issue 7

Section Title

Issue 7 路 10 April 2006

Advertorial

Eastside Tavern “Rocking,” Say Staff Hamilton’s Eastside Tavern is the new place to be for students, say staff.

The popular pub, located on Grey Street in Hamilton East, is undergoing a major revamp, starting with the garden bar. Features both new and old include pool, big screens, pub games and a huge garden bar, with roofed smoking area. An area around the back caters for pokies fans.

And there’s plenty more, says co-owner Nick.

“Most people come on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights,” he says. “The place really packs out. We get all sorts – sports teams and supporters, old-timers, regulars, and of course, students.”

Why the dedicated clientele?

Nick reckons it’s largely due to the range of possible entertainments the bar has available.

And, of course, the atmosphere. “We’ve got the best garden bar in Hamilton, with the big screens and river views. And we’ve got heating in the winter.”

Of course, the business of the bar is selling drinks, and the Eastside has plenty to choose

from. “We’ve got fourteen types of beer on tap, from Tui and Waikato Draught to the complete Montieth’s range, Murphy Stout and Lion Red, plus the new Export Gold Extra Cold.” The food ain’t half bad either, apparently.

“Food? Try bacon, eggs, toast and a hash brown, only $5.00 every Saturday and Sunday.

And we’ve got $6.00 pizzas every Monday and Tuesday.”

Nick says he expects student appeal to increase with the recent changes the bar has made, along with the range of activities run every week, which include: • TheTuiSportsQuizeveryWednesdaynightfrom 7.30. Spot prizes and bar tabs to be won • Spinning Wheel every Thursday night – your chance for a free round!

• 18 pokies, pool tables, and huge screens for all sporting events.

The Eastside Tavern is open 7 days. For more information call 0-7-856 3280.

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

Photos by Jesse Wilson, College Hall. Box – Tovah Reed. ‘do a day at uni in a giant box, and have to answer to anyone that questions what she’s up to by loudly proclaiming, ‘the end is nigh, boxes are your only saviour!’ - Nick Tovah’s First Dare – becoming a box. (But without the proclaiming, sadly) Interesting things a box can do: Play rugby, Play pool, Play piano.

My experiences: Interesting…very interesting. If you’re a budgeting uni student and you really want a sauna, check out a box instead.

Highlights for the day – caught a rugby ball with a box on my head!

Audience attention rating – 4 Excitement/fear of dare – 1 So you know what this means – get creative! Email nexus@waikato.ac.nz with your dares for Tovah.

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Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

Party Time!

Party Review

by Skot

Hey, did you have a good time last night? Smurf-tacular! As soon as we got out of the bar, she started smurfing me.

Hey! And welcome you all to another party review. This week involved more funnels, more nudity, a lot more drinking and a blow up doll named Lucy (apologies to Lucy if I got your name wrong, I can’t really remember meeting you).

The first party was on a Thursday night. I arrived there the same time as the sound police did and I asked him if he would like his picture taken for Nexus but unfortunately he declined. I guess he had lots more noise to police ahead of him. The night continued yet again with an extra long funnel but this time the funnel had a tap connected at one end, it looked rather similar to the kind of tap found on the end of a fire hose (wouldn’t have a clue where they picked that up from).

The second party I went to was on Saturday night (sorry to the party on Tramway road that I didn’t make it to - we got far too smashed and couldn’t drive!!). The party began with the introduction of Lucy the blow up doll. As this was happening one of the party goers (who will most definitely remain nameless) declared they had christened her. All I have to say about the matter is that, unfortunately for Lucy, since the christening she must have tape on her bottom to keep her inflated. As I was listening to more stories about Lucy, pretty much the whole party except me jumped into the pool as they declared 12am ‘swim time’. I can’t really remember the rest of the night thanks to the guy with the magic red cordial – seriously, the best drink maker in the world.

Top three quotes of the night: ‘Everyone at my flat are being gay, they don’t want come to this party!’

‘Gay!? Where? Where? I’m gay!’

The toilet facilities at the establishment are A class!!

Damn, woman! I just gave you sweet loving five minutes ago!

Final rating: Party 1 + Party2 / 100 = 8.1425 out of 10 PARTY! Txt me anytime (after 7am) 0274 279319 and JR and myself will review your party Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

Features

16 19 20 21

Big Kid’s Toys – A Few Of The Best Drinking Games X-Box 360 Bus Engine Talk

Reviews

24

24

24

Slipping Tongue, Tenpenny Joke and Ruptus Jack at 6 ft Under Epitome, Fuelset, World War Four at 6 ft Under Bic Runga at Founders Theatre

Articles

22 Having a Mayor – Talking to Michael Redman 44 The Bleeders Hit Htown

Regulars 04 I Dare Ya 05 Party Review 07 Editorial 08-12 News 13 The Second Oldest Profession 14-15 Lettuce

26 WSU columns 24-25 Gig Guide 31 Notices 34 How to…

Killing Time on Campus 35 Classic Rock Review Boganology 101

36 Magic 8 Ball Muscle Man U ‘n’ I 37 Food 38 Uncle Jim’s Kiddies Page 39 Comics 40 Books

40 Word Freak 41 Films 42 CD Reviews 43 DVDs 45 The Player 46 I’ve Got 5 On It 47 Busted

Who owns those funky funky shorts?

Credits

Editorial Big kids toy wishlists

Editor

Dawn Tuffery nexus@waikato.ac.nz Designer

Matt Scheurich graphics@nexus.npl.co.nz Advertising Manager

Tony Arkell

admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz 0211766180 Interim News Editor

Joshua Drummond news@nexus-npl.co.nz (Interim) Music Editor:

M. Emery Books Editor:

Michelle Coursey Politics Editor:

Chris Grenfell Main Feature:

L&P, DT, M&J, Hannah Yen and Nick Elliot Contributors

Hannah Yen, Mazzy, Jess Van Dyk, Boulanger, Skot, Matt, Brie Jesson, Sam, Sam Brown, Alana Fergusson, Danielle Thomson, Burton C. Bogan, CJ, Nick Chester, The Panther, Gary Oliver, Matthew Wills, Uncle Jim, Hazazel, Kazuma Namioka, Leigh McGeady, Joe Citizen, Josh Drummond, SCA, WSU

JOSH

Nexus – The best toy around The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of Nexus Publications 2003 Ltd, any of our advertisers, WSU or APN. Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

Issue 7 ¡ 10 April 2006

7

Monday, 10 April 2006

Freaky Tertiary Changes Mean No More Singalong Golf

by Josh Drummond The Government is making sweeping changes to the way tertiary courses are funded – which are likely to force many institutions to cut courses.

The brunt of the changes will be the move from Equivalent Full Time Student funding (EFTS,

funding and assure the quality of qualifications.”

Waikato University courses are likely to be cut by more than half, from the 165 offered currently to 53, according to the Academic Programmes Community.

Waikato Student’s Union President Sehai

“cautiously optimistic.”

He told the New Zealand Herald that “a multi-year funding agreement would remove uncertainty about the amount of money coming with fluctuations in enrolments,” and approved of “clearly defined polytechnic roles set against

also known as “bums on seats,” funding,) to a performance-based model. Universities and other tertiary institutions will be encouraged to cut possibly lucrative but low value courses in order to “play to their strengths,” according to a statement released by Tertiary Education Minister Michael Cullen on Tuesday.

“Funding will no longer solely be driven by what students decide to enrol in. Rather we are moving to a system driven more by the outcomes we need so the government can achieve its economic and social priorities,” he said.

Translation? The government will be grading tertiary courses, and any it doesn’t like will receive a “not achieved.” grade.

“Now is the time to take the next steps to ensure the sector produces more of the kinds of skilled graduates we need to help drive the transformation of New Zealand into a high wage, knowledge-based economy,” said Dr Cullen.

The reforms come on the tail of a Waikato

Orgad said she was pleased with the proposed changes.“We hope that the funding changes will result in a closer focus on the quality of our students’ education and mean that the qualifications they gain will be relevant to the communities they live in and jobs they get,” she said.

“This also steers away from the “bums on seats” model, and gives the university an opportunity to focus on higher priority areas.”

Criticism of the reforms has so far been limited, with National Education Spokesman Bill English accused the Government of “removing student choice,” with the new changes, in contrast to his earlier criticisms that the Government had wasted “literally hundreds of millions on their failed experiments.”

Similarly, Norman LaRoque of the Education Forum said the reforms were likely to “stifle healthy competition.”

Others were more positive about the reforms.

those of universities.”

However, he said that the question of “what does it all mean,” was yet to be answered.

The changes, due to take effect in 2008, will affect courses such as those offered by the ill-fated Te Wananga O Aotearoa, such as its infamous twilight golf and Maori singalong courses. Tertiary providers will be finding out in the next month which courses will and will not make the grade, with the Tertiary Education Comission holding workshops which will establish what type of courses are acceptable for institutions to offer.

There have been plenty of sub-par courses offered by New Zealand institutions in the past, funded by the Government’s $2 billion annual spend on tertiary education. Because of the nature of “bums on seats” funding, courses that attracted large numbers of students received correspondingly high levels of Government dollars.

Christchurch Polytechnic’s “dodgy” Cool IT course enrolled some 18 000 students, of which only

University plan for the institution to reduce the number of courses it offers, in order to “optimise

Dr Neil Barns, president of the Institutes of Technology and Polytechnics, said he was

603 completed the degree. For this it received $15 million in funding.

Young people have their say on youth alcohol bill Young people have ensured their voices are heard after addressing a select committee considering the minimum age for purchasing alcohol, Youth Affairs Minister Nanaia Mahuta said today.

The Minister commended the young people aged 15-21 from the Ministry of Youth Development’s Activate/Youth Advisory Group, after they presented their submission yesterday to Parliament’s Law and Order Select Committee, on the Sale of Liquor (Youth Alcohol Harm Reduction)

Amendment Bill.

The proposed legislation suggests raising the minimum alcohol purchasing age from 18 to 20 years.

“It’s great to see young people exercising their democratic rights by standing up and making their voices heard by government decision-makers on important issues which affect them.

“It is also fantastic to see young people being supported by the Ministry through the Activate Group to get involved in the decisionmaking process and feel that they can make a difference.”

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

Ms Mahuta said the Activate group was one of a number of initiatives set up by the Ministry to get young people’s voices heard in government policy, and by leaders and key decision-makers.

Ms Mahuta said a healthy democracy was one in which all people felt that they could make their views heard.

“I would like to encourage all young people who are passionate about issues affecting them to get involved in the decision-making process, whether its through groups like Activate, or their local youth council, school, youth group or community.”

News

w00t!

Graduates Have Fun Graduating.

Probably.

by Josh ‘Slack’ Drummond

Waikato Aims For Glory At Uni Games

by Joshua Drummond The University of Waikato is sending a team of 125 athletes in 11 sports to compete in the University Games.

The Games are to be held in Wellington from Tuesday 18 - Friday 21 April, and the Waikato team departs for Wellington on Tuesday the 18th April and returns on the 22nd April. The rowing team is separate from the others, and will be competing in Wanganui on Saturday the 15th.

It’s not the size that matters.

Hopefully.

Sports and Clubs Development Officer Phil Gilbert said that he expects the smaller-than-average team to compete based on the quality, rather than the quantity of the entrants. “The team had a social gathering at the Don Llewellyn on Saturday to discuss tactics,” he said. He added that he’d like to see the team return “with as many medals as the Commonwealth team, although the funding’s not the same.”

“It looks like one of our smaller teams so it must be based on quality. The new sports like Lawn Bowls, Karate and Table Tennis and an increase in Badminton players reflects international student interest.”

Teams being sent to the Games were competing in established Waikato University sports such as Badminton, Cross Country, Basketball, Karate, Golf, Hockey, Mountain Biking, Lawn Bowls, Table

Tennis, Touch Rugby and Rowing.

Mr Gilbert said that traditional sports seemed diminished compared to the popular new ones like Karate.

“There seems to be more interest in the individual sports, and the only traditional team sports to have survived this year are Basketball, Men & Women, Hockey, Men and Touch [men and mixed.]”

Waikato have had mixed results at previous University Games, but have usually put up a strong showing against the bigger universities.

Last year’s Games saw Waikato take an alleged third place behind AUT and Auckland University respectively, although the result was sadly later changed to fourth. Around 2000 competitors took part in 21 sports at last year’s event.

Particular success this year is expected from the crack golf team, which includes such luminaries as Waikato law students Ryan Holden and Jamie Moore (Nexus’ own Uncle Jim) who hold the number one and two spots respectively at Cambridge Golf Club.

The University Games were first established in 1902, where the initial three sports were Tennis, Athletics and Debating. The Games now attract over 2000 participants each year, which makes them one of the largest participatory sporting events in New Zealand. The University Snow Games (formerly Winter Games) are to be held over 26 August - 1 September 2006 in Wanaka.

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

Waikato University Graduation ceremonies are to be held this month, beginning on Thursday the 20th of April and continuing until Friday the 28th.

Graduates are invited to meet with the Mayor (see page 22 for an interview) in Garden Place, and then process through the city to Founders Memorial Theatre where the graduation ceremony is held.

We couldn’t actually come up with any more information on this topic without, like, trying, so the following is a transcript of a realistic Nexus conversation, based on actual events.

Editor: “Have you done the graduation story yet?”

News Editor: “Um…” Editor: “Hurry up would you? I want to go home.”

News Editor “There’s no story here. It’s just a graduation thing that nobody cares about except the graduates, and we can’t tell them anything they don’t already know.”

Editor: “There might have been a story if you had started three days ago, like you were supposed to.”

News Editor: “I was busy…”

Editor: “Doing what? Playing video games? I told your mother not to let you near the PlayStation until your work was done!”

News Editor: “Um, I don’t live with my…”

Editor: “Whatever. Just get the story done, okay?”

Graphics Editor: “Did you finish that review of that game? Because we need it now. Like right now.”

News Editor: “Oh shhhhi…”

See page 45 for a review of V8 Supercars 3 for the PlayStation 2.

News

Protests For Premier

by Josh Drummond Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao’s visit to New Zealand has been marked by protests of China’s human rights record.

The Falun Gong movement has used the visit to protest over what they say is persecution by the Chinese government. 20 protestors gathered outside the Premier’s hotel, carrying placards and holding yellow Falun Gong banners. A spokesman for the group, Chris Thomas, told the New Zealand Herald that “ [Prime Minister Helen Clark] needs to ask him about specific human rights abuses, not just talk generally about the issue.”

Amnesty International also called for the New Zealand Government to ask the visiting Chinese Delegation to make good on promises to improve China’s human rights record.

“Despite some improvements, including welcome changes to the Chinese constitution and law, human rights violations continue on a massive scale,” said Amnesty’s NZ executive director, Ced Simpson.

“Year in, year out China executes more of its citizens than the rest of the world combined.

Freedom of expression - be it political activism,

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religious association or sexual preference - is severely repressed by State monitors. Thousands of Chinese citizens are routinely arrested for posting articles on the internet or criticising the government -- despite ‘freedom of expression’ being enshrined as a right in the Constitution of China,” he said.

Focus on education Protests aside, the focus of the Premier’s visit was talks on attempts to arrange a free trade agreement with China. New Zealand’s educational relationship with China was also on the agenda.

“The value of close ties between New Zealand and China has been underlined by the renewal of the Memorandum of Understanding (MoU) on Cooperation in Education and Training between the two countries today,” said Tertiary Education Minister Michael Cullen.

His comments followed a signing ceremony attended by Prime Minister Helen Clark and Wen Jiabao.

“The renewed agreement will further strengthen information flows and deepen

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

the relationships between the two countries’ Ministries of Education. It will be of particular value for education organisations who want to establish joint programmes and relationships with their counterparts in China,” said Dr Cullen.

The MoU includes a commitment from the Chinese Ministry of Education to increase the number of scholarships available for shortterm training of New Zealand Chinese language teachers from two every other year to 15 each year.

“The MoU reinforces the closer relationship developing between New Zealand and China, and demonstrates that New Zealand and China view each other as reliable education partners,” said Dr Cullen.

The revised MoU restates the promotion of Chinese language learning and encourages the establishment of a “Confucius Institute” in New Zealand. Confucius Institutes are supported by the Chinese government and aim to promote a better understanding of Chinese language and culture outside China.

News

Student’s Association Whanganui UCOL ‘Struck Off’

by Karoline Tuckey The Student’s Association of Whanganui UCOL is currently not able to hold legal meetings as it has been ‘struck off’ the Companies Office Register for not filing financial accounts with the Office since 2003.

Copying Virus Spreads

by Paul Clearwater Want to buy last year’s assignments and tests? If the answer is yes, all you have to do is waltz on down to the campus notice boards, find the right advertisement, call the number listed and, hey presto, you’re in with a grin.

A few weeks ago Massey University in Palmerston North was in the news after advertisements on campus notice boards advertised past tests, exams and assignments for sale. Similar advertisements have now been found in Wellington.

Advertisements destined for notice boards need to be authorised by the Student Association beforehand, but lately a few appear to have snuck through the filtering process.

Massey at Wellington Student Association President Steven Gannaway said he didn’t endorse this practice. “This kind of thing is symptomatic of the increasingly commercial nature of tertiary education in New Zealand”. The Association would from now on pay closer attention to the advertisements, he said.

Massey’s Deputy Vice Chancellor Professor Andrea McIlroy said the university did not support cheating in “any way or form”.

