Nexus 2015 Issue 13 by Nexus Magazine

N.13 / V.47

BURGERFUEL IS TAKING OVER AMERICA

Offer available at any BurgerFuel in New Zealand. Not available with any other offer. One voucher per person, per visit. Not valid for online ordering. Expires 30/08/15.

24 Just Do It Motivation. It’s very important for a University student. It’s how we decide whether or not to get up at 7am for that first class of the day. Typically, I personally do not.

How to Throw a Kind of Decent Re-O Week Party

International Students

Ah, it’s that time of year again! Re-O Week, it’s

accents or the diversity of life experiences; the

like O Week’s less popular, less appealing, and

international students in our classes and lives

less hot sister (literally, it’s fucking freezing).

here at Waikato give us a refreshing change

She’s still a fun time but she requires a little more

from the stuck up Aucklanders and Hamiltonians

effort to drag people out.

we normally have to talk to.

NEXUS NEWS

Greece is the Word

Reality TV with no Grasp of Reality

Safety on Campus

New VP for a New Semester

Whether through the range of unique colourful

AUNTY SLUT I Can’t Come

ON THE FRINGE #tweakernation: Tumblr’s Meth Movements

NEW LOCALS

Editor Jessica Wilson editor@nexusmag.co.nz Design Olivia Paris design@nexusmag.co.nz Deputy Editors Brittany Rose, Jules Craft Managing Editor James Raffan

First Impressions News Editor Sam Marelich

CARNAGE

Practical Party Dressing

Contributors Alexander Nebesky, Chris Kader, Chris Reive, Jared Wooldridge, Richard Swainson, Caitlin Orton, Hp, Kelsie Moorland, Peter Dornauf, Emma Nygard, Casey Dunstan, Aunty Slut, Nicole Sebastian, Zac Lyon, Johnny Ryan

THE SINGLE LIFE

Cover Tayla Dee Kelly

Waking Hours 34

COOKING FOR STUDENTS

A Welcome Message to the Newly Single

Killer Chicken Salad

ENTERTAINMENT

REVIEWS

ARTS

AUTEUR

SNAPPED

BLIND DATE PUZZLES

Advertising Andrew James aj@wsu.org.nz Offices Ground Floor, Student Union Building Gate One, University of Waikato Knighton Road, Hamilton Online nexusmag.co.nz facebook.com/nexusNZ @nexusmag Spotify: nexusmagazine

ISSUE 13 30

A FASHIONABLE LIFESTYLE

YOUR SPACE

13 JULY 2015

The Grey Box

NEW BEGINNINGS

Editorial NEXUS MAGAZINE

You Need Self-Help Jess Wilson

C. You did something stupid during Re-O Week and will be in hospital for the length of B Semester. Remedy: Don’t drink so much and you probably won’t be so inclined to start fights/jump off buildings. If you’re struggling with alcohol or drug abuse, contact the WSU. Goal 2: Stop Buying Lunch A. You’ll forgot your lunch at least once this week, giving you no

Semester B means new beginnings. Now is the time for you to re-evaluate your life and figure out how to make this semester less shit than the last. You’re like a young Lindsay Lohan before she reached the point of no return or a bird who fell from a tree

option but to buy lunch. You will continue this pattern until you are forgetting lunch every day. Remedy: Keep a few packs of Mi Goreng in your bag at all times. Prepare at Level Zero for a tasty, albeit unhealthy, lunch.

and survived. You’re still here, so make the most of it. Here’s why

B. You decide to eat lunch when you get home, probably

you’ll fail your goals for Semester B (and how to remedy this).

around 2pm, however by 11am you are STARVING (bored) and

Goal 1: Attend All Lectures A. You will likely be too exhausted (read: hungover) from Re-O Week to bother attending any of your first lectures. It’s understandable.

need food. Remedy: Pack a boredom snack. Keep it healthy, for instance a small apple, low-fat muesli bar, or a kilo of buffalo wings.

I’d rather sleep after a big night than listen to a lecturer pointlessly

Goal 3: Get Laid

reading over a course outline — granted I’d rather sleep during

A. You’ll spend day-after-day on Tinder trying to find the perfect

most, if not all, lectures — but you’ve got to persevere!

lay, however conversation will never progress to the desired

Remedy: Treat yo’self. For every lecture you attend, put one

point of “Want some fuck?”

dollar in a jar. At the end of the semester that money can go into

Remedy: Be confident and be honest. If you’re looking for

something fun, like a new phone or drugs.

something casual, then say that ASAP. If they want the same

B. You will attend the first lecture and be so overcome by the

thing, they will likely tell you so. If they don’t, then their loss.

dullness of the lecture — most likely the lecturer pointlessly

B. You’ll spend every weekend trying to nab yourself a babe in

reading over a course outline — that you will cease attending.

town to no success.

Remedy: Sit next to someone new every lecture and introduce

Remedy: Town hook-ups are often gross and a lot of people

yourself. Instead of being bored the entire lecture, you’ll be

can’t consent in their drunken state. Go on Tinder, it’s easy and

feeling awkward and perhaps even panicky.

doesn’t involve any elaborate mating rituals (i.e sloppy dancing).

NEXUS MAGAZINE Lettuce

Nexus Readership Survey 2015

Cactus, I mean Carcus

My favourite pieces in Nexus are...

After reading the Editors Unpopular opinions skit with a chuckle..I was inspired.

“Nothing, everything is terrible.” “I didn’t realise any of it had an order or title…” What other content would you like to see in the magazine? “More Aunty Slut, stuff about local artists, musicians etc.. and how about chuck in a vegan recipe every now and again.” “The whole magazine is pretentious and terrible.” “More snapped and include the ruthless ones. Snapped was better last year.”

Carcus

The biggest threat the Uni staff and students is....Uni staff and students. No the earth isn’t flat, unlike my GF...but I like that, its the nipples that count :P. Commercially smart people are completely stupid when it comes to life skills. Sex is over rated when your drunk, especially when the girl your with falls off the side of the bed and hits her chin on the corner of the desk....she then climbs back into bed..says she ok, and you continue. You wonder if her moaning and cries of “it hurts” has anything to do with her swollen chin.

“Less stuff about Fuckboys.” “Maybe stuff on different cultures from students at the uni.”

Police aren’t here to protect you, they are here to protect the people that fuck your life up.

Are there puzzles you want to add or any other puzzles

Drugs are bad for you, thats why the Doctor readily sells them to you...he is a

related comments?

businessman after all.

“I didn’t even realise there was a puzzle section…” “Make the crosswords easier.” “Puzzle section is fine as it is.”

The heart tick on food labels means it will kill you faster. Jesus was a buddhist monk. Fluoride is great for you teeth, but will give you alzheimer’s.....ummm yeah. The Moon is really just the Sun at night.

Paid Parking It is STUPID. It will discourage me to come to class even more. We already pay enough course fees! Yeah sure - Auckland may have paid parking but

Just because your gay dont mean your happy. No the ocean isn’t blue or green, its clear...FUCK! A safe place posses the greatest danger. Milk is really just white water...bring back the fucking cream you cheap bastards!!!

LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THEIR CITY AND POPULATION COMPARED TO US!!!! Many people CHOOSE to take public transport to avoid traffic and the issue of finding a park. We have next to no traffic compared to them, and we HAVE ENOUGH car parks!!! Students and teachers have made do all these years. Alot of us can’t afford to car pool due to other commitments such as work, kids and many other things. It’s hard having to rely on other people

My Unpopular Opinions Queen Larissa

and/or transport to get you where you need to be at a certain time. Like i said, we have managed until now. We are happy - sure it can be hard

Sketchers are making a come back in a big way. Trust me I owned a pair of New Balance

to find a park sometimes BUT WE MAKE DO. Putting a cost on parking

996’s in 2013.

is going to make more people unhappy than it is happy. So don’t do it. Just don’t. I am a first year and one of the reasons i chose Waikato was because it was easy access. Don’t change that.

The red lighting on the “Bridge Street Bridge” at night symbolises danger and violence and it makes me fear for my life. Robot starter kit: 1 x Karen Walker Bow necklace, 1 x Deadly Ponies handbag, Some sort of Nike sneakers

Disclaimer Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility

If you have an accounting degree we will never be lovers

for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting

Gloriavale is a small scale version of New Zealand society so what’s the fuckin problem

your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and

(is this too political??)

subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compensate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any law, is defamatory to any person,

If I hear one more person say that New Zealand films and/or musicians are shit ever again I will shave their eyebrows off. They probably have no respect for decent eyebrows either so I don’t see any problems hair <<<< see what I did?

or contains threats of violence or hate speech.

Continuous affiliation with blockbuster films will have a mashed potato effect on the

Email your lettuce to lettuce@nexusmag.co.nz

brain. Please don’t get this confused with delicious fluffy, golden mashed potatoes that are reminiscent of clouds and heaven.

N.13 / V.47

NEW BEGINNINGS

News from the University NEXUS MAGAZINE

ON YA

NEED TO KNOW

NZU20 RUGBY TEAM WIN WORLD CHAMPS

CHANGE OF ENROLMENT

Hillary scholars Atu Moli (captain left) and Mitch

Centre, or call 0800 WAIKATO within the first two weeks.

If you need to add or change papers, complete a Change of Enrolment through iWaikato, go to the Student Admin desk on level 2, Student

Jacobson, and SPLS student Anton Leinart-Brown, helped win the U20 World Rugby Championship in Italy last month, beating England 21 – 16 in the final.

NOMINATE FOR BLUES PM SCHOLARSHIPS FOR ASIA

If you or someone you know is a student who excels in sport or creative or performing arts — make a nomination at www.waikato.ac.nz/events/ blues for the 2015 Blues Awards, open now.

Ella Gollogly (left), Jonathan Adams, Sam Gilling and Christopher Batterton are off to Asia after being awarded Prime Minister’s Scholarships for Asia.

UNI LOCK MAKES MĀORI ALL BLACKS

TOKOROA & PUTARURU ON THE BUS The UoW is partnering with high schools and communities in Tokoroa and Putaruru to widen the pathway to university study, including subsidised transport, mentoring and fees scholarships.

UoW club rugby player Jacob Skeen has been named in the 26-man Māori All Blacks squad for 2015.

ADULT LEARNERS’ AWARDS Know an adult student who deserves some recognition? Nominate them for an award at www.waikato.ac.nz/go/adultlearnersweek

KICK-START YOUR CAREER Need help planning your career? Book in for a Hamilton or Tauranga career workshop via iWaikato.

2600+ STUDENTS… WMS STUDENTS GO TO GLOBAL CASE COMP Gina Milicich, Braden Kempthorne, Jess Howse and Harkaran Aujla were the only NZ

…completed the 2015 Student Barometer survey. Thank you for having your say to help us improve Uni services. Results available soon.

Go to iWaikato or Student eNews for more information and other need-to-knows.

team to compete in a Global Business Case Comp in Japan last month.

