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06 23 APRIL 2007


126145/WAI

Lion Nathan Graduate Program

YOUR DREAM JOB! Closing date for applications 1st June 2007 Coming to your university Career Fair www.lion-graduates.co.nz

LION

N AT H A N


Loads of great submissions for this week, unfortunately we couldn’t fit them all on the one page but if you visit this web page here http://www.nexusmag.co.nz/forum/viewtopic.php?p=5797 you’ll be able to see all of the entries. Next week’s theme will be “Failed childrens’ shows”. Campus Pharmacy has offered a $20 gift voucher to the one deemed by Nexus judges to be the best of the bunch. Work your photo manipulation magic and win some free credit! Send ‘em in before 5PM Thurs, 26 April.

“Wild Hogs” by Beholder

“Borat” by Jensen_ggohdin

“You Got Served” by Vitamin A

This Week’s Winner: dj_llirk wins a $20 voucher to Campus Pharmacy. Come up to the Nexus office and we’ll work out the details.



“Drakes on a Plain” by Vitamin C

“Spiderman 3” by Josh

“Groundhog Day” by dj_llirik

ISSUE 7 23 APRIL 2007

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ


METAL UP YOUR CAMPUS

WORLD WAR IV, BLACKTOOTH & CARNAGE ON BLACK FRIDAY Reviewed By Burton C Bogan

What happens when you mix television cameras, three awesome bands and a very drunk Burton? Probably one of the best parties I’ve ever been to. I know it’s a bit crappy me reviewing my own gig but what the hell? The story is that 20/20 were doing this segment on Heavy Metal and because Hamilton is Bogan central they came here. So Night Visions, Sic Magazine & the Axe Attack decided to form an unholy alliance and throw a party to promote some local bands. We only had a weeks notice so it was thrown together at the last minute. But boy did we have fun. I have blurred recollections but that’s cool. First off I was mic’d for sound which was a very weird experience. I’m sure the camera crew heard me discussing politics in a very dignified manner…yeah right. Also several jokes at my own expense, including referring to my thin body shape as “my girlish figure”. Blacktooth opened and as always were absolutely amazing, its rare that you see the opening band getting people up to mosh and the whole band always looks like they’re having fun. Mad moshing ensued to the their cover of Pantera’s Domination. Next was World War IV, the classic warhorses of metal, fronted by Paul Martin. It was awesome to hear classix songs like DHP and Liar Liar. Finally there was Carnage, another hard working band that always gets the crowd moshing. A floor show was also provided when a skinhead didn’t know the real name to a Sepultura cover. I’m sure he was exiled by his mates for that. Everyone had a great time and it was a real novelty to have the cameras there interviewing people about tattoos and head-banging techniques. Big thanks to WSU, Sic Magazine, The Axe Attack & Scott Sound for all your help. And of course to all the Metallers, Bogans, Goths & Metal curious people who came along and had an awesome time.

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

ISSUE 7 23 APRIL 2007




EDITOR: ROZ CASE (nexus@waikato.ac.nz) DESIGN: MATT SCHEURICH (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz) ADVERTISING: TONY ARKELL (Phone 021 176 6180) NEWS ED: JOSH DRUMMOND (news@nexus-npl.co.nz) BOOKS ED: BRIE JESSEN MUSIC ED: CAPTAIN AHAB (htownahab@gmail.com) GLORIOUS KONTRIBUTORS: ANDREW NEAL, BURTON C. BOGAN, BLAIR NICHOLSON, GARY OLIVER, SPECIAL K, VITAMIN C, JOSEPH ROSS, ISA, ROZ, MATT, JOSH, PETRA JANE, JOE CITIZEN, RICHARD SWAINSON, BOULANGER, AJ ELLIOT, ADAM SMITH, WSU. NO THANKS TO MIKE MILLER. VISIT US ONLINE @ nexusmag.co.nz AND myspace.com/nexusmagazine

Features

16 Nexus Communist Party Manifesto

17 Indicators that Nexus is just commie propaghanda 18 People’s Party of Aotearoa 20 Did Communism get a bad rap? 20 Sex, drugs and the communist parties

5 Metal up your campus – Gig review 27 Uni Games 2007 Diary – Event report 25 Student Ball 2007 – Upcoming event

8-13 Bogan studies, Balloons in

Waikato, Gonorrhoea, Students easy pickin’, 48 hours, Haiku news

regulars 04 07 14 22 25 28 29 30 31 31 32 32

THE VIEWS EXPESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, WSU OR APN. WANT TO ADVERTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL nexus@waikato.ac.nz OR PHONE 838 4653. OR VISIT www.nexusmag.co.nz/advertising-info NEXUS IS LOCATED AT GROUND FLOOR, STUDENT UNION BUILDING, GATE ONE, UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO, KNIGHTON ROAD, HAMILTON.

articles

news

NEXUS IS PART OF THE COMMUNIST COLLECTIVE KNOWN AS THE AOTEAROA STUDENT PRESS ASSOCIATION (ASPA).

Photochop Challenge Editorial Lettuce WSU columns Notices Puzzles Horoscopes Comics Weird Facts $3 Chef Third Eye in the Sky Boganology

33 33 34 34 35 35 36 36 37 38 39

Sports Thoughts Walkthrough Vitalisa static void main() Agony Art Los Libros Citric Gig Guide Books Films Arts

PHONE: FAX: EMAIL: POSTAL:

07 838 4653 07 838 4588 nexus@waikato.ac.nz PRIVATE BAG 3059, HAMILTON


As dkasl Nexus asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsf dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh akjhf gyiu huigdv mugut yfg As dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh a As dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d gives alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfd dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh a As dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh a As dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh a As dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja praise a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh a As dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh a As dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh a As dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh a As dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d to alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflk fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh a As dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh a As dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh a As dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh a WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

As dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh a As dkasl the d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh a As dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh a As dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh aAs dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a almighty s dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh a As dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh aAs dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf union wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh aAs dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh a As dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh aAs dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh aAs dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja and z a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh a As dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ surrenders qw a

fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw born g’ a;sjhd qw adfh aAs dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh a As dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkas to fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh aAs dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s glorious adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh aAs dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj Waikato fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw adfh a As dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ republic qw adfAs dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf We think we did pretty well and won’t be censored all that much.

Nexus Cover Art WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ/COVERART

Artist: Sean

Lipidis

www.flickr.com/photos/seanlipidis

As dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj first dflkasjdf fksd wer’ asdlkf ropo sdfkja mvnz a;kldpw ;lkah g’ a;sjhd qw aAs dkasl asl;kdfj;alsk d ;alksdjf alskj s a;slkdjf a adsfsadfas dfjhsf aklsfdjlaksj dflkasjdf ISSUE 7 23 APRIL 2007

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7


NEXUS MINISTRY OF

TRUTHFUL FACTS ABOUT REAL STUFF AKA ‘THE NEWS’

Research to commence into lifecycle of Boganus Maximus BY JOSHUA DRUMMOND Dave Snell says he has achieved his life’s dream – getting a $96, 000 doctoral scholarship and pissing off the National Party at the same time. But he didn’t expect his humble aspirations to kick off a media frenzy. “It’s been bizarre,” said Snell. “Like watching someone else’s life.” Snell, better known to Nexus readers as popular contributor Burton C. Bogan, recently received one of 50 Top Achiever Scholarships for his doctoral topic; “The Everyday Life of Bogans: Identity and Community Among Heavy Metal Fans.” News of the scholarships immediately received attention from plenty of local media outlets, including Nexus. But Snell’s stood out, drawing the ire of the MP for Port Waikato, National’s Paul Hutchison. “I will wait with bated breath to see how it transforms the New Zealand economy,” Hutchison sneered on National Radio after the news broke. Predictably, the attention from the National MP caused media attention to skyrocket. The story ran in the Waikato Times, the Sunday

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To really ice “Burton’s” bogan cake, 20/20 offered to film a segment on him for an upcoming show. Snell saw an opportunity, and set up a metal gig for the crew to film on the Waikato University campus. The gig, appropriately scheduled for Friday the

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Star-Times, the New Zealand Herald, and was widely picked up by international media on the AFP news wire. British, Australian and American national newspapers took on the story, as did the BBC. At the time of writing, the story had been seen in the media of countries as disparate as South Africa, France and Malaysia. Back in New Zealand, the story only got bigger – 3 News ran an item, and radio stations like The Rock began calling Snell in earnest. Even Contact FM, the University of Waikato student radio station, got off their arses and had Snell in for an interview. The blogosphere lit up, with people posting typically ill-informed opinions to messageboards practically as soon as the news broke. “Why does a $96k taxpayer funded study concentrate on a word that is not in the Collins English Dictionary?” bleated one poster on David Farrar’s Kiwiblog. “I think I realised how big it was when the BBC called wanting to do a story, and people started texting in that my story was being run in France,” Snell said.

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13th, attracted over a hundred metal fans to cavort for the TV crew in front of bands Carnage, Blacktooth & World War 4. The gig also (perhaps inevitably) attracted a group of “dickhead” skinheads, who proceeded to start fights and caused the police to be called. Apart from some minor skirmishes with said skinheads, the event was a “wicked gig,” according to Snell and several punters spoken to by Nexus. All the attention hasn’t put Snell off his doctorate – in fact, it’s had the opposite effect. “It’s weird having my scholarship and bogans being talked about like this world-wide, but I think it’s awesome and the fact that that people are talking about it – both the positives and negatives – shows that it is really worth doing. It’s got a lot of people interested and contacting me, wanting to take part, so it’s definitely worth it,” Snell said. But he admitted he was glad to see the frenzy dying down, giving him time to get to work. “I haven’t been able to do any real work on [the doctorate] yet,” Snell said. “I had a go yesterday, and couldn’t manage to get anything down for about two hours.” He laughs. “I had to crank up the metal to get me focused.”

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We’re taking a pub to London by boat. Thing is, we need some help getting it there. James has put his hand up to deliver

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so months to spare,


NEXUS MINISTRY OF TRUTHFUL FACTS ABOUT REAL STUFF

Balloons over Waikato By Andrew Neal The threat of bad weather and even a postponement did not stop tens of thousands of people turning up to the “Balloons over Waikato Night Glow” event last Sunday night on the University fields. The event, which was shifted to the University from the Lake Street venue where it was held in previous years, was a huge success and featured rides, fireworks, live music, and of course, hot air balloons in a carnival atmosphere, The event began at around three in the afternoon on Sunday after being

postponed from its original date of Saturday due to the threat of bad weather, which thankfully, held off long enough for the festivities to be a major hit.

fish” and the move was made because the University fields offered a lot more space.

The sheer size of the crowds that descended on the University grounds could be easily seen by the sheer volume of cars parked down Ruakura road. The event was a hit with students and families alike with one mother of two saying that the “balloons were fantastic” and her kids were “really, really excited.” A Waikato student said the event was “heaps better than last year”

There were plenty of food stalls and music from “The Sound Workshop” and the Wai Taiko drummers kept people entertained before around fifteen balloons all lit up in spectacular display and ‘danced’ to music being pumped around the fields. Some were shaped like squirrels, one like a dog, but all were colourful and looked stunning against the dark Waikato night sky. The event was concluded with an enormous fireworks display which was choreographed, un-ironically, to Elton John’s “Rocket Man”.

