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06 Editorial

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Full Exposure

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News

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Arts

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Why DNB, Why?

30 Reviews

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Toi Waikato

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Artist Spotlight

34 Snapped

16

Whelmed

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Columns

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Entertainment

Horoscopes

Nexus Media Experience facebook.com/nexusnz @nexusmag

Puzzles

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SUCK MY LAHO DON BRASH

TEAM

Honestly, I couldn’t think of anything worse to use this space for than rattling off about how music binds us all together and is a ‘universal language.’ Fuck that. Let’s talk about something that’s pressing me that you should also be frustrated about.

Deputy Editor Features Tehana De Klerk tehana@nexusmag.co.nz

‘Hobson’s Pledge.’ What the actual fuck is going on?

Here I am, mindlessly scrolling through Tiktok and minding my own before I see one of those horrendously edited videos of Jacinda Ardern as the devil, alongside those in power through our current government with the tagline of “racism rampant through our governing system” as the distributor of the video claims the co-governance of Māori and Pākehā officials is racist towards them. Towards them… Let that sink in for a second. I’ve been contemplating whether or not writing about this was playing straight into what they’re wanting, publicity. But complacency is as bad as agreeing sometimes, and you can fuck off if you think I agree with this racist pledge.

Now, Don Brash or David Seymour saying some tone deaf and racist shit isn’t news for any of us, nor should it come as a surprise to you, common reader, that they’re hellbent on fucking over Māori people as if it’s a new revelation. The man is problematic on his best day, with him being the definition of #NoFilter. But supporting this Hobson’s Pledge bullshit? Come on buddy. I read about this online petition a few weeks ago, but the traction that it’s receiving shouldn’t exist, and allowing Māori people their sovereignty shouldn’t even be up for debate. And yet, here we are.

“ACT opposes co-governance – it's divisive and represents a serious departure from the idea that all New Zealanders have equal rights."

Somehow thinking Seymour has the ability to process irony is beyond his capabilities as Elon Musk’s latest robot product. The idea that cogovernance would allow for Aotearoa to become unequal would imply that we currently are all sat in equal positions of power. I mean the jokes are literally writing themselves.

This year I never wanted to be the angry tane Māori, nor did I only want to write about being an ex-gay man. Though I need to utilise my voice and platform to speak against issues that directly affect my whānau and tangata whenua.

This Hobson’s Pledge is just the very event that requires my anger to flow into words, allowing me to express exactly why these people are fucking up mine, and my whānau’s future. Be vigilant please.

Here’s my point to this editorial - please be vigilant in the media you’re consuming, understand the consequences of your actions, and allow yourself the opportunity to make your own decisions while remembering the outcome could mean affecting someone else. What do I mean? Well, if you’re actively opposing cogovernance, think about your Māori friends and keep their perspective in mind as you decide the fate of people occupying stolen land. Their stolen land.

We as Māori are still here, don’t fucking act like we’re insignificant. We’re still here and always have been.

Ētita Jak Rāta etita@nexusmag.co.nz

Deputy Editor News Jared Ipsen jared@nexusmag.co.nz Designer Wenyue Ruan - 阮文悦 wenyue@nexusmag.co.nz Stien Huizenga stien@nexusmag.co.nz Advertising & Communication James Raffan comms@wsu.org.nz Lara Dashfield lara@wsu.org.nz Contributors Caitlin Walters-Freke Chelsea James Chloe Smith Dave SnellDave Snell Eilidh Huggan Hannah Huggan Hannah Petuha Hayley James Joseph Riwaka Katrina Jones Keira McGregor Libbie Gillard Lily Bradley Nicola Paul Nikita Van Dijk Sarah Morcom Tys Paterson Seamus Lohrey Sven Seddon Zian Volkov SICK SOUNDZ

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WIHIRI NIUHI / 新闻

Last Wiki This Wiki Jared Ipsen

Sure, you can read any of the other weekly headline sum-ups if you like - but where else would you find such raw, in depth analysis, such biassed and opinionated takes, such a beautiful grasp on the English language, such hilarious quips, and barely any coverage of the actual big top stories? Here’s some news from Aotearoa and beyond, and if you don’t like any of that and you just want some washed boomer shit, there’s always The New Zealand Herald.

Your least favourite male’s favourite male Elon Musk has purchased Twitter for a reported $43 billion dollars. Making his start in business with his daddy’s blood diamond money, Musk went on to found PayPal where he was later removed due to being ‘inexperienced’ - the rest of his career milestones include spreading COVID misinformation, posting cringe, calling an advisor at the Tham Luang cave rescue operation a pedophile, allegedly having dinner with Jeffrey Epstein a bunch of times, and failing to meaningfully deliver on any of his promises at Tesla (where he is currently under investigation for insider trading).

But he’s actually super cool cos he’s kind of like Iron Man, right?

From those Marvel movies? So cool. He also designs and builds all the rockets at SpaceX himself, by hand. He like, does stuff with like, space and Mars and stuff. He’s just like, Tony Stark in real life hahahaha. The memes he posts from iFunny are totally epic too. So cool!

While the investigation into mistreatment at ARISE Church is ongoing, it seems like a reckoning for Pentecostal churches across Aotearoa is on its way. For those unfamiliar with the different flavours of Christianity, ‘Pentecostalism’ is a movement loosely based on the Christian Bible with, among other things,

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新闻 / WIHIRI NIUHI

a strong emphasis on signs on the so-called ‘prosperity gospel’ (God wants you to be rich so if you give the church all of your money He will make you rich), and is generally characterised by huge, expensive buildings with smoke machines and services with high production value. 1News claim to have spoken to ‘dozens’ in these churches around the country with similar grievances to the ones raised by ex-ARISE members, which mainly centre around mistreatment of young volunteers and interns. A few prominent members of ARISE have addressed the controversy on Instagram, but for many it is seen as too little, too late.

A landlord in Canterbury has been fined after telling their tenants they weren’t allowed a trampoline on the property.

After an investigation, the Tenancy Tribunal ruled that the ‘unenforceable’ clauses on the tenancy agreement, such as banning any fun, showed an attempt at ‘unreasonable control’ by the owner. Many tenants (especially students) don’t realise that a lot of what your Property Manager expects from you has no legal basis, and isn’t actually your responsibility at all - this includes things like ‘professionally cleaning’ carpets, agreeing to having no parties, etc.. Even if you did agree to similar clauses on your tenancy agreement, they aren’t actually enforceable, as the Residential Tenancies Act 1986 supersedes any bullshit that your landlord puts on there. In fact, your only responsibility is to keep the property ‘reasonably clean and reasonably tidy’ (Section 40(1C)). If you want to check the legality of your tenancy agreement, you can use this handy tool at www.checkmyclause. co.nz. This story follows another story of a flat in Dunedin supposedly meeting the ‘healthy homes standard,’ despite mouldy conditions sending the tenant to the emergency room.

Landlords are just the best, aren’t they? It’s definitely a real job, too.

