Nexus 2021 Issue 3

ISSUE 3 / VOL 54 / 15.03.2021

DEVELOP YOUR ENGLISH LANGUAGE SKILLS Come along to one of our Conversation Circles, or practise English with a Language Buddy. Developing your English language skills can also help you with your spoken English and knowledge of New Zealand phrases. Participating in either the Conversation Circles or learning with a language buddy can be added to your CV and could help with your job aspirations.

JOIN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE CONVERSATION CIRCLES

PRACTISE ENGLISH WITH A LANGUAGE BUDDY

Tuesdays 10am NZST face to face at Student Learning, level 1 of the Student Centre.

Practise your English language skills with a trained student volunteer. Along with learning how English is used in conversation and in social settings, you will also gain an understanding of how English is used in New Zealand - including local phrases.

The volunteer will be closely supported and monitored

by CeTTL staff.

ENQUIRIES TO: eldonline@waikato.ac.nz For more information, scan:

The drop-in conversation circle sessions are now running and open to all students. Sessions will be flexible and will include topics that students would like to discuss.

DATE/TIME

Tuesdays and Fridays 4-5pm NZST on Zoom waikato.zoom.us/j/93943535424

Shaping Hamilton Kirikiriroa together

Our vision in action

David Bennett List MP based in Hamilton East 510 Grey Street, Hamilton East 3216 davidbennettmp@parliament.govt.nz davidbennett.national.org.nz 07 834 3407

Give us your feedback on our draft Long-Term Plan by 7 April.

Share your voice at futurehamilton.co.nz

AD Jamie Strange MP for Hamilton East

07 839 6803 jamie.strange@parliament.govt.nz

Authorised by David Bennett MP, Parliament Buildings, Wellington.

WAIKAT’ FLATS We are once again on the hunt for the best (or worst) Waikat’ Flat. So if you are interested in being a campus celebrity or just want to highlight what makes your flat great and get some free Sals then let us know editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Authorised by Jamie Strange MP, Parliament Buildings, Wellington

CONTENTS Graduation Lost Postcards From Overseas Covid Article No One Asked For Connecting With Community Kai Something New Slang Dictionary 5 Best New Zealanders of All Time Whick Kiwi Classic Are You? Dump Spot Checks Debatable Local Locomotion Horoscopes Kiwi as Snapped Puzzled

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THE TEAM 06 08 10 12 16 19 22 26 28 29 30 32 33 34 36

Editor

Hannah Petuha editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Design

Ashlea Curran design@nexusmag.co.nz Wenyue Ruan wenyue@wsu.org.nz Stien Huizenga Stien@wsu.org.nz

Centerfold

Instagram Jakarmstrong Jāk Rata

Advertising + Production James Raffan + Kendrah Worsley comms@wsu.org.nz

Contributors Nathan Rahui

Bronwyn Laundry Oliver Dunn Jamie Strange David Bennett Grace Mitchell Lyam Buchanan

EDITORIAL HANNAH PETUHA One of my latest defeats is having the last two weeks issues titled similarly. I promise the content in this one is different. Last weeks issue was an attempt to highlight housing, flatting, and terrible DIY’s I hope you never actually use. This week I wanted to test the waters and do something different. Nexus Welcome... Home? Yes, it is a little cheesy.

I hate writing anything along the lines of ‘your new home is here at uni and living with your friends, enjoy it xxx’. So there won’t be any theme of the sort on these pages. Instead, it’ll be themed around that unanticipated just-got-your-bottom-slapped feeling. Perhaps you’ve experienced it? Let’s be more clear, that feeling you feel when you’re in a group but not really in the group. You’re hanging out with your mates and all of a sudden you’re detached. I think some of the best of us end up feeling the most isolated.

Maybe you haven’t experienced it and that’s fine, but one solution to that feeling is highlighting the importance of community. Another cheesy line? Absolutely. The essence of a small town or a city is made up by the community. As a second-year student, I like the community in Hamilton. I’ve been fortunate to have friends who’ve worked or lived here for a while to show me the rails. That mightn’t be the same for you. That’s why I’m here, to give you my thoughts even if you didn’t ask for them.

Someone can stay in one city their whole lives and never feel at home. Likewise, the traveller can stay in many places and never find a place that makes them feel… warm?

Like being in your mother’s womb. I’ve lived in several towns and cities. Seven schools too. I used to hate that I moved around so much because I was never able to make lifelong friends you’d see in movies or read about in books. I also hate small towns and I can confirm they’re all racists, inbreds, or incels. And in all the places, small towns especially, I never felt that grounding I thought everyone else had.

Now things are a little different. It was never in my grand and organised plans to go to uni. Honestly, I thought I was going to drop out as soon as I turned 16 and go full-time at the local bookstore. Thank God I didn’t because all my favourite staff members ended up leaving. I considered it a divine intervention telling me to stay in school. Four years down the track and I’m glad I stayed.

It’s the people I’ve met here and the community that’s made me feel grounded- the most I’ve ever felt in my life. There’s something in the air past the piss-ridden streets. I should acknowledge that you might hate Hamilton. I get it, it’s a place people love to hate. Though that shouldn’t stop you from finding a sense of home and this issue might do just the trick.

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It is hard to gauge where the story of Wenyue Ruan fits among the pantheon of Covid stories. We tend to allow ourselves to get lost so much in the large scale tragedies, the life and death of it all, and the heartbreaking stuff. We hear about sons not being able to say goodbye to their fathers or beloved members of communities having limited funerals due to yet another lockdown.

Our tragedy radar has been set so inevitably high in the last 12 months that it is easy to miss the small things or minimise the complaints of those who have to scale down a wedding, postpone an orientation, or whose parents can’t fly in to see their child graduate.

Wenyue graduated last year and immediately found a full-time job here at Nexus where she had also done her internship. She was more fortunate than others because she had a December Graduation and it wasn’t cancelled outright. And although her story is one that is personal to her it is also becoming far less rare.

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NEXUS: Why did you decide to move to New Zealand?

I still remember six years ago when my parents were convinced that I could go study abroad. I sat at the table with them with a world map and they asked me where do you want to go - which country do you want to visit? I looked at the map and instinctively said New Zealand. I had always heard praises about New Zealand’s beauty from sources such as Lonely Planet, social media and movies. Since I absolutely enjoy traveling, I chose this beautiful country as my study abroad destination, and kept the horizons open to see where life would take me from here.

NEXUS: What was it like adjusting to life here?

Well, people always talked about culture shock and I got to experience it first hand. One of the earlier instances that I recall is from my first year of Bachelor’s degree, my tutor asked us to prepare three to four sketches. At the time I was not as familiar with English let alone the kiwi accent. I misunderstood and thought, ‘Oh we need to submit 34 sketches, that’s a lot!’ I asked and they laughed because they knew that it was actually three to four sketches. I’ve since gotten used to the accent.

like and the University so they have a sense of life and culture here.

Facebook is banned in China, so my parents could not be present virtually. But I asked my friend to record it, so they got to see the entire graduation ceremony, and I also shared a lot of pictures.

Having said that, I have a family at work. My Manager and two other colleagues joined, and when I saw them in the crowd it felt like my family was present. It was so exciting and emotional because they cheered my name when I walked on the stage, and it felt like my parents called my name.

NEXUS: Did you consider moving back home during the pandemic?

Yes, I actually did a few times. I’m an only child. They worry about my life and I worry about theirs. I considered deferring my studies and moving back to China, to make them feel secure and comfortable. We would talk at least twice a day, if not more, as I felt very anxious at the beginning of the pandemic.

