issue 6

www.nexusmag.co.nz

20 April 2009

ISSUE 06 Credits: Editor: Joshua Drummond (editor@nexusmag.co.nz)

Design: Talia Mussom (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz)

Advertising: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz/021 176 6180)

Reporter: Grant Burns (news@nexusmag.co.nz)

Film Editor: Art Focker (agonyart@nexusmag.co.nz) Games Editor: Antony Parnell (games@nexusmag.co.nz) Books Editor: Penny Wilson (books@nexusmag.co.nz) Music Editor: Kat Cox (music@nexusmag.co.nz) Internet Guru: Jed Laundry Contributors Vitamin C, WSU, Kirill, Chris Parnell, Burton C. Bogan, Gordon Dawson, Dawn Tuffery, Jed Laundry, Dr Richard Swainson, Maria Mo, Josh, Grant Burns, Mammoth, HCAC, Flash Medallion, Art Focker, Blair Munro, Raptor Jesus, Louise Blackstock, DJ Lauree, Jessica Zonneveld, Teresa Hattan, Sarah Bentley, Todd Cantley, Penny Wilson, Antony Parnell, 8 Ball,

03 Editorial 04 Photo Chop Comp 05 Low Five 06 Caption Competition 08 News 12 Vault 12 The Nexus Haiku News 14 Lettuce 17 Rant of the Week 24 WSU 28 Lord Bhfulu’s Puzzle Page 29 Notices 30 Boganology 101 30 Essence of Annoying 31 Sports Thoughts

31 Uncommon Sense 32 Magic 8 Ball 32 Uni Comix 33 The Far Side 34 Movie Reivew 34 Auteur House Presents 35 DVD Review 35 Comic Review 36 Book Review 36 Album Review 37 The Phat Controller 38 Gig Guide 38 Garfield Minus Garfield 39 BUSTED

Features: 18 Home Sweet Home?

US international student Nicole Friedman thought she was coming to a progressive, liberal nation. Then she ended up staying in Rimbrook Study Centre, where she found God… unaccommodating.

Christina Fehlmann and Nicole Friedman

New Stuff Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) Because WE GET TO GO TO WELLINGTON! WOOO! Goodbye shitty Hamilton with its lousy V8s! Hahahaha! THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE REALLY. WE DIDN’T DO IT, NOBODY SAW US DO IT, YOU CAN’T PROVE ANYTHING. PEOPLE WHO DON’T SUBMIT THEIR STUFF IN TO NEXUS UNTIL AFTER DEADLINE? I RECOMMEND YOU READ THE LAST FEW CHAPTERS OF THE BIBLE. THAT’S THE FATE THAT AWAITS YOU.

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Not one but two new competitions! On page 4 there’s the PhotoChop Comp and the Caption Competition returns on page 6! There’s a Rant by Chris on 17, a feature by guest correspondent Nicole Friedman on 18, and our monthly Far Side Tauranga column by correspondent Jessica Zonneveld on page 31!

Nigger. Wop. Wog. Kike. Darkie. Hoorie. Whitey. Kaffir. Bongo. Slant. Golliwog. And, perhaps my favourite, “Bloody Maoris,” but rendered

over the top. We took the piss accordingly. When the formation of the Maori party was praised from the lectern as being a positive step

with that annoying Euro twang that makes it come out as “Maaaaries.” “I’m not a racist, but…” Who’s heard this before? Often as not there follows a statement that includes one of the terms I’ve helpfully listed above. “I’m not a racist, but…” is one of those terms I wince at, because I know what’s coming. It’s second only to “Some of my best friends are ___________, but…” as a signifier that someone’s about to embarrass themselves. Because racism is an embarrassment, in an age where science has clearly debunked the notion that “superiority” – that mythic concept - is endemic to the lightness of your skin or racial ancestry. We now know that the “superior” can be any colour, with perhaps the ultimate rebuttal to the bitter rednecks sticking to their racial guns being the mixed-race man who now occupies the White House. Embarrassment or not, it’s still with us. It takes many forms, breeding in the dank, ignorant corners of human minds – and University offices, lecture rooms and halls. Waikato University is, perhaps more than any other in New Zealand, strongly connected to Maori – a commitment reflected in the upcoming celebration of Kingitanga day. Partly because of this connection, Waikato University prides itself on its engagement with Maori and Maori issues, down to the student level. Its law school places a particular emphasis on Maori issues, and when I arrived here it drove me crazy. I’d been raised to respect all races as fundamentally equal, and going to a primary school in the country with an 80 percent Maori roll mean that some of my best friends were Maori. My best mate through High School was part-Maori, and I never thought anything of it. I thought, with justification, that I was not in any way racist. Then I arrived at University and was told, in my classes, that I was. Not in as many words, but that was the overwhelming impression we had, sitting in our lectures and tutorials. We were taught Maori mythology like it was scripture, we were told of the countless injustices of the past, and it was made clear that, in some kind of way, we – Pakeha – had to bear the burden of guilt passed by our ancestors. I felt like it was racism, towards me, and I felt it was unfair. I’d never done a racist thing in my life, and here I was being told it was all my fault. Cracks began to show. One day a Maori woman sitting by the front began to scream, loud and shrill, about the many evils colonialism had wrought, then and now. It was horrible. My Pakeha friends began muttering darkly in tutorials, and plenty of Maori mates thought it was

towards true tino rangatiratanga I doodled a white fist raised against a Confederate flag background, the symbol of the “European Party” we laughed about creating. Sure, we were kidding. Mostly. I know I felt real resentment, and many of my friends felt it deeper. The more it was gently beat into us the more we felt it. We weren’t racists, but we were, we felt, being forced into the mold – with only one escape: acquiescence. We could go the route we felt we were being quietly pushed to take – that of accepting a largely “academic” guilt. Or, and this is the action I know many took, we could take the resentment and nurse it or bury it, only to have it bubble up every time a politician took the stage talking about Maori rights and entitlements in a bare-faced attempt to buy votes. I know when Don Brash made the infamous Orewa speech it resonated with me, and with many of my colleagues. Concerted campaigns of “awareness” had made me aware, all right, and I hated it. Luckily, I quit law school and have since had time to reflect. When I looked into the content of Brash’s speech I found much of it a myth. The Maori entitlement machine is a mostly a creation of lazy minds. It’s too bad that many still believe in it, and at this University, I lay at least some of the blame on the way and the content of what we were taught. I think part of the problem is because any talk that could be labelled racism has become a taboo, a “hate speech” that can’t be uttered, forced into the subconscious. I’m not talking hard-core white supremacists here – they are what they are, and I pity them. But for the “ordinary Kiwis,” National went after that election campaign, the quiet millions on the fences – you can’t say what you think. And because there’s no real dialogue, there’s no redress for when people say things – often quietly, to themselves, while watching the news – that are utterly wrong. The only way to reverse this is through education, and not the smug, “we’re right” lectures I got in law school. That’s why I think Kingitanga Day is an excellent opportunity to stop, examine your prejudices – because that’s what they are, and we all have them – and see if there’s any actual basis in fact. Do some reading – a book called Bullshit, Backlash and Bleeding Hearts, by David Slack, available in the University Library, is a great place to start. When you find yourself thinking “Bloody Maaaries,” if that’s the kind of thing you’re prone to doing, ask yourself why. We’re all exactly the same, under the skin, and I think that’s as good a place as any to start thinking.

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QUESTIONS 1. What did you do to celebrate God’s death last weekend? 2. What are you doing for Kingitanga Day? 3. What would you rather be – king or a god? 4. What’s your worst flatting experience? 5. How are your holiday assignments going?

Sara 1. Drunk 2. Sleeping in 3. God 4. One of the cats shat in our shower 5. None

James 1. Drunk 2. Working 3. God 4. Don’t flat 5. None at all

Victor 1. Working all weekend 2. Study 3. Doesn’t matter 4. Unclean flatmates 5. Ahh shit, really busy

Ben, Hayden, Josh 1. Just got drunk 2. Lots of study, a lot of Maori things, probably cook a hangi 3. God, King, both 4. Drunken shenanigans every night 5. Today was my day to do my assignments but I went skating instead

Anna 1. Had a drink 2. Join in the festivities 3. Neither 4. Haven’t had one yet 5. Pretty good

“We have decided to bring back last year’s incredibly successful caption competition!”

fter much demand (a couple of people mentioned it over beers) we have decided to bring back last year’s incredibly successful caption competition! Entering is easy. Simply invent a caption for the following image: and send your caption to captions@nexusmag.co.nz! Alternatively, you can enter in the Caption Competition thread at forums. nexusmag.co.nz! Excitement! Captions! Excitement! Captions! Exclamation marks! Enter now! !!! !. (!)

Winners receive (for this week’s competition) a Burger Fuel meal voucher and (for next week’s competition) possibly something else! Keep watching the skies, and when you are done with that, enter the Nexus Caption Competition!

WANT TO BE INVOLVED WITH NEXUS BUT CAN’T TEAR YOURSELF AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER?

forums.nexusmag.co.nz ..........sign up today!

6

The WSU

TUESDAY 21ST APRIL 2009

KINGITANGA Royal Court 2009 Hear Ye! Hear Ye! You are officially invited by your WSU Round Table to join in the festivities of the WSU Kingitanga Royal Court 2009. Come one, come all! Confront both friends and foes in the royal rumble, prove your worthiness in the royal jousting and dish out some vengeance in the royal dunking tank. All activities will be held at the University Village Green. 10:15am Whakatau, karakia and waiata 10:25am The Royal court will open with: - Mdžori merchandising stalls - The Royal Dunking Tank - The Royal Rumble in a Sumo Suit - The Royal Jousting Rumble - Heaps and heaps of prizes and giveaways - Special Kǚngitanga day kai deals available from campus stores - Medieval stilt walkers 12pm-2pm A king wouldn’t be without his royal Knights! The WSU presents Second Chapter and Knights of the Dub Table performing live on the Village Green 2:30pm Come and join the biggest haka ever on campus 3:00pm Presentation to the Kǚngitanga: - Celebrating 150 years - A Royal cake - A toast to the Kǚngitanga and the University of Waikato 3:30pm Karakia whakakmutunga

ISSUE 6 - 20 April 2009

any question or queries email news@nexusmag.co.nz

Money and students going up, staff going down Wait, what?

By Grant Burns There is still no official word on planned job cuts at

Despite the University plans to cut up to 100 jobs,

In 2003, international enrolments peaked and began

Head of Human Resources Anna Bounds, says “there

to decline in 2005, which caused a drop in revenue

have been no forced redundancies” yet. “10 people

for the University.

in Student and Academic Services Division have taken

“Our revenue in 2008 was about $15-20 million less

voluntary redundancy, two have been redeployed

than it was in 2003, but the costs were about the

within the university and two have taken partial

same,” said Crawford.

During a recent budget meeting, University Vice-

voluntary redundancy,” Bounds said, in a statement

2009 is the first year since 2003 to record an increase

Chancellor Roy Crawford used the euphemism

from the University’s PR and Marketing Department.

in international enrolments.

“academic clustering” to refer to the “changes to our

She says the university is continuing to monitor and

Also revealed at the budget meeting was the

senior management sector.”

manage the staffing situation across the organisation

‘new budget model;’ a system which distributes

‘“Academic clustering” frankly means there is too

through re-examining positions as they become

and indicates where revenue should go based on

many staff on the payroll and some will have to be let

vacant. “We have been using multiple strategies to

enrolment numbers and the money that comes

go,” he said. “However, due to current reviews, we

re-organise our staffing to deliver on our strategic

with them. If a particular department increases

cannot pinpoint what departments or staff members

goals and to bring Waikato numbers into line with

its enrolments, then theoretically it should receive

are in the firing line.”

international benchmarks since the Academic Plan

more money for resources and staff than another

The process of reviewing and sorting out the

was adopted in 2007.”

department which has less. Despite this, the Faculty

“academic clustering” is expected to take 6 months

Waikato University has recorded an increase of 10%

of Arts and Social Science and Pathways College

and will be finished by the end of the year, according

in domestic enrolments and 6% in international

both had significant increases in enrolments this and

to the Vice-Chancellor. The incentive of the review is

enrolments with only 94% of expected enrolments

last year, but Nexus has been told that “staff cuts

to “improve the effectiveness and efficiency of how

so far processed. The target amount of students

still haven’t been ruled out yet” for either of these

we operate” with the recurring question being “is the

studying at Waikato University in 2009 is 9,600 – but

departments.

University running as it should?”

predictions are now indicating upwards of 10,250.

Waikato University, despite the institution recording a $1.22 million profit last year, and with $5 million profit projected for 2009. The economic crisis has seen domestic enrolments soar, and international enrolments are also on the increase.