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Heritage New Zealand are seeking up to $300,000 in damages after construction company J Swap allegedly destroyed part of a 700 year old pā. Concerns were raised back in January, when Stuff reported that a section of Pirauiti Pā had collapsed after blasting from J Swap’s neighbouring Waotu Quarry - which only came to light after a local farmer tipped off members of Ngāti Huri. J Swap claim that bad weather caused the slip - not drilling holes, placing explosives in said holes, and detonating the explosives right underneath the Pā. J Swap responded to questions from Nexus with an email that simply read, ‘Roger.’ I literally have no idea what that means.

One of Aotearoa’s bloodiest battles will be commemorated with the reconstructed Rangiriri Pā opening last weekend.

British troops attempting to steal land clashed with Māori at the defensive redoubt in 1863, but were initially thwarted by both strong defences and the overall design of the Pā. The eventual loss of the battle of Bloody ‘Rangiriri’ led to 1.3 million hectares of land being stolen by British losers. The $3 million project led by Iwi hopes to see tourists brought to the area to learn more about the history of Aotearoa. I riro whenua atu me hoki whenua mai.

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WIHIRI NIUHI / 新闻

Small Town Short News Jared Ipsen Farmers in the Waikato are worried after several fall armyworm caterpillars were found at properties in Tamahere. The pest insects, known by moth nerds as spodoptera frugiperda, are known for the speed in which they destroy crops in the later stages of their lifecycle, and have been observed travelling distances of up to 400 kilometres with a good tailwind. Fall armyworms have already wreaked havoc on Australian crops, with studies estimating an up to $40 million cost to farmers over the next decade. Local farmers hope to control the moths with spraying and upcoming harsh winter conditions.

A Tokoroa man failed to stop Council felling a tree after he almost fell out of it himself. After the 60 year old Liquidambar tree’s roots were found to be damaging the surrounding roads and footpath, the tree was set to be removed when a passionate neighbouring resident climbed the tree in an attempt to save it. The tree removalists later helped him down from said tree after the man slipped from the branch he was posted up on, and he was arrested a few hours later.

I was going to reach out to the man for comment, but after seeing his Facebook page, I decided it was best to just let dead trees lie.

A man who owns a farm in Morrinsville has been sentenced to home d for crimes against the environment. Several complaints

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from members of the public about the farmer led to an investigation

by Waikato Regional Council, which found that homie was just straight up dumping thousands of tonnes of ‘liquid waste’ in to the Piako River. This charge followed years of similar shit cunt behaviour from the man - in addition to being charged with ‘discharging contaminants into the environment,’ bro has also been found guilty of breaching court orders and ‘excavating a stream.’ The man faces a $100,000 fine and five months indoors to think about what he’s done.

Over in Te Awamutu, tensions are rising over a proposed plan to hide our rubbish and waste crisis by just like, burning it all in a giant incinerator. A proposal from Global Contracting Solutions will see a large incinerator built in TA which will, according to Sue Coutts, run ‘24 hours a day, 7 days a week’ and burn up to ‘166,525 tonnes of municipal solid waste, plastics, tyres and flock.’ While burning all of our trash sounds good in theory, opposition groups point out that incineration creates a highly toxic, poisonous, carcinogenic chemical called ‘dioxin,’ which probably isn’t a good thing to have floating around ambiently in the atmosphere. Studies conducted around similar incinerators in Europe have found that living in the area causes ‘​​lung cancer, non-Hodgkin lymphoma, soft tissue sarcomas and childhood cancers,’ among other things. Seems legit I guess?

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KUPU WHAKAATU / 特辑

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特辑 / KUPU WHAKAATU

Ever since I came back to New Zealand, I’ve had one question that’s yet to be answered: why the fuck is DnB so popular here? I can’t even count the amount of dusty mornings I’ve spent with ringing ears because Afterglow was drilled into my head during a night at Outback. I wholeheartedly understand that people enjoy different genres of music, but without fail, at every party, car ride, and night in town, I’m forced to endure DnB. And so, I’ve taken it upon myself to answer my own question.

TW: I will be shit-talking Drum n Bass in this piece if you haven’t noticed already. I accept that people enjoy it, but at the same time, I don’t know how one can vibe to that noise outside of town.

Let’s get into this then, yeah?

Like I said earlier, my move back here surprised me quite a bit. I suppose I was stuck in some fantasy land where I thought clubs would replicate the atmosphere I’ve seen in 90’s and early 00’s films, but I was terribly mistaken. I’ll admit though, that didn’t stop me from spending nearly every weekend in town during my first year.

However, the music got way too repetitive, and I haven’t been to town at all this year because of that. Not shade to the djs, because that’s for sure talent (maybe?) and they’re giving the crowd what they want, but that doesn’t mean I have to want it too, right?

Anyways, I’ll try and answer my posed question here. I lowkey treated this like an assignment because of all the research I put into it. Luckily, I found some shit that might shed some light on the situation. Drum n Bass derives from a genre of dance music called Jungle. This was very popular “back in the day” as it complimented the rave atmosphere as well as the drug culture. With this little information, I suppose I can see the appeal for some people; loud, banging music, flashing lights, and getting absolutely hammered on alcohol and hallucinogens is what some people consider entertaining. Unfortunately, that’s not enough to convince me to thoroughly enjoy the presence of this genre because I don’t personally find that appealing.

So, onto the next piece of evidence. According to some random post on Reddit (very reliable, I know), some fellow stranger believed that DnB is so popular here because of the cultural similarities between the United Kingdom and New Zealand. Like I stated earlier, DnB is basically the child of the UK’s Jungle scene, so naturally a lot of the djs listened to in this particular genre are British. If I were to take a guess, I suppose I would say that because of the drinking, party and other recreational cultures that are shared between the two

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nations, it was inevitable that New Zealand would catch onto the Drum n Bass trend.

Touching back on similarities, I think one of the most interesting points I can make in this piece relates to the importance of Reggae in New Zealand. Before you doubt what I’m writing here, let me give you even more history. I’ve already stated that DnB came from Jungle, but what did that genre come from? Surprise, surprise, one of its many stylistic origins is in fact Reggae. This genre of music is widely popular here, and for good reason too because it’s awesome.

Of course it’s probably hard to see how DnB and Reggae are similar in any way, because I don’t see (or hear) it either, but that doesn’t change the fact that the two are connected in some way. Maybe this point wasn’t as thought out as I wanted it to be…

Anyways, answering this question is unbelievably hard. I know that it’s because I don’t like Drum n Bass, and I admit that I never will, so perhaps I was not the best person to take a crack at answering this.

I just don’t see how it can possibly be enjoyable. I might get hate for that, and I apologise if I somehow offended you, but like seriously?

You’re telling me that you can sit down in bed doing an assignment with DnB on your “chill” playlist? Surely you’re on something if you think that’s normal. Or maybe that’s why you actually do enjoy it; like I said earlier, drugs are a big part of the party culture here, so maybe throwing it back to some DnB while high as a kite is what really gets you people going on some cloud 9 shit. Whatever the case is, it seems that Drum n Bass is really popular in New Zealand, and that is not going to change any time soon.

If it did have to change, I can tell you exactly what I would like to see in town.

