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ISSUE 6 路 3 APRIL 2006



Section Title

Sex Toy Concepts

Suzanne Paul (creator of the Egg Beater on page 22) and Bernard Simmonds, please come to the Nexus office to receive your free handjob--er, Rialto movie passes! Issue 6 路 3 April 2006

Random Crap

Jerk Jokes Jokes on the internet are officially terrible. You’d think it’d be easy to fill a quarter page with funny jokes with the use of a search engine, but no. Here’s a few admittedly mediocre random findings. Please send us better ones – Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says “I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.” What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef. How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb? Fish. If George Washington were alive today, what would he be famous for? Old age. What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend? Homeless. Two Irish guys are fishing. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he’s snagged an old bottle. As he’s taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish. “Turn the lake into beer,” he says. The genie goes “Poof!” and the lake turns into beer. He says to the other guy, “So what do you think?” The other guy says, “You jerk. Now we’ve got to piss in the boat.”

Poetree Angel I met my Angel yesterday, beside a hidden stream. She told me things, I couldn’t say, that all this was a dream. I stood transfixed oh, while she sung, her secrets of the sand, With her pearly voice, she did endow, such knowledge unto me. All the reasons to my strife, and all my worldly foes; Every season to my life, oh, all I wished to know. My winter and my snowy veil, she attempted so to lift, A spring of long, awaited tales, was to be her holy gift. At this I broke, and with a wail, a cracking of my heart, “Where is it then, you fake, you quack, when will this season start, Why not now, before I break, before I fall apart?” Saddened by my hastiness, my lack of patience she; Refused to look into my eyes, she turned away from me. As she walked, Back to the stream, she whispered one last thing, I have it here within me now, though no answers did it bring. Her whisper as she walked away, was difficult to hear; My ears and mind beneath the dream, so fought to make it clear. Inside my head she said it was, beneath the icy lies; I couldn’t see, she whispered so, for sight had been denied. Inside my head? I asked her then, oh if that were really true Shouldn’t it be obvious, to me if not to you? And as she walked, under the stream, the last I heard her say, Was that it is, so obvious, more so everyday. - MDRAR A Poem written on Hampstead Heath, London, UK Sweet virgin grass Being sat on by virgin arse’s Climbing trees Under burping thunder Two smudge brown squirrels In the presence of kings & queens - Glen Hancock

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006


Party Review by Skot and JR

Tina, you fat lard, come get some DINNER! Tina, eat. Food. Eat the FOOD! Thanks again to everyone that continues to send in those texts and again I’m sorry for the parties I didn’t make it to. I think we ended up going to about seven but I lost track toward the end of the night thanks to all the free drinks, especially to the keg party - you guys rule! OK, these were the 3 best parties I attended on Saturday night in no particular order. Well the first party involved a keg, fire dancers, a spa pool, and a shesha pipe, do I need to say anymore? One very good lesson that I learnt from that party was that if you decide to go swimming in your boxers in a spa at 12am, your boxers will dry in the microwave! The second party that I got to also had the fire theme going, with every piece of wood lying around their house burning!! I’m not quite sure what it is they were burning the wood in but I’ll let you decide that from the pictures. One girl at this party decided to do cartwheels around the fire in a skirt and at the time it seemed like a good idea but looking back on it I have to ask myself - ‘Why was she wearing that white g-string?’ The third party involved the destruction of a plastic chair, screaming girls and a special appearance by Burton C Bogan and Boganette! Needless to say the conversation turned quickly into metal and the girls’ screaming got louder. Anyways that was another night of parties in Hamilton. I’ll give the night a rating this week instead of the parties. Thanks to the hospitality of the first party I’m giving the night a final rating of 8/10.

Top three quotes of the night ‘I’m a hippopotamus and I’ve got noodles on my back’ ‘At least 50 Cent didn’t have anal sex like Jon Davis did, with his dad’ ‘Don’t be jealous that I’ve been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I’m training to be a cage fighter.‘ PARTY!? Txt me anytime (after 7am) 0274 279319 and JR and myself will review your party Issue 6 · 3 April 2006

Feature Election Follow-up: 16

Article Cash – Got None?: 20

Reviews and pics Weird War: 24 Parihaka International Peace Festival: 44 Edgefest: 46 La Ronde: 36

Regulars Party Review: 05 Editorial: 07 News: 08-13 Lettuce: 14, 15, 22 WSU columns: 26 Gig Guide: 24-25 Notices: 35 The Spinster’s Cat: 31 Word Freak: 31 Confessions Of A List Maker: 32 Split Decision: 33 Killing Time on Campus: 33 Food: 34 Magic 8 Ball: 35 Muscle Man: 35 Artshole: 36 U ‘N’ I: 36 Classic Rock Review: 37 Boganology 101: 37 Uncle Jim’s Kiddies Page: 38 Comics: 39 Books: 40 Films: 41 CD Reviews: 42 DVDs: 43 Busted: 47 

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006

Credits Editor Dawn “Vote for me” Tuffery Designer Matt “I did not have sexual relations with Miss Monica Lewinsky” Scheurich Advertising Manager Tony “I am not a crook” Arkell 0211766180 Interim News Editor Joshua “D’oh” Drummond Music Editors: Sam Brown and Kat Cox Books Editor: Michelle Coursey Politics Editor: Chris Grenfell Main Feature: Jess Hutson Contributors Hannah Yen, Jess Van Dyk, Boulanger, Skot, Matt, Brie Jesson, Serenity Taniwha, Etta Harrie, Sam, Sam, Danielle Thomson, Sophie Porter, Burton C. Bogan, CJ, Sophie Porter, Nick Chester, The Panther, Gary Oliver, Matthew Wills, Uncle Jim, Vitamin C & Special K, Hazazel, Kazuma Namioka, Leigh McGeady, Joe Citizen, Josh Drummond, WSU Nexus Always follow up on our promises The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of Nexus Publications 2003 Ltd, any of our advertisers, WSU or APN. (They should really be the views of you anyway, because that’s the point of a student mag. Slackers.) Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

Designer’s Word FUCK says Matt

Dawn wrote a pretty huge editorial for this issue. Just a little note too, I almost had this thing finished before 12am but certain things seemed to interfere with mine and Dawn’s going home at a reasonable hour. See if you can spot the very few shortcuts I took! Ha ha!


Students’ Union – For Students? If I want to join a Nurse’s Union and receive the full rights available, I have to be a nurse. If I want to join the Association of University Staff, I have to be employed by a University. If I want to join the Union of Fire-Breathing Curly-Haired Green Scaly Monsters, I have to work up my sweet fire-breathing skills and maybe get some plastic surgery. But oddly, joining a student union doesn’t necessarily work the same way. The rules vary between Unions, of course. At Auckland Uni Students’ Association (AUSA) membership is pretty much just for enrolled students, and ex-Presidents, who get life membership upon escaping. There’s an opening for ‘associate members’, but these ones can’t vote at General Meetings. Otago (OUSA) is similar – students, ex-presidents and life members can be full members and vote, ex-students who are members for ‘interest’ can’t. Victoria (VUWSA) is an interesting one (bear with me) because they apparently accept people who have studied for at least a year at any NZ university who apply in writing, but they have to have studied within the last two years. So who can be a member of the Waikato Students’ Union? Students, obviously. And also ‘All persons whether students or not who have at any time been members provided that the Executive may, subject to the right of appeal to a general meeting, by resolution debar or exclude any such person from membership.’ (WSU constitution, 4.1.2). I think that’s a noteworthy clause, myself. Here’s why. Let’s say, oh, Don Brash, decides he’s sick of the opposition existence but would miss the power. He fancies a more intimate leader-voter situation that offers substantial access to impressionable minds and beautiful international students. So he signs up for a course at Waikato Uni and starts campaigning to be president of the WSU. No probs so far. But if he has any difficulties persuading actual Waikato students to vote for him, he could check the Nats members list and call in 200 one-time students from, say, 1981, who are prepared to sign up again, pay $85, and tick the right box. He could even give them the cash to join. And bingo, he’s in. Ditto any exstudent with an axe to grind, who could also bring along enough alumni friends to take over the exec and make sure that the exclusion/ debarring thing never happens. Cue free and easy access to your association and all its assets. Ok, so this scenario is distinctly unlikely. Issue 6 · 3 April 2006

While working towards their official degrees, Waikato graduates generally nurture an unofficial degree of Complete and Real Apathy towards Politics (Bach. CRAP) during their time here and successfully continue this approach through their alumni existence. Even those who are involved in student politics during their studies tend to eventually move on. Why be a perma-politician at a students’ association when you could be getting more money and respect as a team leader at McDonalds, or working your way up the ladder of real proper politics to screw that system from the inside? The only semi-realistic problem with that clause would be if a conflict of interest arose over the fact that non-students were purporting to represent current students. What’s the point of a student union? Well, there’s always O Week entertainment and the periodic provision of sausages, but ostensibly they’re there to represent students and lobby for their improved existence. Or, as the constitution puts it, ‘To function as an informed and principled pressure group on issues both within and outside of the Institution considering educational matters, student welfare and social reform to be amongst its areas of primary concern’. Who do they lobby? The Government, generally, and any individual or organisation threatening student rights, etc What happens if the organisation/party being lobbied is completely made up of Waikato alumni who, despite being filthy rich capitalists who paid 70c for their entire degree in the ‘80s, choose to exercise their right to pay a levy and receive all the rights of Josephine Current Student? Their vote at an OSM is worth exactly the same as yours, so tough luck. But before you start stressing out, it’s not the most threatening issue. Don Brash would probably try Victoria Uni before Waikato anyway, it’s closer. Also, the Executive can still choose to kick questionable non-student members out, as would presumably happen in the theoretical situation above, and I guess whether you trust them enough to look out for your welfare on that is up to you. The principle of the thing is this - that a), members of the Waikato Students’ Union, which is there to represent students, currently don’t need to be students, and b), that you, as a student, don’t necessarily get to choose who is a member of your union. How important is that? Your call.

Monday, 3 April 2006

MPs Get Their Groove On Labour celebrates interest write-off with students By By Josh Josh Drummond Drummond Waikato Labour MPs came to Waikato University last week to celebrate the student loan interest write-off with students. The Don Lewellyn bar hosted MPs Dianne Yates, Martin Gallagher, Sue Moroney, Nanaia Mahuta and students for the celebration, with Waikato Student Union President Sehai Orgad cutting a symbolic cake marking the “birth” of the policy. Waikato Student’s Union President Sehai Orgad said she was pleased with the show of solidarity. “It was a nice gesture prepared by a local MP, Dianne Yates, which shows support for university students in regards to this policy,” she said. “It was also really nice to see Nanaia and the others come out as well.” Sehai encouraged students to remember the reasons for the celebration. “The 0% interest on loans policy gives more opportunities for people who have considered

studying in the past but have been put off by the thought of eternal debt.” April 1st marks the first day of the interest write-off for ex-students working in New Zealand. Labour MP Dianne Yates says this will lower the burden of debt for anyone in Waikato with a student loan, whether they are still studying, beginning study, have completed it, are working or even if they haven’t completed their study. “Many families and students have already benefited from the existing no-interest on your loan while you study policy, which has been in place since 2000,” said Dianne Yates. “We already know that University of Waikato [and] Waikato Institute of Technology students collectively saved $23.47 million between 2001 and 2005. Thanks are due to the government’s ‘no-interest while you study’ policy, which from 1 April, will apply to anyone with an outstanding student loan [too].”

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006

The government expects thousands of current and former students and their families to enjoy huge savings, and Dianne Yates is calling on student loan borrowers to check to see how much better off they will be as a result of no longer having to pay interest on their principal loan. “It’s very easy to calculate and check, and as long as student loan borrowers are living in New Zealand, you’ll be eligible for this interestcharge write off.” “This policy was a key election promise for Labour and this Saturday (1 April) we’re making good on that promise. Affordable and accessible tertiary education is the backbone of any growing economy because it fuels New Zealand’s transformation into a high-wage, knowledge-based economy,” Yates said.


Brothels A Go-Go? By Josh Drummond The Hamilton City Council has received a review of the Prostitution Bylaw 2004 by the city solicitor, and is calling for the Government to urgently review the Prostitution Act 2003. The review comes in light of a local challenge to the bylaw and recent judgements made in Auckland and Christchurch determining that bylaws in those cities were partially invalid. A High Court challenge against the Prostitution Bylaw 2004 has been filed by Toni’s Escort Agency. Toni’s is a large parlour brothel located outside the Permitted Brothel Area. Under special provisions in the local bylaw, Toni’s was provided with a 12 month period from October 1 2004, to relocate the brothel or cease to operate. The HCC have agreed to a stay of execution until the proceedings of the case

are determined. Toni’s manager Julie, commenting for last week’s feature article in Nexus, said “We’re looking forward to beating the council and the Christian groups [that have been protesting against us] and going back to the nice quiet brothel we were before [the bylaw.] Advice from the city solicitor states that while the Auckland and Christchurch judgements may not be supportive of the Council’s position, the local bylaw and the extent of the restrictions are significantly different to these cases and therefore has good cause for proceeding. Hamilton mayor Michael Redman says the advice is that the decisions made in Auckland and Christchurch did not automatically nullify the Council’s position.

“Legal advice says the logical decision is to continue to support the bylaw and let the High Court make a determination on the individual facts of the case. Clearly Government intended to allow Councils to enact bylaws and mandated that the public be consulted. We have followed due process, and the advice is clear,” he said. Mr Redman will also be recommending that Council call for Local Government NZ to request Central Government undertake an urgent review of the legislation and the extent to which local authorities have discretion to make and enforce bylaws under the Prostitution Act. The desired outcome of such a review being that there would be minimal necessity for local councils to defend this issue in court in the future.

Shoe exhibition walks Min Min Lu Lu

After two days’ display on campus, the exhibition of over 200 purple shoes prepared by students ended on March 23 afternoon. The shoes had been separated to three different locations on campus: outside the shops, outside and inside S block, and down the management stairs. The exhibition carried the message: Take the first step: Speak out to stop violence against women. People stopped to look at the special purple shoes and took pamphlets about the background information of violence on women all around the world. One of the organizers, Ian Hobby, said “They should do the exhibition everyday. Violence [against women] is a big problem in every country. Popular education can increase people’s awareness and concern about real life. People should be encouraged to speak out, otherwise nothing will change.”

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006


Shock Uni Merger With Te Wananga By Maverick Carter The University of Waikato announced its intention to merge with the troubled Te Wananga O Aotearoa in an announcement dated April 1st, 2006. “It’s a fantastic opportunity for both institutions,” said University Vice-Chancellor Roy Croyford. “We actually considered this around 2004, and now we’re finally going through with it.” Part of the merger deal is that Roy Croyford will become ViceChancellor of both institutions, and that the headquarters for the new organisation, tentatively titled “Te Wananga O University of Waikato,” will be moved to Te Awamutu. “It is going to be a bit different working in Te Awamutu,” said Mr Croyford. “But it’ll be quite a boost for the town. And it will be great to be in the birthplace of the Finn brothers, who we already use on our advertisements and who were big proponents of the idea.” Tertiary Education Minister Michael Cullen said the move was a positive step forward. “After all the trouble with the management at the Wananga and the Waikato Student’s Union at Waikato, it’ll be great to sweep it all under the rug and get off to a fresh start.” President Sehai Orgad of the WSU disagreed with this comment, saying that the move was “stupid and doesn’t make any sense.” She was shouted down by a horde of enthusiastic students who were queuing to get into Te Wananga O University of Waikato’s just-announced golf classes. A worldclass 18 hole course is due to be erected on the university grounds in the next six months, in tune with the University’s Vision released last year.


