDG The year was 1996. Ten years earlier, more or less to the day, a mutual friend had died of an asthma attack. Seven of us gathered in the small East Coast town of Ohope, at the beach property of one of our of parents. One of the unexpected side effects of Kingsley dying was that it brought us closer together. Those that hadn't known him at school had got to know the rest of us better. Those that hadn't been particularly good friends during our teenage years now had a tragedy in common.

The gathering was the last communal expression of grief. We got drunk, we read Kingsley's letters and stories,which were many, we listened to his favourite music and we reminisced. Now, coming up two decades later, it's clear that that weekend was the end of something. A few of us were then 30 years old, the balance 29.

Late bloomers all, none had children but we were all set on our adult paths. The hard reality is that life is for the living. After that weekend there would be no more holidaying together and little sustained talk of our friend.

RICHARD SWAINSON —

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NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

FEATURE HOW TO TRICK YOUR PARENTS LYAM BUCHANAN

Nobody judges you in Hamilton, we’re all as fucked as each other, however our parents do love to pride themselves and pretend that they are upstanding citizens who have never made any mistakes or dabbled with some cheeky narcotics. Imagine you’ve just been dropped back to your parents' place, you’re still shit faced and you can’t afford for your parents to see your true colours.

Following these simple steps will ensure that you don’t get a police interrogation the next day: 1. Finger your esophagus like your mate just fingerblasted your girlfriend 2. Paint your neighbour's fence with vomit

Heading home for recess is a must if you live in the Halls and don't want to spend two weeks alone crying into your 'dinner'. Lyam outlines the very sensible ways to re-invade the nest from which you've flown — from

3. Break all your toes and shatter your shins on every piece of furniture possible 4. Drink at least 13 litres of water

suggesting you should treat your mum like a maid to the best method for

5. Give your gherkin a quick jerk

avoiding an intervention over your drinking habits.

6. Peacefully get in bed and float away

Disclaimer: I never drink excessively and would never touch illegal substances let

Failing to make it past step three is a sure fire way to be woken up the next

alone ingest or inhale them. This article is completely satirical and is purely for

morning by your Dad as you lay in a gutter covered in your own piss and vomit

the entertainment of my fellow academics. If anyone sends this to my mum I’ll

with your pants around your ankles. You sure do love making your family proud,

fuck your sister.

don’t ya? It could be a good thing if you don’t make it inside because at least now you can be certain you didn’t cry about that one Tinder match who didn’t

With Easter Weekend gone and mid semester break fast approaching chances

message back. If you’re lucky enough to not lose your phone while giving your

are you’ll be heading home for some substantial food and someone to do your

liver a workout then every form of messaging should be investigated. It doesn’t

mounds of washing. Courtesy of everyone's favorite cliche writer, here’s a guide

matter if you chatted up your lecturers, called your ex a few hundred times or

of how to responsibly drink and just generally not be sober while under your

maybe you even emailed Nexus and ended up as the Deputy Editor. There is

parents' roof. Sit your little ass down and get ready to take some notes, I’m about

genuinely no way to explain to your mum why you sent her 72 texts trying to

to save the oh so perfect image your parents have of you.

disprove the existence of space.

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CELEBRATION

Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

If you aren't one of those people with cool parents (the kind that don’t overly

It’s ok. I understand. I pretty much just saved your life and now you’re in love

encourage drinking culture or drug use but would probably have a few quaaludes

with me. Keep on praying to the Lyam shrine you made after I taught you how to

in their bedside table and indulge in some oregano when your little siblings are

torrent textbooks and maybe your dreams will come true. Some of you will have

out), then you frequently walk into the house smelling like a walking ashtray then

found yourself driving back to Hamilton after your break with a restraining order

your parents are going to slowly stop buying the whole "nah there was just a

placed against you by your parents, don’t let this get you down. Things could be

bonfire" line real fast — at least pretend to hide your antics from them so they can

worse right? At least you didn’t try disprove the existence of space.

play along with the charade. Your image is all your parents care about, behind closed doors they couldn’t care less so here are some steps to continue seeming like the perfect young adult they think you are: Do you smell like the dirty uncle your parents never mention?