“If caught, the student will fail and, considering that an assignment could be worth a potential 25 per cent of their paper, the affects could be disastrous.”

Lecturers looking for cheats have access to an online archive called ‘Turnitin’. This plagiarism-prevention technology helps combat and control copying by cross-checking previous test and assignment answers. If a match is made, serious consequences could confront the student in question.

Asked if there was an issue regarding lecturers regularly using the same or similar tests or assignment questions, Professor McIlroy said: “it’s most unlikely that they would repeat tests.”

But beware students! If you consider dabbling in plagiarism, whether it is via the web or buying answers from the notice boards, think again.

Lecturers are experts in their fields which means that they will be familiar with the material you use to write your assignments.

So, the next time you think about plagiarising remember the quote by Stephen Gosson: “He that readth good writers and picks out their flowers for his own nose, is lyke a foole.” - ASPA

The organisation’s President Kiritahi Takiari is said to be in the process of reviewing its status from that of an incorporated society to that of a charitable trust governed by appointed trustees and not fully reliant on student funding.

New Zealand companies, charitable trusts, and incorporated societies must all be legally registered with the Companies Office. According to the them, SAWU was struck off the register on the 1st of September 2005.

Jane Fraser-Jones, spokesperson for the Companies Office says that SAWU was struck off for not submitting recent financial accounts, and that the last financial statements submitted by SAWU to the Companies Office were for 2003.

Takiari says that she is aware that they are currently struck off, and the reason is “because we are going to be a charitable trust. …There is no other reason but that”. Takiari says the reason the finances haven’t been filed with the Companies Office is “because they weren’t ready then …Last year, yes, we, were struck off, because our accounts weren’t ready. Now our accounts are absolutely ready.” Takiari says SAWU expects that their accounts will be submitted by the end of March.

Fraser-Jones says the Companies Office tried to make contact with SAWU, but didn’t receive any response. “Organisations continuing to operate as Incorporated Societies after being struck off the register cannot operate as a legal entity, but can be re-registered if they submit their financial statements, fill out a form, and pay a fee,” she said Takiari says that SAWU is changing its legal status from a Board of Executives elected by student members to govern the organisation, to a charitable trust governed by Trustees appointed for a three year term. She said of the change, “this will allow for consistency with SAWU governance.”

“One of the Trust’s strategic goals is to secure a robust future for SAWU. This future will ensure that SAWU will own its own premises and services. Also where SAWU is in a position where it is not totally reliant on EFT [equivalent full time student] funding to survive.”

The Companies Office Web site lists the SAWU AGM as due to take place in March. However Fraser-Jones says that while SAWU is struck from the register any AGM is not able to be legally recognised. - ASPA

MALE BATH HOUSE S AU N A · S T E A M · S PA GuyZ · 856a Victoria St Hamilton · Ph 839 5222

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

Tues – Sun 4pm till late (4men 2men stuff) Check our web site for upcoming events:

www.guyz.co.nz 20% Student Discount with this Ad and ID 11

News

Short shorts Sione’s Wedding Breaks Nz Box Office Record!

Penguin Visits Museum

SIONE’S WEDDING, the latest feature film from South Pacific Pictures, has had the biggest opening of any New Zealand film, taking around $630,000 at the box office in its first weekend.

The film’s producer and Chief Executive of South Pacific Pictures, John Barnett said: “Everyone involved is absolutely thrilled by the audience and critical response to Sione’s Wedding.”

Reviews have also been almost universally positive, with the NZ Herald’s Peter Calder saying it would be “Impossible to imagine it being done better.”

A giant penguin is currently on display at the Waikato Museum.

The giant penguin fossil was discovered in January this year by members of the Hamilton Junior Naturalists Club (JUNAT) who were on a summer camp in Kawhia.

Waikato Museum director Kate Vusoniwailala says it is a great honour for the museum to have the penguin for exhibition.

“The discovery of the penguin fossil has generated significant interest both nationally and internationally. Waikato Museum is privileged to have the penguin available for

Bond Boats’ Kiwi Float Boats that have featured in a number of popular James Bond movies will visit New Zealand for the first time in June.

The boats, all of which were actually used in the making of the films, will be on display for five days at this year’s Hutchwilco New Zealand Boat Show at the Auckland Showgrounds on June 1-5 (Queens Birthday Weekend).

They will be accompanied by an array of Bond “paraphernalia” used as props in the films, which will include an electrified wristwatch a throwing star, the special James Bond cellphone, a wrist dart gun,a SPECTRE ring, a rocket cigarette, the Odd Job death hat, and “The Briefcase.”

Dave Gibbs, general manager of the Hutchwilco New Zealand Boat Show believes the Boats of Bond Exhibition is a “once in a lifetime chance” for New Zealanders to see these incredible pieces of Bond film history.

“Their inherent value, their fragility and the very high cost of safely shipping them here and back means it is very unlikely these boats will ever come to New Zealand again,” he says.

exhibition. The penguin exhibition will open to the public in May this year as an ideal catalyst for our focus on getting children involved in science discovery in their own backyards.”

Immigration consternation The Government is targeting illegal immigrants in proposed changes to current laws which it says allow too much abuse.

Immigration Minister David Cunliffe told the New Zealand Herald he is “concerned that existing laws take too long to remove people who have been denied leave to stay in New Zealand.”

Immigrants arguing their right to stay in New Zealand, such as those claiming refugee status, currently have a number of legal recourses if their application is disallowed.

The Government proposes setting up a single appeals body for those whose applications to stay in New Zealand are rejected.

The planned review would take into account sections of the 1987 Immigration Act which allows more than one recourse to anyone initially denied residency.

But the Government says that it will not review that section of the law used by asylum seeker Ahmed Zaoui in his bid to gain refugee status.

Dramatic increase in government censorship predicted I can’t fucking think of any bullshit to fucking put here. What a stupid idea taking this from Salient, I mean, where is the freakin’ originality?

Seriously, titty fucking. Isn’t it hilarious? I’m not “knocking” it (har har), I just think that it is funny as shit on a brick. Anus cock sucking mother fuck fucking ass wank piss balls licker. Josh had no part in the content of this article, it was all me MEEEE MAATTTTT. Incredulor is the best!

Student magazines accuse Nexus of plagiarising their lame jokes Yeah, we ripped off that last thing from the Victoria Uni magazine, Salient. But what are they going to do? Sue us?

Victoria Student Magazine Sues Nexus for plagiarism and libel What’s that you say? This joke is stupid? Screw you. You try doing news at 1am, all on your own.

(Editors Note: It’s 9.30, you wimp. The news is actually really awesome and great to do and our news editor gets paid really well for it and loves his job. If you’d like to be a news volunteer, come on up to Nexus! The Happiest Place on Earth!™ Fun and adventure await!)

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Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

Nexus News Editor Becoming Increasingly Incoherent M$V$B<8$4,I&A!Q6Q0B/!4M’A,Q9B\”1R@ O$E0S13DJ*R8W/”-40GDZ.S-A=4 M9’3#TNdfsgfjy (()H,)”A@9A)1%1J2T5M5*!KRX_/$U.3T976%E:6UQ=7E]69VAI:F MML;6YO8W1U=G=X>7I[?’U^?W.$A8:’B(F* BXR-CH^”DY25EI>8F9J;G)V>GY M * C I * 6 F I Z B I J J N L K : Z O H 1 ` ` ( “ ` 0 ( # ! 0 4 $ ! 0 8 $ ” ,#;0$``A$#!”$2,4$%41-A (You’ve really lost it Josh - Matt)

Columns

The Second Oldest Profession

by Chris Grenfell

For those of us who consider ourselves Maori now is our chance to get on the roll.

The ‘Maori Electoral Roll’ that is. You may have seen the advertising on the television, with the guy from “Pete and Pio”…I think it is Pete, advertising the option.

Of course ‘the Don’ Brash is using this time to push his agenda of removing the Maori seats from Parliament. ‘The Don’ believes that having these seats especially for Maori creates a division in New Zealand. Of course the other argument is that years of marginalization and rights abuses of Maori at the hands of successive governments have in fact created this ‘division’.

Strangely, ultimately both National and The Maori Party both want the abolition of the Maori seats.

The Maori party, when the Maori people are strong enough not to need the special seats and National… well, before that happens!

News in brief...

April the 1st saw a range of laws come into effect.

Not only do we get interest free student loans but working families begin to get extra dosh, the oldies get more pension and businesses get a bit of a break too. The Reserve Bank is waiting to see who the April fools will be with all this extra cash in the economy.

Phil Goff hit Australia with the ‘IRA’ over allowing NZ to export our apples there. Oh, IRA stands for Import Risk Analysis. He really put the squeeze on them trying get a juicy deal. How ‘bout them apples?

Jim Bolger, Mike Moore and Chloe of Wainui are heading to the US to try and suck up to their peers to get a better relationship with the US. George W. won’t be joining the meeting as he has plans to realize his life-long dream and finally catch the Easter Bunny.

Immigration Minister David Cunliffe said in response to border security people singling out Islamic travelers for extra checks that the decisions are made by officials who “do their very, very best, often having to make decisions on the spot on the basis of a wide range of factors.”

“I used to say that politics is the second oldest profession, and I have come to know that it bears a gross similarity to the first.”

Ronald Reagan

The Queen decided to appoint Anand Satyanand as her representative in NZ. Well actually the cabinet chose him and the Queen just said ‘yeah ok’.

Satyanand was a Judge and the Ombudsman.

HAVE YOUR SAY IN PARLIAMENT Do you know how?

Dianne Yates, MP, Chair, Foreign Affairs & Trade Select Committee will conduct a training session on ‘Making Submissions to Select Committee’ on Wednesday, 12 April 2006 1-2pm. Guru Lounge, Student Union Building, University of Waikato. Organised by Labour Youth For further information contact: Chris McAvoy: email: cm73@waikato.ac.nz

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

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We want to hear from you! We want to hear your opinion, your views, your thoughts, bitching, moaning, groaning, all that stuff. In order for us to hear this, you’ll need to send it to us! Send all letters, whatever ilk they may be to nexus@waikato.ac.nz. If you want to send it via snail mail then address your letters to Nexus, Private Bag 3059, Hamilton. You can also just drop them in the Nexus box at the WSU reception.

Letter of the week Nexus, It has troubled me for sometime that all we hear in your student voice box is negativity.

Although I support the right of individuals to be heard one must suggest that this should be on the basis of issue and not personality. It is apparent there is consistent fighting amongst those who have perceived power and those who just plainly did not get elected to the place they believe they deserve. This absolutely has no benefit to any person other than entities such as the university for whom divide and conquer is a very palatable option when the next round of inevitable fee hikes occurs. Last thought, Leadership in its true form is the art of moving forward with, inspiration, dedication and communication. Procrastination is the art form of moaning till you get heard, waiting for something to be done and then criticising it, finally blaming everyone else once the train has left the station. Trains moving people…

Ben Come up and grab your five buckaroo voucher for Campus Kiosk

Non-student debate narrow Dear Editor, There has been some rather narrow thinking recently on the subject of whether non-students should be members of WSU, or its Executive.

The constitutional clauses in question are 4.1.2 and 13.7. They were designed, in part, so that full-time elected officers on the Executive, who have previously been WSU members, don’t have to enrol as students but can devote their time to servicing WSU. This has been the case in the past at times, yet no-one thought to make an issue out of it then (and rightly so). Old hands also have much valuable institutional knowledge.

Observant members might now ask whether WSU should allow students who are also staff members to be on the Executive, as there could

Letters policy Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters pages — serious or otherwise. Letters should be no more than 250 words and received

14

be held to be a fundamental conflict of interest.

They might also ask how well Executive members carry out their portfolio and their general duties.

There are other issues, too, including Executive culture, and how much time its members spend on, and how well they address, WSU problems, such as: o WSU’s Draft Strategic and Business plan o WSU’s Draft Tertiary Education policy o NZUSA’s strategic review on tuition fees,

loans, allowances, debt, etc. o The University’s strategic plan, and the

implications with enrolments down by 7% The debate needs to set in a wider context.

Carl Gordon

In reply to last week’s Dey street letter Its time someone from Dey Street spoke up in regards to Rikky. Firstly if your going to go to the press about something at least have to decency to use your real name, stop hiding behind a false surname.

Secondly not many people here at dey street miss him, he was a constantly on the piss and on drugs, always trying to scam people for money and suspected of a number of thefts.

He was given plenty of warning about his rent, he also failed to mention that he used to work for Dey Street but was fired due to never doing any work.

He was also always trying to get easy cash, even sued the council for stepping on glass. I believe the only reason he is at uni is for the allowance and loan. He got kicked out fair and sqaure and needs to get over it and move on. ps. Rikky, please go to the local dairy and pay them back the money you owe them, its not right to take advantage of their kindness.

Dey Street Resident

Get it together Jeff!

Reply to Jeff, I thought your article was so funny I almost wet myself - your use of the English vernacular was so by 5pm on the Tuesday before publication.

All letters will generally be printed so give it a bash, but the editor retains the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. Bad spelling and grammar will not be corrected — proof it yourself Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

awe inspiring, NOT! As far as being insulting, then the truth must obviously hurt - oh I ain’t your bro.

As far as the information in the letter is concerned - due to editing by the editor this was shortened and in my mind totally skewed the impact. I wonder if the editor will now run the full letter just for you.

Corrections, Sometimes you get it wrong and sometimes you only get half wrong - I wrote a comment which indicated that the WSU President was quoted as saying “I was missed quoted” in an article dated 22 Mar 06. Right quote wrong article - apparently this article is yet to be published - however I am a big guy and yes I may get somethings wrong (not often though) arohamai.

Kahu Nikora

Nexus Feedback (keep it up) Hi I just wanted to compliment you on the Issue 5 of Nexus. I thought you guys covered the issue well and it was really interesting Keep up the good work Kane (Massey)

Nexus is funny Dear Editor, It’s good to see Nexus developing a sense of humour. Maybe there should be May Fools’ Day, June Fools’ Day, et al, to encourage this. I refer to three pieces in Nexus 6: (1) the University merging with Te Wananga O Aotearoa (Waikato could really become a Maori University, which is what the VC secretly wants, so don’t assume it’s merely an April Fools’ Day joke by Nexus), (2) Lisa P. Floor incorrectly alleging me as the front man for the band ‘Presidents’ etc (must get some more clarinet lessons), and (3) Des Gruntled’s letter incorrectly alleging numerous things about me - but I’ll take up your offer Des. Let’s meet to discuss it. Maybe after the 12 April OSM by the shops. Tell me how to recognise you. I don’t even or you’ll look dumb. Pseudonyms are acceptable but all letters must include your real name and contact details even if you don’t want them printed. We discourage the use of pseudonyms for serious letters.

Lettuce know your real name.

On a serious note, the students’ association at this University in the 1970s achieved many things for students including the whole class rep system, enough control of the Building Fund Trust to ensure that students got the architects and design they wanted for the SUB, exposure of misdeeds by the University (and a Nexus renowned for its in-depth reporting of Uni matters), good representation, services which included a student-owned travel agency, much larger numbers of students at general meetings (yet with less than one-third the number of students on campus), and big campaigns about the wider issues of the day. Maybe the next OSM will add some commonsense.

Carl Gordon

Go the cheese and jam Regarding the food page in last weeks nexus, you have deemed cheese and jam the penultimate nadir of sandwich toppings. I believe this to be a travesty - jam and cheese together are delicious and will one day make world peace possible. But the marmite and avo was a good call.

Chur, Jim

Comment received too late for last week’s feature but good info People receiving student allowance or benefit do not qualify for the In-Work Payment and Family Tax Credit changes. However, they can benefit from the changes to the abatement threshold though. So if a person on benefit has some extra income that takes them over $20,356 p.a. they used to have that abated at 18 cents in the dollar, but will now benefit from not facing abatement until $35,000.

Kind Regards Pete Coleman Press Secretary Office of the Hon David Benson-Pope

Bothered by God Botherers To those fucking god bothering fucking “christians” out there who accosted me verbally on the street last week I say to you - Stop peddling your religion like some pauper child on the streets of Kolkatta. I don’t know who or what is running things in the great hereafter but when you get to wherever it is the deceased living go and meet whoever or whatever, they’re going to be super pissed at you for your inability to search for yourself, retailing god like some kind of cure all commodity and fucking the Hairy Mac off!

Chur, Hairy Mac

Opinion Waikato University, bought to you by Corporation ‘Sucksfuckingbigballs’?

by Hairy Mac Dear Ed, You don’t know me and I don’t know you and so far I think the relationship is working out fine.

I would stalk you but such behaviour is frowned upon by our legal system. If at any stage this letter sounds spiteful, vitriolic or outright wrong, it’s probably because it is, and so in my defence, freedom of expression is a wonderful thing, even if it’s ignorant expression.

As such let me preference the gist of this correspondence with a quote from the greatest export from the United States of America, federalism coming a close second of course.

there must be some good students out there that like me, dislike monopolies, are against anti-trust, pro competition and find the thumbs of multinationals rather disagreeable to be under, surreptitiously or otherwise.

The final straw that prompted this tirade was the branding outside Grind, there’s a big clue as to who I am talking ‘bout.