Ruby Suns Ablaze in America by Matt Seiben Ryan McPhun and the Ruby Suns (an Auckland band) were halfway through their 18 show American tour, previously playing at the recent SXSW festival, and on the way to their next show in Seattle when all of a sudden their RV’s engine caught alight and engulfed the whole vehicle (named “Harvey” - R.I.P.) and decimated all of their personal belongings and music equipment, some being very old and rare and also some on loan. All members of the band managed to get out safely with the clothes on their backs and no injuries but passports, clothing, wallets, money, and various other personal belongings were consumed by the fire and the 5 were left stranded until the local fire fighters came. A very generous fireman who came to fight the blaze gave them a place to stay for the night. Amee Robinson, the saxophone player, had this to say about the ordeal: “We all literally have nothing. I was wearing a skirt and a t-shirt, my roman sandals, and a scarf. My passport, wallet, sax, keys, cameras, film, clothes etc do not exist anymore. So we had to stop at wall mart to buy some clothes to keep warm. This has meant that our tour is pretty much over - very prematurely. We might be able to pull off some shows that were booked towards the end - depending on how the insurance stuff works out. A friend is on his way here now to pick us up (we were meant to meet him in Seattle tonight - where we were going to play a show). But he is coming here - it will be good to see him. I’m glad we are all alive and unharmed.” Their record label Lil’ Chief Records is currently holding a pledge to raise funds for the Ruby Suns and people are welcome to donate any money to the band’s cause by visiting There is also a possibility of a benefit show to be held to raise funds for the band. You can check out Ryan McPhun and the Ruby Suns here:

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006


Public Announcement from the NZ Censor Office Vice President... President?

The following LP covers have been deemed by NZ censors to be just too hideous for human eyes. If you own any of the following album covers, you are liable for up to $2000.

By By Lisa Lisa P. P. Floor Floor

The popular and ever-youthful What other skills does ViceVice-president of the Waikato President Gorden, called “Flash” by Student’s Union, Carl Gorden, has his friends and myriad admirers, a secret – and he’s finally sharing it have? “Endless. I’ve got nunchuck with the world. skills, computer hacking skills “I’m the front man for the band – I’ve even got some bo staff skills. Presidents of the United States That, and I’m really good at picking of America,” admits the reclusive up chicks. I guess I’ve just got great VP. “Yes, I understand that might skills,” he says, a tear rolling down come as a shock to some his gnarled cheek. of you. But if you think Comedy-punk-rock about it, it all makes band the Presidents have sense, right?” been on a tour of New Those who have Zealand with the popular witnessed the ViceEdgefest show over the president’s scintillating last weekend. This has oratory at Open Student coincided with several Meetings (all 20 of you) mysterious absences by will, perhaps, have CARL GORDON Carl. Any comment on noticed astonishing the glamorous life of a parallels between Gorden’s delivery rock star? method and that of his alter-ego, “One word,” he says, grinning the Presidents’ Chris Ballew. mischievously. “Groupies. Guys, How does Carl keep the audience girls, they’re all up for it.” so enraptured? “It’s a gift,” he says Er, really? “Hell yes. People all humbly. “I’m probably the best I over the world go ga-ga over my know at it. It takes me like three Singstar skills. They all want to hours to get the warm up done sing with a President, and who can right.” blame them?”

MALE BATH HOUSE S AU N A · S T E A M · S PA GuyZ · 856a Victoria St Hamilton · Ph 839 5222 Tues – Sun 4pm till late (4men 2men stuff) Check our web site for upcoming events: 20% Student Discount with this Ad and ID Issue 6 · 3 April 2006



Smith Backtracks On Student Allowance Rules (About a decade too late) By Nicola Kean The New Zealand University Student’s Association (NZUSA) have called on National MP Lockwood Smith to attempt to change student allowance policy, following his comments to the Sunday Star-Times last week. Comments published in the Sunday StarTimes last week revealed that Smith, Minister of Education when the student loan scheme was introduced in 1992, was “troubled the most” by allowances being distributed according to parental incomes for students under twentyfive. Stressing that this was not National Party policy, Smith told the Sunday Star-Times he would have preferred a universal student allowance scheme, or at the very least, one that “hit wage and salary earning families less hard”.

Students under twenty-five can receive an allowance only if their parents earn under $64,000 annually. Around a third of students have access to full or partial student allowances, with the numbers of students eligible to receive allowances having dropped by thirty-two percent over the last four years. NZUSA have called on Smith to rectify the situation with a Private Member’s Bill in Parliament. Co-President Joey Randall says “it’s all very well to have second thoughts, but then not to do anything about it seems to be all care and no responsibility.” Randall added that NZUSA were “hopeful that [National MPs] will listen to Lockwood’s comments” and were planning to raise the issue when meeting MPs this week.

Smith was “not available” for interview last week. The current Minister for Tertiary Education Michael Cullen, attending a Vic Labour celebration in the Quad last week asked, “what am I supposed to do, grant him absolution or something?” He added that although the wiping of interest on student loans had “taken pretty much everything that was available for student support in this year’s budget” but he hoped to make limited changes to student allowance eligibility in next year’s budget. - ASPA

AUS Seeks MECA By Matt Jones

Negotiations have already been occurring at a tripartite forum between the government, unions and the New Zealand Vice Chancellors’ Association (NZVCC). Apparently the NZVCC and the unions are together looking for the government to fund a ten percent pay increase for academic staff and six percent for general staff. AUS General Secretary Helen Kelly has said that there will be no point in using the negotiations with universities to undercut the tripartite forum. According to Victoria University ViceChancellor Pat Walsh, the cooperation between the Vice-Chancellors and AUS was due to a memorandum of understanding agreed to after last year’s pay settlement. He believed that the two groups had a much better understanding than last year as they had been having continuing talks over the past six months. The


cooperation has been due to a common belief that the country’s universities are under funded in comparison with overseas and that university salaries are the first priority from increased government funding due to the loss of staff overseas where salaries are significantly higher. Department of Labour statistics also show that forty-eight percent of university or higher education lecturers and tutors vacancies could be filled adequately within eight to ten weeks in 2005. This has dropped from seventy-four percent in 2003, when a fill-ratio of lower than eighty percent is regarded as a shortage. Kelly says Tertiary Education Minister Michael Cullen has acknowledged the problems of under funding. Both Walsh and Helen Kelly are unsure of the government’s commitment, with Walsh saying they were “cautious” with no commitment and Kelly saying that they were “hopeful that there would be money in the budget”. – ASPA

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006


The Vice Chancellors of New Zealand’s universities have been served with notices to initiate the multi-employer collective bargaining by the Association of University Staff (AUS).


Short shorts Blair drops by British Prime Minister Tony Blair has come to New Zealand for a flying visit, during which he has advised New Zealanders to “get over” anti-American sentiments. Much of Blair’s visit has been marked by attention to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, in both of which England played a prominent role. Mr Blair told media that “there were other issues in the world and it was important to move on.” “After the division there has been in the international community I think we know now the importance of trying to revive strong multilateral institutions capable of dealing with the problems the world confronts,” he said. Mr Blair is also drumming up support for his tough stance against global warming. His policy flies in the face of close ally America’s stance on the issue, which has refused to ratify the anti-climate change Kyoto Protocol, saying it would damage its economy.

Wanted: 10 young people. Must be outstanding. JCI Hamilton City is looking for the most outstanding young people in the Waikato Region. JCI Hamilton City is part of an international federation of young leaders and entrepreneurs known as Junior Chamber International which last year celebrated its 90th Birthday. For over 20 years JCI has been honouring the most outstanding people from around the world and now JCI Hamilton City has brought this to the Waikato. Entries are being called for from Waikato residents aged 18-40 who are outstanding in one of 10 categories, which include business excellence and, intriguingly, moral/and or environmental leadership. JCI Hamilton City will honour the 3 most outstanding local entries at dinner to be held later this year. All entries will be eligible for the national and international competition. Entries for this competition close on the 30th April 2006. People wishing to nominate either themselves or someone else can see the rules and entry form at the website www.jci. cc/HamiltonCity or contact Jacqui on 07 849 9468

Australia to block “gay marriage” By Joshua Drummond Australian Prime Minister John Howard has vowed to overturn any attempt by the Australian Capital Territory’s government to introduce civil unions to Australia. The Federal Government has constitutional control over Australia’s two territories, which enables it to overturn laws. “There is a special place in Australian society for the institution of marriage, as historically understood, and we do not intend to allow that to be in any way undermined,” said the Prime Minister. The ACT government, which controls a small territory centred around the Australian capital Canberra, hopes to pass the civil law legislation in May. Were it to be successful, it would follow the likes of the Governments of Canada, Spain, France, Argentina, Denmark, Norway, Sweden, the Netherlands and New Zealand, all of which recognise same-sex unions.

Super Size The “Super Size My Pay” campaign, run by the Unite Union, has succeeded in lobbying fast-food chain Restaurant Brands for youth pay rates to be scrapped. The company, which owns KFC, Pizza Hut, and Starbucks, announced a 7.9% minimum wage increase, effective for all hour-paid workers from the 27th of March. Green Party Industrial Relations Spokesperson Sue Bradford called the agreement a “great step forward.” “This settlement has been achieved because of the brilliant campaigning and organising of the Unite Union, together with strong support from school students, young workers, other unions and the community as a whole,” Ms Bradford says. Unite Union initially bargained for an increase to a minimum of $12 an hour for all wage workers. The union has mobilised workers for strikes, sit-ins and other activities in the past months, culminating in a “Big Pay Out” concert. The Green Party recently drew flak from National educational spokesperson Bill English for encouraging students to “bunk” school in support of member Sue Bradford’s Bill to bring youth wages up to the adult minimum. “This settlement shows that major employers have no stomach to continue with exploitative youth rates. This is yet another compelling reason for Parliament to pass my Bill to scrap youth rates. Young workers now have the opportunity to use the political as well as the industrial processes to achieve their goals by making a submission to the select committee considering the Bill,” said Ms Bradford. “I commend Restaurant Brands for reaching this settlement with the Unite union and challenge other fast food chains and employers of young workers to better this agreement. We should move quickly move towards a $12 minimum wage with no youth rates and an end to [an] exploitative system of work,” Ms Bradford says.

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006


We want to hear from you! We want to hear your opinion, your views, your thoughts, bitching, moaning, groaning, all that stuff. In order for us to hear this, you’ll need to send it to us! Send all letters, whatever ilk they may be to If you want to send it via snail mail then address your letters to Nexus, Private Bag 3059, Hamilton. You can also just drop them in the Nexus box at the WSU reception.

Letter of the week: Dear Editor I am still a disgruntled student. I was sitting in the third row of my lecture and I had to turn up my hearing aid up to hear. I think the WSU should spend student money on temperature and sound monitors for each lecture theatre. I have had a lot of positive feedback and the first official meeting of the disgruntled students club will be next week. Email me at for more details. The first agenda item will be the production of Do-It-Yourself Funeral Kits because we can no longer rely on the younger generation. Back in the early 70’s, when I was first a student, the current vice president was the president of WSU and things were much better. The WSU dealt with real issues like knitting socks for the soldiers in the Vietnam War. I remember this time fondly and therefore must apologise to you Carl for refusing to sign your petition to roll the president. It’s not that I distrust your judgement, it’s just that the former MSO has not replied to my offer of the presidential position in the DSC and I would like you to have it. I think your time would be better spent in this position representing disgruntled students rather than scrambling for signatures. I hope you will seriously consider my offer

No more slamming Tena Koe I am responding to two issues. 1) it is with concern I note Alan Kings letter to Nexus in that he makes a reference to Hitler and the current President. Whether she is of Jewish ancestry or not is of no consequence, the anti-semetic rhetoric is disgusting and leads into gutter politics. I hope we are not

as your skills would be welcomed at the DSC. We need help here applying for our pensions and I’m sure you could give some tips from your experience. On another point I must congratulate Alan King for his letter in last weeks nexus. I definitely agree that Sehai is just like Hitler - she even owns a military style jacket I have seen her wearing. Obviously her plans for a ‘Revolution’ are all empty talk and her real plan is to erect a palace for herself with student money rather than a Student Hub. I do feel sorry for her “in house exec” (sorry Alan but I’m not familiar with this term, what does it mean?) as they must not enjoy being dominated by a power-crazy egotistical president. I’ve heard she even directs what colours they wear. What was with the race relations day where they all wore a black t shirt? Great minds do think alike Alan and I invite you to join the DSC. We can discuss important matters over a drink or four between lectures, or before AA meetings. In conclusion I hope all of you will take our current MSO’s advice and “go hard, study hard, and live really good”. Yours Sincerely Des Gruntled Des Gruntled, come on up and get your $5 voucher for Campus Kiosk. Mmm.

seeing this as the lead into the 2006 political year for the WSU? surely points can be made without lowering and making derogatory and inflammatory statements such as this? what happened to good discussion? 2) in response to the editors reply to my post and to Jeff the DSO, I was pointing out a general concern I have as a member of the WSU since 1993 (yes too long on campus I agree)

and having set up and held the DSO position when it was first established, also having been a past VP, that it would be good to see disability issues being raised. I fail to see what a definition of marginalisation and a generalised statement made by Jeff in his post after that definition has to do with raising disability issues? yes, I have contributed substantially over the years, I have only three months left to finish my PhD and so do not wish to take up anymore of anyones time. I am sure people have better things to do. If it is an attack against me Jeff than please make sure you know your facts and you know who it is you are covertly referring to. I am also a brain injury survivor and am well aware of how the mind thinks pre and post brain injury so I can assure you a more open and frank response would be appreciated. I do hope we are not seeing the beginning of what could be a good year. And please when attacking, dont attack someone based on their ethicity, gender, religion, sexuality or their person. This is about political analysis not personal slamming in public. Thank you. Huhana Hickey Dear Editor I am encouraged by the attention I got in the last Ed’s Lettuce. Insulting as the nature of Kahu’s was trying to be, to point out the difference between fish scales and roof tiles when commented on in the allegorical nature as was outlined in the past few Nexus’. Leading someone around by the nose? What ever! Did you not recognise any faces from Waikato at that “Not Mental” health presentation? You were then and still are wearing blinkers, take em off bro and see the whole picture. And I like the way, in good old fashioned Kahu(as opposed to law student) style, he takes small pieces of anything out

Letters policy Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters pages — serious

spelling and grammar will not be corrected — proof it yourself or you’ll look

or otherwise. Letters should be no more than 250 words and received by 5pm

dumb. Pseudonyms are acceptable but all letters must include your real name

on the Tuesday before publication. All letters will generally be printed so give it

and contact details even if you don’t want them printed. We discourage the use

a bash, but the editor retains the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. Bad

of pseudonyms for serious letters.


Issue 6 · 3 April 2006

Lettuce of context, and presents it for his case, and perspective. I doubt Jeremy would even dignify your rant with an answer. Carl, unprofessional is the fact that those of us with difficulties in learning, hearing, attention focus and the like had problems. Having said that your “policy” motion was poorly worded, so that it stands, not as policy. Thought you of all people, would have paid attention to wording more closely. Huhana, thanks, in future I shall try to spell things out more clearly instead of making my points in an entertaining and readable manner. See above, re: Carl and professionalism. For those of you with a hateful agenda, keep buying into Corporate New Zealands white wash, the infighting will allow them to reap Billions! Thanks for sharing the love, I understand and love you all Read my column in the WSU pages. Jeff

Top 10 Sex Position left out

Hitler? WTF? Just re this weeks letters sections and alan king – could someone tell me wtf sehai orgad’s done to deserve hitler comparisons?? Ok, so I’m not fully down with all your exciting politics up there in the exec but can you be a bit more clear what your complaining about? Whats the gist of this ‘dominating’ behaviour? (sounds exciting actually, wouldn’t mind a bit of….but that’s not the point) All I’ve seen from reading nexus and the osm is an enthusiastic and active young president who wants to actually get stuff done and meet peeps rather than hiding away making useless plans and giving money to herself and old cronies. I would of thought that good hard decisive action was preferable to halfassed inaction. Hate to say it but I bet you wouldn’t call a guy doing the same stuff power crazy…feeling a bit threatened are we? Love from jess

To the guy who compared Sehai Orgad to Hitler: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? Sincerely, Eustace.