The weather was real headache for organisers with some rain on Sunday afternoon causing tension. However, one said the new venue was “different kettle of

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ISSUE 7 23 APRIL 2007

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NEXUS MINISTRY OF TRUTHFUL FACTS ABOUT REAL STUFF

Gonorrhoea: You probably don’t want it BY Matt Russell - Chaff A recent survey conducted by the Auckland Sexual Health Service has revealed some unnerving gonorrhoea statistics throughout the North Island, as well as an increasing prevalence in antibiotic-resistant cases. Published in the latest Medical Journal, the study notes that New Zealand has relatively high rates of the disease compared with other developed countries, with surveillance data showing a solid annual increase since 2001. Infection rates were shown to be particularly high among those under 25, and of Maori or Pacific ethnicity. In Auckland (which is scarily close to Hamilton) the rate was 45 cases per 100,000 people in the first quarter of 2006, almost double the 27 cases per 100,000 over the same period in 2001. In the Bay of Plenty, incidence rates over the same period rose from 14 to 38 per 100 000, and a similar increase was

recorded in Waikato. In the Manawatu, only 1 per cent of patients had gonorrhea in the first quarter of 2006, whereas in the last quarter 2.4 percent were diagnosed with the infection. Doctors Sunita Azariah and Nicky Perkins looked at patients diagnosed with the disease at their Auckland clinics between September 2003 and March 2004. Of those, 50 percent were under 25, with seven percent under 16. Maori and Pacific Island patients made up half of all cases. Eighty percent were exclusively heterosexual, and more than half (58 percent) never used condoms. Dr Perkins says that, since the majority of students are under twenty-five, they constitute a “high-risk” group in terms of STD infection. “Under 25s are statistically the least likely age group to be in permanent sexual relationships, and also the least likely to use condoms with new sexual partners. Students are by defintiotion high-risk.” Dr Perkins further stressed the importance of using condoms with new partners, and recommend that if couples decide to stop

using protection, they should wait until both partners have had STI checks. The study also highlighted that a third of the 204 gonorrhoea cases identified in Auckland were resistant to standard treatment with the antibiotic ciprofloxacin. Dr Helen Roberts, research manager for the Family Planning Association, said the increase in ciprofloxacin resistance was a major concern, as the alternative, ceftriaxone, was quite difficult to access. “If a ceftriaxone resistance develops – which is plausible considering the increasing infection rates we’re seeing – then we’ll really have a problem. Every drug we’ve used so far to combat gonorrhoea has become ineffective. The best way to fight it is through education about safe sexual practices.” Doctor Perkin’s says New Zealand needs to take a more “proactive approach” to sex education and current efforts to control and improve the situation needed to be reviewed and better coordinated.

When you’re a student, people nick your shit and try to kill you By Richard Bol A study released by the Ministry of Justice has found that students are heavily over-represented as victims of crime. The New Zealand Crime & Safety Survey 2006 followed 5,500 adults during 2005, documenting their experiences with all levels of criminal offending. The survey reveals that victimisation is concentrated amongst several interrelated groups, including students. While the study

found that 39% of all participants suffered at least one incident of victimisation during the survey period, 59% of students were victimised, making them the second most at-risk social group. Solo parents with children were most at-risk, with 60% being victims during 2005. A leader of the survey, Pat Mayhew of Victoria University’s Crime and Justice Research Centre, puts students’ high rates of victimisation down to a combination of lifestyle and particular housing situations. “[Students] are young, and young people, generally, are more vulnerable. They can live often in cheaper rented property which isn’t well secured, they have lots of hi-fi’s and i-Pods, which people like to steal.”

Mayhew explains the student figures as a result of many students also belonging to other atrisk categories. “There are lots of overlapping groups. Flatmates are high risk, and students are often flatmates. I don’t think it’s being a student per se, it’s just that students have a young lifestyle and tend to have particular kinds of housing and accommodation.” The report also found that 6% of adults suffered half the number of offences committed, and that 40% of offences were not considered to be a crime by the victim, in spite of fitting the legal definition.

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11


NEXUS MINISTRY OF TRUTHFUL FACTS ABOUT REAL STUFF

University environmentalists converge to preserve Wellington’s godawful weather Fifty university students from across NZ converged on Wellington this Easter weekend for the first annual Aotearoa Students Environmental Conference. This was the largest gathering of its kind in New Zealand’s university student environmental movement. It bought together students from seven campuses from Auckland to Dunedin to discuss environmental issues affecting our communities. “By coming together in this forum our groups can be more effective in creating pro-environmental change” said Tushara Kodikara, Environmental Officer for Victoria University of Wellington Student Association. A key outcome was the establishment of Students of Aotearoa Network for the Environment (SANE). SANE will promote and campaign for greater sustainability in universities and communities across New Zealand by providing a nation-wide forum for student networking and sharing of resources. “This is a big step in the student environmental movement” said Tushara Kodikara. Climate change emerged as the most significant issue for students at the conference. This concern has been supported by the recent release of the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change’s (IPCC) Fourth Assessment Report documenting the real human influence on our climate system. Climate change will be a key focus of SANE’s lobbying and campaigning this year. “Climate change is a hugely important environmental issue faced by youth today – and we have the power to do something about it” said Stephanie Versteeg of Victoria University. The two-day conference contained workshops on campaigning, lobbying, dealing with the media and Non-Violent Direct Action (NVDA). There were speakers covering topics such as climate change and environmentally-focussed research. Sunday was a strategic planning session for the new network to prepare for the coming year of campaigns and lobbying. “There was a great turnout demonstrating the importance of environmental issues to young New Zealanders” said Stephanie.

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Government tries to bugger up the tertiary system again Implementation of the government’s tertiary education reforms has begun in earnest with the release of the document that will guide the future direction and development of New Zealand’s tertiary education sector. The Tertiary Education Commission’s (TEC’s) Investment Guidance is a principal tool in the implementation of the reforms. It lays out what is expected of universities, polytechnics, wananga, industry training organisations, private training establishments, ACE providers, and other tertiary education providers, particularly over the next three years. TEC Chief Executive Janice Shiner said the reforms will ensure tertiary education in New Zealand has a longer term focus, is centred on student success, and delivers for a wider range of groups. “Under the new system, tertiary education organisations have new responsibilities to accurately understand the education and training needs of students, business, industry and different community groups, and respond to those needs appropriately. “The new system will align the government’s investment with the education and training that will benefit these groups – either directly or indirectly. It signals a clear shift away from student enrolment numbers as the primary funding driver, and in doing so, will ensure that government money is spent more wisely and the public’s confidence in the tertiary education sector is improved.” In developing policy to support the reforms, the TEC has consulted widely with the tertiary education sector and its many stakeholders. “All of that consultation has helped us put in place tools and processes that we are confident will help tertiary education organisations deliver on the reforms and improve the quality, relevance and value for money of the education and training on offer in New Zealand,” said Ms Shiner. “A key feature of the new system is the focus on educational outcomes and how the new system supports that and the sustainability of the tertiary education system as a whole. Collaboration between organisations is the new way of working, with the government taking a whole of sector view in its investment decisions.” This week the TEC has commenced a series of workshops throughout the country to go over the detail of the Investment Guidance with the sector.

ISSUE 7 23 APRIL 2007

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ


NEXUS MINISTRY OF TRUTHFUL FACTS ABOUT REAL STUFF

Haiku News

By Drummond-san & Scheurbert-san

Boy who killed two in stolen car gets three months

Poll suggests National widening lead against Labour

Boy goes on rampage With a stolen car Kills two people, gets three months.

National widen the gap The next election They’ll lay the smack down.

NZ dollar reaches record high

I’ve got a cold

Dollar reaches record high, so do methamphetamine importers.

My nose and eyes are dripping like a leaky tap Stupid viruses.

Arrests after attack on boy posted on YouTube

Communism

Morons get arrested: They posted their fight On a popular site.

Your Views: What has gone wrong with rugby? Rugby’s easy to fix Just get rid of the ball And bring back the biff.

Capitalism Is only for the fascists Pssst! Spare some change sir?

All hail our glorius state I love this country Because if I didn’t... well I would get the bash

Brethren disown political ‘secret seven’

Equality for all! Rich get the money whilst poor get the poverty. Even split, eh? That’s equal, right?!

They’re out by default Get too political: Get kicked out of the cult.

What a freakin’ gyp I got no money for bread Want to buy a kid?

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE The ‘V’ 48HOURS - Furious Filmmaking is the Southern Hemisphere’s largest filmmaking challenge and it’s back for more excitement and chaos in 2007. So drop what you’re doing and start calling in all your friends and favours - this could be your chance towards fame and fortune. Or at the very least, one memorable weekend. And all you have to do is create an entire short film from scratch in less than 48 hours - or die trying. The shoot Weekend is on May 1820 and registration finishes early May. Over six thousand people will participate this year with their short films shown in cinemas throughout New Zealand. The winning shorts from each city will finally compete against Peter Jackson’s Wildcard picks on Live Television (C4) and one film will be crowned Grand National Winner 2007. This year the competition invades Tairawhiti/East Coast (Gisborne, Wairoa, Napier, Hastings) so filmmakers there can compete against Auckland, Hamilton, Wellington, Christchurch and Dunedin in an all out national movie battle. Prizes include; an indecent amount of V, Panasonic’s HD AGHVX202 HD and AG-DVX102 cameras, mammoth cash grants from Wingnut Films and New Zealand Film Commission, Sony F900R and Panasonic Varicam cinema kits from Rocket Rentals, Post-Production services from Park Road Post and Images & Sound, Stella Scholarship from Stella Artois, Ultimate LOOP CD/DVD collection, and a thrilling experience courtesy of Instant Kiwi and more. Registration, for this year has opened and already cities are filling up in a fury. Go to www.48hours.co.nz to ensure you don’t miss your chance. WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

ISSUE 7 23 APRIL 2007

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Lettuce

Lettuce policy

Nexus loves it when you give it some attention via the Lettuce page. We want to hear about your thoughts, views and opinions on anything so don’t be afraid to put down your words and send them to nexus@waikato.ac.nz. We’d appreciate the letters before Tuesday 5 PM but you’re more than welcome to send letters whenever you’d like. The best letter will win a $5 Voucher from Campus Kiosk, located at the Cowshed.

Nexus welcomes your letters and encourages debate through the lettuce page, just keep it under 250 words. Letters must be received by 5 PM Tuesday, no later. Letters may be edited for sense, length and/or legal reasons. Psuedonyms are welcome but you must also include your real name and contact details (don’t worry, they won’t be printed). We discourage the use of psuedonyms on serious letters.

Letter of the Week But where are the typos? Dear Editor, I’m curious as to what is happening with the local student radio station Contact 88.1 FM and what the WSU is doing in order to secure, the once official frequency, 89 FM. The reason why I bring it up now is that currently Hamilton seems to be in a lull with regards to amount of gigs on and gig goers attending, not to mention that, rumours abound, those holding the current frequency have broken certain rules that allowed them usage of it. I believe that a dedicated student radio station, that plays music that isn’t already being thrashed on other stations and with focus on local and national content, would be a great benefit to students and the music loving populace in Hamilton. I see Contact as being a vital part of

Munter Privacy at Stake Dear Lettuce We are writing as a collective group of very concerned G601 members in regard to “Munter Manners” published in Nexus on 26th March 2007, issue No. 5. In this letter we were holla’d at, and as we have no idea who you, the writer, are it is starting to irritate us like tight undies. We have decided that this invasion of our privacy is more of a crime than middle aged men dancing to “Achy Breaky Heart” whilst wearing jeans and denim jackets, this combo should be outlawed! Anyway, we would appreciate it if the Hollerer would identify them self so that our undies can feel far less tight (though I understand that tight undies may be particularly erotic for some members of the G Group...cough, cough, Bird), and so that we can sleep better at night, being able to yet again dream about the Chilly Peppers coming. If this person does not come forward, we will retaliate in the following ways; • We will release the midgets

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establishing student culture in Hamilton and also introducing non-commercial music to the masses. It might even inject some life into the local underground music scene and more bands will pop up to play to larger crowds. Regardless, I’d like to see more action taken part in retrieving the frequency so that the matter can finally be laid to rest, our local radio station can finally be classed as a bNet station (and receive government funding) and that we can all enjoy a great night out without having to resort to going to the chlamydia triangle and listening to the same retarded old music that constantly gets played. Please, do something about this WSU! For the moment, 88.1 FM is lacking in broadcasting range, advertising and volunteers (although the few they have

• Poo Man will miss his target • Bulb! • We will fire dance your ass... with handguns...on ice... • You will find that ‘G’ is no longer a part of your alphabet • Joy will streak and Grace will take her shoes off! • The purple monkey will hunt you out Trust us you don’t want any of this, so come forward... Holla back yo Hollerer! Signed, G601 for all, all for 1!!

