Issuu

www.nexusmag.co.nz

7 September 2009

ISSUE 19

1) Nexus—only rivaled by Caclin. 2) Reptilian shape shifters on campus—They’re fucking everywhere, man! 3) Plan a rally race based around one instance of fantastic word play and the misery of others... oh, wait. 4) Robert Muldoon—You can’t go past Piggy. 5) “Why the fuck am I asking asking questions for Nexus—do you have the fucking answer? *throws 40 ounce to the ground in childish rage*

1. Caclin. It works on so many levels. 2. Fee rises, politics, who their tertiary education minister is, cutting of university scolarships, association membership, what their student union actually does, student apathy, sex, the inner-workings of Gerry Brownlee’s intestinal tract 3. Painstakingly document one average male’s trip to a waxer as he gets his balls buffed. 4. Stalin’s pipe 5. Why are you printed on the same paper-stock as Time magazine?

1.)

Caclin. If we had half the crosswords they did, we’d be twice the

magazine. 2.)

Joshua Drummond, Nexus Editor – and Psycho Killer

3.)

Just shit everywhere, then spend 40 pages trying to justify

yourself. 4.)

Barack Hussein Obama, eternal caliphate and shaver of puppies.

5.)

How much saliva would you have to drink before you contracted

the AIDs virus?

1. Caclin. 2. Crossword solutions 3. Steal all your content from other magazines and see if anyone notices 4. Stalin. Rhymes with Caclin, see? Lol. 5. What is a five-letter word beginning with C and ending with “in?” Homonym for “cackling.”

1. CRITIC OBVIOUSLY DURRR WE’RE SIMPLY THE BEST, BETTER THAN ALL THE REST, BETTER THAN EVERYONE 2. MEEEEEEE 3. YOU SHOULD ASPIRE TO BE MORE LIKE THE LISTENER LIKE CRITIC DOES 4. MEEEEEEE 5. WHY DO YOU CONTINUE TO SUPRESS THE PROGRESSIVE MARCH OF THE PROLETARIAT *Amy Joseph didn’t reply in time so we had to make up her answers for her. She probably would have had quite different answers. Probably.

keeping

you active

“Ha! Where is their God now?” thought Doris, proud owner of a projectile dog.”

Spice up your exercise programme with our six week activity courses All NEW Bollywood dance and our other favourites: hip hop dance Muay Thai kickboxing yoga Pilates matwork healthy back programme ceroc dance fit boost intro Starting week of 14 September Numbers limited

P 07 838 4177 E reccentre@uleisure.co.nz Gate One, Knighton Road

www.reccentre.co.nz

*Actually it will just be a mystery prize. Which may or may not be cigarettes. 6

We’re Celebrating

Adult Learners’ Week 2009 7-13 September

Learn for today and tomorrow – E ako mō tēnei rā me āpōpō. Join with the University in celebrating the efforts and achievements of our adult learners. 0800 WAIKATO www.waikato.ac.nz

Nominations for the 2009 WSU Elections opened today - so nominate yourself or a friend, get behind a campaign, and beginning thinking about who you will vote for because this is YOUR election for YOUR student union which YOU could be a part of. Nominations are open from 7 September (today) until 18 September (next Friday). All candidates wishing to run for any WSU position must register by the cut off date, otherwise they will not be able to campaign during the Election period After nominations close, WSU Elections Campaigns will run from 21 September until 2 October with the WSU Annual General Meeting in between.

The WSU AGM is a chance for students to come listen to the 2009 budget, eat free pizza/ drink free booze, and most importantly, listen to the election candidates speeches. Each candidate will be allowed a few minutes to introduce themselves and state what and why they are running for their desired position on the Waikato Student Union. Incumbent WSU President, Ben Delaney, is very excited about the elections and hopes all students will take the opportunity to stand for their union. “Elections are a chance for students to vote who will be in charge of the WSU direction for next year, with so many things going on it

Education Minister Anne Tolley and Labour Party leader Phil Goff both had separate private meetings with Waikato University Vice-Chancellor Roy Crawford about enforcing a restriction on student numbers - while Nexus was on holiday, blissfully unaware Education Minister Anne Tolley did not speak to the Waikato Times after her meeting – Nexus speculates that if it had been present it might have had to dodge bear traps. However, Labour leader Phil Goff was happy to banter with the Waikato Times about how the government will be enforcing a restriction on student numbers at Waikato University from 2010, otherwise funding would be cut if the increase of numbers is over three percent. “It seems astonishing that at a time when we’ve just had the biggest increase in unemployment in any one quarter the university next year will be faced with turning students away,” said Goff.

will be important for students to have a strong voice and a clear message. Best of luck to all the candidates,” says Delaney So, if you think “campus life sucks” or even “sucks arse,” now is the time to put up or shut up if you really want to change things around here. Nexus advises anyone who possesses more than half a brain and some good ideas to run to stop munters getting in and taking charge. Also, check out next week’s feature on the WSU Warrant of Fitness – a complete overview of how every individual has performed so far for 2009.

“They’re (Waikato University) already 106 per cent of what they’re funded to be.” However, when Nexus asked the university whether or not they would be turning students away next year, they were a little more sceptical. “The University has been in regular discussions with the TEC for many months about pressures on enrolments this year and year-end projections. A decision on how Waikato University will manage student numbers for 2010 is still several weeks away as proposals must go through the University Council and Academic Board,” said Media Manager Peta Goldsworthy. Nexus will be closely following this story as it unfolds and picking up any other scents from the infamous Minister of Education.

Vice-Chancellor’s Adult Learners’ Award winners Congratulations to the winners of the Vice-Chancellor’s Adult Learners’ Awards for 2009: Jenny McPherson, Pippa Russell, Ruth Smith and Jennifer Spark.

