Nexus 2016 Issue 05

N.05 / V.48

69 REASONS TO DROP OUT OF UNI PAGE 16

EDUCATION: A CAPITALIST CONSPIRACY? PAGE 18

BAD TEACHERS PAGE 20

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CONTENTS

CONTRIBUTORS

01.

EDITOR

EDITORIAL

Brittany Rose 02. LETTUCE

editor@nexusmag.co.nz

03.

UNI NEWS

DESIGN

04.

NEXUS NEWS

Olivia Paris

07. SPORTS

design@nexusmag.co.nz DEPUTY EDITOR Lyam Buchanan

08. CARE

lyam@nexusmag.co.nz

10. ENTERTAINMENT

MANAGING EDITOR James Raffan

12. REVIEWS

james@wsu.co.nz

14. ARTS

CONTRIBUTORS Alexander Nebesky

14. AUTEUR

Zack Pentecost Indula Jayasundara

15. COVERED

Georgia Pollock Sean Hurley

16.

69 REASONS TO DROP OUT OF UNI

18.

EDUCATION: A CAPITALIST CONSPIRACY?

20.

BAD TEACHERS

22.

YOUR SPACE

Jared Wooldridge Peter Dornauf Dr. Richard Swainson Nikkole Lulu Meggie Bolton Mihir Roy Bronwyn Laundry Vitamin D

26. COLUMNS COVER 29.

PAK 'N SAVE HEAD CHEF

30. SNAPPED

Nikkole Lulu DESIGN INTERNS Nikkole Lulu

31.

BLIND DATE

32. PUZZLES

Nick Osborne ADVERTISING advertising@nexusmag.co.nz OFFICES Ground Floor, Student Union Building Gate One, University of Waikato Knighton Road, Hamilton ONLINE facebook.com/nexusNZ @nexusmag Spotify: nexusmagazine

ISSUE 05 04 APRIL 2016 EDUCATION

Editorial NEXUS MAGAZINE

EDITORIAL EDUCATION STATION BRITTANY ROSE

Today’s editorial requires your imagination, let me take you on a journey. A journey to a time before countless readings on Weberian sociology, a time before essays on Shakespeare’s comedies or ‘culturally responsive pedagogy’. Come with me to a time when I was five.

Picture a black haired white girl who smiles a lot, loves Barney and nibbles on playdough sometimes. It’s 1996 in Taupō and I can count to 20 and sing the alphabet (poorly - this bitch is cute, but tone-deaf). Picture 5 year old me marvelling at the way her dad can turn inky squiggles on newsprint into stories about war in far away places or rugby games in Auckland.

It’s ‘98, and even though my mum still reads to my brother, sister and I every night before bed, things are changing. My parents split, and we moved to Hamilton.

Partly because Taupō doesn't have a university and my mother is an intelligent woman who wanted to know MORE about the world. She enrolled in a Bachelor of Social Sciences and studied here at Waikato until I was about 15. Now she's the head of History and Social Studies at a local high school.

With a mother studying for the majority of my schooling before doing her teaching practicum at my high school (while I was in Year Ten) it’s safe to say that education played a huge part in my childhood. Education is important to me, and I think we can all agree that education is pretty important to our society at large (flick to page four and read what Green Party Co-Leader James Shaw thinks of education). If it wasn't, you probably wouldn’t be at university. You’d also probably be an illiterate feudal era farmer with a huge family and no tractor.

It’s because education is so important to me that I’ve chosen it as this week’s theme. I know that as a student you sometimes just wanna break down in tears, rip your textbooks to shreds and sacrifice yourself to the lake ducks — but that’s not gonna help you translate your student loan into a qualification.

The semester is slowly trickling away from us and deadlines are looming. Take a few deep breaths, find a nice spot and spend an hour out of your busy day escaping into this issue of Nexus. Check out Jared Wooldridge’s 69 (lol) reasons to drop out of uni, an interview with Bev Cooper from the Faculty of Education and read about what education actually is, maaaan.

And then get back to your fucking readings. That article critique won’t write itself.

Britt

1

NEXUS MAGAZINE Lettuce

LTOETTHTE EUDICTOER

CALLING ALL INDECENTLY EXPOSED MUSICIANS GLEN COCO

Are you tired of working for indecent exposure? If you’re a budding musician or artist for that matter, then you know what I’m talking about. Slaving away countless hours practicing only to get the chance to play to an empty room the pub didn’t pack for you.

YouTube can expose a person plenty but Volume on Campus is here to help. We provide artists with a place to show off what they’ve got.

Lettuce is the Letters to the Editor section of Nexus because If you say "letters" quick enough in a super Niu Zeelund accent it sounds like "lettuce". Clever, no? Probably not.

Comment on our Facebook page, on our Instagram, or even Snap your lettuce to us. Just use #lettuce and we'll put you in print, and respond

Find out more about what we do at https://www.facebook.com/ VolumeOnCampus/ If you want more from your music then get in touch with us.

Shameless self promo. IDK about this – Editor

to your comments. Either that or email lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz Disclaimer Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus

NASTY BITCH

and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will

GLEN COCO

alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so

not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person, or contains threats of violence or hate speech.

The 'burn book' write up was not only the best, but probably the single only honest and entertaining journalism Nexus has even written. Please use this as the new standard of deprecation for further articles.

PUZZLES PLZ

We’re not a regular mag, we're a cool mag. – Editor

DUMB DUMB

I am deeply offended at the removal of the simple puzzles for simple people! I feel this is an attack at the simpler students who attend the University, come on guys its waikato. Please bring them back or at least

“WE NEED TO TALK” CURIOUS

tell us why it had to go.

What did you do to piss Bennett's off?

Get smarter or GTFO. – Editor

We called them friendly and discouraged people from stealing from them. Apparently that's an issue. – Editor

OUR “FLAGGING” ECONOMY POSTMAN PAT

FILTERED FUCKWIT

In the wake of the flag referendum, no matter how you voted, well done

THIRSTY

for voting. Participation is an important part of making democracy work in New Zealand.The final cost of the referendum has to be put into

Why does a bottle of water cost more than a bottle of Coke on

perspective.

campus? I know we have fountains that sit right next to the toilets

$26 million for two postal referendums. NZ Post prior to the referendums were forecasting a $20 million loss, NZ post is a state owned enterprise.

there's chlorine in tap water.That's yuck.

To generalise the flag referendum, it doubled as a bailout package for NZ

Learn about plumbing. Protest inside UniMart. Do something

post and the citizens of New Zealand got to finally have a say on the flag.

productive. Or bring your own filtered water if you're that much

Blah, blah, blah. This is such a boring topic I can't even read your cunting lettuce – Editor

2

which is disgusting. Is it even filtered water? Because you know,

N.05 / V.48

EDUCATION

of a fancy fuck. – Editor

News from the University NEXUS MAGAZINE

Management student Jack Keeys was one of three people hand-picked to

ONYA

PICK OF THE BUNCH

speak at the launch of New Zealand Agri Investment Week last month. He spoke in front of CEOs and chairs of leading agri companies and financial institutions.

SLAM DUNK The University of Waikato Men's A team finished second at the National Tertiary 3x3 Basketball Championships last month, with a close score of 10-8 to AUT. Women's A secured third place and Men's B came fourth overall.

A CHANCE AT CHANGE Communications student Monica Helbano is coordinating the Girls2Girls project.

She’s running leadership workshops and mentoring for refugee teens, to give them a second chance at life. Email monica. helbano@gmail.com to find out more.

LIFE’S A LEMON Management student Mitchell McNae has launched his own company after receiving CRICKET VICTORY

the Summer Start-Up Scholarship last

Engineering student and left-arm spinner Mitchell Santner led the

year. Lemon Drops retails packets of

Black Caps to a crushing victory over India recently during the

frozen lemon slices to local liquor stores.

ICC World Twenty20 match.

Check them out at lemondrops.co.nz

Full stories available at waikato.ac.nz/news-events. Got a story to share? Email meganb@waikato.ac.nz.

INTERNATIONAL DAY

TRASH OR TREASURE?

Get in front of potential employers — and

Get amongst the festivities at International

Find out how to reduce your waste,

maybe meet your future boss — at our

Day on Wednesday 6 April, 1pm onwards

upcycle, trade or sell old goods, and

Careers Fair on Wednesday 6 April, 10am-

on the Village Green. There’ll be free

connect with charity and volunteer

2pm, S Block, Student Centre Level 2 foyer

ethnic food tasting and live cultural

programmes. Check out the new resource

and TC Block cafe.

performances, plus a competition for the

exchange and sustainability space, He

Go to waikato.ac.nz/go/careers-fair for

best national/ethnic attire — make sure

Kohinga Oruoru, at G.10 (The Cow Shed).

more info and to register.

you wear yours!

WHAT EVEN IS APA?

GET JOB-READY

INNOVATION STATION

If you need help with referencing, finding

Make sure your interviewing and

Do you have an idea for a business or

resources, or learning how to use Excel

networking skills are up to scratch at a

project you want to get off the ground?

(and more), the Library runs free tutorials

Career Development Services workshop.

The Innovation Station (former Station

to help.

Visit waikato.ac.nz/go/careers for session

Cafe on Hillcrest Road) has facilities,

Visit waikato.ac.nz/library/study/classes

times and topics.

mentors and networks available to help

for more info.

you make it happen. Email uwossup@gmail.com to find out more.

Go to iWaikato or Student eNews for more information and other need-to-knows.

NEED TO KNOW

MEET YOUR FUTURE BOSS

NEXUS MAGAZINE News

NEWS AN INTERVIEW WITH JAMES SHAW BRITTANY ROSE

On his recent visit to Hamilton for Beers and Banter James Shaw dropped by

What are the themes?

