Issuu

SEPTEMBER 26TH 2011

SPORTS!

MAURIORA

Nexus welcomes its newest writer with a column entirely in Te Reo! Far out! Thatâ€™s Awesome!

TOP TEN WITH SAM

Sam Hurley hits you with ten of his finest, this time in a mega sports edition! Comeback from that!

LICK IT! LICK IT!

Miss Yeldizian has some treats in store for you! Liquidy, jellyish treats!

SHORT STORY BRO

The Nexus Short Story Competition continues into its third week! Check inside for details!

THE

CONTENTS 4

EDITORIAL

HATE IT OR LOVE IT

6-7

LETTUCE

8-9

THE NEWS!

HAIKU NEWS

SPORTS THOUGHTS

POLICE REPORT

14-19 20 22-25 24

WSU PAGES THE MAGIC 8-BALL ENTERTAINMENT PUZZLES

26-27

RUGBY WORLD CUP 2011

28-29

TOP TEN - MEGA EDITION

RWC FAN ZONE

ORKBALL

30-36

COLUMNS AND REVIEWS

GIG GUIDE

WEEKEND WARRIORS

39 3

EDITORIAL

SEPTEMBER 26TH 2011

SPORTS! Credits: EDITOR: Art Robinson (editor@nexusmag.co.nz)

WITH ART

Here’s the third to last magazine of the year and we have decided that it’s about time we had a look at sports. Having covered religion over two issues, and done the stock standard student magazines fall-backs of bar reviews, sexuality and pop culture, it is only fair that we give sports its turn too. As with every other topic we cover, some of you might think that it’s a bit of overkill. The Rugby World Cup is on and everywhere you go you’ll see flags, team colours, face paint and international rugby fans. Why not complete the circle and fill up a student magazine with sports stuff too? Sam Hurley, who is one of our newest writers, has done a truly outstanding job this week, providing us with two features related to sports. C-Ball Weal is in there too, doing his part with the Sports Thoughts page as usual and coming up with some of the greatest similes I have ever seen: “Sicker than Steve Jobs”. Even Gucci Mane, who started just last week, got a sports themed column in and you can see it right next to me, just across the staples.

DESIGN: David Nixon (design@nexusmag.co.nz) ADVERTISING: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) NEWS EDITOR: James Manning (news@nexusmag.co.nz) FILM EDITOR: Richard Swainson (films@nexusmag.co.nz) BOOKS EDITOR: Kevin Pryor (books@nexusmag.co.nz) GAMES EDITORS: Sash Nixon (games@nexusmag.co.nz)

Another addition we want to welcome to Nexus is Kiriana Waru. Kiriana is writing a new column entitled “Mauriora” and it’s in Te Reo Maori! Since about half way through last year, we’ve been trying to get content in another language, be it Arabic or Cantonese or Mandarin or whatever. It’s sad that no one has come forward before now, but awesome that someone has. Welcome to the Nexus family Kiriana!

DESIGN INTERN: Debby Yeung

Contributors Sam the Heretic, Luke Elliott, Ben Woolen, Scott Granville, Dirty Old Chair Leg, Shannon Rolfe, Judy’s Sweet Legs, Dr Richard Swainson, Owen Hinton, Honest Matt, Kylie Zinsli, Jess Edmonds-Saunders, Surrey Jackson, Mrs. Matthews, Jade Carey, Josh Cooper, Daniel Farrell, Esther Coker, Lauren KB, Mandy Suess-Ryan, Rawinia Judson, Caitlin

You may have seen in the newspaper lately that the University of Waikato is raising domestic fees by 4%. You may not have and this is the first place you’ve heard anything about it. But it’s OK, because YOUR student union president told the Waikato Times that “the vote to increase the fees was no surprise because students were consulted ahead of any decision to change fees.” Deni Tokunai, president of the Waikato Students’ Union, voted IN FAVOUR of a 4% fee increase for domestic students at the University of Waikato Finance Committee. The guy who is supposed to be there going to bat for you is voting with the suits.

Hayns, Aaron.Letcher, Kate Cogswell, Ayman Kysten, Burton C. Bogan, and Campbell “Ultimate Warrior” Weal.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). Or at least, we think we are.

I’m not even going to lump all of the blame on the president. The rest of the directors sat there in relative silence, like it was a competition to be the quietest. Charlie Gillard lost the competition when he tried to get some more information out of Deni, but was told that this would be discussed in committee (the part of the meeting that only directors are allowed to attend and everyone else gets kicked out), which is where matters of direct financial importance to the WSU are discussed.

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS

Let’s say a paper costs you $500 in 2011. A 4% fee increase for 2012 doesn’t sound so

PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS,

bad right? It’s only $20. Then add that on to three more papers, at varying cost, then across an entire degree. It adds the value of another paper to the end of your degree. Only you’re not getting the extra paper: you’re just paying for it. Now, let’s say next year the university makes another increase and the year after that and so on and so forth until BAM! Hundreds of dollars on a loan that you WILL struggle to pay back. There’re no jobs out there, especially if you have a BA. Now, university will need to, from time to time, increase fees. Inflation, and all that guff, is a bugger. When I was first at uni, any time the university tried to do something like this, the Waikato Students’ Union was up the hill, waving banners and making some noise. Sometimes it worked and the fee hike didn’t go ahead, or at a reduced level. Other times it made no difference.

THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. WE THINK THAT THESE LITTLE JOKES AREN’T READ BY ANYONE BUT US. AND THAT PERVY GUY IN MY BIO LAB.

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL ads@nexusmag.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT: Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: editor@nexusmag.co.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

The point I’m trying to make is this: when the university lifts fees by 4% for domestic students, your representatives on the board should, at the very least, make some faces and then ask you, the body of the union, for your thoughts on the matter. At the most, they should make so much noise that B-Block collapses in on itself. There’s an election next week, where YOU get to choose who is going to hold which position in YOUR Waikato Students’ Union executive. Get informed and make sure that you choose people who will stick their necks out for you and who have your back.

HATE IT OR LOVE IT WITH GUCCI MANE Floyd Mayweather Jr. – now, before I begin praising the Money Man, I shall say this so I don’t get garbage feedback from all you ‘Murray Deaker Kiwis’ out there, who are consumed with Rugby Union and then think you are qualified to discuss other sporting matters. Mayweather must fight and defeat Manny Pacquiao to prove that his undefeated record is something extraordinary and that it was obtained by pitching himself against the best boxers of his time. If he does that he will become the best ‘pound for pound’ boxer of all time and any argument claiming he tried to protect his undefeated record is null and void. Now with that off my chest I will open by saying that I love Mayweather and his attitude. People tell me he’s too cocky, but shit; if he can’t be cocky then nobody can. He has fought in 42 world class boxing bouts and still nobody can touch him - they can only head butt him. Just like people who think Usain Bolt is a show-pony - the guy is the fastest human being to ever grace this earth, so why would he act humble? Stop hating! If everyone played the generic modest athlete like Zac Guildford sport would be so boring, and we would have way more alcoholics to deal with. But that aside, you can’t deny Mayweather’s gifts and talents - after an 18 month layoff from boxing he dominated Victor Ortiz like AJ dominates a G.Bread on Dominos Cheaper Tues. Therefore I believe that entitles him to be boastful; let alone his knockout fiancé, his fat pay cheques, and his ‘roll your pie’ swagger. I mean anyone who has 50 Cent as a prospect carrying out their title belts must be a boss. Imagine if 50 Cent carried out the William Webb Ellis trophy each game for Sonny Bil-, I mean the All Blacks. Yeah, just imagine that. It’s no secret that Floyd is a bit picky with his colours. He only drives white cars and wears green belts (green is the colour of the title belts so all you people who did CUP at uni can get the joke too). But don’t worry; when he’s sick of his Bentley and trades it in for a Rolls - he doesn’t do internet banking; he makes up the difference in cash. The car dealer left looking like he was about to go buy groceries in Zimbabwe.

My friend needs help! Ruby’s friend Debbie has asked her to act as a guarantor for a car Debbie wants to buy. Should Ruby do this? If Debbie defaults on her loan, then Ruby is liable for the loan plus interest and there is no way out. The guarantor is legally liable for the debt. Do not act as a guarantor for anybody, even family. The Hamilton Area Citizens Advice Bureau provides advice and information from four locations. They are at 55 Victoria St (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm), 70 Kent St Frankton (Mon-Fri 9am-4.30pm), Garden Place (Mon-Fri 11am-2pm) and the Cowshed at the University (Tues-Thurs 1-3pm). They also have legal, advocacy and consumer services available where you can get more specialised help. Phone the CAB on 0800 367 222 (0800 FOR CAB) or look at the CAB website www.cab.org.nz

Overall Mayweather walks the talk. He promised people a knockout and he delivered like the WSU with free lunch in cultural hour.

Lettuce Nexus Loves Romance

Write to Win! SEND LETTERS TO: Send your letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

WEEKLY PRIZE: This week there is a prize! Brett from UniMart is kindly offering a $20 voucher to the writter of our letter of the week. Come to the Nexus office in the Student Union Building to collect your prize!

loan. Government decisions impact on your employment opportunities after uni, the quality of housing you can afford, your access to health care, transport and even the price of alcohol. Government policies fundamentally influence the context of your decisions.

The Girl Next Door The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. I’m struggling to find the words to describe my feelings, the way my insides melt when u smile. Gravity is not responsible for me falling in love, it is everything about you that’s dragged me in and I want to scream it from the roof tops. I’m not going to name names, cause my love you know who you are. The hours I spend with you I look upon as sort of a perfumed garden, a dim twilight, and a

The impact of government goes beyond that as our future is inextricably connected to the environment- a government that ignores the dire need to change our ecological trajectory is deciding upon your future. And it’s not looking too bright. All these decisions have ramifications that will be felt for years to come. That is particularly relevant for youth, because we will be living with and paying for all the decisions being made now.

fountain signing to it...you and you alone make me feel that I am alive...Other men, it is said, have seen angels, but I have seen thee and thou art enough.

The 8000 young Hamiltonians who aren’t enrolled forfeit their right to piss and moan about having a government who doesn’t represent them or consider them in policy- for some maybe that’s a good thing, after all there is already a lot for us to piss and moan about.

I love you not only for who you are, but for who I am when I’m with you.

Make yourself heard. Make sure you’re enrolled!

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. Word count is limited to 250 words and we will enforce this as we please. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be). Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

BB70 Come pick up your $20 UniMart voucher at the Nexus office in the WSU Building.

Enrol! It is Awesome! There are only 62 sleeps left until you can have your say on what kind of society you want New Zealand to be. Well, 64% of you can.

Double Barrelled Lettuce Dear Vaginal Self Examination Promoter... People will look at their vaginas if they want to. It’s their business. They don’t need dumb bitches wasting space in lettuce telling them to self examine. Most people that self examine are checking for STI’s anyway, and I’m pretty sure they’d be aware of all forms of genitalia as it is. Thank you.

