issue 5

www.nexusmag.co.nz

30 March 2009

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We’ve got a problem with opinions. The problem, I think, is twofold. There’s too many of the bloody things, and no-one will put their name to them. But that’s just my opinion. I noticed this trend first in the Nexus Lettuce to the Editor page, which constantly drives me crazy, even though I should know better by now. Letters upon letters, full of drivel, defamation, idiocy and even evil. A lot can’t be published, even in a student magazine. We get the occasional good one, and I’d love to see more, but even they have a problem. More and more letter-writers demand a pseudonym instead of their real name, even for serious topics which have traditionally attracted plenty of people wiling to sign their name to them. What’s behind this? To me it’s a curiosity. I stick my name on nearly everything I do – every hasty opinion, every slipshod editorial, every painstakingly thoughtout article, partly because I’m contractually obligated to, but also because I was taught you’re supposed to own your opinions. You’re supposed to be able to debate with people who differ from you, and you’re supposed be able to stand up for what you believe. But less and less people seem to be doing this. Someone sends in a totally innocuous letter, something that makes a bit of sense (a rare thing, given the quality of a lot of the letters we get) and they refuse to put their name on it. Not even a question of it. It’s hugely frustrating. I know who a lot of these anonymous personages are, and contrary to popular thought, few of them are Nexus people filling up the letters quota. I think it’s part of the reason the Letters pages are a permanent mess. People don’t mind sending out pure drivel if they’re confident they’re not going to be identified as idiots. A vicious cycle, because as soon as I threaten to run letters under real names we stop getting any. I think a big part of this problem has been the Internet. A great, anonymous, amorphous blob of people and meta-people randomly spewing information all over. A community founded

on the notion of anonymity, which has given rise to the bulletin board/forum, and in turn terms like “flame-war” and “troll.” A culture in which blogging about minutiae is the norm and having opinions of all kinds, no matter how ill-formed, is expected. So what we have is a generation of people to whom it is second nature to spit vitriolic drivel and who aren’t used to signing their names to anything. That alone, I think, isn’t the problem. The main thing is that it’s easy to get bogged down in the vast information-swamp of the Internet. Here’s an example; climate change. I, personally, believe it is at least partly anthropogenic and that we should be attempting to do something about it. But the key thing is that word “believe.” I don’t know this with any degree of exactitude, thanks to the thousands and thousands of different opinions swirling about cyberspace. There is too much information. And, not being a trained scientist or climatologist, I cannot sort through the information to select the good from the bad. I go with my gut, and hope the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change isn’t misleading me. (Actually, it would be brilliant if the IPCC was misleading me and climate change wasn’t happening at all, but I don’t think that’s the case.) So, what we have is a generation full of half-baked opinions formed of too much information and an unwillingness to own any of them. Perhaps because of the anonymity culture, or perhaps because they know the opinions aren’t all that.

ISSUE 05 Credits: Editor: Joshua Drummond (editor@nexusmag.co.nz)

Design: Talia Mussom (graphics@nexusmag.co.nz)

Advertising: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz/021 176 6180)

Reporter: Grant Burns (news@nexusmag.co.nz)

Film Editor: Art Focker (agonyart@nexusmag.co.nz) Games Editor: Antony Parnell (games@nexusmag.co.nz) Books Editor: Penny Wilson (books@nexusmag.co.nz) Music Editor: Kat Cox (music@nexusmag.co.nz) Internet Guru: Jed Laundry Contributors Vitamin C, WSU, Kirill, Chris Parnell, Burton C. Bogan, Gordon Dawson, Dawn Tuffery, Jed Laundry, Dr Richard Swainson, Maria Mo, Josh, Grant Burns, Mammoth, HCAC, Flash Medallion, Jessica Ritchie, Art Focker, Blair Munro, Fire, Louise Blackstock, Emma Swete, DJ Lauree, Rorschach, Sarah Bentley, Todd Cantley, Hollie Jackson, Penny WIlson, Vicky Cadd, Antony Parnell, Jason

But we still have small, local presses, like Nexus and I think it’s much easier to get an approximation of actual facts on a small scale. The macro scale of something as big as the Internet distorts everything, but in a (relatively) small community like a University, we can hope for a return to some kind of debate based on facts. Old-school. So, please, letter-writers. I’m asking nicely. Have some real opinions. Write them properly and spell them good. Then send them to us, and please, don’t be afraid to sign your name. Having a well-formed opinion is a mark of pride, and I think genuine debate would be a good thing to rediscover. But that’s just my opinion.

Sebestian, 8 Ball, Caitlyn Crivelli and Natasha van der Laan (cover image from http://yes-please.deviantart.com/)

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) Because it’s all kinds of fun. THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE REALLY. WE DIDN’T DO IT, NOBODY SAW US DO IT, YOU CAN’T PROVE ANYTHING.

ISSUE 4 - 23 March 2009

any question or queries email news@nexusmag.co.nz

Brash Ball-handling brings Brilliance “Blues Clues” Beaten by Bloody Everybody By Penny Wilson Fans and critics alike were blown away by the unbridled death-defying deeds of players at the 2009 WSU Dodgeball Tournament last Wednesday, with the ensuing hilarity ensuring another memorable match. Eight teams were present in the Dodgeball Ring: Hummer & A Chicken Feed; Dodgy As; The Kiwi Killers; Dodge City Slammers; The Presidents of Nixon, MS29 & Friends; The Bar 101 Ballbusters and the WSU’s own Blues Clues. As I arrived I couldn’t help noticing the air of tense competitiveness, so heavy I could have cut it with Agony Art’s wit. These hombres were here to risk life, limb and balls in their quest for the championship, and no amount of fluffy onesies or memorably tight spandex could disguise the naked lust for glory fervently reflected in their eyes. The tournament, ably umpired and commentated by AJ, took place beneath a clear Autumn sky and was played with savage speed and extreme gusto, cheered on by the screams of supporters from both the couch grandstand and the ringside. If some players got a little overexcited, who could blame them? As Bron from Bar 101 (but actually she was from ZM, valiantly moonlighting) said, “It’s quite scary actually, looking the opposition in 4

the eye….you can almost see hatred there. But it’s all in the name of fun because we really love each other”. As the balls flew and the contestants ducked, dived, dipped and dodged, I mused upon what it took to be a great dodgeball player. Besides the four Ds, impressive physique; fast reflexes; massive stamina and total lack of concern about looking like a plonker were all essential, and these were clearly the factors which had propelled these teams to the top. When I asked how they had found the match, El Boneso of MS29 & Friends said “The balls were slipperier than I thought”, while his team mate Raisin, post match, “appreciated the free sausage to go with our sweaty slippery balls”. Notable performances also included the funk of the Dodge City Slammers; the sheer menace of the Presidents of Nixon and some extreme ballsiness from Blues Clues, who were definitely not going down without a fight. And what Dodgeball tournament would be complete without a contestant jumping in the lake to retrieve one of his stray balls (thank you Steve from Dodgy As, for proving that real sportsmen sometimes wear dresses)? In the end, though, there could be only one winner: The Kiwi Killers, who dominated by

dint of sheer devilish determination and were rewarded for their efforts by the lovely people at ZM. Also of note were the deceptively cuddly-looking Hummer & a Chicken Feed, who received some mint Liquor King booty, with a very special mention to Dodgy As, who took out Best Dressed for their extraordinary Jesus Christ Superstar-type apparel. When quizzed on their costume choice, Ryan said “Our costumes were inspired by the exotic women of the world.” As the contestants whooped from the field on their way to kill the fatted beer (or because they heard the rustle of jelly shots in the bushes), I caught up with Jed from Blues Clues, who was feeling “tired, exhausted, a little sore, but overall it’s been a good day”. Last word though, must go to Luke and Rico, two of the Presidents of Nixon, who may have looked like mean muthas from the East side but were more than happy to share their thoughts: “We smashed some balls! Every year’s a good year; hopefully there’ll be more drinking next year.” For more dodgy Dodgeball pics, please direct your attention to page 23, where a pictorial experience awaits you.

QUESTIONS 1. What is the “Zeitgeist?” 2. What’s the best live band you’ve ever seen? 3. If you were to write a letter to Nexus, what would it be about? 4. Should Lord Bhfulu’s Puzzle Page have more or less Sudoku? 5. If you were to join the Nexus Forums at forums.nexusmag. co.nz, what would be your username? John 1. My what? 2. Five Star 3. Not sure 4. Sudoku instructions 5. Big G

Jeff 1. Your generation’s own truth 2. The Rolling Stones 3. You’re doing a great job 4. More 5. A Clockwork Orange

Dion 1. Anti-Semitic thing 2. NY in Singapore, not that I remember much 3. Not enough cool stuff 4. I don’t do Sudoku 5. D-Money on tour

Megan 1. I have no idea 2. Black Seeds 3. The way first years are so first yeary 4. More! 5. Jazzy Chip Meg MC

Maria Mo gets a Medal

She ‘knocked the bastard off’ - Sir Ed would be proud by Lily Zhang The second-ever Waikato University Sir Edmund Hillary medal has recently been awarded to up and coming pianist and Nexus volunteer, Maria Mo. The Sir Edmund Hillary Scholarship programme was established in 2005, to reward students financially for “excellence in a sporting code or a creative or performing arts” in conjunction with “a high academic standard”. Maria was a part of the programme and is the

learning to play the piano at the age of five. She came to New Zealand at eight and has since branched out her musical ability into other fields. “I learnt piano off and on until I came to Uni, and it wasn’t very serious. I’d always sung at school in musicals and choir and barbershop ensembles and jazz bands and talent quests and such. But once I got to Waikato, I fell in love with piano performance.” And it wasn’t until “a serendipitous turn of

a musical future on the horizon. She is now part-way in her study for a Masters of Music majoring in piano performance and has plans to transfer to Germany early next year in hope of being accepted into a prestigious school to undertake her doctorate. In the future she would like to become a concert pianist, chamber musician, soloist and a teacher. Maria has had a host of achievements under her belt that helped her attain the medal. She

2008 recipient of the Hillary medal for her achievements in piano performance. “It was great honour to receive the medal, and an honour to have my name associated with his.” says Maria. The medal offers $1500 to the student and the only other recipient of the Hillary medal was opera singer, Julia Booth, in 2007. Maria has had a rich musical history stretching back from her days as a youth in South Korea,

events” that Maria was led to her teacher, Katherine Austin. “She opened my eyes and ears to classical music and once I got there, there was no turning back.” It was from then that Maria had fully developed her passion for piano. “It wasn’t just black notes printed on a page, but emotion, inspiration, what fuels the soul and frees the spirit.” Maria has graduated with a Bachelor of Music with First Class honours and has nothing but

won the 2007 Waikato University concerto and chamber music competitions, and was named the Most Promising Pianist at the Kerikeri National Piano Competition. And in response to performing, “Yes, I do perform a lot, especially around Uni!” -Maria Mo will be performing in ‘Opus on Friday’ on the 8th of May from 5pm to 8pm in the Academy of Performing Arts.

Finally, decent internet prices for students! No more data-rape from ITS By Jason Sebestian A new broadband service has arrived on campus this year. Lightwire now provides students with a new, cheaper option of broadband Internet access in both the university residence halls and across the uni campus. During O’Week, Lightwire promoters could be seen hounding students all over uni with flyers and advertisements regarding this latest technological buzz. Better yet, it is not some kind shady Internet broadband scam that will backfire on you once you’ve signed up to it. In fact, Lightwire’s pricing plan is perhaps the best part of it all. With a range of prices that are both affordable for students and cheaper than its counterparts from Telecom or Slingshot, Lightwire offers its customers 10 gigabytes (GB) for 30 days at a price of $40 under its Spotlight plan. A similar plan under Telecom costs $50. Slingshot may offer the same amount of GB for the same price, but only if you opt for the extra 10 GB and not the extra $10 worth of toll calls. If you are the kind of Internet surfer who uses 15 GB instead, why not opt for the Highlight pricing plan, which charges you only $50. Of course, for the more energetic breed of Internet users, Lightwire provides the Floodlight plan. This plan charges $75 for 30 GB in 30 days. Lightwire is a service offered by Rural Link, which is a venture by Waikatolink and Rezare Systems. This joint venture has been instrumental in providing rural Internet networks since around 2002. Lightwire started its services in the halls of residence last year, and 6

Plan

Plan

Capacity

Twilight

$20

1500 MB (90 days)

Limelight

$30

5 GB (30 days)

Spotlight

$40

10 GB (30 days)

Highlight

$50

15 GB (30 days)

Floodlight

$75

30GB (30 days)

Several basic plans offered by Lightwire in 2009.

extends to the rest of the campus this year. According to Jamie Curtis, one of the key people behind this new service, the Lightwire team is comprised almost entirely of past and present Waikato students and lecturers. He added that Lightwire is designed to fit the needs of uni students and to be more open and interactive. As such, Lightwire is always looking to improve their services. Essentially, Lightwire provides a cheaper option for students on campus, in terms of both price and affordability. Whether you use the Internet for streaming movies, downloading music, academic research, games or anything at all, Lightwire gives you something new to consider.