• Drink 3 bottles of mouthwash • Rethink life decisions that lead to this point in your life • Get a potato peeler and remove all the skin on your fingers Did you just get more stoned than ya boy Jesus?

• Mix methylated spirits and salt to make some DIY Clear Eyes [Editor's Note: Don't fucking do this. You'll go blind] • Make a green tea and read the newspaper in front of the fireplace • Write pointless bullshit and send it to lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz

At some point in your life there is a high chance that you’ll be well and truly written off while in the company of your parents. Whether or not they are also written off doesn’t matter, you’re still going to say or do something that you really shouldn’t have and end up in full damage control. Drunk parents love to ask you about your love life, drugs, ciggies and where all your money goes. It’s also a well known fact that drunk you is thicker than a brick and will tell them everything they want and more.

Some scenarios have been left out for a reason. If you’re the kind of person to bring someone back to your parents house after a night out I pity you. As soon as you wake up you better pray that they’re chill enough to pretend to be a serious life partner of yours and are brave enough to deal with the interrogation that will be laid upon you at the three course breakfast your parents have specially prepared. Just be sure to get her/him out before lunch, if they’re still at your house by 2pm then you better get ready to spend the rest of your life with them.

It doesn’t matter if they didn’t remember your name when they woke up because

Have you railed enough to kill a grown man? [Editor's Note: Nexus does not

now they know everything about you. The photo albums will be cracked open

condone murder, nor taking taking so many drugs that you die]

over cuppas in the arvo so everyone can have a good ol' laugh at Mini You and —

• Don’t lick your flatmates

whether you like it or not — you’ll end up having to take a photo with them before

• Grab a towel incase you head to the beach

dinner. You can expect your dad to have this printed, framed and hung alongside

• Don’t lick people at the beach

the rest of your awful family photos before the sun rises.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE Your Space

YOUR SPACE LUMBER SHACK This humble abode is what lumberjacks dream of once they leave their life in the woods for a taste of suburban life. The striking wooden walls feel like warm sheets upon calloused hands, the beautiful wooden floors feel like soft sand to moist feet.

Masterful carpentry holds your gaze, seduces your eyeballs.

A hookah stands tall in the living room and modern art sprouts amongst the prosperous citrus orchard. Drinking games litter the house and alcohol is more abundant than food. This flat is definitely somewhere to chill after a long day in the woods. —

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CELEBRATION

Your Space NEXUS MAGAZINE

23

Offer available at any BurgerFuel in New Zealand. Not available with any other offer. One voucher per person, per visit. Not valid for online ordering. Expires 01/05/16.

JASE & PJ

WEEKDAYS 3 -7PM ZMONLINE.COM

NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

THE I.T. GUY VIRTUAL REALITY

EXPECTATIONS VS. REALITY YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA PROFILES

MATTHEW RAE

BRONWYN LAUNDRY

Is this real life or is this just fantasy? With the recent release of the Oculus Rift

EXPECTATIONS

and the HTC Vive, I thought I’d introduce a few of the major contenders for

The minute you arrive at pre-drinks you know it’s going to be a good night,

the VR winner, *cough* Google Cardboard *cough*. The Virtual Reality Wars

everyone stops what they’re doing and chants your name. You are suddenly

are finally underway. I can’t wait to run around and fight off orcs with my

surrounded by a plethora of people who look like they belong in an American

broadsword, trying to miss the TV while I hack and slash.

frat movie. Everyone is being social asf and not one person is on their phone.

So where should you throw your money and will it have that life changing effect you dream of?