Full stories available on the University website. Got a story to share? Email meganb@waikato.ac.nz

NEXUS MAGAZINE News

NEXUS NEWS NEWS FEATURE

GREECE IS THE WORD

unwillingness to bend to the demands of the IMF caused a halting of the 240

Alexander Nebesky & Chris Kader

In 2015, with the Syriza party remaining firmly against a Grexit (the cute nickname

billion euro bailout programme implemented in 2012.

for a Greek exit of the Eurozone), Greece is still in negotiations with the Eurozone in an effort to reach a compromise which could give Greece aid in debt and keep A look back at “ancient” (2007) Greek Economics Anyone who has paid attention to the news recently will have the basic

them together. In the recent referendum, the Greek people overwhelmingly voted against the austerity measures that were set out as conditions of the bailout.

impression that something is going down in Greece. An economic “something”

No Means No. No also means financial collapse

that is the most severe economic “something” in the history of the Eurozone, and

After the Greek people’s historic landslide vote against the referendum to

could see Greece leave the Euro entirely. After the consistent news coverage, and

accept the harsh bailout conditions and make a deal with the troika (European

the historic referendum held last week, one could be left wondering how Greece

Commission, European Central Bank, International Monetary Fund), the country

got to this point — what caused Greece to become the pariah of the Eurozone.

is now left with a rapidly dwindling pool of money to pay for vital services. This

Most of us can remember something about the 2007-2009 global recession. You know, the one where the banks fucked up and Obama gave them a shit load

money, which is reported to be around five hundred million euro at the time of writing, is roughly equal to forty-five euro per head of the Greek population.

of money so they could carry on doing it; that recession hit Greece hard. The

The European Central Bank is likely to continue to supply an extremely minimal

lowered money flow was a real issue for Greece, seeing as it was not a central

lifeline of emergency liquidity assistance to Greek banks, but Europe’s bureaucrats

European country, and, like other countries on the edges of Europe, it became

and the IMF appear determined to resist providing a sufficient bailout and

less competitive as labour costs rose, and pretty soon Greece was eating up more

alleviating the European crisis until Greece accepts a new round of austerity.

than it had income to support — which is about the point a country would begin to borrow a bunch of money to bridge the gap.

The parting of Greece’s flamboyant former finance minister, Yanis Varoufakis, boosted hopes of a deal due to the well-known antipathy between him and the

Up until 2014, Greece was punched in the guts by four individual recessions,

creditors, but both sides have stuck to their positions. The new Greek finance

the last of which was the result of a snap election in December 2014 that saw

minister, Euclid Tsakalotos, carried handwritten notes into his first meeting

the election of the current Syriza government, led by Alexis Tsipras. Syriza’s

bearing the helpful note-to-self “no triumphalism.” Buoyed by the referendum

N.13 / V.47

NEW BEGINNINGS

News NEXUS MAGAZINE

result, Greece’s Syriza government have maintained a commitment to staying in

NEWS

the Eurozone and resisting austerity throughout the ordeal. But why should I care? Although the New Zealand dollar has fallen to a 5-year low, partly in response to the Eurozone crisis, stock-markets haven’t taken as hard a hit in response to the referendum result as some had expected. Presumably the rest of the world is banking on the same hope as the Greeks, who are currently bringing new proposals to the table, including a 30% cut in their debt, namely that the ECB and IMF would stop short of full-scale global financial disruption in their desire to pursue their political project. Greece’s direct trade with New Zealand is relatively economically unimportant, ASB analysts estimate that total loss of output from Greece could be made up for by three-months of normal trading with China. The real threat is of the wider effects of a Greek exit from the Eurozone, which is now an immediate and plausible possibility, if a devalued new drachma ultimately proves favourable to staying in the Eurozone, the knock-on effects could lead to a bumpy few years as other peripheral countries take the plunge and the Eurozone is reduced to its core. In any case, the global financial effects of the drama seem less significant than the stakes for the social and political fabric of Europe. So what’s next? For the Greeks, and for Europe at large the issue is catastrophic. In isolation one country’s decision to leave the Eurozone wouldn’t be calamitous but it means that creditors, many of whom are nations, would not see a return on their investment in Greece’s debt recovery. This significant failing combined with economic sanctions in Russia and a fragile world economy still rebounding from recession could drive Europe and its major trading partners into an economic death spiral.

REALITY TV WITH NO GRASP OF REALITY

As we have speculated Greece isn’t going to be the economic silver bullet that

Mexicans are drug dealers, rapists, and criminals. At least in the eyes of

drives New Zealand to a meltdown but it could be a factor. As the Reserve Bank

billionaire American businessman and reality TV star, Donald Trump.

recently suggested a number of factors including the Auckland Housing bubble, and the significantly lower dairy returns could all provide a catalyst to tip our precariously balanced “Rock Star Economy” toward financial instability. What can you do about it? Maybe start praying to Zeus.

“When Mexico sends its people, they are not sending their best…They are sending people that have lots of problems. They are bringing those problems to us. They are bringing drugs and they are bringing crime and their rapists, and some, I assume are good people.” The comment was made during a press conference in which Trump announced his intention to seek the Republican nomination for President. The same announcement speech had Trump state that he would be “the greatest jobs President God ever created,” rally against free trade, and suggest that he can’t remember the last time America ever beat Japan in anything. Following the speech Trump has been an ever present fixture on news cycles forcing other republicans to discuss his views on immigration, trade, and a secret “guaranteed successful” plan he has to defeat ISIS that he will only reveal if elected. The remarks have not been made without significant backlash as former business partners such as Univision — who hosted Trump’s Miss World Pageant — and NBC, have terminated existing relationships. Trump is now said to be pursuing legal avenues to sue both. While many commentators are dismissing Trump’s candidacy as irrelevant, early primary and national polls have Trump in second place and with a stacked field that includes 16 candidates a strong result could see him gather momentum. So for those of you wondering how the apocalypse would come about... we give you Presidential Candidate Trump. As reality television goes, the American Presidential Race could be the must-watch comedy of the season. 5

NEXUS MAGAZINE News

NEWS

NEW VP FOR A NEW SEMESTER The WSU has a new Vice-President... is what we would have said a month ago if we were in print. Filed under the “stories you may have missed while on holiday” is the news that last year’s board appointment Kate Lunn is this years VP following the resignation of Roy Mazorodze. Lunn said that she was delighted and keen to get on with the role, “I’m really excited about the progress we have made this year so far, but I feel there is a lot more that can be done for students.” “It is a vital time for students who are being confronted with important issues of welfare, identity and what it means to have their voices heard both on and off campus. As a board and as an organisation we have done a lot of work this year but we really need to strive for more and work harder for all students.” In a prepared statement, the WSU said as a former Deputy-Chair of the Hamilton Youth Council, a Waikato University Law Students Association

SAFETY ON CAMPUS

executive member, and a fan of late night celebratory BurgerFuel, it was confident that Kate has the perfect mix of governance and connection to the student body.

In a story that has absolutely none of the traditional Nexus News sarcasm and

“Kate is a great choice. Having worked with her for over a year now I am

mistrust of authority, we can report that the Waikato Students’ Union board are

excited to see what she will do as Vice-President,” said WSU President

actually making significant strides toward campus safety.

Shannon Stewart.

In a scheduled WSU Board meeting during study week, two directors raised two

“I want to thank Roy for the work he has done in the role and also I wanted to

separate issues regarding student safety.

thank both candidates for presenting their vision of where the WSU is and

The first of those issues was raised by new director Jade McLeod who had received

should be going. They were both really passionate about the opportunity.”

feedback from a number students including a significant discussion by the WSU’s

Kate is the board’s third longest serving member after being co-opted part

Feminist Club regarding off-street parking. Specifically poor lighting and security

way through 2014 and then re-elected to serve this term.

late at night. A motion was put forward to create a petition to take to council although the issue will also be addressed with facilities management and senior university staff.

The WSU has received expressions of interest from three candidates to replace Roy on the board and will look to make an appointment soon.

WSU President Shannon Stewart stated, “Safety is a significant issue on campus and one that has some major repercussions with offsite parking likely to become more prominent next year. We need to work together to make sure our students not only feel safe but that we as a community are doing everything possible to ensure that safety. “ Melissa Hughes raised a similar issue regarding access to MS6 in the evenings. A decision was made by the University to close off access to students in one half of the building. Unfortunately that was the half that included toilets and a kitchenette, so if students needed to use either facility, they’d have to walk across the dimly lit parking in management to another block. “Both Melissa and Jade raising these issues is significant because it comes from our continued consultation with students. We want to continue to work proactively to make sure campus is improved and that when decisions around which labs or rooms are accessible are made that safety is considered,” said Shannon. “We have our larger consultation cycle coming up before our AGM and these are the sorts of stories and issues affecting our students that will form the backbone of what we want to achieve.” Nexus would like to hear any more stories about safety or access issues. If you have one you would like to share email editor@nexusmag.co.nz

N.13 / V.47

NEW BEGINNINGS

Waikato Students’ Union Vice-President Kate Lunn

Sports NEXUS MAGAZINE

SPORTS OPINION

HIGH FIVE

NBA FREE AGENCY DEALS THIS OFFSEASON LaMarcus Aldridge 4 years and $80m with the San Antonio Spurs — Aldridge has been the biggest story in free agency this season, and signing a deal with the Spurs sees the San Antonio team right back into title contention. Greg Monroe 3 years and $50m with the Milwaukee Bucks — Along with the resigning of Khris Middleton, and a roster full of young guns, Monroe’s signing sees the Bucks form the nucleus to be a good team for a very long time. Fear the Deer. Kawhi Leonard 5 yyears and $90m with the San Antonio Spurs — See LaMarcus Aldridge. The Spurs

LOYALTY VS CASH MONEY? Chris Reive

resign their young gun, who will be their corner-piece once Timmy D and co retire. Great deal for the Spurs to lock in. Anthony Davis 5 years and $145m with the New

Throughout the sporting world right now, a lot of players are facing the choice

Orleans Pelicans — he wasn’t even a free agent this

of who to play for next season. It’s the NBA offseason, so free agency has been

offseason! That shows how badly the Pelicans want

going nuts; it’s transfer season in the football world; and in the NRL, moves seem

him to stick around. This is a massive deal for a player

to always be rumoured.

coming into his THIRD season. Young fulla got paid.

Loyalty is a word thrown around to induce someone to stay put, with fans going nuts if their star player leaves for another team. However, what people forget is that being a professional athlete is a business, and one you can’t work in forever.

Monta Ellis 4 years and $44m with the Indiana Pacers — In Ellis, the Pacers have another scorer, which will take pressure off the returning PG13. Ellis can score,

As the saying goes, you’re a long time retired, so it makes sense to me that some

pass and is a decent defender. Expect the Pacers to

players just follow the money.

be an aggressive team on offense next season.