Clear speech NOT THE HATERS AND WRECKERS SPEECH AGAIN!! So that there can be no doubt as to what I am about to say - I am not going to write in clear speech not the veiled speech used by the President of WSU. Sehai wrote like another political leader when she wrote the “haters and wreckers” remarks when referring to Maori roopu - the thing that was missing was the sheep named “SHREK”. I am here to say that I am one of those people who sent in a email alerting this President of the consequences of inaction. My concerns are these: • The impacts of such information becoming public; • The impacts on the financial viability of WSU; • The impacts to staff employment; • The impacts to student representation at Waikato,and; • The costs to the reputation of WSU in the wider community. and add: • The public quotes in Nexus, about the WSU Vice President by WSU President and the Disabilities Officer; • The fragmentation of WSU executives; • The baseless accusations by executives over when is a student a student, and; • The gem of gems is the article in the News Paper 22/03/06 - for the normal comment is, “I was miss quoted”. Once I had decided which way I wanted to go with my concern, I text this to Sehai, leaving no doubt once again which way I would go. So if your world got rocked then I am happy to have achieved such a feet (I may just get a slap from 5’11’’ though). In no way do I apologies for this as I pay for a service that you are not, in my mind, providing. You now see it was not a threat but a promise carried out - a very clever man said to me recently and I quote “emotion leads to action”. It seems that I am also one of the irrelevant people who you purport to represent fully according to your blurb in the Nexus. Well, you know what, as a financial student of WSU I am just not feeling the love and yet I may also be one of the nancies you quite adoringly refer to. Issue 6 · 3 April 2006

Kahu Nikora (abridged due to length)

No Where To Run - No Where To Hide New National Maori Representative for SJS speaks out First of all, to all those who supported my nomination, a huge thankyou goes out to one and all - to those who did not get to vote for or against me, arohamai the process got broken. Contrary to popular opinion if a mechanism is sent to you as say, the President of WSU, then you have a fiduciary duty to ensure that such a mechanism is sent to those whom it is for. You see if this was done then alot of you Maori students would have got the fourteen days in which to meet and decide if indeed I was the best candidate to represent Maori tauira on a national body such as SJS. An email was sent to the President of WSU on the 9 Mar 06 with a short letter explaining that Maori roopu were able to vote for the very first National Maori Representative of Student Job Search. This information was not given to Maori tauira on this campus until the 20 Mar 06 - leaving Maori tauira three days to collectively get together and then vote. I will leave it to all tauira as to the level of duty and incompetence this omission of duty represents. There is no secret that there is no love between myself and the current President of WSU, however when you make a mistake as monumental as this one, it is no wonder you have to go into repair mode and quickly. It is also no secret when a student asks the same President if there is a relationship between WSU and Komiti Awhina to find and I quote, “There is no relationship between WSU and KA”. I must be reading the wrong reports and messages of positive unification when seeing that the Maori Student Officer of WSU shares a different view. How much more positive do you need to be to see this lot? Kahu Nikora

Ashleigh Says ‘Be Happy’ Dear Nexus and WSU exec, Hello, I am Ashleigh. I see many things in the Nexus but recently I see a lot of letters and writings about the WSU exec. Many funny little writings about the president and people who are upset over something that I am not sure about. I want to tell all these people to be happy, enjoy life because you are not enjoying it from what I can see. Or maybe you enjoy being mean to others Lettuce is bigger than it usually is this week and will be continued on page 22!


by Jess, with help from DT

Politics Special 1. If you had sole power within NZ, what would be the first law you would introduce? 2. Do you feel that politicians are following up on their election promises? 3. Have you been disappointed by any politician recently? 4. What would make young people more interested / aware of what’s happening in politics 5. Who’s the coolest politician around?

Richard – student 1. Make cars illegal – scooters for the win!!! 2. NO! I haven’t seen anything about Labour stopping interest on student loans yet! (Er, that was on Sat – Ed) 3. Not really but I haven’t been paying much attention 4. Maybe the need to roll CNN style tickers across the bottom of C4 or seriously pimp out the beehive 5. Dick Hubbard! He makes good cereal too.

Brent – cranka? 1. Get rid of all the Treaty claims for good 2. Not that I’ve seen so far 3. Personally no. 4. Young people only take notice of things that directly affect then. e.g. Student loans 5. I don’t know politics so I have no idea.

Kirsty – Hangs out at reception 1. Get smoking in pubs back 2. No. Not even nearly. 3. Yes actually – Dianne Yates, cos she had a tantrum when her ‘competition’ was in her local café. 4. Sex, drugs and rock’n’roll 5. Has to be Nandor!

Brent – Community Psych. Programme 1. A law against the unreasonable use of power when arresting people 2. They are paid not to (lip service) 3. Helen Clark’s involvement in the Rugby World Cup ‘victory’ 4. An inverted/subverted Beehive 5. Nandor Tanczos

Jeff – student?


1. If you see a pedestrian walking somewhere, take them for a ride. (We then debate whether most pedestrians would actually want to be forcibly taken for a ride, but hey. It’d keep life interesting). 2. They’re pretty notorious for not doing it. 3. George Bush, psyching up his army going out to war. I still think he’s the man, but I was a bit shocked to see that. 4. Politicians could be more accessible for students to come and talk to. 5. Winston Peters or George Bush.

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006

Election Follow Up:

How’s It All

Going? By Jess Hutson and P. Meryll

The ballots are counted, the coalitions are formed, and the rest of us are well and truly settled back into our usual routine of political apathy and whinging about the government. I mean, what have politicians ever done for you? Well if you’re the average Nexus reader, then quite a bit recently - the government’s new interest free loans deal alone will save students $1.5 billion. Not too shabby. However, before we get into which promises the government has kept; we should probably take a look at how the government is formed. After the last election, it looks a bit like this:

Election results summary: Party % votes seats Labour 41.1 50 National 39.1 48 NZ First 5.72 7 Greens 5.3 6 Maori 2.12 4 United Future 2.67 3 Act 1.51 2 Issue 6 · 3 April 2006



So, with Labour leading the government for a third term, I decided to check how many of their election promises Labour has kept or is at least on track to keep!

Interest Write Off – April Fools! I am sure no student out there needs reminding about the interest free student loan scheme , but to be on the safe side and for the sake of the editor’s word count - Labour’s new interest free student loan policy takes effect as of April 1st and will do away with all interest charged on loans for all full time student, part time students on low incomes and New Zealand based graduates (this can also include people who are overseas for post graduate study, for a New Zealand based employer or working on a volunteer basis). The government is also implementing an amnesty for borrowers who have gone overseas to return or to “enter into acceptable arrangements with IRD for repayment during 2006” so that these people will not have to pay loan penalties on unpaid loans. To augment the new interest free student loans Labour is also intending to increase the parental income threshold so that eventually 50% of students will have access to a student allowance - and all this can only be good news for students. Note: I understand that interest will still be charged on current loans until the end of the fiscal year, this is however only clerical and will be written off at the beginning/end of the financial year in March. Labour’s Dr Cullen was allegedly fairly chuffed about all this. “No more will students and graduates be burdened with the compounding cost of interest provided they remain in New Zealand. This will save them thousands of dollars in many cases, and knock


Labour’s Pledge Checklist No interest on student loans More cataract and joint operations 2008 final date for Treaty Claims Increase rates rebate KiwiSaver 5,000 more modern apprenticeships 250 extra community police years off repayment times.” So the loan interest thing is already ticking away. Woop. As far as Labour’s other promises go I haven’t been able to get hold of the figures on the number of cataract and joint operations performed since the election - but for some reason I have doubts as to how many students are terribly concerned with this particular campaign promise. From the press releases I am lead to believe that it is a go ahead on hip replacements et al, but I cannot find any exact figures on the matter. Treaty claims may be a slow burner. We’ll keep you updated on that one. Not a heap of info on rates rebates around either. If you suddenly get one, let us know. The government is however making progress on the promise of 5,000 more modern apprenticeships and had delivered over 500 within a month of the election. Kiwisaver is a subsidy on home loan deposits which was previously available only to members of Kiwibank to the value of $1000 per year (at Kiwibank) per person up to $5000 ( i.e. $10,000 for a couple) but if anybody actually understands Kiwisaver and/or the Mortgage Insurance

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006

scheme then please feel free to explain it to the rest of us! But yes, looks like this is going ahead too so that’s probably good.

WFF – WTF? It’s not only students that will be having a little extra in the pocket this year (or at least, less going out). Along with the loans scheme, Working For Families probably helped tip the election balance last year and has some major changes coming along in April. WFF is a mammoth beast of a policy, promising extra dosh in the hand for families with sprogs. It’s also a little confusing. Let’s ask that nice Dr Cullen what it’s all about. ‘The family tax relief provisions raise the threshold at which family income assistance begins to abate from $27,500 to $35,000 and reduce the abatement rate from 30 per cent to 20 per cent.’ Ok. So it’s basically an increase in family assistance. But where do single parents, and those on student allowances or benefits, stand? This from the WINZ brochure – ‘The new InWork Payment replaces and pays more than Child Tax Credit from 1 April 2006 for working families. It pays up to $60 a week per family with




1. More toilet humour in nexus 2. Offend more people with naked girl illustrations 3. Offend more people in general 4. Track down who “Ashleigh” is 5. Beat the News Editor at pool 6. Get Metal Slug 2 for the Nexus arcade machine 7. Turn Nexus into a multi-million dollar publication three children, and up to an extra $15 a week for each other child.To get In-Work Payment couples must normally work 30 hours a week between them, and sole parents must normally work 20 hours a week. You can get In-Work Payment if you’re self employed. It’s not available to families receiving an income-tested benefit or student allowance.’ So hard luck if you’re studying and not working, basically. But if you are working at least 20 hours while studying, go to http://www. and check out how much cash you can scam. Note – you must actually apply for the WFF cash or you won’t get it. If you do happen to be eligible, don’t let this be similar to those library books you keep meaning to return, or that kid you really should pick up from school. It’s potentially a lot of money so try and make the time.

Where Are The Others At? National, obviously, are now in opposition so can’t do a lot of that stuff that wanted to.

Bummer. But now their main job is needling Labour about things they’re not doing very well, and they’re certainly keeping up with that. There are literally an embarrassment of scandals to get their teeth into. Even the Working For Families comes under fire. Nat press release – ‘The Working for Families extension on 1 April is a huge expansion of the welfare state that creates all the wrong incentives for working people to get ahead, says National Party Finance spokesman John Key. “It’s a massive expansion of the welfare state to the middle and upper classes - even to families with incomes as high as $142,000 and those living in the wealthiest suburbs. That’s reflected in Labour’s TV ads. Does it make sense for a family that can afford to text each other that dinner is on the table, while they fiddle with their iPods, to get welfare handouts?”’ Hasn’t he heard of $10 text? National still have plenty to do as well as holding Labour to task. See the Htown section for info on David Bennett who is now the MP

Most people will agree the Greens got a bit of a raw deal when everything shook down after the election. Not only did they miss out on coalition but also sadly lost co-leader Rod Donald. But they’re still going strong and unlike most parties, the press release count is just as strong as pre-election. Recent actions – the launching of a climate change initiative, pressuring for the labeling of terminator seeds, pointing out that the ‘uniquely NZ’ Air New Zealand uniform is made in China

NZ First While we’re on the topic of living up to preelection promises, how about Winston and his ‘no baubles of office’ comments? Not to mention that he wasn’t going to hook up with either major party. Snigger. But in other updates – NZ Firsts have a youth crime bill happening and old couples getting super will now be getting an extra $12.44 a week which is nice for them.

Maori Party The Maori Party retained their cred post Parliament shakedown, looking further afield rather than shacking up with the big guys. No baubles then, but that was always unlikely. Recent issues pushed include climate change, peak oil and local government law reform. Um, who else is there? United Future class themselves as ‘quiet achievers’. Lately they’ve been anti the micro-chipping of farm dogs. No ground on their loan write-off ideas for people who stay in NZ, but then they’re only small so we’ll let them off.

“The Working for Families extension on 1 April is a huge expansion of the welfare state that creates all the wrong incentives for working people to get ahead” John Key, National Party Finance spokesman

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006



Htown Reprazent. And Stuff. But what of local representation? Central governments can’t be effective if there’s no one to voice the interests of smaller groups. Which is why we have electorates. Yay! As most people reading this will be University of Waikato students and since most students choose to live close to uni it follows that most Nexus readers will be residents in the Hamilton East electorate, which is described as comprising Hamilton City east of the Waikato river and the rural settlements of Gordonton, Horsham Downs, Matangi, Tamahere and the Scotsman Valley. A Map of the Hamilton Electorate

the pages of National’s website are headed with links to the Superblues website - an organisation of National supporter in the 60+ age group) he did indicate in his maiden speech to parliament that he would be taking an interest in student and youth issues, saying “It is crucial that my generation is represented and heard in parliament. We are the future of this great country” and that “students need to know that they can achieve, that we want them to achieve….Hamilton is a highly educated community. In just forty years the University of Waikato has grown to be one of the top providers in the country.” Will he be pushing for your rights? Keep an eye out, and let him know what you think. So six months into the new political term it looks as if student issues could be well represented in parliament, but as with most things when it comes to politicians we may just have to wait and see how badly they cock it all up.

How would Waikato Uni Vote? But none of this means anything if the people don’t have a government which represents them. So I decided to conduct a completely unscientific poll and accost a bunch of random students and a few of my mates to see who would have won the election if only Waikato students had turned up on election day (cold day in Hell I know, but humour me) and, surprisingly, it would appear that the Waikato student is overwhelmingly conservative:

This gives Ham East an interesting mix of a student and rural population - traditionally liberal Labour voters and conservative National voters respectively , making Hamilton East a difficult electorate to predict and giving swing voters in this electorate a lot of power (a National representative seems to swiftly follow a Labour representative and vice versa) . The victor of the 2005 elections was David Bennett for National, who is the youngest elected MP for National (he is 35). While Bennett is from a Party not traditionally known for its support of students (most of


Completely unscientific poll to see who would have won the election if only these Waikato students had turned up on Election Day Party Number of votes % of votes National 52 39% United Future 40 30.5% Greens 27 20.6% Labour 11 8.39% Destiny 1 0.7% So at least as far as local Government is concerned Waikato students got the man they voted for. But where does that leave students in terms of central government, we now have a Government with a number of student/youth friendly policies but we voted for the other guy! Either that or I stumbled across every Tory on campus.

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006


Cheap Things To Do In Htown By Jess

So, cleaned out from O week? Used up your entire courserelated costs? Not to worry. Hamilton’s a wicked place and there’s plenty to do on the cheap. Here’s my list of the top ten cheapest things to do in Htown:

1. Visit Hamilton Gardens Located on Cobham Drive, these gardens are awesome and free during daylight. Check out the themed gardens or play some vortex on the fields

2. Play Mini Golf.

7. Hamilton Zoo Yes! We have a zoo too… it’s not as big as Auckland’s, but it’s still just as cool. $7.50 with student ID

8. WATERWORLD! Out towards Te Rapa lies the mystical land of Waterworld, which is a wicked place. For $4.00 you get access to all the inside and outside pools (some are heated) and then for an extra $3.50 (live on noodles all week if you have too) you get to play on the hydroslides! Awesome way to spend the day if you cant make it out to Raglan.

9. Waikato river walk

The place off Kahikatea drive (Dinsdale ways) charges about $5.50. Take some mates and have a round (of golf that is….)

3. 2 for 1 Tuesday films Actually go and see a movie! Txt ‘movies’ to 241 off an 027 phone and head to the movies for $4.50 each.

That big body of water, that lies between you and town. You know the one… there’s an awesome walk beside it that takes you from bridge to bridge. To bridge, to bridge, to bridge. Did you know there’s like 5 bridges within 5 kilometres of each other in central Hamilton? You do now.

10. Empty beer box forts! 4. Check out the lake! I didn’t even know there was a lake here until half way through 2nd year. There’s a pretty cool walk/run around it (around about 3.5 kms?) and you can usually catch events there as well. E.g: Balloons over Waikato, which is coming soon.

5.$5.00 burger and beer? Head to the Out back with your student ID or Subway/Outback card and score a handle of beer, and a burger for 5 bucks. The deal has been extended till midnight now, so great for late night munchies! They also have free bbqs there on Wednesday night!

A mate suggested this one, which actually sounds fun to do. Got a lot of cardboard that you don’t know what to do with? Flatties recently moved in and left all their boxes everywhere? Empty crates and beer boxes lying around? These all make excellent materials for making forts, clothing and costumes. Waste not want not, right? What are your favourite things to do on the cheap? Send ideas to, best one wins Rialto movie passes.

Next issue Nexus will give you some ideas as to how to make more money... look out for it!

6. Rugby! Go the Chiefs… and all that. Yes we have a stadium! So use it! Greenzone tickets aren’t that expensive (under $15) so use it.

