issue 20 2011

SEPTEMBER 12TH 2011

20

THE GREAT KIWI ROADTRIP

KEN RUSSELL

The Good Doctor takes a look at one of Britain’s strangest directors in the Auteur House column

SBW VS. C-BALL

This week the C-Ball has a crack at Sonny Bill Williams

2 ARTISTS, 1 PAGE

We’ve got fresh interviews with Supergroove and Liberty prior to their Hamilton gigs

TORTURED ARTIST? More new columns for you! This time it’s about the artistic goings on of our fair city

2

THE

11

CONTENTS 4 6-7

EDITORIAL

8

THE NEWS!

9

TOP TEN!

10

HAIKU NEWS

11

SPORTS THOUGHTS

12

POLICE REPORT

13-18 19 20-23 24

20

23

WSU PAGES THE MAGIC 8-BALL ENTERTAINMENT PUZZLES

26-28

FEATURE - ROADTRIP

30-36

COLUMNS AND REVIEWS

38

5

LETTUCE

26

35

WEEKEND WARRIORS

24 3

EDITORIAL

SEPTEMBER 12TH 2011

WITH ART

We’re getting closer and closer to the end of the year and New Zealand has never been busier. Elections are incoming, and the Rugby World Cup would have had its first games by the time you read this. Heather Roy’s pet monster, the “Freedom of Association” bill is in its final stages – again.

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THE GREAT KIWI ROADTRIP Credits: EDITOR: Art Robinson (editor@nexusmag.co.nz) DESIGN: David Nixon (design@nexusmag.co.nz) ADVERTISING: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) NEWS EDITOR: James Manning (news@nexusmag.co.nz) FILM EDITOR: Richard Swainson (films@nexusmag.co.nz) BOOKS EDITOR: Kevin Pryor (books@nexusmag.co.nz)

I must admit, as much fun as I have during the election season, I get sick of the name calling. You can’t go ten minutes without a news story about “suchandsuch did a fart on an old lady” or “whatsherface is a murderer because she has Israeli links and wants to build a fence to block off Fairfield”. Yeah, it gets that crazy.

I think it’s important to let you all know that if you have “got some dirt” on a local politician, chances are I can’t do anything with it. So what if someone is a man-whore and sleeps with half of Hamilton? Is that the kind of thing you’d see in Nexus? Get real, assholes, get really real. Think a local politico is a racist? Good for you, but I’m sure as fuck not going to print it, not even if your “brothers friend is a friend of someone who knows something” and especially not when it’s the same kind of accusation that has been floating round for over a thousand years.

GAMES EDITORS: Sash Nixon (games@nexusmag.co.nz) DESIGN INTERN: Debby Yeung

Contributors Sam the Heretic, Luke Elliott, Ben Woolen, Scott Granville, Dirty Old Chair Leg, Shannon Rolfe, Judy’s Sweet Legs, Dr Richard Swainson, Owen Hinton, Honest Matt, Kylie Zinsli, Jess Edmonds-Saunders, Surrey Jackson, Mrs. Matthews, Jade Carey, Josh Cooper, Daniel Farrell, Esther Coker, Lauren KB, Mandy Suess-Ryan, Rawinia Judson, Caitlin Hayns, Aaron.Letcher, Kate Cogswell, Ayman Kysten,

Nexus Magazine, despite claims from some of you that we’re a fascist news-organ, or a communist wank-rag, is not backing any horses in this election. They’re all pretty much the same anyway. The only ones that are really different from the rest are way at the extreme ends: Mana Party - who are, for the most part, batshit insane - and the ACT Party - who are completely batshit insane as well, only richer and more obnoxious. Our staff and writers cover the entire political spectrum. I’m not even kidding. Every one of our writers is in some way indicative of a section of the university population, by ethnicity, by religious belief (we’re going with a yes/no in that category) and by age (old and/or young), and we are constantly expanding our coverage of the student audience.

Burton C. Bogan, and Campbell “Ultimate Warrior” Weal.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

Or at least, we think we are.

In order to get dick and fart jokes into everybody’s hands each week, we work hard to be apolitical. Last week’s editorial was one of several obvious exceptions, but who cares: if Labour were in power, it would only be a matter of time before they were using urgency to push through bullshit like “it is now illegal to give a misbehaving child a dirty look” and “tax farmers for chicken farts”.

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS

So, there you have it – everybody is offended. Go to bed, wake up tomorrow and repeat

PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS,

until you’re dead.

-Art

THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. WE THINK THAT THESE LITTLE JOKES AREN’T READ BY ANYONE BUT US. AND THAT PERVY GUY IN MY BIO LAB.

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL ads@nexusmag.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT: Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: editor@nexusmag.co.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

THE BEAUTY OF HAMILTON WITH LUKE University of Waikato – 6/9/11 “What?!” You ask? “He’s doing a column on the uni? But uni’s ugly!” Not so, I contend. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, as the saying goes, and what the beholder knows will surely affect their opinion of what is beautiful. So, allow me to transform your opinion, and you shall see that our fair university is really an architectural masterpiece! Just kidding. I don’t actually think it’s that amazing.

I hope to at least make you aware that the designers weren’t high. Maybe they were - uni was built in the sixties.

The majority of the university’s buildings are constructed in an architectural style called ‘Brutalism’. This was all about big, imposing buildings, often using lots of concrete, with lots of hard angles. Suspending things in the air that don’t need to be there (like the concrete slats on the link buildings) is a popular aspect, too. Brutalism was all the rage in the sixties, when the uni was built. Many universities worldwide were also expanding at this time, so it’s quite a common feature of campuses. It’s also prominent at Massey in Palmerston North, as well as Otago and Canterbury universities. Away from academia, another notable Hamilton example is the Police Station on Bridge Street.

To me, Brutalism is about showing off human capabilities in engineering; producing solid structures, which are impressive for the way they can support material in unexpected ways (such as the concrete slats mentioned). It’s a tribute to human ingenuity, which seems appropriate for a university. I like the way newer buildings on campus pay tribute to the original style – the contemporary library has retained Brutalist aspects. And the Modernist S Block still goes all out with the concrete. Most of the other buildings on campus are examples of Modernist architecture. For photos with explanations of these, go to: hamiltonphotos.tumblr.com By the way, in case you’re wondering if I actually am the biggest nerd ever, my dad is an architect; hence why I know all these details. Now, if you still think the university is ugly, did you know we have a fernery on campus? It’s pretty much a little bush walk, with a stream and boardwalk and everything! Quite romantic, even. Go check it out, it’s up by R block, across the little road from the main doors. You’ll see the little green-topped sign, with the fern; funny that!

BURGER PACK

4 x EGG BURGERS $2 CHIPS

5

Lettuce

some Maori music then. Not all the time, but most of the time.

What Do You Reckon, Readers?

Write to Win! SEND LETTERS TO: Send your letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

WEEKLY PRIZE: This week there is a prize! Brett from UniMart is kindly offering a $20 voucher to the writter of our letter of the week. Come to the Nexus office in the Student Union Building to collect your prize!

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. Word count is limited to 250 words and we will enforce this as we please.

We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be). Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

Kia ora Nexus Crew.....

My name is Kiriana Waru and this is my first year as a student at Te Whare Wananga o Waikato. I say this is my first year as a student but I’ve actually been around the University for ever, lol. My mum and dad both graduated in 1990. I was a 9 year old snotty nosed kid that hung around the University waiting for mum to finish all her classes and exams and now I’m a 30 year old snotty nosed lady studying here! :) Anywhoooooo..... I’m enrolled on to

I haven’t seen a Maori column in the Nexus, you know like a kiwaha section. The latest Maori proverb of the 21 century maybe? Maybe even a Maori crossword to win a prize maybe.

Maybe even a section for Maori students to have shout outs to other Maori students from other Universities maybe. Maybe even a section for the Maori Student Support Service Team of Waikato University to talk about any up and coming events specific to Maori Students.

And then to make it fair and respectful we can have a section for other indigenous students to talk about up and coming events in their countries. Well, there we go, i did it, the seed has been sown, let’s see what comes of this

do a Bachelors of Arts in Maori and Pacific Development or maybe, conjoint with bachelors of education. I eventually want to make Interactive educational Cartoons/Animations like dragon ball z styled Maui legends, and Dora the explorer style for tama and Hine the adventurers.

great seed of hope for a better comfortable university as a Maori student.

When I’m not in the fun crazy cartoon making studio i want to be traveling around to schools doing music and performing arts productions about Maori myths and legends, kind of like Te Hei o Tahoka, Ahorangi Genesis.

Campaign for MMP!

As part of studying here and gaining my qualifications here at the BEST University in the world :) i would like to take this opportunity to also leave my mark here. Just as I is comfortable being here because my mum and dad both brought me here, I would like to leave a mark here for my children and my children’s children to feel comfortable to be here. So let me cut to the chase, I am an active Maori member of this society and i would appreciate hearing Maori music being played in the cafes on campus. I could have sworn i heard beautiful Indian music coming out of the cafe the other day, that’s great, but it made me feel a bit jealous. I want to encourage the cafes by the lakeside on campus to play some Whirimako Black, Hirini Melbourne for sure. Ok i did it! I said it! I’m not being racist, are you? If not play

Naku noa Kiriana Waru. OLD SKOOL Come pick up your $20 UniMart voucher at the Nexus office in the WSU Building.

A new club is starting up on campus - Campaign for MMP. The upcoming referendum is a big deal, and we want to highlight that MMP is by far the fairest, most democratic voting system we can choose from. Many people do not understand how influential our voting system is in deciding who governs, and the serious consequences of not having a fair system.

Put simply, MMP makes sure that the voters determine the make-up of Parliament. This is because it is proportional - parties get seats according to the number of votes we give them.

Other systems, such as First Past the Post or the Single Transferable Vote, skew what us the voters have decided. They place too much emphasis on winning electorate seats, meaning many people’s votes do not count. In the 1979 and 1981 elections under FPP, the party that got the most seats got far less votes but still formed the government.

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A

$20 VOUCHER FROM UNIMART

CONVENIENCE STORE HERE ON CAMPUS

FOOD, DRINKS, SNACKS AND DAILY ESSENTIALS ALL IN ONE FRIENDLY LOCATION 6

Is this right?

It cannot be. In 1993 New Zealand changed the voting system to make sure that us the voters, regardless of what electorate we lived in, had the equal and ultimate say in elections.

We chose MMP because it is the fairest, most democratic voting system. It means power to the people. Our values have not changed in those 18 years. Vote to keep MMP. Regards, Brendan Madley

Management: Too Far Dear University of Waikato IT staff, I realise that I am not a management student, but perhaps if you are going to give me classes in the management block you could consider allowing me access to the computers in that block. Having to park on one side of campus for class only to have to schlep to the other side of campus to print a single friggin document can be a pain in the ass sometimes.

Cheers, Lazy Student.

Maybe She’s Avoiding You? Dear the girl with the Pink Laptop that I often see in the library.

I am saddened that haven’t seen you in the library as much lately, maybe it’s this nicer weather and you’re going outside to do your study. In fact, I saw you yesterday, at Momento, studying in the sun.