WSU so Brittany could ask him about the progress the Green Party has made

I don’t want to give too much away. We’ve always had broad themes, and we’re

since he became co-leader nearly a year ago. As a climate change nerd, James

going to try and get as specific as possible so people are really clear about what

Shaw's co-leading highlight has been witnessing the signing of the Paris

they’re voting for and what a Green Government would look like. Our three

Agreement. In discussion he inadvertently compares National to tentative

main themes have always been around protecting the environment, a fairer

mice, tells us he thinks the Greens are becoming increasingly successful, and

society and smarter economy. That will be the core of it. Talking about cleaner

that disaster films take liberties with science which are just unnecessary.

politics, better politics, some of the stuff that’s gone on in the last few years, I imagine that’s a theme that we’ll emphasise a great deal. Also the idea of stable,

To what extent does the Green Party act as a sort of 'social conscience' in

responsible government, because if we’re looking at changing the government,

the House?

people have got to know that what they’re voting for is better than what they’ve

A core part of who we are is the idea that we want to do politics differently and

currently got.

that we try to get above the Punch and Judy show and say “look, we can be better than this, we don’t have to be involved in this ridiculous argy bargy that

Why do you believe the Green Party does well in University towns?

occupies so much of what parliament is set up to do.”

Education. Well, students. It’s the larger concentrations of the younger demographic who are learning about the world and its threats and opportunities,

When we interviewed you last July you spoke about the Green Party in

that tends to lend itself to our political philosophy.

general, stating “there is still a lot of our campaign machine to develop that isn't there yet but it can be.” How’s that going for you, nearly a year on?

We'll ask you the same question we asked Gareth Hughes: Why do you

I’m really pleased, we’re a lot further ahead in our planning for the 2017 election

believe education is important for an individual?

than we were at the same point in the cycle for the 2014 election. We’ve recently

We always get asked why is it important for a society and for the economy. Well,

hired our campaign manager well in advance of where we hired them last time,

my own personal response to that is it broadens the mind but it helps to round

we’ve started talking to agencies about what our plans are. We’ve done a lot of

you out as a human being and it opens up opportunities that might not have

other planning around what our big themes are likely to be for the election that

always been available to you. And there’s the crossover between the public good

we’re going to campaign on.

and the private good of education — especially in tertiary education.

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EDUCATION

News NEXUS MAGAZINE

Secondly, why is it important to society as a whole?

secondary to that. We would take a more holistic and integrated view of things —

Because you get a more cohesive society, you get a much more dynamic,

if you’re going to have economic growth then it can’t come at the cost of future

better paid economy, it makes you more open and available to the world. Better

generations, or even within the existing generation.

educated people equals a more dynamic, higher value economy.

What positive things has the National led Government done for the education Labour recently adopted a similar policy to the Greens on tertiary education.

sector (Early Childhood Education (ECE) – Tertiary)?

This tends to suggest they are moving back to the ideological left a little.

Oh boy. *Pauses, laughs* Positive things? *Stares at the ceiling silently searching for

What do you think still differentiates the Greens from Labour?

a response for a full ten seconds* They have kind of nibbled around the edges of

First of all, I thought that their three years of free tertiary package was very

some of the ECE stuff, some of the contextual issues that affect student performance

well thought through, and I particularly liked the emphasis on people who are

like free doctor’s visits for people up to the age of 12 — we were arguing that it

going to be disrupted as a result of technological change and placing it within

should include all teenagers — they did bring that in. But this is less to do with what

the context of the future of work. So I thought it was a good one — and they

the Minister for Education has been doing and more with their approach, it’s the

had costed it - they thought through the numbers so that it was affordable, and

social investment approach. The actuarial approach to social services which is a

they’ve spaced it out over a period of time. So I like the way that they did that. I

big piece of thinking which Bill English has led. It’s the kind of thing that the Greens

think there are a lot of things that still distinguish us, but primarily Green political

have been talking about for a long time now. In tertiary, I can’t really name anything.

philosophy is rooted in a view of economics which is within the context of the

They haven’t indexed any of the financial support for students, so your dollar in real

environment. The idea that obviously there are resources that are finite, and

terms is now a lot less than it was a few years ago. It’s a bit grim.

that therefore, how those resources is utilised is of critical importance both to future generations but also between members of the existing generation. So that

Do you believe that the Greens could be a valuable coalition party to both Labour

then shapes a political and an economic worldview that I don’t think the Labour

and National or is the green vote simply a vote for a Labour Green government?

party fundamentally grasps. So the Labour Party exists within the old industrial

What we have said for the last few elections is that our preference has always been

unlimited growth paradigm, but there are definitely people within the Labour

to govern with Labour because we see a much greater alignment on policy than

party who’ve grasped that — they tend to be the younger generation.

with National and that is increasingly true. Labour are making moves that make it a lot easier to govern with them and National have been doing a lot that makes it

To what extent is it that they’re holding on to that particular paradigm

even harder than it would have been say a term or two ago to govern with them.

because that’s a world a lot of voters are still living in?

If we’re looking at 2017 then, realistically, the chances that we would end up as a

Well, I wouldn’t be so cynical to say that they hold the beliefs that they hold

partner to National are tiny versus Labour which would be much greater.

because voters hold those beliefs. I think most political parties have a core philosophy to them that happens to represent a tranche of society as well.

Do you have a favourite inspirational quote?

Obviously, yes, there are still a lot of people out there who still exist in that

I have several. “If stupidity got us into this mess why can’t it get us out of it”

mindset. If you track our social media, all the comments are about economic

— that’s my comedy inspirational quote. Or “if not us, who? If not now, when?”

growth — it’s the church to which we pray — virtually every other consideration is

which is a call to leadership for all of us.

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5

NEXUS MAGAZINE News

But we wanted to know if “Whitestreaming” was an issue at University of Waikato so we reached out for comment.

"The University receives equity funding from the Tertiary Education Commission for Māori, Pacific and Disabled student support. The Māori equity fund supports a university-wide and Faculty-based mentoring programme led from the PVC Māori Office." Said a spokesperson for the University.

"Māori students have diverse needs, and have a profile that is different from other students on campus, for example many come from schools where Māori language was the medium of instruction, many others are the first in family to attend university."

"The Māori support programme is part of a wider support system for all students; support of all students is integral to the University of Waikato experience."

The report details a number of findings from surveys and interviews conducted, especially the overwhelmingly negative consequences the practice has on Māori students. For instance, over 50% of respondents to the question of the impact of whitestreaming on Māori students said that as a result Māori students were less likely to seek support from the university (58.44%), had decreased pass grades (37.66%), and were more likely to leave university or enrol elsewhere (29.87%), all of which impacts Māori achievement standards.

The report outlines the issues within the tertiary education sector, and offers recommendations. So how does University of Waikato stack up?

Recommendation: Development of Māori staff rōpū and hui: University: “The University already has regular Māori staff hui.”

Recommendation: Professional development for Māori staff:

NEWS WHATSTREAMING? ALEXANDER NEBESKY

University: “The University offers a range of professional development opportunities for all staff (eg Te Reo for Beginners, Kīngitanga Day workshops) and has consulted staff on specific Kaupapa Māori PD workshops such as karanga and understanding the role of the paepae.”

Recommendation: Central role for Māori in decision-making:

The Tertiary Education Union (TEU) and the Labour Party are calling for the end

University: “The University has Te Rōpū Manukura — a body of iwi who advise the University Council — and the Tainui Advisory Committee which advises on

of ‘White Streaming’ in universities and polytechnics.

matters of tikanga and mana whenua issues. The University does not have a

The TEU recently released ‘Project Whitestreaming — A report on the generalising

formal rūnanga of Māori staff as other institutions have.”

of Māori specialist staff positions in the tertiary education sector’.

James Houkamau, TEU Māori Vice-President commented that universities that are whitestreaming are "Neglecting their duties under Te Tiriti o Waitangi".

Recommendation: Processes for the appointment of senior Māori manager roles: University: “The University is keen to have Māori applicants for all positions and has whānau processes for all interviews. Key positions such as the recent

Whitestreaming is the replacement of specialist Māori support positions within

Dean of the School of Māori and Pacific Development were discussed at Te Rōpū

universities, polytechnics, and "in one Wananga" with generalised student

Manukura.”

support services. 57 of the 242 participants in the survey reported that their role within a university had been streamlined, taking their focus away from Māori

Recommendation: Accountability mechanisms for senior Māori manager roles:

specifically and turned into generalist roles.

University: “All senior roles at the University are part of a robust accountability

The effects on the staff whose roles had been altered were numerous — 60.32% reported lessened support from colleagues, 53.97% reported an increased workload, 49.21% reported a loss in job satisfaction, alongside a plethora of other negative consequences.

structure.”

Recommendation: Support for senior Māori manager roles: University: “The University of Waikato’s senior Māori managers have support and are highly valued.”

Whitestreaming sounds frightening and a little racist. It conjures up images of expelling support for people of colour from universities and polytechnics to

Recommendation: Policy advocacy to government:

secure streamlined education exclusively for the pure aryan master race. It's

University: “Increased support is welcome and the University is keen to increase

not exactly that, but it is the dismantling of some of the most important Māori

the numbers of Māori staff but does not agree that setting targets is the best way

education positions.

to do that.”

6

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EDUCATION

News NEXUS MAGAZINE

HIGH FIVE OFF TO THE RACES BRITTANY ROSE

Off to the races isn't just a Lana Del Rey song. The races are a venue where fashion and sport converge. Read on to find the top five websites you should visit before sipping on Bacardi chasers at the races.

SPORTS OPINION SCORE: FASHION 1, SPORTS 0

FIVE THE RACES: TIPS & TRICKS:

BRITTANY ROSE

Check out this brightly coloured, dated looking website for a

www.theraces.co.nz/fashion/tips.html/ patronising guide on how to ‘Dress to Impress’. Then completely disregard them and visit the following websites to sort your outfit for a day at the races.

Unfortunately, despite having a whole lotta Sir Edmund Hillary Scholars here for their sporting prowess, we’ve had zero interest from a student in writing the

FOUR TAB

sports column. For the last four issues the task has fallen on the shoulders of a

www.tab.co.nz/racing/

WSU employee the day before deadline each week. We’re a student magazine.

Who are you kidding? You’re a student, not an English Gentleman

A student should be writing our Sports Opinion — not my boss, who attended

with a top hat and a thoroughbred horse (scientific name, equus

Wintec and was born before Furbies were invented.

ferus caballus). Gamble until you can afford a fascinator, but not

Now, I know the Sir Ed reputation comes with responsibility — I’ve spoken with a few

so much that you have a problem.

of you and I’m not mad. You’re busy, you’re not keen on writing every week, I get it.