NEXUS: With your family in China near the epicentre of the virus were you worried about their safety?

Working in New Zealand is way different than working in my home country. The boss is the boss, the manager is the manager, it seems very levelled. The boss would barely talk to the staff. Here, in most workplaces, we have a flat-structure and that reflects in the work culture. Colleagues are a lot friendlier and it’s more like a community if not an extended family. I’m quite fond of this sort of culture.

Definitely, I was worried about their safety a lot. I would feel very helpless, and even developed sleep issues because I was so stressed.

NEXUS: What are some of the biggest things you miss from home?

My landlady and people here take care of me. It was during the spring festival in China at the beginning of 2020 that most of my friends went back to celebrate with their families. But as soon as Covid hit, New Zealand closed its borders, so they could not return.

I feel lonely sometimes because my friends are stuck there with no signs of return. Now I have expanded my network here by joining lots of different clubs, like the tramping club and the snowsports club. I am trying to be more social and make my life busier. It’s a win-win because I can get to know more about the student culture here which inturn helps my work because my audience is university students.

Without a doubt, I miss my parents and friends the most. Since the time I moved to New Zealand, nearly five years now, I’ve only visited China for less than two months. So, nothing more than my home and family.

NEXUS: How did you spend the lockdown?

I kept myself busy. I understand that if people stay in their rooms for a prolonged period, they feel anxious and depressed, so I ensured I was occupied. Last year I was in my final year and was quite busy with my studies. At the same time, I was working three to four different jobs. An internship, a part-time job, and I was a teaching assistant for two different uni papers, so that took most of my time during lockdown. The situation in China wasn’t the best, so I felt anxious thinking about my family and friends and also my life. I didn’t know what the future looked like.

NEXUS: Your parents had planned to fly out to your graduation ceremony from China but couldn’t because of the closed borders. How did you feel when you had to tell them that?

It was quite painful. I felt very sad knowing how much it meant to my parents. Since coming to New Zealand my father would say ‘I will definitely come to your graduation ceremony, that is the biggest thing in my life’. But also it wasn’t too bad because they came and visited me in my second year. They already knew what my life in New Zealand was like. They knew what the country looks

NEXUS: What is your home life like now? Do you find yourself socially isolated or do you have a lot of friends that you spend time with?

NEXUS: How has COVID-19 changed people’s perception of you as an Asian woman in New Zealand, are you experiencing more racism because of the virus?

For me, the people I know here haven’t been racist towards me.

My classmates were concerned for my family and my friends back home. Even my colleagues showed a lot of concern. I’ve been blessed to be surrounded by very caring people.

NEXUS: Are your parents still planning to come and visit?

Yes, definitely as they hold a five-year visa. They can travel here multiple times when the borders finally open. They enjoy the life and landscapes here. I took them around New Zealand when they visited last time and my father had a great time down South as he loves the outdoors, and my mother couldn’t be happier to be able to spend time with me.

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Postcards Fro Over

LYAM BUCHANAN

Former Nexus Editor, current international traveller, and COVID survivee, Lyam shares his story that magnifies the power of ours.

“ Your coronavirus test result is

positive. It means you had the virus when the test was done.

Try not to worry. You can often ease symptoms at home until you recover. -Try not to worry, a lovely sentiment from the NHS.

”

On the 21st of October running was rough.

Other than the gym there’s really been fuck all else open, if anything it’s just a decent reason to leave the house. With the reassurance of my flatmates that “there’s no way” I could’ve caught ol’ rona I popped on down in an attempt to sweat out the congestion. Everything was more or less pretty standard, but after maxing out at 3km on a routine 5km I was a little sketch.

Before I really crack into it I’ve got to make the point that Covid affects everyone differently. I’ve had mates who’ve breezed through it, known young bucks who’ve ended up in hospital, and known people who couldn’t beat it. It’s not a pisstake - there’s no doubt I’m lucky to have gotten off lightly.

On the 20th of October - didn’t feel too flash.

Bit of a runny nose, nothing major, just brushed it off as my weak kiwi blood adjusting to the incoming UK winter; however, with everyone on edge about even the slightest illness I gave the flat a quick heads up.

Everyone was mellow, a touch weary, but remained convinced it was nothing a slab of vitamin C and a hefty nap couldn’t fix.

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On the 22nd of October - fell asleep on a conference call.

It’s not as if they’re meant to be thrilling, but finding myself knocked out at 1pm a few minutes into a team meeting probably wasn’t a great sign. The ability to concentrate was long gone, cold and flu tablets were getting popped a little too often, and the dull panic was starting to set in.

om rseas On the 23rd of October - got tested.

I told my flatmates it was just to be safe, I’d rather have the reassurance that I was being a bitch instead of being hyper aware of every surface I touched. With a swab scraping my tonsils, and pounding the back of my nasal canal, I kicked off Friday morning how I always dreamed.

across the room, and the constant reminder of the permanent lung scarring currently in progress.

I’d like to continue this narrative as if it didn’t stress me out, and that everything was easy breezy; however, in reality I was lowkey shitting it based purely on the potential of long term implications.

For the 14 days we were in complete quarantine I threw myself into work at high speeds hoping that 70-80 hour weeks would keep me occupied. Every evening attempting desperate home workouts to try compensate for my sedentary confinement, lips turning purple, laying drenched on musty carpet, gasping like a pasty goldfish. It’d be an understatement to call it a slight life crisis, no doubt it was truly a high point of my early 20’s.

The daily routine consisted of huffing sketchy oxygen tanks off amazon, drinking about 40 litres of green tea, praying to our gracious overlord Boris Johnson, discussing the ungodly amount of sweat we produced, and seriously debating whether or not we should start shooting up vitamin D. A lifestyle I now look back on fondly.

In all honesty by the end of day 14 there’s a very high chance we would’ve still tested positive, but government restrictions stated we were sweet to reintegrate with the locals in Tesco’s so like fuck were we staying inside. Is there a high chance we spread COVID to the local suburban mums? Probably. Is there also a high chance we originally caught it from some anti-masking suburban cunts?

Probably.

It’s a bit of a shit yarn when it comes down to it, in a sense I just had a hearty flu and couldn’t piss about outside for a wee while. In saying that, there’s absolutely no fucking way I’m not gonna milk it.

On the 24th of October positive vibes Fuck me.

At this point it was all still fairly mellow, I was banished to my room, my gracious flatmates delivered sustenance to my door, and I sat on the windowsill of the second story in an attempt to safely converse with everyone while they cracked on with weekly sesh antics.

By the next morning everyone else had shot down to get tested.

Another came back positive, three luckily negative - this locked us down in full scale quarantine for 14 days. In order to maintain some normality we popped masks on whenever we weren’t room bound, took the kitchen in shifts, and doused every surface in an unholy amount of disinfectant. A standard state of affairs when you ignore the brain fog, feeling like you’ve run a marathon by walking

Beyond this two week stint there’s no doubt it’s been anything close to smooth sailing. From March 2020 we hit lockdown for four months, some form of restrictions from then right through the UK/EU summer, popped back into another lockdown in early December, got released for a couple of days around Christmas, then

by Boxing Day we got slammed straight into full blown lockdown and we’re still waiting to hear when it’ll actually end. Pubs have been boarded up since at least September. We’ve broken the law everytime someone not on the tenancy agreement enters the house for about a year, New Years breezed by as a four person kitchen bound blur, and the most excitement we’ve had in far too long is watching the weekly government announcement stating whether or not we’ll ever have normality again. Dreamy scenes really.