Class Reps still repping hard for repping as long as the repping is representative of actual repping Dear Nexus, As a class rep, I find it interesting that a Student Rep on the academic board doesn’t have the courage to be able to speak up when and where they should. Alan King ISSUE 7 23 APRIL 2007

are doing their best) and the extra cash injection from the government funding would essentially be a great burst of life back into the radio station and student culture. For the moment, if people want to help out Contact in any way, go visit www. contactfm.co.nz and volunteer your services. If anyone needs any proof of successful student radio stations, listen to 95 bFM in Auckland (www.95bfm.co.nz), Radio Active in Wellington (www.radioactive.co.nz) and Radio One in Dunedin (www.r1.co.nz). There ain’t no time like the present, WSU! Regards, Matt Congrats Matt, you got LOTW! Except, you work for Nexus so no prize for you. Hah!

states “It occured to me to object at the time but I refrained, believing myself to be free to raise a point if I felt like it”. What kind of Rep are/were you! your job as a representive on the Acedemic board is to speak up on behalf of the students if you felt that something needed clarification why the hell did you not question it at the time. To wait and then bleat in Nexus is gutless, also you have heard... please I have heard your mother dresses you funny, doesn’t make it true or does it? Come on Mr King if you are going to Represent at least do it with style and don’t cry after the fact that when you were in a position to do or at least put your view across you didn’t...I do question your letter is it fact or was it only as heard by yourself?...put up facts or shut up! Regards King Hit

Society for the protection of steps Hi pissed off, I can’t understand why I have been implied

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LETTUCE in the desecration of the S-Block steps and your vehement attack on my physique. I am most certainly not of horticultural composition and of any disposition to vandalise helpless steps. On the contrary I am actively involved in the local branch of Helping Steps Integrate For Intellectual Therapy (or, HISIFIT) which aims to educate the wider community on all things steps have to offer. We encourage people to take the time and appreciate where our world would be if it were not for the humble step. How without them worlds above 30cm would be closed to us, safe decent into glow-worm caves would be non-existent and all the books in the library above Level 2 would be free from scribble and highlighting. Join us in the crusade, come along for Fanta and a girl guide biscuit, I’ll introduce you to my cousin Gumby, from Gore.

a bus, walk, bike, taxi, or even cr pool)take up all the parks for the people who live out of town. I think there should be more effort to promote the many ways for people in Hamilton to get around, other than a car. If you want to get a car park inside the university grounds you have to get in before 9am in the morning. Which means if you live out of town you have to leave home at a really early time, even if your class is not that early in the morning. And if you do not get a car park in the university ground, you have the option of parking on the road side (which I don’t thinks is that safe), with a time limit of 180 minutes. If you leave you car there any longer there than 180 minutes, you get a ticket e.g. I was half an hour late and I got a $12 ticket.

Peace to you my faithful step saviour, gummy

If this goes on, I suggest the university builds more car parks or builds a parking building

Right to pollute is paramount

A word of note: SO PLEASE IF YOU TRAVEL WITHIN HAMILTON, CAN YOU PLEASE FIND ANOTHER WAY TO UNIVERSITY (OTHER THAN A CAR)? IT WOULD HELP OUT THE STUDENTS WHO HAVE TO TRAVEL AND NEED THE PARKS

Dear Nexus I am wanting to bring up the issue of car parks in and around the University, or so, the lack of them.

Caitlin I think there should be a better allocation of parks to the students.I personally think that the car parks inside the university grounds, such as gate 1, gate 2b and gate 10, should be for students who have to travel from outside Hamilton every day. I think is is not fair that a students who live in Hamilton and can take other means of transport (such as

A double whammy from some angry guy To Mr Bigglesworth, I wish you had have argued with some substance. To call everything I said stupid without any stated reasoning is to your

CITIZENS’ ADVICE BUREAU

To Marama, Driving isn’t supporting “fucking awful oil companies”; not at all. It’s supporting a driver’s passion to do what he/she enjoys – drive. So what if the moneys going to oil companies, they give us petrol which lets us drive. When a decent alternative to petrol becomes readily available, I’d be the first to change over, but until that day, I’m with petrol. As for the coke thing, I really don’t see what the fuss is about. It’s just a mural and it’s much better than a bare wall. Get over it. Coke happens to be a nice drink and I consume it regularly. For the record, a mural of beer would be better than a mural of critical thinking etc because we’re students, not nerds. Burnout King

A question about Nexus’ standings Dear Nexus I’ve been quite curious as to where Nexus’ political leanings lie. For a while I have suspected that it is very far left, because you tend to concern yourself a little too much with the “little guys” and other junk. I don’t think there is enough of a right wing presence in your magazine and I would like to offer my services. I’m well-qualified (I’m a lawyer after all) and I think very highly of myself so I’d be a great voice for right wingers alike.

It broke! Jo bought a mobile phone from a reputable company. After a week, it wouldn’t work so she took it back. The company repaired it but it failed to work again after two days. What can she do? The University branch of Citizen’s Advice Bureau can give you advice about this and other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge database to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the cowshed from 11am-2pm daily during semester or phone 838 4466 ext 6622 or 0800 FORCAB. By the way, Jo is covered under the Consumer Guarantee Act. The retailer is obliged to repair, replace or refund. Remember the three R’s!

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

disadvantage. As I said, lots of people drive, represented by the enormous amount of cars present here every day; you can’t argue the numbers. For some people driving is the only option, for others driving is a choice. I’m fortunate enough to be on the choice side of the equation, and I choose to drive. Walking and biking are not ‘common sense’ but merely alternatives. Cheaper and more environmentally friendly perhaps, but still just alternatives. And for the record, everyone runs late for tests or classes sometimes. It happens.

ISSUE 7 23 APRIL 2007

I’ve suspected that Nexus has been run by dirty communist hippies who enjoy a bit of the in-out in-out with multiple partners. Being a right winger, I’m not allowed to admit that I am jealous of your lifestyle, no matter how much I may find it appealing and amusing. Your rampant consideration for others of lesser status than yourself also grinds my goat as every good right winger knows that the only people who count to be kind to are those with more money than you (and who are paying you). Sincerely yours, Simon Douchebag

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Editor, Rosalind Case, was commissioned by the Chinese government to compose the great anthem ‘Generations Remember Chairman Mao’s Kindness’.

Graphic Designer, Matt Scheurich, was paid $69,000 by the 2002 WSU executive to design this poster.

Advertising Manager, Tony Arkell, was paid a bonus last year for lining up union defectors against the Coke mural and shooting them with water pistols filled with urine collected from first year management students.

News Editor, Joshua Drummond, is pictured here singing the Chairman Mao anthem with notoriously fashionable communist dictator, Fidel Castro. WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

ISSUE 7 23 APRIL 2007

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U

niversity of Waikato linguistics student, Owen McCaffrey, has become so disgruntled with New Zealand politics that he’s decided to take matters in to his own hands and start his own political party – The People’s Party of Aotearoa. Nexus wanted to get in touch with Mr McCaffrey for an interview during the midsemester break but he must have been so busy making politics that he couldn’t take our calls. Which is unfortunate, as we would have liked to have done some sort of in depth analysis of his political discourse in order to establish whether or not he is a ‘commie bastard’. Thankfully, however, the wonders of modern technology rescued us somewhat and allowed us to hold a fake interview with Mr McCaffrey whereby we ask questions and then we make up answers based on stuff we found on his website. And some of the answers maybe won’t be based on anything except Nexus imagining that a website might magically turn into a hot girl and meet Nexus at a bar for a chardonnay. That sounds like some seriously responsible journalism right there and we jump at the chance to perform serious journalism. Nexus met with Mr McCaffrey’s website for a wine at The Bank. The website was suitably dressed in a black mini and stripy halter-neck top. Nexus was wearing jeans and a hoody with a bit of falafel kebab juice dribbled on the front pocket, which the People’s Party of Aotearoa website didn’t notice, thank goodness.

be able to say “it’s my human right”. Absolutely, that makes total sense. So, what are the basic principles of the People’s Party of Aotearoa? Well, apparently we want to maintain and enhance current legislation which protects employees, tenants and the environment.

So, supposing that printing heaps of money makes sense and stuff ( and, you know it might because really on to it countries like Angola and

I’m not sure though, because I’m just a website in a short skirt and I don’t have a brain, per se. And we want to protect everybody’s human rights. And we will abolish taxes.

Nexus: So, Miss Website. Why did your creator decide to start a new political party? Website: Well, Mr Nexus, we were just so sick of people not receiving their basic human rights.

Omg, wtf? How do you protect people’s human rights by abolishing taxes? Don’t you think that sounds a little weird? Um, yeah, maybe, but the guy who wrote me, Owen McCaffrey, has a nifty idea. He reckons that taxes are not required in order for our Government to provide the required public services such as Healthcare, Education, Defence and Infrastructure to the New Zealand population. What is required is the creation of enough money by the government to purchase these items. Control of the money supply by the Government is the only way to achieve this.

Remind us about what human rights are again? Well, nobody’s exactly sure about what human rights are but it’s quite handy when you want something to happen to

Well, that’s not a new idea exactly, is it? It just sounds like hyperinflation to us. The government prints however much money it thinks it needs, therefore creating a massive imbalance in supply

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and demand which ultimately leads to economic disaster. Inflation goes through the roof and people die and shit like that. Well, it’s possible that that’s what Mr McCaffrey is talking about. I’m not sure though, because I’m just a website in a short skirt and I don’t have a brain, per se. Maybe he could write a letter to the editor for next week and explain a bit further?

ISSUE 7 23 APRIL 2007

Romania have done it in the past) what would the money be spent on? Well, all that printed money would go towards creating a 100% sustainable country by 2020, free independent legal services for all citizens, free wireless broadband internet for all, stuff like that. That stuff all sounds pretty nice. But you still haven’t addressed the issue of hyperinflation. I’m just a website – how am I supposed to do that? Maybe you should talk to the guy who wrote me if you want answers to the tough questions. Could I have another wine, please? Sure, okay. (At this point Nexus decides it should really try a little bit harder to find the founder of the People’s Party of Aotearoa, Owen McCaffrey, as the website isn’t really conversant with economics. Luckily, he rang us just in time… ) WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ


The real interview When Owen McCaffrey was working in South Korea several years ago as an English teacher, he had a thought which had a significant effect on how he viewed the world. It occurred to him that when a child is born in to the world, it in fact has no right to exist because it’s right to access the necessities of life (food, water, shelter) are not guaranteed. McCaffrey followed this idea until he came across the work of Henry George, an American economist (after whom the popular Georgist movement is named) whose ideology states that everything supplied by nature belongs equally to everyone. “If you take land away from someone”, McCaffrey says, “then they can not survive, even just for a few days”. McCaffrey decided to start a political party which reflected this philosophy, and so the People’s Party of Aotearoa was born.

instead that the ideology behind the People’s Party comes from all over the political spectrum, and indeed the zero income tax policy does sound like some kind of libertarian dreamcome-true. And, in spite of the Universal Basic Income available for each citizen, McCaffrey doesn’t feel that this constitutes “welfare”. So, how would infrastructure be funded, if the only government income was from a ‘land rent’ and that was all going to the people? McCaffrey’s idea is that the New Zealand government will “create” enough new money to cover non-welfare government spending. Which sounds suspiciously like the sort of thing which causes hyperinflation, where excessive

new buildings required to be 100% sustainable, and all businesses required to be members of an international sustainable enterprise association. McCaffrey also has several unique policies such as a zero guns policy, the replacement of the national postal system with a secure electronic messaging system, and amendment of the Employment Relations Act to include five unpaid community service leave days per year. But politics isn’t actually where McCaffrey sees himself and he would be happy to hand the party over to other more politically ambitious individuals or groups who would foster its growth. “I feel really comfortable that I’ve made this party, but I have my own career direction for my life”, he says. “I want to raise a family and work comes second.” As McCaffrey has had interest from other followers of Georgism who are experienced in Georgist politics, he is confident that, having nurtured it to this point, he can place the party in experienced hands, perhaps even in Australia. “With the internet and technology, I would try to keep in contact and give help – but I don’t have to be here for it to run”.

When a child is born in to the world, it in fact has no right to exist because its right to access the necessities of life are not guaranteed.

According to McCaffrey, there are three key policies. The main one is that of a 10% land rent, whereby 10% of the total land value in New Zealand would be divided by the population (so, for example, 4 million people) to equal an amount which would constitute a Universal Basic Income for each citizen. “You’ll eliminate poverty and you’ll also help the environment”, McCaffrey states, by allowing people to dedicate their time and energy towards more humanistic and philanthropic endeavours as opposed to having to concentrate on finding food and shelter. This Georgist principle holds that if you meet peoples basic needs, they are then able to develop themselves to such an extent that they can begin to have a positive impact on their community. While this sounds like the sort of policy usually espoused by the left, McCaffrey doesn’t consider the party to be of that wing. He feels WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

money printing leads to a loss of confidence in the currency of a particular country. However, McCaffrey insists that this would not occur and that the “creation” of money would occur in the same way that it does now – through borrowing. It sounds like the sort of economic policy that any expert, or amateur for that matter, would be happy to pick holes in, but McCaffery is confident that his theory is sound. The social policies are hard to fault, however. McCaffrey’s goal of a 100% sustainable NZ by 2020 is an honourable one and would involve a number of strategies at a national and local government level such as carbon credit trading systems, full cycle and pedestrian ways in every metropolitan city, zero-waste and no landfills, all ISSUE 7 23 APRIL 2007

The People’s Party Policies • • • • • • • • • • •

Zero Taxes! Universal Basic Income for All! 100% Sustainable NZ Enhanced Human Rights Modern Education A Healthy Population World-Class Infrastructure Real Justice & Security Your Sovereignty Your Democracy Developing Country Assistance

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Did communism get a bad rap? It’s reasonably acceptable in this society to say that communism is bad. You could walk around the streets of ‘mainstream’ New Zealand saying communism is bad and probably no one would bat an eyelid. It would just be yet another indicator that you were spending the day in Morrinsville. Try to defend communism and you’ll get the same old shit thrown at you – hundreds of millions of people killed, etc. People aren’t so quick to say the same about Christianity, although it’s true for both. So, what’s the story with communism? Is it really evil? Most people wouldn’t really have a clear idea about whether that was the case or not because most people wouldn’t actually be able to give a concise definition of communism if you asked them to.