It’s the bloody rest of you that should be ashamed of yourselves. We’re a nation who

THREE PHILIP TREACY

(for reasons beyond my comprehension) love sport so much that our iconic sport

www.philiptreacy.co.uk/

symbolism turned up on multiple “preferred alternative” designs in that shit-boring

Now that you’re loaded, waste it on headwear to wear at a shit-

ordeal known as the flag referendum *pukes in my own mouth because I swore

smelling race track. Treacy is the best of the best, this milliner

Nexus wouldn’t mention that ‘news’*. You sports fanatics who fill my news feed with

has ornamented the heads of royalty, from Princess Beatrice to

Veitchy on Sports should be ashamed of yourselves (for more than one reason).

Isabella Blow and Lady Gaga. Fascinating.

You rugby lovers who post low quality photos of you and your mates in a poorlylit pub swigging Waikato and watching a rugby game should be ashamed. You social football players who always have Sky Sports on mute in the background of

TWO SURREALISM AS HAUTE COUTURE www.creepyhorsemask.com/

a house party should be ashamed. You sports-merch collecting netball fans should

Wear a horse head to the races — you’ll make Dali proud and

be ashamed. You should all be ashamed because you’re perpetuating negative

fit right in.

stereotypes about jocks not being able to write. And now I’m turning this page into a platform for ‘Reasons X is Cooler than Sports’ until someone puts proverbial pen to paper and writes me a fucking sports column. Not happy? Flick us an email:

ONE HORSETAIL BUTTPLUG

editor@nexusmag.co.nz to apply, or lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz to complain.

Google it yourself Get a bespoke dress sewn with a little slit on the toosh for your

REASONS FASHION IS COOLER THAN SPORTS 1. Individual style is valued. There aren’t [insert number of players on team] people dressed in the same outfit. Honestly, matching black polos has never been chic.

horsetail to peak through. Ultimate chic, and you might just enjoy the sensation. Has this joke gone too far? Probably. Email editor@nexusmag.co.nz, become Nexus’ sportswriter and save me from myself.

2. Fashion isn’t drenched in macho competitiveness — instead the competition is subtle, underhanded and dressed in the latest Juliette Hogan AW 2016 looks (seriously, check it out: black sequins, delicate lace and silk).

3. There’s only one major fashion event per year (NZFW), so if it isn’t your thing, you don’t have to hear about it for half an hour every day during the news.

4. The commentary isn’t delivered in monotone like cricket commentary is — there’s a smattering of vocal fry and the varied intonation characteristic of a killer make up artist who squeezes their size 12 feet into stilettos on the weekend.

5. There’s no mud. Unless you’re a model. And then you probably have to stand in the wilderness looking appealing and selling the very expensive Cybele evening gown draped over your delicate torso.

7

NEXUS MAGAZINE CARE

MEET THE DIRECTORS ZACK PENTECOST

International Day Wednesday 6 April, Village Green

Hey everyone! Zack here. Once again, we’re beginning to reach the end of

Put on your favourite ethnic dress and come celebrate cultural diversity on campus!

begins to feel they’re getting on top of things, then find out you’re pulling

1pm 2.15pm 6.30pm

This difficult time may find you looking in the mirror half naked at 3:45am,

Free food and cultural performances Holi Colour Fest Lantern Ceremony

Visit facebook.com/WaikatoInternational for more information.

the first half of semester, the phase within the semester where everyone all-nighters on three assignments with a test each morning in the last week.

Doritos and Red Bull stains on your clothes, with a bowl of half-eaten Mi Goreng noodles beside you from two nights ago, asking yourself “where did I go wrong?”. For the students that have been at this stage before, welcome back, feels good to be home doesn’t it? For the first years, welcome to Uni. A little blurb about myself: as it states above, my name is Zack Pentecost. I am a third-year Management student, with eager interests in sustainability, global affairs and social change. Outside of University, I still mourn the loss of Agenda Nightclub, travel to different parts of the country to enjoy concerts

DO YOU WANT TO BE ON TV?

and student culture as a part-time frit, and enjoy the local river water.

I am a new member to the Board of Directors this year, and look to bring exciting new ideas to enhance student life and experiences, both on and off campus. The team at the Waikato Students' Union are passionate about offering better experiences through their services, which is why you guys should keep an eye out for us and get involved however you can. Whether it be through clubs, events, student services, or representation of peers.

University is arguably one of the best times of your life, before things get a little bit REAL. So I encourage you to find your work/life balance. Make sure you get your studies done, but it’s so important that you find your own little happy place, which puts everything in perspective and keeps you sane.

Enjoy the 3kg you put on from assignments week, and the further 7kg you put on during teaching recess. I’ll see you 10kgs deep after the break.

CLUBS CLUBS DROP IN DROP IN AND SEE RIA, MONDAY 10AM TO 3PM

ARE YOU A FAN OF TV QUIZ SHOWS AND THINK YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE THE UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE TEAM?

Monday is clubs day at Level Zero. So if you are part of an existing

COME TO THE FIRST ROUND OF TRY-OUTS

in and see our clubs co-ordinator, Ria Holmes. No appointment

MONDAY 11TH APRIL 7.00PM MSB1.01

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EDUCATION

club, looking to start a new club or just fancy a conversation, stop necessary, come grab a free tea or coffee and have a chat. Non club people can also hang out and play pool.

CARE NEXUS MAGAZINE

CLUBS WAIKATO DEBATING SOCIETY

PREZ SEZ DUDE, WHERE'S MY CAR? Kia ora whanau!

Waikato Debating Society has been meeting every Tuesday at 6pm in the Law School for its entire history. There you'll find people who are excited about ideas and enjoy listening to other student's thoughts from topics ranging from the serious to the not so serious. We run debates and help develop you as a speaker or as an adjudicator, then whenever we can we travel and come up against other campuses in both New Zealand, throughout Australia and the world (we're currently organizing Mexico World Debating 2018). Come along and watch, and before you know it you'll have the confidence to debate like a pro!

During my time in New Zealand I have had the pleasure of meeting extraordinary individuals in the corporate world [where we shared a customer-vendor relationship]. I have also come across complete dickheads who did not know how to treat their customers/clients. Unfortunately for them, they had no idea that this brown boy would one day end up as the President of a Students’ Union which distributed approximately 2,000 student magazines [every week]. To make matters worse, someone has just informed me that it is not against the law to share my experiences with these dickhead vendor's/agents publicly, provided I don’t go too far. I am not making these experiences up as I obviously had better things to do on a Sunday afternoon than to write fairy tales for your entertainment. So without further ado, here’s to ‘retaliation’.

CHAPTER 1: CAR CARE Around the time I was looking to purchase my first car and I stumbled upon this place to have a prospective vehicle checked; the owner is a Fiji-Indian and the shop is probably named after him. After he pointed out some of the issues with the vehicle I drove in for a check-up and having asked what my budget is, he mentions that one of his cars is up for sale for 200 dollars cheaper (textbook sales tactic). Having stupidly assumed that a mechanic would take good care of their cars and not be a dick to a poor student, I went ahead with the purchase — a Blue Honda Civic Hatchback.

The honeymoon period was great but a couple of months later the car started giving me a lot of trouble; every weekend when I barely used the vehicle I had to jump start the car the very next day. When I took it back and asked him to check it for me; he said that the car battery is weak (no shit!), then courteously offered me a 5 dollar discount on a new 125 dollar car battery. I angrily purchased the battery which he installed and I drove off.

A couple of weekends later the car didn’t start and I had to use jumper leads. I drove it back to the vendor. This time I asked him to do a proper check and to fix it because it hadn’t been long since I had purchased it from him. The conversation turned into an argument and I told him that I will tell everyone about his incompetency and his deviousness to which he paused and replied “You do that, I will smash you” (that’s only if the bastard could catch me cause he could not have raced even a bloody turtle).

CLUBS THE GAME OF NATIONS

The car has cost me so much more money to get it functioning properly. Lesson learned. I finally got it fixed at Research Motors in close proximity to our university; those guys are cool!

Date: April 7th 2016 Location: Village green Time: 12 – 2pm Waikato International Students’ Association (WISA) will be hosting The Game of

I used more space than I’m supposed to, I’ll follow up on the next dickhead agent in a different column. Watch this space! In the meantime if you have any similar stories write to me, I’ll be more than happy to put the spotlight on those bastards.

Nations, where four teams battle it out in a range of challenges, designed to test their knowledge of international cultures and people. Come along for FREE food, entertainment and an awesome range of activities for you to participate!

9

NEXUS MAGAZINE Entertainment

BEST OF THE WEB APPS TO MAKE UNI EASIER REFME APP STORE: REFME-CITATIONS-MADE-EASY Your homegirl has got you covered with this one, thank me later. RefME allows you to scan a barcode of a book, (Lol what’s that) or even enter in websites, select which referencing system you want and BOOM, you have a 100% accurate citations, ready to be exported into a

TRENDING ON TWITTER @MY5WORDROMANCENOVEL Cleopatra Volunteer @CleoVol · Mar 28 "Please. Don't breathe on me." #My5WordRomanceNovel 1

3

a fucking mango @polililimi21 · Mar 28 #My5WordRomanceNovel His dick is wet.

2

bibliography, or used as footnotes. Game changer.

CLASS TIMETABLE APP STORE: CLASS-TIMETABLE This may seem like a no brainer, but this app allows you to input all your classes for the week in neat and colourful blocks as a digital timetable. Gone are the days of pesky pieces of paper, or scrambling through timetable.waikato trying to remember if you have to be in S.1.02 or S.1.03.

FLASHCARDS+ BY CHEGG APP STORE: FLASHCARDS+-BY-CHEGG-FREE Flashcards are great, but annoying to make, and

Ella Cerón @ellaceron · Mar 28 Eh, I guess you'll do. #My5WordRomanceNovel 41

145

◆◆||1,045||◆◆ @PrXOdigy · Mar 28 #My5WordRomanceNovel The Weeknd drops Chapter IV 19

33

Lucy @LucyArtist73 · Mar 28 #My5WordRomanceNovel Snog,marry,divorce.The End. 3

sometimes your friends don’t want to test you as they are busy getting drunk. No worries! This app allows you to make your own digital flashcards and test yourself, just like studious masturbation! Except, unlike masturbation, using flashcards in public isn’t a total no-no!