The most interesting example of this dilemma this year has been the backflip saga of Daly Cherry-Evans who is (was?) Manly Sea Eagles’ halfback. With his contract expiring at the end of the year, Cherry-Evans wanted a massive deal from Manly.

SHOULD IT BE A SPORT?

They didn’t give him what he wanted so he signed on to play with the Gold Coast Titans. In the NRL, they have a rule — if you agree to play with a different team the next season, you can change your mind before round 13. So, round 13 came along, and all of a sudden Manly decided they could give Cherry-Evans the deal he wanted, so he re-signed with Manly for a ‘lifetime contract’ said to be worth around $10 million. Throughout the league world, Cherry-Evans was copping shit left, right and centre for backflipping on his deal with the Titans for the massive deal with Manly. I say good on him. Cherry-Evans has a wife and two young daughters, and this new deal will go a long way in taking care of them. Just like anyone showing up at their 9-5 job, a professional athlete’s way to bring home the bacon is by negotiating their wage and selling their skills to the highest bidder.

Kawhi Leonard who agreed to a 5 year, $90 million deal with the San Antonio

CHESS BOXING

Spurs when another team would have offered him over $100 million to lure him

It’s right there in the title. To win you either knock your opponent out or get

away. But when it comes down to it, if someone makes you an offer you can’t

him into checkmate between the boxing rounds. But should it be a sport?

refuse, there should be no guilt in taking it.

Let us know what you think editor@nexumag.co.nz

Don’t get me wrong — I’ve got nothing but respect for those who stay loyal, like

NEXUS MAGAZINE Left vs. Right

SEX EDUCATION It seems that everyone has an opinion on Family Planning’s new recommendation to teach pleasure in high school sex education. Will teaching pleasure in high school offer teens a more rounded sex education? Or is the current system too corrupt for that? LEFT

RIGHT

The recent suggestion by Family Planning at the Physical Education NZ

This is a trap and I’m not going to take the bait and make the other side look

conference that sexual education should include a discussion of pleasure

reasonable. It would be easy for me to get angry about sex education and play

should sound like common sense.

the role of the family card. It would be so simple to talk about religion and

The —hopefully tiny — proportion of educators who would rather students be taught only abstinence, have been forced to at the very least provide minimal information about how to go about having sex (and hopefully how to avoid pregnancy if that’s not your thing).

morality, about abstinence only and how that could work, but we know the truth — right? 16-year-old kids for the most part are DTF, and you or I trying to tell them not to crank one out with a random they met isn’t going to do shit. So what possible argument is left? How can we realistically have a conversation

That risk-based approach is well and good for what it is, it’s probably not the place of the education system to actively advocate for sex — it doesn’t really need PR. However, if sex education only covers one side of the subject

that says sex education for pleasure is bad or is broken without referring back to cliches like, “Men don’t need to know where erogenous zones are,” or “They should all just watch porn, at least then they will know to pull out.”

(technicalities and risks), it leaves out a whole lot of stuff which is well within

It’s all a little Ockham’s Razor. The simplest answer is that you can add whatever

the remit of the classroom environment and worth telling young people.

you like to sex education and it isn’t going to fix the basic problem. Close your

For example, sex isn’t only a dichotomy of libidinal forces and bad and/or

eyes for a second and imagine your PE Teacher from high school. The sweaty one,

procreative outcomes, but also something which requires conscientiousness

the middle aged, slightly balding one who has given up on life and his dreams

and may be pursued for its own sake.

and if you’re a high school female he’s probably the one who leers to long.

To remain mute on whether sex should be pleasurable, seems, well, perverse.

He’s the one that is going to be teaching the next year 11s about how to please a

Clearly the Satanic credentials of this latest attempt to force adults to teach

lover? About LGBTI issues and about foreplay? I might be a little on the prudish

subjects which make them blush are lacking, as it was also suggested that

side here, but I don’t want my kid being taught by the guy that has given up on

students should be given more information about how sexual pleasure might

life and cry-wanks in the shower trying to figure out where it all went wrong.

not always live up to expectations.

That isn’t even the most daunting possibility. What about the super fit, newly

The irony is that, much like how teaching abstinence can stunt young people’s

qualified teacher. Aren’t they having enough trouble with kids from Invercargill

sexual enjoyment and lead to unwanted pregnancies, teaching risk without the

all the way through to St John’s trying hard to fuck them (and in an increasing

other side of the story means they have no other choice but to learn about

number of cases, succeeding). Should we really put those people in a room with

pleasure and the “reality” of sex through all the sources which moralistic people

the sexually primed young kids and have them talk about how to please a woman?

see themselves as resisting — pornography, Game of Thrones and Carl’s Jr ads. All in all, the advice from Family Planning is another welcome call for realism.

I’m all for sex education. I just think that this has been done with the best of intentions and no actual consideration for implementation and because of that we are doomed to make the whole thing worse.

N.13 / V.47

NEW BEGINNINGS

Level Zero Re-opening july 13

NEXUS MAGAZINE Entertainment

HOROSCOPES

Capricorn (December 22 — January 19)

Cancer (June 21 — July 22)

Create your own horoscope using the following words:

Take a moment to enjoy REO for what is, a chance to

Crabs, yellow, destruction, apocalypse, Jesus and Bill

get free food without having to listen to DJ’s. This year

Cosby. Feel free to snap them to us.

Burgerfuel is giving out free fries too so your outlook for the week is calorie filled.

Aquarius (January 20 — February 18)

Leo (July 23 — August 22)

You will meet a mysterious stranger. It’s Bill Cosby, run!

Fight your basic instincts. The fact that you are friends with your female flatmate isn’t a solid platform for you to make a move. It’s a solid platform for an ageless platonic friendship, like Sesame Street’s Ernie and Bert

Pisces (February 19 — March 20)

Virgo (August 23 — September 22)

The more you open up to new experiences, the more

Everyone thinks about changing their course of study

you find out about yourself. The less you open up to new

it’s nothing to be ashamed about. Admittedly not

experiences, the less likely you are to be kidnapped and

everyone waits till they are three years into a degree

buried alive. There really are two sides to every horoscope.

but that just means you’re special.

Aries (March 21 — April 19)

Libra (September 23 — October 22)

Semester B is upon you. With 12 weeks to go it must

There seems to be more reality television than actual

feel like you are used to everything by now. As a result

reality at the moment. Get out... embrace the rain, dance

this week will probably seem like everywhere you look

in puddles, urinate in parks and remember that Nexus

there is repetition of everything.

horoscopes are not liable for your likely hypothermia.

Taurus (April 20 — May 20)

Scorpio (October 23 — November 21)

Semester B is upon you. With 12 weeks to go it must feel

UniMart is under new management. Not so much a

like you are used to everything by now. As a result this

horoscope as a timely reminder that nothing in your life

week will probably seem like everywhere you look there

is consistent and you can never really stand in the same

is repetition of everything.

river twice.

Gemini (May 21 — June 20)

Sagittatrius (November 22 — December 21)

Trust no one, the cold brings paranoia but you know

A new semester means a brand new start, new classes,

what else brings paranoia? People trying to get you. Are

new tutorials and yet the same crushing rejection and

you crazy? If you’re asking a pre-printed horoscope you

lack of validation from everyone you hit on. You know how

should probably re-evaluate your sanity.

people say “It’s not you it’s me”, it might actually be you.

WHAT’S HOT WHAT’S NOT

WHAT’S HOT

WHAT’S NOT

1. Wearing gumboots in a restaurant.

1. Facebook-induced crises. Three

Proof you can be down-to-earth

hours of Facebook and I can

whilst also buying a $50 main.

honestly say I’ve never felt more

2. Re-O Week. It’s happening! 3. Opening umbrellas indoors.

alone. 2. Alcohol-induced sleepiness — especially at parties. 3. Missing your first lecture for B Semester.

N.13 / V.47

NEW BEGINNINGS

Entertainment NEXUS MAGAZINE

PLEASE DON’T QUOTE ME

TRENDING ON TWITTER

“THE HARDEST ARTIST TO FIND IS A BEAUTIFUL, FUNNY WOMAN.”

#GREECE Conan O’Brien @ConanOBrien · July 5 The country of Greece is considering dropping the euro and going with the gyro. 3,438

– Ex-Disney CEO, Michael Eisner, can go fuck himself

5,497

Classic Rock DJ @MurderBryan · July 5 Why doesn’t Greece get a second job at a pizza shop or mow some lawns? I’m a serious economist and I ask the tough questions

“I LOVE THE MEXICAN PEOPLE”

– Donald Trump loves Mexican people

121

Sophia Benoit @1followernodad · July 5 The advertising budget for the minions movie could have bailed out Greece.

“I’M A HUMANIST”

– Sarah Jessica Parker doesn’t know what feminism is

236

The Bucket List @TheBucktList · July 5 I wish I was in Greece 1,737

2,933

BEATS BY J YIK YAK OF THE WEEK

What So Not Gemini SNBRN, Kaleena Zanders California (Chris Lake & Matroda Remix) Felix Jaehn, Jasmine Thimpson Ain’t Nobody

Shared my umbrella with a girl on the street today, that brings the total number of girls I’ve made wet to -1

Major Lazer Powerful

Avicii Waiting For Love Lolawolf Every Fucking Day Chet Faker Bend by Collarbones Turning (Flume Remix) Slumberjack The Others (feat. KLOP)

BEST OF THE WEB

HATE GIFTS

100 Blow Flies http://tinyurl.com/

Order Pizza to Their House

6 Month Subscription to TV Guide

Used Makeup from TradeMe

bulkblowflies

And make them pay for it.

$54.50 may be an investment, but it’ll

Preferably in bulk. Nothing says I

For the low price of $13.70, you can

be worth it for the disappointment

hate you like half a lipstick with tooth

send your enemy 100 blow flies.

they receive each week. Is that a letter

marks in it.

from mum? No it’s TV Guide 11

NEXUS MAGAZINE Reviews

FILM REVIEW

JURASSIC WORLD

LOVE & MERCY

Jared “Peter Pan” Wooldridge

Richard Swainason

We all know what this is. I don’t think I have to explain that

Love & Mercy announces itself as a film of substance at the outset,

Jurassic World is all about dinosaurs doing dinosaur things while

with a grainy, underlit image of a young man in bed, awoken from

some people run around, it really should be self-explanatory to

a nightmare. Sound fragments and voices are heard, the source

the vast majority of the population. That being said, I still have

of his discomfort. Some are very familiar, others menacing. The

to have an opinion on it, so here we go. I like this movie. Because

moment is uncomfortable, belonging more in a David Lynch

it is about dinosaurs doing dinosaur things. The people running

abstraction than a conventional pop star biopic.

around are a bit of a distraction, though. Yes, it’s safe to say, Jurassic World is a pretty safe continuation of the franchise, even without the dinosaur feathers.