So what is communism? Communism is an ideology based (initially) on the works of Karl Marx, which seeks to establish a classless, stateless social organisation based on common ownership of the means of production. None of that sounds so terrible. And it doesn’t give us any insight in to why hundreds of millions of people supposedly died in its wake. Karl Marx was never clear about what an

actual communist state would look like. Which has given countries like China more license to call themselves ‘communist’ states. When, in fact, China bears very little resemblance to anything reflecting communist ideology. China is a totalitarian dictatorship. But they tell their citizens and the outside world that they are communists. And that’s supposed to be enough for us? We’re happy to take the word of some fascist dictators when it comes to their description of how they run the country? Or does it serve the interests of western powers to frame countries like China as communist, even though that isn’t necessarily the case? What would happen if Americans decided that they wanted to own the means of production? What corporations and government interests would be destroyed by a people’s revolution? Certainly, the argument can be made that it actually suits the western world to pretend that communism is something that it isn’t, in order to frighten everyday people (whom communist ideology was designed to serve) away from questioning the status quo. The closest any country in the world has come to reflecting communist ideals is Cuba. And all we’re told about them is that they’ve got amazing cigars – what kind of cover up is that?

My name is lenin and my Ideas be dope

overthrowing the fascists is what I spoke

unifying russia ain’t A joke

‘cept human greed leaves us all...

broke

Sex, drugs and the communist party – mainstream New Zealand with beards We used to have a communist party in New Zealand and it used to kick arse. They had some serious beards and also threw some serious parties. The Communist Party of New Zealand was founded in 1921 by members of the old NZ Marxian Association. They were supporters of the Russian Bolsheviks and, it is rumoured, used to do that weird jumping dance when they’d had too much to drink, such was their Russophilia. The communist party were reasonably successful in establishing itself as a militant force in mining towns in the South Island. They also attempted to join the Labour Party at one point but this attempt was a dismal failure and they ended mortal enemies. The communist party tried to take over The Maoriland Worker (a badly named left wing newspaper), presumably to use as a propaganda machine (like Nexus) but this was a dismal failure as well. There was lots of infighting and nobody

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could agree about anything, so by the end of the 1920s the party was pretty much defunct. It wasn’t until the Great Depression of the 1930s that the communist party started to pick up speed in New Zealand, probably due to the fact that nobody had a job and there was no welfare system to speak of (so life was suckful for about eight years). The communists had a good relationship with the trade unions, which were enormously popular during these years. After World War II, the party remained strong until the early sixties, where there was a massive split in the party between Stalinists and Maoists. Then, after Mao died, the remaining members decided to follow Albania’s version of Communism. It just all got a bit weird and freaky for everyone around then. In 1994, the communist party merged with the International Socialist Organization and that was the end of New Zealand’s communist party. Which was bad news for communists but good news for Bic Razors.

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LETHAL COMMUNISM Anti Communist Alliance The communists Asdfasd;kl asd;lkjas d asdlkj asdkdj wwj e wfa; f;lkas d welkf a;sdj w flkjs f a;lksdf w;l gfls dkf weoiu a skfs d qoiuq a;kjf lkjsd flskdjf wq; ;kl jhf lksd fowi rfkan sdfh f Asdfasd;kl asd;lkjas d asdlkj asdkdj wwj e wfa; f;lkas d welkf a;sdj w flkjs f a;lksdf w;l gfls dkf weoiu a skfs d qoiuq a;kjf lkjsd flskdjf wq; ;kl jhf lksd fowi rfkan sdfh are fAsdfasd;kl asd;lkjas d asdlkj asdkdj wwj e wfa; f;lkas d welkf a;sdj w flkjs f a;lksdf w;l gfls dkf weoiu a skfs d qoiuq a;kjf lkjsd flskdjf wq; ;kl jhf lksd fowi rfkan sdfh fAsdfasd;kl asd;lkjas. d asdlkj asdkdj wwj e wfa; f;lkas d welkf a;sdj w flkjs f a;lksdf w;l gfls dkf weoiu a skfs d qoiuq a;kjf lkjsd flskdjf wq; ;kl jhf lksd fowi rfkan sdfh fAsdfasd;kl asd;lkjas d asdlkj asdkdj wwj e wfa; f;lkas d welkf a;sdj w flkjs f a;lksdf so w;l gfls dkf weoiu a skfs d qoiuq a;kjf lkjsd flskdjf wq; ;kl jhf lksd fowi. rfkan sdfh fAsdfasd;kl asd;lkjas d asdlkj asdkdj wwj e wfa; f;lkas d welkf a;sdj w flkjs f a;lksdf w;l gfls dkf weoiu a skfs d qoiuq a;kjf lkjsd flskdjf wq; ;kl jhf lksd fowi rfkan sdfh f amazing Asdfasd;kl asd;lkjas d asdlkj asdkdj wwj e wfa; f;lkas d welkf a;sdj w flkjs f a;lksdf w;l gfls dkf weoiu a skfs d qoiuq a;kjf lkjsd flskdjf wq; ;kl jhf lksd fowi rfkan sdfh f They’re Asdfasd;kl asd;lkjas d asdlkj asdkdj wwj e wfa; f;lkas d welkf a;sdj w flkjs f a;lksdf w;l gfls dkf weoiu. a skfs d qoiuq a;kjf lkjsd flskdjf wq; ;kl jhf lksd fowi rfkan sdfh f hot sdfasd;kl asd;lkjas d asdlkj asdkdj wwj e wfa; f;lkas d welkf a;sdj w flkjs f a;lksdf w;l gfls dkf weoiu a skfs d qoiuq a;kjf lkjsd flskdjf wq; ;kl jhf lksd fowi rfkan sdfh f and Asdfasd;kl asd;lkjas d asdlkj asdkdj wwj e wfa; f;lkas. d welkf a;sdj w flkjs f a;lksdf bring w;l gfls dkf weoiu a skfs d qoiuq a;kjf lkjsd flskdjf wq; ;kl jhf lksd fowi rfkan sdfh f freedom Asdfasd;kl asd;lkjas d asdlkj asdkdj wwj e wfa; f;lkas d welkf a;sdj w flkjs f a;lksdf w;l gfls dkf weoiu a skfs d for qoiuq a;kjf horses lkjsd flskdjf wq; ;kl jhf lksd fowi rfkan sdfh.

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Ground floor, Student Union Building, University of Waikato, Gate One, Knighton Road, Hamilton Mon-Fri: 8:30AM – 4:30 PM www.wsu.org.nz

Phone: 07 856 9139 Fax: 07 856 3161

EVENT RECAP

Welcome back everyone. We hope that you have had a good recess, with a chance to catch up on your social life, some of your assignments, and of course, graduation! We would like to say a big CONGRATULATIONS to all our graduates for your hard work. We hope that you party hard because you deserve it! To all of you, whether you are working, looking for work, continuing your studies and even those of you who are the envy of everyone else because you are heading off on your OE: Good luck, Have Fun, and Go Hard! Back here at the office it’s been pretty quiet over recess with the odd student drifting in and out. Some looking for diaries and wall planners (yes we still have plenty), some with hardship issues, and others who just want to use the free phone. So what’s been going on up here at WSU? There has been some pretty intense planning for student activities, including student balls, themed weeks, and of course re-orientation. We’ve also started discussions about the Men’s Executive Officer which was proposed at our OSM. Keep checking the WSU pages for information and updates of upcoming events. Advocacy Co-ordinator Extraordinaire: No, you can’t apply for this job because it’s already gone! As you know advocacy is a huge part of the services that we provide for you and it’s important for us that we ensure you get the best service possible. We have found this in the form of Shannon Kelly! She comes to us with a wealth of knowledge and experience and is currently working on refining our advocacy and hardship processes. Lastly, we have made a few changes to the WSU pages in NEXUS and this week’s overview is actually more like three weeks worth of overview, since you’ve been starved of NEXUS for two weeks. Let us know what you think of the changes we’ve made and if you have any suggestions either email us at wsu@wsu.org. nz or come visit us at the Students’ Union Building (SUB). Moira Neho VICE-PRESIDENT

Student Events Coming Up 22

It was a flashback to the 80s, with shoulder pads, big hair, and pastels. The $9 Billion Game was the order of the day and students rallied around the Village Green to protest against student debt reaching $9 billion dollars (and to win some fabulous prizes, of course). Congratulations to the winners who took home food, meat, Bahama Hut and liquor vouchers, a gym membership, and JAMES AND OLIVIA IN CHARACTER a kumara. Thank you to all the students who came down to enjoy the game and to make sure that the Government knew that we are not impressed with the $9 billion of student debt. Your voices were heard on national TV, the Waikato Times, and on two radio stations. So make sure that you keep the pressure on the government to make student debt an issue for the 2008 elections, and maybe we can help create a future where students are not forced to borrow money to live. Olivia Beattie CAMPAIGNS OFFICER THE VOUCHERS OR THE BOX?

Civil Right’s Orator – Owen McCaffery WEDNESDAY 2ND MAY – 1PM, VILLAGE GREEN Come hear the words of some of the world’s most influential civil right’s speakers brought to life by one of our own. For more information contact: opm1@waikato.ac.nz

ISSUE 7 23 APRIL 2007

Thursday’s In Black Launch THURSDAY 3RD MAY This international campaign against domestic violence will be launched nationally on this day. Come show your support and demand for a world without rape and violence. For more information contact: womens@wsu.org.nz

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El Presidente Well, during the recess, WSU has been really busy with getting new systems up in place, and more people on board to provide the benefits and services that you need. For starters you can now visit our new and improved website at www.wsu.org.nz. It is still under construction but has a lot of info on up and coming events and campaigns. The WSU has also now appointed an Advocacy co-ordinator, if you have any issues, hassles or problems with flats, lectures or are struggling financially, come and visit Shannon Kelly who will be more than happy to help you out. The Rangatahi Business Competition kicked off 2 weeks ago with 150 students from all over the region descended upon the University of Waikato campus. These students are secondary school students who will be mentored by students from the university in order to build up their skills and confidence to enable them to present case studies and experience university study overall. This is an exciting event, and to find out more details visit www.management.ac.nz/rangatahi And last but not least, CONGRATULATIONS to every one who celebrated their graduation last week. It was so great to see you all celebrating your amazing achievements. I hope you all find success in every journey that you take, and that you keep on repping for Waikato, cos you know that’s how we roll! Sehai Orgad WSU PRESIDENT

Events Calendar University Open Day: Friday 4th May, 9-2pm. There will be lots of people on campus, if you see anyone looking lost, help them out. Any questions, email info@waikato.ac.nz NZ Music Month: Every Friday afternoon in May on the Village Green from around 1pm. Any questions, email orientation@wsu.org.nz Student ball: Saturday, July 7th. Starts 8pm. Tickets at the WSU Office. Any questions, email orientation@wsu.org.nz Re-Orientation 07: July 9 till 15. Stretch now, details coming soon…. Any questions, email orientation@wsu.org.nz

THURSDAYS IN BLACK demanding a world without rape & violence Brought to you by the Tertiary Women’s Focus Group and NZUSA WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

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EVENT RECAP

Uni Games Team Waikato, which attended the Uni-games in Christchurch a couple of weeks ago, rock. They came away with a couple of gold, silver and two bronze medals. Well done to all those who helped to get our team down south. Looking ahead, we need to pull a finger as next year the Uni-games will be held in the Northern Zone. That means the games will be either here or in Auckland, so we have no excuse for not fielding a large team. Let’s start getting sorted now. There will at least 28 sports, so drop in and see me if you are interested in entering. That way, we can put you in a database and sell all of your information to IRD. No, seriously, we will need Managers, Players and Supporters so drop your information in at WSU so we can start to build Team Waikato mark 08. Glen Delamare SPORT AND RECREATION OFFICER

