Nexus 2019 Issue 13

NEXUS IS BACK (TO THE FUTURE)

ISSUE 13 VOL 52

8.7.19

UP TO

40% OFF

FLIGHTS, TOURS, BEACH BREAKS & MORE STA TRAVEL WAIKATO Waikato Uni, Gate 1 waikato@statravel.com Terms and conditions apply.

09 856 1300

New Flat?

No Worries!

Rent everything you need!

David Bennett MP for Hamilton East

We have a large range of appliances and furniture for rent and you can share the cost between flatmates!

COMPUTING

ENTERTAINMENT

WHITEGOODS

07 834 3407 DavidBennettMPforHamiltonEast davidbennettmp@parliament.govt.nz

Funded by the Parliamentary Service. Authorised

by David Bennett MP, Parliament Buildings, Wgtn.

Call 0800 111 313 or visit mrrental.co.nz

FURNITURE

+ MORE!!

7

18

17

8

RED CARD

14

13

whelmed.

26

15

8

CONTENTS Grace Mitchell Nexus Editor

editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Kim Sare Deputy Editor

kim@nexusmag.co.nz

Ashlea Curran Designer

design@nexusmag.co.nz

James Raffan Managing Editor

james@nexusmag.co.nz

4

12

Contributors Ella Morgan News Editor ella@nexusmag.co.nz Marnie Hunter Lifestyle Editor marnie@nexusmag.co.nz Sophie Miller Entertainment Editor sophie@nexusmag.co.nz Nelson Cooper Sports Editor nelson@nexusmag.co.nz Jared Ipsen jared@nexusmag.co.nz Todd Harper todd@nexusmag.co.nz

Kyla Campbell-Kamariera vpmaori@wsu.org.nz Makayla Wallace - Tidd makayla@nexusmag.co.nz Dylan Todd dylan@nexusmag.co.nz Nathan Rahui president@wsu.org.nz Luka Love luka@nexusmag.co.nz Caitlin Walters-Freke caitlin@nexusmag.co.nz Chelsea Grove Jessie Burnette

Josh Umbers Raaginee Rajah Kaleb Adams Silvan Pislor Jordan Davis Centrefold Chelsea Grove Advertising Kendrah Worsley + Tara Overwater comms@wsu.org.nz

Grace Mitchell Nexus Editor editor@nexusmag.co.nz

Here we go again...welcome back to uni for semester B. Whether it’s your first semester, your last - I, for one, can feel an existential crisis approaching - or one of many more to go, hopefully you’re feeling at least a little excited to learn some new things and become an inch ever closer to that precious piece of paper.

To celebrate Re-O Week, issue 13 is a little cheeky (quite literally, there’s a booty workout in Nexus Health). Whether you’re feeling nervous, stressed, reluctant or pure dread for what lays ahead, take this as your personal sign to remember not to take it all too seriously. Yeah, maybe drinking isn’t great for you, but remember that you can go to bed at a reasonable time and be a somewhat healthy person on most other days for basically the rest of your life. So if you’re the type to overthink everything and get mega-stressed, you should know that constant stress is probably going to kill you sooner than the odd night out ever will - life is there to be lived people, so be social, have a ball, and reward yourself for all the hard mahi you put in throughout the semester. If you’re a straight A+ student, that’s awesome, but don’t let it be at the fate of everything else your time at uni has to offer you. Recalling those grades will never put a smile on your face at the age of 85 quite the way that remembering the time you drunkenly belted out Bohemian Rhapsody with all 50 people at your flat party will. (In saying that, if you’re the extreme opposite of the over-stressy type...love, you can do better than that C grade average, push yourself, kay.) Finding balance can be tricky, but you can do it.

Here at Nexus we love everything about our city of the future - the patriotic tipple that is Waikato Draught, our national crate day celebrations, every Lawrenson bar in town, and then of course those things that don’t revolve around binge drinking. Enter the fact that we know every single person in this city somehow (enter phrases such as: “Oh yeah, I know that dude, he’s my mother’s cousin’s nephew/my flatmate’s family friend/my granddad’s co-worker’s son”); you can reach anywhere in the city within 20 minutes, plus the mountains or beach in another 20; a 5-minute wait near the lights merits complaint due to “heavy traffic”; jandals, uggs, gumboots and bare feet are all acceptable and commonly spotted forms of footwear; and lastly, that we have all the amenities and job opportunities of a city, with the bonus of a complete and utter lack of pretension. So, the new developments set to happen in the Tron, as covered in our feature this issue, are certainly an exciting prospect - and for anybody who wondered, the “inland port” does not actually involve digging a port all the way through to the Waikato. Just, uh, thought I’d check.

So, final word from me? Call Hamilton a shitty town all you like, but I wouldn’t rather live anywhere else (except for the stint living in London that’s bound to happen, but we’ll always come crawling back, promise).

P.S. We love you too, Tauranga students.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 13

5

COME TO THE DISORIENTATION DEN

11 JULY

Climate Change - The Facts screening and Q&A panel 7-8.30pm / S.1.04. / FREE

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?

12 JULY

Gourmet Garage

10-8pm / Claudelands Arena

YOU DOING RE-O?

12 JULY

The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe. Riverlea Theatre / 2-4pm / Students $25

COME TO OUTBACK

ARE YOU COMING TO CLASS TODAY ?

14 JULY

Raglan Creative Market girl you are/ Raglan Old School 10am-2pm missing out Arts Centre wish u were here!!

14justJULY won $50

WHERE ARE U?

Sunday on thePool pokiesComp 4-5pm / The Quadrant Bar / $5

FOMO 6

OUTBACK

Alright alright alright, let’s face it: you’ve probably had more than enough of hearing singalongs being belted out by white girls in other establishments in town by second year (If you haven’t, sort your shit out). You want to find something that is more about the doof obsession that you have. The real, ear-pleasing music that you have been looking forward to raving to all week.

There’s no other place than Static to satisfy this need. That’s right, it’s a need. I said it.

There you go. Static is home to the seshest of gremlins who love their rave culture as much as I do and I love it. Studies have shown that regular Static patrons radiate big dick energy everywhere they go, everyone knows that they have the superior taste in music. At the end of the day, if you wanna scream High School Musical tracks with seedy as fuck guys grinding on you, then be my guest.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 13

STATIC

If you haven’t visited Outback on a night out, you haven’t truly been to town. Sure, you could risk getting caught on camera under some bright-AF lighting while tonguelocked with a 2/10 at House on Hood, or chill with your parent’s seedy friends at Shenanigans - but fear not, there’s an alternative. Picture this: a DJ rocking remixes to all the songs you know and love, with the perfect mixture of tunes fit for bellowing to from the heart of your repressed emotions, or fist-punching to some killer drops. A D-floor packed with every town-rat mate you have, and therefore a high likelihood of being able to spot your current crush. A venue often packed with the diverse likes of SACHI, Sean Kingston, Drax Project, and even fucking Dave Dobbyn. Plus, perhaps the only place in Hamilton where it’s acceptable to turn up on a few particularly special nights a year dressed up in the likes of suspicious white foam, schoolgirl outfits, and even your old bed sheets. Kids, come through the comforting, open doors of Outback (I mean, unless you’re over 25, in which case fuck off to Keystone), which is just as full of dust and wild animals as the name would suggest.

7

Breaking down the budget: what it means for students Ella Morgan ella@nexusmag.co.nz

The Wellbeing Budget, announced on the 30th of May, has been met with both praise and criticism. Finance Minister Grant Robertson has called the budget a “world-first”, and mental health experts have commended its dedication to addressing mental health. However, opposition leader Simon Bridges has denounced the budget as lacking substance and failing New Zealanders.

“This is not a wellbeing budget. Most New Zealanders will be left asking themselves what’s in it for them. Families want more money in their weekly budgets for food, petrol and rent.

Instead, their taxes are going towards rail, the defence force and trees,” Bridges says.

Despite mixed reactions, the Wellbeing Budget delivers a number of wins for students, such as increased investment in mental health that specifically targets young people. Almost half a billion dollars is allocated to establishing a new frontline mental health service, as well as a $40 million increase for suicide prevention services. For Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern, the focus on mental health is both a social and personal issue.

8

“Almost all of us have lost friends or family members. Ensuring that New Zealanders can now just show up to their GP or health centre and get expert mental health support is a critical first step” says Ardern.

As well as placing a large emphasis on mental health, the budget encompasses a number of current issues affecting the wellbeing of New Zealanders. $320 million is committed to addressing family and sexual violence, additional funding is allotted for decile 1-7 schools in order for donations to be abolished, and targeted support for Māori and Pasifika healthcare, languages, and employment is included.

Environmental issues are also addressed, with support for farmers to combat climate change and $229 million to promote sustainable land use. Kiwirail receives a billion dollar funding boost, and the budget also increases funding for startups as well as innovation, which will assist in the transition to a low-carbon economy Particularly relevant to students is the budget’s focus on “building a productive nation”. Just under $200 million is dedicated to reforming vocational training. This move has been met with criticism from Industry Training Organizations, concerned that the government’s approach to this has the potential to dismantle the industry-led training system.

