www.nexusmag.co.nz
Life After Graduation
4 May 2009
ISSUE 08 Credits: Editor: Joshua Drummond (editor@nexusmag.co.nz)
Design: Talia Musson (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz)
Advertising: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz/021 176 6180)
Reporter: Grant Burns (news@nexusmag.co.nz)
Idle hands. Idle, busy hands. I think I’m going a little tiny bit crazy. The cold winds of winter have swept in the usual low-key seasonal depression, causing me to notice things I’d rather ignore. The Wintec Wall, which I usually try to complain about several times a year, is still a grey, smug, semi-vertical slab. There’s still a poo smell on campus. Waikato Uni still has bugger-all security guards at night. The infinite crimewave in Hamilton East continues unabated. Our gallant Hamilholians still screech out of cars at whoever is brave enough to use their feet, or god forbid, a bike (and I feel like pointing out that I was in Wellington a couple of weekends ago, walked everywhere, and got yelled at only once.) Letter-writers continue to miss the point in epic fashion. Hamilton Taxis continues to employ utter bastards as drivers. Trolls continue to stalk internet forums. Hamilton girls still wear those dress things you can buy at Supre that make them look pregnant. Nexus contributors continue to hand things in late. Things change slowly in this town, when they change at all.
Film Editor: Kirill Kruger (films@nexusmag.co.nz) Games Editor: Antony Parnell (games@nexusmag.co.nz) Books Editor: Penny Wilson (books@nexusmag.co.nz) Music Editor: Nick Johnstone (music@nexusmag.co.nz) Internet Guru: Jed Laundry Contributors Vitamin C, WSU, Kirill, Chris Parnell, Burton C. Bogan, Gordon Dawson, Jed Laundry, Dr Richard Swainson, Maria Mo, Josh, Grant Burns, Mammoth, HCAC, Flash Medallion, Art Focker, Blair Munro, Jesus, Louise Blackstock, DJ Lauree, Sarah Bentley, Todd Cantley, Penny Wilson, 8 Ball, Critic, David Large, Jason Leroy, Hollie Jackson, Rachael, and Andrew Neal
Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student
So rather than going on about it, I thought I’d turn to something I really enjoy doing: doodling. I like drawing. I always have. Whenever I’m bored or frustrated I whip out a pencil or pen and start up on the nearest sheet of paper. It’s a prime way to rid yourself of frustrations and lose yourself in a moment of perfect zen. You’ve been in lectures. You’ve all done it. If, somehow, you haven’t, I recommend it.
Press Association (ASPA) Because it provides the booze. THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE REALLY. WE DIDN’T DO IT, NOBODY SAW US DO IT, YOU CAN’T PROVE ANYTHING. YOU KNOW WHAT
So; am I going crazy? You decide! Here is a selection of some recent doodly efforts. Psychology students – go for your life.
I DON’T LIKE? HAMILTON’S UGLY, UGLY BUILDINGS. THERE, GOT THAT OFF MY CHEST. WHAT A RELIEF.
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PhotoChop Comp Those With Photoshop Skills Are Invited To Take Place In Our Bi-Weekly Tournament! Great Prizes Are At Stake! This Is Only the Second Week of Many! To Enter, Go, to forums.nexusmag.co.nz and look for the “PhotoChop” thread! New Competitions Announced Every Other Week! Here Are the Results of Second Tournament, Judged by Graphics Editor Talia Musson:
CYCLO
Congratulations, jeremyH! You Win A Random CD of Your Choice! Remember: To Enter – forums.nexusmag.co.nz!
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by G-rant QUESTIONS 1. What do you think of Tertiary Education Minister Anne Tolley? 2. How will you stay warm this winter? 3. What is the point of your degree? 4. What would you do if an MP swore at you? 5. What should Nexus have more of?
Swine Flu 1. She seems like a viable swine flu victim 2. By attaching myself to other people’s DNA 3. To kill 4. Infect him 5. Swine Flu
Whetu 1. Only good thing is she’s from Gisborne 2. I’ve already started with my winter coat bro 3. I want what every BMS-LLB student wants: world domination 4. Burn their house down 5. Lolly giveaways Amanda and Denise 1. She looks like a man 2. Alcohol and sex 3. I don’t really know, I came for drinking and socialising 4. Swear back then ask Chuck Norris to beat them up 5. Busted!
Jessica 1. She’s a bitch 2. Pack on the clothes 3. To be an accountant 4. Swear back then punch them 5. Funny stuff
Glen 1. Who is Anne Tolley? No one can find her 2. I’ll wear shoes and socks 3. It’s a Maori conspiracy to take over the world 4. Bottle the bastard 5. Female reporters/ scratch and sniff sections
Majick Eight Ball All questions taken from the Magic 8 Ball thread at forums.nexusmag.co.nz! You can submit questions to the forum, as well as to magic8ball@nexusmag.co.nz Will the deadly Swine Flu improve the flavour of bacon? Better not tell you now - wait until the epidemic has swept the world, infecting and killing 99.9 percent of human life. As one of the immune survivors, you’ll have plenty of Long Pig bacon to choose from. Nom nom. Is it true what Father Jim said about bad boys who tell? Yes - and by God, boy, you had better not mention what went down in that confessional. And by “went down,” I believe you know what I mean. I’d be the laughingstock of the other priests if they knew.
Is it true that the majick 8 ball was crafted by Xenu himself? You may rely on it - as surely as you may rely on the fact that the Scientologists will soon be suing you for telling their secrets. Or they could be merciful and drop you into a volcano and then set hydrogen bombs off on you. Either way, you’re fubar. Has the Magick 8 Ball ever met Lord Bfulhu? It is certain - and that foul octopus apparition suffered mightily at the figurative hands of my magycks. A great and furious battle was waged, and the very underworld quaked,
Most likely - any society that offers you a golden key for any amount of money is clearly a scam. It’s a kind of cross between an “intellectual” circle jerk and a Readers Digest Sweepstakes. And they never asked me to join, so screw them. Oh Great and Ever-powerful Majick 8 Ball, I have a query...is it impossible for us normal mortals to ever elevate to your plain and give you decent questions? I wish to be like you one day, i even dream of ascending to your plain, is it possible? (would it be weird to ask for your number, for a friend pf course *cough cough*)
My friends tried to convince me that people are only meant to have one sexual organ, they were just messing with me right? Better not tell you now - find a suitable sex partner and wait until you’re intimate to spring your surprise(s).
almost destroying Te Aroha. We fought for a year and a day, and, at last, our energies spent, we called a truce. Now we have an arrangement - I tell him dark truths and he gets me free Burger Fuel. Is the Golden Key International Honour Society worth joining or is it a scam to get my $95 joining fee.
Concentrate and ask again - Your question is both garbled and inappropriate. Of course you may not have my number. Of course you can never be like me or ascend to my “plain” - why, your lack of spelling and grammar prowess is proof enough. For shame! You have brought dishonour to your ancestors. You may commit hara-kiri now. With a blunt pair of Snips.
THIS WEEKS PIC
With special guest, the Microsoft Office Paperclip! Hi! Would you like to turn Spelling and Grammar check on? No? Would you some help with your captions! Okay, here! I’ll put in last week’s winner!
Needless to say, even the bunny was surprised by the trumpet man being birthed out of President Bush’s anus. No? Okay, would you like to see the Honourable Mentions?
Right! How’d you like to use the Mail Merge function? No? Okay, would you like to know how to enter next week’s competition? Simply caption this image and send it to us! You
Needles to say, even the bunny was surprised by the trumpet man being birthed out of President Bush’s anus.
“Why are you wearing that stupid monkey suit?” – Flemingo
Remember, there are two ways to enter! can email captions@nexusmag.co.nz! Or you may to enter via the Nexus Forums – look for the Caption Competition Thread in General Discussion!
Congratulations, stalin_smells! You win a voucher of Burgery Fuel. Would you like to turn on Latin mode?
“Bush realised he had put himself in yet another situation without an exit strategy” – Swing King
Would you like to know how to put Office into British English mode and fucking well have it stay there? I’ll never tell, because I hate you!
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Everything you’d expect from your favourite free weekly student magazine + much more!
FINALLY! visit nexus online for: • extended articles • features • comments & feedback • competitions • letters to the editor • up-to-the-minute news
• forums • archived issues - more added all the time! • busted pictures • exclusive online content • streaming music from contact FM
Some features yet to be implemented. Site is a work in progress, and is subject to change without warning.
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ISSUE 8 - 4 May 2009
any question or queries email news@nexusmag.co.nz
“Being in charge this year was a different experience as I got to see the games from the other side. There was a lot of running around but really it was seeing my tribe having fun that was such a success in my eyes”
The Tribe’s Titivating Tale Told Today by Penny Wilson
Although he is known around the campus for his reliably jovial manner, when I asked AJ to tell me about his experience with the Waikato Tribe at the 86thUniGames in Taranaki, his face split into a near-beatific beaming smile. ““Amazing….the best year yet”, he said, in a blissful tone. A veteran of three years’ Games, this year AJ went for the first time as Team Manager, attending 11 out of the 14 events which took place over three days. “Being in charge this year was a different experience as I got to see the games from the other side. There was a lot of running around but really it was seeing my tribe having fun that was such a success in my eyes”. He sounded proud, and with good reason. This year the 14 Waikato teams performed above expectation, ensuring tribal domination and jubilation by winning no less than nine medals, five trophies and one two-time defending championship during the three-day event. Following their arrival and settling in, the opening ceremony saw the Tribe dazzle the assemblage in an explosion of face paint, flora, fauna and leopard print; as well as a 50 person dance ring, a custom-choreographed triple-stack tribal totem pole, Wizard-ofOz-style chanting (“OOOWEEEOOOO! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAIKATO!”; repeat, for those wondering) and a cameo from Damian the aboriginal cat flag-bearer. “Virgin sacrifices?” I enquired of AJ, who grinned and shook his head. “Nah, no virgin sacrifices, of which we are very proud. But the other Unis had no reply… we totally dominated”, he said, before explaining that the opening
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ceremony performance was symbolic of “tribal togetherness; working hard and playing hard.” Day One saw teams playing respectably before retreating to Top Ten to enjoy their choice of a heated pool or a spa or both, followed by dinner at Sporty’s and a Tribal team versus team competition in Beer Pong, Flip Cup and Standard Boat race. Sounds…intense? AJ chuckled. “The winners on the night were the recycling bins.” Day Two dawned a little too brightly for some of the team who were “a little under the weather but produced welcoming results nonetheless.” That evening brought a special treat: the Grumpy Mole generously supplied a free keg and spot prizes for the tribe who went for a drink and to swap sporting stories. Wasn’t that normal after a game? AJ pointed out that, while individual teams might go for an ale and a chinwag post match, it was rare to see such “great inter-sport relations, both on and off the fields – I really liked seeing squash talking to cricket, and touch and basketball players sharing a beer”. Prudence won on Day Two however, with most tribe members retreating to Top Ten to recharge their batteries for day three. Around this point it was all sounding like too much fun. Then AJ got down to the nitty-gritty and reeled off the list of Day Three results, which spoke for themselves. “Trophy One was picked up by winners of the inaugural 20/20 cricket. Trophy Two went to the Badminton boys, who won every single game they played.
The Tribe’s Titivating Tale Told Today Continued Trophy Three was won by the Women’s football who won 4-0 against Auckland, making them two-time defending champs. Trophy Four went to the Best Overall Table Tennis Team. Shock horror- nobody was expecting that! Trophy Five was presented for Best Overall Team Spirit. Oh, we got three gold medals, two silver and four bronze too.” The medals and trophies were presented at the Closing ceremony, at which Waikato got to rest on their laurels briefly between visits to the stage, as well as receiving a special mention from the Games organisers for being so well-behaved. Was it the winning that was AJ’s favourite part? “The tribal culture made it. It was so awesome to see everyone together. Not everyone can win, but everyone can enjoy themselves and each other’s
topping off a happy homecoming with twenty prizes awarded, including Most Awkward Pash, Smelly Pits, Horrible Haircut, and the Mosquito Award for Most Annoying Team Member, with props to the recipient of the Naked Tribesman Award for his cunning stunt involving the ingenious use of a Vic Uni hoodie during his cricket streak. The lovely people at Bar 101 ensured that Bartabs went to all medal winners.
company, and seeing that happen was a definite highlight. There were no barriers between tribe members whatsoever – except for a healthy feud between some of the women’s touch and the netballers, which was settled with party poppers at closing party”.