University tries to control what goes into the local media “Honest Roy” tells it like it is By Grant Burns Waikato University Vice-Chancellor Roy Crawford announced at a recent budget meeting that Waikato University tries to control what goes into the local media in relation to campus issues. “We do try and control what goes into the local media, as you can imagine that’s not an easy task because they know we’re trying to control them, we would like them to say certain things,” said Mr Crawford. Mr Crawford asked the question, “Why are we reading things in the Waikato Times, the local press, or whatever (and I’m pretty sure Nexus fits into the “whatever” category – Ed) before we hear from management what’s going on?” after staff members were concerned about 8

what was being said about staff restructuring, dwindling revenue, and other serious issues. He then when on to criticise the way the local media works, saying they the majority of the stories are based on lies, false information, and deception. “They like rumour, gossip, speculation, and when I talk to the editor and say, “why do you publish rumours, gossip, and speculation”? His response is, “But the public are interested in rumour, gossip, and speculation and that’s what sells newspapers,”” said Mr Crawford. The Vice-Chancellor then gave a stern warning to all staff and others present to suspect everything in the media that they don’t know for sure.

“The only thing I will say to you, honestly, is that if you see something in the media that you haven’t heard from the university then question it because it’s probably not 100% true.” Nexus Editor Joshua Drummond laughed for several minutes after hearing these comments, which are 100% true and come entirely from the mouth of Vice-Chancellor Roy Crawford. “Nexus has been and is a reliable source of news about University goings-on,” he said, once the laughter subsided. “They generally only get upset when we get something right or hear about something they’d rather we didn’t – as in the ongoing matter of the thesis removal – so if they’re making a lot of noise, we’re usually very happy with ourselves.”

The King is cometh Along with Jake the Muss By Grant Burns Waikato University will be proud to host the first ever ‘Kingitanga Day’ tomorrow (Tuesday 21st April) with an array of activities, exhibitions, and stalls alongside special guest appearances, including the Maori King T heitia – which means you get a free day off. Beginning at 8:30am, celebrations will be carried out all over campus with special lectures, presentations, and workshops designed to increase understanding about the Kingitanga and Maori ancestry.

Pathways College and the Waikato Students Union. During 12pm -2pm, there will be universitywide ‘Kingitanga Day’ luncheon specials at all participating food outlets on campus, with some serving Hangi and other traditional Maori dishes. In the afternoon, the WSU will be hosting a Kingitanga Royal Carnival which will include a celebrity dunking tank, the biggest haka ever to be performed on campus, arts and crafts

Papa, Paul Meredith, Charmaine Pountney, Temuera Morrison, and others.

Presentations dwelling on different aspects of Maori culture will be given at separate departments, including the School of Maori and Pacific Development, School of Computing and Mathematical Science, Waikato Management School, School of Education, School of Science and Engineering, Waikato

stalls, Knights of the Dub Table playing live on the Village Green, and the slight possibility of jousting. Many special guests are confirmed to attend, including the current Maori King T heitia, Maori Party co-leader Hon Tariana Turia, Hon Nanaia Mahuta, Prof James Ritchie, Rahui

on Waikato University’s calendar after the inaugural celebrations on Tuesday. All classes have been cancelled for the whole day, but all students are encouraged to come join in the festivities and learn more about our local culture.

The Kingitanga or the King Movement has been established since 1858, marking 150 years in 2008. The first Maori King was Potatau Te Wherowhero; King Tuheitia is the sixth and current king following his appointment as the eldest son of the late, first Maori Queen Dame Te Atairangikaahu ‘Kingitanga Day’ will remain an annual event

Talented Waikato Tribe take Titivating Taranaki Trip By Penny Wilson

A carnival atmosphere prevailed on Tuesday morning as some of Waikato’s finest athletes departed for the 2009 Uni Games in Taranaki. This year heralds the 86th Games, with 1200 student sporting stars representing 14 tertiary institutions from throughout New Zealand. The three day sporting extravaganza has over 25 events, with Waikato represented in 14 of these. “We’re returning to defend our 2008 Gold and we’ve got a good chance”, Katrina told me, calm amidst the excitement. “The team is mostly the same as last year, with a few new additions, and we have a good team spirit – lots of bonding on the bus!” she smiled. The lure of potential victory has proved irresistible even across the ditch, with a team from Australia’s MONASH University crossing the divide in a n unprecedented quest for sporting glory. “I’m feeling very excited”, said WSU Director Andrew James, a veteran of three year’s Games, “And relieved to finally be here!” He wasn’t alone. While bongo drums, ghetto blasters and inflatable giraffes may not immediately spring to mind in terms of necessary sporting equipment, the enthusiastic athletes I spoke with were quick to correct that assumption: “The key to a good match is fun”, I was told by Speedy from the Ultimate Frisbee team, a sentiment echoed by other athletes. “It’s not just about sport”, said Andrew, from the Table Tennis team. His teammate John elaborated: “The Games for us are like a good martini – one part sport, one part social and one part enjoyment, shaken not stirred”, a truth borne out by the fact that everyone I spoke to had been to at least one previous Games. Could it be true that win or lose, it’s the enjoyment and camaraderie that really counts? “They’re all

eager beavers about to do Tribal Justice”, observed WSU Director Pene Delaney, before confirming my suspicions: “In all seriousness, we have a good team this year and we are anticipating some good wins and a lot of good fun”. By the time Nexus was going to print on Wednesday night, the Tribe had these results: Woman’s football team beat AUT 5-3 and Massey/Albany 20 -1. Touch team drew with Canterbury and lost to Otago. The 20/20 cricket team beat Massey and Auckland with two huge wins. Men’s basketball won against Massey. The badminton team are annihilating all competition with two 6-nil wins. Talking to Team leader AJ, it seems the Waikato Tribe are having a blast in the Naki. “It’s been a great start to the Uni Games both sporting and socially. We rocked the opening ceremony in feathers, face paint, and flora. We’re having a Tribal bonfire on the beach tonight, it’s going to be awesome.” 9

Saudi project over, says Vice-Chancellor Oil drilling begins in Uni lakes By Grant Burns The multi-million dollar university project in Saudi Arabia is all but over, says Waikato University Vice-Chancellor Roy Crawford.

were trying to create English language schools in Saudi Arabia. This idea has also been canned.

“As far as we’re concerned, the project is over,” Crawford said at the recent budget meeting.

No reason was given at the meeting about why the project was dropped. “Setting up a university is rather a large task and maybe should be approached in smaller bit-size

Waikato University had intentions to help set up a new, collaborative university in the middle of Saudi Arabia with talks and meetings set

chunks,” admitted Crawford.

up last year. However, as of the recent budget meeting, the project idea was in the trash with nobody assigned to the task. The idea for a new Saudi campus was established last year, but was never been given the green light. Instead, Waikato University

Crawford did acknowledge that if Saudi Arabia said “hey we’re ready to go here’s the check” then he might reconsider the idea, but for now [the project] appears to us [to have] disappeared.” The oil-rich state of Saudi Arabia is a monarchy ruled by King Abdullah, of the House of

Saud. It has a troubled human rights record, and has been criticized by organisations like Amnesty International, Human Rights Watch and the United Nations over its judicial system (which, infamously, utilises beheadings and amputations) and unequal treatment of women. Last year there were 300 Saudi students attending the University of Waikato, out of a total of around 2000 in New Zealand. 80 of the Saudi students at Waikato are here courtesy of King Abdullah’s scholarship programme, with another 180 studying under different schemes. The king personally funds approximately 25, 000 Saudi students around the world.

Waikato student lands job at UN No, it’s not Helen Clark By Grant Burns Waikato Management/Law student Akanisi Nabalarua has scored a two-month internship in the Rule of Law Unit at the United Nations headquarters in New York dealing with topics including human rights, electoral reform, armed conflicts, and criminal justice.

“It was 7:30am in the morning and I was testing myself when the phone rang. I was nervous,” said Miss Nabalarua to the Times.

“I can’t find the words to encapsulate how excited I am. You think these kinds of things are so out of reach, but it is in your reach,” Miss Nabalarua told the Waikato Times.

Miss Nabalarua acknowledged that working for the UN would be her ultimate job. “I got interested in them after I did a paper on public international law and human rights. I want to learn as much as I can while I’m there, because it’s different than learning from a book.”

Miss Nabalarua was born in Fiji, moved to Australia, and finally settled in New Zealand where she is currently studying her last year of a Bachelor of Management/ Bachelor of Laws conjoint degree. Miss Nabalarua has wanted to be a lawyer since she was 10 years old and spent all night studying for her phone interview with the UN.

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The next day she was rung back and told she had got the internship.

The internship is only valid for two-months and does not include airfares or living expenses, but Akanisi said the experience was too good to pass up. She is now fundraising for her trip and has applied for several scholarships.

In reference to a question ask about whether or not Miss Nabalarua could see herself swapping stories and rubbing shoulders with Helen Clark, she answered, “You never know, it could happen.”

The glass is half full Of urine

By Grant Burns

You know something isn’t quite right when your workmate hands you a test tube, pamphlets on STI’s, and a bag with a biohazard symbol on it. However, I received this unusual gift with complacency; staring at the “specimen bag” I began to wonder how I was going to rub one off into it and how many attempts it was going to take. Luckily, I was later informed that you only had to piss in to it to get your results. But, before I continue to disgust you with my sexual escapades and miscellaneous fluids, I would rather enlighten you to the genuine cause of MASH. Male Advocates for Sexual Health is a campaign which has been running for two years in the pursuit of men getting their best mates checked out. The initiative of MASH is to get men taking sexual health seriously, understand what STI’s are and how they spread, and to combat it by taking a simple urine sample. This year the WSU got right behind the week-long event and set up stalls on campus. Nexus caught up with event organiser and WSU VicePresident, Glen Delamare, to ask him how students were responding. “We’ve had a really positive turn out so far. There has been a good response and a lot of interest from many students. It’s great to see the guys who already have their MASH cards; it’s good to know that some people are getting checked out and taking it seriously.” MASH is in its second year and this year was the first time it was advertised on a national level with many other campus’ participating in the event around the country. This year the event coincided with April Fool’s Day which lead the this year’s slogan being aptly named “Don’t be a Fool – check your Tool.” Well, after the initial approach of having an STI test tossed onto my desk, I decided to the take the mature decision and get checked out. The instructions instructed me to half fill the given test tube with my warm cider during the first slash of the morning and to drop it off at Student Services no later than four hours after. After a heavy night of drinking and other miscellaneous activities, I excreted my delicious waste into my tube upon waking. “Jesus”, I said, “I hope they’re only testing for STI’s

“The concept behind MASH is that males are much less likely to go check out their junk then females are. In this sense, MASH is a gender-based event”

in this old fashioned apple juice.” Upon my arrival on campus, I secretly slipped into Student Services, dropped off my load, and was told I would find out my results within the week. Oh, the waiting is the hardest part. The concept behind MASH is that males are much less likely to go check out their junk then females are. In this sense, MASH is a gender-based event. On Wednesday the 1st, Glen took his STI spinning wheel to the students. “It’s just like an STI, you don’t know what you’re going to get, but you will get something,” shouted Glen as weary-looking students gave him and his spinning wheel weird looks. For any man manly enough, they could spin the wheel and win prizes ranging from beer to condoms; from Rugby magazines to Penthouse. However, the event was embarked upon with disgust by some disgruntled “feminists”. While Glen was whacking his wheel, two females approached him and asked what the event was all about. After hearing that it was a gender-based event which only men could participate in, they took great offence. “After being told it was a male-only event, two females took offence to the WSU doing a gender-based event and laid a formal complaint. The girls were also disgusted with the Penthouse magazine which was one of the prizes. I found it interesting that females tried to tell males how to run a male-orientated event, when if it was the other way around, any complaining man would be ridiculed. Also, there were no complaints with the “I love my breasts” day held last year which was a genderbased event for women only,” said Glen. Overall, according to Student Services, approximately 50 males got their junk checked out which is a major increase. As for me, well I received a text/email which cleared me of any wrong doing. I am now free once again to sow my seed into whichever uncontaminated soil I choose, ha. So, for all the men who have not yet checked themselves out, I strongly encourage you to do so, and, as always, keep watching the sluts, I mean skies.

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Vault

Lecturers change facts over fear Issue 7, 20 April 1999 By Grant Burns The quality of education taught at Waikato University is under tight scrutiny with lectures having to censor and change their lectures in fear of offending student’s beliefs, ideas, or culture. Following a highly publicised controversy last year over a lecture given about the history of Mormonism, History lecturer Ray Richards has claimed that he and other colleagues have censored/changed parts of their lecture notes. “Already some lecturers are changing the content afraid of offending student beliefs even when those beliefs are factually wrong.” Richard’s faced an advocacy and a mediation process following complaints from students about his lecture on Mormonism. However, he

feels it is wrong for lecturers to have to change factual evidence in their lecture notes just because it may offend some students’ beliefs. “I’m calling on all lecturers to boycott the mediation process if they are charged for what they teach, because of its serious threat to the quality of education.” “This university accepts six times as many complaints than at Auckland, that has given this university a significant reputation as PC when it should be seeking a reputation as QE, Quality Education,” Richards said. Richards said during his mediation process last year he was under constant fear that he was going to be dismissed and basically needed to have his lawyer on call at all times.