I still really like your smile :) and I think you should come back to the library more, so I can look at its beauty. It’s definitely a keeper.

Keep on smiling, to the stars and back.

From the boy in the corner with the boring black laptop.

We Will Sell This Writer’s Info To the Highest Bidder!

Y’argh! I be back! <insert trololol dude> - the guy who has gone by about ten different pseudonyms and trolled the fuck out of you. And the guy who is slightly worried that he will piss of the editor of Nexus one day and his actual name will be printed instead of a pseudonym.

My first point is actually a positive one. It goes out to Luke who does “The Beauty of Hamilton”.

You, sir, are what I would refer to as a good cunt. Your column is awesome and your photos are boss. So you keep doing your thang. You have been approved. <insert rubber stamp slamming on paper noise> I also would like to have a chat to Courteney.

Weird spelling of your name. I feel sad for you.

Your friend died. That’s all.

Next, I draw my attention to :-). Seriously, is that the best you’ve got. You couldn’t even use words for your pseudonym? You gotta chuck in an emoticon? You, sir, are a faggot. And I don’t care how much of a Catholic you are.

The last lettuce I shall bitch about is that by Angry Trousers. You are an idiot. By saying the wrong company, you’re disgracing Maoridom?

Fuck you’re an idiot. I guess that’s the Maori in you coming out.

Miss Cogswell, who does “Left Jab” is what I would happily call, a outrageous fucking lunatic.

Do you seriously think the SAS, New Zealand’s elite combat force and in fact arguably the world’s most elite combat force, should not be in combat? That’s just bullshit. The SAS is trained specifically to be a powerful fighting force. Why should we waste their combat skill on peacekeeping. You say “war is irrational and outdated. It’s time for diplomacy.” So we should sit by and watch a dictator commit mass murder? Is the one life New Zealand has lost in Afghanistan really worth more than the thousands of Afghani civilians that would have died? Fucking communist.

Leaving town soon?

Need storage?

SPECIALT STUDEN OFFERd term

s fixe Call Shirley or Nigel for all the details: 3 month $200 Ph 846 6144 storeit4U@xtra.co.nz 176 Ellis St Frankton SAVE

Final point before I fuck off to actually be a productive member of society, unlike most of you cunts reading this. Mr Editor, thank you.

You’ve been smart and renamed what was the “Busted” page that had become a bunch of people being busted doing nothing. The people at (name removed for legal reasons.

Ed.) are still asswipes though. They can go fuck themselves. Just like (name removed for legal reasons. Ed.). Oh and (name removed for legal reasons. Ed.). He’s a cuntbag too.

Lots of love and double rainbows, - A bit of a cunt (at least I know I’m a cunt)

Nat Good? All Good.

Dear Nat Good, Just have to say it was amazing how relevant your column was for my assignment due this week. Business incubation. Brilliant!

Pretty sure the definition alone would have got me some brownie points. Keep up that legendary stuff, and you could single handedly raise the grades of management students!

Thanks, Incubated

Butt Out Already I am writing to tell the obnoxious smokers at Momento to smoke less. You don’t actually need one cigarette right after your last one.

It wastes time, wastes money and wastes my fresh air. You can always take a break in between smokes. Please consider it when you go to light one smoke off the smouldering butt of the last one. Just chill out and enjoy some fresh air. It’s good for you and nature in general.

Just remember: every breath you exhale is good for trees.

Love Tree Hugger

SELF STORAGE

Safe, secure, affordable 7

THE NEWS!

BY JAMES MANNING

AGM REMINDER #327

The Waikato Student’s Union Annual General Meeting will be held next Wednesday on 21st September in L.G.01 at 1pm.

Dave West, General Manager of the WSU says it’s one of the most important meetings of the year, where the membership comes together as an organisation to discuss its achievements for the year, what it could have done better, and what the future plans are.

“Constitutionally and legally it’s where the organisation reports to the membership and gets the member’s approval and consent of the acts of the membership in the future”, says Dave.

On the agenda will be the Annual Plan and Budget for 2012, which will show how the board of the WSU intends to achieve the aims and objects of the WSU for the following year. The Annual Report of 2011, the approval of membership fees and Directors honoraria for 2012, and the appointment of the Auditor and Solicitor will also be presented.

For the first time in a decade, the appointment of a life member of the WSU will be presented.

A free barbeque is expected to follow the AGM, while free beer is only hoped for at the time of writing.

So come along! It’s a good opportunity to hear what the WSU has been doing for you, and to approve or disapprove it.

A JOURNEY OF LOVE VIA DEATH Former Waikato University Screen and Media Studies Honours student Shoshana Sachi will have two original works featured in the upcoming 2011 Fringe Festival; a photography collection and short film.

The photography collection ‘To the End’ depicts a story of two lovers separated in death, and follows their journey through the afterlife to find each other. It is a surreal and abstract collection, using photo manipulation techniques that thrust’s viewers into a dark fantasy tale of love and loss.

The 23 year old, who is also a UCLA Graduate, says the collection began as she experimented with various tools in Photoshop.

“At first it was just experimental photo manipulations…It was just gonna be a ‘look what I can do in Photoshop’, but then it turned into a narrative.”

Influenced by the epic poem Dante’s Inferno, the collection displays various images connected with the lovers’ journey though the afterlife, with scattered letters and diary entries that further guide the viewer through the story.

The collection is viewable from 23rd September to 2nd October at the Meteor from 12-6pm and is free entry. Her works will be featured alongside those by James Wilson.

Short gothic-thriller Blindsight will also be shown, and features various students from Waikato University’s Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences. The viewing will take place at the Waikato Museum on Sunday 25th September at 1pm, with a gold coin entry fee.

The gold coins collected will be donated to New Zealand Search and

there’s a BBQ....

David Bennett MP

Rescue, in honor of Cameron Millar, an extra in the film who passed away after he was tipped from his kayak in Wellington harbour in August.

M P for h aM i l t on e a s t

Phone: 07 834 3407 Email: davidbennett@xtra.co.nz www.davidbennett.co.nz

www.national.org.nz 8

The Hamilton Fringe Festival presents a smorgasbord of art events brought to you by over 300 local artists, performers and directors. This year it will run from 22nd September to October 2nd.

capoeira movements learn the art

Top 10 Games to Watch During Rugby World Cup 2011 Here are my picks for the games, and possible future games, I think will be the most exciting to watch. If you’re not going to them go down to the pub and fraternize, in a number of ways, with the 100,000 plus foreigners expected to be in the country.

10 9 8

Australia V Ireland, Auckland, September 17 This should be fantastic, especially if the Irish get up and win this, which would place the Wallabies into a possible quarterfinal with the Springboks.

Argentina V Scotland, Wellington, September 25 This game could decide who goes through to the quarterfinals along with England in Group B. The gritty Scots versus the unpredictable Latinos should make you want to do a tango while dressed as William Wallace.

Fiji V Samoa, Auckland, September 25 Could be the most exciting match of the group matches; expect Samoa to want to knock everyone’s heads off, while Fiji will look for broken play to feed their explosive outside backs.

7

England V Scotland, Auckland, October 1 The chance for Scotland to beat its greatest rival, a strong possibility for an upset taking place here as England may have its focus set past the group stages.

6

New Zealand V France, Auckland, September 24 There is a bit of history between these two teams at World Cups, look for the AB’s to extract some revenge from 1999 and 2007. Bloody Frogs!!

5

Wales V Samoa, Hamilton, September 18 Unluckily Wales have to play Samoa again in a World Cup, who has beaten them famously in 1991 and 1999. Expect plenty of feeling in this one and a huge party on Vic St afterward.

4

Quarterfinal 2: England V France (Probable), Auckland, October 8 England will be up for this one against their hated rival, but which French team will turn up? Damm Frogs!!

3

Semi-final 1: Australia V England (Probable), Auckland, October 15 Pick your poison if you’re a NZ fan, the knockout tournament experts England, or the talented Aussie backline.

2

Semi-final 2: New Zealand V South Africa (Probable), Auckland, October 16 Ok, NZ should get to the Semis this time right? South Africa, ehh...what have they ever done at World Cups?

1

Final: New Zealand V Australia (Probable), Auckland, October 21 I think it will actually be NZ versus England in the final but have been told otherwise by the TAB, wouldn’t want to own a business on Queen St if we lose this one.

pilates mat work intro salsa brazilian martial arts muay thai kickboxing hip hop

BRAZILIAN MARTIAL ARTS Courses starting from the 12th September

yoga & pilates weekly classes concessions/casuals available

www.reccentre.co.nz

Gate 1, University of Waikato

07 838 4177

EVERY WEDNESDAY FROM 1PM TO 3PM ORANGA, LEVEL 1 UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO

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SHORT NEWS

FOR TALL PEOPLE

BY THE WAIKATO FIST

SHORTY ST SUICIDES

LIFE IS A HIGHWAY

Research has found Shortland Street influential in style of suicide.

The study looked at the effects certain media had on attempted suicide or self harm. When asked for specific TV channels that had screened content the subjects found leading, TV2 was commonly named. The answers further detailed that a particular episode of the horrendous New Zealand soap caused participants to consider or try an overdose by ingestion. Few

In Norway an 84 year old man has evaded police despite being in a wheelchair. Law enforcement have been searching for a way to revoke the man’s drivers license after he drunkenly went through a 184 metre long motorway tunnel in his electric wheelchair, then turned around and went through it again. Don’t worry mate, I like tunnels too. He faces a fine as the highway is off

other shows gained this attention though the action was only referred to. The producer emphasised that it was not glamourised but portrayed as “stupid, wasteful and unheroic”, just like his show. You’re not alone; it makes me want to off myself too.

limits to pedestrians so he then should be outside the laws of driving. Now I’m no Norwegian lawyer but what gets me is that he’s in a motorized wheelchair yet has a driving license?

Haiku News

WHO LET YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE? Too scared to come out of the closet, a Black Power member was found by police hiding in a wardrobe. Huntly’s no place to hide but police are crediting the efficient transference of information received from the public. The man had breached his conditions of parole after being arrested in 1995 for life. With a minimum sentence of 10 years before parole eligibility, it seems someone made a bad call. Leon Colin Wilson tattooed on the face of his former partner “Property of Leon” and later murdered her.

Perhaps a “Property of Police” tattoo would make him more easily identifiable.

AB CIRCLE AMATEUR Complaints about the touted wonder-machine, the Ab Circle Pro V2, have resulted in the infomercials being removed from television. The Advertising Standards Authority has upheld that the transformation shown gave unrealistic expectations of the product. The abs we all want and not just for ourselves, from fat to that, I don’t think so. However so many consumers in our scum capitalist society are too gullible to see it’s too good to be true. Thank you to the complainers who have taken the protection of such peoples wallets, expectations and backs into their own hands.

By Musashi

U-Turn Fatal For Elderly Women A poor maneuver Can’t spell “inhumed” without “U” Or “two funerals”

Whanganui’s “H” To Be Kept For Adverts This still going on?

Put it in adverts only?

Oh, whor whuck’s sake, guys!