Manager is a title I was honoured to hold and I was more than happy to lead my tribe to these games”.
On their triumphant return, the Tribe headed to Bar 101 for the official after party,
Does this remarkable experience make AJ eager for more in 2010? “The Tribal Chief may return!” he concluded, a note of mystery amidst the ebullience. “It was a great end, but definitely not the end of the Tribe as the bonds formed during these Games will be strong forever. Team
(PS. None of these daring feats could have been accomplished without the stellar support the Tribe received from ULeisure, WSU, Waikato Uni and the so solid crew at Bar 101. And RIP to Harold the giraffe.)
Horny crowd scream “Cunt” Other vagina-related events occur By Grant Burns The WSU’s production of the Vagina Monologues at the Academy of Performing Arts last week was such a success that members of the audience shouted the words “cunt”, “cumming happy vaginas,” and “pussies unite” at the top of their voices during the show– enough to make any man in the crowd feel a little smaller. The production, which ran for three nights, is the only performance of the Vagina Monologues in New Zealand so far this year. The stage was lightly decorated with two red brackets symbolising the vagina in the middle of the stage, surrounded in a misty air with a chandelier hanging over top. A ‘50s styled microphone stood in front of a lone chair where each of the 10 actresses gave their monologue. The opening sequence began with a full description about a woman who was made to shave her “naked puffy vagina” by an oppressive man, setting a serious tone for the play which also included many comedic elements. The balance of earnestness and
humour was very well executed throughout the whole of the play such as the explanation that, “if you don’t like the fish, then why did you order it?” As the play progressed, more serious issues were dwelled upon. Benefits from the show are going to the Rape and Sexual Abuse Healing Centre Hamilton and Power to The Woman and Girls of People’s Republic of Congo. The horrors of genital mutilation (which occurs in countries such as Congo,) and how rape is used as weapon of war, were dutifully explained to the audience. Audience members also stood up halfway through to symbolise that one in four females and one in six males are sexually abused in New Zealand. Other monologues included themes such as: a lesbian sex worker helping other woman achieve orgasms, a 72 year old woman who had never had an orgasm, and a lifeline about a girl who was raped when she was 10, became homeless but was able to get out of poverty after she meet the woman of her
dreams – all the monologues discussed were based on real life stories. Near the end, Anya got the whole crowd to shout the word “CUNT” as loud as they could as she gave her individual impression on what the word meant. While explaining what the “N” stood for, Anya said “Nexus”. “Wow,” I thought. “I didn’t know the “N” in “CUNT” stood for Nexus – awesome.” I later found out from Anya that this was part of the original dialogue. The only unnecessary part came after the play was finished when all ten actresses came back out on stage, flicked on the house lights, and confrontationally asked the crowd what they thought about the production. Afterwards I asked event organiser and starring actress Anya Varezhkina what she thought about the production. “From what I hear it has been really well received. Everyone has been really helpful, local businesses and local people have all been so generous and it has accumulated into a wonderful production.” 9
Student “bullied” by MP By Grant Burns
Economics and political science student Steve Baron says he was verbally abused, belittled, and sworn at by Maori Party MP Hone Harawira during a special lecture held in S Block last week. “He said the ‘F’ word, “my big black ass,” and said “the Seabed and Foreshore Act was a piece of racist crap,” Baron said. During the question and answer section of Harawira’s speech, Baron asked “Given the injustices past governments have imposed on minorities like Maori, Chinese, homosexual, would you and or the Maori party support the introduction of binding referendums as a check and balance on governments.”
“I will also be asking the Waikato University not to invite him back on to campus because of his use of language and his aggressive and rude nature,” said Mr Baron.
“I think he took major offence when I used the word Maori in the same sentence as Asians and homosexuals. In no way was I intending to or trying to be racist,” said Baron.
Baron said he had a lot of respect for the Maori Party and MPs such as Dr Pita Sharples and Hon. Tariana Turia who were dignified, intelligent people.
Baron said Harawira cut him off and began mimicking him. “This behaviour was totally inappropriate in such a place and is hardly a glowing example of what a role model for young people should be,” said Mr Baron.
“If Mr Harawira is going to represent Parliament, the Maori Party and Maoridom, I would suggest he show a little more maturity and control over his manner and his use of language. His comments, manner and attitude came across as that of a racist thug.”
Baron told Nexus that he had taken the matter up with the Dean of FASS, Professor Dan Zirker.
(Editor’s Note: Mr Harawira could not be contacted for this story prior to deadline.)
Hamilton MP finally graduates from university …for the second time By Jason Sebestian 30 years after starting his law degree, Tim Macindoe has finally completed his law degree at the University of Waikato. The MP for Hamilton West will join hundreds of other graduates from university next week at the Hamilton Founder’s Theatre. Tim Macindoe originally graduated with a BA and started his LLB in 1979, when he decided to move overseas to work, against popular advice. After getting a job, getting married and having a family, continuing his studies was the last thing on his mind. After 22 years, Macindoe finally decided to pick up where he left off and finish what he had started a long time ago. “I figured that a law degree would be useful should I not get elected to Parliament on my 10
fifth attempt”, Macindoe said. “I think that there’s a natural synergy between law and politics,” he added, which was “more relevant now” in his current job. On Monday 4 May, graduates from Science and Engineering as well as Computing and Mathematics will be capped. Tuesday will see Education School graduates doing the same and Management School graduates following up on Wednesday. Besides law students on Thursday, graduates from the Arts, Social Sciences, and Maori and Pacific Development faculties will be capped on the same day. All graduation ceremonies next week will take place at the Founder’s Theatre. Though there will not be much parking available,
attendees can park at spaces around the venue. Attendees are advised to arrive half an hour before the ceremonies and meet at the marshalling tent. Graduates at the Tauranga campus will take place on Friday May 15, at the Holy Trinity Events Centre.
NZ Music Month returns It’ll do that
By Hollie Jackson NZ Music Month is back for its 9th year, bringing with it tons of cheap (and, at times, free) concerts, Kiwi music, giveaways, and lots and lots of Dave Dobbyn. Held throughout May, NZ Music Month is all about showcasing Kiwi musical talent on radio, television, and through live performances in order to boost recognition and commercial success of the New Zealand music industry. In 2000, Kiwi music made up only 10% of commercial radio station programming. However, when NZ Music Month was established in
featuring Sora Shima, Chris Thompson and many more (plus bouncy castles!), absolutely free at the Hamilton Lake Domain (not hard to find – it’s that big puddle in the middle of Hamilton City). Friday 15 May sees legendary dDub gracing the stage at Flow Bar with their unique brand of roots/dub/rock, for a tiny $10 entry fee. The night after brings drum & bass fiends Optimus Gryme, MC Billy Fluid, and Grind to the same venue and also Kiwi metallers Burn the Scripture to Palladium Bar with free entry. The 5th annual Circle Jerk music fest is returning to Flow bar on 23
2001, the next four years saw that figure rise to 23% of the overall programming. “Back when [NZ Music Month] started, it definitely drew attention to local music” said Phil Grey, manager of Community Radio Hamilton, and album sales show that the popularity of homegrown music is still growing. The first weekend of May this year kicks off with New Zealand hip-hop and drum & bass honorary P-Money, playing at the Outback Inn. The first Saturday also brings the highly-anticipated J Day celebrations,
May, featuring the likes of Knights of the DUB Table, Dick Dynamite and the Doppelgangers, Sora Shima, The Deadly Deaths and more, for a $10 entry fee at the door. To show your musical patriotism during the month of May, the usual black and white ‘target’ NZ Music Month tees are on sale at Hallensteins, along with some new and even colourful designs, for around $40. For a complete gig guide go to: http://gigs.nzherald.co.nz/gigs/ concerts-gig-guide/hamilton
Delicious dDub Cookies = Funk By Grant Burns In what may be a world-first deal, New Zealand company Cookie Time has officially adopted Kiwi reggae/dub band dDub for promotional purposes on the eve of New Zealand Music Month. Cookie Time has sworn to boost the band’s profile through concerts, free downloads, and retail activity. The idea was first fathomed in 2006, when Cookie Time founder Michael Mayell purchased a dDub CD and instantly fell in love with the band’s music. “My wife teases me about being like Mel, the devoted fan from Flight of the Conchords! This adoption is an opportunity for me to use some of my business and marketing experience to help this awesome Kiwi band get their music to a wider audience.”
Derek Browne, lead singer of dDub, was thrilled with the arrangement and has been a long time cookie addict from childhood. “I was rapt when Michael came up with the idea. It’s a constant challenge to make a living as a musician in New Zealand, and in the post-CD age, bands like ours need to find extraordinary ways to market our music.” New Zealand Music Month Manager Steve Newall said he was delighted at Cookie Time and dDub’s initiative and was optimistic about other New Zealand companies catching on to the idea. “It’s great to see a partnership between two local success stories come to fruition. Artistic and commercial success can both be achieved through innovative ideas, and this is exactly what I expect to see happen
with dDub and Cookie Time. With any luck the adoption will pave the way for other New Zealand companies to consider doing something similar with one of our other great local artists.” The dDub/Cookie Time promotions should be out for public sale within the next couple of months. dDub are also playing at Flow Bar on Friday 15th May with Knights of the Dub Table for New Zealand Music Month. Doors open at 8:30pm and tickets are $15.
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Scoreboard after two weeks: Director AJ Director Snell President Delaney Vice President Whetu Student Campus Building Fund Trust Director Hawkes
Execution With Flash Medallion
15 5 5 4 3 1
For those of you who have stumbled across this page for the first time, Execution is where Nexus reports on the goings-on of the Waikato Student Union Board of Directors, who used to be known as the Executive, and we kept the name of the page because it sounds great. If you are reading this then chances are you are a student, and this is the easiest way of finding out what your elected representatives are doing with your compulsory fees. If you just picked this up in a bar somewhere and aren’t a student: Hey man, what’s up? Have a drink for me.
minutes was presented, and two minutes later the motion was passed. Director Hawkes earned a point for his unwavering dedication to procedure. A girl ran away at this point, but she came back later (her chair had been taken though). At 9:26, Nexus was granted speaking rights! This felt so great that Nexus was speechless. Arising Matters and Correspondence was dealt with swiftly and brutally, and related to this was Director AJ’s suggestion of a new WSU banner, ideally high impact and freestanding, because the
Nexus was the third to arrive for the meeting, and was promptly enlisted to carry some chairs to a better room than the dungeon where the meeting was going to be held. Nexus carries chairs for you, the student, at 9am on a Tuesday. Do not forget. Nexus was warmly greeted and welcomed to the meeting, which started at exactly 9:08. This warm welcome was probably due to the roasting that the board received in last week’s Execution. The rest of the board slowly assembled as the meeting continued. This week Whetu, your genial Vice President (Maori), chaired the proceedings. The first thing to happen was Director Snell following up on last week’s proposal for the WSU to buy an extra page in the mighty Nexus magazine. This seemed agreeable, and an in-depth discussion on this topic can be found on the Nexus Forums. Director Snell earned five points. A couple of latecomers arrived during this. Next, Director Hawkes raised an issue with the minutes for the last meeting. Apparently they were not detailed enough, and were missing information like times and members present. The board spent the next few minutes discussing the minutes, raising points such as whether the minutes are for recording minutia or not. The discussion seemed settled by 9:17am, when it was moved to add a discussion of the minutes to next week’s agenda. Alas, nine minutes was apparently not enough time to discuss the minutes, and some more discussion happened until 9:21, when the idea to add the missing information to the previous
current one sounds a little shit by his description. The board breathed a sigh of relief at the prospect of actual progress. Director AJ earned ten points, putting him at the top of the leaderboard. President Delaney presented his report, which detailed his many presidential activities since the last report. He has been very busy, ensuring that the Uni Games Team was supervised, attending meetings (one went for 3.5 hours), and checking out the opening of the Vagina (Monologues). + 5 points. If you didn’t know, our Uni Games Team did very well, and Director AJ has put a lot of effort into this. +5 points. Another issue raised by El Presidente is the Student Campus Building Fund Trust. These guys spend your compulsory building levy of $24 per student. The current focus is on setting up LCD screens around the campus, as mentioned last week. The fact that they are more environmentally friendly than paper notices keep being thrown around, but this sound like a bucket of ballyhoo to Nexus. Still, the Building Fund Trust is awarded 3 points for working towards a futuristic looking campus. Hopefully they plan on installing save points. Other projects include making the Village Green more weather friendly. Nexus doesn’t think that there’s anything friendlier to weather than an open grass field, but more importantly, hasn’t the construction there just finished? Who dropped the ball? Hopefully this gets brought up next week! Vice President (Maori) Whetu presented his report, which was resplendent in a border with a snazzy shadow effect. +1 point. Whetu has also been busy, and gave excellent feedback on Kingitanga Day and Interschool Maori Sports Day which seem to have been very successful. Extra detail was given on the aforementioned Building Fund Trust, including an issue that they may lose their ability to charge for rent in their SUB spaces. This is lost income for you! The university is investigating. Watch this space. +2 points for Vice President Whetu, and a bonus point for “appreciating the opportunity the Nexus gives [him] to communicate with [his] constituents”. At 10:09am, Farmbake cookies were passed around, but Nexus got none. Other things were discussed by the board so that you don’t have to. Highlights include Director Hawkes checking if advertisers are benefiting from Nexus’s online presence (not yet), and plans for a lovely nighttime stroll around the university. This sounded racy, and Nexus would tell you more but the meeting was quickly moved into committee and Nexus was ejected.
