N.16 / V.55

A DIFFERENT SORT OF

STUDENT BAR MEMBERSHIPS FROM JUST

$10.95

P/W

STUDENT AND COMMUNITY MEMBERSHIPS AVAILABLE WITH 12 MONTH, 6 MONTH AND FLEXI-TERM CONTRACTS.

Jamie Strange MP for Hamilton East

Electorate & Community Office Level 1 - 475 Grey Street, Hamilton East

jamie.strangemp@parliament.govt.nz Freepost PO Box 18 888 Parliament Buildings Wellington 6160

jamiestrangemp jamie_strange jamiestrange_mp

Authorised by Jamie Strange MP, Parliament Buildings, Wellington

Dr Gaurav Sharma MP for Hamilton West

43 Pembroke St, Hamilton Lake (07) 8 37 38 29 gaurav.sharma@parliament.govt.nz /gmsharmanz @gmsharmanz /gmsharmanz

Authorised by Dr Gaurav Sharma MP, Parliament Buildings, Wellington

Wishing you a great academic year ahead

NEXUS

TUHINGA O ROTO

CONTENTS

目录

Contents

06

Team

Nā Te Ētita

17

Ties That Bind

Ētita Jak Rāta etita@nexusmag.co.nz

Deputy Editor

08 09

FOMO

News

22 24

Full Exposure

Tehana De Klerk tehana@nexusmag.co.nz

Staff Writers Seamus Lohrey seamus@nexusmag.co.nz

Columns

Chloe Smith chloe@nexusmag.co.nz

Designer

10

Waikat' Weekly

28

Spicypaintjob

Wenyue Ruan - 阮文悦 wenyue@nexusmag.co.nz

Advertising & Communication James Raffan comms@wsu.org.nz

29

Do what it takes

Poli-Dicks

30

Reviews & Entertainment

14

Whelmed

34

Cooked

16

Pass the AUX

36

Horoscopes & Puzzles

12

Sports

13

DISCLAIMER

Nexus is a magazine made by students, for students. As such it’s sometimes controversial views don’t actually represent those of the Nexus Editor, the writers, or the sponsors.

PRINTING

Nexus only makes it to the stands thanks to the incredible team at Urban Print. We are proud that we are printed on 90gsm Sapphire Offset stock that is PEFC certified, biodegradable, recyclable and audited to ensure unsustainable sources are excluded.

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LOCATION

The Nexus office is located down the hall at the WSU, usually with Alexa playing terribly dated music.

Nexus C/O Waikato Students’ Union, University of Waikato, Ground Floor SUB Gate 1 Knighton Road Hillcrest 3216

Contributors Caitlin Walters-Freke Chelsea James Dave Snell Eilidh Huggan Hannah Huggan Hannah Petuha Hayley James Joseph Riwaka Katrina Jones Keira McGregor Lily Bradley Nikki Van Dijk Oliver Dunn Sarah Morcom Simon Winship Tys Paterson Zian Volkov

COVER ARTIST: Joshprobably

@joshprobably

CENTREFOLD ARTIST: Jonty Bullick

@jontybullick

Nexus Media Experience facebook.com/nexusnz @nexusmag @nexusmedia_nz

社论

EDITORIAL

NĀ TE ĒTITA

NEXUS

BOWLER'S GRIP BBY It’s time we talked about (GAY) sports shit. If you follow Cricket news (don’t lie, you don’t) then you’d have seen recently that Heath Davis came out as the first openly gay Male NZ Cricketer. Big CHEE HOO for my main man as he can finally live his truth – though the platinum blonde streaks were a telling sign, my bro. This all this comes off the ass-end of Manly Sea-Eagles players refusing to adorn the newly minted queer shirts from 2 weeks ago, all pretty apt as I dive into the world of queer athletes and representation. For the record, Davis was never going to set the world alight as a cricketer, and his declaration came decades after his playing career ended, but it was good to see.

As a sports fan, my knowledge is limited to Union rules and some basic tennis understanding but lately, I find myself being more open in conversations surrounding sports and learning more than I’d care to admit. This editorial isn’t a sports issue pre-speech but we’ve been more flippant in our conversations around sports in the past week here at Nexus.

There were no defensive opinions, we all agree the Manly decision is homophobic, and we weren’t yelling at Davis for letting his queer flag fly – we’re a damn inclusive space. But what I’m getting at is we’ve got so many differing sports opinions our conversations veer off-course. References are brought into play as we discuss “sports politics”. Much like a Keegan Hirst to someone's Carl Nassib – it’s understood but a little jagged.

One of the main issues I have with athletes coming out is it becomes reductive. You are simply the “gay cricketer” or whatever sport it is they play. Sadly this is why so many athletes hide their sexuality till long after their retirement.

Are we really naive enough to believe there have been 130 years of All Black’s and not once have two players' eyes met over a ruck? No, but we label certain sports as ‘gay’ and refuse to. This happens in almost all industries as the person is now and forever known as the gay version of the regular edition. When I came on as Editor, there was always this inherent fear of being known as the Māori gay editor of Nexus. But since I… actually, what's the opposite of coming out? Going in? Rebuilding the closet? Fuck knows, but since I’ve struggled with my sexual identity, I’ve found that there’s less pressure on fuelling all communities I was once a part of. Sure I’ll always speak out against injustice or make sure that everyone is given a voice where they need it but now I can rest knowing that I don’t always have to be hella loud in my responses to those against my people. I’m trying on that silent warrior hat this time, and it’s algood aye.

Basically, being gay in sports is amazing, and you should never be afraid of living as you. But protecting your energy is just as important, so never let anyone make you feel like you have to be a mascot for a shitty promotional event to push their inclusive agenda. Fuck the patriarchy and anyone who benefits even a little from it.

5

新闻

PITOPITO新闻KŌRERO NEWS / WIHIRI NIUHI

NEXUS

So, there’s an electro-pop artist that’s going to be at Nivara Lounge on the 26th August.

One PRINS is going to be performing a show, bringing some of her majorly dope beats as well as lightening up the ever-dim and grungry Nivara lounge space.

If you’ve got a younger sibling or cousin, Junior Volunteer Day is happening down at Lake Rotoroa on 13th August. If you’re thinking, what the fuck is involved with making this day fun? Well it’s a park run and they’re looking for Junior volunteers to make it happen and run as smoothly as possible.

It’s going to be a good one.

Last call for tickets to The Wiggles Adult Tour at Claudelands on the 20th. Now, I don’t think you’re going to get dick or Dorothy the dinosaur pegging Wags the dog, but there’s going to be swearing and some other less-wholesome vibes from the historic band.

Thinking about supporting local theatre?

Well The Meteor has That Bloody Woman, a show about the figurehead Kate Sheppard running from August 26th. Honestly, I wish there was more I could give you to go off but that’s all I know. Oh, and it’s a musical.