TINDER APP STORE: TINDER I mean, come on, we all need a little lovin’ sometimes.

Satan @SatanTweeting · Mar 28 Eat Sleep Hail Satan Repeat #My5WordRomanceNovel 74

119

Jake Weisman @weismanjake · Mar 28 "Her eyes were Facebook Blue" #My5WordRomanceNovel 48

PLEASE DON’T QUOTE ME

“Lyin'Ted Cruz is weak & losing big...”

DONALD J TRUMP AMERICA'S CLASSIEST NOMINEE EVER.

“Why don't we focus on beating Bangladesh not each other” DAVID BENNETT NOT SURE WHAT THE CONTEXT WAS. MAYBE HE HATES BANGLADESH?

“Just 'is you own a flash beach house doesn't mean you get to decide our flag.”

SUE MORONY LEARNED THIS WEEK THAT THE INTERNET NEVER FORGETS. 10

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EDUCATION

225

WHAT’S HOT 1. Studylink payments 2. Jacinda Ardern's long flowing locks 3. BIOL251 demonstrator… you know who you are xx

WHAT’S NOT 1. Surprise bills 2. Poverty 3. Yung Lean's tour bus being shot up

TIME TO UP YOUR HOUSE PARTY GAME?

YOUR T STUDEN LOCAL

Talk to the Hilly Team about booking your next function at the original student bar.

Bring your own food and cater your function for free on the Hilly BBQ. Courtesy Van Available

Plus

Available for our customers.

Let us be your sober driver.

• Happy Hours!

• Free WiFi for Customers • Garden Bar

0800tavern 0800 828376

WAITING FOR A BUS OR A REPLY TO YOUR TEXT? PLEASE SIGNAL THE DRIVER!

NEXUS MAGAZINE

FILM LONDON HAS FALLEN JARED WOOLDRIDGE

There are few good action sequels. Indiana Jones, Die Hard and Lethal Weapon managed to pull it off. London Has Fallen does not. The first was a pretty okay and watchable Die Hard-in-the-White-House, but now they’re making you watch it again — this time in London! In an ill-fated attempt to raise the stakes, they just make it silly, even for an action movie. Not to mention, it’s a poorly-timed movie, politically speaking.

So, after Agent Banning (Gerard Butler), saves US President Asher (Aaron Eckhart) from North Korean terrorist he now gets to save him from Middle Eastern terrorists.

In a plot copied from Homeland and 24, a Pakistani arms dealer wants revenge after his daughter's wedding is hit by a drone, and now he wants to kill every Western head-of-state. In this age of Donald Drumpf (#MakeDonaldDrumpfAgain) and xenophobia, maybe not the best route to go, especially when your hero is shouting

THEATRE CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY GEORGIA POLLOCK

“go back to F*ckheadistan”. I know we like our action heroes a little un-PC, but really?

That is not the most stupid part of the movie, though. No, the most stupid part of the movie comes when the terrorists actually carry out their plan. In a ridiculous sequence, apparently terrorists have managed to infiltrate and replace half of London, including the guardsmen at Buckingham Palace, and manage to bomb half of the city, including most of its landmarks. It’s a stupid way of trying to up

Where: Riverlea Theatre, 83 Riverlea Road When: April 9th-23rd

the ante from the first movie, but the degree to which you have to buy into it is laughable. It’s just stupid. Please, Hollywood, let this would-be franchise die here.

Tickets: Via iticket, or at the Riverlea Theatre Box office Feel like revisiting a bit of your childhood? Well this is the show for you. It features all our favourite characters — there are 18

the story that we all know and love, just adapted into a play by

MUSIC PODCAST HICKS FROM THE STICKS

BY THE EVERSONS

Richard George.

SEAN HURLEY

Oompa Loompas, 5 golden ticket winners, and a small cast of adults, including Mike Scanlon, as Willy Wonka himself. It’s still

Hamilton Playbox decided to put Charlie and the Chocolate Factory on because they wanted to introduce a show for young people to the Hamilton theatre scene. Last year they approached renowned musical director and teacher, Coryn Knapper, to ask if she would direct this well-known classic. She grasped the opportunity with both hands, and is bringing all of her talents to the table.

Unfortunately, it’s not got the songs that we remember from the films, but Coryn has used her musical talents to make sure that songs such as Pure Imagination are included as transitional music.

She is also using her vast experience in teaching and stagecraft to work with this talented cast of children.

Hicks from the Sticks is a podcast made by New Zealand band The Eversons, as they pack up all their things and head overseas to pursue the dream of becoming semi-professional musicians. From the hipster dive bars of Wellington and Auckland to the hipster dive bars of London and Osaka, the members tell it like it is. If you are easily offended, this probably isn't the podcast for you.

Their second episode covers their tour of Japan in great detail, from smoking cigarettes inside to the Japanese "love hotels". As well as top banter, this podcast provides some great insights into what it's really like to be an underground musician from New Zealand. It offers insights into the music industry here in general, fills you in on travel essential knowledge such as what to do the first time you are mugged, what Japanese people call 'shotgunning beer' is and how the

Coryn promises that the show will be full of some interesting

band organised an entire tour in an unfamiliar foreign country from a single email

surprises, as well as some astounding sets and theatrical

along the lines of "come to Japan, have fun time."

conventions. However, she wouldn’t disclose how they’re going to blow Violet up like a blueberry, or how they’re going to shrink Mike Teavee down to the size of a Chocolate bar — you’ll just have to see the show to find out.

It's interesting to hear insights into streaming services, record labels, touring and suchlike from up and coming music artists. There hasn't really been a podcast made by a band in this style before and in my opinion it is a must listen for anyone interested in travel, music or laughs. If you haven't listened to the band their first

A spectacular amount of work has gone into this show, and I would

album Summer Feeling is well worth checking out, their sophomore album is due

highly suggest that everyone go and experience a bit of nostalgia.

to be released later this year on Lil Chief records.

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EDUCATION

Reviews NEXUS MAGAZINE

MUSIC PAINTING WITH

BY ANIMAL COLLECTIVE SEAN HURLEY

"What the fuck is this shit" is the reaction I often get trying to introduce friends to this band. Many critics consider this accessible pop music, however I am yet to hear a cover band play any of the Merriweather Post Pavilion anthems at Keystone or The Bank. It's not often DJ Sideburns drops ‘Peacebone’ in the middle of a set at Outback.

Painting With is Animal Collective's 10th studio album. It's a cluster of wobble wobble synths and weird vocal harmonies, and it's the unmistakable sound of that band college kids listen to after they turn all weird. There is nothing cooler than a bunch of old guys on LSD, playing with keyboards and delay pedals.

This new LP feels like a mix of the complete chaos that was Centipede Hz, sprinkled with some Merriweather Post Pavilion to make it a little more accessible for the unwashed masses. ‘Recycling’, the final track on the album, hints at the creative direction they took with this LP, which actually seems to work surprisingly well.

As with most of Anco's discography, there are so many layers to the production on

FOOD MEXICO BRITTANY ROSE

this album. It seems like something that could never ever be played live. On first listen I wasn't completely sold but after revisiting I can honestly say this might be a contender for their best release yet. It's not my favourite Anco album, but music is subjective anyway and my opinion means nothing.

With low prices (all plates $16 or under) and high quality food, Mexico is the perfect place to go if you wanna have a lil nibble on some traditional Mexican style food in a chilled environment. They served my house sauvignon blanc in a cup, rather than a wine glass which is a total mind fuck, and the Jarrito brand cola is tasty in a kinda-like-soda-streamsyrup kind of way. All round the drinks experience was new

BOOK JAPAN’S IMPERIAL CONSPIRACY (1971) BY DAVID BERGAMINI ALEXANDER NEBESKY

for me — a rare phenomenon at the ripe old age of 24.

Mention Mexico and one of two things will be brought up:

David Bergamini grew up in Japan, spoke Japanese, and was interred in a civilian

1) the waitresses wear flowers in their hair and smile like

concentration camp in the Philippines for the duration of the Second World War

they don’t hate their job, 2) the fried chicKEN IS FKUCKING

by the Japanese military.

AMAZING!!1!1 And they’re not wrong, the staff are professional (they ask if you need help with the Spanish on the menu) and friendly (they smile when they ask); and the fried chicken is

It is from these experiences that he draws the major questions of his fascinating historical study, Japan’s Imperial Conspiracy.

aces. Moist and chickeny on the inside, crunchy and slightly

At the time of its publishing, some 40 years ago, more than half of Bergamini’s

spicy on the outside — and it’s served with a slightly green

source material had never been printed in English. His extensive research, lasting

dipping sauce (suspicions point to cucumber) and a zingy

seven years and including government and military documents, interviews with

orange-ish sauce (peri peri?).

Japanese military men, eyewitness accounts of survivors, and various news

So the chicken keeps your “vegetarians are weirdos and vegans are ruining the farming industry” friends quiet (honestly, if you’re one of them stfu and eat your animal corpses without boring the rest of us), but there are also

clippings and reels brought to light that which had never been truly known or understood by those outside of the Japanese elite - Emperor Hirohito’s role in forcing Japan into war with the West, the methods through which that end was achieved, and the responsibility that was covered up to save Imperial face.

plenty of options without meat — the best being the crumbed

In the modern day there are other books published on the subject of Japan

avocado taco. The tortilla is sweet, the black bean paste nicely

during the Second World War, but Bergamini is still a titan on the subject. Equally

countering the fresh salsa and pinch of feta cheese. And the

rewarding for the armchair and university historian, he peels away layers of

avo is crumbed in that same delicious flavour as the fried

bureaucracy and conspiracy to reveal the fascinating inner workings of Japan’s

chicken. Yum, yum pig’s bum makes good chewing gum.

final years as an absolute monarchy and the role the monarch played in Japan’s wartime actions. Its moniker as the Japanese counterpart to William L. Shirer’s The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich is well deserved.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE Arts

ARTS MATCHBOX PETER DORNAUF

Ever tried squeezing a ‘sculptural’ artwork into a matchbox .

all kinds of provocative associations. If I’d had money on

The people at Art Fusion Gallery did. The gallery on campus

me I would have made a purchase. What came as extra

recently exhibited a wonderful and quite exquisite little

interest were the exotic varieties of matchboxes used in

exhibition of matchbox art as part of the Fringe Festival.

the formation of these works.