David Bennett MP M P f o r h aM i l t o n e a s t
Phone: 07 834 3407 Email: davidbennett@xtra.co.nz www.davidbennett.co.nz
www.national.org.nz 12
The Nexus Haiku News by Drummond-san Controversial cult book a best seller Cult leader was dodgy? The book is bestseller? Wow, what are the odds? New Zealand begins swine flu tests Listen, you don’t have swine flu You have a bad case of Hypochondria. Petrol prices drop Now, that’s a blessin’ Keep it up and we’ll all Thank god for recession No thanks for bonus bonds find Why would they thank? All you did was return A lot of useless paper.
Mel Gibson debuts new love on red carpet (+video) Twenty-eight year marriage fail Gibson falls to oldest curse: Chasing tail. Steve Jobs ‘not strong enough’ to attend meeting Jobs tells lies But what will happen to Apple When the god-CEO dies? ‘Primitive islanders’ iPhone game causes stir Is it right, that no One would have complained even slight If they were white.
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Hi Josh, beautiful, thoughtful expression by Rachael this week. My regards. But you put 2 many 6 6813 H 07 85 clues in the ed: I like stupid people Pspitting the dummy as225well. Alan. 5
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Dear Nexus, I’ve always been a big fan of vending machines. They’re convenient, filled with great food, and what’s really good is having vending machines in the campus library as everyone needs study snacks. But after a few vending machine incidents I REALLY FUCKING HATE THEM. The other day I had this craving for Delisio Greek Tzatziki chips or however the fuck you spell it. So i went to the vending machine, armed with my collection of 10 and 20 cent pieces but they only had Feta and Garlic! Feta and Fucking Garlic. But I thought they’d be better than nothing so I took my sweet sweet time counting out my 10 and 20 cent pieces and popped the money into the machine, and out pops my chips. And guess the fuck what. Right behind the packet
of chips that came out, was GREEK TZATZIKI chips! God damn fire the person who refills the machine! It’s not April Fools day! That’s been and gone! I’ve had a hard day writing essays and handing in assignments and you choose to screw with me! Why don’t you take out the useless $2 Tic Tacs and make some space for Greek Tzatziki! And while you’re at it, you can fix the other stupid machine that says it takes notes but when you put them in it spits them right the fuck back just to smite me! Why does this person not want me eating Greek Tzatziki? Are you calling me fat? Thanks a fucking lot. From Fatty.
Awwwwww Dear Winnie, I would like to publicly apologise to you for the mess that has been the last 8 weeks and the mistakes I’ve made during this time. I look back and regret a lot of my actions and reactions since the Uni year started back. I never imagined that I would be without you in my life but finally here I am, I never wanted to see the end but knew deep down I was never good enough for you. I hope someone makes you as happy as you made me. Goodbye, Andrew James
THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!
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Txts to the Editor! Nexus now has a non-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Bustedtype situations to 021 235 8436. Letters policy: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name. Send letters to editor@nexusmag.co.nz
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Finger-wagging Dear Editor Satire is a wonderful thing and, in any free society , a thing to be valued and protected. Perhaps, in more autocratic societies, it can also be used to good purpose, but one would have to be very careful in doing so, for obvious reasons. We are lucky enough to be living in a free society, where one can criticise the powers that be, but the fact that we have the abitlity to satirise all sorts of groups in society, does not mean we must, or indeed , should do so , in order to obtain a few cheap laughs.
Another indispensible element of satire is some measure of subtlety; crude racist sleights, i’m afraid, do not meet this standard.A point worth noting is that it is not the Muslim world that has invaded the West, but the West that illegally invaded the Muslim world. With hundreds of thousands of deaths and millions of Muslim refugees resulting from this, ( thankfully we played no part in Iraq ourselves), an intelligent and knowledgable person might well show a little sensitvity - and direct their satirical observations towards more deserving targets
The great satirists have used satire to expose the hypocrisies and abuses of the powerful, not just insult people and their deeply-held beliefs, because they are different. Its easy to be smug, but, very recently , in this country , homosexuals could go to prison and a man could not be convicted of raping his wife, practises we might consider quite medieval
I do hope you will print my letter, but, more than this, I hope that you consider what I have said and examine your motives more carefully . You might even consider an apology, although this will require more courage than was needed in writing the original article
nowadays. When we insult people ( the many Arab students at our University, for instance) who have come here to live and study from a foreign country, when we should be welcoming and talking to them, we have abused our freedom. .
Bruce Clark – Lover of satire and amateur satirist Aka subversifpoet
Sigh. I think I insulted the University more than anyone, but I’m always keen to have a go at countries with as dubious a human rights record as Saudi Arabia. Doing this, I should point out, isn’t even slightly racist. Mocking another culture or religion is something else entirely – perhaps we could call it cuturalism or religionism. You can, if you like – Ed.
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CAN SHE DRIVE? Jessie has just arrived from China and her flat is too far from University to bike. She can afford an old car, but wonders how to get a licence. The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other inquiries you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 0800FORCAB (0800 367 222). By the way Jessie can drive on an overseas driver licence or international driving permit for 12 months after arriving in NZ. (The licence must be translated into accurate English) Before 12 months is up, she must convert it to a NZ licence. She will need a theory test and maybe a practical driving test as well. There is lots of information about licences and other things to do with driving and vehicles from the Land Transport NZ fact sheets which are on the website www.landtransport.govt.nz.
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Giving Harawira the finger
Mmmm misogyny
Having a look at the front page of the Waikato Times today (27th) I found an article about Hone Harawira’s recent visit to our uni and how he swore at a student. I was in that lecture and also found Hone Harawira to have a totally ridiculous arrogant attitude along with an awful lack of respect for anyone else in the room. When Steve Baron labelled Maori a minority group the words had barely left his mouth before Hone started ripping into him with calls of being racist, and never gave Steve the chance of justifying himself. Personally I don’t see anything wrong with what Steve said and in no way was he being racist. Hone on the other hand repeatedly used (what in my mind were) discriminatory terms such as ‘kiss my black ass’ and even had the nerve to use the N word. At that moment the Maori’s in the class did start to clap, which totally dumbfounded me. They were applauding someone who just labelled them a ‘nigger’. To me that is just a blatantly racist thing to say, and I’m even more confused as to why it was something
(In response to this week’s rant of the week) Today my penis woke up angry. Well it wasn’t really angry, but it wanted some attention. Before this week’s rant I assumed I knew fairly well how to remedy this, having faced similar circumstances before. I thought I’d figured out a basic formula by playing to stereotypes to pick girls up for no-strings attached sex. How wrong I was. This article blew my whole world apart. So before I go any further here’s a basic rundown of my opinion on the easiest way to get laid.. morally. Go into town, making sure that you are not slurring, or staggering. Find a girl in one of the bars you have dressed for, i.e if you are wearing a collared shirt and loafers your bar is going to be a middle-class bar, if not just got to 101 or the outback (you want to fit in, but not seem boring). There are a few key points I looked for. She would be wearing an absurdly short skirt, and not much else, she would also appear to think
to be applauded. I must say I do not disagree with Hone’s ideals and his vision for empowering young Maori, but his awful attitude to anyone that disagree’s with him makes him an awful role model for any young Maori. I found the whole lecture to be a bit of a joke, especially in light of Kingitanga day. For a time that was supposed to be about respecting culture and celebrating it, Hone Harawira seemed to take us back a couple of decades in relation to racial equality with his crude and offense remarks. You, Hone Harawira, are an arsehole. Finn Geoghegan
she is looking ‘fabulous’. Laughing a lot and throwing her hair about is a definite sign of this. Once you have figured out who this girl is, make sure she doesn’t already have a suitor and it isn’t too early, as it will more than likely result in more work and expensive then it is worth(depending on how long it’s been). Now the next step is to offer to buy her a drink and be confident, but not too handsy. Then stay close, making positive comments, about her, the atmosphere, whatever. So just when I thought I’d stamped out a rough idea of the social order on how things were done this shit comes out of the left field and totally rocks my reality. I will attend the vagina monologues but have a sinking feeling they won’t do anything for guys chances in town, or otherwise. I don’t know a lot about them but they come across as all about concepts like ‘commitment’ and ‘values’ which let’s be honest are better left to priests and bosses. I also really hope there isn’t potty humour about shit like periods. Who would have thought that dressing with your cunt hanging out didn’t mean you were gagging for it? Fuck me. Pun intended. P.s: history has shown us that pleasing women and clitorises is impossible, so going on about it is wasting everyone time.
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Texts to the Editor Party Time! Hi. The get-together on ths sat is confirmed start at 7pm, can I hav da confirmation 4rm u,pls bring a plate to share. (From 0211023132) Hi, 0211023132. You have the wrong number.
no. Hi nexus tell that dumbass ira lastic to write something worthwhile instead of the bull shit in this weeks edition. Tongue in cheek‌ Sucks. Signed: ltw of the FASS militia.
Rant of the Week is a competitive, free-form column for anyone to vent about (nearly) anything. The best one in a given week makes it in. If you have a rantworthy Rant, send it to editor@nexusmag.co.nz. This week’s rant is by Campbell Weal If I have to open another daily paper and see an article on Tony Veitch, I’m going to change my name to David Bain and make the last action sequence in the movie Equilibrium look like an episode of Barney. If you are wondering what the last action sequence of Equilibrium is due to the fact that you haven’t seen it, go hire it out because it stomps ass. I’m getting really sick and tired of reading articles blubbering about how Tony Veitch is such a heinous man and that he should be removed from television. I think we already have enough unemployed critters in this country. If anything, people should just leave the man alone. I admit that fighting with his girlfriend, and in the process, hurting her was a crazy thing for Veitch to do. However, don’t you think he has paid the price (oh man that is a brilliant pun.) Everyone is maxing out over how he paid his partner around $100,000 to keep quiet, saying the attempted cover up is sick. Excuse me, but I am the only one that notices someone got $100,000 for receiving a beatdown, took the money, and then took him to court anyway. While rumbling isn’t one of the seven deadly sins, greed is, yet Veitch is the one getting strung up by the public. In addition to this, you could argue that being a victim of assault and not telling the police straight away is with-holding evidence to a crime, let alone the dodgy morals related with accepting a bribe. Tony Veitch did something pretty cold, and even though there are no justifiable excuses for his actions, he attempted to right them. No matter what happens to Tony Veitch, I believe he should be retained as
a presenter on television due to both his obvious skill and as an example for other males who have hurt women. I can see people here saying “but if you give him his job back, people who assault women will think there are no consequences.” Although this is correct, I urge you to think of the advertisements on Television about assault and abuse, and how people are asked to seek help. Slamming Tony Veitch’s nuts in a door infront of the whole country will only influence people guilty of the same acts to hide away, not look to correct their problems and in the process continue offending until someone gets seriously hurt. On a side note, I found it extremely hilarious when a spokesman (actually most likely woman) for Women’s Refuge spoke of how there are two levels of justice when it comes to wealth. The person also said how money helps to avoid trouble. I’m pretty sure everyone knew this already considering most people are aware of OJ Simpson. Never bite the hand that feeds you. I find it amazing that someone can whinge and imply that rich people get away with so much when this chaos has given you a reason to be employed. You can liken it to a Police Officer complaining about crime, when that event itself leads to their employment. Lastly, the fact that Tony Veitch is rich is the only reason this spokesman/woman spilt irrelevant material throughout the news. Good job. Maybe you should employ me instead, I’ll even work for half the probably bogus salary. Dear Tony, I salute you.