So go off I guess.

7

NEXUS

PITOPITO KŌRERO

NEWS

新闻

The earth is spinning faster due to melting ice caps.

Scientists believe that this increase in the rate of spinning may be due to ice caps melting and refreezing on the world’s tallest mountains, and warn that if the trend of speeding up continues then we will have to remove a second from our atomic clocks. This would mean introducing a negative-leapsecond to keep civil time,(according to Astrophysicist Graham Jones), which would result in problems for IT systems. Civil time, based on atomic clocks, keeps in time with solar time/ the movement of the sun across the sky.

Space junk nearly takes out some Aussie sheep Sheep in a NSW paddock found themselves face to face with chunks of debris up to 3m high from a rocket. The rocket was meant to land in the sea between New Zealand and Australia.

It is believed the debris are from a SpaceX aircraft, however, SpaceX have not responded to media requests.

UN chief warns we are a step away from nuclear annihilation Antonio Guterres stated that “...humanity is just one misunderstanding, one miscalculation away from nuclear annihilation…”, at a meeting/review of the 50-year-old Nuclear proliferation treaty (NPT). The NPT focuses on how to prevent the spread of nuclear-based weaponry and its aim is for there to be a nuclear-free world. This meeting was intended to focus on future steps for this treaty’s implementation. This warning came in relation to the Ukraine-Russia war and nuclear threats in Asia and the Middle East.

Waikato and Waipa river cleanup program faces setbacks

It's News, Bitch Chloe Smith

You may have noticed from last week's issue that Jareds left – well im the new news bitch. Originally from the middle of nowhere (Ruawai/ Two-waters baby), I picked the tron to be my home while I finish my law degree. Anyway – enjoy this weeks news filled with a fast as fuck earth, big tiddy bar staff, free money and nuclear woes.

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The program has cost around $23 million so far, however issues such as legal appeals and technical issues setback the progress of Plan Change 1/ PC1 which aims to improve water quality through environmental requirements for farmers within the area.

新闻

Steamy dishwasher vs the Don The Don Bar has officially opened, and the dishwasher has sought revenge. Not once, but twice, firefighters have rushed to the scene only to encounter excessive steam. College Hall residents watched on for a bit of free entertainment. As everyone evacuated, the fire truck showed up and within 5 minutes of arriving, left again. On another note, if you are a halls resident, I highly recommend just going there for a feed if the dining hall serves fish or the meals are just shit that night in general. Spend a bit of that cost of living payment on a burger or whatever tickles your fancy.

PITOPITO KŌRERO

NEWS

NEXUS

German artist who painted Kaumātua believes his work should be used to support the Maori community Gerd Stritzel, the artist in question, came under fire in July 2022, after painting the well-known Kaumātua Rangi McLean.

McLean’s lawyers contacted Stritzel, and he has since commented on how his work can be used to support the Maori community, and has failed to acknowledge Tikanga Maori values. Stritzel instead cited legal arguments and remains adamant that he did not breach copyright.

Stem cell scientists create synthetic mouse embryos Destiny church plans to walk the highway and block roads again Well actually they are planning a freedom march… titled the “Kiwi Patriots day and march”, on Saturday morning. This comes two weeks after their last big walk where they blocked the motorway and caught police attention with those who walked now facing prosecution.

Scientists in Israel at the Weizmann institute of science have created synthetic embryos using a clump of embryonic stem cells. These closely resembled mice embryos and had beating hearts, circulation, brain tissue, and intestinal tracts.

They stopped developing after 8 days, which is about a 3rd of the length of a normal mouse pregnancy. This study opens up the discussion and research about creating synthetic organs for humans in the future.

Cost of living payment

West coast bar seeks part-time staff with big tiddies

The cost of living payment from IRD rolled out this weekaround $116 a month till October. This comes as a relief with cheese nearly costing a kidney or maybe even a leg due to inflation. If you sit here wondering what the living payment is, to put it simply, it’s free money from IRD if you qualify, to help with groceries or other costs. Around 800,000 people less than expected received the payment, although IRD says that there will be an increase in people who qualify for this payment over the next two rounds. Among those who missed out are beneficiaries, which is a load of bullshit if you ask me.

This means that the criteria excluded some families hit the hardest by inflation. So go check IRD, see if you qualify, and get that money. Go buy the most expensive cheese and eat it by the block. Or, buy some fruit while you can afford it.

Stumpers bar and cafe in Hokitika puts up sexist advert looking for staff with DD breasts. Pretty fucking bold, pretty fucking awful. I think all my fellow DD bitches would rather rip their tits off than work in a place that has that sort of sexist attitude, so good luck on finding staff that meets the criteria buddy.

9

NEXUS

PITOPITO KŌRERO

NEWS

新闻

When Hamill meets Hamilton

waikat’ weekly

Mr. Seamus Lohrey himself

Bike mystery Solved

Seamus Lohrey As a lad from the mythical South Island, where the ground shakes beneath us and snow falls from above us, I admittedly knew very little about the mighty Waikato when I first came here. But through an intensive sleuth, filing through reports of Morrinsville’s U45KG rugby team and Waipā’s riveting new museum, I now feel I know everything there is to know about this mighty region. I’m a Hamiltonian if you will. As a result of my restless research, here’s some hand-picked, wholesome stories about our mates around the Waikato, I found just for your eyeballs.

Luke Skywalker senses the force in Hamilton Gavin Shoebridge made a claim on Twitter that Hamilton was actually named after Luke Skwywalker himself, Mark Hamill. “A lot of people don't realise that Hamilton was actually named after the actor, Mark Hamill.” The shock came to Shoebridge when he saw the iconic figure of Star Wars was quick to respond. “Is this really true or is it just a joke?” After an embarrassing dismissal of Hamill’s hopeful question, Shoebridge saw a lot of support for the idea with one person saying “I think the people of the Tron would gladly adopt a legend as their namesake ... I know I would”. Surely anything is better than being named after famed Pā destroyer, John Hamilton? With the race for Mayor starting to take off in Kirikiriroa, maybe we should give Mr Hamill a crack.

Cambridge man meets woman who saved his life before All Blacks test match On the 2nd of July, on his way to the All Blacks first test match 10

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of the year, Waikato man Dean Herewini blacked out and crashed his car. It wasn’t too soon after that a nearby saviour draped in green, Sara Hartigan, met the man and began CPR. These heroics from the Irish fan led to Herwini being alive today, enabling him to set up a ceremony of gratitude at Hautapu Rugby Club, Cambridge. “I appreciate what you’ve done, I wouldn’t be here with my friends and be able to see your lovely smile again” said Dean. Herewini and his rugby club gave an All Blacks, Ireland, and Waikato signed rugby jerseys as a way of thanks as well as an after function for New Zealand and Ireland fans to mingle. “She’s my four leaf clover, my irish angel.” Awwwwwww.