Plane Crash Kills Russian Ice Hockey Players Over forty deaths They were all on board, mind you

Ex-Playmate Jailed For Wounding Husband Shot husband in back With a gun, not camera

Not attacked by plane

As Hefner shot her

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Channel 9 To Show Friends Re-run Before Rugby World Cup All Blacks take back seat Because of David Schwimmer?

So... which episode?

Methamphetamine Prices Up After Crackdown Crack down, meth price up?

So is the drug now cheaper Or more expensive?

SPORTS THOUGHTS

THAT AWKWARD MOMENT WHEN NO ONE CARES ABOUT SBW ANYMORE

WITH C.BALL

I wasn’t even surprised to hear that Sonny Bill Williams has backtracked on his verbal promise to sign a longer contract with the NZRU after the World Cup, because let’s face it, he’s got two other peons in Australian boxer Anthony Mundine and sports agent Khoder Nasser making his decisions for him.

back when he played League to go play Union in France for a more flattering salary. What people fail to note, is that year he also abandoned the Kiwis before their World Cup. He then tired of being French and came to New Zealand, because apparently he’d always had a dream of playing for the All Blacks. Are you taking the piss?

Imagine if Sonny and his two mates came across some fusion earrings straight out of Dragon Ball Z, did the stupid dance, and became one being. While Dragon Ball Z characters that fuse often become more awesome, I’m pretty sure in this instance you’d just end up with the most arrogant, money hungry, double dealing cheapskate on the face of the Earth. The drama that is SBW’s rugby career has gone on far too long, and the NZRU should stop bending over and stand up for New Zealand’s national game.

The marketing ploy has gone on long enough, and it’s now got to the point where it’s just a pathetic joke like Charlie Sheen’s acting career.

One man isn’t bigger than a sport – so the NZRU should take a lesson from what Jack Black does to Baxter in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, and punt that motherfucker off of a bridge.

The thing is this – the choices Sonny is making are deeply affected by his company. Sure, we can assume he has some control of what he’s doing, but it’s like the old ‘the motor is running but there is no one behind the wheel’ saying, and by no one, I mean Anthony Mundine and Khoder Nasser. For those of you that don’t recognise those two names, Mundine is Australia’s most arrogant boxer, who actually had the nerve to proclaim he was the only one with the ability to defeat Floyd Mayweather.

I guess you can’t blame Mundine for thinking so highly of himself. Selectively fighting only Australians who you can defeat with ease would do that to a man. Khoder Nasser, on the other hand, is a sports agent with only one thing on his mind when it comes to SBW: the man’s image and its relation to his potential earning power. Making the All Blacks was just another addition to the resume Nasser will use to sell SBW on to another team in another sport for even more money.

Giving SBW an All Blacks jersey was the stupidest decision the NZRU has ever made.

There was a time when the All Black logo meant something. A time when being an All Black was the pinnacle of sporting success and an achievement not to be unappreciated. Wearing the jersey was an honour. I’m pretty sure somewhere in the rules you also have to be a New Zealander to play for the All Blacks too.

The perfect example of a player who still adheres to the values of the old is Richie McCaw, the man whose professional career has spanned 10 years for our national side, not once being tainted by the lure for more money. He stands for the culture and ideals that are a part of the Silver Fern.

Then you have SBW, the guy who abandoned his teammates at the Canterbury Bulldogs

When SBW didn’t make the All Blacks team, Mundine - being the intelligent lad he is, decided to vent his frustration on Twitter which culminated in a garbled bunch of almost indecipherable gibberish that only a certified moron could think up. He stated that Sonny is the best player in the game, that he revolutionised rugby, and that the All Blacks must have an agenda in not playing him.

An agenda? Some sort of conspiracy in which the NZRU pays a ridiculous amount of money and wastes bucket loads of time to get SBW contracted, only to not play him because of secret reasons unknown. I can see why the NZRU would want to do that. As for revolutionising Rugby, when Mundine gets KO-d by Mayweather (which will never happen because Mayweather could never justify wasting his time on Mundine), maybe he can take up stand up comedy?

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HAMILTON EAST POLICE REPORT

17 AUGUST - 31 AUGUST 2011

WITH CONSTABLE NICK SICKELMORE

LEGEND: BURGLARY THEFT EX CAR ASSAULT

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OFFICIAL NOTICE OF

ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING Wednesday 21st September 2011 1 pm LG.01 (Also on video link to Tauranga campus)

AGENDA:

•MINUTES OF PREVIOUS GENERAL MEETINGS •PRESENTATION OF ANNUAL REPORT FOR 2011 •PRESENTATION OF AUDITED STATEMENT OF ACCOUNTS FOR 2010 •PRESENTATION OF ANNUAL PLAN AND BUDGET FOR 2012 •APPOINTMENT OF AUDITOR •APPOINTMENT OF SOLICITOR Further information is available from the office of the WSU.

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VP MĀORI SPEAK Tihei mauri ora!

The first week back after teaching recess is always the hardest, as we (students) now know what is expected of us from our lecturers; after a little break however we sometimes need motivation to get to the end of our paper. B semester is even harder, as we all sit in our classes with our boxes of tissues and cough drops, hoping that no-one will ask a question let alone the lecturer.

Every Monday morning, when I walk into the WSU my inbox beeps and I receive a ‘Monday Motivator email’ from the Manu Ao Academy which makes not only my day, but my whole week. So, what better way to motivate students to get up, and get busy than a message from our rangatira: He aha te huarahi? I runga i te tika, te pono me te aroha What is the pathway? It is doing what is right, with integrity and compassion (Areta Koopu CBE of Ngãti Kahu, Ngãti Kanohi, Aitanga-a-Hauiti, a past National President of the Mãori Women’s Welfare League, former human rights commissioner, current Waitangi Tribunal member)

WITH PRISCILLA

“One of the great adventures of life is finding that right path, and making the most of our contributions, so we can make a difference in our own lives, and the lives of others. If you’re not on the right path, turn around and get back on track.

If you are, press ahead. If you don’t know if you’re on the right path, stop, evaluate your position, seek guidance and get yourself into gear and head towards your goals by choosing the right path to follow with integrity and compassion. Kia pai tõ wiki!”

All around us are people to help us choose the right pathway in life; one of those groups of people is Te Puna Tautoko. So, if you’re feeling a little low and want some company to lift your spirits, check out the calendar and come and join an event: email me at vpmaori@wsu.org.nz for more information.

Also, if you need help with your studies, check out your Maori Mentors in your school of study, they’re always happy to support you.

Don’t wait – act now!

Priscilla Ngatai Interim Vice-President Māori Waikato Students’ Union 027 2065126 vpmaori@wsu.org.nz

Nau mai, heare mai

TE PUNA TAUTOKO CALENDAR OF EVENTS FOR B SEMESTER 2011

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DATE Wednesday 5th October

EVENT Hākinakina

TIME & LOCATION University Fields

Friday 7th October

SMPD Waka Day

Innes Common

Friday 14th October

Māori @ Waikato Got Talent

Monday 17th – Tuesday 18th October Wednesday 19th October

Te Toi o Matariki Conference

Thursday 20th October

Founder’s Graduation

7-9pm Gallagher Academy of Performing Arts All Day Gallagher Academy of Performing Arts All Day Te Kohinga Marama Marae All Day Founder’s Theatre

Marae Graduation

GUEST COLUMN: THE NZUSA CO-PRESIDENTS SPEAK!

This year the British Conservative Minister for Universities and Science pointed out that “students’ unions are an important part of the civil society within higher education institutions,” and also that “without them, universities would be much poorer institutions.” His Government is thinking about how they can strengthen the role that students and students’ associations play in ensuring University’s are responsive to students.

Sadly, in New Zealand we have an ACT Party Bill making its way through Parliament that will end universal membership of students’ associations and remove the ability for students to ensure that there is a mandated representative organisation on their campus.

If the institution decides it doesn’t want one – then there won’t be one.

Unfortunately the debate on the Bill has been bogged down in an ideological quagmire. Students are stuck between the extreme positions that get all the attention – compulsory membership that means some students must be members of organisations they don’t want to be, or the opposite approach which means there is no requirement to have student representative organisations at all, or any ability for students to ensure there is one.

SHARE YOUR VIEWS

Evidently, the Government hasn’t really thought about this issue beyond a superficial agreement with the ideology of the ACT Party Bill. What they haven’t done is think about the role and purpose of students’ associations and how they can achieve their own objectives by empowering students to hold public tertiary institutions accountable. They haven’t even asked their own Government departments for proper advice.

WSU and NZUSA are interested in hearing your thoughts on this column.

In particular, do you think that the proposal NZUSA has made allows for both freedom of association and strong students’ associations? Or do you think that it goes too far – or perhaps not far enough? Email Charlie at vp@wsu.org.nz and let us know what you think!

At NZUSA we have been looking at ways to improve the current law - upholding the right to freedom of association whilst strengthening associations and ensuring

5. Associations would improve their governance and operations through a Code of Practice for democracy and accountability.

you continue to get the independent representation, advocacy and services you deserve. In a nutshell, this is what we’ve proposed to National and ACT as a way to gain cross-party consensus and satisfy all sides of the current debate: 1. You would still automatically become members of you local association when you enrol.

2. You can opt-out of membership at any time and without giving a reason.

3. If you opt-out within the first four weeks of term, you would get a full refund of any association fees.

4. Membership processes would be administered and promoted by the institution rather than the students’ association.

NZUSA has asked National to adopt a practical, enduring solution like this one.

It’s a reasonable, win-win approach that has widespread support.

There is still time to stop this Bill, and there is an alternative. Make yourself heard on this issue by lobbying your local MPs and linking up with your local students’ association. Join us on Facebook – search ‘Save Our Services: Say No to VSM’ and ‘Demand A Better Future.’ Help make this issue too big a risk for National to support and we can stop this Bill.

NZUSA Co-Presidents Max Hardy and David Do

BOARD TALK

WITH SARAH HILL WHAT HAVE THE WSU DIRECTORS BEEN DOING LATELY? A few weeks ago I approached students asking a simple question. Do you know if there is a smoke free policy on this campus?

The answer I got was a unanimous, “there isn’t one”. This is not the case: in the university calendar right at the back are all polices listed, there is in fact a smoke free one. So over the last week I have been asking students what their views are on smoking, where they think it is acceptable and (if they don’t like smoking) why they dislike it so much.

This issue has come to my attention because everyday I walk through the second hand smoke of other people: particular near entranceways to buildings as I walk into class. It wasn’t until my 3rd year Psychology

lecturer asked the question: ‘who in this class smokes?’. Nobody said they did and a very small few said they used to. This means I am in no way the only one that puts up with smoke I don’t want to be around.

So I want to know what you all think: 1) Do you smoke?

2) Do you mind if people smoke near you?

3) Have you ever read the university policy on smoking? Be honest. I hadn’t read any of the polices until this one.

4) Would you like to see anything happen?

I personally would like to see designated smoke free areas: smokers staying at least 20m from building entrances, and away from eating areas and popular pathways.