Despite the fears and consequences, Richards repeated his controversial lecture about the history of Mormonism just prior to Easter this year and although a student ripped up the lecture notes and accused him of telling lies at the end, no complaints were made. “I was hoping it would be a learning experience for the mediation department and it seems to have been – that’s something to be celebrated,” said Richards. He said for fact that no complaints were laid this time around, the university would scrap this unnecessary mediation process and allow lecturers to teach whatever they like without fear of reprisals.

The Nexus Haiku News By Drummond-san

Jamie Foxx apologises to Miley Miley, I’m so sorry! Hey, hows about, You make that sex tape with me?

David Bennett MP M P f o r h aM i l t o n e a s t

Phone: 07 834 3407 Email: davidbennett@xtra.co.nz www.davidbennett.co.nz

www.national.org.nz 12

Veitch avoids jail term, says experience ‘hideous’ “It’s been hideous,” says Veitch “After assault I couldn’t walk for weeks.” Hard times continue for manufacturers Economy continues To blow – hard times When dollar’s a yo-yo. Bloggers hit back at ‘Frank and co’ “Frank and friends

Are acting so bad – it’s positively Zimbabwean.” France says au revoir to three strikes legislation Well, that makes sense You know it’s bad law When it’s rejected by the French Microsoft’s new Office expected next year Software leeches Release another Office With useless new features! Northland history may need rewrite Fancy this! Hone Heke’s flagpole fragment Turns out as cannabis!

East Hamilton Police Burglary & Vehicle Crime Report 6th - 12th April 2009.

Last week 9 burglaries occurred and 2 vehicles were either stolen or broken into, in the Hamilton East and Rural areas. Their locations are shown on the map.

Question from the POLICE: If you go away, do you take your laptops with you? This is a great way to reduce crime in your area and stop / prevent further break-ins in your flat.

Circumstances of a Burglary The (student) victims went away on Tuesday 7th and returned Thursday 9th April to find that their double doors left wide open. It is unclear how the offenders had broken in, but while inside it appears they where looking for laptop computers as they have gone through draws and tipped up bed mattresses etc. Good news is that the students took their laptops away with them. Stolen property included clothes and jewellery valued at $90.00.

Information on how to protect your home is available from the East Hamilton Community Policing Centre on Clyde St. If you have any information that might help Police with these burglaries please call the University Constable, Nick Sickelmore on 8582792 or email Nicholas.Sickelmore@police.govt.nz

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Tuesday 5 May 6.30pm - 7.25pm (Intro Course)

Thursday 7 May 6.30pm - 7.30pm

We also offer 6 week Pilates matwork, Yoga and Kickboxing courses. Plus our all new Healthy Back Programme, Ceroc Dance and Fit Boost Intro. Visit our website or come see us for more info. 13

SEND LETTERS TO nexus@waikato.ac.nz

LETTER OF THE WEEK Send letters to editor@nexusmag.co.nz Letter of the Week wins a $20 Bennett’s voucher!

P-tards free to roam, make death threats Dear Nexus, During the Balloons over Waikato weekend, a friend and I decided to walk around the lakes down by Innes Common on Sunday afternoon. There, we saw three terrified teenage girls

He was threatening to kill us and the police didn’t seem to think our safety was a priority. If he had flipped out we could have been injured or raped or dead within minutes. Why the hell

Letters may also be sent via the letters thread at forums.nexusmag.co.nz. We get too many letters to publish these days – but don’t stop sending them!

being followed by a creepy guy, in a hoodie, saying things like “Yeah, you love it when I perve at you in your short skirts... you think you’re too good for me.. oh yeah, I’m going to fucking kill you, bitches...” etc. The guy had to be off his head on P or something, and he was pretty convincing with his threats, so we called the police. They told us they had already had a call about him, and that someone was on their way. This was at 5.21pm. While we waited, another group of people joined us, the ones who had originally called the police, (at 4.30pm) when he threatened them. At 6pm I called the police again, they said they would send someone down as soon as they could. We waited until 6.30pm before we organised transport home for the teenage girls so they didn’t have to walk (as the guy was still wandering around yelling and leering) and went home. At 8pm the police called us to say they picked the guy up and arrested him at 7.30pm, and would we be prepared to make a statement?

didn’t they pick him up in the first place? Three hours of some guy running around the lake threatening to kill people before they could be bothered coming to check if we were okay? What if those girls hadn’t met us? How would they have got home safely?

Letters that don’t make it into the mag can be viewed in the forum as well.

Another friend of mine says that the police just don’t have the resources and I should write to my MP. I pointed out that it was Balloon’s over Waikato and Hamilton was crawling with police. They couldn’t send one car? To be brutally honest, I don’t give a shit why this happened, I just don’t want it to happen again. I want a group of girls to be able to walk around the damn lake on a sunny Sunday afternoon, without being in danger from P heads. I want the police to think my and other peoples personal safety is their highest priority. I want someone threatening to kill people arrested so fast his head spins. I’d like to thank the awesome people we met that day, the strangers who went out of their way to make sure we were safe, because the police sure didn’t. What the hell is this country coming to? -Rachael

What I want to know is, where the hell were they the first time we called? What if he had been raping women? What if he had a knife?

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Txts to the Editor! Nexus now has a non-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Bustedtype situations to 021 235 8436. Letters policy: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name. Send letters to editor@nexusmag.co.nz

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Collarbone phony? To the guy in my marketing class with a supposed severe collarbone/shoulder injury, I’m writing to express my frustration towards you and others like you who use exaggerated or even faked injuries to gain extensions on their assignments. It’s beyond me how lecturer after lecturer fall for your story that tragically the day before an assignment is due you’ve injured yourself so badly you are unable to hold a pen or in Mr Marketing’s case, type on a keyboard. I over-heard you explaining the depth of your injury and apparently when you turn your head you can hear your bones crunching. And yet you have no cuts, no

bruises, no cast (although I realise this is not standard procedure for a broken collar bone), and I would go so far as to assume no medical certificate. You are exploiting the lecturer’s compassion and understanding when in actual fact last week’s Nexus shows a photo of you in the University Dodgeball Tournament. What an extreme pain threshold you must have to participate in a contact sport when just looking left rearranges your bone structure. I hope you won the competition because you sure aren’t winning at life. Anonymous.

I think you might mean “repression.� O.k. cuzzie broz, I’ll start spelling Wanganui with an ‘h’ if you stop with the ‘years of suppression’ routine.

Here’s a hole with no bottom. Why should we have Maori electorate seats set aside especially in politics? Why does Pita Sharples seem so suprised when National, run by a bunch of good old boys and farmers from wealthy backgrounds, turn around and say “no� to Maori seats in the Auckland super city? Mr Shaples then went on to say it’s “instituitionalised racism�. Pooey to him I say! Isn’t it more like instituitionalised racism to have seats set aside, only for use by a particular ethnic group? It’s like apartheid in govermnet, with a big “Maori Only� sign over some of the seats. Maybe I want to sit there, or my kids? There’s no sign saying “No Maori� over any of the other seats. I believe in equal rights, not apartheid and I believe Mr Sharples needs to use words like “racism� a little bit more carefully A. Robinson

Kind regards, Thor

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THE DARN THING WON’T HEAT! Sylvia bought a new hair straightener, but is having trouble getting it hot enough to be effective. What are her options? The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 0800FORCAB (0800 367 222). By the way the Consumer Guarantees Act states that goods must be of ‘acceptable quality’, which in this situation clearly applies to a new appliance. Sylvia can ask the shop to repair the hair straightener so it heats properly - as it should. If they are unable to do so within a reasonable time, or refuse to do so, she can ask for a replacement one, or get a refund. A refund under the Act means exactly that – a full cash refund – not a credit note and not a refund less deductions for anything related to the failure of the goods.

15

The Poo Smell’s (inevitable) return

IT ain’t it. Dear University (via Nexus), When I first came to Waikato, I was a little disappointed when I found out that the university does not allow me to play with all of its wonderful technology, like super-colliders. I was later disappointed to find out that the university is lacking in super-colliders. Well, at least the university has a sophisticated and well equipped set of computers for general student use, right? No. The computer situation on campus was attrocious then, and still is now. Here are some of my issues, I wish for you to address them: As far as memory serves, the ability to use USB in the library was only implemented 3 years ago. It has now been disabled on some computers. Printers in the library have now been replaced with photocopiers. This isn’t all too bad until you want to print PDFs, resulting in roughly a 5-10 minute wait, and a subsequent backlog of printing for everyone else. Most computers still use an outdated version of Explorer, featuring

neither tabbed browsing or 90% of the plugins required for today’s internet use. The screens in the library computers are both lacking in quality and size. The number of computers is also nothing to write home about. For a while I assumed that these were problems associated with all institutions, I was wrong. I recently spent a few days on campus at Auckland Uni. Their computers are better, I felt jealous. I was also recently on the Wintec campus, their computers are also better and more numerous. This time I felt embarrassed. I’m not even extending my complaint towards pricing of internet use, my suspicion that there are some discrepancies in the bandwidth monitoring and charging (in the universities favor) or towards the pricing of printing. All I want is for the computers provided on campus to actually exceed the power of the secondhand laptop I bought 5 years ago for $500. Thank you University. I am sure you will address my concerns promptly, right?

Dear Lettus, This poo smell is far worse than the uni lake: it smells like a combination of fresh dog diahorriah that has been cooked in the sun for 10 minutes, with a rotting one week old donkey carcass. It is bloody pungent. It’s from the yellow stinky fruit/berries from a tree by the Gateway, and every morning I have to either ride my bike over that crap (ruining my tires) or step through it (ruining my shoes) and end up stinking for the whole freaking day. And I have to keep my bike in my house, so it also ruins my carpet. Why did someone plant a poo tree? And why did they plant it right where the stinky fruit can fall on the footpath?? Why...????!! And why did I see a woman picking up the stinky fruits? Was that for an April fools joke for some unknowing victem? I hope she didn’t eat those. Can we please, please stop all this poo smell at this University? It’s driving me mad. I’m very tempted to rip that tree out of its roots and throw it on whoever planted its’ front lawn. Still wish you’d planted it now??? Thank you kindly. A Student. Clearly there is more than one poo smell at Uni. The one most people know about comes from a noxious open drain near Oranga. I didn’t know about the “poo tree” by the gateway, but consider us gratefully informed – Ed.

Correspondence from a charm-sucking Dementor Dear Nexus readers, Having recently for the first time in my life gotten free shit just for being a dude (the Male Health Awareness day on campus), I felt inspired to contribute to the well-being of maledom. Therefore I have decided to share some of the findings of the in-depth research on the topic of Intergender Relations for the Benefit of Men I have conducted over the past few years. One of the first conclusive findings I made was this: Excessive Drinking may lead to a lower charm-cell count and can eventually result in charmpotence. While popular belief that alcohol consumption leads to greater charm output, due to the reduction of those nasty little inhibitions that would normally prevent one from blurting 16

out such Intercourse Proposition Phrases such as “Yo! You’ll do”, continued research has revealed that there is, in fact, a threshold where the peak charm point is crossed and drastically plummets to negative charm levels. As a selfless advocate of research that profits Caring Understanding Nice Types (C.U.N.T.s) such as myself, I took it on myself to explore the correlation between charm levels and alcohol consumption. The evenings events enforced my hypothesis that, yes, there is a threshold and, yes, I usually cross it. A young estro-being I had in the past and recently enjoyed consensual genital related tomfoolery with was told by her Relational Advisory Accomplice (every monkey descendant of the forbidden apple eating variety has one) to “give me the chop” upon meeting me quicker than I could say “buy me another drink, you’re still ugly”. Later in the evening

my charm projection was so deficient that the local law enforcement agents decided to remove me from the public eye, fearing my charm deficiency was so strong it may vacuum the charm around me like a black hole or one of those floating hooded characters on Harry Potter. Their concern about my charmpotence even meant that rather than placing me in one of those lovely vibrant Involuntary Relaxation and Leisure Confinements where one can enjoy a backwards cuddle with members of the Mongrel Mob lawn bowl team, I was placed in a heavily muralled solitary area and subliminally encouraged to get to know my upper limb attachments better. Its not the drinking. Its how we’re drinking. Regards, Steve McSaltslinger

“It’s mighty good fortune that they had earth hour that night, because a lot of car emissions would have been fogging over Hamilton afterwards”

This week’s Rant is by Chris. To send in your own Rant, simply email editor@nexusmag.co.nz with your Ranting. Relative coherence preferred.