2005 case of a stolen Waitomo motorbike cracked by man ‘killing time’ on the internet.

After a 17 year long search, and a journey to Arizona, a Waitomo family has found their once stolen motorbike.

Kevin Gualys, the owner of the heirloom, found himself on the internet ‘killing time’ and stumbled across the vehicle for sale. Now, initially the question begs, why on earth do you keep looking for something after close to two decades of it being lost? Well, being one of three of its kind in New Zealand and belonging to a WWII soldier, the 1929 BSA Sloper motorbike was not only of great value to the family but to the market place as well. “I discovered that a collector had paid US$20,000 to the [Arizona] auction house and the motorbike was now in New York” said Gualys. After plenty of paperwork with American authorities, the motorbike is now back in the Waikato in one piece.

新闻

PITOPITO KŌRERO

NEWS

NEXUS

Jak Rāta

“Fuck being happy, only rich matters”

“Eat ass, it’s probably cheaper”

Chris Luxon, off the back of his Te Puke shenanigans, has come out to say that sitting on welfare won’t make you rich.

Guess making ends meet doesn’t mean shit anymore. Head empty, only money.

People are fed up with Woolworths and Foodstuffs upon realising they’re receiving a profit of $1m daily at the expense of us chums paying 5 huck for some cauliflower.

“Our fish king goes fast”

“You get $116, you get $116”

New Zealand swimmer Andrew Jeffcoat has won the gold medal in the 50 metre backstroke at the Birmingham Commonwealth Games.

Small town of Westport in the mighty south, has hit an all time low for housing prices with an average house price of $325,000.

“Pro: Own a home. Con: Live in Westport”

“Yeah 23m SHOULD be enough bro. It’s just water”

The government is under fire as several reports of overseas kiwis receive the cost of living payment proposed to alleviate the stresses of costs in Aotearoa, highlighting the disparities.

The Waikato river protection policy has cost some $23 million so far as Waikato Regional Council and local Iwi await its full implementation.

11

NEXUS

HĀKINAKINA

SPORTS

运动

James Raffan & Jak Rāta

Raffy’s Rankings

Many factors can impact a sports team's success as a new season begins. More often than not, it is the smart decision. A change in Manager, a few fresh signings, or cutting out some of the disenchanted dead wood at a club who are bringing down morale can impact the fortunes of a club. Likewise, it can be entirely down to how your team starts a season, a few unexpected wins can codify the myth of a newly promoted club being a fairytale story, while at the other end of the spectrum, a few unexpected losses and you become the tabloid fodder for hack journalists. Your team is in crisis, and management is underperforming.

These days, thanks to the influence of American sports, everything is becoming statistic driven. Assessments are made on the likely performance of a Premier League team based on past performance, XG (eXpected Goals) are probability vs position stats, and every minute detail is analysed and overanalyzed. And why? Because some nerdy mathlete saw MoneyBall a decade ago and decided they would be the next Jonah Hill.

I’m not saying there is no place for science in sport or even predictive patterns, but I am saying that in any game, to look at the stats in isolation is to do a disservice to the theatre of it and the reason you are a fan in the first place. Take football, for instance. Could anyone have predicted Blackburn or Leicester winning the Premier League? Would anyone have looked at Fulham as a potential Europa League Winner, or David Moyes as a manager of the year contender? Statistics and science, according to Neil Degrasse Tyson, are a means to disprove the existence of God. God starts in every endeavour as the thing we can’t explain and the role of the scientist is to reduce that to zero. But sport is a place where whichever God you believe in comes to play. It is purely a matter of faith. And to woefully prove how little we know or can explain, Hoata and I (before the games of round one) are going to predict two premier league tables.

Mine will be based on hope and how much I want things to happen. Jak’s will be based on how pretty the home strip is.

Will either of us be anywhere close to the actual results in the Premier League… probably not, but maybe. And ‘maybe’ is kinda the point.

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20. Fulham - One of my best friends loves Fulham, also they are Fulham.

19. Bournemouth - Do I really need a reason?

18. Everton - Because Frank Lampard is to Alex Ferguson what Stephen Hawking was to Usain Bolt.

17. Southampton - This is about the best they can hope for.

16. Brentford - Still shit, but now without their only great player.

15. Leeds - Honestly, they could be 20th or 3rd. But if Bamford is leading the line 15 seems about right.

14. Brighton & Hove Albion - No sophomore curse here.

13. Wolves - They could be higher when they sign Ronaldo, and legally I think all Portuguese players are required by birth to spend a season at Wolves.

12. Nottingham Forest - This is the underdog story!

11. Leicester City - I’ve got a bad feeling about them this year 10. West Ham United - Declan Rice will sit out in January after he demands a move.

9. Crystal Palace - Patrick FUCKING Vierra, that is why.

8. Aston Villa - see above; replace Patrick Vierra with Steven Gerrard.

7. Newcastle - Money may not buy them a title, but they are going to try.

6. Chelsea - I hate American owners.

5. Arsenal - Because you can buy 30 players and Arsenal will still be a joke.

4. Liverpool - Because Darwin Nunes is the new Andy Carrol.

3. Spurs - If Conte melts down and leaves then they could be as low as six, but they are recruiting well and I think will finish ahead of Liverpool.

2. Manchester City - Sure, they will probably beat the league by 16 points, but winning the league to me means more if we beat City.

1. Manchester United - I just fucking need them to win, after last season, I just need it.

Jak’s Rankings 20. Brentford - Looking like a mid-2000’s KFC bucket.

Fuck out of here 19. Aston Villa - Remember those dipped easter eggs?

Yeaaaah 18. Leicester City - That collar is heinous as 17. Brighton & Hove Albion - It’s just ugly

Our lad Hipkins

运动

16. Southampton - The red isn’t unique and it looks like a pad across their chest 15. Manchester United - Lets put triangles on the collar to be edgy

SPORTS

HĀKINAKINA

NEXUS

Chris Hipkins has been doing the damn thing, and I don’t believe any of us are giving papi enough credit for the mahi he’s undertaking.

For a point of comparison, here’s some of the things he’s achieved in the past few weeks: - A law that would ban violent criminals from even being on the same property as a firearm for up to a decade.

Well actually, that’s kind of it. But the reason I want to make a point to highlight this shit, is because the lasting effects could be so beneficial for freeing up gun crime and mortality.

Some opposing parties have criticised this, saying that police should be given the right to enter the homes of those with gun charges or criminal histories WITHOUT warrants based on lawful deductions. What the fuck Nicola Willis?

Don’t know if it was her, but it feels right.

What does this mean? Basically you can’t be in a house with a gun if you did some shit.

14. Spurs - White but with green stripes 13. Fulham - White but with black stripes

Poli-Dicks

12. Nottingham Forest - So fucking boring man 11. Bornemouth - Loves a graphic squiggle but not enough to fuck with the ugly fabric

9. Manchester City - You can’t miss with Maroon and blue mate 8. Arsenal - It’s a great colour combo but I’ve seen it before. I think.