Ideally I would like some form of penalty

for breaking these rules; otherwise, what is stopping people smoking wherever they want.

My idea for a penalty would be a small fine that increases with each offence. The funds raised could be put towards cancer research.

It could be worse the University of Michigan put a total ban on smoking on the campus as of the first of July 2011.

5) Is 20m not enough? Would the students of the University of Waikato like to see a total ban of smoking on this campus?

Let me know what you think. I’m also quite interested in hearing from smokers too: do you think that that restrictions such as the above are unreasonable, or would you be quite happy with them? Send me an email at sarah@wsu.org.nz 15

CLUB CORNER: PICTURE LOG AIESEC

AIESEC

AIESEC is the world’s largest youth-run organisation. We provide leadership opportunities and a chance for students to go on exchange.

Our membership programme comprises of weekly workshops where we work to improve students’ personal and professional skills such as public speaking, training and presentation skills, confidence, professional writing, etc. There are also possibilities to attend networking events, develop team and leadership skills. This is a chance for you to learn something new that you will never learn from your university work. This is a chance for you to explore the realms of a work reality and prepare yourself for the real business world.

Apart from the many skills you learn from our workshops, we organise events throughout the year, where you will meet great people and create a wide range of business network.

Not only will you improve your professional and personal skills and meet many wonderful successful business people, you will also have a great time playing weird, innovative games from AIESEC Waikato.

AIESEC is in many of the universities, not only in New Zealand but also all around the world, you can make a lot of new friends.

There are conferences held 5 times a year, locally and nationally. We have so much fun but learn more than you can imagine. During the most recent conference held in Auckland, Waikato won the award for best tertiary institution.

The AIESEC Exchange Programme Make an impact on the world! Experience a new culture! Meet new people from all over the globe!

No doubt you’ve seen the posters in your classes and around campus regarding our exchange programme. But what is it all about? Essentially, Our exchange programme comprises of sending people out and bringing people in. We send people to North Africa, South and Eastern Asia, Central Eastern Europe and South America. Students go overseas primarily to teach English,

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promote social awareness or volunteer in communities. This is a great opportunity for you to make an impact on society. Not only will you experience a different and exciting culture, you will be able to help the community and create a society where the people are happier and more educated.

By making a small change to one single community, you are already one step closer to making a difference to the world. Make the Change – Be the Change!

But why go on an exchange? There’s heaps of reasons:cultural exposure, cultural understanding, meet other interns from other countries, learn about yourself, and social responsibility. Past students and employers also tell us it looks great on CVs for jobs and for scholarships applications!

The internship varies from around 6 weeks to 18 months, depending on the details of the internship.

The AIESEC cost for volunteering and teaching English is $750. This entitles you to conferences, exchange participant events, exchange pack and much more! We also offer Double-The-Fun for $950, where you are able to travel to two countries (with two back to back internships), for a discounted price.

This is a combination of both volunteering and teaching English overseas. There are limited offers, so get in quick!! It’s a great opportunity for a great price!

Students are required to pay for their own airfares, travel insurance, visas and vaccinations.

If you are interested in going overseas either to volunteer or teach English, or for more information, please contact Eva Hau at eva. hau@aiesec.org.nz Overall, if AIESEC sounds like your thing, or if you’re just interested in learning more, then come and see us! We have a desk in the Management Student Centre – there’s almost always someone around who will be willing to talk to you! Alternatively, flick us an email at aiesec@waikato.ac.nz

SERVICE SPOTLIGHT SPORTS ON CAMPUS AND IN THE COMMUNITY

It’s that time of year again when winter sports are coming to a close. While this may be sad for many, the awesome fact is that summer sports are now just round the corner. So keep an eye out for information about the cricket, tennis, touch and many other sports that are about to begin. There are a huge range of opportunities to get involved here at the University of Waikato. There are over 60 sporting and recreation clubs here on campus and they want you to join! For more information on summer sports go the university sports website at www.uwsport. org.nz.

team standing. This will be a fun day out with prizes for best dressed and the winning team (with a keg and free pizzas and sausages for those competing). To sign up get onto the WSU facebook page for more info.

Also coming up later this month is the start of the rugby world cup. There are three big games happening in Hamilton showcasing some of the best rugby in the world. So get along and support some Hamilton and rugby with in New Zealand and show your support for the teams playing.

Hakinakina is coming up on the 5th of

This has been a busy period during the year with winter sports finals time and interuniversity challenges like the Tertiary Games happening. A month back Waikato sent a strong team of around 50 up to Auckland to compete in a range of sports in a one day event. While we didn’t quite manage to defend our title this year there were a range of notable mentions to the competitors.

The Frisbee team ended up taking out their competition, with some amazing friz action.

The Waikato touch team got a credible 3rd placing, and were unlucky not to do better.

There were also some strong performances by the Waikato netball and basketball teams competing. Overall it was an awesome day away. And we are happy to announce that Waikato has the hosting rights next year, so we will have to claim our title back then.

October, this is a Maori sports day, where teams from each department around the university will compete in a range of sporting events.

Also starting up shortly is league five of the ASB social sports. This is where teams compete in a range of indoor sports and outdoor sports. The indoor sports include soccer, netball and basketball. The outdoor sports include, frisbee, soccer and touch.

Entries close on the 22 of September. For more information on these leagues and to register, go to www.socialsport.co.nz. Some of the important dates occurring for the rest of the year are listed below. Make sure you get out, support you teams, and get involved in these awesome events. And as always, flick me an email at ryan@wsu.org.nz if you want some more information!

On the Sunday just been, the Great Race happened. This was an exciting event where the University of Waikato rowing teams take on a range of international competition. This was an awesome event with a huge range of entertainment happening on the banks of the Waikato River. This prestigious event is a must see and is always an exciting day out for all.

There are a range of upcoming sporting events that will be well worth a look at: including, the University Dodgeball tournament, upcoming rugby world cup games, Hakinakina, and the upcoming ASB social sports league. The University dodgeball tournament is coming up on Friday the 16th of September. This is where teams of 6 will compete against each other to find the last

WITH RYAN UPCOMING EVENTS: 16th September: University Dodgeball Tournament (University Green) 16th September: Japan vs. New Zealand. Rugby world cup match (Waikato Stadium).

18th September: Wales vs. Samoa.

Rugby world cup match (Waikato Stadium).

22nd September: ASB Social Sport entries close (www.social sport.co.nz) 2nd October: Wales vs. Fiji.Rugby world cup match (Waikato Stadium).

5th October: Hakinakina Maori Sports Day (University Field) 13th November: Round the Bridges, Race or enjoy the 12km/ 6km run or walk.

Women’s Refuge on Campus The Waikato Women’s Space have asked us to publicise that Hamilton Women’s Refuge will be on campus this week!

Come along to Gaura in the Student Union Building at 6pm on Wednesday 14th September to learn about about the important role that Women’s Refuge play in the community. Find out what they do, and what you can do if you are (or someone you know is) in a less than ideal relationship. If you have questions, want support and new networks, or just want to come along to meet new people and talk about relevant issues facing our society then we would love to see you there! If you have any questions then email waikato_womens_space@ hotmail.co.nz or find us on Facebook!

Ryan Henderson WSU Director Waikato Students’ Union ryan@wsu.org.nz

WSU Events: Don’t forget the WSU Events happening each and every week on campus!

Monday: Free Breakfast at the Bus Stop (8-10) Tuesday: Coffee Cart outside the library (10-2) Wednesday: Grooves and BBQ on the Green (12-2) Thursday: Coffee Cart outside the library (10-2) Friday: Bevies, Beats and Eats outside the Academy of Performing Arts (1-3)

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Academy of Performing Arts

Oranga

Student Union UniRec Centre

ADULT LEARNERS & MATURE STUDENTS ROOM At the cowshed – weekdays 8am-5pm Come and join us for:

Chapel Student Services

1. Conversation – meet other students 2. Hot drink – kitchenette 3. Computers – study area 4. Relax – comfy couch and TV (coming soon)

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Lunch? What should I have? Also, why is my spelling so terrible?

Yes Because you are a gurning fool, a knuckle-dragging charlatan and, after that pie for lunch, not even a useful source of healthy organs. The 8-Ball can spell better than you, and it doesn’t even have hands with which to grip writing instruments.

Cadbury Cream egg: How do you eat yours?

Yes The 8-Ball professes to a love of penetrating the egg with a pin (or a pen if there are no pins to hand) and sucking the yolk out with great

WITH DEATH WEASEL, ESQ.

Taurus: April 21 – May 21 The stars have aligned and glory shall soon be yours! Glory! Or sandwiches!

Either way: you are victorious this week. The trailer for you to watch this week: Red Tails.

Gemini: May 22 – June 21 The energy you feel today may have you so jittery that others don’t know what to do. Hopefully they don’t take you out back and shoot you when you start foaming at the mouth. Your trailer is Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil Cancer: June 22 – July 23 The reason your life is such a mess now is because of Mars and Jupiter. Once you’ve finished your degree, figure out how to destroy these two planets and

slurping haste. It then discards the spent shell while muttering darkly about the weather. It reminds the 8-Ball of its pre-Nexus days, when it used to roam the streets of Hamilton as a small shiny vagrant, gathering together other vagrants and sucking their brains out through their noses.

you life will be back to normal. Your trailer is: Apollo 18.

Do Mormons know how magnets work?

No Despite what the Juggalos would have you believe, Mormons have been searching for the elusive Magnor, Lord of Paperclips, since Joseph (or Pete) found seven gold plates on a hillside, or something.

While the inscription stating that thoust must haveth two hot wives and one total fugster was loud and clear, the golden plates neglected to mention how fuckin’ magnets work. This is why they knock on your door, to see if you are Magnor or if you happen to be harbouring Magnor in your home or garden.

Virgo: Aug24 – Sep 23 With no hope for your friends, it’s time to break free of them and harness the energy of Venus. You’re a fire and a desire. Shave your legs for greater success. Your trailer is: Shark Night 3D.

Will Justin Bieber star in Tranformers 4, as “Faggatron”?

Yes His hand held tightly by Selena Gomez, Bieber breathed in deeply as the envelope was opened by a mostly cyborg Tom Hanks. He snuck a quick glance at Gomez and found her doing the same to him, despite their earlier agreement that this could jinx the whole thing and they should just chill out and never say never and whatever happens happens, you know? They quickly looked away, lips pursed to stifle the giggles, as Hanks’ gurgling robo-voice echoed through the theatre.

Bieber didn’t even hear his name called or hear Gomez gasp or hear her start clapping hysterically, or feel the cold metal handshake of a semi-robotic Martin Scorsese and the back-pat from a re-animated Jack Nicholson. He didn’t even feel his own feet carrying him down the carpet, past a miffed James Franco and a tearful Andrew Garfield, up onto the stage to the gold statue waiting in Hanks’ bionic-tentacle.

“Wow, thank you” said Bieber, staring out into the realm of the rich, famous and hideously talented that he had now ascended to. “You know, I always thought that big things lay in wait for me, when I took that fateful role of Faggatron in Transformers 4: Faggatron’s Folly.”