0800 WAIKATO www.waikato.ac.nz

Adult learners will finally get a chance to be recognized for their diligence and motivation this week from 7 September till 13 September. The annual event, usually celebrated around September, involves an awards ceremony for by the Waikato University Vice Chancellor and activities organized by the WSU and the university’s Adult Learners’ Week Committee. The Adult Learners Weeks is an event initiated by UNESCO with the aim of supporting and recognizing adult learners. Across the country, in over 30 regions, similar celebrations and activities will be held during this week. The university in conjunction with the Adult Community Education Aotearoa organization will be repeating its annual celebrations, this time incorporating as well the International Literacy Day on September 8. The

to celebrate the achievements that they’ve made which is why WSU supports adult learners week and why we have our own awards for students with children.” According to statistics available on the website for Adult Community Education Aotearoa, adult learner numbers have skyrocketed with an estimated 400,000 people participating in various forms of adult community or university education. This year those numbers have only increased. The Vice Chancellor’s Adult Learners’ Award which will be presented in the middle of the week is targeted at rewarding the countless of adult

theme for the year is ‘Learn for Today and Tomorrow’ thus emphasizing the importance and benefits of studying now in order to expand one’s opportunities in the future. This theme is even more important now, in light of the economic hardships that many who are already working are facing. Mature and Disabilities Director, Dave Snell, wants students to realise the role of Adult Learners. “I think it’s important to recognise some of the difficulties that Adult Learners face in returning to university and

learners that have shown the courage to return to university and take up a degree. Often many adult learners also support several children and families while also working in side jobs. The awards include monetary funding for the successful recipients and will be presented at a special ceremony. Last year 4 adult learners were awarded with the Vice Chancellor awards. Details concerning the Adult Learners Week will be released closer to the date, but students can always contact the WSU for updates.

The Band Experiments are back again for 2009 and are promising to be bigger, louder, and more rock n roll than ever before. The York Street Studio’s Band Experiments 2009 is an annual band competition that runs from 17 September on consecutive Thursdays until the final on Thursday 15 October. Hamilton’s first heat is Thursday 17 September at Flow Bar starting from 9pm. All heats and the final are R18 and entry is by door sale only. The Band Experiments consist of four heats which each feature four bands. Each band plays a 20 minute set and the winner of each heat is announced on the night by a panel of judges.

HAMILTON’S BIGGEST SPORTING BATTLE Sunday 27 September / From 10am / Grantham St, Hamilton BRYAN GOULD CUP / 12 NOON UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO vs / SYDNEY UNIVERSITY (AUS)

THE GALLAGHER GREAT RACE / 1PM UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO vs / OXFORD UNIVERSITY (UK)

The final will be held on October 15th and will feature the four heat winners as well as a wild-card ‘people’s choice’ entry chosen from the heat participants. This year, the Hamilton Live Music Trust is proud to have taken over the rights to host this event which will give Hamilton bands an opportunity to increase their profile and chance to win some of the amazing prizes on offer, which include recording time at York Street Studios. Scott Ratuki, a board member on the Live Music Trust, said the Trust was really excited to have York Street Studios as the event’s naming rights sponsor this year. “The Board is really excited to be able to host the event and to have one of New Zealand’s premier recording studios as its naming rights sponsor - a fantastic opportunity for both the event and the winning band”. The Band Experiments was established in 1999, and previous Band Experiments have provided a platform for artists such as Cornerstone Roots, Shora Shima, The Datsuns and Katchafire to launch national and international careers. For more information about the 2009 Band Experiments go to www.

www.thegreatrace.co.nz

bandexperiments.co.nz or www.livemusictrust.wainet.org

Sir Roger Douglas’ Voluntary Student Membership (VSM) of students’ associations bill has been selected as a members bill over the University holidays. The bill entitled Education (Freedom of Association) Amendment Bill has the stated aim of “uphold[ing] students’ right to freedom of association, by ensuring that no student is

budget. We don’t all get a 90 percent discount on our undertakings. “We find the system is working fine. We don’t think he is the best person to make this decision for students,” King said. Douglas frames it as an issue of choice. “We allow students to choose what university or polytechnic they attend, and what papers

compelled to join a students’ association.” Under the current system every student enrolled at Waikato University has to become a member of the Waikato Students Union. Members may opt out from the WSU by explaining to the union that they wish to do so. Their membership fee is then donated to charity. New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA) co-president Jordan King said, “The bill is another idea from Sir Roger Douglas who hasn’t been a student for a long time. “It looks like he wants to impose his 1980 beliefs on unsuspecting students. He probably doesn’t know what it is like to be on a tight

to take; it’s time we gave them the freedom to choose whether or not to join their local student association rather than forcing them to pay a union fee if they want to study. “In addition, student associations often support particular political causes, which is inappropriate given that all students are forced to financially contribute. Voluntary student membership will increase the legitimacy of the involvement of such associations with politics,” he said. The bill is expected to have its first reading in parliament within three to five weeks. This is not the first time a VSM bill has been put before parliament. In 1997, then-MP

Waikato University Vice Chancellor Roy Crawford will be hosting a ‘state of the campus’ address for all students to attend next Tuesday at 11:30am – 12:30pm in L.G.04. The VC will speaking directly to students about issues and developments happening at Waikato University and will mostly likely open the floor for questioning. The WSU recommends all students to make the effort to come along and learn about what is actually happening on campus. No further information was given on the speech except that if you are thinking of running in the 2009 WSU Elections, I strongly advise you to attend.

Michael Laws managed to pass an amendment allowing VSM under the condition that: a) 10 percent of students signed a petition to force a referendum, and b) a majority of students in the referendum voted for VSM. Waikato University became the first student association in New Zealand (along with Auckland) to go voluntary under this law in 2000. Another referendum, held in 2002, elected to return the union to compulsory (also called universal) membership.

Community group Steelworks is urging students to donate cans towards its can-food drive World Record attempt for the Salvation Army. The can-drive is a city wide event in an attempt to break the world record of 55,000 cans and help those in community who need it the most in these tough times. Any cans will be accepted (minus cat/dog food) at Opus up until September 18th otherwise you can bring some down to the Base in Te Rapa on September 19th where the world record attempt will take place. Nexus urges all students to stop thinking about themselves and how hard they’ve got it for one minute and donate at least one can – even if that means stealing it from your rich, wealthy parents.

“will stick to its mission together celebrating and supporting the diversity of Hamilton’s Rainbow community”

Pride Week begins with a tramp this Saturday 20 September and runs until next Sunday 20 September celebrating gay awareness in the community. A week of events targeted for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transsexual will be hosted through Hamilton City and on campus. Events include: a lesbian quiz night, stitch and butch, and a sex toy party. The main event for students will be on Wednesday 16 September at 1pm. A Pride Week Olympics has been scheduled on the Village Green with events such as rainbow flag long jump, hand bag toss, and balloon popping. The WSU will be selling GLBT BURGERS (Guacamole, Lettuce, Bacon and Tomato) to support the cause.