Let’s set the scene. You’re a box deep in some random concoction of drinks and you’re on your way to town. There’s a raging new club open that you’re keen to make an appearance in. When you’ve finally reached town (fuck you slow ass uber drivers), you drag your friends to this mysterious new club and magically get in really fast and for free because this is a work of fiction. The club is packed, the dance floor absolutely raging. You hear the tunes of old and new school Hip Hop, RnB, Techno, and every other genre that matches the vibe and isn’t DnB. You’re parched, so you go to the bar for a cheap drink and while you’re there you ask the bartender what the club is called: oh wait, I’ve basically reminded you old fellas about when Coyote opened for the first time. I hope I portrayed that accurately, because that’s how I felt when I went there the first time and that was in 2021.

Enough rambling for now, I’ll be back next week with another cracked feature.

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KUPU WHAKAATU / 特辑

Solomon Crook @solomon.crook

Kenzy Coffin @kenzo_nzl

Bexy @thisisbexy

Belladonna @belladonna_music

Alisa Xayalith @alisaxayalith 12 N.07 / V. 55

Yumi Zouma @yumizouma

特辑 / KUPU WHAKAATU

Emily Muli @emilymuli

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Wallace @wa_ll_ace

Qualms @qualmsforever

RIIKI REID @riikireid

Noah Slee @noahslee

Cellarr @cellarrmusic SICK SOUNDZ

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KUPU WHAKAATU / 特辑

With Aotearoa Music Month starting, we wanted to make sure that we were keeping up with all that’s happening throughout Kirikiriroa and keeping you all informed on what it means to support local artists in a month dedicated to their mahi. Nexus sat down with Creative Waikato’s CEO to discuss what it is they do over there, and how you as a consumer of art can get involved with supporting and facilitating the success of local creators.

N: Can you give me the elevator pitch for Creative Waikato? What is it that you guys do?

Creative Waikato is a non-profit organisation that helps facilitate and support local artists through Waikato.

Currently we’re working as far south as Taumarunui, to Port Waikato, and across to Raglan. Within our organisation we offer advice, training and support in many different forms.

Right now we have a lot of things that we are involved in and that we do to keep on top of the Arts scene in Kirikiriroa. I mentioned training and support and that comes in the form of things like Elevate, ArtReach & Toi Māori.

Creative Waikato has been in existence since 2012, with myself coming on board in February of 2020.

N: Can you tell us more about some of your initiatives like Elevate and ArtReach?

We offer many different means of support and various growth opportunities, but with things like Elevate and ArtReach, the end goal is to grow and strengthen the knowledge and skills of young artists as they work on their craft and hone in on their skills.

Elevate is a 9 month programme aimed at helping support Waikato creatives working towards building careers in the creative industry. One of the more beneficial parts of this programme is that we pair you with one of our amazing Creative Development mentors, as they help facilitate your growth.

N: With NZ music month coming up, what events should we be on the lookout for in and around kirikiriroa?

We don't have any specific events that we’re running but we do run the site thingstodo.events and that’s the easiest way of finding gigs and shows that are coming up and getting involved in supporting local artists and musicians throughout the month of May. There’s so many resources and links on our website, ways

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for you to be involved and what there is you can do during Music Month and beyond that.

N: How do artists go about applying for funding? Do you allocate specific amounts aside for different creative mediums?

Well we’re not a funder, so we don’t specifically give out any funding except the Creative Communities Scheme that is given out twice a year on behalf of the City Council. This isn’t something specific to us as it’s offered through local councils and we’re one of many to give it out.

In terms of relative funding, we help facilitate the application process with local artists, giving them the advice and skills needed to ease that process the best we can.

N: On the topic of advocacy, what else do you do to help local artists?

There’s heaps of services that we provide and things we do to help those artists trying to find their footing. Like I mentioned, we do help in the application process for funding, but we’re also committed to making it known that there’s support for creative souls that feel there isn’t any.

COVID has had a major impact on everyone but the creative industry, the music industry, has been greatly affected and we want to support as much as we can.

We have plenty of team dedicated to helping you, so just flick us an email and see what we can do. And if it’s something out of our reach, then we’ve got connections.

N: As someone who’s been through the PHD programme in music, what advice do you have for young tauira up and coming at Waikato?

Honestly it’s all about creating but letting others see your creations. Allowing yourself the ability to grow in your works by having critiques and letting people you feel comfortable with listen or actively participate in the process you use when making and creating.

One of the best things you can do is just jam with some mates. The best thing is that creating music or art is that you’re not restricted to genre or style. It’s all open and it can be as rough or as polished as you want it to be. Ultimately there’s no right or wrong way to do it.

You need to be able to let your work be seen, so being precious and not allowing yourself to be open and receptive to criticism isn’t going to help you grow. Be open

特辑 / KUPU WHAKAATU

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to suggestions and to advice and you’ll see the world of difference as it becomes collaborative. That’s what art needs, collaboration.

N: What’s the easiest way of getting involved, what can young artists do to get amongst it?

It’s been a lot harder with COVID recently and all the changes to what it means to be an artist, but it honestly just comes down to getting out there and going to and attending as much as you can as often as you can. Local artists have been struggling with the traffic light changes and alert levels prior to that. So really the best way you can support these artists is just by getting out there and showing them that they’re appreciated and their mahi doesn’t go unrecognised.

Toi Waikato Kōrero Jak Rāta

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MARAMARA MARAMARA KŌRERO KŌRERO / 专栏 / 专栏

Whelmed The Gambler

by Rachael Elliott

Dave Snell

The smarter you are the more likely you are to struggle with your mental health. I dunno whether thatsong makes more orI less likely I hate the They’all Gambler. used to to hit the skids to be honest.

You did make regularly play poker in bars and they would it intothis uni,rubbish but thensong you every actuallynight. choseMy to play come here when higher education is the dislike for the Rogers is not the subject of biggest money-making scam into the the boomers this column, but leads nicely topic managed since the housing crisis so… of Picking Your Battles. I guess this is Jury’s what out.

The Gambler song is about, so I must’ve

retained something while I was losing all my Recent chips. stats from the NZ Health survey reported that women aged 15-24 were experiencing anxiety and depression at Picking your battles is hard. double the rate of men the same age, and Māori youth are 1.5when timesallmore to It’s particularly hard of lifelikely seems have diagnosis of moment. anxiety disorder to be aa battle at the Dealing than with non-Māori.

Ourrisk trans, non-binary, COVID or the of COVID, the gender war in queer, and takatāpui whānau are even more Ukraine (it’s a war, not a special operation), marginalised, so they’re even deeperJordan in the power companies, climate change, hole.

Peterson, some guy on Facebook who

thinks Joe Rogan has some valid points, So try and tell me that there stuffdon’t at work, animals needing to go isn’t to thea societally constructed, gender specific, vet, whether this guy on this quiz show is kyriarchal component to our mental health wearing a toupee or not…. crisis. The effect of gender-roles and the negative experiences throughout But I digress.

There isof athese lot going on at your life, often starting before you even the moment. When you are stressed, you realise what most is happening, a very large are at your vulnerableis to emotions. and riskthey factor Hyperspecific vigilance callfor it, mental which isillness. fancy Not to mention the fact that usually psycho-babble for stay the we’re fuck out of left holding the babylike (or the sibling, my literally way. Everything seems a personal or parent or grandparent).