Josh Williams, chief executive of the Industry Training Federation, says “we currently have 145,000 people per year in workplace training and apprenticeships training in 25,000 firms supported by the eleven ITOs. This is the largest form

of post-school education. We do this with just six per cent of Government funding for tertiary education. For every $1 million invested in the tertiary sector, ITO-arranged training qualifies 300 skilled workers. By comparison, the polytechnics currently qualify 50”.

In addition, the budget misses the mark on a number of issues becoming increasingly important to students. The absence of a postgraduate student allowance is still not addressed despite pre-election promises from the Labour Party. A petition started by the New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations to reinstate postgraduate eligibility for the student allowance currently stands at 5,438, reflecting the importance of this issue for many postgraduate students. The undergraduate student allowance system has also faced increased criticism over its eligibility criteria. Currently, the level of student allowance you are entitled to receive is based on your parents’ income if you are under 24 and have no children, which can place pressure on students who do not receive financial support from their parents and do not qualify for an allowance. Older students are also affected by student allowance regulations; the lifetime limit for student allowances if you are aged 40 or older is 120 weeks (three years), and concerns have been voiced that this limits the ability of students pursuing four-year degrees and increases financial hardship for students studying later in life.

“Success is making New Zealand both a great place to make a living, and a great place to make a life,” says Grant Robertson.

The question to be answered here is whether the Wellbeing Budget will achieve this for every group in society, including students. Over 400,000 individuals are enrolled in tertiary education programmes in New Zealand. With such a large population of students, it may be surprising that so many issues related to students are seen to be ignored in the wellbeing budget. While there is no doubt that boosts in mental health funding are going to be beneficial to increasing wellbeing, it may be questioned whether the concerns of students need to be addressed in order to effectively promote and increase wellbeing.

“

Success is making New Zealand both a great place to make a living, and a great place to make a life

“

$40B

$320M

$229M

$200M

$1.7B

$106M

INCREASE FOR SUICIDE PREVENTION SERVICES

TOWARDS ADDRESSING FAMILY + SEXUAL VIOLENCE

TO PROMOTE SUSTAINABLE LAND USE

DEDICATED TO REFORMING VOCATIONAL TRAINING

TO FIX HOSPITALS OVER THE NEXT TWO YEARS

TO HELP NEW ZEALAND TRANSITION TO A LOWCARBON FUTURE

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 13

9

FEEL GOOD NEWS Motorists in Las Vegas can pay off parking tickets and driving infringements by donating school supplies to the Teacher Exchange, a non-profit organisation associated with the Public Education Foundation.

The first ever mind-controlled robotic arm has been developed by researchers from Carnegie Mellon University and the University of Minnesota. The non-invasive technology will be a game-changer in the lives of paralysed patients and those with movement conditions.

10

PepsiCo has announced that their water will use more sustainable packaging as of 2020. LIFEWTR will switch to recycled polyethylene terephthalate (rPET) bottles, while their sparkling water products will come in aluminium cans.

These changes are estimated to eliminate 8,000 metric tonnes of virgin plastic and 11,000 metric tonnes of the company’s greenhouse gas emissions.

Eden Reforestation Project has planted 250 million trees by hiring impoverished villagers and providing them with the education to plant, grow, and protect millions of trees annually.

New Zealand businessman Vaughan Fergusson has rebooted an outdoor education camp to help kids into tech careers. Based in Raglan, the camp aims to get kids interested in nature and solve some problems through technology.

Jo Waugh has become the first female to win the prestigious South Island dog trials in the competition’s history. Her 3-year-old Huntaway named Guy has only been competing since February.

Peter Kline has completed 45 marathons while pushing children with disabilities in front of him in his project dubbed Marathons with Meaning.

The first edible coffee cup in New Zealand has been created via a partnership between Colab Cafe in High Street Auckland and Auckland-based social enterprise “The Cookie Project”, taking sustainability one step further.

Little kids and their “grandfriends” are making special connections at St. Louis Park, where a daycare and a memory care unit share the same facility. The building holds planned activities like gardening and reading the newspaper to bridge the intergenerational gap.

13 year old Michael Platt from Maryland, USA, has opened his own bakery and is matching every sale with a donation to No Kid Hungry, a non-profit that provides meals and educational programmes for less fortunate children.

Hospital staff formed a silent guard of honour for 18-year-old organ donor. After being killed in a motorcycle accident, Michael Sigler of Las Vegas saved up to 9 people by the donation, proving that some can be heroes even in death.

Robbers return boy’s stolen WWE belt with an apology letter. 5-yearold Timmy Vick, who happens to have autism and suffers from a brain tumour, was heartbroken until his father approached the media and the robbers came forward, expressing their regret.

Short News

QUOTES

Luka Love luka@nexusmag.co.nz

Makayla Wallace - Tidd makayla@nexusmag.co.nz

Indigenous groups from all over the world gathered at the University of Waikato for NAISA over the mid-semester break to share culture, kaupapa and kai. The event was well attended and well received, bringing the University to life with important conversations, spontaneous performances, and a hangi.

NASA has announced a new mission to Jupiter’s moon Titan. Dragonfly is set to depart in 2026 and will take eight years to reach the giant’s satellite, touching down and relaunching across the surface gathering data on chemistry, atmospheric conditions and seismic activity which may provide clues about early Earth.

Hell Pizza has landed in deep kaka over a con job involving fake meat on their burger pizza.

Disgruntled customers have pointed out that if they wanted to eat rabbit food, they would order rabbit food, and the company faces potential legal challenges for misleading their consumers.

A cabinet reshuffle has seen the big guns pulled out to take over the housing portfolio after KiwiBuild failed to deliver on its aims.

The ambitious project is to be reset under progressive stalwart Megan Woods with a team of housing ministers including newlypromoted Kris Faafoi.

“54% in Poll! I would be at 75% (with our great economy, maybe the best ever) if not for the Phony Witch Hunt and the Fake News Media!”

- Donald J. Trump “While the Kiwis might have scooped the world’s sexiest accent, it seems people would prefer to hear them, not see them.” - Big Travel 7

“Friendly reminder that you don’t have to say the ‘n word’ to be racist. That’s not the sole requirement.” - Lizzo “Military rulers need to be held accountable. Praying for no more killings or abuse today.” #Sudan - Rihanna “This was an act of lunacy by a lunatic.” - Andrew Little, after an Opotiki hapu member issued him with a trespass notice “We were just trying to eat, man.” - Teuteu Eukaliti, at the Hamilton McDonald’s Drive thru

NEWS IN NUMBERS

$579,000

75%

277 2 NZ’s median house value.

the polling number Donald Trump thinks he has.

whales to be caught in Japanese waters this year with the recommencement of commercial whaling.

$380 Million the amount Fonterra sold the Tip Top business for to European company Frontier.

11

years of Wagamama restaurants in NZ,.

children hospitalised after eating a marijuanalaced brownie from a cafe in Western Australia.

1620 hectares of coastline in the South Island still scattered with rubbish from the March floods. geese in need of rehoming from Auckland’s Western Springs Park.

100

The End of Life Choice Bill passed its second reading in Parliament, bringing Aotearoa one step closer to allowing those suffering and terminally ill to die with dignity at the time of their own choosing. The Bill now moves forward to a final committee and third reading before becoming law.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 13

11

Fake It - Tennis It’s always the rackets fault; you’ll need to bring a few to the court for when you mistake the ground for the ball A grunt will not only make you sound cool, but will increase the power in your forehand.

No worries if you can’t count, neither can the person who invented the scoring during a game - ‘love, 15, 30, 40, game.’

Wait, so a deuce isn’t what I take after I just had medium rare chicken??

High Five With the start of the 2019 Wimbledon comp, we look back at some of the heartiest and most interesting grunts from past series.

1

Maria Sharapova - “Eiieaahh” When you stub your toe on the leg of a table.

The key to a good serve is having your hair tucked behind your ears, and the ball must be bounced multiple times

Sports Quiz 1. What is the record for the most consecutive test matches won by the All Blacks?

2. Which New Zealand cricketer currently has the highest batting average?

3. Who is the world’s highest paid female athlete?

2

Venus Williams - “Ahhhei” When Gate One car park is full and you are already late.

4. Which NBA player has won the most annual MVP awards?

5. How old was cricketer Meet Bhavsar when he made his international T20 debut?

Player Profile

3

Serena Williams - “Iaahha” When your paper is comprised only of group projects.

PLAYE

R PRO

FILE :

SILVA HOCK N “SILL” P ISL EY

OR

Don’t

4

have any a nymo re What does Ah, w your ell, th s at do uccess co m esn’t really e down t o? apply to me ,

Rogerio Dultra Silva “Waaehhh” When it starts raining and you forgot your umbrella.

I do t

hat in

5

Rafael Nadal - “Eeeahh” When you find out the frozen coke machine is broken, again.

seaso n too ...

Wors t inju ry: I brok e OR m SILVAN PISL kn ow h y collarb out o ow, went one in train f it w ith a into a tack ing. Don’ broke t le and n coll ar bo came ne.