Suicide is painless By Grant Burns

Issue3, 14 March 2000 Last week, New Zealand’s biggest university published 10,500 copies of its student magazine, Craccum, with a ‘Suicide and How to Do It’ guide. Auckland University and Craccum’s editors are now in the firing line for advocating 10 methods of offing yourself. “Our prime reason for printing this article is to provide information. If you think that you want to commit suicide, you need to know what you’re getting yourself in to,� said Craccum coeditor Ben Thomas. The feature includes pictures of people who have hanged themselves and others with blown-off heads. Coroner’s Council chairman Richard McElrea said he was “disgusted� and “appalled� at the piece and was lost for words

while reading an excerpt of how to slit one’s wrists. However, co-editor Ben Thomas is defending his claim to print the article. Ben believes suicide should not be a taboo subject and that the mainstream media purposely avoids dealing with it. “All we know is that support helps, and silence doesn’t,� said Mr Thomas. Mr Thomas carried on criticising mainstream newspaper editors, saying that whilst they spend a fortune fighting to name the billionaire who smoked drugs or which celebrity slept with who, they ignore all the cases of suicide and mental health deaths and do nothing to educate the public.

Former Commissioner of Children Ian Hassall also agreed raising suicide as an issue was a positive step forward. “We have too much swept it under the carpet, but the graphic details are reckless.� Coroner Mate Frankovich said he believed it was good for some people to know how painful suicide deaths can be, but said “it could be too strong for youngsters who could be at an ambivalent age.� About 540 New Zealanders off themselves every year, at a rate (among young people) that is twice that of Australia.

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IT JUST DOESN’T WORK! Jillian paid $50 for an old vacuum cleaner from a second-hand shop. The shopkeeper told her it worked, but she didn’t know how well. Jill found it will hardly suck up a feather, let alone keep the floors of her flat clean. Can she take it back? The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 0800FORCAB (0800 367 222). Actually Jillian can ask for her money back, but the shopkeeper is under no obligation to refund the money. She could argue that, bearing in mind what she told her at the time of sale, plus the age, condition and price paid, it was of ‘acceptable quality’ under the Consumer Guarantees Act.

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Game on in the Naki

Time to relive the glory days of ‘96 By Grant Burns Taranaki is gearing up to host the 2009 Uni Games in April which will see over 1200 students from 10 New Zealand tertiary institutions competing in over 25 sports for the chance to be crowned national champions. The 25 events which include everything from rugby league to orienteering will be held over three days from April 15 – 17. “The Games will present some great competition and a lot of sporting talent in venues throughout the region,” said University Sport New Zealand Games Director Katrina Mansfield.

Waikato will be sporting a 100 strong team this year, which in comparison to Wellington and AUT having over 300 athletes each, will make it a difficult challenge to reign supreme. Nexus talked to Waikato Team leader Andrew James about what events Waikato have a good chance of taking out. “We always do well in touch, our soccer girls are defending a gold medal, we have a strong men’s basketball team. We also have some very passionate Frisbee, lawn bowls, and table tennis players,” said AJ.

This year’s competition is being heralded as a Uni Games “like no other.” “We’re actively encouraging the whole Taranaki community will get behind the Games,” said Katrina.

The Uni Games have been running in New Zealand since 1923, where Otago established their dominance as an elite sporting campus. In the 86 times since the competition has been

CLARIFICATION Did you know the article published under the headline “Collective groan at mature students” was a thing called “Satire?” This is the definition of satire: “the use of wit, especially irony, sarcasm, and ridicule, to criticize faults.” It is also known as send-up, spoof, or lampoon. Satire often involves making things up, which is what Victoria University’s Salient magazine did when it wrote a satirical article called “Collective groan at mature students,” which Nexus appropriated for humour reasons. This article was not true, which is to say it was false. Janet Sampson (50), the lovely senile old

biddy, isn’t real. Neither are the vicious little troglodytes in her “Laws 121” class. Nexus does not apologise for publishing satire, and we wish to advise all readers that we intend to do it again. Sometimes, the satire will be clearly marked as such. Sometimes, we will be so mean as to require readers to use their brains to figure out what is true and what is not. We thought that an “irate student in the fifth row screaming ‘DIE! JUST FUCKING DIE! HOLY GOD IN HEAVEN JUST ROLL OVER AND DIE!’” might have been sufficient evidence of irony, sarcasm or ridicule, among many other tip-offs, but some people apparently think this is a perfectly natural occurrence in a lecture

GO THE

running, Waikato have won a dismal three times. “We’re long overdue for a win, the tribe (Waikato team) are going to take it out this year,” said optimistic Waikato Team leader Andrew James. The last time the competition was held in the Waikato was 2002 and the last time we won it was 1996. The attire for the team is the traditional Waikato red, yellow, and black. A pre-Uni Games party will be held at Bar 101 (The official Waikato Uni Games bar) on Thursday 2nd April with lots of awesome drink specials and the chance to meet your favourite college athletes in person.

and failed to see that it is clearly not. See the Lettuce pages for details. To reiterate: as a publication that is entirely devoted to informing and entertaining the student populace, we will certainly publish satire again. Do look out for it. Feel free to take it far too seriously, as well – it’s all part of the fun.

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Religious art hits the Hamilton Gardens from April 5 – 11. The Stations of the Cross exhibition is returning for its Easter celebration sixth year in a row, and has proven successful every time. The Stations of the Cross exhibit will be running over the week from 8 – 10pm. Entry costs only $5 and with that you even get a free coffee. While you walk around the Gardens you can also listen to MP3s relating to each exhibit (you can download these MP3s from the Stations website for free). Last year saw over 3500 people visiting the

explore each event in the last hours of Jesus Christ’s death, from the last supper to the resurrection. The Stations will this year again be a range of reflective, static, moving and provocative art installations. New this April will be access to the Japanese Garden for an enlightening meditation as well as an ANZAC tribute on the open green. Here is a reminder from the Stations website (www.stations.org.nz): “Due to the nature of an exhibition about a man executed as a criminal, it is appropriate that recommended viewing of the exhibition be for young

parental discretion and judgement.” So if you, your child, or your grandparents have a weak stomach for gore and religious icons, be advised. So, put down your Easter eggs and/or chocolate bunny, and go see part of what Easter is really about (the other part being the pagan tradition of Eostre, but that’s another story.)

night time show, in commemoration for the Easter festival. This exhibit invites everyone to

people 13 years of age and over. You may bring younger people through at your own

Entry Cost: $5

What: The Stations of the Cross art exhibition When: April 5 – 11 Where: The Hamilton Gardens

The Nexus Haiku News by Drummond-san

National MP named in poll of beautiful female politicians It’s amazing, all The things that they survey How utterly useless

Aussies: Retarded Kiwis, too – even Canadians Laugh at you

Govt told to curb spending I’m looking forward To National raising taxes For the schadenfreude.

Curtains for nabbed burglars (Background: In a classic example of Nexus’ “all crims are morons” theory, Hamilton tards broke into a house and stole only the curtains.) Did it occur That burglars were, in fact Offended by the décor?

Cop it, Aussie blogger tells Kiwis (Background; some Aussie pillock made witless comments about New Zealand. Predictable backlash occurs.)

Underage driver takes children to school Kids or not, They’re probably better Than most of you bad-driver sods.

presents:

This Easter, make it spiritual. FREE ENTRY + coffee with STUDENT ID

Easter Art Installations

Download your MP3 audio guide at: www.stations.org.nz

Sun 5 – Sat 11 April 2009 8pm – 10pm Hamilton Gardens IND003 Stns_Cross NEXUS Ad f_a.indd 1

22/3/09 10:33:25 PM

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For the weekend of 17 - 19 April, you may hear some loud noises coming from the middle of Hamilton City. No, it won’t be a horde of angry ducks that have united from all the lakes and ponds in Hamilton to rebel against the inferior human race. Nor will it be the statue of Riff Raff coming to life to send us all to the planet Transsexual, in the galaxy of Transylvania. In fact, it will be something much stranger and possibly more life threatening: dozens of super-powered V8 cars driving such at insane speeds that if any normal car was seen driving at the same velocity, said car would get impounded and the driver would also get imprisoned. Wicked. As everyone who hasn’t been living in a cave for the past year would surely know, Hamilton

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has won the right to host the annual V8 Supercar races. Over a total of three days, the cars will be racing around the city streets. This means, within those three days, alternate routes will be set out for motorists and pedestrians - unless you want to get run over. Spectator stands and VIP viewing areas have been set up all around the track, along with special standing areas for the general admission ticket-holders to see the cars zoom past through a chicken-wire fence. A three day GA pass will cost $110 each, and for the richer, the grandstand passes average at $185 per day. If you’re not made of money, I suggest making a friend who lives in the vicinity and use their roof as your own personal grandstand.

During this weekend Hamilton will be swarmed with tourists from all over the world, pubs will be packed even on the Sunday, and you can watch the whole race for free on a large flatscreen in the middle of Victoria St. So make sure you get out there and bask in Hamilton’s 15 minutes of motorsport fame. What: The Hamilton 400 When: From the 17th to the 19th of April Where: Hamilton City For more Info go to: www.v8supercar.co.nz and www.ticketek.co.nz

Are you… experienced? Not exactly stoned, but beautiful

“Students will be able to tell the taskforce what experiences they have on campus other than study, what they enjoy/dislike about the campus, and what could be done to improve it as a whole”

By Grant Burns Preliminary meetings are currently taking place to establish a taskforce aimed at defining the ‘student experience’ at Waikato University. The head of this taskforce will be Deputy Vice-Chancellor Doug Sutton, Associate Professor Roger Moltzen from the School of Education will be the chair, and the student representation will be WSU President Ben Delaney. The idea behind this taskforce is how to best understand the student’s experience/s at Waikato, how to marshal and manage that understanding, and how it can properly influence the University community. One of the main ways the taskforce will gain ‘student experience’ knowledge is by a series

of surveys relating to what students get up to on campus. “It’s important students don’t feel restricted to this survey. It’s really important that we get a wide range of experiences,” said WSU President Ben Delaney. Another main theme for the task force is – how do we know what our students think

encompass a full picture of Waikato Uni life. Surveys will be conducted on: undergrad experiences, post-grad experiences, student experience with the IT systems, evaluation of Teaching and Papers, and much more. A main objective for the taskforce is to create a “One University” approach in collecting data and ensure that relevant staff members have

and want in terms of their ‘experience’ at the Waikato? Students will be able to tell the taskforce what experiences they have on campus other than study, what they enjoy/ dislike about the campus, and what could be done to improve it as a whole. “We must incorporate a broad cross-section of experiences and make sure it’s not just limited to the classrooms,” says Ben. The taskforce will then split its expertise into different sections of campus society to

sufficient input into the questions that are asked. One of the remaining questions that the taskforce will hopefully answer is: what will all these statistics come to? If every nine out of ten students want a bar on the Village Green, will they build one? This will be the major task for the taskforce, whether or not they can translate their data into tangible and advantageous results on campus. Watch this space.