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006


Lettuce Continued from page 15

and nitpicking for personal gains. Perhaps you need some counselling as causing emotional stress to others is very disrespectful and could possibly lead to murder and paedophilia. I also wonder how many students who pay these compulsory levies (I am one as well!) take note of what the exec are doing and what issues have been coming up lately. I all know good and well that these happen every once and a while but I do not have time to go nor do I have interest in going. The WSU seems to be an insular state in which they have petty squabbles over who is holding the koosh ball for when it is someone’s turn to talk. They have a lot of student money they are responsible for. Perhaps students should be more informed. My mother say “if you don’t have something good to say Ashleigh, don’t say it” but I ignore her anyway. Maybe she is right. But anyways, I am not too knowledgeable about the inside happenings of the WSU but I notice there is something stirring. Please to be informing the students as we pay levy and we have right to know if that the exec we voted for are causing troubles. Lovingly yours, Ashleigh

Sex Toy Concept hey here’s my idea for a new sex toy.. attaches to your standard beater, your eggs should be light and fluffy within seconds.

VP responds to article - Part 2 Dear Editor Nexus 3 of 2006 reported on the March 8 WSU Open Student Meeting (‘OSM as lively as ever’). It was said: “WSU Vice President Carl Gordon came under fire from members of the WSU Executive for bringing items to the OSM


that were, apparently, not on the agenda, not discussed by the WSU beforehand and which could have a significant financial impact on the organisation”. Firstly, there was only ONE item which was of concern to some Executive members, not “items”. It was the item about “abating student loans”, which WAS on the published agenda (in Nexus which came out on March 6). Secondly, the OSM is the WSU policy making body where ANY subject can be raised without notice by ANY member, to allow members their rights of input. Motions don’t need to be discussed first by ‘WSU’ (actually this means the Executive). Thirdly, the main part of the item is already WSU policy, having been passed at last year’s April OSM – I raised it again so that new WSU members could have their input, and, given that we had been successful with pushing for interest free student loans (I was the person who promoted this last year), we could move on to the issue of reducing student debt further. Fourth, there is no conceivable way such a resolution could have a financial impact on the organisation. No-one raised this point last year, and everyone, including the government (and the 2005 WSU Executive), knew it referred to the government being responsible for ‘the financial impact’. To say that WSU could somehow be responsible, because of the resolution passed, for the NZ$ 8 billion total tertiary student debt in NZ, or any part of it, is absurd. The WSU President was the only person to vote against the motion “That the capital on Student Loans be abated at 10% per year of the original amount for students who graduate and stay and work in NZ”. She was reported as saying “she was troubled by the Vice-President’s actions from a constitutional point of view”. There are no ‘constitutional’ implications to my ‘actions’ at all. The President is further quoted: “Students need to realise that OSM voting has a huge impact on the running of the union – which then affects what is provided for the whole student body” (actually, Executive meetings generally have a greater impact). There were NO impacts on what is “provided for the student body” from the resolution on abating loan capital at the OSM. To imply that there were is misleading. Part 1 of this letter was published in the previous issue. Carl Gordon WSU VP

and situation covered in last week’s article ‘Students Stage Protest over “Unfair” Eviction’ have been portrayed in a misleading manner. The article quotes Dey Street Campus management as saying of the evictee that “We gave him several warnings before eviction”. The DDDFDSRC and WPC challenge Dey Street Campus management to produce documentation of any warnings that they had presented to the evictee. Allegations that the evicted person was at any stage threatening and abusive towards Dey Street Campus management are totally unfounded. The evictee never threatened management at any stage before his eviction or during the protest against eviction. However, in the days following the protest the husband of the Dey Street Village manager did make threats. This included stating, incorrectly, that the people involved in the protest were woman abusers, and that they were ‘all going to get it’. The owner of the van that the evictee was forced to live in was approached and was urged to get the van back because the van “was not going to be safe when people caught up with him (the evictee)”. Management were quoted as saying, “If you’re struggling with your rent you don’t party down and drink beer, like happened in this instance”. The evictee strenuously denies this attack on his character. The real reason the evictee, Riki Aaron, did not pay his rent in his last week was because his student allowance payment did not come through in the second week of study as he had expected. The evictee can back this up with documentation. The evictee can also show that he was refunded $300 bond upon leaving Dey Street Village. This means that, overall, he was clear of debt to Dey Street Campus at the time of his eviction. The evictee got on well with other tenants he met during his two years of residence. On one occasion before his eviction he showed goodwill to another tenant and management by paying that tenant’s rent when he fell behind. Since his eviction the tenant has received help from progressive people in the community. After seeing an article in the Waikato Times, one Hamilton couple put the evictee up in a bed and breakfast for one week. This shows that there are people out there willing to take the right side over these kinds of issues. Riki Aaron can be contacted for comment at 021 266 8773

Dey St Debacle Members of the DDDFDSRC and Workers Party on Campus (WPC) feel that the events Issue 6 · 3 April 2006

Send us lots of letters again! 300 words before Tues 5pm to

The Second Oldest Profession by Chris Grenfell

Parker Departs The 20th of March 2006 saw the death of a Labour MP. Not a literal death but a political one. For all of the Labour faithful a sad day, for the opposition, a happy day. The day that The Honorable David Parker did the honorable thing and resigned his position as AttorneyGeneral and then, shortly after, his position as Minster for transport, energy and climate change. This arose from the supposed dodgy dealings from his days as a lawyer. Well actually it really involves a failed business venture and a failed relationship with his business partner, who is now going to the Law Society over the dealings. Immediately upon Parker’s resignation the television media took the angle of ‘are we being too tough on our MP’s?’ are we putting them to such close scrutiny that only children

of Methodist ministers could possibly get anywhere. However - after all they are elected to the ‘House of Representatives’ – representatives being that they represent New Zealand and that of course, in New Zealand there are a few people who have done some bad things in their past and having one or two of these people elected as MP’s provides a representative sample in ‘The House’. Of course the flipside of the argument is that the House of Representatives and especially the Cabinet that is appointed/elected (depending on which party does the choosing) are the most powerful group in the country and we as citizens should have the utmost trust and confidence in their honesty and character. What David Parker was not just enter this realm with a dark past but that he did not ‘come clean’ before he took

this high office. Ultimately whatever the perception of the public has about how squeaky clean the MPs are, it is lucky that David Parker is in the Labour Party. It seems that Labor MPs have a Teflon quality that is somehow mixed with the regenerative properties of the Phoenix. Just look at Ruth “Drunk Driver” Dyson, Helen “Picasso/Speed Racer” Clark, Dover “pee-pee in the hallway” Samuels, all of whom are now high ranking members of Parliament and Cabinet. In fact Helen Clark has said that it would only be fair for Mr. Parker to return to cabinet if the Companies Office clears him…of course if he is cleared then Don Brash will be on the case with claims of political interference - watch this space.

News in brief... Nick Smith Thrown Out

Creepy Ian

Maybe That Was A Bad Idea

Well David Parker provided the highlight of a relatively boring time in Parliament until Dr. Nick Smith lost his cool in the debating chamber and was ultimately thrown out and as a parting shot he told Speaker, Margaret Wilson that she was a disgrace or equally shocking words to that effect. In politics that would be like telling your girlfriend that her pants “don’t really suit her”…bad…not “they make you look fat” bad but nonetheless bad. It isn’t expected that anything will come of it.

Helen Clark got a bit upset at Ian Wishart who is the journalist that runs the “Howling at the Moon” publishing company which publishes “Investigate” Magazine. Helen actually called him a ‘creep’. This might be a bit tough on Mr. Wishart who strongly believes in the literal meaning of The Bible and in creationism. Mr. Wishart has ‘turned the other cheek’ – after all, when those horsemen of the apocalypse come riding down from heaven he’ll be laughing all the way to the rapture.

A footnote to the Sir Lankan refugee wannabe a couple of years ago. The UN has now granted her refugee status and she is in Canada. Makes New Zealand look a little bad for drugging the girl and sending her back home…perhaps had she stayed Labour would have one more voter by now?

Woo, Tax Law

God Too Serious

On the legislative front the Government passed a tax law. Basically this law decreases tax for a whole bunch of businesses and won’t have that much effect on those of us who aren’t in business or involved in the racing industry. Winston Peters was ecstatic – as Minister of Racing of course.

Speaking of God, United Future have split with their alliance with Outdoor Recreation New Zealand. The reasons given by ORNZ were that factions within United Future take the whole religious thing too seriously – if you don’t know what ORNZ stands for then don’t worry they are currently trekking through the political wilderness and might be a awhile. Issue 6 · 3 April 2006

“What we need is either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.” Oscar Wilde


Reviews Teenwolf

Weird War

Weird War with Teenwolf @ Schooner Tavern, Auckland - 27 March, 2006 Reviewed by Matt I had heard nothing about Weird War aside from the fact that the previous show they did in the weekend was pretty good. For $15 this gig was their “extra” show (as they were only scheduled to do one) and the support slot filled up by Teenwolf. I was keen to see for myself what Weird War would be like. I tried to find some “legitimate” music tracks online to listen to but their website (www. is a bit “artistically” convoluted (although very cool). Fuck it, I’ll just go to the show with no idea of what to expect. After a wet speeding drive up to Auckland, I got there with plenty of time to spare and sought out dinner at a local kebab place on K Road. After a mean feed I walked down the length of Queen Street and arrived at the Schooner to hear the first song being played by Teenwolf. With songs about video games, a werewolf


trying to court a girl on her way to town, Papa Lazarou’s Magical Roundabout Circus, Teenwolf bring a childlike sense of fun to the Auckland music scene. Where Rock ‘N’ Roll seriousness once reigned supreme, Teenwolf are one of the many bands who seem to play for fun. Their set was marred by some mishaps but they played through and looked like they had a great time. Maybe it was also the alcohol that assisted them though… After Teenwolf, it was decided that we go and grab a “boigah and cawfee” so we headed down to Wendy’s on Queen Street. I owed Bradley Artist 50 bucks for a bass guitar and I was kinda hungry too so I joined them and we all made the trek down talking like ItalianAmericans until we finally made it back, much much much later to catch the tail-end of Weird War. I really wish I had seen the whole set, as what I saw at the end I really freakin’ enjoyed.

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006

The first song I heard them play was ‘Mental Conditioning’ and the funk-Arabic tones of the song really impressed me. The strutting and posturing was in theme with their kind of 70s funkadelic look – the lead singer’s rock pout was as good, if not better, than Mick Jagger’s. Another song later and they were off. Of course I wanted some proportion of my $15’s worth so I helped cheer and clap until they came back on for another two song encore which was a great end to the night and well worth the whole trip.


Regarding the Batrider/ TNC/TNC review on page 24 last week, Dylan from Sohl Bar would like to assure punters that there would have been no drunk 17 year olds present at the gig to bump into Mr Emery Sohl has a strict ID policy. Mentally amend the sentence to read ‘youthful-looking 18 year olds’. Cheers. Nexus apologises wholeheartedly for the mistake.

Tuesday April 4

Gig Guide by Mazzy

Due to the fact that there are lots of Auckland events as well as Hamilton ones, Auckland events will be marked with this symbol:


The Eavesdrop Listening Party If you are interested in previewing new music by awesome bands head along to the Eavesdrop Listening Party at The Wine Cellar (St Kevin’s Arcade, K Rd, Auckland) from 7-11pm. Hamilton Film Society Hamilton Film Society meets at

8pm every Tuesday at Victoria Cinema. Intending members can sign up on screening nights or call Andrea Haines on 839-5932. Student subscriptions are $85 full year or $45 half year. 3-screening Flexi tickets are also available for $25. ‘In My Father’s Den’ will be screening on the 28th of March.

Coffee and Cake Series – Fashion as an expression of women’s identity Public lecture 7pm-9pm Centre for Continuing Education, 21 Ruakura Rd, Hamilton. $10 – Supper provided. For more information call Karin Downs on (07) 8585234 or Lynda Foster on (07) 8585212


Midnight Youth are playing at the King’s Arms Tavern, Auckland. Entry is $10 and the bands should start about 9.30.

Wednesday April 5 Open Mic Night Open Mic Night is happening every Wednesday from 9:30pm till late.Guitars, mics, and drum kit provided, so gather up as much talent as you can muster, and join the Rinky Dinks in another year of mayhem. Drink specials and spot prizes to be announced at opening night. Fat Bellies, Hood Street,

Zebra Jazz band Zebra play at The Cook, Cook Street, Hamilton East every Wednesday night from 8pm. The Ten Pennys for Your Jack Tour Ruptus Jack, Tenpenny Joke, The

The Goons of Doom Surf musicians The Goons of Doom will be playing at The Rising Sun, Auckland (R18)

Thursday April 6 Open Mic Night @ Crave Cafe & Catering, 201 Sandwich Rd Open to anyone who wants to get up and give it a go. Can book a slot by ringing 8501912. All entrants get a free drink. Will be held the first Thursday of every month

Mystery Girl presents: The Mountain Goats with special guests The Whipping Cats pre sales $30 from Real Groovy, Bunny Boutique & Fast & Loose doors from 8pm

Friday April 7 Fideleo Fideleo will be playing a live to air show at Max FM on the Wintec campus, Hamilton. You can go down to Max FM and party with the band or tune in to 107.1 FM. Doors open at 8:00pm. Fideleo will be supported by International Flannel & Skeletor.

State and Bad Bride at The Brownzy (Browns Bay), Auckland (R18)

A The Bleeders Pop-punk band The Bleeders are playing alongside The Rabble, Rival

SJD The enigmatic five piece SJD Band is playing at Sohl Bar, Hamilton

Suicide Dogs Straight-up punk rock band Suicide Dogs are playing at Upsett Records, Victoria Street, Hamilton with friends Ryan and the Rock-its + more.

with Paul McLaney and The Hollow Grinders. Entry is $10 and the show starts at 9pm The Show where all of the bands playing should be headlining!! The Mint Chicks, This Night Creeps, The Shaky Hands, The Vacants and Sunny Tokyo (their keyboardist is hot!) are playing what will most likely be the most awesome show of the month at new nightclub/

karaoke bar/gig venue The Castle (ward St). The castle is fantastic and this show is going to be fantastic!! Should start around 9.30pm and will cost $5-$10 A False Start Auckland pop-punk/fringe-core band False Start are doing a free show at Real Groove, Queen Street, Auckland. The show will start at 6.30pm.

Saturday April 8 A The Bleeders album tour Auckland band The Bleeders have produced another album. They will be playing alongside friends, The Have and the City Newton Bombers at the London Shed (Howick), Auckland. The show will go from 9pm-late.

Otherworld returns to Catalyst Basement in 2006! Those hugely memorable nights of underground electronica & visual arts are back. Psychedelic & progressive Beats. Performers: Illusion(UK), Tytus (Poland), Dr.Bazz (Auck),Miggler (Auck). Full UV

Environment & Installations,Live Visuals, $10 On Door, 2 for 1 B4 Midnight.10pm-Late, 270 Victoria St, Hamilton. Connect, Create, Celebrate... The Goons of Doom Surf musicians The Goons of Doom are playing at The Salt Rock, Raglan (R18). A SJD

The 5 piece SJD Band are playing at Real Groovy, Auckland. They will be joined by guests James Duncan & Luke Buda (Phoenix Foundation). Pre sales $10 from Real Groovy,

doors open from 8.30pm. 2006 Rebel Super 14 Rugby: Chiefs vs Bulls Saturday, 8th at 7:35pm. The game is happening at Waikato Stadium, Hamilton. For more information go to: A Auckland Wine and Food Festival 2006 Saturday 8th and Sunday 9th. The event fee of $15 per adult will include entry, a tasting glass, free tasting from selected exhibitors and a full days entertainment including music and educational demonstrations

of food preparation, wine and cheese tips. The festival runs from 10am - 6.00pm (each day) at the Auckland CBD, Auckland Viaduct Harbour - Eastern Viaduct. For more information go to: www.

Sunday April 9 A Sunday Undressed With Simen Blue Keys Taylor & guests at the Kings Arms, Auckland. The show starts at 3pm and costs $4.00. All proceeds go to the performers.