Answers: 1. 18 tests / 2. Kane Williamson / 3. Serena Williams / 4. Kareem Abdul-Jabber / 5. 14 years, 211 days

12

RED CARD

(Credit to the people of Instagram, Reddit and Facebook pages Piri Weepu ate all the pies and Could be keen <3)

Metaphorical card thrown down once per year by each person within a group of mates to initiate a no-backing-out, absolute slaughterhouse of a night.

Any persons who fail to follow the challenge through will be punished.

Study Theme: book out a library room for a lock-in of around 4 hours, with each player bringing an 18-box of Mavs and their week’s tutorial work.

Participants can’t leave until they’ve finished their box and tutorial work to a minimum B+ grade. If you’re caught and kicked out, you all must do a naked run through the PWC.

The Olympic Games: Players dress up as athletes (include an opening ceremony) compete in teams, and compete in a series of challenges. Challenges may include beer pong tournaments, funnel races, Drinking Mario Kart (each player must finish an entire beer during a Mario Kart race. Catch? Drunk driving is not permitted, so players must stop and pull to the roadside in order to drink), Bobsledding (meet at a local hill. Bring a makeshift sled, beverage and a cup per person. Create a short jump at the end of each player’s lane. The goal is to run the bobsledding race enough times to finish your beer, without being sprayed), a timed bat race (spin around a bat 10 times, run to a bottle and finish), or a marathon (centurion style: 1 shot per minute for 100 minutes). Winners are decided by a points system and rewarded medals.

David Bain: all participants must wear ugly sweaters and carry a bag of newspapers/circulars.

Complete a ‘paper route’ by sprinting around the block carrying the bag, then consume a shot in each room of the flat. The loser is locked in ‘prison’ (a flat cupboard/bedroom) until they finish their box.

Amy Winehands: players must duct tape wine bottles to their hands. Once finished, each player must find a stranger to untape them. The first to finish gets sent to ‘rehab’ (they don’t have to drink for the rest of the night) and decides the number of shots remaining players have to consume in a given timeframe. The winner is once again sent to rehab. Repeat until one person - the loser - remains, who must perform a teary rendition of an Amy Winehouse song to be shared on everyone’s Snapchat stories.

Amazing Race: participants must finish a box at their flats and proceed to the nearest airport through any means other than driving (drunk driving is strictly forbidden). Hitchhiking, bussing and Ubers are all acceptable. Last one to the airport must catch the cheapest one-way domestic flight, paid for by the other folks chipping in.

Tradies’ Night: consume a pie, a crate bottle and a dart every hour until you finish half your crate.

Punishment for not finishing = you become the apprentice at the next piss up, on the broom picking up empties and refreshing the lads with cold ones.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 13

13

NEXUS HEALTH Peachy workout In the era of Kim Kardashian, having a big booty is well and truly back. Chicks and dudes alike dig a phat ba-donk-a-donk, so eat your carbs, do your squats, have your T-Pain tunes crankin’ and get to work.

Glute activation Warming up le booty is super important. We’d suggest moves like some slow-paced glute bridges, clams, donkey kicks and crab walks (all of which you may have to google due to a lack of space on this page, soz. Or just go for a hilarious attempt at figuring out what those terms mean).

Recommended track: Ms. New Booty - Bubba Sparxx

Curtsey lunges From a standing position, step your right leg behind and towards the left, bending your knees as if you were curtseying until your left thigh is parallel with the floor (the knee should hover just above the floor, without touching it). Ensure your back is straight. Return your leg to standing, then switch sides to finish one rep. Repeat 12 times. To make it harder, place a barbell on your shoulders.

Recommended track: Booty Wurk (One Cheek At a Time) T-Pain, Joey Galaxy 14

Frog pumps Lie on the floor with the soles of your feet pressed together, and knees pointing outwards into a diamond shape. Squeeze your arse, then elevate your hips as if you’re making sweet love to the sky until your head, torso and knees form a straight line.

Lower, repeat 15 times, and never, ever make eye contact while doing it. Place a weight on your pelvis to level up.

Recommended track: Booty Got Swag - Soulja Boy

Kettlebell swings Place your feet about shoulder-width apart. Grasp a kettlebell, send it back between your legs for momentum, then drive your hips forward to swing the kettlebell up to shoulder-height in front of you, with a straight back. Allow the kettlebell to return between your legs and repeat 20 times. This is a ‘hinging’ movement, so while your knees will bend slightly, it should be your hips driving the swing.

Recommended track: Don’t Drop That Thun Thun - Finatticz

H “Mann Tracht, Un Gott Lacht”* Jared Ipsen jared@nexusmag.co.nz About a month ago, I made one of the hardest decisions of my life - I handed in my resignation at my dream job to take a bet on myself that I’m not even sure will pay off. I turned my back on four years of grinding, hard work, blood, sweat and tears (as well as decent hours and slightly above average pay) to try and get a degree. I’d love to be able to sit here and tell you that I had a ‘gut feeling,’ or I don’t regret my decisions - but in reality, at this moment, I’m scared as shit (and also feverishly refreshing Twitter to see if Kawhi’s gonna stay).

The day I made the decision to leave was the day that I finally felt comfortable in my work and had a good grasp on what I was doing. I realise that sounds dumb as hell and enough for some of you to start questioning my life choices (don’t worry, I do that enough for the both of us), but I found myself really missing being in over my head and not knowing what the hell I was doing. My life sort of became like Final Fantasy VII after you leave the Northern Cave on disc 3 - sure, there’s a bunch of side quests you can do, but deep down you know that it’s over, and it’s time to move on.

I think one of the biggest causes of our anxiety and depression is trying to hold on to this lie of living a ‘comfortable, stable’ life, when in reality, it’s bullshit to think you can get to a point where everything will be smooth sailing from here on out.

Your house could burn down tonight, your employer could go bankrupt, your friends could realise you’re a dick and never talk to you again, your field of study could be automated...we’re all so comfortable in our ruts that we forget things could slip away at any moment. That’s why it hurts so much when things inevitably do change - we feel like if we’d only tried harder, or done something different, or been better, we could have kept being comfortable forever.

At a surface level, knowing everything is bound to change and fall apart is enough to give anyone anxiety and want to stay in bed all day to sink in to the feeling of impending doom, but I find it comforting to know the only constant in life is constant change. The tighter your grip is on the things you have now, the harder it’s going to be when eventually you have to let go (and the less space you have for other opportunities). The only thing that is really real is this exact moment - you, sitting here, reading this magazine, and the people around you that love you.

There’s an old Yiddish saying that goes “people plan, and God laughs.” Maybe that’s why I chose to bail on my dream job and go study at uni. Staying in my role because it was comfortable and simple and easy and not growing as a person was my plan; somewhere up in the sky God was laughing at me, and I couldn’t have that. If I’m not pushing myself into scary situations, learning new skills, taking risks, and betting my entire future on my passions rather than the ‘right’ or ‘easy’ thing, then why am I even here? What’s the point of anything?

The truth is, I’m gonna miss the hell out of my part time pay, full time work hustle of running comms for a nationwide charity during the day and managing events at night. The only thing that is bringing me peace in this limbo period between my job and uni is knowing that all the of the hardest, most difficult times of my life have all meant something in retrospect. And maybe sometimes you just have to make a leap of faith before life decides to give you a push. (*It’s Yiddish, google it.)

whelmed.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 13

15

Corey Barrowcliffe Nelson Cooper nelson@nexusmag.co.nz The conduction of this interview required some sneaking behind the scenes of the New Zealand shearing championships in Te Kuiti, sheep shearing capital of the world. Our interviewee had just gone on break after a fast-paced bout of sheep wrangling.

Nexus: Do you remember the environment when and where your mullet was cut?

Corey: Just around with the bros one night on the piss, decided not to cut it and it’s just stayed that way since.

Nexus: How have your interactions with the females been?

Corey: Yeah pretty good. Get the eyes, toots of the horn when I’m driving past, that was today. Nah it’s been good actually.

Nexus: How has your mullet influenced your shearing abilities?

Corey: I reckon it’s got super powers, there’s something in it. It’s definitely slaying.

Nexus: Can you describe for us the mullet community in New Zealand?

Corey: It’s slowly on the rise, everyone’s slowly noticing its abilities. Nah, yeah, it’ll be getting up there.

Nexus: And just in case there’s any All Blacks reading this, do you have any words for them? All Blacks with mullets like Brodie…

Corey: Oh, fuck, keep rocking it mate, it’s fucking legend. We’re starting something here, starting a movement.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 13

17

One Night Stands Some may say that Hamilton doesn’t quite rival New York, and sadly I’m no Carrie Bradshaw (the only shoe addiction I can afford on a student budget would be the $9 kind from Kmart, after all), but I’m pretty sure we can all agree on some big interests in common with the infamous SATC series: dating, relationships, and sex. It’s 2019; why be coy? The July social calendar is a time filled with Re-O week events, 21sts, and general shindigs. With that considered, there’s something else that may or may not be pencilled into your schedule - one night stands.