My point or concern is this, how long before our lovely pieces of paper we earn from fair ol ‘kato become Degrees bought to you by Corporation ‘notsuitableforchildrenunder18’ or are branded in a similar fashion. I am willing to

I am of course referring to The Simpsons. We all remember the Simpsons episode when Troy McClure is hosting a class with children stacked desk upon desk in the class room with children behind them, right? In a terrible future when classes are taught by video conference, scores of students to a class and education is bought to you by corporation X. It is scary that all of these statements ring true at Waikato, however let us reflect nostalgically upon that episode. Remember when Troy asks the class, something like…

“If I have 3 Pepsis and drink 2, how much more refreshed am I? You, the redhead in Alberta.”

And the kid replies “Pepsi.”

To which Troy replies, “Partial credit.”

As you can see it’s this last point that distresses me greatly. It’s mostly the combination of the corporate presence on campus and lack of variety which irks me. Waikato University, bought to you by Corporation ‘Sucksfuckingbigballs’.

I know or I think, CSL is responsible for what goods are supplied on campus and in this instance I am referring to consumable beverages of the soft drink persuasion.. I’m not sure which is more disconcerting, the fact that vendors do not have a choice as to the prices or what drinking goods they can serve on campus, or that CSL unilaterally decide such things. Now I am guessing students are pretty apathetic as to a universal soft drink on campus, I was, but let’s face facts. The kickbacks and rights paid to CSL by Corporation Corporation “Werebranded-a-carbonated-orange-drink-so-wecould-sell-it-to-the-nazis-during-wartime’ must be pretty large indeed I don’t know I may be wrong and I am happy to be so but I’m sure

admit this is pretty untenable and unrealistic but to you doubters I say the slippery slope has been trodden and it’s a matter of time.

The biggest indicator of this fact is that abortive, heinous, outright piece of shit outside the Academy. Not only is it encouraging littering, but if I could find a big enough bin I would dispose of it thoughtfully, with a grinder.

However, I am inclined to remember Fight Club when the army of Tyler have to blow a piece of corporate art and trash a franchise at the same time, just be lucky there is no franchise around the APA…or is there?

Anyway my point is that it is fucking shitty why is it there? Did Craporation ‘ourstocksaresafeashouses,’ sponsor such aesthetically challenging piece of “art” or maybe CSL? Maybe it was a collaborative deal, who knows huh? I just want to be on record on saying, “It’s fucking ugly shit, what it is trying to say?” If you can tell me I’ll be more than happy to listen.

I must say I’ve been rude and maybe even insensitive and if I have I will put it down to the four hours of sleep I got last night or perhaps the lack of sex or maybe the combination of the two, or maybe it’s the fact the Mr. Tom is holding a gun to my head. (His people have been persecuted since the dawn of time maybe even more than the Jewish people, they demand a state of their own and to be left alone in peace free from pasta sauces, fish n chips and soups, for the love of god comply or he will kill and juice me in order to achive his feindish political end. Damnit I’m too young to die! Send in the lemons!)

Anyway I hope this has some significance to the readers of OOOUUUUURRR lurvely magazine.

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

15

Everyone has their favourite big kid’s toys. Here are a few, carefully selcted by Nexus writers for your edification. Yeah, we missed out iPods, but what are you gonna do about it?

Email nexus@waikato.ac.nz with any vital omissions and we’ll publish the results.

Big Boys’ Toys

Enzo Ferrari

Now I’m not a boy, even though the boys at work constantly insist I am. Apparently

The Enzo is a 12-cylinder Ferrari supercar and was named after the Ferrari founder.

The original release was of 349 units and prospective buyers were invited. This has

this is a compliment (it’s probably just because I talk about poos a lot). So I don’t really know a lot about the subject of Big Boys Toys. However, it highly amused me to learn a bit about why boys like toys. I was sitting in my Consumer Behaviour lecture when Ron told us all about why people buy things. Apparently we have a gap between who we really are and who we want to be.

So we attempt to fill this gap with things.

People who have incomplete self-definition tend to complete this identity by acquiring and displaying symbols associated with it.

Ha ha! This is why boys with small penises always have flash cars. Now that you have learnt something, I will continue this article with some selected Big Boys Toys and relevant info.

been consistently one of the most expensive cars on sale in the US. Going for upward of half a mil, these cars don’t come cheap. A review I found went on about Le Mans-car proportions, an F1 nose, some original details (the busting-out taillights), and underbody aero-diffusers that help generate twice the downforce of the F50 without a bulky wing, but it’s also a really pretty car. I actually watched a Top Gear episode where the host got to drive one, the lap time was 1.19.0. Not bad eh. Someone like you and me probably won’t ever see this car, let alone drive one. There are currently 400 around. If you were to buy one, you would be in the company of such previous owners as Pope John Paul II. Now that what I call a Pope-mobile! Big Boys Toy Rating: 10/10

by L&P

16

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

R/C Stealth B2 Bomber Flying predator This is like the grand-daddy of all those paper aeroplanes that boys can make.

The B2 Stealth bomber is a 40” radio controlled version of the one made by the US military. I couldn’t help but laugh at the accompanying marketing- “They come under cover of darkness. Glide through the night sky undetected. They strike, and then, as stealthily as they came, they’re gone”.

Sounds like some of the guys I know. This little banger has 2-channel radio control, onboard NiCad battery pack, and portable charger. It cracks me up that people pay more for miniature sets that they have to put together themselves. Hilarious. This plane goes for around 90 pounds.

Big Boys Toys Rating: 3/10

Feature

Real Dolls I’ve got to say, the concept is pretty genius. You have a beautiful, realistic feeling woman who says and does nothing. Features of this doll include: completely articulated skeletons which allow for anatomically correct positioning and an exclusive blend of the most expensive silicone rubbers for an ultra-flesh like feel. Tan-lines are now an option too! These dolls are custom made to order with an extensive list of options, from body type and face type all the way down to fingernail colour. You can also choose how many penetration options the doll has. The standard female real doll goes for $6499.00. The Male Realdoll is $6999.00. The FAQ section of the website is hilarious, with such questions as – ‘I’m a crossdresser interested in a full body silicone female skin. Can I buy a REALDOLL skin or can you tell me where I can get a silicone female body suit?’ If you buy one you would be in the company of such owners as Howard Stern.

Big Boys Toys Rating: 6/10 (She can’t cook!)

The Sony KDS-R60XBR1quality TV action I am one of those girls who knows absolutely nothing about

All clay Grand Las Vegas Showgirls Poker Chip Set There has been a huge burst in popularity for poker games, the most common being Texas Hold-em.

I can just see the dragon cards being slowly put away in exchange for this more masculine aroundthe-table game. And Poker nights are pretty cool.

You can put on a crazy fake Rusky accent like John Malkovich in Rounders. Apparently if you want to be a professional, you’ve got to get them clay poker chips. Plastic and metal chips are for suckers. The higher the clay content, the more expensive your chips are gonna get. The All Clay Grand Las Vegas Showgirls set retails at around $200. You can also choose between 300-1000 chip sets. True poker players must come up with strange names in quotation marks like ‘Amarillo Slim’ Preston.

If you have your own poker set you can be in the company of such people as Ben Affleck.

Big Boys Toys Rating: 4/10

technology so I had to use outside sources to choose a quality T.V. Apparently this T.V. is one of the best around in terms of image-quality (solid blacks) and selected features (such as SXRD™ technology, Advanced Iris, and WEGA Engine™system). This puppy also comes in 60” so should qualify as a Big Toy. You can purchase one new for around $5,000 American. I couldn’t find an answer to my most important question when buying appliances - does it come in any other colours?

Big Boys Toys rating: 8/10

Planet Eclipse Nexus EGO 06 I have played paintball. I am one of those paintball players who hides, and hides and then attacks with full force on each player at least once and manages never to get hit. I call it stealth, others call it boring. At least I don’t have to walk around with hideous ringworm style battle wounds for months. For some paintball is a game, for others it means the ability to carry a gun legally. The Planet Eclipse Nexus EGO 06 Marker is a weapon of mass destruction. Features include: Full 3-D Body Contoured Machining to Reduce Weight and Add Style, High Flow, High Accuracy, Consistent Output, Longer Grip and Adjustable Hose Input. It doesn’t say how much it hurts when you shoot it at people, but I bet it hurts real bad! This product costs around $1700, and I’m guessing that’s American. It has ‘Nexus’ in the name to make it cooler.

Big Boys Toys Rating: 7/10

Arcade Legends- Multi Game Arcade For The Home If you’re as old as me, then you will remember the good old spacey parlours which were around before playstations. They used to be 20c and had such classics as Mortal Kombat. Even before that there was Space Invaders. There were always dodgy older men in there, and in Rotorua the coin operator sat in their own cage.

Well, imagine having one in your very own home. This

particular model goes for around $3,000 American.

The Arcade Legends game comes with 50 classic arcade games including Battlezone, Mega Man, Pinball Action, Street Fighter II, Mortal Kombat and more. You don’t even need coins. If only this machine had an inbuilt pie lab, you would never have to leave home.

Big Boys Toys Rating: 5/10

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

17

Feature

Big Girls’ Toys

Sub Zero Pro

by DT

Hydrofoil Water Scooter It’s not strictly male or female, but damn I’d like one! ‘This unique hydrofoil frame allows you to skim across water simply by hopping gently up and down, propelling you as fast as 17 mph (more than four times faster than

Quantum® XL-6000 Sewing & Embroidery Machine

They get a bit of a bad domestic rap, but sewing machines are great. They give you the power to say ‘Screw you, Glassons – I’ll make my own purposefully shoddy bohemian chic patchworky top myself and save $50!’ Much easier than you think, incidentally.

If you have one of these flash newer models you can even program your own embroidery patterns too.

Big Girl’s Toys Rating: 6/10

some world champion freestyle swimming speeds). At only 26 lbs., the lightweight aircraft aluminium and fiberglass frame is easy to transport to a dock or boat for launch. Wide steps and handlebars allow confident control as your own hopping motion lifts the hydrofoils to skim quickly across a lake; the aquaskipper also provides a brisk cardiovascular workout.

Virtually maintenance-free, it has no moving parts or noisy engines that require fuel.’ So yeah, if you’ve been enjoying Nexus lately and have a spare $500, you know where I am.

Matt wants one too. Along the same extremely enjoyable lines – the 6-Foot Walk-on-Water Ball. ‘This giant 6’ inflatable sphere lets you walk across water as fast as you can stride thanks to hundreds of exterior inset cups that help grip the lake or ocean surface as you clamber up the spheres interior. With two of the fleet, buoyant spheres, opponents can race on the water, or bump and bounce against one another harmlessly.’ Hours of fun.

Big Boy’s/Girl’s Toy Rating: 10/10

This is the bike Sarah Ulmer rides apparently, and you can have one too, if you’ve got a few thousand bucks spare. Nice technological stuff this bike has - Columbus Airplane tubing, SUBSystem Carbon Seat and Chain Stays, Shimano Ultegra 20spd, Selle Italia Lady Trans Am Special Edition Saddle, Shimano PD-R540 Clipless pedals, Carbon front fork and seat post, etc.

The SUB range caters to different finances, and you can get the most basic model for about $650. The Pro costs a little bit more than that, but I bet it makes you feel rilly rilly fast. Big Girl’s Toys Rating: 9/10

Victoria’s Secret Fantasy Bra

And you thought a Bendon sports bra was expensive. For 10 million dollars US, you too can have one of these beauties. It’s embellished with rubies and emeralds and has a flawless ’60 carat pear cut Mouawad Mondera diamond’ in the middle. Bet you can’t run around in it though.

Big Girl’s Toy Rating: 9/10

Mobile Phones The now average cell phone would have amazed the 10 year old me. Your own tiny camera and video camera that also worked as a phone, played games and told you the weather forecast?

How sci fi and cool. Most mobiles are pretty fun, so it’s hard to single one out. A brief look around brings up an extensive range of choices. The i-mate JASJAR at $2000 may be beyond most of us, but even the affordable models are getting cleverer. Perhaps you’d like to play Trivial Pursuit on your phone, or email work your report while canoeing on Karapiro. Vodafone reckons you can now use your phone as an Eftpos card. I tell ya, next thing it’ll be doing dishes and counselling you on your relationship.

Big Girl’s Toy Rating: 8/10

Portable DVD Player

Someone always has one of these on a long bus trip and I get jealous. In practice, I’d probably get travel sick looking at one, but that’s irrelevant. This cute $300 toy plays DVDs, CDs, MP3s and Jpeg CDs. It has a anti shock system for the potholes and all the standard DVD player stuff. I bet you could get through the whole LOTR trilogy if you were bussing to Wellies.

Big Girl’s Toy Rating: 7/10

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Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

Features

Alcohol poisoning: A how to guide!

Erin Saunders on the top drinking games It’s a know fact, when us mature young adults, (cough, cough) get together for a few quiets on a Thursday or Friday, or any other day ending with a y for that matter, it doesn’t end all that quietly.

What started out as a few close friends ends up being them, some tag alongs and a few added extras for good measure. Except if you live in the halls of residence then it is only a maximum of five people drinking per room and we all know how vigilantly we keep to that rule! Back to our ever expanding group, it only takes one person to put into motion the idea of an infamous drinking game and by this time most of us have had a few so it’s a pretty good idea.

Yes most of you have sometime in your short years been subjected willingly or unwillingly, and let’s face it, most of us willingly oblige, to partake in a form of drinking game.

Games can be divided into two groups, those that you play whilst you are under the influence and those that you play for the sole purpose of consuming copious amounts of alcohol. The first are such games as Strip poker, Chicken and Russian Roulette. These games need impaired thoughts to partake in and the repercussions afterwards are some times fatal. SingStar is also found in this category. The latter division contains games such as 4 Kings and Snakes and ladders. As a side note: the person who decided to use a childhood game for the pleasures of a drinking game was a genius, everybody generally knows the rules and you can now play it with the intention of losing which is much more fun. The joy comes when your friends are stuck by the fourth ladder wondering why they keep seeing two of everybody. Arrogance and Loyal are also in this latter throng of games. It is out of share luck or share stupidity that you end up getting smashed. Many of them start off by following the rules and end up on a completely different tangent due to beer brain. This may be the reason the games mentioned before have such willing participants?

After countless squabbles and persistent demanding my peers have given me a list of their top ten drinking games. Bear with me on the rules for a bit I haven’t played half of these games: 10. Vegetables - 4+ players, all choose veggie names, make sure your teeth are covered by your lips. Say your vegetable twice and one other person’s twice, if your teeth show you gotta drink.

9. Musical instruments - 4+, all choose a musical instrument name, say your instrument twice whilst doing the actions of playing it and one other persons twice, you gotta drink if you stuff up.

8. Paper, scissors, rock, torture - pretty self explanatory - you lose, you drink.

person on right drinks, a double means you drink, first person to roll a 3 on any dice is Three man, any three rolled after that you have to scull. To get out of being Three man you have to roll another 3, anyone who rolls a dbl three has to scull whole bottle, snake eyes - scull whole bottle 6. Drunk Driver2 players (many more can watch), place 8 cards on the playing surface face down, over turn them, picture cards mean you scull, Jack = 1, Queen = 2, King = 3, Ace = 4. However many sculls you have that many cards get put back down, finish game when all cards are off the playing surface.

5. Snakes and Ladders - self explanatory - ladders go up, snakes go down, scull different shots at different places on the board 4. Arrogance - 5+, pass vessel around circle, pour drink into main vessel, how much you pour depends how arrogant you are, T or F question, get it right pass it on get it wrong drink from combined vessel.

3. I have never - ask a question like “I have never had sex with the lights on” all those who haven’t drink.

2. 4 Kings - 4+, pack of cards in a circle pick a card drink accordingly to what it corresponds with King = pour some of your drink into the middle vessel, last king card taken has to drink all its contents.(Tip to players…write the rules down first… if not arguments will follow) (I don’t care what you say…

6 is the chin master card and 10 is definitely question master) 1. Loyal - everyone drinks when the song says ‘Loyal!’ (also applies to ‘Roxanne’ by The Police. One person drinks every time Roxanne is said and the other when ‘red light’ is said. Both equally good songs) Universal drinking rules apply to all games: left hand holding vessel, pinky up, no pointing or using names, no swearing, not allowed to say drink or drank or drunk you must use words such as consume, intoxicated or just shorten to dink or rink either will do. Best of luck with your future drinking shenanigans.

If you have any that you believe should be added to my top ten list or that I should just play, lemme know.

7. Three man - 3 ppl (so it’s fast), 2 dice. 7 = person on left drinks, 8 =

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

19

Features

Engine Talk

By Nick Elliott

Photos by Hannah Yen, taken at the National Motor Show Where are all the car enthusiasts? That’s what I’d like to know.

Since coming to Uni, it seems like no-one talks about cars any more. Which is strange when considering that half the rooms of students I’ve visited are pasted with car posters.