Youth enrolment statistics for Hamilton are disturbing! 30% of Hamilton’s youth, aged 1829 are not enrolled. That’s almost 8000 young people who cannot vote in the election. 8000 people who have no voice in deciding their future. That’s a bit far, isn’t it? The government doesn’t decide your future, you do! I’m not so convinced. The government decides on your access to education, the quality of that education, and the terms of you student

While I’m at it, Dear Black Lap top boy and Pink Lap top girl... Have you ever heard of getting OFF your lap tops, and actually talking to each others faces. Because I’m fucking sick of reading about it in the Lettuce. Get off your asses, and do something about it. Thank you. From, A Miserable Person.

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A

$20 VOUCHER FROM UNIMART

CONVENIENCE STORE HERE ON CAMPUS

FOOD, DRINKS, SNACKS AND DAILY ESSENTIALS ALL IN ONE FRIENDLY LOCATION 6

This is a Nice One! As it is nearing the end of Semester B, I decided that it was time to show my appreciation for some of the things that brighten up my day at Waikato uni. Firstly, I think it is great that the WSU offers us free eats and drinks each day. The Monday morning breakfast certainly makes a 9am lecture a bit easier-along with a coffee hit to wake up the brain cells. The Friday, “Bevies, Beats and Eats’’ ends the week on a pleasant note. Who can ever say no to free pizza, BBQ and drinks!?! Secondly, the “music for the cultural committee” puts together fantastic Wednesday lunch time concerts. Each one has not disappointed, with great performers at every concert. Considering that it is free entry for us uni students, it is definitely worthwhile. Lastly, I would like to thank the uni workers who keep our grasses looking green and healthy and the flowers in top shape. It is great to be in an environment where we are not constantly surrounded by bland and unimaginative concrete walls at every turn. So thanks Waikato, for the small things that brighten up each of my day. :-) Sincerely, Grateful student.

Lucky Garth! Nup. Summer is there so we can all pretend we aren’t scared! And so you can say things like “oh well, at least the sunlight is free and you can have as much of that as you like” when you are struggling to buy food and keep a roof over your head. Well, until it rains, that is. This is New Zealand after all. Then you say ‘good day for reading at least’, and embrace the opportunity with a blanket and a nice cup of something warm and chocolatey. Bearing in mind ‘changes in the weather’ - both metaphorical and actual - I would suggest that

‘summer’ is in fact largely an illusion necessary to our survival. It’s also handy for us that here it arrives at this stressful end of the year, so when things get too much, you can go find a sunny spot, and for five or ten minutes all is right with the world. Imagine if as well as having to make momentous decisions, we also had to cope with winter at the same time. We’d be cold, and depressed and that would be just like .... winter. Another illusion that it is possible to cling to is that life is just a big old adventure, and you just never know what cool and awesome things might be waiting just around the corner - despite the fact that the uncertainty is absolutely totally freeze-you-physically-to-thespot-in-midstep-if-you-think-too-hard-on-it really

another 30-something weeks and give that something great more time to arrive. Sincerely, Garth’s chick.

Preach it! So now that we “took a look” (at our vulva), someone mentioned to me that ‘why don’t we touch it!’ So yes, I’m going to talk about women masturbating. OMG!! What the hell! Yes it is possible to bring up masturbation in a nonporn, non-only-lonely-old-single-women-do-that

quite scary. It might actually be true. There might just be something good coming up. In fact, when I am at my most gibberingly scared, just before I descend into total catatonia and go and live under the bed, I often like to remind myself that despite the quite incredible odds against it, everything has at least been alright so far, and therefore quite possibly might just continue to be so. Things have been scary before, and then something good has come along afterwards, and I haven’t ever actually starved yet, despite coming quite close once or twice, and so, just like when Hemingway used to get writers block and calm himself by saying that he had written before, so he would also write again, I calm myself by telling myself that things will probably be alright, even if I currently can’t see how at all.

kind of way. For some silly reason we are quite comfortable talking about men masturbating, more commonly known as wanking or whatever other slang term you want to call it. But when people mention WOMEN masturbating, heaven forbid they look scared! While there are plenty of terms for women masturbating we still don’t seem to be able to talk about it.

Wendy up in the tower of the education block can give you all kinds of theories and evidence that in fact no-one has to do the company slave for life thing anymore, and I think it is actually true. Foucault apparently said that ‘we are freer than we know’. When you are scared is a great time to haul out all the half-satisfying platitudes that you have ever heard and talk yourself into believing them.

So this week’s mission should you choose to accept... is to masturbate!! It’s not that scary,

But yeah, absolutely, uni is definitely the safe option :-) Masters next year. Defer the fear for

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Let me just clear this up- masturbating is something all women can do regardless of if they are single, or taken, old or young, like lots of sex or don’t want lots of sex. The benefits of masturbating include- helps you have better sex, release of hormones so you feel great, it feels AMAZING, never finishes before you do, it helps you fall asleep and you don’t have to cook it a feed afterwards.

and your 100% in control so you can have it however you like it (if your new to this or a bit scared start with some clitoral stimulation and when you get more comfortable with that then you can move onto the deep stuff ;). So get your fantasy on with whatever sexy man (or woman) you like and go for gold ....just don’t forget to wash your hand afterwards. From In this shop you can touch the merchandise.

SELF STORAGE

Safe, secure, affordable 7

THE NEWS!

AGM: WSU IN A STATE OF UNCERTAINTY The possibility of crippling circumstance saw a contrast of opinions at last week’s AGM, where the presented Director’s Honoraria and Annual Plan were challenged by various Union members. After the presentation of the Annul Plan 2012, the AGM was suggested to be adjourned by law student Alvina Ropata Edwards, who proposed the meeting be postponed for two weeks until Parliament had finalised their decision on the Voluntary Student Membership Bill. “Don’t you think we should be waiting till we are in a more certain environment around VSM? Don’t you think we should be passing projected budgets when we’re more certain?” queried Alvina. The meeting was moved into Motion, with the proposal dismissed by a majority vote against. Current WSU President Deni Tokunai said that the Union is at a stage of uncertainty, and the best action is to

BY JAMES MANNING

the proposed figures were revealed to be no less than $25,000 for the President, $10,000 for both Vice-President and Vice-President Maori and $500 for the Director’s. The membership fees will be set at no more than $100, allowing for flexibility in an uncertain environment. The Union members were assured that Waikato University offers “the cheapest rates in terms of Universities”, with Lincoln being the only competition. Deni spoke of the proposed VSM figures as “guestimates”, saying “the best we can do is approximate what we are anticipating VSM will be like.” “Currently, in regards to membership levy, we’re at a stage where we don’t know what next year will look like, so the Annual Plan reflects that.” One student offered a well received point in regards to future accounts

adapt and adjust when the time calls for it. ”What is presented here is a budget based on the assumption that it’s going to be in a compulsory environment. When we do become aware of what it will be next year, the responsibility of the Board [will be] to sit down, look at the budget [and] remodel it” stated Deni.

in a plausible VSM environment. “If the bill does pass, then there should be an SGM for the members to meet, discuss and suggest a new budget in light of the knowledge of members we have.” An SGM was not ruled out, and a secondary budget suited to a VSM Union has been prepared.

The proposed maximum Honoraria were revealed to stay at $32,000 for the President, $15,000 for both Vice-President and Vice-President Maori, and $3,000 for the Director’s. In light of a VSM environment,

For the first time in a decade, a life member was appointed. Penengaru Delaney, a former president of both WSU and NZUSA, was given this honour for “outstanding contribution to the WSU”.

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THE NEWS!

HAMILTON EXPLORES CREATIVE EXPRESSION

BY THE WAIKATO FIST

Unbeknownst to most, deep in Hamilton’s murky sub-terranian underbelly lurks a sly thespian loving enclave calling itself the Hamilton Fringe. A yearly event which attracts art explorers and other weirdos, it has gained a reputation for encouraging free creative expression, openly moving against the flow of mainstream mindless repressive entertainment. The programme includes performances with coaxingly dirty titles such as ‘Reticence in the Age of Naughty’, ‘Bingodisiac’, ‘Wordwank’ and ‘Mr Sterile Assembly’. It presents a delicious smorgasbord of the refreshingly different and a load of stimulating inventive fun. Creative Director Justine Francis says, “The 2011 Fringe is bursting at the seams, we’ve had a lot of new artists joining in this year. There are 50 different shows, spectacles, films, gigs and exhibitions all mashed into 11 mental days. It’s a total nightmare but I think I’m enjoying it”. She says the festivals attractiveness lies in its ability to provide a uniquely supportive environment for artistic experimentation and development, emphasising the original and adventurous. “We cater for artists who might not quite fit in elsewhere- too strange, too challenging. We encourage them and give them an opportunity to test their ideas against an audience”. The Hamilton Fringe runs from September 22nd through to 2nd October and is held at various venues throughout the city including

The Meteor Theatre, Flow Bar, Draw Inc and Founders Theatre. Printed programmes are available in cafes etc throughout the city or online www.hamiltonfringe.co.nz. So get out there and give the Fringe a go- you might have a hilarious time, and if you hated it, you’ve only spent $5. (The prices are pretty reasonable and there’s a lot that’s free.)

HUBBA BUBBA HEIST BY JAMES MANNING The Unimart was met with an air-borne boulder and burgled two weekends ago on Saturday September 17th, all in the name of popular sugary treats Hubba Bubba, Red Bull and Snickers Bars. The Burglary occurred at approximately 1am on Saturday morning, making it a great possibility that alcohol and other drugs, stupidity, or a combination of all, were involved. “Somebody used a rock next to the door to smash through it. But they didn’t go for the cash or cigarettes or others things you’d expect robbers to go for. They came in and stole Hubba Bubba, a tray of Red Bull and a couple of snickers bars,” says employer Nita. Security Cameras reveal the culprit to be only one beanie-clad man, with a getaway vehicle apparent by the head lights picked out on the video. “It was just more of a hassle than anything else because we had to replace the door. What they took was less than a hundred dollars.” At the time of writing, foolish drinking games are not being dismissed as the elaborate planning of the heist. “Maybe it was a weird kind of dare or something?” Campus Security was called as soon as The Unimart alarm had been tripped off, and the door was fixed by Monday noon at a cost of $400-$600.

SHORT NEWS

FOR TALL PEOPLE WITH KATE COGSWELL

FOR THE LADIES

CRUISIN’ TOGETHER

Imagine a world where all men aren’t assholes. Difficult I know, but a new gaming craze is taking over Japan and this one’s not for the boys. Otome romance games are reshaping the gaming world, gaining attention from developers used to making games for Sony and Nintendo. Gree runs and develops games for its social networking site where women are becoming a sales target. The popularity of these

As several cruise liners hit Auckland for the Rugby World Cup a Canadian study has shown a spectacular risk of sexual assault onboard. Creepy crew members were the main culprits, forcing their way into the cabins of female passengers. Supposedly romantic, those aboard tend to get loose and let their guard down. While the cruise lines are trying to clean their act up, from 1998 to 2005 Royal Caribbean International received

flirtatious fantasy games comes from the characters being able to give women what they want from men in the real world. From millionaires to samurai, it’s all there, minus one vital part.

