issue 18

8 September 2008

The Uni Snow Games As seen through the alcoholic eyes of the Waikato University Snowtroopers

Did Winston do it?

Don’t count on it – the problem is, Winston’s so damn slippery – as slippery as a greased ice cube sliding down the throat of Satan after eating KY for lunch – that no one has any idea what it was he was supposed to have did.

Without a doubt – the most attractive things in the world to elderly women? Money power, and a refreshingly oldfashioned attitude towards immigrants. Winston has all three in spades, and a face that, in marked contrast to most politicians, looks a little like a retired Maori James Bond. In fact, we’re starting to wonder how many women aren’t attracted to him.

Is Sarah Palin a good appointment as John McCain’s running mate?

My reply is no – she’s a Creationism-supporting, abortion-and-global warming-denying, gun-loving, inexperienced, soon-to-be grandmother of an illegitimate kid. Which is why they’ll win – she’s pretty much the poster girl for her Republican fanbase. So, from the world’s point of view, she’s a terrible appointment.

Am I going to pass my exams this time around? - the L word Ask again later – after your exams. I wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise.

Here’s a tip, though. Offer guesses as to this week’s lotto numbers in the margin. You can’t get marked down for it, but on the off-chance they use them and win, you’re certain to get an “A.”

Is Tasty cheese really as tasty as it sounds?

Will that Hell’s Pizza Delivery guy ever stop checking out

Signs point to yes – if something says it is something on the label, that’s a foolproof guide as to its contents. For example, Tasty cheese is tasty, cheezels are cheezy, calculators calc, extra-virgin olive oil has never been fucked, and Bluebird chips are made out of real penguins. Or bluebirds.

I’m confused. And a little hungry.

Where oh where can my baby be? The Lord took her away from me – from Eddie Signs point to yes – if by “Lord” you mean “CYFS,” then yes, she has been taken. You should have stopped leaving her on the roof when you went out; it’s no substitute for a cot and an approved babysitter.

my girlfriend when he delivers here (he knows who he is)?

– Anonymous Ask again later – order a pizza. Then indiscreetly check out whether the guy is checking out your girlfriend. When he notices you looking, wink, and maybe beckon a little. Perhaps even add a “yoo hoo!” He’ll assume you are inviting him in for some man-o-man and should leave you alone.

But if he’s gay, and only been checking out your GF for her fashion sense, you’re screwed. Literally.

Last resort: Order pizza. Get GF to dress up as a giant pepperoni. Have her answer the door and say, all sultry, “we’ve been waiting for the main ingredient.” He should present no further problems.

Is Winston Peters really an attractive man to elderly women?

Send questions for the all-knowing 8 Ball to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

Costas bem-vindas a nossa cidade universitária amada de Waikato. Welcome back to our beloved Waikato campus.

It was birthday party fever in the last week of the term and first week of holidays so here is a glimpse of some of the night-time revelry that took place in the mighty Wakatoomba.

Arse seen in the graphic illustrations above, there were some epic efforts in costume choice and design. I hope this continues for the Hermit in the Park next week and also The Hori 440 next month. Lock ‘em in on your calendar folks because I’m talking colossal times ahead for Waikato students.

Chur.

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QUOTIENT. HE RECIEVES PEOPLE-FUEL AS A REWARD, IN THE FORM OF BURGERS. VOUCHER, THAT IS. PLEASE COME TO NEXUS OFFICE TO GET. ALSO, HONOURABLE MENTIONS HELLO, I AM CAPTIONBOT I AM PROGRAMMED TO RECOGNISE ONLY THE BEST SENSES OF HUMAN HUMOUR I CAN PROCESS CAPTIONS AT UP TO 1800 CPM I TAKE THE % QUOTIENT OF HUMOUR AND MEASURE AGAINST THE MEAN QUALITY OF ENTRIES, TO FIND THE FUNNIEST OVERALL ENTRY I ENJOY IT ANYWAY, LAST WEEK’S CAPTION COMPETITION FEATURED MANY ENTRIES. PRETTY MUCH THE BEST ONES EVER HERE IS THE WINNER “Sally really regretted implanting magnets in her elbows” CAPTION BOT CONGRATULATES JOSH COX FOR HAVING MAXIMUM HUMOUR

“After failed attempts to re-ignite his music career, Taylor Hanson persued his talents as a feminine circus freak” – JAKE G

“Sally really regretted implanting magnets in her elbows”

NOW HERE IS THIS WEEK’S CAPTION PLEASE ENTER SO I ALSO MAY LAUGH AT YOUR SENSES OF

“Alcohol: not for consumption during pregnancy” – Harlief “Bluelip boneless chicken syndrome…

No laughing matter” – Julian Thomson

HUMOUR WINNER RECIEVES VOUCHER FOR BURGER FUEL FRIES, DRINK, ALSO BURGER CAPTIONBOT OUT

“My grandfather told me this would happen if he married his sister” – Mel Slade “now can you se my cleavage?” – Josh Cox HA HA HA. I AM LAUGHING.