The funny thing is, I ask these people with posters if they like these cars, and they say ‘yeah, it’s mean phat oi”. Then I ask them if they know anything about it, like what the mags are called or what plant it’s got in it, and they say “umm… phat chrome spinnaz” when it’s actually just got stock alloys. It seems like the way people look at cars has changed since coming to Hamilton

This is something most boy racer idiots don’t even give a thought to. Why do it like this? Because it looks tidy and shows the relative engine movement through the exhaust displacement, and it puts the sound to the side of the road to give a better, clearer effect. As for the “tuned” motor, this is the major separation between the boy racer and the car enthusiast. The boy-racer will gloat about how his motor is tuned to race spec and puts out 344 brake horse-power. Well that’s fine and dandy, if you’re a deadhead. This guy will be able to lift his bonnet and point to the custom radiator cap, metallic blue air hoses and turbo tubing, and probably the motor, too. Ask him how an engine works, and he’ll probably spout some rubbish about pistons and cranks. Ask

- they’ve gone from being a hobby and passion to just being some status symbol. Driving around Hamilton, I see the guys with their shabby body-kits and cut springs that have their seats laid right back. Would you think they’re cool? Probably. But if you actually think about it for once, what’s so cool about driving something that can’t handle corners properly or go over speed-bumps straight? If you’ve ever sat inside a car that’s got cut springs, it’s like sitting on a fucking washing machine. This shitty boy-racer image degrades the integrity of real car enthusiasts.

Talk to some of these goons and they’ll tell you how they forked out 8 grand for a mean as gsr dumped on 18” chromies with a 3.5” big bore exhaust and “tuned” motor, aftermarket box etc. Well, ok. 18” chromes generally look like shit. Do a search for Vault Wave chrome spinners and you’ll see what I mean.

But sure, if it’s got shadow-chromes and aren’t huge fat shiny blades of fucking death, then by any means that’s good. The big bore exhaust is a nice addition, if it’s done right - that is, not just jammed up under the rear skirt, because that looks like shit. The ones that are done right at the ones that are direct mounted on the left hand side of the car through a specific fit bumper, with the muffler pointed straight back but the tip facing out to the left.

him about rockers or about bottom end bearings and nine out of ten times he’ll be dumbfounded. Car enthusiasts don’t take their cars in for work - they have the ability to do it themselves.

Of course, car enthusiasts aren’t completely different to boy racers. Boy racers are like car enthusiasts gone wrong. Both groups like going fast, doing burnouts, doing O’s and power slides. But the car enthusiast looks for safety, whereas the boy racer looks for a response from his passengers and passer-bys watching. Car enthusiasts take their racing to the track, whereas the boy racer takes his racing on the streets. Safety is perhaps the biggest divider between the two groups. Personally, after having done three years of speedway racing and working on projects for the last couple of years, I’d consider myself a car enthusiast. Ask a boy racer which way you turn the steering wheel when you’re turning around a left hand corner in a stockcar, and odds are they’ll say left. Next time you go to speedway, look at the front wheels of the cars, they’ll be pointing right. So to all you boy racers, try getting your hands dirty this weekend. If you don’t think pulling your engine to bits and putting it back together is fun, you don’t deserve to call yourself a true car enthusiast.

20

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

Features

What’s something small, sexy, stylish & speedy?

By Hannah Yen Mini Coopers! I’m hoping to complete buying one of these babies before 2008. I first fell in love with them when I watched “The Italian Job”.

What first attracted me to Mini’s was their sexy design. You get a lot of variety in colours when making a mini, from solid colours to metallic ones. You can also add optional extra

equipment. Some items I would like added to my future Mini would be a computer system, radio and some other things to suit my needs.

Minis aren’t all looks, they have fantastic

the economy because all parts of them are recycled. They are also insured with a 2-year unlimited mileage dealer warrant. What’s even better they also come with a 12 year anti-

internal features. For the safety of passengers, six air bags. The “Single-link spring-strunt front axle” gives the car direction; while lessening vibration effects while driving. Mini’s have 4-Cylinder engines; they have 1.6litre petrol engines. So if you like to drive fast cars minis are the way to go. Minis are good for

corrosion warranty. The paints are also coved by a 3 year warranty.

They (only) cost between $40,000- $50,000.

Once you purchase your Mini you also get these fantastic magazines (CD inside) telling you about what’s happening with Minis. For more information check out http://www.mini.com/

Xbox 360 Bus

by Josh Drummond. Photos by Matt I was a bit of a video game geek back in the day. Then I left school and learned about a real world and shit like that. This scared the hell out of me, so I got even more into games.

I don’t play World of Warcraft, I’m not sure what Dungeons and Dragons actually is, and I’ve never played through a Final Fantasy game, so I guess I’m not that bad. True video game geeks will probably know what I’m talking about. I do, however, tend to be on the sort of email lists that tell me what’s going on in the wider videogame world, and when one from Microsoft, inviting me onto an “Xbox 360 bus” found its way through my spam filter, I was keen. Keen enough to ring them, tell them I worked for a “respectable” publication (tee hee) and ask if I could have a press pass to the thing. They said ‘sure’. So I lined up Matt the Graphics Editor and the disreputable, alcoholic, Emma-Watson-stalking, indomitable Uncle Jim to be my partners in geekery.

The day arrived. Matt and I had been waiting for an hour or so for the bus to show up, and there

were a few punters milling around where it was supposed to be. It wasn’t there. I called Jim, who was in some seedy pub. Turns out, we’d gotten the time wrong. We played pool to pass the time until we got a text from Jim telling us to meet him at the bus.

We met Jim, who was reeking of stale Johnny Walker at 3 pm. I explained to the hefty security guard that Matt and I were from Nexus and Jim was a derelict who followed us around. They were cool with it and gave us press passes to get in.

“Underwhelming,” was the first word that came to mind. The hype machine had created a vision of a matrix-like gaming Nirvana where everybody jacked in and pwned each other. It wasn’t that at all. It was sweaty geeks and giggling girls, who, it turned out, were there to flirt with the Edge retards. And we were only supposed to be there for 20 minutes.

Abandoning disappointment, we moved around the various games. A few seemed good, (like Project Gotham Racing 3) and a few seemed OK (like Perfect Dark Zero). There were a few games on display that had execrable graphics for Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

a purported next-generation machine. You know something’s wrong with a console launch when one of the best games is a hidden mini-game in Project Gotham 3, called Geometry Wars. It was unimpressive, for the most part. Until Jim and I found Fight Night 3.

Jim, displaying remarkable cognition for one so inebriated, had managed to secure us a place in the mini-queue for Fight Night. It’s a boxing game from EA Sports. As it turned out, it was by far the best game on display. You hit the other player, and it goddamn well hurts them. There’s no life bars or anything. You tell how beat up the other character is by looking at them. The graphics are that good.

After some formidible bouts, one of the horrible DJs noticed we’d been around for a while, and started making “get the fuck off the bus so I can flirt with these 14 year old girls” type noises, so Jim and I left. Matt had already disappeared after the claustrophobia and B.O overwhelmed him. Jim slurred goodbye and slunk back to his secret lair, and I returned to Nexus, to scheme an Xbox 360 from Microsoft. With Fight Night. And Geometry Wars.

21

Interview

Having A Mayor

Chris Grenfell talks to Michael Redman about students, sport and mayoral motivations The position of Mayor of Hamilton is held by 40 year old Michael Redman - a highly successful Hamilton-based entrepreneur who has had

Mayor: Well the motivation began as a negative motivation, that I was just so angry and frustrated about Hamilton underachieving from a civic point

decision.”

When it comes to the University the Mayor is something of an important person. He is an ex

no involvement in politics in the past. Whose motivation to become Mayor was born from a disenchantment with the previous regime. Could such a politically inexperienced person possibly handle such a political position? Recently, I met with the Mayor in his 9th floor office overlooking Hamilton city and tried to find out what makes this ‘politician’ tick.

Upon meeting the Mayor his greeting was warm but guarded. Possibly this was a man that in 18 months in office had realized that reporters are somewhat of a double-edged sword. At the beginning of the interview when this exchange took place I became worried: CG: In previous interviews is there any question that you haven’t been asked that you wished had been asked?

Mayor: I always take the view that any question asked is a question too many…

CG: I’ll just go now, then.

Mayor: Yeah thanks.

of view, because on the positive side we realized that there was so much potential. So you either sit at home, disengage and complain - or you do something about it.

officio member of the University Council. Which isn’t bad going for a boy who left school with only School Certificate and never undertook tertiary education (apart for a couple of history papers taken as a hobby).

I asked his thoughts on what universities mean now and will mean in the future. Redman presented a dualistic idea on what he thought about the relevance of universities. He said that “I am increasingly hearing from parents…‘we don’t want our young son or daughter just to go to university and come out with a meaningless degree that they are not qualified to do anything in particular’. So that’s a challenge for the sorts of qualifications and the relevance of those qualifications and some of the career choices that are linked to those qualifications more so than the relevance of universities.”

Being quick to change hats back to representative of the University and Hamilton’s Mayor he reckons that “Universities are critical in

Fortunately, this exchange was followed by a hint of derisive laughter which stopped me from putting my tape recorder and bottle of wine away (something that Ian Wishart seems to use with effect) and battle on.

The Mayor went on to explain that “I’m not into this self-promotion and wearing your heart on your sleeve”. It seemed from the outset that this is Mayor who has come from business meaning business. He is firm in his ‘Mike Hosking’ position that people are free to and in fact should scrutinize his work as Mayor but when this “crosses the line” into the Mayor’s family life this is too far. I then crossed off all the salacious questions from my list and realized that there was nothing left.

Rather than finish the interview there, I pressed on. The old staple perhaps?

CG: Why did you want to become Mayor?

22

“

I was just so angry and frustrated about Hamilton underachieving from a civic point of view, because on the positive side we realized that there was so much potential. So you either sit at home, disengage and complain - or you do something about it

”

Is it really possible that Hamilton is run by a ‘non-politician’?

How does the Mayor see his position? He said, “I read every report that goes to every committee …I don’t go to committee meetings and the committees have been structured around people who want to be there and are interested in those topics and those committees make decisions and I am never there putting my oar in.”

“I’m not there voting and trying to influence others how to vote because I trust those committees, [and] that with good information from staff, with an understanding of what the recommendations are they will make a good Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

our society and in fact this University in particular, its success, its credibility internationally, its success with research and teaching qualifications is critical to our region’s success.” Changing hats again to the Chair of the ‘Mayor’s Taskforce for Jobs’ he added that “…there’s no doubt there are people coming out with qualifications that render them largely unemployable”.

Students need to step up The Mayor’s experience of the hustings on campus was somewhat troubling for him, as he recalls speaking to students without having much luck communicating. “They could tell you what they didn’t like, [but] they couldn’t really tell you what they wanted. When they did tell you what they wanted, often it was just completely unrealistic and not well thought through. Most importantly

Interview

“

This University in particular - its success, its credibility internationally, its success with research and teaching qualifications - is critical to our region’s success

”

they would always finish the conversation by saying ‘but we don’t care…as soon as we’re qualified we’re leaving anyway’” The Mayor also

said “Maybe I’m getting soft in my old age but I get no great satisfaction in watching other people lose…and I probably did once.”

job choice in the hospitality and events industry in the future.

In respect of the Mayor’s view on the District

said that outside of the campaign “I don’t see students at public meetings, I don’t see them making submissions to our plan...”

In a rare admission from a politician, sorry, Mayor, he said “As a city we do it poorly, we don’t do the youth/student thing well at all.” Strangely the Mayor took this attitude and situation as a challenge and was quick to point out the formal processes for students to use to sway the Council.

However, the Mayor who tends not to sugar-coat things said that students need to step up or “they will come away without any runs on the board.”

On a relating sporting field or track as the case may be the Mayor has made headlines recently with his personal crusade to bring the V8 motor racing to Hamilton. Also the World Rally Championships will be based in Hamilton this year. Surely this will make Hamilton the bogan/ boy racer/petrol head capital of the southern hemisphere? Not according to the Mayor. “Street racing in Adelaide is glamorous, street racing in the Gold Coast is glamorous, it’s glamorous in

Plan if he could make one macro change he would “[raise] the bar on the responsibilities of people to take into account the impact they are having on other people…” and one micro change that he would make is to protect the existing character of neighborhoods.

As research for this interview I discovered that the Hamilton Library publishes the books that the Mayor is reading. In stark contrast to George W Bush, “My Pet Goat” wasn’t on the list. I did notice that on the list were “Stupid White Men”

by Michael Moore and “Leadership” by 9-11 New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani. The question begged - ‘do you see yourself as a ‘stupid white man’ or a Rudy Giuliani?’. The Mayor chose to accept the inevitability of the situation and said that while the public might always perceive him as a ‘stupid white man’ but on the scale of stupid that he was a person who would be “remembered as a person who de-politicized the role of Mayor”.

The Mayor feels that his greatest loss in becoming

Good sport Another subject close to the Mayor’s heart is The NZ Breakers (9-23 this season) whom the Mayor has been financially and managerially involved in. When he speaks of them his eyes alight with a passion that only talking about the District Plan seemed to come close to. He said of them “Of all of the things I have achieved The Breakers is the one that fills me with most emotion because it’s about human, challenge and endeavour and heartbreak, you can’t beat it, nothing beats it.”

(The feeling that is.)

When I asked the Mayor if he was a competitive person he answered without hesitation in the affirmative, however, he was quick to qualify the answer with the following. “How you win is really important, so you don’t do things that compromise you and your values to win. When you do win how you behave when you win is as important as when you lose, in fact, more important.”

Of course a competitive person cannot win all the time (unless you are an Australian swimmer), so how does the Mayor deal with losing? After providing the ‘Politicians Handbook’ textbook answer about learning from your mistakes etc. the Mayor provided an insight into his psyche when

“

As a city… we don’t do the youth/student thing well at all

”

Monte Carlo and you can’t say just because it’s in Hamilton it’s bogans. But we have to make a concerted effort that we pitch the event at the upper end of motor racing not the bottom end.”

Events over tourism The Mayor does not see tourism as a major focus for his administration as he said “Events is it.

Tourism for me is a secondary consideration.” The Mayor has taken a gamble that setting Hamilton up as a giant convention centre and race track will pay off in the future. Although the Mayor was quick to identify why people might spend time in Hamilton. The Mayor seems to hope that the growing list of annual events in Hamilton and promoting Hamilton as an events city, will give some of the 40% of Hamilton that is under 25 a Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

Mayor is that of his anonymity. It seems that this Mayor would rather have people remember his outcomes than his ‘personality’.

Redman is not a charismatic politician. In fact after the interview I wondered if he really was a politician at all. The dictionary defines a politician as “One who seeks personal or partisan gain, often by scheming and maneuvering”. The Mayor said “the campaign billboard that I launched with and stuck with through the campaign was ‘I can’t stand politics, so I am standing for Mayor’ ” It seems that the Mayor is putting this into practice and perhaps the ideals of JFK, when JFK said, “Mothers may still want their favorite sons to grow up to be President, but... they do not want them to become politicians in the process”.

Michael Redman intends to stand for re-election next year and would contemplate a third term.

23

Reviews

Slipping Tongue, Tenpenny Joke, Ruptus Jack 6ft Under, 30th March

By Burton

Burton’s guide to being part of ‘The Media’: (1) Don’t get so drunk you forget to take a camera.

(2) Ring to find out when the bands start. (3) Don’t

Epitome, Fuelset, World War Four 6 ft Under, 2nd April

By Boganette

Two words: FUCK YEAH! I had such a fucking wicked night. I ventured out with my trusty sidekicks Gav and Chris to check the bands out.

And fuck did they rock out. Epitome opened and they were pretty good, 4 cool guys from Auckland with some catchy tunes, one of their singles

Bic Runga

The Birds tour Founders Theatre, 29th April

Reviewed by Dawn Tuffery

Flight Of The Conchords opened proceedings and were very watchable. Novel too, haven’t seen much comedy folk lately. The duo have quite a following in the US and UK. I found them sometimes genuinely funny and sometimes relentlessly deadpan, driving slightly humorous concepts into the ground. But binary solos (‘The Humans Are Dead’) are under-represented in music nowadays, so top marks for that. Highlight – their storytelling skills. Keeping people absorbed in an extended mistaken identity yarn can’t be easy. The lyrics on sick monkeys and killer robots

24

eat a shitload of cucumber sandwiches before getting pissed.

Apologies to Slipping Tongue, I missed them (See rule 2), but they are usually pretty cool.

Tenpenny Joke was the highlight for me. Musically

very cool, but the vocalist sounded too much like Incubus most of time. He has a great death metal voice, which would be good to hear more of, but when screaming and headbanging the singer kept turning to face the drummer. I always feel it

great, the band seemed to enjoy themselves and it was a really cool vibe. Australian bands impress me with how professional they sound.

Not saying Kiwi bands aren’t, but sharpness of sound always stands out and they were a perfect example. Ruptus Jack was a mixed bag. Musically

should be at the crowd (sing soulfully into my eyes, dammit!).

Verdict: A laidback night with a cool atmosphere and cool bands.

is playing on Generator at the mo called ‘Wait your turn’. I really enjoyed the “shredding guitar” skills of Sam and Grant. Fuelset played next and were awesome, they had everyone moshing and jumping round. My top 2 songs would be ‘Six Feet Under’ and ‘Hot Box’. Musically you could liken them to a cross between Drowning Pool and Disturbed - a good level of grunt, and you can understand the words. The guys had an awesome stage presence and could definitely turn it up. And in my opinion - they were hot as hell!

The highlight of my night was World War Four,

they went off. Paul is amazing on stage, his vocals and presence are huge. Greg (the drummer) went fucking hard (I nearly scored a wicked souvenir from him till it was accosted by a rather sad looking young lady), and Cass on bass and vocals fucking rocked. Fav song - ‘Monster’, wicked love song.