450 complaints of a sexual nature. Between that and Carnival Cruise Lines the rate of sexual assault is nearly fifty percent higher than on land in Canada. Stay off the water, go to Canada!

Haiku News

SPACE FOR SOME A production plant for passenger spacecraft, the Spaceship Co has been completed somewhere in the Mojave Desert. The White Knight and SpaceShipTwo will be built there before the first commercial flight launches from a spaceport in New Mexico. The blast-off date is yet to be determined but Richard Branson spoke of this event as “another important step along the road to opening space for everyone”. With tickets costing an interstellar US$200,000 space is only open to the elite but Virgin Galactic has stated that more than 400 people have already coughed up. Aiming to make space access “safe, reliable and affordable” let’s hope they don’t mess the first two up.

DON’T VOTE FOR RIDGE Matthew Ridge has found himself in the spotlight again, possibly facing a $10,000 fine. A parody of election campaign ads was used to promote his Greenlane car washing company Car-fé but has come under the Electoral Act. With the slogan “Say No to Labour” the play on words can be seen as persuading people not to vote for the Labour Party. The billboard also features a tick in a box and reference to voting as well as a rather respectable picture of Mr Ridge. He stresses that he is not in fact running for election and he wouldn’t vote for Labour anyway because he is rich.

By Musashi

The $7.5 million model car Just one-eighth the size Of a sweet Lamborghini But six times the price

All Blacks told: We want to win, and win well A loss to the French Not as fatal as last time Might help us to win?

Brothel brothers to repay frozen funds Hundred grand to pay On day assets get frozen? Better work the street

McDonald’s loses Heart Foundation Tick Oz loses the Heart Tick Macs don’t prevent heart attacks? Who’d have thought that true?

R.E.M. split up After thirty years The band that sang “Stand” break up That song made no sense

Karate kick cop basher jailed A Taupo woman Kicks policewoman in face Then laughs – what a bitch!

SPORTS THOUGHTS

ONLY THE WAAAAAARRIORS

WITH C.BALL

Viagra went out of business last week after the Warriors came from 18 – 6 down to defeat the West Tigers 22 – 20 in the dying minutes of their preliminary finals match, providing me and many other Rugby League fans with a rubbery one that you could hang your bathroom towels

the Broncos was a mixture of stupid decisions and an inability to hold the ball and create pressure, the Warriors team that took on the Tigers showed true composure to overcome what was looking like another big score mounting against them. Manu Vatuvei grew hands during the week, and Shaun

on. Sure, I’m writing this before the Warriors meet the Melbourne Storm in the semi-final, and to be completely honest, I have no idea who is going to win. But one thing is for sure - the Warriors season to date has been sicker than Steve Jobs.

Johnson decided it might be cool to do some unbelievable shit, handing Mateo a try by putting him through a gap even Calista Flockhart couldn’t fall through, let alone run through while catching a ball and weighing over 100 kilograms of pure Polynesian power. I love you Mateo.

Nothing beats a late try to sway victory in the favour of another team, unless that try creates a furore after appearing suspect, and also marks the Warriors bitch slapping another NRL team out of the finals race in dope fashion. A pretty mediocre cross field kick from Shaun Johnson, and an even crappier attempt to defuse it by Lote Tuqiri led to the only person nearby with a clue gathering the ball – Krisnan Inu. He proceeded to justify not only his selection in the Warriors but also possible candidacy for Prime Minister of New Zealand by placing the ball short of the try line, then making a second attempt and getting the ball over. Cue a bunch of broken

The victory also meant the Warriors will now face the Storm in Melbourne in their semi final, taking the New Zealand based club back to the town in which they have achieved notable success in recent times. Not only are they one of only five teams to beat the Storm this year, but they are also one of two that have achieved this in Melbourne. Add to this the Warriors historic last minute victory against the Storm back in 2008 when they became the first 8th ranked team in preliminary finals to beat the minor premiers, and recent form indicates travelling to Melbourne for the impending semi final might not be such a bad thing – unless you have to sit next to Vatuvei’s thighs on the plane

hearts bleeding on about double movement and other pathetic straws able to be clutched at. Just to clarify for any West Tigers fans who are already whinging in their heads about Inu’s match winning try – no, it wasn’t a double movement you fucking morons. Not one single Tigers player even touched Inu, so he was well within his rights to make as many attempts as he wanted to score while Tim Moltzen and Tuqiri stood around wondering what it looks like to choke. Get them a mirror.

ride over.

The Warriors victory was sublime to say the least, not just for the fashion in which they achieved the result, but for the way they managed to bounce back after getting demolished by the Brisbane Broncos the week before. While their abysmal performance against

I don’t really have a prediction for which team will come out of the game victorious, because its damn close to call and I’m far too scared to make a fool out of myself by going Warriors with a 1 – 12 margin. While the Storm are an unstoppable machine boasting some of best Rugby League players in the world, along with consistency that Matthew Sinclair only has wet dreams about, the Warriors can crush anyone on their day. They can play dreadful one week, and then shit solid gold the next, so here’s hoping by the time this is printed they have made the Grand Final. If so, I won’t have showered since, and will still be lying naked on my couch in awe. Oh fuck it, the Warriors always go for the ballsy all or nothing offload, so I pick Warriors by 13 plus… 11

Nexus Short Story Competition! Are you the next Earnest Hemingway? Or maybe just the next Dan Brown? Either way, you’re what we’re looking for! Nexus is having its first (in living memory) SHORT STORY WRITING COMPETITION! To enter, all you need are a thousand of your finest words. You can write less if you want, but no more than 1000. E-mail your story to nexus@waikato.ac.nz with the subject line “SHORT STORY BRO” and you’re on your way. This competition is only open to you, the students, so send it from your @students.waikato addresses where possible. We won’t print your name if you don’t want us to. Honest. We’ve organised several judges both on and off campus, all of whom have experience in the wonderful world of writing. Rules: 1. You MUST be a University of Waikato student to enter. Anyone found not to be a student at the University of Waikato will have any prizes revoked and given to the next runner up. 2. Entries close on the 3rd of October. 3. The story must be original. Fan fiction (using already established characters in a new setting) is acceptable, but originality will score you more points. 4. You may request that any winning entry be published under a pseudonym. 5. Nexus reserves the right to publish any winning short story in Nexus Magazine or online, with due credit to the author.

HAMILTON EAST POLICE REPORT

1 SEPTEMBER - 19 SEPTEMBER 2011

WITH CONSTABLE NICK SICKELMORE

LEGEND: BURGLARY THEFT EX CAR ASSAULT

PREZ SEZ It has been my pleasure to serve the students of the University of Waikato in my second term as WSU President in 2011. WSU has been a key stakeholder in the pastoral care of Waikato students for the past 34 years—and counting. We have helped guide, direct, support and provide a memorable university experience for our members through our services, events and the robust independent representation of all Waikato students. I am very proud that WSU has again made significant strides in 2011 for the benefit of our members. We have maintained and solidified our unique relationship with the University. We have created new relationships with strategic national bodies relevant to the tertiary sector. We have nurtured the WSU Trust which we established last year to protect student assets for the exclusive benefit of our students only. We have improved our service provision based on what students have told us they expect. We have overseen the development

WITH DENI

of WSU student spaces in the new Student Centre and these will be ready for you before the end of this year. We have helped address quality-assurance concerns regarding quality of education and quality of pastoral care with our colleagues around the country, and the list goes on. I anticipate 2012 being a challenging year for the WSU with the uncertainty the organization currently faces, the challenges ahead for the future of WSU are no trivial matter. WSU is in the unusual position of understanding but not knowing exactly what the future holds in terms of pending government legislation; the university’s position on these pending changes; the scope of the national fabric which we are just one thread of and which present a unified voice; and importantly, what and how exactly will these changes materially affect our organization? These are serious questions and I am heartened by some of the impressive list of candidates we have, not just in the President

Deni Tokunai WSU President

027 5734241 president@wsu.org.nz

and Vice-Presidential positions but across the board for all the director roles. I encourage everybody to take some time and really consider each of them before voting on October 3rd-5th. The pending changes WSU will go through will also affect campus life, there is something about a well-supported and proactive student association and the ability of that organization to add an extra dimension to the university experience of students, and the value students . So make your vote count.

TE WHAKAHIAPO HAERENGA During the semester break Te Whakahiapo (Waikato Maori Law Students’ Association) took a group of students on a haerenga to Rotorua to engage in legal practitioner’s forums, cultural workshops, and team building activities. This event was a great opportunity for students to apply their

They also attended cultural workshops held at TePuia, NZ Institute of Arts and Crafts where their guided tour included; carving and weaving schools. The roopu also attend a live kapa haka performance and were treated to a contemporary version of a four-course meal, hangi and dessert – reka ki te kai! Local

knowledge (earned from hard work at uni), and to also strengthen social relationships with each other and the law community. As Maori, the cultural workshops played an integral part of the haerenga.

secondary teacher, Rie Morris also gave a workshop of the history of TeArawa and the link between TeArawa and Tainui. There was also an in-depth discussion on the Maori language.

Te Whakahiapo attended four legal practitioner’s forums with lawyers, John Murray, Miharo Armstrong, Arama NgapoLipscombe, John Chadwick, and Hemi TeNahu. These presentations had a Maori dynamic and emphasis, and also provided an insight into their life as a lawyer, shared their expertise in their respective fields, offered advice, and discussed the challenges that the new generation of lawyers would face (aka, Te Whakahiapo).

In true tane/wahine form we then mustered up the courage to get an adrenalin fix at Agroventrues. This adventure saw our group have a go on the world’s only shweeb, as well as the Rotorua bungy, agrojet – jet sprint experience, NZ’s only swoop and the southern hemispheres’ only freefall xtreme wind tunnel. We ended the day on Skyline Rotorua which included the gondola ride to Mt Ngongotaha and the luge. “The whole experience was awesome” said Wi Pere Mita, co-president, Te Whakahiapo. This event

was sponsored by WSU and U-Leisure. “Your contributions made a huge difference to the whole event so big ups to both of those organisations” Wi Pere Mita. Te Whakahiapo AGM is this Wednesday 28th September 1 – 2pm in LAW G.03, nau mai, haere mai. Te Ranga Ngaku AGM is also being held on the same day, Wednesday 28th September 1 2pm in MSB.1.05

2012 WSU PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES

BLAIR

SAPPHIRE

I’m Blair Munro, and I know first-hand how important it is to have people to represent your interests as a student. From advocacy and a voice, to Nexus and sausage sizzles, I believe that the student union is a vital part of both the student culture and the education that you’re at university to receive (even if you’re just trying to get your parents off your back), and I want to do my best to make sure that the student union does its best for you. You should vote for someone who is approachable, someone who is going to fight for your rights, and someone who knows the value of the student union. You should vote for Blair Munro for WSU President.