Despite being the gold fucking standard of humanity, wom*n (yes, all wom*n,

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inclusive) are being thrown under the fucking bus. In every country from which data is available, everyfrom racial,anyone ethnic, else and attack, every oddin look age group, from every historical period: appears to be a personal attack, and what we arrest rates thanBeing menable for the have hell islower that goddamn noise? all crime categories except prostitution to recognise when this is happening, try (which shouldn’t a crime, sex work is to distract or findbesomething to manage work).

Several peer-reviewed studies over emotions, and taking stock of what is going the lastbe few decades on can a massive help.have shown that wom*n outperform men in many of the key areas that Something I likemake to tryfor firstgood is a leadership: body scan. self-awareness, kindness, self-control, I think of Robocop, imagining some sort of humility, social my skills, andand moral sensitivity. laser scanning body trying to see While men outperform unprovoked whether there is tension us andinwhereabouts aggression, psychopathy, narcissism, greed, it is. and the kinds of Machiavellian tendencies that create things like white collar crime, Usually, it’s my jaw clenching. mishandling of a global pandemic and the need for the #metoo movement. to Andrelax yet That can provide opportunities they’re still in charge.

And you still ask us in specific areas and try and feel better. why we need feminism.

Perspective taking also helps. Will you

be this pissed off tomorrow about this Anyway, Whycosare more misguidedI digress. metal head hewom*n thinks Tool is likely to struggle with their mental health the greatest band in the world? If not, this than MaYBE iT’s worth ThEiR HoRMoNEs? mightmen? not be a battle fighting. If it is Are wom*n more likely to beitanxious a battle worth fighting, does need toand be depressed because we do all the emotional fought face to face? labour or because men aren’t allowed to have feelings? waya you can thank Sometimes justEither having good old rantthe by patriarchy, and the solution is feminism. becoming a Nexus columnist or boring a work colleague to tears might help get it all Perhaps we’re anxious and depressed because we’ve been sexualised since we were children? Nothing like never being sure if you can trust a person to keep you

on your toes.

Perhaps it’s because we steam. still getIf,paid out. Venting can release afterless all than men for doing the same work.

Nothing that, it is still a battle worth fighting, fight it. like feeling unappreciated It may be your mind’s way to of make tellingyou youwant that to stay in bed all day. this is an injustice that is worth addressing.

Maybe because taughtyou 10 In that it’s case, fight itwe’ve with been everything different ways not tobebedamned. raped but boys still have. Kenny Rogers haven’t been told not to rape us? That deep down, some men think they’re entitled to Take care. our smiles, our time, and our bodies, even when we say no.

Maybe we’re all fucked up because we’re " Venting release more likely to can experience mental and physical violence and abuse than men, and steam. If, after all that, trauma is directly linked to the development is still a battle ofitanxiety, depression, and aworth host of other mental illnesses. fighting, fight it. It may

be your mind’s of are Maybe, until we sort thatway out, wom*n going to struggle more with their telling you that this mental health than men. is an injustice that is If worth you want addressing. to help? Call out your " friend’s

shitty misogynistic jokes. Even just saying that you don’t get it, or you don’t find it funny- that one small awkward moment is worth something huge. Because suddenly, the 1 in 4 women in the room that have been sexually assaulted? Feel just a tiny bit safer.

And that’s a tiny step in the right direction.

专栏 / MARAMARA KŌRERO

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Soapbox Mid-Tri Murmurs

by Lara Dashfield

Chloe Smith

Campus parking Anyone who parks on campus knows the struggle. It’s a busy day, packed carpark, you pull up and there’s no carparks. Finally, you spot one you can’t get into- there’s a shitbox Ute parked in two spaces or even worse, a Swift driver who thought it was fine to angle park in a straight park space. I’d get it if you were driving a logging truck but I’m sure if you got your licence, you are more than capable of reversing, straightening up and driving back in. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a shit driver who has hit my fair share of curbs, but out of courtesy and fear of people judging my parking I take an extra minute to fix that shit.

thought they would torture the residents there by planting a beautiful tree that emits a smell only comparable to actual dog shit when you stand on the leaves and berries.

With the wind right, you can even get a lovely whiff of it sitting at your desk - or maybe that’s just a first year (we all know one) who hasn’t washed their ass in weeks.

Take a guess, either way chances are one of those guesses is right.

Litter bug residents

Gingko trees aka that shit smell by college hall

Listen. I get it. Your parents didn’t let you go to dunners. So, you tried to bring the dunners energy here by chucking your empty low percentage RTD seltzer vodka cans out your window. My ex-dunners breather for a boyfriend thinks you lot are a bunch of wannabes. Real dunnerz breathers would only do this sort of shit after consuming a coffin of Billy Mavs and a copious amount of Speights.

If you’ve ever walked to college hall at this time of year and questioned what the dog shit smell is, you aren’t alone. Fear not I have the answer- it’s the bloody gingko trees. I suppose a few years back someone

Instead, you lot do that shit after a couple of cruisers and Long Whites, after listening to white girl throwbacks in your lounge and getting told off by RA’S at 10. Maybe you were too munted to walk to the bin

Fix yo parking. Don’t be a dick.

Xoxo

that your lovely housekeeper empties for you, or maybe your mummies and daddies have cleaned up after your messy asses (see above about the gingko trees) your entire lives. Whatever your excuse is, just walk down the hall and tidy up after yourselves.

The groundskeepers and housekeepers aren’t your parents and other residents think it looks like shit. I mean for fucks sakes there’s even a bottle and can collection site at every hall.

" My ex-dunners breather for a boyfriend thinks you lot are a bunch of wannabes. Real dunnerz breathers would only do this sort of shit after consuming a coffin of Billy Mavs and a copious amount of Speights. "

SICK SOUNDZ

17

NEXUS

PUORO / 音乐

Homie-grown Anahera Harris

Aotearoa has the best music. Fact.

Aotearoa has the best musicians. Fact.

Aotearoa knows how to jam. Fact. This week, in honour of NZ music month, I wanted to let you all in on who you should be listening to and how much local sounds aren’t being appreciated where they should be. I’m not saying that you should only be supporting local but why aren’t you only supporting locals? Seems sus to me.

Home Away From Home AACACIA

Just So You Won’t Be Alone - alayna

Now I’m not a pop girl, nor have I ever claimed to be a pop girl, but Miss AACACIA has me in a trance as she sings the titular line and captures the beauty in love. Fuck me if this girl isn’t just singing straight into my soul and allow me to feel my inner 16 year old in love for the first time. Thank you miss thang, got a girl singing “You know you my home away from home” at the best and worst times.

Now I don’t know how she was feeling when she wrote this but she put her entire alussy into this song. The mute vocals with soft overtones just fucking give me shivers across my skin. Then the blown-out bassey vocals through the chorus. Holy fuck girlie, you know how to make a beat and ain’t no one taking that from you.

Lovers Lane - MOHI You’ve heard of TEEKS and you’ve probably made love to his music (don’t lie), but have you even begun to recognise that greatness that is MOHI? Smooth vocals, with a beat that just screams afternoon sun, this man has my heart and I want him to know that my boyfriend and I aren’t serious. Just saying.