Leo: July 24 – Aug 23 With summer on the horizon, it’s time to stop being a fat slut! Start being a thin one! Don’t put all of your eggs in one basket either, because then they’ll dry up and not accept sperm. Keep your eggs inside of you, where your uterus can keep them moist. Your trailer is: The Troll Hunter

Libra: Sep 24 – Oct 23 The Moon has returned to your sign. This means you can get a little crazy.

But not too crazy. Nexus doesn’t deliver to the Henry Bennett Centre, despite what you may have heard. Your trailer is: Fright Night (2011).

Scorpio: Oct 24 – Nov 22 With Saturn in the ascendant and Jupiter playing dice in the alleyway, you can feel free to act like a monkey. But don’t throw your poop. This is the University of Waikato. Not Wintec. Your trailer: Red State.

Sagittarius: Nov 23 – Dec 21 Use your instincts this week. Throw caution to the wind. But not too far – your instincts might be really, really shitty. The trailer for you to watch this week is: The Last Circus.

Capricorn: Dec 22 – Jan 20 Try not to shoot anyone in the face this week. The stars will not provide you with an alibi when it’s time to pay the piper in court. If you shoot someone in the face and they deserved it, however, the stars were playing cards with you all night. Your trailer is: 50/50.

Aquarius: Jan 21 – Feb 19 No one likes you or your stinking sign. The other signs used to pick on your sign all the time at high school. Probably because your star sign has a stupid haircut. Get a better haircut! Your trailer of the week is: Our Idiot Brother.

Pisces: Feb 20 – Mar 20 The darkest days of your degree are well and truly over. Except for all those assignments still due. And the exams. And the stress of finding a summer job.

And finding a job that gets you paid more than minimum wage. And finding a husband/wife/cute puppy. Your trailer: Father of Invention.

Aries: Mar 21 – Apr 20 The stars say your monogamous relationship is a farce. Go out and have sex with everything you can. As long as you kill them afterwards, no one can tell your partner! Bon chance mon ami! Your trailer of the week is: Machine Gun Preacher.

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Nexus got the opportunity to have a quick chat to Jeremy Grasso, one half of Los Angeles dance outfit Liberty. Here we go!

Liberty’s sound roams somewhere between glitchy classical synth, heavy 80’s key-guitar and melodic breakdowns. The diversity and creativity of their music is not just a reflection of their native Los Angeles music circuit, but also their own audio education, says Jeremy. “Yeah, it’s a bit of both. We have to have that mainstream influence and feel, but then we’ll throw in some Danger or even some Mozart or Bach. I love that stuff, I’ve been playing it since I was a kid.”

With their New Zealand tour coming before European and Puerto Rico shows, Liberty are making rapid progress up the ranks of worldwide dance music, even infiltrating the Beatport top 10 with their original track ‘Thunderfist’. “We’re actually in the works of two E.P.’s at the moment. One is coming out on Oh My God It’s Techno Music which is a really big label in Germany. And another on Tuff Em Up in Australia.

We pretty much just wanna spread our music to the world, so what’s better than to get releases on the bigger world labels.”

Liberty started out almost a year ago, after a drunk Jeremy met a DJ-ing Dan at a club. “I went up and told him I loved his set”, says Jeremy, “His manager was there and said we should all talk, and I said I was a producer and sent him my stuff.” From then on they got signed to LA based label Selfage Records, and set out to tour with a sound inspired by the likes of French heavy bangers Danger and Canadian

Nexus spoke briefly to Nick Atkinson, the guy behind the sax/keys/ backing vocals of Supergroove, about New Zealand music. He said some pretty cool stuff.

New Zealand music sometimes attacked for its apparent mediocrity and tiny music industry. Atkinson, however, is an optimistic supporter of the crop of artists we nurture down here, and suggests that the pros somewhat outweigh the cons of our small music scene. ”The music industry is very accessible here. If you wanna do a gig, you just call the venues, if you wanna release a record, go to an independent one. In other parts of the world, it’s all sown up, ya know, you gotta have agents and so on. So while we may be isolated, we do have a great, very loyal audience.”

Using the recent Glastonbury performance of the Naked and Famous, he says, along with other musicians, the bar is being set quite high in terms of musical substance and output.

“I’m a really big fan of bands like The Veils and MC’s like Scribe, and I feel they do set the bar quite high. I mean, look at what the Naked and Famous are doing! I’d say the state of NZ Music is very healthy!”

Performing alongside Shihad, Opshop and Kids of 88 this Friday at Claudelands Events Centre as a one off, it is the bonds shared between fellow bands, and the interest in the Rock Quest held beforehand, that

Electro-duo MSTRKRFT.

attracted Supergroove to the gig.

Funnily enough, Jeremy says its easier getting gigs overseas than it is in America. “We actually have an easier time getting gigs overseas than in America. But that’s okay, there’s nothing else better than getting a call from someone else on the other side of the world saying they want us there.”

“It’s just so much fun to play with all these bands. I’m especially keen to see the crop of Rockquesters. A lot of great bands have come through there; Nesian Mystic, Die! Die! Die!, Electric Confectionaries.”

Touring New Zealand for the first time, all they’re expecting is a lot of love from the crowd. “We just want the crowd to go crazy!” How crazy, you may ask? He alluded to a show they played in Colorado. “It wasn’t a big turnout, but these kids just went crazy! I mean it sounded like there were a thousand people there even though there was only a handful. They were shouting, jumping, taking their clothes off; after the gig was over they wanted to keep partying! “ Liberty are playing this Thursday September 15th at Flow Bar. $5 on the door. Doors open at 9pm!

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Drawing on the “nasty” breakup Supergroove went through, Atkinson encourages musicians to make the most of their youth and set their sights globally.

“Forming a band is always challenging, though it’s much easier when you’re young. Supergroove had a pretty nasty breakup, but when we got back to play music, it was the best thing ever. Don’t say we wanna play a gig in Auckland, say we wanna tour the world!”

Supergroove are playing with Shihad, Kids of 88 and Opshop as part of Kiwi Cream at Claudelands Arena Saturday 17th September.

Tickets are $55 from Ticketek.

LOOKING AT NOISES WITH AYMAN ANEECE & JEREMY MAYALL Witchfinder’s powerful and inspiring vocal performance ‘Doom Over the World’ tells a story of a gigantic war between armies of evil and good putting the listener in the middle of it. The lyrics are epic, the delivery is epic and the scene is so vivid you can almost smell the blood in the air.

The album continues with ‘The Devil Rides Out’ and ‘Cromwell’ –the latter about the tyrannical Oliver Cromwell which makes for both an incredibly brutal and rather informative track. The album slows down and gets even heavier with ‘Slave of Satan’ and ‘Council of Ten’.

Witchfinder’s once epic and inspiring voice shifts in tone, creating a sombre and sinister ambience that truly haunts the listener.

II: CRUSH THE INSECTS REVEREND BIZARRE

In 2008, under aged, past curfew and still in school I

staggered across the HBHS field arm in arm with friends William and Callum. Together we sang the most victorious of hymns ‘Doom Over the World’ by Reverend Bizarre. With beer bottles raised to the moonlit sky like the bloody axes of victorious warriors we walked home loudly and triumphantly after my first night on the piss.

‘II: Crush the Insects’ is one of the most epic and head bobbingly satisfying albums ever. The opening track ‘Doom Over the World’ is the most righteous and triumphant piece of music written in the last hundred years and will have even the most bored sod head banging by the second bass line. With a combination of chuggy riffs and Albert

‘By this Axe I Rule’ is as epic as it sounds- a terrifying gallop through a world of Withfinder’s creation and ‘Eternal Forest’ again returning to the more traditional doom metal sound -the melody is haunting, the rhythm is slow and foreboding –this track is truly mystical.

Finally the track ends with ‘Fucking Wizard’ an 11 minute track that doesn’t come alive until about 7 minutes in and the transition between slow and heavy chord slamming, to funky and bodacious groove is so sudden it’s guaranteed to blow minds.

Though slightly inconsistent in some places and annoyingly repetitive in others I highly recommend this album to anyone who likes heavy metal. It’s a true epic that will live on through the ages. It’s a unique twist on both traditional doom and heavy metal that shouldn’t be missed! Enjoy it over a beer with mates served LOUD. -A.A. your way through the mammoth 90+ minutes of score. The first 10 minutes are a very slow build-up of noises – which one assumes is the origin of life. Once through that opening stretch, you are treated to some evocative, richly imagined music. Much of the sound is based on field recordings and influenced by genetic tree diagrams, birdsong patterns, and lines from Darwin’s personal letters.

The structure of this album sticks to the Darwin’s concepts in the Origin of Species. Moving from the primordial soup into field recording of nature and animal utterances that feature heavily in the

TOMORROW, IN A YEAR

THE KNIFE, MT. SIMS AND PLANNINGTOROCK

Many people’s familiarity with The Knife comes through the bouncy synth beauty of “Heartbeats”. But this album is something very different. Tomorrow, In a Year is not a Knife LP to be considered a follow up to their critically acclaimed ‘Silent Shout’. It is a commissioned opera for the group and collaborators Planningtorock and Mt. Sims based on Charles Darwin’s Origin of Species. So this album is essentially a soundtrack rather than an album of songs. Being an opera it prominently features the vocal talents of singers Kristina Wahlin Momme and Jonathan Johansson alongside the composers.

This album is one that will either demand your attention or make you switch it off. You will want to find somewhere comfortable and work

track “Letter to Henslow”. The second section has music that seems more ‘rewarding’ and operatic/song-like. The section from “Annie’s Box” to the end, addresses the unifying theory of all life, with elements from Darwin’ life. It is this half where this project seems to come to life and where ‘Tomorrow, In a Year’ begins to leave its impressions.

The highlight of this large piece would have to be “The Colouring of Pigeons”. Featuring layers of groaning cello and immaculate percussion and a legitimate groove, which is absolutely thrilling after the music preceding it. This track unfolds in graceful layers, all in service to an aching, upward-arcing melody shared by Olof, Karin, and Momme. These songs are an explosion of colour to combat the monotone that saturates the majority of the album.

This album can seem bewildering, especially if you are waiting for the synth pop that one might expect from The Knife. If you can get inside this piece and explore the hybrid world of avant-garde opera and synth-pop you might be pleasantly surprised.

-J.M. 21

AUTEUR HOUSE

TALES FROM TINSLETOWN

WITH DR. RICHARD SWAINSON

WITH JADE CAREY

Viewing himself as Britain’s answer to Fellini, Ken Russell ran amok throughout the 1970s. Music and biography were his specialist fields but his indifference to the conventions of the costume drama or the musical bordered on the contemptuous. Shameless anachronisms abound, shock effects and over the top visuals take precedence over narrative logic - or any narrative or any logic, for that matter - and the casting is at best idiosyncratic (The Who frontman Roger Daltrey as classical composer Franz Liszt! Ballet dancer Rudolf Nureyev as silent star Rudolph Valentino!)