Verdict: Fucking awesome, take any opportunity to see these bands! I had the best night ever in town!! Check out www.6ftunder.net.nz to see some wicked photos of the night taken by yours truly.

were good too.

way). No French accent yet, but if you’re looking

Kick off the funny stuff, bring on the lady herself. Not to mention the friends. Bic Runga’s all-star band are some of the best musos in the country and it sounds like it. It must be great to be a luminary. Need some backing vocals? Just grab Anika Moa, Anna Coddington and Shayne Carter and to go ‘ooh lalalala’. Neil Finn seemed frenetically excited to be back in town, dashing randomly on and off the stage to bash the piano before he was even introduced, and offering plenty of parochial banter through the evening (‘This is a Waikato audience! They’ll all look like me!’).

As far as the instrumentation and overall impression goes, I’m flooded with adjectives like luscious. Listening to Bic Runga’s voice layered with perfect orchestration is like eating rich creamy ice cream that’s about 40% fat (in a good

for the influence it waltzes through the music in haunting bluesy numbers that wouldn’t sound out of place in a dark Paris pub. Favourites of the Birds numbers – ‘Winning arrow’ and ‘No Crying No More’.

So how do the new songs hold up? I watched Neil Finn play through ‘One Nil’ at Founders a few years back and it absorbed me entirely. Churlish comparison perhaps, but Runga’s material doesn’t have quite the same strength to enthral on a first hearing. However, it all sounded fantastic, and at no point was I bored. The vocal harmonies, soared, the drumming BOOMed the whole theatre and the melodies wove through it, adding up to an aural treat to savour. Thoroughly satisfying.

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

Oonst oonst oonst, YEAH!

GIG GUIDE

by Mazzy olf

Teenw

Know of any gigs or events happening?

Send it to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

weird war

whipping cats

Tuesday April 11th

day & 4-night weekend jam packed with

Sunday April 16th

Wednesday April 26th

A The eavesdrop listening party

100+ workshops, 5 world-class theatre

A Sunday Undressed

Open Mic Night

If you are interested in previewing new

shows, 3 huge parties and the massive

At the Kings Arms, Auckland. The show

See last Wed for details.

music by awesome bands head along to

Carnival Parade! Expo, Shows, Workshops

starts at 3pm and costs $4.00. Show is

the Eavesdrop Listening Party at The Wine

are at the Rotorua Convention Centre,

on every sunday.

Cellar (St Kevin’s Arcade, K Rd, Auckland)

1170 Fenton St, Rotorua. Workshops &

from 7-11pm. Every tuesday!

Parties are at the Rotorua Sportsdrome,

Monday April 17th

Government Gardens, Rotorua (200m

A Sigur Ros

Hamilton Film Society

behind Convention Centre). For more

Icelandic

Hamilton Film Society meets at 8pm every

information go to: http://www.jambalaya.

Ros, are playing at St James. Amina is

Hamilton glam band Rose Petals and

Tuesday at Victoria Cinema. Intending

co.nz

supporting. Tickets are about $71 and are

Confetti are playing at Hysteria, K’rd,

available at www.ticketdirect.co.nz

Auckland.

members can sign up on screening nights

Zebra See last Wed for details.

sonic

Thursday April 27th manipulators,

Sigur

Rose Petals and Confetti

or call Andrea Haines on 839-5932.

Velvet Tiger presents...

Student subscriptions are $85 full year or

A

Tuesday April 18th

Friday April 28th

$45 half year. 3-screening Flexi tickets are

(Sweden) with guests The Mint Chicks.

Hamilton Film Society

A Streetwise Scarlet

also available for $25.

Pre sales $43 + booking fee from Real

Hamilton Film Society meets at 8pm every

Streetwise Scarlet, Falter, Kingston and

Groovy, Fast & Loose & Bunny. Doors from

Tuesday at Victoria Cinema. Intending

more are playing at Hysteria, K Road,

Wednesday April 12th

8pm bar closes 12 midnight due to Good

members can sign up on screening nights

Upstairs by Brazil, Auckland. $10, R18.

Open Mic Night

Friday.

or call Andrea Haines on 839-5932.

International Noise Conspirancy

Open Mic Night is happening every

Student subscriptions are $85 full year or

A The Have

Wednesday from 9:30pm till late. Guitars,

A TeenWolf

$45 half year. 3-screening Flexi tickets are

Auckland rock’n’rollers The Have are

mics, and drum kit provided, so gather up

Auckland rockers TeenWolf are playing

also available for $25.

playing with The Tuesdays and Electric

as much talent as you can muster, and

with Don Julio and the Hispanic Mechanic,

join the Rinky Dinks in another year of

The Vacants, White Birds and Lemons

Wednesday April 19th

mayhem. Drink specials and spot prizes

and also introducing Hamilton two piece

Open Mic Night

to be announced at opening night. Fat

band FIRECATS at Schooner Tavern, Quay

See last Wed for details.

Bellies, Hood Street, Hamilton.

St, Auckland. Entry is $10 and it starts at 8.30pm.

Zebra

Confectionaires

at

the

Dogs

Bollix,

Auckland.

A The Mint Chicks

The Mint Chicks, the City Newton Bombers Zebra

& DJ Dion are playing at the King’s Arms

See last Wed for details

Tavern, Auckland 8pm $10 (R18)

Jazz band Zebra play at The Cook, Cook

A Gina Birch

Street, Hamilton East every Wednesday

Gina Birch (UK, ex The Raincoats / The

Friday April 21st

Saturday April 29th

night from 8pm.

Hangovers) will be paying with Chris Knox

A So So Modern

A The Bleeders

and the Nothing at the Odeon Lounge,

Wellington hotties So So Modern are

Bleeders are playing with Gyrocopes,

Auckland.

playing with Teen Wolf, Whipping Cats,

Cobra Khan & Kitsch at the Kings Arms,

The Vacants, This Night Creeps & DJ at the

Auckland. Pre-sales $15 from Real Groovy

A Shaky Hands

Auckland rock’n’rollers the Shaky Hands are playing with supporting band, Pig

Friday April 14th

Kings Arms, Auckland. Doors open from

or $20 at the door. Doors open from

Out, at the Schooner Tavern, Quay Street,

A Low Hum presents...

8.30pm $10.00.

8.30pm

Auckland. 9pm, $5

The Reduction Agents, The Undercurrents, and Over The Atlantic at Sohl Bar,

Sunday April 23rd

Ongoing events

A Ashley Cooper. NZ idol Star

Hamilton. $15 will get you entry to the

A Darkest Hour (US)

‘SCAPE: sculpture in the landscape

Ashley Cooper is touring with her live

show, the April issue of A LOW HUM and

Darkest Hour (US) are playing with guests

Opening weekend 18th /19th March,

band. She will be playing at the Meteor

two CDs. Awesome!

Cold By Winter, New Way Home, Every

‘SCAPE: sculpture in the landscape’ artists

Man For Himself & Capone at the Kings

from throughout New Zealand within

Theatre

in

Hamilton

at

3pm

and

6.30pm. For booking information go to

Saturday April 15th

Arms, Auckland. Pre-sales $18 + booking

the setting of Waitakaruru Arboretum

www.ticketdirect.co.nz

The Jonestown Syndicate (AUS)

fee, or $25 at the door from 8pm.

& Sculpture Park, 207 Scotsman Valley

Metal Australian band The Jonestown

Road, near Hamilton, sign-posted from

Thursday April 13th

Syndicate and Arms Reach are playing at

Tuesday April 25th

SH26 & SH1B. Entry fee $8. Show finishes

Jambalaya

Upsett Records, Victoria Street, Hamilton

Hamilton Film Society

21st May. For location details see www.

See last Tues for details.

sculpturepark.co.nz or phone (07) 824-

Jambalaya is New Zealand’s Festival of Rhythm, Dance and Carnival. It’s a 3-

0733.

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

25

WSU President

Vice President

Let’s get in touch, one on one, make it personal.

Several of the exec want to do exactly this. Therefore we are going to make public appearances starting from this week.

This Friday I invite you to meet, greet and catch up with me, and some of the other members of your exec. We will be at Opus Bar from 5pm through to 7pm, and then at the Dons from 7pm

WSU went through a phase of financial and organisational distress, precipitated by voluntary membership from 1998-2000 inclusive, exacerbated by intermittently poor leadership over a longer period, and kept afloat by dedicated Executive members, staff, and volunteers (with goodwill from the University too).

The need for a Strategic and Business Plan has been recognised by recent Executives. A

rights; and (v) WSU’s performance in meeting members’ needs; and (b) the University in general: (i) declining enrolments, (ii) over-reliance on international students for income/staffing, (iii) quality assurance compliance issues, (iv) a capital expenditure programme needing scrutiny, mainly with the Urban Design Plan, and the long-term development of the Tauranga campus, and (v) a new government funding regime.

Service provision: WSU provides many free services and facilities, but needs to make changes, organisational and financial, to increase their breadth, utility, and cost-effectiveness including advocacy, Campus Services Ltd, Nexus, O’Week, NZUSA’s strategic review, Student Job

onwards.

Totally informal, entirely open and significantly real!

Those who will be representing Waikato University at the New Zealand University Games in Wellington, have a safe trip, play hard, stay hard and party hard in true Waikato style!

To the all those graduating in the April 2006 ceremonies, TU MEKE - so damn proud of you!

major draft was begun in late 2004, and an outside consultant provided input in early 2006.

It should help WSU rebuild and restructure the organisation, avoid past mistakes, and improve long-term financial and organisational viability.

Hopefully, it can provide credibility and strength for WSU. WSU should provide sound leadership, with an activated membership, to properly represent its members (the principal stakeholder in the University), and work more effectively with other stakeholders: (a) on campus (the Maori students’ association Komiti Awhina; other associations of students; and staff), (b) in the Waikato and the wider UoW catchment region (to include other student groups - not all have representative associations), (c) nationally including NZUSA, and (d) internationally, especially in Australia (Voluntary Student Unionism becomes law on 1 July 2006). WSU must address Te Tiriti O Waitangi (the Treaty of Waitangi) issues in this process.

Search, Club grants, and planning for new student buildings and spaces.

Financial goals: A Business Plan must ensure strict fiscal responsibility, proper operational management/planning (with Executive, professional and other oversight), with safe investments. It needs to ensure compulsory membership continues, with a separate income streams, to optimise these goals, and eventually be less dependent on membership levies.

Professionalism, promotion, branding, and ownership: WSU’s Executive should generate increased professionalism, engagement with, and relevance to members, via (a) sound promotion and implementation of a Strategic and Business Plan, (b) what WSU actually provides and does, through regular, effective communication with our members, including face-to-face contact, (c) leadership and co-operation within the Executive and WSU administration - the culture is vital, and (d) more support staff for optimal functioning of

Major issues: facing (a) students in particular: (i) rising fees and debt, linked to government policies, (ii) study workloads, (iii) the quality of education received (teaching, supervision, and assessment), (iv) student intellectual property

the Executive and WSU as a whole. A Strategic and Business Plan will be more useful and effective the more input we receive from members to generate ownership and commitment for all concerned.

WSU is YOUR union. Give us YOUR views.

WSU EXEC 2006

by Sehai

26

by Carl

PRESIDENT

VICE-PRESIDENT

DISABILITIES OFFICER

INTERNATIONAL OFFICER

MATURE STUDENTS OFFICER

CAMPAIGNS OFFICER

Sehai Orgad

Carl Gordon

Jeff Hawks

Sonja Gruebmeyer

Vince Malcolm-Buchanan

Jade & Joseph

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

Maori Students’ Officer

by Renee It seems that my blurbs are getting read by a range of people out there, to those of you who taken the time out of your busy schedules to read my blurb I thank you all. To Des Gruntled – thanks for quoting my special note to one and all, “Go hard, study hard, and live really good”.

Join the ranks of the informed – send me your email details and I will send you information as it comes available. My pledge is that I will keep this information safe realising

Te Puna Tautoko have asked that all groups who are planning items to celebrate any of these, send in their dates so as to co-ordinate, and add these plans to their calendar.

A special plea comes from the new National Maori Representative of Student Job (SJS) – to those Maori students who feel that SJS is not giving them the level of service that they deserve please email him at knn2@waikato. ac.nz as he will be attending his first meeting on the 18 April 2006.

all the attributes of the Privacy Act 1993.

It is time to talk positively about unification of Maori students on all of the Waikato University campuses to include those that have a special relationship through degree papers on other campuses. It is time that we all meet on common ground to discuss issues that impact on all Maori students and look to a resolution that harmonises a relationship we all agree on. I therefore offer to make limited resources available to the MSO, to aid the facilitation of this very important meeting at Waikato.

To date I have been in liaison role working with not only Maori roopu as a collective but also those roopu whose job it is to support Maori students. I thank once again Te Puna Tautoko for sharing articles of importance and important dates for all Maori students.

There are very important dates coming up on our calendar which all Maori students should be aware of: • Matariki – 26th to 30th June 2006; • Te Wiki O te Reo Maori – 24th to 28th July

2006, and; • National Maori Academic Excellence

Awards – 13th October 2006.

There is no news yet on the KA front, however, I know that things are going well for this roopu and as the liaison for WSU with KA I will release information as it comes to light.

My role is to disseminate information and in this light I will ensure that my term reports and WSU minutes are distributed widely. There are a number of issues under discussion seeking resolution and when these too are open for dissemination I will make them available to you all through the communication channels available to me as MSO. If you have a concern or information you wish to discuss through my blurb, I am happy to provide a place to air your concern or information.

TO THE READING FAITHFUL – READING IS ABOUT GAINING INFORMATION, IT IS HOW YOU CHOOSE TO USE THAT INFORMATION THAT IS THE KEY Noho ora mai ki o koutou kainga – ma te wa

Environment Officer

by Frank How is everyone this week? All good I hope. Well, with me it has been a bit of a trying week with having my Westpac cashflow card retained by the bloody machine not once but twice only to be told by the bank that it was not my fault but a fault in their machine - wow thanks a lot Westpac, that did not help me and my foul mouth.

However, they have since put the $15 charges back into my account. Why am I telling you all this? Because this could affect any student that deals through this machine. By the way, the machine I refer to is the one on campus.

Right, with that off my mind let’s talk environment issues. This week I have been studying a mass of information – from setting up wind power in Raglan through to a whole stack of papers on proposals for the new E1 motorway through Hamilton, and I am seeking to find out what impact it may have on us as students and even as a university.

We are still going through the debate on fluoride and its attack on the human body as to whether it is still viable to have it added to our drinking water or not. I will keep you posted.

I am pleased to say that the ALMS room is functioning quite well and has now had its freezer defrosted. I understand that it will have a new seal over the mid term break.

I am fully aware that there is an urgent need for adequate parking facilities both on and off campus. Now I did say this is a NEED, it is not a want. This problem seems to be escalating. I will endeavour to meet with the powers that be as soon as I have a few more facts and figures in front of me first.

Hope you all enjoy your mid semester break.

Take care, stay green.

S OFFICER

EDUCATION OFFICER

GLBT OFFICER

ENVIRONMENTAL OFFICER

MAORI STUDENT OFFICER

WOMEN’S RIGHTS OFFICER

Joseph

Andrew Pritchard

Megan Moffet

Frank Stubbing

Renee Rewi

Kim Armstrong

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

TAURANGA OFFICER

Anthony Mckenna

27

Sexy Ex-y

Getting to know your WSU exec just that little bit more intimately...

Name: Anthony McKenna Position: 2nd year student Programme of study: Bachelor of Teaching (Primary) Favoured mode of transport: Ferrari F60 Enzo (like I will be able to afford that on a teachers wage) Suburb lived in: Tauranga Hobbies: Not mowing my lawn and avoiding housework.

Favourite website: www.thule.org/alt3.html Favourite TV programme: Top Gear Favourite sandwich filling: meat Favourite snack: Doner kebabs Magazine of choice: British Football Weekly Fatal weakness: Football and Kebabs What flavour do you go for first in a box of chocolates? Crunchy Frog What CD is in your stereo/car right now?

Rawpower by Iggy Pop and the Stooges.

What’s the worst film you’ve ever seen? Plan 9 From Outer Space (so bad it’s good) Worst habit? Getting abducted by aliens after a night on the town What should Nexus contain more of? Football In 10 years, you will be: Living in Costa Rica

Tauranga students. Undertaking a critique of the WSU budget for Tauranga to ensure that Tauranga Students are getting services that reflect the money they pay in fees.

This year? All of this term’s stuff and trying to set up a Western BOP uni sports and recreation day for next year.

In 40 years you will be: Dead

in the respect of this issues importance.

The seri-arse stuff

How do you survive long executive meetings without jumping up on the table, foaming at the mouth and screaming ‘Just pass all the motions, damn you!’ and running off into the distance cackling freakishly? Or falling asleep?

I take off my shoe and bang it on the table.

In regards to your portfolio, what are you working on?

Today? I put the final touches to my NZUSA conference report, spent ages trying to get hold of Student Job Search to find out what will happen to SJS in Tauranga, put up posters about a BBQ on Tuesday, met with a class rep about some issues, finally finished this article, wrote my weekly Nexus article (with my new super photo). Then I will finally

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be able to go home, have a pizza (with lots of meat and BBQ sauce) and study for a test tomorrow.

This term? Finding out what the students in Tauranga want and researching the good points and problems with a satellite campus. Keeping sure that I actually represent the interests of

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

How are you making sure you and the executive remain accountable to students?