Love & Mercy tells the story of Brian Wilson, the principal creative force behind The Beach Boys. Rather than cover the same ground as earlier screen biographies on the band, its co-

Now, the plot. There is a theme park where genetically engineered

writers elect to focus on key incidents in Wilson’s life. Paul Dano

dinosaurs roam about and some of them get out. Chris Pratt and

uncannily incarnates Wilson the young man from the time of his

Bryce Dallas Howard then have to stop teenager #1 and teenager

first nervous breakdown until just after the contentious release

#2 from getting eaten. Sure, storywise this movie is really basic,

of the Smiley Smile album. John Cusack is Wilson in middle age,

but who gives a damn! It has awesome dinosaur action!

drugged and often confused and manipulated by his highly

If you happen to be looking for cool dinosaurs wandering around

unethical psychologist, Eugene Landy.

(or flying around — there’s even some swimming around going

Fans who are well versed in Beach Boys history will be astonished

on) on an island terrorising people, then you’ll like this movie. If

at the accuracy in which the 1960s period has been recreated.

you were a fan of the original, you’ll probably like it. If you’re like

Not settling for a montage of various Pet Sounds songs or even

me, and you’re a child trapped in what passes for a man’s body,

the full performance of one or two numbers, Love & Mercy shows

then you will watch this movie and then proceed to spend the

the minutiae of Brian’s producing techniques in the studio.

rest of your afternoon showing of your T-Rex impression. Mine is damn good.

The film’s achievement is to communicate a sense of both Wilson’s fragile mental state and his much vaunted genius without at any stage succumbing to cliche or the obvious. Like Wilson himself, it’s honest, tough, and touching but never sentimental or self-pitying.

N.13 / V.47

NEW BEGINNINGS

Reviews NEXUS MAGAZINE

FOOD REVIEW

BOOK REVIEW

SAINT LAZARRE CAFE

HUSH, HUSH BY BECCA FITZPATRICK

Caitlin Orton

Kelsie Morland

Je suis une baguette. After five years of taking French in High

I will begin by saying this book was a guilty pleasure — and that’s

School that is still the only thing I can remember. But considering

something I really don’t like to admit.

the Saint Lazarre Cafe is run by a Taiwanese family; I don’t think that will matter. Unless they speak French, in which case I am a racist.

Hush, Hush, the first of three volumes in the series by Becca Fitzpatrick, is a teen fiction novel following the life of Nora, a typical American girl. Nora’s life gets turned upside down when

Set in the adorable Casabella Lane, this quaint cafe is a fantastic

she meets the incredibly good-looking Patch who turns out to

place to bring a book and relax in the sun. The food was pretty

be a Fallen Angel. The book follows their love story and battle

spot on with a handful of classic French cuisine options and a

against all odds to stay together. Can their love survive the

mix of your usual cafe foods. I was hoping the prices might

barrier between mortal and angel? Will Heaven allow them to

stand out but they were fairly average.

be together?

If you’re looking for somewhere with a calming atmosphere then

Now you see why I had to admit the guilty pleasure? A hopeless

this is definitely the place to go. I’m a huge fan of Casabella Lane,

romantic, I adored the plot line of this book and I have to say it

with its quirky little shops and lion fountains. It’s basically the

was a good read. The writing style wasn’t particularly appealing

complete opposite of everything Hamilton Central is. If you’re

and there were immense plot holes and questionable morals but

still intensively saving money for that OE trip you’ve been talking

c’est la vie. If a hot, angelic male protagonist and a sappy love

about for years then I’d thoroughly recommend going to Saint

story seems your cup of tea, then this book is definitely for you.

Lazarre to breathe in a little culture before you get cabin fever. All in all, the Saint Lazarre Cafe is the kind of place I would take my parents when they came to visit in order to convince them Hamilton isn’t just the boozed up night scene my Facebook profile says it is. Though who am I kidding? Bring on Netflix.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Reviews

MUSIC REVIEW

BREATHE IN BREATHE OUT BY HILARY DUFF

THE BOUNDARY RIDERS BY RACHEL DAWICK Hp

With headlines like Hilary Duff Wishes She Could Date Like A

There was a time in the not too distant past when Bon Iver

Gay Man and Hilary Duff Really Is On Tinder, you’d be confused

and Fleet Foxes were the hip new thing to have playing in your

in thinking that Hillary Duff is like, totally the same person as you.

headphones, but almost as quickly as it rose from the ashes, folk

But Hilary Duff is not the same person as you because Hilary

has become a four letter word to some. Rachel Dawick, however,

Duff is a POP ICON.

has proven that interesting storytelling with folk drapery remains

The title track, Breathe In. Breathe Out, is a lyrical masterpiece

impressive and important regardless of shifting trends.

which endeavors to deconstruct traditional songwriting to

Darwick’s new album, The Boundary Riders, is an expressive tale

create a post-modernist chorus with the lyrics, “Breathe in,

of women in the 1800s on their journey to, or experiencing a new

breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out,

life in, New Zealand. Its stories are based on historical research

breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in,

and the record even comes with a book of their stories should

breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.”

one be so inclined to read it. These stories cover a multitude of

Now if the inspiring title wasn’t enough of a hint that Duff, like most edgy socialites, likes tattoos, there’s a track on the album called Tattoo. The track is fittingly about an ex-lover staying on Duff’s skin like a tattoo. Other breathtaking tracks include her hit single Sparks, a track that takes a nostalgic look at joyous whistling from the 60s. The track My Kind is about a one-nightstand, with the lyrics, “You’re taking me, taking me high. You’re

complexities of immigration and social status including the lives of those left by their husbands promising a new life (Washer Woman Blues) to the night life of pioneer days (Barbara Weldon). The record and the beauty of the stories living therein, prove that once again, your teacher was right, that learning can be fun. Admitting this to yourself, however, is a step even beyond this album.

loving me, loving me right.” Duff ultimately confuses having sex

The folk pedigree is so pure here. The guitar work is deft and

with “loving”, meaning I therefore will have to give this excellent

tonally evokes misty taverns and Irish tradition while Dawick’s

album a pitiful one out of five. Tough love.

voice raises cautiously above the melody lines. She puts the words first, insisting these stories are not lost in the depths or in the over-produced warbling that may tempt other singers.

N.13 / V.47

NEW BEGINNINGS

NEXUS MAGAZINE Arts

Dark and Stormy Peter Dornauf

The central core of the story involves the trauma of a split family where the psychological focus becomes the absence of the father for a young boy. The blurb makes a comparative reference to William Faulkner’s, As I Lay Dying, a rather overstated affinity I thought since other that a vague link to a “single traumatic event”, no other parallel pertained. No one dies or is buried and the style of prose is certainly

It was a dark and stormy night, and that was just the weather on the eve of a recent book launch held on campus at Art Fusion Gallery. Dr. Jack Ross and Dr. Tracey Slaughter were promoting their latest publications, poetry, and novella respectively. Book launches like exhibition openings can be daunting things for the author/artist. Will anyone turn up? Will anyone bother to buy? What will the critics think? No such trouble for these two university based authors. The place was packed with students, writers, representatives from academia, and various friends and well wishers, while Dr. Mark Houlahan was Master of Ceremonies. If anyone was feeling a little feverish during the evening, and it was hot enough inside that small crowded space to make anyone feel a bit overcome, there were enough doctors in the house to administer mouth to mouth. Mouth of another order however was on the menu for the evening. Slaughter’s novella, The Longest Drink in Town (58 pages) turned out to be a dark and violent tale, almost gothic in dimension that included

narrative and suddenly the writing changes gear, becoming elevated, lyrical and movingly poignant. And the voice it speaks in is not so much coming from As I Lay Dying. The voice one hears is something more like that of Benjy from The Sound and Fury, Faulkner’s greatest novel. The words are allusive, jumbled, heartfelt, and plaintive. The accent sings. That one page is worth the whole volume. Plain jagged brutal prose gives way to a kind of stream of consciousness aria, beautifully pitched, lifted up and exalted. The poetry of Jack Ross’s, Clearer View of the Hinterland, coming in at a hefty 190 pages, is difficult to summarize since it is multifarious in every respect. Experimentally eclectic, sometimes allusive, at other times didactically direct, there’s a lot going on in this volume, from Dadaesque, to ad posters, to lists, assorted prose, italics and double entry bookkeeping: a cornucopia from the last 30 years. The best are ones with a wicked sense of humour. Unsuccessful Applicant for Neighbourhood Watch.

self-mutilation and fistycuffs between two belligerent women outside a

I like to see

gas station somewhere in New Zealand.

What people do

Visceral, densely written in an emphatic style, with bare-knuckled prose accompanied by attention to detail, sometimes poetic, by turns graphic, by twists down and dirty, the story traverses a couple of hours in the tormented and dysfunctional lives of people at the lower end of the social scale.

not Faulkneresque. That is until one gets to the very last page of the

N.13 / V.47

NEW BEGINNINGS

In private In secret In the dark. It was a dark and stormy night.

Auteur NEXUS MAGAZINE

Auteur House Presents: The ‘Biggest Losers’

Stanley Kubrick

Richard Swainson

No one mastered genre filmmaking like Hawks, yet his peers only ever

In a groundbreaking 48 year career, the only Oscar Kubrick ever received was for special effects! A four time nominee, at the very least he should have won for Dr Strangelove (1964), 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), and A Clockwork Orange (1971). Howard Hawks once rewarded him with a Best Director nomination. He should have graced the winners’ circle in 1940 (for His Girl Friday) and 1946 (The Big Sleep) and threatened in 1959 (Rio Bravo).

The Orson Welles centenary a few weeks back got me thinking about other

Charles Chaplin

major filmmakers who never got the recognition from Hollywood that their

The politically contentious Chaplin won two honorary awards — 44

talent warranted. The following is a list of ‘Biggest Losers’, the greatest

years apart — and another for musical composition, but was never

American directors who never won an Academy Award in that category.

nominated as a director. Why his City Lights (1931) and Modern Times

Orson Welles

(1936) were overlooked at Oscar time is a genuine mystery.

The cinema genius par excellence famously failed to win a directing

Buster Keaton

Oscar for Citizen Kane. Though given an honorary award thirty years

The early years of the Academy overlapped with tail end of Keaton’s

later, Kane was Welles’ only nomination. In a perfect world, he would

golden period. However, The General (1926/1927), Keaton’s masterpiece,

have also won for The Magnificent Ambersons (1942), Othello (1952), and

was snubbed by the Academy.

The Trial (1962), and pushed Hitchcock hard in 1958 with Touch of Evil.

Preston Sturges

Alfred Hitchcock

Writer/director, Billy Wilder, emerged in the early 1940s and became

Five times nominated — seldom for his best work — Hitch also won

beloved by the Academy — but at least until 1944 Preston Sturges was

the Irving G. Thalberg Award, usually given to producers, in 1968. A list

his superior. Sturges’ great World War II home front satire The Miracle

of years Hitchcock should have been nominated would run to double

of Morgan’s Creek (1944) should have triumphed and he deserved at

figures. The years he should have taken Oscar home include 1958 (for

least nominations for Sullivan’s Travels or The Lady Eve in 1941 and The

Vertigo), 1960 (Psycho), and 1963 (The Birds).