7. Crystal Palace - Some Junior designer really got given all freedom and it shows 6. Wolves - Ain’t no one else touching them with that piss-yellow. Golden Shower Kings 5. Liverpool - What can I say, I froth some colour theory 4. Leeds United - It’s clean and sleek. Bit boring but it’s aight.

3. West Ham United - Looks comfy and, again, maroon and blue are a fucking win aye 2. Chelsea - Honestly, it’s just dope and I vibe the colour.

Go off mates 1. Everton - White should stripes make man go fast

Mayors Galore

10. Newcastle United - It’s honestly just fine, but I can’t shake the footlocker. I’m sorry

Whanganui mayor, Hamish McDouall, has been rubbing his greedy mits together since 2019 as he went unopposed in the last mayoral race. But now that’s not the case as healthy competition begins with the likes of Daniel 'DC' Harding and Andrew Tripe. Okay, I know it’s a bit fucked to get excited about some random small town mayoral race, but this is just me trying to get you hyped about ours that’s upcoming. If you want to follow along with Whanaganui and what the happs is there, I’m sure there’s some facebook grapevine that follows their every move.

What does this mean? Fuck all, but I’ll keep you updated on the local mayoral candidates as they come in.

13

NEXUS

HINENGARO

WHELMED

健康

Traumatikos the Greek The Greeks were some smart as dudes (and women, but men took all the credit). I think of their mythos often. Sisyphus with his constantly pushing shit uphill. There was that dude with liver issues. And Dionysus loves a good tipple. The reason I bring up the Greeks is cos of this concept of trauma. The golden rule of columns is never to start with a definition, but the etymology of the word trauma is Greek. The word is traumatikos, meaning “pertaining to a wound”. Now my mental health has improved lately which is awesome, but it got me thinking about this idea of trauma – which I’ve spoken about as being the source of some of my difficult experiences of life and my issues. Now this isn’t specific to me, in my opinion.

So many of us are affected by shitty things that happen to us in life. It’s also relative. Something traumatic to one person, may not affect the person as much. That doesn’t make your trauma any less than mine or vice versa. The experience is what matters. There’s some important discussion points I want to bring up that are relevant here, and I’m going to throw in a bunch of platitudes to jazz this up. But in short – we don’t choose whether we’re born or not. That decision is made for us by some other person, or the lizard people if you believe David Icke. Someone once told me this premise: To be entered into a life or death lottery without permission is unfair.

Given that none of us really know why we’re here (if there even is a reason) and we were born without our input into that decision, potentially against our will, doesn’t it make sense to help each other out? Here’s another platitude sound bite: If only some of us win, then none of us win.

The other discussion point I have, is that if our experiences of life, or at least the tough bits, are shaped or influenced by our trauma, why not spend more time healing it and giving more support for those whose trauma is potentially dominating their life story? Personally, no amount of mindfulness is going to mend the fact that my brain calls me some pretty awful things at times. CBT is not going to change the emotional reaction I experience whenever I walk into a hospital – and ironically I’ve chosen to work in a hospital. Damn masochist. But I digress, CBT may work for some, but this seemingly linear process is unrealistic in my experience. Life is not a flow chart.

This column really has turned into a soapbox of sound bites and random discussion points. But before I go, one last criticism. I hear people when they say that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger or helps us grow. However, to offer an alternative perspective:

Life is a lottery.

“I've had enough bad experiences and growth to last me plenty… Right now, I'd be glad to trade some growth for happiness”

Therefore life is unfair.

– Harvey Pekar

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NEXUS

PUORO

PASS THE AUX

音乐

PASS THE AUX my gym playlist but i haven’t gone to the gym

AC/DC

Tehana De Clerk

01. Blackway, Black Caviar - What’s Up Danger 02. AC/DC - Back In Black 03. Thirty Seconds to Mars - This Is War 04. Linkin Park - New Divide Basshunter

05. Basshunter - Now You’re Gone 06. Black Eyed Peas - Rock That Body 07. Gilz - Intro: A Soldier’s Rage 08. Toru Kitajima - Unravel LIME CORDIALE

09. Samuel Kim - Akaza vs Rengoku Theme 10. Kohta Yamamoto - Ashes on the Fire 11. Porno Graffitti - The Day 12. AniLifts - AOT If I Lose It All Porno Graffitti

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特辑

FEATURE

KUPU WHAKAATU

NEXUS

Ties that Bind: The shady present of private schools vs Human Rights

What do we actually know about private schools?

Sometimes they wear ties, sometimes they have tennis courts, oh and it turns out they don’t give a shit about the laws we hold true on earth or basic human rights. So we sent Jak down another rabbit hole… because he loves convoluted theories about random shit.

Jak Rāta

“Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven,” Matthew 16:19

Non-descript private school attire.

Whether you’re a local or not to the mighty Tauranga, there’s a chance you’d have heard some of the murmurings happening in recent times as Bethlehem College has proven, once again, the absolute chaos that is Christian Education. If you’re one of the lucky ones who’ve skipped over this vital news, here’s the skinny.

‘Bethlehem College is challenging their rights to religious freedom in adherence to their agreed upon “Statement of belief’”, or more simply put ‘Bethlehem College is homophobic, transphobic and just down-right cunts’. Cue the complete anarchy that has ensued post the ‘Statement of Belief’ analysis from the all-seeing eye of God – or just anyone with an internet connection really.

Troubled parents of the more sjw-raised children had delved a little too deeply into private school fine-print, discovering the line “Marriage is an institution created by God in which one man and one woman enter into an exclusive relationship intended for life, and that marriage is the only form of partnership approved by God for sexual relations”. See, I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t care less about the homophobia but rather why a school that promotes abstinence and chastain, cares about including a statement re marriage and fucking.

So, here’s what I’m trying to illuminate and achieve.

There needs to be awareness of the disparities in equal opportunity and further information into where private schools create elitism and selective communities within the confines of their institutions. I’ll attempt to unpack statements of belief and also highlight where there’s places to fix some of the less desirable elements of private schooling.

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NEXUS

KUPU WHAKAATU

FEATURE

特辑

Where to begin I wanted to start by discussing some of the inner workings of privatised schooling systems, how they fare compared to your general public school, and what that means for acceptance and codes of conducts. One of the easier ways of offering this battle up to you, would be to just list them side by side, showing you differences between a Statement of Belief and general CoC/mission statement offered by a BOT.

The Unity of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit in the Godhead.

The Sovereignty of God in creation, revelation, redemption and final judgement.

The divine inspiration and trustworthiness of Holy Scripture, as originally given, and its supreme authority in all matters of faith, practice and conduct.

The universal sinfulness and guilt of human nature since the fall, rendering man subject to God’s judgement and condemnation.