By ensuring that the WSU constitution is followed, as this document states the roles and responsibilities for the WSU executive.

What do you think is the most important issue facing the executive right now?

Well, with my Tauranga hat on I say that the temporary closing of Student Job Search in Tauranga is the most important issue facing the executive right now? But then I am the Tauranga Representative Officer, so I may be a little biased

Now ask yourself a question, and answer it.

Is Football a matter of life and death?

No, it is far more important than that!

WSU - Open Student Meeting OSM on Wednesday, 12th April at the WSU Village Green (by the Banks) at 1 pm. This is a policy-making meeting open to all students.

There is a free BBQ too, which starts at 12.30 pm.

Agenda

1.

Members present

2.

Apologies

3.

Minutes of previous meeting(s)

4.

Komiti Awhina

5.

WSU tertiary education policy on abating student loans and

on living allowances

6.

The UoW’s strategic plan update

7.

WSU’s strategic plan - Services, marketing, assets, income,

VSM, etc.

8.

General Business

Students are also welcome to attend the Uni Council Meeting in the Council Room (B Block) at 2 pm.

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

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Disabled Students’ Officer

by Jeff Nice editorial last week Ed! Speaking of being students-for students, by students, I read a snippet in one of the University newsletters saying, hey, lets start a club. For those of us that drag our butts along to class, impairments and all. Having a club could quite conceivably provide some good interdisciplinary networking opportunities. It is always good to have an understanding ear to chat about stuff with, even if all was in the name of a social club. I don’t know, just putting the idea out there.

Spit me some mail for a gauge of interest. Note the WSU address? I so try to put it out there, and still get some searching out my private Waikato addy; Anyway.

Great to see the funding regime undergo some change, hopefully that will help reduce the inundation of dodgy providers sucking people in to being

Mature Students’ Officer

by Vince At the end of this week we’ll be entering the first studybreak for the year! Two weeks in which to relax, catch-up with friends and family, pick up a favorite book… in so saying, two particular events will be undertaken during the recess.

The NZ University Games are in Wellington from the 18th to the 21st of April. So to those students making a concerted effort to represent Waikato University – karawhuia – go hard, have fun, and thank you for representing!

Also, the 2006 Graduation Ceremonies and Street Processions take place from the 20th through to the 28th of April. I look forward to sharing the pride inherent in this event with all of you!

ALMS notifications regarding the forthcoming elections will be posted during the recess – a lot of work will be undertaken during the break, so please return with lots of ideas and energy! I’m also proud to formally announce that the WSU Environmental Officer will be incorporating his own efforts with ours. The direct alignment both of these formal portfolios allows ALMS a slightly enviable position when seeking support through your WSU. To all those terrific students who helped with dishes, keeping the room tidy, making sure the supplies were ok, THANK YOU! Hope you’re seriously considering filling the positions in the forthcoming elections.

Congratulations for making it through the first term we can all pat ourselves on the back! If any of you are interested in catching up INFORMALLY then hopefully you’ll make it to Opus or the Don’s bar this Friday. Otherwise, have a great break and I look forward to catching up with you all after the recess.

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students, so they can make loads of money from government coffers. Perhaps that’ll mean better funding for our Universities, and maybe better money for students? Yeah right, another Tui anybody.

And for the sake of education? The 5 Ps of public speaking: Passion – there’s nothing like it to win over an audience Preparation – write it down and know it Pauses – before making an important point, it demands attention Participation – allow people to respond to what you’re saying, ask questions Presence – you are the object of all attention. Don’t be shy. Be authoritative.

Women’s Rights Officer

by Kim WSU Mana Maori Wahine Week 1st - 5th of May Mana Wahine week has been celebrated in New Zealand in its official form since 1993. It was started to honour and celebrate the “fighting spirit” of Māori women, recognising their hard work, energy, and dedication to improving the status of Māori women and advocating for their needs. As the Federation of Māori Authorities states [1]: Mana Wahine Week is one week in the year when Māori women and men can take time to recognise what has been done and achieved in the past year by our mothers, taua, nga hoa, whanau and other female contributors to the community. It is about celebrating the spirit and achievements of Māori Women throughout New Zealand.

What does Mana Wahine mean to you? The first 2 people to bring in their suggestion to WSU will win a box of chocolates.

As a mother you are definitely a strong female and get to watch your child learn and grow and are completely responsible for his/her attitudes and behaviours. It is a great achievement to raise a child especially if you are under the economic restraints of a single parents income. It’s a very privileged role when you stop to think about it and not one to be taken for granted. At the same time it’s very rewarding, I think of it like raising a mini me. But hopefully not as mini as me.

I am a single parent student myself and know well that it can be hard to balance study, work and family life. In my role as women’s rights officer, I would like to do something to help out other student parents, both men and women. Please let me know if there is any small changes you would like to see at the university to make easier for you as a parent.

You can email me at womens@wsu.org.nz. The best suggestion wins a box of chocolates Whats big red and eats rocks?

A big red rock eater.

Why did the koala fall out of the tree?

Because he was dead Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?

Because he was tied to the first koala Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?

Because he thought it was a game You might think these jokes are silly but your kids will love them!

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

If you have any notices you’d like included in the next Nexus, come up to the WSU reception and fill in the notices form or email your notice (under 100 words) and email it to nexus@waikato.ac.nz. Remember, this is a free service for students and non-profit organisations!

We are looking for two people to live with a young couple in a brand new house in Hillcrest. 5 min drive from uni.It’s a four bedroom place, and we are looking at $110 and $125 depending which room you want, including electricity. Please phone Wilmari at 021 2615268 if your interested.

Flatmate Wanted: To live with 3 3rd years in large house on cook st. $130 per week incl sky digital, broadband, food, power, phone, osp. Close to uni and town. Call/txt 0275810390 or 8568474.

Ride Wanted: To Korn concert in Auckland, 1 May. Will go halves on petrol. Call/txt Louise 021 238 5095 or email lhc1@waikato.ac.nz.

Actors wanted for video production 2 short film. Male, preferably between 20-30. Contact 0272534495.

1991 Nissan Sentra for sale. $1600 ono. 5 door hatch, 5 speed manual, 1400cc, 199000kms, current WOF and rego, JVC CD player, reliable as.

Ph or txt 0273050824.

Campus Commuters Support Club: For all who commute to campus from outside Hamilton and would like to meet others for possible car-pooling, ideas and support. Meeting time to be advised. Interested persons please contact jps6@waikato.ac.nz

Calling all students who cycle around the Fairfield/Enderly area!

We need your help, to help the Hamilton City Council create a safer environment for you to cycle in. We need about 10 minutes of your time to answer a survey about your habits and opinions of cycling in this area.

YOU WILL GO IN THE DRAW TO WIN CYCLE PRIZES! Please give a quick email back asap to let us know if you are interested – Jess or Emily, jw87@waikato.ac.nz or eslh1@ waikato.ac.nz.

Engineering Students looking for more fun? Then mark your calendar with these WESA events: Pub crawl on the second Friday back on 12th May and social indoor sports league 2. You will be required to keep up with the bar-hopping and chopping!

Waikato Engineering Student Association (WESA) was formed to bring more FUN into engineering and provide a link between professionals and students. Any questions email me at nsmk1@waikato.ac.nz Free massage lessons: Hi all this is Svene and Casper we are giving free swedish massage classes for the first. We have worked at various spas and shaleys throughout Europe. If you are interested Call 8582047 or email Jrr9@waikato.ac.nz to set up an appointment.

Garage Sale of old University Computer equipment 17” Monitors = $50 Package = $100 CPU, Monitor, Keyboard, Mouse & power cables (eg. Samcor Athlon 1.6, Compaq Deskpro) Range of Models available. All 4 years or older.

Monday 10th & Tuesday 11th April 10am - 2pm Gate RS1, Ruakura Road, Central Store Workshop No reserves and no stock list available. Please don’t call us before sale date.

Terms & Conditions Apply All equipment was in working order when decommissioned. All hardware items sold As is where is and do NOT include ANY warranty. There will be a facility to power them up before you buy. All items exclude software.

For purchasing purposes a Student ID is required. All prices include GST. Payment to be made when goods are collected – Cash only. NO eftpos, Credit Card, or Terms accepted. AS IS WHERE IS

Are you annoyed by the squiggly red and green lines that pop up when you type?

Your sentence structure and grammar may need to be corrected to get top marks.

Visit us at www.editwrite.co.nz We’ll make sure your assignments are fluent and articulate.

When you write wrong, we right the wrongs.

Ace Of Clubs WHO: The Society for Creative Anachronism, or “SCA”.

Specifically, the Hamilton branch, known as “Cluain”. Part of a 40,000-member educational organisation, which has been running for over 40 years, and has been in NZ for over 20. Non-religious, non-political, not-for-profit.

WHAT: Medieval & renaissance re-creation, interactive learning, socialising, arts, crafts, combat, competitions, food, drink, friends, fun.

WHEN: Weekly meetings on campus during Cultural Hour, monthly city-branch meetings, regular national events & festivals, & more.

WHERE: In Hamilton. In Auckland. In Wellington, Christchurch, Dunedin, Australia, the US, Europe - oh, and on campus!

WHY: For fun, learning, entertainment, sport, recreation, friendship, self-improvement.

You might be surprised at how many people are keen to pretend they’re someone or somewhere else for a while.

You might be surprised at how many people are really into medieval and renaissance history.

You might be really surprised if I combined the two, and told you that well over 50,000 people worldwide spend at least one weekend a month dressed in medieval or renaissance clothing, learning skills like blacksmithing, embroidery, brewing (yes, alcohol), music, cooking, and calligraphy. They do archery and fencing, they wear armour and hit each other with lengths of rattan, they build full-scale siege weaponry and hurl projectiles the length of football fields. Welcome to the SCA. It might seem strange at first, this hobby of ours, but really we do what everyone else does – or did, just 500 years earlier. One of the Society’s biggest appeals is that practically any interest or skill academic or practical - can be applied in a medieval/renaissance context. Like drawing? Try manuscript illumination. Big on sports? Try sword & shield combat, fencing, or dancing (it’s not as easy as it looks!).

Fond of animals? Try jousting and equestrian events. Not fond of animals? Try hunting, leather tanning, or cooking! Or, if you’re so inclined, lounging on a cushion, eating, drinking, and watching the action is fully encouraged.

Two of the most common reasons people enjoy the SCA are: 1) Socialising - with an emphasis on chivalry and courtesy, SCA members are generally politer-than-your-average-bear. We value generosity, hospitality, and respect, and encourage a convivial atmosphere at our frequent social gatherings, which often feature three-or-more course meals, delicious beverages, and a variety of entertainment.

2) Learning - with a huge pool of dedicated members, and 40 years of practice, we have historical research down to a fine art. Well, some of us do. The sharing of skills and knowledge is encouraged and rewarded, and the emphasis is on the interactive - we don’t just learn about jewelry making and enamelwork; we pull out the tools and we put theory into practice. Topics are not limited, as long as it relates to our study-period of roughly between 600-1600 CE. If you want to know more, check out: http://www.sca.org/sca-intro.html and http://www.cluain.sca.org.nz, or e-mail chatelaine@cluain.sca.org.nz - otherwise, watch out for posters and chalkings, and check out a campus meeting on Wednesdays, 1-2 pm!

Want Nexus to feature your club? Send info to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

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Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

International Students’ Officer

GLBT Officer

by Megan

by Sonja

Hey hey, The theme for this week’s Nexus is toys for grown-ups. So this immediately brought to mind the sex toy party we had for Pride Week last year, lots of fun. I wanted to get this German waterproof vibrator that was shaped kinda like a dolphin, but my student budget doesn’t stretch to $180 for an entertainment item. I would go on, but that’s enough personal info from me.

The Nexus on sex was lacking in sex toy info for the queer community so I will do my best to fill the gap. I must mention that my reference documents for this blurb are the latest d.vice catalogue, “Ultimate Gay Sex” and “The Whole Lesbian Sex Book”. All of which are a good read if you are looking for more info.

Sex toys can be used by yourself, or to extend the possibilities of sex with a partner. They are toys and should hopefully be used as such, in a safe and fun way. Plus exciting is a good feeling to get I think. Not so exciting are the hygiene practices you should follow, but a STI would be a lot less fun. Remember to never share toys unless you are using condoms for protection and use water based lube. Make sure you clean your toys properly after each use.

Now on to the fun stuff!

Dildos can be used on their own or with a variety of strap on harnesses.

You can even use the ‘tryst’ to create a custom made double-ended dildo. The dildos come in a range of lengths, widths, vibrant colours and styles giving you the chance to find your own favourite. They can be used by males and females for vaginal and anal play. Dildos that are made from high quality flexible silicone warm to body temperature, but they can also come in glass for a unique feeling. Try heating yours in hot water or cooling it down for an icy cold feel!

Apparently cockrings help kept you harder for longer - and they feel good too. Vibrating options are available that can be used with a dildo for an extra level of fun with males and females. Modern styles are made from stretchy silicone but they also come in leather.

I can’t span the entire range of toys in one blurb so I will just finish off with one special mention, and then you can go to www.dvice.co.nz for more info.

I think the “I Rub My Duckie” personal massager is so cute. It is a waterproof vibrating rubber ducky that gives new meaning to the old Sesame St song.

“Rubber Duckie, you’re the one, You make bathtime lots of fun, Rubber Duckie, I’m awfully fond of you” Have a good week

Alcohol abuses you …yes you. I wanted to write about the nice weather this week – without the rainy parts of course; and that it is still good weather to have some outdoor activities and BBQs. But with the parties comes the alcohol and judging from the poor excuses for parties that are reviewed weekly in Nexus, it looks like students seem to think that lying passed out in the front lawn IS actually a suitable leisure activity.

I spoke to some international students about this and fortunately, a lot of them are not interested in this kind of evening structure. So this blurb is aimed at all you guys who are here for the fun. Quite a few international students are here for only one semester, seeking the abroad experience, want to explore New Zealand and meet people.

Parties are a good way to get to know people but please: binge drinking is not part of Kiwi culture, just a bad reaction to cheap alcohol and tolerance of society. It happens in all western countries and is not even worth trying.

If someone tells you that boozing yourself to the very bottom is part of student life, they could as well tell you that Bible studies are part of student life. Both are not for most of the student body.

I don’t want to start on the bad consequences of drinking. All you guys who wake up after a party without knowing where you were whether you’ve had sex at least with something human, know that every time you drink yourselves to unconsciousness you make yourselves weak, vulnerable to abuse, and a burden for your mates.

Using alcohol requires responsibility – as much responsibility as driving a car. I am convinced that people who cannot drink responsibly should not even be allowed to have a car, but sadly, the road toll shows that they are.

You all are here to have a good time and meet people and gain life experience. Parties are a part of it for sure, but if people at a party want to make you drunk, even if you don’t want that – leave. The consequences are not worth it and drunken people are only funny to other drunken people.

Binge drinking does not help you make new friends and lying passed out on a wet lawn only gets you a cold these days (which makes it even harder to make friends).

So please do enjoy the lecture break, go places, have fun but party safe.

Oh, yes: and wear a seatbelt!

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

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Columns

Avoid a Hangover Living with your hangover is much easier if you have the luxury of lying in bed, blobbing on the couch and generally doin feck all. It hurts so much more when you have to drag yourself out of bed, wash off last nights make and make yourself presentable.

A lot of people get very hung up on appearances, I am, however, not one of them. One glance at my mismatched socks, or old jeans and assortment of t-shirts and singlets in clashing colors should be enough to alert most people of this fact.

You could always not drink! Or attack the hangover head on. Note, results may vary.

I knew a girl whose “foolproof” hangover cure was to take two painkillers before hitting the booze. Needless to say, she got very troll eyed very quickly.

Painkillers are generally recommended not be taken with alcohol.

Even for the derelicts of fashion there are some unwritten rules, most of which I have unknowingly bent, broken and trampled on over the last few weeks. How I have avoided starring in one of those cheesy, spontaneous make-over programs is beyond me. So too is the fact everyone has been

Plan your hangover in advance Before you leave the house for night of drunken antics, have something to eat. Try carbs or a glass of milk if you’re rushed. Food will help slow the absorption of alcohol into your system, and eating throughout the night will also help slow your drinking down.

I know you’re probably drinking to get drunk, but remember that awful early morning feel, and those dry horrors and drink plenty of water throughout the night. Be a nanna and “knit one, pearl one”. I.e, between alcoholic drinks have a glass of water. As the night rages on, try drinking two glasses of water to every alcoholic drink.

If you’re a wine drinker like me, put fizzy water or O.J and lemonade into a wine glass and sip on it. Holding the wine glass will “trick” you into thinking you’re drinking the real deal. Or keep yourself entertained by carving it up on the dance floor instead - do something instead of pouring drink after drink down your throat.

Before passing out or getting it on between the sheets with your new found friend, drink more water. This will help combat dehydration. Even try taking some vitamin B and C also, as this will help replace nutrients depleted by drinking.

If you’ve got work, uni or things to do the next morning make sure you shower, wash your hair, brush your furry yellow teeth and attempt to feel more alive. As tempting as loading up on Red Bull might be, just stick to the water. Orange juice will curdle and not be pretty. Drinking lots of water makes a substantial difference in how well you survive the day. Don’t forget to eat something the morning after the night before too. I like a nice fatty feed but try eating plenty of carbs to yet again ABSORB THE ALCOHOL. It helps if you don’t….