Palm Beach Story in 1942.

Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

HOW TO THROW A KIND OF DECENT RE-O WEEK PARTY Emma Nygard

Ah, it’s that time of year again! Re-O Week, it’s like O Week’s less popular, less appealing, and less hot sister (literally, it’s fucking freezing). She’s still a fun time but she requires a little more effort to drag people out. For some reason, over my three years at University, I have

of their dealer). You’ll want some mainstream tunes for all

noticed people are more than eager to participate in seven

the basic bitches, I recommend putting on the Edge for half

straight days of drinking in the summer months, but by the

an hour until said basic bitches are too drunk to notice they

time Re-O rocks around, people are suddenly concerned

are listening to good music. And please, for the love of God,

about their education, or their livers, or their dignities. I mean

don’t play two Kid Ink songs in a row, we got it the first time

c’mon! Being a semi-alcoholic is a yearlong commitment,

— you have terrible taste in music!

don’t flake out halfway through! Because of these swift reservations, people start becoming pickier, choosing to only go out on onesie night because it’s warm as heck and you can roll straight into bed from town. This means that party you were planning on throwing during Re-O Week needs to be a whole world better than that party on O Week that was really just your lounge, a dock, and a status on Facebook saying “come over 4 party”.

If you really want to cater to your guests, you can impress them even further with an open playlist, also known as a stray laptop inhabiting a coffee table. With your free two month trial of Spotify Premium, you can even pop your laptop on the lap of the guy who claims to have superior music taste! The music opportunities are endless! Will you be exposed to the synth-y, mellow beats of James Blake? The loud and obnoxious hip-pop rhythm of a Chris Brown track? Will some

Luckily for you I have attended a whole bunch of parties,

daring and/or naïve white girl attempt to play a 5SOS song?

and hosted my own — but we won’t delve into that scarring

If I’m invited, probably. Or will the stoners meander their way

experience — so I can tell you what to do… and what not to do.

inside, from the smoky balconies of Hogan St and demand to

Music

vibe out to some cloud rap? (Yes, that is a genre).

I cannot stress enough the importance of music, music is

The night becomes a fun wave of potential! You’ll find that,

the soul of the party, the heart, and the vibe. So naturally

ironically it’s usually the upper-middle class, John Key

it’s important to have an eclectic mix to tailor to the variety

supporting, white girl dressed head to toe in new season

of friends, acquaintances, and random strangers that will be

Ruby that throws on a Kendrick Lamar jam because he’s

gyrating in your living room/makeshift dance floor. Throw

soooo her favorite rapper and she soooo knows all the words

some dancey beats on (think What So Not, SBTRKT, Major

to Money Trees. And the person that just put on Shania

Lazer, etc.) for all the kids pinging on MDMA or a mix of

Twain’s classic Man I Feel Like A Woman? 6-foot Polynesian

crushed up chalk and Panadol (depending on the reliability

guy in drop-crotch pants.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

Venue Its fucking cold so don’t expect people to stand outside unless you’re supplying each guest with their own personal Pink Batts bunny to hug them. If you’ve got a garage, you’ve got a winner! If not, you’ll just have to make do with your flat and accept the fact your shit is probably going to get stolen and there will be mysterious holes in the wall in the morning. People When it comes to inviting people I usually follow the rule of “the more the merrier” — simply because I hate offending people and because I am not nearly cool enough to pull off some exclusive soiree. In fact, I had to google how to spell soiree correctly because apparently swarray isn’t decipherable to Microsoft’s shitty autocorrect. However, if you have any reservations about your own social status proceed with caution. Inviting 300+ people to your party is all well and good, but if only 50 people turn up you look lame as fuck, trust me. What you need is a group of guaranteed attendees, aim for at least 20, and invite them

...it’s usually the upper-middle class, John Key supporting, white girl dressed in new season Ruby that throws on a Kendrick Lamar jam...

over to pre-drink, that way you have a solid (hopefully) drunk group of friends there when the acquaintances start arriving. Nothing is more awkward than sober conversation with that guy from your stats lecture that you’ve talked to twice

Promotion

because he’s the only one that’s turned up.

In the digital age we inhabit there is a wealth of options when

Try and invite groups of people that hang out together,

it comes to announcing shit. The most popular method is of

because nothing puts people off coming to a party quite like

course Facebook, where you can make a status proclaiming

the idea of standing alone and not knowing anybody. If that

to your 1000+ friends that you are hosting a totally legendary

doesn’t appeal to you, there’s always the classic disclaimer

party, only to have nobody turn up — because without a

of: “bring your friends if they aren’t cunts” or if you’re feeling

proper invite, most people are too insecure to just show up.

particularly brave, an open invite scheme which has the

That is why the Facebook event page exists! Make all your

potential to end in some Project X madness — without the

flatmates hosts so you can tap into their friend groups too

gnome full of ecstasy, or all the sex, or the swimming pool,

— then that guy that removed you on Facebook but is still

or any of the fun parts. Basically there will be a fuck load of

friends with your flatmate can be invited too. Spoiler alert, he

people in a too small space, and a police raid. Yay!

won’t show up. If Facebook offends your delicate, alty soul,

My personal recommendation for creating the perfect invite list is to play it down, invite your guaranteed-have-to-attendbecause-they-are-your-friend guests, and other people you actually talk to! There’s no need to invite that mature student who posts photos of their kids on Facebook that you did a group assignment with in first year and haven’t spoken to

you could write an emotional Tumblr post about it, or send handcrafted invitations in the mail, just be aware of the fact you will be partying by yourself because everybody hates you. And if none of these methods appeal to you, you could always relive year ten and send a massive text around, just don’t forget your crafty signature.

since. They are just number fillers who won’t attend, and

Food

come on, you want to be at least semi-limiting with your

I am 100% more likely to attend a party if nibbles are

invitations. If you invite the right group of people, and you’re

provided. I know we’re all poor students but can we please

not rivalling a better, bigger party on the same night, people

make nibbles a thing? Even if it’s just your five day old

are bound to come!

chicken dish that’s been sitting in the fridge, I and everybody

If they don’t, it’s time to accept University hasn’t changed

else will be far too drunk to notice. And food poisoning will

you and you’re still the same massive loser you were in High

be disguised as a really, really bad hangover. You get rid of

School. Start searching for some popular flatmates.

that gross food and I lose weight, it’s a win for all parties!

N.13 / V.47

NEW BEGINNINGS

N I W & tag GET TAGGED IN A PHOTO FROM RE-O ON THE WAIKATO STUDENTS’ UNION FACEBOOK TO GO IN THE DRAW TO WIN AN IPAD. MORE TAGS, MORE ENTRIES. COMPETITION CLOSES SUNDAY JULY 19.

NEXUS MAGAZINE CARE

MONDAY

TUESDAY

9.00AM

Thai Pumpkin soup

Carrot, Coriander, Chili & Coconut soup

10.00AM

It’s cold. It’s wet. It’s Winter... So why not win a prize by

The colder you are on the outside the warmer you are

being dunked in water?

on the inside.

11.00AM

Guess the price, win the food. It’s that simple with

Combining all the things you love about the gym and

Pak’nSave.

drinking games with none of the alcohol.

12.00PM

Who among us is the ultimate noodle chef? Win a years

The Meat Pie Mile is back with more meat, more miles

supply of Mi Goreng Noodles for the best noodle dish.

and probably more vomit.

1.00PM

Free fries when you show your Burgerfuel App.

1.00PM

Race around a virtual track to win prizes including a

months supply of Burgerfuel.

6.30PM

Geeks unite! A trip to Thailand is up for grabs with this

The WSU and Mai FM are taking you to the movies

year’s Outback Quiz.

absolutely free at Hoyts Metro. Tickets are limited.

10.00PM

Free sausages and a ride into town.

Runs until 4.00am.

FREE SOUP

WSU TAKE THE PLUNGE

PAK ‘N SAVE PRICE IS RIGHT

MI GORENG MASTER OF NOODLES

BURGERFUEL FREE FRIES

DRIVEN BY HUNGER

THE OUTBACK INN QUIZ

N.13 / V.47

UNIREC FITNESS FLIPPY CUP

WSU MEAT PIE MILE

BURGERFUEL FREE FRIES

DRIVEN BY HUNGER

MAI FM FREE MOVIE TED 2

WSU VANS & BBQ

CHILI WILLY

NEW BEGINNINGS

CARE NEXUS MAGAZINE

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

9.00AM

Potato & Leek soup

Curried Kumara soup

10.00AM

The Student Services centre will be packed with over

Is your flat starting to look like an episode of Hoarders?

60 clubs and interests. Now is a good time to check

Swap your unwanted stuff for someone else’s unwanted

out what we offer outside of the classroom.

stuff. Go in the draw to win a $500 Pak’nSave flat pack.

12.00PM

Cookie Time Cookies, Marshmallows and fire. Need to

Free sausages...

FREE SOUP

WSU CLUBS DAY

OP SHOP ON CAMPUS

COOKIE TIME SMORES know anything else?

WSU BIG FREE EATS 4.00PM

1.00PM

BURGERFUEL FREE FRIES

PAK ‘N SAVE KAI RUN Low on food? We’ll take you to Pak’nSave and even

Free fries when you show your Burgerfuel App.

pick you up when you’re done.

1.00PM

10.00PM

Race around a virtual track to win prizes including a

Free sausages and a ride into town. Runs until 4.00am.

DRIVEN BY HUNGER

WSU VANS & BBQ

months supply of Burgerfuel.

6.00PM

THE SUPER IMPORTANT, BIG COMEDY DEBATE ON PAID PARKING

FRIDAY

Politicians, comedians, lecturers and our very own Debsoc come together to discuss the most important issue in the nations history... Paid Parking at Waikato University. Hosted at the University’s Gallagher Academy of Performing Arts.

12.00PM

10.00PM

Friday is for relaxing, sweet tunes, and recovering.

CHILL OUT OPEN MIC

WSU VANS & BBQ Free sausages and a ride into town. Runs until 4.00am.

12.00PM

BACON & EGG BIG BRUNCH ... and bacon & eggs.

Re-O 2015 brought to you by the Waikato Students’ Union. Visit facebook.com/ waikatostudentsunion for more information.

10.00PM

WSU VANS & BBQ Free sausages and a ride into town. Runs until 4.00am. 23

NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

JUST DO IT Jared Wooldridge

Motivation. It’s very important for a University student. It’s how we decide whether or not to get up at 7am for that first class of the day. Typically, I personally do not. There are times, though, when it can be very important, and

This does not end the struggle for the LGBTQA community

when the actions of others motivate us to try do better in our

around the world, as this is just one advance in one corner

lives. It could be that one friend who works hard and does

of the globe, but like other similar popular social and political

way better than you at everything (damn them and their

movements in the past, in years to come it will be held up by

success). Or it could be the memory of what others have

others as a symbol of what can be done by motivated people.

done for you in the past and what they fought to give us.