Just before the break there was that big clusterfuck with the balloons. You might not have thought it was that bad, but I had to drive home to my house around about the time it was on; from just by the school on Knighton Rd to just off Knighton Rd across from Gate 2. This took me about an hour, due to the traffic caused by the road being closed. There were shit loads of cars, going nowhere, for about an hour. It’s mighty good fortune that they had earth hour that night, because a lot of car emissions would have been fogging over Hamilton afterwards. And what’s up with firing up a field of hot air balloons to celebrate saving resources? Idiots. After the hour drive, taking about 4 extra roads just to essentially get round the corner, I was stopped by a lady with cones where May St intersects with Knighton. This is nearly a literal stones throw from my house. Not allowed in. The four or so cars behind me all had places to be, and there was no chance we were getting anyway. The reason was that we had to wait for all the pedestrians to stop walking on the road. They were walking on the road because it was coned off, and hanging around doing nothing. Parties started on the side of the road. People thronged around, but there was room for a car, I reckon. No can do. Sure, it wasn’t up to the cone lady to make the decision, so I asked her to get someone who could let us through, in the meantime trying to convince an angry soccer mum not to move

the cones and drive through, because she’ll just get raped in court. She didn’t really appreciate the analogy, but got the point I think. Boss man came over on a four-wheeler and told us pretty much the exact same thing, except that the mother fucking PO-lice were in charge, and that they had to make the call as to when the streets were technically “clear”. Made sense. Except there were no police. In the hour and a half total I’d spent driving around the corner to get home, I hadn’t seen a single officer of the law. Traffic was pissing along of its own accord, people were working out their own give way systems, and half of us were driving with no lights on and only starting the engine every ten minutes to crawl forward. So I think that’s pretty shit. The police were supposed to be in charge of the mess, and they weren’t even there or they’d already gone home. While a bunch of people had a bongo party on the side of the road, I was stuck unable to go home, even though I was almost there. There’s no way I could have left my car (it had music equipment in it, which is why I wasn’t walking). Apparently we were supposed to get letters telling us about his, but a piece of paper saying “You will be unable to enter or exit your home this Saturday” doesn’t really make it any better. Sort it out please. What is wrong with having the balloons at Claudelands. Grrr.

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17

There’s nothing like studying abroad to get a real cultural experience. I’m not talking about trying new food, experiencing new traditions or seeing new sights. No, I’m referring to living in a household of Catholic virgins with rules and rituals that were more confusing to me than a pregnant nun.

Home Sweet Home? US international student Nicole thought she was coming to a progressive, liberal nation. Then she ended up staying in Rimbrook Study Centre, where she found God… unaccommodating.

You may be wondering how in the hell I ended up in a place in New Zealand that runs so counter to our (generally) very liberal society. Here’s my holy mother of a story: I was an international student at Waikato, coming from the United States and decided to apply to live in a dorm (Hall of Residence.) Unfortunately, they were all filled to capacity. I was convinced that I was going to be homeless all semester and stuck camping out on the fourth floor of the University library at night. However, miraculously the University gave me a household listing with an opening: Rimbrook Study Centre. Rimbrook is an all female household operated in association with the Catholic Church, but open to all denominations and beliefs. Rimbrook, or the “Steel Bar Hotel” as I affectionately refer to it, offered a home away from home, including a family atmosphere, home-cooked meals, and they even vacuumed your floors! Wow! To me this sounded like more fun than summer camp. Little did I know that I would experience some of the most bizarre household policies I have ever endured. Here are some of the Steel Bar Hotel’s “interesting” rules, providing an insight into my experience there. Rule #1: It’s 10pm: do you know where the Rimbrook Residents are? Well, they should be at home. We had a curfew from Sunday to Thursday of 10pm and

18

to be generous, midnight on the weekends. The reason for this rule was because someone would have to wait up for us to let us back into the house (no, we didn’t have our own key – more on that later). They wanted to know that we were home safe. Fantastic! It WAS just like my home away from home, except timewarped back to circa 1997 when I was 14. Congratulations, I was the only postgraduate student at the University of Waikato with a curfew.

Rule #2: This movie is rated PG (Pleasing God) TV at Rimbrook was limited to the nightly news, but we were allowed to watch movies on the weekend. However, movies had to be on a pre-approved list in order for us as a group to watch it. This preapproved list appeared to have been formulated by a mother making decisions for her primary school children. You can imagine the reaction when I suggested our Friday night movie viewing be Old School. Needless to say, I got a “you are going to hell” glare and no doubt was labelled a sinner. Apparently seeing Will Ferrell streaking naked through the quad is enough to earn you a one-way ticket to hell. I decided to tame my movie selection and recommended what I presumed to be much safer choice, the loveable Billy Elliot. I was once again met with that same “you are going to hell” glare. Turns out that Billy Elliot contains homosexual undertones and alludes to the fact that homosexuality may be acceptable in society. Last time I checked, homosexuality was widely accepted within New Zealand society considering the fact that civil unions between same-sex couples are legal in this country. Anyway I really just thought Billy Elliot was

about a poor 10-year-old British boy who was good at dancing! Rule#3: Homeland Security We didn’t get a key to our own house, either. We had to ring the doorbell and wait for someone to answer it. This was extremely enjoyable in the rain and when no one in the house can hear the doorbell. These are the best worst-case scenarios. I unfortunately have been locked out without my cell phone to call anyone with a key. I couldn’t get into my own house where I was paying rent because of this asinine rule. Coming to Hamilton, I was amazed to hear about the large number of break-ins and thefts resulting in computers and iPods being stolen by the dozen. Luckily, while I was out of the house, my things were being looked after. In fact, they were being looked through! One of the residents who was staying there temporarily was also in charge of cleaning our rooms (oh, and remember when I said I was excited about them vacuuming our room?) Well, she just so happened to go through one of my bags on my dresser and found some prophylactics. Later that day she confronted me about her findings and basically told me that if I have premarital sex I am going to get AIDS. Oh, and probably be a shoo-in for going to hell. I wasn’t sure if I was more upset about her going through my belongings or her assuming that I would contract AIDS by having premarital sex. It was no secret that throughout my stay my room was often intruded and things were moved around while I wasn’t home. I purposely started leaving condoms out so they didn’t have to dig through my belongings to find them. Rule #4: No boys allowed! While the consensual sex age in New Zealand is 16, the consensual age of sex at Rimbrook

was either when you were married or never, if you chose to give your life to God (well, that was for the Catholic residents – for the three non-Catholics, we had other ideas). We were not allowed to have boys in our room. If any of my male friends dropped by they were forced to stay in the kitchen or main entrance of the house. My overall encounters outside of Rimbrook were the exact opposite. From interviews with fellow Kiwis, I observed that parents appeared to be very nonchalant about having a member of the opposite sex in the room of their son or daughter. The twin-sized beds at Rimbrook reinforced the importance of sleeping alone until you walked down that aisle. It was almost like if you had premarital sex you were going to get AIDS, die and go straight to hell. My personal opinion: it’s not premarital sex if you don’t plan on getting married. Rule #5: Please put your shoes on at the door! When I first arrived in New Zealand it was clear that shoes were an option not a requirement, even when in the supermarket, restaurants, or University lecture theatres (you know who you are). In a country that embraced the slogan “No shirt, no shoes, no problem”, I was dumbfounded when I was asked to keep my shoes on while in house at Rimbrook. You were required to wear your shoes on from the moment you woke up to get your breakfast and even while in the lounge area “enjoying “(and I use that term loosely) your PG rated movie. Some residents were even scolded for wearing jandals or sandals as they were not enough shoe to meet the Rimbrook shoe standard! The irony was that it was winter for the duration of my stay and therefore plenty of rain. 97% of Rimbrook was covered in light colored carpet and on rainy days 97% of Rimbrook was covered in my muddy footprints.

Rule #6: Modest House The brochure in Rimbrook sure didn’t mention the dress requirements for living there. If I had known I may have reconsidered that nightly spot on the fourth floor of the University Library. I thought it was weird that we had to wear our shoes in the house but what was even weirder was that we weren’t allowed to wear our pyjamas around the house. If we were spotted with anything that resembled pjs we were asked to change. That wasn’t all. We had to dress modestly. No cleavage or short dresses/skirts or you would be asked to change. Basically, anything even associated with nudity was a big no-no. For example my non-Catholic roommate had a Playboy bunny towel (given to her as a gift ) and as a result was constantly verbally reprimanded. One resident even said to the owner of the pink playboy bunny towel that she couldn’t believe that girl would be the kind of person to support such a demeaning corporation! I found this extremely ironic for New Zealand, considering that prostitution, soliciting, and brothel-keeping is legal. Suddenly showing a little leg doesn’t seem so bad in comparison! Let’s not forget that boys weren’t really allowed in the house, so who was to see other than women? So that is a brief overview of some of the interesting rules I had to live by on a day-to-day basis while staying at Rimbrook. This isn’t my first encounter with a Catholic institution. I went to a Catholic primary school back in the States. In fact half of my family is Catholic, so I felt that my beliefs and

background would prepare me for living in a religious household. I was sinfully wrong. While Rimbrook claimed to accept all denominations and beliefs, they made me feel unaccepted and unwelcome because I did not conform to their rules. I was even told that according to Catholic Rimbrook residents there is only one truth and therefore all other religions, although “tolerated”, were wrong. Where’s the acceptance in that? This wasn’t the impression I had received with my interaction with other Catholics around the world. At Rimbrook they used their rules as ways to strictly control their residents and conform to the rules of the Catholic Church. Inherently, anyone not accepting of those rules would be against Rimbrook and ultimately against the Catholic Church and God. It was interesting to find that such an institution was connected to the University and such a contradiction to modern, liberal, non-denominational New Zealand society. Rimbrook was supposed to be a place that you could study stress free. I will agree that it was one of the best learning experiences that I have ever had. I don’t want to give the impression that it was all bad. I think deep down all of the residents were good people and I definitely had my share of laughs. I really bonded with some residents as we had each other to reflect upon our experiences in such an extreme atmosphere. To the current and past members of Rimbrook: Nexus is for sinners- who knows, you may even get AIDS from reading it!

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TE PUA WĀNANGA KI TE AO School of Māori & Pacific Development 9am-12pm

Cultural Ambassadors

FACULTY OF ARTS & SOCIAL SCIENCES Te Kura Kete Aronui 9.00am

10.00am

11.00am

Venue

Indigeneity and Diversity: cultural and religious components of contemporary Aotearoa-New Zealand Associate Professor Douglas Pratt Kīngitanga and the Māori Party Hon Tariana Turia FASS Panel Discussion Professor Ray Harlow, Professor Giselle Byrnes Te Manaaroha Rollo, Assoc Professor Ken Arvidson SG.02

SCHOOL OF COMPUTING & MATHEMATICAL SCIENCE Rorohiko me ngā Pūtaiao Pāngarau 9.30am

10.00am

Digital Library Treasure Houses of the Future Dr David Bainbridge Tūhoe Online Bringing Broadband to the Tūhoe Rohe Dr Murray Pearson

11.00am

R Programming Language Associate Professor Ross Ihaka

Venue

S1.02

SCHOOL OF LAW Te Wāhanga Ture 9.00am

UNIVERSITY ADMINISTRATION

"Homeward Bound: A Journey with King Te Rata to London 1914". Paul Meredith, a graduate of the Law School and Dr Tui Adams, past member of Te Matahauariki Research Foundation. Matiu Dickson

Leadership & Inspiration Hon Nanaia Mahuta Temuera Morrison

Facilitator

Te Kōhanga Reo o Ngā Kuaka

Facilitator

Morning Tea

“One University, One Waka” birthday cake

2.00pm

Venue

B.G.24 & B Block Front Steps

Te Piringa – the Law School Waiata Matiu Dickson

Venue

S1.05

9.10am

1.00pm

Living in the Kīngitanga Mamae Takerei and other Tainui kaumātua Linda Te Aho

SCHOOL OF EDUCATION Te Kura Toi Tangata Fun Activities: Wear red, black and white for the day Artworks on display in front reception 9am – 12pm Unity Tree – in the spirit of Tainui’s welcoming embrace of all who come to the rohe, staff and students are encouraged to add a tree decoration from the place in the world where they are from. We’ll see the wealth of cultures represented at the School of Education. 9am – 12pm Moko for a Day – get your own moko 12 @ 12 Songs of Celebration by Dr Julie Jackson-Gough in downstairs foyer Kīngitanga Lectures: hosted by Karaitiana Tamatea and Pare Kana 8.45am

10.00am

11.15am

Te Kotahitanga: Improving Māori achievement in mainstream NZ secondary schools Professor Russell Bishop

Venue

SG.01

12.15pm

Cake at Lunchtime in SOE staffroom and downstairs café. Pre-ordered Hangi meal also available Email: barrettt@waikato.ac.nz

SCHOOL OF SCIENCE & ENGINEERING Te Kura Pūtaiao me te Mātauranga Pūkaha

9.30am

Whakatau

10am-12pm

9.45am

Research Seminar Associate Prof Jarrod Haar Dr Dan Marsh Whetu Taukamo PWC 15 min presentations will be given by each speaker, reflecting on the key topic which is Māori and the Economy.