Management students learn how to communicate First step; progress past “grunt” By Jason Sebestian Interested in public relations and communications internships? Excited at the chance to network with current practitioners? Want to attend job hunting workshops? MCSA or in full, the Management Communications Student Association is a new Waikato uni club that offers current MCOM students and soon to be graduates a taste of the above. Last Tuesday in MSB.04 at 5.30 pm, MCSA held their first event, one of the many upcoming ones. From serious talk of being relentless in job hunting, to talk of escaping chimpanzees, and even a mention of Helen Clark, a panel of 5 former MCOM students shared their experiences in finding jobs and in working in their current PR job. A rough group of 30 to 40 people attended the smoothly-run event which lasted past its allocated time of 2 hours, finishing at around 8pm instead. Facilitating the event was Sarah Bettle, the Communications Manager of the Hamilton City Council. The event started with an introduction of the mission of MSCA by Kylie Nichol, the President of MCSA and progressed with questions asked by the facilitator and answered in return by the 5 panellists. Among the guest panellists were, Erin Timmo, the events coordinator at Mystery Creek Events centre, Jenni Worboys, Communication Officer

for the Matamata-Piako District Council and Warren Rosser, the National Internal Communication Co-coordinator for the St John Ambulance Service. The upcoming MCSA website is designed to provide a database of internships and work experiences in PR for students. Organisations that have expressed interest are SPCA, Hamilton Rowing Club, the Cancer Society and TrustPower. According to Julia Barker, the club’s media liaison, MCSA is specifically founded to assist graduating in finding internships and work experience with various organisations in order to sharpen up their CV, especially in times of economic downturn. There are no membership fees required to join MCSA. For further information, contact Julia Barker at baj7@waikato.ac.nz.

Upcoming What: PRSA Lunchtime Learning Hour Where: WEL Energy Trust Academy of Performing Arts When: 1 April 2009, 12:00 pm - 2:00 pm Why: Meet and learn from leading US PR practitioners Cost: Free for MCSA members, $40 for non members

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SEND NOTICES TO: nexus@waikato.ac.nz before Wednesday, 5 pm. Placing notices is free for students. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Notices cannot be any more than 75 words. We will not accept handwritten or non-electronic notices or dictation over the phone – that’s stone-age shit. If you (somehow) don’t have access to email or a computer, come into the offices and use one of our computers to type up your notice. Ta. Oh, and we hear that personals ads work terrifyingly well, so give that a go as well – fun for everyone involved.

Random Stuff Do you need help paying your rent? Are you going away for semester break? Short Film Location Search We require a student flat in Hamilton or surrounding area Spacious, open plan, eclectic décor Dates required15, 16, 17th April 29, 30 June and 1st July 7, 8, 9, 10th July ContactPatti Mitchley molasses@clear.net.nz txt 0274 130 511 Ph 825 8805 PR & Communications Students The MCom Students’ Association (MCSA) helps PR students to find work experience by sourcing projects from the community. Any-one who is majoring in PR can join, just email Maggie mhyl1@students.waikato.ac.nz to find out more, or come to our MCSA Panel Evening on Tuesday 24th March, 5.30pm in MSB4.02. We will be interviewing a panel of Management Communication Alumni from the PR industry so you can learn about their work and get some useful tips. Come along to ask questions and enjoy some drinks and nibbles. Wanted:Collier, A. (2003). Principles of Tourism, a New Zealand Perspective. 6 edition, Pretty much any condition....0273840456 Carpoolers and those who want to carpool: Waikato Uni runs its own carpooling service! Check out: ridelink.waikato.ac.nz We are Aucklanders heading off to AK on a regular basis to escape Hamilton. If you want to hitch a ride, or if you often go yourself and have two spare seats let us know. We can pitch in for some petrol or you can do the same for 12

us. We live in central Auckland (Westmerejust up by the zoo/Ponsonby). email LB51@ WAIKATO.AC.NZ cheers =) DANCER WANTED Can you dance? (Contemporary screen dance styles...or not...).. Are you passionate about life? Are you keen for a mini project/ abstract film? An afternoon will be enough time!! Text 027 251 7093 Wargamers wanted! Do you want to play combat sports? Are you looking for a sport that encourage teamwork and make you fit? Always wanted to dress like Bruce Willis in ‘Tears of the Sun’? Or do you just want a “shoot ‘em up” sport to kill stress once every month? Airsoft may be for you! Waikato Wargamer’s Club/Team LOD is recruiting, contact Amos at ajyc1@waikato. ac.nz or visit us at www.airsoft.net.nz/forums. Black Mitsubishi Mivec 1993, 126,000kms, cambelt replaced at 111,000kms. 1600cc automatic, WOF due July, Rego due April, alarm + immobiliser, Panasonic MP3 player, sub + amp, MOMO steering wheel, sports exhaust, window tints, EVO side skirts + spoiler. In good condition for age and km’s. Call or text Margie 0273285629. $5000 ONO

Flats and Mates Flatmate wanted Looking for a cool, social, clean & tidy person to add to our flat of 3 flatties (2 guys and a girl). Awesome spacious 2story house on Hillcrest Rd for $90 rent wkly, parking space provided. Nice room with big wardrobe, fits queen bed fine. We cook separately and it would be a bonus if you have a lounge suite 4 our downstairs lounge. Call/ text me on 0277566055 to check it out! !!! FLAT FOR RENT !!! 77 Galloway St 2 bedroom flat, very tidy. Best of both worlds, is

close to Uni and town. Is NOT part of a block of flats! Chilled out landlord $295 p/w Flatmate Wanted ASAP Hey there we are two girls in second year looking for someone to fill our third room, its a large room with a wardrobe and nice big windows which let in lots of sun.The house is nice with lots of off street parking and its about a 6minute drive to uni. It is $106.00 a week for the room and we will sort out the expenses when we get our third person but it wont be that much more. If you wanna no more Plleeeassse text us on 0273158088.

Personals I was the young lady enjoying the 8:30pm showing of Watchmen on saturday (22/03/09) at Chartwell. You were the dude who yelled “NERDS!” into the theater in the middle of the movie. Now call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure we had a connection. I mean, I feel like you know me so well already, and we only had but a brief encounter. But how did you know I was a nerd? And what compelled you to call out to me? Was it the intoxicating aroma of popcorn and armpits? Or did you just follow your heart? When I heard your voice echo through the audience and theater, I knew that it was true love. Please write to me, loverboy. signed, your nerdlady. n3rdlady@gmail.com Intelligent man seeks discerning ladyfriend. Must be non-stupid, goodlooking, know how to dress properly and realise that I will appreciate this. You’ll know if it’s you. I’m awesome in bed and you will be too, even if you’re not already. Smooches guaranteed. 021 356 241.

SEND LETTERS TO nexus@waikato.ac.nz

LETTER OF THE WEEK Snakes in a Carpark

Send letters to editor@nexusmag.co.nz Letter of the Week wins a $20 Bennett’s voucher!

My Darling Nexus, “There are no motherfucking snakes in this motherfucking carpark!” If I was Samuel L. Jackson, that’s something I might (incorrectly) say. Actually no, if I was brother Jackson then I probably would have slapped some carpark

if you will. But then along come the snakes, whipping in despite all correct signals being signalled. You can’t just go around whipping it into places you don’t have clearance for, it’s rude. It’s not nice to be a snake, it engenders

ho’s with my mighty pimp hand. Sadly, my pimp hand does not compare, so I am forced to voice my troubles here like a whiney bitch. It’s the snakes that have driven me to this, and though you can’t tell, I am actually shaking one fist in the air right now as I type. The carpark snakes is who I’m shaking at. What with the extra thousand or so students enrolled this year, the car parks are even worse than they have ever been, and at certain times of the day anyone arriving on campus is inevitably faced with the sight of row after row of no fucking parks. So, we circle. Like hungry steel vultures we circle, until from the path around LittleLake appears a single, scrawny wildebeest, jingling its keys as it looks for its car. There is a protocol to who gets the park. Whoever is closest, or actively following the exiter, or who has claimed via indicator (though NOT if they have indicatored incorrectly, of course – incorrect indicatoring will get you nowhere), gets the park. It’s just common sense, manners

bad feelings towards you, so play nice, and let everyone have their turn. (I live out of town, so walk/bike/bus just isn’t an option for my daily trip in to uni). And university spendy people, I have also grave wonderings about your priorities. Lots of extra students, hey, why not tear up the library and have them (students who used to use the library to, I don’t know, STUDY?) displaced all across campus? We could provide them some more parking facilities, perhaps more by Gate 2, or even over by the Don, hey why not even get REAL fancy and let the resident students have somewhere safe to park their cars too? Nah, we’ll knock down the shops and put up... shops. But we are really eco friendly now – you should see our wonderful new reception in the admin block. Sure, there is a whole WALL of lights, burning throughout the workday, but they are ECO bulbs, and they sure are purty. Just another kind of snake, if’n you ask me. Bah!

Eternally yours, Old Man Jake OP

KSH

BOO A ITY OF THE WEEK WINAS z ERS THE NEXUS LETTER S s.co.n NIV WIN ETTS R FROM BENN nnettKSHOP OU beBOO TTS $20 BOOK VOUCHE E WEEKKSHO EP! @ IKAT u TY N A k ERSI BOO H Y N UNIV W ERSIT WAIKATO AIL w F T OM BE WAIKATO UNIV O ! P R EM ETTE HER FR OKSHO o.nz US L O EMAIL wku@bennetts.c NEX K VOUC RSITY BS Gate 5 Hillcrestst Road Road THE 2255 IVE RES lcre OO NADD FAX 07 $856 5 Hil 20 B IKATO U te a SG WA

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Letters may also be sent via the letters thread at forums.nexusmag.co.nz. We get too many letters to publish these days – but don’t stop sending them! Letters that don’t make it into the mag can be viewed in the forum as well. Txts to the Editor! Nexus now has a non-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Bustedtype situations to 021 235 8436. Letters policy: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name. Send letters to editor@nexusmag.co.nz

6 68 07 85

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Mature students shows maturity.

Txts to the Editor

Please don’t think that all mature students are as described in your article by Ira Lastic. Being a mature student I thrive in the learning environment here at Waikato. I left school years ago to pursue the much lauded sex and drugs and rock and roll and of course money. If I had continued my education then, I would be one helluve a lot better of than I am now, hence my second bite at the apple of education. Why Sampson chose to study I don’t know

My concern is your headline insinuates all mature students are the same, we are not. There are some of us who continue to live full and productive lives, some work full time and also have part time jobs. Some study part time whilst still raising families. One of the greatest advantages of having mature students in your classes is our life experience, most of the theory that you learn has already been experienced by us, and we can contribute a lot to your learning. In the case of Sampson

but she seems to have stuffed up in class. Maybe she needed to get out of the house and away from the rugrats. Sampson is not yet a lawyer but she is wasting time like one! What infuriates me (if its true) is the language she used to describe you, her fellow students ( sprouty , sprout, sprouts) bloody childish if you ask me!

maybe she thinks she is but all she is doing is alienating herself from her student peers; Grow up Granny! Matsu

Speling misteak Come on Outback..ur advertising in a uni mag n u cant even spell the word chiefs right 2 WEEKS IN A ROW! Sarsh ps. Bring back Sudoku

Social injustice If u eva livd d0wn york st ud know the whole plc is ful of these dole bludgn familys cramd in2 2bdrm flats tis iz no piss take ed. Mike hunt – bsc

I look out my window and don’t see too many dole bludgers in the “student areas.”

Very good points, I think – but you don’t have anything to worry about; the story was satire.

H a ve yo u

h o o ke d u p ye t ?

Mega on-campus dband ad oa bro

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Bold Horizon

or contracts! So what are you

Mature complaint The Editor- Nexus Magazine This is a formal complaint regarding the story in this week’s edition of Nexus titled “Collective Groan at Mature Students.” The abovementioned article was totally inappropriate and offended a large number of students to which I am responding on behalf of as is my duty as President of WULSA. As we discussed on Tuesday, I would like you to have a clarification note in next week’s edition of Nexus that the story was completely satirical, total fiction and was not even written by a Waikato student. This note needs to be easy to see, unequivocal and in the same section of the magazine as the offending article. I will be watching to ensure this is done as will the complainants no doubt. I usually enjoy reading Nexus and would advise that stories of better taste (or apparent

On Nerds humour) be published in the future to maintain its reputation with all students at Waikato University. Sincerely Richard Bracefield President Waikato University Law Student Association I thought the story (originally published in the Vic Uni mag Salient) was hilarious, but that’s me. Nexus will continue to publish satire, even though (or especially because) there are people out there who take things much, much too seriously. Therein lies the LOL. Please observe your requested clarification notice on page 11, – Ed.