18 N.07 / V. 55

Meet U Again - RIIKI REID When it starts… 2000’s vibes ONLY and you can’t tell me otherwise. But then you get a hit of Swept Away by Diana Ross. RIIKI just gets me and takes my soul on a journey of something. The beat picks up with some electronic synth that just speaks straight into my soul. I can’t help but just move always as the beat goes through highs and lows. Like a rollercoaster I never wanna get off.

Break - Emily Muli If you like Jorja Smith, then you’re going to froth the smooth and effervescent vocals of Emily Muli. Her smooth voice just screams living in South Auckland during the 2000’s, playing these songs on your flip phone and just vibing with it. So good, plus she’s just so gorgeous? Like what the hell is in the water at the moment. Got me feeling some kind of way.

LISTEN NOW ON

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MARAMARA KŌRERO / 专栏

“What’s shit talk?”. Good question, dad. Shit talk, as so beautifully put by the gospel (Urban Dictionary) themselves, is “the pinnacle of speech, the language of gods, a manner of speaking so complex that only true legends can understand. A language that doesn’t just consist of words but also relies on how it is said. The ability to make up a word from nothing and the recipient of this gospel still understands what it is. All shit-talk needs is a topic and nothing else.”

I could not have said it better myself, so I haven’t.

This week’s topic: Public Transport. If built well, and runs smoothly, public transport is pretty fucking sexy. But in Aotearoa, public transport infrastructure is a fucking cunt. Here’s what Dad had to say.

Eilidh: I will start broad, what do you have to say about transport in general?

Dad: Well the advantage of being a Dad, is that I have 3 decades of memory to apply to this. I remember finding a book when I was a kid in Scotland (late 80s), called “Car-Mageddon.” It basically showcased a series of photographs illustrating the damage that cars and associated infrastructure had already had on our environments.

Photographs of things like the spaghetti junction in Birmingham and the amount of land these 8 lane highways had taken up in Los Angeles, and how transport had become a private luxury rather than a public right. Basically, it used to be fair, and now it’s not.

Eilidh: What do you think the ‘vibe’ of transport is in Aotearoa?

Dad: The vibe I get is frustration. Our transport infrastructure is so inequitable and we are one of the most car dominant countries in the world. It’s almost like people interested in doing something are seeking forgiveness from car users rather than just doing the mahi.

Eilidh: What about the vibe of drivers?

Dad: Aggressive and addicted. Driving has just become too easy here and we need to completely change our norms and expectations for transportation.

Eilidh: I feel that. I just want to be able to bike to uni and not feel like I’m going to die.

Dad: We definitely need safer infrastructure for bikes, pedestrians, scooters, and buses. We shouldn’t be thinking if each commute will be our last if it’s not in a car. It’s really a justice thing mate, everyone deserves a fair crack at the road.

Eilidh: Any parting words of wisdom?

Dad: I think I can summarise my shit talk with two key points. 1) Everyone’s right. So we need to invest well in good public transport AND strong road networks. 2) Good public transport infrastructure is sexy.

There we have it folks. Good public transport should turn us on, not make us want to pull the finger at every passing Toyota Hilux. Thank you.

22 N.07 / V. 55

专栏 / MARAMARA KŌRERO

Talkboxing It is the sensual pleasures of robotic-ism that created a lot of smooth R&B and soul respectively. When thinking about my first column, I wanted to take the concept of talkboxing and expand on some of my favourite artists that utilise the technique – thinking about the slow elements that create that smooth sound. At the risk of this sounding like a playlist, please keep in mind these are just dope examples where they work best.

Tupac - California Love

Obviously already a popular song, the chorus is filled with heart and hip which then ends with a little solo, igniting the (what was already well-fuelled) track. From the "shake it baby" phrase everybody should know, it's a must listen if you're into hip-hopping or just talkboxing in general. Plus, you know, Tupac needs to be in all of your playlists already.

H-Town - They Like It Slow

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impressive solos, it still remains firm in the funk space, allowing the good energy to just emanate. If you’re not listening to these guys, you’re definitely disappointing yourself and all those that have to listen to your current picks for AUX. T-Pain - May I feat. Mr. Talkbox

If you haven't seen the 2018 video, its cinematography is beautiful, a stark contrast to the actual song, which is lit and fun – not without the swaggy energy that T-Pain somehow always manages to pull off.

Accompanied by the Grammy nominated Mr. Talkbox, you'll hear the two most beautiful alien voices on this planet. Usually I'd think that T-Pain could talkbox himself, but it's definitely not the same without the feature. The song is around 6-7 minutes long, but if you want melodies/harmonies on marriage and forgiveness then this is the song for you.

Lloyd - Slow Wine Bass Line feat. Teddy Rilet

The last but not least, and easily the MOST sensual on the list…his song will get you euphorically high and sweating with your partner, wherever and whenever you wanna groove, this track knows exactly what it’s about. . I have a certain fondness of R&B talkboxing, as it can't be just done with any song.

Now this is a 90's slow jam, but the talkbox is fused between harmonising and adlib which brings a sort of completeness to this great song. You'd really have to try this song in bed with your lovers as most of these talkboxers supply that vibe- let those sensual times roll. If it does work in setting the tone and upping your game, you can thank me in person or via email. You're welcome.

Zapp & Roger - Computer Love

These two are of the originators to talkboxing, even though this is a sus song, it’s ahead of its time and such a gem to be shared. With

SICK SOUNDZ

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MARAMARA KŌRERO / 专栏

Like every other basic bitch or any person with taste buds really, I enjoy a nice RTD. They are easy to drink, easy to carry around from flat to flat, because they usually come in a handy box, and they're easy to hold in Instagram photos. Because you know, like pics or it didn’t happen. However, cruisers are so year 12 and some drinks taste like straight paint thinner. So it’s hard to know which drinks are actually worth buying.

With piss shops constantly stocking new brands of RTDs and rarely having free samples, it makes it even harder to branch out from your usual lime flavoured cruisers to another flavoured lime drink. I know I can’t be the only one who constantly gets sick of the same vodka and lime flavour but is unsure about what other flavours I’ll like.

flatmate raves about them. So I guess they’re an acquired taste. They're still drinkable and I would drink them again if they were on sale at the piss shop and I was broke. Kinda taste like if a banana fruit burst and canned pears had a baby. Has a hedgehog on the can tho

Thankfully Greenhill Seltzers (Seltzers. co.nz) has come up with a solution for that problem. By releasing a variety pack, it’s hard to believe that it's 2022 and companies are only now releasing multi flavour boxes, The Greenhill Seltzers multi pack really gives you the best of all five flavours in ten 330ml 6% cans. Making each can 1.6 standards and the whole box a whooping 16 standard drinks. This box comes with two cans of each of their five flavours, allowing for you the best tasting experience and getting absolutely shitfaced. Their five flavours include Lime and Elderflower, Prickly Pear, Pamplemousse, Tropical Blaze and Berry Crush.

Berry Crush 10/10 Tastes like melted boysenberry ice-cream.

But the expensive boysenberry ice-cream.