As such, in honor of the decision, I figured I’d look back at

The past is littered with events where the good side won, where things became just that little bit better for people, all

So let me set the scene for you: New York, 1969. Ah, the

thanks to ordinary individuals just like us. It’s the sort of thing

60s. They had all the good stuff; the Civil Rights movement,

that can make a person think, “You know what? Maybe I’m

a sexual revolution, the Vietnam War, and a moon landing

not so useless. Maybe I can actually make a difference.”

THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED. The back-end of the 60s also

Godawful sentiment, I know, but it’s true. Just look at the United States recently. You may have noticed it, especially for those of you on Facebook (hint: rainbows). Yes, the United States has taken another step towards fulfilling their own mantra that “all men are created equal.” Now isn’t that just motivating?

what helped motivate those who made this next step possible.

saw the rise of a new movement, one calling for LGBTQA rights, and it all started in a little mafia-owned establishment called the Stonewall Inn. In 60s New York, and similarly across America, there existed harsh anti-gay legislation. Homosexuality was still classified by the American Psychiatric Association as a mental illness. It was illegal in public, and gay clubs like the Stonewall were

Thanks to individuals motivated enough to make their voices

among the only places where one could be openly gay.

heard, gay marriage has been made legal all across America.

However, it was all too common for these bars and clubs to

N.13 / V.47

NEW BEGINNINGS

Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

Yes, the United States has taken another step towards fulfilling their own mantra that “all men are created equal.” Now isn’t that just motivating? be targeted by the police and shut down in aggressive raids. Before the 60s, there had not yet been a great national movement for LGBTQA rights, but that began to change

in anger at all they had been forced to endure, as the riots began spilling further into the streets. Police reinforcements turned up soon after and began instilling order.

dramatically following the events of June 28, 1969.

That day proved to only be the beginning; the night after,

Judy Garland, a gay icon, had died the day before. At

an even larger crowd took to the streets protesting, as

this point the police had a system in place; raid the

many who had lived in fear now braved the streets and put

establishment, close it down, and throw a few drag queens

themselves in the public eye. The protests continued, and

in the paddy wagon. It was the job of the police to punish

the community began organising activist groups as the

such deviant behaviour. This morning, though, they found

movement spread all over the country.

the community’s breaking point.

The first Pride parades were carried out on June 28, 1970, as

The police turned up to the Stonewall at 3am and went through their usual routine. Everyone was kicked out as the police began rounding up their “deviants”. A crowd began to

what was before a secret community was now beginning to enter the national spotlight, and start on the road that would lead them to victory before the Supreme Court.

form, and they heckled the officers as they began pushing

This tale is still ongoing, much like many others around

those they had rounded up into the back of the wagons.

the world. 46 years ago the patrons on the Stonewall

Anger and hostility grew. It is not known who started

rioted against bigoted thought, and even in the two years

everything, but the crowd soon began rioting against the

immediately following they had accomplished wonders. The

officers, forcing them to barricade themselves in the

moral of the story here everybody, is to get off your arse

Stonewall and wait for reinforcements. Members of the crowd

and please go do something. Unless you already are, but the

went around the neighborhood, enlisting more members of

point is, change has been proven to be possible. Nothing is

the community, people who had been too terrified to even

impossible. Do it, just do it. Don’t let your dreams be dreams.

consider such action. Now, however, they all joined together

Motivation!

Feature NEXUS MAGAZINE

INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS Casey Dunstan

Whether through the range of unique colourful accents or the diversity of life experiences; the international students in our classes and lives here at Waikato give us a refreshing change from the stuck up Aucklanders and Hamiltonians we normally have to talk to. Over the holidays, Nexus gave me the opportunity to sit down

So if you don’t have that stuff it’s a lot of extra costs. And

for a chat with a few of Waikato’s international students to

that isn’t really covered in your scholarship?

get an idea of the joys and burdens that come with starting

Oh, no. I bought a laptop with my establishment allowance;

fresh in a new country. I met first with Ashvini, a driven

that is NOT recommended. But it’s one of those things, I had

environmental third-year science major from Malaysia who is

to have it. I’d rather go without it if I could but apparently my

very well-adjusted to her life in New Zealand. I soon also met

courses required it.

Frederick, a very chilled out and friendly scholarship student from Samoa under the MFAT (Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade) programme who is anticipating the start of his BSc

What’s the establishment allowance? The establishment allowance is three grand.

this semester. Last to join us was Marc, an academic veteran

What is it recommended for?

from the islands of Seychelles where he first studied before

It’s to get you settled. Which doesn’t go a long way after rent.

completing his bachelor’s degree in Australia. Marc is also a scholarship student under the MFAT programme and is eager to finish his Masters of Educational Leadership so he can return to his young family in Seychelles. And so the questions began and the discussion flowed, needless to say I learned a lot from these three fellow academics.

What would you say is a positive impact that the University of Waikato has had on your life? For real? It gave me my freedom. Your freedom? Oh yeah. Where I came from, each one of us was born on the corner of straight and narrow. Not allowed to go out, not allowed to do anything. So once I came here and I could

Frederick

actually do that stuff without getting caught or getting in

How have you adjusted to study in New Zealand after

trouble. Well I felt free; I felt I could be myself around here

Samoa?

instead of putting on that face like you’re a good person in

I’m pretty on track with everything but I guess the biggest

front of everyone else.

shock for me is how far technology has come. I spent the last four years on an island.

The services here at Waikato University, how have they worked for you?

Did you find that much of a struggle at university? There’s

I’ve gotta give big ups to all the administration people that

a lot of technology you have to use here.

I ran into and had to talk to because they literally went out

Oh yeah man, the last four years, all I needed was a book and

of their way to make sure I got all my stuff done, which

pen. And then as soon as I got here, had to go buy a laptop.

would never happen in Samoa. In Samoa you do it yourself

Still working on trying to buy a phone.

otherwise no one is going to do it for you.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Feature

Marc How do you feel about people who don’t have the scholarship opportunity but still want to study in New Zealand and pay those extra fees? I mean, I think it’s unfair because they have to spend a lot. Maybe if it was to be double and not triple you know? Do you think New Zealand is fair on international students? Well I think they are fair to a certain extent because before that MFAT used to sponsor your family as well but since 2011 or 10, they are not sponsoring your family anymore. And I got into this course because they were going to support my family too, only to learn that they are not. So I got a bit disappointed. But people from my country are saying that it is a good opportunity, please don’t waste it. Because in the last five years no one from Seychelles has been selected, so it’s a good opportunity and that would be really bad if I don’t accept it. So this is why I was forced into sort of accepting it. But it would be better for them to also cater to families and people with their families Would having your family here be a distraction? Yes in some ways, but it depends on your personal attitude. You have to be disciplined and I am a very disciplined person. Now, not having them here. You worry even more and it affects your studies. Whenever my wife would call me, my little boy would talk to me and he doesn’t understand that I am away, he thinks that I am still somewhere there. It breaks my heart a lot you know? Having them here could have been a distraction, but it also affects you negatively. You are in a worrying state when you need to focus. It doesn’t help you. Ashvini Were there any barriers at the university for you?

Where I came from, each one of us was born on the corner of straight and narrow. Not allowed to go out, not allowed to do anything. So once I came here and I could actually do that stuff without getting caught or getting in trouble.

Maybe the system, how lecturers are very open with students. Yeah, because there’s like sort of a hierarchy in my home country and you can’t be very informal with your lecturers. And I suppose domestic students, they are used to that

It’s an online thing so it’s difficult to judge the people who

and they would be able to make the most of it and know

apply.

how to interact with lecturers on a casual basis?

Once you apply for something right, you are supposed to

Yeah.

call SJS and they don’t have patience on the phone. Like

Anything further you want to say about your experience as an international student? Well it’s way more difficult getting jobs, I think. Even part

when I’m trying to express that, “Oh maybe I am suitable for the job” They will be like oh you don’t have experience, so, uh that’s it.

time jobs.

And obviously it’s hard to have experience within the

Student job search doesn’t really… it’s not so nice to us. But

country when you’ve only been here a little while?

I don’t expect them to be, I guess it’s the same everywhere.

Yes.

N.13 / V.47

NEW BEGINNINGS

Snapped NEXUS MAGAZINE

Snap nexusmag your shenanigans! The best snap each week (printed with the Burgerfuel logo), wins a voucher from our mates at Burgerfuel. Claim it from the Nexus office in SUB.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

AUNTY SLUT

“THE KIND OF CUNNILINGUS THAT STARTS WITH ALL OVER KISSING AND STROKING AND DOESN’T END UNTIL YOU’RE A QUIVERING MESS.”

I Can’t Come Aunty Slut

Oh and also? 1 in 3 women have trouble reaching orgasm with their partner, so odds are the men you have slept with have encountered this before. Anyway, as to what might help. Head straight to the powerhouse: your clit. Your clit is a mostly internal organ and can be stimulated by vagina or anus (or both), but the easiest way to come will be

Dear Aunty Slut,

to stimulate both the small part of your clit that sits beneath your

I’ve been sexually active for two and a half years now with multiple

clitoral hood and what is commonly known as your ‘G’ spot: an

partners during that time (all male). I’ve had plenty of sex, but not

area just inside your vagina most easily reached with a ‘come

the right outcome: I’ve yet to have an orgasm. Plenty of the men I’ve

hither’ motion.

been with say they’ve never had this problem with other girls (they claim) and it becomes very frustrating for both of us. Not to say sex isn’t fun and that orgasms are the end-all, be-all goal to reach, but they’d be nice to have. Any tips? Suggestions to reach that peak? I’m getting tired of having to take care of myself all the time. In a Long Term Relationship with “Jill” Orgasms aren’t the be-all and end-all… but they’re bloody nice, so good on you for wanting one. Many sex therapists stress that the lack of female orgasms is “normal” in an attempt to make sure their patients don’t blame themselves. I’m no therapist, but I don’t think this is normal, I think this is bullshit, and the problem is NOT with you. I think that our society lets our lack of equal orgasms be considered normal, because they are scared of what might happen when women experience real pleasure. Most people think that sex begins when a penis enters a vagina, and ends when that penis comes but — and I cannot stress this enough — that is NOT TRUE. Sex should be about equal, mutual pleasure, not just some guy’s cumface.