Hahahiliarious!

To whom it may concern: I was an international student at Waikato last semester and since the dorms were too full i was given a listing of places that I could live at: This included an all girl Catholic housing facility: Rimbrook Study Center! well being that I had no other option that is where I stayed and what a holy crock of shit that was! We had a curfew and had to call if we were going to be late, we weren’t allowed to have boys in our rooms (mind you I am 26 years old) and *They would go through our things when we weren’t home-(they found my condoms this way!) **To make things worse I was patronized for gasp having premartial sex with my boyfriend(which isn’t against my beliefs thank you) *They were always trying to convert the nonCatholic residents * We always had to wear shoes * You weren’t allowed to wear your pjs around the house

*You were scolded for wearing anything too low cut or a skirt that was too short-As in above the knee! The kicker was they refused to give me tenancy papers or even a reciet showing that I had lived and paid for rent there because I was moving in with my boyfriend and we weren’t getting married. and much much more! I have at least 2 other ex residents that would be willing to talk about there experiences there. anyway I was thinking it would be a good way to warn would be students to steer clear from Rimbrook the Catholic Hell Hole- which gave me an an insight on what life in prison would be like but with out the occasion anal sex! Nicole Friedman Done. We’ll run your story after the holidays. Make sure you write it, or you’ll have a lot of disappointed punters!

Plea to Bhfulu for Sudoku Dearest person who puts sudoku in the Nexus, WHERE HAVE THEY GONE? My monday morning lecture is not complete (or bareable) without at LEAST 1 sudoku. Ideally 4 would feature but I can settle for one. So, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE with a cherry and sprinkles on top, put the sudoku back in Nexus. Me and 99.87% of the university will love you forvever! Thanks :)

To start with I’m not a nerd hater but I have my own opinion on this unique sub-species and thought I’d share it with you. I just read your nerd editorial, a couple things here, first off I don’t think many people deny that ‘nerds’ invent stuff any more than nonnerds. The main reason a nerd is a nerd is not because they’re smart, it’s the fact that they tend to be either slightly or wholly socially retarded, they constantly create awkward circumstances that make people want to avoid them for that exact reason...this is most likely due to the fact that they did spend their youth reading and writing code as opposed to socially interacting with their peers or had parents that didn’t allow them to have a normal childhood - I’ve found that many home-schooled people tend to be severely lacking in some pretty basic social understanding. Nerds are ostracised because they don’t have the social skills to get along with people, not because they’re smart. Although often these two do go hand in hand. Someone who is NOT a nerd is someone who is clever AND is not socially retarded, most smart people fall into this category. They have social skills and are easy to get along with. Also, quite often nerds aren’t actually very smart, but as they’ve been stereotyped as nerds by their peers (due to their lack of social skills) they think they are and act as such. So saying that someone is a nerd just because they’re good at something is way off the mark. So I think you need to re-define ‘nerd’ and ask yourself this, do you often find yourself in uncomfortable social situations? Do you say things which in hindsight just seem retarded and people give you that look and people say things like “what the hell is wrong with you why would you do/say that?” Well my dear Watson, I give you your nerd. Anon I think it’s largely semantics. I (and plenty of other self-identified nerds) opt to give the word a positive meaning, in much the same way the word “queer” has been reclaimed by gay people. You can keep the classical meaning if you like, but I think you’ll eventually be left with a word that isn’t an insult any more. 15

“thezeitgeistmovement. com is the official website which, along with other social networking sites, has been the main medium of organization for Z-day events held in countries around the world, including New Zealand, to promote the movement”

The Zeitgeist Revolution By isa

Zeitgiest literally translates from German as “time ghost,” and is usually taken to mean “the spirit of the age.” Now, a new movement is emerging bearing the name of Zeitgeist. Nexus correspondent isa looks into it… “The failure of our world to resolve the issues of war, poverty, and corruption, rests within a gross ignorance about what guides human behavior to begin with. It [Zeitgeist Addendum] addresses the true source of the instability in our society, while offering the only fundamental, long-term solution.” Zeitgeist Director Peter Joseph Is a world free from war, poverty and corruption possible? Is money really necessary or it is just part of a system that is inherently flawed? Is the idea of Utopia a naïve fantasy or a real possibility for the future? The Zeitgeist movement is rolling full steam ahead to spread awareness of the problems with the current mainstream financial and political systems and to promote a potential alternative. Zeitgeist translates to Spirit of the Age. You may have heard of the film released for free download in June 2007, presenting the corruption of religion, military attacks and the US Federal Reserve bank being used for purposes of social control. In October 2008 16

it was followed by The Zeitgeist Addendum. The Addendum critiques the world monetary system, claiming that through debt people are forced into a kind of employment based slavery, and also addresses the fact that money is artificially created through debt. The second part of the film is based on an interview with John Perkins, who says he was formerly employed by the CIA as an “economic hit man.” Perkins claims he was employed to bribe politicians in countries around the world to accept the bribes of US politicians and corporations or face further action from the people he calls the “Jackals” who are paid to start riots and overthrow governments. Perkins claims that the US is a “Corporatocracy” where politicians are often former company executives and are, therefore, obviously and unashamedly working for corporate interests. The fourth part of the Addendum is solutions-focused. It contains an interview with industrial designer and social engineer, Jacques Fresco, and expands on his ideas of 17

“one of the key ideas expressed is the utilization of technology to enhance life and free people from the burden of unfulfilling employment”

Check out: www.zeitgeistmovie.com www.thezeitgeistmovement.com www.thevenusproject.com

a resource based economy – that is, a society with absolutely no money. This is proposed as a solution to unemployment and poverty. It may sound like a hippy commune, but one of the key ideas expressed is the utilization of technology to enhance life and free people from the burden of unfulfilling employment, an idea that Karl Marx was rather fond of. The Venus Project is named after Jacque Fresco’s settlement near the village of Venus, Florida. It is based on his ideas of a resource based economy in which technology negates scarcity which in turn helps to overcome human behavioral problems. The Jetson-like architecture, designed by Fresco, a selfproclaimed ‘futurist’, incorporates concepts of practicality and innovation with individual needs. The houses and cities are designed to exist in harmony with nature, meaning they recycle all waste and create no pollution. Ideas such as ‘self erecting buildings’ are proposed in order to free people of such tasks. Although it seems like a vision of a perfect society, the website FAQs deny that The Venus Project is a Utopian society, claiming that society is never perfect; it is always evolving and changing. According to their official website “The Venus Project proposes plans for social change that works toward a peaceful and sustainable global civilization. It outlines an alternative 18

social design where human rights are not just paper proclamations, but a way of life.” The last section of the film recommends boycotting banks who make up the Federal Reserve System, turning off television news, not joining the military, refusing energy from energy companies in favour of self-sustainable homes with clean energy and rejecting the current political structure. The film closes by asking everyone to “eliminate the divisionary, materialistic noise, we have been conditioned to think is true ... while discovering, amplifying and aligning with the signal coming from our true, empirical oneness.” From these films, a movement has sprung. thezeitgeistmovement.com is the official website which, along with other social networking sites, has been the main medium of organization for Z-day events held in countries around the world, including New Zealand, to promote the movement. A strong emphasis is placed on community consciousness within the movement. There have been rumblings on the Zeitgeist forum about instituting The Venus Project in New Zealand and much interest has been generated. The climate here is reasonably mild and there is a lot of rainfall, not to mention

cheap land. For the sake of practicality it is necessary to have money in order to create a society that is free of it. In many ways the emphasis on self-sufficiency is similar to other trends that have been popular in recent years, with people choosing to grow their own vegetables, keep chickens and invest in wind turbines as a lifestyle choice, whether or not they intend to undermine the current system. It is probably true that future humans will look back on our current society with its decadent and primitive attitudes in utter disbelief, perhaps even revulsion. It may appear quite obvious that the existing financial and political systems are outdated and more or less corrupt. Capitalism has generated a lot of individual, isolated dissatisfaction. But a few questions remain: Will you do something about it or will you carry on living your life in the rat race, competing with everyone else to be the richest person in the graveyard? Would you give up your current life to live with other people who have different interpretations of similar ideas or would you prefer to create your own version of Utopia with people you know and trust. Whether you’re a radical, and idealist or a skeptic, this movement provides food for thought.

Wednesday 25th March at the VectorArena

By Grant Burns Through the night smoke, beyond the security guards, far from the ticket stalls, I strolled into the stadium, loosened my tie, and sat down to experience the Kings of Leon. Surrounded by mothers and daughters in every direction with consistent ostracising looks at my long hair and black shirt attire, this was unlike any concert I had been to before. Before anyone snickers at the image of a hardcore, long-haired rock ‘n’ roller sitting amongst teeny boppers and commercial posers, understand this. I’ve been a die hard KOL fan since the beginning – Youth and Young Manhood epitomised my adolescence, and my loyalty to Nashville’s finest sons has never faltered since. The last time I saw the KOL was the first time they came to New Zealand at the 2006 Big Day Out where the crowd was much smaller and sedated. Oh, what commercialisation can do in a few years. The opening act left after I purchased my $8 beer – yes, I know, it better be the damn best beer in world. I would tell you their name but I wasn’t listening, nor giving a shit. I was here as a fellow musician who also jams with his brothers, to bask upon the rhythmic greatness

of the Kings filial sound. Dimming the lights, the Kings of Leon slipped straight into Closer to a frenzy of high-pitched screams and one low-pitch roar. Straight away the sound blew my mind out of my brain. Every tone, every pitch, every note was in perfect precise unison from the lowest string to the highest tom. The vocals were optimum volume without being overpowering. Flashing lights in a full house. This is why I love the Kings of Leon. Following the track list of Only By The Night, Calib moved straight into Crawl without the slightest hesitation. After the smashing start, Calib (rhythm guitarist and vocalist) yelled out, “I don’t like to sound like a prick, but everyone at a Kings of Leon concert is supposed to stand up.” And so, like some occult church, every patron in the stands got off their seats and started shaking their fists in the air. After catering for the masses, KOL drew back into their earlier stuff which hardcore fans such as myself came to hear. California Waiting, King of the Rodeo, My Party, Milk, Red Morning Light, every song

was a 150% fucking awesome and the sound, have I told you about the sound yet? It was absolutely flawless. Vector Arena could have suddenly collapsed, horrifically slaughtering all in attendance, and it still would have sounded awesome. It was one of those special moments where you know you could have died right there and then and it would have been all worth it. Since its release last year, I have long been contemplating whether Sex on Fire was a good thing or some weird Eastern-European STI. With a capacity crowd singing along at the top of their lungs, I knew it was a very, very good thing. After an explosive 19 song set, the Kings of Vector returned for a 4 song encore. Knocked Up, Manhattan, Charmer, and Black Thumbnail rounded off a fine spectacle of southern stadium rock. Everyone left the stadium with big eyes and wide grins, knowing they had been treated to an intimate display of sound. I then had a smoke, finished my drink, and hit the road home back to reality.

19

Josh’s take.

The Who

The Who are one of my favourite bands, and easily the best, to my mind, from the golden age of rock. I first heard them thanks to my dad, who had managed to see nearly every other band of that era live – the Allman Brothers, Jethro Tull, Led Zeppelin, Crosby Stills Nash and Young, the Rolling Stones. But he’d somehow missed the Who when they came on their only previous New Zealand visit, and when the tickets arrived in my office, my dad was clearly the only person to take. I’ll leave the bulk of the review up to him. I arrived late, happily missing the Counting Crows, who I can’t stand, and tragically dipping out on the first three songs of the Who’s set. I got out of the car fuming, but once I got through the gates of North Harbour Stadium, it didn’t matter. They were spectacular, everything I’d expected and much more. It may be a cliché, but the Who have improved with time. Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey had the energy of men half their age. Townshend’s guitar took a slamming and Daltrey’s vocal and microphone antics were everything I could have expected. I hope I’m like that when I get old. I would say more about the music – the stunning performance of “Baba O’Reilly,” the crowd singing along to “Who Are You,” the thunderous drum

solo in “We Won’t Get Fooled Again,” but the Who’s music speaks best when you’re listening to it. My favourite albums are probably “Live at Leeds,” and “Tommy,” but you should absolutely listen to them all. They left the stage after “We Won’t Get Fooled Again,” for what was clearly an expected encore. The crowd didn’t disappoint, bringing them back with the famous “Who” chant. “Who, Who, Who, Who.” It sounds like owls on paper, but hearing it screamed by 25, 000 people is a powerful experience. They returned to play a fantastic medley from “Tommy,” including - brilliantly -“Pinball Wizard.” It was, by far, the best concert I have ever been to, and I’m honoured to have seen the Who in what will probably be their last ever show in New Zealand.

disciple (oops) of The Who, would not tolerate any nonsense. He had rung me with the news he had obtained tickets for the Who concert in Auckland on Saturday 21st March and I had better be there (you bet!).