Redemption from the guilt, penalty, pollution and the power of sin only through the sacrificial death of the Lord Jesus Christ, the incarnate Son of God. The working of the Holy Spirit in the individual’s life to bring about justification and reconciliation to God by repentance and faith in Christ alone.

The Deity and Humanity of Jesus Christ; His bodily resurrection from the dead; His ascension; His mediatorial work and His personal return in power and glory.

The indwelling and sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit in the believer, developing each individual in their personal ministry to the Lord.

The One, Holy, Universal Church, which is the Body of Christ, to which all true believers belong and in which they are united through the Holy Spirit; and the importance of each local church in the life of the individual.

The bodily resurrection of the dead and life everlasting.

Christ’s Commission to His people as expressed in Matthew 28:18-20.

The honour due to the Jewish people and the land of Israel in the light of Scripture, typically, Isaiah 54:10; Jeremiah 32:37-42; Romans 11:28-29.

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School

affirms

and

values

achievement by individuals and groups in terms of both participation in, and success at, all that we offer as a School.

We affirm the fundamental right of every student to learn to the best of their ability and potential in an environment that is positive, safe, friendly, caring and supportive of young people.

We will encourage students to take pride in their School and their appearance through recognition of self identity, family and culture.

We will expect students to acknowledge and respect the rights of each individual and the collective rights of all students and staff who make up our School.

Making a comparison between a statement of belief and a mission statement may seem like a moot point but remember that both of these are to be agreed upon as a REQUIREMENT before admission is granted. Why this matters is simply down to subject matter. Mission statements stay relatively similar as their intent always has success and the students well-being as their priority.

No one is denying that student well-being isn’t the first priority for private schools, in fact I’m certain there’s a major responsibility of care in all education providers, but their duty of care seems to fall upon the chosen few based on their selective committees and decisions to allow or disallow specific pupils.

A Couply Disparities An important point that should be made is that Mission statements are prevalent in a large majority of schooling codes of conduct, with the intent of success being plastered as often as possible. This isn’t me trying to mitigate the intent of each private institution; but to highlight disparities in education offered through selective committees with an admission checklist a mile long.

“In 2017, the Tāmaki school roll boasted the most ethnically diverse region in New Zealand, but its schools, on average, did not reflect this diversity.

In general, as a region’s ethnic diversity increases, schools become less diverse compared to the overall diversity of the region’s school population.” (educationcounts.govt.nz) Data collected through polling in 2017 suggests there’s a ethnic disparity between regions as selective committees allow entrance based on a myriad of suggested traits. A local Hamilton Christian school boasts an extensive 8 levels of priority when taking into account an acceptance into their institution – an important distinction being their commitment to the Anglican faith and how involved they are in their community.

特辑

First Priority

FEATURE

KUPU WHAKAATU

NEXUS

Bethlehem College?

A girl who is a baptised Anglican and is active in an Anglican Parish.

Second Priority A girl who is actively involved in an Anglican Parish.

Does your institution adhere to any strict guidelines that aren’t cohesive with teachings given by the curriculum provided by NZQA?

Third Priority A girl who is a baptised Anglican.

Fourth Priority Sister of a current or past student.

I think you get the idea right?

There’s a large part of me that would love to delve into the tithe/fees breakdown, looking at the cost benefit of running a religion based private school – but the can of worms isn’t nearly worth the battle.

To just generally break it down, tithe is an offering at a standard 10% of income to your local church. Say you were then wanting to put your child through Private Christian high-schooling, you’re looking at an average of $24,000.00 Per Annum with a whopping total of $120,000.00 over the duration of their 5 year tenure*. But you’re also paying tithe to attend their church? That’s not to imply you’d attend the same church/parish of the institution your children attend, though it is interesting to think about, no? *all stats received through fees breakdowns through individual providers.

An Attempted Interview

The Transfiguration of Christ (1517–1520). Rafael Sanzio.

In preparation for this piece, I did reach out to several sources in the hope that I’d get some formative feedback in an attempt to break down their systems, making it understandable to someone not being overcome by faith-based practices or influenced by organised religion.

Of the several sources, they included Larne Edmeades (Bethlehem College Principal), Jason Speedy (Southwell School Principal) and BOT chair John Macaskill-Smith (St. Peters Cambridge). All requests for communication were met with silence or a simple ‘No’ in at least case. But, I was able to receive answers to my minor questions through a member of an unnamed BOT for an anonymous private school. Ētita note: While I did have some answers from the aforementioned Chairperson, their answers were redacted very last minute. As a means of proving my point, the very brief answers have been blacked out but left to show the length and simplicity of an answer prior to silencing themselves.

What are your thoughts, if any, towards the enforcement of the ‘Statement of Belief’ as sanctioned by the Board of Trustees at

Do you, or any of your board, believe that marriage is to be held between a man and a woman as joined by a priest or any man of worship?

As an institution, do you believe that the fundamental right to education should be judged according to the values and beliefs as stipulated by a small board of religiouslyinclined educators – furthermore do you believe your teaching practices to be in line with modern needs for growth in education?

*The answers provided a calculated response to what I’d intended to be an informative view into religion-based education, but we make do with what we get given.

Get to the Point Private schooling makes up 31,142 of the 826,552 currently enrolled students in Aotearoa. While this may not seem to be a large percentage of tauira, it’s an important number as you delve into the less glitzy side of education. Numbers based on money, orientation and the will to uphold values set through hundreds of years of information passed from man to man.

There’s no avert answer to fixing privatised learning, nor do I think I can solve what it means to be involved in private school politics but there does need to be an upheaval of education providers restricting access to a fundamental right. If I was to offer advice as a failing educator and lover of all things broken, I would say that allowing lessrestricted access to higher education is a must.

You can achieve great heights through public schooling (shout out to my Fraser High Alumni) but there’s a certain sparkle to receiving education through a private system – not that I will ever regret my time at a public school.

Just make it easier for those with a desire for it aye.

Sorry there’s no conclusion to this story homies.

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MĀRAKERAKE

FULL EXPOSURE

访谈

Sponsored by Last Place :)

Photo by: Vanessa Cone 22

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访谈

FULL EXPOSURE

MĀRAKERAKE

NEXUS

DARTZ Jak Rāta

Fomo Tings: EP...;) Follow them: @DARTZ

What has been the best venue you’ve played?

Honestly when DARTZ came up to play at Last Place for the first time in January, we were smacked in the face by how good that venue was. Burgs, beers, late night snacks, what more could you want out of a venue? It's a solid 10 as far as I'm concerned. If you can make it to Welly and see DARTZ at San Fran though, that's something special. It's not just our home town, it's our home stage: emotionally I don't think there's as good a feeling as smashing a final dart on the San Fran balcony then heading up to stage to shred it If I asked you to explain your sound to someone who’s never heard your music before, how would you explain it?