This is art of the small, miniature constructions tiny enough

Continuing at the Calder and Lawson is the show, 'Nothing

to fit inside the space of a literal matchbox.

Comes from Nothing', which sees an emphasis on process

What immediately took my eye was the retro touch that Betty Tills and Anna Fairley included in their work, referencing the 1940’s or 1950’s with images taken perhaps from children’s story books of the time. They had been cut out and set up, pop-up book style, inside their respective matchboxes, one of which included tiny wheels.

These were an absolute delight. The title, 'Let’s Go', sounded like it came straight out of a child’s Reader — Janet and John, perhaps. Delicately constructed, and a simple joy to behold. Jane Martindale’s folding chairs were small enough to fit inside her matchbox if they’d been folded down. They looked like they’d been fashioned

AUTEUR TOP TEN TELLY (PT 1) RICHARD SWAINSON

and method of practice. Grace Wright begins her vine-like colourful abstractions by painting layered shapes in gesso.

Dull and bright colours play off against each other which results in a jungle of twisting forms that take up the whole canvas. The finished work recalls something between Morris Louis, Jackson Pollock and Joan Miro.

Hannah Wilson covers the walls of the gallery with dozens of images that are her starting point for forms that are biologically derivative. From these she weaves a variety of abstract shapes that still retain clues from where they have come from. It’s an instructive exercise to look back and forth among her monochromatic creations.

out of matchstick wood which had been split into even

The big Springbok heads encased in glass and surrounded

smaller pieces. Fiona Thomson (former Weta Workshop

by dangling flowers that resemble a cross between bells

artist) produced some tiny braided leather work which

and kowhai blooms are the work of Natasha Cousens. These

she had positioned inside her half open box, while Kathryn

beautiful forms are the result of painstaking preparation

Engebretsen’s 'Girl in a Bottle in a Matchbox' conjured

which is revealed to us across the walls of the gallery.

Television, so the old joke goes, is called a medium because

a tragedy, Dennis Potter's autobiographical tale of a bed-

it is neither rare nor well done. A ubiquitous fact of life if you

ridden writer re-imagining his life and work is the Citizen

were born after 1960, in the 21st century the telly's influence

Kane of television.

has been on the wane, even as it enjoys something of a renaissance in America.

Long lacking the cultural respect accorded the cinema, lists or appraisals of what might constitute the "best" television shows are not so much a feature of its critical discourse. Until relatively recently it has been impossible to rewatch a lot of classic television, making any such assessments more difficult.

3. BRIDESHEAD REVISITED (UK, 1981) This adaptation of Evelyn Waugh's novel perfectly captures every nuance of its source material, a romantic yet melancholy reflection on the lost world of upper class England in the 1920s, seen through the prism of World War II. 4. FAWLTY TOWERS (UK, 1975-79)

Auteur House's television section is modest and I stopped

13 episodes of genius, the apotheosis of small screen

watching the idiot box regularly long before I finished

comedy, with John Cleese's pathetic hotelier Basil Fawlty

secondary school. This said, I thought I might have a go

a gut busting combination of pretension, rage, despair and

this week and next at constructing a short list of the best

snobbishness.

television shows ever. The selection is necessarily top heavy with material from the 1980s, a poor era for the movies but

5. DAD'S ARMY (UK, 1968-1977)

a rich one for the small screen.

No other television show has so successfully managed to both send-up and pay homage to its nation's recent past,

1. FANNY AND ALEXANDER (SWEDEN, 1982)

celebrating yet poking fun at the efforts of a generation

At 3 hours Ingmar Bergman's farewell to cinema is a

of elderly men who served in Britain's Home Guard during

masterpiece. At 5 1/2 hours it's even better.

World War II. A cast of peerless acting veterans, led by the incomparable Arthur Lowe, induce tears at every turn.

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2. THE SINGING DETECTIVE (UK, 1986)

The catch phrases — "Don't panic!", "They don't like it up

Part post-modern musical, part film noir, a murder mystery,

'em!", "You stupid boy!' and the rest — have become part of

a coming of age story, a medical drama, a black comedy,

western culture.

EDUCATION

Arts NEXUS MAGAZINE

COVERED NIKKOLE LULU

Age: 20 Occupation: Graphic Designer What was your creative process for our Education cover art?

The main idea was to show some crystals I saw one time sprouting up in the cave I usually visit for my alone time. Being educated is part of the growing process and it reflects well with the theme. The colours I used were to reflect the current trend of pastel. Low poly shapes also in trend. Abstract-ness also in trend.

What medium/s do you tend to work in & why?

Digital, web, and photographs. I guess. Not a fan of making definite things on paper. I'm scared of permanent things, working with digital allows me to do changes on the fly.

Describe your style in 3 words Minimalist, In trend, Cool???

Where can people find you or your work online?

Instagram has got to be the way to go. Drop us a follow @nikkolodeonx. Don't worry, I won't ask you to turn on post notifications.

Fuck, Marry, Kill? Your Mum, Hitler, Trump I'm a mama's boy, so I think I would marry your mum. It's frowned upon to fuck dead people so I'm gonna have to choose Trump, plus I might get some moneyzz for that. And make sure Hitler is actually dead and not hiding in Argentina. Fosho. —

15

University can smother a person. Here we are, everyday, running from class-to-class, writing assignment after assignment, getting our

emotions punched in the heart by lecturer’s grades time and time again. It is time to end the cycle of abuse.

30. There are too many people, it ruins the natural beauty of the campus. It is like the old saying goes, ‘you can’t see the trees for the people’.

29. Alternatively, bet it all on red.

28. Bet it all on black. 50/50 chance there, everybody.

27. You will not have to suffer through so many uninformed people in so small a space.

26. I hear Labour might be offering a free $11,000 to everybody. Just quit and live off that until you write that screenplay.

25. Finish that game of Monopoly you started when you were seven. There has never been a better time to buy a hotel on Queen Street.

24. We will never have to meet in person.

23. Killer dolphins.

22. You can finally get around to counting to infinity.

21. Go fulfill a prophecy you once heard. Maybe you are the Chosen One, destined to cure tinnitus. Archer would be grateful.

20. Those lakes are pretty gross looking.

19. There are too many trees. It is just like the old saying goes, ‘you can’t see the people for the trees’.

18. With a cherry on top?

17. No one will ever have to suffer again when someone else sits next to you in a lecture, with their crusty elbows touching you.

16. Get in touch with Nature. You know, that prostitute you really clicked with on an emotional level.

15. You might accidentally save the life of a billionaire, and in return, they may adopt you and give you the life you have always dreamt of.

14. You might meet Tom Hanks, and become the best of friends.

13. Pretty please?

12. It has never been a better time to buy land. Preferably coastal land, by the sea.

11. Degree inflation. If you all get out of here, that will make my degree way more important.

10. Quit before Donald Drumpf becomes President and drops a nuclear weapon on the first country to imply he has a small penis.

9. Addendum to previous point: more time to Chill.

8. Leave now. Netflix has everything you need for a well-balanced education.

7. Likewise, for those of you who have pointless degrees, there will no longer be any need to justify your life choices.

6. There will be no need to clarify what you are doing with your life whenever pesky civilians ask you what you intend to do after you graduate.

5. A similar point to the previous, your wallet may also enjoy liberation from the burden of alcohol in your life.

4. Your liver. It would enjoy a break from student life.

3. Dolphins.

2. There are an awful lot of stairs at the University.

1.

your eternal wellspring of enduring bliss lies before you...

on this crazy ball of mud, today I am providing the definitive list of why ‘higher education’ is not all there is to life. The key to unlocking

The world is a big place, full of wonder and magic. So, to ensure that each and every one of our readers gets the most out of their go round

JARED WOOLDRIDGE

FEATURE 69 REASONS TO DROP OUT OF UNI

69. Have more sex.

68. Rob a bank. It’s never been easier.

67. Because you reeeeally don’t want to do that 3,000 word essay.

66. Look to the person on your left. Now look to the person on your right. One of those people will betray you.

65. For reasons.

64. I’m Ron Burgundy?

63. If you leave now, you can discover that there is more to food than just noodles; cheesecake, kebabs, bacon-wrapped pizza...

62. It will free up time, you will finally be able to work out the formula for cloning dinosaurs.

61. Cause Jesus would want you too.

60. Now is as good a time to retire as any.

59. Cars will never suffer the fate of friends without cars (or licenses) begging for a ride every hour of every day.

58. You will never have to feel guilty about missing class again.

57. People are terrible.

56. I will be able to drink in class without being judged.

55. Cause Mark Zuckerberg.

54. Also, seriously, you are all sick way too often. Halls-acquired diarrhoea (HAD). Just saying.

53. Currently I am sick. If you leave now, you might not catch it.

52. I just heard today we do not get to keep those flat hats they give us at graduation. Rage against the machine, quit now.

51. There is no shame in leaving to work in fast food now, but there will be when you’re working there with a degree.

50. Global warming.

49. Open a dog park.

48. Become a criminal mastermind. Prove to the world you don’t need a diploma to make your mark.

47. Maybe I will actually be able to catch the elevator in the library now.

46. I am pretty sure we all know the pretentious one in class. Now imagine your life without them... tranquil, isn’t it?

45. No more Nexus.

Break the cycle, dawg.

44. We are all of sheep, dancing to the tune of the mainstream corporate establishment Wall Street political Illuminati billionaire crab people.

43. You won’t have to deal with the price of a sandwich from a Uni cafe.

42. If you drop out and then re-enroll, you can be that mature student who can lord it over everyone.

41. Learn a new skill. Chop down a tree and make a canoe.

40. You can move out, and stop pretending you actually like the “friends” you’re living with. Be honest with yourself.

39. If you aren’t rich yet, there must be something wrong. I suggest quit now, and find your true calling.

38. Just think of all the extra money you will have, it could buy you a ton of noodles!

37. All that money you owe is bad. Cut your losses, fake your death, collect the insurance, and buy some land in Hawaii, preferably by the sea.