Pride Week in Hamilton is in its third year according to its website and “will stick to its mission together celebrating and supporting the diversity of Hamilton’s Rainbow community”. Askew (Waikato University’s only gay and lesbian club) President Tim Swart is excited about the proceedings of Pride Week. “Pride Week is a great opportunity for the gay and lesbian community to stand up and get noticed, showing that it makes no difference what sexual orientation you are, we are all equal. It’s a really fun and exciting event to be a part of.” Nexus urges readers to check out the Pride Week feature of this week’s issue.

“Air New Zealand is ﬁnally doing something good for Hamilton International Airport”

Air New Zealand is finally doing something good for Hamilton International Airport. A new $39 student stand-by deal will be on offer from September 7th till October 4th as a trial for Hamilton and Dunedin Airports. The stand-by student deal is a $39 one-way ticket to anywhere in New Zealand that has spare seats on board. Students are advised to get to the airport 90 minutes before departure so they confirm their seats on a first in-firstserved basis. Students will be able to purchase a return standby fare at the same time. General Manager Domestic Airline for Air New Zealand, John Whittaker, is excited for the opportunity students will have with the new stand-by scheme. “We’re always trialling new

low fare initiatives and the chance for students to get cheap tickets to go see family, mates or just visit somewhere new for a change on a whim has got to be a good thing.” Other requirements for the $39 ticket is that you are only allowed to take a carry bag (7kgs) on the flight and must possess a current student ID. Students will be able to check departure and availability times on the Air New Zealand website so they can decide what flight they would like to take because a return standby fare can only be purchased at the same time. 30 minutes before departure, students will either be given a boarding pass if there is a spare seat, or asked to wait for the next flight. All stand-by student flights begin today. 11

All students living in the halls on campus have been warned to lock their doors at night. An unconfirmed source said that a man had been sighted several times, masturbating in public and lurking around the Teachers College Halls. In one incident, the man was seen masturbating in the hall’s TV room.

Patricial said later that there had actually been two men sighted. Hardy believes the warm weather and large numbers of women congregating around the swimming pool of the Teachers College may have attracted the men. By the time Nexus went to publication,

Warden of the Teachers College Halls, Patricial Hardy, stated that, “we’ve told our girls not to be alone at night if they’re walking across campus.”

descriptions of the two men were not available, but will be published in next week’s issue.

The United States of America is one of the hardest countries to obtain a work visa for. That is, unless you’re a full-time tertiary student or recent graduate. The 12 month J-1 Visa allows current students and recent graduates that hold a New Zealand or Australian passport to work in virtually any job anywhere in the U.S. The Visa programme was originally launched as a two-year pilot programme in 2007. The pilot programme expired this September; however, the US Government has chosen to retain and extended the programme until further notice. International Exchange Programs (IEP) is a non-profit work and travel organisation and was thrilled to hear about the Visa extension. “With

David Bennett MP M P f o r h aM i l t o n e a s t

Phone: 07 834 3407 Email: davidbennett@xtra.co.nz www.davidbennett.co.nz

www.national.org.nz 12

the current economic climate governments are reassessing their immigration policies. The fact that the US government has chosen to extend this visa shows that they believe in the value of reciprocal travel between USA and New Zealand for students,” said IEP’s Company Director Bex Gilchrist. Past participants of the Visa programme have worked in a range of diverse and exciting jobs, such as: journalism, engineering, and viticulture. While others focused more on the travelling and picking up small jobs along the way. “On a 12 month work and travel visa you can experience the real USA. Our participants come back from their time in the states with a real appreciation of the diversity of the people and experiences it offers” says Ms Gilchrist. To find out more about the 12 month work travel visa contact IEP on 0800 443 769 or visit www.iep.org.nz

The former president of the NZ Jewish Council, David Zwartz, is demanding an apology from Waikato University over the controversial Van Leeuwen thesis affair. In a letter published by the New Zealand Jewish Chronicle, which accompanies a reprinted version of Nexus’s original feature story about the thesis debacle, Zwartz accuses the University of “blunders and huge errors of judgement by its administration.” Elsewhere

Meanwhile, over the holiday break, the Waikato Times reported that Waikato University’s handling of the thesis affair was being investigated by the Office of the Ombudsman, after a complaint from former National Front Secretary Kerry Bolton. “The ombudsman’s investigation is based on Mr Bolton’s complaints the university investigation didn’t address the specifics of his original complaint or address the investigation’s

he refers to the University behaviour as “disgraceful.” “The university must apologise to Professor Dov Bing for the harm its allegations have done to his reputation; and similarly to the other thesis supervisor, Mrs Coldham-Fussel, as well as to the student, Roel VanLeeuwen, “ Zwartz writes.

terms of reference, didn’t outline the process that was followed in reaching a decision or give a reason for it,” the Times reported. Waikato University told the Times that it had “not been advised of any ombudsman investigation.“

“ In a letter published by the New Zealand Jewish Chronicle, which accompanies a reprinted version of Nexus’s original feature story about the thesis debacle, Zwartz accuses the University of “blunders and huge errors of judgement by its administration.”

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!

PH 07 856 6813 14

FAX 07 856 2255

ADDRESS Gate 5 Hillcrest Road

WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP

EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz

PH 07 856 6813

PH 07 856

6813

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS OP E WEEK BOOKSH TTS TER OF THBOOKSHOP! WAIKATO UNIVERSITY IVERSITY S LET M BENNE IKATO UN THE NEXU VOUCHER FRO WA WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP SHOP! ts.co.nz OK TY BOOK u@bennet $20 BO UNIVERSI EMAIL wk WAIKATO ADDRESS Gate 5 HillcreststRoad FAX 07 856 2255 EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz Road

856 FAX 07

2255

S ADDRES

cre Gate 5 Hill

4/4!, 6)3)/. /04/-%42)343

&2%% %9% 3#2%%.).' %6%29 7%$.%3$!9 &2/- 0- 4/ 04(% -%%4).' 2//345$%.4 5.)/. "5),$).' 5.)6%23)49 /& 7!)+!4/ 4OTAL 6ISION /PTOMETRISTS 'REY 3TREET (AMILTON %AST 0H &AX TOTALVISION VISIQUE CO NZ 16

Pretty girls hated on for being pretty?