On the night, for about as long as it takes to hum the opening bit to ‘My Generation’, it was almost possible to time travel back to 1970/71, when in New Zealand Keith Holyoake was Prime Minister, and over in the Old Country The Who were concreting their names and music in the sub-floor of musical history.

I arrived at the venue at 6.30pm, mindful of other live concerts I had attended where you had to park about 3 miles away and needed binoculars to see what was happening on stage. At least at the Led Zeppelin and Stones concerts at Western Springs there was never any problem HEARING what was happening, as many of the residents in nearby suburbs could tell you. So there I was: middle-aged, with this kind of warm fuzzy glow happening, in a sea of grey watching other middle-aged people, My Generation, as well as many younger ones, all with the same reason for being there. You would wonder how the two surviving members of any early sixties/seventies rock group could pull in such a diverse group in such numbers. Well, let me tell you, young whippersnappers: there was no such thing as music videos, rap or hip hop in those days, and to be a successful band you had to be able to perform and play!

I began this ‘permit to regress’ with the intention of not resorting to clichés and metaphors, as I knew my journalist son, who is a ready

And that is what The new/old Who did. Sublimely. Look at any video clip on YouTube and you will see neither Roger Daltrey nor Pete

Steve’s Take

Townshend has lost any of the showmanship and talent that has made them living legends. Daltrey with the whip-cracking microphone techniques and growling, howling vocals and Townshend with the trademark ‘windmill’ guitar bashing, although minus the ‘star-jumping’ acrobatics and guitar-smashing. Best moments? All of it. From the start Hello Sailor and Counting Crows warming up the crowd, to the ‘over two-hour Who musical feast.’ How many concerts have you ever been to where the whole crowd is singing along to the songs? “Pinball Wizard,” “Won’t Get Fooled Again?” and “Behind Blue Eyes” sounded every bit better for the last 38 (!) years. If there is anyone reading this who enjoys 60s/70s rock, get hold of some of The Who. Get their two best albums/CDs: “The Who: Live at Leeds” and “Who’s Next” and discover what made them the best band of their time. The concert was a little fluoro ‘post-it’ on my life reminding me that although we all grow older, the songs remain the same (or was that Led Zeppelin?!). Ah well, time for my morning nap. I wonder what day it is? To paraphrase the legendary Pete Townshend “I hope I die before I get old!” Uh oh, too late!

By Caitlyn Crivelli and Natasha van der Laan After enduring a painful ten hour bus ride, introducing ourselves to Wellington’s not-so-raving Friday nightlife that kindly gifted us with blisters (note to self: avoid wearing heels the night before a concert), and having minimal sleep, we were oh-so-ready for Homegrown. We had scored sell-out tickets in exchange for a box of Waikato and some BK vouchers from Brad at The Edge (churr!). Jealous much? Upon legal entry, stage-hopping proved to be a mother of a mish, even for the sober. We pity those who were blazed/wasted. The first band to grace the stoner-stage was Katchafire. While they played, the skinny Jim Beam girls mingled in tighty-whitey jeans, stilettos and puffer vests. It was a wonder they didn’t topple over. We sat. People danced. It was great. Enticed by free Moro bars we climbed aboard Vodafone’s bus-style golf cart and demanded, “To the Rock Stage!” The mini-bus system happened to drop us at the foot of what appeared to be an intoxicated life-size Jager moose. Turns out it actually was. After excitedly posing for a few raunchy snaps, Natasha queried, “Where’s your tail?” to which the man-moose simply replied, “We’ve evolved.” Elemeno P got a little bit cultural on us, opening their set with a couple of skirted Scottish lads cranking the bagpipes (WTF?). Their token chick bassist was a bit of a MILF sporting her preggerz belly, and since when did they get a new guitarist? It felt like we had landed in a karaoke bar with all of their sing-along classics. A change of genre was needed, so we hiked over to the Smokefree Electronic Stage where NZ’s number one house DJ, Tim Phin, was remixing to the wide-pupilled crowd. We must say, we felt slightly awkward raving under a marquee in broad daylight. To the bimbos who literally applied bright pink lipstick in the centre of the crowd, why the hell did you deserve soldout tickets? Go home. Just go home. All homegrowned out, it was time to pop ‘home’ to our backpackers where we ditched all our freebies, got ourselves some kai and stopped off at the whare paku. Sorry Evermore, but you provided a good intermission. Refueled, we made our way back to the Rock Stage and managed to catch the last of Opshop’s ‘One Day’. Fuck me, they really are talented musicians. The crowd was thick with people and the atmosphere was truly amazing. 22

Top effort Opshop, gold star for you! And then it was time for the moment we had all been waiting for (well, for us and a whole lot of bogan lookalikes). The most amazing New Zealand band EVER were up (fuck off, so we’re biased – you’re not the one writing this). With a flashy video introduction and a trusty smoke machine, Blindspott emerged from the darkness. After breaking up in 2007 with their Yours Truly farewell tour, Blindspott reunited once again for Homegrown. Seeing them in all their glory again was such a beautiful moment, it might have even brought a little tear to one’s eye. We found ourselves in a sea of head-thrashing, shirtless, sweaty guys in their mid 20s, soaking up Blindspott’s awesome energy. Their music brought out the inner-hardcore within us and we found ourselves head thrashing with the bogans and screaming lyrics until our tonsils putted out. Blindspott’s vibe became a little angrier and it was during ‘Nil by Mouth’ where mid “fuuuuuck yoou-” the music blatantly stopped because a fight had started in the crowd. After resolving differences and hugging it out (or something to that extent), Damian announced to the crowd, “Blindspott fans don’t fight other Blindspott fans”. With that, the crowd cheered and Blindspott took it from the bridge. Unfortunately, as Nelly Furtado once said, “all good things come to an end”, and Blindspott disappeared (yet again) with a poof of smoke. We salute you. When asked to put Homegrown into three words, one fellow Homegrowner declared “Fucking good time!” We couldn’t agree more. There were a few negative aspects about the concert, such as the maze-like layout, the shitty range of alcohol, and the outdoor techno stage where some ‘cool’ kids thought they’d light-up (come on guys, it’s a mother trucking smokefree stage!). But the positives outweighed the negatives by far: thanks to the under 15s needing to be supervised, the red-banded teeny-boppers were kept to a minimum. In some ways, the layout was a positive thing – the fatties got an involuntary workout trying to find bands, the music was a big thumbs up, and last but not least, one word: freebies. We passed a few kiddies and thought a different perspective on Homegrown might be interesting, so we challenged one of them, “Can you describe Homegrown in three words?” The boy replied, “I dunno, ask him – he’s the brainy one.” Go figure.

23

Pres Sez by WSU President Ben Delaney Is anybody out there? At the time of writing, I have just come from the Waikato Job Summit. A convenient gathering of the greater Waikato business community. Discussions were reflective of the times, suggesting a need to “create efficiencies in the work place” and external environment to cut costs. “All good – but what does this have to with me,” you ask? Here is the point: the 1.5 hours of sitting there brought very little reference to your beloved University and reference to students was not to be found. Could it be claimed that as far as Waikato business is concerned, we don’t exist? Even though our institution employs a large amount of employees and its students worked the equivalent of 6000 weeks in the six months to February earning close to $3 million dollars (even while studying,) this is understating the students and institutions combined effort in contributing to Hamilton’s economy which, in

Joke of the week – oldie but sweet as Mickey goes to court to get a divorce with Minney. The judge says “I’m sorry Mickey, but I can’t find ‘insanity’ grounds for divorce.” Mickey looks stunned and says “I didn’t say she was insane, I said she was f***ing Goofy!

noodle packet terms (student currency) is surely to equal zillions.

any discussion, be it economically or sociallyfocused.

Students will be affected by job losses, both directly and indirectly. The future of Hamilton’s businesses is important to us, if only because we live here. Our lives as students will be touched by the economic events of the past, present, and as most people will tell you, the not-very-predictable future. So real knowledge of how our local economy is doing is important. But also important is Hamilton’s ownership and investment in its students; a demographic that represents around a quarter of the city. Students don’t live in an isolated vacuum somewhere out beyond the horizon, we actually live right here, spend money here, work here, play here, and for the majority it’s a solid commitment, years of their life. This is why we should not be overlooked in

My argument is that investment in the student experience should be city-wide and go beyond offerings of discounted drinks and night life (although these are very much appreciated) to a more co-coordinated and integrated approach that sees institutions both public and private aiming to enhance the lives of students. In the end the business case makes sense. More students equals a direct cash injection into the local economy. Students may have limited income, but they’re still spending that limited income in a recession. Long term investment in us, and our experience in the wider community, is an investment with actual return.

Veep Speaks by Glen Delamere

One of the great things about being on the WSU is that you get a “big picture” view of what is happening. A fellow student questioned in Nexus last week regarding a last minute proposal to give out bags of potatoes for St Patrick’s day. Yes the student is correct that a last minute proposal was put in and by last minute we are talking about a phone call to the President at 4:30-5 PM ish by a Director asking if he/we could buy $100 worth of potatoes to give out to students. At the time there were two other Directors and the Vice President in the office so the President called all into his office to see what their thoughts were. All spoke about the concern of such short notice and how if the WSU is going to do an event then it needs to be a quality event. Another concern raised which I also shared was that we are talking about student money and as a student I would be concerned if Directors felt that they could access student money with a simple phone call to the President. We have Board meetings where proposals for events are put forward these include a budget with costs for the event which are then decided by the Board as a whole not just the President and a few Board members who happen to be in the office. 24

Upcoming Events WSU Board Meeting Tuesday 31 March 9am-11am in the Bunker (ask at WSU reception if you need directions)

1. M.A.S.H 30 March – 3 April It’s on: MEN, show you have the balls and get a man pack from Student Health Services or WSU reception. Take the test and get your M.A.S.H card which will entitle you to go to the front of the line for some Pizza on Wednesday during Cultural hour you won’t be able to miss us between KL block 1-2pm on completion put your M.A.S.H card into the furry box to be in the draw for a dinner for two and a night at the Tanui Novotel.

2. Hakinakina 1 April

Student question

How can I connect to the internet on campus? Interschool Maori sports: can the Management Maori be beaten? 11am4pm down by the Dons – if your best sports days are a fond memories get down and support your mates

3. Pre-Uni Games Tribal Party 2 April Bar 101 home of The Tribe don’t miss your opportunity to wish our team all the best before they battle in the ‘Naki’ for the Uni-Games Shield. 8pm onwards, Tribal theme. $2 door charge if not dressed in theme

4. Kingitanga Day 21 April

There are several in which you can connect to the internet around campus. One of the easiest ways is to log on to www.lightwire.co.nz – even you haven’t connected on campus before, all you have to do is, choose a plan, and get connected wirelessly! (Of course, you’ll need a computer with wireless capability.) If you are staying in the halls of residence, it is pretty much the best way to sit under the sun and surf the internet. If you are still confused, go to WSU reception, we can help you out!

How can I find a computer to use? The library computers have been moved to the Bongo Café (as it used to be) which is opposite to the WSU building. There are only a few computers left in the library and time limits of 15 minutes, so it makes sense to use the Bongo. It is quiet, has air conditioning and there are plenty of computers available there so you don’t have to wait.

Celebrate the King’s birthday with the WSU – more information to come in the next issue of Nexus (after the break.)