Ongoing Events ‘SCAPE: sculpture in the landscape Opening weekend 18th /19th March, ‘SCAPE: sculpture in the landscape’ artists from throughout New Zealand within the setting of Waitakaruru Arboretum & Sculpture Park, 207 Scotsman Valley Road, near Hamilton, signposted from SH26 & SH1B. Entry fee $8. Opening weekend entry

fee proceeds go to True Colours Charitable Trust. Show finishes 21st May. For location details see www. or phone (07) 824-0733. P L A T F O R M 01 The P L A T F O R M 01 art exhibition is currently on at room one, level two, 467 Victoria Street, Hamilton. The artists The artists

exhibiting are:Lynda Wilson, Angela Keoghan, Heather Diprose, Hannah Slatter, Itania Nicolao, Natalie Davies, Gradon Diprose, and Nick Browne. Open hours: TUES - FRI 11am - 3pm SAT 10am – 1pm Show runs till April 8. For more information go to:

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006

Balloons over Waikato The hot air balloons are gracing our skies once again from Tuesday, 4 April - Sunday, 9 April. Everything kicks off at 6:30am and 4:00pm daily at Innes Common, Hamilton. For more information go to:


WSU President


by Sehai Orgad

by Carl Gordon

Kia ora koutou Guess where I’ve been? Last week, I was honoured to be invited to attend the Treaty of Waitangi Advisory Committee to the Vice Chancellor meeting. As a New Zealander, I have always been informed about my commitment and responsibilities as a Treaty partner and the meeting reinforced the consistency of values that both partners to the Treaty share. This meeting highlighted for me the fact that, as both Maori and nonMaori, it is important that we go forward together for everyone’s benefit. A key point from the discussion at this meeting was the practice of certain protocols which make this university unique. Practising and knowing the University waiata for example, and being able to confidently sing it when asked or called to do so at various formal occasions. Opening and closing meetings with a mihi is another expectation that the committee discussed, and I personally look forward to the time when every meeting that I sit at is opened in this way. Following on from this meeting, I thought about student relationships in this context. I reflected not only on the positive relationships that have existed over the years, but also on the fact that respect for one another and each other’s values, needs to be the focus of effective representation at university level.

Students - have your say

3 fabulous things that happened this week 1. Auckland University student Hameet Sooden was released from captivity in Iraq. 2. The Silver Ferns won the gold medal and NZ’s national anthem was the final anthem at the Commonwealth Games 3. No interest on student loans from Saturday!

Over the next month or so, the University administration will be consulting campus stakeholders on its proposed Strategic Plan, according to the new Head of Corporate Services, Raymond McNichol, when he met with the WSU Executive on Friday 24 March. Student submissions will be sought through WSU - the Executive is meeting the Uni admin on 7 April. Any student can have their say - please contact me -

So what are some of the issues? Government funding. The real value of government funding (i.e. the % of the University’s income provided by government) is declining. And the government is about to further change the rules on how to fund universities, partly because of high dropout rates. They will be based on “teaching quality and results … [and] quality and relevance” (Dominion Post, 27.01.06, A5). The government will also look at dropout rates caused by university systems with “insufficient foresight and planning, or through inflexible bureaucratic processes which do not allow them to customise their study according to their needs and family situations”, said Dr Michael Cullen, the Minister of Tertiary Education to the NZUSA January Conference (loc. cit.). The new system will move further way from funding being just based on enrolments. Universities will perform to external standards in research, course relevance, teaching, pass rates, and administration. Budget issues. The UoW is in financial trouble yet again with a decline in enrolments of about 5% for domestic students (and another decline in the % of Waikato school leavers choosing the UoW), and about 15% for international students. When I asked a Management School lecturer what their enrolment figures were, he said they were only down 3%. He had not been told that this is the domestic figure. International enrolments in Management are down 19%. University-wide, the loss in income from reduced enrolments in 2006 is about $10 million. The so-called surplus from 2005, in available cash terms, is maybe $2-3 million. According to the Vice-Chancellor the picture is “grim”. That means more cuts - courses, services, and redundancies. Universities will want to raise tuition fees to meet their costs, so students need to fight for lower real fees and better allowances. International students. The UoW has, apart from Lincoln, the highest % of international students in NZ universities, and, compared with Australia, a huge dependence on one market - China. China’s government is investing heavily in tertiary infrastructure. Over the next 10 years or so, the numbers of Chinese students going overseas will decline, and the number of foreign teachers going to China will increase. The UoW will continue to suffer falling rolls, and budget shortfalls. This factor alone could lead to a downward spiral, and knee-jerk reactions. The UoW needs to ensure its international students have a positive experience here, so they send good reports back home, and more enrol. The succession problem. This is an area never well planned by the Uni, and, to be fair, very hard to manage when rolls are falling. It refers to ‘replacing’ ageing academics. Many are staying on longer than they should, knowing that they, and their expertise and areas of study, may not be replaced, to the detriment of students and the Uni. If young, talented, teacher-researchers were appropriately hired, with a commitment from the Uni to the continuity of the subjects and departments, it would make a big difference. Finally, if you have any problems with the Uni or Study Link, or you are suffering from financial hardship, please visit WSU reception. We can usually help.


Issue 6 · 3 April 2006

Maori Students’ Officer by Renee Rewi First and foremost a BIG THANK YOU to not just Maori students but all students of Waikato who supported Race Relations Day on Tuesday 21 March 2006 by wearing a black t-shirt. It was a wonderful turn out and it was great to see that a huge number of students from all ethnicity taking part. With out your tautoko (support) this would not have been a success. Thank you all.

Student Job Search National Maori Representative The first National Maori Representative for SJS was successfully voted on recently where only one candidate had put his nomination and CV into the arena. The voting was held for Waikato off a shortened form due to difficulties in mandate although through it all, the job got done. Waikato University Students can feel proud that this is a first and that the candidate has always put students first in all his student representations of the past. I feel that as a Maori we now have some teeth in SJS where, knowing this candidate, all the hard questions will be asked. Kahu Nikora: National Maori Representative for SJS

Kia Ora te whanau whanui o te motu – nga

mihi ki a koutou mo to whanau tauira hoki. Thanking you all for your support is easy to do with words, instead I am going to let my actions of representation do it for me. Questions are being asked about why Maori do not use SJS services where time and time again technology has been thrown in as an alternative answer to dealing with Maori students. If you have concerns or you have a great idea to better meet the needs of Maori tauira through SJS, my door is always open – even if you have something negative to say, which is ok because atleast you have said it. Areas of immediate concern: Tauranga, Rotorua, Gisborne. These are areas I know of now, and I am certain there are many more throughout the motu. The message is – if you are having problems and you do not know where to turn – try me at:

Special Supplementary Grant (SSG Funding) by Joesph McFarlane

The Special Supplementary Grant (Maori Learners) is managed by the Pro ViceChancellor Maori Office. The purpose of the grant is to improve the success and retention rates of Maori students studying here at

Waikato. To this end, the grant is allocated to the 7 Schools of Study and Tauranga – based on their respective proportions of EFTS derived from Maori students. A proportion is also located in the Pro Vice-Chancellor Maori Office for the central administration of the grant, the coordination of Te Puna Tautoko (Maori Student Support Network), and to support events such as marae welcome, Hakinakina, Matariki, and Te Wiki o te Reo. To get a real good overview of how the grant is used to support students, check out the Te Puna Tautoko website tautoko/. You can see from the website that we are determined to ensure that SSG services are delivered to students, and to ensure that students are kept up to date with any opportunities and kaupapa that we are aware of on campus – ko nga tauira, koia ko te putake o tenei kaupapa. As MSO I would like to thank Joseph MacFarlane the Executive Assistant for the Pro Vice-Chancellor (Mäori) for providing information on the Special Supplementary Grant (SSG Maori Learners). I look forward to building a relationship with Te Puna Taukoto and to work closely with them for the benefit of all Maori Students. Thanks once again e hoa.

GLBT Officer by Megan Moffet I know so many people who have asked me the question “how do you know if you are gay?” that I have decided to try and give a general answer. I first tried to make a flow chart with yes/no questions, but sexuality is not like that. I can’t say that there is one easy test to find out your sexuality however handy it would be. In fact I think the more important question may be “how do you know if you are straight?” It sits in society like the default option, sort of like Microsoft Word flicks back to American English in the spell-check. Most people never have to question their orientation; it just fits into their life like their hair colour and the way they talk. So if you are questioning your sexuality that in itself is an indication that you may not be straight.

The first big misconception is that sexuality can be divided into 3 categories – gay, bi, or straight. In my opinion it is much more helpful to think about it as a continuum from one edge to the other. You may not completely fit into any category and this is probably more likely than any other option. Which I know just confuses people who are searching for an identity to claim, but is perhaps truer than putting yourself into a box. That said, I do claim the identity of lesbian and am proud to do so. I first realised I was probably gay when I was 15, funnily enough during a game of truth and dare. I was asked who I had a crush on and found myself completely unable to name any boys that I was the slightest bit interested in. Further thought Issue 6 · 3 April 2006

led me to the realisation that the only person I would want to date was a girl sitting in the room with me. This did come as a bit of a shock to tell you the truth, but did explain many parts of my life previously. So if you are trying to decide if you are gay, I cannot make it easy for you. One thing you may like to try is imagining yourself naked and cuddling with a future partner, first make it a boy then a girl, what feels the most loving? But of course this isn’t full proof – your own inhibitions can influence your feelings. However the most conclusive test is always the practical, if you know what I mean. Enjoy the week.


Disabilities Issues Officer Mature Students’ Officer by Jeff Hawks

by Vince Malcolm-Buchanan

Here is a list of what may be considered as an impairment. Please keep in mind that it is not an exhaustive list, but just a reminder that there is so much to be taken into account within this portfolio, there is quite a range to be taken into account. Physical disability: Mobility impairment; Paralysis, Amputation, Multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s disease, Cerebral Palsy, Arthritis, Rheumatoid arthritis, Osteoarthritis, Stroke, Spina Bifida. Visual impairment; Blindness, Low vision, Color blindness, Cataract ; Hearing impairment. Chronic disease; Cancer, Autoimmune disease, AIDS, Multiple sclerosis, Renal failure, Cystic fibrosis, Tuberculosis, Diabetes, Hypoglycemia, Chronic fatigue syndrome, dysautonomia, Spinal cord injury, Traumatic brain injury. Mental disability; Learning disability, Alzheimer’s disease, Phobia, Agoraphobia, Acrophobia, Aleurophobia, Anxiety disorder, Depression, Bipolar disorder, Obsessive compulsive disorder, Schizophrenia, Neurosis. Developmental disability; Dyslexia, Down syndrome, Attention deficit disorder and ADHD, Hyperactivity, Autism. Other disabilities; Substance abuse, Alcoholism, Nicotine addiction, Illegal drug abuse, Prescription drug abuse, Senility.

YOU have money being made available!

If I missed you, sorry, that must be an example of not being able to please all of the people all of the time. To the critics who are accusing me, or suggesting that perhaps my blurb is not well enough focused on Disabilities - I have been publishing my email address, yet still haven’t received any kind of correspondence in the name of guidance. I am happy to put in here what my portfolio constituents would like to see. If you wanna see it, tell me, I’ll do my best to put it in. Going and complaining behind my back simply isn’t constructive or supportive. We need to look after each other here. I was hoping that perhaps in the name of keeping read, I could allocate one week to seri-arse stuff, one week to fun. And even in fun I alluded to disability, but I don’t need to justify myself. I think if I can reveal a bit of myself here, it helps in keeping it real, keeping it entertaining, and most importantly of all, keeping it read! I am in this position to represent students; the fact that I maintain this with impairments brings to the Executive a dynamic that is inclusive of more on campus. To argue that I am here to represent only one sector of the student population, and should only write directly about that portion is, in my eyes, a tad precious. For feedback as per outlined, or any such other reason, you have my addy. Jeff Hawkes -


I hate to bore you, I really, really, hate to bore you BUT this is a necessary announcement - applicable to many students out there. As of last week A.L.M.S Association has now been formally re-registered with the WSU 2006 Clubs and Societies. The acronym of A.L.M.S stands for Adult Learners – Mature Students, and it is intended that this association shall further advance the interests of its constituent members. The 2006 reregistration of this association as a co-joint effort directly aligning mature students, adult students, graduate students, and post-graduate students, enable us to remain visible and integral within an autonomous association. Notably the 2006 membership far exceeded previous registrations; in fact I believe that we are now one of the largest Clubs registered with WSU. Thank you to all those students who signed up as members! Over the forthcoming fortnight I will be posting notices advising you all of the election process by which we will be seeking a President, Vice President and Secretary for the association. I invite you all to consider possible nominees for these placements. At this point in time I can, briefly, confirm the following objectives of these roles: President: • Shall undertake a weekly one hour meeting with constituents (preferably during cultural hour if possible). • Shall liaise directly with the WSU Mature Students Representative on a regular basis in order to communicate the interests of the constituent members. • Shall organize and co-ordinate events and functions as appropriately determined by the constituents Vice-President: • Shall liaise directly with the President and assist where required • Shall act as the primary support facility of this committee Secretary: • Shall record the minutes of weekly meetings • Shall present these minutes where required and/or requested on the part of the association’s constituents and WSU • Shall assist the President and Vice-President in their roles The actual specifics of these roles will be made available as soon as we have compiled them, but I seriously doubt that they will deviate much from that information already given. Please show your interest in these processes in order that you can be involved in the decision making developments regarding what to do with money being made available to you – yes, A.L.M.S already has money being made available for your use – so get involved in order that this committee can best determine what events and/or functions to SPEND YOUR MONEY ON!! Notices will be posted in your commons room and I shall endeavor to keep you all informed as best possible by means of Nexus, the Executive, and the wider student community. Keep smiling, laughing and loving y’all!

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006

The Tauranga Report by Anthony First Annual Waikato Students Union Easter Bunny BBQ All students look out for a special visitor to the campus the week leading up to Easter and since Easter is coming up, the First annual Waikato Students Union Easter Bunny BBQ will be held on the 12th April from 12.00 midday to 1.00pm in the courtyard (wet weather venue to be announced.

Win a free T-shirt To enter the draw, come up to the Tauranga Office of the Waikato Students Union at the following times and be in to win one of five super ice cool T-shirts,: Monday from 12.00 – 1.00pm Tuesday from 11.00pm - 1.00pm Wednesday from 11.00am – 1.00pm Thursday from 11.00am – 1.00pm Friday from 11.00am – 1.00pm The winners will be announced at the Easter Bunny BBQ. Yeah and one entry per student (I know how students think and coming up to see me a thousand times just ain’t gonna work). This competition runs from the 2nd April to the 9th April 2006. Don’t know where the WSU office is? Then you had better ask someone! A big thanks for everyone who attended the Waikato Uni Sports Club ki Tauranga BBQ, now comes the hard part of getting the new executive all set up. Time is a-wasting so if you want to be part of the exec please contact me (like soon). The club needs your support and is able to assist in finding that funding to help in your sporting endeavours, make your fees work for you.

Tea and Coffee On a serious note some students have approached me regarding tea, coffee, milk, and a water cooler being provided for the students on campus. At this stage the WSU does not provide any of these to students due to financial reasons (hey, it cost a heap of money as the WSU found out last year when tea and coffee was provided for a while).

Volunteers (Yep I am still looking for some) If you are interested in assisting with the monthly Student BBQs please come and see me, as I would like some students to help out with this sort of stuff.

The Tauranga Top Tip of the Week Teaching and Learning Development Unit If you are having trouble with an essay or something related to study, I suggest you pop over to the Bongard Building (ground floor) and see Cath Fraser in the Education centre who is there Monday, Wednesday and Thursday of each week from 9am to 4pm. It is probably a good idea to book ahead to see her as she can get busy over there. She will proofread assignments and all that jazz.