Kate Winslet is a hero after helping to get Richard Branson’s 90 yearold mother, Eve, out of his burning holiday home. Business tycoon Sir Richard Branson, 60, brought Necker Island in the early 1980s and began building the eight-bedroom Great House in 1982. Just recently the luxury home in the Caribbean was almost completely destroyed as a middle-of-the-night fire ripped through the house.

“Tommy”, an adaptation of The Who’s rock opera, was Russell’s biggest hit of the decade but even it’s a mixed bag. Using Daltrey in the title role makes sense, Russell regular Oliver Reed is outstanding and Ann-Margaret enjoys perhaps the best part of her career becoming the only one of Elvis’ former lovers to ever swim in baked beans - but what are Elton John and Tina Turner doing there? I suppose ‘Pinball Wizard’ is a good enough song to transcend even their participation.

Russell’s follow-up, “Lizstomania”, is far more extreme, a project that could only have been green-lit by madmen. Daltrey makes no actorly concessions in his playing of a man from another century but then again neither does a script that lurches from broad farce to a kind of parody of silent melodrama; a woman is actually tied to some train tracks! The scene in which Liszt sits astride a giant phallus achieves an Ed Wood type hysteria. Crude spectacle obliterates whatever point the self-styled auteur is trying to make: a dickhead directs a dickhead, as it were.

Not content with trashing the memories of the composers that he claims to love, Russell shifted his attention to the cinema itself.

Strange as it may seem “Valentino” is more or less accurate in its telling of the life and times of the 1920’s Latin lover. What it lacks is any sense of time or place - of the magic of silent cinema - or a feel or sense of sympathy for its title character.

Some would claim that the best of Russell’s 1970s work is his least known: “The Boyfriend”, a charming musical that pays quiet tribute to the Busby Berkeley tradition, at least as seen on the British stage.

Others have found merit in his comparitively restrained biographies of Tchaikovsky, Mahler and Henri Gaudier-Brzeska. However, subtlety is a rare thing even in these films.

Branson said that there had been a really bad tropical storm with winds up to 90m/h (140km/h). A big lightning storm had come over about 4am and hit the house. There were around 20 people inside the house at the time, including Kate Winslet and her family, and all managed to get out of the house unharmed. Sir Richard was staying at another property about 90 metres away with his wife, Joan, and son, Sam, 25.

Branson said that his son Sam “rushed to the house and helped get everyone out.” Kate Winslet, her boyfriend and her family were there and Holly (Branson’s 29-year-old daughter) and some of her friends were also staying at the time of the fire. “My mother was there and they managed to get her out and she is fine.” According to Sir Richard, Winslet actually helped his 90-year-old mother flee the burning building, ultimately making the Oscar-winning actress somewhat of a hero.

At the time the event was reported Branson sadly noted that, “the main house is completely destroyed and the fire is not yet completely out. My office was based in the house and I have lost thousands of photographs which is very sad.” Luckily for him and all those involved no one was hurt.

It appears Kate is not alone in these heroic acts in the past few days there’s been a serious spate of superhero-like behaviour going on in Hollywood. Not only did Kate Winslet play fire-fighter, but Ryan Gosling played peace maker and it’s come to light that even Gwyneth Paltrow managed to save a life on September 11, 2001... by almost running them over in her SUV! Also Man Vs. Wild star Bear Grylls’ own son Jesse, who is only seven years old, pulled a young girl out of a river after she had fallen.

Whether it is carrying 90-year-old women out of burning houses or capturing wanted criminals, certain celebrities are proving time and time again that ordinary people (who make bazillions of dollars a year) can do extraordinary things.

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AT THE MOVIES WITH DR. RICHARD SWAINSON & THE WAIKATO FIST

TABLOID

DIRECTED BY ERROL MORRRIS

PRIEST

DIRECTED BY SCOTT STEWART

It was a sad irony of the recent International Film Festival that the best movie got the least crowd. Well, that’s how it seemed to me. Given that the director of “Tabloid” is probably the most respected working documentarian in the world it’s a mystery to me why so few turned out to see it. It had everything: sex, scandal,

I have come to expect a lot from director Scott Stewart.

His previous film, Legion, was a tight, action-packed popcorn horror.

It was, in short, everything I love about the movies. You can get into the cinema, throw some money at the frozen coke vendors and the chocolate-dipped ice cream construction crews and sit down to turn

religion, madness, cynical pommy journos, mad Korean scientists and adorable puppy dogs.

your brain off for an a few hours.

When I went to see Priest, I was slightly disappointed.

What makes Errol Morris’s work so special is its marriage of compelling subject matter with highly cinematic technique. “Tabloid” is easily his lightest film to date: a comedy, if a documentary can be called such. The wit stems first and foremost from the amazing story being told: a former beauty queen supposedly kidnapping and seducing a Mormon missionary in 1977 who becomes the focus of intense media attention in the British gutter press.

At “Tabloid”’s centre is the weird and wonderful character of Joyce McKinney. Cute as a button in her 1970s prime, she comes across like a latter day Betty Page, her seeming naiveté co-existing with frank sexual experience and expression. She’s at once a romantic obsessive and a cynical prostitute, a small town girl and a calculating seductress, an innocent victim of circumstance and a mistress of deception and disguise. One thing that she isn’t is camera shy: for all her protesttoo-much complaints about media exploitation she’s given enough celluloid by Morris to well and truly hang herself and quite happily obliges.

Like all of Morris’ interviews the McKinney material has a freshness and sense of intimacy to it that grows out of the director’s patented camera-and-mirror approach. Subjects get to face Morris as their conversation with him unfolds yet the image recorded is one of direct engagement with the camera itself.

Morris also talks to other veterans of the scandal, including two rival print journalists, a former McKinney employee and an ex-Mormon.

He playfully emphasises certain words used by his subjects with onscreen graphics. The phrase “see through blouse”, for example, uttered by a McKinney acquaintance when describing her appearance on first meeting, flashes on and off in text form, Benny Hill-like. The graphics are part of “Tabloid”’s overall aesthetic, one that takes its lead from that of the press. Crude, tongue-in-cheek animations set against a backdrop of sensational headlines and newsprint both structure and comment ironically on a narrative of endless hilarity and no little complexity.

-RS

The plot is simple: vampires, once the bane of humanities existence and the foe in a millennia old war, have been declared extinct.

Settlers, farmers and miners are slowly reclaiming the irradiated world. A warrior-priest military wing has been disbanded and the theocratic powers that control Earths only major population centre are undeniably in charge.

Then someone messes with Paul Bettany’s family.

I absolutely love Paul Bettany, especially after seeing him in pure action mode in 2007s Legion. Since I first saw him in A Knight’s Tale, I’ve found his screen presence to be worth the ticket price alone. In Priest however, his ‘emotionless warrior’ role means that anyone could have been picked for this part. Dwayne Johnson could have been the protagonist and I wouldn’t have noticed anything amiss. Vin Diesel would be pushing it a bit far, but you get the idea.

Travelling across a world that’s part Deadwood, part Judge Dredd, the priest discovers a predictable conspiracy and a predictable enemy in no other than New Zealand’s own Karl Urban. I don’t know how I feel about Karl Urban, other than “at least it’s not bloody Cliff Curtis again”. Don’t worry, this isn’t a spoiler, so you can cease your fuming at once.

All in all, this film is brilliant. It’s loud, bright, has some decent scares in it for the ladies and some reasonably horrific concepts which evoked the vampire-stylings of Steve Niles and Ben Templesmith. The final fight, a top a speeding train, would have looked far better in a night setting, as opposed to the brightness if high noon – this may, however, have been an attempt by Stewart to bring more of the Western mythology to play in what would otherwise be a very cut and dried sci-fi horror.

In short: go for the concept, stay for the action and don’t over think too much of the plot and you will have a good time.

-TWF 23

DANIEL FARRELL COMMEMORATIVE

Puzzle Page

Brought to you by Mighty Strong Friends of Nexus; Event Cinemas and Frozen Coke Smugglers

The Rugby World Cup has started! A lot of New Zealand is going absolutely mad with this stuff, so I thought it was appropriate to make a puzzle page on the Rugby World Cup. Not really a huge amount to add this week, except listen to Squiddy and the Fist on Contact 88.1 FM, Mondays 8-10am. You can even stream it online! It’s Nexusy and Contacty. It’s gotta be good. Have a good week!

THE BIG BAD wordFIND

the wORDS ARGENTINA AUSTRALIA CANADA ENGLAND FIJI FRANCE GEORGIA IRELAND ITALY JAPAN NAMIBIA NEW ZEALAND ROMANIA RUSSIA SAMOA SCOTLAND SOUTH AFRICA

WHAT TO DO

TONGA

(seriously, it’s pretty darn cross)

WALES

UNITED STATES

The Furious Puzzle Page

Brought to you by the strong mind of Event Cinemas, in both Chartwell and Centreplace flavours! Mmmmm, delicious frozen coke!

Be warned, this is the most difficult puzzle page ever!

24

SUDOKU TIME

Can I get my tax back?

Janice has been working over the holidays and knows she is entitled to some tax back. What can she do?

get a team together, get active, and get into...

Be wary of the tax refund firms. They will take a percentage of your refund and will also have access to your bank accounts.

Read the small print. If you have already signed up with these firms, contact CAB on how to get out.

The Hamilton Area Citizens Advice Bureau provides advice and information from four locations. They are at 55 Victoria St (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm), 70 Kent St Frankton (Mon-Fri 9am-4.30pm), Garden Place (Mon-Fri 11am-2pm) and the Cowshed at the University (Tues-Thurs 1-3pm). They also have legal, advocacy and consumer services available where you can get more specialised help.

Phone the CAB on 0800 367 222 (0800 FOR CAB) or look at the CAB website www.cab.org.nz

NEW

!

Go to the Inland Revenue website www.ird.govt.nz. You can do it online quite easily and will cost you nothing.

BASK5v5 E LEAGTBALL UE

social sport INDOOR

5v5 basketball

netball

ENTRIES CLOSE

22 SEPTEMBER BROUGHT TO YOU BY

soccer

volleyball

asbsocialsport.co.nz enter online or at the Rec Centre JOIN US ON

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Nexus Short Story Competition!

Are you the next Earnest Hemingway? Or maybe just the next Dan Brown? Either way, you’re what we’re looking for! Nexus is having its first (in living memory) SHORT STORY WRITING COMPETITION! To enter, all you need are a thousand of your finest words. You can write less if you want, but no more than 1000. E-mail your story to nexus@waikato.ac.nz with the subject line “SHORT STORY BRO” and you’re on your way. This competition is only open to you, the students, so send it from your @students.waikato addresses where possible.

We won’t print your name if you don’t want us to. Honest.

We’ve organised several judges both on and off campus, all of whom have experience in the wonderful world of writing.

Rules: 1. You MUST be a University of Waikato student to enter. Anyone found not to be a student at the University of Waikato will have any prizes revoked and given to the next runner up.

2. Entries close on the 3rd of October.

3. The story must be original. Fan fiction (using already established characters in a new setting) is acceptable, but originality will score you more points.

4. You may request that any winning entry be published under a pseudonym.

5. Nexus reserves the right to publish any winning short story in Nexus Magazine or online, with due credit to the author.