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Some may argue that you leave uni ready to face the real world, but the fact is that many graduates entering the work force are arrogant and know nothing of how business/the job is actually done
Life After Graduation In the second on our series on the lives of Nexus volunteers once they graduate, we travel now to the wonderful life of Stephen Hitchcock, who now works in the dog-eat-dog world of advertising.
It’s a concept that is thrown around so often during a person’s undergraduate studies that its actual meaning ends up lost by your second lecture - the ever-threatening ‘Real World’. We are told that academia is matrix-esque; a land based on ideals and best-case scenarios to protect us from the truth. At the time, everyone wants to break free into the real world and see it for what it is – but ironically, it is upon breaking into the real world that some may wish that they had just taken the blue pill and started another degree. It is hard to think that only ten months ago, I wrote an article in this very magazine discussing an internship that I had just completed at KingSt, an advertising agency in Hamilton. It was about two weeks after this article went to print that I received a phone call, asking me to come and join KingSt in a professional capacity. This was it – the greatest opportunity I could have hoped for. And so a few weeks later, I was working full time and studying full time with already
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overloaded papers. Now, I can promise you that if you are looking to drain every ounce of energy out of your body, this is the way to do it, fast. (Tell me about it – Ed) That isn’t to say that it wasn’t worth it – as I came out of my final semester a stronger person for it – but it is by no means easy. What made it work in my instance was that KingSt allowed me time each day to attend lectures and tutorials. If you have had a job during the holidays you will understand. You arrive at 9am and leave at 5pm – leaving work at the door, you get home to a cold beer and think, “job well done”. But when you are studying it’s more like: arrive at 9am, use your lunch break to race across town to lecture, race back to work, realize how much you fell behind while you were away and feel forced to work till 6pm to make up for it or else you’ll run the risk of falling even more behind. Ah, but that isn’t where it ends – not only have you had it hanging over your head all day how much work you have to do that night – but you get home and sit at a computer for at least five or six hours, never quite doing enough. Going to bed, you wake up 6 hours
later, tired as a mother-fucker, and go to work exhausted, thinking of how much homework you have to do that night. Rinse and repeat. You want to die. The best bit is that there is no reprieve and ultimately both your work and uni begin to drop in quality – the harder you try, the crazier you are driven. But I came out the other side a better man for it (you could argue that I’m a bit of a sadist, as I then started my honours full-time – but I do that in my evenings as a hobby). I guess the question a lot of people will want to know the answer to is what it’s like in the real world, after uni. The answer is simple: it’s fantastic, challenging, rewarding, and damn hard work. I think the biggest thing off the bat is something that a lot of second year students are starting to realize: Uni doesn’t teach you operational skills – how to actually do things. It’s, for the most part, all theory. Uni will teach you about 1% of the jargon/acronyms that you will hear in your first meeting, and leave
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“It was about two weeks after this article went to print that I received a phone call, asking me to come and join KingSt in a professional capacity”
out the fact that just because you can APA reference with the best of them don’t mean you’ve got game. Some may argue that you leave uni ready to face the real world, but the fact is that many graduates entering the work force are arrogant and know nothing of how business/the job is actually done. They believe that because they have been to uni they are more intelligent than anyone who hasn’t. It’s important to remember that off that bat, a graduate probably has less ability to do a job than a person who completed high school and has been working for three years (See? I’ve been saying for years that Management school is a giant scam, and no-one believed me! Ha – Ed.) To be frank, for your first six months you need to shut up, sit down, listen, and learn. I can say unequivocally that no one wants to hear a person go on about global image flows or risk/reward models. Everyone else already understands that at a deeper and more practical level than you do. What’s more, they couldn’t care less about the sentence starting with, “But at uni we learned….(insert theory here)”, because it doesn’t matter. At least, not yet. But to understand what I just said and why, we must first travel back to high school. I present to you the inherent narcissism of academia. It all begins in Year One. The person with the best grades at primary school and intermediate will get into the best class at high school. And depending on how well you do in Year 9, it leads you into the best class in Year 10, and everyone knows it’s how well you do in Year 10 which affects your teachers and classes in Year 11, and your NCEA Level 1… I’m sure you all recall how all of this goes, pretty much up to and all through uni where we are told that the people with the best grades will get the best jobs when they leave. I think that one of the biggest problems with the model is that people forget that employees don’t hire a CV, they hire a person. You can have great grades, references, and volunteer work up the wazoo – but at the end of the day, you need to be able to work in a team and think outside the box. This is why many employees consider those who show a balanced proficiency in team sports and individual academic achievement a highly attractive candidate. So it probably shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone that a person gets to the workforce, having finished in the top percentage in their class and thinks that they are God’s gift. In a very roundabout way, I am 20
trying to get across that the real world will truly be a shock to your system. But this is where I come full circle: a person who has graduated from university is arguably in a better position to go further within the workforce. And it isn’t because they have an acronym after their name, it’s because university taught them how to learn, comprehend, understand, and solve. The ‘stuff’ that you learn in the process is simply a brief view of the world you are looking to enter. A degree is not a job ticket. Tertiary education allows a person to learn something they could never be taught. This may sound, for lack of a better word, fucked – but it couldn’t be further from the truth. Now I have to amend this by saying that there are some degrees which teach more ‘stuff’ than others such as a Chemistry or Medicine degree, but these are areas based on scientific fact. While what I am saying applies to these people, it applies more to those studying to work in fields that are largely theory-based, or those looking to break new ground in established industries. The point is that the operational skills, which people feel they should be learning, will be different in each organization – these aren’t things which can be taught in a general sense. I have learned a huge amount in the last ten months. I have learned so much about the way that a business ‘really’ operates, and so much about adaptive communication. I could go on, but the point is that there are some things that could never be taught at uni, and some things that can only be taught at uni. The fact of the matter is that I haven’t even been in the graduate workforce one year and I can’t believe how much I have learned since I have been here, and am daunted by how much there is left to learn. I was blown away by how much I enjoy what I do. I had half expected it to be like any other job, but this one doesn’t feel like a job at all. My dean at high school used to say, “If you do what you’re good at, and you enjoy what you do, you’ll never work a day in your life.” My job is hard work, but I want to put in the hours, I want to do the best I possibly can because I enjoy it so much, and that is all the reward that I need. So here I am, ten months later, an Account/Media Executive in a leading advertising agency. I have the dream job. Working for an amazing organization with an amazing group of people. And loving every minute of it.
“We want our brightest and our best to do even better rather than accept the standard we are at at the moment.”
Success in the Great Tolley Hunt: Tertiary Education Minister speaks to students. Critic, Otago University’s student association, caught up with Tertiary Education Minister Anne Tolly for an interview. Important things were discussed. To see more from the woman who controls your future (in tertiary education) read on, Interview courtesy the Aotearoa Student Press Association. Tell me a bit about your background. I came into Parliament in ’99 as a list MP based in Hawkes Bay and had three years in Parliament, and then went out in 2002 election. I moved up to the East Coast, contested that seat and won it in 2005, and came in as Junior Whip for the National Party and when John Key became leader he asked me to be the Senior Whip and I did that for fourteen months – which is a bit like school teaching I think – it’s a bit like being the school matron. But a really great job to have – you get to understand the workings of Parliament. It was a really good job, I really enjoyed it. When Katherine Rich made the decision not to continue, John offered me the Education portfolio. At that stage, that was focused on schooling, so we had a spokesman for Early Childhood and we had a spokesman for Tertiary. So I put together the Education team and led it, and we developed the policy going into the election. Then John asked me to take over the Ministry of the whole lot, which I jumped at the opportunity to do. What in your background do you reckon qualifies you to be Tertiary Education Minister? Well, when you’re a Minister, you have a governance role – you don’t need to have specialist knowledge of a particular area. You have specialist advisors. So I think you need to understand governance as against management – you have to have a good understanding of what that means. You also need, as a Minister, to be able to develop policy and implement policy – so you need to be quite a strategic thinker. Those are qualities
that I’ve developed. Because you’re a politician, you always have to be good at listening to people, be prepared to take ideas from a wide range of people, and I think particularly in Tertiary Education where you have such a diverse sector, that’s another quality that I bring to that job. I want to talk a bit about the restructuring of the Tertiary Education Commission – the planned restructuring. Last week, it was reported that all the jobs in the South Island are being moved to a call centre in Auckland, and the stakeholder engagement group is being shut down. Is that all correct? Well, the TEC makes all those operating decisions, so that operates as a Crown entity which is at arm’s length, really, from the Minister. I don’t have any role to play in those day-to-day decisions. That would have been decided by Roy Sharp, who is the Chief Executive of the Tertiary Education Commission. Yes, I think they are streamlining the TEC because it is largely a backroom operation and this Government has come in and quite clearly signalled we want to move as much of the finance out of the backroom onto frontline services. We want to get as much money out in to the tertiary sector as we possibly can, and cut down the administration. But all the staff in the South Island – would they not be frontline staff? No, they’re administration staff. The frontline staff are the people who are lecturers at
Universities, at Polytechs – that is frontline staff. They’re delivering the services. What about the stakeholder engagement group? As I understand it, the stakeholder engagement people were a conduit between institutions and the TEC and the workplace. Institutions themselves should have good relationships with their local workplaces. I’m not sure who saw the validity of an external person developing those relationships. Your university, for instance, has particularly good relationships with its wider community and its business sector on a national scale. That is something it needs to develop – not someone sitting in another organisation managing those relationships. That is the sort of philosophical discussion that I would have with someone like the TEC – how they would actually implement that. The question I would ask of them is, how do you ensure that tertiary institutions have good relationships and are responsive to their local business community? And the answer is, by developing those relationships themselves. Before the election, National said that the student allowance scheme that National was going to implement would be more generous than it currently is, but wouldn’t go as far as Labour was promising. Has there been anything more on that? That certainly is our policy. Any details around that would be part of the Budget discussions, which –
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So we can expect an announcement on that in the Budget? It forms part of the Budget discussions. I think the reality is that we’re in a different economic situation than we were even 12 months ago, and so expectations shouldn’t be high. Certainly, over time, that is where we intend to go. But it might not happen this year? It might not happen this year and we’ve had to do that with all our promises – we intended to deliver on all our promises but we just may not be able to do it this year. So you still intend to deliver on that promise? Yes, absolutely. Do you reckon it will be this term? I would like to think so. It is all dependent on the economic situation. In the meantime, I want to make sure that students get as good quality tertiary education as they possibly can, from good quality institutions. That there are good pathways, clear pathways for students that – things like, I’ve asked NZQA to have a look at the national qualifications framework, so that some of the local courses – I think there are too many of those. I’m getting letters from students and have found out – not understood that it wasn’t part of the national framework, it’s a local qualification, and it’s not actually leading them anywhere – so those sorts of things we can definitely do. Talking about the economic situation that we’re in at the moment – more people are enrolling in universities but the funding is all fixed – so it looks like it will put strain on the universities … And the polytech sector – it’s the same. Because it is a recession, we’re watching it very closely. I get regular updates on where both the universities and polytechs are with their enrolments, and it’s reasonably comfortable at the moment because they operate within a 97–103 percent range that their investment plans allow for. All but one are within that – I think there is one exception at the moment which is above the 103 percent. The worry is what happens for the rest of the year – so out of the Job Summit, one of the Top 20 proposals is we have a good look at those enrolment caps and see if we can either lift the cap – that has financial implications, so that forms part of the Budget discussions; or whether we take a quieter approach – so the Tertiary Education Commission – if someone went above 103 percent, they would be penalised under normal circumstances – so whether we could have a look at not penalising them. We don’t want unbridled growth, but in a managed way. So it is uppermost in our minds – it is quite clear the trend is there – more people are either attending or staying at university and polytechs. It is a two-edged sword, because at the time of recession you want to make sure that we are keeping people in skills training. Coming out of the recession, we’re going to need a skilled workforce, and so we want to make sure we don’t lose those – but that has a cost to it. Do you know the latest on the Institute of Design in Otago? There was a bit of a kerfuffle a couple of weeks ago over funding issues – The situation with that was that the previous Government had agreed to provide some funding on condition that there was a Crown manager appointed – now the Polytech has come back and asked the Cabinet to
reconsider that and that’s what will be happening. So they’ve put up a case and that’s got to go back to Cabinet to be reconsidered. They want to change the conditions under which they were given the money, and that’s what Cabinet will be reconsidering. Are you working with the University of Otago on any specific issues? Actually, I have met with David Skegg prior to him heading overseas, and he’s talked about a range of issues. I’m working with the Vice Chancellor’s group, and David is a part of that, on some issues that they’ve raised with me like efficient management of their assets, again trying to free up some of the paperwork and bureaucracy around how they operate – but specific issues – there is a number of them that he’s raised with me, but I’m not at liberty to make those public at this stage. Are you coming down to the University of Otago? Yes, he’s invited me. I’ve been invited to speak at a Sunday night dinner at one of the houses that is quite famous – Knox? Yes. So I’ve been asked to speak at that. I visited towards the end of last year and the invitation was issued then and reiterated, so it’s just a matter of fitting it into my – So you have been down there before? Yes. I just loved the library. Fantastic. One of the things I was very interested in when I went down was IT and your lecture theatres that are virtual – that was one of the highlights for me – to see just how the University was using [IT]. When did you come down? It would have been just before the election – so it would have been in October of last year. [Knock at the door; Tolley needs to go to Cabinet meeting] What issues are you passionate about, and what are your goals for the future? Well I’m passionate about Education for young New Zealanders, and lifting educational achievement. If we want to lift this country into the top half of the OECD we need to up-skill our workforce, and so that is a huge responsibility that I see falls on me as the Minister. That’s not to say that we don’t have a large number of students that are doing extremely well – we just need more of them. And we want our brightest and our best to do even better rather than accept the standard we are at at the moment. So my goals are to see that. To see every young New Zealander have a good path through education, so they come out with good qualifications, so that they are able to have a good standard of living for themselves and their families. That starts right from early childhood – that’s why it’s fantastic to have that portfolio that takes you from whoa to go, or go to whoa – because it starts right back in early childhood. If you can have a good start at school and have a good experience at school, you can go on to – whether it’s polytechs or universities, to creating an environment for yourself where have an opportunity to do a whole range of things. I come from a family of educationalists so I’ve had that drummed into me all my life. Education gives you the opportunities. 23
Pres Sez by WSU President Ben Delaney
Joke of the week
……Hey you, read this……..