HOONS

We're shooting for the next Nature's Best 2CD compilation, but landing somewhere more around a 24 Beer Drinking Songs To Drink Beer To 2CD compilation.

Who’s who in the band, what’s everyone's role and vibe?

Danz: Luscious lyricist of DARTZ, local boy straight outta Te Aroha, DARTZ artz (@yeehawtheboys he never misses).

Crispy: DARTZ designated driver, punches the most darts, halloumi fiend, guitar solo skills improving week to week.

Rollyz: Wholesome Whakatane boy, absolute unit on the drums, Olympic level rolling ability in those fingers.

guitar but not making a big thing of it, despises craft beer, writing this right now.

Recently you released the single, Hoons, what’s on your upcoming shit we should be on the lookout for?

We're planning to hit #1 on the New Zealand Album Charts later this year and you know there's only one way to do that. Save your money for Christmas, kids.

Who’s some of your inspirations, what artists should we be frothing if we like your shit?

Make good decisions team, if you like DARTZ go listen to Shaun's B'day and Israeli Chicks. If we do nothing else as a band but keep the flag flying for these two brilliant and defunct acts, we've still done something right.

What’s the goal for Dartz? Who do you all want to be in like five years?

I've always assumed that with Smokefree 2025 on the horizon, we're pretty screwed. Honestly, who knows, we'd like to make enough to buy a regional NZ pub so maybe put that as the goal?

Fav after-gig snack?

No bones about it - dumplings are the go to. Pork and chive if possible, a bit of cucumber salad on the side maybe.

I'm guessing the science behind this is that dumplings gel the best with beer?

In any case please send through your best Hamilton dumpling recs to us on the gram @smokedartz so we are well informed next time we come through.

Clark Mathews: CEO of DARTZ, bass 23

NEXUS

MARAMARA KŌRERO

COLUMN

专栏

Boycott Supermarkets Factcheck: Supermarkets are evil.

On the surface, you may find this argument confusing. Why are supermarkets evil? They provide us with food which fulfils one of our basic human rights? If you’re asking these questions, you’re not wrong, but I want to take a different approach. One that’ll leave you wet from liberal propaganda.

According to Woolworths, their supermarket chains “are on a mission to deliver the best in convenience, value and quality for our customers”. You may recognise Woolworths as they own Countdown. On the other hand, Pak N Save and New World are owned by Foodstuffs, whose philosophy is based on ‘supporting every New Zealander to access healthy and affordable food’.

The main premise as to why supermarkets are evil lies in profits.

We can see this as we encounter a pandemic, a war, and inflation. As students we experience these in housing, petrol, and food costs. Recently, a block of cheese at Countdown sold for $21.50. If you compare food prices to this time last year, they’ve increased by 7.6%. Seeing this, I’ve personally begun to question whether supermarket prices are solely the result of globalised events, or whether businessmen are driving up prices to make extra profit.

This isn’t a conspiracy. New Zealand has the sixth highest grocery prices in the developed world. Woolworths and Foodstuffs essentially control the $22 billion grocery market.

Their profit margins are 50% more than the international norm, and that was last year alone. There is little to stop business owners driving up food prices, for their benefit. It’s been revealed that in 2022, supermarket profits are twice as high as they should be. You can image these corporations as big, fickle men pickpocketing from the working class.

For us, that means a bigger struggle to make ends meet. If you were already struggling in pre-pandemic times, the present is only harder. If we look back at Woolworths and Foodstuffs values, we see a contradiction. They’re failing to provide convenience and access to affordable food. It’s difficult to look elsewhere and support smaller businesses, and often those that do exist are driven out by corporate competition.

At its core, supermarket prices and profits are unjust. We need options, and they are available, they just aren’t packaged as convenient. For those who are fortunate to have patches of grass outside their flats, build a planter box. Having the ability to grow your own vegetables is a massive middle finger to supermarkets. Farmers markets are another option in supporting smaller businesses who’ve been through the thick of the pandemic.

At the end of the day, my main proposal is always more radical. Revolt against the capitalists, the bourgeois, and the elite. They don’t care about you and it’s time we give them the same energy. Set Countdown on fire because of their price freezes. It is in this process where you find comradery, my beautiful marxist.

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专栏

Hey there fellow democratic citizen! Firstly, I would like to make sure that you have registered, and are prepared to exercise your human right to vote in the upcoming local body elections (16th September - 8th October) and the general election in 2023!

What’s that? You’re just not that into politics?

WRONG ANSWER! There is no such thing as being apolitical. Your decision to be complicit is harmful in itself. Excluding yourself from conversations and decisions that determine the safety and wellbeing of others makes you complicit in the systemic oppression by the status quo (that thrives on mass inaction and silence!). It is a privilege to not care about politics because they don't affect you, lots of people don’t share in that luxury.

Having a say in our collective future is so important.

Our existing systems, institutions, policies, and decision makers are shaping our futures as you read this. It is imperative that we empower our Rangatahi by allowing them to voice concerns for their own future in order to restore a sense of hope and agency. Part of this kaupapa, is making sure that youth who will inherit the future have a say in its construction. This is why there is a mass movement of young people campaigning to lower the voting age to 16 here in Aotearoa.

“16 year olds can’t vote!” you say, “they are too young!”.

Are you kidding? Young people are having to face intense pressures of the climate crisis, worsening inequality, my mouldy bedroom walls, stolen whenua and appropriated identities, a global pandemic… need I go on? Youth deserve a say in how we tackle these issues. “They’ll just vote like their parents!”. Maybe, but I don’t know about you, but my vision for the future is very different to that of my parents and theirs. My point here is that youth in Aotearoa

COLUMN

MARAMARA KŌRERO

NEXUS

(and across the world) face massive challenges now and in the future. Our ability to combat such challenges will be affected most by the political decisions made today. If you care about student wellbeing, the climate, the cost of living, housing, your friends, your community, your family, your future, then you should care about making it to 16.

There are a number of reasons why lowering the voting age to 16 is a good idea. For example, giving 16 and 17 year olds the right to vote would strengthen our democracy, with a larger number of voices heard in the decision making processes. Scotland, Wales, Austria and many other countries have seen the benefits of increased youth turnout since lowering the voting age to 16 (and their countries didn’t fall into anarchy). New Zealand used to lead the world in the provision of democratic rights, but is now falling behind. Still not convinced? Give this a thought. Society allows 16 and 17 year olds to have sex, buy guns and chainsaws, drive, decide their medical treatments, leave school, work and to pay tax, and yet not the right to vote? Seems a little sketchy to me.

The Make it 16 campaign has even taken this issue to the supreme court - the highest court in Aotearoa - to seek a formal decleration that preventing 16 and 17 year-olds from voting is unjustified age discrimination under the New Zealand Bill of Rights Act 1990.