• Smoke while you drink – I know booze and ciggies are some people’s

perfect match but it will make your hangover worse.

• Mix your drinks – it will take your body longer to metabolise each type of

alcohol.

• Have a cup of coffee in the morning. Caffeine will increase dehydration

and irritate your tummy • Try Hair of the Dog. Drinking more alcohol will ease the pain momentarily

but you’ll just feel worse.

• Mix party pills and alcohol - don’t worry about being hung-over the

following day you’ll most likely feel it that night. Party pills like you to stay

hydrated but with water not booze.

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so tolerant.

Why is it so many students refrain from sharing helpful advice? Stuff ranging from ‘Hey man, you smell like wet silage, on a hot summer’s day’ to ‘Shake some of that dandruff over this flight of steps, and we’ll have ourselves an artificial ski slope to be proud of.’

These would’ve been handy pieces of information for me not so long ago.

Perhaps it was the turpentine fumes and the lack of ventilation, or may be the paint was lead based, but it took the penny longer than usual to drop for me this time round.

For some reason, the sad excuse for a sky light was painted white in our workshop a few weeks ago. This in itself wouldn’t have presented much of a problem if the painters had done more than a half-assed job. Fatefully, the paint began to flake off shortly after in was splashed up there; tiny pieces at first, which grew into larger ones, which have recently matured into gigantic slabs.

Each morning since the painting, I have unwittingly been sitting at my computer, perfectly aligned with a downpour of rancid flakiness; my head doubling as a paint-magnetized landing pad. Each afternoon I have been going to lectures smelling more than a tad funky, and looking like the ‘before’ shot of a Denorex commercial. It took someone with a lot of balls to alert me to this plague… the boss’s daughter.

The moral of this story is simple. The next time you see a bedraggled student looking even more abominable than normal, instead of increasing the exclusion radius, how about offering some politely phrased fashion and/or hygiene advice instead.

On a completely unrelated note, I’m sure you all have memories of the high school production days. We all love music, and I’m also sure you’ve all read something from the loopy mind of Dr. Seuss. How are these things related you ask? Seussical the Musical, of course!

What: Date: Time: Location:

Hillcrest High School Production – Seussical the Musical Monday 10 April 2006 - Wednesday 12 April 2006 7:30 PM Westpac Theatre

General Admission. Finish time - 9.45pm approx. Adult, $15.00 Student (School & University) $10.00

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

Columns & Reviews

by Burton C. Bogan

A Bogan Guide to Homies

CCR – Platinum

‘Fifty Cent? How bout I give him a dollar to shut up!’

Okay so when wearing my psychologist-in-training hat, I recognise that every body has their own group, their own norms and symbols and their own way of doing things. But I’m not wearing that hat; I’m wearing my Bogan hat. What happened to rap?

Now I may be alienating my audience here, but I have respect for old school rap. Run DMC, Public Enemy, NWA – they were doing similar things to what metal has been…saying that the world sux for various reasons and we need to change that. Even Cypress Hill stood for something…even if it was decriminalising pot. But I don’t get the ‘bling’ attitude of people like Chingy or Kanye West (Guess they’re more pop maybe?).

Funny story, they have CDs in 6ft of horrible bands that you can piss on in the urinal. How symbolic, if a little puerile, is that? I took a whiz on Kanye West the other week…apparently he is a ‘Gold Digger’. But they stopped putting rap CDs in there cause some rap lovers were taking them home…the level people will stoop to.

But speaking of hats and symbols - I don’t understand some of rap’s ones…or maybe I just don’t know what the real symbols are and it’s a misreading, but hats with flat brims, Rotary hoodies, calling yourself G-Unit?

Think about it…not many things in this world that are good have the letter G in it. Two immediate exceptions are G-Strings, both kinds; the underwear and the guitar string. Then you add the word Unit on the end and its all over, I’m laughing at you already.

Okay so now I’m putting on my psychology hat. The main thing is this has all been a friendly joke around, really. Whatever you’re into, whatever the symbols or the styles…it’s cool. What’s more important is the type of person you are. I guess I’m adding to generalisations in this column this week but don’t feel bad, I take the piss outta everyone. If you’re a member of G-Unit, a nice person and can take the piss outta yourself, that’s cool and you’re alright with me. Just keep your damned stereo or Rotary away from me.

Before I go: A big ‘Holy Horns’ to Andrew and his quiet friend with the Mohawk who I met at the Ruptus Jack Gig at 6ft (see gig review). Boganette & my Number 1 fans (WE HAVE FANS!). Sorry Mike and I didn’t head bang with ya, but I’m an Elder Bogan so I stand in the back and nod unless it’s for a damned good reason. Also, sorry we disappeared…but we had a Cougar emergency and I had to get Mike outta there or he’d be Cougar Fodder. It was his own fault, he was drinking JDs. See you at 6ft.

Guest review by Burnsy For the uninitiated, Creedence Clearwater Revival, or CCR, is one of America’s most popular and influential rock bands of all time. They were inducted into the rock hall of fame in 1993, and when the Beatles broke up in 1970 CCR became the most successful band in the world. And my friend Macca, the ‘other’ regular writer of this column still thinks that Skynyrd is better!

I know it’s kinda cheating to review their Platinum album, but hey, would you rather eat pizza in its separate ingredients or all at once? The best description of their style of music is “heartland rock”, and once you listen to this CD you’ll understand. With gravelly vocals and wicked guitar riffs interlaced with some mean piano playing the music is so damn catchy and relaxing. One of my flatmates, Hannah, swears that this is all she listens to when she studies ‘cause their music “just makes you feel happy!”

These guys played music from the heart about what was going on in their country, with my personal favourite, ‘Fortunate Son’, being written about the Vietnam War, and ‘Proud Mary’ talking about what life ‘down south’ is like. Ironically the band hails from the Bay Area of San Francisco while their style is straight up southern rock. Songs on this 2CD compilation such as ‘Born On The Bayou’, ‘Down On The Corner’ and ‘Lodi’ just make you want to sit outside in the sun and sip cheap whiskey from a jug.

These guys are/were about more than just the music, they lived the rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle. They lived in a little broken down house and just played music, and when bills came they sold stuff and kept rocking.

They had a dream and a vision, and by sticking to it through good times, hardships and excessive amounts of drinking they became legends. CCR stirs the southern man in all of us (including you womenfolk) and that ain’t a bad thing. It’s all about being happy with your lot and doing what you wanna do without the ‘man’ getting you down. Yeehaw!!! 9/10

Competition The winner of last weeks awesome prize, Iron Maiden’s live 2CD ‘Death On The Road’, is dms25@waikato.

Congratulations!

This week’s prize, courtesy of Radio Hauraki is guitar master Joe Satriani’s latest album ‘Super Colossal’. If you like guitar solos, like me, then you’ll love this album.

Question: What was the name of CCR’s first album?

Email your answer to cjw37@waikato.ac.nz

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

35

Columns and Comic

The past is where you came from and shaped who you are today; The future is as ever uncertain and full of mystery as an unopened lunch box from 1993. To have your burning questions about the future answered, email 8ballknowsall@gmail.com and I will tell all...

by The Panther

TIP # 1 Have you ever watched the world strong man championships and marveled at the power of those behemoths lifting cars? And do you need a part time job ? Well, now you can combine the two. Just enrol in my ‘not-so-legal car moving service’ school. You get to turn those guns into cannons and that keg into a six pack and earn money from a variety of under the table sales and services.

TIP # 2 By now if you have been following these tips your upper body will resemble a sack of rocks, but your legs will be as skinny as ... a really thin thing. So I bring you the secret to leg guns. Are you listening – it’s a secret, do not tell anyone - rub strawberry jam on your genitals. Trust me, it works.

P.S. Blueberry jam has the opposite effect.

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Dear Magic 8 Ball, If 879 sparrows stood on top of each other and tickled the foot of the one that’s always standing on the power line, would they all get electrocuted and die?

Love,Tina “Yes, Definitely.” If you ever paid any attention in Year 9 science, you would know that grounding an electrical current results in getting a haircut like Yahoo Serious. However, I am curious to see 879 sparrows standing on top of each other.

Oh great and mysterious 8 ball, Will we ever get giant robots to pilot anytime soon? If so, tell me now so I can join up to the army and be one of the first robot pilots, YES! Travis “Reply hazy, try again”. Giant robot research is underway but there are some issues at the moment that affect my definitive answer on the matter, such as there are not enough smart large-breasted science women in the world keen to pilot said giant robots, wear tight-fitting spandex outfits and battle aliens for the good of mankind. It’s a shame, really!

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

Food & Drink

Easter Bunny Muffins Ingredients

by Danielle Thomson

Top and bottom 5 things to have on hand for making quick lunches

1 cup white self-raising flour 1 cup wholemeal self-raising flour 1/2 tsp baking soda 1 tsp cinnamon 2 grated carrots (wash before grating) 1/2 cup brown sugar 1/2 cup chopped walnuts 2 eggs 2 Tablespoon vegetable oil 1 cup low fat milk

Method Preheat oven to 200°C and coat the muffin tray with that butter spray.

In a large bowl, sift the flours, baking soda

flour and the carrot mixture. Mix with a wooden spoon until well combined.

Spoon mixture into muffin tins and bake for 20

(incidentally a handy Gran’s Remedy substitute) and cinnamon.

Add the carrot to the flour then throw in (gently) the sugar and walnuts.

In another separate bowl, beat (hee hee) eggs, oil and milk together, and add the egg mixture to the

minutes or until cooked.

While these muffins are cleverly titled Easter Bunny Muffins the resemblance may be hard to spot… you could fashion your bunny some rabbitish ears with any left over walnuts.

Student’s Kitchen or sample. But really, they’re very

“How I learned to stop spending and love the potato”

handy and healthy. It’s like

by Hazazel

Corn Thins OK, they did send us a free

popcorn, but in a…thin! See top 5 sandwich toppings from last week for serving suggestions.

Bread Rolls Homemade Afghan Biscuits Lettuce from the garden Leftover Pasta Lentils Molasses Chickpeas (dry) Salt Shoelaces

This week I find myself seriously short of funds, so rather than review McD’s (I fear even that would be out of my reach at this point!), I thought I’d hand down a few tried and true tricks for staying well-fed and scurvy-free when food money gets short. Of course, if you’re too broke to even buy potatoes, you might want to talk to the Student Financial Adviser, or see if the WSU can help you out.

Firstly, and most importantly: vegetables are our friends. They are cheap, filling, and good for warding off the lurgies. If you have a local vege store, go there! It’s usually cheaper than the supermarket, and you don’t have to walk down aisles filled with prepackaged goodies you can’t afford.

Potatoes are top of the list: Baked potatoes take only a few minutes in the microwave and can be topped with whatever you have in the cupboards butter, cheese, herbs, relish, etc. Stuffed potatoes (bake, split, scoop, mix, refill, grill) take a little more time, but they seem more like a meal, especially if you load them with chopped tomatoes/mixed Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

veges/bacon/cheese/whatever’s lurking in the fridge. Wedges are good for filling up on, so you don’t need as much meat. Toss chopped potatoes with a little oil and whatever seasonings take your fancy, and roast till crispy outside and soft inside.

Other filling potato dishes include: Mashed (with milk + butter); salad (you need some celery, onion, dressing... bacon if you have it) and scalloped (good made with soup mix).

Kumara is good because it can be used for anything potato can, and adds variety. Other than that, buy veges that you can have raw or cooked, like celery, cabbage, carrots, capsicum and mushroom (if they’re cheap), so you can have them in sandwiches, salads, stir-fries, pasta bakes, casseroles etc. Keep an eye out for what’s cheap. Buy big bags, store them well (dry and cool) and use them in a variety of ways. You won’t notice that you’re eating the same veges every day!

Next week – cheap meat, cheap non meat and carbs.

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“Uncle Jim, Uncle Jim!”

38

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

Comics

Issue 7 路 10 April 2006

39

Columns & Reviews

Books

‘Career’

“The best careers advice to give to the young is ‘Find out what you like doing and get someone to pay you for doing it.’” Katherine Whitehorn If only it were that simple! As University students, picking a career is something we will all have to do at some stage, we may already know, or perhaps we are still trying to decide. Your degree/course may lead to one particular career, or it may open up a whole world of options. Either way the idea of ‘career’ is very relevant to our life as University students. But what about the word itself?

You may think that ‘career’ simply means job or profession. However, the notion of career, simple as it may at first appear, is really much more complex. As proved by a 3 page entry on the Oxford English Dictionary Online - don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t call the simple! How the word career came into life in the English Language is pretty much unknown, although it was possibly borrowed from Old French or Late Latin. However it origins are not what makes this word interesting, its history does.

‘Career’ started life meaning “the ground on which a race is run” or “of a horse: a short gallop at full speed”, very different from what we now take the word to mean, isn’t it? Within a few years the word was being used by extension to imply a “swift motion” being specifically applied to “the course of the sun or a star through the heavens”. To my mind at least, the connection to today’s notion of ‘career’ is obvious; the word ‘course’ could easily be replaced by ‘journey’ and the sentence would still retain its meaning. From there it is not such stretch to apply ‘career’ to mean “a person’s course or progress through life…especially when publicly conspicuous” which it came to mean in the 17th century, which part of our lives is more publicly conspicuous than our jobs? Now it is most commonly used to refer to this.

‘Career’ brings with it a lot of different emotions, and thoughts, everyone’s reactions are different. For some people, a career is something they will never have; it will always be a job. For others, a career is something they just can’t wait to have. Not only does a career create diversity in its associated emotions, but in itself it is diverse. One can have an academic career or a professional career. You can be an accountant, or a lawyer, a scientist or doctor, a teacher or a lecturer. They are all different and none is better than another, despite that fact that they might be in your mind. Given that a career is something we are all striving for by being at University, I think it is important to be aware of ‘career’ actually means, to know what it actually is that we are working for.

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The World According to Y: Inside the New Adult Generation Rebecca Huntley (Allen & Unwin)

Reviewed by Alana Fergusson Reading ‘The World According to Y’ by Rebecca Huntley gave me a rather exciting insight to Generation Y. The whole time I was reading it and managing to giggle my way through it, I couldn’t help but notice how the author (of Generation X origin) clearly manages to explain the mystery that is the youth of today.

The book explains that Generation Y is made up of anyone who was born circa 1982 and after - for the majority that’s me and you. Huntley talks openly about how we look at marriage, sex, money and of course consumerism.

According to Huntley, we are in a ‘right now’ frame of mind, where we are only really interested in what is happening at this very moment of our lives, rather than looking 10 years into the future. A major discussion in the book was that more and more of today’s youths are still living at home, and a lot of students who were interviewed for this book, say that they only choose to live at home because it’s too expensive to flat. Now, isn’t flatting meant to be the epitome of university culture? Not so, according to Huntley. She writes that we are living in a world of ruins, our economy and our way of thinking is much different compared to that of our parents and their parents. “They left generation Y a world where everything is handed to them on a silver platter“ explains Huntley. Now why would they want to move out of home at 25 when mum still cooks, cleans and folds their undies?

Huntley also managed to dedicate a whole chapter to sex and how our views have changed so much in comparison to our parents or grandparents for that matter. Now it is ok for people to not have a long term relationship, and amongst all the people spoken to in this book, a one night stand is number one amongst all sexual relations. Another interesting fact, was even though people go out on a alcohol induced rampage every weekend, two out of every three couples that live together end up as man and wife.

Overall my first impression of this book, was that it is definitely eye opening.

This book is a great read for anyone who wants a bit of light reading over a cold weekend, while in bed in their pyjamas. It is also a great conversation starter - I know I had a number of humorous conversations when talking about Chapter 2, “Chicks before Dicks, Bros before Hos.”

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

Reviews

Films V for Vendetta Village Cinema

Review by Joe Citizen This film is based on the classic dystopian graphic novel of anarchy and individualism and is set in a very near future Britain. Made by the Wachowski brothers – the same people who brought us ‘The Matrix’ – I was expecting to be entertained and I wasn’t disappointed.

It’s a political thriller that ultimately asks the question ‘can terrorism ever be justified?’ when viewed in the context of totalitarianism. The catchphrase ‘A people shouldn’t be afraid of

him as an unusual character. He’s obviously had no one to talk to for quite some time. Once this has been established however, he’s deeply complex to unravel – motivated not just by the desire for revenge, but also by a personal desire to work for the greater good. He skirts the line between superhero and vigilante in the same way Batman does, but without the annoying class hang ups. ‘V’ is definitely a loner, but he’s a loner less by choice than circumstance. Played

its government, a government should be afraid of its people’ strikes a chord that is not easy to dismiss. Here is a mainstream movie that asks some serious questions in the guise of spectacle – it’s got all the explosions, stunts, VFX and fight sequences you could expect from a production of this calibre, but has a strong and subversive agenda of current issues with regards to state propaganda and individual freedom.

Of the two main characters, ‘V’ almost doesn’t make the transition from graphic novel to film.

He wears a mask with a fixed grin and spouts streams of poetic language that establishes

by Hugo Weaving, he’s got a presence that is hard to defy.

Natalie Portman plays Evey, a wee slip of a thing who has successfully evaded making any type of political stance in her adult life. Happy to carry on playing the game and making a pay cheque, she runs into trouble when she’s caught out after curfew by the definitely less than desirable ‘fingermen.’ No one becomes political, until politics catches up with them and Evey is no exception, for she soon finds out that her happy little world that she’s created for herself is just as precarious as all those other

poor souls she sees every night on the news.