EDUCATION OFFICERS

Whetu and Pene Kiaora people and welcome back from a well deserved holiday (oops I mean teaching recess). Edupene and I (Eduwhets) were busy as during the break, involved with a project called the Rangatahi Business Competition (RBC). Basically, inspiring the next generation of youth to see the benefits of tertiary education once they leave secondary school, while instilling in them the advantages of doing well at school now. The WSU President (Sehai) and Vice President (Moira) are involved as well. On a totally different note, condolences must go to the friends and families of the multiple victims killed and wounded at Virginia Tech University last week. Some say it could’ve happened anywhere… but I seriously doubt that. Especially when you live in country where you can buy assault rifles and ammunition from K-Mart over the counter with a drivers licence (see Michael Moore’s documentary following the Columbine massacre). In NZ you can’t even buy alcohol at K-mart. A message from this tragedy to us here in the good old uni of Waikato is that some of the colleagues studying with you today will be the leaders/politicians in the decision making positions in the future. Hopefully, future NZ leaders will learn from events like this to ensure a safer living environment in the future Email: education@wsu.org.nz

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WOMEN’S RIGHTS OFFICER

Ana Moriarty With the inclusion of the item “Men’s Welfare Officer” at the recent OSM many of you have been asking my opinion regarding this development. As the current Women’s Issues Officer definitely do not want to be seen as diminishing the mana of this position for the WSU, however, I don’t believe that it is my place to block anyone from having their issues heard or addressed or represented on a student body. Mary Wollstonecraft was an 18th Century writer who advocated for the equality of women in society - she said “I do not wish them (women) to have power over men, but over themselves”. It is almost as though my job as a women’s officer is not about standing up against men, but about inspiring women to have confidence in themselves to achieve things that have not been achieved by the gender before. If students think there should be a men’s officer on the union it’s their choice... There are a couple of other tertiary institutes where it’s already been done and as well as having a women’s conference at NZUSA conferences there’s also a men’s conference... Many of the positions on the WSU appear to have been created in order to allow groups that may have otherwise

been marginalised in the democratic process a voice on the executive, in order to have inequalities addressed. I think it’s easy to look at New Zealand and think that some of the issues of inequality toward women have been addressed... particularly looking at the time when we had Helen Clark as prime minister, Silvia Cartwright as governor general, Margaret Wilson as speaker of the house, Theresa gating as CEO of Telecom, our largest company. Maybe we could go even further back and look at when Jenny Shipley was prime minister (for like three months when she stabbed Jimmy B in the back - I rate Jim, he’s from the Naki, like me) and Helen Clark was the leader of the opposition... At any rate it’s easy to look at these high profile women who have done great things and think that we have equality... I’m just going to list some statistics: • 32.2% of MPs are female • 7% of our Executives on board of directors are female • The average hourly pay for a woman in New Zealand is 86.4% of the average hour of pay for a man • Women hold 16.91% of senior academic positions in New Zealand universities I encourage a healthy debate on this topic!!! Email: womens@wsu.org.nz

ENVIRONMENTAL OFFICERS

Katy Dimmendaal & Claire Taylor Hope you all enjoyed your holidays. Here is a quick run down on what we’ve been up to lately. We have just applied for funding from the Keep Hamilton Beautiful Fund. This fund is made to assist community environmental projects around the city. Our project involves students from the Engineering School designing a new outdoor recycling station for all students and staff to use. If we get the funding, then we will use the money for the manufacturing of the station. We think it’s a great project as it involves our students designing different concepts that they’ll be able to see being put to use on the university grounds. But more importantly it will help the campus reduce waste. We’ll let you know how it goes. Just a reminder that Environment Week runs from 14th-20th of May. If anyone has any requests or ideas as to what they’d like to happen on campus during this week, don’t hesitate to get in contact with us. Email: environment@wsu.org.nz

ISSUE 7 23 APRIL 2007

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Notices Accomodation

Situations Vacant

Public Events / Meetings

Flat available in Hamilton East with Christian Swingers. We’re swinging in the name of the Lord, our saviour, Jesus Christ almighty, and we’re looking for open-minded Christian swingers to fill this large, sunny bedroom. Sky Digital and porn channel, broadband (for porn downloading), and peepholes and glory holes throughout house for only $130 p/w (power and gas inc.) Text 025 6466646 or email christianswingers@gmail.com

Drummer Wanted - dance/indie/rock band. Call/Txt 027 296 0858

Do you or a family member have a disability? The Disability Services Directorate is holding 2 meetings in your area about services funded by the Ministry of Health. Wed 9th May 2007, 2-4pm and 5-7pm at the Glenview International Hotel and Function Centre,254 Ohaupo Rd Hamilton. Local Organiser for registration: Life Unlimited - Pauline Fletcher 8395506

For Sale Used condoms. Email christianswingers@gmail.com

Like being the centre of attention? An upcoming amateur film production group Diamond Cutter Films are looking for a young, bright female star for their new flick ‘Unstoppable Zombie Flesh Cravings’. The role will be physically demanding (and satisfying) so well-toned beautiful bodies are required and swallowers are also a plus. If you have no problems with single or grouporientated fun and you consider yourself perfect for the lead role, text 021 047 9089 for additional audition information.

NOTICES ARE FREE FOR STUDENTS TO ADVERTISE WITH. SEND YOUR NOTICE TO NEXUS@ WAIKATO.AC.NZ AND PLEASE KEEP IT SHORT AND SWEET. SENDING IT BEFORE TUESDAY 5 PM GUARANTEES THE NOTICE WILL HIT THE NEXT WEEK’S ISSUE.

Listen to some of the world’s greatest, most inspiring speeches from famous people such as Martin Luther King, Robert Kennedy, Henry George, Helen Keller, John F Kennedy, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson and Nelson Mandela. Wednesday 2 May from 1pm-2pm, outside the banks. For further details, please contact Owen McCaffrey on 0027 364 5079 or opm1@waikato.ac.nz

The Waikato Student’s Union is proud to announce the Student Ball for 2007. This formal, black-tie affair will be held across the entire Academy of Performing Arts with live music and entertainment acts from around the country performing throughout the evening. Five hours of non-stop entertainment and spectacle with a 1920s / swing theme. This is the first all-student ball to be held in living memory and promises to be the social event of the year. Entry includes free platters and five free drinks per person. The Student Ball – July 7th 2007 from 8pm at the WEL Energy Trust Academy of Performing Arts. Tickets - $75 Tickets are limited so get in quick – available from the WSU reception now! (no eftpos available). Check www.wsu.org.nz/events/studentball for more info

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

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NEWS

WSU appoints new Advocacy Co-ordinator The WSU is delighted to have appointed a new Advocacy Co-ordinator, Shannon Kelly. Students strike problems in many different areas of their lives, for example with landlords, lecturers, and WINZ/Studylink. The WSU is confident that their advocacy service will support its members to deal with these types of issues in a professional and constructive manner. This appointment re-establishes a position which last existed about 4 years ago. In the absence of a staff member the role has been filled by members of the executive committee. They have done an excellent job, but growing demand for service and increasing complexity of cases means that a dedicated person is now required. This role is very important to the WSU. Advocacy is a core-business aspect of the WSU’s role in enhancing the well-being of its members. Shannon will initially work 20 hours a week in this position. However, one of the first things to be done is to establish a group of volunteer advocates who will be available to assist. We would like to welcome Shannon to the WSU and the University of Waikato campus and encourage students to come up to the student union building to meet with her regarding any advocacy issues you may have.

Mature Students Officer resigns In 2005 I successfully campaigned in the WSU elections, determined on entering this student mandated forum in order to return as much support, encouragement and assistance to the amazing Waikato student-body as I had received during my own undergraduate years, and to contribute towards making a positive difference in the journeys of other aspiring academics. Throughout my time with WSU, I’ve been directly involved in proposals which facilitated historical funding and support for adult learners and mature students; advocated support for numerous students in hardship; instigated multiple research initiatives for graduate, post-graduate, Pacifican and Maori students alike; fought for the equitable recognition of multiple student driven initiatives… suffice to say that the list is extensive and includes processes and achievements of which I am tremendously proud. In so saying, I am aware that most recently the internal challenges have reached a level which now defeats my original reasons for getting involved. It’s honestly been a brilliant, voluntary ride of highs and lows, filled with laughter, passion

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and humility. And before I lose that capacity to smile and contribute out of altruism, I must announce my decision to resign from the position of Mature Students Representative with WSU. To those hundreds of students who re-elected me, I remain grateful of your support and extend my regret for not being able to ‘keep up the fight’. To the numerous volunteers, you people made the workload so much less of a burden.

2006 – 2007

From here, I now return wholeheartedly to my own graduate work and position in FASS. So, I’ll see you all back on the flipside of ‘Studentville’: Cheers, God Bless, Karawhuia and Thanks. Vincent Malcolm-Buchanan

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The Team arrived in Christchurch on a clear sunny day (hoping this was a good omen). The first thing was to go to Canterbury University to get accreditation and our welcome packs. Managers got an updated briefing and athletes got to see Games Headquarters. After accreditation, the team split into those who would be staying at the backpackers, and those who had arranged alternative accommodation. We were advised that the opening ceremony would be at 7pm at the University of Canterbury’s Quad. Some of the management team were fortunate enough to attend the pre-games opening to meet with team managers, student union presidents, USNZ officials and other official dignitaries. The opening ceremony at the quad was full of students from all of the New Zealand Universities and one Queensland University. There were speeches, kapa haka, entertainment and the flag ceremony during which Team Waikato was very vocal. On completion it was back to our accommodation to rest up before the real games began.

Team up and ready to roll by 8:30, first stop is Tennis followed by Lawn Bowls, Badminton and then the remainder of the team is dropped at the University of Canterbury where they will compete in Squash. Our Touch player will be playing for one of those other uni’s as our touch team was unable to make it. We also had league players join up with one of the other uni’s, while our mountain biker who had arranged his own transport and accommodation was also competing. All of our teams performed well on the first day, our badminton teams looked like strong medal prospects with the women winning both of their pool matches 6-0 and the men winning 4-2 and 6-0. There have been comments about the fact that this team is the smallest at the games - Canterbury has a record 600 competitors with Otago and Victoria having the next largest contingents. This should be expected, as the host uni had no travel costs. Otago and Vic are the other close uni’s (other than Lincoln) to Christchurch. We are expecting that even with such a small team we will be highly competitive in the events that we have entered.

Our second full day of competition and most of our teams have

similar start times so we had to work our drop offs so none of the teams are late. Today is when we start to see who will be in for medal contention as many of the sports are knock out or you can start to figure out by points which teams will be meeting to battle for final spots. The following of our teams look to be in contention; Badminton men and women, Lawn Bowls and Squash. Our mercenaries that are playing for other uni’s are playing well and the word is out that Team Waikato has some “mean” players out there. Team management have decided to have a team dinner for the whole team at the backpackers. We have our first glitch as transport had to get the team manager to Games headquarters to lodge a protest as well as pick up Tennis and Lawn Bowls at the same time. The first part is done with little drama but the second see’s transport getting caught in peak hour traffic. Tennis gets collected but just as transport is getting close to the lawn bowls venue he is informed by text that they (Lawn Bowls) have caught a taxi. This is the only hiccup so all in all a good day for Team Waikato.

Final day of competition today and we are looking at a possible four medals. Lawn bowls are first to be dropped off and the boys have a possible shot for bronze, next it’s off to the UniRec Center where our women’s karate team has arrived. This is where our first medal is won (gold) for Premier Womens Kata - congratulations to Sarah Campbell. Next we hear that Waikato 4 (Lawn Bowls) has won bronze - congratulations to Hugh Gunson and Jarrad Walsh. This is followed by the news that the Badminton Women have had a clean sweep in all of their matches winning every match 6-0 (gold) - congratulations to Alex Lubransky, Belinda Hill, Joyce (Yi-Hsuan) Chiang and Vina Aurellia. The Badminton Men have won their last match collecting the bronze - congratulations to Joe Wu, Tom Chang, Ray Yeh and Vanra Chap .As this is occurring one of our squash players wins silver - congratulations to Cody Herdman. Overall, Team Waikato placed eighth which (considering our team size) is very impressive. The team placed as follows; Squash 4th overall with our players placing 2nd and 4th , Mountain Biking 7th overall, our mountain biker placing 18th (downhill), Karate 5th overall with one of our competitors placing 1st, Tennis our only player placed 29th, Badminton we placed 1st and 3rd, Lawn Bowls 3rd Overall with teams placed 3rd, 23rd, 24th and 27th. Well done to all who competed for Team Waikato - you did us proud - and a special thanks to the management team. A lot of what you did was unseen and unknown but it was appreciated.


