Columns 36 Puzzles

Soapbox by Lara Dashfield Just gimme the drop

Katrina Jones

I’m all for supporting small businesses in order to help them grow, but most small business owners call you babe and send an ‘x’ at the end of every single message and do cutesy little Instagram sales with discount codes. However, the ‘small businesses’ of drug dealers don’t seem to have this amazing customer service that Instagram small business girlys do. I wish I could fucking track my package, but I’m lucky if I even know it’s on its way. Now, I’m not trying to shit on all drug dealers - I’ve come across a few who do birthday specials, and I even recently saw in a group chat where someone was selling cheese skunk (just call it weed, I’m not fucking Geronimo Stilton) and running a Mother’s Day giveaway! Saying that “the more you buy the more entries, HAPPY TRAPPING FAM” (What am I trapping? A mouse?)

But dealers need to realise that it’s all about customer service these days. I’m not trying to wait at the end of their driveway for 20 minutes while they take their own sweet time coming out even though I told them I was here. Only for them to come out and do a quicksy little product exchange and not even ask me about my day! You would think that because drugs practically sell themselves that they would want to improve their service. There’s nothing like messaging someone asking for some buds when they’ve posted in a group chat saying they’ve got some A-grade greatness, for them to reply six hours later saying “you after?” Like babes I’ve already got it from someone else, smoked it, and gone to bed. Also, you’ve literally been active the whole time, why were you ignoring a potential customer???

I wish you could rate drug dealers that you find on Discord and in group chats that your mates add you to. Because I’d rate half of them 0.5 stars - nothing like saying that they’re on drops but then showing up to your whare two hours late, making you think that they’re the Uber Eats fulla. While on the other hand, some dealers have better stuff than others so you try to be a repeat customer but it always seems like they’re running a different time zone (your SHEIN order will probably come before they even reply). With drug dealing not being rocket science and drug dealers being as common as a Four Square, it’s hard to be a repeat customer with their constantly bad customer service.

Another thing, what’s with all these funky names they’ve got for weed these days? Do you think that it comes in a packet, like it does with flower seeds (doubt you can buy cannabis seeds at Mitre 10, tbh)? I thought I’d seen it all when they started calling it things like purple haze, but then they came out with stuff like ‘Banana Kush,’ ‘Blueberry Kush,’ ‘OG Kush,’ ‘Bruce Banner,’ ‘Pineapple Kush,’ and ‘Afghan.’ I understand that there are different strains of all the stuff, but who the fuck comes up with these names???!! My favourite marketing tactic that I’ve come across so far was an ‘Indoor Party Mix’ labelled to have a taste and smell explosion! A combination of purple kush, afghan and pineapple!

Like, just say that it’s a mixture of buds that you stole off your uncles’ plants and you have no idea what they are g.

Chuck us the buckie

Chloe Smith

Shine on You Crazy Diamond - Pink Floyd

Now, I was raised on Pink Floyd. So, I’ve got to put at least one in here. This one is about their lead guitarist - Syd. His mental health severely deteriorated after battling with drug addiction, so in an ode to him, they wrote Shine on You Crazy Diamond - SYD. So, although not directly about drugs, this one is about the struggle of addiction. And as fun as I’d like to make this article here, I really want to highlight the impact drugs can have on your life.

On the Rark - Machete Clan Cocaine - Eric Clapton

Hamilton energy. Not much more to be said. Hits from the Bong - Cypress Hill

Ngl your parents probably sunk cones to this back in their day. But it still goes hard.

Crazy Rap - Afroman

A classic. A core small town memory for me was learning this song on the primary school bus when high schoolers blasted it. Small town things (Ruawai) pretty much explains that. Guaranteed that everyone and their uncle knows this song. Even 6-year-old me approved even if I didn’t quite understand. I don’t need to say what sesh vibe this song fits. Burning - Kora

Last year I went to a Devilskin concert and Kora opened. Right about when this song came on was when security started looking for where the rather distinctive smell of bud was coming from (in a closed room…). That sums up the vibe of this one. Opens with a chill but hearty bassline straight into strong vocals.

Look idk why I put this one here. It fits…. But it’s the song dads who have never even “taken weed” listen to while driving to their 9-5 job.

The first time I watched The Neon Demon I was like “what the fuck?” It was such a weird movie that I couldn’t comprehend what was going on. When I rewatched it, I still didn’t understand the plot. However, the visuals were something else. I suppose that’s the point of these films, to have an aesthetic that startles people.

The movie had me tripping from start to finish. Its unorthodox plot, borderline psychotic characters, soundtrack and scenic views were honestly straight cracked. I suppose that’s the vibe of these arthouse films. If you’re unfamiliar with what that means, it’s basically a film that is intended to be a work of literal art rather than entertainment. The Neon Demon does an excellent job achieving this.

The film is (arguably) utterly beautiful to watch. There are disturbing scenes; it’s a terribly dark film. From necrophilia to cannibalism, I don’t see how this would have been appropriate to make unless it was an arthouse film.