Ah, the one night stand. The fuck and chuck; the hump and dump; the wam bam thank you ma’am. At the end of the day, the choice of whether to partake in this one-night-only performance relies on a few key rules: 1) ensure you aren’t pissed to the point of impaired judgement, 2) make sure neither party has ANY form of emotional connection to the other, and 3) condoms are an absolute must. Side effects may range between post-coital regret, obsessive behaviours, a gross feeling that no shower can remove, and some pretty unsexy STIs. Sometimes, you find a mutual attraction, you want a root, and that’s that. As long as it’s consensual (we talked about that in issue 4, FYI), deceitful behaviours aren’t involved, and no one’s going to get hurt by that call, 110% go for it. Life’s short, and sleeping with random 21-year-old hotties is only acceptable for so long. Make the most of it while you still can. After all, the day will come when sexy features like beer bellies, crow’s feet and receding hairlines become the norm...and at that point, it’s kind of weird if you’re still sleeping with 21-year-olds anyway.

So, you’ve found yourself some evening company? The etiquette goes as follows: don’t invite yourself over, unless you’ve explicitly been offered. Make sure your bed is hygienic, for fuck’s sake (we’ve heard all about the mattress-on-the-floor type, and you don’t fool us; you’re definitely not aiming to channel Japanese-style interior design). Your flatmates don’t want to hear your sex noises. Putting in the effort to help your biddy orgasm before you should be the rule, not the exception.

18

No condom = no fucking. Always allow either party to stay the night (if they want to) after the show’s over. Don’t expect to stay for breakfast...but if eggs and bacon are on offer, you may as well say yes. Don’t linger. Don’t leave ANYTHING behind, whether that be physical items or emotional baggage. Lastly, the number one rule? Don’t fall in love, you’re not in an Ashton Kutcher movie.

In saying that, if you’re preparing to jump under the covers in the hope that a certain someone stays interested in you, I’d think twice about it. If you actually might see something more than just fuck buddies with this person, sex right off the bat is not a good idea. As my mother would say: why buy the cow if you get the milk for free? No one likes looking like a crazy person when you’ve sent them the “what are we” speech and they’ve basically forgotten your name.

Remember that if you aren’t sure, you can say no. I’ll admit to my share of close calls. There was the particularly cute guy who wanted to head back to my festie tent, but with his pupils the size of Cock & Bull drink coasters and a strong likelihood that he wouldn’t remember half the night, NYE was a solo sleep-in.

Your classic easy-on-the-eyes tradie was in with a chance, but after the red (or at least strong orange) flags started flying, his rather seedy Pornhub-style fantasies were dashed. Another chap was approximately 7 inches away, but knowing my feels were stronger than his and I didn’t want to come across despo afterward, nothing happened (hope you’re proud, mum). After all, I had a friend who slept with a guy she really liked straight away, pretended that she didn’t mind when the only dates they went on were the kind between dirty sheets, and eventually received the “let’s be friends” speech. Then again, there was the friend who slept with a guy off Tinder, didn’t catch feels, and eventually blocked him because he was messaging her so persistently. The point is, know what you want before you go in, so you won’t get (literally) fucked over.

Happy orgasms, Nexus xx

A PUNCH IN THE FACE WITH A FISTFUL OF FLAVOUR

UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO STAFF AND STUDENTS PAY

JUST $1.70 ONE WAY ON BUSES IN HAMILTON WITH A BUSIT CARD.

JUST SHOW THE BUS DRIVER YOUR UNI ID TO RECEIVE THE DISCOUNT.

CRUSH OF THE WEEK

TOP 10 - Budgeting tips for Re-O week Skip the textbooks - youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re a genius, after all.

Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re clearly too smart for them, we see you completing the hard level Nexus sudokus

đ&#x;&#x2018;&#x20AC;

Score cheap shots at Billyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s The shots may be weak, but at least your karaoke game will be strong x

John Lawrenson Hamiltonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s newest and unlikeliest LGBTQ+ ally has come in the form of our nightlife kingpin Mr Lawrenson, and we love it. John, we salute your well-worded repartee and we thoroughly enjoy your cheap pizzas. God bless x

WHAT'S HOT

Save on power by living in a permanently dark house - At least your tumblr-teenager level music preferences will finally match your lighting setting.

Employ an â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;eating is cheatingâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; philosophy Saving dollars on food, alcohol and dropping a kg while youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re at it? Oh my, how practical!

Send noodz $2 a pop, who can complain? (Note that we strictly mean the edible varietyâ&#x20AC;Ś$2 is far too cheap a price for the other kind.)

. Seshposting- nothing like tagging the boys in a post to get them hyped for Saturday night

đ&#x;&#x2DC;Ť

. Putting in the 40 hour work weeks in the holidays to pay for the Re-O week bender

đ&#x;&#x2019;¸

. Getting a hall pass from your

Scrumpies are your friend They may taste like actual liquid arse, but cheap piss is cheap piss.

Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t take drugs, sell them (Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re just kidding )

â?¤

significant other 6 months before RnV

đ&#x;&#x2019;Ś

WHAT'S NOT

. Boomerangs of your food at brunch.

You donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t need a phone plan, you have a pair of lungs - Save money on calls by just fucking belting to your mate, who only lives a block away anyway.

Fuck off and just eat it.

. Getting the flat internet cut off

because you forgot about the bill

. Rugby boys who drink cruisers,

đ&#x;&#x2DC;Ą

canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t handle them, then proceed to get destructive

20

Hit the TAB You always make good calls. Our psychic powers predict that you will most definitely quadruple your savings if you bet it all.

Adopt naturism Your nude bod is organic, natural, and totally paleo. Best of all, birthday suits are free of charge.

DIMINUTIVE POST

Person Laughs Vaguely At Something They Didn’t Quite Hear Emma, 21, opted to chuckle in response to a muffled statement by her friend, Katie, who was called for comment about the situation: “To be fair, I know she’s a slut for DnB, so no doubt her hearing is a bit wrecked. At the time I felt a little hurt that she laughed about my auntie getting cancer, but we managed to clear it up, so I’d say we’re in a good place now.”

Emma assured us that from this day forward, she would still probably go for the laugh because she can’t rely on her ability to catch the statement upon a second repetition, and saying “pardon?” a third time just feels ridiculous.

Lanky Mate Makes a Great Meeting Point In House on Hood last Saturday night, Rob, 20, towered a full head, shoulders and toes above the crowd. A witness on the night in question stated that he was a heroic figure. “I was panicking, as I managed to find myself all alone when Mr. Brightside came on. After a nifty drunken text to my mates, they said just go to the right of the human giraffe” she recalled. “Have you seen this guy? He’s like 7 foot fucking 3.

I was pretty smashed so it was a good thing that he was so easy to spot.” Rob did not respond for comment, leaving us to ponder what it feels like to be that fucking tall.

Local Astrology Fan Outraged by Friends’ Illegal Activities During Uni Break Local Hamilton astrologist Anna, 22, is said to be “disgusted” with several of her friends after their bender-like behaviour during June. “I just can’t believe they’d put all that poison in their bodies! It’s our temple, you know!” Anna exclaimed when asked for comment. Despite her exhaustive attempts to cleanse their auras with her crystal collection and intense startracking, it’s reported that two of the group’s “loosest” girls have yet to regain their dignity. Friend Jess told Nexus she’s been making an effort to alleviate some tension: “I’ve been tagging the girls in videos about nights out to remind everyone about how much fun we have together, but so far they’ve only been love reacting and not replying.”

Hamilton East Bachelors Post Yet Another Group Photo on the Gram “Another successful night” has been confirmed on the Instagram of Taylor, 18, with the posting of several strikingly similar group shots in the early hours of Sunday morning.

Accompanied by the hashtag ‘#yeahtheboys,’ this takes the number of pictures of the group to a whopping 17. Five other members of the group also shared the same photo sequence throughout the day, with two daring to claim that “Saturdays are for the boys.” When asked for comment, Ryan, 19, stated that the group are seen around town as “Hamilton East’s most eligible bachelors, aye.” Nexus can only imagine why fine young men such as these find themselves without a significant other but remain sure that their continued loitering in Victoria St is sure to change that in the distant future.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 13

21

Minecraft Game

Remember the old days, when you and the boys would boot up your cracked copies of Minecraft on your computers and jump on Skype to talk shit while you spent your days building those fuckin epiiiic castles, playing the “Minecraft Hunger Games” or downloading those super fuckin siiick gun mods? A nostalgic memory from yesteryear, and nothing more...or is it? The power of memes once again bring about the impossible, as adults begin to grasp Minecraft away from the clutches of the young kids who have forsaken it. With more content than anyone ever imagined in 2012, Minecraft has risen from its ashes and is leading us back into its treacherous and blocky world. Get a controller and hop on your mate’s PS4; with split-screen multiplayer, it’s an easy way to burn off 7 hours of the day you should have spent on uni work, all the while offering a far more satisfying feeling of accomplishment at the end of it all. From racist undertones to Freudian symbolism, the neo-classic video game masterpiece Minecraft offers a diverse and complicated world that any true university scholar, such as ourselves, should take pleasure in deconstructing, both physically and intellectually.