Absolutely delicious. Best served cold – they’re only like a 7/10 warm. Has a cool little octopus-sy on the can

Lime and Elderflower 10/10 I’ve got no fucking idea what Elderflower is, or what it’s supposed to taste like, but these have to be my favourite flavour out of the whole box, and I now regularly drink these.

They straight up taste like Lemon Lime and Bitters or Roses Lemon Fruit Cordial (iykyk).

I will drink these as if they’re water, you literally cannot taste the alcohol and they're not sickly sweet either, they also have a cool little astronaut on the cans.

Prickly Pear 4/10 Personally my least favourite, but my 24 N.07 / V. 55

Pamplemousse 8/10 Apparently this is the pink grapefruit flavour, but I’ve never tasted grapefruit so couldn’t tell ya if they replicate it. But this is tangy, yet sweet and bubbly. (idk hard to describe) Kinda tastes like the sweetest, yummiest bottle of rosé and orange juice had a baby.

But it also really tastes like those $1 golden pash fizzys from the dairy. Overall very good and you can't taste the alcohol. Has a mousse on the can tho

Tropical Blaze 6/10 Kinda tastes like when you’ve been sucking on passionfruit skins for too long trying to get all the passionfruit out. They’re do-able but not my favourite. Would probably only purchase it if it was the last flavour left and I wasn’t feeling a box of pals.

Overall, 8/10 for the Greenhill Seltzers mix pack. You can buy all the individual flavours in their own boxes at all decent liquor stores (Thirsty Hillcrest & Super Liquor Hillcrest, idk abt other liquor stores I don’t go there) Just look out for the boxes with funky little characters on them or keep your eyes peeled for one the coolest looking boxes of piss on the market (seriously the artwork is insane) that is like ocean themed but has monkeys and astronauts in the ocean, the box just says the word Seltzers in really big letters too. A box of these will set you back about 27.99 so sell one of your kidneys on the black market so you can afford a box of these bad boys.

专栏 / MARAMARA KŌRERO

Readers discretion is advised When it comes to sex and music, how do you navigate that? What exactly do you add to that playlist, and how do you communicate with your partner what it is you’re trying to achieve from that interaction? Because for some reason sending links to sex tracks isn’t the way to get some wet or excited. From my own experiences.

So this column is going to be a cautionary tale for you, of songs you can and can’t use – and their desired effects.

Do: "Make Me Feel," by Janelle Monáe.

Fuck. Literally fuck. Janelle Monáe should only ever be the person you’re listening to when you’re making love. Or fucking. There’s no judgement.

Don’t: “Bon Appetit,” by Katy Perry.

How literal and on the nose can you be? I mean there’s certainly something hot about being told to eat up or how they want you eating but I don’t want poppy overused beats telling me how to do it or that it’s working. Breathy sounds and moans are usually the go to.

Do: “Let Me Love You” by Mario.

Mario just knows what sex is and his voice is a testament to that.

Please hear my pleas because Mario is just a god and knows exactly what it means to ‘set the mood.’

Don’t: " Let The Bodies Hit The Floor," by Drowning Pool.

There’s something funny about thinking about back shots to the beat when it drops but nothing would dry your partner up than a fucking early 2000’s YouTube tutorial song.

Do: "Be Honest," by Jorja Smith.

Bias, but Jorja Smith is one of the most gorgeous wāhine on this planet and you can’t tell me otherwise. Let me just say that you won’t be having slow sensual sex, this is for fast paces and adventurous fucking.

Don’t: “Flight of the Bumblebee,” by Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov.

We love classical music. But come on. Ain’t no one fucking to this beat, as climactic as it becums.

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Do: “Woman,” by Doja Cat. Okay, I know what you’re thinking. It’s a corny choice. My reasoning is simple. Recently I had relations with a wāhine and this song empowered her and she took charge. Lads. Lasses. Come on now, why the fuck wouldn’t you want a woman on top and taking charge.

Fucking hell, am I sweating? The movement on “Divine feminine, I’m feminine,” good luck lasting.

Don’t: “Aotearoa,” by Stan Walker.

Picture this, you’ve just had a moment of mutual pleasure, you’re both feeling satisfied and then, “Nō tawhiti, nō tata” starts blaring from your dusty dark blue UEBoom. Nothing ruins that moment more than powerful Māori lyrics. Sorry whānau.

Do: “The Devil,” by BANKS. In that same vein of dominating, this song. Lord Jesus. The raw beats and the vocals, both mixed with the pace make for a session that’s just all around fucking hot. God. Obviously if you’re looking for a more sensual experience then this isn’t for you, I’m sorry.

Don’t: “You’ve got a Friend in Me,” by Randy Newman.

If the reminder that Toy Story was a childhood film you loved, the lyrics should be enough to have you dry or soft. Nothing screams red flag like tell your sexual partner they’re a friend and inside you.

Hmm, maybe give it a try.

Do: “Say you Love Me” By Jessie Ware.

Tell me you’re making sensual love with a long term partner without telling me you’re making sensual love with a long term partner. Jessie Ware, while being a goddess, brings you the most important song on this playlist. Say You Love Me is stylistically different from the previous, raunchy fuckbeats but this one has your bodies moving in unity and just loving each other's figures. Don’t do it for yourself but do it for your significant other.

You’re welcome in advance for some of the dopest suggestions for a killa sex playlist. For the sake of comedy, if you used the shit suggestions please let me know how it went. I need to know if you had a good time.

SICK SOUNDZ

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MĀRAKERAKE / 访谈

26 N.07 / V. 55

访谈 / MĀRAKERAKE

NEXUS

In true Music Month tradition, I wanted to feature a band that’s near and dear to our hearts. A face that may seem familiar, Qualms is a band containing our very own Jared Ipsen of Nexus News fame. Sitting down with his band, we wanted to get a better understanding of who they are without getting too serious and technical. Bunch of lads that I’m sure you should keep an eye out for.

Nexus: How are you lads doing? How are we holding up at the moment?

Tom: QUALMS aye, holding up is probably a stretch at the moment. Probably more holding down. Keeping the lights on. Keeping the fish alive. Ringing grandma once a week. Necessities. We look good though. And that's what really matters.

Nexus: Where does the name come from? QUALMS, does the vibe match the definition?

Tom: Mate, when you've got QUALMS, you know it. It comes from the ancient Gaelic word quallmucllwyrp, meaning, if you want it, you got it, baby. The same goes for vibes.

Like breakfast, you get out what you put in.

Jared: I don’t believe in breakfast. I mean, I know that it exists, but I could never get behind it.

Nexus: If you had to explain your sound, how would you do it?

Tom: Explaining sound in writing is tricky. I would say just listen to it.

Jared: Gabe has famously described our sound as “Straight Ahead Rock.” If I had to explain it though I’d probably go “eeeeeoooooouuuughhhhh.”

Tom: Use those grossly huge ears of yours to do what your mother intended them to do on you. Get laughed at. While listening to QUALMS. Nexus: What would be your dream lineup for a festival? Who would you bring in?

Tom: Dream line up? QUALMS headlining. Warm up act would just be Jared crying alone on stage for about twenty minutes to get everyone moving.