Impotent loser Q: What’s the definition of an Impotent Loser? A: A guy who can’t even get his hopes up.
It’s been a bit crazy around here but I would like to say a big congratulations to all the graduates who have or will wear their cap and gown and take that big walk across the Founders Theatre stage or the Marae atea. As President I get to sit with the official delegation and from there it’s easy to see the looks of relief and excitement about receiving their degrees and finally getting closure on all those years of study. So nga mihi nui kia koutou katoa
email me if you have any suggestion on what could be include (example the ability to text message a message you whish to see on screen etc) this will help us better represent you by increasing your access to timely information. Speaking of representation, there is a student allowance review board (SARB) of which I am a student representative on. If you get declined
As of late I have been attending a number of meetings on you behalf around the student experience. One forum to measure the student experience is a program called Rate It. Run off our website, www.wsu. org.nz, this will provide a structured forum for students to provide feedback to other students on the quality and subject content of papers etc. At this stage we are going through the motions of working out the mechanics of how this will operate but we plan to move some way towards having it viable at least for next year/ second semester this year if possible? We also have started dialogue with a number of parties around the instillation of LCD screens around campus. The purpose of these will be to convey important information to you about WSU events and activities as well as course and uni info like exam timetables, construction details, important dates etc. This will cut down the amount of paper we use to communicate to you and increase our ability to communicate with you in a timely fashion. The scope of the project is now being worked on so
for your student allowance application you can ask for it to be reviewed by this group. In the past month I’ve sat in on three reviews and have one up coming. At least one of those had the decision over-turned and the student had the allowance granted – so it’s definitely worth going through the processes if you find yourself in that position. As we get to the business end of the semester with assignments due and exams looming closer, make sure you pace yourself and find a happy balance between your social life and your studies. If you think that you need some extra help with your work (not someone to do it for you) go and see your lecturers, tutors, and even TLDU and ask for help. Remember, they can’t help you if you don’t ask – but they probably wont help you if you ask for help the night before the exam or assignment is due. Time fly when you have mahi to do, Nga Mihi Prez
Veep Speaks By Whetu Taukamo Tena koutou katoa, I’m going to start with two late notices: (1) a big thanks to those volunteers who helped out on Kīngitanga day, wouldn’t have been the same without your help, thanks for your assistance and I hope you had an enjoyable time, feed and you still got your t-shirt; (2) a big shout out, mihi and kiaoracation to Te Ranga Ngaku (Māori Management Student Network) for achieving the back to back defense of Hakinakina Interschool Māori sports day. It must have been the flash az uniforms that did it ay? For those who are unaware twice a year the inter-school Māori sports day is contested in the games of touch rugby and netball. The other games are always some random games, and for A semester it was a tug of war. As already announced Te Ranga 24
Ngaku from the school of management were victorious (sorry for the late acknowledgement I know it was over a month ago now, but we were on holiday for two weeks). Look for the photos in this issue of the Nexus you might see yourself! On another note, today Mon 4 April at 12-1pm at the Guru Phabians lounge I will be hosting the first Māori Student Advisory Committee. It’s an opportunity for me as the WSU VP Māori to hear and collect the views of Māori students on campus. So if you’re keen to tell me how the
WSU and I can be delivering a better service to you naumai haere mai. On a concluding note I’m looking forward to reading the Lettuce this week. The saga between “anonymous” who wrote “Collarbone phony” in the 20 April Nexus and reply from Hamish Day who wrote “A bone to pick” in the 27 April Nexus issue cracked me in half laughing. I’m looking forward to a nice apology (or retaliation) from “anonymous!” Torou Hawaiiki…May the force be with you!
Event Recap: Tribal Celebrations by AJ
The Tribe competed extremely well down in the Naki at Uni Games, but it was the team culture and spirit that made us so epic, here are the standouts recognised with prizes at the official Tribe Post Party at Bar101 on Thursday 23rd April. Well done Tribe, proud of you all.
Biggest Thrashing on the Field - Netball won 62-6 Mosquito - Jacqui Lawrence Pretty Boy - Harry Darkins Smelly Pits - Eddie Fong Water Boy - Hamish Jackson aka Deadweight
Oohhh-Weee-Oohhh, WAI-KAT-OOO!!
Goofball - Bevan Goldsmith (lighting up after being subbed) The Animal - Cody Herdman Rocky Balboa - Jason Trembath Dip and Diver - Corryn Jackson aka Te Kuiti Too Far Terry - Michael Winter (arguing with refs every game Colourful Character - Damien Smith Naked Tribesman - Scott Taylor (streak at Cricket final)
Big Battle - Touch Girls vs. Netball Girls Man Up - Ryan McIntyre - Singing in front of the RSA Celebrity Lookalike - Jimmy Baker - Darryl Tuffey Awkward Pash - Luke Pharoah & Kelsi Efford Horrible Haircut - Paul Speedy Chief Vom - Mark Harawira (on bus home) Hearty Effort - Dion Oldridge & Kieran Sisam (5th Lawn Bowls)
Signing off, Tribal Chief
International students uncared for? by Jane Nguyen In the last few weeks, I have talked to few students and it seems there is a rising concern about the accommodation services for new international students arriving Waikato. According to Code of Practice for the Pastoral Care of International Student, the university has to provide a good care of accommodation such as finding a suitable homestay or similar for newly arrived international students. However, I have heard that this has not been done well and there are a lot of complaints about the service. If you have got any complaints or enquiry about this, just drop me an email (international@ wsu.org.nz), ), I would love to hear from you. Otherwise, enjoy the International Students Noho Marae coming up on May!
Yo! 88.1FM – stay in contact by Jeff Hawks
Not too sure how many of you are aware of the Independent Broadcasting (Hamilton) Inc. broadcast student radio to the greater hillcrest area. Tune in and check out your cohorts playing the latest music that is so fresh, mainstream hasn’t discovered it yet. There is a comedy show on Sunday (12-2),the intriguing and omnipotent Nexus Show, Friday night is a smorgasbord of action from the Moneypenny Show (6-8) to Friday Night House playing the latest & greatest house of the moment. Weekdays 2-4 sees Matt keeping you up to speed with what’s going down, and week nights from 5 for Sallys Sweet Beats, Tai’s Sonic Explorations and a host of other shows. Your chance to experience broadcasting, get a taste for local music, and hearing the latest underground international action. Get involved, get in touch, CONTACT!
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Upcoming Events WSU Bored Meeting 5th May 9-11am in Guru Phabians – Ask at WSU reception if you need directions 3. International Students Noho Marae 22-23 May
2. WSU Culture Day (Village Green) 20 May, 12-2pm
1. Graduation Week 4-8 May The Waikato Students’ Union congratulates all those who are graduating, well done all
The WSU is proud to bring an interactive cultural experience to the Village Green which will showcase some of the many various cultures that make up the students of Waikato University, cultural performances from 1pm.
Finally version 3.0 that doesn’t suck. The third International Students Noho Marae giving our students from overseas the opportunity to experience Maori culture by participating in a traditional powhiri (Welcome), learning waiata (songs) and more about Maori. The International Students will also stay overnight on a Marae.
IMMUNISATION IS YOUR BEST DEFENCE AGAINST INFLUENZA To find out whether you qualify for FREE immunisation, speak to your doctor or nurse today
at Student Health PH: 838 4037
The cost is $15 for any person not eligible for a free vaccination Student Health has the vaccine available and no appointment is required
Any questions or inquiries our ph no. 838 4037 The influenza vaccine is a prescription medicine. Talk to your doctor or nurse about the benefits and possible risks.
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skyline for sa
le!
SEND NOTICES TO: notices@nexusmag.co.nz before Wednesday, 5 pm. Placing notices is free for students. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Notices cannot be any more than 75 words. We will not accept handwritten or non-electronic notices or dictation over the phone – that’s stone-age shit. If you (somehow) don’t have access to email or a computer, come into the offices and use one of our computers to type up your notice. Ta.
Random Stuff Any riders or skiers who are keen to come to Wanaka for the Winter Uni Games this season, want to save coin and car pool to Ruapehu or interested in joining the Waikato Uni Ski and Snowboard Club email wusssa@gmail.com or ring Natalie 027 329 1713. Chur Belly Dance Classes: Great Fun and Good Exercise! Beginners Classes start Wednesday 13 May. For more info email nzbellydancer@ hotmail.com. We have a small ginger cat that keeps hanging round our house that we believe is missing. He has been around for about a month. We are located half way down Old Farm Road so if you have a missing ginger cat and live near or around our area and think it is yours give us a call on 859 3492. We feel sorry for him as he misses his owners. Fencers Wanted Waikato Swords Fencing Club looking for new members of all skill levels. at AgResearch (Farmers) Hall, on Ruakura Campus from 7-9pm on Mondays. Check out http://www. sportsground.co.nz/waikatoswords for more info or email Simon at sdw9@waikato.ac.nz Nissan Skyline 1994, Metallic Green/Silver, remote lock and start up feature, immobilizer and fuel cut off switch, excellent condition. 235,002 Km BUT replaced motor and cam belt in January 2008. ABS brakes, air conditioning, alloy wheels, central locking, electric mirrors
electric windows, overdrive, power steering and spoiler. Call or text 021 02238186. $5000 ono. Any body interested in getting involved in a cycling club at the Uni email me and we can try to get something going. It will be a casual club for all denominations of the cycling religion (all praise to the mighty coffee bean) and welcome 20” to 700c wheels, size should not matter! To get WSU funding we need at least 15 people, last time I tried this we got 8. email src14@students.waikato.ac.nz Thanks, Sean. Hi there, Anyone interested in tutoring a first year accounting student doing acct101. $20 hour, meeting 1-2 times a week. contact 0274271365 PSP 4 Sale Good working PSP (Playstation Portable) for sale. Analog stick tip has broken but still works fine. Comes with 5 games GTA Vice City, GTA Liberty City, Tekken Dark Ressurection, Midnight Club and Smack Down V Raw 2006. Charger included and carry case for PSP $120 ono Enqurires Email: sn91@students.waikato.ac.nz
Flats and Mates Flatmate wanted: Friendly, sociable student wanted for 4 bedroom townhouse on Old
Farm Rd. Currently 3 uni students (2 guys, 1 girl), 4th flatmate moving out as finishing uni. Sunny, spacious room, big wardrobe, fits queen bed no worries, plenty of parking, close to uni. Bonuses include heat pump & dishwasher! $115 per week for rent, phone, power and broadband. Can cook with other flatties or separately. If you’re interested ring 834 2494 or txt 027 328 0813. “To rent: Outside self contained studio, small, fully furnished, own cooking facilities, independent from house. Shower, bath and toilet inside house (close to room) Suitable for one person only. In Ham East beside river. Short walk to town and university. Quiet area, suit mature student who wishes a quiet environment to complete their studies. someone who likes cats. Off street parking Price: inclusive of room, power, $115.00pw with wireless & tele $125.00pw Contact: Jenny 021403308” Your flat < Average? Welcome to my soon to be ex-flat. Aurora Tce. Avail 18th June til Dec 6th 09. Can nego. move-in date. Off st parking. Garage + other lockable shed. Tidy flat which gets a bit on the wild side (mainly wknds). Exising flatmates, 2 of ea. sex 21-22. Siamese cat, Pancakes. Landlord allowed a duck, so other odd pets maybe allowed. Lockable room. No couples. Good set up, just need own stuff. Im keen to donate you my bed (not yet christened). $100 incl rent, power, ph, wireless, flat basics. Ph 8565614. Laza.