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PROLETERIAT REVOLUTION SOCIALISM UNION UTOPIA WORKER

nexus@waikato.ac.nz

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GURU MOONBEAM’S

MONTHLY

HOROSCOPES Aries: With holidays reaching the inevitable point where one becomes incredibly bored, you naturally sought alternative entertainment. Seeing as all your friends jetted off to exotic locations and your bank balance was a sad looking $3.89, you were left with only a note pad and a stumpy, blunt, Pizza Hut pencil. At the time you thought writing a résumé for your hamster was just fun and games, but Telecom are now currently considering ‘Mr. Fluffy’ for an executive position. By the end of the month, Mr. Fluffy will be grossing more than you and your flatmates’ salaries combined.

Leo: The stuff about the things is going to happen. Make sure your medical insurance is all up to date.

Virgo: You like to know what is going on in the lives of everyone and everything around you. There is however, a tendency to be less knowledgeable about what is going on in your own. Take a few moments over the next week for some tree-hugging self reflection. You owe it not so much to yourself, but to the others you are constantly harassing.

Sagittarius: Mercury is out of alignment again. This means that it is not the best idea to hang out with ‘crazy Zack’ and the rest of the criminally insane, mentally unbalanced members of the Guns, Knives and Explosives Club. Apply for membership next month.

Aquarius: You will adapt Yoga, Tai Chi, ballet, and facial contortionism to create a highly effective form of relaxation and stress relief. If it didn’t make you look like such a spud in the process, you’d stand to make millions.

Pisces: A highly attractive man will invite you out to lunch this Wednesday - don’t go, it’s a trap. Sure, he’ll grease you up with extravagant pastries and outlandishly over-priced cocktails, but this is not going where you think it is. He’s actually a door-to-door cosmetic sales representative trying to earn a bonus by recruiting new members. He’s also a eunuch.

Libra: They weren’t kidding when they said eating Vegemite and drinking Guinness on a regular basis would put hair on your chest, back, ass and pretty much everywhere else too. Go bulk purchase hairdressing shares, waxing strips, and tweezers. Unless you enjoy the Yeti appearance, hair removal frenzies are on the cards over the next few weeks.

Taurus: During graduation week, you went out of your way to feature in as many photos as possible. A Japanese film producer is currently leafing through his niece’s graduation album and is commenting on the number of elegant poses mustered by a strange Caucasian individual in the background of nearly all the pictures. Talent scouts have been dispatched, but since all us bastards look the same to them, they will decide to grab the first dude they see as they step off the plane. At least your efforts have been noticed.

Cancer: You will develop a magnetic personality; people who previously considered you unapproachable will flock to you like ants to a sugar bowl. Also, iron filings will stick to the tip of your nose. Best be wearing a pair of safety goggles if you go dining out at a fancy restaurant – those salad forks could cause problems otherwise.

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Gemini: A bad day to practice your bagpipes in Garden Place. You will feel the wrath of the angry ninjutsu practice squad holding a demonstration in the same location.

Capricorn: You have developed an obsession with golf. All your spare time is spent watching re-runs of old Masters’ tournaments, thumbing through catalogues, masturbating to the sporting goods selection instead of the usual lingerie sections, and breaking stuff in the flat practicing your tee shots. At least reading all those books on how to improve your ‘stroke’ have not been a total waste of time – at least not as far as your sporting catalogue activities go.

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COMICS

Crew@22

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By AJ Elliott

ISSUE 7 23 APRIL 2007

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COLUMNS

BY CHEF CYRIL BY BLAIR NICHOLSON

Spaghetti and Meatballs

Reasons to ignore any decisions made by the American Government In Oklahoma you can be fined $5,000 for wrestling a bear, but only $2,000 for abusing your wife or husband.

Having seen Disney’s “Lady and the Tramp”, we all know that spaghetti and meatballs is one of the most romantic things that you can push with your nose. While I will not tell you where to get a fat singing Italian guy, I will on the other hand tell you how to make the dish. But before you even plan to bury your face in a plate, you need to first cook the food and to do that you need the ingredients and pricelist: • • • • •

In Connersville, Wisconsin, no man shall shoot off a gun while his female partner is having an orgasm.

In Miami it is forbidden to imitate an animal.

Mince (about 200g pr.psn) — $2 Can of chopped tomato and tomato paste — 80cents Spaghetti — 30cents Half an onion — 30cents Salt/pepper

I’m going to assume the best and let you cook the spaghetti as per instructions on the pack. Of course you can follow one of my previous recipes and make your own pasta (guaranteed Excellence in the cooking achievement standard, allowing you to study for your welding certificate).

In Illinois, the law is that a car must be driven with the steering wheel, while in Tennessee it is against the law to drive a car while sleeping.

First off you need to chop up some onion. Theoretically this shouldn’t be hard. Put the onion in the mixing bowl with your remaining fingers and mix using whatever remains of your hands.

In Utah, birds have the right of way on any public highway. In Virginia, the code of 1930 has a statute which prohibits corrupt practices or bribery by any person other than political candidates.

In Georgia, it is against the law to spread a false rumour.

Then you need to season the meat with salt, pepper and a little tomato paste if you have it. For anyone who was accepted to something above a Bachelor of Pottery, this should not be too difficult a process. The hard bit comes from knowing how much to put in. The best way to tell is to taste the meat, but before you go spooning loads of mince into your mouth, take into account I only meant put your tongue on it. I guess you want it to not taste too much like raw meat, or just to your salting preference. Once done you will use your artist skills to make round balls with the mince (YES, I said balls and NO, it’s not funny).

In Natoma, Kansas, it is illegal to throw knives at a man wearing a striped shirt.

Heat oil in a pan, throw in as many of the balls as you can without cramming them. To turn over just shake the pan, they should roll themselves.

In Florida, it is against the law to put livestock on a school bus. In West Virginia, only babies can ride in a baby carriage.

In Texas, it is illegal to put graffiti on someone else’s cow.

Once done, put them in a pot. When they are all cooked and in a pot, pour the chopped tomatoes in the pot and top with some tomato paste. Stir gently. Put in meatballs. This is as much to add a tomato sauce as to cook the balls through in the middle, so u don’t have to fry them to a crisp… unless you want to (freak). This is then placed on the spaghetti (cooked) and eaten (with mouth).

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COLUMNS

By Krang The images of Santa Claus throughout the ages have generally involved a large fat man dressed in furs. Coca-cola further cemented the image by commissioning Harry Sundblom, a rather fine artist, to develop an aesthetic for the kind jolly old man to enhance their winter sales of Coca-cola. It is interesting to note that one jolly fat man, with long white whiskers and an affinity for the colour red, bares a striking similarity with ol’ Saint Nick. This is no coincedence. Yes, Karl Marx is the basis for the eventual modern interpretation of Santa Claus. This was all quite intentional as well. During the late 1880s a man named Thomas Nast created some imagery for Santa that was slightly based of Karl Marx, mainly because Marx looked like a jolly guy and how could anyone fault that beard of his? However, the imagery that was refined by Coca-Cola was the result of a direct partnership between the American government and the Nazis. It was about the 1930s when the ads for Coca-Cola came out with Santa on them and this was a precursor to World War II. Coca-Cola

have always been a government front for distributing a mind-altering and controlling substance in the form of a soft drink. With the Nazis on board, the government and the Nazis teamed up to change the public’s perception of Communism - and why not do so by parodying the poster boy? Turn him into a roly-poly caricature that embodies goodness and health. With communist undertones, it aims to desensitise the masses to the idea of communism and its worth against other regime-controlled forms of government such as fascism and democracy (the name of which is taken from the middle-english turn of phrase “Demon Crazy Ruler” describing persons in power gone mad from a Syphilis infection). The Americans and Nazis, through other campaigning measures (such as staging World War II), strove to destroy the innocent trusting in a government to deal everyone an equal share by ridiculing Communists through caricatures and showing how ineffective their army was during the war. The Cold War was just a ploy to reinstate the masses’ illogical hatred towards those who think of the whole rather than themselves. History is full of many factual errors, because (as we all know) the reptillian shape shifters, which are in cahoots with Catholicism and Christianity, rule the world and we are merely small toys for their children to have fun with. We must all combine as one under a collective consciousness! Only then can we truly have “freedom”.

Well it’s as original as it can be considering it’s written by a guy who dresses all in black most days and is stuck in the eighties!

By Burton C Bogan Reunion Tour We’ve all heard the story a million times before. A band breaks up and says “Never again”. Then after a while people say “Whatever happened to them?” or “I wish they still made new stuff”. The band has a bit of a renaissance in terms of re-runs and interviews and then finally they smell cash in and reform. On that note: BOGANOLOGY IS BACK! Now all that is pretty egotistical. No-one reads this do they? But all that is irrelevant, let’s be honest: I missed you guys and I missed the opportunity to be self indulgent. But don’t worry – this isn’t going to be a Simpsons re-run type of thing. Boganology has given me a lot of new experiences lately. So this is original stuff.

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For those who don’t know what I’m on about I used to write a column in Nexus called Boganology. It’s about Bogans and the Bogan-curious. My alias is Burton and I’m doing a PhD on Heavy Metal in the Psychology Department. I love metal, its what I do and who I am. In fact as I write this I’m listening to Imperium by MFH (Machine Fucken Head). I started listening to Metal when I was about 12, first through rock like ACDC, cause it was the only tape my Dad and I could agree on in the car, then onto Iron Maiden and Judas Priest. Now I listen to a wide variety: Death, Black, Thrash, Hardcore – all the colours of the Heavy Metal rainbow. I’m lucky enough to be studying the psychology of Heavy Metal here at Waikato University thanks to a scholarship I somehow managed to get. All because I love this form of music and I’m very passionate about what I do. So hopefully through this column once again I can discuss some of the issues around Heavy Metal and have a good time embarrassing myself with drunken stories of Metal Madness! So join me on Burton C Bogan’s “Sell Out” Tour (see what I did there? It has two meanings and…oh never mind). Stay Bogan \m/ www.myspace.com/boganology

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COLUMNS

By Vitamin C

By Joseph Ross

Breaking news! Trouble has been brewing over the recent holiday, with renewed aggression between the Right-Wingers and the Nexus Socialist clans. This will probably come as news to most of you, seeing as everyone has lately been busy learning new Gambits and Sky-Pirating all over the show, failing to notice the promise of spoils and riches in the upcoming battle! More on Gambits another time.

Remember the euphoric scenes of twelve years ago, when Team New Zealand first won the Americas Cup, with yet-to-be-knighted Peter Blake at the helm. Or commentator Peter Montgomery’s excited cry of “The Americas Cup … is now … New Zealand’s Cup!”

With rumours that the Communists at the Nexus office were in possession of the fabled Hookshot, parties were forming left and right of centre in efforts to steal or defend this legendary item, said to be necessary for those wishing to gain access to the temple at the bottom of the lake by the banks. Fierce battles were fought in the corridors of the WSU building, but things came to a sticky standstill as the greed of running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie could not overcome the evenly distributed experience, items and skills of the Nexus team. Word is that there’s another raid set for this Friday, so strap on your +5 Fubu Hoodie and get your ass into the action! Nexus is always looking for more recruits, especially with the upcoming “Operation: Meat Shield”, so visit Roz during the week to sign up and one lucky recruit will walk away with a Mithril Shoe! I’ve included a quick screenshot taken during one of the early skirmishes at the Nexus Office. Despite being our highest-level News Guy, Josh didn’t see fit to keep his mind on the job and trusty old Vitamin C was left to battle off those blue guys that you can see, and also get Nunchaku-girls digits. Hell yeah dawg, I’m gonna summon me some of that shit right here.

Or the feeling of triumph when Russell Coutts and co. successfully defended the cup on Auckland’s Hauraki Gulf against the Italian syndicate, Prada, before the controversy when they jumped ship to current cup-holders, Alinghi. When Coutts, Brad Butterworth and dozens of other sailors took off, it signalled the beginning of a much less fortunate era for the Kiwi syndicate. The 2003 campaign was an absolute disaster from a New Zealand perspective, losing 5-0, twice not even completing the race due to mechanical failure. In the first race, the yacht, NZL82, took on water which the crew had to bail out and in the fourth race, the mast (worth $900,000) snapped in half after the boat hit several rough waves in succession. In the coming months in Valencia, Spain, there is a chance for Dean Barker and his crew to win back the Americas Cup, which dates back to the mid-19th century. But before they can think too hard about the Americas Cup, they must first win the Louis Vuitton Cup to earn the right to challenge Alinghi. By the time you read this, Louis Vuitton Cup will be underway. It starts on April 18 and goes to June 12, and the Americas Cup match-racing starts on June 23 and goes to July 7. The other syndicates in the Louis Vuitton Cup are: Mascalzone Latino Team Shoshololza BMW Oracle Luna Rossa Challenge K Challenge Victory Challenge Desafio Espanol +39 Challenge United Internet Team Germany China Team

(Italy) (South Africa) (United States) (Italy) (France) (Sweden) (Spain) (Italy) (Germany) (China)

Note there is only one U.S syndicate. This is a surprise considering when the Cup was held on our shores there were about three. There are three Italian syndicates this time around because the Cup is held closer to their home.