Nexus: If you could collaborate with any artists, alive or dead, who would you love to create with?

Tom: Collabs. I personally would love to see what GG Allin could not only bring to our sound, but also our stage show. Would probably help with Jared's crying too. Vibes aye.

Just vibing.

Jared: I’d go back in time to find the CEO of music to find out why they only made 12 notes. We need something else to work with. Maybe society is finally ready for a 13th note?

Nexus: Who are you currently frothing from local sounds?

Tom: Froth. Got a lot of froth for those new P.H.F singles. Melodownz. RIP Dead Beat Boys too. But nobody else. Qualms just has enemies.

Nexus: Is there anything coming up at the moment for you guys? Anything for everyone to look out for?

Tom: Coming up we got a whole schmear of goodies. Mostly a practice next weekend to get some new jams going. It's been too long. We missed each other over lock down and isolation and all that hiff. We missed you guys more though. Haha nah jokes, we missed each other way more.

SICK SOUNDZ

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Wenyue Ruan @_ruandesign_

Dr Gaurav Sharma MP for Hamilton West

43 Pembroke St, Hamilton Lake (07) 8 37 38 29 gaurav.sharma@parliament.govt.nz /gmsharmanz @gmsharmanz /gmsharmanz

Authorised by Dr Gaurav Sharma MP, Parliament Buildings, Wellington

Wishing you a great academic year ahead

EVERYBODY

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NEXUS

AROTAKENGA / 点评

Broken Hearts Club Album | Jak Rāta

Syd. That’s the review.

Nah but if you haven’t had the joy of listening to Syd belt out some tunes, then I don’t really know what to tell you my friends. She basically takes everything you love about R&B and makes it softer with some vocals that just melt straight through your soul into your core. But I’m jumping ahead of myself already and I shouldn’t just throw you into the deep end before explaining why this may be my favourite album of the year (so far).

100% ‘CYBAH.’ A collaboration with Louisiana singer Lucky Daye, the song captures the anxious, jittery feelings of first being in love and the uneasiness of being vulnerable with another person. But this raises the main point of the album, right? The idea of falling in love and how that’s so anxiety-inducing. But it’s not the typical “woe is me / my life sucks / I want to die” type beat that you’re used to. This juxtaposes sadness in love and upbeat tracks that have you bopping and fucking with the sound.

Syd, aka Syd Tha Kyd, is not new to the scene with tracks blessing our ears since 2018. Without making this a biography, I want you to realise my bias as my love for her runs DEEP. I have my favourite songs and I also have some shit that I don’t really fuck with but having healthy dislikes within your favourite artists is important.

What I’m saying is, it’s okay to not like everything that an artist puts out (looking at you Miley and her Dead Petz). But the honest truth is that Lonely Hearts club struggles to have a bad track.

Versatility and dimension is at the core of the tracklist, from the bright and breezy ‘Right Track’ to the turbulent ‘BMHWDY,’ where Syd croons over the sudden turn in her relationship. This entire album is a testament to heartbreak, with her experiencing her first and seemingly volatile end to a turbulent relationship. You can listen to her story told through interludes and an impressive blend of vocals within the spoken word sections that tug on your heart strings. The hold that Syd is gaining over the R&B folks is disconcerting and I’m certain the general audiences will start to realise her greatness – or some cunt on tiktok will use the sound and blow her up.

Broken Hearts Club is never one sound. It’s never just the same beat with differing vocals. It’s diverse, with sounds that saunter from light, tenderhearted songs to raw, gritty ballads that centre moments of doubt and mistrust. True to its title, Syd has said the album is about her first real heartbreak, and many songs are tinged with that bittersweet aftershock.

Overall, you’re all sleeping on Syd. I’m not here to thrust shit down your throat, but if you’re a pop girlie or if you just fuck with top 40 – it’s time to branch out on your own and find music that you fuck with and makes you feel like shaking your ass or chilling in bed.

“If I ever make you mine, need to know if you’re the type / do me wrong or do me right,” Syd sings in the opening bars of opening track

30 N.07 / V. 55

Choice Cuts: "CYBAH (feat. Lucky Daye)," "Fast Car," "Control," "Out Loud (feat. Kehlani)," "Heartfelt Freestyle"

点评 / AROTAKENGA

The Casual Criminalist Podcast | Nikita Van Dijk

NEXUS

50%

Like many others, I am a fan of true crime, and like many others, I am always on the lookout for another series to add to the list. Recently I came across the podcast The Casual Criminalist, and I found it to be a refreshing way to learn about true crime.

The Casual Criminalist is hosted by Simon Whistler (yes, the guy from TopTenz on Youtube) and I’ll be honest, I was initially worried. I have seen his other channels and I was worried that his sense of humour would take away from the seriousness of the topic and disrespect the victims and their families. However I was very pleased to find that the humour is balanced. There are just enough jokes - and none about the victims - to allow for small breaks so that those new to true crime can be eased into it, however not enough to disrespect the seriousness of the events. Props to his writers and editors for that!

As Simon reads through (he’s never heard of the cases before), he gives his honest reactions to the events. His true feelings are shown, and it’s refreshing to see cases reacted to with feeling, rather than read out like a robot. The writers are very good with their research, making sure it is detailed and accurate. And there is a combination of well known and lesser known cases spoken about, so there is always a chance to learn.

Overall, I would highly recommend people listen to The Casual Criminalist, and would say that anyone from those who are new to true crime or those who are well versed in it would enjoy this series!

Coachella Event | Jak Rāta

25%

This year’s Coachella’s was both algood but also so disappointing? On one hand we had some amazing acts with their first MAJOR appearances (Caroline Polachek, Harry Styles) but for the repeats in the line-up, I’m left less than impressed.

Obviously your main stage folks are showing off with big acts joining them for collabs but nothing was as big a spectacle as years past. No Beyonce taking over and kissing everyone. No 2Pac in hologram. And not even coming close to M.I.A just fucking everyone up. Now, this should go without saying, but I’m a Billie Eilish fan. I’m sorry to anyone who doesn’t like her – or do you just think you’re too underground in your music tastes to appreciate mainstream bangers. But honestly?

Hayley Williams and Damon Albarn were the standouts in her set.

Someone who almost changed my rating was Miss Ari Lennox. Anyone who knows me, knows that I have an unhealthy obsession with Ari Lennox and that hasn’t changed or swayed since watching her absolutely rip up that California stage. Whipped Cream, Broke, Shea Butter Baby (obviously) and Pressure all in one setlist? You motherfuckers stage front have no idea the greatness that you just endured. Please count your days, because you’ve been called to the gates of heaven by Miss Lennox.Overall I was left wanting more but there’s only so much you can discuss about Coachella before running up the word count.

My taste in music doesn’t really suit the festival stage. Sorry but not sorry because ARI FUCKING LENNOX. SICK SOUNDZ

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WHAKANGAHAU / 娱乐

Top 10 Worst Songs of 2022 so far

Don’t Quote Me “oHHHHHHHH JEEEEEEEEEESSSS was this soooo insane for me…”

- Says Billie Eilish on performing with legend, Damon Albarn

10.