Most importantly, we have our petition to the House of Representatives - to Extend the vote to 16 and 17 yearolds, for both Local and General Elections. We are aiming for 10,000 signatures by the end of September! Signing this petition supports Make it 16’s campaign to extend the vote in Aotearoa. The time for change is now - sign the petition (our.actionstation.org.nz/petitions/make-thevoting-age-16), join the campaign (we would LOVE more Waikato representatives), and follow our journey on social media @makeit16nz.

Ngā mihi nui e te change makers xx 25

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MARAMARA KŌRERO

COLUMN

专栏

The joys of car sex Car sex can be something that spices a relationship up, or is just simply a last minute resort. But whether you’re fucking for convinience or a pure rush as you battle that innate desire to be caught by the outside world, I’m going to offer up some advice to help with any auto-related fun-fuck-fests.

Caught with your pants down You're in a car, not a bed. So never take off all your clothes... never ever simp in a whip. Keep enough clothes on; you need a contingency plan in case someone knocks on that window.

That way, you can get dressed quickly and pretend you weren't blowing them out—while the person who catches you knows you were.

Pick a seat Off the bat, know which direction you’re HEADing in. If you’re gonna be filled to the hilt with a shaft, hit the front. You want to be slapping ass and riding dirty? Get your ass in the back.

It’s hard to cum if you’re constantly being stopped by their back smacked into the horn in an attempt to cowgirl it in the driver's seat. Plus changing from the front to the back while slap nuts, you may end up with more than a strap up your arse. Pray they don’t drive a manual.

Take the scene root I have no clue how you can take a road trip, five deep in a fourdoor and the windows not get foggy. But you get it on with a fuck for 20 minutes and it's like a 24-hour fitness sauna in

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the car. Crack the windows...unless you're just trying to lose some weight. And if your partner is musky, don’t point out the stink teke. Just breathe through your mouth.

Climax: with care Sometimes you just can't control it. You can be the G of all Gs, but when you reach the end, shit just happens for you two. While you're blowing their back out, make sure they keep their feet away from the windows, because they could very well bust a nut and your window with their foot at the same time. And if you’re being blown out, then keep account of all flailing limbs. Broken bones won’t make up for a righteous root.

Check the cloth Okay, I know that in theory having leather seats makes cleaning up a breeze, but honestly having a burn from the hide on your cheeks isn’t worth the hassle of throwing down a towel. Which brings me to my next point, cleaning fabric.

Cars can have seats of every desirable finish and fabric, but cum can be a fucking mission to get out. Now I don’t think that carrying around hydrogen peroxide or some easy-off bam is going to be inconspicuous, but some handy dandy wet wipes makes clean up easy as. Just get that gunk off and clean it proper when you’re home – don’t overthink it bro.

Go forth my sex gremlins and enjoy the world that is vehicular cumming and understand that you’re not odd in wanting to explore your partner in the safety of a beat up toyota corolla, but wanting to fuck the corolla? Tune in next time bby ;)

NEXUS

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ART

艺术欣赏

诗歌

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NEXUS

Do what it takes Cameron Mailer Do what it takes to get to where you want.

Do what it takes to keep you sane on YOUR way.

Stay stupid. Don’t care. Wear what you want.

We won’t be here tomorrow. The world keeps spinning.

Break a leg. It’s a story to tell.

Tear yourself apart, eat the stars.

Do what it takes. When you have the courage to do that, you’ll get there.

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AROTAKENGA

REVIEWS

点评

This is going to hurt TV Show | Jak Rāta

Tiktok brought me to this show, as with so many suggestions in my current watch history as I’m writing 90% of the magazine that you’re holding in your little hands. This is going to hurt (does exactly what the title suggests), and it fucking sucks.

Not because it’s not well made, but because it’s hard to get through and the ending isn’t gratifying, nor is it ever fucking happy – which I’m sure is apt for the NHS as a whole.

The show centres around two residents in obstetrics in small town England. The only names you need to remember here are Shruti Acharya and Adam Kay. They’re your protagonists and fucking good ones at that. Adam is a junior doctor and helping Shruti as she studies for upcoming exams to pass the OBS and gynae portion of her studies, I think? So that’s the basic premise of the show; it’s about doctors, but not like Shortland Street or Grey’s Anatomy. It’s tonally dark, physically dark and dark in humour. It’s a dark show that doesn’t hide the cracks in the NHS. Within the first episode you have a racist patient losing her mind as Shruti is the one to perform the c-section, with Adam fucking up her tattoo on purpose.

Personally, I didn’t see the ending coming. I’d heard rumours of, spoiler alert ahead, death with one of the main characters meeting some sort of demise, but I was lost in context. Here’s the ending for those lucky enough to not want to suffer through, Shruti passes her exam and Adam splits with his fiance. That’s all, there’s nothing else. Except Shruti killing herself in the last 5 minutes of episode 7. What?

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45% Moving from the ending, the storytelling is honestly a masterclass in non-linear. It’s not as convoluted as some arthouse flick that jumps through time zones, but it’s breaking down the psyche of the characters and telling their mental struggles through moments in time. Even lighting and framing is pertinent to specific characters, with Shruti’s flat being dimly lit and you never see her smile in that space. One scene, where she’s speaking with her mum before her demise, she’s seen tipping the milk down the drain as she preps to make sure nothing rots or is left behind when she leaves. Shruti, whilst having one of her last moments inside the hospital, has a stark contrast as she empties the contents of her locker into an overstuffed backpack. This contrasts the moment earlier where she saves the life of Adam’s patient having been rushed in from the private hospital he was working instead of with Shruti. All the moments and those after her death, are a culmination of stress and being worked to the bone thanks to a broken system. It’s disheartening and just so fucking rough to get through.

One thing you need to know about the show is that it doesn’t hide behind any facades, just as it doesn’t make excuses for itself. From start to finish, there’s no hiding behind itself – it’s raw in its storyline. I’m aware of the 45% rating and how that seems like a low score compared to the points I’ve discussed as pluses, but what it lacks is a breather. There’s no moment where you’re given a moment to process or digest the show.

But I guess that’s the point right?

点评

Long Blue Light by Leif Vollebekk Music | Seamus Lohrey

REVIEWS

AROTAKENGA

NEXUS

90%

Leif Vollebekk. I don’t know how you say it either. But, I do know this man should be listened to on repeat. The fact that I was scratching my head in confusion when thinking of what song of his to write about should say enough, but I need to reach the word limit so let me fanboy.

I’ve chosen the song ‘Long Blue Light’ which has become the soundtrack of my drives to Cambridge. This song is one of those ones where you feel like a main character in a music video. You know the type I mean: head against a window, staring mystically, and wondering why life is such a battle. It’s not an overwhelming track, mainly consisting of guitar, piano, drums, and of course Mr Vollebekk’s dreamy voice; it’s chill and that’s part of why you’ll love it.