Whilst this film has got a few of the inevitable clichés, especially with the whole red and black colour scheme, it still manages to ask some pertinent questions, not the least of which has to do with the way people are manipulated when they’re afraid. Here is ‘the war on terror’ and the power of anonymity. Remember, silence is complicity. Go and see this film.

Rialto Check

by Leigh McGeady

Just imagine, me and you. Do you have a picture in your head? Well, you don’t have to imagine now, because Imagine Me & You is showing at Rialto from the 11 of May! Ha ha.

Ok, so maybe I’m not that funny. But this film is meant to be quite an unconventional and witty comedy directed by newcomer Ol Parker and starring the cute Piper Perabo of Coyote Ugly fame, Matthew Goode from Match Point (also playing at Rialto*), Lena Headey from the up and coming The Brothers Grimm and Anthony Head from Little Britain.

Imagine Me & You is a distinctly British comedy about love, filled with modern humour and situations and mixed with timeless romantic sensibilities. The story is centred around a young bride, Rachel (Perabo) who discovers love at first sight on her wedding day. In a moment that overturns everything in which she thought she believed, Rachel catches the eye of a complete

stranger, the wedding’s florist, Luce (Headey) and like a bolt from the blue, recognises her soulmate.

Everything in life, especially her relationship with her brand new husband is suddenly in question and it thrusts them into a journey that is at once disarmingly funny, decidedly bittersweet and definitely familiar to anyone who has ever fallen – for better or for worse – under love’s intoxicating spell.

Though this film would be a great choice for those girl’s nights out, it also can appeal to guys due to the comedic talents of the male cast. And on those girl’s nights out you could sit, laugh, cry and empathise with the each of the characters in turn, munch out on popcorn and ice-cream and realise that Rialto plays ‘fine’ cinema! Don’t miss it!

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

41

Citric

by M. Emery

By the time this sees print the debut show at The Castle (On Ward Street opposite Havoc) featuring This Night Creeps, Shaky Hands, The Vacants, The Mint Chicks & Sunny Tokyo will have happened. I’m sure it will have gone down a treat. You can look forward to more shows coming here from the lovely fellows at Mole Music. The Mole Music Federation released a compilation CD ‘Go with the Movers’ late last year featuring This Night Creeps, The Vacants, Nova Echo, Grayson Gilmour, Robot Tigers and a bunch more, its available in Hamilton at all good music retailers and a sweet sweet listen to boot.

Another A Low Hum tour hits H-town @ Sohl Bar, April 14 (Good Friday). This is the third A Low Hum tour of the year with each tour showcasing a different genre of music. This time indie rock is the flavour of the month with The Reduction Agents ( Auckland), The Undercurrents (Christchurch) and Over the Atlantic (Wellington). $10 entry or $15 and you get a cool ass magazine + 2 freakin’ Cds of the touring bands and more. Go on sell that kidney, it’ll be worth it.

Wellington band, Lady Luck graced Hamilton and Raglan a few times last year with their raucous disco rock show and unfortunately have recently disbanded.

Hopefully these girls and guy will pop up again. I once saw an actress in a porno flick that looked exactly like their singer. True story.

It has been confirmed that all members of Rosepetals and Confetti are currently living with their parents.

Amy Racecar are close to completing a new EP after several months of leisurely recording. “We started out sounding like Slayer but because we took so long we ended up sounding like Kenny Rogers!” stated handsome racecar representative, Billy Triumvist.

A wealth of gigs are upon us! See the gig guide for more, but here are a few highlights: · Cat! Cat! Cat! + the Bloody Souls on a mini tour perform at Sohl, Thursday 13 April. That’s the night before Easter Friday so it’s not really a school night and okay to stay out late! · Sigur Ros drop into Auckland @ The St James, Easter Monday April 17th to perform a show of their lush, orchestral music. · Pluto play Altitude, Friday 21st April, Supports to be confirmed, $15 entry. · Datemonthyear + 4 Second Fuse play a free show at Diggers 28th April.

Concord Dawn

Chaos By Design (Uprising Records)

Reviewed by Sam B Concord Dawn have followed up their widely acclaimed Uprising, but in the thankfully inimitable words of Tiki, should we give a care?

Chaos By Design sees Evan and Matt develop their sound into a more mellowed and cultured beast. Not too far, mind, ‘Aces High’ is a screamer that could’ve come straight off Uprising, and features fellow local blistering BPM boffins State Of Mind. But where previously it seemed the mantra was ‘when in doubt, boost the BPMs’, here the boys take it down a couple of notches. Perhaps some of the other NZ d’n’b merchants have been getting to them, perhaps they’re just getting older. Whatever it is, there certainly seems to be more structure to some of the (comparatively) more subdued numbers, and it is obvious they have matured as musicians in their field.

Their are plenty of guest spots once again, with Tiki being given another chance after his abysmal turn on ‘Don’t Tell Me’ on ‘Never Give Up on Love’, the most unfamiliar sounding track on the album, and, well, he does better than last time. Current everywhere girl Hollie Smith lends her unique talents to standout ‘Say Your Words’, and Devin Abrams of Shapeshifter pops up on sax to remind us that Concord Dawn are not the pre-eminent Drum & Bass merchants in the land.

That said you can’t argue with success, and the album is another high quality local electronic release.

From Gizmodo.com:

Chill out, PETA. The cat piano was the work of a German scholar over 350 years ago. Athanasius Kircher designed the cat piano and documented it in the Musurgia Universalis in 1650. The piano was designed to raise the spirits of an Italian prince who was too stressed out. The musician would select cats whose voices were at different pitches then arrange them in the pens accordingly. The piano delivered sharp pokes into the tails of the cats. Cruel? Definitely. Funny? Yeah, a little bit.

Also on the horizon... · The Bleeders @ Meteor, Friday 5th May with support Gyroscope. · 1QA @ Sohl May 19th with supports. Check these guys out at www.1qaband.com Nexus would like to say a big CHEERS to retiring music editors Kat and Sam. These guys have kept you up with the musical play for over a year now with their insightful (and almost always punctual) gossip and reviews every issue. They’ve done a great job, and we wish them all the best for the future – jobs that pay you, babes galore, etc...

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Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

by Kazuma Namioka

Million Dollar Baby

David Bowie

Serious Moonlight

I think it’s safe to say that Clint Eastwood is awesome. The older and crankier him and his characters get, the more awesome he is, and in this movie you can bet your C grade essay he was looking very old and fucking cranky. Hilary Swank gets a set of guns that could pound my skull into bone meal and boxes her way to the top of her division before taking on the greatest unanswered moral issue facing modern society today. It’s not abortion suckers; life starts when you come out of your momma not your pops. Otherwise killing a pregnant woman would get you two life sentences, leaving you in jail for like 5 years. Don’t build a prison in Butt-Fuck, New Zealand!

Now back to this.

It’s about triumph over being born trash, the American dream, beating the shit out of people and taking their precious glory.

It doesn’t seem to gloss things over; bloody faces, poor minority challengers, a family I would have damned as an over-wrought stereotype if it weren’t for the fact people like that are on Ricki Lake every episode. The good-guy bad-guy may have been spread on a bit thick when it came to the cheating Kraut filling in the role of final boss. I expected a Sith to come out from under her black hood, and she used elbows like she was putting the Thai boxing back in notThai boxing. Exhilarating thinker of a film, won a bunch of Oscars for good reason. Morgan Freeman reliable as ever.

Ross at Tracs had his doubts about the amount of interest students had for David Bowie. I told him we students were all about Bowie, and I’m sure you won’t disappoint me. I mean, while I grew up watching cartoons about horny preschoolers and the Hiroshima bombing, you guys were watching Labyrinth right? You remind me of a babe, dance, magic dance? This DVD has a 20-song-long live set filmed in Canada in ’83. That’s a period of his career where he wasn’t wearing lipstick but still looked kinda funny. He screws around with costume changes and props and little skits on stage, and tears it up on the important tracks, gyrating his way around the place. Damn that crowd loves him. He ends on ‘Fame’, which is always a song I had problems liking, but I guess I’m the only one.

There’s some extra footage in the form of three little segments shot in the Asian leg of his tour, one each for Hong Kong, Singapore and Bangkok. Apart from just taping Bowie wandering around each city, the Hong Kong one had a little sub-story about a Cantonese guy, a drummer in a band that plays Bowie covers, having to pawn his records and borrow money to buy a ticket for the Bowie show.

Bangkok looked quite beautiful from what I saw, but then some other things I’ve seen and read suggest that place is fucked up and scary, like a prostitute with razors hidden in her mouth, so using these wee pseudo-documentaries as some sort of guide is ill advised.

Bowie” -Matt “I like David

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

43

More Citric

Whenever I hear of the Bleeders I think about Ben Stiller’s ball sack jammed in the zipper of his pants and a paramedic screaming “We got a Bleeder’ after he endeavoured to release his sack.

The Bleeders Hit Htown by

by M.Emery M.Emery

For most New Zealanders, The Bleeders are five young men clad in black and tattoos and one of the most popular of the current punk rocking acts in this country. The Bleeders came together three years ago and rapidly passed the kind of career milestones that many acts wear as a badge of achievement – an independent EP, residencies in the alternative radio Top Tens

‘Nightmares’ as well as the band’s raw-knuckled previous hit ‘The Kill’. In support of the release, the five piece will be touring during April and May. Recorded at Big Blue Meenie studios in New Jersey late last year, with Sal Villenueva (Thursday, Taking Back Sunday) producing; and mastered at Sterling Sound NYC by George

Bleeders. Chris was recommended to the band by their manager who was a friend of his and knew he would have a good eye for what the Bleeders were after.

Having completed several tours of New Zealand as well as a internationally, Angelo describes their show with The Misfits at Underworld in London as one of the highlights of

followed by a Top 20 single, acclaimed videos, high-profile support slots, and successful national and international tours. They could have just gone with the flow, and seen what came next.

But, the Bleeders are not “go-with-the-flow” kind of folks, and they don’t wait around for something to happen. Right from the beginning, this band was determined to make something happen - and every click on the highway thus far has been about creating that. Now, the next stop along the road has been reached.

Recently released debut album As Sweet As Sin is thrillingly energetic; possessed of mightily powerful hooks and razor-sharp performances, and characterized by an honesty and integrity which invests the album with a real depth.

As Sweet As Sin features the new single

Marino (everyone from Metallica and AC/DC to Arctic Monkeys and The Cure), the album is described by vocalist Angelo Munro as “a long time coming, and a big step forward for the band that points the way to the future”. Sal Villenueva was over here working on pre-production for Elemenop’s last album and managed to catch a Bleeders show. He expressed an interest in recording the Bleeders and came back here after doing the ElemenoP album to do the ‘Out of Time’ single at the Lab. After this fruitful collaboration, arrangements were made and it wasn’t long before the Bleeders were off to America to record their debut.

The album also features stunning original artwork from artist and vintage horror movie aficionado Chris Knox, who shares many of the off-kilter sensibilities which have inspired the

their career so far. Playing to over 1000 punters in a packed club with a band they have long admired made for an awesome show. Although this year will primarily see the boys on the road supporting their album, Angelo suggests they may eventually relocate to America or England as there is not enough audience here to make a living from their kind of music.

Supporting The Bleeders on their nationwide tour are Perth band, Gyroscope. Having previously played with Gyroscope in Melbourne, The Bleeders were stoked to have them recommended for their tour. The Bleeders play in Hamilton at the Meteor Theatre, Friday 5th May. With fond memories of previous Hamilton shows and local bands, Angelo promises an awesome high energy show at one of his favourite venues.

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Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

BROUGHT TO YOU BY:

THE PLAYER 24: The Game

V8 Super Cars 3

Reviewed by Matt

Reviewed by Josh

Rating:

Rating:

SCEE Playstation 2

Codemasters Playstation 2

Videogames and TV and Movie licenses usually don’t mix, and the same goes vice versa. However, there have been some really good games based off these goggle-box licenses such as Chronicles of Riddick and King Kong.

However, 24: The Game is part of a group of license games that joins those such as the Die Hard series in the “so bad it’s funny” category. I just didn’t make for a completely satisfying gaming experience for this game reviewer other than the hilarity of the rag-doll physics making the player-character fall into a position where it looks like he is giving himself a blowjob.

At its roots, 24: The Game is a third-person action game. You’re given objectives to fulfil and it’s up to you to shoot the baddies in order to reach and complete those objectives. When companies make TV series into games, a key point to translate is the storyline and while I am familiar with the earlier series of 24, this game is set sometime around the 4th series and seems like it’s just a “kill the terrorists” with generic clichés strewn throughout.

Controls were fairly confusing at first (didn’t help that there was no manual included with the review copy) so it was a matter of trial and error – that experience proved to me that the controls were not intuitive at all.

In terms of playing the game, it is very basic to aim and shoot as there is an auto-aim function that takes most (actually, all) of the challenge out of the game and reduces it to an arcade style “run and gun”.

The graphics are passable – they’re not completely terrible. Character faces resemble their on-screen actors (who are voiced by them too).

Settings are somewhat generic and textures aren’t as nice as they could be but it’s to be expected on the aging Playstation 2. Enemy characters look extremely generic and the animations are very average. Enemy AI is completely stupid, bar the taking cover aspect, but even then it is about as effective as a wet toilet paper roll to wipe your butt with.

24: The Game will possibly entertain those who are fans of the series and those who are looking for a game that won’t take much effort to play through. However, if you want a game like that, you’re better off playing Solitaire on your PC. I predict bargain bin prices for this game soon.

Wow. This game is really, really good. And I’ll say it straight out – I think it’s way better than Gran Turismo 4. So there.

Hate mail to news@nexus-npl.co.nz, please.

What’s so good about it? I’m not normally too in to racing games. The limits of car games are easy to find – on a base level, they’re just driving around and around. I guess I got over that when I got my licence and found out that real driving was a hell of a lot more interesting.

So the point of difference for V8 Supercars 3 (marketed elsewhere in the world as TOCA Race Driver) for me was that it makes a concerted effort to get the player as involved in the world of motor sport as early as possible and as much as possible. It does this by telling a story, of sorts. You’re the down-on-his-luck driver who hasn’t seen much success lately, until you get picked up by an old-timer with a brilliantly conceived Scottish accent who quickly pitches you into racing. And what racing! The sheer amount of modes playable in this game are mind-boggling. Early on you’ll get a taste of circuit racing, point-to-point rallying, speedway, gokarting, and even truck racing. (which is awful, but so is the real thing.)

Rallying is done exceptionally well, and shares plenty of similarities with developer Codemasters’ other little car game, the Colin McRae Rally series. Literally every type of motor racing is here in some way. And the story keeps developing. As it turns out, it’s more than just your Scottish mate who’s taken an interest in you. You have rivals as well, who come up and threaten you during well-done cut-scenes. The story’s hardly Shakespeare, but it keeps ticking behind the scenes, and it does a good job of maintaining interest. Multiplayer’s a bit disappointing. The framerate takes a heavy hit, as do the otherwise stellar graphics.

There’s plenty more here for the discerning gamer or car nut. The cars take realistic damage, and you’ve got to watch it while racing in case you lose a tyre or blow up an engine.

There are plenty of other modes besides the main World Tour – there’s the titular V8 series and a variety of other modes to keep gameplay alive.

There are literally hundreds of hours in this game.

Step aside, Gran Turismo. V8 Supercars is the real real driving simulator.

GAMES PLUS - THE NEXT LEVEL: Providing you with all your necessary gaming needs S H O P 1 0 5 , C E N T R E P L A C E M A L L , V I C T O R I A S T, H A M I LT O N · P H O N E 8 3 8 0 8 0 1 XBOX · PLAYSTATION · GAMECUBE · PC · GAMEBOY · DS · PSP · MOVIES · ANIME

Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

45

“

I got

5

on it”

Questions 1. Playstation or Xbox?

2. If you were given $2000 to go and do

something fun, what would you do?

3. What was your favorite childhood toy?

4. What’s your favorite grown up toy?

5. Who would win a fight between Barbie and

GI Joe?

by Jess

Nick (student/lifeguard)

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Xbox! The new one’s mean Go on a surf trip to Malaysia and have a couple of bin tangs (bin what?)

My plastic red tractor with a yellow trailer. I use to put dog food in it and the dog would eat it out of there.

My surfboard GI Joe – too many cool gadgets!

Mesh Nesh from Bangladesh (tryna be a student but really the Governor General)

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Xbox Buy lots of Lego Lego!

Cars GI Joe (what’s up with the sexism!! Go Barbie go….)

Hannah (bil) (student)

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

To be honest, I haven’t played either Party at mine…

This pink elephant that use to dance around.

Wake boards, boats etc…

Unfortunately I’d have to say GI Joe

Dave (student)

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Xbox I’d probably waste it Guns… (Run kids, run…)

Xbox at the moment.

GI Joe

Shatish Donna Toucha (dairy owner)

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Vart is Nintendo?

I wouldn’t spend it unless I was going to buy lots of lotto tickets A money till A spice rack Vart is Barbie?

I had no people photos so I used pictures of Real Dolls, hahahaha! - Matt

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Issue 7 · 10 April 2006

Issue 7 路 10 April 2006

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