Between winning beer pong and getting the number of the hottest person at the party, you could definitely say you are killing it. Your maxi taxi (not just two regular taxis) shows up at exactly midnight, just as the Blue Bubble

PSVR

Exclusively for PS4, Utilise ‘Move’ for Hand motion

$600-700

tracking, Requires a PlayStation Camera, 1080p screen, 120hz refresh rate, 100-degree FOV.

Oculus Rift

Runs on your computer, x-box one controller included,

$699

1200p screen, 90hz refresh rate, 110-degree FOV, built in mic and audio, 360-degree motion tracking.

operator promised and your taxi driver doesn’t try and charge you an extra $10 just because he can. When you get to town, the bouncers nod you straight through into the clubs, free of charge, no need for ID. Your squad manages to stay together all night, looking fresh to death and none of you are too hungover the next morning to cancel your brunch plans.

REALITY

HTC Vive

Runs on your PC, two hand help controllers are also

$948

included for hand motion tracking, 1200p screen, 90hz

to wait outside for five minutes before your mate answers your text to come

refresh rate, 110-degree FOV, built in mic and audio.

out to get you. One Compulsory Funnel Upon Entry down and you already

Microsoft Holo

Who cares? I’m going to buy each of the others and

feel as though this may end up a messy night. The guy hogging the AUX

Lens, $3,000

still have enough money to buy a PS4.

chord has played the same Flume song at least four times in one hour, but

Google

[Insert your phone's specs and features here]

everyone is way too turnt to even notice. You lose a round of Kings and end

You don’t quite know whose house you’ve just showed up at, and you have

up having to scull a vessel of Smirnoff, Waikato, Scrumpy and Purple Goanna,

Cardboard, $10

which you promptly vomit onto your crush’s shoes. You end up paying for the “Orcs, Orcs, Orcs…” When it comes to VR, the Oculus is meant to be played on

whole taxi fare to town because everyone coincidentally forgot cash. In town,

the couch with a traditional controller in hand. At least, until their duel motion

you lose all your friends instantly and you keep getting turned down by the

controllers are released later this year. With the PSVR and ‘Move’ you’ll be able

bouncers because for some silly reason they think you’re too drunk. (What?!

to jump up off the couch, box off your opponents, race your spaceship and

You?! Never!) So you end up chilling outside Wongs eating cheese and mayo

even deflect a storm trooper’s plasma bolt with your lightsabre. The Vive… I

chips until it’s an acceptable time to go home. When you wake up the next

believe will give you the greatest immersion into any game. With two wireless

day feeling like you might be the first person to die of a hangover, you realise

controllers to track hand movement and two sensors to track body movement

you not only drunk texted everyone, you also purchased a cardboard cut-out

straight out of the box, the Vive will really place you in the game. The Vive

of Mr Bean from eBay.

also has a front facing camera to blend the real world into the virtual world, hopefully lessening the likelihood of you destroying your living room. Grab

Word of advice: Tequila shots may seem like a good idea at the time, but they

your broadswords ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to fight some Orcs.

never are. Never. Okay maybe sometimes. Okay always.

With great points about each headset, it’s really hard to say which will be the true winner. Personally, I’m leaning towards the HTC Vive.

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Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE

HEIL HOGAN TALES OF A SOBER D, VOL 1

THAT TIME I...

GAVE PUBLIC NUDITY A GO

LYAM BUCHANAN

G. HALSEY

A sober D is a sacred person. They save your drunk ass from paying taxi

WOMAN, 22, BISEXUAL

fares, ignore the drinks you spill in their cars and look away when you’re

After talking to a guy for a few nights online over about the course of a week, I

cleaning someone's throat with your tongue in the backseat. Luckily enough

deemed him safe enough to meet in person and probably worth a bit of a look

for you there’s an unspoken rule between the sober driver and their drunken

if his photo was real (it wasn’t). He was very confident online and suggested a

passengers that what is said throughout the duration of the night is kept

lot of outrageous scenarios that titillated my imagination, but as we all know:

locked away. Let’s be honest that’s boring as fuck. Being a sober driver is

what you fantasize about, and what you actually enjoy in real life can turn out

all about the incoherent yarns and drunken tears which you end up dealing

to be wildly different. I learned that the hard way.

with. There’s really nothing like a car full of horny dudes and crying girls on a Thursday night.