Vote Sapphire for WSU President, and as a result vote for someone with the skills, experience and knowledge to lead our students’ union in 2012. As a current masters-level management student interested in the governance of not-for-profit organisations, and as someone who has volunteered at numerous WSU events, I believe I am someone who could be a positive force for change within WSU. Furthermore, given that I have worked for both the academic and administrative arms of the university, I also have a large number of networks that I can rely on to help make WSU’s transition to a voluntary environment a success in 2012.

AARON

RICHARD

Hey everyone, my name is Aaron Letcher and I want to be your WSU President in 2012. I’m a Hamiltonian through and through, growing up on a local farm and attending two local high schools. I am now a third year student studying towards a conjoint Law and Social Sciences degree. I believe strongly in the principles of transparency, accountability and freedom of choice, and I think that the WSU should too. Students need to remember that WSU money is THEIR money and they should have a huge say in how it is spent, improving our campus experience.

I am Richard Rhee and I was the Presidential candidate who came as a runner-up for the Presidency and the Vice-President position with the platform of advocacy for student-well being and the rights of students last year. This year, I wish to stand for student well-being and the rights of students as the candidate for the President.

MAKE YOUR VOTE COUNT Coming up next week are the WSU Elections 2011, where we as students have the chance to elect our WSU representatives on the 2012 Waikato Students’ Union Board of Directors. This year’s election days will be Monday October 3rd, Tuesday October 4th, and Wednesday October 5th. You can vote on any of these days at a WSU polling booth. Don’t know where to vote? Polling booths will be located in the Library Foyer, at Management School (MSB courtyard), in the School of Education café, outside the shops (Village Green), and in both campuses in Tauranga. You can also vote at the WSU reception or at the mobile polling booth that ventures across campus. To vote you need to take some form of photo ID (including student ID) and know what your student ID number is. Each polling booth is open from 10am-4pm.

Every WSU member (University of Waikato students) can vote: so make sure you go out and choose who you think are the best people for the job. You can vote for one candidate for President, one candidate for Vice-President, one candidate Vice-President Maori, and up to eight candidates for WSU Directors. If you have no idea who is running, then never fear! There is a booklet at each polling booth with a blurb and photo for each candidate. You can also read these now on the next few pages.

Remember, the fate of the WSU Board 2012 is in your hands so make sure you go out and make your vote count!

When making your vote, remember that the students elected to the Board of Directors are there to govern your students’ association – in effect, they represent you in making decisions on the best way forward for the WSU into the future. The Board of Directors plays a major role in deciding what the WSU should do on campus, figuring out how the WSU’s income can best be spent to achieve the organisation’s constitutional objectives,

2012 VICE-PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES VICE PRESIDENT

SAM TAYLOR

I’m Sam Taylor and I’d love to be your Vice President. A good VP is someone who has experience, ideas and a voice. Someone who collaborates with students, is passionate, organised and works effectively with everyone. I am that person! I want to be your VP because I believe that university is about more than books and booze; it’s also a time to critically engage with social and environmental issues. I want to be VP so WSU can enhance your student experience, expand your learning, and nurture the student culture of Waikato. Make 2012 dreadfully good, vote Sam Taylor. Affiliations: Greens On Campus, FairTrade Club, Amnesty On Campus

and developing the strategic direction for the future. As a result, if you have no idea to vote for, have a look at the candidates blurbs – and seek them out or email them if necessary – and think about whether they seem to want to take the WSU in a similar direction to where you think it should go.

VICE PRESIDENT MAORI

PRISCILLA NGATAI

Ko Ngatokimatawhaorua toku waka Ko Ngati Hine, ko Ngapuhi, ko Ngati Kahungunu toku iwi Ko Motatau toku maunga Ko Hikurangi toku awa Ko Priscilla (Davis) Ngatai toku ingoa Kia ora my name is Priscilla and I am BMS/BA student majoring in strategic management (honors), political science and screen & media studies. This year I have served on at WSU as a director in A semester and Vice-President Maori (interim) in B semester. I am also representing Maori students at university and look forward to another successful year in office. Affiliations: Māori @ Waikato

2012 DIRECTOR CANDIDATES CAMPBELL WEAL

In my third year of a Communications degree, I am looking to possibly take up postgraduate study next year. Ideally, I’d love to be a sports journalist in the future, as this is where my real passion lies. I thoroughly enjoy the part I get to play in Waikato University’s weekly student magazine Nexus, writing Sports Thoughts and other related articles, and I see this magazine as an extremely important part of the Waikato campus. In my spare time, I enjoy playing Cricket and Hockey, and I’m a devout fan of New Zealand’s NRL team The Warriors.

MURRAY RICHES

I’m a 22 year old. Communications student majoring in Public Relations and Social Policy, and approaching my honours year in 2012. I’m a capable, dedicated and hard-working student and community activist, and I would like to have the chance to represent you next year. If you elect me to your board of representatives I will bring passion and energy to the board, and make sure the views of all students are herd and represented. I’m passionate about heaps of stuff, but I’m also good at listening and keen to hear what you guys want from WSU. Affiliations: Greens On Campus, ASKEW and MCSA

ZANE MCCARTHY

MARC GUNDESEN

Hello. My name is Zane McCarthy and I am running for director. I am choosing to stand because I want to make 2012 a fantastic year for the students of our university. I want to make sure that student’s rights are protected and that the university experience at Waikato is the best that it can be. Student culture is an integral part of the university and I wish to enhance it further.

I believe I would be an excellent Director of the WSU because I thrive in both team environments and as an individual and am passionate about making a positive difference in all situations. I am outgoing individual with an interest in all aspects of university and would love to be given the opportunity to be a voice for the student body and Waikato uni as a whole. Affiliations: Greens On Campus

MACAILA PESCUD Hi there. Thank you for taking a second to read this—and then thank you for not having yet parted your eyes from the page in search of better entertainment. I’m Macaila – it’s pronounced Ma-kayla - but you may say it however you wish, so long as you vote for me J I’m working my way through a bachelor of social sciences majoring in Environmental Planning and Japanese. I’m friendly and will represent you well, seriously well.

REGAN JOHNSTON Hi! I’m Regan, and I’m keen as to help direct YOUR student union in 2012! I’m studying a conjoint law and bsocsci degree. So why vote for me? I’ve already had experience with advocacy! I’ve played class rep for six classes over two years, and with all affected students jumping me to represent their concerns, I’ve gained a decent hold on speaking for people other than myself! I’m fun to approach; sometimes witty; and want to substantively contribute to making university life mean as! A vote for me is a vote for you and many other catchy tag lines! Excellent! Affiliations: Greens On Campus

2012 DIRECTOR CANDIDATES COURTNEY QUINN I am the best candidate to be a director on the Waikato Student Union Board as I am extremely enthusiastic and determined. I have a willingness to learn, to contribute, to listen and also to put myself in odd, unique and public situations that most people would feel uncomfortable in. I have a desire to help others and a passion to make this University well known as the most comfortable, encouraging and fun environment to study in, in all of New Zealand. I know I can make a difference.

SABRINA VAN SAARLOOS

I don’t have an amazing list of achievements that’ll wow you into voting for me which is a shame seeing as everyone loves to hear people talk about themselves. However, I usually sit/walk/linger around uni on my own, and I’m never surrounded by a wall of friends or have head phones glued in my ears. Also, being different is awesome; so whether you have green hair or have an idea you want heard that others may think is slightly crazy, it’d be my honour to put it forward. So get involved. VOTE (for me); this vote could make a big difference to how your voice is heard next year. There are around 13,000 students at this Uni...Imagine what we could do if even 10% of us stood up for something? Affiliations: Greens On Campus, FairTrade Club

AMY NINNES Hi, I’m Amy Ninnes. I am running to be a WSU director for 2012. I feel passionate that we have so many fantastic people of all walks of life on campus, and I think it’s important we celebrate that diversity. I care about equality, the environment and social justice, and am prepared to fight for student’s rights, and for everyone’s voices to be heard. This is a time that we can really unite as students and make a difference, and I want to provide opportunities for students to get involved, and to showcase the talent we have at this university.

HANNAH BUDENBERG Hey everyone, my name is Hannah Budenberg and I would love to be a WSU director for 2012, representing you – the students. I was born in Congo, raised in the UK, and went to high school at a local Hamilton school. I am now a 20 year old, third year student studying a conjoint degree in law and political science. If elected as a WSU director for 2012 I plan to work hard to make sure there is real transparency, accountability, and student culture on campus. Waikato students deserve the best experience possible during their time here.

LANA WEAL Being a fifth year, 21 year old student I know I have the abilities to serve the WSU well. I enjoy learning languages and meeting new people which I made the most of by being an exchange student through Waikato last year in both France and The Netherlands. I love to read and learn, and help other people learn new things too which has helped me in my current job as a tutor for Waikato Management School. I want to use my skills to work with the WSU to help continue to make the University a fun and interesting environment.

DANYELL SUMMERS I believe that I will be beneficial to the Waikato Student Union Board of Directors, firstly because I love people and have a passion for this generation. I believe that every person has a purpose and holds a capacity to do great things, and that the key to unlocking this potential is in a culture change. I’m believing for a new culture that speaks positively, installs value and hope into the students of Waikato University, and produces a generation of leaders who vision; value for themselves and others, and a strong sense of identity. Affiliations: Arise Church

2012 DIRECTOR CANDIDATES MARIE BROWN

I am a second year PhD student running for the position of Director. I have returned to doctoral study after a few years in the workforce, working in local government enforcement and environmental policy. I am an active member of the university community being involved in Greens on Campus, Unicol Womens B, and Amnesty International. I am also a current Trustee of the National Wetland Trust, a member of Sustainable Waikato, Volunteer Support Worker for Refugee Services, and the President of the Waikato Natural History Society. The WSU is set to go through some potentially profound changes over the next couple of years as VSM is bedded-in. To ensure WSU’s ongoing resilience and ability to provide great service to the student body it needs a long term vision and strong effective leadership. I have lots of experience in project management, team work and policy-making and look forward to the opportunity to contribute.

LARISSA SCHUMACHER I have been a student at Waikato University for three years, studying a Bachelor of Arts in English and History. During this time I have: been class representative for seven papers; been a member of the Waikato University Debating Society, the History Club, of which I was secretary for in 2010, and a member of the Golden Key Society; lived in Student Village for two years, in the first year I was co-president of the EXEC Committee, and in the second year I was employed as a Residential Assistant. I have a great interest in the students of Waikato University and look forward to

DANIEL FARRELL

WSU needs a group of strong individuals who can come together as a strong group in order to get through Voluntary Student Membership. I strongly believe that the Waikato Students’ Union has every chance to get through this, as long as the right people are elected now. People with experience. People with a strong network. People with a strong link to campus culture. I believe I have all of these. Head to http://goo.gl/uNdVg for details on how I feel I meet these criteria. Vote for a strength in your WSU. Vote Daniel Farrell for Director.