It’s quite interesting, watching films like these. The fact that they’re made purely for the aesthetic and not for viewer enjoyment brings a different type of challenge to the table. It’s amazing to see how filmmakers go about inducing pure art into their films. There’s no strategic, mind-blowing, definitive plot; it’s pretty much purely for the vibes. Of course, there’ll be a general idea followed, but in most cases, the plots of these films are quite…fucked up. I suppose that’s why this genre of film falls into either the “love it” or “hate it” category.

Another interesting point that factors into the making of these films is the history of them. Arthouse cinema rose to popularity in the 60s and 70s, and ever since they have gained a reputation of being both pretentious and inspiring. These films have had huge cultural impacts, especially in the entertainment industry, due to their unique artistic styles. In simple words, pretty movies are pretty sick and even if the plot is weird, there’s a chance either critics or viewers will have something to hype up.

Unfortunately, there is certainly always a chance that people will seriously contemplate why a film like that was ever made. Earlier, I used the word “pretentious”, and that’s exactly what many of these films are. Now, of course, these films are not meant to please audiences; they’re not blockbusters, and are really only made to promote a filmmaker’s artistic value and ability. However, I honestly feel like some of these films are trying too hard. Like, you know when people try to fit a specific aesthetic too much but end up just being an annoying piece of shit? Well, that’s how I feel about some of these movies. And before you fight back at me and say “these films are not made for the common audience” or “these filmmakers are not obliged to create something to please an audience”, I know that. I just think that, while some of these films are good, many of them are trying too hard to be artsy and the films are either totally out of control or just really fucking wack.

So, I guess you could say arthouse cinema is kinda crazy. It’s either a definite vibe, or total chaos. The Neon Demon, in my very humble opinion, is really weird. I think I need to watch it again. I mean, I love films, but this specific genre? I don’t know how I feel about it. Honestly, it’s almost as if I need to dress up really fancy and sip wine while I watch these types of films. But anyways, The Neon Demon is on crack. The writers and director must have been on crack too, because what the fuck was going on in that film?

My knowledge of this week’s topic of drugs is small so instead I’ll talk about something just as addicting; queer representation.

I’ve gone my whole life being pretty damn confused with who I am but always just rolled with it and accepted whatever my brain told me I was. In an effort to discover this, I’ve quietly identified as a wide variety of sexualities and gender identities. As a kid, tomboy representation was important for me. I exclusively wore football shirts and shorts and hated all things girly. This has evolved into me now seeking lesbian representation in all aspects of life, surprising I know, the tomboy to lesbian pipeline is a strong one. In fact it was so strong I cannoned out the other side and slipped into the nonbinary pile.

Seeing people who are like me, not just on the screen but in the real world too, helped to ease the struggle that is figuring out sexuality and gender identity. There is a reason almost any lesbian you ask loves Kristen Stewart and it’s not just because she’s stunning, amazing, talented, beautiful, showstopping, never done before. I’m not saying the massive trend of TikTok lesbians pre-lockdown was fantastic, I’m just saying it feels great to be represented by people who seem to be out there living their lives and thriving. If I can’t get famous and have girls all up in my dms then I’m gonna live vicariously through someone who can do it.

At this point I am actively seeking out media that fulfil my craving for representation. Music, television, movies, podcasts, youtube videos, whatever it is that I’m consuming, if it isn’t filling the void of my lack of girlfriend I don’t want it. While stan Twitter debates about whether celebrities owe it to us to announce their sexuality, I’m binge watching shows where girls kiss girls and boys kiss boys and girls kiss boys and wait I’m missing something… Oh yeah, where is my gender representation?

Off the top of my head, sex education season 3 is the only show I’ve seen with non-binary representation. After a small google search I now also realise I watched Mae Martin’s Feel Good in which Mae plays themselves and comes out as non-binary. This show really mirrored my own identity struggle going from a masc female lesbian to a masc? lesbian who didn’t really know where they fit yet. That show HIT THE MARK I TELL YOU. The other shows on my quick google search I don’t really know but now I know there is a nonbinary unicorn in The Wiggles called Shirly Shawn. I knew I was onto something as a kid watching that show.

Because I live on Twitter (please fuck off Elon Musk), I am reminded of a tweet I saw. It states that media solely cares about lesbian couples and are almost exclusively only sought out and consumed by sapphics. I’m not quite sure if this is because we reach our withdrawal from gay content faster than your average queer, or if the mainstream representation of our kind is still just kind of lacking. With Heartstopper just having been released and it doing incredibly well, I sit here and wait for my Heartstopper, focused around a small non-binary lesbian. Please universe give me the representative content I so deeply crave.

Sitting in my room hunched over my computer writing this, I can only really talk about my experience of representation as a white nonbinary lesbian. I understand and acknowledge that representation is vastly important to all people not just the queer folk like me. So if by chance you are a creative creator reading this far deep into a queer space column, go and see how diverse you can make the creative world. Deal out the drug of representation openly, don’t leave it to the dark and dingy shadows of a side street, put it in the spotlight.