I know you’re all sick of hearing how lucky you are, but for fucks sake, it’s bonkers. I’ve had my eye on the MIQ availability since early December and am still yet to have any dates available to scuttle home, at this point I might as well stick it out. Hopefully the first proper week we’re actually allowed out will be hectic enough to compensate for the last year - chances are slim, but the idea of being within two meters of someone I don’t already live with sounds completely out the gate at this point.

Take it for granted if you want, but at least go spit in someone’s mouth purely to flex on the expats who’ve been stuck in isolation for so long that it’s hard to imagine life without it.

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of the past OLIVER DUNN No one really wants to write an article about Coronavirus. The last twelve months has seen various media buttlickers band together to overexpose us good and proper, a side effect of eating the pandemic pie. They pump endless statistics across the bottom of our screens in ‘Oh Fuck Off Red’ (a new Resene colour I’m workshopping). The virus is bad, so we go into lockdown, but oops wait, lockdown is bad too. The economy stinks, our mental health stinks and even better, people on the radio argue over the survival of fish and chip shops VS the survival of your nan. Oh baby, it’s bleak.

For the most part however, we have been supremely fortunate.

Being a small, often overlooked green speck at the bottom of the world has never been so trendy and to date we’re doing pretty good. Kiwis have been free all Summer to travel about and take pictures of pink clouds, marry their mates, shit themselves at music festivals and have a good go at it.

So why on earth would I ruin all the fun with another episode of Covid blues? Well maybe because despite this beautiful bubble we find ourselves in, the world outside us is burning. And right next to that dumpster fire is the fact that there’s no guarantees our sexy bubble will last. Sure, vaccines are poised for a roll out and there are government precautions round every corner, but either way Covid is sticking around in some capacity for a decent chunk longer.

Here’s what I’m thinking, let’s stop looking at raw numbers and lockdown dates and instead look to the past. Let us dust off the history books, you know the ones with penises drawn in sharpie on the back pages, and try to learn something about pandemics from back in the day. Maybe we can begin to understand what kind of impact all of this is having on us and our behaviour.

So let’s take it back, way back.

For this field trip down memory lane we’ll need a tour guide and I can’t think of anyone better than Angelos Chaniotis. Chaniotis is a Greek historian and one smart Greek butter cookie. He knows a bit 10

about the social, cultural, religious and economic history of heaps of old stuff.

For historical context we’ll refer to an interview he had with fellow but vastly superior journalist Joanne Lipman in April last year for all things ancient and pandemic.

Ebola Back in the Day The first ever detailed account of a major pandemic dates back to around 430 B.C.E. by Thucydides. Thucydides was an Athenian historian who earned his Greek statue by recounting the beef between Sparta and Athens at that time.

During all this hoopla he caught a nasty disease that came from Egypt to Athens and although it was limited to a relatively small area, it had a devastating impact on the locals. By recording his symptoms, modern doctors guess it may have been typhoid fever or possibly a viral disease similar to Ebola.

What’s most fascinating about Thucydides’ account is how it details the impact on human behaviour at the time, in particular every day behaviour. At the peak of the plague people stopped paying attention to burial practices. In the place of a once sacred ritual was now just the disposal of corpses.

In his interview our tour guide Chaniotis remarked on the similarities between this and what happened in Italy and Spain last year. Images of transport convoys taking away the dead without a chance for loved ones to say a real goodbye and no sign of a real funeral.

A New Death Already a parallel between one of the oldest recorded pandemics and our very own Covid. This forced disregard of such a sacred ceremony could have potential lasting effects on our relationship with death and has already begun to create some rather strange behaviours in the United States.

But for every bean-exploiting Stewart there is someone out there who is helping. Someone checking in with their neighbours, reconnecting with their family and making someone laugh.

An article from Insider describes how funerals are now being held on Zoom instead of more traditional methods. This sudden modification to ritual and the new proximity of death seems to have impacted the way in which people discuss and engage with mortality.

Some Things Never Change Chaniotis finished up his interview with what he regards to be the biggest parallel between ancient pandemics and our very own Covid when it comes to human behaviour... Conspiracy theories.

It would seem that tinfoil hats have been on heads well before tinfoil was even invented. Crazy to think that flat earthers were breeding back in ancient times, although they were probably known as round earthers back then.

The article by Lauren Vespoli talks about how a traditionally taboo topic is now seeing a cultural shift. Outlets such as ‘Death Cafes’, a dedicated space for discussing demise, and ‘Living Funerals’, a guided meditation that asks the participants to visualise their own deaths, have both seen an increase in popularity.

Suppose it really just comes down to people wanting to escape their reality which Chaniotis articulates perfectly. An effort to attribute the disease to something that is beyond their own control, something they could have never foreseen. That way of course we can’t be held responsible.

Religious Timing What do we make of this new relationship with death? Is it now some strange fascination or an appreciation for the complete cycle of natural life? Whichever way the dead cookie crumbles history would suggest that where death goes, religion likes to follow.

Revision Time So what did we actually learn from all this?

In his interview Chaniotis talked about how a few years after the ‘plague’ there was a return to religion. Around ten years after the epidemic Athens found itself the new home to the cult of Asclepius, an ancient fan club of ‘the God of Medicine’. The idea was that the God was going to cure people and stop further suffering.

This slightly unnerving example shows how much a pandemic can reshape behaviour, particularly within larger groups. Perhaps we should expect a new Destiny Church expansion pack in the next 5-10.

Well we know that this strange feeling of a world upside down has been felt before. We know that death will always be deeply confronting but maybe now have an opportunity to start a new conversation about it.

We know that if death is a YouTube chess tutorial then religion is the 30 second unskippable ad that pops up halfway through. And we know that people will always get scared and do dumb shit like

"In the 2020 2020's this has manifested in the form of sweaty panicked dickheads buying every single can of Mexican beans in the country and fuck man I just really wanted some Mexican beans for dinner"

The Best of Us, the Worst of Us Ancient diseases it would seem put human behaviour into a cocktail shaker and cooked up a whole round of espresso martinis. Some rather conflicting behaviours were born. On the one hand, people turned to religion because they saw it as a punishment for their sins, while others saw that if both good and bad die, then Gods probably weren’t the ones making cocktails.

Parallel to these two beliefs were another set of opposites that emerged. Some people showed great solidarity and care, the first people to actually die were the ones who cared for the sick, for others outside of themselves. And then there were those who had an opposite response, those who thought, “fuck it bro if I’m going to die, I’m kicking it until I kick it”.

hoard enough toilet paper to wipe their butt a thousand lifetimes over and come up with enough microchip conspiracies to power like five solid Facebook groups.

Maybe we know what we already knew, but I guess what I’m trying to say is we’ll be ok if we can just learn from our history. That seems like a totally reasonable thing that the human race is capable of, right?

In his interview Chaniotis touched on this contrast by mentioning egoistic behaviour VS solidarity. In the 2020’s this has manifested in the form of sweaty panicked dickheads buying every single can of Mexican beans in the country and fuck man I just really wanted some beans for dinner, like Stewart I see you at self-checkout with the Mount Everest of tin you actual fuckwit.

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REWIND

NEXUS: WELCOME...HOME?

CONNECTING WITH THE COMMUNITY It seems as though Frankton, a once railway town in 1910, has passed down its essence of a community like a (good) generational curse. Within the past, local businesses came and then closed.