WHATS ON IN SEPTEMBER?!

Thursday

Wednesday

Ladies Night

PRESENTS A WORLD FIRST THE

BIG KAHUNA O

A

R

D

W

A

L

13th

Get in Early to be given tribes Free Drinks for anyone in theme

20th

K

EVERY THURSDAY WORLD FIRST LAUNCH SEPTEMBER 11TH

GET HITCHED WITH A MATE AND GET 2 FOR 1 DRINKS WHILE 3 LEGGED.

Saturday

Free Drink for been in theme

B

Friday

Prizes for best dressed

Tuesday

27th

THE BIG KAHUNA BOARDWALK WORLD FIRST LAUNCH THURSDAY SEPT 11TH NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE !!!

BE THE FIRST ONE TO TRY IT OUT - STARTS 9PM

4

THIS ENTITLES THE BEARER TO

1X FREE VAULT RTD ONLY VALID ON THURSDAYS IN SEPTEMBER ONE PER CUSTOMER

1. How many exams have you got?

2. What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you in a lecture?

3. Best cheating method?

4. What’s causing the sickness everyone’s got at the moment?

5. Which politician are you most likely to donate anonymously to?

1. 4 2. Told off by my tutor 3. My mother told me you can write your notes on the bottom of a water bottle 4. Stress 5. John Key

1. 2 2. When the tutor asks you something and you don’t know the answer 3. The sneaky look across 4. Weather 5. None

1. 0 and 2 2. Having to be here at 8am on a Monday 3. Writing notes on your arms 4. The scum in the Uni lake is infecting everyone 5. Barack Obama

1. I cant remember 2. Someone tipped a bottle of Fanta on my head 3. I’m a ninja 4. Aids…

5. Nandor

1. 2 2. I was picked to be student rep 3. I don’t cheat 4. The ducks 5. No idea, they should donate money to me

FEATURES 18-21 The Uni Snow Games - as seen through the alcohol-

REGULARS AND RANDOMS 03 Magic 8 Ball 03 Karn 04 Caption Comp 05 Low Five 06 < 07 Editorial 14-17 Lettuce 24-27 WSU 28 Puzzle Page 29 Notices 30 Sports Thoughts 30 Agony Art 31 Procrastinatio di Procrastinatio 31 Sarcophagus Rex 32 Boganology 32 The Nerdary 33 DVDs 34 Moving Pictures 34 Movie Review 35 Book Reviews 35 Phat Controller 36 Citric 37 Gigs 39 BUSTED

sodden eyes of the Waikato Uni Snowtroopers, and narrated by Joel Steens. Also: Beginner’s guide to snowboarding!

NEWS News 6-8: Wintec Wall We-vamped, a bunch of WSU election-y stuff, munter’s party at Otago, Vault, the Police Report, and the Nexus Haiku News

NEW STUFF Another religion column - this one’s about everybody’s fast-waning mainstream religion, Christianity! Don’t laugh - if they’re right, the world is doomed, all because of a talking snake, a gullible chick, and a zombie god who’ll cast you into hell if you don’t believe in him! Check it out on page 22! Also, Cyro gets into some Echochrome gaming in the Phat Controller on Page 35, and the Rant of the Week returns on page 17!

Editor: Joshua Drummond (nexus@waikato.ac.nz)

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS

Design: Talia Kingi (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz)

PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR

Advertising: Tony Arkell (admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz/021 176 6180)

ANYONE. I HAD THE FLU THE WHOLE TIME I WAS DOWN AT THE UNI SNOW GAMES. IT WAS

Assistant to the Editor: Andrew Neal (news@nexus-npl.co.nz)

LIKE RAY-HEE-AIN ON MY WEDDING DAY.

Music Ed: Carl Watkins (toezee@gmail.com) Books Ed: Kelly Badman

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS?

Film Ed: Art Focker

EMAIL nexus@waikato.ac.nz OR admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653 OR 021 176

Games Ed: Antony Parnell

6180

Contributors

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT

8 Ball, AJ, Emma, Cam, Vitamin C, WSU, Kirril, Carl Watkins, Chris Parnell, Burton C. Bogan, Nick

Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road,

Sicklemore, Louise Blackstock, Kelly Badman, Jed Laundry, Dr Richard Swainson, Josh, Andrew,

Hamilton

Talia, Matt, Grant Burns, Mammoth, HCAC, Flash Medallion, Cyro, Art Focker, Andy Fyers, vitaminC, Courtney Mellor, Esta C, Louise Blackstock, Shannon Kelly

PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) Because it’s there.