Smirnoff 1L

& 1 Keri 1L

$34.99

Speight’s Summit

ENVY

$16.99

$9.99

10pk Cans

6pk cans

only available at: LIQUOR KING HILLCREST Cnr Clyde & York Sts, Hamilton. Monday – Thursday open till 10pm & Friday – Saturday until 11pm Valid until 20 Sept 2009. While stocks last. We reserve the right to limit quantities. Trade not supplied. All major credit cards accepted. Excludes all other promotions & discounts.

The Nexus Pride Week Special Feature

Straight Privilege This article was written by a number of straight-identified students at Earlham College who got together to look at some examples of straight privilege. These are but a few examples of the privilege which straight people have. Lesbian, gay, bisexual, and queer-identified people have a range of different experiences, but cannot count on most of these conditions in their lives.

NEtbaLL t SOCCER t VOLLEYbaLL

League 5 Starts Soon

Social Sport

Enter online at asbsocialsport.co.nz or at the Rec Centre

27 September

Volleyball 29 September Netball

1 October

Entries Close 24 September

Managed by

You Choose Competitive or Social Grade

Indoor

In this installment of the increasingly degenerate tales of Nexus’ travels,

Quote of the night: “You’d be able to feel the shadow of Arts cock in your ass long after it was gone. Like, when you were asleep and shit.” Nexus arrived at Snow Planet an hour later in silence. Snow Planet is a huge building packed full of snow on a big slope, with some jumps and stuff. The Nexites who needed gear rented some (at decent-ish prices) and frolicked into the icy yonder. Nexus who hadn’t snowboarded got taught the basics by Nexus who snowboard the best, and found that it was reasonably straightforward to pick up. This was immeasurably

Nexus decided to visit some snow as a counterpoint to hopefully going to the beach once Spring has sprung. The nearest and most convenient snow was Snow Planet in Auckland, who offer student deals and are open at night, which suits Nexus’ schedule rather nicely. Nexus organized a team and set a time and date upon which to embark. At about 6pm, an hour after Nexus agreed to depart, Nexus departed for Auckland, stopping for delicious beverages and petrol on the way out of Hamilton. Due to engaging road-trip conversation and a particularly riveting game of ‘I spy’ that nobody won (it was a Warrant of Fitness sticker), the Nexus-mobile threaded its way out the shit end of Hamilton, arriving eventually in Gordonton before realizing that it was meant to be heading Tirau-wise. This turn of events fortunately enabled Nexus to bypass Ngaruwahia. Two of Nexus were reasonably seasoned snow-troopers, while other Nexus had only skied once before, but had thoroughly enjoyed the experience of tumbling down the slopes of Cardrona on the hard course as well as leaving a picturesque trail of blood on the soft powder of the scenic route. Other Nexus preferred the idea of skiing to snowboarding, because you get to look like a henchman from a James Bond movie, but conceded the point that snowboarding makes you look more hip. The conversation inevitably turned aside, meandering through literature, music and other enlightened topics worth of a sortie of journalists before inevitably arriving at dorm-room staple ‘Would you rather X or Y?’, where X and Y are two evils, the lesser of which is to be determined by the interviewee. This culminated in a real stumper: ‘Would you rather fuck Agony Art or be fucked by Agony Art?’ Silence all around (all present were male). Varying lines of reasoning slowly emerged; the first of which was that if you fucked Art then you’d have to spring a stiffy first (not the snowboarding maneuver) and that would imply that you are gay. Aside from the interesting workings of a mind that erects this façade of homophobia, it was elucidated that the question precludes any context, and simply presents the condition that you have an unquenchable and unrelated boner. We later presented this conundrum to Sophie who works at the dairy on campus, who instantly arrived at the same conclusion that we did; “Art would dominate the shit out of you.” He would. Not only that, but he’d lord it over you forever. That said he’d also lord it over you if you fucked him in the ass too. A tough call. For the sake of survey, please send your thoughts to features@ nexusmag.co.nz or text them in. Another deciding issue is comfort.

helped by the fact the student and teacher had a through grounding in physics, so ideas regarding the board’s interaction with the surface were communicated well. Nexus then went its separate ways (all of which were ‘up’) and got on with the snow boogying. By and large the hardest part about snowboarding is riding those stupid pole-things up the mountain. It took Nexus who hadn’t snowboarded like 8 times before it was able to actually get to the top of the slope without wiping out. Stupid poles. If you haven’t snowboarded before, it’s pretty cool. Obviously with any physical activity it takes a little while to get to grips with the relationship between what you tell your body to do and what ends up happening, but it seemed that once this is learned, fine-tuning the control is very intuitive. An easy mistake to make is to over-estimate your rate of turning. When the board is pointing off to the side it’s easy to get the impression that you are travelling rapidly off towards the wall or whatever, but due the relative lack of friction between your control surface and the snow that’s not really the case. This led mostly to Nexus rookie making rapid descents in a straight line, trying to focus on balance. It seems this is not the best way to start, and in a subsequence snowboarding escape Nexus rookie will focus on doing the whole picturesque meandering routine which has the added benefit of keeping your speed down. As for the third Nexus who had also boarded before, he found the entire experience quite agreeable. Rad jumps and sick boardslides were performed, and much pride was held, until Third Nexus ran into a friend from Kerikeri who Third Nexus knew when he was a toddler (the friend, not Nexus.) Turns out Keri-tot was now a Sick Boarder of the 33rd degree, and he wasted no time in driving Nexus into an abyss of skill-less shame by a display of boarding that would have done a seasoned pro credit. By the time he spun his third 540 off the big jump, Nexus was feeling decidedly like comfort food. However, the journey home was filled with sadness, as Snow Planet closed at 10pm, Nexus had a wet ass, and also this was around the time that both Wendys and Dunkin Donuts closed. The gap in our souls an stomachs was filled when it was discovered that of the 5 cassette tapes in the glovebox, one was the cassingle (remember those?) of Shaggys ‘Boombastic’, replete with a half dozen early 90’s house and dub remixes. Also a clerk at the petrol station mistakenly gave us $5 worth of free petrol. Score! Next week; Nexus Goes To: The Aotearoa Student Press Association awards!