22

TAMPOCALYPSE Show

Tampocalypse was a true display of all things female, from love and sexuality to menstruation and infertility; from hair care to fighting to get our voices heard. The plot followed Maeve Kelly’s young screenwriter Mary as she narrated her story to high powered film exec Lesley, and skilfully brought moments of laughter, sadness, and general suspense to the audience in less than an hour. Lesley’s interruptions of criticism and her insistence that the story be altered to better cater to the male audience was something that women are all too familiar with. Briar Collard’s Lesley and her horror at any suggestion of stepping outside the Hollywood box may have had the audience in stitches, but she represented the oppressive power of the entertainment industry and its overwhelming preference for misogynistic ideals. When it was suggested to include the death of an innocent child in place of discussing menstruation during the apocalypse as it was “less yucky,” the audience responded with laughter undercut with a sadness reflecting an unhappy reality. The cast and crew of Tampocalypse with ladies of all sizes and personalities was a refreshing change from the usually unrecognisable portrayal of women, and they did a fantastic job at defying all of the usual feminine plot tropes. I was left wanting more; a ‘happier’ ending, or a win for young Mary, but the real-life struggles faced by women don’t always have the luxury of happily ever after.

You Need to Calm Down Single - Taylor Swift

Casa Amor - Love Island House

This song left me needing a few shots of Patron to forget about it.

Pretty shit compared to the Villa, I’d rather stay with Tommy thanks.

D I L A V Songs That Are Better Than Macky G’s Tour on your Re-O Week Piss Ups Dylan Todd dylan@nexusmag.co.nz

Misery Business - Paramore Trust me; it’s basically drum and bass. 173 BPM of intermediate school emo throwback, it really gets you ready to throw hands.

Hearing the intense singing from the first ranga girl any of us liked when we were 12 really brings back some of the nostalgic and intense feelings of preteen angst and drives them right into the bloodstream. A sporadic but driving beat through the verse into the classic four-four jump up DnB breakbeat in the iconic and edgy as all fuck chorus. Wanna subtly find out which of your mates were the emo kids in year 8? Then this is the tune to choose this weekend.

Masochist (Noisia Remix) - Pendulum In the search for the drum and bass greats, I hate to say it, but Spotify is never going to be much help. Take it back to the high Imagine you rock up to that party you’ve been waiting for all school party days, pull up YouTube on a laptop and really let week and a bit, and everyone’s there. Shit’s gonna be crack this one sink in. One of the hardest, grittiest and heaviest DnB up, but oh no. It happens. The creature that’s overstayed its bangers ever conceived is the 2005 Noisia remix of the iconic welcome comes on - an obnoxious chanting of Macky Gee’s Pendulum banger Masochist. Noisia’s later remixes, such as the Tour. Despite all good intentions, you can’t take it anymore.

Hold Your Colour one, barely hold a candle to the gut-punching The 174 BPM demon in you wants to rark on, but you just can’t drums and thumping bassline in this masterpiece. Don’t be a bring even your most cooked self to vibe with the electronic equivalent of Sicko Mode. Here’s a sneaky selection of tracks that pussy, 2015-onward era jump up Macky G shit will never top the classics. run it straight and can rock your slightly not sober world at the same tempo, but without as much of the mind-numbingness.

Mambo no. 5 - Bob The Builder Out My Head (Fox Stevenson and Feint Remix) - Fox Stevenson The #1 UK Indie charts hit single we all remember from deep in our childhoods, showing the dedication to the craft our Starting off easy, imagine Tour but without the reputation of humble contract workers across the disciplines have to their frustration and cracked out chanting. With a nice rhythmic job, as well as their devotion to maintaining their role as the melody that keeps your body wanting to have a wee bop, the backbone of New Zealand society as a whole, including that new wave jump up drum and bass classic-to-be manages to of continued sexual chicanery. With a driving 4 to the floor stick out amongst the nigh-identical Fox Stevenson tunes as breakbeat banging hard at a solid 174 BPM (just like the original something slightly more interesting and energising. For the cap anthem for those very people, Tour) you can expect this shit to fiends wanting to stand out a bit without their mates having absolutely get the blood pumping and the skulls bashing with wonder if they have a bit more personality than they need, this its chaotic bassline and certified #masculine lyrics about wood, is a track that’ll feel right at home in your already rinsed as digging holes and waterproofing. fuck playlist.

PASS THE

AUX

Here We Go Again Spotify: nexusmag

follow us

1.

Oh Shit The Pharcyde

4.

Back to School A Great Big Pile of Leaves

2.

Right Back at it Again A Day to Remember

5.

Oh Well Fleetwood Mac

3.

Sometimes I Wish I Wasn’t Here Tapei

6.

Here We Go Again $uicideBoy$

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 13

23

26

Nexus: When can those of us lucky enough to live in Hamilton hope to see the Machete Clan next?

MC: We are coming to Hamilton for our first show! 12th July at Nivara Lounge on our Homeless Monsters tour with fellow headliners DRXNES & Mungbeanz. Tickets available at www.homelessmonsters.co.nz

MC: Imagine the sex appeal of the The Rolling Stones, the vocal prowess of five Freddie Mercury clones, the undisputed popularity of The Beatles, and the enthusiasm for nose-beers of Keith Richards and you have something resembling Machete Clan.

MC: They are all fuckin bangers. One might start with Pingers and Darts and see where the night takes you.

Nexus: You released The Recipe at the end of last year, and she’s full of sick beats. What track would you recommend to some lowly uni kids looking for some end of sem inspiration?

MC: Fuck off.

Nexus: You’re Straight Outta Wangaz, but are there any plans in the works to relocate? Or is Wangaz the forever home?

MC: On the Rark was less a journey and more just a destination we abruptly arrived at. It was a lifestyle without description before we described it so vividly with our poetry. As you could probably expect, there is a collective amnesia surrounding details of the recording of the song, when it was released, as well as the production of the video. That’s probably for the best.

Nexus: On the Rark has become quite the wellknown tune around the country - what was the process that went into writing that?

Nexus: You describe yourselves as ‘a notorious rap crew brewed from the heart of the rark’ - how would you explain this to those from the older generations?

MC: We’ve definitely seen some fuckin scenes. Shout out to the Hot Donnas.

Nexus: As a Rap/Hip Hop band in Aotearoa, what are your thoughts on the kiwi music scene?

MC: It’s hard to rise to stardom when you were conceived at the top. In a sense, we were already there, what we have witnessed is the slow-buteternal awakening of the rest of the world to the rark. But if you take away the Grammy’s, the groupies, the billions and the child support payments we are just a small group of exceptionally handsome, humble, poetic men from the West Coast of NZ.

Nexus: So, what has the rise to stardom been like for a small-town New Zealand band?

In the heart of Whanganui, you’ll find a band that is quite possibly New Zealand’s biggest claim to fame. Nexus had a chat to Machete Clan before their big Hamilton gig this Friday and got the scoop on everything from tinder activity to the importance of gravy.

MC: A mid wednesday rark will have you four days deep should you continue through to Saturday. This will place you in prime rarking form at prime rarking time.

Nexus: Final question - what’s the best day of the week to get on the rark?

MC: Yes, we can.

Nexus: You claim to have 300 matches on Tinder; can you please confirm this number as factual?

MC: It’s hard to imagine us achieving any sort of success if it weren’t for our 2015 anthem Bury Me in Gravy, just one of the bangers present on our debut album Money, Bitches, GRAVY. Gravy is the lubricant of the soul.

Nexus: Do you have any strong thoughts on gravy?

MC: Being poor and under-qualified is temporary.

The rark is forever.

Nexus: What advice do you have for the absolute munters that are Waikato students?

MC: Haha yes, we are rich. We normally say a quick prayer to the colonel over a freshly sacrificed bucket of chicken. We wash this down with an Export Gold and a dart to moisten the lungs.

Nexus: Any rituals the band likes to engage in pre-gig?

FULL EXPOSURE: MACHETE CLAN

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 13

27

28

CANCER JUN 21 - JUL 22

CAPRICORN DEC 22 - JAN 19

We’re halfway through cancer season baby, and you are thriving. Take it all in and make the most of it, as our crystal ball shows that the rest of this year will consist of a downward spiral.

Okay but like, seriously – why the fuck did you go back to them? That’s toxic as hell, man; check yourself before they dump you again and brag about it to everyone in Outback for Re-O.

LEO JUL 23 - AUG 22

AQUARIUS JAN 20 - FEB 18

Uni is back and better than ever – you, not so much. Try to make it through this week without judging everyone in your classes and maybe you’ll make a friend for once.

B Semester has rolled around a bit too fast for your liking, hasn’t it Aquarius? We know it’s hard but try to last at least one class without crying this time, okay? We believe in you x

VIRGO AUG 23 - SEP 22

PISCES FEB 19 - MAR 20

So, you survived A Semester and you thrived in the mid-sem break, but sadly that’s where the good news ends. Your friends are beginning to hate you – bring gifts, or face being excluded from the Re-O parties.

Little fish, just keep moving with the tide.

You may have lost your bestie to her own self-importance but keep your head up – our crystal ball shows you’ll find another generic white girl to take her place.

LIBRA SEP 23 - OCT 22

ARIES MAR 21 - APR 19

You know your boundaries and you enforce them with power. While this is an admirable trait, other people also have boundaries, so it might make you less of a dick to respect them once in a while.