Wanted: Performing Arts focused people Artz on returning Hamilton it’s Artz onShow Showis is bringingtoits unique with high-quality high-qualityarts performing arts Workshops foraged students performing Workshops for students 5-15 aged 5to- 15 years. We’re l ooking for for talented andand years Hamilton. We’re looking talented enthusiastic performing with enthusiastic performingarts artsfocused focusedpeople people with knowledge and/ or an interest in teaching students: knowledge and/or an interest in teaching students:

5. Post-Uni Games Tribal Party 23 April Celebration and trading war stories of the battle of the ‘Naki’ – more information in the next issue of Nexus 5.The Vagina Monologues 27-29 April The WSU is proud to be bringing you the only performance at a University this year. Three days only, held at the Academy of Performing Arts. Cost: $15 for members of the public, $10 for Students. Tickets on sale from Ticket Direct soon.

Contemporary dance/jazz/Hip Hop Vocal Coaching Drama Modelling Stage Make-Up And other performing arts disciplines.

Artz on Show offers excellent working conditions in a fun and supportive environment. Keen to find out more? Please phone Nicki on 09 638 9449 or email: nicki@onshow.net.nz

25

Staff Profile Accounts Manager Kirsty Blackwell It is my job to ensure that the financial decisions that the Board of Directors make are carried out and that our processes are robust, transparent, and that the office runs smoothly and efficiently. The WSU is a great place to work. The environment is dynamic and diverse and I never know what the day will bring – especially when things like O Week or Uni Games are on. I have been with the WSU for 8 years and throughout this time have seen the various Directors (or executives as they used to be called) take many different approaches to serving you – their members. It is always a fun challenge to make sure that they are supported and well resourced for all their activities and events – I’ve even been known to get out there in fancy dress from time to time. So if you’re one of the clubs who have received a grant from the clubs grants; or you’re someone who is receiving assistance from the hardship fund; or the WSU is giving you money for whatever reason; come up to reception, ask for Kirsty and then very nicely say… “Show me the money!”

AJ says

My names Dave; also known as Burton C Bogan. I’m a Psychology PhD student so I’ve been around for a while and this year I thought I’d try helping run the Student Union. So I’m a bit of a noob, yet I have two portfolios - Disabilities and Mature Students. This week I’ll talk about the Disabilities portfolio. Being a disabled student myself (and not cause I’m a Bogan!) I have some insight into what it’s like to be a student with a disability and so if you need someone to advocate for you or try and help you with any issue come up and ask to see me at the WSU building, if not me then we also have an awesome advocacy team here as well. I’m also hoping to organize some activities in the coming year that are a bit out of the ordinary and will hopefully be a bit more inclusive and get these non-disabled students thinking. Chur \m/ Dave Snell 26

MALES ADVOCATES FOR SEXUAL HEALTH

30TH - 3RD APRIL 2009

UNI GAMES 09

TRIBAL

PRE - PARTY

UW SP ORT

join a

UW SPORT CLUB today www.uwsport.org.nz

>RUGBY >SOCCER >TABLE TENNIS >HOCKEY >HANDBALL >NETBALL >ROWING >SNOW AND SKI

Starts at 8pm at Bar101 $2 Jungle Slushys $3 Fridge, Doubles & Handles Prizes for Best dressed boy & girl

interpretive dance competition Party it up with the Tribe before they go to battle down in Taranaki $2 Door charge for anyone not in theme or non-student

pgilbert@uleisure.co.nz

UWSPORT

M A N A G E D BY

S U P P O RT E D BY

27

With Luna Goodlove Aries (21 March – 19 April): Happy birthday Aries! That guy

Taurus (20 April – 20 May): You’re still tired from O’Week,

who sits behind you is still watching. Pull up your pants a bit.

because your liver can’t handle the jandal. Never mind your sub-

Your card is The Lovers. It might be because you have one,

par social ability, you need to pass your classes now! O’Week is

or that you imagine a hot one. Or that the dude behind you

in the past. No one likes a chode who fails all the time. Not even

imagines you as his. The stars are unclear on this. But they are

Ned Flanders. Your card is the Four of Swords, which means

clear on one thing: you need some chocolate. Yay, Easter!

recuperation and recovery. In bed. Naked. With a friend.

Gemini (21 May – 20 June): You’re pretty decent-looking

Leo (23 July – 22 August): You are still awesome! If you show

lately, thanks to Thin Lizzy hiding your flaws, but that doesn’t

this to someone and say you’re a Leo, I bet they will give you

mean you’re remotely interesting. Stop talking to people when

free smooches. If not, you can have fun trying. Your backup

they didn’t invite you to. Stop dropping by their houses and

plan is the Bahama Slut dance floor. A never-fail plan! Your lucky

staying so long they have to make up excuses to get you to

number is 69, because that number is one of the ways you can

leave. They should have locked YOU in the attic, not your twin.

get lucky. Your card is the Ten of Wands, a card of oppressive

Your card is Strength, because that’s what people need to deal

burdens. Your oppressive burden is being fantastically hot. Use

with you.

it to your advantage.

Cancer (21 June – 22 July): You will come into some money

Virgo (23 August – 22 September): Remember that video you

this week, Cancer! Hooray! Unfortunately it will go straight out

made? Well, it’s on the internet. Your mum saw it. She also

on rent and other utilities. But more happy stuff is coming your

knows about your cam site. Which has no visitors. Your card is

way, provided you’ve been good. Your card is Judgement, the

the Eight of Swords, which speaks of the difficulties in becoming

card of karma. Hopefully you’ve been nice to people, or Buddha

free from restriction. Which you’d know about because that

will pwn you.

video had a fair bit of BDSM.

Pisces (19 February – 20 March): You’ve just turned a year

Scorpio (23 October – 29 October): The memories of the

older, so let everyone behold your glory! The best way to

other weekend are slowly returning. Lots of bacon, tequila…

show off your awesomeness is to enter a slutty “Hot Chick of

and that haggard dude you found in Fat Bellies who looks

the Week” style event. Even if you’re a guy, “Bachelor of the

like Dennis from accounts. Oops. Best put that in the “never

Day” will be suitable. Ask at the bars. Otherwise, keep your

happened” basket and become a virgin again. You’re not likely

coolness levels hidden and show them only to your close friends.

to get any action for a while now anyway, at least until that

Whatever you decide, you’re right. Your card is the Six of

rash clears up. Your card is The Slut. No, wait, The Hermit. Sorry,

Wands, a card of success, acclaim, and GLORY!

Latin is tricky to translate sometimes. Slut and Hermit look really similar.

Capricorn (22 December – 19 January): Travel is in your

Libra (23 September – 22 October): Eating McD’s for every

stars for the next couple of weeks, Capricorn! Unfortunately it

meal isn’t saving you any money and it sure ain’t saving you

is all to lame places like Huntly and Tokoroa. Shame. Have fun

any calories. Quit the chicken fat and buy a skipping rope. Your

crocheting with your grandma. Your card is the Four of Cups,

thighs will thank me. Your lucky number this week is pi. Like

which covers discontent and boredom. Stink, ow.

Georgie Pi. Your card is The Fool, for obvious reasons. But on the bright side, you have a really pretty nose!

Aquarius (20 January – 18 February): Now that you’ve

Sagittarius (22 November – 21 December):

waxed, your attractiveness shines out like pasty skin in the direct

you very attractive this week. Unless you’re a guy, in which case

sunshine. Your next step is to fake tan. Fake tan it all. I don’t

no one does. Your lucky numbers for this week are 73, 87,

care what colour your skin originally was, it needs to be orange!

and 1231. Use them in Lotto, and success will be yours! Your

Lindsay Lohan is your tanning goal. Achieve the orange! I have

card is the Wheel of Fortune, because winning money on TV is

faith in you. Together we will make you beautiful. Your card

something you could do, but Who Wants to Be a Millionaire is

is the Three of Pentacles, symbolising the initial completion of

too advanced for your tiny tiny brain.

Women find

work. There’s still lots more to go, though.

Ophiuchus (30 October – 21 November): Hello serpent-bearer!

Have a lovely day! I can say that because I know you will. People will smile at you,

notice your butt, and chat you up. Tell them yes. Yes yes yes. Yes to everything. Be the Christopher Walken of university. He never says no to a film role. You never say no to a come-on. Hence you=Walken. Your card is Justice, because you deliver it.

29

THE MAGIC 8 BALL Send questions for the All Knowing Magic 8 Ball to magic8ball@ nexusmag.co.nz. Alternatively, drop by the Magic 8 Ball thread on the Nexus Forums – forums.nexusmag.co.nz! O! Magnificent Magic 8 Ball! Now that I have been revealed as His Spaghettiness’ chosen one, will I be plagued by weirdos? – from Harlief Better not tell you now – It’ll spoil the surprise when you wake up to a house entirely covered in spaghetti bolognaise. Woops, sorry about that. Dear Magic Eight Ball Why do forums always attract at least one total retard? And I mean TOTAL – from Harkonnen It is certain – that you are that retard, as it seems you have not grasped the concept of a yes/no question. Focus, and ask again, at forums. nexusmag.co.nz. Magic 8 Ball: Will the V8s result in the amazing nightlife it did last year? HA. – from GertieLou It is decidedly so – the unfortunate coincidence of the Hamilton V8s with the spirit world’s Annual Haunting Party will once again see the main streets of Hamilton devoid of any intelligent life. There will be a hell of a lot of ghosts and munters, though. Magic 8 Ball, will anyone buy an alcoholic drink from Momento before their fridge shelves collapse under the weight? – from Jethro Ask again later – I have busied myself for the last several hours drinking away excess shelf weight at Momento, now one of only several licensed venues on campus (the other two are Opus and the Station) and I’m feeling a little… crunk. I was also joined by about 40 other people taking advantage of the after-5 drink specials. Magic 8 Ball, will the world sort out its problems and live as one thanks to the Zeitgeist movement? Reply hazy, try again – the brain-waves from the Scientology temple are clouding my mind. Also there are people watching my every move. I hear them chattering. Sure, they look like birds, but they’re not. They’re speaking bird-code. The satellites know things. I’m off to make a lead hat and buy a shotgun. They’ll never get my secrets! Will the University’s new Student Experience motion to form a committee to form a committee framework working structure five year plan going forward have any noticeable effects for students? Better not tell you now – I have been forward in time to 2092, when Nexus is beamed directly into the mind-nanites of students and the cybernetic shell of Deputy VC Doug Sutton has just released the Student Experience preliminary draft working report. Ask me then – at least two of you will still be here. Dave. Chris. 30

BOGANOLOGY author: Burton C Bogan Nameology Alternating columns with Vitamin C has given me time to think and I’m a slow thinker. I was wondering how we get our names –Metallers seem to be especially good at it. Saul became Slash, Vinnie became Alice Cooper, and good old Brian became Manson. Even everyday Bogans like us seem to get nicknames. Over the years I’ve been known as Squiddly Diddly (due to my girlish figure and ability to flail), Kramer (my hair at the time), The Jew (apparently I also look Jewish) – even at WSU people call me Bogs (as in Bogan), Dr Bogan or Dr B.

“We started talking about how funny it would be to have an Agony Aunt column in Woman’s Weekly and all the funny responses to dating or cooking problems” Burton C Bogan is the one that seems to have stuck the longest though. It all started when I used to live in Whangarei, getting stoned and drunk everyday before doing management at polytech (the management bit is the only one I’m embarrassed about!) My best friend Rat (see told you we were nicknamers – my other best friend’s name is Mole. At the time I also knew a Ferret and a Weasel –like some fucked up Wind in the Willows!) and I were sitting in my beat up ’81 Corona drunk as hell. At the time I didn’t really care about my car so we used to drive out somewhere, get drunk and then walk home and pick it up in the morning. We started talking about how funny it would be to have an Agony Aunt column in Woman’s Weekly and all the funny responses to dating or cooking problems. I loved Fear Factory so Burton C Bell became Burton C Bogan. So when writing for Nexus and doing this column, which started three years ago, it became the natural choice. But it’s not just about me. It isn’t? No. Despite this column being mostly self indulgence there are many other everyday Bogans out there who have cooler names. I have friends called Misery, Death, Nail and Chopper. Why do we do it? I like to think it’s related to power; a vulgar display of power. A lot of the names involved in Metal – bands, people, album and song names are related to power. Not that we lack it and in no way am I saying we’re victims, but that we want to express the power that the music helps us attain or reinforces. In other words these images of toughness and power we want to express due to our connections to the music, whatever form that connection takes.