Now, something special rears itself up, something promising, and it offers a likeliness to you students.

If you haven’t had a wee look into the Frankton Hospice, may it be your nextstop recommendation? Past the secondhand knickknacks of cow patterned mugs, pink couches, an extension of this store is the Rewind By Hospice. Rewind By Hospice was initially built upon the image of sustainability, reducing fast fashion, which in turn gives students like you an outlet to buy affordable clothes.

And who is to thank for Rewind By Hospice? The answer is a girl who is a lover of fashion, lover of people, with a demeanour that compliments the work she produces: Stella Neems. Combining this love of fashion and people, Stella noticed mounts of clothing going into the bail bins. Continuing to volunteer at The Hospice, it’s one of the many things in the fashion realm she does so well.

The first taster of Rewind By Hospice came about during lockdown. With Stella putting clothing content online nearing the end of Level 3, it expanded and exploded. Originally it was something small but it turned into a business of goodness, in both the Frankton Hospice and the online store. In many ways, this can be a reflection of how chaos brings about creativity and innovation. It’s that bittersweetness that though Covid hindered many it complimented some.

I’m sure you’re all money insecure students unless you somehow managed an allowance from your parents. For students fashion plays a primary role in how others see you and how you see 12

yourself. It gives away a lot about the type of degree you’re doing (I’m looking at you psych majors with your Docs and wide-leg jeans). First-hand trends can be costly. But I’d say to be on trend isn’t to be fashionable. When my mum was my age, buying second hand and wearing them was uncool. Nowadays the tables have turned. Second-hand options are more unique, often one of a kind. It takes a lot to turn away from the likes of Glassons or… Hallensteins? (Honestly I’m not sure where most boys buy first-hand clothes).

Purchasing second-hand also plays into your own narrative, the money insecure.

It’s places like these that are for you.

Composed of a few volunteers and students it is a small essence of the wider Hamilton community- and it starts with the young adults and youth. The online extension drops every Thursday at 1pm.

But if you’re one for mini-adventures then have a look in-store.

@rewindbyhospicewaikato

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NEXUS: WELCOME...HOME?

THE FOUND STORE

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Unveiling some of the beautiful faces behind the second-hand, boutique, and interior design community… Found Store is comparable to a retro, real-estate garage sale you’d accidentally stumble upon on a hot summer day.

If you’re a Recycle-Boutique fumer who spends the rest of your student allowance on Harley Davidson tees then maybe you should familiarise yourself with the ladies behind the Found Store. You may recognise Liz if you’ve nestled into Hamilton in recent years. Former Glassons employee now loyal second-hand fanatic you can see the essence of what she loves in store. Then we take to Ann-Maree, who has a background in all things interior design. They describe their store as bright, filled with neatly piled clothing and pieces for your girly-girl flat you’ll wish you had purchased instead of the several oat milk lattes from GSK. Ok, yes, this place may not exactly accommodate the financially troubled student who really does not have the budget for this but that’s not the point. It’s places like these that reflect what Hamilton can offer past your sleep-ins on Hogan Street.

In my case, I came to Hamilton none the wiser. When telling people I was moving to Hamilton for uni I’d hear the ‘WhAt a HoLE’ said by someone who thinks living in the Mount is the biggest personality trait.

But honestly I quite like what exists here.

There’s a drinking culture but there is also a larger culture that exists, can you feel it?

And if you haven’t felt it maybe pop into Found and spark up a chat with Liz or AnnMaree. I know I will.

@foundstorenz

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NEXUS: WELCOME...HOME?

NATHAN RAHUI If there is one thing Hamilton has going for it, apart from Billy’s Karaoke bar, it’s the kai. Being from a small town, dumplings were like the Easter Bunny or Judith Collins’ morals, something we thought existed but couldn’t be one hundred percent sure of. When I tried them for the first time, my tastebuds discovered a whole new galaxy of flavours. Thus, my love affair with Asian cuisine began. There are way too many good spots to choose from, but here are my top picks:

Daikoku

There’s not many places you get a dinner and a show, unless you’re at my marae watching my cousins fight. At Daikoku, the chef will come out swinging knives and lighting fires like a regular daredevil.

The lunch special (never go at night, it’s way to spenny) lets you choose your favourite meat, and they cook it before your eyes. You also get two other courses for free! McDonald’s is always going about their secret sauce - well ask the chef for yum-yum sauce, and you’ll never eat Maccas again (or until you’re drunk at 2am).

Garden Place Noodle Bar For years explorers have been trying to find the fountain of youth.

Little did they know, it was here in Hamilton the whole time.

So many noodle shops will splash out on imported packets of noodles and serve it up as ‘fresh’. Here you can literally see them crafting the noodles. They mix it in a broth that would make your Nana’s soup look like sewer water; and add gooey beef sirloin your life may just flash before your eyes. The kai is cheap, delicious, and the portions are huge; it’s a student’s dream. I’m running out of words but get the spicy dumplings too.

Nancy's Dumplings Don’t fall into the trap of thinking Dumpling House is the best thing ever. This place may not look too flash, but Nancy’s serves up the tastiest dumplings in town; they’re light, tasty and affordable! And on the plus side, they’re usually open after the clubs are. Make sure you get a side of spring onion pancakes too.

King of Skewers Bahn Mi Caphe If I could only eat from one place in Hamilton it would be here.

Bahn Mi serves up the freshest salads, pho and baguettes on offer.

The ingredients go together better than a bunch of white people in House on Hood and Mr. Brightside. The absolute star of the place is the fried chicken with sriracha aioli - best in town some people (namely me) would say. The decor is also snazzy and it’s hard to get a table, so make sure you phone up.

If you’ve ever wanted to cook your own chicken gizzards then this is the place. Or if you’re a bit more reserved, KOS has a huge range of meats, vegetables and other tasty items all laid out, surprisingly, on skewers. You choose your hotpot and then it’s all up to you. The broth itself is so good, it could probably replace blue Powerade as the best hangover cure. Just FYI, the spicy broth will kick your ass.

So humble yourself, work your way up to it.

Honourable mentions: Victors Sichuan Dumpling house Chilli house Madam woo Taiwanese

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

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Slang Dictionary D B Beezy

Definition: How you describe the girl you met at the Outback to your mates the morning after.

In a sentence: “That beezy you met last night was way out of your league Josh.”

Synonym: None that aren’t derogatory Should a mature student use this word: No Mature student replacement sentence: Honestly, if you are a mature student looking to describe someone you met at the Outback to your mates, then there are more important questions to ask yourself.

Boozed

Definition: Another word for drunk In a sentence: “I’m not getting boozed tonight, I’m still dusty from last night.”

Synonym: smashed, sloshed, or gone Should a mature student use this word: No Mature student replacement sentence: “I’m not a teetotaler but I don’t like to be completely inebriated.”

Bro

Definition: An endearment for a close friend, usually a male.

In a sentence: “I love you bro, happy new year.”

Synonym: Nah. Nothing quite compares to bro.

Should a mature student use this word: Situationally. You and everyone around you will know if you can pull off a “bro” without sounding trite.

C

Chur

Definition: Kiwi for thanks, cool, or sweet.

In a sentence: “Chur bro.”

Synonym: Again, nothing quite compares.

Should a mature student use this word: No Mature student replacement sentence: “Thank you very much for this, it is absolutely appreciated.”

Language is a constant evolution. What is “cool” today might not be “hip” tomorrow. That is just the price you pay for aging. So, knowing that by the time these are in print they may all be outdated we have put together a kiwi slang dictionary to help both our international and domestic students acclimatise to the University of Waikato.