DAVID MAYALL I believe there needs to be greater student representation within the system and I plan to push greater transparency within the Union, for example all financial records will be published on the annual basis for university students to see. I will be pushing for a bar on campus in the new student centre under Bennetts; currently Waikato campus is the only university in New Zealand which does not have a bar on campus. I believe it is important to open a cheap healthy fast food (i.e. Subway) on campus. Oh and the changing of the music that plays outside Momento.

contributing towards future improvements. Affiliations: Debating Society and History Club

AARON GILGREEN Hi, my name is Aaron Gillgren. I am applying for the WSU because I believe that becoming a WSU Director is the best way for me to continue giving back to the University. I am currently studying for a conjoint BMS/BA degree majoring in International Management and Political Science and I am a member of the Golden Key Society. In 2010, I worked as a Residential Assistant, and then in 2011 I received the Bryant Residential Tutorship Scholarship. These positions have given me fundamental experience and skills, which I hope to put to good use as a WSU Director.

MELISSA TOMU My name is Melissa Tomu, and I am in my 2nd year studying Tourism and Hospitality Management and I am running to be a Director again for 2012. Being a director for 2011 has been a real challenge, meetings, scheduling hours of when we are free to have meetings but it been really good having the opportunity to work in this environment and also meeting with so many new people within different cultures. It will be a new challenge next year, but I’m looking forward to that and will hope to carry on working here at WSU and also meet more new people along the way. So get your pens and start voting.

The 8-Ball has been summoned from the deepest depths, where it can grow to incomprehendable sizes! The 8-Balls many tentacles and appendages can suck your soul right out of your butt while you’re on the toilet! Don’t go to the toilet and you’ll be fine! The 8-Ball knows

EVENT: PO WHAKANGAHAU DATE: LOCATION: KOHA:

A TALENT QUEST FEATURING STAFF AND STUDENT PERFORMERS AND GUEST ARTISTS FRIDAY 14TH OCTOBER, 7-9PM DOORS OPEN AT 6:30, SEATS ARE LIMITED, FIRST IN FIRST SEATED GALLAGHER ACADEMY OF PERFORMING ARTS GOLD COIN

NAU MAI HAERE MAI

that you’ve been pooping and he waits for you! Mmmmmmm... curry.

Can you sort my sleep pattern out for me? Yes. Since you’re already on the backfoot regarding that nefarious bikini body (an 8-ball knows), you’re best to abandon sleep altogether and instead spend the time legging it around your flat. It’s not like you stop tossing and turning and wanking and cursing the ceiling until around 6am anyway. If I were to die today, would I be reincarnated as Winnie the pooh? It is unlikely. Since reincarnation is basically a reward or punishment for how you spend this life, this is unlikely. Winnie the Pooh is a small dubiously gendered bear that moans about honey and chills with a complete twat named Piglet. You are a human trashcan filled with lies and failure. As of today, you’re more likely to come back as a one of Tigger’s farts. When will government start basing decisions on statistics rather than principles and knee-jerk reactions? No. When there’s a principled knee-jerk reaction to some statistics. Ideally by ancient blue-rinse wheeze-bags and, as of late, gullible bell-ends who think they’re got a tax cut coming their way. Why is the sky? Answer cloudly. BRB. The sky. Man’s greatest conquest. Besides sluts and horses. You won’t be wondering why when mankind is bumping uglies on horseback in mid-air. Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like? It is certain. This query reminds the 8-ball of its early University years as a quivering sweating chemical dustbin, when the lecture theatres used to taste like smelly buzzing and the only ‘safe zone’ was at home down the side of the bed against the bed and the wall where it would lay for days on end until it’s limbs atrophied and the rats continued to manufacture their very small war machines, hammering away with such delicate precision at tiny bits of toenail and pencil leads. What’s better? McDonalds, K-Fry or BK after town? No. None of them. Stay home and stop shouting outside the 8-Balls’ lair on your way back from a night of terrifying the good people of Hamilton with your hideous chump features.

Postgraduate Research Month The University of Waikato is proud to celebrate postgraduate study and research. Join in the celebrations throughout the month of October, and also in our feature event, Th3sis in 3, showcasing some of our top students presenting their research topic in a time limit of three minutes. TITLE

DATE

TIME

VENUE

Th3sis in 3 Heat

Monday 3 October

5pm-7pm

S.G.03

Th3sis in 3 Heat

Tuesday 4 October

2pm-4pm

S.G.02

Doctoral Information Evening

Tuesday 4 October

5.30pm

MSB

Doctoral Workshop 1: Lifting Off

Thursday 6 October

8.45am-12noon

Th3sis in 3 Heat

Thursday 6 October

2pm-4pm

S.G.01

Doctoral Writing Conversations – Getting Yourself Into The Writing

Friday 7 October

10am-12noon

Faculty of Education A & B Meeting Rooms

Th3sis in 3 Heat

Friday 7 October

12noon-2pm

S.G.03

Immigration Seminar: Study to Work and Permanent Residency

Monday 10 October

10.30am-12.30pm

L.G.04

Doctoral Workshop 2: Keeping Momentum

Tuesday 11 October

8.45am-12noon

Annual CSTER Graduate Student Symposium

Thursday 13 October

9.30am-4pm

ULS (School Support Services Conference Room)

Quiz Night

Thursday 13 October

7pm

The Station

Student-Led Discussions and Free Writing Time

Friday 14 October

10am-12noon

Alan Hall Room (Dean’s Corridor Faculty of Education)

Th3sis in 3 Heat

Friday 14 October

12pm-2pm

S.G.03

15th Annual Waikato Management School Student Research Conference

Monday 17 October

Registrations at 8.30am

Level 1, MSB

Fassgrad Annual Interdisciplinary Graduate Conference

Monday 17 – Tuesday 18 October

9am-5pm

Faculty of Arts & Social Sciences, S.1.05

Department of Earth & Ocean Sciences Graduate Conference

Tuesday 18 October

8am-5pm

A.G.30

Doctoral Student PGSA Meet and Greet

Wednesday 19 October

3pm-4pm

The Station

Department of Biological Sciences 3rd Annual PhD Conference

Wednesday 19 October

9am-5pm

MSB.1.01

Doctoral Workshop: Tauranga Supervisors

Friday 21 October

10am-12pm

Doctoral Workshop: Tauranga Supervisors and Students

Friday 21 October

12pm-1pm

Doctoral Workshop: Tauranga Students

Friday 21 October

1pm-4pm

Doctoral Writing Conversations: Developing Your Academic Style

Friday 21 October

10am-12noon

Faculty of Education A & B Meeting Rooms

Chief Supervisors Workshop

Tuesday 25 October

9am-1pm

Th3sis in 3 Final

Wednesday 26 October

7pm

Clarence St Theatre

Faculty of Education Doctoral Workshop

Thursday 27 October

9am-4pm

Educational Leadership Centre

Doctoral Workshop 3: Finishing Up

Friday 28 October

8.45am-12noon

Student-Led Discussions and Free Writing Time

Friday 28 October

10am-12noon

Alan Hall Room (Dean’s Corridor Faculty of Education)

Doctoral Student PGSA End of Month Drinks

Friday 28 October

4pm-6pm

The Station

There’s no stopping you E kore e taea te aukati i a koe 0800 WAIKATO www.waikato.ac.nz/go/postgraduate

LOOKING AT NOISES WITH AYMAN ANEECE & JEREMY MAYALL copy of Nocturnal (2007) , I have the limited edition Deflorate (2009) and now Ritual on 180g vinyl and CD – yes I’m a fanboy – I’ve loved these guys since my late teens and I still do. It’s been six years of The Black Dahlia Murder and I am yet to be bored or disappointed – because with every album they kick more ass, stay true and transcend the BDM formula and even though my favourite song is still Funeral Thirst I think every subsequent BDM album has been sublime. Ritual is no different.

RITUAL

THE BLACK DAHLIA MURDER In the 1940s a woman by the name of Elizabeth Short was cut in half and subsequently murdered by some guy – the media dubbed her ‘the black dahlia’. Bands have been naming themselves after terrible murders for years,-such as Abigail Williams, Children of Bodom and The Wiggles. The Black Dahlia in particular being a popular song name for metal bands such as Porcupine Tree, Lamb of God and Anthrax. Anyway, the year is 2011 and The Black Dahlia Murder are out with Ritual and holy shit its good. Since Unhallowed (2003), The Black Dahlia Murder have been getting better and better. Unhallowed has one of my favourite songs of all time on it, a Miasma(2005) vinyl is sitting on my shelf, I have a signed

Bringing in new sounds, more synth work (not in the over used pretentious Dimmu Borgir way, but in an epic atmosphere building way) which has blown my mind. The first track A Shrine to Madness sets an incredibly moody and atmospheric scene; it deserves dribbly candles and skulls –that suddenly get blown to smithereens by the brutal drumming, fierce guitar shredding and visceral vocals. Each song is complex and thought through and the whole album flows start to finish beautifully. The brutality and terror is still here but it is beautifully presented and incredibly atmospheric. It’s got a lot more of a ‘powdered wig’ style than other albums and I love it. My favourite track on the album is Carbonized in Cruciform it is incredibly epic, well paced and gets your head bobbing better than a jack hammer to your temporal bone. Strnad’s lyrics are as hauntingly poetic and vicious as previous albums and the whole album is more magical and mystic than any BDM album to date. I love it and if I ever sacrifice a goat this will be the backing track – A ritual indeed. -AA She has opened for Madonna with her band Funky Stuff; performed on stage with Prince – impressing him so much that he took her to the states to record on albums for The Time and Patti LaBelle, as well as the soundtrack to ‘Graffiti Bridge’ leading to regular performances on albums by Prince. She has also played with Van Morrison; Dave Stewart; Maceo Parker; Pink Floyd; Alan Parsons; Chaka Khan; Blondie; Lenny Kravitz; Alicia Keys; Beyonce; Jamie Cullum and the list goes on. But that is enough about her… lets talk about the music. If you enjoy funk, then you should go and get this album. The track listing features