With lines such as “My eyelids are heavy, my spirit is numb”, he does have a tendency of sounding like a Tumblr girl from the early 2010’s, but I’m not ashamed to say I eat it up.

Look, if it’s not obvious by now, I love this bloke's music. If I haven’t convinced you to listen, the artist himself is enough reason on its own to check him out.

Leif, like Kanye West and Billy Joel, has a condition called synesthesia which means you experience one of your senses through another. Basically, he sees colours when he listens to music which automatically makes him that much cooler than us. If you’re wondering what colour he says Jazz is, it’s brown.

Insert poop joke.

The only thing that I would say is crap, apart from this transition, is his cover art. Look at his discography and all you’ll see are artistic pictures of his head at different angles. Apart from this, there is no other reason not to listen to his music, so go ahead and check this fella’ out.

Superman and Lois TV Show | Caitlin Walters-Freke

85%

The CW used to be a TV juggernaut. It had iconic shows like Supernatural, The Vampire Diaries and Jane the Virgin. Another highlight of its lineup was the almighty ‘Arrowverse’, one of the best things to come out of DC in a long time. However, the universe I love so dearly is slowly dying as the shows making up its parts have been getting cancelled left right and centre. The only show I have left to cling on to is Superman and Lois. (Slight spoilers) Set in Smallville, Kansas, the show follows iconic duo Clark Kent, aka Superman, and Lois Lane as they deal with day-to-day life with their twin sons Jonathan and Jordan, while also keeping the world safe from powerful threats.

The show follows the CW superhero show formula, but makes it feel fresh due to the smalltown nature and more grounded storylines. Not having flashy action scenes all the time also makes the show more unique. It does have those since it’s still a superhero show featuring aliens but not as often as the Flash, for example. I also like the characters, particularly Jordan Kent who started in the show with crippling social anxiety but worked through it and developed powers like his Dad’s. The relationships between the characters also feels very authentic and I enjoy watching them grow and change.

The show currently has two seasons, with a third being released in 2023. If you’re keen to watch it before then, stream it free on TVNZ OnDemand.

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WHAKANGAHAU

ENTERTAINMENT

娱乐

Don't quote me “BRB” - Where is Cardi B going and when will she be back?

“The mandem couldn’t, so the gyaldem did”

Crush of the week

- English football fan who realises the mens’ team is all talk.

Jensen Ackles

“alter ego: Cody” - Jack Harlow still thinks he’s the white boy of the month.

Don’t know what it is about these actors in their forties, but this man keeps showing up on TikTok and it’s all heart eyes for him. Apparently he could’ve been Hawkeye and ugh, just imagine.

“Women are not objects, but they do belong to men.”

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Twitter Treading

Clickbait Moodboard

- Andrew Tate, dude, what the fuck?

娱乐

Caption This

ENTERTAINMENT

WHAKANGAHAU

NEXUS

Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Get Your Shit Together

3rd Year of Law is going well

10.

You’re gonna look old as shit in a few years if you keep frowning from all that worrying you do.

9.

You’ll start to save money and actually be able to treat yourself properly.

be stable enough for the future 8. You’ll you want, whether that’s a dream job, a relationship/family, or something else.

7.

If you have kids, they’ll drain the life out of you. Make your years of freedom meaningful in a good, healthy way.

6.

No offence to our beautiful country, but you’ll be stuck here if you don’t change shit up.

5.

Imagine all the bragging rights you’ll get for being fucking amazing.

4.

Regular Tears < Tears of Joy

3.

Scarlett Johansson can play you in a movie one day (her track record is very… diverse lol).

2.

You’ll actually know your worth because you’re the best but you just don’t see it yet.

1.

Your future self actually asked Nexus to write this. They said “you’re welcome”.

These budget flights are getting out of hand

Hung like a horse

Baby Yoda BBL

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STUDENT EXPERIENCE

学生体验

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ATAPAKI

NEXUS

Keen for some free BurgerFuel? Simply snap 'nexusmag' the shitfest of your student lifestyle for the chance to win. Collect from the SUB.

WINNER

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WĀHEKE

HOROSCOPES

星座运势

HOROSCOPES

WORDFIND

Name:

Created with TheTeachersCorner.net Word Search Mak

Aquarius: January 20 — February 18

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Aries: March 21 — April 19

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You share a sign with Eren Yeager. Could expand on that, but the list of things to say would be longer than his war crimes.

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As much as you wanna say you’re as lovable as Eddie Munson, you’re definitely the Jason of your friend group.

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Gemini: May 21 — June 20

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Somebody has to say it: you’re the first to die in a horror movie. Stay away from haunted houses.

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Taurus: April 20 — May 20 Do everyone a favour and just get TikTok instead of spending all your time on Instagram reels (which literally show TikToks). It’s the same thing!

Cancer: June 21 — July 22 You should be more direct when you want to find something out instead of beating around the bush.

It’ll help, trust.

Leo: July 21 — August 22 Don’t be sad, go get a tattoo! Just make sure it’s something you’re not going to regret in a few years… or a few days.

Virgo: August 23 — September 22 Make a bet with your friends: the first person to chicken out while watching “Incantation” on Netflix owes everyone else food.

Libra: September 23 — October 22 Now that the Premier League has started, how’s your fantasy team looking? Better keep an eye on it if you wanna win.

Scorpio: October 23 — November 21 Your next drinking night game should be Hide and Clap. “The Conjuring” flashbacks and alcohol? Say less.

DYMOND BLADE CINNAMON ANDRE PORSCHE BLADE KIKI FERNANDO KRYSTAL Common stripper names, sorry to these people ASTON MO’NIQUE LEWIS AMETHYST VALENTINO SAPPHIRE DALLAS TYSON DYMOND SERENA SAPPHIRE CHERRI LEXXI BLADE DIESEL DALLAS STEIN JYNX ROXXXY CINNAMON SERENA STEWART ANGEL ANDRE CHYNA TYSON

PORSCHE KIKI FERNANDO KRYSTAL ASTON MO’NIQUE LEWIS AMETHYST VALENTINO

CHERRI DIESEL LEXXI STEIN JYNX ROXXXY STEWART CHYNA ANGEL

TRIVIA 1. What US city was basketball player Michael Jordan born in?

Sagittarius: November 22 — December 21

You just love to tell everyone you’re a skater, don’t you? Little do they know, you’re talking about roller skates (still cool tho).

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LAST WEEKS ANSWER:

Capricorn: December 22 — January 19

2. Which film star’s biography is called “Neither Shaken Nor Stirred”?

1. The God of Fire 2. A Barber Pole

The last time you tried to iron your clothes you accidentally burnt them. Are you proud of that?

No. Will you do it again? Yes.

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https://1sudoku.com/print-sudoku https://1sudoku.com/print-sudoku

益智游戏

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= LE BOGG N

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Straight-up premium burgers in your neighbourhood ~ simple & fast.

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