So Mr. Kinky Suggestiveson finally talked me to into one actual scenario — him driving over to my place and picking me up… while both of us were nude.

There is always one person spinning the most classic of yarns and it's always

I elected to wear a coat and heels when I left the house for the sake of my

informing the entire car and everyone within a 200 metre radius of just how

flatmates, although upon reflection they totally knew what was up. When I

fucked up they are. They’re always the only one who cares how inebriated they

got to the car I was surprised to find him genuinely naked and somewhat less

are yet somehow they still feel the need to inform the entirety of Hamilton

surprised to find he was a skinny white dude that looked nothing like his pics.

East. These people come in two varieties:

Such is internet life.

1. Trying not to die as they hang out the window gasping for air

We managed to find a not at all secluded spot on 15th Ave in Tauranga and

2. Trying not to die as they tell you how many people are in love with them

awkwardly negotiated the removal of my coat. I had been quite excited by the

You can smell them before you see them. They either radiate the stench of vomit and cheap vodka, or smell like they’ve completely dowsed themselves in three bottles of The Warehouse quality perfume before waddling out to

whole idea of public nudity but my partner didn’t actually seem interested by the big reveal. He’d asked me to bring along a toy so I tried playing with that a bit to get him in the mood.

your car. There is no way to mask the fact that you’ve vomited four times.

He wasn’t interested in that either, and after much prodding (both metaphorical

Your stained clothes and the chunks in your teeth don’t lie, bud. However this

and literal) he admitted he wanted the toy in HIS ass. Being a good sport I

doesn’t stop them from actively telling people how well they can handle their

gave it a go. It was my first time actually practicing anal penetration on

drinks and how much of a heartbreaker they are.

another person and I feel I gave adequate prep (in fact he was very loose with

Another classic personality you come across while being the Lord and Saviour of Poor Drunken Souls is the eerily quiet one. This is the time when you adjust your rear vision mirror to keep an eye on them incase they either reupholster the interior of your car with their vomit or just straight up die. You can usually

suspiciously squishy insides) but he never got hard, never came and didn’t seem very happy about the whole situation. In retrospect I think he probably had some hang ups around wanting to be penetrated and homosexual confusion. I eventually just sort of gave up and asked to be taken home.

find these critters in the back left hand side of your car, they’re the ones who

Unfortunately the vibrator was now covered in santorum (lube and fecal

have ended up having a quarter life crisis halfway through pre-drinks and got

matter) and I had to wipe it on my coat to avoid getting it all through my bag.

far too plastered as they tried to forget all their shit life decisions.

It still smelled.

Sadly a singular column isn’t enough to cover all the bases. There are just

I never spoke to him again, but this pretty much sums up the average internet

too many unique and mind numbingly awful people that you encounter while

dating encounter. Awkward, often sticky, and ultimately unsatisfying.

traipsing through multiple cop stops and back streets. Stay tuned for the next edition of Heil Hogan where we delve into more beautiful inebriated egos.

If you would like to share a "That Time I...", contact editor@nexusmag.co.nz

27

NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

hari kOrero YWRC ZERO HOUR CONTRACTS

HARI KŌRERO TE ARAWA

YOUNG WORKERS' RESOURCE CENTER

We’re back baby. Did you miss us? We sure missed you.

Your employment guru, the Young Workers Resource Centre (YWRC), will once again grace the high-grade pages of Nexus on a semi regular basis. We

Te Arawa e. E! Te Arawa e. E! Tūtū ana te puehu i runga i te papa tū waewae o Te Arawa. Te Arawa tangata, Te Arawa whenua tenei ka mihi.

are going to be talking all things employment law, your rights, navigating

The Te Arawa regional Kapa Haka competition was recently held in Rotorua.

disciplinary processes, and how to avoid being a punch dummy for your boss.