11.00am

Venue

Panel Discussion Professor Mason Durie Hon Nanaia Mahuta Mike Pohio Professor Frank Scrimgeour Shaan Stevens PWC

Venue 10am-12pm

Venue 10.30am

Shaan Stevens will lead our panel as they discuss different aspects of the Economy, with a focus on the Māori community. 12.15pm Venue

Lunch Exec Ed Courtyard All guests and attendees will be invited to partake in the kai hākari at the conclusion of the Waikato Management School presentations.

Venue 11.00am

Venue

9am-12pm

Lab Display and Demonstration Postgraduate students display and discuss their research projects. Engineering Department students are part of the WESMO team and will display and demonstrate the racing car designed and engineered by the students themselves. S Block Foyer University Waiata Workshop This waiata is ideal for pōwhiri, graduations, after speeches and for other occasions when representing Waikato University. Wiki Papa S1.03 Panel Discussion / Presentation Waikato River Treaty Settlement and the Management and Restoration of the Waikato River. Linda Te Aho, Dr Kepa Morgan, Associate Professor Brendan Hicks S1.04 An Engineer’s View of Early Māori Technology” With reference to: Māori Migration and Waka Design, Agricultural Science, Forestry Engineering, Fishing Techniques, and Building Techniques Dr Alan Papesch S1.01

Korowai Making Whaea Virginia Knowles Whaea Charlotte Timu

Demonstrations will be given around planning, design and whatu in contemporary methods of Korowai, as well as demonstrations of tāniko. 9am-12pm

Taonga Making Kate Bielby

Hands on workshop. The application and uses of natural and traditional resources to create taonga i.e. harakeke and paua earrings/bracelets and neck pieces. 1pm-3pm

Rāranga Whaea Virginia Knowles Whaea Maraea George

Venue

LAIN Building

KĪNGITANGA DAY EXHIBITION Hosted by the University of Waikato Library 9am-4pm

Perspectives of the Kīngitanga Emeritus Professor James Ritchie Charmaine Pountney

WAIKATO MANAGEMENT SCHOOL Te Raupapa

Venue

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History of Kīngitanga – 150 years and the Tainui Education Strategy Rāhui Papa

WAIKATO PATHWAYS COLLEGE

Venue

Exhibition - Taonga and Archival Records from Pei Te Hurinui Jones - Original Apologies from the Crown to Waikato for Confiscated Lands - Recordings from Tainui Radio Station from past Koroneihana - ‘Cyber Corner’ – search Library Catalogue, Databases, and Online Digital Collections - and more … WEL Academy – Calder & Lawson Gallery

PRO VICE-CHANCELLOR MĀORI OFFICE Te Tari o te Tumu Whakarae 10am-12pm

Workshops for International Staff & Students Whakaraka – Mahi Whai, Tīrākau, Tītitōrea Talei Morrison Weaving - Awatea Paterson Haka Workshops - Mataia Keepa

Venue

Te Kohinga Mārama Marae Gate 4, Hillcrest Road - Hamilton

OVERVIEW OF THE DAY Kīngitanga Day is a celebration of the relationship between the University and the Kīngitanga – a one day opportunity for students, staff and the wider community to celebrate our distinctive heritage, histories and relationships. All activities scheduled in this programme are FREE and open to the community. Space will be at a premium so we encourage one and all to plan ahead and to be on time. Nau mai, haere mai, te tini me te mano! KĪNGITANGA BACKGROUND In 1858 the Kīngitanga or the Māori King Movement was established by Māori tribes from across the motu. Its purpose was to put an end to Māori land alienation, to halt inter-tribal warfare and to preserve Mana Māori Motuhake, in effect to unite the people. In 2008-2009 the Kīngitanga celebrates its 150th anniversary. Pōtatau Te Wherowhero of Waikato Tainui was installed as the first Māori King in 1858. In 1860 Kīngi Pōtatau was succeeded by his son Tāwhiao also known as Matutaera. In 1894 following the death of Kīngi Tāwhiao, his son Mahuta was appointed the third Māori King. In 1912 Te Rata was invested with the Kingship, followed by his son Koroki who became the fifth Māori King in 1933. Upon the death of Kīngi Koroki in 1966 the King Movement saw the coronation of the first Māori Queen Te Arikinui Dame Te Atairangikaahu. Ascending to the Throne in 2006, the current reigning monarch of the Kīngitanga is Kīngi Tūheitia. WAIKATO STUDENT UNION The WSU Kīngitanga Royal Carnival Hear Ye! Hear Ye! You are officially invited by the WSU Round Table to join in the festivities for the WSU Kīngitanga Royal Court 2009. Come one, come all! Confront both friends and foes in the royal rumble, prove your worthiness in the royal jousting and dish out some vengeance in the royal dunking tank. 10.15am

Karakia, Whakatau, and Waiata

10.25am

The Royal Court will open with: - Māori Mechandising Stalls - The Royal Dunking Tank - The Royal Rumble in a Sumo Suit - The Royal Jousting Rumble - Heaps and heaps of prizes and giveaways - Special Kīngitanga Day deals available from campus stores - Medieval Stilt Walkers

12pm-2pm

A King wouldn’t be a King without his royal Knights! The WSU presents Second Chapter and Knights of the Dub Table performing LIVE on the Village Green. University Village Green

Bookings Essential: huyvu@waikato.ac.nz 9am-3pm Venue 12.00pm Venue

Tā Moko Exhibition Patrick Tākoko & Richard Francis WEL Academy – Dance Studio Waikato Alumni Celebrity Roast WEL Academy – Whare Tāpere Iti Waikato Alumni are welcomed to meet and greet other Waikato Graduates. Bookings Essential: maori@waikato.ac.nz

1.00pm

Venue 1.30pm

Venue

Live Performances & Dance Fatal Steppers DJ Phatmode – Rob Whitiora WEL Academy – Playhouse Live Performances & Dance Ngā Taiātea Wharekura The Blue Shawl WEL Academy – Concert Chamber

Venue

KĪNGITANGA DAY FINALE 2.30pm

Join in the Biggest Haka Ever on Campus

3.00pm

Presentation to the Kīngitanga - Celebrating 150 years Kīngitanga - A Royal Cake - A Toast to the Kīngitanga and the University of Waikato.

3.30pm Venue

Karakia Whakamutunga University Village Green

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Pres Sez by WSU President Ben Delaney Wholly crap After just returning from an epic trip with some amazing people I find myself busy as ever, as will be most of you, I am sure, with the increase in workload in this the second half of semester. This semester will see events by the WSU including Noho Marae, Vagina Monologues and Kingitanga Day – an important day for this University and its students as we seek to define the Waikato experience. The purpose of the event is to remember and celebrate the strong and historical links the university has with Tainui and the Kingitanga. History and its links to the present is important, it often guides us in our decisions, and can often affect our future as people tend to remember past events and your part or

Director Portfolios Mature Students Portfolio by Dave Snell Dave/Burton here again in some sort of Fight Club style split personality. I’m responsible for the Disabilities and Mature Students portfolios. The definition of a Mature Student is hard to find in the University website but from what I gather it is any student over the age of 25 so given I’m the ripe age of 29 I qualify. The University of Waikato and WSU takes part in the national Adult Learner’s week, held around September/October. We also have a Mature Student’s Space that I am hoping to get updated soon. It’s a quiet space away from things where Mature Students can meet others of the same ilk and its located in the Cowshed area (that’s up by the picnic tables and Contact FM) on the side closest to Student Village, tucked away in a corner.

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indeed non part in them. This is why we as students and future leaders of our country need to think about our actions today and the implications for tomorrow. Our need to be the conscious critic around education issues that affect the wider student body is none more prevalent than in the current political and economic climate. Current national issues we are looking into on your behalf include the implications that the reshaping of the university environment will have on your educational experience. This includes the movement or lack of it towards direct and indirect support for students. Another area of national concern is our student’s ability to get jobs, with the economy showing a marked decline it is important that we the students know what skills are being looked for from employers, the key words here are flexibility and expectation as employers look to run more efficient operations those who are flexible

Riddle “A man walked into a restaurant to order a pelican soup. He receives the order, takes a spoonful, goes out immediately, and shoots himself. Why did he kill himself?

and can provide employers with options will be the ones more likely to pick up work.. Reflection will judge us on the leadership and tools we will display and use as individuals and as collective. The nature of that reflection should be that we invested in ourselves and our community to make sure all parts of society improve, including students. Too Easy Tiger Prez

Veep Speaks by WSU Vice-President Maori Whetu Taukamo Welcome back from youre A-semester mid-semester break (what a mouth full). Remember it was a “teaching recess” and not a holiday… Yeah right! They try to sell that line (it’s not a holiday) every midsemester break, it’s all part of the GAME. Mind you its does pay to have done some study over the break. I vividly remember Accounting 101 going to see the lecturer (Mary Low, now she’s a lady who enjoys her job…seemed like that to me?) in the first week of the recess to get some advice about the dreaded “company project.” I really thought I was the model student doing that; unfortunately, no further work was done on my company project until the day before it was due. That’s right my friends…I got the mark I deserved the big “D” which stands for ‘you could be “D-oing” this paper again!’ Somehow I pulled it together to get though the paper OK. There’s a lesson in this story if you haven’t done any work in the holiday/recess and you don’t get on to the work you should’ve done you might have to pay a heavy price very soon. So kia kaha and get at it now. And if my memory serves me right that company project is due the first Friday after the mid-semester break, best of luck accounting creatures.

Upcoming WSU Events 1. Kingitanga Day Tomorrow: Tues 21 April – 10am-3:30pm If you’ve missed the notice about this event then you must’ve turned to this as the first page in the Nexus! Celebrate the distinct relationship between the Kingitanga and the University of Waikato. Straight up

A message from ASA President Rawa Karetai

have another look through this edition of the Nexus for a comprehensive background. It’s not a MDO (Maori Day Off) come and enjoy the day filled with fun, learning and festivities.

Kia Ora Whanau of the Waikato Student Union.

2. WSU Board Meeting

While you were all away on your mid semester break, I decided to drop by your Student Union, have a wee look around, and see what Waikato has to offer. I must say the little amount of time I have spent here, this actually looks like a city with their heads in the right place. I love how my tour had featured highlights like the notoriously known house that has major house parties. Other features I like are the hospitality of your Waikato Student Union. Have you meet them yet??? While I’m sitting here in the office on Easter Monday, your President, a Vice President and one of your General Exec are all busy getting things done. What a bunch of incredibly dedicated representatives. WSU and ASA have been networking for some time now, with the fact that Pene and I have very similar study interests, it has been relatively easy to get along. We have just finished an epic trip in the South Island, with some highlights like Pene and I created a bar called “The Raw Pen”, crazy Gore folk that work in the Chinese takeaways, and the sad fact that it was actually colder in Dunedin than it was in Milford, or Queenstown.

WSU and ASA will continue to work alongside each other for the best interest of students. We will continue to work with each other on National events like SJS, Uni Games, Lobbying the Govt and even bounce ideas off each other for local events. For example the whole reason we were in the South was to meet with other Presidents for a Hui in Wellington and also to talk about SJS issues in Dunedin.

Quick Bio: ASA President

Rawa Karetai, 22 He is originally from Invercargill and the Queenstown Lakes District. This is his first term as President and has had 1 & ½ Years on the Executive as the Education Representative.

Tues 21 April at 8am-10am Who is going to come at 8am? Hopefully, the directors!

3. Post-Uni Games Party Venue: Bar 101 (Would it be anywhere else!) Date: Thurs 23 April 7:30pm Doors open 9pm Tribes prize giving ceremony 9:30pm Live band – Pony Island $2 door charge for non-tribesman.

4. Vagina Monologues

UNI GAMES 09

TRIBAL

27-29 April PRE - PARTY at 8pm at Bar101 The WSU is proud to be bringing you theStarts $2only Jungle Slushys $3 Fridge, Doubles & Handles performance from a New Zealand universityPrizes this year. for Best dressed boy & girl Three days only; see next weeks Nexus for full details. interpretive dance competition Tickets on sale from TicketDirect soon. Party it up with the Tribe before they go to battle down in Taranaki

$2 Door charge for anyone not in theme or non-student

Venue: Academy of Performing Arts Cost: Member of the Public $15 Students $10

5. International Students’ Noho Marae He is studying a Bachelor of Business Studies, Majoring in Management and Employment Relations, Studying towards Organisational Change and Development. And loves Mawsa and LUSA cause no one else will……. Aye Sorensen and Harte

22-23 May The third WSU international students’ Noho marae aims to take 60 of our foreign students on an excursion to have an overnight stay at a traditional marae. Thoroughly enjoyed by those who have gone in the past. More details to follow.