International Student’s Officer by Sonja Hugs not Fish This picture features my fish. Their names are Fish, Chips and LouLou (that’s the white one). They have been unfortunate victims of a whim of a former flatmate – I think. When I moved into this flat, they were already “ownerless” one of the flatmates was feeding them but no one cleaned their tank or changed their water. Fish are in the uncomfortable position of complete dependence on people. Cats and dogs can run away. When I was little, even my turtle managed to escape into the pond – never to be seen again. But fish can’t. So when the flatting group broke up, a few suggestions came up – 1. sell? Nobody wants to pay money for them; ok, then set them free in the river? Goldfish are a pest and besides the legal, moral and environmental issue, some of us had concerns that they would die anyway; ok, then kill them now? … it ended up with me, shifting not just my stuff from Hillcrest to Melville to Hamilton East and back to Hillcrest but also a 120 L fish tank plus three fish with one of them developing a disease that ate its fins. The problem is solved now. Fish, the fish, is fine, and me and my pets are enjoying the quite life in a cul-de-sac street in the acquaintance of a fluffy cat that shows up occasionally trying to raid my fridge. But if you think of adopting pets or getting a cute little dog from the litter of your neighbour, please think of the fact that as an international student you will very likely leave this country and the pet will probably have to stay here. So if you don’t want to leave an animal in the “friendly” hands of people you happen to live together to save money, don’t get one in the first place. By the way, landlords don’t like pets. Even with three goldfish, which are officially mentioned in my tenancy agreement, it was difficult to find a place. If an ad says NO PETS, that’s literal. No cats, dogs, fish, fleas, bedbugs or imaginary friends with green tentacles. I know that it is difficult being alone in a foreign country. I like having my fish; I talk to them in the morning, even if they are not really responsive. But I have burdened myself with the responsibility for animals. If you feel like a hug, don’t buy a dog, come to the WSU, I hug for free (I don’t retrieve tennis balls from the pond though) and help you come over your sudden mood for fluffy pets. Wait until you are back home or know where you are settled – after all, your parents are living in another country and it will be awfully expensive to dump your $900 Bichon Frise at their doorstep. Everyone who wants to inherit my fish in 18 months: 021 182 6477 Everyone who wants a hug: 021 182 6477 Everyone who wants their tennis balls back from the pond: Grounds Manager, Mark Thompson, phone [07] 838 4293 email:

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006


Sexy Ex-y Up close and personal with your elected representatives This week: Megan Moffet Position: GLBT Issues Officer Programme of study: BSocSc in Political Science Favoured mode of transport: Bus Suburb lived in: Rototuna Hobbies: Writing (not just my Nexus blurb), dancing, reading, partying Favourite website: Favourite TV programme: L Word Favourite sandwich filling: turkey and cranberry Favourite snack: boysenberry ice cream with chocolate sauce Magazine of choice: Nexus – of course (do I get a prize Dawn?) (Absolutely. How about…next week you can write a whole page! – Ed) Fatal weakness: intelligent women What flavour do you go for first in a box of chocolates? Peppermint What CD is in your stereo/car right now? A weird mix I found at the Library for $1, has Placebo and Strawpeople among others What’s the worst film you’ve ever seen? Napoleon Dynamite Worst habit? Following my imagination too far into random conversations How much money would it take for you to run nude down Victoria St? $353, 279 exactly Which of these do you prefer to pick – nose, ears or teeth? Under fingernails actually What should Nexus contain more of? Sudoku, which would be great In 10 years, you will be: rich In 40 years you will be: retired

The seri-arse stuff In regards to your portfolio, what are you working on... Today? My blurb for Nexus, administration for Askew, and meetings for other exec stuff This term? Sorting out a queer friendly training


Issue 6 · 3 April 2006

scheme for tutors and lectures, continuing to develop the GLBT Mentoring Scheme, supporting Askew in events, and attending many meetings for WSU and other queer groups This year? In addition to above, I will be planning a fabulous Pride Week, national support days, attending UniQ Conference, and anything else that comes up. How are you making sure you and the executive remain accountable to students? In this I think the most important thing is getting information out about the existence of the WSU and what we do. Events like O’week and St Patrick’s Day show the students that we are out there and working for their interests. From this they can read our blurbs, get involved in clubs and use our other services like SJS. What do you think is the most important issue facing the executive right now? Student Awareness, we need to get our name out in the common conversation so students don’t miss out on the things we provide for them. How do you survive long executive meetings without jumping up on the table, foaming at the mouth and screaming ‘Just pass all the motions, damn you!’ and running off into the distance cackling freakishly? Or falling asleep? Chocolate. I eat it in front of everyone and don’t give them any, which leads to them wanting to get out and buy some of their own, so things move much quicker. It sometimes works, and if it doesn’t I still have the chocolate to enjoy. Now ask yourself a question, and answer it. What’s your favourite colour? Blue Me too!

What the other execs say about Megan: - “One of the most passionate executive I have come across” - “On the ball, up there as the best”


The Club


There’s this club I want to join. They sit around in anoraks watching snowflakes melt and then they refreeze them. The only problem is I don’t have an anorak. Oh yeah, and the club doesn’t exist. It’s entirely made up. It’s kind of like this running joke I have with a guy at work.

It’s very ironic that ‘procrastination’ is the word I have settled upon for my column this week, as procrastinating is exactly what I have been doing. I was trying to find a word which relates to all university students, but is still interesting and worthy of discussion, and I think ‘procrastination’ fits the description. We all know that procrastinating is pointless, and that we shouldn’t do it, yet that doesn’t actually seem to stop us. The dictionary defines ‘procrastination’ as “to put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness” or to “postpone or delay”. The stereotype of university students implies that we all do this a lot. It is certainly not true of all people, although I haven’t yet met a person who doesn’t procrastinate (that would be rather disturbing!). I know that I personally have a bit of tendency to procrastinate, but only when it comes to minor things. I’m not (usually) the sort of person who starts an assignment the night before it’s due. I’m organised, I know what needs to be done, just sometimes things never seem to happen. Like renewing my passport, it’s been on my list of ‘things to do’ for about a year and a half now. I have been trying to think of a way in which I could view procrastination positively, but it seems that’s not possible. Whichever way you come at the word it seems to have a negative connotation. I suppose that’s probably because most people live such busy lives they just don’t have time to procrastinate. Although, I think that at times procrastination can be beneficial. Personally, I tend to force myself to keep doing work, even when I clearly need to stop. I’m one of those people who have a tendency to take on far too much work and then get totally immersed in it. So I find that procrastination is actually useful. It’s like when you are writing an essay and you just can’t make any progress, nothing sounds right. So you walk away for a bit then come back to it and it just flows. By taking your focus away from the essay and putting it on something else for a while, it is easier to come back to. So in a roundabout sort of way, the point I am trying to express is that procrastination is something we can all relate to, but in my opinion it is viewed too negatively. Procrastination, as demonstrated in the essay example, can indeed be beneficial. Although perhaps it’s not called ‘procrastination’ then, maybe it’s ‘clearing your head’. Well, either way it’s not as bad as is made out. So now, when the assignments are starting to pile up and you are beginning to stress, try to not to procrastinate too much. But do remember to take some time to relax. And if you do procrastinate don’t beat yourself up about it.

He’s the new object of my affections. In other words, I have a school girl crush. I don’t know what to do. I work with him, so I couldn’t risk the working relationship with the chance of straight up denial, could I? Oh but he’s cute and funny. He’s tall and has the sweetest smile. He’s a heart melter. As a result I’m quite obsessed. I want to join his club and for some reason I don’t think I mean the club you need an anorak to join. It’s so frustrating, I thought you got to a certain age and crushes didn’t occur anymore. So I’ve been thinking does everyone get crushes no matter how old they are? I don’t mean the Oh My God Jude Law is Such a Hottie kind of crushes. I mean real life: that boy on the bus, the guy from the video store, the next door neighbour, or the workmate kind of crush. And what are we supposed to do about them? Do we act on them or do we ignore in the hopes they’ll go away? Because to be honest, you don’t know how compatible you’ll be with the video store guy. Then I stop and think, maybe you’d actually be really well suited with the video store guy. Maybe if by ignoring your attraction to him you’d miss out on the ultimate, your soul mate. I don’t know if I believe the whole soul mate thing. It seems kind of far fetched, one person to complete you, one person to make you whole? And why only one? What if there are actually five soul mates out there for you? What if the one you find, isn’t the best one? Really what I’m saying is, I’m worried that if I don’t pursue my crush, that I’ll miss out on something that could be good. What if that one moment in your life, when you feel like you should turn around and say hi, when you should say hey have coffee with me, what if that one moment is either make or break? The defining point in your life, and if you don’t take advantage of that moment, if you keep walking and ignore the urge, you’ve missed out on it forever. I prefer to think of it like buses. Miss one and another will show up before long.

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006



Flogging a Dead Kiwi


This week I watched the Commonwealth Games wrap up and was happy that the stupid patriotism I see at these games from New Zealanders put back on the shelf for another two years. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very proud to be a Kiwi, but I’m also smart enough to know that New Zealand is a small place and our achievements aren’t that great. And that’s just fine. We don’t need to be a bunch of overachieving, cocky arseholes. You only have to look at Australians at these events to see what that leads to.

The world is made of people who never quite get into the first team and who just miss out on all the prizes at the flower show but when life hands you a lemon, it’s just the perfect chance to make lemonade or do tequila shots.

I got tired of only being showed events that featured New Zealanders. I missed a lot of interesting sports to see New Zealanders participating in lawn bowls and synchronised swimming. And what for? Six gold medals. Wow. Kiwis seem to have this Small Person Syndrome that leads to us celebrating a bronze medal at what is essentially “Olympics B” – that’s the Olympics with all the good countries like USA, China and Russia missing. Do the swimmers really need to give a haka for a bronze medal? A gold, yes, but a bronze? Stop celebrating mediocrity. When Moss Burmester got his Gold in the swimming, I heard a New Zealand commentator say that he had dreamed of winning a gold medal at the Commonwealth games. Bullshit. If he says he’s aiming at anything less than the gold at the Olympics, he’s lying. Kiwis aim for and celebrate low achievements. This extends to lots of other sports, films and music as well. We are all expected to support music just because it is by a New Zealander. Back in the day only the really, really good Kiwi music made it. Now we are expected to support and foster anything. And the result? 48 May, Dei Hamo and Frontline, amongst others. Will we look back in twenty years time at Elemeno P the same way we look at the Finn Brothers and Dave Dobbyn now? I’m not saying New Zealand isn’t great, because it is. I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. But this constant self-masturbatory behaviour over the most mundane of achievements is pathetic. If we were quietly happy with our athletes and supported them without being over the top, we would be much happier with what we have, and when we did achieve big, it would be much more satisfying.

Not everybody can win; it’s just the nature of the game and being forever envious of other people is just wasting your own game time. When concentrating on what I don’t have, I neglected to utilise what I do and even gave up chasing what I wanted. I use to immobilise myself and blame situations for my downfall; I was good at it to. No more though. I’m going to live the good life. I read “the secret to having a good life is to: work like a dog, eat like a horse and play like a rabbit”. Having always assumed the saying was “shag like a rabbit” I’m choosing keep that part out of this column. The mantra behind all this rambling is to Live Life and Love Life. Wondering whether I’ve turned into a new age hippie? I bet you’re concerned about where this is heading. You! That’s where. Don’t believe everything you hear, ignore insults as the person mouthing off is full of shit. Take compliments because the person dishing them out is clearly very wise. I can see you rolling your eyes, and I’m not operating in an alternate universe if that’s what you’re thinking. Too many people are walking around with their sad face on. Remember the Sunscreen song, with the old-ish guy handing out life advice? That’s probably the way to go, I’m thinking of founding a club or support group for grumpy, disheartened or depressed people round the “teachings” of the song. Rather than focusing on what I don’t have I’ll use what I do. I’ll have more fun and embrace my inner weirdo. I’ll dance, even if I have nowhere to do it but in my own living room. I’ll be kind to my knees because I’ll certainly miss them when they’re gone. Maybe I’ll marry, maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll do the bird dance at my 60th wedding anniversary. I’ve learnt my choices are halfchance and so are everybody else’s (this is where the woman with the pretty voice hits those amazing high notes). I’m going to worry less, worrying is as effective as trying to solve a maths equation by chewing gum. And I’m going to give less of a shit about what’s happening in someone else’s life. Success in my life isn’t measured by how successful you or anyone else is in theirs.


Issue 6 · 3 April 2006


So I was lying in a semi-conscious state in my bed when I woke up to see possibly the worst harbinger of unwanted activities known to man, standing over me. Somehow his hallucinogenic powers had enabled him to break into my room. That or Special K let him in. So apparently our friend “eXtasy” has found this new substance to abuse called Zopoclone. It has the special effects of completely eliminating all inhibitions, and memory forming abilities. Excited at the potential for such a tool I hurriedly drank the glass of water at my bedside and went to the lounge. See if you can find the huge mistake in that sentence. “Hurriedly drank the glass of water at my bedside” There are no anecdotes - I’ll kill you and eat your children. Everyone knows that horrible feeling when you wake up with no memory and no clothes and so many questions… “Am I meant to be rubbing my third nipple sir?” Well this is horrible. Kind of Alice In Wonderland horrible, with a disposable camera sitting on your desk saying ‘Develop Me’ Turns out in those magical hours I sustained and delivered more bodily damage that should be physically possible. Picking up girls… with big rusty blades. Digging a burrow under our house, filled with traps, so we can go straight to the dairy. Individually visiting all the people who applied to be in our porn film from last week. (That email again is, we got heaps of girls, but not many guys, so boys don’t be shy – I’m sure Medium Salsa is enough woman for all of you. But.. uh… girls, we still need more girls. Never enough girls.) Playing the pan flutes outside the mosque. Breaking lightbulbs out by the dumpster with our friend Andrew. Trying to dig the parasitic worms out of your arm, only to cut them open and have the eggs flood through your cardiovascular system. This all seems hilarious, but waking up in Waikato hospital screaming at the nurses for stealing your party-hat is not all that great. Yeah so being in that awkward position when you have to tell your flatmate that you buried her mother under the front lawn. You know ,it was just a jar of mayo that she started calling mother. She’s Anglo-philic, you know. In love with the British. All the tea, and crumpets, and Campbell.

I have personally been very inspired by the Commonwealth Games. Seeing athletes from various codes pushing the envelope of human endurance is a beautiful thing, especially when lots of spandex and leotards are involved. Being well aware that I’m far from the apex of competition in any sport, I recently decided that it was about time I increased my physical prowess. To this end, I made some slight alterations to my training schedule. Ok, I had no schedule but this at least gave me a chance to finally make one: 6.00am – Go for 10k run 6.15am – Eat breakfast (raw eggs, protein shake, & some stuff made out of muesli) 8.00am – Go to uni gym and bust out my power lifting routine. 1.00pm – Swimming (lots of laps) 3.00pm – Wear hoodie, find steps to run up, pump fists vigorously in air, while dancing around like a turnip. It seemed perfectly reasonable at the time, but as I was to find out, reality is a harsh mistress. I managed to run almost half way around the block this morning (then planned to do 45 minutes later) before I was ready to curl up into a little ball and die. This prompted some serious schedule revisions, the most recent concluding that it is in my best interests to revert to the original non-existent program. Feeling a little guilty about events leading up to this point, I though a relaxing cycle to university would provide a less traumatic energized experience. It’s amazing how you don’t appreciate how steep hills actually are until you’re on a bike. Upon reaching the base of a particularly nasty exemplar, I noticed that there was a cyclist a considerable distance behind me. Half way up, I could hear the bastard panting behind me. I’m not one to back away from a challenge, so I peddled faster, but the panting grew louder. Struggling to stay on my bike, I stood up on the peddles and began pumping for all I was worth. Wobbling and almost at breaking point, the bastard pulled out next to me to overtake. Noooooo… the bastard was a little grey haired old woman. Before she shot off into the distance like a super charged dragster on steroids, she turned to me and said ‘don’t give up dearie’. I’ve just put my bike up for sale on Trademe, and have a whole new respect for all health nuts and athletes, medalists or otherwise. For those interested in fitness, this week’s event: Fun Run…Sunday 9 April 2006, 10:00am, 5km and 10km walk or run, Weavers Park Huntly. $10 to enter & lots of spot prizes!

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006


Food & Drink

Corn Fritters by Danielle Thomson Ingredients ½ cup of self raising flour 310g can of creamed corn - add another can if you can handle the corn 1 cup of grated cheese - tasty is best 2 eggs – lightly beaten (he he he) 1 tablespoons of butter Chunks of shredded ham. Chopped parsley or chives

Method Sift flour into a bowl, followed by the corn and cheese. Stir until well mixed. Make a hole in the centre of the mixture and add the lightly beaten eggs stir until just mixed. Dice the slice of ham into small chunks and along with the chopped parsley add to the mixture. If you really want to tart up your fritters add a tablespoon of Sweet Chilli Sauce to the mixture. Melt the butter in a frying pan and cook fritters over a medium heat for 3 minutes or until the underside is golden. Remove from pan and drain on a paper towel.