Dusty

Definition: Your one word answer when your flatmate asks how you’re feeling after a big night out.

In a sentence: “I’m way too dusty after last night’s piss up. I need a Powerade.”

Synonym: Hungover, wrecked or maggoted.

Should a mature student use this word: No Mature student replacement sentence: “It appears I had a few too many Sauvignon Blanc last night. I should get a Berocca.”

F

Flake

Definition: To cancel a prearranged meeting or event, particularly at the last minute.

In a sentence: “Probably going to flake on the boys and stay in with the missus tonight.”

Synonym: Bail Should a mature student use this word: No Mature student replacement sentence: “Probably going to let them know I won’t be in attendance tonight without good reason.”

Frothie

Definition: A cold drink - typically alcoholic.

In a sentence: “Want to go for a frothie at Sam’s before hitting Back Bar tonight?”

Synonym: Bevvy or brewski.

Should a mature student use this word: No Mature student replacement sentence: “Should we go for a drink before our Tupperware party tonight?”

H

Hard out

Definition: To agree with what someone is saying with enthusiasm or when replying to a question to mean “yes”.

In a sentence: “Yeah, hard out. I’m keen to go to that flat party tonight.”

Antonym: Nah bol.

Should a mature student use this word: No Mature student replacement sentence: “I am 100 percent behind your course of action, friend.”

M

Mean

Definition: Having the required qualities; of a high standard; or to agree.

In a sentence: “Mean!”

Synonym: Sick Should a mature student use this word: No Mature student replacement sentence: “Great. I concur with your suggestion.”

Munted

Definition: When something is really broken or someone is highly intoxicated.

In a sentence: “Did you see Harry last night? He was so munted.”

Antonym: Straight or dry Should a mature student use this word: No Mature student replacement sentence: “Was it me or did Harry seem a little under the weather last night?”

P

Piss

Definition: Alcohol beverage In a sentence: “On the piss.”

Synonym: None Should a mature student use this word: Yes Mature student replacement sentence: Let’s be honest your grandad was using this word. It defies generational nuance. There is a good chance your parents were singing “College on the piss” while walking to the Hilly.

N

Yeah, nah.

Definition: No In a sentence: “Yeah, nah” Antonym: Nah, yeah Should a mature student use this word: Yeah, nah Mature student replacement sentence: No

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NEXUS: WELCOME...HOME?

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BEST Liv (and worst)

If this truly is an issue where we roll out the welcome mat to those proud, brave few that have navigated the Covid-filled airports to seek a better life here in our academic paradise then we thought we had better give you the heads up on some of the best, and worst we have to offer.

However we needed to establish some ground rules. To name just five brilliant kiwis would be doing many a disservice. For starters, if we opened the field to “of all time” we would have Rutherford, Sheppard, Hillary, Hone Heke, and Colin Meads. That hardly leaves room for a newer generation. So we made it “Living New Zealanders.” We also wanted to give ourselves some breathing room on the “Worst New Zealanders” side. Obviously there are murderers, violent sexual predators, and slum lords and comparing all of them to David Seymour would be a stretch, even for us. We also cheated a little and put a couple of and’s in there because Hills Baz is fine on her own but with John Campbell the magic happens, similarly Brian and Hannah but without magic because... witchcraft.

Finally we wanted to contextualise this to your lifetime. You can make an argument as to why Richard Prebble and Roger Douglas are worse than David Seymour but most of you won’t google that. They both may still make our annual 50 worst people of 2021. Because this list doesn’t exist to talk about people who have recently done good or bad things. It is just a simple heads up.

So we have cheated a lot. It’s a misleading title but largely because “seven reasonably good New Zealanders based on one opinion and seven others we could make easy jokes about who we aren’t fans of but aren’t as bad as murders and aren’t so old you need to research them” would be a horrible layout to give to a designer.

Instead join us as we go full BuzzFeed on this shit.

BEST TAIKA WAITITI

No one on this list has done more to take effortless kiwi humour and approach global than Waititi (although honourable mention to Steven and Val Adams). Waititi never forgot where he came from and deserves all the success in the world. Our favourite thing though, is that Taika knows that to truly love something you have to want it to be the best version of itself and he has never stopped being critical of the problems that exist in this country.

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New Z

WORST David Seymour

Last year Nexus named Dave’o the worst person of 2020. This year he hasn’t been bad so much as inconsistent. For 12 months now Seymour has been the champion of every position on the Covid spectrum.

Whether we needed to keep the borders open or close them immediately Seymour was on the news spewing it. We should open our economy like Australia was quickly followed by, we should close our borders and shut tourism down so we don’t end up like Australia. Why do we keep putting a microphone near this guy?

BEST HILLARY BARRY & JOHN CAMPBELL

Seperate from one another these two are the best we have to offer when it comes to compassion and integrity. Whether it was Campbell calling out the misogyny of correspondents on air, or Hillary telling people she will wear what she wants and she doesn’t care, they are #goals. Together though it was election night magic. They were the voice of the average kiwi and loving it. Girl Guide Biscuits and Jazz Cabbage all round.

ving

Zealanders BEST HELEN CLARK

WORST Simone Anderson

Can we agree that all influencers are garbage people? However to be queen of the garbage people is a truly remarkable effort. Whether it is disputed allegations of defrauding a womens refuge or the several ASA complaints about misleading the public for commercial gain it didn’t take much to convince us of her place on the list. That said, she and her partner are expecting a child so maybe some time out of the spotlight will allow everyone to take some time and reflect.

Aunty Helen, New Zealand’s first female Prime Minister will largely have her legacy washed of any controversy over time. For instance, only one in ten of you will have noticed she wasn’t actually New Zealand’s first female Prime Minister but it just felt right to read, right? Let’s be clear her legacy is a little divisive. Half measures on gay marriage, controversy over the Foreshore and Seabed which was some of the worst legislation we have seen, and a less than stellar track record on drug reform could all see her occupy the other half of this list.

But there is just something so very, very empowering about her that makes us look back on her time with pride.

WORST DAVID CLARKE

From the best Clark to the worst. This insufferable trash bag tried blaming Dr Ashley for his own failings as Minister of Health. What followed was a huge outpouring of support, chocolates and a campaign for Clarke to get on his bike... literally.

BEST DR ASHLEY BLOOMFIELD

It is no secret that from time to time Nexus can be alienating when it comes to people of the Christian faith. So let us be clear here, if more chrisso’s were like Doctor Ashley we would love you all. In fact it is impossible to dislike him. And doing so would make us real scumbags.

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HONOURABLE MENTIONS

Jacinda (too obvious), Dr Lance O’Sullivan (a little too controversial now), Chole Swarbrick (New Zealand’s AOC), Musical Siblings (The Finns, The Topp Twins, The Kora Brothers, The Rungas), Dr Linda Tuhiwai Smith (friend of Nexus and National Treasure. Stop what you are doing now and google her), Peter Jackson (made geek cool again), Mike King, Sir Richard “Paddles” Hadlee (86 tests, 436 wickets), and Steven Adams (lad!)

WORST Brian & Hannah

We have to be careful what we say here because we know the media causes earthquakes and tidal waves. There isn’t much to be said here that hasn’t already been covered by mainstream media other than this: Remove the Destiny Church tax exemption. The reason these two think the rules don’t apply to them is that we have literally made it easy for rules not to apply to them. Tax them, then they can say whatever they want.