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What national organisations do I belong to as a member of the WSU? Great question! Even better answer. On behalf of its members the WSU belongs to six national student bodies. A description of each organisation follows: • The New Zealand Union of Students Associations (NZUSA) is a federation of student associations and the largest student body in the country. NZUSA advocates for the common and collective concerns of students. NZUSA represents students at Universities, Colleges of Education and Polytechnics. We have 15 constituent students’ associations who represent approximately two thirds of all public tertiary equivalent fulltime students (EFTS) - approximately 180,000 students. See http:// www.nzusa.org.nz for more details. • Student Job Search (SJS) is a free employment service with 27 years experience at advertising and placing vacancies (established in 1982). SJS is a not-for-profit organisation that is owned and governed by student associations. We provide a free employment service focused on helping employers quickly, easily and affordably list and fill jobs. This ranges from one-off, casual, fixed term, ongoing part-time and fulltime over summer roles. See http://www.sjs. co.nz for more info. • University Sport New Zealand (USNZ) is the governing body for University Sport in New Zealand. USNZ has all 10 Universities campuses as members who represent more than 140,000 students. Competitive interuniversity sport first took place in New Zealand in 1902. USNZ (or more accurately its precursor the NZ University Sports Union) was created in 1957 and became an incorporated society in 1966. See http://www.universitysport.org.nz for more info.

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• Te Mana Akonga (TMA) - National Māori Student Body: TMA is our National Māori Student Body, which provides representation for all Māori Student Roopū at Whare Wānanga (Universities) nationwide. Te Mana Akonga is the parallel body to the New Zealand University Students’ Association. We have a memorandum of understanding a treaty-based partnership where each organisation is an equal partner, representing students with many similar concerns, but also with distinctive focuses and issues of concern. See WSU VP Maori for more info. • The Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) is an association of thirteen student newspapers and magazines that are published by the student associations of universities and polytechnics in Aotearoa (New Zealand). Nexus is part of this network as the press entity for Waikato uni students. See http://nexusmag. co.nz/ for more info. • ACHIEVE is a national network established to ensure equal opportunity and access to postsecondary education and training for people with impairments. ACHIEVE advocates and lobbies for people with a range of impairments who are transitioning into or studying in post-secondary education or training. For example; at a university, polytechnic, private training establishment, Wananga or college of education. See http://www.achieve.org.nz for more info.

MORE RECYLCLING ON CAMPUS? By Jeff Hawkes

You wanted it, and this semester the first of the new look recycling stations are starting to be rolled out. Not only the standard 3 colours of glass and cans, but plastic 1 and 2 are also an option. Between the Base of R Block, and I Block, you can’t missed the superb design, conceived by UoW Engineering Students, with its earthy wooden foundations topped with a stainless cap. So be an even tidier kiwi, and dispose of your waste responsibly. SORT IT OUT before you THROW IT OUT. Keep an ear out for Environmental Action on campus, last day of teaching, 5 June is ARBOR DAY and WORLD ENVIRONMENT DAY.

The

Vagina

Monologues A show to make women proud to be women

Produced and directed by Anya Varezhkina and Sarah Knox

Starring Kate Magazinovic, Joy Yuan, Tia Barrett, Sarah Knox, Anya Varezhkina, Bella-Anne Wheeler, Kelsey Tills, Aasha Foster, Arianne Zilberberg, Rachael Elliott Benefiting Rape and Sexual Abuse Healing Centre Hamilton and Power to The Women and Girls of People’s Republic of Congo Bookings: TicketDirect Waikato www.ticketdirect.co.nz 0800 4 TICKET Adult - $15 Student - $10

Dates:

27 April - 7:30pm 28 April - 7:30pm 29 April - 7:30pm

Telecom Playhouse, WEL Energy Trust Academy of Performing Arts University of Waikato

SEND NOTICES TO: notices@nexusmag.co.nz before Wednesday, 5 pm. Placing notices is free for students. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Notices cannot be any more than 75 words. We will not accept handwritten or non-electronic notices or dictation over the phone – that’s stone-age shit. If you (somehow) don’t have access to email or a computer, come into the offices and use one of our computers to type up your notice. Ta.

RANDOM STUFF

Short Film Location Search

Price: inclusive of room, power, $115.00pw with wireless & tele $125.00pw

We require a student flat in Hamilton Any body interested in getting involved in a cycling club at the Uni email me and we can try to get something going. It will be a casual club for all denominations of the cycling religion (all praise to the mighty coffee bean) and welcome 20” to 700c wheels, size should not matter! To get WSU funding we need at least 15 people, last time I tried this we got 8. email src14@students.waikato.ac.nz Thanks, Sean. FILM / CAMERA PERSON WANTED Do you love film?! Do you love working a camera?! I have a master plan for a great film and just need a lil help to film some DANCE over an afternoon....(most likely later on in the year) TEXT ME!!! 027 251 7093 :-) Lizzie Dobson +64 27 251 7093 www.ejdobson.com Looking for passengers for trip to Auckland Central or on the way! Now in the comfort of a Merc. Last week was an adventure to say the least =) Drop off @ house: $15. Lb51@waikato. ac.nz It’s free if you can help me fix brother’s laptop though- email for details =)

or surrounding area Spacious, open plan, eclectic décor Dates required15, 16, 17th April 29, 30 June and 1st July 7, 8, 9, 10th July ContactPatti Mitchley molasses@clear.net.nz txt 0274 130 511 Ph 825 8805

Contact: Jenny 021403308

Black Mitsubishi Mivec 1993, 126,000kms, cambelt replaced at 111,000kms. 1600cc automatic, WOF due July, Rego due April, alarm + immobiliser, Panasonic MP3 player, sub + amp, MOMO steering wheel, sports exhaust, window tints, EVO side skirts + spoiler. In good condition for age and km’s. Call or text Margie 0273285629. $5000 ONO

john with dreads and traffic skateboard, lost your number, txt for a skate and the dc skate dvd.

CANE OF PUNISHMENT!! The comedy duo featured on c4 Available to entertain at your party/21st. $50 1/2hr. R18 contains adult themes.no refunds. www.myspace.com/caneofpunishment

Do you need help paying your rent? Are you going away for semester break?

We’re looking for 2 flattys to live with 2 chicks and possibly another guy, it’s a 5 bedroom place down Wellington Street, (close to Dey Street) $70 a room plus power and food. Call or Text Elise 0273676332 or Alaysa 02102258923

PROOFREADING Essays – Assignments – Presentations

FLATS AND MATES My lil brother’s laptop broke and I need help! Let me know if you’d like to donate a little of your knowledge to a very good cause =) =) Lb51@waikato.ac.nz

flatmate wanted to flat with 3 guys all 19. 2 at uni and 1 at tec. flat on old farm road close to uni. about 1 minute skate. has good set up will just need your own stuff. room available is the largest, sunny during the day. 150 a week including everything, boardband, food, power all that. female or male not fussed. smokers ok, no pets. ring or txt 027 7636293 if keen.

To rent: Outside self contained studio, small, fully furnished, own cooking facilities, independent from house. Shower, bath and toilet inside house (close to room) Suitable for one person only. In Ham East beside river. Short walk to town and university. Quiet area, suit mature student who wishes a quiet environment to complete their studies. someone who likes cats. Off street parking

Spelling – Grammar – Punctuation Experienced proofreader Phone: 849 3308 or 027 209 4020 eMail: staff-sue@xtra.co.nz

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ESSENCE OF ANNOYING BOGANOLOGY author: Blair Munro

author: Burton C Bogan

Blair Munro is bored, and you should be too

The Animal in Me

Here at Essence of Annoying Headquarters, previously Sarcophagus Rex International, we’re often asked (and by we’re, I mean I’m. Piss off, you freeloading scum, I’m the one doing all the work!) “Blair, how do you write your columns?”

There’s something primitive about Metal. Now obviously I’m not saying that it’s for dumb people or it’s simple…but in the Metal I like there’s something guttural and animalistic. Like how a lot of guys like fire, and beer, and naked chicks. Why do you think so many eighties music videos incorporated all three? Thanks Motley Crue, you’re good for something besides drunken car accidents and shitty sex tapes.

Well, the answer is simple. I don’t. Each column that you read, laugh at, or scorn each week is prepared by an elite team of ghost writers, all brainwashed into believing they are, in fact, the real Blair Munro. Having been trained by an expert staff to emulate the characteristic style of writing and humour you all know and loathe, I don’t really have to do anything to write these columns. Occasionally, I turn up at the biometrically locked underground vault, and crack a whip, or the cord of a vacuum cleaner. They’re not my kids, so Sue Bradford can stick it. On a more serious note, I tend to write my columns on a computer, and often write them ahead of time. I have been known to write columns for the Nexus weeks in advance. I was discussing this process with some person, whose name escapes me right now, and they asked “But how do you keep your column topical?” It is comments like that which make me wonder if people even read this at all. The point is, I don’t. Being topical is for the news. I am not the news. You don’t watch 3 News for bad language and inappropriate comments; don’t come to this column for hard-hitting journalism. I gather that was John Campbell’s idea when he got his show. As for the subject of the column, I throw a dictionary at someone’s head, and pick a word from whichever page it lands on. It’s a very special dictionary, handed down to me by my grandfather, with a plate steel cover, and a big fucking padlock. Sometimes I forget to unlock the book, and have to throw it twice. That’s how I do it, people. Weeks in advance, I torture innocent children in an underground vault, beating them with household implements, and starving them unless they write 400 relatively coherent words about a topic of my choosing. Writing is their only means of communication. I had to have their tongues cut out, to prevent the screaming. It keeps me up at night. I hope that answers the question for you. Next week, I’ll answer this email I received today. “Dear Blair, why do you suck so much? Love, Mum.”

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Some people seem to think I’m complicated but I’m not…SHAFT… you’re damn right. I like to think I like simple things: I like beer, I enjoy standing round a fire, and I like aggressive music that’s easy to bang heads to – and any head will do. But, seriously, think about it. Some forms of Metal aside (e.g. Power); I’d like to think I’m mostly right. Guitars are often distorted or turned up to 11, voices are stretched to the limit in cookie monster growl and Metallers tend to look like something out of Clan of the Cave bear – and that’s just the women! There is something animalistic about it. A lot of Bogans are hairy, smelly and tend to speak in grunts – and I mean that in an affectionate way cause I’m like that too.

“Some people seem to think I’m complicated but I’m not… SHAFT…you’re damn right. I like to think I like simple things: I like beer, I enjoy standing round a fire, and I like aggressive music that’s easy to bang heads to – and any head will do.”

Also speaking of Clans (and I mean Clan…not Klan) there’s something tribal about Heavy Metal too. We tend to be a pack animal. We’re not Emo, sitting in our rooms staring out the window dreamily listening to Placebo. We tend to like hanging out with others of a similar disposition, drinking bourbon or beer and listening to songs about drinking and hanging out with others of a similar disposition.

This is why – and this is going to be a tad controversial – ACDC is the greatest band in the world. Almost all their songs are about booze, women or how awesome rock and roll is. What more could there be to life? Sex, drugs (well at least my drug of choice: alcohol) and rock n roll. And now the true reason for this column starts to become apparent – it’s all self indulgence. What started as something to promote the tribal nature of Metal ended up me advertising my favourite band. Sorry, I’m still hungover from Easter. I went for the truly religious experience: got hammered on Friday and didn’t rise again till Sunday. Thank you Jesus.

SPORTS THOUGHTS by Teresa Hattan

UNCOMMON SENSE by Lauree Cross

In my last column I do believe there was talk of a cricket recap. Well, to cut a very long story short, we lost. We lost well too, with India taking the test match series as well as the one day international series. We did try our best, but with the likes of Gambhir (scoring 23 and 167 in the last test match at the Basin Reserve) we really had no show. So for this lovely column I thought I’d write about a team that is actually winning at the moment (touch wood), the mighty Chiefs. Currently the Chiefs are placed second on the table and are certainly playing some exquisite rugby (only a female would say that about rugby!). We now have three games in South Africa, with the Muliaina-lead squad playing

Oh “The Dummies” series… Is there any topic that doesn’t feature in the “For Dummies” series?

the Cheetahs, the Bulls and then the Stormers over the next few weeks. With altitude and a few tough opponents things could certainly turn out differently. The first match was against the Cheetahs on the 19th of April at Kimberley, 1am NZ time. Due to the fact that this was V8 weekend, I hope you taped it, or at least watched replays later on in the day. With the Cheetahs pulling out something magical to beat the Sharks last weekend, I’m thinking that perhaps the Chiefs might have a game on their hands. But if all else fails then at least we will have the opportunity to score a bonus point and get close to those rather slippery Sharks. That will certainly be true when we play the Bulls on the 26th April. Currently the South African side is a few points behind us on 23, but with the table looking quite close at the top anything can happen. The match against the Stormers could also be interesting. The Chiefs will be playing at Cape Town on the 3rd May, 5.10am NZ time. The Stormers are at present placed in the second half of the table, but yet again, they could pull the ultimate underdog move and come out trumps. With a close call against the Lions on the 4th April I’d say our boys need to up their game when playing the South African sides. Line outs and forward passing are often the poor aspects of games against these teams. A spectacular second half against the Lions rescued us from a far worse fate, imagine losing to the Lions, third placed from the bottom, after winning the previous three games so well?! We did however manage to score four tries in the second half – two from Dwayne Sweeney, a hat trick for him for the game, one from replacement winger Jackson Willison and one from replacement hooker Hika Elliot. With a final score of 36-29, the Chiefs were undeniably playing some intense rugby. That’s it for the rugby side of things, hope you all enjoyed the V8’s, a recap of the races is coming in the next column. Now all I can say is “Go Chiefs!”