Bennetts’ “Building a Better Bookstore” Competition!

Bennetts want to know what YOU, the students of Waikato, want to see in YOUR bookstore!

Do you want to see more fiction books? Is your passion for autobiographies not being met? Is your hunger for cooking books growing too great? Do want more range in art supplies?

Now is your chance to get your voice heard!

Get in store today and put your suggestions into the Bennetts s uggestion box and you can be in with a chance to win a $30 prezzie card! Make sure your in quick – entries close on the 7th of October and winners are announced on the 10th!

Remember: be in to win!

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HAMILWOOD

DIARY OF A RAVER

WITH SCOTT GRANVILLE

WITH GIG GIRL

Located a short distance from the imagination factory that is Disneyland sits Angel Stadium, home to the Anaheim Angels. The Angels are a baseball team, playing the sport recognised as America’s

Strip clubs and strippers. Two words that appear to be ‘dirty’ and laden with assumptions.

favourite pastime and it isn’t difficult to understand why when attending a game.

However these are two things that come part and parcel with the nightlife and is something that few people seem to talk about, or even venture too.

The beauty of the Major League experience (any of the big four – baseball, basketball, ice hockey and American football) is that the USA simply does everything bigger and better –and a sports match is never just a sports match but an all-inclusive entertainment extravaganza.

Tickets are not expensive if you investigate one of the many available websites; on this particular day we pay $USD12 a piece for seats four rows back down the third base line, and after a couple of innings, we walk around the stadium to investigate other areas, and at no stage are we denied access.

The players grace the field like a collection of pampered princes, regal air surrounding each fluid movement. Many of their single season salaries dwarf a lifetime of slog for the 40-hour a week minions watching from behind the fences. Try as we will, we cannot compare to these entertainment demi-gods, a 10 million dollar per year allowance to chase a ball removes them from our reality, they simply exist in a different, Kardashian-like universe.

In the stands, people chat, scoff hotdogs and swill overpriced drinks, dance along to catchy pop tunes and check i-phones for social updates.

Excitement at a baseball game happens in units of seconds, there is the roar of anticipation, hushed silence for a tense moment, the orchestrated outcome, then it is time for a television time out and people settle in to order a box of cracker jacks or packaged peanuts that will eventually litter the floor. These regular stoppages made for advertising, music and sideshows are part of the package and are expected, not considered an inconvenience. During the game, spectators are encouraged to involve themselves in the action, shouting absurdities and dancing incoherently is applauded and rewarded with fifteen seconds of big-screen fame, a polar opposite to the sideways looks experienced when attempting to do something similar at an ITM or Super 15 match in New Zealand.

While overseas sports purists often grumble that a game of baseball may take upwards of four-plus hours to complete, there is no denying something absurdly magical exists about the all-encompassing American sports entertainment experience.

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Strip clubs seem to be the place that you only visit when you are completely smashed, it’s a bachelor’s party, you’re out with the boys, or it’s the only place that is open and everything else is closed. Not very many people tend to go to strip clubs when they are sober, they need some liquor or some liquid confidence so that they don’t feel like that what they are doing is a ‘bad thing’, as people feel like they are walking into some place that is taboo.

In Hamilton there are two strip clubs, the original ‘Firecats’ on London Street; and ‘Hush Hush’ which is above Static and Momento on Hood Street. ‘Hush Hush’ is reminiscent of a 1950’s burlesque bar with gilded mirrors, leather seating and chandeliers; it’s the kind of place where you can sit down and enjoy a cocktail with friends and have a chat. ‘Firecat’s’ on the other hand is a place where people head to after town, as it is the only place that is open after 3am that still serves liquor.

Strippers are amazing people. I personally know quite a few strippers, both female and male and I think that they are some of the most genuine people that I know. I completely admire the hard work that goes into what they do, many of them spend hours in the gym perfecting their bodies and train really hard just so that they can nail their performances. They require strength, agility and sexiness all in one, something that not many people could pull off, yet it is something that they seem to do with ease and grace.

I know that many of you will most likely insult strippers and what they do. But in reality, sex sells. People enjoy seeing other people naked and strippers are there to fill that void and provide you with the entertainment you all so desire.

And at the end of the day, all they are doing is working and making a living out of something that is in demand.

BOGANOLOGY 101

CAFES: LIKE A BOSS

WITH BURTON C. BOGAN

WITH MRS MATTHEWS

For some reason, we Bogans are easily confused for other groups. In the spirit of hypocritically mocking other people for how they choose to express themselves, I wanted to dispel a few myths about other

University of Waikato, Hamilton Campus.

groups and their relationship to Bogans.

wild, to see if we are being ripped. Of course we are. I endeavoured to find out

A lovely (and overly complimentary) student wrote in before the semester break asking for a review comparing the eateries on campus with those found in the was how badly, while comparing them with each other. Interestingly what I

Emos – Like Bogans, Emos also dress in black and enjoy piercings and tattoos. However they are not Bogans, as we tend to reject the angsty-ness of Emo and prefer cutting the lawn rather than ourselves.

A common mistake is that Emo’s are Junior Bogans (referred to as Bogjus) and that they grow up to become Bogans. No! Much like planting tomato seeds does not give you kumara; Emos do not grow into Bogans.

Goths – Goths also dress in black and listen to some similar music, but are not Bogans. Goths are usually upper or middle class people, who pride themselves on their intelligence and intensity. Translated, this means that they know a few Nietzsche quotes and over analyse the movie The Crow. Some Goths like to dress as mimes and paint their faces black and white like a skull (called Corpse Paint). Given most Goths are quite thin, this ends up resembling smiley Jack Skellington rather than a scary corpse.

found is that we are not being fleeced as much as we thought we were. It seems everything is just damned expensive these days and everyone’s got to make a living.

What follows is not supposed to be a comprehensive guide. It’s just the best one student reviewer could do with limited resources and a barely concealed dislike for some establishments. I present to you a two part extravaganza: Mrs Matthew’s Guide to Campus Eateries Momento Lakes and Management. Flat white: $4 Sandwiches/paninis/baps: $5.5-8.5 Momento City. Flat white: $4 Food: I have no idea since they are too cool to advertise prices anywhere, and the staff are too cool to help you when you stand there looking bemused.

Rocket, Hamilton East. Flat white: $4.2 Sandwiches/paninis/baps: $6.5-8.5

Black Metallers – These are also people who dress in black and listen to Metal. Some, though not all, can have sadly racist views and

Ok, so Rocket’s coffee is 20c more. If you do have to go to a Momento on

take the music way too seriously – these are referred to as National Socialist Black Metallers. They believe in survival of the fittest, but in that system would die first due to being mostly ginger, and looking like Harry Potter. Many New Zealand Black Metallers would also like to immigrate to Norway, and spell grim with a y (Grym) to supposedly emphasise just how grim it is, while appearing Scandanavian.

the atmosphere is calmer.

campus, go to management; the coffee tastes better, the staff are friendlier and

Espresso Plus. Flat white: $3.60 Sandwiches/paninis/baps: $5.7-7 Grey Street Kitchen. Flat white: $4.5 B+E bap: $10.5 Ok, this is by no means a fair comparison, GSK pay a lease on a building, have a bevy of lovely staff and serve their food and coffee on/in real plates and cups.

Tradesmen – Most tradesmen are Bogans, but not all Bogans are tradesmen. Tradesmen are dirty due to their work, drink beer, and are generally down to earth, friendly blokes. Bogans are too. Damn.

The fact is there is not much in town I could realistically compare it to. Espresso

In conclusion, while we look the same and dress in black, we’re actually very different...at least to us. All in all however, this column has just been a bit of fun. Whoever you are, as long as you’re not hurting anyone, enjoy it and be proud of it. As Mel Brooks once said “You only spoof the ones you love”.

Bongo Café. Average price of a tray of sushi: $8.1

Plus remains my favourite and the cheapest cafe on campus, and the staff are friggin awesome too.

Kino Sushi, Victoria St. Average price of a tray of sushi: $7.2 While I heart Kino Sushi big time and they are cheaper than Bongo, Bongo’s pricing is pretty much on par with other sushi outlets in town, and it is relatively good sushi. The staff are super friendly too.

Stay Bogan \m/ 31

IN THE NAME OF ART

WORDS OF WISDOM

WITH SURREY JACKSON

WITH MR MINTY FISH

It’s exciting times in the Hamilton Arts scene!

Firstly contemporary art actually exists in Hamilton. However as the term contemporary art means art that was produced post WW2, you are still unlikely to encounter a starving dog tied just out of reach of a pile of dog biscuits in an abandoned shop front in Victoria Street.

Meliors Simms is exhibiting her show Imagining Antartica at ArtsPost Galleries and Shop. Imagining Antarctica is an intricate exhibition of hand crafted two and three-dimensional textiles replicating Antarctic forms. Even the casual observer becomes impressed when they realise each stitch was meticulously produced by Meilors. You have to appreciate her allusion to the slow Antarctic journeys first undertaken a century ago.

So basically the world cup is here and I have one main word of wisdom. Pretend to be foreign. I don’t care if you’re trying to get into a guy whose class you’ve been in since you were 12. Just say “Oh hi, I’m______ and I am a tourist from ______ for the world cup.” Yeah he’ll be confused as fuck but eventually he’ll be like “Woo world cup vagina” and just move right on in for the plough. Boom, bang, science.

That’s the way the cookie gets too soggy and falls off into your tea.

Now town is going to be hella crazy over this period so I have some tips for staying up to par.

Meliors Simms was a finalist in the 2010 Bold Horizon National Contemporary Art Award, hosted by the Waikato Museum. The winner of this year’s award is Andre Hemer with his entry Blue Poles.

Blue Poles is a painting that doubles as an I-Phone QR code, which when scanned links to a Google map showing the current location of Blue Poles (1952) by Jackson Pollock .

Girls: -Wear perfume. Floral and/fruit NOT musk. In a land of sweaty ass, grass stained rugby boys, the odd whiff of something slightly fresher than a gangrenous foot will be welcomed. Again, NO MUSK. What are you, going through your 8th divorce? Are you Cruella Deville? Look at your life.

-Chances are, if “you are le onlee girl fora mee. I vish I had not need to go home to le France.” that he will be stacking hoes in different area codes. Don’t pack your bags for the chase just yet.

-Get loose.

-On a rare serious note, don’t go anywhere alone.

This is not the first time a concept piece has won the award. However the winner of this year’s award has managed to slip by without

Guys: -Be Geordie.

creating controversy. The winner of the 2009 award (then known as the Trust Waikato National Contemporary Art Award) caused an undeniable rippling the New Zealand art scene.

-Be French.

-Be Welsh.

-Be South African.

-Do the haka alongside the AB’s and do it well.

The 2009 winner chosen by Judge Charlotte Huddleston was Collateral by Berlin based artist Dane Mitchell. Collateral caused a national reaction when people realised that a pile of rubbish created from the wrappings of the other contestant’s entries had won a $15,000 prize. Criticism of the work ranged from outrage to puzzlement with many believing that concept art was not worthwhile of competing against entries that had taken artists hours to complete.