36. You will never walk past a gym person and feel guilty.

35. So I don’t have to think of any more reasons, you will just be gone.

34. There are a ton of shows you have been meaning to catch up on.

33. Sex appeal. Who doesn’t get tingly in the ol’ nether regions for the renegade, the rebel, the outlaw. Everyone will be wanting to tap dat ass.

32. Staying in University, all for a silly piece of paper is exactly what The Man wants you to do. Stick it to The Man.

31. You know that really boring lecturer? Well they won't bore you to death in Hawaii!

NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

FEATURE EDUCATION: A CAPITALIST CONSPIRACY? MEGGIE BOLTON

What is education? Is it a process set in motion back in Early Childhood Education when we started learning about scheduled breaks and began responding to bells like Pavlov’s dog? Is it just a method of translating a student loan investment into career prospects? And how did we get here?

Meggie Bolton explores education on an existential wave length.

My mother is a primary school teacher, or as my sister and I affectionately call her, a cult leader. She is a benevolent cult leader it is true, washing her tiny followers’ brains with a love of learning, critical thinking and equality, but it is a cult nonetheless. Children sing hymns (among which feature child-pop classics such as ‘Happy’, by Pharrell Williams and feminist hippie acid trips such as ‘Yes We Can’, by the Jay Sisters), they mindlessly follow orders (“Cult leader says stand on our chairs and make pooping faces, we must comply immediately”). If a person from the dawn of public education walked into my mother's rainbow coloured monstrosity of art, music and laughter, they would hardly recognise it as a classroom. Education has changed a lot since Tuakana passed on oral histories and knowledge to Teina, and missionaries took the strap to an untidy hand, and industrialist education reformers like Horace Mann would almost certainly have a conniption over the idea of teaching children how to think, rather than what to think. The purpose of education, what it is, who it is for, and how it should be conducted, has changed a lot over the years, and many people, theorists, students, and teachers alike, believe it has changes yet to undergo.

Education is a combination of the latin roots ex — "out" and ducere "to lead", essentially meaning “to lead out”. This is perhaps more in line with ancient concepts of education, where it was conducted often by family members or elders who would lead children through the trickiness of adolescence and instruct them

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EDUCATION

Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

in their responsibilities as adults. Writing transformed this. Once writing comes

with others and make teachers and eventually employers happy”, which is a step

into play, you essentially have an incredible exclusionary tool, where information

up at least from the “shut up and listen” strategy of the industrial revolution.

can only be passed on by those with this specialist knowledge. Only the wealthy

However, this approach still uses education as an economic tool. You still have

could afford to be educated, or those of the church.

performance reviews in the form of exams, despite the fact that educational

My grandmother grew up in Catholic Ireland, and recalls being actively discouraged from reading the bible lest she dare to form her own opinions on its teachings. Before public education, this wasn’t a problem, peasants couldn’t read and so had to rely entirely on the interpretations of their religious leaders. When public education did roll along, it should have been a liberation, and in some ways it was, but for the most part, public education was just a system upgrade

theorist and headmaster Peter Yates point out, practically not student one performs to the best of their ability in an exam, and it can really only show what a student remembers, not what they can actually do. Our National Standards are still based on what is considered employable at the end of highschool, and then works backwards, trying to track an individual’s progress getting there.

Any emphasis on creativity and innovation, any lessons on critical thinking and

in the industrialist machine. There were roles to fill within the capitalist economy

problem solving, are still justified by saying ‘the job market is uncertain, and roles

and public education was a means to create people who could fill them. It was

are changing all the time, they will need these skills to be employable’. Public

no longer about leading people to knowledge and understanding, it was about

education is still for employers, not children.

showing them a box, trying to fit them in it, and then packing them up with all the

In spite of this, you do get schools and teachers who understand what Yeats said

requisite knowledge they needed to perform efficiently. If someone had asked

“Education is not the filling of a pail, it is the lighting of a fire.” People have a

“What is Education? What is it for?” Back then, an economist would appear from

purpose beyond their job, and education does too. We need education to be more

among the cogs to tell you “Education is about creating efficient workers to benefit the economy”. Children didn’t need to ask questions, the teacher would tell them what they needed to know, test them to see if they knew it, and if they did, they passed quality control and were allowed into the market.

than extended job training. In the original sense of the word, and in traditional practices, the role of the educator is a guide through the development of new skills, new thoughts, and new ways of thinking. Just as we use non-formal education within cultural groups as a means of cultural transference, we can use formal

Today, pretty much everyone can agree that that is a cruel, soul-crushing way

education as means of social change. There is much talk within the discourse

of going about education. We can recognise now the link between education,

of social justice about “ignorance”, and is not the cure for ignorance education?

and income, and crime rates. The idea is if we educate our population, we can

Whether it’s deciding on which political candidate to vote for, or having the

increase income and decrease crime. Education is for the good of society. The

vocabulary to discuss your emotions rather than try and beat understanding into

New Zealand Curriculum incorporates “Key Competencies” (such as Participating

someone, education can create opportunities for people beyond `Education can

and Contributing, and Managing Self) that amount to “this is how to play well

be a liberation of the mind, rather than it’s incarceration.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

FEATURE BAD TEACHERS BRITTANY ROSE

As a Secondary Teaching Conjoint student in her fourth and final year, Brittany hears a lot of bitching and complaining about the Faculty of Education (FoE) and moaning about being a student and a student teacher simultaneously (disclaimer: a fair chunk comes from her own mouth). However, she's also heard a few rumours about the fantastic reputation of Waikato's education graduates. She set out to find out why students chose Waikato for education, if their experiences live up to the reputation and, ultimately, if Te Kura Toi Tangata is friend or FoE. On any given year there are approximately 510 students graduating from a University of Waikato (UoW) teaching programme across Early Childhood Education, Primary and Secondary programmes and across Hamilton, Tauranga and net-based campuses. About 500. Per year. And that's just one university. But every teaching student I've met says things like "When I'm teaching," or "When I have my own classroom," because we're encouraged to think that way, to begin the process of becoming a self-reflective practitioner. It's important for us to observe the pedagogy of our lecturers and tutors and analyse the strengths and weaknesses, we need to shift our self-concept from 'student' to 'teacher'. We know that we are studying for a career, we've made a commitment. My Conjoint peers and I even have a Facebook group named #futureteachers where we ask each other for clarification on clumsily worded assignments or gossip during boring classes. We seem pretty convinced we'll all graduate, get a job, work for two years to gain our teacher's registration (the piece of paper you have to have before you're a ~real~ teacher) and educate children as our career. Every now and then a few of us get a little nervous and worry that we have made the wrong decision — we're studying teaching because we hope we'll be ready to step into a job when we leave — it's a way to ground our Bachelor of Arts or Bachelor on Sports and Leisure Studies with an employable outcome, or at least we hope.

In speaking to Beverley Cooper, Associate Dean of Teacher Education, a glimmer of hope appeared for the negative nancies who are floating around campus pointing out that there sure as shit aren't a few hundred brand new teaching jobs floating around in Hamilton at the moment. "The way people are getting into teaching jobs now is quite different than it used to be. Teachers are staying on a lot longer — there used to be about 5-6% of teachers over the age of 60, there's now twenty-something percent. So they must be exiting shortly, they're 68, 69, 70, they can't sustain it for much longer." Take it from Cooper, we just have to wait 20

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EDUCATION

Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

for the Baby Boomers to die. Or retire. The latter is way more chill. But that's

cohort of Secondary Conjoint from Dannevirke, Bay of Plenty, Gisborne, Rotorua,

not important, what's important is that we've all been convinced that studying

South Auckland and more. But when asked if the University was living up to

teaching at Waikato is the way to ensure we get hired and get registered.

said enticing reputation there was also a resounding "No" — the most scathing

A Primary Teaching student, Jessica Roy, offered the following reason for choosing Waikato, "Compared to other universities such as Vic and Canterbury, I felt Waikato offered the more comprehensive Primary teaching degree — 3 years dedicated to all things teaching, rather than completing a BSc or BArts and throwing a year of teaching on the end." And she may be right. A friend of mine, Kieran McBride, graduated with a primary teaching qualification from Waikato after transferring from Auckland University of Technology, and is now teaching a Year 4 class at a local decile 1 school. He says, "I saw things that the Waikato FoE

response coming from Kelsie Morland, who said, "As for it living up to it's reputation? No. Not the Education department anyway. It's disorganized, doesn't communicate with the rest of the University and has actually prolonged people's degrees." A Primary Teaching student I asked explained, "I've seen a lot about how great Waikato is, how up to date the research is, how FoE is leading current practice; however only some of lecturers seem to reflect this image." Sorry Beverley, you might promote the faculty, but the students within it sure as shit aren't too keen to.

does really well and other parts of the degree that I find lacking, but the variety

But if there are this many students moaning about the relevance of papers and

of specialisation options and extra papers that UoW offer definitely allow you

the quality of lecturers, where does this glorious reputation come from? Surely

to diversify yourself from other teachers in order to make that CV look nice and

it's not all a facade, a cruel joke, a blatant lie!?!? Take it away, Bev:

appealing to a future employer."

"Principals speak very highly of our graduates and the schools feedback Bev Cooper spoke highly of the design of the UoW models of teaching

positively on our students on practicum. The graduates that we produce, people

programmes — Waikato was the first university to be awarded the Masters of

are saying that they're well-prepared; recognising that there are another two

Teaching and Learning Programme, and it's a model that's been mimicked by

years as a beginning teacher."

other universities around the country. She spoke highly of the one-day per week in schools, alongside regular study, leading up to a block of practicum. I almost

"Research informs our practice and programmes. All our programmes are

fainted from the strength it took to not roll my eyes into oblivion — the one day

research informed. We are the highest ranked faculty in the University in PBRF

per week is the biggest point of complaint that I've heard from existing teachers

— the research measure for Universities. We have a number of TLRIs — national

and students alike. This self-affirming praise of the faculty, from the faculty,

research projects funded by the ministry and many of our faculty are involved in

was countered by McBride, "UoW in my opinion, maintains high standards that

national groups."

allow it to have the reputation of being the best teacher training school, but is little different than any other teaching degree. The end result is much the same, relievers sitting on the dole trying to get into any school they can."