Avocado + Marmite = Pure bliss

Top 5 Toast Toppings 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

Avocado (Marmite & Avo is great) Mashed Banana Baked beans Peanut Butter and Apricot Jam Cinnamon Sugar

Bottom 5 Toast Toppings 5. 4. 3. 2. 1.

Peanut Butter and Marmite Marmalade Anchovies Jam and Cheese Poop

Restaurants by Hazazel

RR South Indian Restaurant RR is located on the corner of Peachgrove and Clyde St - quite handy for those of us who live near uni! The walls are a luxurious red, but apart from that the decor is pretty simple. We went on a Friday night, so it was quite full, but they managed to squeeze us in. There was only one waitress covering the small but busy restaurant but she did an excellent job. She was super-friendly, super-efficient, and we never had trouble getting her attention. There were so many great-looking choices on the menu that we ended up ordering way too much. Like the service, the food at RR really


goes “above and beyond” - the standards (like pakoras with tamarind sauce) are exceptionally good, and the dishes that were new to us (like vadai with sambar and chutney) were wonderful surprises. The gopi paratha and the gigantic onion dosa made a change from the usual naan bread, and the mains (we had chettinadu chicken and vegetable shahi korma) were superb. Feeling adventurous, we ordered a rasam - a hot spicy Indian drink with ‘digestive properties’. I would call it a soup, rather than a drink, but it was tasty, whatever it was. I’m sure it would be ideal for anyone with a cold or flu. Issue 6 · 3 April 2006

There are only three dessert choices: vanilla/ choc/strawberry ice cream (ho hum), gulab jamoon (milk dumplings in syrup), and mango kulfi (nutty Indian ice cream). Gulan jamoon is worth a try, but mango kulfi is absolutely to die for! So rich and creamy.... arrgh *drool* Not to be missed! RR has a set dinner (thali) of ten dishes (vege or non-vege) on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. It sounds good, but even a la carte RR is really inexpensive - we feasted ourselves for under $40 total. So, overall, it’s a gem. Perhaps the best Indian food in town

Notices & Columns

Notices Send your notices of 100 words or less to, or drop into box at WSU reception. Deadline is 5pm Tues. FLATMATE WANTED: 2 live with

like to meet others for possible car-

three 3rd years in a big scary house

pooling, ideas and support. Meeting

on cook st. $130 p/w includes

time to be advised. Interested

all expenses plus sky, food,

persons please contact jps6@

broadband, osp and a meadow

ph/ txt 0275810390 For sale – futon bed. Wool inner, BOARDER WANTED: Professional

double size, $100. call 8247740.

couple seek a mature student or graduate for a double bedroom.

Funky haircuts for only $15, wow,

Accommodation is close to the five

get in quick!!!! with erin, call me

cross roads intersection, shops, and

(07) 8492455

public transport. Includes threebedrooms, study area, lounge,

Keyboardist Wanted

kitchen, garage, and outdoor living

Our established pop originals band

area. $100.00 rent per week plus

is seeking a keyboardist with a love

food, tolls and mobile calls. Rent

of making music and an interest

includes power, phone rental

in the pop stylings of Split Enz,

and sky television. Singles only.

Supertramp, Roxy Music etc. You

Contact 07-853-3982.

don’t need to have your own gear – just a willingness to play and a

Flatmate Wanted: To live with 3

passion for music. Get in touch

female students. 5 min walk to


uni. Plenty of off street parking available. Male or female. $100

To the chick who lost her ring

per week incl phone and power.

I found it. Ring/txt Roze on

Available NOW.

0273094104. You will know where

I, The Magic 8 Ball, grace you once again. I am a magical entity that is easily obtained by going to any toy store and forking out about $20 for BUT I am a special 8 Ball. There are some Yes/No questions that even normal store-bought 8 Balls find difficult to answer. I will never tell you “Reply Hazy, Try Again Later” or to “Concentrate and Ask Again”! I am always right about the future and what it holds for all of you curious to find out. Email your questions to

hi 8ball are you a real magic 8 ball? i think you are a fake knock off from china or sumfin. are the queastions that are asked even reel ones from reel people/ or are you faking those to? u suck anna-leigh xoxo

Dear Magic 8 Ball, I’m wondering if I will find a significant other this year. I’m OK with the ladies, I’m not a complete asshole and I guess I’m average looking but they say there’s someone for everyone. Thankfully yours, Andrew

“Without a Doubt”. Of course I

“Outlook good”. As previously

am real you buck-toothed chubby pile of a person. The questions are all real because they exist. If you do not understand this logic, then I would suggest you take off your pleasurable undies, put away the horny copter and read a book.

stated I know everything and anything and I know for a fact you are terrible with the ladies, you’ll kick over any nana for a dollar and you’re very ugly. You will indeed find your significant other who is as ugly as you and her name is Anna-Leigh.

and when you lost it, what the Korean language classes - Every

ring looks like and what size it is if

Saturday during school term. 9:30-

it’s yours. We saw you looking for

12:20 am. Two levels (beginners

[something] in the lecture theatre

and intermediates) $40 per term.

b4 our lecture started so i assume it

Inq. Jennifer Kim at 853-3661, 021-

was the ring so holla me & you can

124-8621, memojiyeon@hotmail.

have it back =)...

by The Panther

com Hey anyone out there keen 2 have a jam? I’m a drummer whose has

TIP #1 : Salami

experience and is open 2 many styles Pretty laid back person and cool to socialize with. Anyone into Reggae/Dub/Drum and Bass give me an email Just looking for anyone who plays guitar, bass, keys, decks.

Got textbooks to sell? need a text book? Buy and Sell used

Campus Commuters Support Club

textbooks online for FREE. www.

For all who commute to campus For students by

from outside Hamilton and would


Do you have a half-arsed understanding of semi-colons? Grammar and punctuation are not easy – its likely your assignments contain errors we can correct to ensure you have a fluent, clear writing style. Visit us at When you write wrong, we right the wrongs.

There is one muscle in a man’s body that is far harder to increase in size than any other, I’m talkin’ downtown. Personally I do not care about the modest size of my cat beater - 10 inches ain’t that much but it is big enough for me. But for all of you girly men who want to increase the size of your pathetic manhood there are some exercises and tricks to do so, the best of which is to do push ups without your arms you know what I’m saying.

TIP #2: You are what you eat Ever heard that old saying you are what you eat? Well I’m a scientition and it turns out that it’s true. You can use this knowledge to become a spectacular sculpted muscle man. For instance, if your calf muscles are lookin flabby - simply eat a baby cow. Your guns not as big as they should be? Eat a rifle. And finally – are your glutes losing definition? Eat some ass (also known as donkey). Issue 6 · 3 April 2006


Reviews & Comic

Stuff to go to

La Ronde Presented by Kinetic Theatre

Remember Stations Of The Cross is happening at the Me teor between April 8-15 – well worth a look-see. Send your arts and theatre news to nz

22nd March at the Academy of Performing Arts, Telecom Playhouse Reviewed by Gary Oliver Production goes for subtle approach Playwright Arthur Schnitzler lived in a world where sex was rarely discussed in civilized company, and certainly never seen. Despite ties with Sigmund Freud and his own studies in sexuality, upon completion in 1900, Schnitzler considered his play both unprintable and unstageable. Amidst riots and protests resulting from subsequent productions during the 1920’s, Schnitzler was arrested and put on trial for obscenity thereby confirming his original suspicions. La Ronde showcased a typical cross section of Victorian society, a street prostitute, a maid, a middle class husband, his wife, a young man, an aristocrat, an actress, a count, a poet, a soldier and a parlor maid. The ten scenes of seduction involved the interconnection of the five male and five female characters through socially risqué encounters. To wrench the play from its intended context and propel it into today’s sexually saturated society is not an easy task. To anticipate greatly attenuated analogous reactions from a desensitised audience


compared to those of the 1920s holds as much water as a broken sieve. Fortunately director Linda Hood was well aware of this fact; her direction focusing more on subtle themes and satire than on lewdness and shock value. Exploring marriage, social status, politics and economic determinants on relationships, La Ronde served to illustrate that some themes are universal. The thrill of desire and fetishes between the sexes are not distinctly different in nature. Despite advancement in many respects over time, in essence, male female interactions remain unchanged, especially in relation to romantic conquest.

Minimalist, but entertaining and thought-provoking If criticism was to be made, it must be directed at the minimalist approach taken by Kinetic Theatre. The five male roles were played by Jeremy Bell, the five female roles by Kathleen Christian. I cannot think of any actors versatile enough to convincingly portray five different roles in live theater. With

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006

lack of variation, familiarity with the actors often overpowered their projected characterizations in successive scenes. For this reason, a lengthy play felt a little longer than it actually was and some of the later scenes of seduction had all the sexual charge of a game of scrabble, rather than a raunchy game of twister. Given the circumstances, I found the acting of both leads respectable. The set design (Linda Hood), and lighting design (Aaron Chesham) followed trend, being functional but nothing to write home about. The small splashes of choreography (Noema Watene) and music (DateMonthYear) were largely in keeping with the Victorian era. While also of a reasonable standard, they could have made a greater contribution. While Kinetic Theatre have not rocked the paradigms of theatrical art with their rendition of La Ronde as Schnitzler did many years ago, I personally found the production entertaining and thought provoking. In almost all respects, a well crafted commentary on the thrill that is the ‘round dance’ of desire; relevant now as it was in the 1900s.

Columns & Reviews

C.J. & Macca’s

Classic Rock Review Iron Maiden: Best Of The Beast Reviewed by C.J.

By Burton.C.Bogan DIC – A OK! Okay so I only got one email last week, but have been talking to a lot of people and now have a whole bunch of ideas for columns. Look out for some attempted networking for Metal stuff on campus, hopefully a feature on the Metal Day Out in June and my favourite – Andrew’s idea of a ‘Bogan Guide to Homies’. But I thought what with the DIC gig (April 8th) coming soon at 6ft Under I should advertise my favourite NZ band and give you some stories bout them. I’ll get to the other columns very soon. DIC are a Tauranga band that specialise in abusive, but hilarious, Death Metal. Case in point – check out these lyrics…hmmm maybe I can’t quote them here. Instead, song titles include Motherf---er & S—tF—k. Also included are songs like the true story of a Tauranga paedophile who got sentenced to community service…selling balloons to school kids (Bobo the Homo), a song about a dead beat uncle who owes him money (Roy) and a song about 40 year old women who hit on younger guys (The Cougar). As has been mentioned in other columns, the lead singer Sypho never disappoints when making appearances (one time he got so drunk Soundproof cut the sound to his mic) and there’s often audience participation (arguments about the merits of yams anyone?). There are also a few props – like the bloodied meat workers overalls that my friend wore to a Halloween party in town and freaked out people on the street. Copies of their CD, Who’s ya mutha?, with cover art including a large woman doing a waterspout and a large woman straddling a bald guy’s face, used to be available at gigs. I won’t go into what’s on the inside cover but its highly pornographic. My favourite song of theirs is Killing Spree at the IRD, but it’s not on the CD I have and again I restate if anyone can get me a copy of this song I will pay. Oh yeah, Party Review Guy (sorry can’t remember your name, was real drunk) if you still wanna check out the CD – or if anyone else wants to send me an email, its boganology@ .

Firstly, a shout out to my girl Chloe, love you babe! I know there are heaps of Iron Maiden fans out there, and the hardcore ones will be wondering why I’m reviewing a greatest hits album instead of a normal album such as The Number Of The Beast or Seventh Son… (my two favourite Maiden albums). Well, when you have to review an album by a band as prolific as Iron Maiden (22 albums, both studio and live, since 1980) it’s really hard to do justice to every great song that they have released. Iron Maiden formed in 1975 in London, England. However, commercial success only started when they released their self-titled debut album in 1980. Now, for me, the real Iron Maiden started in 1981 when Bruce Dickinson became their lead singer. His vocal style is legendary in the rock genre, and he is definitely a large part of the Maiden sound. Coupled with Adrian Smith on guitars and Steve Harris’s awe-inspiring bass Iron Maiden have a sound like no other band, and are definitely classic rock legends. So, this leads me to Best Of The Beast. I love this album. When I bought it I hadn’t heard much Maiden at all, so it was a perfect introduction. These guys, like Judas Priest, employ the twin guitar attack (triple since 1999), and it kicks serious arse! Songs like Holy Smoke, The Number Of The Beast, and Phantom Of The Opera are great examples of twin guitar wizardry. My other favourites from the Beast are Run To The Hills(of course), The Clairvoyant, Can I Play With Madness, and Bring Your Daughter To The Slaughter. Just about every single song on the album is awesome, seriously. It’s hard to find fault with this album, except maybe that they missed one or two of my other favourite Iron Maiden Songs, The Wicker Man being the most glaring omission.

WIN STUFF! On a final note a big ‘keep up the good work’ to Metal/Boganology’s attractive cousin that does the rock reviews – Back ‘n’ Black, Eliminator and British Steel rock! See you all at 6ft.

This 2CD compilation is a definite must-have for any Iron Maiden fans, and for those who haven’t hard much it is a great starting point. But, if you can’t afford to shell out $40 right now, how about entering this week’s competition? If you get it right, and you’re the first one to email me at then you get Iron Maiden’s 2CD ‘Death On The Road’ live album courtesy of the really lovely people at Radio Hauraki. Question: Which football(soccer) club do Iron Maiden support? And the winner of the Deep Purple DVD is rjg15@waikato. Rock on!!! See you next week.

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006



Issue 6 路 3 April 2006


Issue 6 路 3 April 2006



Books The Fat Girl’s Guide to Life

At What Cost?


(R G and J Anderson Books)

Reviewed by Michelle Coursey

Reviewed by Michelle Coursey

Being the kind of woman whom often worries her weight may be the deciding factor in a crowded elevator crash killing all concerned, I was excited about this book. I wanted to be able to rave about it as the new antidiet manual. I wanted to hear a logical, rational and original argument on the fat girls’ side. And if that was too much to ask for, I wanted a good laugh while I worked my way through my chocolate biscuits. But all I got was sticky fingers and disappointment.

As a student with a loan debt almost big enough to buy half a house in Huntly, I do care about money. I care about money because I hope to actually have some one day.

Wendy Shanker

Robert G. Anderson

Wendy Shanker is a comedian, magazine columnist and feminist; there are moments in her book that show she is probably a very witty and clever person. For example, the middle section of the book, where Shanker details her hilarious experiences at a kind of fat farm. There are also some bemusing but entertaining thoughts on the “fat slut”, and plussize sanitary pads for plus-size genitals. There are many more moments, however, that made me feel sorry for Shanker. She appears to be a woman who has made her living proclaiming herself “the fat girl”, and yet is still furious that she is a fat girl. She is on the attack throughout the entire book, and uses every argument she can find to prove that being fat is ok: you can be fit/healthy and fat, we are trying to live up to impossible standards, weight loss programmes are giant conspiracies, models are a different species of human anyway, and some people just can’t be skinny. However, she capitalises and repeats a phrase which screams insecurity - “NO ONE WANTS TO BE FAT”. As it happens, I agree with quite a lot of what she says. We all realise that models are blessed with extraordinary genes, that magazines are airbrushed, that people have different body shapes etc. Her criticism of weight loss programs, along with some telling financial connections between them and health campaigns, is interesting but not mind-blowing. The problem is that while Shanker is trying to bring down everyone that says fat girls are second-class citizens, she amply demonstrates that the battle to accept yourself as fat is one which even she hasn’t yet won. Maybe she needs to talk to Kirstie Alley.