WANT TO PUT YOUR CAREER INTO HYPERDRIVE ? THERE’S NO STOPPING YOU. Do you have an undergraduate degree in any discipline and are looking to get into management? You don’t need to have previous work experience just the motivation to really push yourself. Enhance your career prospects by attending our Information Sessions to learn more. Come and hear about our exciting 15 month Master of Business and Management (MBM) programme.

KTD1406/08/09

Join us for a barbecue at the Waikato Management School – Level 4, Room 4.02 at 12.15pm on Tuesday 29 September or Thursday 1 October 2009.

Corporate & Executive Education PROGRAMME COMMENCES MARCH 2010 | CONTACT US FOR MORE INFORMATION ON SCHOLARSHIPS AND ENROLMENTS

Call 0800 800 891 www.execed.ac.nz execed@waikato.ac.nz

The WSU Presents

The Vice Chancellor Speaks to Students A “State of the Campus” address Location: LG.04 Date: Tuesday 8th Sept 11.30-12.30

“celebrating adult learners”

NACHO LUNCH

Presented by The Waikato Students’ Union & Adult Learners Week Committee

DATE: Wednesday 9th September TIME: 1pm PLACE: Village green

SATURDAY 12TH

Contact 0800 QUEER Y (0800 783379)

Gaylink Waikato - Come and tramp up a small mountain with friends

// Transgender Stories

// Tramp with friends

SUNDAY 13TH

// Annual Pride Week Picnic

SHINE Nightclub

// Sex Toy Party

with Pets Everyone is welcome. BYO Picnic and Pet

SHINE Nightclub

// Hamilton Pride 09

GLBT Burgers, MC and Drag Performance 12:00pm – 2:00pm on the Village Green 1st annual Pride Week Olympics; Hand Bag toss, Rainbow Flag long Jump, Hula Hoop and balloon pop, accompanied by the soon to be world famous Pride Week GLBT Burgers, MC and Drag Performance

The official launch party Georgina Beyer will launch Hamilton Pride 09. Nibbles provided, drinks for sale.

MONDAY 14TH

// Stitch and butch craft night

7:00pm in Guru’s (Student Union Building) A casual evening for people to learn a few crafts and have a good night with some drinks and nibbles. Learn to knit with Nuck or share your own craft skills. Everyone is welcome at no cost, BYO knitting needles, (size 9 are good to learn on)

TUESDAY 15TH

// Waikato queer youth meeting

WEDNESDAY 16TH

// Pride week Olympics

// Movie Night

7:00pm – Student Union Building - An Evening for watching a few movies and relaxing

THURSDAY 17TH

// Casino Royale Games Night

7:00pm – Student Union Building BYO fun and games, Guitar Hero, Name That Tune (80s), Poker, Chess,

twister who knows J Dress up in theme and show us your Poker face!

FRIDAY 18TH

// HP - Rocky Horror

Victoria Cinema, $15 (includes a props bag)

SATURDAY 19TH // Pride, politics and partying

Lecture Series - The Politics and Policies of Pride Parties, The Politics of Law and Pride: The 'Homosexual Advance Defence’, Pride Comedy.

// Shine Dance Party

Help us celebrate a fabulous week with one last bang at Shine!

SUNDAY 20TH // Brunch

for full details check out wsu.org.nz or hamiltonpride.co.nz

Waikato University

It will start quietly with the many candidates getting friends and fellow students to nominate them for the Board position that they want; you will all barely notice much change. But as the days go on an ominous feeling will start to creep in to the campus, rumors of who is running and what type of person they are. At this stage everyone is still playing nicely together…then with little warning the battle of the pavements will break out with a chalk war. This battle is usually launched at the same time as the poster campaign so you are visually assaulted with the fact that it’s Election time. Much of this time is spent being amused with

the witty words put together as candidates ask for your vote. By the 6th of October the Battle will be in the final stages with the battle of the pavements over as the combatants will have removed their tagging, posters will be filed and the campus will take on a more “normal” look. It is now your opportunity to take an active part in the battle and VOTE! From 6-8 October the fate of the combatants is in your hands. And remember, kids - the Power is Yours!

Nominations for the following positions close on 18th September 2009:

If you are thinking of Am I committed to the broad vision and mission of the WSU? standing for election it is Can I contribute the time necessary to be an effective Board member? worth asking yourself: Any student currently enrolled at the University of Waikato may stand for election. They must comply with the requirements specified in section 16 of the Charities Act 2005. Further information is available from the WSU office or wsu@wsu.org.nz

Wednesday 16th

1:00pm â€“ 2:00pm on the Village Green THE 1ST ANNUAL PRIDE WEEK OLYMPICS

EVENTS INCLUDE: // Hand Bag toss // Rainbow Flag long Jump // Hula Hoop // Balloon pop

Accompanied by the soon to be world famous Pride Week GLBT Burgers FOR FREE AND an MC and Drag Performance

Prizes for participation visit wsu.org.nz or hamiltonpride.co.nz for full pride week schedule

Waikato University

The Nexus Noticeboard Send notices to notices@nexusmag.co.nz before Wednesday, 5 pm. Placing notices is free for students. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Notices cannot be any more than 75 words unless you ask us specifically and we say yes. They will roll over every two weeks, unless specified – so please, tell us how long you want us to run your notice for. We will not accept handwritten or otherwise non-electronic notices or dictation over the phone – that’s stone-age shit. If you (somehow) don’t have access to email or a computer, come into the offices and use one of our computers to type up your notice. Ta.