LIVE IN AMSTERDAM CANDY DULFER

I am a funk fan. There is nothing about this music that I don’t enjoy. Grooving drums, powerful horns, dirty bass riffs, wah guitar… it is all good. A friend of mine suggested I give this album a listen… he didn’t say much about it, but after the first track I was impressed. This was some real ‘in-the-pocket’ funk. Such a tight band. And I had just assumed that the band was called ‘Candy Dulfer’. But then I started doing some research. Turns out Candy Dulfer is the band leader/alto sax player. And this amazingly funky sax sound is coming from a blonde white woman from the Netherlands… And it is so very funky. She started playing sax at age 6, is largely self-taught, and is the daughter of Tenor Saxophonist Hans Dulfer – a jazz-fusion musician. 22

some of her newer tunes - ‘Synchodestiny’; some of her classic tunes ‘Lily was here’ and ‘Sax-a-go-go’; as well as some classic funk covers originally by Average White Band and Parliament/Funkadelic. The rhythm section is so full of groove and is so tight you can’t help but move while listening to this stuff. The solos are full of personality and substance – this is not just technical wankery and chop demos. Candy seems to do a great job leading the band and engaging the crowd, and guest performances from soul diva Angie Stone, Dave Stewart (Eurhythmics) and her father Hans, bring a nice change to the sound of the band. The highlight of this album would have to be the cover of ‘Pick Up The Pieces’. This is a tune that I have always enjoyed, and this band does a powerful version of it. The groove and melody are all there, but it is filled out with breakdowns, hot brass stabs, vocal harmonies, and killer solos, and a fragment of “P-Funk”. Find a copy of this album, play it loud and get funky. -JM

DANIEL FARRELL COMMEMORATIVE

Puzzle Page

Brought to you by Mighty Strong Friends of Nexus; Event Cinemas and Frozen Coke Smugglers

This week, the theme I was given is sports. But I was thinking about doing one on summer, with us having changed to Daylight Savings on Sunday. I was sad for a bit, not knowing what to do. But then, I had an epic puzzle-kraken thought. Why not do SUMMER SPORTS! And yes, I stole the list from the sports played at the Summer Olympics. So that’s what you’ve got this week. Oh, and if you’re turning up an hour late to your lectures, change your clocks, because you’ve missed Daylight Savings. Oh, and next week is the elections for the 2012 WSU Board of Directors!

THE BIG BAD wordFIND the wORDS ARCHERY ATHLETICS BADMINTON BASKETBALL BOXING CANOEING CYCLING DIVING EQUESTRIAN FENCING FOOTBALL GYMNASTICS HANDBALL HOCKEY JUDO

WHAT TO DO

KAYAKING

(seriously, it’s pretty darn cross)

ROWING

Brought to you by the strong mind of Event Cinemas, in both Chartwell and Centreplace flavours! Mmmmm, delicious frozen coke!

SAILING

Be warned, this is the most difficult puzzle page ever!

TABLE TENNIS

PENTATHLON

The Furious Puzzle Page

SHOOTING SWIMMING SYNCRONISED SWIMMING

QUIZ TIME: Q. Name five sports that have only been played at one of the Modern Olympic Games.

TAEKWONDO TENNIS TRIATHLON VOLLEYBALL

Q. Water Motorsports is a sport previously played at the Modern Olympics, in which there was three events. How many competitors finished each event?

Q. Name two sports that have been played at all of the Modern Olympic Games.

WATERPOLO WEIGHTLIFTING WRESTLING

AUTEUR HOUSE

TALES FROM TINSLETOWN

WITH DR. RICHARD SWAINSON

WITH JADE CAREY

The silence that has come out of Hollywood in the wake of veteran Cliff Robertson’s recent demise has been deafening. Normally when an Oscar winner passes on to the great screening room in the sky the media is at least briefly full of stories beginning with the line “tributes have been flowing...”, obituaries in which peers or fans extol the virtue of the fallen star. Robertson’s death last week barely even rated a mention on IMBD.

Emmy Awards time is here again and I have all the 2011 results for all those who missed them. Jane Lynch hosted this year’s Emmys and begun the night with an elaborate musical number that took her on a journey of some of the biggest shows on television. She also sang and danced alongside many celebrities before beginning the awards.

Why? It would be easy to indulge in conspiracy theories. The controversy which blighted Robertson’s professional life in the 1970s is part of Hollywood folklore. In 1977 Robertson discovered that his signature had been forged on a Columbia studios cheque written out for work that he had not actually done. When he reported the incident to the FBI the resulting investigation implicated Columbia executive David Begelmen. Begelmen went to jail for fraud but Robertson was effectively blacklisted by the film industry for the next six years. By that time his name was in total eclipse. He was reduced to supporting parts for the rest of his life. The Begelmen affair aside, Robertson was never going to be one of the great stars. He had a quiet if charismatic persona and limited range, sort of like a poor man’s Glenn Ford. He’s destined to be remembered for two key roles. The first is “PT109”, a war movie which doubles as a biopic of John F. Kennedy. Released four months before the President’s assassination, the film was embraced beyond its modest virtues when overtaken by the events of Dallas, Texas. A grieving nation was happy to buy into a story that oversold JFK’s WW II exploits and Robertson - whom Kennedy personally approved for the part - greatly benefited from the good will. “Charly” is the other standout on the Robertson CV. He won the 1968 Oscar as Best Actor for the part of an intellectually handicapped man whose lot in life briefly improves after experimental surgery. I confess to not having seen a film whose current unavailability says something about its mixed reputation. Playing the mentally challenged is the easiest way to win awards, though judging by reviews it’s more the mannered split screen technique of director Ralph Nelson and tonally questionable premise that limits “Charly” and Robertson is quite credible in the leading role. A later generation is likely to know Robertson only for his last part: Peter Parker’s uncle in Sam Raimi’s “Spiderman” trilogy.

For comedy series the awards went to: Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series went to Melissa McCarthy, who plays Molly in ‘Mike & Molly,’ Outstanding Lead Actor went to Jim Parsons who plays Sheldon in ‘The Big Bang Theory.’ Outstanding Supporting Actress and Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series went to Julie Bowen and Ty Burrell who play Claire and Phil Dunphy in ‘Modern Family.’ The award for Outstanding Comedy Series also went to Modern Family. The awards for Drama Series were as follows: Outstanding Lead Actress went to Julianna Margulies for ‘The Good Wife,’ Outstanding Lead Actor went to Kyle Chandler for ‘Friday Night Lights’. Outstanding Supporting Actress went to Margo Martindale who plays Mags Bennett in ‘Justified,’ Outstanding Supporting Actor went to Peter Dinklage from ‘Game of Thrones’ and Outstanding Drama Series went to ‘Mad Men.’ The awards for Miniseries or a Movie were: Outstanding Lead Actress went to Kate Winslet for her performance as Mildred Pierce in ‘Mildred Pierce’, Maggie Smith won Outstanding Supporting Actress as Dowager Countess of Grantham/Violet in ‘Downton Abbey’ (Masterpiece) and Outstanding Supporting Actor went to Guy Pearce as Monty Beragon in ‘Mildred Pierce’ and Outstanding Miniseries or Movie went to ‘Downton Abbey’ (Masterpiece). ‘The Daily Show with Jon Stewart’ won Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series. Outstanding Directing in a Variety, Music or Comedy Series went to Don Roy King for ‘Saturday Night Live.’ Martin Scorsese took home his first-ever Emmy, winning Outstanding Directing for ‘Boardwalk Empire.’ But by the end of the night it was clear that ‘Modern Family’ had stolen the show taking home the most awards on the night. But close on the shows tail was both ‘Mildred Pierce’ and ‘Downton Abbey’ both of which took home a couple of awards.

Rugby World Cup 2011 With Sam Hurley

Top 10 Sporting Comebacks The top ten athletes and teams that have come back from the jaws of defeat.

Michael Jordan, Chicago Bulls Retiring in 1993 following his father’s murder and winning 3 straight NBA titles, Jordan returned to the NBA from a stint in minor league baseball in 1995. In the 3 years Jordan came back to play for the Bulls he went on to capture 2 more MVP’s, 2 All Star game MVP’s, 3 more scoring titles, 3 All Star appearances, 3 All-NBA first team selections, 3 All-Defensive first team selections, and 3 more NBA titles while winning the finals MVP in each one cementing himself as the greatest player of all time.

Australia v South Africa, 1999 Cricket World Cup Semi Final One of the greatest Cricket World Cup games of all time. The match is most remembered for the disastrous run out between South Africa’s, Allan “forgot to run” Donald and Lance Klusener that ended the game in a tie. The Australians had been bundled out for a miserable 213 in the first innings and the South Africans began the run chase strong but Shane Warne spun some magic with four key wickets to keep the game tight. With one run needed from the last two balls and only one wicket in hand Australia completed the remarkable comeback as they ran out the headless Donald. Australia would advance to the final because of a higher net run rate of 0.0015 where they would beat Pakistan.

Muhammad Ali, The Rumble in the Jungle After being drafted by the U.S Armed forces in 1967, to fight in the Vietnam War, Ali refused to serve and was subsequently arrested and stripped of his boxing licence and Heavyweight Championship title. In 1971 the Supreme Court reversed his conviction and allowed him to fight again allowing Ali to met Joe Frazier in the “Fight of the Century”, however Frazier retained his title in a unanimous decision. This time Ali fought George Forman, who had beaten Frazier for the title, in the Republic of Congo. In one of the greatest upsets and fights of all time Ali knocked out Foreman in the 8th round regaining the Heavyweight Championship.

Liverpool F.C in the 2005 UEFA Champions League Final At half time Liverpool was down 3-0 to A.C Milan with what seemed like a resounding defeat. Liverpool however had an incredible second half surge to score three goals in 6mins and send the game to overtime where they would eventually win a penalty shootout 3-2.

France v New Zealand, 1999 Rugby World Cup Semi Final France was never given a chance in the build-up against an All Blacks side that were everyone’s favourite to lift the William Webb Ellis Trophy. After being down 24-10 the game seemed like a comfortable win to the All Blacks but the French added 33 points to just seven from the All Blacks for a sensational victory. A game that still haunts All Blacks fans to this day.

New York Jets v Miami Dolphins on NFL’s Monday Night Football, 2000 Known as the Monday Night Miracle the Jets were down 30-7 going into the final quarter. Jets broadcaster Howard David famously said, “And with a whole quarter to go, this game is over.” The game however was not over as the Jets staged a furious rally to level the score at 30 all. The Dolphins retook the lead but the Jets came back to level the score at 37 and force the game into overtime where they kicked the game winning field goal.

Lance Armstrong, Tour de France In 1996 at age 25 Armstrong was diagnosed with testicular cancer, the cancer spread to his lungs, abdomen and brain. Armstrong came back in 1998 and went on to become the greatest road cyclist of all time. He won his first Tour de France in 1999 by 7min 37 seconds and went on to claim 7 straight Tour de France titles and 22 individual stages.

Boston Red Sox in the 2004 American League Championship Series At the time the Red Sox had not won a World Series title in 86 years, many felt that 2004 could be the year but after they went down 3-0 to their hated rivals, the New York Yankees, in a best of seven series all seemed to be lost. Boston would become the first team in MLB history to come back from a 3-0 series deficit, after winning game 4 and 5 in extra innings, Curt Schilling winning game 6, on a torn tendon in his right ankle, “the bloody sock game”, and then finally blowing out the Yankees in the decisive game 7. Boston would go on to win its first World Series title in 86 years by sweeping the St. Louis Cardinals.