N.13 / V.47

NEW BEGINNINGS

In other words if your partner wants you to come (and he should want you to come), he should try cunnilingus. And not the bullshit excuse for it you see on TV either (OITNB excluded), I’m talking about the kind of cunnilingus that starts with all over kissing and stroking and doesn’t end until you’re a quivering mess. You are more than just your vaginal opening and an orgasm is as much about your brain as it is about your cunt. Other ideas: get yourself off just before you have sex — that way, you’re already revved up and more likely to tip over into orgasm. Use your vibrator, or otherwise stimulate your clit during intercourse. Have a hot bath together. Take your time — orgasms are not to be rushed. Small amounts of alcohol, just enough to relax. Or, try telling your partner he doesn’t get to come until you do. That might do the trick. Good luck!

Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE

ON THE FRINGE

“GAY OR STRAIGHT, WHITE OR WHITE, THE #TWEAKERNATION UNITES ITS LOVE OF ILLICIT DRUG USE AND STIMULATING WHATEVER GENITALIA YOU ARE INTO.”

#tweakernation: Tumblr’s Meth Movements

Say what you want about crystal meth but at least this Tumblr drug group doesn’t discriminate. Gay or straight, white or white, the #tweakernation unites its love of illicit drug use and stimulating whatever genitalia you are into. A match made anywhere but heaven. Some Tweakers are even involved in extensive digital volunteer work that seeks to disprove harmful stereotypes. 3-time methamphetamine user tina-made-me-do-

Anon

it posted a single selfie of her gorgeously photoshopped pearly whites, along with the caption, “all tweakers have bad teeth.” Sceptics and proven science may say “giver her time and they’ll

Move over gay pride, crystal meth is coming for its social revolution, and like all great online subcultures, its Tumblr scene

rot”, but at least this 17-year-old junkie is trying to comprehend the harmful effects of drugs.

is ruining lives. Lauded by few as the cure for mundane everyday

It’s important to remember that Tumblr Tweakers have attempted

life, meth could soon see everyone you love and care about spiral

to establish a supportive community that embraces their fellow

into an abyss of white smoke selfies and partying with ‘Tina’ —

meth-addicted comrades and seeks to inspire one another

whoever that bitch is. They call themselves Tweakers – not to be

accordingly. Common inspirational messages include: “Meth is my

confused with the twerkers of the internet, who just wanna be free

real family,” “Being sober sucks, where is the meth at?,” “Meth and

to pop dat booty to the envy of Taylor Swift.

porn are reasons to live,” and my personal favourite, “You are who

All one needs to review these destructive junkies is the

you are” – in this case you are a regular meth head and proud.

#tweakernation tag and a strongly active superiority complex,

If ever in need of a defence for your meth dedicated Tumblr, it is

because why else would you be interested but to make yourself

quite effective to point out that Tumblr is also home to a variety

feel better than others?

of other socially condemned perversions like illegal sex and serial

Tweakers

are

generally

self-aware

and

have

deeper

understanding of the universe than most. Users such as smoke-

killing. This somehow justifies the endorsement of meth and makes anti-Tweakers look more like the fools they really are.

meth-hail-satan and sluttyjunky partake in some freelance

How about we all just go back to our minor use of narcotics and

philosophy as they offer wisdom through reblogged text: “Hope is

widespread enjoyment in ridiculing before and after photos of

the crystal meth of emotions, it hooks you fast and kills you hard.”

meth sufferers.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

NEW LOCALS

“WHILE “LOSINGYOU’RE YOUR PASSPORT PULLING WEIGHTS IS A WHOLE IN A GYM, NEW WE’RE BALLGAME… PULLING A YOU BOWL JUSTOF CAN’T RICEDO CLOSER.” IT. ”

First Impressions Nicole Sebastian

out for drinks!” my friends mean Starbucks or bubble tea. If you ask us how the game went last weekend, we might ask which video game. While you’re pulling weights in a gym, we’re pulling a bowl of rice closer. Nightlife Am I the only one who wants more than just clubbing and drinking

Ever heard of the phrase “It only takes seven seconds to make a

at night? It’s as if most of Hamilton, except for the clubbers and

first impression”? My first meal in New Zealand was Maccas. And

drinkers — and I applaud your stamina, truly — crashes and shuts

my first impression? I was convinced if Kiwis could talk any faster,

down like clockwork by 6pm.

they’d break the sound barrier.

feature international music, restaurants open past midnight, a

most of us have in common that we like.

club that plays K-Pop (I know at least one friend that might never leave), restaurants open past midnight... it’s an endless list.

Food This might come as a surprise to many, but Asians like food. I

For all my whinging however, I cannot stress how lucky I feel that

might even go as far as to say that if you want to be Asian, it’s a

I can walk past open green fields to get to class rather than hike

requirement. Yes, you can sign up — but you must have eaten dim

across a highway through a maze of pedestrian bridges. I feel

sum at least three times, your favourite curry cannot be butter

lucky that I don’t have to wake up at 6:00 just to beat the 7:00

chicken, and you must like Pokémon. There may be more but

traffic jam to get to my 7:30 train and get to class on time at 9:00.

those are the essentials.

I love the fact that here in New Zealand, grades are not the only

Now, Waikato University does its utmost best to satisfy our

N.13 / V.47

Why not have restaurants open past midnight, karaoke bars that

You see, I’m from Malaysia. And us Malaysians... there’s two things

method to prove who’s better and who’s not.

demands — yay for rice and sugar — but it’s the little things that

Growing up in Malaysia may have shaped who I am but now, I do

sometimes show how different we are. When you say, “Let’s go

consider myself to be Kiwi at heart.

NEW BEGINNINGS

Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE

CARNAGE

“...LOOK DOWN AT YOUR OWN TWO CAPABLE FEET, TAKE A BREATH INTO THE DEPTHS OF YOUR RIB CAGE.”

Waking Hours Jules Craft

have started guitar at age three. No, today is the day you slip into your purse that 24 and pick up a guitar and invest two hours learning in the present. Within this repeated process you will learn that the point of learning the guitar is never to be like your friend, but simply appreciating your own ability to send a crescendo of chords into a world that will always need more music.

Today is the day you start anew. Today you will rise up from the sweet embrace of those serenading bedsheets. You will cast aside the promiscuous purrs of flannel linen and tip your toes upon the crisp 6am floor. This is a new beginning. As they were yesterday, the next 24 hours are precious. Cradle them within your palms. You now hold a mystical currency. Beware; unlike others currencies it does not sit and gain interest, in fact, its natural rhythm is synonymous with radioactive decay — losing value as it sits. You must be quick to spend and late to spare, because time is a currency that increases exponentially as you use it.

This is a new beginning. Fuck focus on the hocus pocus. Never mind that you are clueless, skilless, and luckless. You will find as your time continues to be spent; clueless becomes clear, skilless becomes skillset, and following these phenomenon and luck shall manifest itself around you. This is a new beginning. Divert your gaze away from the past behind you that no longer exists, and away from the unique paths of others who have gone before. Instead look down at your own two capable feet, take a breath into the depths of your rib cage. As you exhale release all thought and snap the sheets away from your naked body. Shiver off all feelings of “no” and cover yourself

This is a new beginning. Today is not the day you spend time

in the warmth of “yes”. Focus your power, visualise your dreams,

mesmerised within the hallucinogenic past, where you are

get up and get going. This is a new beginning and you know the

convinced that in order to be as good as your mate you should

true meaning of time well spent.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Columns

A FASHIONABLE LIFESTYLE

“PANTS ARE ALSO GREAT FOR STORING WALLETS, PHONES, AND KEYS — UNLESS THEY’RE POCKETLESS, IN THAT CASE GIVE UP AND STAY HOME.”

Pratical Party Dressing Jess Wilson

Pants are also great for storing wallets, phones, and keys — unless they’re pocketless, in that case give up and stay home. Cons: It’s more obvious when you pee yourself a little. Pants are also prone to ripping when performing elaborate dance routines, for example: the Sassy Snake Slither, the Flying Tweezer Clip, and the Helicopter Booty Pop. Sunglasses Pros: A perfect disguise for when you want to get yo’ freak on on

It’s that time again. Raise a glass to the demise of your social life

the dancefloor.

and the beginning of a plethora of courses you won’t understand

Cons: People who wear sunglasses at night don’t get approached

until study week. It’s Re-O Week. Re-orientate yourself with the

by hotties. Ever.

tacky part of your wardrobe because it’s time to get your party on.

Pros: Less chance of flashing or creeps getting upskirt shots. Long

Pros: Now, I know I’m not your legal guardian, but I care about

dresses also mean less of your skin has to interact with taxi seats.

you. Not wearing tights during winter nights will leave you

100% of taxi seats have other people’s bacteria. Think about it.

cold. Fashionably and physically. Tights are also great for hiding

Cons: It’s harder to dance in long dresses. When dancing in a long

unshaven legs (unless you dig that, in that case, yas queen).

dress I suggest gently swaying your hips, around and around,

Cons: Not only do tights cause sweating in every nook and

in a mesmerising motion. This dance move will make you look

cranny imaginable, they are dancing’s worst enemy. Incorporate

effortlessly sexy without having to expend much energy.

pulling up your tights into your dancing sequence. A good twerk will distract onlookers from you clumsily pulling your tights up to your boobs.

N.13 / V.47

Long Dresses

Tights

Flat Shoes Pros: Easier to dance in, walk in, slut drop in, jog in, hop in, skate in, et cetera. Flat shoes will probably not break your ankles when

Pants

you’re running for no reason whatsoever. Why do you always run

Pros: When you fall over, or sit spread-eagled, no one will see the

when you drink?

sexy underwear you were saving specifically for that babe in town.

Cons: If you’re short, you’ll stay short.

NEW BEGINNINGS

Columns NEXUS MAGAZINE

THE SINGLE LIFE

“IN THE WISE AND EMPOWERING WORDS OF LIL JON, “GIRL, YOU CAN DO IT ALL BY YOURSELF.”

A Welcome Message to the Newly Single Emma Nygard

2. You miss the cuddles and sexual intimacy of having a partner? Fear not! In the wise and empowering words of Lil Jon, “Girl, you can do it all by yourself.” Now those are words to live by. Just invest in a massive pillow and a vibrator. 3. You probably didn’t realise it before, but your bed is actually quite roomy. You can roll around, use the other side as a storage device for dirty washing or a place to put your popcorn when you’re up late at night watching music videos that remind you of him. It’s spacious, just like that void in your heart. 4. No shaving! Nothing says bitter and “I hate men” quite like

So I make no secret of the fact I have been single for, well, my entire life — minus two weeks in year eight. (Duh, how else would I be so good at it?). So I often forget, as a self-indulgent narcissist, that there are other people out there who don’t quite understand how to function without their other half. To all these recently single girls, I say welcome! Welcome to the Lonely Ladies Sisterhood, and let me sell singledom to you! It’s not as depressing as it sounds, but hey what would I know — I’ve never known any different. 1. You get really good at making banoffee pie! Or whatever less alluring dessert you’re into. This is mainly because you’re sad

armpit hair. Start writing beat poetry to top off the look. 5. You can finally bond with your single friends about how much guys suck. Watch yourself transition from a happy romantic, to a sour ‘I hate valentine’s day’ mess who yells at children and calls noise control on their neighbors. 6. If your breakup was particularly messy, you’ll find you probably have developed magical, song-writing powers. Use that to your advantage and dive into your very own musical career, if Adele and Taylor Swift can do it, so can you!

and at 9pm, after you’ve finished crying over an episode of

7. At 35, if things carry on at the same rate, you’ll be part of an

Grey’s Anatomy, banoffee pie seems like a really good idea.

exclusive club of equally bitter spinsters. It’s like a country

Not sure if this happens to everybody, but I’m just speaking

club, only the activities are significantly less fun and racist.

from experience.