Flats and Mates

World’s best flatmate wanted to occupy furnished room. One of five available. Hamilton East. Ten minutes walk from uni. Close to shops. We will love you forever. $100 including power, phone and internet. email ryalkane@ihug.co.nz or ring Ross at 0212651764 Flatmate wanted: One single bedroom available with bathroom, huge two storied house with new kitchen, double garage and lots of off st parking. 30 min walk to uni and town. Existing flatmates are one female two males chilled out, outgoing and social aged 19 to 23 looking for someone clean, friendly, outgoing and pays rent on time! If you keen to come have a look txt Alex on 0276986353 or ring on 07 856 5415 Flatmate needed: preferably female, to live in our spare room with four males. The room’s $80 a week plus expenses and about 2 mins walk from Uni. Medium sized room with a wooden door. We have two fridges and a deck that is spacious. Available immediately so call or txt Marco: 0273076992. Flatmate wanted: Great 5 year old townhouse Old Farm Road. Heatpump, broadband and

plenty of furnishings including a Breville Grill. We do not have a garage, but there is good off street parking and a private court yard for entertaining in summer. One double room available $90 plus power and broadband. Text or ring Josef for further info 0273304008 :) Flatmate Wanted 5 easy going existing flatmates 3 guys, 2 girls. Large room available September onwards 5 min walk to Uni $120 a week includes sky & internet Contact 859 3067 or 0273046742

Flatmate wanted: We are looking for a fun, outgoing person that is tidy, clean and pulls their weight. We are 5-10mins drive from uni. Lots of off street parking. $150 a week for everything (wireless internet, food, sky & power). Already living here is one male (age 19) working and one female (age 20) student. Very secure house! Txt Jennifer 0274651903. WANTED FLATMATE TO FILL MY ROOM: Claudelands area Modern house - washer, dryer, oven, bathrooms $97.50 a week plus $20 for power + net. Living with 3 clean students

Need to fill ASAP call Adam 0273409264

Random Male Dance Partner Wanted No experience or knowledge necessary, only commitment to learn (if your co-ordinated it would be a bonus though!). I mainly dance latin dances (salsa, merunge, bachata and tango). If interested or want to know more email jp82@students.waikato.ac.nz or text 0210577848 Players Wanted for pen-and-paper fantasy roleplaying, Tuesday nights 7-10PM. No prior experience necessary - all you need is an imagination Seasoned adventurers also welcome. Email the DM - glenirving@gmail.com - for more information. Single bed going for free. Good base and mattress, quite old but still very comfortable. I am upgrading to a double and need to get rid of my single to make room for my new one. Whoever wants it must pick up from chartwell area. Email Hannah on hom1@students.waikato. ac.nz

I’ve just been prodded by Josh that my little two weeks of not thinking of Uni is coming to an abrupt end, and that I’ve completely forgotten to write a “welcome back pplz” column. As a result, instead of trying to fuse together cohesion from kindergarten philosophy and deep thought, I’m instead going to write mumblings from my short lived vacation, much like a Killers’ song; mostly unintelligibly, but good enough to make it enjoyable. Enjoy! So, for starters, let me recap my feelings toward blue LEDs; they suck. You can’t focus your eyes on them properly, they’re often far too bright, and used in completely inappropriate places. Like, for example, a hospital’s logo. That’s right; a building you’re supposed to be able to identify quickly, easily and from a reasonable distance has it’s fucking logo lit up with blue LEDs, so that it becomes impossible to read in the dark. Another example, Hamilton International Airport. An array of blue LEDs light up the word “Hamilton”, except no one can confirm that they’ve arrived in Hamilton unless it’s daytime and they can clearly see the lettering[1]. Shine on you crazy fucked up no-thought-process designers[2]. As some of you may remember from last half-semester, I bought an iThing. I don’t so much hate the idea of following the herd, but I do still hate how stupidly constrictive the platform is. It reminds me of my T610; a good phone that looks pretty and is bubbling with potential, but is hampered by little “gotchas” that can’t easily be resolved. Case in point? I wanted to download a PDF of a service manual, because I didn’t want to keep downloading it over and over again when I needed a reference for 2 mins. Simple for my Windows Mobile, impossible for my iPhone, simply because Apple doesn’t trust that I can keep a file system managed. Maybe I’ll just jailbreak it like everyone else, and move on happily... Anywho, you must be a real comp sci or diehard fan if you’re still reading this drivel, so I’ll take this moment to announce that the student ACM chapter is having a code poetry and free pizza evening this week. The exact date is to be decided, but chances are good that if you go to http://jlaundry.com I’ll post some details closer to Monday. Ugh... Monday. By the way, I’ve thrown out my CodeIgniter powered blog engine and migrated my domain back to Wordpress, and so far no regrets. Trying to maintain a random assortment of commenting and hacked in functions is not fun, especially as you try to become more web 2.0-ey and use things like twitter and flickr... Finally, to leave you something to WTF at; why is it that at the end of most recipes, “Enjoy” is an action point? What else are you supposed to do, “Throw it in the bin”? [1] Although I suppose that’s more of a feature than a disadvantage. [2] I mean no offence to designers who can think and actually design, but every occupation has it’s dull crayons.

Whoresluts of the Apocalypse

Downloadable content is one of the great perks of the current generation of consoles. Gone are the days where you are rife with indecision, prior to dropping at least $100 on a new game you hope will keep you entertained for 10 hours. With the PlayStation store, Xbox Live and the Wii Shop Channel you can get a decent gaming experience for a reasonable price, which eases the pain if it plays like a clarinet with rabies. The good news is Fat Princess is definitely not a clarinet with rabies. Fat Princess is basically a large, multiplayer game of Capture the Flag, where the “flags” are actually princesses. While there are a few game modes (such as deathmatch) most games involve capturing the enemy princess, and holding her in your dungeon while your princess is kept safe. The hook here is these princesses have a fondness for all the cake that happens to grow all across the landscape. By stuffing your princess full of delicious cake, you can make her dangerously obese to the point where the enemy can only move the she-whale at a snail’s pace. The game works on a class system where you can pick up and wear a hat, giving you the attributes of that particular class. You have the classic warrior, archer, mage, priest and worker to switch between, and each contributes to the war effort in a different way. They all participate as you would expect (the archer shoots arrows, etc), but by upgrading buildings in your castle you can get extra abilities for the classes, which adds depth to how they can be used. For example an upgraded priest can suck

the life from the enemy, while retaining his ability to heal team mates. From my experience, the worker is probably the most important class to victory. The worker is required to upgrade buildings, build siege weapons and create new ways to access the enemy castle. Smart use of the worker class can easily turn the tide of the battle. However, online gaming is not the well of quick thinking individuals you hope it would be. Often in a game, the majority of the action is comprised of meat grinders where players throw themselves into unending melee combat, requiring only a mastery of mashing the square button. By keeping an eye on the map you can try to circumvent these choke points, but inevitably if most of your team is throwing themselves to the wolves it’s hard to make a difference. Fat Princess is a great multiplayer game, but the experience can be made or broken by who you are playing with. There is some initially unseen depth, and when you begin to understand the secrets of different maps you can become a difference maker for your team. Daring raids into the enemy castle through a secret passage makes for some highly entertaining gaming. On the flipside, a bloody stalemate in the middle of the map can result in frustration and excessive wear on the square button. Overall, it’s hard not to recommend Fat Princess, especially with a price tag of $30. If you’re jonesing for some well-populated online action, this is one of the better titles on PS3 so far.