Niki Lauda, 1977 Formula One world champion Maybe the bravest comeback of all. Heading for his second world championship, a rear suspension failure forced Lauda off the track. His Ferrari hit an embankment, rolled back, and collided with Brett Lunger’s Surtees-Ford. Lauda’s car shot up in flames with Lauda trapped inside. Despite the efforts of the officials and his fellow drivers he could not be removed from the wreckage until he’d already suffered severe burns, and had inhaled huge amounts of toxic gas. Amazingly when they did get him out, he was able to walk away but he later collapsed into a coma. Less than two months later Lauda was back racing. In his first race he managed a credible fourth, but had too much ground to make up in the world championship, and he lost it by one point. The following year he came back and won the championship for the second time.

Lasse Viren, 10,000m final 1972 Olympics In his first Olympics at the age of 23, Lasse Viren went into the 1972 10,000m final little more than a rank outsider. When he and Mohamed Gammoudi fell over halfway through the race it was Gammoudi, the 1968 Olympic Champion, who garnered the attention. Yet while Gammoudi dropped out two laps later, Viren had already caught up with the leading group and went on to win the gold in a world record 27:38:40. His achievement was crowned just ten days later when he added the 5000m title.

H-TOWN FANZONE – JIMMY STYLES WITH JIMMY!

Nexus got the low down on some of the madness seen from behind the bars in the Rugby World Cup Fanzone. We found neither violence nor discrimination. What we did find was a handful of bars welcoming a large number of tourists with warm arms, Welshmen drinking and singing, and one bar not too bothered by a decline in business. The Rugby World Cup Fanzone in Hamilton is L-shaped, and takes in the south end of Alexandra St and a block of Hood St to Victoria St. The success of bar owners nestled in the Fanzone and the well behaved nature of the crowd has been applauded throughout various newspapers, with the New Zealand Herald and Waikato Times commenting on the positive vibes and good spirits amongst punters. Diggers proprietor Craig Williamson said the bar had seen a definite increase in numbers, calling the event “a great patronage from locals and tourists, similar to the V8’s.” What sets the RWC apart from the V8’s is culture. At a full capacity House Bar, culture was said to be dripping from the seams, glazed in a humble layer of sweet intoxication and comradeship. Bar owner Nathan Sweetman commented on the Welsh bringing their green, kindly ruckus. “The Welsh are easily the best and most fun crowd to accommodate. They tend to provide their own fun. Various times on Saturday and Sunday they were singing hymns and rugby songs and Tom Jones tracks. Hearing over 300 people singing Land of Our Fathers is just electric. “ Sweetman spoke of various times where the televisions were turned off, allowing the Welsh to let their lungs loose, while Tonga was also noted on presenting their culture in the form of a war dance prior the Wales-Samoa game. House even got a glimpse of NZ top dog John Key, who made his mark on House Bar as just another punter. The Prime Minister stayed away from the spotlight, choosing to avoid a political speech and instead spent two hours shaking hands and drinking beer. In terms of business, it’s safe to say that House is pretty darned happy. 30

“The Friday, Saturday and Sunday just gone (16th – 18th), was ridiculous. We can only hold so many people, and are usually full for 3-4 hours on Saturday, which is our busiest. We had the same business 10-12 hours in a row all three days. We were packed from 11am on Saturday to 2am on Sunday, that’s 15 hours right there.” Over in the CBD Corner Pub, a similar environment and record numbers of punters gave employees some of the biggest nights of the year. “It was huge! Heaps of Welsh people – obviously - since they’re big drinkers. Even mid-week before the New Zealand vs Japan game, we had people coming in for lunches”, recalls one of the duty managers. The overcrowding issues that Auckland complained about were easily dealt with. CBD did have to hold off people, but as the alternative was the street Fanzone, no aggravation was encountered. Contrasted with CBD and House is the “left of centre” bar Static, which specialises in a constant stream of live music rather than sports coverage, which director Graham says has seen a decrease in punter numbers and sales since two weeks before the RWC, but asserts he isn’t too worried. “We don’t really want the footy heads in here. We want to create a unique, safe environment for people that are a bit left of centre and don’t fit in at other bars”, says Graham. The targeted Static crowd, which aren’t necessarily rugby fans, are avoiding the bar because of it’s positioning in the Fanzone, while the rugby enthusiasts are avoiding due to the left of centre environment it provides, tells Graham “They (rugby enthusiasts) wouldn’t have fun here anyway. They’d be standing here wanting ‘Hey Soul Sister’ played, and they’ll get none of that.” He says allowing rugby fans entrance would turn the management of Static into hypocrites, and completely go against their targeted audience. Graham is looking forward to the end of the RWC. So the Fanzone is a success. With the Wales and Fiji game this Sunday, the increase in sales for CBD, House and Diggers are expected, more chanting from the Welsh is anticipated, while bands performing at Static are hoped to bring their natives back \m/.

OrcBall: More Fun Than You Can Chuck a Skull At By Kate Cogswell You may have seen them, on the Green or in the trees, determined warriors with a penchant for death. Their swords may be foam but the fire in their bellies burns like the breath of a thousand fiery demons. In cultural hour, 1-2pm Wednesdays, they emerge from the deepest, darkest caves of society and flaunt their passion for all to see. As I watched I was intrigued, perplexed even and then the sky opened up and a beam of light came down upon me: it’s gridiron with swords! Only the ball is a skull and helmets are optional. Orcball is a merger between American football and a game by the name of Bloodbowl. This speaks for itself. As the wait for a live action role playing game became too much to bear, inventive and outgoing gamers forged the sport from their own sweat and tears. The aim of the game is to enter the designated end zone, skull in hand, not to kill each other – that’s a bonus. Two teams of eight, amidst a war for territory, try to take each other out. Off the ball gridiron tackling becomes a mass of sword battles as the slain fall to the ground. A valid hit is below the neck but above the knees, while hands are an extension of the weapon. The field of play can be anywhere, though trees are particularly appealing. As organiser and robed referee Alistar put it, both teams are equally disadvantaged. The rough terrain makes for an interesting game, the slope and loose ground build excitement, but also injuries. I saw firsthand what makes this a legitimate sport, well that and the fact that they have a black dude. They’re an eclectic bunch and don’t care about race, gender or sexuality. Around 30-40 regular players have teams playing alternately, including a kickass all girls team. As I watched there was only one girl in the game but she could hold her sword amongst men and beasts. Anybody’s welcome and if you don’t know how to swing a sword, fear not, someone will be all too eager to teach you. The game is hectic. It looks and sounds like a lot of fun, with relentless yelling and laughing Orcball is a playing field for both athleticism and wit. The time and score keeper stands by, a picture of composure as play begins to a cry of “KILL ‘EM ALL!” I was enthralled by more action than the Rugby World Cup, even witness to a breakaway full field touchdown. I spoke to Henry, who plays for something to do during the basketball off season and, for an out of season sports girl, I see the appeal. “There’s some corpses over there!”

Hagar, captain of the Sexy Vikings describes his attraction to the game as stemming from pacifist warfare saying “aggression is a natural human emotion, it’s about the way you take it out”. The light contact sport is an outlet for anger. As an anonymous orcballer said; “I went to Boy’s High where everyone liked rugby. This was my way of saying ‘fuck you’ to the board of trustees”. Another said “a lot of nerds are reluctant to pick up a sport. This is a bunch of idiots running around with foam swords”. And it is. “It’s not even about the ball anymore is it?” No, it isn’t. Not at all. 31

CAFES: LIKE A BOSS

WORDS OF WISDOM

WITH MRS MATTHEWS

WITH MR MINTY FISH

Hog’s Breath Cafe, 29 Hood St, Hamilton.

We came here because it was new in town and looked vaguely interesting. I don’t usually do franchise dining but our flatmate used to rave about the Hog’s Breath in Napier, so we figured it could be worth a try. When we walked in we were greeted by friendly staff who led us straight to a table reminiscent of something from Lonestar and a menu several pages long. When our waiter came to the table to take drink orders and guide us through the menu he sat down at the table; this seemed like a bit of fun. We were starving while we waited for our friends to join us, so we ordered some Chicken Tenders from the starters menu. The tenders come with a honey mustard dipping sauce which is delicious but the tenders themselves were horribly over cooked and were like crumbed rubber. I honestly thought they had been cooked in the microwave they were that bad. Our friends arrived and we all ordered; a couple of Buffalo Ranch Chicken burgers, a Grilled Steak Sandwich and a Crispy Chicken Burger –adding avocado for $3.70. All of the meals came with ‘Hog tail fries’ which are curly fries. The Steak Sandwich came out burnt, with the unseasoned steak filled that was mostly fat and gristle. All the chicken burgers were wicked overcooked, dry and chewy. The Crispy Chicken burger was average. The Buffalo Burgers came with a little bit of ranch dressing and some weak BBQ sauce. I asked for some more ranch dressing for mine and here’s the kicker: my tiny pottle of ranch cost me $2.20. My (and the internet’s) interpretation of ‘Buffalo’ is something that contains hot sauce. Apparently Hog’s Breath just thinks it’s a fun name to add to their BBQ sauce. As I mentioned earlier the decor in Hog’s Breath Cafe is a bit like Lonestar; lots of wood and wrought iron. The staff are friendly but pretty much what you would expect in a franchise restaurant. The food was just unforgivable though. I do not understand how this place is a successful franchise. Since this was within two weeks of them opening I’m just gonna assume they haven’t figured out how to cook anything except curly fries yet. Disappointing.

Oh hey. How’re things? Pregnant yet? Oh you’re NOT from Whangarei? Ok then. P.S. You’re an arrogant fuck. Let me clarify. Confidence is key. Cockiness can be key. BEING A SELF RIGHTEOUS COCK IS NEVER KEY. Examples of typical SRC behaviour: -Don’t understand something = Lash out and call it stupid. -People like something you don’t = Lash out and call them stupid. -Someone disagrees with you = Lash out and call everything stupid. -You’re older than someone = Lash out and think they’re stupid. -Tell a joke = Lash out and cry when no one but yourself laughs at the cup of hilarity you handed out that was fucking empty. If you were Santa, all the children would be disappointed because you.Have. No.Gifts. In other news, this is called ‘Words of Wisdom’ so I’m assuming I should at some stage pass out the old goodie bag of all things wise. Something more than, “You’re a fuck”, “I hate your work” and “have a shower,” so here it is. Next time you think you’re epic, think of 3 solid reasons why you’re right and debate on them for a good 45 minutes. After having this debate; whether you found any or not; write out the flaws in your argument. Resume debate and if you are honestly still of the opinion that you are King of Epic, then congratulations. There are; however; 3 arguments that are instantly null and void. -Race and/or colour. i.e. “Awww cheee bo I’m probably epic as ae coz I’m like heaps white and shit.” No. Learn English. -Age. i.e. “Yes I am probably epic because I was born 23 months before that other guy.” -Taste. i.e. “I’m genuinely an eppy bitch because I love all the new music before you kids.” There is always someone that thinks they are more glorious than you. Maybe their penis is longer. Maybe their boobs aren’t lop sided. Whatever! There is also always someone that already thinks that you’re a boss (justified or otherwise) so try less to force your epicness on everyone and just be happy that no one has hit you with a fish. It happens apparently. I hope you’re all well. Love your faces.