Diabetes for Dummies.

“So for this lovely column I thought I’d write about a team that is actually winning at the moment (touch wood), the mighty Chiefs”

We have just about everything; The pretty generic ones; English, Spanish, Algebra, PC, … etc But then there’s also: Acne For Dummies. Beekeeping for Dummies. Sex for Dummies. Crochet for Dummies. …we even have “Window’s Vista, Building Facebook Applications and Athletic Scholarships”… As a Christian myself, I thought I’d do Easter for Dummies…however unlike most of the ‘For Dummies’ Series which end in a fullstop. This one ends in a questionmark; Easter For Dummies? Let me explain… Growing up in New Zealand I’ve celebrated my fair share of Easters; a long weekend eating cheap nasty chocolate eggs Grandma brought from The Warehouse. Found it quite interesting that the entire country gets a few days off to celebrate a story of guy dying and then coming to life again. What? I mean creative story? Yes. But I’m too old to believe in stories anymore… (even if they do mean mass chocolate and a long weekend!) But then I found this rather juicy bit in the bible addressing this celebrated religious account …. It actually says in there that if Jesus DIDN’T rise from the dead, like He so passionately claimed then screw the entire religion coz it’s useless and Christian faith is ‘in vain’ and ‘we, who put our hope in Christ (Christians) are of all people most to be pitied’ because that hope is futile. No I’m serious it actually says that; see for yourself; 1 Corinthians 15:3-19. “Most to be pitied”? Faith ‘in vain’… that’s pretty juicy if you ask me… And if so, if it’s all just the biggest con ever; logic tells us the alternatives are twofold; 1. That he mistakenly thought he could rise from the dead which makes Jesus pretty much deluded, self-deceived, and very mentally unstable; somewhat of a loonie! 2. OR That he was; A liar; deliberately deceiving people that he could do something that wasn’t humanly possible thus by implication (and actually verbally stating it also) that he wasn’t mere human… AND he’d be pretty evil going so far as actually asking them to trust him with their eternal destinies… knowing full well he couldn’t back up his claims. AND he’d be a hypocrite; someone who went around going on about ‘loving your neighbour’ and teaching honestly and integrity no matter the cost;…but who just didn’t practise what he preached… It woulda been ‘do as I say, not as I do’! AND he’d be a fool; because this very claim that he was more than a mere human (In a fiercely monotheistic culture) was the very thing that got him arrested, and ultimately led him to be crucified! So if it’s all a big con the bible actually gives you permission to call Christians people to be most pitied for having hope in a guy who’s a liar, evil, a hypocrite and a fool!... and Jesus wins the prize for being the biggest dummy ever! Happy Easter everyone!

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Majick Eight Ball All questions taken from the Magic 8 Ball thread at forums.nexusmag.co.nz! You can submit questions to the forum, as well as to magic8ball@nexusmag.co.nz Does mixing up two different types of lube make an awesome lube? Ask Again Later – Lacking opposable thumbs makes this difficult for me to determine with any accuracy – however, as a spherical object, I am sure that mixed lube applied generously to my body would allow me to fit in almost any orifice. I’m game if you’re game. Will using the term “musketfuck” (nineteenth century clusterfuck, in case you didn’t know) in my American Civil War essay do me any favours? Most likely – tutors are always looking for any evidence of actual brainpower in their students. Using this term proves you have a modicum of creativity, putting you ahead of 98% of the rest of the students here and guaranteeing you an “A+”. Should I upgrade my MK3 Cranio-Deflectoray5000 to a titanium based alloy foil? Concentrate and ask again – I couldn’t read your mind accurately through your layers of psychic protection. If I cannot break your

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defences, your mind is clearly immune from Shapeshifter and Scientological penetration. So stick with what works. Foil tears easily, allowing bad voices in. O wise magic 8 ball: Is mixing vodka and gummy bears together a good idea? As I see it yes – they will coalesce into a delicious, colourful sugar-alcohol sludge. Unless, of course, you use Kristov, in which case the bears will mutate and tear your arms off. An army of pissed-off giant bear candies is not a good thing. Will ‘The Vagina Monologues’ attract a vast number of first year boys on opening night, hoping to see pussy? Yes, definitely – why else would people come? Are you trying to say it’s not a vaginal version of Jim Carrey’s famous talking ass stunt? Come on! It’s going to be hilarious. Do come along. If I wear no pants next summer, will my pubic hair bleach in the sun?

As I see it yes – which is to say, I have already majickally seen your nether-hair. It’s close to blond. So yes, it should bleach easily. People will think you’re a nudist surfer, and crowds will gather. Avoid them by dyeing the blond hair green. Are the ducks gradually having all of their colour leeched out by the radioactive lakes? You may rely on it – and they’re steadily getting smarter. If Marvel comics have taught us anything, and they have, it’s that radioactivity makes you smarter or stronger. Look out for Hulk-ducks taking to the skies within the year, burying Hamilton in shit. Does P.C. have a sexual connotation? Yes Definitely – it’s well known that Police Constables have wonderful sex lives. Why, there were a few on the TV talking about it just a couple of years back. And if by PC you meant “Politically Correct” – of course! If you support same-sex sex and such you’re much more likely to be interestingly freaky in bed.

Christina Fehlmann

ANY QUESTIONS on the Tauranga student life can be directed to jvz1@ waikato.ac.nz If you are a Tauranga student and you are not a member of the ‘roundwine and milo club’, what is it that you do? I would love to know!

The Far Side A look at the Tauranga side of life by Jessica Zonneveld. The best kind of fun to be had at the moment is having fun while looking for fun. Kind of like an Easter Hunt looking for shiny marshmallow eggs in a cat-poop-collecting sandpit, only to discover the eggs you really wanted were non-wrapped, and you are now somewhat hungry, so you dust off the sand and get into it - such has been my search for purely Waikato student-attended events here in Tauranga. You see we have a slightly different deal here; we do get on average better grades than our counterparts at the ‘Tron campus which is a sweet deal because we study harder, but on the downside we don’t have the student culture plus the numbers that will usually result in some kind of free entertainment… or a marquee to hang about under if you will. It has to be said that, on the upside we are now in some kind of new steamy hot, sweaty, non-sensual relationship with the local Polytech - which means we get to go to their non-clandestine events and get all over it. I have lately often pondered the words of King Julian in Madagascar 2 “Whatever happened to the separation of the classes” - the truth is the Polytech has got more of a student culture than those of us ‘tronning it’ in Tga. This is good news for students wanting to get amongst fun while they are studying, and such events should have no negative effects to the ‘roundwine biscuit and milo before bed club’ of which club membership appears to be on the rise, as temperatures are on the drop. Possibilities are endless with the joining of the uni and the polytech; there is opportunity to mix with a variety of people, how about a nice young mechanic with strong, oil purported hands who will be your best friend forever…or a beauty therapist in the making? Models of sorts can even be found at student events here. You’re feeling excited right? You should be. PolyKato’s Next Top Model took place on April 8th, entry open to students from the Polytech as well as Waikato University students. Student Nick Lynch was there as a contestant and took out 4th place equal with Benjamin Parkinson. Nick is studying toward a Certificate in Relaxation Massage and holds aims

of becoming the spiritual leader of NZ within the next 5 years. He was specific in that he wanted to be described as tall, sinewy and radiating his own brand of sexual energy. Like a useful gift of socks wrapped in recycled paper, he wore a bandanna around his forehead because, “it keeps the creativity inside and it covers my ears so the awesomeness doesn’t escape”. A future student of Waikato may he be, perhaps even a suitable candidate for a B.A. As model fever reached a new time low, PolyKatos Next Top Model provided a suitable level of entertainment including a hip hop talent section, complete with ping pong-esque floor movements taking out the 1st place prize, a 2nd place winner for an acapella rendition of Boys II Men, Interpretive Dance as well as an entry in the very individual Alternative Fusion category. Only one Waikato student showed up to the event and rolled home with 3rd place. She requested to remain anonymous but was happy to comment. “What an experience, I really put myself out there with the Alternative Fusion dance thing; I just faked it ‘til I made it and the crowd loved it – the only thing I would change would be to learn the caterpillar for future competitions”. So since only one Waikato student could be found, it seems a likely assumption is that many students in Tauranga are in preference of having home fun time with their families; we have a high proportion of adult students here as well as young parents with children. The kind of fun to be had at home can include quality time, children’s games and hot milo. Sweet grades and retaining existing brain cells comes with this option. Although the latter is contestable. Hopefully I’ve answered some questions such as; what do the students here in Tauranga do for fun? Who do they ‘hang about’ with? And is it okay to use cat food for a pie on my cooking night if I can affirm that I won’t be around to eat it? For those wondering about our campus efforts fundraising for ‘Relay for Life’, our Tauranga campus raised just short of $5000 for cancer affected people in the Bay of Plenty.

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Auteur House Presents: John Schlesinger By Dr Richard Swainson

The English-born John Schlesinger ended his career at the turn of the century in the worst possible way, directing a Madonna vehicle. Even by the material girl’s standards “The Next Best Thing” is wretched, a melodrama about a yoga instructor who has a child with a gay, platonic friend. Both director and star were justly nominated for ‘Razzie’ awards. In his prime, and even beyond it, Schlesinger had worked with the very cream of English acting talent. He almost single-handedly made the careers of Alan Bates and Julie Christie, and guided Laurence Olivier through one of his more memorable late performances, the

other entries in the ‘angry young man’ genre of the time the emphasis is less on class and politics and more on the emotion of the relationship. “Billy Liar” (1963) also has a young, alienated male protagonist, but one more prone to escape into a fantasy world than overtly protest his situation. Julie Christie shines as Tom Courtney’s dream girl and was subsequently cast in Schlesinger’s “Darling” (1965), winning an Oscar as an ambitious, free spirited actress. In some ways now stylistically dated, the performances of Christie and her two suitors, Dirk Bogarde and Laurence Harvey, stand the

his most critically respected work, “Midnight Cowboy” (1969). A dark, inverted version of the American dream, it has Jon Voight as a cowboy who comes to New York with the plan of making his fortune as a gigolo and Dustin Hoffman as the low life Ratso Rizzo who befriends him, “Midnight Cowboy” became the first X rated movie to win an academy award for best picture. Schlesinger, who was himself gay, delicately skirts around the issue of the characters’ sexuality. Homosexuality and bisexuality is treated much more openly in “Sunday, Bloody, Sunday” (1971). The aptly named Murray Head is loved

sadistic Nazi dentist in “Marathon Man”. The key films in the Schlesinger oeuvre were made between 1962 and 1975. “A Kind of Loving” (1962) sees Bates as an ambitious young draftsman whose tentative courtship of a girl in the typing pool leads to unplanned pregnancy and a shotgun marriage. Unlike

test of time. Certainly “Darling” benefited from a more liberal treatment of sexual themes than earlier possible in British cinema. After another collaboration with Christie, a not entirely successful adaptation of Thomas Hardy’s “Far from the Madding Crowd” (1967), Schlesinger made his US debut with

by both Glenda Jackson and Peter Finch. The latter’s sensitive performance as an intelligent and warm if lonely physician was perhaps the most positive characterisation of a gay man then seen in a mainstream film.

Movie review: Transporter 3 Directed by Oliver Megaton

What do you think when you hear that a movie is directed by a man with the surname “Megaton”? Do you think physics? Action? Receding Hairline? Nuclear Waste? Ex-Soviet Union States? You would be absolutely right...well, as long as you included strippers (male), slutty people (female), European Cars... and a smidgen of magic (or well not magic, but Ecstasy). In line with modern times, Transporter 3 is based around the environment. The creepy guy from Prison Break (the one who looses his hand) is a pollution smuggler (nuclear perhaps) who blackmails the Ukrainian Environmental Minister. He also contracts our balding hero (played by Jason Statham) to transport a mysterious girl to a mysterious place (Budapest). But this time there is a twist (as advertised by the movie’s tag line: This time, the rules are the same. Except one.), he can’t leave the car or else the neo-steampunk bracelet he is wearing will blow up, using terrorist technology (I wish I was kidding). He then proceeds to drive from place to place and fight different people. 34

Reviewed by Kirill

Admittedly there are three drawings points to this movie: the action, the stripping and the love story. In what is the opposite to a given night in Hamilton, let’s start with strippers, move to action and then the romance. It seems that Jason is a disciple of the ancient Korean fighting school which mandates that combatants take off pieces of their perfectly tailored suits and use them as weapons. Such training creates what is arguably the world’s hottest back on a man. The person with me confirmed...she then excused her self to the bathroom...she came back 15 minute later and had a nap (I dunno). This happens multiple times in the movie. The action, while intermixed with the stripping is of a slightly less homo-erotic nature. It is of a physics nature. Jason plays an idiot savant because he can work out the exact trajectory of any items he kicks, any BMX bike he jumps and any car he drives on two wheels between two trucks (also taught at Waikato: Phys51309A). At one point he manages to jump his [spoiler] from the roof of a moving [spoiler]

into the rest of the afore-mentioned [spoiler] while looking incredibly [spoiler]. Also, there is a love story. Jason falls in love. And like some sort of reverse nightclubbing world, this happens right after he says he has a headache and doesn’t want to sleep with a woman, only to then strip for her... and do the backseat nasty (in his defense, it is a very nice car... leather seats). All in all, this movie is ridiculous. But in a good way (like tying the shoelaces of a toddler together). It is easy entertainment. There is virtually no thought involved (only aided by numerous plot holes and errors). Also it made me feel like my body is inadequate...and I promptly went to the gym. I still feel inadequate (damn you Jason, and your perfect, hard, smooth Trapezoid muscles).