For more Boganology and other nexus columns check out www.nexusmag.co.nz/columns

AGONY ART presents Allah and the Virgin, part 2

ESSENCE OF ANNOYING author: Burton C Bogan

by Art

in which Blair Munro harasses pub-goers in Ackland.

After achieving sexual activity, I bolted through a wide list of other vices in a very short period of time. I smoked copious amounts of cigarettes with a Chinese kid from school. His small car quickly resembled a smoky opium den and I was merely a wealthy Victorian banker slumming it for a while. I smoked two joints in a porta-loo at the after-ball party and stumbled out to discover that, contrary to my previous beliefs, strobe lights and stoned people were not good friends at all. I made out with a Chinese girl, a French girl (who looked, in hindsight, like Nicholas

So, I was up in Auckland a few weeks ago (yesterday, at time of writing), to see Billy Connolly perform at the Vector Arena. Afterwards, I went to the Viaduct, and did a small tour of the various clubs and spots. Dives, the lot of them, but you didn’t read that here. As an aside, I met that guy from that TV show for the children on the channel on the things.

Sarkozy and was thus not an affair to be proud of) and a Pollack, who has since become a lesbian. All of these oral affairs took place while I was still technically with the girl I had lost my virginity to.

despicable, and downright unfit to run in the human race. Auckland is a rough city, we all know this, we all hear the stories of the knifings, and muggings, and spitting, and Karangahape Road. I’m perfectly okay with all of these things, I’ve played Grand Theft Auto, but this one here just boils my blood.

Also in this year, being the year of our Lord, two thousand and one, I had one very gay student write me vast love letters. I was kicked out of home for calling the principal (and thus my father’s boss) a Nazi plutocrat and ended up living with a communist vegan in Hillcrest for a week. Terrorist attacks laid waste a chunk of downtown New York and blew a hole in the side of the Pentagon. Oh yes, September the 11th, a TV-special makers dream. A great time to wave a flag in front of a camera, play some sad, yet patriotically hopeful, music and list a whole lot of names of people who died doing what Americans like doing most – earning money and polluting the environment. It was cathartic to watch. Instead of dropping smart bombs onto defenceless oasis villages and post-cold war ghost towns, the Americans were finally getting it, right in the city that sums them up to the outside world: polluted, angry, rich but poor two blocks over. Now, I hate flying. I am also afraid of heights and terrified of burning to death. So I must admit to being a little shocked at what was going on the television. I was far more shocked that my dad had run screaming across the yard to bang on the door of my sleep-out and yell “Something bigger than Pearl Harbour!” It was 6am, I was hung-over and I’d only just snuck a girl out of the property a few hours prior. It was also a Wednesday and a school day. At the risk of sounding a giant prick, I really couldn’t care less about anything ‘historically significant’ at that exact point in time. Sure, I was a bit bummed that all of these people were getting obliterated right in front of me, but seriously; I was hung over. Really hung over. More hung over then I’d ever been at that point in my life.

But, dear reader, I witnessed a phenomenon while getting “crunked,” and it wasn’t until this point that I realised some people could be so low,

I’m talking about drink stealers. You heard me right. Stealers of drinks. Consumers of others’ beverages. Scum of the fucking earth. People that I would love to set fire to. More than I would to normal people, anyway. Now, do yourself a favour, and read this next bit in the voice of Australia’s beloved Steve Irwin. “Here we are, in the Stealer’s native habitat, overcrowded bars in Auckland’s Viaduct. If you watch closely, you can see the novice attempt to make her strike. Waiting patiently, until the point in the night where the other patrons are too drunk to notice that their seven dollar bourbon and coke is not where they left it, they strike silently, quickly, infiltrating every bar, every establishment, appearing when least expected, and disappearing as suddenly, leaving no sign of their existence but rattling ice in a glass, and the stench of a bourbon belch. “Look now, see the blonde put down her drink, as the short brunette with the shifty eyes stalks quietly in her shadow, waiting for the opportune moment to capture her prey. Fascinating!” These Inebriati are everywhere. Often moonlighting as liquor-teases, luring naïve men with their feminine wiles with the sole motive of bleeding a drink from the dope’s wallet, immoral, vile, and letting the gender down. They must be stopped, people! Keep your eyes and ears open! Fight this infestation of vermin from your local watering-hole! Raise awareness! And on sighting, alert the populace with this cry: “INEBRIATUS!”

To Be Continued on the Nexus Website – see nexusmag.co.nz!

31

Mature Content by Vicky Cadd Okay; so now you are a full-on, card-carrying mature student! You can find the coffee places on campus, you know which areas to avoid so that the loud music no longer vibrates your teeth and you even know where your lectures are...well done! You’ve survived the first couple of weeks at uni. Lectures (shudder). I mean that’s what we’re here for right? Learning. So you find your lecture room a.k.a. chamber of horrors (well, you HOPE it’s your lecture room) and there’s a cluster of 50 or so kids lurking around the doorway. The sounds of mobile phone texting and your heart pounding are deafening. The

run but you’re blocked in. The lecturer arrives. You try to pay attention to what she’s saying but you can’t get over the fact she has hot pink nail polish and on her toes too! AND she’s wearing jandals ...granted not the old rubber ones you have at home, trendy stylish ones but still jandals. What was that your mother used to say? Only ‘fast’ girls wear polish on their toenails? You glance at your naked nails encased in your sensible sandals and make a mental note to paint them tonight. You suddenly realise it’s gone quiet and everyone is looking at you...OMG Hot Pink Toenails has asked you something – what the hell does she

2) Never volunteer an opinion; you’ll either get a reputation as an old know-it-all or as the teacher’s pet. 3) If you don’t understand something, ask, chances are there are others that don’t either but they would rather cut off their hair extensions than appear to be a dummy. 4) Don’t have an opinion. Opinions are like bums, everyone has one and some of them stink 5) Take notes, but only as much as you have to to remember something because if you don’t, it’ll be in the exam. 6) Don’t fret about calling the lecturer by

door opens and you get tangled in escaping students. You fight your way in and find a seat. It’s like being at the pictures: tiers and fold down seats. You unload all your stuff and manage to knock your pad over the front of the bench. You stand up and lean over and the seat behind you flips up and hits you in the bum. You hear the giggles... you want to

want to know? Ummmm... she’s lets you off the hook by saying “I take it you do have a name?” Siiiiigh. So here’s a few pointers to help you make the most of lectures: 1) Always pay attention, especially if the lecturer asks questions – they get stroppy if you don’t.

their Christian name, gone are the days when teachers were Sir or Miss/Mrs, and many of them are younger than you anyway.

Hungry? So are we. All the time. We are ladies who lunch, so we know all about the most flavoursome noms in Hamilton. Take your lady friend/man person to one of these places on a date, and you will be rewarded with smooches! Cafes are good for daytime dates, restaurants for sexy night dates.

Breakfast dates are cool. If you have had sex the night before, they’re proof that you appreciate your date for more than just naked love times. Metropolis on Vic St has great food and a really cool atmosphere. Eat their pancakes. The Boston Café by the Hillcrest BK has amazing pizzas and really nice food (including curly fries!). It’s good for lunch or dinner. Iguana’s wicked too, but often crowded. Gertrude had crocodile pizza there once. Really.

burgers. The Vic St store is coolest, sponsoring Nexus and all, so make sure you go there.

On campus, we recommend Gaura for a healthy, cheap and tasty meal. It’s environmentally friendly and tummy-friendly (because it includes dessert!). For those who like to be ‘scene’, Bongo Café has a huge range of sushi if you need immediate sushicraving relief, but we recommend St Pierre’s sushi out at The Base for deliciousness. For a proper Japanese meal, go to the Japanese café on Collingwood St. You get a whole meal for around $10! But be sure to ask for a knife and fork if you can’t eat with chopsticks, or you’ll scare your date away. Cool cafes for dating include Hydro down near the river beach in Hamilton East. They have cool retro furniture, and a yummy breakfast. 32

Top-quality Indian food can be found at Curry Pot on Grey St and R.R.’s South Indian on the corner of Peachgrove and Clyde. Gertrude and Mavis firmly back their respective favourites, and will fight this out in jelly with precise ninja skills. The Peri-Peri sauce in Nando’s chicken will boost your sex life, according to the ads. Gertrude will endorse this statement. Mavis is anxiously waiting to test it. CBD has the best aioli in town, and delicious wedges. Burgerfuel has second best aioli, but has easily the best

Lectures are never as bad as you assume they’re going to be. They can even be fun and contrary to popular belief SOME lecturers even have a sense of humour! Next time I’ll talk about assignments – what the hell is APA?

But if you want to be super impressive (and you can trust your partner not to turn into a chode after one glass of booze), try some classy places like Tables, Palate or Canvas. We can’t comment on the food in these places, coz we’re too rangi to go there. We’re sure it’s good though. For a memorable experience, go on the Waipa Delta for dinner. You’ve got to do it at least once! Get an entertainment guide to score wicked discounts at pretty much everywhere in town. Check out www.entertainmentbook.co.nz If you’re poor/wanting to score bonus smooching points, try a picnic at Hamilton Gardens or somewhere equally pretty. Cheap and fun! Remember, when you’re eating, sit up straight. Posture is SEXY. Next time, we will teach you the rules of dating. Trust us, we’ve been there and now we both have awesome boyfriends. We dated them before sexing them. It’s the classy way.

Halls of Decadence By Yonny Following the inevitable hangover of O’Week, the Halls have seemed quite relaxed for a short period of time. Short meaning that as opposed to lewd, inebriated acts taking place every night of the week, they seem to be restricted to Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays and the occasional Wednesday. However, the super secret Decadence office on D1st in College Hall has still been relatively busy with more reports of hilarity and embarrassment, the best of which involves two seemingly very straight American men bringing their libertarian ideas to a Kiwi campus, as seen in the photo below. Usually we use no names but when homosexuality is involved, I’ll provide their life stories. Nick Harris, a Republican Cheney fan, and Bryan Lynch, the local douche-filler in his home town, found themselves in a precarious position when coerced by residents to make out with each other after several drinks, a proposition they obviously couldn’t resist. In any case, if you see these two guys on campus, please thank them for taking the “homo” title off me after my experience with my ultra gay ride home during O’Week. God bless America. Some of you may remember the 4 foot 5 Hokkaido girl, or Bai Ling, from the first Decadence. Reports have reached our HQ of an interesting encounter involving her, a South African and a lucky Kiwi (pending on your definition of luck). The situation involved the fabled three-way moulding of two vaginas and a penis, creating the much sought after pyramid of genitalia commonly found in porn,

adolescent fantasy and now clearly the Halls. A source in a neighbouring room claimed it sounded like ‘two dudes and a hermaphrodite TRYING to have sex but instead getting into a fight’. Though Bai Ling assures me, it was definitely sex. Accusing someone of sexist attitudes in this day and age is not a significant issue in a man’s life, as I, and several other male residents have come to realise these past two weeks in the Halls, as women are clearly dissatisfied with the male ability to leave instantly after a climax for a beer in the lounge with his mates. I will say now definitively that I am not a sexist, and perhaps the feminists of this campus should put down the Margaret Atwood novels and accept the fact that men fuck women and women make love to men – this will not change. Congratulations go to: The Kiwi Killers, the American dodgeball champions that took home the Waikato Uni dodgeball tournament, and to all the losers, you’ll recognise the two men kissing below as members of the team. Shame on you NZ for losing to the (homosexual) enemy. Forgiveness goes to: the girl that punched me in the face twice for being sexist on Saturday night before kissing me. You’re forgiven, I think?