Reputation is everything, and your aura has a certain darkness to it after your antics last semester. Try not to take everyone avoiding you personally, and perhaps use your newfound free time to become a nicer human being.

SCORPIO OCT 23 - NOV 21

TAURUS APR 20 - MAY 20

The thing you must remember about social media is that it’s available for all the world to see. Remember this next time you go to tag your mum in a meme about your lacklustre sex life; it definitely won’t help end the dry spell.

You love to help others – it’s very kind of you, as you love to point out. But perhaps quit using other people’s problems as a distraction from your own, because let’s be honest, you’re not exactly a role model.

SAGITTARIUS NOV 22 - DEC 21

GEMINI MAY 21 - JUN 20

Hey, you little social influencer! Guess what? Literally no one cares that you keep getting fucked over by the same guy you keep replying to – if you want to keep your status, leave it off the gram, okay?

How’s that new exclusive relationship treating you? You’re really happy? That’s so good to hear! But perhaps confide in them about how happy you are, because word around the street is, you’re not their one and only – might be time to have a chat aye.

For years now the Tron has been somewhat ironically referred to as the City of The Future. But up until now, have any of us really understood what that future was? Recently, Hamilton has been undergoing a renaissance. In the first of a series, Nexus examines whether Hamilton is on the verge of becoming the city of the future once again. However, as we started writing this, we realised weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re fucking idiots who may not actually know anything, so we have assembled a panel consisting of the only three Hamiltonians we know that arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t planning on running for council this year: WSU President and friend of Nexus Nathan Rahui, Developer Matt Stark, and Labour list MP Jamie Strange.

INLAND

PORT

A few years ago, Nexus gleefully asked our favourite follicallychallenged National MP David Bennett “Does anyone actually give a fuck about roads?” Turns out he was right when he pointed out they did. While all of the projects discussed here have some potential to change the face of Hamilton for the better, none compare in size or scale to the behemoth that will be the Inland Port. Promising business relocation and a potential 12,000 new jobs, this port is going to form a key part of Hamilton’s identity for decades to come. Of course, progress isn’t going to come cheap, so apart from all the infrastructure, roading, rail and fibre developments in the area, Tainui is throwing down three billion dollars to complete the 822-hectare site. This in turn led to Bennett taking a victory lap of his own and pointing out to us that “The Inland Port represents both an opportunity and recognition of the role of the Waikato region. As an opportunity, we can see more jobs and businesses attracted to our region. This is good for students in part-time jobs while at study or full-time jobs once graduating.”

30

NATHAN RAHUI: Waikato University lies on the edge of Hamilton and even though it’s not extremely far to the city centre, the Inland Port brings some of the action right to the students’ doorsteps! Because let’s face it, overpriced Momento cabinet food isn’t quite cutting it; students will have access to more food options, more things to do, and jobs to bring in that extra money that Studylink doesn’t quite provide.

MATT STARK: A transformational project for Hamilton and I look forward to watching its success come to fruition. It is a real privilege to have organisations like TGH who have intergenerational thinking doing projects like this for our city.

RIVER BANK PLAN

While the idea to turn Hamilton into the Melbourne of Aotearoa may have started as the fever dream of then Mayoral candidate Julie Hardaker, the plan has developed into something that the majority of Hamilton seems genuinely excited about. It’s perhaps the unifying vision this city has craved and it has been embraced by business, developers and the arts sectors in the hope of truly giving Hamilton an identity that isn’t exclusively based on ice-cream, craft beer, or STIs given to you by up and coming DJs. Hamiltonians like Matt Stark have taken the project as a personal mantra that is informing his vision for the city and we are starting to see truly excellent development right across the river bank. According to the council there are six specific themes to the River Plan: improving access to/along/across the river, promoting the enjoyment of the river, promoting development embracing the river, protecting and enhancing the natural environment along the river, celebrating arts and culture along the river, plus promoting and developing tourism along the river.

It’s also telling how quickly we are taking ownership of this idea. At this rate, we will get at least fifteen years of being the city on the river before climate change makes at least half the population of New Zealand “the city on the water.”

NATHAN RAHUI: Apart from The Hood, the Waikato awa really is the most beautiful part of Hamilton City.

The recent outdoor seating area that overlooks the river and provides the good instas after your night out has been a hit since its development. To see that happen along the whole riverbank would enhance the nightlife even more.

MATT STARK: I think every Hamiltonian would agree this is a great idea, with the river being one of the city’s greatest assets. It will take big leadership from both city hall and private organisations to push this forward and to see it happen in our lifetime. Egos within politics will be the one that gets in the way of this happening. When turning the city around, there is great opportunity to incorporate into the design the cultural significance of what the sites hold and represent.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 13

31

SOUTH END PRECINCT NATHAN RAHUI: I’m a sucker for a good concert...I think it’s safe to say a lot of the student body are too. The city currently has a lack of appropriate venues so this has huge potential. It could also bring student activities into the heart of the city for us to say “hey, we aren’t just pissheads waking up at 10, but we have real talent”.

MATT STARK: An exciting project that is going to play a dramatic part in changing the culture of the south end for the better - allowing people of Hamilton to perform in a world-class venue and also the potential to attract other quality acts from further afield.

Accompanying the South End Precinct development is the recently announced Union Square. Perhaps the easiest way to describe it to the uninitiated is that it will be a business-centric garden place. The vision for it is a simple one: Create a space for small businesses to share with fewer overheads, while also reinvigorating Hamilton City by developing some residential zoning and modern apartments. The proposal will contain a mixture of offices, retail and 14 apartment units with a total GFA (gross floor area) of approximately 45,848m2, accommodating approximately 3000 employees/occupants. According to the council, the proposal will also include the establishment of a 350-park carpark building with access onto Alexandra Street. A pedestrian link between Anglesea Street and Alexandra street is included. Not only would this modernise the city considerably but it could also create distinct identity hubs for a city crying out for structure. Business and innovation in Union Square, markets and family-friendly fun in Garden Place, as well as arts and culture in Embassy Park and the theatre district; it seems like it could be a great thing, but then again at one point turning the city into a track for V8 supercars was a good idea.

32

The new Waikato Regional Theatre will be a world-class venue situated on the Hamilton Hotel site in the South End of Victoria Street, between the Riff Raff Statue and Sapper MooreJones Place. Momentum Waikato, the region’s Community Foundation, is leading the theatre’s fundraising and planning effort. Chief Executive Kelvyn Eglinton says local students should be excited.

“Whatever you’re into – drama, rock, kapa haka, stand-up comedy, orchestras, hip hop, cirque, musicals, you name it – the Waikato Regional Theatre will be able to host your favourite world-class shows, right here in Hamilton” says Eglinton. “And it will be a bustling cultural hub with event spaces, cafes and bars, with a fantastic river outlook.”

A key element of the project’s vision is local young people having the chance to perform on the same stage where they can experience the best live acts. “The theatre is all about giving local talent the springboard to take on the world,” says Eglinton.

UNION SQUARE

COMMUTER TRAIN TRANSPORT HUB

Leaving from a development at The Base, a new rail service starting mid-2020 would see regular trips to Auckland for concerts, sporting events, shopping trips and frequent Auckland Bar 101 nights out become a reality. The council says the Hub will include a park and ride facility for rail and bus passengers, including mobility spaces, electric vehicle charging spaces, drop off and pick up zones, and taxi stands. It will be an important new link for connectivity both within Hamilton and to Auckland. How often have you had to be the sober mate on a concert trip? No one EVER needs to be sober on a train. Add in wifi and the commute becomes a working one. We are still in favour of more light rail to Huntly, Ngaruawahia, TA or Raglan. A train to The Mount would be a solid investment too; it gives you all the benefits of Auckland without ever having to talk to Aucklanders. It’s the ultimate win-win.

NATHAN RAHUI: It wouldn’t be the first time something has been promised to a group of people and then taken away from them (cough TREATY cough). If the city goes ahead with this plan then students need to be at the forefront of decision making. I’d hope there would also be how this would affect parking in the CBD, because let’s face it, it’s already shit enough.

MATT STARK: This is a fantastic project which will further transform the south end of the city with the growing population of office workers. Love the concept. A big fan.

NATHAN RAHUI: After recently returning from a trip to Aus, apart from the ridiculously cheap phone plans on offer, they have us beat with their trains: they’re fast, no damn traffic and dirt cheap! If the city can deliver something similar then you can guarantee I’ll be choosing the rail over the road (no, I’m not just saying that coz my dad drives trains either).

JAMIE STRANGE This is the start of moving towards a more diversified transport network, giving people opportunity.