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ESSENCE OF ANNOYING BOGANOLOGY author: Burton C Bogan
This week’s column was almost not by Blair Munro.
Burton’s Inner Child
First things first: I HATE THE INTERNET. This column, dear readers, is being written at the absolute last minute, and probably won’t even make it in on time, because the Internet is a pussy-ass bitch, who has crossed the final line, and is on my list of things to destroy, along with every trading card game, coin collection, and wooden spoon that was ever used to beat my adolescent ass.
So last fortnight I talked about the animalistic side of metal, so let’s talk about the immature side. A Metal documentary I’ve got said that Metallers still have that 15 year old kid in them. I have to agree - there’s a lot of immaturity in there. We wear T- shirts with post-apocalyptic cartoon nightmares on them, we get pissed and do dumb shit and just the other day I was in a bus going past a Dick Smith billboard that read “Dick never sleeps” and cracked up (I also chuckled at “Get high in
I’m mad, folks. As one of the back-page Nexus contributors, I’m expected to write a column every week or so, and it has to be good, to uphold the rag’s reputation. I seldom had a problem with this, but for some reason, this time I ganked it up.
Rotorua” and smirked in a WSU meeting when someone said “Ream”). Don’t get me wrong there’s a lot of serious stuff too, songs about capital punishment, political crises and depression. But the Metallers and Bogans themselves are pretty hard case, let’s just forget about those Metallers that spell Grim with a Y and sing about the eternal bleakness of winter. Most of us listen to Metal cause its entertaining and don’t take the world too seriously. That’s why some of these psychology journals are amusing when they
I don’t have the Internet at my dingy little flat. I am living a rather Spartan existence. My television does not get reception, so it stays in the living room only as decoration, and a place to put my beer. I have read
I’m expected to write a column every week or so, and it has to be good, to uphold the rag’s reputation. I seldom had a problem with this, but for some reason, this time I ganked it up all the books I have at least twice over, and there’s hardly ever food. I have crazy neighbours, who yell at all hours of the morning (often to themselves), and swear more than a priest who gets ratted out by an altar boy. This wouldn’t be so bad were I online occasionally, but I have no net access. No Facebook, no Hotmail, no Internet banking, no YouTube, nothing. This also means that I can’t check my emails every day, to find out that the column I was supposed to have written by last week is now due, and I am making people mad. Hulk must still do tax returns. So I hate the Internet. If I had email, and the damn Google calendar thing that tells me when to get off my ass and visit the typewriter room full of trained monkeys worked, I wouldn’t be in this mess, and you’d have a decent column to read, instead of this filler crap that will hopefully end soon. And I hate the Microsoft Word 2007 that I am using at the University library, because it is crap, and fiddly, and pissing me off in unbelievable fashion. Seriously, the author of Fight Club had the right idea, but he didn’t push the envelope far enough. He stopped at credit card companies, when he should have dropped a shit-ton of bombs on Microsoft and Google. I know this, and you know this, because Tyler knows this.
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“We wear T- shirts with post-apocalyptic cartoon nightmares on them, we get pissed and do dumb shit and just the other day I was in a bus going past a Dick Smith billboard that read “Dick never sleeps” and cracked up”
talk about literal lyrical translations or how lyrics are a reflection of the listener’s political values. I mean I listen to a D.I.C (greatest NZ band ever) song called “I fed your baby to my Doberman”. What political ideology is that? Destiny’s Church? Some songs I listen to are about my political views like Rage against the Machine and One Minute Silence – but come on I may be immature but I’m not THAT simple. Lately things have been pretty stressful for me and I guess I’ve lost sight of this immature side. But I’m getting it back – just the other week I had a half naked slap fight with someone over who had the gayest tattoos. I don’t know how that proves we’re heterosexual, maybe it doesn’t – but the point is as Bill Hicks said “The world is like a ride at an amusement park. It goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it’s very brightly coloured and it’s very loud and its fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: Is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, “Hey - don’t worry, don’t be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride”
UNCOMMON SENSE By DJ Lollee But what time is brunch? Now my flatmate knows I’m writing this column so there’s no passive aggressive flat awkwardness going on; she’ll laugh about it too if you ask her… I’m not one of these people that vents out my frustration to everyone other than the person I’m frustrated with; I’m a big girl now! Ah ‘common sense.’ I discovered last weekend that my definition of ‘sense’ and my flatmates were worlds apart; although both make sense….does that make sense? It’s Saturday morning. My flatmates and I have decided that having a ‘flat brunch’ on Saturday would be a good way to reconnect after passing each other like ships in the night for the past week… Plus we just really like pancakes. This particular Saturday, one of my flatmates has finally found, checked out and paid for an appropriate car (it’s so appropriate it even has cup holders for her Starbucks Caramel Macciatos!) and needs to go pick it up. Me on the other hand; I’m in bed. Trying to ignore the fact that I really need to pee when I get a text ‘gone to gym and to pick up my car; back later for brunch’… Sweet. Oh and I need to mention that subconsciously, (up until today anyway), “brunch” at 10.30 makes sense in my mind… I don’t know why; it’s just always been the case that the times I’ve done brunch has been around this time… So I finally get the stamina to get out of bed. But alas; 10.30 comes; she’s still not home. 11; nope. 11.20 she walks in the door and into what feels like the longest shower in history (it wasn’t in hindsight) and then starts to sifter thru the kitchen cupboards to see if we have enough ingredients to make pancake varieties; chocolate chip, banana, blueberry; whoever said flatting couldn’t be gourmet? So Saturday is typically a lazy day. However there are some Saturdays when you just have lots of bits and pieces to do, places to be and people to see…. This just happens to be one of those Saturdays for me… By this time it’s 11.40…So I let her know that I’m going to the gym “but I thought we were having brunch” was her innocent, somewhat bewildered reply, “Well I thought so too” I snap, “but it’s like 11.30”…I start to explain… We talk. We forgive. It’s all good. It makes sense from her end; she had things to do. But it also makes sense from my end; I had things to do too, and if I had of known that ‘brunch’ was at 12 I could have organised my day around 12, not 10.30… I learn yet again that in flatting assumption is the mother of all stuff up’s. Well in the end we did have enough ingredients for chocolate chip pancakes, conversation was hilarious and brunch was fun… But next time when we hear the word ‘brunch’ we will know to clarify what time that actually is!?
SPORTS THOUGHTS by TERESA HATTAN
The sound of powerful V8 engines could be heard all over Hamilton when the 19 cars took to the track for the Hamilton 400. A double win for Whincup over the weekend saw the Ford driver move up to a perfect 600 [championship] points, followed not-so-closely by Lee Holdsworth (Garry Rogers Motorsport – Holden) on 498. The top Kiwi finisher for the weekend was Fabian Coulthard (5th on the Sunday and 5th overall) of Wilson Security Racing. Greg Murphy did not finish the race on the Saturday, but placed a credible 8th on the Sunday. Whincup’s win has said to have been made even more spectacular by the fact that he didn’t even race in last year’s event, due to a heavy qualifying crash which destroyed his car. The 26-year-old said in a press conference “considering last year I didn’t even start, both races this weekend were pretty amazing.” The rest of this column is a bit of a blender i.e a mixture of what’s generally been happening in the sporting world lately.
Rugby: I do believe I placed a curse on the Chiefs in my last column. After saying we were actually winning, our boys went and lost against the Bulls. We all knew it would be a close game, but with the Chiefs at the top of the table it would have been nice to be able to come away with a win. It wasn’t to be. After getting up at 4am I was disappointed with a half time score of 20-30 to the Bulls (I admit I only watched the second half, 3 am is far too early for a Sunday morning). With a final score of 27-33 to the Bulls we did enough to score a bonus point (for getting within 7) but before the game against the Stormers are now 3rd on the table. Big game against the Hurricanes on the 9th May at 7.35, hope you all have your tickets!
League: The Vodafone Warriors played the Melbourne Storm on Anzac day and almost came away with yet another golden point thriller. By the end of the 80 minuets the score was 14 all. Stacey Jones attempted another drop goal right on full time but it wasn’t to be, he was too far back and the ball went wayward. The end of the first 5 minutes of extra time resulted in ANOTHER attempted kick from Jones, basically right underneath the posts. How on earth did he miss that!? At the end of both sets of extra time the score was still 14 all, resulting in both the Warriors and the Storm gaining a point.
Netball: The Waikato Bay of Plenty Magic has recently beaten last year’s ANZ champs, the New South Wales Swifts 63-45. The girls then played the Queensland Firebirds, losing their first match of the series 53-42. The Magic are playing the Pulse on the 9th May at Mystery Creek, which is the same day the Chiefs play the Hurricanes at Waikato Stadium.
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MATURE CONTENT
GRANNY SMITH’S GUIDE
Hello again! So, back to the wonders of tertiary education. Did you all enjoy your school holidays? A MM student friend of mine said he was going to have some fun doing school holiday pranks. After all he’d been putting up with kids behaving badly during school holidays for over 30 years and now was his time to strike back! I thought, hmm.... I don’t think he would ever be offered a spot on ‘Men Behaving Badly’ as the best he could come up with was calling people in his phone list, asking them if they were on the line...then telling them to get off it because there was a train coming. Bit sad really, maybe it was the sugar rush bought on by
Hello, my little sprouty sprout sprouts! I see the days are getting ever shorter – another winter is upon us! Never fear! I’ve got some wonderful tips that will keep you burning the midnight oil until at least 11 pm – goodness, people go to bed late these days! Preserving goods is a skill lost to many since the Great Depression. Seeing as we appear to be headed into another one of those, I’m going to teach you how to do it all over again! You will need: • Rotten fruit, any kind (bananas and feijoas mix well) • A quart of sugar (if sugar is rationed, use salt)
all that chocolate at Easter. I did point out to him that he had 2 assignments to hand in the first week back after the break. He went pale and then a strange puce colour and started to shake. I think he was holding out for the essay fairy to come and write them for him. He had coped ok with the in class tests, even the multi choice questions didn’t faze him, but the thought of writing 2000 word essays on a topic, complete with references was making him fill his rompers. So I gave him a few pointers on writing essays;
• Half a cubit of vinegar • A microwave • Some steel wool • Some glass jars • A cauldron Simply take the rotten fruit and put it in the cauldron. Add the salt and vinegar, and mix well. Take this mixture and put it in the microwave. Sadly, these days many cauldrons do not fit in microwaves. If this is the case, with some minimal engineering skills you should be able to remove the microwave generator from the microwave. Wrap this in glad-wrap and add it to the mixture, then switch it on at the mains. If you do have a microwave that fits a cauldron, simply microwave the mixture for 80 minutes. Make sure you put the steel wool in the microwave first – it doesn’t do anything, except burn and spark rather entertainingly. I do like to make cooking fun! When the microwaving is done, remove the mixture and put it outside for a couple of days to cool. When the mixture is cool, fill the glass jars to the brim with it – make sure no space is wasted! Then, weld some lids on to them, and pop them in the freezer. That’s all there is to it! Making your own electric blanket is a fun project and is a great way to keep warm this winter while staying within the budget. Luckily, it’s easy! You will need: • An extension cord, about six feet in length • Some asbestos cloth (Unfortunately this wonderful material is a little hard to get these days, but it can often be found in abandoned buildings) • Glue All you need to do is take the extension cord, cut off the female end, and strip the plastic insulation off down to the wires with a pair of pliers. Separate the wires well, and put them between two layers of the asbestos cloth. You can use shop-bought glue or homemade to stick the two layers together – I use my own glue, made from fish oil and potato starch – and once this is done, put the electric blanket under your sheet, switch on, and hop into bed! You’ll be toasty in no time! For an added bonus, if you douse the bed in water first, you can enjoy sleeping in your very own steam sauna! That’s all for this week – good luck, poppets, and do enjoy my little projects! Next time, we will look at creating your very own organ farm.