WORST Russell Crowe

BEST STAN WALKER

Stan Walker is a fucking icon! They don’t give out touching documentary series to everyone. Voice of an angel, soul of an angel.

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When you truly look at what makes the worst kiwi’s, surely the desire to not be thought of as a New Zealander is somewhere near the top of the list. Sure, you can argue Stan Walker made his name in Australia just like Russell Crowe but he didn’t go out of his way to tell everyone he was Australian. If Russell Crowe wants to be Australian so bad then let him. Martin Crowe was better anyway. I mean not only does he have a higher batting average than Russell Crowe, his singing didn’t absolutely ruin Les Miserables

DISHONOURABLE MENTIONS

Six60: This one caused some hurtful things to be said in the office that can never be taken back. But they were fine the first 78 times we saw them this Summer and then they crossed over.

Nexus Blind Date is back. Thanks to our friends at House we will be spending the year hoping to find true love, or at least really interesting stories. So if you are keen for a night out, some good company and the chance to find that someone special in this crazy mixed-up world then email editor@nexusmag.co.nz

NEXUS: WELCOME...HOME?

Which Kiwi C Are You ?

It’s a little known fact but scientists can now predict which classic Kiwi food staple you are based on your reactions in social situations. So for those new to our long white cloud we have borrowed that research, stripped it of all APA referencing and repurposed it to help you find out a little more about yourself.

1. You’re at a party. Are you: a. The one dominating all the conversation and holding court as king or queen of the storytellers b. The one waiting for the aux to be free so you can impress everyone with your indie hits c. The one hooking up in the corner with a stranger, because life is too short d. Outside with the smokers

2. You find someone unfriended you on Facebook do you: a. Start posting photos of you having a good time that included them and aggressively tagging in all their friends so they eventually realise the mistake they made b. Move on because who uses Facebook these days c. Add 10 more friends to replace that one because you are aggressively trying to get to a target d. Not actually notice they had done it for about two years and by then you don’t give a shit anyway

3. You’re in a group assignment are you the one who: a. Organises everyone but makes sure that you have all the best jokes in the presentation b. Does the research but uses it to add obscure facts that you know stray outside the frame of the assignment but will make it seem like your group is really smart c. Do the bare minimum but make sure when the presentation comes you do the most talking d. Do almost nothing, but are a little critical when the presentation comes and make snide remarks 26

4. When you plan a party, what is most important to you: a. That everyone there is having a good time b. The music and aesthetic, obviously c. The guest list d. That the people there are ‘sussed’

5. You walk into a discussion about religion, you: a. Want to make sure everyone is cool and that everyone has the right to an opinion without listening to any particular side b. Listen intently and reference more obscure theology books supporting your side of the argument c. Figure out which side is winning and join it adapting to it almost like evolution, but NOT evolution if that is going to offend. Besides, your new iphone has some great religious diversity emojis d. Walk away

6. It’s time to go on a weekend getaway with friends, you go: a. To the beach, get the guitars out, make a weekend of it b. Auckland, staying in a hostel, listening to some new band, hitting up a museum, and a gallery, living the dream c. On a hike so you can show people you aren’t just image obsessed. Besides there are like six great places for instagram images so everyone can see how happy you are being disconnected from the world next to a waterfall. And your new iphone has some great natural light filters d. You help plan a great trip but a day before you excuse yourself because something has come up. And that something is housework and twitch streaming, but you don’t tell your mates that part

Classic

MOSTLY A’s

You, my friends, are the Hangi or Fish and Chips of New Zealand.

The kiwi classic that embodies the very best of us all. Diversity, easy going and effortless. We say effortless but if you actually have to dig a fucking Hangi Pit you would laugh now. In some ways that is also a part of your character. You aren’t afraid to put the work in to ensure everyone has a good time. You are comfortable in any situation whether it is at the cricket, on the beach, or at a wedding. It’s important to you that everyone is having a good time but you aren’t a wallflower either, you want people to remember you.

MOSTLY B’s

7. You’re at a restaurant of your choosing, what is most important: a. The conversation. What other reason is there for going out? b. The experience. You want to dine somewhere that you have never been c. The food quality: Because your new iphone has some great filters to make the food look amazing d. The price. You’re a student after all

8. It’s Monday morning and your lecturer has just said something that you don’t agree with, you: a. Raise your hand and politely question them on it to gain further understanding b. Make a note of it to discuss with your TA in your tutorial and see if you can learn more c. Make a note of it so that when the exam comes you can answer in a way they will agree with and give you top marks d. Carry on reading the blind date.. Wait did the lecturer just say… can’t be that important suuurely

9. Your Netflix queue consists of: a. A little bit of everything but heavy on comedies involving Will Farrell b. Documentaries like Jiro Dreams of Sushi and Black Fish c. Bridgerton you basic bitch d. German sci fi with subtitles

10. What is most important to you: a. A conflict free existence where everyone can feel valued b. Individuality, creativity, and genuine emotional connection c. Friendship, loyalty, and your #squad d. Memes

You’re the classic kiwi staple of home made pizza. Either on a dough base or made on Tip Top White bread in the oven. You are canned Watties Spaghetti, and pineapple and you don’t care who knows it. You have a clear sense of your own identity and are empowered by your own authenticity, and you know what, there isn’t anything wrong with it. Can you be divisive? Absolutely, more than anyone else in fact. But you are who you are and it is unapologetically brilliant. Sure some of us hate the Spaghetti of it all and will privately joke about how weird it is. But that is because deep down we are a little jealous that you figured it out early. Shine on you beautiful diamond.

NB: While this is a metaphor for identity we want to point out that actually spaghetti on a pizza is gross but pineapple is fine.

Fight me!

MOSTLY C’s

OBVIOUSLY THE PAVLOVA. It was never in doubt, and you knew that. You are showy and beautiful but grounded firmly in New Zealand’s fabric of being. You are the Alpha, AND the Omega with a few pineapple lumps and chocolate fish thrown in for good measure.. The north star we all follow at night and that is important to you. Who cares if we call you shallow and vapid. You love life and you do what you want. People don’t realise the work it takes to appear so carefree and relaxed and if they did they would have a greater appreciation for the beacon of hope you are in New Zealand. Don’t listen to the people trying to chop you down. Grow and keep growing, you magnificent tall poppy.

MOSTLY D’S

Welcome to the life of the unassuming Mince and Cheese Pie. Best enjoyed with a Double Brown and a Winnie Blue. You are comfortable being in the background. It’s not that you are shy or retiring. Odds are at a party you may have one or two of the best lines. But you don’t build your whole identity around being a fucking star. You are quite content. You don’t hate parties but you are just as comfortable at home in the same pair of trackies for the third straight day playing xbox. Sure at times people are going to look down on you as being a little strange. But we have all succumbed to the raw appeal of a microwaved breakfast pie when know one is around.

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NEXUS: WELCOME...HOME?

OLIVER DUNN Hamilton, the city of the future and nang capital of New Zealand.

A roundabout haven connected via humped bridges that boasts all the flash of Tauranga with none of the beaches. To the uneducated outsider it may seem like a destination for hot air tomfoolery or more cowbell, but under the surface of City Council branding there exists a collection of hidden gems. None more so than the Hamilton Gardens.

Perhaps you’ve heard of them? If you have, then allow me to be more specific- the public toilets at the Hamilton Gardens.