Of course without a doubt, Te Arawa certainly did not disappoint with 18

If there is something you want to know about employment relations (maybe

strong teams taking the stage. The high standard and calibre of performance

you are in a tricky situation yourself) email us at ywrc@xtra.co.nz.

was outstanding. A-whole-'nother-world level of haka. Te Arawa is one of the

We’re going to kick things off with zero hour contracts, an insidious

hardest qualifying haka competitions in the world.

manipulation of casual employment agreements dodgy employers have used

This year’s winners were the mythical Māori Spartans, aka ‘Te Matarae I Ōrehu’.

to force flexibility into their workplace at the expense of workers’ job security.

Their bracket was jam packed full of choreography, which only this fitness

Sounds bad, huh? Fortunately parliament passed a law recently that outlaws

focused roopu can achieve. The women dominated the stage with strength

this exploitative practice. Previously employers would hire workers on a

like they owned it! The men were fierce taiaha and patu warriors. The standard

contract with no fixed-hours but expect them to be available 24/7. Their hours

of performance Te Matarae I Ōrehu gave was of an exceptionally high level. A

could vary wildly from week to week and if they were unable to work a certain

huge congratulations to the current students in this roopu on your win.

shift they would lose their place on the roster to someone else. Employers would penalise workers who couldn’t make last minute shifts by cutting their regular hours and at the same time would prevent them from taking a second job to plump up their inconsistent income. How were these workers supposed to plan their lives and pay their bills? But then the game got switched up. Now employers must provide fixed hours in the contract if the employee is being expected to work a certain amount.Employers now legally have to specify the hours in your contract. Employers who don’t comply can be slapped with a fine!

The biggest breakthrough however is a makeover of the availability requirement. With the new law, employers cannot expect you to be on call unless they have a genuine reason based on “reasonable grounds” and must compensate you for the hassle. Before the changes companies didn’t have to justify availability clauses and certainly didn’t compensate workers for the inconvenience. To sweeten the deal, employers also cannot sabotage workers if they refuse extra work or prevent them from taking a second job if it doesn’t

Second place went to Ngāti Rangiwewehi. Rangiwewehi’s vocal arrangements and stunning poi were unforgettable. The poi was strategically technical and of a standard that only Te Arawa women can achieve. Placed third was Tūhourangi Ngāti Wāhiao. The notes sung in this bracket were operatically beautiful! One of our very own students starred in a leading role during this bracket and the job was certainly done to perfection! Fourth place went to Te Piki Kotuku o Ngāti Rongomai, another taiaha and patu warrior roopu. And fifth place went to newcomers of the national’s scene, Te Hikuwai. All of these teams have qualified to perform at Te Matatini.

Te Matatini is the name of our National haka competitions and this competition is held every two years. 13 rohe or regions around the country including Australia, will be sending their top qualifying groups through to the nationals. These Regional and National competitions are very important for our generation as Māori.

specifically interfere with the company. If they do they will be subject to a

Shout out to the current Waikato students and staff who performed at Te

personal grievance (legal complaint).

Arawa Regionals. Congratulations also to all the students and staff going on

Hats off to the unions, activists, and politicians who fought tooth and nail to outlaw zero hour contracts — especially Unite Union.

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CELEBRATION

to represent Te Arawa at Te Matatini held in Hastings during February 2017.