Who can blame him? Capitalist bitches with nunchaku are hot. Just look at Ann Coulter. Wait, Shit, uh... I – uh... I take that back. don’t look at her. who? I forgot.

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BY ISA

The kitchen manifesto To paraphrase Marx, the humble house dweller stands in constant opposition to their kitchen. If you are feeling oppressed, refrain from taking it out on your flatmates, for they too suffer. Students have left the feudal embrace of their parents only to be held captive by their own supposed freedom. It is time to rise up and take back our benches, sinks and stovetops. Here are some words of wisdom to propound the kitchen revolution.

Beware the gremlin genes.

You may have noticed that water left on the bench after midnight turns into a repulsive slime. Somehow the water of Hamilton, an organism in its own right, has been infected (by none other than the wealthy ruling class) with gremlin genes or algae, or some other explanation that suits you better. Keep your benches dry, do not leave dishes drying over night, and whatever you do, don’t feed it.

Dirty dishes multiply.

to notice that even one dirty item on your bench or in your sink will inevitably lead to an avalanche of every plate, cup, pot and piece of cutlery sneakily joining together in filth just to thwart you. You may think you have messy flatmates. You may even be right. But cleanliness repels mess in the most delightful way. Experiment by cleaning and clearing your bench completely, even take appliances off it and tuck them away in cupboards. This is intimidating, even to psychologists. No one will want to mess with your bench. If they do, you can easily track them down and destroy the bourgeois scum

The people unite!

Get all your flatmates in on your revolt against the revolting. If you fear reluctance, give them encouragement such as you might find in a Marxist rant. Get them fired up by telling them they deserve better and that it is time to change this oppressive regime. Make sure they think it’s their idea. The more committed you are the more power you will have to overturn the system that makes cooking daunting and entertaining guests embarrassing. No longer will you have to toil alone in self-pity whenever you want to be the only one who ever does anything around here. You are empowered to go forth and take part in the enjoyable productive labor of your choosing.

You may have been observant enough

static void Main() BY JED LAUNDRY

I’ve never liked introductions. You meet someone, and you never know how long you will keep in contact, therefore you aren’t really sure how much of your life and intents you should compress into the first conversation. Too much and you’ll just bore the person to death, too little and they’ll think you’re boring.(Just in case you weren’t subjected to COMP103 and didn’t pick up on the title, this is a column about technology. Don’t worry, I’ll keep it interesting and free of general geekery.) Crappy introductions out of the way, lets start with a subject quite a few people come to me about. While browsing through internal Telecom documents the other day, I happened to chuckle at someone’s preliminary list of potential users with laptops for the WiFi hotspot service. Students were listed, alongside businesstypes and people with too much money (those exact words). A student and a laptop go well together. MSN, assignments, MySpace, notetaking, BitTorrent, revision, the list just goes on and on. And the selection isn’t sparse either - I look around S block and see all different brands running all kinds of operating systems.

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What always gets me though is how little thought is put into purchasing these things. Usually people just go down to DSE and let the salesperson talk them into buying something that “looks cool” without actually thinking twice about what they need it for. Lets look at an example, we’ll call her Sarah. She thought she needed a laptop for her studies, and so went down and bought one for $1500. It all worked well, until she unplugged it. Oops, thanks to all that power under the hood,turns out the battery only lasts little under an hour. The whole “freedom” and “unwired” selling point of a laptop suddenly dissappeared. In short, try before you buy. Ignore the person with the name badge trying to make a commission. Stand there and use the laptop as you normally would. Unplug it and see how long the battery actually lasts, instead of going by what’s written on the spec sheet. Feel the keyboard layout. But, just in case you really don’t care for thinking and just want one, I strongly recommend either an Apple MacBook or Lenovo ThinkPad. Of all the laptops I’ve owned, both stand out in terms of luggability and durability, and both have an ideal battery life/performance ratio.

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COLUMNS

Communist “education” resulted in strict state controlled publication and distribution of information. Anything considered contrary to the Party line was excised from public awareness. However, not all librarians wilfully participated in Communist indoctrination. For example, in Communist Romania librarians hid many books from politicians who had ordered the complete obliteration of anti-Communist literature. Such courageous stances can also be seen in Cuba where independent librarians have established lending libraries in their homes, offering banned books, such as the UN Declaration of Human Rights and Orwell’s Animal Farm. Ten of these librarians are currently incarcerated for twenty years for peddling such material. While we may not live under a Communist dictatorship, Paul Gottfried argues (his key works are available via Ebrary) that we are not free from the left’s “education” programmes. Gottfried shows how the Post-Marxist Left has installed a therapeutic regime that disguises their resort to force. It creates “popular consensus through social programs” and “coercive social and psychiatric services.” Anyone who expresses opinions contrary to the prevailing ideology or wishes to open questions that the political class has deemed closed, are depicted as “pathological,” no matter how empirically defensible and sound their arguments may be. Gottfried is from the Right, but even if you do not agree with his valorisation of such things as the traditional family unit and Western heritage, you should nonetheless be concerned with a “vast state apparatus that is willing and able to practice behaviour modification.” Treating opposing viewpoints as pathological rather than allowing for a democratic agon of ideas, replaces, as Alain Finkielkraut states, “a political understanding of the world by means of a simplistic moral dualism.” Something that is certainly antithetical to true scholarship. Fortunately, we still provide you with a variety of resources, not just those deemed ‘politically correct.’ However, given that Universities often uncritically promote the programmes Gottfried identifies, let us hope that librarians continue to uphold academic freedom and prevent the silencing of dissenting viewpoints.

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Dear Agony Art My boyfriend has a fascination with ultra-violent video games. I’m worried he’ll try to bring some of what he experiences in the games to the bedroom. How can I stop his obsession? Afraid of Getting Stabbed in Tauraunga Dear AoGSiT Hey, don’t knock it till you try it. Video games can be sexy. There’s several portions of the Halflife games which made my legs kick out uncontrollably when I first played them. The first time I played Goldeneye on Nintendo 64 was another highly sexual time in my teenage years. They might not be direct visual stimulants, in the way that midget porn is, but they can have an aphrodisiac effect on men, particularly between the ages of 16 and 22. However, using Playstation 2 as a marital aide will do anything but help to end his obsession with these bloody video games. Try shooting him with a silenced 9mm pistol. Maybe three times. He won’t enjoy it and then realise that those pretend people are suffering pretend pain to an extraordinary degree. This will then make him less keen to play his games and more keen to be a productive and responsible member of your relationship. On the other hand, he might use the years of experience he has had doing nasty things on PS2 to really get you back for shooting him three times. I feel you’re better off just leaving him to his games. He’ll grow out of it eventually. Agony Art Dear Agony Art I’m in love with my lecturer. What should I do? Should I make a move or just sit back and enjoy the view? Angry Scotsman Dear Angry Scotsman Well, I suggest that you do nothing. It’s an easy way for your lecturer to get fired. I think that when a lecturer gets fired the whole class fails. So, for the sake of the rest of us in the class, don’t make a move. Even though I can see where you’re coming from… Agony Art Dear Agony Art What kind of movies do girls like to be taken to? Like, on a date and stuff. Sam Buchanan Dear Sam Buchanan There has been much debate about what kind of movie is best for a date. Personally, I find that the horror film is the best option. Not only will it send the girl screaming into your arms, it’ll also make any joke you make afterwards funny. The science behind this is that the girl has just spent 90 minutes suppressing screams and she needs an outlet. Laughter is a great outlet for her to use. So, take a girl to a scary movie. Then crack some jokes, making light of the horror you’ve just witnessed. This is an awesome combination for love. Agony Art Email your Agony Art questions to nexus@waikato.ac.nz ISSUE 7 23 APRIL 2007

Gotcha!

Both Lenin and Trotsky believed in the value of libraries. Trotsky claimed librarians were ‘soldiers of the revolution.’ Soviet libraries were set up to fight illiteracy and promote self education, no doubt a noble cause. However, as Lenin stated, this was only to “educate the public strictly towards a revolutionary outlook and revolutionary action.” Unfortunately, this outlook and action led to regimes that resulted in the death of millions (approximately 94 according to the authors of The Black Book of Communism).

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Citric

By Captain Ahab

M. Emery is gone, but Citric lives on. I have made it my life’s mission to find his killer and to continue his life-long passion for slagging off bands. Or something like that. » With that in mind, I hear Chuganaut will be bringing their unique blend of Rock, Alternative and Twisted Metal styles that “you can’t quite put your finger on” to Axces Bar on May 25th. So far, nobody has explained why I can’t put my finger on it, or what will happen to me if I do. I assume I’ll get beaten up by guys with 7-string guitars. » The Brunettes are playing in Hamilton this Friday. They’ve recently been signed to Sub Pop records in the USA, which means you’re allowed to start liking them now. They play cutesy twee-pop boy/girl songs. It’s all very sweet. Like a diabetic’s urine. » Seventies pub-rockers Dragon are touring New Zealand at the moment too,

with a stop in Hamilton later in the month. Apparently nobody told them their lead singer died. Not to mention that the only remaining member of the original lineup is the bass player. I bet I could do a better rendition of April Sun in Cuba after a half a dozen RTDs, a bottle of prescription pain killers and with one hand tied behind my back. Or at least I could have more fun doing a rendition of April Sun in Cuba. » Ex-local sex-pop rockers Amy Racecar have made a dent on the bFM Top 10 this week with their single Satan. I assume the title refers to the unholy alliance they forged in order to get a song by a Hamilton band into the charts of an Auckland student radio station. You can stick it to the Auckland fashionistas by voting at 95bfm.com. » Kimbra’s new video Simply on My Lips has hit C4. It makes me feel like New

Gig Guide Gigs are like buses: loud, smelly, and just when you’ve given up and start walking home, three arrive at once. This weekend there are at least three gigs on Friday night…and nothing much else for the rest of the week.

Wednesday is Anzac Day. You could get up early for the Dawn Service at Memorial Park, or (let’s be honest now) sleep in till noon without worrying about your Wednesday morning lecture. The Cantado Choir will be performing a suitably solemn concert at Hamilton Gardens Pavillion from 2:30 ($10). It’s also the one day of the year when drinking from noon is considered anything but wretched, so pull up a pint at the nearest RSA. On Thursday, Lindsay Shelton will be speaking at Auteur House on Victoria

Zealand on Air is doodling on my screen. » In other local music video news, 48May seem to have reinvented themselves. No longer are they a second-rate version of Sum41! Now, they appear to be a second-rate version of 48May. Maybe I’m just change-averse. Especially when that change involves black eyeliner and extras cast-off from the My Chemical Romance video shoot. » Apparently Auckland scene-band Cut Off Your Hands have been described on by Steve Lamacq as “The Kiwi Klaxons”. I’m not sure what this means, but it seems to have got some people excited about the future prospects for the band. I guess the Klaxons’ frontman climbs things too. » Know of any gossip or goings-on in music? Let me know htownahab@gmail.com

By PETRA JANE

Street. ‘Thirty Years Since Sleeping Dogs’ is a personal retrospective of New Zealand film. That goes from 6pm to 7:30 and it’s free, just turn up on the night. This Friday you’re spoilt for choice. For an early-evening shot of culture, the music department presents the first Waikato University Aria Competition at the Academy of Performing Arts at 7pm (entry by donation); One Bad Weekend hit Upsett Records on their ‘Intensity In Ten Cities’ tour, with support from Quin’s Rescue, PSI and Final Chance; Paul Mclaney (Gramsci), Age Pryor and Tim Guy get all introspective and singer-songwritery in the back bar of Biddy Mulligans; Mobile Stud Unit, The Gills and newcomers Sora Shima violate Ward Lane; meanwhile, in the bowels of the seedy

South end, Capt. Nemo and Omega B skank up Sekure with their ‘Cookin’ club night. And just when you thought you couldn’t cope with that much excitement…well, you don’t have to worry since Saturday’s looking decidedly quiet. Unless you fancy a trip to Auckland to see Osaka, Japan’s King Brothers (at Devonport’s Masonic, then across the harbour at Schooner Tavern later the same night), you’ve only got one option. Tentacles of Destruction, Dick Dynamite and the Doppelgangers, All Against You and HRA play an early, all-ages show at Upsett from 7pm ($5 on the door). Otherwise, you better have grabbed some classic New Zealand films from Auteur House on Thursday night, because it might be a quiet night in.