So, it's not necessarily the experience of students within the Faculty, but the reputation of the students and the Faculty within schools and the wider community — both in educational and research areas. Despite my reservations to

A quick consultation with a handful (like six or something scientific-ish, idk) of

unconditionally promote FoE, and despite the smattering of negative experiences

Secondary Teaching Conjoint students resulted in a resounding "we've been

I've had within teaching papers and on practicums, I kinda think maybe we should

duped!" — okay I'm paraphrasing, but that's the sentiment. In regards to the

just quit moaning. Maybe, after all our complaining that studying across faculties

reputation of the university these students chose to study here for a variety of

is hard, and that teaching papers kinda suck, we should just zip our lip and get

reasons, some including location — but mostly they came here because it was

on with it. Te Kura Toi Tangata has a earned its reputation through the quality

the only place in the country that offers the Conjoint programme, and because

of graduates it produces. And if teaching students aren't graduating at that

of the reputation of Waikato as a well-established and well-respected institute

standard, they aren't going to gain employment whether or not it's in a teaching

for learning about teaching. This reputation drew students in the 2017 graduating

position. The only person they can blame for that is them-whinging-selves.

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NEXUS MAGAZINE Your Space

YOUR SPACE TWO BOYS, TWO SWINGS Fans of Your Space might think these young men have the clean and tidy bachelor style on lock but look a little closer…

The never been cleaned George Foreman Grill suggesting they don’t know how to cook anything that isn’t steak. The unpacked printer box from their move out of the Halls two years ago shows they are commitment phobic while the protein powder on the fridge suggest someone's tryna get jacked.

Downloaded movies on a hard drive, a bedside bottle opener and apparently no contraceptives all suggest these could be the men of your dreams. Ladies… please form an orderly queue at the door!

It's a nice house, looks as though it was once actually nice family home. But isn't that every student flat? Wow. This Your Space write up is fucking terrible. I could continue to list things in the house. For example there are a lot of time-telling devices. Two watches and a clock on one surface! Golly gosh.

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Your Space NEXUS MAGAZINE

23

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NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

NERD YORK TIMES NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON IS DUMB

EXPECTATIONS VS. REALITY YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA PROFILES

JARED WOOLDRIDGE

BRONWYN LAUNDRY

Everybody is stupid sometimes. I am, quite often, I just hide it with sarcasm

EXPECTATIONS

to seem clever. But I’ve noticed a lot of people can be sucked into believing

You attend every single lecture, even the really early ones! And everyone

anything said by a smart person, no matter the subject. By smart, I mean

thinks you’re on Ritalin you’re so focussed (but you aren’t). You always sit in

those who studied, or are in careers that most of us generally deem far above

the second row (front row is for mature students) and every time your lecturer

our own comprehension, like your physicists, or your brain surgeons. But even

asks a question you always know the answer (but not in a Teacher’s Pet way,

they can be stupid, and we have to watch out for it. Case in point, American

in a “Wow! This student has so much knowledge!” way) You have witty banter

presidential candidate, and esteemed neurosurgeon Ben Carson claimed the

with your lecturer too, who is the epitome of a scholarly oracle of wisdom. He

Egyptian pyramids were used to store grain. I’m pretty sure they were mostly

has a sick moustache and wears tweed suits. You do all your readings well in

used as tombs for the pharaohs, but nice try buddy.

advance and you don’t regret using course related costs on textbooks instead

Doctor Carson is not alone, however. Neil deGrasse Tyson is the rockstar astrophysicist of the internet, and I love the guy, even if he downgraded Pluto from a planet. Pluto was great, and Pluto was wronged. But nevertheless, still a great guy, and pretty damn smart. About astrophysics, at least. He travelled outside his comfort zone recently when he tweeted “If there were ever a species for whom sex hurt, it surely went extinct long ago”. Oh, buddy.

of concert tickets because the knowledge they have given you is priceless.

You’ve never missed a tutorial and you always have in depth answers prepared for the assigned questions. So much so that all the class eye-candy basically fight to sit next to you so your wealth of knowledge will rub off on them.

REALITY You forget 8am lectures on a Monday exist, because you’ve only ever attended

Come on pal, your tweets in the past have been legendary! You’ve upheld

one of them… the introduction one in O-Week. When you do go to class, you

science, celebrated Christmas as Newton's birthday, and stood up for Mother

find it a struggle to stay awake, even though it’s 2pm, because you have

Earth when rapper B.o.B insisted it was flat. Now, I don’t pretend to be too

pulled so many all-nighters for assignments and parties you can basically

clever about science and all that, but I’m pretty sure that there are animals

call yourself nocturnal. You are trying not to get distracted by the visually

who engage in some pretty nasty and bloody acts during sex. For instance,

assaulting Hawaiian shirt your lecturer is wearing and the weird meme he’s

apparently bed bugs are traumatic inseminators. Now I’m no biologist, but, Mr

put up in his slides in an attempt to be relevant and interesting. You begged

deGrasse Tyson, that sounds a bit uncomfortable.

your parents for money to buy the course textbook, because you blew all

Then again, I don’t have to be a biologist, and lucky for others who might have believed it for the sake of his being a smart person, biologists themselves were soon swarming over the story, correcting it. If the two sides to an argument about animals and procreation comes down to the biology community and an astrophysicist, then I think I’ll trust the diplomas of the former more than the latter. I still love you Neil, but I love you for all the stuff you say about space.

Not for your biological expertise, of which I’m sure you have some, but I hope you will not be offended if I trust other experts over you in this field. This isn’t me hating smart people (I’m one of those sometimes, probably), but please, if a rocket scientist begins a lecture on the French Revolution, I would invite you to verify their statements afterwards.

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EDUCATION

your course related on things that are definitely not illegal and definitely don’t rhyme with hugs, but you think the last time you saw it it was still in its bag under your bed. When you attend your first tutorial of the semester you have no idea what the tutor is talking about so naturally they call on you for answers first, which sends you into full on panic mode and when you blurt out the first thing that comes to mind, the only attractive person in class laughs at you, and not in a good way.

Word of advice: if you stay awake in class, you might accidentally learn something. It’s wild, I know, but helpful when your mum asks you what you’ve been learning at uni.

Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE

MODERN DAY MIXTAPE V4

HALF-BAKED WITH VITAMIN D THE BEST GODDAMN LEMON LOAF

LYAM BUCHANAN

VITAMIN D

Does engaging in coitus with your relatives appeal to you? Does the twang of

Alright you sons of bitches, I’ve had no sleep and four coffees and this shitting

a banjo send your heart aflutter? Maybe you’ve recently found yourself with

column needs to be in in ten minutes so you’re going to sit your arses down

a few spare chromosomes? Chances are all of these apply to you, you do live

and learn about the best goddamn caffeine-and-rage-fuelled lemon loaf

in Hamilton after all. This week I’m gracing your ear canals with the glorious

you’ve ever eaten.

collection known as V4. Before you get your hopes up I should say that if this playlist was a horse it would have been turned into glue before it could walk.

You’re making this (who am I kidding, you’re not making this) when you’re visiting your grandparents and want to show you’re in it for more than the

All of us are guilty of busting out ‘Wagon Wheel’ on the odd occasion;

inheritance money. Each fat slice should reveal the hot syrupy yellow of sticky

depending on how inbred your hometown is that odd occasion turns into a

spongy goodness because you’re in desperate need of that new iPhone and

daily national anthem. If you’ve ever been brave enough to go deeper into

baked diabeetus is the fastest way of getting it.

country than this classic you’ll have realised that each and every song sounds exactly the fucking same. I guess if you’re scared of change this is the genre

Set your oven to bake at 180°C and slide some butter around a 21x9cm cake pan.

for you. V4 has everything you need to explore country music; these 10 songs

Beat a cup of sugar and 100g of room-temperature butter in a bowl until

have every cliche and chord progression to ever come out of Tennessee. After

you get that perfect pale and creamy fluff. Mix in 2 fat eggs and 2T grated

listening to this playlist all you’re missing is your Dad’s pickup and a bottle

lemon rind (from about 2 backyard lemons) and the seedless juice from one

of Jack, chuck in a pack of Marlboros and you’re more than halfway there to

lemon. Sift in 1¾ C flour, a pinch of salt, and 1½ t baking powder, and pour in

writing your own country hit. Mention your ex girlfriend and you better start

½ C milk (soy, almond, whatever). Mix it up until it’s all one goo, then slop it

writing your Grammy acceptance speech.

into the cake pan. Grate a little more rind over the top then into the oven for

It doesn’t matter if you’re a musical genius or audibly stunted, I can guarantee

45 minutes or so.

you’ve never come across a collection of tunes as versatile as these. If you

While that’s baking you’re making the syrup for the top, so put another ¼ C

need to set the mood with that special someone then Josh Turner has your

sugar and ¼ to ⅓ C backyard lemon juice into the smallest saucepan you have

back with his classic ‘Your Man’. If you hear Mr Turner’s smooth, sensual voice

and set it on a medium heat, stirring, until the sugar dissolves. Let it cool, then

through your flat mates’ closed door it’s probably best to go out for a few

pour it over the loaf as soon as you take it from the oven.

hours. This track is scientifically proven get your man standing at attention and your lady gushing before she knows it.

Let that sweet, sweet goodness cool in the tin. When you’re ready to show up to Oma and Opa’s like you actually care about these geriatric progenitors,

If you did heroin on the daily as a hip young teen then chances are you loved

remove the loaf from the tin and display it on your nicest second-hand plate.

Nickelback. If you ever feel like a trip down nostalgia lane just grab your tissues

Serve it up in 1” slabs with a dollop of freshly whipped cream (not your own).

and chuck on the cult classic ‘Photograph’, nothing can turn you into a sobbing

Passively complain about not having enough money (you asked for the

mess quite like this.

neighbour’s lemons, oh poor you). They’ll open their gullets then their wallets.

Feel like ruining someone's day? Jump on Spotify search for nexusmagazine

You monster.

and blast V4 in your room as loud as possible while you’re off in class. I take no responsibility if your house has been burnt down by the time you get back.