Cooking for Students NEXUS MAGAZINE

PAK ’N SAVE HEAD CHEF FISH TACOS INGREDIENTS Fish 500g Fillets of firm white fish such as Hoki or Cod 2 tsp Smoked paprika 1 tsp Ground cumin ¼ tsp Cayenne pepper (optional) Salt and pepper ¼ cup Lime juice Salsa 1 cup Corn 2 Medium tomatoes – diced ½ Red onion – diced Handful fresh coriander – chopped Squeeze of lime juice To Serve 12 Small tortillas 3 cups Red cabbage – shredded 1 Avocado – diced or sliced (optional) Fresh coriander – chopped Lime wedges Serves 4, makes 12 tacos

METHOD 1. Combine the smoked paprika, cumin, cayenne pepper and lime juice in a bowl. Season with a sprinkle of salt and pepper.

2. Cut fish into small fillets or bite sized pieces and coat with the marinade. Cover, and let it sit in the fridge while you prepare the other ingredients.

3. Combine all of the ingredients for the salsa. Mix well and set aside.

4. Combine all of the ingredients for the slaw. Mix well and set aside.

5. Wrap the tortillas in tin foil and place in the oven to heat through for about 10 minutes.

6. While the tortillas are warming in the oven, place 1 tsp of oil in a large pan and set to a medium-high heat.

7. Cook the fish for about 3-4 minutes on each side, or until cooked through and lightly browned on the outside. Once the fish is cooked, remove from heat. Remove tortillas from oven.

8. On top of tortillas, place desired amount of of red cabbage, corn salsa, fish and avocado. Drizzle with greek yoghurt, sour cream or desired dressing. Garnish with fresh coriander and serve with lime wedges.

29

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WINNER

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CELEBRATION

She's an earth science major who had an adolescent crush on Travis Pastrana logical as a self-confessed "motorcycle girl" who's been racing motorbikes since age 10. And she's a babe — we Facebook stalked her. He's a sexy bartender with an appetite of a starved African child, a man you keep close to your heart but away from your fridge.

SHE SAID

HE SAID

Well where do I start? At the beginning I suppose. Feeling slightly

Free food, free drinks, can’t complain really. So I get there on time like

nervous I rocked up at a friend’s flat and drowned those nerves with

the good cunt I am and get myself a jug while waiting to see if I’ll be

a few Smirnoff double blacks. Showing up fashionably late, I thought

getting pissed by myself or not. 8 minutes or so go past and she shows

it was going to be explosive night but it turned out to be effusive. The

up, and I no longer have to worry about looking like a sad alcoholic

drinks and pizza were the schist. Shot The Bank!

haha, shit. My mates told me she was a 1st year living in the halls,

His face was good. His degree has a decent income in 9 years according to the NZ Herald. I was hoping to get as wet as Port Waikato but unfortunately it was as dry as the rocks on the Tongariro crossing.

Unfortunately he was a bit young, far too optimistic about uni and life.

There were peaks and troughs in the conversation, but overall he was a nice guy, not my type, but a great evening nevertheless. Sorry I had to bail to save my drunk friend, who was asking (in a stereotypical international voice) for a good time. #loveyoulongtime.

Disclaimer: Writer was drunk when penning this #rocksarelove #rocksarelife #ontherocks

instead I get a 3rd year who’s pretty much got her life sorted, which was kinda less fun but still cool you know. Anyways we kick off with some pretty 6.5/10 conversation and it’s alright but I’m pretty hungry so maybe I wasn’t paying as much attention as I could have. Got some pizzas and garlic bread which was fuckin awesome, cos I was fuckin hungry. Longish story short she got a call from a “drunk mate” and ended up having to leave so I got to eat the rest of her pizza, which was sick af. Spent the rest of the money on shots for myself and went home. Thanks Nexus for hooking a broke brother up a free dinner, much appreciated, chur.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Puzzles

SUDOKU 7

9 4 8

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HARD

CODE CRACKER

SLITHERLINK

Each letter in the puzzle is represented by a number 1 – 26. Crack the code to solve it.