Now that is something to look forward to!

NEXUS MAGAZINE Cooking for Students

Killer Chicken Salad Zac Lyon

1 tsp wholegrain mustard 2 Tbs white vinegar or balsamic Olive oil Parsley and mint to garnish Method 1. Into a bowl, combine chicken boobs, thyme, lemon juice, and some zest for

So I have been harping on about how winter is upon us and how we need to eat good food before going into hibernation. Just like the bears do — seriously

2. In a searing hot pan, add a little oil and cook chicken breasts. You might

Google that biz. But for some of you die-hard summer fans, holding onto those

want to butterfly them to cook faster. (If you are thinking about butterflies,

flip flops, short pants, and singlets, do I have a recipe for you! It’s like a tricksie

this is not what I meant, Google it).

salad, you think it might be still summer because it’s a salad, but then BAM its suited for winter as well. Hybrid shiz-nizzle. It’s got all the good stuff, chicken boobs (everyone loves chicken), greens (it is not healthy unless there is greens involved), tom toms, and garlic to keep the vampires away (and maybe a cold or two). This bad boy serves four of the hungriest in the realm.

3. Meanwhile, cut your French stick into crouton sized bites, about 2cm squares. Oil and throw under the grill. Watch these bad boys — super easy to burn. 4. In a small pan, after your chicken has cooked and is cooling, throw in garlic cloves (just crush em) and tomatoes. Cook until tomato skin starts to

Ingredients

blister. Cool.

2-4 chicken breasts

5. In a separate small bowl, pour boiling water over beans and rest for 3 mins

Handful of thyme Juice of 1 lemon

before draining. Add in mustard, vinegar, olive oil, and cooled tomatoes

Salt and pepper

and garlic. Mix lightly.

3 cloves of garlic

6. Pull apart cooled chicken, tear it to pieces! Sprinkle over a large plate. Add

50g cherry tomatoes

croutons over chicken, followed by beans, tomato, garlic, and drizzle out

1 French stick

all the juices over the dish.

Olive oil

7. Garnish with parsley and mint, and a small swig of oil. Toss to combine.

Large handful of fresh green beans

good measure. Salt and pepper. Stir and combine.

N.13 / V.47

NEW BEGINNINGS

Blind Date NEXUS MAGAZINE

Brought to you by The Bank and 97.8 The Edge. Each week Nexus attempts to make a love/sexual connection. if you’re keen for a date on us, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz

The last book she read was the Fifty Shades Trilogy — perfect as his favourite song is by Chris Brown. His favourite movie is The Great “Gatspy.” Her favourite position is girl on top, whereas he’d rather take her from behind. Together we sent them on a blind date, where sex on the first date was definitely a possibility.

So here I am, in bed watching OITNB on Netflix, pretty

I was quite nervous before the date so I sunk a few

relaxed and not fazed by my lack of plans for a Tuesday

beers.

The Lady’s Experience

night, when one little redhead friend of mine Facebook messages me asking if I’d be keen to do the Nexus Blind Date. My heart and mind went into overdrive, I was totally not prepared to do this.

The Gentleman’s Experience

I walked into The Bank, looking around for the potential girl, but was shocked to see her right in front of me. I’m not usually a big fan of dark chocolate but I must say she was looking dayum fine. Her curves were

But I agreed to it — and who would turn down the

practically interstellar, dat ass had its own orbit, which I

offer of free alcohol and food? Not me. So here’s me at

wasn’t complaining about.

home trying to sort myself out, getting all flustered and starting to second guess my decision, I decide to race to the supermarket to buy a bottle of wine.

She went for a handshake, but I said fuck that and went in for the hug. We took a seat over in a corner and started getting to know each other. Not unexpectedly,

By the time of 6:45pm comes around, the old confidence

the start was a little shaky but before long me and her

in the bottle has kicked in and I’m sweet to go. I arrive

were crusin’ down easy street. The waiter came over

and sheepishly let the bartender know what I’m there for

and informed us of the bar tab — which I took full

— must have been obvious I was nervous because she

advantage of by sinking a decent amount of beers

offers me a shot straight of the bat. Just as I go to order,

and of course a handful more shots. The similarities

a handsome looking lad walks in and yep, it was him.

between us was crazy, almost frightful. It was a good

After a short introduction, we have a shot and the date

thing we had a lot to talk about as the conversation ran

is underway. Conversation continues over more drinks,

smoothly for a few hours before we added each other

pretty chilled, and learnt we had a bit in common. We

on Facebook and went our separate ways. No sex.

decided to leave the pleasant conversation there and call it a night. I suss my ride and he kindly offers to wait with me, managed to also throw a cheeky add on Facebook in there too.

NEXUS MAGAZINE Your Space

The Grey Box My accomplice and I arrive at The Grey Box to see the three socialites lounging on their deck. Abee looks effortless in a grey bra overtop a grey t-shirt. Erika and Anna are wearing socks — which I assume they used to slide along the kitchen floor à la Tom Cruise in Risky Business. We head into the flat with high expectations. The inside of the flat is as eclectic as the residents are. Jim Morrison stares at me from a fabric poster in the lounge. A plastic severed arm sits proudly alongside a terrifyingly lifelike mask. On one of the lounge chairs is a teddy with a pink human mouth. I move into the kitchen and dining area. It is spacious, with a retro club sign, a drumkit, a vinyl player, and two bikes. Vagina and penis art lines the walls. The kitchen is clean and modern, unusual for a flat. I ask to look in the bedrooms, to which Abee replies “Okay, but don’t look in the panty drawer.” I now consider looking in the panty drawer, but decide otherwise. The flat’s theme continues in the bedrooms, with bicycle-parts decor, animal horns, and an electric guitar. We leave the flat and get into our car, out of sight, my comrade and I collectively fangirl over what we have seen before heading to Kmart — as per Abee’s recommendation.

N.13 / V.47

NEW BEGINNINGS

Your Space NEXUS MAGAZINE

NEXUS MAGAZINE Puzzles

SUDOKU

9 8

1 5

2 9

8 7

5 5

8 7

3 6

4 1

EASY

8 1

5 5

8 6

2 1

MEDIUM

HARD

CODEWORDS

SLITHERLINK

Each letter in the puzzle is represented by a number 1 â€“ 26. Crack the code to solve it.

Join the dots to create a single continuous

14 21

1 1

18 1

23 3

22 16

3 24

14 22

1 9

loop. The numbers indicate how many lines

TRIVIAL

What is the common name for nacre (nay-

15 21

4 11

11 15

20 9

15 1

3 4

must surround each number and the loop must never cross itself.

1 3

3 1

2 2

1 2

W X

N.13 / V.47

How many words can you make from these letters? The letters must touch horizontally, vertically or diagonally and cannot be used more than once in a word.

NEW BEGINNINGS

ka), the iridescent internal layer of certain mollusc shells?

What does a deltiologist hoard as a hobby?

In what field of endeavour did New Zealander David Low make his mark?

WORD TWIST

2 2

Puzzles NEXUS MAGAZINE

CROSSWORD

KAKURO

Solve the clues and fill in the words.

Fill all of the blank squares in the grid using only the

numbers 1 – 9 so the numbers entered add up to the corresponding clue. You cannot use the same number

26 31

44 46

more than once in a run (eg. 7, 1, 1).

22 22

11 28

15 11

10 10

29 7

11 11

48 53

9 6

SIMPLE PUZZLES FOR SIMPLE PEOPLE Simple puzzles is refusing to evolve during B Semester. We are just going to keep Darwin the same thing over

Across

44. “September ___” (Neil

10. Aid in crime (4)

1. Bridge toll unit (4)

Diamond hit) (4)

11. Cincinnati nine (4)

5. Sounds of reproof (4)

45. Do-it-yourselfer’s

14. Language of Afghanistan (6)

9. Toni Morrison’s “___ Baby” (3)

purchase (3)

15. When repeated, a 1997

12. Bad look (4)

46. Get rid of (5)

Jim Carrey comedy (4)

13. “Don’t bet ___!” (4)

48. Beaver’s work (3)

17. Cavalry weapon (5)

14. Annapolis frosh (5)

49. Alternatively (2)

25. Stately trees (4)

16. New Mexico ski resort (9)

51. Become a member (5)

26. “___ be my pleasure” (3)

18. Had a bug (5)

53. Accustom (5)

27. ___ terrier (5)

19. ___ juice (milk) (3)

55. Schuss, e.g. (3)

29. Bad to the bone (4)

20. Following (5)

56. Deed (5)

30. Roman clan (4)

21. Preserves, as pork (5)

57. Maine ski resort (9)

31. Do the laundry (4)

22. Atop (2)

59. High up (5)

32. Antioxidant berry (4)

23. Born as (3)

60. Cut, copy or paste (4)

33. Colorado ski resort (4)

24. India’s first P.M. (5)

61. Tennyson work (4)

37. Commotions (4)

26. Rocks, to a bartender (3)

62. Member of Cong. (3)

38. Joined securely (8)

27. Religious group (4)

63. Animal shelters (4)

39. ___ grass (3)

28. Gas station abbr. (3)

64. Alleviate (4)

41. Breakfast choice (6)

31. Refuse (5)

and over again.

42. Kitchen counter? (5)

34. Magazine contents (4)

Down

45. Gold measures (6)

35. “___ Got a Secret” (3)

1. San Antonio landmark (5)

47. Phil’s sport (4)

36. Battery contents (4)

2. Arc lamp gas (5)

48. Entrenched (5)

37. Awry (5)

3. Big name in construction (4)

49. Approves (5)

39. Father of Balder (4)

4. Before, to Burns (3)

50. M-1, for one (5)

40. Mineo of “Exodus” (3)

5. Chewy candy (6)

51. J.F.K. postings (4)

41. Aroma (4)

6. Bring together (5)

52. “Blue” or “White” river (4)

42. Asian weight units (5)

7. Radial, e.g. (4)

54. Au naturel (4)

43. Target of vaccine

8. Breastbones (4)

55. Fizzy drink (4)

research (3)

9. Colorado ski resort (9)

58. Deception (3)

Have you achieved at a regional, national or international level? Nominations for the Wallace Corporation University of Waikato Blues Awards are now open. 2015 Award nominations close 3 August. Application forms and criteria available at waikato.ac.nz/events/blues