“The good news is Fat Princess is deﬁnitely not a clarinet with rabies. Fat Princess is basically a large, multiplayer game of Capture the Flag, where the “ﬂags” are actually princesses”

I can really identify with the Japanese director Yasujiro Ozu. Perhaps not when it comes to the fact of living with your mum until you are 57, but the luckless with the ladies, hard drinking bachelor lifestyle he enjoyed is one that rings a few bells. Legend has it that Ozu and his long time co-writer Kogo Noda crafted their immensely detailed screenplays during all night benders, measuring their progress in terms of the amount of empty Sake bottles scattered about the place. The wondrous thing about Ozu is that despite never marrying or having any children himself

human condition, and how this loneliness can be mitigated or transcended, even if only briefly, by contact with another. When these moments happen in a bar or restaurant, with Sake acting as the great social catalyst between reunited comrades in arms or even complete strangers discovering shared humanity in hard liquor, it is clear that Ozu is the bard of the bottle and that getting on the piss at the pub with your mates was as much fun in the Japan of the 1950s as it is down town in H-town sixty years later. Ozu was not above fart jokes. Flatulence is

occupation on Japanese culture, fear of ageing, the difficulty of achieving and sustaining romantic love, and the complexity of language. Stylistically Ozu was a law unto himself. So insistent on close to the ground camera angles was he that he literally wore one cinematographer out, causing the man such stomach complaints that he had to go to hospital and then into retirement. Ozu seldom moved the camera from its low, eastern vantage point, rarely zooming, panning or tracking, preferring instead to create a tableau in which actors performed without recourse

he made a career out of often deceptively simple depictions of the domestic life of the Japanese middle class. He offers more insight into cross generational relationships, romance, and both the drudgery and joy of day to day living in the twentieth century than any other filmmaker I can think of. Watching an Ozu film you get a sense that he knows firsthand the loneliness of the

an essential part of the humour in “Ohayo”, one of three of his works released on DVD last week. More openly comedic than some of Ozu’s better known films, “Ohayo” has to do with two young boys deciding to stop talking after their parents refuse to buy a television set. It also says a lot about gossip, unemployment, the ongoing impact - materialist and otherwise - of the American

to close or mid shots. Both the physical environment and the full frame interaction between characters are vital to his art. Unlike Kurosawa’s, the cinema of Ozu is not one of montage. Aside from “Ohayo”, Auteur House stocks five other Ozu films, including his 1953 masterpiece, “Toyko Story”.

I can’t deny it – I’m a fan of Kevin Smith. His films are always funny (nobody mention Jersey Girl) his dialogue is fantastic and insightful and he obviously still has fun directing films. His comedy is brilliant and his influence has been far wider reaching than I think he ever thought it would be – hell, I even own a Jay and Silent Bob teddy bear. Being personified in bear form is the ultimate in pop culture iconography status. So when the tubby stoner fanboy from Jersey decides to make a movie about making a porno, populates it with recognisable characters, situations many of us can relate to and promises Brandon “Superman” Routh and Justin Long as a gay-porno-making bitter married couple you can expect either a real treat or a nightmare of Phantom Menace proportions. And the funny thing is that this film is a treat. Smith delivers a funny film which has genuine moments of heart, some great performances with Smith’s signature pointed wit, and a few pure gross out moments that show that

Smith hasn’t forgotten his primary stoner fan base. The chemistry between the two leads is obvious but the chemistry between the rest of the ensemble is a great bonus. I’m trying really hard to tell you to go and buy this film – and buying it instead of downloading is important. The film, while very good, was crapped on by the distributor so never got a theatrical screening here, and now the DVD is out the only special feature on it is the deleted scenes (Although the BluRay version is better equipped for the fans). Buying this film sends a clear message to the distributors that this film and its director are both under-appreciated and in need of some love, downloading just says you like to steal movies. Unless you download it legally, of course. So the film is great, funny, lovable charming and oddly disturbing in a good way (see the “Dutch Rudder for a proper “oh god why” moment.) It’s very much a five star film in every respect, but the DVD itself leaves a lot to be desired. One of Smith’s charms is his ability to

spin stories, and a Smith commentary is always a treasure to listen to. But alas the standard DVD version of the film lacks anything fun and informative, only the cast offs, the deleted scenes. Not even the great “I’m fucking Seth Rogen” directed by M.Night Shyamalan makes an appearance and it should because it’s a great fun clip. So buy the film or you’ll be the one fucking Seth Rogen and Kevin Smith in a threeway of illegal downloading kinkiness and butt fuckery – it may be fun, but one day you’ll regret having done it.