27

NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

hari kOrero NEW LOCALS HOME VS HERE

HARI KŌRERO HAKA

MIHIR ROY

It can often be daunting to move halfway across the world, to a place you've barely ever heard of outside of certain international sporting events. Being an international student can seem nigh impossible. Language barriers, cultural differences, different brands of familiar products. A whole new world, as they say. The shock of experiencing a wildly different culture can seem confusing and frustrating, especially in New Zealand with their wacky accents,

So, let’s talk about Haka (or Kapa Haka to some, however I prefer the term Haka).

I’m one of those ones, born and bred. Privileged is the more appropriate word for it. Drilled from birth how to poi, sing and haka. So yes, difficult poi actions, out of it choreographic movements or tough vocal arrangements’ come easily to me.

indiscernible dialects, the use of the classic Kiwi “Yeah, nah.” Despite this, New

Of course there are a plentiful amount of pros of haka. Haka takes you home,

Zealand can be a perfectly good place to receive an education.

to your marae, to your whanau, hapu and iwi. You form significant bonds

Being from a country like India, moving to New Zealand can seem a bit like Alice going down the rabbit hole or Dorothy on her way to Oz, and it's easy to get lost in the cultural differences, but one thing that thankfully remains constant is education. Both international and domestic students are at University for the same reason, to receive a tertiary education so they can be turned down for the same jobs due to a lack of experience in the relevant field. The advantage students have in New Zealand is that the admission requirements are a lot lower, which means barrier to entry is mostly financial.

Compare this to India where, despite having marks in the mid 90s, losing 1% on an exam can be the difference between 'Doctor' and 'Not a Doctor'.

Just making it to New Zealand is only half the battle. Once you're here, the real work begins. Getting used to the New Zealand accent can be difficult. Not to worry though, a few episodes of the long running, award-winning, edge-ofyour-seat television drama series Shortland Street will have you up to speed in no time. With some truly memorable performances by some of New Zealand's greatest actors, the time will just whizz by.

The next step towards securing your degree is deciding on a major. As an international student it can often be helpful to hang around areas that other international students tend to congregate. Typically this means business management or science/engineering. Some brave souls might attempt to venture out into the arts degrees, but not everyone is cut out for the barista life.

Finally comes doing the actual degree. This one's fairly straightforward, at the end of semester just cram for your exams. This piece of advice has yet to fail me, so it's basically foolproof.

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your whanau. Your confidence in yourself and being Māori is significantly increased. You teach yourself how to learn by listening rather than by writing, like that of our tipuna. Haka also actively teaches you your reo, your whakapapa and provides you with a sense of belonging or a purpose in life.

Commitment is certainly a main factor when it comes to Haka. If you want to perform with any Regional or Matatini level group, commitment is the key.

This means, turning up to practice on time, knowing your stuff and going to noho every scheduled weekend.

There's also the cons of haka. Most of which are tedious compared to the pros and some are just my perspective. Commitment can also be a negative.

I always feel for those ones who pull out near the end of a campaign because of costs, work or whanau obligations. Most times they are legitimate excuses for pulling out but sometimes it’s a, ‘just come to practice, bro’ situation.

Sore feet, knees, constant pains and random bruises all over your body are definitely a negative. But this just comes with the territory.

Then there’s the ‘that’s that girl from this group’ korero. The constant stares or the talking about you but not to you buzz. The stigma that you are some God because you perform haka. Whether you’re a beautiful performer, good singer or just mean at haka, this stigma follows you around like a bad smell.

So, if you’re a haka freak and enjoy watching specific people and see them on the street, don’t just walk past and talk about them, say hi!! Most times they will definitely say hi back.

Until next time with more on haka.

Rangimiria.

Good luck!

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with other members in the roopu while also strengthening those bonds with

EDUCATION

Cooking for Students NEXUS MAGAZINE

PAK ’N SAVE HEAD CHEF LAMB KOFTAS & COUCOUS SALAD INGREDIENTS Lamb Koftas 500g Lamb Mince Onion – diced 1 tsp Garlic – crushed 1 tsp Paprika 1 tsp Ground cumin 1 tsp Ground coriander 2 Tbsp Fresh coriander – chopped 2 tbsp Parsley – chopped 100g Feta cheese – crumbled (optional) Salt and pepper Skewers Couscous Salad 1 cup Couscous 1 cup Boiling water or vegetable stock Cherry tomatos – halved Cucumber – diced Red onion – diced 2 Tbsp Fresh coriander – chopped ½ Lemon – juiced Dressing 150g Greek yoghurt 1 tbsp Fresh mint – chopped Serves 4

METHOD 1. Place the couscous in a large bowl and pour over the boiling water or vegetable stock. Cover with a plate or gladwrap and let it stand for 5 minutes or untill all of the liquid has been absorbed.

2. Combine the lamb mince, diced onion, garlic, paprika, cumin, coriander, parsley and fresh coriander in a large bowl. Mix well.

3. Add crumbled feta and carefully mix. Season with salt and pepper.

4. Divide the mince mixture into aproximately 8-12 portions and roll into sausage-like shapes. Thread on to skewers.

5. Heat a large pan or BBQ. Cook the koftas for 3-5 minutes each side until browned all over and just cooked through, turning when necessary.

6. Fluff the cooked couscous with a fork to separate the grains. Mix through the chopped tomatos, cucumber, red onion, fresh coriander and lemon juice. Season with salt and pepper.

7. Mix together the greek yoghurt and chopped mint for a fresh dressing.

8. Serve koftas on the couscous salad and pour over the mint-yoghurt dressing. Garnish with lemon wedges.

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WINNER

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She's a psych student, and she's an English student. They both like to drink and at least one of them goes a little hard on the lines during the weekend. Her style is kinda basic bitch, while she opts for sexy Grandma vibes. They both like to kiss girls, and at least tolerate boys so maybe they can bond over girls ruling and boys drooling?

SHE SAID

SHE SAID

As I walk into The Bank it was funny to think that the bar staff were

I arrived at The Bank five or so minutes late, feeling hayfevery after an

clearly expecting a man to sit down next to me. The funny thing about

awkward (and dusty) taxi ride because I hadn't sorted a sober driver.

being bi is that straight white men can never seem to comprehend it.

It was super empty which made it easy to spot my date, and I was

Arriving early, I quickly set into a drink — hoping to make my date as attractive as possible — but when she arrived it was plain to see that wasn't needed (I don't know what genes my parents gave me to be attracted to redheads but they have always flicked my bean).

We talked about everything from sexuality to American politics, when Donald Trump was mentioned my vagina became drier than when I hear the world meninist (it's not a real fucking thing people). We swapped horror date stories, myself winning because I seem to attract an array of shitty partners.

In future I would suggest paying for a taxi also Nexus because saying we should stay in the same place would be a lot less awkward if we had to share a taxi. It would probably result in some more interesting stories for the boys and girls of UOW ;) Thanks for an awesome night with an amazing girl, few more dates and we will be able to write a lesbian porno. Kidding — maybe.

pleasantly surprised 'cause she was a total cutie. It was a little awkward at first and kind of felt like I'd been paired with her in a tutorial rather than set up on a date, but after a drink the yarns definitely came easier.

We got along well enough and had some laughs about weird straight boys and the over-attentive bartenders, but I think we both knew pretty early on there wasn't a spark. She was funny and definitely a hottie straight out of a Glassons catalogue, but when the end of the night rolled around we knew we were going our separate ways — but she did give me a ride home, which was awesome.

She was a sweetheart, and I think I even ended up on her Snapchat and got a Facebook add. All in all not a bad night, even though she said I looked like an English nerd.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Puzzles

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CODE CRACKER

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Each letter in the puzzle is represented by a number 1 – 26. Crack the code to solve it.

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How many words can you make from these letters? The letters must touch horizontally, vertically or diagonally and cannot be used more than once in a word.

EDUCATION

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WORD TWIST U

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TRIVIAL This week's trivial is Collective Nouns For Animals. Can you name the collective nouns for the following animals?

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Hedgehogs

Crows

Giraffes

Salamanders

Owls

Hippopotamuses

Puzzles NEXUS MAGAZINE

WORDFIND Sorry Crossword Fans

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Socratic Method Facilitation Behaviourism National Standards Achievement Discussion Assessment Detention inquiry Pedagogical White Board Reflective Feedback Nova Pay

HOROSCOPES CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 22 — JANUARY 19)

CANCER (JUNE 21 — JULY 22)

The southern cross is bright this week, and if you’re not happy, you

You’re a water sign, and today the stars require your wisdom. Why

shouldn’t have been so lazy — actually vote next time.

do water crackers have holes in them?

AQUARIUS (JANUARY 20 — FEBRUARY 18)

LEO (JULY 23 — AUGUST 22)

Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates? Morons.

Sorry guys, that cute girl you met at the gym last week is a Pisces, and you are destined for nothing more than heartbreak and herpes.

PISCES (FEBRUARY 19 — MARCH 20)

VIRGO (AUGUST 23 — SEPTEMBER 22)

Pay attention to how you treat others this week, karma’s not always

Jupiter's in your zone for the next few days, just like Kanye’s in his zone.

fun. Kama Sutra however, is.

Unless you want to procrastinate, and keep him out: kanyezone.com

ARIES (MARCH 21 — APRIL 19)

LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 23 — OCTOBER 22)

This week, the stars have aligned to tell you to call your mum. She

Tables have turned, and I’m no longer watching the skies… Saturn

misses you, and if you call her she’s more likely to do your washing.

has 62 moons, all watching you. Be afraid.

TAURUS (APRIL 20 — MAY 20)

SCORPIO (OCTOBER 23 — NOVEMBER 21)

As this month brings large tidal ebb and flow, you’ll be more emotional

The dog star, Sirius, is influencing your passion for animals this week.

than usual. Still no excuse for crying over Antiques Roadshow, freak.

But don’t go to a zoo with only one dog there, it’ll be a Shitzu.

GEMINI (MAY 21 — JUNE 20)

SAGITTATRIUS (NOVEMBER 22 — DECEMBER 21)

Last week we hope you were visited by the Easter Bunny, hopping

The centaur is a great, powerful starsign.. If you get high enough,

around. Hopping. Hops. Beer. The stars say drink more beer.

you might see one on Hogan St this week.

33

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