By Vicky Cadd
• Essays are like meals, you can eat them easily by taking small bites at a time. • Write the essay question on a piece of paper and write several answers under it. • Read some text books, in particular the one your lecturer set. Use the index to find passages that deal with what you’re writing about. • Quote some of these text books, Lecturers love academic quotes, and remember to attach a reference list at the end of your essay. Check out the bibliography or reference page in said text books to see how to reference properly. • Remember to cite the book you quote in your essay, Lecturers hate it when you don’t – it’s called plagiarism and can get you into more crap than falling in to a sewerage tank. Write your essay in 3 parts, Introduction, Body and Conclusion and for god’s sake spell check the thing, Lecturers hate bad spelling. Oh and use a few $5 words, that will get you brownie points. • Finally and most importantly, remember who you’re writing for. Each Lecturer has their own pet loves and hates. Regurgitate back to them their own words but in your own words, give them what they want. Essays can be great fun unless you’re studying a dry ball subject that would put a hyperactive compulsive talker to sleep. They give you the opportunity to show off how much you know or don’t know as the case may be. You can even disagree with the Lecturer as long as you can support your argument, one of the few times you can get away with it! Next time - exams and picking more papers!
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What to do with daylight
Soldat
Reviewed by Antony Parnell They say the best things in life are free. With the likes of BitTorrent and The Pirate Bay around, that saying is truer than ever these days. Downloading seems a lot more tempting than shelling out the cash that we all seem to be lacking at the moment. But if you are morally opposed to pirated games, I have good news for you. Soldat is free, and it is damn good. Soldat has been around since 2002, so is by no means a new game. But despite its age, Soldat is an addictive and entertaining 2D run and gun shooter. The idea is that you control
simple platforming movement, however your soldier also has a jet pack, which gives him limited flying abilities. The jet pack is a huge part of Soldat, as it gives much more freedom to move around the map thus creating fast catand-mouse chases. Often you’ll be so focused on a gunfight somewhere you won’t even see the guy fly up behind you in a flash, exploding you with a grenade and carrying on with his business. The weapons system is simple but effective. There is unlimited ammo, but weapons are mostly defined by their reload time and
In addition to deathmatch, there are the standard multiplayer shooter modes (team deathmatch, capture the flag etc.). There are also some unique gameplay modes available, a current flat favourite being the Rambomatch. One player can hold the Rambo Bow, which is a one hit kill fast firing death machine. The other players need to kill that player and claim the bow for themselves. Simple concept, but it results in a maelstrom of exploding bodies and bullet fire as people scramble to get the bow. Many imaginative combinations of curse words have been heaved down the hallway of our
a 2D pixelated soldier, and the goal is usually to kill as many other soldiers as you can while minimising the amount you get destroyed. A basic idea indeed, but the simplicity is what makes it so accessible. Soldat is strictly a multiplayer game. You can play alone with bots but the true enjoyment is found in a busy online server or lan match. Movement is controlled with the keyboard, while aiming is controlled with the mouse. It’s
magazine capacity. The all powerful Barret will kill in one shot, but is slow to reload and has a pause before firing, demanding a steady mouse hand from the user. The MP5 can shred you from close range, but runs out quickly and is poor at distance. Then there are explosive weapons such as the grenade launcher, which is slow but a direct hit results in a glorious shower of body parts.
flat after someone finally gets the bow, only to receive a grenade to the face 2 seconds later. Soldat is by no means a new game and I have no doubt a lot of people are already well aware of its awesomeitude. But for those that aren’t, it’s a fantastic game with low system requirements meaning really anyone can play. And hey, it’s free. http://www.soldat.pl/en/
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Auteur House Presents: Jack Cardiff By Dr Richard Swainson
The best film I’ve seen all year is “A Matter of Life and Death”. Released in 1946, it marked an artistic high point in both the collaboration of writer/directors Michael Powell and Emeric Pressburger and British cinema in general. Set at the tail end of WWII its story of a RAF pilot pleading for his life in a celestial court has many of the trappings of Hollywood fantasies of the period but few of the cloying, sentimental excesses. Conceived and designed as a piece of propaganda to ease tensions between the United Kingdom and visiting American servicemen the execution transcends
the director of photography, was Jack Cardiff. Cardiff died a fortnight ago, aged 94. Active until almost the end of his life, Cardiff contributed commentary on most of the Powell and Pressburger DVD releases of the last few years. A camera operator on their 1943 film “The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp” he was promoted to the top job on “A Matter of Life and Death” and subsequently won an Oscar for his brilliant colour work on “Black Narcissus” (1947), a movie whose technical challenges were considerable given that it was set in the Himalayas but shot entirely in a London studio.
this agenda, taking on big questions about love, mortality and fate in a quirky, uniquely British manner. Not the least of “A Matter of Life and Death”’s strengths is its cinematography. Michael Powell always resisted doing the obvious so rather than following the likes of “The Wizard of Oz” by rendering his after life in colour and ‘reality’ in black and white he insisted on the opposite. The man he charged with this task,
Other career highlights for Cardiff as a cinematographer include Powell & Pressburger’s masterpiece “The Red Shoes” (1948), Alfred Hitchcock’s underrated “Under Capricorn” (1949), Joseph L Mankiewicz’s “The Barefoot Contessa” (1954), and a miraculous example of technicolour photography in the most arduous of locations, John Huston’s “The African Queen” (1951). Cardiff was also,
allegedly, Marilyn Monroe’s favourite director of photography, establishing a rapport with the often grumpy goddess during filming of the Laurence Olivier directed play adaptation “The Prince and the Showgirl” (1957). Of course as a working professional Cardiff’s credits also include a lot of crap. It is a depressing thought that his special talent was employed to shoot the likes of “The Wicked Lady” (1983), “Conan The Destroyer” (1984) and, most disgracefully, “Rambo: First Blood, Part II” (1985). History does not record whether Sly Stallone held Cardiff in the same high esteem as the divine Marilyn. Cardiff also dabbled in direction, co-helming John Ford’s last decent film “Young Cassidy” (1965) and having a cult hit with the psychedelic Marianne Faithful vehicle “Girl on a Motorcycle” (1968). His most distinguished effort as a filmmaker was “Sons and Lovers” (1960), a moody, atmospheric DH Lawrence adaptation that gets closer to spirit of the great writer than any other.
Movie review: Dragonball Evolution Directed by James Wong
I know it’s generally not considered kosher to sum up a movie at the start of a review, but Dragonball Evolution blows. The plot, if you can call it that, revolves around one Son Goku. If you don’t know who Goku is, then you probably have no reason to see this movie. Goku is, according to this movie, a typical dorky teenager, who doesn’t fit in with the “cool kids” This is shown in the opening fight scene, with the typical jocks telling Goku to get the fuck out of their party, even though he was invited. After a soulrousing scene showing Goku deciding that he would no longer be pushed around, he goes on to simultaneously kick all their asses, or something. By this point in the movie, I had already lost interest, because of the shitty acting, shitty storyline and shitty, clichéd characters. Basically, the movie is about some fucking green goblin thing, called Piccolo, who is trying to destroy (for some reason) the world, after he inexplicably escaped from an inescapable void he was put in 2000 years ago by some old Chinese monks. The reason I am giving such a vague review of this movie, is
Reviewed by Todd Cantley
because one of the biggest flaws of Dragonball is its lack of a coherent story. Dragonball says “fuck convention,” and does away with a story, character development and even common sense. Now you may be thinking, “What the shit do you expect?” It’s based off Dragonball, it doesn’t need common sense. The way I saw it, Dragonball quite nicely explained the backgrounds of the characters, and their motives. Piccolo looks like a reject from a straight to video Power Rangers movie. He (for reasons that are never explained) flies around with his inexplicable female sidekick in a giant mechanical blimp, and destroys lakes to find Dragonballs, which are never explained properly. He wants to end the world with the powers of Shenlong, a big fuck off dragon that comes out of the Dragonballs. Why the hell he bothers when he can easily destroy the world with one Ki blast is not addressed. Needless to say, Goku ruins his shit in a fight scene so anticlimactic, it makes my flatmate’s sexual health check look like a fucking fireworks show
The actors in Dragonball are one of its shittiest features. Goku is played by the one Justin Chatwin, who looks like a cross between Frodo Baggins and Shia Le Beouf. In the anime he was the hardest bastard in the universe. Chatwin sees fit to play him as a scrawny teenager. Goku looks like he is about to cry in every scene, even when he transforms into a giant fucking monkey (seriously.) They even managed to make Emmy Rossum look ugly, despite the multiple gratuitous cleavage shots which are clearly designed to give the tweenage boy target market stiffies. I walked out of the movie feeling like I had been paid to get raped. The plot is nonexistent, the characters are morons, and the fight scenes, which are the fucking selling point of the Dragonball franchise, either look like a PS2 game, due to the craptacular CG used in this movie, or they are over faster than me on a Saturday night. Bukakke in Sudan would be more fun than watching this shitshow of a movie again. It might be enjoyable as a drinking game, but otherwise, avoid like the plague.
DVD: Hamlet 2 Directed by Andy Fleming
Reviewed by vitaminC
When the drama department faces closure due to budget cuts, former small-time actor turned high-school drama teacher Dana Marschz must stage the show of a life-time to save drama class. If this sounds a little overdone, well… no shit, but the details in Hamlet 2 are what makes the piece. To start with, aforementioned ex-alcholic nut-bar drama teacher with daddy issues is portrayed by the one and only Steve Coogan. Coogan still seems fresh even though he’s been in a few movies now, and he brings believability to the zany thespian character.
who is trying to get pregnant, and the simple boarder who lives in their house and takes her abuse, played in a great turn by David Arquette. At one point Marschz approaches a nurse, telling her how much she looks like Elizabeth Shue, only for her to tell him that she
The film openly riffs on the ‘teacher inspires a class of misfits’ trope, as Marschz leaps on the opportunity to bring the arts to packed class of mostly Mexican students, alongside the drama regulars, who get to play teachers pet. The ensemble of students are very well realised, if not particularly developed, and the stereotypes and clichés are played with cleverly. The supporting cast also contribute well, especially Marschzs’ hard-bitten wife
is Elizabeth Shue, having given up acting to help people as a nurse. Having being invited to speak to the drama class, she spends the rest of the movie delivering some pretty heavy self deprecating comedy. She really epitomises the mood of the film; that of taking a look at theatre and acting and realising it is pretty shit sometimes, but at least you can laugh at it. Having been a high-school drama student myself, there were a few resonant notes in the movie.
Finally, of course, the play’s the thing. Marschz is haunted by the memory of his father, who we never see or hear, but are lead to assume was critical of his sons love of the arts. Marschz attempts to deal with his issues by writing a musical. The script, titled Hamlet 2, tells the story of Hamlet, who (after the events of Shakespeare’s Hamlet) uses a time machine to visit the future, meet Jesus, and prevent the tragedies of the first play occurring. We don’t get to see the whole play since the focus is mainly on the audience reaction, but highlights include the musical number ‘Rock Me, Sexy Jesus’, with backup singing by the Tucson Gay Men’s Chorus, as well as the early number ‘Raped In The Face’, featuring Einstein. If this humour seems a little familiar, one of the writers is Pam Brady of South Park fame. Overall the film is quite enjoyable and entertaining, if not particularly memorable. Clever but not cerebral. It seems to be ripping on Christians, Jews, Latinos, and gays, but that’s the joke. It’s engrossing, witty, shallow and stupid; it’s theatre.