POV: It’s a Saturday afternoon, and the bright lights of Glassons, Cotton On, and H&M are calling your name. You need something new to wear, and you’re searching for just the right body con recycled polyester dress with cutouts that’s gonna make a splash in town tonight.

Adrenaline spikes when you find three things that you could potentially wear, you get all three cos there’s a deal (duh) and you’ve got that sweet, sweet Studylink money. A surge of contentment comes over you when you swipe that card and are handed over the beloved cardboard bag with interchangeable brand names emblazoned on the front. You’ll get the girls to figure out which one you’ll wear while you’re getting ready.

And next Saturday? Read from the top again.

Every year, H&M adds 4414 new styles to their website, and Shein, its online rival who is becoming one of the fast fashion categories biggest players, added 314,877 (according to Business of Fashion).

It’s no bloody wonder we are all addicted to the rush of buying something new every time a house party, concert or event is announced. Fast fashion has embedded in our psyches that we could never just re-wear something that’s already in our closet.

The fast fashion cycle has girlies by the throat, making sure we feel not trendy, uncool, and blinded by our fave influencers and celebrities into thinking a shiny new body con dress is the answer to our woes - and fast fashion brands know exactly what marketing levers to pull to keep us coming back for more. The rush of excitement and feel good chemicals in our lil brains when we are swiping our cards can be the same as the rush / high someone gets when they are using drugs. But we can also shop for other reasons, like:

a) Trophy shopping - always looking for the perfect item

b) Bargain seeking - purchase items we don’t need because they are on sale

c) Shopping when feeling emotional distress (it’s a great distraction from studying, or a treat yourself moment whether the end result of an assignment was good or bad)

Shopping addiction and the fast fashion industry perpetuating it is the reason the slow fashion movement exists. Good On You defines slow fashion as a way to “to take a step back and decide if we really need something new, or if we can shop our closet for some forgotten piece that maybe just needs a small repair. It then encourages us to buy fewer garments less often, opt for second hand clothing when we can, and when it comes to buying new, invest in higher quality pieces.”

So next time ya gals ask you to go to that house party, or you’ve got a concert to go to, you don’t need something new

Don’t let these fast fashion giants con you into thinking you can’t be cool and trendy if you aren’t wearing something from the new-in section of Shein or Glassons.

So I know we have all had the talk at some point in our lives - “drugs are bad”, “don’t do drugs”, etc. And I know that we all know someone who either struggles with addiction or who has experimented with drugs in different environments. And there are the stereotypes of university students - those who are “popping pills” at parties, using pills or other drugs to assist with study. And as a result, many universities - and by extension, the cultures of those at university - have viewed drugs and medication in a negative light and now shun individuals who either attempt to secretly take drugs or who are open about it. And that causes a problem for disabled students.

I will be blunt - the University’s culture when it comes to drugs is absolute shit, and I say this from both personal experience and through what I have heard. I personally have been bullied in classes when I have needed to take something (I am an individual who suffers from Chronic Pain, and therefore have prescription pain medication), I have been called a drug addict by peers and strangers for needing pain medication. I have heard of individuals being shamed for needing antidepressants or drugs for medical conditions, and I have heard of people being shunned because they smoke or take medication for anxiety and pain. And this, quite frankly, is disgusting. And the result of this is that disabled students suffer the most. Those who suffer from physical medical conditions such as Chronic Pain stop taking medication in an attempt to lessen the ridicule they receive, which leads to bigger medical episodes and ruins grades. Those who suffer from mental health conditions will hide if they need support or not go for medication as an option to not be bullied and therefore their mental health deteriorates. And so because of the actions of a few people who make wrong choices, an entire community of students suffers, and to be quite frank, not a lot is done to support disabled and neurodivergent students around this.

The university needs to do more for disabled and neurodivergent students. The staff - lecturers, tutors, teaching assistants - need to be more aware of why an individual could be taking these substances and SUPPORT THEM. They need to STAND UP for students who are being ridiculed, instead of sitting on the sidelines and watching. And there needs to be more resources for students so they understand why other students might need these substances and how to support them.

To all disabled and neurodivergent students at the University of Waikato - we see you. If you are feeling alone, go to Accessibility Services and ask them how to get the staff to better support you or find the University of Waikato Disabled Students Association (WDSA) on Instagram, and join our Discord. We are all there for you. We understand the pain. And we can support you through not just the ridicule, but dealing with the meds and their side effects. We have been there. And we are there for you.

To all other students, please educate yourself. Think before you speak. Think about whether or not it is really worth the five seconds of humour to humiliate someone for using or taking something that helps them. There’s a difference between struggling with addiction and needing something to get through the day due to intrusive thoughts or chronic pain. Be an ally, not an enemy.