Auteur House Presents: author: Dr Richard Swainson

“The Delicate Matter of a Certain Type of Punter.” A certain type of punter is obvious the moment he ascends the stairs at Auteur House. He is male, new to the city if not to western culture per se, and clearly looking to throw off the repressive shackles of state and religion that have hitherto undermined his entertainment pleasure. He is the new Asian Hamiltonian looking for some good old fashioned pornography. Now there is nothing wrong with this. Whilst cognisant of the relevant feminist arguments that can be marshalled against stick vids you will find no moral indignation from this quarter. For years I laboured in a mainstream shop (one that has subsequently gone to shit, but that’s another story) which serviced the adult market. Ask Burton C Bogan if you don’t believe me: he had to chase horny little midgets out of the

blue room all of the time, like some outtake from Herzog’s “Even Dwarfs Started Small”. This said, Auteur House does not stock outright porn. We feel that the inner city is well catered for on that score and it wouldn’t be consistent with our directorial orientation. Our landlord is also a High Court judge and his morals need to be beyond reproach. This then presents a problem. What do you recommend to a potential paying customer when all he wants is a bit of skin and erotic friction? The art house porno, of course. One or two of these particular titles I have detailed in this column before. “The Beast”, for example, a weird European exercise in Freudian symbolism in which maidens masturbate with rose heads and make love to giant simians with plastic, perpetually spurting members. Or “In the Realm of the Senses”, the true tale of an obsessive, masochistic affair

in 1930s Japan which climaxes (so to speak) with a sharp edged form of penis envy as a young lady removes the carnal organ of her partner. For those whose intimate enthusiasms are more aligned with Oswald Mosley or his Automobile Association son there is also “Salon Kitty”, an account of Nazi kinkiness featuring hunchbacks, dwarfs and the kind of clinical mass orgies that could only be conceived by warped fascist minds. Much more in-your-face decadent is a new arrival at Auteur House, the uncut, 20th anniversary edition of “Caligula”. Notorious for the underhand manner in which the Penthouse producer Bob Guccione shot and inserted hardcore sequences without the knowledge or approval of director Tinto Brass it has the distinction of having the best lit sapphic 69 of all time.

Movie review: The Unborn Directed by David S. Goyer

Reviewed by Kirill Well, I’m going to get this off my chest straight away. I went into this movie with high hopes. From what I saw on the trailer, it seemed to be a good interpretation of a modern Japanese horror movie, but with a budget to create effects like they want them and with some common sense, so as to not be dicks with it. Turns out it sucked. At first the movie seemed to be about a woman who was at one point a twin (until she killed her twin in the womb). The twin is now trying to escape the blurred vision and stretchy-features world of ghosts. It attempts this mostly by stretching its jaw, screaming and having very blue eyes. Later on it turns into a Jewish horror movie. Yes, that’s right, featuring Auschwitz, Nazi occult experiments on twins and Kabala. Oh, and there’s mental asylums and old people homes too. Very scary. Beyond some promising words, this movie has little going for it. For those who do not delve too deep into horror movies there is less to be unsatisfied with, so I’ll start there. The acting is as terrible 34

as any other lackluster horror movie that you will hear about (perhaps though it might surpass Paris Hilton in House of Wax). The lines are delivered with roughly the same intonation as in the Hills or Laguna Beach. Each sad, scary or revelation scene has the main character making the same noise, which lies somewhere between sobbing and choking on lukewarm tea. Perhaps it does not help that the script looks like it was made on an internet “horror movie script generator”. Here are two memorable quotes: “It’s not safe to be around me” and “Fuck off you little shit”. The latter was said to the ghost, or neighbor boy, or neighbor boy possessed by ghost… I dunno, at this point I was drinking the third can of “cactus” that we had snuck in. Chances are that I should comment on the soundtrack and sound quality… I’m not sure. Chances are it was very unmemorable, since I don’t remember it. For those who have watched a horror movie or two, well, you have a few extra problems. If you have seen the Grudge, you’ve already

seen two of the better scenes. The Unborn does not make them any better. There is literally no new element or imagery added to the world by this movie. The closest thing to actual tension is a little scene in the middle which goes to the Jewish concentration camps. Unfortunately, this scene is ruined by your own laughter. Why? Because of the “plot twist” that happened earlier, and the voiceover, which is trying to explain elements of the Kabala and Jewish ghosts, or spirits, or limbo monsters. I give this movie 4 out of 10. Boo-erns. Also, the main character should see a dermatologist – I could hide food in her pores.

The Phat Controller

Need For Speed: Underground Reviewed by vitaminC

I remember the very first Need For Speed. Hell, I remember playing the very first Test Drive, so the idea of a game full of supercars on the newfangled Windows box we had at home was pretty cool. In Need For Speed, you picked one of 8 modern automotive icons like the Porsche 911, Ferrari Testarossa or Lamborghini Diablo, and raced them around one of 8 tracks using the arrow keys and the spacebar

game because sometimes I’m just not in the mood to play Metal Gear Solid 1/2/3/4/Online, Fallout 3, Grand Theft Auto, Mirrors Edge, Guitar Hero, Super Smash Brothers, Warhawk, Gran Turismo 5 Prologue, or Golden Axe, so I load up the disc and drive around for a while doing races where I don’t have to think about much. I’m saying that it’s a very good arcade racer.

for brake. The latest Need For Speed is also about racing cars. You have a car, and use it to street race. There are lots of types of races that all involve beating the other cars to the finish line, and some other bits where you have to evade cops by knocking knocking down roadworks, or rack up a cost to the state by knocking down roadworks. The novelty value here I guess is that you are in a giant fictional city, and every race is a different course set up on the streets. As you get to know the city, you get better at the courses. I think. I don’t really know the city that well. I like the

As you win you earn “Wheelman” points, which enable you to level up and enter more races (sigh). Every time you ‘dominate’ an event (which is when you win and then some) you get a boost to a driving stat like cornering, acceleration, or talking on your cellphone while lighting a cigarette. Just winning gets you nothing. This is basically the hook to the game, and it seems to go on forever. These stats apply to any car you drive, so if you buy a new car or win a pink slip in the ludicrous story mode you still get these benefits. The story involves you being a cop going undercover to bust some Triads who also

street race a lot. There are liveaction videos that tell the ‘story’, for example your Police Chief is an Asian lady that always calls you from her apartment wearing a skimpy silk thing. When you race against a gangster you get 30 seconds of watching guys hanging around cars and sassing off, and sometimes a Latina prostitute smiles at the camera. I say ‘the camera’ because it surely can’t be anyone’s POV, unless they have MTV vision. I should mention the cars. There are three basic categories of car; Import (i.e. Japanese), Exotic (European), and Muscle (real) cars. This is also how you choose your difficulty. I learnt this when I won my first pink slip and took a Plymouth Barracuda, painted it stainless steel with a red stripe, and then lost a bunch of races because it handled like shit, the way all manly cars should handle. The soundtrack is shit, but makes for fun aggressive driving. I rate this game: good to own, because I got it for free – cheers, EA!

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Everything you’d expect from your favourite free weekly student magazine + much more!

FINALLY! visit nexus online for: • extended articles • features • comments & feedback • competitions • letters to the editor • up-to-the-minute news

• forums • archived issues - more added all the time! • busted pictures • exclusive online content • streaming music from contact FM

Some features yet to be implemented. Site is a work in progress, and is subject to change without warning.

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Stephen King’s The Stand: Captain Trips Words by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, art by Mike Perkins Continuing the theme of “comics based on books by Stephen King,” we come this week to The Stand, a comic book based… on the book by Stephen King. The Stand is one of King’s best books, and whether or not you’re interested in the comic you owe it to yourself to check it out. Very real-world horror coupled with creepy semi-supernatural apocalypse themes, The Stand sees a motley bunch of plague survivors making their way across America to a safe haven and a mysterious woman who may be their only hope. Opposing them is the evil Walkin’ Dude, Randall Flagg, who will be all to familiar to Constant Readers. It must be hard to adapt a comic from King’s famously wordy material. As far as this is possible, Aguirre-Sacasa and Perkins have done a brilliant job. The Marvel Comic version of The Stand is as creepy – and in parts, creepier – than anything King wrote himself, and the

art makes the dark themes of the story even more profound. It’s one thing to read about millions of plague corpses. It’s quite another to see them, the victims of the Captain Trips superflu virus, bloated, ruined, devoid of dignity – men, women, and children. This book pulls no punches. Where King has written of a brain being blown out or a burst body, we see it happen in graphic, unsettling detail. Comic book violence is often as passé as in any other medium, but this book is shocking, and often tragic. It is meant to be. It is a near-perfect adaptation of a very good story – a story, despite the horror, of life and hope in the midst of a ruined world – and should be read by any King fan and by comics fans who have yet to discover him. I am tempted to criticize it for the obvious cash-in value, but the book survives on its own merits, and is packed with extras for the reader who wants more.

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Listings courtesy of Mammoth (mammothguide.co.nz) and Hamilton Community Arts Council

GIG GUIDE Are you an artist? Want people to come to your show? Then send your gigs to gigs@nexusmag.co.nz! Dynamo Go album release Dynamo Go release their debut album, “The Fool of Fountain City” with support from The Dusk and No Fixed Abode. Fri 03 Apr 2009 Cost: $10 Time: 9pm Where: Ward Lane, Ward Lane, Hamilton Further details: Dynamo Go - www. myspace.com/dynamogo Knights of the DUB Table With guests Second Chapter and DJ Jamin-I 17th April at FLOW 266 Victoria Street $10 on the door, doors open at 8pm. www.myspace.com/knightsofthedubtable www.bebo.com/knightsofthedubtable A night of Reggae, Dub & Drum’n’Bass. Renaissance Fest of Leonardo Come along to a special late evening at the Museum to enjoy our Renaissance Fest of Leonardo and the Da Vinci Machines exhibition. Featured alongside the exhibition will be music by The Renaissance Singers, SingCorp and Mine Accord as well as a

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Renaissance guitarist and a harpist. You can see your portrait painting live by Joan Fear. Fri 03 Apr 2009 Cost: Entertainment is free, charges apply for the Da Vinci Machines exhibition Time: 5pm- 8pm Where: Waikato Museum, 1 Grantham Street, Hamilton Further details: Waikato Museum 07 838 6606 olivers@hcc.govt.nz www. waikatomuseum.co.nz The Laughing Samoans - Prettyfull Woman One of New Zealands most successful comedy duos is back with another hit show. Eteuati Ete and Tofiga Fepulea’i have been playing to sell out audiences around the world since they started back in 2003. Come and see for yourself why. Fri 03 Apr 2009 Cost: Free Time: 8pm Where: Founders Theatre, 221 Tristram Street Further details: Ticket Direct 07 838 1111 www.ticketdirect.co.nz

Curtain Call An hilarious comedy about theatre. Dinner available most nights at $25.00. Weekly | Sat 04 Apr 2009 - Sat 18 Apr 2009 Cost: $25, Seniors/Students $20 show only Time: 6.30 dinner show, show only 8pm Where: Riverlea Theatre, Riverlea Road Further details: Lorna Ashton (07) 856 3801 nashton@clear.net.nz www.playbox.org.nz Collective works by HANNAH CLELAND & EMMA FLETCHER Thu 26 Mar 2009 - Thu 07 May 2009 Cost: Free Time: Open 8.30-5.30 weekdays, 9-2 Saturday Where: The Framing Workshop, 120 Silverdale Rd, Hamilton Further details: S. Marston (07) 856 4236 Warhol Wahine Mixed media collages by Nancy Caiger Wed 01 Apr 2009 - Thu 30 Apr 2009 Cost: Free Time: 24/7 Where: www.artnexus.co.nz Further details: Yvonne Anscombe 006478289010 yvonnea@slingshot.co.nz

Master Origin Graphic Use the master graphic to talk about our New Zealand origins.

FANCY SOME AWESOME EXPORT GOLD GEAR? Export Gold has launched ‘Over the Fence’, a new online game based on the popular TV ad. To win, you need to throw the Chihuahua ‘over the fence’ catch the flying pooch on the other side, hit a six, and vault the fence. Do it successfully and you’re in the draw to win great prizes such as fridges full of Export Gold! The game can be played on www.exportgold. com/game To celebrate the launch of ‘Over the Fence’, Nexus has two wicked Export Gold t-shirts, a beach hat, and a 12 pack of Export Gold to giveaway!. To be in to win simply send a Busted picture of you and your mates to Nexus and we’ll pick several winners at random!

You must be over 18 to enter, and the winner must produce appropriate photo ID to the Nexus Editor to be able to claim prize. Prize packs will be mailed to the winners.

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