Robert Anderson is the student’s friend - he believes that everyone’s debt can and should be avoided. His small, self-funded book aims to educate the public on the banking system which is “the greatest scam that has ever been perpetrated on the public”, and which keeps us in debt in order to line the pockets of foreign-owned banks. Anderson is adamant that more people need to know where money comes from, where it goes, and what happens in-between. I agree with him - more people do need to know what is going on with our money, but I am still one of them. Not being an economics-savvy person in the slightest, I struggled to understand a lot of what Anderson was talking about. One thing he repeats often is that banks create money out of thin air – that if I borrow $20 from the bank, that $20 is just typed into the computer as a credit without any actual money leaving the bank. But then I have to pay back that $20 with real money of mine plus extra money in the form of interest. That sounds pretty dodgy to me, but there’s obviously a lot more to it that I don’t get. It all has to do with the government giving the power and control of money to the banks and not having the kachingas to take that power back, according to Anderson. He proposes a social credit system to wrestle power from the banks and pretty much eliminate debt. It sounds good, right? Anderson clearly has a social conscience – his other books cover genetic engineering, vaccination and fluoridation – and good on him for putting it out there for others to read. He’s managed to confirm my belief that money is bad – I’m just still not sure of the why. READ IT IF…You’ve got empty pockets but a head for figures.

READ IT IF…You’ve got time on your hands and cellulite on your thighs.


Issue 6 · 3 April 2006


Films Mrs Henderson Presents Rialto Cinema Review by Joe Citizen Dame Judy Dench and Bob Hoskins – what a duo! This relatively lightweight film shows off what great actors these two are. There’s not a lot by way of narrative but this film more than makes up for that in character. Dench plays an immeasurably wealthy widow looking for amusement by way of purchasing a West End theatre, and Hoskin’s an irascible manager who against his better judgement takes over its production. She’s so meddlesome in a business that she knows nothing about that he tries unsuccessfully to ban her from her own building. He can’t do without her however, for without her upper crust connections the risqué vaudeville act they’ve put together won’t get off the ground. Set in the late thirties before the start of the Second World War, this period drama has been meticulously executed. In order to circumnavigate the prudish laws surrounding nudity, the vaudeville actors must stay

completely still – as if they were works of art in a gallery. Set within the confines of a theatre, this constraint takes on surreal proportions in the face of the forthcoming war. There’s nothing tacky or misplaced about the nudity in this film – it is really secondary to the laugh out loud dialogue and fine historical rendition of pre war sensibilities. What I especially liked in this character driven drama was the exquisite and minute workings of the lead actor’s faces as they revealed their inner emotions in a society that was not prone to emotional outbursts. The subtle interplay between these two adversaries creates a dynamic that leaves the rest of the cast dimensionally impotent in comparison. The supporting roles do not so much fail as fade, in the presence of these two luminary principles. As can be expected from a BBC films/ Pathe collaborative production, there is not a hair out of place in the mise-en-scene. This is one of

the few films to accurately portray the culture of London during the blitz, without making a song and dance about it. That said there’s so much singing and dancing in it, it’s practically a musical. At least it doesn’t have any of that irksome wholesomeness that usually pervades that genre. If you like fine acting within a well-rendered historical milieu, then put Mrs Henderson Presents on your list. Perfect for a rainy day.

Rialto Check Leigh McGeady

Another week has flown by and the mid term break is knocking on the door. Which makes for a great opportunity to come and see some magnificent films here at Rialto. Don’t let the fact that we are the possessors of ‘fine film’ put you off. Just because we don’t have the biggest blockbuster films that sell themselves (due to the large amounts of money the movie makers put into it!) doesn’t mean you won’t enjoy them. Trust me. Treat yourself to movies that make you think, and which create great conversation pieces at your next gathering of friends. Speaking of movies that make you think. This week’s Rialto Check is about a French film called Caché (or ‘Hidden’ in English). It stars the gorgeous Juliette Binoche (Chocolat) and Daniel Auteuil (Après Vous) and is directed by Michael Haneke of ‘The Piano Teacher’ fame. Auteuil plays Georges who is the host of a TV literary review. He and his wife (Binoche) are a respectable middle-class couple whose lives are

upended when they start to receive packages. These packages contain videotapes of them with their family and are shot secretly from the street. Alarmingly crude and violent drawings are sent next and the meanings of them are obscure. They have no idea who it is who is sending these packages and are at a loss as to what to do. Gradually, however, the footage on the tapes becomes more personal which suggests to Georges that the person has known him for some time. As a feeling of menace hangs over Georges and his family it becomes apparent that no direct threat has been made and the police refuse to help… Caché opens here on the 6th April and it’s rated R16 as it contains violence and content that may disturb! Doesn’t that make you want to watch it all the more? Just don’t try and take your younger underage sibling to it, or I’ll kick you out!

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006



The Fall

Fall Heads Roll (Narnack Records)

By Kat

Reviewed by Kat

Coming up - Metal Day Out. Metallers who were sick of not much metal around have made a festival with 18 bands and some rubber burning drag races and demos as a sideshow - throbbing metal and burnouts, what more could you want? A tattoo show? Ok, that as well. You want more? There will be adult amusements and just in case you want even more fun there’s a wet T-shirt competition. ALSO if you go then you can win a Chopper Bike! Now this isn’t until June so keep reading Citric for the line up.

The Fall are fast approaching their 100th album release which makes them well established with their own cult following. What I like about musicians like Mark E. Smith and bands like The Fall is they know how to create an album not just a few songs. You can hear the experience, much like when you listen to albums by Sonic Youth or The Pixies. With Fall Heads Roll you are treated to the usual signature sarcasm, spoken vocals and a lot of unpredictability, with the essential Fall elements sustained by synthesizers, and choice drumming. ‘Clasp Hands’ is one of the rockingist tracks on the album, continual build-ups and one solid catchy riff that strangely enough doesn’t get tiresome. ‘Bo Demmick’ is classic Fall and frickin’ choice, and you can see ‘Assume’ or ‘What about us?’ becoming the new Sparta FC. Personally, I fell for the final track ‘Trust in Me’ - fast, raw and addictive as hell. It’s not that they needed to add a cover song in the already 13 track laden centrepiece but they decide to add one anyway - The Moves’ ‘I can hear the grass grow.’ The Fall are class in another sense of the word. Fall Heads Roll is far from their worst album, they are confident and solid in themselves and are so defined in what they do. Thankfully they aren’t one of these downhill ageing rock bands.

Check out gig-guide (page 25) for latest gigs!

Ben Harper

Both Sides Of The Gun (Virgin)

Reviewed by Sam It seems Ben Harper’s time spent with The Blind Boys of Alabama (culminating in 2005’s excellent There Will Be A Light) has done him some good. Harper has described it as being “like going to school and learning all over again,” and it shows. This record is his best work in years. Where Diamonds On The Inside was insipid and preachy, Both Sides is passionate yet measured, imbuing the music with his passion, personal, spiritual and political, but never letting it get in the way of a good tune. Harper takes on the bulk of the instrumentation here (you’ll notice the lack of the Innocent Criminals in the title). On lead single ‘Better Way’ for example, he plays all instruments, including percussion, only enlisting a friend on tambura. I’m still torn as to the decision to split the album onto two disc. At first I couldn’t see the reasoning behind deviating from his tried and true method of mixing his unique blend of rootsy blues funk (found here on the second disc) and his trademark ballads (on disc 1). A single disc of the best of both CD’s would have been a superb release, and it must be said one or two tracks of each disc would not be missed. At various times since then however, I have enjoyed the opportunity two listen to solely one side of Ben Harper, depending on my mood. Ultimately though there’s no reason to quibble, as this double album is priced the same as a single album. Appropriately so, as despite the separation in themes and disparity in styles between the two discs, it holds together as one complete, and rather wonderful album.

Mogwai Mr. Beast

(Rock Action)

Reviewed by Kat One of the most anticipated albums of the year for me. Mr. Beast is here and it is everything I waited for from Mogwai. Mogwai step it up with this, their 5th studio album, or rather step it back down to where they used to hail from. To reflect their live shows this album is progressively harder than their recent two releases, embracing as always their ability to swing so comfortably from some of the most furious, clever guitar laden compositions to the most beautifully sombre and emotional piano fuelled track. Picking a clear single off the album is a pleasure - take your pick from the straight into it instrumental ‘Glasgow Mega-Snake,’ or ‘Travel is Dangerous’ a signature sounding Mogwai with their emotional build-ups, patience and deep vocals, the track is entirely incredible. ‘Folk Death 95’ and ‘We’re No Here’ are right up there with their devout guitars and drumming.. There is definitely more vocal work on this album including a guest appearance from the vocalist of hardcore band Envy. Mogwai are a calming glory that post-rock bands have mimicked endlessly since 1995, they are a band you can blast from your stereo or held as company while you sleep. Mr Beast rocks the order from top to bottom, and is my year’s first ‘must have’ record.

by Kazmua Namioka

Him: Love Metal Archives Vol. 1

I had no idea what these guys were about when I first heard of them; I assumed from the name they were a Christian band, because it was either that or a teenage-girl-with-a-crush sort of name. Him. That Guy. Turns out it’s a bit of both. So here’s what I can tell you about them: singer loves girls so much he is one, and has now started coming back around to loving things girls love, like men. He’s so devout he wears two crucifixes, and can reach Super Saviour Level 2. Bass player is either a reallife David Brent somehow spawned by our infinite universe of limitless possibility, or completely taking the piss. He wears a cowboy hat. Guitarist plays guitar. Drummer’s a fatty, but that’s a given. God forbid there be a fat, or even adequately nourished girl in the videos. They all look sad because they’re so hungry. This paragraph was for those who didn’t know who Him were, like me. Just turn around and walk away. For those who know and love Him (the band silly! Oh gosh, this does get confusing), you’ll be in heaven, sorry, very happy. The back proclaims more than 5 hours of material, with over an hour of interviews and junk. Wow! Cover design and menus are all properly done, with their symbol of a heart and pentagram combined all over the place. They call it a heartagram. Really. And the song titles themselves are like beautiful poetry, When Love and Death Embrace, Heartache Every Moment, This Fortress of Tears and my personal favourite, Scintillating Dewdrops Condense on the Fragile Hairs of a Monkey’s Arse. Yeah, that track is so true, it puts the way my parents give me an 11 o’clock curfew right in perspective.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

I haven’t seen or know anything about the original other than my video store has it in the Thriller section. But then again, I think I Spit on Your Grave is under ‘Family’. So I’ll just tell you what this one’s like, which is what I’m meant to do anyway. It’s hilarious is the first thing, very witty and self-conscious to the point of cheesy at times, but that’s on rare over-narrated occasions. Robert Downey Jr. plays Harry, a NY crim with a sudden breakthrough chance to “make it” acting LA, or so he thinks. Val Kilmer plays gay private investigator, Gay Perry. I think I can just about forgive him for The Saint. Kilmer’s porked up a bit, not sure if it was for the role or if he’s pulling a Travolta (a lesser version of the swelling phenomenon known as The Brando). Add to the situation Harry’s teenage crush who fucked everyone but him in high school, her dead sister, another dead girl, a wee firearm called The Faggot and dastardly plots all around. The film is definitely comedy, of a rapid-fire dialogue and grim situational variety, and storyline is a twisty murdermystery. When a movie’s inspired by the kinds of detective / private eye books that promote smoking and use words like “dame” (today’s equivalent would be “chick”, or maybe “ho”), and contains peeing on corpses, severing digits, electrocuting testicles and other shenanigans, it’s a movie I can recommend on many levels.


PARIHAKA INTERNATIONAL PEACE FESTIVAL 2006 by Serenity Taniwha, Photos by Etta Harrie

For whatever reasons people went to engage in the festivities of the first ever International Peace Festival held here in Aotearoa, at the settlement of Parihaka, I found it an experience to remember. As for my own experiences during the Taranaki Anniversary weekend, the festival rose to the occasion and I was most fortunate to encounter it and be uplifted by an overwhelming sense of wairua (spiritualism) after my 3 day excursion there. It was an extraordinarily, whimsical atmosphere and as cheesy as that sounds, that was exactly how I felt. You couldn’t help but feel all mushy and at peace with the universe because of course, it was a Peace Festival after all! Although this major event was to reflect on the history of Parihaka and what took place during 1881 of the Parihaka invasion, the purpose of it was for all to come together in ‘peace and unity’, to celebrate, commemorate and acknowledge the remarkable stance which the village of Parihaka took in using passive resistance against the settler government. A quiz for all you history students - who were the two notable figures that used this peace action in defence of the people of Parihaka? When I first got wind of this festival I was adamant I was going, and after much contemplation and deliberation (sulking, scabbing and nagging), me and my whanau got our tickets the day before and cruised through on Friday - after my classes of course. Here was an opportunity to go on a 3 day whanau outing and watch the PHAT line up of local and national talent. For instance, our own reggae bruthaz Katchafire, Fat Freddy’s Drop, Kora and Dread Rock, just to name a few, get all trippy (and dizzy) at the Rongomau Dance (Trance) and Visual tent, indulge in kai from around the world, get some much needed rongoa (healing), discuss issues (relevant ones, not your own dramas), get


rid of the kids for an hour or so at the Kidszone or down the ‘wet’n’wild hill slippery slide, adopt and plant a tree like ‘Pinky and Brain’ – and SAVE THE WORLD, BYO booze and actually get p***d, and have money left over to buy a $5 souvenir as memories of what a magic of a weekend we just had.

Highlight of the event Well other than it being free for the kids, being able to take your own booze, no car searches, flush toilets, hot running showers for the entire festival, fresh spring water outlets everywhere, environmentally friendly with recycling (even had kunikuni pigs for the kai scraps – che), beautiful taonga (nearly got my skin inked by the ta moko artist), Farmer Joe letting us ‘late ones’ use his paddock to camp (cos all the other sites were jam packed), no scraps just a whole lotta LOVE, and being surrounded by people from all walks of life, not to mention the media and TV crews. It didn’t matter whether you were Maori, Pakeha, a tourist, a hippy or off Maori Television, we were all there and we were all EQUAL. No special treatment for race (OR fame) up in ere! So getting back to the highlight of my weekend… As a peace lover, I would have to say the whanau bonding, ohh, and having one last break before having to put my head down and arse up for study. We got involved in the spirit of the moment, adorning ourselves in facepaint, making a Peace banner, planting a tree, and importantly trying so hard to maintain ‘PEACE’, but most of all just spending quality time together throughout the whole amazing experience. This peace festival was truly a KIWI success and ALL UPS to the tangata whenua of Parihaka – TARANAKI HARDCORE!

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006


Issue 6 路 3 April 2006



EdgeFest 06

@ Mystery Creek, 26 March 2006

Reviewed by Sam. Photos by another Sam Neither of which are the music ed Sam. They’re taking over the world!

Poo weather and a big fat shed full of screaming minions running round the place. Not a good first impression. The music soon overrode the feeling of being two brown bananas amongst the ripe, in a BigDay-Out-wannabe festival. Things picked up after My Life Story, Goodnight Nurse, Nesian Mystic, Savage and Aardhana. A strange combination of artistic talents, I thought. We rated Thirsty Merc and the lead singer’s red-fast guitar, almost-handlebar tache and crazily over-grown head of hair. Chicks dig the do. Their music wasn’t too bad either. We got our hands up to Frontline and P-money. “Go tell your boys, I’m fa king choice.” We’ll tell them one day. One day. The Living End rocked our freakish socks


off with “What’s on your radio?” while Mattafix soothed the mood. Elemeno P got the singers out with all their well-known sing-a-long songs. We’ve decided to forgive them for delivering that average concert at the Hilly, O-Week. Loved the contrast of black tie on white jeans and tee, making the lead singer the focal point in a stage composition. Although the drummer is never far behind. Presidents of the USA. Now we weren’t expecting such a crazily enthusiastic performance from these dudes. Best performance of the night, I thought. 10 points! Starting with ‘Video killed the radio star’. They even considered the revolution of new technology by mentioning that the DVD is now killing the video star. The lead singer brought forth his amazing invisibleharmonica-playing powers when he made the

Issue 6 · 3 April 2006

whole crowd get down on all fours. Some kind of cult thing maybe. Interesting. Different. And my all time favourite song, ‘Peaches’, was cheekily altered to: “Millions of kiwis, kiwis for me. Millions of kiwis, kiwis for free.” I’m guessing he thinks we’re all too easy. I don’t think so, Mr. The green ties were entrancing while their dancing techniques were just as bizarrely beautiful. P.O.D wrapped up the whole shindig, bringing all the older bunch to the front. I was finally surrounded by kids my own age. Probably not my kind of music but the ‘Youth of the Nation’ song worked well with the atmosphere. So overall, I give the festival a 5 out of 10. Average place to hang unless you’re between the ages of 13 and 17. Better hold those kiddies back when they start hitting the clubs!

issue 6