DVD: The Counterfeiters Directed by Stefan Ruzowitzky

Reviewed by Burton C Bogan

My nickname used to be The Jew because apparently I look Jewish, so possibly due to some stupid psychological process I find movies set in World War 2 particularly interesting –and I enjoy movies from a Jewish perspective. Kind of strange given I’m not a fan of historical movies in general. This movie is one of the better ones I’ve seen. Set in 1942

fake money. But the team’s forgeries prove to be so good that instead the Nazis decide to use the forgeries in order to fund their own war effort. The counterfeiters then have to struggle with their own consciences, torn between staying alive but helping the Nazis or to refuse and be put to death. The film won the 2008 Academy Award for

quotes that they have on the back set you up to think that this is going to be particularly gritty and moving, but for some reason I didn’t feel particularly moved. Maybe I’m just desensitized due to violent video games or some other fictional moral panic, but I’ve seen other movies on similar subjects that have elicited a much stronger emotional reaction. Don’t get me wrong, the acting’s good, but I felt like some sort of heartless golem afterwards as I wasn’t particularly shocked which wasn’t what the “testimonials” promised. This could possibly due to the fact that the counterfeiters were treated better

it tells the true story of Salomon Sorowitsch, a counterfeiter and artist who is captured by the Nazis and forced to work in a concentration camp. His job is to work with a team of other artists, photographers and printers to produce forgeries of British currency in order to sabotage the British economy with an influx of

Best Foreign Language Film. So you can quite rightly expect it to be really good. Some of the camera angles are a bit weird and there are a few of those spin-y ones that always put me off and make me sea sick but otherwise it’s well shot. My only criticisms are more to do with the packaging of the DVD strangely. The

than other prisoners and so some of the scenes weren’t as graphic as I’m used to or maybe I’m just some sort of (he)artless monster. Oh yeah, and given the award it won, you can probably tell that it’s subtitled, which may put some of you heathens off. Still, a great movie by any standards.

Comic Review: All-Star Superman Written by Grant Morrison, art by Frank Quitely Did you know that Superman used to be a right dick? Yup, the Man of Steel was a total wanker, as (you might say) befits a god amongst men. He’d belittle Lois, kick Superdog, act… oddly towards “Superman’s Pal, Jimmy Olson,” and just generally be a mean, rather clueless, middle-aged, slightly paunchy, American git. To modern eyes, the adventures of the Golden Age Superman are hilarious, and his homoerotic, ultra-nationalistic, and mildly misogynistic adventures in comics are chronicled on the wonderful website superdickery.com. (Along with the incredibly camp stories of Batman and Robin, which have to be seen to be believed.) Since those days, Superman, as one of DC’s most classic, bankable heroes, has been brought into the self-conscious Noughties along with the rest of the stable, and has arguably suffered as a result. Gritty, postmodern stories about a man who 1.) wears a flamboyant outfit and 2.) is entirely impossible to kill don’t work. I don’t like Superman, not the character, nor

Reviewed by Gordon Dawson

the comics. I’ve always found both pretty detestable. Which brings us to All Star Superman. All Star Superman might be the first Superman comic I’ve ever liked. Grant Morrison has produced a work of genius. By bringing Superman back to his ridiculous, Superdickery roots and yanking him out of the (frankly, retarded) DC continuity, Morrison humanizes the hero. Oh, and he kills him as well. In the very first story, Superman is set up with an incurable illness borne of being too damn powerful – about the only way you could believe Supes going. There’s a Clark Kent that is so patently not Superman that it’s scary, and a very, very sexy Lois Lane. Frank Quitely’s art is fantastic throughout – finely detailed, and far from the caricature approach that he utilised in New X-Men. All-Star Superman is a collection of funny, human stories about the Man of Steel that I genuinely enjoyed. You should, too. Buy the first trade paperback now at Mark One Comics in Victoria Street.

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BOOK REVIEW:

Nineteen Minutes

Reviewer: Penny Wilson I have to confess: I hated school. Especially the bullies. Several of my friends and I have bonded over the times we were mercilessly tormented by and helpless against our schoolyard nemeses. Nonetheless we survived, swallowed our rage and went on to prove that living well really is the best revenge (specially when the bully turns out ten years later to be obese/syphilitic/on crack/hopefully all of the above). But what about the kids who decide to take revenge into their own hands? Nineteen Minutes takes an unflinching look at the realities of justice, morality and being ‘different’, set against the backdrop of a small town which has just witnessed a devastating Columbine-style high school shooting. Jordan McAfee, brilliant defence lawyer of Picoult’s previous novels, returns to defend the teen culprit, who has been bullied constantly for years. Also reappearing is Patrick Ducharme, the detective leading the investigation. However, the small town dynamic only

intensifies the case, as Ducharme’s star witness is revealed to be a childhood friend of the killer, as well as the daughter of the judge who will preside over the trial. As justice is sought, an expert twist ensures an unforgettable ending for the participants in a case where there are no winners, only inextricably and devastatingly linked fates. The book is narrated from several different perspectives, including the judge and the killer’s mother, and while flashbacks are also used none of these devices detract from the story as a whole. Picoult reminds us that there are at least two, if not multiple, sides to every story, resulting in a compelling story which is simultaneously a detective novel, a court drama, and – most of all – an insightful exploration of human nature. Jodi Picoult is a permanent fixture in global best-seller lists, which instantly set my inner book misanthrope on edge: if everyone else likes her, I couldn’t and wouldn’t. However, after reading Nineteen

ALBUM REVIEW

Get It Together by Sola Rosa Reviewed by Josh Drummond

I hate reviewing music. Elvis Costello once said that “writing about music is like dancing about architecture. It’s a stupid thing to want to do.” I nearly agree with him. Music is for listening and performing, not for writing about – but people do demand music criticism, so here we are. Bear in mind that I am not going to stretch for insight here. I dislike most music criticism and my own comes down to “what I do/don’t like.” Happily, I like Sola Rosa. Sola Rosa are a Kiwi dance-reggae-dub-worldish outfit who are friendly with the usual NZ music suspects – Dimmer, Fat Freddys, Goldenhorse et al. Lead artist Andrew Spraggon pilfers members of other Kiwi acts as featuring vocalists, in much the same way that I am pilfering from their press release to write this review. This latest album sounds like 36

you’d expect from an outfit of this kind, in an unexpected kind of way. It’s is a fairly eclectic, indefinable sound, which is at the same time wonderfully danceable. Very much the musical cocktail. This was my first aural adventure with Sola Rosa, and I found much to like. Many horns, ample bongo drumming. “Bond Is Back,” is a wonderful Bond-inspired piece that had me thinking of warm Caribbean beach bars with an obsequious waiter serving up Pina Coladas and a gun in my pocket. “Get It Together” is another favourite, featuring a darker, horndriven sound – but still with those maracas in the background and the occasional chime. Voon. It’s a fun yet weighty album, perfect for either dancing or lazy summer nostalgia. Enjoy with friends and exotic drinks.

RRP: $33.99, Whitcoulls

Jodi Picoult, Allen&Unwin

Minutes, I sat corrected. Picoult makes a bold move in her choice of inciting incident, but the risk pays off by virtue of realistic characters, resulting in an at times, painfully honest and gripping yarn. I was riveted. Maybe people who read best sellers DO know a thing or two...

The Phat Controller

Fallout 3

Published by Bethesda Softworks Reviewed by vitaminC

First off, it is completely worth wasting twentysix words informing you that there is no way to cover all of Fallout3 with a 500 word limit. Having spent your formative years in the isolation of a specially constructed underground Vault community, events eject you into the barren wasteland that is Washington DC, a couple of hundred years after it was nuked into near oblivion along with the rest of America during a war with China. The only thing you have to go on is that your dear old dad is somewhere out there too. From then on, it’s pure survival. Fallout 3 is built from the engine used in Oblivion and superficially is a similar game, but with kitchen knives and rifles instead of swords and magic, mutated bears and radioactive superhumans filling in for goblins and daemons, and a 1950s post-apocalyptic sci-fi setting instead yon dungeons and castles. This is not the America we know, rather imagine if the future was everything they thought it would be in the 50s, and this was the ruins of that. Fusion powered cars, robot butlers, white picket fences, that kind of thing; all littering the streets and ruined homes and cities, all built upon a hilarious and scathing commentary and satire on the American way of life. The game is firmly an RPG, but can nearly be played 100% as an FPS, if that’s your bag. There are stats and skills which affect how you make your way through the world. Depending on your style you can talk, sneak, steal, stab,

shoot, or any combination of the above and more through the problems that life throws at you. The fact that you depend on other people to survive though trading makes a delicate balance. You’ll find yourself executing complicated gambits just to get something important without ending up at war with the one town where you can sleep safely at night. Game-play involves roaming the wasteland pursuing whatever goal you’ve set yourself and interacting with people, who could be desperate residents of some shantytown, slaver-traders looking for children, or wandering psychos. Combat involves using your weapons in real time or using the targeting system, which involves pausing the action, and using points to assign attacks to the target, for example the head/limbs/torso, along with a display of your probability for a hit and how much damage it will do. When you use your action points up you have to fight in real time or hide while they recharge, and of course you can affect this with your stats if you so choose. The seamless integration between real-time and strategic combat is utterly absorbing. Immersion is really the shining star of Fallout. The gnawing dread of finding your feet in the wasteland is unmatched in gaming. The dialogue, music, and black humour would need another 500 words. The sheer depth of experience (I’m still finding new things on my 4th playthrough) is unrivalled. Go play it.

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Listings courtesy of Mammoth (mammothguide.co.nz) and Hamilton Community Arts Council

GIG GUIDE Are you an artist? Want people to come to your show? Then send your gigs to gigs@nexusmag.co.nz! Louise Bagshawe Book Promo GIRLS NIGHT OUT! Come and join us for an entertaining evening with international best-selling author Louise Bagshawe who is in Hamilton for one night only to promote her new book PASSION. Ticket price includes nibbles and a glass of bubbly. Wed 29 Apr 2009 Cost: $10 Time: 7pm Where: The Bank Bar & Brasserie, Cnr Victoria and Hood Streets, Hamilton The Vagina Monologues Waikato Students Union is staging The Vagina Monologues by Eve Ensler. The Vagina Monologues is a discussion of femininity through a collection of stories and facts told from the perspective of women from diverse racial, regional, sexual, and age backgrounds. The Monologues seek to move beyond the shame, contempt, embarrassment and unfamiliar. Thu 09 Apr 2009 - Wed 29 Apr 2009 Cost: Adult - $15

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Time: 7.30pm Where: The WEL Energy Trust Academy of Performing Arts, University of Waikato., Knighton Road, Gate 1

Cost: From $25 Time: 7.30pm Where: Clarence St Theatre, 59 Clarence Street

The Datsuns The Datsuns return to New Zealand for 10 shows in April with support from An Emerald City.

Chamber Music NZ Concert - Tonight Seven Last Words of Christ on the Cross. Performed by the New Zealand String Quartet. An intensely spiritual Easter work by Haydn Opus 52. Chamber Music New Zealand’s second concert of the 2009 subscription series. For more details go to our website.

Thu 16 Apr 2009 Cost: $32 Time: 9pm Where: Altitude Bar, Alexandra Street, Hamilton Black Grace presents Gathering Clouds It’s unabashedly virile, dangerous and terrifically exciting.” The Ottawa citizen, 2008. Fresh from a sell out tour to North America and Canada, including a season at the prestigious Kennedy Centre in Washington DC, internationally acclaimed Dance Company Black Grace presents Gathering Clouds, a brand new full-length work. Wed 29 Apr 2009 - Sat 02 May 2009

Wed 15 Apr 2009 Cost: Stud $15 Adult $45 Time: 8pm Where: WEL Academy of Performing Arts., University of Waikato. Live Theatre An hilarious comedy about theatre. Dinner available most nights at $25.00. Weekly | Sat 04 Apr 2009 - Sat 18 Apr 2009 Cost: $25, Seniors/Students $20 show only Time: 6.30 dinner show, show only 8pm Where: Riverlea Theatre, Riverlea Road

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