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REVIEWS

Books Playing Friends

A Year in the World

BY MARILYN DUCKWORTH

BY FRANCES MAYES

Reviewed by Brie Jessen

Reviewed by Brie Jessen

Written by New Zealand author Marilyn Duckworth, Playing Friends is a story about two middle aged women who find themselves living together after having separated from their respective husbands. The two women call themselves friends, but as they find soon find out the definition of friendship can be a little a hazy.

Frances Mayes, author of Under the Tuscan Sun, has, true to form, produced a remarkable work of literature. A Year in the World is a memoir of a year spent travelling, but it’s more than that - it is “a celebration of the allure of travel, of unexpected pleasures found in unlikely places”.

Divorced and 59, Clarice decides it’s time for a change. So she moves into a flat with Una, an acquaintance from her high school days. Filled with visions of becoming best friends, sharing secrets, having a great deal of fun and of course, a good gossip, Clarice thinks this could be the perfect solution to life’s problems. What she didn’t expect was the baggage that Una brought with her. Unknown to Clarice, along with Una came Sheree, a moody, pregnant sixteen-year-old. Exactly why Una comes complete with a pregnant 16 year old Clarice doesn’t know. In fact there is a lot that Clarice doesn’t know about Una. As her relationship with Una heads south, Clarice turns to Beryl, another acquaintance, who in turn confides in her imaginary friend Greg. As the novel progresses, lies build upon lies resulting in a climatic, and somewhat surprising, ending. The novel is well written and very easy to read. However I feel that the story line lacks that certain something which all great novels possess. It was a good story; it had its share of intrigue and idiosyncratic characters, but I had trouble relating to the book as a whole. It felt a little disjointed in parts and it jumped from first person to third person which, although not an uncommon technique, was quite hard to follow. I enjoyed the characterisation of Clarice, the woman narrating the story. She was easy to read and understand, even if I couldn’t personally relate to the mentality of a middle aged woman. Una, on the other hand, I had a great deal of trouble relating to. It is hard to place exactly why, in a way I found her rather unbelievable; she seemed to be one of those larger than life characters and it was almost impossible for me to imagine her existing in real life. On the whole I’d have to say the book was okay, but not great. If you are interested in New Zealand literature, or if you want something light but a bit unusual then the book may be worth a read. Otherwise, there are probably better books to spend your time on.

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The by-line of the book is “Journeys of a passionate traveller” and right from the word go you know she’s passionate about travel. Unlike many travel memoirs, this book doesn’t set out to divulge every tiny little detail, or list everything that goes wrong while travelling. It portrays the joy and sense of discovery found in visiting another country. As Mayes takes the reader from January to December, winter through to summer, from Portugal to Scotland to Turkey and Morocco, and many stops in between, she slowly tries to unravel the mystery of travelling. Given that Mayes is an English professor in the States, I expected the quality of her work to be high, but I did not realise just how high. As a poet, she has an immediate sense for the beauty of a place and knows how to capture this most eloquently in her work. As a writer, she knows how to write for an audience. No other book I have read has made me so hungry! Her descriptions of food (and wine) are simply superb. Not only did I find myself rather hungry for good food while reading this, I also found my self seized with a different kind of hunger - a hunger to travel. My passport has been burning a hole in my pocket for a couple of years now, and I certainly found myself wishing I was really in Europe and North Africa with Mayes. I would recommend this book to anyone looking for a good read, wanting to travel, actually, come to think of it; I would recommend this book to anyone. Just be prepared to spend a considerable amount of time lamenting the fact that you don’t have enough money to spend the rest of your life travelling. This is travel writing at its best!

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REVIEWS THE

AUTEUR HOUSE INTRODUCTION TO

Film

Lars Von Trier PART II

Ghost Rider

BY DR RICHARD SWAINSON

REVIEWED BY JOE CITIZEN I heard today that Nicholas Cage can’t fall any lower than this film, but someone’s got to do graphic novel remakes and it may as well be him. It’s not a genre that has been particularly well done, although it is starting to get the recognition it deserves after the likes of Sin City. This is a not a bad adaptation of the idea behind the Marvel comic character Johnny Blaze, but it’s more of a film than a filmic rendition of graphic art. (Which is what was depicted in X-men, although by the time the audience figured it out we were subjected to X-men 2, which was truly awful.) In some ways this story is more like Batman than Superman, because Blaze is a flawed character - an award winning motorbike riding stunt man who has made a pact with the devil. He has to conquer both inner and outer demons to be true to himself (and regain his childhood sweetheart.. yawn.) Superheroes never go out of fashion it seems - the audience were more rapt than I was, possibly because I’ve seen too many movies but also possibly because the flaming skull and liquid fire special effects never fail to impress. The special effects almost conquer this film, so much so that I was left wondering at what matters most in modern movies - the old-fashioned necessity of a plot or the pure brain blistering amount of spectacle that looks indistinguishable from the real world. As Ghost Rider points out so cleverly: sometimes legends are true, which translated could be read as: sometimes even though we know it’s fiction, it looks like the real thing if fiction was real. Do audiences really crave supernaturally powerful heroes (who may or may not represent our own fantasies of wanting to be all powerful?) Or, do we just want to escape from it all and watch pretty things that press all the right buttons but don’t mean very much? Whether or not Nicholas Cage has made his own pact with the devil to do this movie is another matter. He seems to be acting on auto pilot, probably because his character is not very deep and there’s not much to develop. Mind you, you have to wonder why Peter Fonda chose to play the devil too - perhaps they just liked the comic and it was an overwhelming lifelong dream of theirs to play those parts, or more likely they had overwhelming tax bills and its what happened to be closest. The cheesy dialogue must’ve been hard to say without thinking about the money. This movie is made to be a superhero blockbuster and if that’s what you like then this movie’s probably for you. Great special effects and motorbike stunts make for 90 minutes of pure escapism, but very little else.

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Lars Von Trier was the most high profile advocate and practitioner of the ‘Dogme 95’ manifesto of cinematic production. This set of rules - in practice not too dissimilar from those less selfconsciously employed by the French New Wave thirty years earlier - stressed the need for location shooting, live sound, natural light, hand-held camera work, improvisational performances and a certain false modesty when it came to the credits. Like all true trend-setters Von Trier abandoned the trend once it caught on, embracing the aesthetic opposite. “Dogville” (2003) is not only completely shot on a sound stage it foregrounds the fact by largely doing away with sets. The action takes place almost wholly within a small, idealised American town, one whose presence is implied by markings on the stage floor. There are a few token props, but these heighten rather than detract from the inherent theatricality of the style. Whereas Dogme 95 eschewed the use of stars and discouraged any reflection about a film’s authorship, “Dogville” is overflowing with movie icons from different eras and countries, most of whom have a direct association with particular directors or artistic periods. It’s as though Von Trier is trying to synthesise elements of film history: from classical Hollywood and the works of Hawks and Huston he casts Lauren Bacall, from Sweden and Bergman he uses Harriet Anderson, from 70s ‘Silver Age’ American cinema he features James Caan and Ben Gazzara, associates of Coppola, and Cassavetes, respectively, and from the more recent Independent films of Clark, Korine and PT Anderson there’s Chloe Sveigny and Phillip Baker Hall. The contemporary mainstream is represented by leading lady Nicole Kidman, who’s seldom been so tested. Thematically, “Dogville” continues the critique of American capitalism and culture begun in “Dancer in the Dark” (2000). Von Trier is less interested in creating a literal or historically accurate reproduction of the United States than in examining the philosophical underpinnings of a country that he sees as countenancing racism and extremes of wealth and poverty. These ideas are purportedly taken still further in the sequel “Manderlay” (2005), which is set on a slave plantation. In between the two films Von Trier collaborated with former mentor Jorgen Leth to make the highly personal and surprisingly moving “The Five Obstructions” (2003). Von Trier commissions - or rather demands - Leth remake his best known work, a 60s short, five times. The catch is that each of the remakes has to comply with a series of arbitrary limitations of Von Trier’s own design. What starts as an intellectual gimmick gradually becomes a touching document of two dissimilar artists’ relationship and mutual respect. With the exception of “Manderlay” - whose distribution is a mystery - all DVDs mentioned above are available at Auteur House.

ISSUE 7 23 APRIL 2007

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Arts Diary ‘Thirty Years Since Sleeping Dogs’: An Evening with Lindsay Shelton Lindsay Shelton, the marketing director of the New Zealand Film Commission from 1979 till 2001 speaks frankly about his involvement with the sales and marketing of New Zealand movies which were landmarks in our local film history. Refreshments served from 6.30pm, presentation at 7pm sharp. Free entry at Auteur House, 555 Victoria Street (located across the road from Kathmandu, upstairs from Mark One Comics. Phone 07 834 2485 for more details.

Waikato Society of Arts- McCaw Lewis Chapman Regional Art Awards In the Chartwell Gallery at the Artspost, from 10am to 4.30pm daily. Entry is free. For further details contact ArtsPost@hcc.govt.nz

Waikato Creative Spaces Network Exhibition A collaborative project involving many disability service providers and their artists. This exhibition celebrates their creative abilities. Running until 30th April at the Sandz Gallery, 6 Kent St, Frankton Village, Hamilton. Free. For more details contact the Waikato Creative Spaces Network on 07 847 4344 or sandzstudio@xtra.co.nz

Bearing Witness - documentary photography through the lens of Cheri Waititi Three very different themes are explored in Cheri Waititi’s first solo exhibition at the Calder & Lawson Gallery. 2004 Hikoi - the quiet dignity and subtle but assertive presence of the kaumatua who attended; 3rd Culture Kids - the fusion of identity of New Zealand’s Polynesian Youth; The Dancer - the combination of the elegance of movement. 19 Apr 2007 to Mon 07 May 2007 from 9am to 5pm at the Calder & Lawson Gallery in the Academy of Performing Arts. Free entry. For more details contact Anne Harlo on 838 4466 or anneh@waikato.ac.nz If you know of any art events or you are an artist looking for some media exposure for your event, email nexus@waikato.ac.nz.

REVIEW

Cloud Shape Classifier

Douglas Bagnall – Ramp Gallery (ended 20th April) Reviewed by Dawn Tuffery Most people like to look at clouds. A sky full of fluffy cumulus meringues can bring back memories of lying in the grass shape spotting as a child, or promise a fine day. Wellington-based digital artist Douglas Bagnall has taken cloud appreciation a step further with his Cloud Shape Classifier exhibition, recently hosted at Wintec’s Ramp Gallery. Just in case you don’t have time to survey the skies and find the nicest clouds, the Classifier will find them for you. After ‘training’ it to recognize favourite clouds, you’ll be offered individually selected clouds that, theoretically, fit your tastes. It’s a whimsical combination of the technological and the esoteric, a literal MySky. Apparently the actual classifying happens via a ‘multilayer perceptron neural network’, so the combination of multisyllabic method and simplistic subject offers a wry humour. There are also connotations of putting trees in a tree museum – Joni Mitchell would probably approve all round. As with many exhibitions that involve pressing buttons, the concept slyly whispers ‘gimmick’ and has a limited hold on ones attention. Perhaps the web is a more appropriate, or at least familiar, forum for the classifier, although viewers then miss out on the real buttons and large projected images. They’ll just have to look out the window or something. However, it’s all quite ingenious and worth a look. Luckily those who were impetus-challenged and missed out on seeing Cloud Shape Classifier at Ramp can still check it out on the web at http://cloudy.halo.gen.nz.

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ISSUE 7 23 APRIL 2007

James Wilson

“I Think of You Often and Wish Things Were Different” Platform 01 467 Victoria st April 24 - May 12 Wed - Fri 1130 - 3 Sat/Sun 11 - 5 Opening April 24 5.30pm Bring your Heart and your Infinite Money James Wilson is a Hamilton artist working on contemporary themes primarily in the medium of acrylic paint. According to an authoritative online source, he isn’t the first to die, but he doesn’t make it to the end either, making the elementary mistake of running upstairs instead of out the front door when leatherface shows up. Learn from his grisly fate.

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