Most tourists take little notice of the real attraction. It is not the provocative Surrealist Garden nor is it the simplistic, traditional Japanese Garden, it is in fact the humble toilets pushed off to one side. Most flower enthusiasts walk by none the wiser, opting instead to strategically pinch cheeks during their tour of especially beautiful greenery. But for those that have experienced it, whether they are seat up or seat down, scrunch or fold, they all know the same truth- it is the premier public toilet in all of Hamilton.

Sure, there are other destinations available to a Hamiltonian needing to piss, but none seem to enhance the experience quite like this.

Picture serenity as you waddle in, pure New Zealand tree and bush exposed through a glass wall. Lush ferns so free and vibrant that it’s almost as if nature is observing you, pooping, in some kind of animal enclosure. It is a completely unique feeling for the toilet genre. All public piss and poo anxiety fades away as you are left with just nature and nature’s calling.

For the current official Hamilton Public Toilet Power Rankings please refer to the lists below.

Top Five: 1) Hamilton Gardens.

2) Riff Raff Statue – the pizzazz of the Rocky Horror Picture Show monument is backed up with the pizzazz of cutting-edge self-closing door technology.

3) The Base (but right in the corner next to Nandos).

4) Hamilton Libraries – free wifi.

5) Subway – smell of malted rye works to cover less pleasant aromas.

Bottom Five: 1) Any all-boys school toilet ever – to describe it would be to describe the eye of Sauron, it’sjust pure fucking evil.

2) Urine trough at Waikato Stadium.

3) Portaloo at Round the Bridges – nervous pre-race poo made infinitely worse with negative two ply toilet paper.

4) Cinemas – ‘you missed the best part!’

5) Waterworld.

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JAMIE STRANGE

New Zealand is experiencing a housing crisis and it is no secret, and while both political sides could blame each other, this isn’t going to solve the issue. Our talented students are one of the groups that have been affected by the crisis and our Government is working to help our students in areas where it matters most, while also making the housing crisis the priority for 2021. Students have been forced to compete in a rental market with families and working professionals due to the shortage of housing supply in Hamilton, and across New Zealand. In the coming weeks, Minister of Finance Grant Robertson will announce the first part of our plan to tackle the crisis in regards to the demand of homes, while later in the year we will release a plan tackling the issue of supply. In the meantime, our Government has also been focusing on renter rights and security around their homes.

As part of the Tenancy Law changes, we made it so rents can only be increased every 12 months. For students who plan to just rent for the year before moving away for the holidays this allows them a guarantee that their rent will not change within the year and give them some financial security.

DEBATABLE The question of rental affordability largely depends on disposable income. Students generally receive a limited income, and consequently, many will struggle with continuous rental price increases. The recent surge in private accommodation costs is unaffordable for many students and is pressuring them out of the market. The cause of the latest rental price escalation is two-fold. First, the Government’s increased requirements on landlords have contributed to private rental unaffordability for those on student incomes. All landlords must comply with the laws in the Residential Tenancies Act. Every time tenancy rules are updated to increase landlords’ expenses, the cost will undoubtedly be transferred through to the tenant. Consequently, although these changes may enhance your rental property and the security of the tenancy agreement, it also means that as a tenant you will be paying for these additional services. The second driver is New Zealand’s increasing house prices. As landlords must pay more for properties, they will increase rent prices to cover the mortgage and additional costs on those properties.

We’ve also put in law changes that mean rental properties cannot be advertised without a rental price listed, and landlords cannot invite tenants to bid on the rental.

All requests to assign a tenancy now must be considered by landlords and they cannot decline them unreasonably. It’s about giving everyone a fair chance, no matter what their background. Our Healthy Homes Guarantee also means all rental properties will soon have heating and insulation, meaning your home will be warm and dry. All rentals should be fully insulated by now, while heating standards should be met by 2024 there must be one or more fixed heaters that can directly heat the main living room. In our first term we also raised the student allowance by $50, while also recently raising the minimum wage to $20.00 per hour. We also made the first year for University students free. The media will point fingers, and parties will blame each other, but it’s going to require team work from Central Government, local councils, and listening to our students to find solutions and put them into action.

Are affordable rentals for students still a reality? If not who is to blame/or if they are why is the media pushing this narrative? And what would/should your government (assuming your party were in government) do about it?

The media is pushing the narrative of growing house prices for several reasons. First, with double-digit percentage house price increases under this Government, many prospective new homeowners are shut out of the market and feel that they can no longer purchase their own home. Second, a market that continuously rises at exceptional rates causes market unrest as the public generally expects a correction in house prices at some point.

A significant correction would be brutal to the New Zealand economy. Currently, this high spending Government is encouraging house price surges. Alternatively, National would have strong fiscal management of the Government finances. This would lead to improved structural economic conditions in New Zealand. National will also strengthen the supply of new housing with improved rules and greater use of partnerships to deliver housing. This contrasts with the current Government, which has promised immense housing supply but has delivered virtually none.

DAVID BENNETT

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

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NEXUS: WELCOME...HOME?

Local Locomotion Aerial Yoga GRACE MITCHELL

When Nexus asked me to head to a yoga class and write a review on the experience my tense, burnt-out, jaded fifth-year ass that can’t sink more than 8 cans without a 2-day hangover, I thought it sounded like a brilliant idea. I mean, I am something of a yogi, if you consider a yogi to be a white girl prone to the occasional 15-minute Youtube power sesh with a Sanskrit tat just visible above some ludicrously overpriced Lululemons, and someone who once camped out at a yoga festival and actively enjoyed it, without even joining the crowds in a joint or mushroom sampling to guide my spiritual development. So, in other words, my qualifications would say I’m the right gal for the job.

You don’t need to know what the fuck a shavasana is to know that yoga has exploded in popularity throughout the modern world, with studios popping up to appropriate Indian culture wherever there are suburban housewives with money. And money can be key, because at $25 a pop, the class I went to wasn’t cheap.

That’s approximately 15 meals if you’re a noodle connoisseur/ professional student such as myself.

I’ve tried my fair share of classes throughout Hamilton as well as through the web, and though some studios are more memorable than others, I can’t say I ever HAVEN’T enjoyed a practice. After all, yoga was not actually designed to be measured by aesthetics like whether the studio has a Monstera, if the sequence of poses slaps hard, or how good your bum looks in leggings; rather, it’s always a good session if you get some deep breathing in and snuggle into that blissful, relaxing state of forcefully forgetting that you’re three weeks behind schedule on uni work or whatever other bullcrap is occupying your brain juice.

With that said, what the fuck could be a cosier excuse to boycott your workload than gravity-defying yoga, right?

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I have actually been to High Above before, so my chances of going into the session incognito were dashed when the instructor recognised me as the prodigy student all the papers talked about, back when my friend and I did that little stint at pole-dancing for beginners. Much, much harder than it looks by the way; gals that work the pole deserve a big fuckin’ tip for athletic endurance alone.

Mixing yoga with a pole-dancing studio may sound a little conflicting, but rest assured, you won’t be incorporating any lubedup metal in your downward dogging. The prop that was involved, however, was some silky, hammocky thing suspended from the ceiling. And let me tell you, it was every bit as fucking fun as it looked like it was going to be.

I would probably say aerial yoga isn’t quite the title for it - expect a session with lots of stretching and circus trapeze-like antics all in one. But put together in a way that’s definitely for beginners, no prior experience in yoga nor circus acrobatics necessary.