Book Review: Isle of Tears WRITTEN BY Deborah Challinor
PUBLISHED by HarperCollins
Reviewed by Penny Wilson Historical Fiction. For me the term conjures visions of heaving bosoms and harrumphing into high collars, usually set in Europe, where the women are either virtuous innocent maidens or knowing minxes and the men are either Darcy-esque or total bounders, with dialogue running the gamut from “My rapier is ready to strike, you cad!” to “OO, don’t shaft me, sir!”. Thankfully, Deborah Challinor, one of New Zealand’s best-selling practitioners of the genre, provides an excellent deviation from these themes. Isle of Tears is set in Taranaki during the 1850s-1860s and tells the tumultuous tale of Isla McKinnon, daughter of Scottish immigrants who are brutally murdered at the outbreak of war. After Isla and her siblings are taken in by local Maori, Isla takes a husband within the tribe and adopts Maori ways - a situation that grows perilous when tensions between Maori and British colonialists erupt into violent battle. The war sees Isla lose
her husband and family and placed against her will into Auckland society in a cultural clash which demands she choose her side and stand by it…come what may. Challinor delivers a tale rife with conflict: between societies; Maori and Pakeha; even families, creating an arresting juxtaposition to the enduring love story also at the book’s core. It is rare to read the work of an academic historian who both knows the facts and can retell them interestingly – and Challinor uses incidents such as the Battle of Gate Pa to convincing effect, delivering a tale rife with conflict: between societies; Maori and Pakeha; even families, creating an arresting juxtaposition to the enduring love story also at the book’s core. My one criticism is that the plot’s major twist is a little hard to swallow, but by that point in the story I accepted it out of eagerness to get to the next bit. Isle of Tears is a well-researched, immensely compelling story from a writer in her prime. Historians
will appreciate the graphic retelling of one of New Zealand’s’ darkest periods in history. Historical novel nuts will enjoy a breath of fresh air amongst all the post-Austen paradigms. Laypeople will enjoy the blood, guts, sex, death and romance. Challinor has got you all covered.
CITRIC: A look at the year ahead… Nick Johnston
Over the last few months I’ve really struggled to come across good new music. A lack of money hasn’t helped the scenario either as I’ve generally preferred to purchase albums on CD instead of downloading them. If anyone else has felt the same way though, never fear because there is a bumper crop of good music on the way over the next few months, no matter what your music taste is. Here are a couple of albums that should be interesting to check out when they arrive. Kasabian is set to return with their third album The West Ryder Pauper Lunatic Asylum. The first single won’t be out until the end of June, but you can check out an album track called Vlad the Impaler by searching on Youtube. Bizarre brit-pop mixed with electronica, with production by Dan the Automator. In late May, Manic Street Preachers will release their ninth studio album Journal for Plague Lovers. This features lyrics from Richey Edwards, the former band member who went
missing in 1995 and is presumed dead. This time around, the Manics team up with Steve Albini (produced Pixies-Surfer Rosa, Nirvana-In Utero) and features a much more raw, back-tobasics sound. The first single Peeled Apples can be heard on Youtube. Marilyn Manson is back with his seventh album The High End of Low. This album marks the return of Twiggy Ramerez, who was the guitarist and songwriter for much of Marilyn Manson’s classic albums, Mechanical Animals and Holywood. It is rumoured to feature guest appearances from Kerry King (Slayer), James Iha (former Smashing Pumpkins) and Nick Zinner (Yeah Yeah Yeahs). Horehound is the first album to be released by The Dead Weather, the new alt-rock supergroup featuring Alison Mosshart (The Kills) on vocals, Dean Fertita (Queens of the Stone Age) on guitar, Jack Lawrence (The Raconteurs) on bass and Jack White (White Stripes) on drums. If you’re not sold on this
combo just yet try listening to the single Hang You from the Heavens on Youtube, you won’t regret it! Only a year and a half after The Mars Volta released The Bedlam in Goliath, they are set to release their fifth album Octahedron. It has been described by the band as their interpretation of an ‘acoustic album’. Whether or not it is actually acoustic remains to be seen, but we shall find out when it is released in June. Wilco (the band) will release their seventh album Wilco (The Album), featuring Wilco (The Song). The album was recorded in Neil Finn’s Roundhead Studios in Auckland as well as a duet with Canadian indie folk singer Feist. We can also expect new music soon from the following musicians/bands: Peaches, Iron & Wine, Tori Amos, Phoenix, Eels, Beastie Boys, Placebo, Sonic Youth, Muse, U2, Hatebreed, Gallows and Green Day. We’ll keep you updated as soon as there are some more details available on some of the other releases.
ALBUM REVIEW
U2 - No Line on the Horizon The public opinion of U2 in this decade seems to be sharply divided. Even though they are still one of the world’s most popular bands in terms of sales, Bono’s overexposure in the media and his outspoken personality has left a lot of people completely sick of the band. It certainly does not help their case when they release songs like Elevation, with awful lyrical passages like “a mole, living in a hole, digging up my soul, going down, excavation”. Luckily for No Line on the Horizon, it is far more musically ambitious than the painfully mindnumbing All That You Can Leave Behind and the flawed How To Dismantle an Atomic Bomb. This is the first U2 release I’ve heard in a very long time that sounds like a proper album as opposed to a collection of adult-contemporary FM singles slapped together. The real star of the show right from the beginning to the very end is Brian Eno. The textual use of subtle synthesisors and organs give the whole album an epic, sweeping feel that was sorely missing from the last few releases. Presumably these great mixes will not hold up so well on radio
or through laptop speakers, but this album sounds fantastic through a good stereo system or headphones. This album is weighted very differently to your typical U2 record. Generally the first half is single heavy (The Joshua Tree, How to Dismantle.. have their singles as tracks 1, 2 & 3), and then gets to the more subtle moodier songs for the remainder of the album. No Line on the Horizon starts with the more subtle tracks before really hitting its stride half way through. The more energetic songs seem to be musical tributes to Muse (Get On Your Boots), Led Zeppelin (Stand Up Comedy) to The White Stripes (Breathe). The Edge recently collaborated with Jack White and Jimmy Page on the documentary It Might Get Loud, and the influence of this encounter can be heard throughout the later tracks of the album. Two highlights of the album for me have to be Fez – Being Born and White as Snow. Both seem to capture a cold atmosphere that is also displayed in the bleak album art. But the best is saved for last: Cedars of Lebanon is a
beautifully brittle epilogue to the album and one of the best songs that they have written and produced in a very long time. Far more daring than its weak predecessors, this album shows that U2 still remains an important band capable of writing good music. Despite being rather unpopular with just about everyone under the age of 30 or so, a lot of people might end up liking this album if they actually tried it. It is patchy at the beginning but the second half is arguably the strongest collection of songs U2 have written since The Joshua Tree. Rating: 3.5/5
Comic Review This week we continue our look at the “After Watchmen, What’s Next,” comics, all of which are available at Mark One Comics and Games in Victoria Street, Hamilton. Check it out!
Superman: Red Son
Batman: The Killing Joke
Written by Mark Millar, art by Dave Johnson
Written by Alan Moore, art by Brian Bollard
Reviewed by Louise Blackstock
Reviewed by Louise Blackstock
In a different universe, Superman’s capsule lands in a small farm in the Soviet Union. No more truth, justice, and the American Way. He now fights for Stalin, socialism, and the international expansion of the Warsaw Pact! Thanks to superdickery.com, I always thought Superman was sexist cheese (except for Smallville, which had me interested for a couple of seasons). However, this book puts a fantastic twist on the concept by completely opposing everything Superman stands for. Now Lex Luthor is a genius scientist with a full head of curly red hair, married to the lovely Lois Luthor, who is still a journo at the Daily Planet. And yes, she does meet Superman. Do things happen? Pfffft. No lame romance here. Only awesome theories! Lana Lang’s hidden in there too, and you may also recognise a few other familiar characters (*cough* Wonder Woman *cough*). It has Russian Batman. He wears a furry hat. Knowledge of this time in history will help you get a few of the references and historical changes (Nixon getting assassinated instead of JFK, JFK married to a woman named Norma Jean, heh heh), but it’s not necessary in order to understand the story as a whole. There’s a few amusing lines in there, such as when Lex states that if Superman had landed in America, they would have been the best of friends. The ending is quite mind-boggling too. Was Superman created to inspire Lex Luthor, or vice versa? The changes this comic applies to history leave you thinking. Oh, and Stalin makes a few guest appearances, with his awesome mo’. Can’t beat that.
I haven’t read many Batman comics, but I heard about The Killing Joke long ago. It’s supposedly the comic which inspired the most recent (and most excellent) run of Batman movies. And I can see why: Heath Ledger’s evil Joker can’t even match up to the sadistic bastard/criminal genius that is the Joker in The Killing Joke. It’s pretty short, only about 46 pages, but has to be one of the creepiest things I’ve ever read. It backtracks into the Joker’s past, and gives an explanation as to why he’s so severely deranged, while examining the whole concept of sanity in general. Before his fall, he was exactly the kind of ordinary man that Batman protects. It’s fascinating to read about such a disturbing character, and watch him do his worst. He ropes Commissioner Gordon and his daughter Barbara into his sadistic world, trying to prove to Batman that anyone can go mad, once they realise that the whole world is a joke. The irony of the Joker’s life is painful, and it’s up to Batman to prove that justice and order is worth protecting. It’s been entirely re-coloured by Brian Bollard, and looks fantastic. There’s nothing quite so creepy as blood leaking from the Joker’s eyes. Also included is a bonus short written and drawn by the artist Brian Bollard, which examines a young man planning to be the next Mark David Chapman or Robert Ford, by assassinating his hero. Definitely another one for the creepy files, but well worth reading, especially if you’re a fan of The Dark Knight.
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Gig listings courtesy of Mammoth (mammothguide.net) and Hamilton Community Arts Council.
GIG GUIDE Are you an artist? Want people to come to your show? Then send your gigs to gigs@nexusmag.co.nz! 5 GIRLS WITH THE CLAP @ The Yot Club Raglan DOORS OPEN 9:30pm May2
Saturday 16 May
DICK DYNAMITE AND THE DOPPELGANGERS @ Ward Lane Ward Lane, Hamilton DOORS OPEN 10pm May 8
ANTAGONIST A.D ‘ CLOSER TO THE SUN’ NZ TOUR @ The Meteor 1 Victoria St HAMILTON CENTRAL DOORS OPEN 8pm May 23
RECLOOSE @ Flow 270 Victoria St HAMILTON CENTRAL DOORS OPEN 9:30pm May 9 Legendary dDub grace the stage at Flow Bar with their unique brand of roots/dub/rock, for a tiny $10 entry fee. Friday 15 May Drum & Bass fiends Optimus Gryme, MC Billy Fluid, and Grind play Flow Bar
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Kiwi metallers Burn the Scripture play Palladium Bar, free entry. Saturday 16 May
HAMILTON CIRCLE JERK @ Flow featuring the likes of Knights of the DUB Table, Dick Dynamite and the Doppelgangers, Sora Shima, The Deadly Deaths! 270 Victoria St HAMILTON CENTRAL DOORS OPEN 9pm May 23 Hamilton Film Society Screening
Manufactured Landscapes (Director: Jennifer Baichwal, Canada, 2006). A staggering, unconventional documentary that follows celebrated Canadian photographer Edward Burtynsky on a tour of Asia, where he trains his lens on monuments of colossal industrialisation such as China’s Three Gorges Dam Tue 5 May 2009 Cost: Full memberships $100 / $90 students/ unwaged and three film passes ($30) available Time: 8pm Where: Victoria Cinema, 690 Victoria Street, Hamilton Drawings that Disappear. Well-known Waikato artist Lisa Benson is to open an exhibition of her latest work at WINTEC’s RAMP Gallery on Wednesday 29th April at 5:30. The exhibition entitled ‘Still’ promises to be a dynamic installation, following on from Benson’s award winning work that has appeared and disappeared Wed 29 Apr 2009 - Wed 20 May 2009 Cost: Free Time: 12 - 4 pm M - F Where: RAMP Gallery, School of Media Arts, Gate 2, Collingwood Street, Hamilton
Gentlefolk of the wide Waikato! We desire your BUSTED pictures! It is rather easy! Simply email your pictures to busted@nexusmag.co.nz , or PXT to 021 235 8436. Show us your face! Shame your friends! Or you can (perhaps) take some Busted pictures for us! Email editor@nexusmag.co.nz for details!
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