Pushin P by Gunna & Future - TikTok has a way of running these songs into the ground and you can’t tell me otherwise. This shit sucks.

9.

ur just horny by GAYLE - Coming off the high of ABCDEFU, GAYLE just isn’t throwing it down like she should be.

- Jack Harlow sounding like every late night tinder troller

8.

Cloud 9 by donatachi - Sorry but this is an electro nightmare that has no end. Please.

Let. It. End.

“fruit rollups got that aggressive texture”

“Like this if u up”

7.

- Doja Cat, after mentioning she wasn’t a picky eater

Thousand Miles by Kid Laroi - The only song named Thousand Miles that’s worse than Vanessa Carltons.

“I wanna take a pic with Cardi B inside my cardigan”

6.

First Class by Jack Harlow - Ya’ll hyping this man up too much. That being said, he could spit in my mouth, but this song ain’t it my guy.

5.

2Step by Ed Sheeran (ft. DaBaby) - Ya’ll…

4.

High by The Chainsmokers - They say white men rule the world. That’s not in reference to these men using autotune to bumblefuck through an average song.

3.

Emo Girl by MGK & WILLOW - I don’t hate TikTok trending sounds, but MGK making jokes about having sex with young girls and then collabing with WILLOW. Bruh.

2.

Cloudy Day by TONES and I - Do me a favour and stream Eyes Don’t Lie, it’s leaps and bounds better.

1.

- Cardi B being… well Cardi B

Crush of the Week

my ex’s best friend by MGK & Blackbear - I know it’s a 2020 track… still average 2 years later.

32 N.07 / V. 55

Von Tempsky Putikitiki Street

Nothing screams ready for a new relationship like changing your name, deleting your photos and reinventing yourself. Von Tempsky has done just that, and hoh mami– we’re ready for her bad bitch era. With the recent change in name, Putikitiki street is looking hotter than ever with a better lease on life and just a bad bitch energy that is unmatched by anyone else in Kirikiriroa. Cook Street, we don’t know her. Cameron Road, fucking who? Honestly none of you bitches know what you’re in for when Putikitiki comes out swinging.

娱乐 / WHAKANGAHAU

The Diminuitive Post

NEXUS

Clickbait Moodboard

Locals hear strange noises, thinking a racecar is being fine tuned Students in and around College Hall last week were met with strange moans and groans coming from the first floor around 2pm. When asked about it, Nexus were told “either someone is having the best sex of their life or they’re going for a daytime emmy with that performance.” While it’s admirable to get freaky on a Tuesday arvo, maybe limit the MPM (moans-per-minute) to 12-15.

Treading on Twitter

New Paintings wow students, if you can find them Boon on Campus happened, good shit, but honestly where are they? We’re left scratching our heads as we go on a belated Easter Egg hunt to find the new mahitoi that’s allegedly on campus. Officials are baffled as photos are put up but with no location tagged.

Village… green?

The Village Green is looking exceptionally different as new irrigation is put in, putting a stop to the public pool we expect to see around this time of year. This decision is met with sadness as locals now have to share their swimming hole with ducks, clambering to the Uni Lake instead.

SICK SOUNDZ

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SNAPPED NEXUS

ATAPAKI / 学生体验

Keen for some free BurgerFuel? Simply snap 'nexusmag' the shitfest of your student lifestyle for the chance to win. Collect from the SUB.

WINNER

34 N.07 / V. 55

D

PANGA / 益智游戏

星座运势 / WĀHEKE

NEXUS

AQUARIUS JAN 20 - FEB 18

PISCES FEB 19 - MAR 20

ARIES MAR 21 - APR 19

This week is all about you. Make sure you’re taking time to treat your body like a temple, even a new lick of paint couldn’t hurt. Treat it with kindness.

The crystal ball is coming through strong.

Something is CHANGING. What is going on with you? I’m getting nothing but darkness… I don’t know what to say Pisces, maybe you need to make some major changes. Fuck. I’m sorry.

This week, all eyes are on you Aries.

Which you’re used too but unfortunately that’s not a good thing my friends. Maybe you have something on your face or maybe you’ve just said something hella problematic, either way it’s okay to get out of the spotlight sometime.

TAURUS APR 20 - MAY 20

GEMINI MAY 21 - JUN 20

CANCER JUN 21 - JUL 22

You're faced with hard decisions this week, and you’re struggling. Calm down, because whatever you decide it won’t be as bad as those CHOOSING to live in Bryant Hall.

Supporting Amber Heard as a means of ‘being different’ doesn’t make you quirky, it just makes you a fuckwit. Sort your priorities out and have shower ya stink cock. Come on Gemini.

We’ve only just started back after a welldeserved 2 week break, do you really need to be arguing with those mature students in the lecture? Honestly give yourself another break from being a cunt.

LEO JUL 23 - AUG 22

VIRGO AUG 23 - SEP 22

LIBRA SEP 23 - OCT 22

Time to put yourself out there… again. I know that your last relationship ended because you were ‘too much’ but you’re going to find someone that fucks with your 2am yelling matches with your flat cat. I promise.

Now's the time to be hypercritical of yourself. Take a hard look in the mirror and assess everything. Just kidding, all you see is perfection and you’re right for that. Live your truth.

Making your friends listen to your DNB and telling them it’s not ‘that hard’ has become your personality trait. We love your commitment to construction sounds Libra but honestly… are you algood?

SCORPIO OCT 23 - NOV 21

SAGITTARIUS NOV 22 - DEC 21

CAPRICORN DEC 22 - JAN 19

Having a fat cry in the car before class is a great way of giving yourself a sultry, lightly sweaty look. Trust that your puffy eyes won’t be noticed when they’re blinded by your cheek highlight.

Keep an open mind here, please, but keeping your baby teeth in your top drawer is no longer appropriate and you know it.

Chuck them out bro.

I’m going to be brutally honest with you.

This isn’t going to be your week and that’s okay. Can you start by giving your mate a vacuum because you can only lie about it being the pattern for so long.

SICK SOUNDZ

35

NEXUS

PANGA / 益智游戏

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Wordfind

Created with TheTeachersCorner.net Word Search Maker

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益智游戏 / PANGA

Simple Puzzle 4 Simple People

NEXUS

Maze 20 by 30 orthogonal maze

Match the Grammy to the winner

hint: it’s none of them Copyright © 2022 Alance AB, https://www.mazegenerator.net/

Word Twist

SICK SOUNDZ

37

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Come say hello: 372 Grey Street, Hamilton East

What do you think of our

2022-23 Annual Plan?

Hamilton City Council’s 2022-23, Annual Plan looks at how we can deliver and fund what we said we’d do in Year 2 of the 2021-31 Long-Term Plan. We also check in to see if there’re any changes we need to make, to address what’s happening in our community and the impact any external factors are having on our organisation.

This year we have the major challenge that we didn’t foresee of increasing costs driven mainly by the high rate of inflation New Zealand is experiencing. We plan to cover this by borrowing more rather than increasing rates above what we set out in our Long-Term Plan, or by cutting services.

We’ve also identified a few additional projects to tackle emerging needs and issues.

You can share your voice at haveyoursay.hamilton.govt.nz