I had super tight hammies and a knotted back from my lil’ bitch attempts in the UniRec weightsroom. We all know we’re supposed to stretch, but I for one can’t miss the opportunity to flex complaints about quad pain from that ruuuuthless gym sesh to prove to everyone that I do, in fact, gym. The best antidote for pain in those gigantic ripped muscles like mine is a session much like this; someone else telling you what to do so you don’t let yourself off easy on a deep, full-body stretch that really gets into the lower bod.

The hammock functions much like a multi-use tool. It can be used to stretch and swing your legs out like a perpendicular can-can dancer, act as an aid during a classic cobra backbend pose, and provide a good massage into the deep muscles of your back. I did find that sports bras purchased five years and two cup sizes ago are probably not the recommended item of clothing, with an incidental boob slippage taking place while upside down and splaylegged. It was handled, I think the other ten or so people in the room didn’t spot the freebie, but I’m telling myself everyone else was probably focussing on restraining their own nipples anyway so suuurely I’m in the clear. I remember thinking more than once that aerial yoga would be a fucking great idea after a couple of wines, but as much as I’m all about #freethenip, the slippage may have convinced me otherwise.

The best part by far was the last ten minutes or so. We were instructed to lay down in our hammocks like giant infants in silky cocoons, while the instructor walked around and handed-out lavendar-scented eye pillows that smelled like Nana’s house, and as the absolute cherry on top, offered a little push for anyone that wanted to swing about while they meditated. Someone was 110% snoring - there were some accusations thrown around, I think the investigation concluded it was probably the hubby that got dragged along when there was UFC to be watched - and I can’t blame them whatsoever. That shit was the most relaxing thing I’ve experienced since my Studylink payments were revived for the new year.

I’ve always been a big fan of trying new shit out, and somewhere along the line I became one of those person who puts “interested” on a shitload of Facebook events that I never attend, or signs

up to a bunch of commitments then later ceebs myself out of doing them. This served as a good little reminder to myself that even something as little as trying a new kind of exercise or going somewhere that isn’t home, uni, or the supermarket is a good way to provide some relief when demotivation kicks in and monotony takes the wheel. It’s so bloody easy to feel holed into a boring routine.

Trying something new to spice it up is like a shot of caffeine in the morning. It’s necessary for enjoying life. Sure, finding a new experience isn’t always cheap, but maybe shelling out for a new experience to spice up the monotony of existence is a justified form of what the bloggers these days like to call “self care.”

I know we all shit on Hamilton as a location that lacks much inspiration or excitement of any form. But maybe that can be a good thing, because when we do find it, we don’t take it for granted. We’re so used to thinking this city sucks balls that when we find a little gem of an experience, we’re quite genuinely, rather adorably impressed. We haven’t become immune to excitement, because our impression is that Hamilton is starved of it.

So take this as a reminder to seek out something new; paintballing, bowling, whisky tasting, an art exhibition, whatever floats your boat. None of us can travel right now, so maybe it’s time to start supporting our locals and seek local adventures in this little shithole we like to call home.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 3

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AQUARIUS JAN 20 - FEB 18

LEO JUL 23 - AUG 22

Jupiter rising brings about confronting emotional honesty, and in that spirit it is time you were honest with yourself. Next time the alarm rings to wake you for a 9am class say out loud “I wish I was back in lockdown”.

Some people are just too driven for parties, drinking, drugs, and sex. There is nothing wrong with being boring! On a related note we still have some vacancies at Orchard Park.

Email Brett@...

PISCES FEB 19 - MAR 20

VIRGO AUG 23 - SEP 22

Mars is in retrograde and it is causing you an emotional Tsunami, either that or someone made a joke about Destiny Church near you because that also causes Tsunamis apparently.

Don’t be embarrassed by your own desires.

We all have them. The young people reading this want fun and sex. To try new things and to reinvent. The mature students reading this want to know if this is Moodle and where they can buy a Pan-Optie.

ARIES MAR 21 - APR 19

LIBRA SEP 23 - OCT 22

Love is in the air this week, but first you have to love yourself. Not on an emotional level.

This is a horoscope masturbation reference because you have no romantic prospects.

Every time you see that special someone from the party your heart starts to race, your pulse quickens, you break out in a cold sweat, and you lose your sense of smell. Um, that may not actually be lust. Dr. Ashley says get a test and remember to check in.

TAURUS APR 20 - MAY 20

SCORPIO OCT 23 - NOV 21

A famous greek writer once wrote that life is the search for unattainable perfection. Which sounds poignant till you realise the Greeks also believed lightning was an unhappy Zeus, and smashing plates was a sign of respect, so maybe make your own decisions on what life is.

People are always telling you to be impulsive, to take risks, and to try new things. They don’t understand you like we do. They will never appreciate the value of a perfectly organised Bongo Sushi Box.

GEMINI MAY 21 - JUN 20

SAGITTARIUS NOV 22 - DEC 21

Uranus and Pluto are competing for attention this week. Much like you shamelessly hoping the hottie in your lecturer will notice you.

They won’t. So, be less forgettable?

Sometimes love means saying your sorry, so let us start. We’re sorry, that no one loves you.

CANCER JUN 21 - JUL 22

CAPRICORN DEC 22 - JAN 19

Much like the stars themselves people are constantly moving in and out of alignment.

The person who seemed like a dream flatmate at last week’s bond signing is the same person leaving their toenails in a common space now.

Who knows what next week will bring.

Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is the most human thing you will ever do. Actually scratch that, having a wank in the showers of College Hall is the most human thing you will ever do, but that makes you really vulnerable, so DOUBLE POINTS!

KIWI AS

- BRONWYN LAUNDRY

It was difficult for me to keep this to just a few songs, music in Aotearoa is pretty amazing and I could’ve just filled it with Dave Dobbyn, Dragon and Hello Sailor and been done with it. But here are a few of the kiwi classics that the live band at Keystone don’t play as often.

1. Nesian 101 - Nesian Mystik Glorious, joyful with relevant lyrics and fun Polynesian siren beats. Takes me right back to 2009.

2. Stay Together - Six60 What would a kiwi playlist be without the biggest sell outs to grace NZ music in ages? A personal favourite because screaming the bridge at your friends in the car is a very fun time.

7. Young Blood - Naked & Famous This song gives me heavy 2012 nostalgia, and doesn’t help that it featured in the trailer of every coming-of-age movie at the time.

8. In Colour - Shapeshifter If you’ve ever seen Shapeshifter live you’ll know exactly how magical it is to be peaking while the chorus of this song kicks in.

9. The Raft - Fat Freddy’s Drop A groovy revolution song, nothing gets you more hype than “and though my people may not be many / we are ready for the storm to come.”

3. Misty Frequencies - Ché-Fu Like most of these songs, I don’t really need to make a case for how good it is.

10. Kentucky Gold - choicevaughan Tom Scott never misses. A genius who talks openly about his struggles growing up in Aotearoa with not much. Relatable, clever, funny, uniquely kiwi.

4. Girl in Stilettos - Annah Mac An iconic masterpiece and that’s on that.

11. Every Day’s A Saturday - Elemeno P The University anthem.

5. Be Mine Tonight - Th’ Dudes Ok I had to include some Dave Dobbyn, and this one nods to Outrageous Fortune too so double points.

12. Home by 2 - 48May Ah, the Blink 182 of Hillcrest. There was no greater revelation than when we realised that the guy my flatmate had been hooking up with lived at the iconic 48 May Street. Turn it into a museum and preserve the mouldy windows, I say.

6. Cruel [Rap Version] - Dane Rumble Gotta be the rap version. Apparently he makes luxury watches now in Australia now. Surely makes a comeback just to play three songs at every festival next summer?

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