CONCLUSION

Years ago people started using the phrase “HAMILTRON: CITY OF THE FUTURE” and it was never made explicitly clear whether the implied irony was apparent. Going through all of the development happening at the moment we wondered if we could once again be “The City of The Future” - the reality was a resounding no. Every single one of the projects we highlighted here is fantastic and we are willing to defend each of them as being ultimately beneficial for students. More than that, for the first time in a long time it seems that everyone is on the same page. The developments seem less sporadic and more complimentary of one another. But let’s not confuse that with being the city of the future. When we think about the city we want Hamilton to be, it has more to do with a compassionate view toward ending homelessness, proactive changes to ensure solar and renewable energy, recycling, lessening the dependency on vehicles by creating a best in class public transport system, warm and insulated cheap student accommodation, thriving student entrepreneurship, and a world-class University experience. While we are at it, can we add a bit more bilingual signage and celebrate the diversity of our city’s cultural melting pot? New restaurants are lower on the priority list than new recycling bins, and while a city facing the river is great, ensuring that river path is well lit, and can be safely walked without fear of being accosted by idiots is what (sadly) will make this city really futuristic. It bears repeating one final time that we are massive fans of the direction this city is heading and the unified vision it finally feels like we have, but let’s not let progress happen in isolation of people. If we truly want to be the city of the future, let’s do both in equal measure.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 13

33

HALF-COOKED Miracle Hangover Food on a Budget Jessie Burnette + Chelsea Grove Ah yes, Re-O Week. We here at Nexus understand that booze is hekken expensive. We also understand that we, as students, tend to overdo it at the bar and wake up with 3 dollars in our bank account. Fret not; here are some deliciously cheap recipes with things you’ll probably having laying around that won’t leave you high and dry when you accidently bought everyone drinks at Bar 101.

Banana + Peanut Butter French Toast Roll-up

Bacon and Egg Ramen

Credit: Tasty Serves 2

Credit: Tasty Serves 2

Ingredients

Ingredients

2 slices of sandwich bread

Instant noodles

Peanut butter (smooth or crunchy)

1 poached egg

Sliced banana

3 slices of bacon

2 eggs

Pinch of salt

1 tablespoon milk

Pepper

½ teaspoon cinnamon

1 tablespoon butter or table spread

½ teaspoon vanilla extract (optional)

Method 1. Prepare the noodles. Either stove top or microwave will do.

Method 1. Roll each piece of bread flat (hint: that wine bottle you emptied last night works a rolling pin if you don’t have one).

2. Cut the crusts off.

3. On one side of the bread, spread the desired amount of peanut butter and place banana slices on top and roll.

In a bowl, combine eggs, cinnamon and vanilla extract. Dip each roll in this mixture.

4. Add butter or table spread to a pan and pan-fry until golden brown.

5. Top off with some syrup or enjoy as is.

34

2. In a pot, boil water and then bring down to a simmer. Only a few small bubbles should be rising to the surface.

3. Stir vigorously until a “whirlpool” forms in the middle. Break the egg into this whirlpool and leave to cook for 2 minutes.

4. Carefully remove the egg and place into the bowl of noodles.

The yolk should still be runny.

5. In a pan, fry bacon until crispy and cut into strips.

6. Add this to the bowl of noodles, season with salt and pepper.

Enjoy!

Tequila Sunrise An oldie but a goodie, this cocktail is easy and tasty – plus it looks posh! The best part?

You can make it with three ingredients!

Ingredients: Approx. 30ml tequila Orange juice (to nearly fill your glass) Grenadine if the bank account is looking hot, raspberry fizzy if it’s not Directions: 1. If you have a shaker, add ice, orange juice, and a shot of tequila, and shake to mix.

Don’t have a shaker? Just add the above ingredients to your cup and mix well.

2. Slowly drizzle Grenadine or Raspberry around the rim of your glass. You don’t need much, just enough that the red colouration snakes down through the ice before settling at the bottom. Don’t stir!

Moscow Mule Cheap and easy, what could be better?

Ingredients: Approx. 30mls vodka Ginger beer Lime Directions: 1. Fill a glass with ice and add the vodka.

2. Top with ginger beer and a squeeze of lime juice. Stir gently.

Midori Illusion This drink is tart and sweet, but don’t be deceived – it packs a punch!

Ingredients: Shaker + ice 45ml midori 15ml vodka 15ml cointreau 45ml pineapple juice 15ml lemon Juice Directions: 1. Add ice and all ingredients to a shaker and shake well – you want the pineapple juice to become nice and frothy.

2. Add ice to a tall glass and strain your drink over the top.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 13

35

Files

Edit

View

Print

Help

Volunteering: A Closer Look Into A Win/Win Situation Raaginee Rajah Not looking forward to Re-OWeek? Or has tinder had another dry spell? Well, Nexus Magazine has a teaser of the hottest volunteering opportunities.

Transport Assistant Keen to have a good ol’ yarn with elderly residents, while helping them get to and from the Day Programme? A first aid certificate and clean full drivers license is preferable. However, all other training is provided.

Cub Leader Got a knack for working with kids? In this role, you’ll enable children to develop skills like problem-solving and teamwork. If you have a spare Monday or Tuesday night, sign-up to help out.

Telephonist Flex your communication skills and call schools about a project. The project gives four youth bands the opportunity to be mentored, professionally recorded, and perform at gigs. Bonus points for being able to do this job at home.

After-school Food Server Interested in sharing your love for food? You’ll need skills in the art of toast-making, slicing fruit, and tidying up afterwards. If you’ve played a lot of Fruit Ninja and are available on Wednesday afternoons, this could be the role for you.

Maybe you’ll meet your soulmate or open up your heart chakra, the possibilities are endless.

So, what are you waiting for? Get stuck in and make your parents and future employers proud of the pure soul they never knew you were.

36

UNDER EMPLOYED Files

Edit

View

Print

Help

SJS Weird Jobs of the Week Relief Milker | Casual | Hamilton A farm with 450 cows? Sounds like my high school.

Video Producer/Editor for Beekeeping Series | Fixed-term | Hamilton - Put your passion for insta stories to good use and help save the bees.

Top-less Male Waiters $50ph | North Island | Casual Finally, your talent for taking your shirt off at parties can earn you some cash.

Live in Au Pair | Queensland $20 an hour, 40 hours a week, and a three week on/three week off roster? Who’s keen to take over the Nexus Editorial team? We’re off to Queensland x Food lover | Part-time | Mount Maunganui Obviously I love food, tell me more.

Student with Legal Knowledge - Part Time Mount Maunganui $20-$20 PH - I’ve watched Suits, so I definitely know what I’m doing. Sign me up.

REO TAUIRA NAISA19 Kyla Campbell-Kamariera vpmaori@wsu.org.nz

NAISA is the world’s largest scholarly organisation, and being hosted here at the University of Waikato meant that our people had access to global indigenous leaders, gained INVALUABLE insights and built relationships with people from all walks of life on our very own campus.

The Matariki cluster rose on the Tuesday before the event began, signalling the beginning of the Maaori new year - and what a new year it has been! The brightest star in the cluster was Matariki herself, which is a sign of bringing people together according to Prof. Dr Rangi Matamua. The NAISA conference and Matariki shining brightest definitely embodies what Kiingi Taawhiao said in his time. I guess you could say that the stars had aligned!

For all of you who missed the conference, we were blessed with the best of the best in Indigenous academia, talking on everything from mana wahine, food sovereignty, indigenous astrology, indigenous voyaging traditions and so much more!

Kiingi Taawhiao once said, “Teeraa anoo ooku nei hoa kei ngaa toopito o te ao”; my friends come from all four corners of the world. The University of Waikato, together with Te Pua Waananga ki te Ao Faculty of Maaori and Indigenous Studies and the hosting committees, hosted our friends from all four corners of the world at the 2019 annual Native American and Indigenous Studies Association (NAISA) conference.

The depth and breadth of manaakitanga was shown to our friends from all four corners of the world! Our local host team, organisers, staff, students and volunteer teams went above and beyond all expectations to make NAISA19 one of the premier conferences for a long time!

Taku taurikura, taku whare waananga.

fvmzm

89.8 WEEKDAYS 6-10AM

FLETCH VAUGHAN MEGAN NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 13

37

Random Audit

Random Audit -

CHEMY101- Structure and Spectroscopy Why I picked a 10am chemistry lecture for this Random Audit is a question I’ve asked myself a lot, especially considering chemistry is so bloody hard. I sat down in the middle of the lecture theatre to establish dominance (because why not?). The people around me were all pulling out books filled with notes, but luckily, a nice lad sat next to me and let me look at his very colourful notes as we went along. I took chemistry all through high school and thought this wouldn’t be too bad...I was so wrong.

The lecture was about solid state chemistry, which was certainly never covered in high school chemistry classes. It was a part two so any time he said something like ‘as you’ll already know,’ I knew I’d stitched myself up. It was split into three parts: holes, counting atoms and alloys.

Occasionally I recognised a word or two from high school, but that was about the extent of it.

Considering I couldn’t understand fuck all, the content was fairly interesting. I always thought physics was the science subject filled with maths (a.k.a, the worst one) but nope, chemistry has lots of maths in it too - I sincerely applaud everyone in that class who could understand it all.

Throughout the whole class, the lecturer, Bill, was highlighting the slides - out of the 20 people that decided to show up out of a class of 80, some were copying down all of the highlighted notes that he was doing, and the rest were making sex jokes about holes (yes those 5 people behind me, I heard all of them and they weren’t that funny). You could definitely tell who wanted to be there, and that was only about 5 of them. I’d bet $10 that the other people in that class were the type to tell themselves that they’d ‘watch it on Panopto later’...yeah, right. Another thing: one problem you often find with lectures is a lack of lecturers who can grab your attention.