The most likely reason for this outrage is probably that people were jealous they hadn’t thought of it themselves.

Imagining Antarctica is on at ArtsPost until 19th September. The 2011 Bold Horizon National Contemporary Art Award is on at the Waikato Museum until 6th November. Entry to both exhibitions is free, so go and visit. You might be inspired or better yet, pissed off.

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All: -The cops may be ‘unfairly’ trying to get you to stop fighting/stand up/get off the road; but they also have cells, batons, and the physical advantage of being sober. Pick your battles.

-Ease up on the bouncers. Again, they might be denying your friend for wearing his “BOOBS R HEAPS AS MEAN” shirt, but bouncers are bouncers because they’re either huge, hard or both. Pick your battles.

-Be nice to bar staff. They’re less likely to piss in your bevvie and more likely to double your shots. It’s just fucking logic I can’t really part with words any wiser than the following. Don’t be a dick. I say it time and time again yet there’s still a relatively strong fan base that just likes to get out their balls and rub them all over social protocol.

OWEN’S VIEW

THE CHAIR LEG OF TRUTH

WITH OWEN HINTON

WITH CHAIR LEG

A little while back I felt like something else so I attended Arise Church, that one you see around campus all the time. Got bored of it but I’m glad I went because looking back I can firmly say that church is not

I’m a fan of Wikipedia. I really am. It’s an excellent starting point for research (in that you steal the references listed on the page, and get a decent idea of what your topic involves), it’s free, and for the most

for me. I found it bizarre. There’s a big rock show with lighting, laser and smoke effects every Sunday. The first time I was like ‘Whoa! This is kinda cool’ but then I realised the music sucks and it’s pretty tacky.

Everyone jumps around like they’re at a real gig. Why would I want to go to a gig where I can’t smoke and drink and say choice words like ‘fuck’ a lot?

part, is updated regularly. Pages like TVTropes and Uncyclopedia are much the same, if only for hours upon hours of time wasted reading about popular culture.

There were some nights I went away having listened to some not-bad sermons, AND I did meet a couple of people at that Church who I think are tops, but they were the ones who didn’t even seem like Christians. They keep their faith quietly and with dignity. I respect them. But some of the people there were false.

They treat faith as a cool brand name to wear and they use the church just as a way to pump their own image: Carrying their bible dutifully; Religious Facebook statuses; praying the loudest and hardest (Which is whack. If God can see your soul you don’t have to yell at him, that doesn’t make sense. Oh wait, you’re trying to show off).

The bullshit hit its zenith one evening when there was a guest preacher. This guy was amping everyone up using the tried and true rhetoric of a salesman and then he chucked in a comment about homosexuality. He said ‘look guys, you ever seen two lego bricks? You can fit them one waaay, but, if you turn one around….’ With a smug oh-no-I-din’t look on his face, whilst the audience cracked up laughing and yelled encouragement like ‘that was awesome!’ ‘lolll that’s so funny, so truuuuue haha’ All I could think was, does this guy think gay dudes try to have sex by sticking their dicks into each-others dick?!

Of course they don’t! They put it where it fits, just like your analogy, which, if you believe, means you justify gay sex so long as one brick fits into the other! Where are you even coming from you douche?

The glamour quickly faded to me after that and I bailed. I’m not hanging out with dead brained haters. All the gay dudes I know are choice as. But then, just like Christians, not all are cool/not cool. Don’t be stereotypin’.

Wikipedia is pretty great.

What I can’t fucking stand about Wikipedia, mind you, is the tendency for articles written about popular culture to be awful, heavy-handed, and with more spoilers than a fleet of shitty Honda Civics. If you want to learn about Emmanuel Kant, you can. If you want pictures of Greek vases, they’re yours. If you are trying to find out what a “Bilbo” is, you can (it’s a short thrusting sword from the region Bilbao, which lies somewhere between the cheese-eating surrender monkeys of France and the tango-dancing midday sleepers of Spain).

But if you want to find out the name of a person who starred in a movie that you haven’t seen yet, good luck reading the Wikipedia page without picking up some detail to the story that would make Shyamalan go from zero to moist in 3.8 seconds. See, humans are inherently stupid. I’m not meaning this as a slight, because most of this stupidity is a result of our curiosity, and without that curiosity we’d never have stepped down from the treetops and invented pizza.

It’s the same instinct that forces us to be interested when our friends have secrets, or draws our grubby fingers towards wet paint. It’s that very instinct, that instinct that drives us to experiment with our world and make discoveries that we’ll take for granted in six month’s time, which makes us read spoilers.

Cause I’m an avid reader, when I’m not in a dirty, sweaty wrestling match with the Universe, dressed in the unitard of my contempt for all of God’s creatures. I will read the shit out of something that catches my eye. But I cannot prevent myself from clicking towards Wikipedia to assuage my curiosity regarding some minute detail of something I’m reading in my spare time.

As a result of this, I find that there’s often not much point tracking down source material when the Cliffnotes version is just a mouseclick away. A free encyclopedia that makes us read less? Yeah, I’d believe it.

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N ATION odSEanSdSdrIO , ks in INFORMg fo r some fo Come alon spot prizes. and be in to win

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Do you have an undergraduate degree in any discipline and need management skills to compliment and augment your career? »

Come and find out more about our 15 month masters programme.

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Join us at our information session on Wednesday 14 September 2011, 1.00pm, S Block, S.1.03.

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Programme commences March 2012.

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PWNED: FARCRY

REVIEWED BY SAM PRESCOTT

Now, first person shooters, or FPS, are usually a genre of game that don’t appeal to me – the fact that the system was created to reduce the amount of graphical complexity on screen to enable more assets to be rendered at once i.e. having a gun as your character, as well as having near to no innovation in recent years, make for a stale gaming experience for me to behold.

However, FarCry, released in 2004, had a fair few innovations for its time. Using the CryEngine 1, we got graphics that, at the time, far outstripped the capabilities of the high-end graphics cards at the time. We got a game that incorporates stealth, frenetic gunplay and tactical choices, and it is all up to the player to choose how they want to approach.

On the harder difficulties, it is difficult to be stealthy without first scoping out your enemies – using the binoculars, you can see and mark enemy positions, allowing you to plan your routes accordingly: Going in guns blazing rarely produces a good result because the enemies have advanced AI, using various forms of teamwork to try and off you. The effect is such that it gives the game a tactical element many FPS games beforehand didn’t; Should you go up to a high position and snipe, or perhaps attempt to crawl through the rainforest? Perhaps you could go around the enemies and avoid conflict all together.

The level design is tailored for multi-choice and most of the options to approach a scenario will be available to you at any given time. Choices like these can drastically affect how the play through goes for you, but when the game ventures to indoor environments, we are reduced to more linear, classical FPS gaming, which serves as a kind of “break” between tactical choice and major gun fighting. Seamless transitions between on foot, in vehicle and indoor levels allows for a good game flow and immersion.

The narrative is typical of FPS games of the time – a very burly, butch, manly ex-special forces man named Jack Carver is exploded out of his boat and must find the journalist he was escorting, Val. He knows next to nothing about where he is, just that there are dudes to kill and a damsel to save. Derp. The game attempts to tell an interesting story about the morality of genetic engineering, and would have done well except for the wooden voice acting and stereotypical characterisation of the main character. This characterisation makes the game feel like the narrative is being dragged down by the dialogue of Jack.

FarCry is a decent game that was innovative for its time, leading to a sequel that was loved by critics but hated by the crowd, and an indirect sequel in the great Crysis. Worth a play if you want to experience a solid FPS, but perhaps try and turn your manly man on to drown out the inanity of Jack’s character.

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KEVIN PRYOR GOES DOWN ON BOOKS

NECRONOMICON: THE BEST WEIRD TALES OF H.P LOVECRAFT Communication is all that differentiates us from animals. Or more specifically, the retention of communicated ideas. So when the original ooga booga caveman learned how to start a fire, it was by passing on and keeping this information that humans progressed. Thus by the time written communication was invented, ideas were able to be passed on even further, and more reliably.

So I venerate the written word. Worship it as the primary means of human expression. And I hate all mongoloid versions of our glorious language, such as txt speak, ROFL and all that bullshit. Call me a reactionary if you like, I don’t give a fuck. The larger your vocabulary, the greater you’re able to appreciate the wide scope of human existence.

Which brings me to Howard Phillips Lovecraft. A groundbreaking horror/science fiction icon, yes, but also a writer of bizarre and esoteric words.

Check out this sentence, ‘he sarabanded himself across aeons of time, into an eldritch, antique world of cyclopean architecture and primordial terror.’

This is typical of his style. Or how about ‘Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.’ Lovecraft created his own mythos and fictional language long before more famous examples such as J.R.R Tolkien. Like Tolkien, his mythos has also taken on a life of its own.

Google ‘Cult of Cthulhu’ to see what I mean.

‘Necronomicon: The Best Weird Tales of H.P Lovecraft’ collects thirty-six of the stories he wrote for pulp magazines such as Astounding Stories.

Lovecraft used words that were obsolete even in the time he was writing. For example he always spelled magic, as magick, fantasy, as phantasy, fairy as faerie and so on. He also resisted the democratisation of language; or to put it another way, its simplification. By doing so he helped create the strange, otherworldly atmosphere that pervades his stories.

Some people might enjoy Lovecraft because of his exotic, nightmarish tales. I read him because he’s the only writer who makes me keep a thesaurus handy while doing so.

JUDY READS...

PREY - BY MICHAEL CRICHTON I seem to be on a kind of run with the science fiction novels, so I’m just going to keep running with it this week. This week’s book, Prey, is the kind of science fiction that scares that pants off you because it could conceivably happen even if it’s not at all likely to happen because in the real world safety precautions are taken. Someone in a lab

from inside without invasive techniques and can be filtered out the blood stream when all the pictures are taken by using some kind of a magnet. I’m not even pretending to understand the science behind these things.

I’m not a science person. However to get enough funding to get the project to where

could be stupid enough to let out something vicious out that could do terrible things to the world as we know it.

they all want it to be it also needs to have a military application, they find a way to do this, but as this is a cautionary tale it obviously all goes horribly wrong.

Prey was first published in 2002 and serves as a cautionary tale in a similar vein to his novel Jurassic Park. Science is scary, especially the new developments in science that the general public doesn’t yet understand, and scientists can do very scary things with the things they know. And those scary things will get us. So don’t trust the scientists.

The story with Prey is pretty much this: there are a bunch of engineers, scientists and developers which are working on making nano-technology robot type things. When we’re first introduced to the teeny-tiny robot things they’re being used for good, they take pictures of the blood vessels

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I enjoyed Prey in the way that you enjoy a bag of chips. I couldn’t stop and I felt horrible and kind of guilty afterwards. I read it all in an evening when I really should have been doing more productive things, so maybe it was only really good because of the procrastinating factor.

Prey is far-fetched. I could tell that without knowing anything about the technology it was trying to talk about. If you know ANYTHING about this kind of technology I strongly suggest you do not read this book, it will probably make you incredibly mad that someone is messing with things so terribly badly.

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