4

9

1 4

MEDIUM

20

2

8 8

9 1

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6

1

EASY

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8 1

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3

Join the dots to create a single continuous

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1

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loop. The numbers indicate how many lines must surround each number and the loop

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6 9

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22 21

9 3

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5 2

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8 1

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I 11

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6 7

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must never cross itself.

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L

N.06 / V.48

How many words can you make from these letters? The letters must touch horizontally, vertically or diagonally and cannot be used more than once in a word.

CELEBRATION

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1 3

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2 2

2

TRIVIAL In Reykjavik it is a crime to own which animal as a pet?

What was the first novel to be created on a typewriter?

What is the only bird that can swim but not fly?

WORD TWIST

2

Puzzles NEXUS MAGAZINE

WORDFIND ALCOHOL

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P

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BABY SHOWER

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CATERING

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CELEBRATE

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CHIPS AND DIP

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EXCITEMENT

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FLOORSUCK

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OUTFIT

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RECYCLING BIN

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TACTICAL VOM

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TOAST

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ANNIVERSARY BALLOONS

CHAMPAGNE ENTERTAINMENT EVENT MANAGER FIREWORKS FOOD HOLIDAY MEMORIES MINIPIES MUSIC PARTY SMALL TALK SMILE SPEECHES STREAMERS SURPRISE TEACHING RECESS WEDDING

HOROSCOPES CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 22 — JANUARY 19)

CANCER (JUNE 21 — JULY 22)

Hottie on Old Farm Road, you walked in front of my telescope while

Just like NASA doesn’t give a shit about pluto now, your crush

I was stargazing. I don’t care about venus anymore, get in my zone.

really isn’t into you. But sure, whatever, keep trying.

AQUARIUS (JANUARY 20 — FEBRUARY 18)

LEO (JULY 23 — AUGUST 22)

Mars shines brightly this month, which puts you in a good position to

Orion’s belt forms the base of NZ’s favourite astrological formation, The

run for Secretary General of the UN. Keep up the good work mamma

Pot. Don’t bother looking for it, can’t be seen through clouds of smoke.

Helen.

PISCES (FEBRUARY 19 — MARCH 20)

VIRGO (AUGUST 23 — SEPTEMBER 22)

In memory of our favourite Pisces, this week increase your omega-3

The moon is waxing this week, and you should be too. Hurry up,

intake: “It's okay to eat fish because they don't have any feelings”

before your boyfriend mistakes you for a werewolf.

ARIES (MARCH 21 — APRIL 19)

LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 23 — OCTOBER 22)

Planet Krypton came into view this month, connecting with the

Life is pain. Anyone who says different is trying to sell you

big screens. Beware of nerds complaining about shitty movies.

something.

TAURUS (APRIL 20 — MAY 20)

SCORPIO (OCTOBER 23 — NOVEMBER 21)

Mercury is in retrograde your mum. Burn!

As Jupiter fades this week, you’re more likely to be paranoid. But don’t worry, your flatties probably are stealing your toothpaste.

GEMINI (MAY 21 — JUNE 20)

SAGITTATRIUS (NOVEMBER 22 — DECEMBER 21)

Saturn is in your zone this week, so spice things up and bring it

Polaris, the North Star is shining on you. All those Uni assignments

into the bedroom as well — Satin sheets are on sale at Briscoes.

getting you down? Quit. Fuck off to the north pole. The stars said so.

33

Hillcrest - Shop 9, Hillcrest Shopping Centre, Cambridge Road, Hamilton 3216 Davies Corner – Unit 2, 303 Clarkin Road, Fairfield, Hamilton 3214

dominos.co.nz 0800 30 40 50 MOBILE & ONLINE

ORDERING SITE

For a Lot of Flipping Fun 42 Sunshine Ave, Te Rapa PH: 07 850 4222

PARK SMARTER

avoid a fine

please don’t park on: grass verges broken yellow lines footpaths or driveways PHONE 24/7: (07) 838 6699

Hamilton.govt.nz

/HamiltonCityCouncil

@CouncilHamilton