MAURIORA! WITH KIRIANA Naku noa Kiriana Waru MAURIORA! Na Kiriana Waru o Tainui, Ngatiwhatua, Te Aupouri, Te Rarawa Te taha Maori, he purotu, te taha wairua, he mana nui. Nga mea katoa a Tane nui a Rangi. Te Maori, hara mai te toki, haumie, hui e Taiki e! Kia whaikororia ki te atua, to matou matua nui i te rangi, e rangi e, rire rire, hau Paimarire.

I tenei wiki i whakatu te roopu mana wahine, Womens Space club o te whare wananga i tetahi po whakanui i te mana tangata. I tae mai etahi wahine no Te Whakaruruhau, Hamiltons Women Refuge ki te korerorero ki nga wahine o tenei roopu. Nei ra te mihi aroha ki nga kaimahi o Te Whakaruruhau. I tae atu hoki te mangai o te whare wananga mo nga take wahine, ara te WSU womens walfare Representative. I whakahaeretia te kai whakarite o te roopu Womens Space, a Roselle i tetahi whakataetae mo tetahi tuhinga mo te whakamanatanga i nga wahine me nga tane, ara te ‘Freedom of the sexes poem competition’. E rua nga tuhinga korero i whakawaatia ka tapaina ko toku tuhinga i wikitoria, heoi ano, e mihi aroha atu ana ahau ki a Kiely Waiomio mo tona tuhinga ataahua rawa atu. He wahine maia, he wahine taikaha hoki tenei wahine. Heoi ano e hoa ma, kia kaha tonu koutou ki te tautoko mai i nga mahinga whakamana wahine, whakamana tane hoki. Haere mai koutou ki te whakamahana i te ruma watea mo nga wahine ara te ruma karapu mo te ‘Womens Space’, kei muri tata tonu ki te kauta kau, ara te Cowshed. Nau mai, haere mai, tautoko mai!

Kia whai whakaaro ano mo ratou ma kei tua whakarere, e hoki atu ra ki to matou kainga tuturu, ki hawaiki nui, hawaiki roa hawaiki pamamao.

Kua takoto te manuka e hoa ma...

Kia tau ai nga manakitanga ki runga i nga whanau kei raro i te kakahu taratara o aitua, ma to whanau whanui koutou e whakakaha ki te tutuki i nga moemoea kua waiho mai.

‘Kei runga noa atu’

Te Kiwaha o te wiki

hei tauira, ‘kei runga noa atu koe e Sonny Bill Williams!’ Te Kupu Huna o te wiki

Otira,e nga mana e nga reo e nga rau rangatira, tena koutou katoa. Tenei te mihi maioha ki nga tauira Maori, ootira ki nga tauira katoa o tenei whare wananga ataahua rawa atu.

Koinei te ingoa o tetahi wharenui rongonui rawa atu ki roto o Waikato.

Nei ra nga mihi aroha ki a tatou katoa.

‘_u_u _i t_ r_n_i’

KO WAI AU?

Mena e mohio ana koe i te whakautu tika mo te kupu huna, me tono mai to whakautu ki te e-mera o Nexus magazine . Tera pea ka whiwhi koe i tetahi taonga ataahua rawa.

He mokopuna au no nga iwi o Waikato, o Ngati Whatua, o Te Aupouri, O Te Rarawa. Na te kohanga reo ki te puke o Tara au i poipoia, na te kura kaupapa maori au i whakatipua ki te ao maori. Na Petera raua ko Mihiterina au i whakawhanau mai ki tenei ao hurihuri. Nei ra te mihi aroha ki oku maatua tipuna, tae noa ki te whanau whanui. E toru oku tama purotu. Kei Marowatea taku kainga noho mo nga tau ngahuru ma rua kua hipa ake. E kaingakau ana ahau ki nga toi whakaari, nga taonga puoro Maori otira ki nga taonga Maori katoa. E whai ana au i te tohu bachelors of arts katahi ka puta au ki nga kura ki te whakaako i nga toi. HE AHA TAKU KAUPAPA I TENEI WIKI?

Nga kupu whakamutunga Kaore i te tika i mua, kaore i te tika inaianei, engari e tika ana ki te patai mo te awhina... It wasn’t ok before, It’s not ok now, But it is ok to ask for help… Ko te kai o te rangatira ko te korero, waea atu ki 0800 ARE U OK

THE BEAUTY OF HAMILTON WITH LUKE Hamilton New Zealand Temple– 6/9/11 Hamilton is the site of the only Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints Temple in New Zealand. Yes, Hamilton has a Mormon Temple (the only one in the country), in a suburb which, funnily enough, is called Temple View. I could launch into a tirade about the originality of place names in New Zealand now… but I’ll manage to resist the temptation. The suburb is within the city limits, but is separated from Dinsdale by farmland. It’s an interesting place, well worth a visit for several reasons. The first is obvious. The Temple is impressive. It sits commandingly on a hill overlooking the suburb, which also gives views across the plains back to the city. Waikato Hospital looks impressive from this vantage point. The Temple was the first built in the Southern Hemisphere, back in the 50s. It’s said that the suburb’s founder envisioned the site of the future Temple one day when taking a drive in the country. Another tale says that Māori King Tāwhiao predicted a temple would one day stand there back in the 1890s. How accurate either of those stories are, I don’t know. But they’re interesting. Sadly, if you aren’t a Mormon, you’re not allowed inside the Temple. However, at Christmas time, the light show at the Temple is not something to be missed. The whole site is dressed up, as is the choir that sings carols. You mightn’t be allowed in the Temple but the Church does have a visitors centre set up just opposite it. Here you can learn all about the history of the suburb, as well as that of the Church. You can also get your photo taken with their pretty sweet statue of Jesus. For those wanting to know about Mormonism, as well as visiting the centre, I’d recommend you watch the South Park episode “All About Mormons” (Season 7 ep. 12), for a satirical but historically accurate take on the religion. Of course, if you don’t want to know about Mormonism, it’s totally worth the visit just to check out the Temple, and if you’re here around Christmas, don’t miss the lights show. I’m not a Mormon, and this article isn’t for or against their religion. It’s just saying you should check out Temple View. It offers some pretty cool experiences. 34

Get ahead in your studies

Places are still available in T-Semester papers at the Waikato Management School. Why not take advantage of the summer break and use it to get ahead? Summer School gives you the chance to fast-track your programme of study, catch up or build extra strengths into your programme. Papers available for study are: ACCT101-11T (HAM) - Accounting for Management

FINA514-11T (HAM) - Property Finance

ECON200-11T (HAM)- Macroeconomics and the Global Economy

FINA515-11T (HAM) - Advanced Financial Modelling

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KEVIN PRYOR GOES DOWN ON BOOKS POISON RIVER – BY GILBERT HERNANDEZ If you’re a fan of comics, the name ‘Love and Rockets’ should be familiar to you. If it’s not, then ‘Poison River’ is a good place to start. This is because Love and Rockets is a thirty year old series that can be hard to follow, due to the immense number of characters, and the endless back stories and elaborations.

transsexual strip club, corrupt police, rape, infidelity, a left-wing revolution, a tummyfetish, genocidal massacres, revenge and redemption. Sound like an ambitious set of plot points? Yes. Does Gilbert pull it off? Yes. Is this why Love and Rockets is so highly regarded? Yes.

Love and Rockets is the creation of MexicanAmerican brothers, Jamie and Gilbert Hernandez, and is like a long running Latin American soap opera, mixed with soft porn and surrealism.

Gilbert has a cartoonish drawing style, which often creates tension with the hardcore violence depicted in the story. His brother Jamie for example, draws much more realistically. Personally Gilbert’s LatinAmerican spitfires work more for me, than

Poison River is Gilbert’s work, and is a good example of the Hernandez style because the story stands by itself. The book introduces Luba – Gilbert’s central character across his entire oeuvre – in her teenage years. Luba is an enormous breasted nymphomaniac, and we learn the origin of, amongst other things, her hot pants. Luba is a bastard, due to her wealthy mother being lured once too often into the groundskeeper’s garden shed.

Jamie’s beautiful Dan DeCarlo like artwork, but most other critics disagree. Poison River is pretty much want you want in your reading material. Lots of sex and violence, but with an undercurrent of intelligence. Nestled amongst the cleavage and gun fights, are perceptive observations about Mexican society and politics. The Hernandez brothers are legendary independent comic artists. Head down to Mark One, thump your fist on the counter, and demand Love and Rockets - today.

From there the story expands to include organised crime, hippies, a travelling music group, a

CHEYENNE SCOWN READS... THE PASSAGE - BY JUSTIN CRONIN Almost any writer worth his salt has realized that if you want to make a truckload of money from a book, writing one about vampires is a safe bet. Justin Cronin – an English Professor from Rice University – is no exception. But (sorry Twilight

of perpetual daylight to keep the fuckers out. When their generator fails and their survival is threatened, they head out in an effort to save themselves. Lead by Alicia, a badass heroine type that could take on Lara Croft any day of

fans) you won’t be finding any breathy, awkward girls or sparkle-in-the-sun boys. The Passage is a bloodthirsty, scary-as-hell novel which begins slightly in the future where the American Government answers an increasing number of terrorist attacks by attempting to create a race of super-soldiers from a virus found inside Bolivian bats. Murderers and rapists from death-row make up the final 12 test subjects (because that’s who you would want to give superhuman killing powers to, right?) and although the Government can put a man on the moon, they never seemed to grasp the concept of locking shit up tight.

the week, they discover an odd young girl who can communicate with the virals and turns out to be their best chance of living long enough to restore electricity to their colony.

90 years later and the world is a much different place. The 94 survivors from the rampage of death and destruction that followed the escape of the ‘virals’ live in a community which uses a system

Cronin manages to strip away all the glamour most books give vampires these days and presents them as they probably would be if they were real – deadly beasts who can manipulate people’s minds and don’t care if your name is Sookie Stackhouse – they’ll eat you anyway. If you’re looking for a gripping, engrossing, book which will make you stay in your room for a week (with the lights on of course) then go out and grab it now. Praised, even by Stephen King who said “read this book and the ordinary world disappears” the Passage is quite simply a bloody good read. 37

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