Bill instantly fixed that by saying ‘Here, I’ve brought a sample of a meteorite,’ which was pretty freaking cool.

Overall, the lecture wasn’t that bad, the content was fine, the lecturer was fine, but nothing extremely amazing going on, so I won’t be switching to a chem major anytime soon. A tip to other lecturers (hey, not just in science, but in any subject); bring outer space rocks to your lectures, then you might get some of the class to pay attention for once.

38

UNI STUFF Monday: Toasties, hot chocolate on the Village Green + ZM Coffee Cart, Escape Room, and Dart Master Tuesday: Pancakes and hot chocolate on the Village Green + ZM Coffee Cart, McDonalds Build a Burger, Okonomiyaki, and Escape Room Wednesday: Toasties, hot chocolate, and a BBQ on the Village Green + Redbull, Cookie Time, ZM Coffee Cart, and free Burgerfuel fries Wednesday night: BYO Slumber Party @ the WSU Den on the Green, 7-12pm + karaoke and prizes Thursday night: BYO Back to School Quiz @ the WSU Den on the Green, 7-12pm + DJ and prizes Friday night: BYO No Place Like Home @ the WSU Den on the Green, 7-12pm + DJ and prizes

FREE RIDE TO + FROM TOWN / UNI MART BUS STOP / WED - SAT / FROM 10PM

Free rides to + from town @ Unimart bus stop, 10pm onwards!

CLUB SPOTLIGHT: Waikato Indian Students Community EVENT Machete Clan 12th July at Nivara Lounge Homeless Monsters tour with fellow headliners DRXNES & Mungbeanz.

Tickets available at www.homelessmonsters.co.nz

We are a Non-Profit Organization and looking forward to celebrate the Indian Culture together with everyone in New Zealand. We are group of enthusiasts and students who plan to organize festive, food, cultural and travel events with an aim to bring everyone together to share and celebrate, enjoy and experience authentic Indian Culture.

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 13

39

PROCRASTINATION STATION

lABYRINTH 30 by 60 orthogonal maze

PUZZLE Can you crack the password?

The password is a 5-digit number.

The 4th digit is 4 more than the 2nd one.

The 3rd digit is 3 less than the 2nd one.

The 1st digit is three times the 5th digit.

01234 ÿ6789 7 Three pairs of digits sum up

to 11.

!

LAST ISSUES ANSWER:

Someone had to have rewound

!

the tape. ! !

!

! ! !

! !

"##$%&& '()*+(,-"# *.#$%&& '()*+(,-*.

/0ÿ ÿ :#$%&&'()*+(,-*. /0ÿ ÿ2ÿ34546ÿ74)8 (. 3ÿ45657ÿ89'"# "##$%&& '()*+(,-*.

01234ÿ6789 7

01234ÿ6789 7

!

! !

!

/0ÿ ! 2ÿ3ÿ456/0 57 ÿ89:) 2ÿ34546ÿ74)8(. ÿ !9 ÿ

"##$%&&'()*+(,-*.

/0ÿ !2! ÿ3ÿ45657ÿ89:)

EASY

MEDIUM

! !

!

!

! !

! !

!

!

!

"##$%&& '()*+(,-"# *.#$%&& '()*+(,-*.

40

/0ÿ ÿ :#$%&&'()*+(,-*. /0ÿ ! ÿ2ÿ34546ÿ74)8 (. 3ÿ45657ÿ89'"# "##$%&& '()*+(,-*.

! !

/0ÿ ÿ3ÿ456 ) 2ÿ34546ÿ74)8(. /0ÿ57 ÿ89: ÿ

HARD

Copyright © 2019 JGB Service, http://www.mazegenerator.net/

!

!

! !

!

!

"##$%&&'()*+(,-*.

/0ÿ ! ÿ3ÿ45657ÿ89:)

Name:

Created with TheTeachersCorner.net Word Search Mak

V

M

T

P

E

K

F

P

I

X

L

T

W

A

O

R

C

S

D

I

S

M

S

K

W W

S

D

N

W G

G

G

A

G

R

K

I

R

A

W

F

I

G

A

E

L

A

G

D

Q

N

W G

I

X

X

I

T

O

E

W M

A

N

U

H

I

R

I

I

Q

H

O

U

K

H

N

E

C

F

T

E

V

F

Z

N

R

Z

U

U

P

A

F

E

W

A

S

P

U

X

ō

N

V

F

X

S

E

H

B

I

R

R

G

ō

D

K

T

A

D

Z

P

ā

X

W

I

Q

I

H

K

T

K

E

P

O

F

P

T

O

Z

O

I

T

O

O

M

U

C

I

W G

L

W

X

K

T

I

Q

F

Z

A

T

A

O

H

H

H

R

X

T

A

B

ā

J

C

Z

A

X

L

P

H

O

N

K

Q

C

A

O

I

A

K

T

N

C

P

W

T

B

B

J

C

O

A

J

M

T

O

A

I

H

W

A

A

T

I

G

N

I

I

K

N

T

M

D

A

S

Z

W

P

Q

X

O

N

G

O

M

Z

A

A

U

B

E

H

M

N

S

I

G

V

F

V

H

G

P

N

O

L

O

S

J

W

A

C

N

A

X

O

A

O

V

N

L

A

W

X

A

V

D

I

A

K

O

Z

I

W

I

T

A

K

E

T

A

K

E

X

O

T

E

A

S

A

Z

P

G

A

P

G

Z

M

L

Y

M

U

R

V

E

Z

H

N

G

J

I

H

Q

H

V

I

N

V

J

W

B

E

B

B

D

N

Q

N

A

Y

H

R

O

I

C

L

U

O

Y

L

D

P

K

E

Q

N

Q

B

F

I

L

W

K

N

C

G

E

F

V

D

P

C

B

T

Z

X

H

N

M

D

G

V

L

E

B

N

R

C

Z

F

F

J

U

B

Z

B

U

Z

U

WORD LOCATOR

NAISA MATARIKI MANUHIRI WAIKATO NAISA - Native American Indigenous Studies Association MANAWAHINE HUIHUINGA Matariki star cluster, also Māori new year HOA KIINGITAAWHIAO

TANGATAWHENUA IWITAKETAKE Huihuinga - gathering, meeting, assembly AO Ao - world, globe, earth

Pōwhiri - welcome ceremony

Hoa - friends

Tangata whenua - people of the land

Tōpito o te ao - other parts of the world

Manuhiri - guests

Kiingi Taawhiao - second Māori king

Whare wānanga - University Waikato Iwi taketake - Indigenous people Mana wahine - mana specifically held by women Mana tāne - mana specifically held by men NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 13

41

WAIKAT FLATS THE CAMERON RD. MUNSTERS

What did we walk into this week folks...when people say “look what the cat dragged in”, this is most likely it. These three musketeers play rugby, sink piss, repeat. Many a gathering has been held in this flat, often with their teammates from the University Under 85kg team, the mighty Stags. However they have given up alcohol for the month and are participating in Dry July to raise money for people living with cancer. Visit their web page to donate: https://www.dryjuly.co.nz/teams/6-cameron-rd.

We bring you the Cameron Rd. Munsters.

Want to land yourself a spot in the mag and some free Sal’s pizza to boot? Get in touch with us at editor@nexusmag.co.nz 42

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 13

43

SNAPPED WINNER

44

Keen for some free BurgerFuel? Simply snap us the shitfest of your student lifestyle for the chance to win. Prizes can be claimed from the SUB

BLIND DATE

She’s a cute 19 y/o brunette; an outgoing, typical white girl who loves a decent feed, some shit yarns, and binge-watching The Bachelor. He’s something of a newbie with the girls - another powerlifting rugby player getting his management degree in between chilling with the BOIS. Could this lad find a new supporter on the sidelines? Will she find her man to cuddle on the couch with?

SHE SAID: You’ve heard about Elf on a shelf but have you heard sitting on a nexus blind date all by yourself? Well, let me tell you a story.

After binge-watching First Dates UK, I decided I would go on a nexus blind date. After all, readying these wrote ups are pretty amusing.

Last night (like every other girl) I decided to turn up fashionably late. 15 minutes to be exact. I was quite anxious that it might have been too late. But to my surprise, when I arrived the waiter told me that I was actually the first one to show up… At that moment I knew I had been SToOd uP. I sat inside and waited until 45 past looking like a complete loser drinking out of a fishbowl by myself, I couldn’t help but notice there were two straws in it. How ironic. God was really playing me. I then decided I would just invite a mate to come to chew through the tab with me. I also had some company from the wait staff, they were lovely. You’d think being stood up sucks but you can’t be offended when its a blind date with free food and drinks amiright?

HE SAID: Nothing, cause the cunt didn’t show up.

Thanks to Nexus for an amazing night I definitely won’t be forgetting. I’ve decided to take an NCEA English to look on this date and conclude that this blind date was symbolic that woman don’t need any man to have a good night xx P.s to the boy who stood me up, thank you, I had an awesome night but if you want to hit me with your excuse, text me: 0224553106

Brought to you by House on Hood. If you're keen for a Blind Date, email editor@nexusmag.co.nz

NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 13

45