The Art Instinct attempts to be nothing more than a complete explanation (in Darwinian terms) of how and why our human tendency to create art came to be. In this massive undertaking, New Zealand professor of Philosophy of Art Denis Dutton succeeds admirably. It’s perhaps a bit peculiar to think that the human tendency to create art, universally expressed across all cultures, has not really been viewed as an evolved trait until now. As Dutton explains, the realm of art has been

wish more power to Dutton for that reason alone. But there’s no doubt that from my layman’s perspective, Dutton has some powerful arguments. He begins by walking us through the universal human preference for what critics dub “calendar” art – landscapes featuring paths, forest and grassland vistas, fresh water and shelter – as an evolved trait, something our ancestors would have envisaged as a perfect landscape for their survival. This is just the beginning, as over the course of the book he manages to tackle

firmly in the grip of art critics, philosophers, professional aesthetes and social constructivists – those who would explain the art instinct in any terms other than biological. But Dutton’s thesis is that, viewed through a Darwinian lens, the art instinct makes perfect sense as just that – an instinct, an evolved trait, which has come about through Darwinian means. It’s a view that is likely to piss off no small amount of social constructivist types, and I

practically every question of art philosophy you could reasonably think of. Dutton’s writing is refreshingly fresh and clear, as are his ideas. As someone who has to deal with the drudgery of sifting through layers of postmoderndrekladen texts in an effort to find actual thought on a regular basis, this was incredibly welcome. Finally, an academic who can write without resorting to pomposity and jargon.It proves something I’ve held for a long time, which

Locke and Key: Welcome to Lovecraft is the first in a planned, lengthy series by Joe Hill (who is actually Joe King, Stephen King’s boy.) It’s about a family which is visited by tragedy and moves to a town fittingly called Lovecraft. Turns out, though, that fate is far from finished with them, as they begin to explore their new house and find that it is full of secrets – all of them powerful, and none particularly nice. As far as characters go, there’s nothing here you haven’t seen in a horror book before – the desperate mother, the staunch eldest son, the troubled daughter the youngest kid (who may as well have the Shining given the way he behaves,) and the killer. However, in this book the characters are given room to spread and grow, and are entirely believable, which can’t be said for a great deal of books in the genre. They truly act like real people who have been through a particularly traumatic event, and the killer is a particularly nuanced creation. That being said, the stupidity and disbelief of many characters when confronted with the clearly

supernatural is a King-esque trope that I would be happy to see the back of. Still, it’s dealt with to a small extent in the plot, and is more or less gone by the end of the book, which is a relief. I don’t want to say much more for fear of spoiling the plot, but suffice it to say that this is a cracker of a story, and it certainly left me wanting more. The huge scope of the work promises that character development and plot won’t be neglected when the story is finally done, as happens far too often in otherwise promising comics. However, this would be one of the first times I’ve been unsure about the suitability of the graphic novel medium for a work. It’s not that Locke and Key doesn’t work as a comic – it does, very, well – it’s just that it clearly would have worked just as well as a non-graphic, and (as someone with more than a passing familiarity with Joe’s pop’s work) perhaps better. Furthering this impression is Gabriel Rodriguez’s art. Well drawn and pretty it is, but the rather cartoony style, while excellent for rendering expression, seems a

is that complex ideas need not be difficult to understand, so long as they’re rendered properly. It’s a wonderful read for the layman and academic alike, but I recommend it specifically to Arts undergrads as something with which to battle the endless bullshit endemic to their chosen degree, and to postgrads and professors who’d like their worldview shaken up a bit.

little off in a horror book such as this. Then again, perhaps it’s better for it. You don’t expect to see a pretty, cartoony girl with a hole blown through her head (unless you are a connoisseur of a certain brand of anime) but when you do, it certainly drives the point home that things are very wrong in Lovecraft. By the end, I was hooked, and feeling surprised to be so, as I’d certainly had my doubts when beginning the book. But, having finished, I can see how Locke and Key earned its Eisner award nomination, and I’m looking forward to the rest of the series. Do check it out.

MOVIE REVIEW

â€œThis is the movie that will shake up the action genre out of the shithole Michael Bay and his ilk have dug for it. The concept is brilliant. Aliens have arrived on Earth, and have opted to hover above Johannesburg rather than kill and enslave everyone, or even just leaveâ€?

After releasing the relentless Bedlam in Goliath last year, the Mars Volta are back with their version of an ‘acoustic album’, according to guitarist Omar Rodriguez-Lopez. But never fear, he is not talking about a venture into Jack Johnson ‘acoustic’ territory here, it is mainly referring to the change of pace and tone … and it couldn’t be any more different from Bedlam. Octahedron has a strong classic prog-rock feel, the King Crimson influence on the band has never been more apparent. Since We’ve Been Wrong, the opening track, is somewhat reminiscent of The Widow from Frances the Mute. It’s a good song but not really covering any new territory just yet. Teflon is another good track, but it also plays very close to the Bedlam in Goliath formula, albeit slightly slower. Halo of Nembutals and With Twilight As My Guide are next up on the tracklist and they are by far the standout tracks on the album.

Halo of Nembutals is an instantly likeable track and one of the more accessible songs that the band has written, even though it still features the silly pseudo-scientific jargon that has become the trademark of singer Cedric BixlerZavala’s lyrics. With Twilight As My Guide is new territory for the Mars Volta. Quite simply put, it is a beautiful song, something I thought I’d never say about a Mars Volta track! The song features multitracked vocal harmonies accompanied only by acoustic and Pink Floyd-ish slide guitar. Fantastic song, this is a must-have track from iTunes if you don’t end up getting the full album. After Twilight, the album snaps back into the familiar Mars Volta sound with Cotopaxi and Desperate Graves, but much to my relief it returns to the softer prog-rock sound afterwards with Copernicus, one of the first Mars Volta songs to feature glitching drum machines and synthesisers. Despite the strange

instrumentation, the song is probably the closest they have come to writing a pop song. I guess we’ll have to wait and see if this album shows a progression into a new softer sound from the Mars Volta, but I certainly won’t be complaining if this is a sign of things to come. It is not a very consistent album, pretty patchy actually, but there is a lot to enjoy on Octahedron. I doubt this will convert any new listeners, but anyone with an interest in the band already will find this an enjoyable listen.

Please to send gigs of your to gigs@ nexusmag.co.nz.. They will be print for you! nexusmag.co.nz This weeks gigs brought to you by Hamilton Community Arts Council

OPEN MIC NIGHT: SUMMER SERIES

Starting Thursday 10th Sept and running every thurs At Momento lakes

Every performer gets a bar/ food tab & winner gets to play at O week 2010!!

Gentlefolk of the wide Waikato! We desire your BUSTED pictures! It is rather easy! Simply email your pictures to busted@ nexusmag.co.nz , or PXT to 021 235 8436. Show us your face! Shame your friends! Or you can (perhaps) take some Busted pictures for us! Email editor@nexusmag.co.nz for details!