EMAIL: nexus@waikato.ac.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

This week I’m going to talk about ___________________. This is important because ____________________ and _____________ as well as ______ _____. Now, I don’t think that _____________________ has really done all that stuff that _________________ says they’ve done, but it provides a particularly good example of ________________ . This, of course, brings me to my next point: _______________.

Now, why we’d do this might be____________, but I can’t see anything that would stop me from _______________. If you think ______________ , then you should really complain to _____________________. Why not involve ____________? Then you can tell____________________ to get _______________, and run a very profitable ________________.

The problem, of course, is that doing this would result in one big ______________. The argument goes a little something like this: “_______________ ________________________________________.”

I don’t know why anyone would actually do this, but some people are just ___________________________. Here’s an idea for all they student politicians out there with axes to grind: Why don’t you just ____________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ___?

Exactly. Now to my next point, which is ___________________. That’s right, ________________. _________________ told me the other day that ____ __________ knew something about ___________________. This is one hundred per cent true. Even if it’s not, ______________________ still wants to ____________ ___________. You know it’s true. Then ________ to her, and ________to him, and everyone will get ____________. It’s inevitable.

Anyway, that’s all I have for this week. Stay in school, and don’t get ___________.

Wood

Fire

Cluster-fuck

Death

Avoid

Porch-monkey

WSU Slapper

Will

Greatly

Winston Peters

what does the scouter say about his power level?!?

Crikey

God

Allah

Buddha

Hamiltron, City of the Future Bigger crawdads

Cunnilingus

Pikachu

Several volcanoes

Flash Medallion’s army of birds and gulls Pulsating

Member of Parliament

Quietly +18 to

Fellatio

Rodney Hide

Will

Grue

Your

Face

Islam

Nachos Your Mum

John Key Fight Club

Hard

Soft

Obese

Spliced

Nexus

Herpe-hepa-syphilAIDS.

Husband

Nuns

John McCain OMG!

Tumescent

Orgy

Editor

Whore-store

Vegeta,

Powerthirst

Serendipity Limp

Elections

It’s over 9000!

Like mother, like necrophiliac

Helen Clark

National

Nandor

Improve

They’re in my other pants pocket

Smashed Racist

Go

Turgid

Goku

Whipped cream bikini

Crawdads WTF!

Jesus

You’re doing it wrong

Magic 8 Ball

Quivering

Engorged

Throbbing

Helen Clark’s teeth

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NEWS ISSUE 18

September 8 2008

news@nexus-npl.co.nz

“Basically the art will reflect the environment, the region and the unique personality of Hamilton.”

paint me

Wintec Wall set for revamp

Nexus has hand in getting rid of giant eyesore

By Courtney Mellor

After years of inaction and lurking around looking horrible, Hamilton’s notorious “Wintec Wall” is set to receive a Council makeover.

A Nexus editorial reportedly kicked off a series of enquiries about what could be done about the wall, which is located on Anglesea Street between the Wintec campus and the road. It is planned for the wall, which is currently painted a fetching “mud gray,” to feature a mural.

The revamp comes as part of the Hamilton City Council’s strategic plan, called the City Heart Revitalisation project.

This will see spots like Garden Place, the Claudelands event centre and Victoria Street getting a makeover.

Project Manager for the City Heart Revitalisation project, Jason Harrison, said plans for what will actually go on the wall are still “wide open.”

“We are at the very start of the process, we will be asking for proposal from artists when we work out more about the scope and medium for the wall.”

“Basically the art will reflect the environment, the region and the unique personality of Hamilton.”

But Hamilton artists and students are concerned about what might possibly be depicted on such a large canvas. A former Winetc media art

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student, Lance Harris, is very passionate about seeing local and organic art on the wall.

“It’s a beautiful wall and should be constantly changing in with its design but it shouldn’t be anything iconic like balloons and cows. Hamilton needs to move away from its clichés and move forward.”

Harris is also part of a local art group called Underwater Collective, which is about inspirational, community art.

“I gather there will be a lot of attention on the council’s process with this one,” he said.

The Wintec Wall has been a Hamilton landmark for years. It was created when a spur of land, extending from Lake Rotoroa, was bulldozed to create Garden Place, courtesy of Hamilton Mayor J R Fow. After debating what to do with the giant wall of dirt it was concreted over and became known as “Fow’s Folly,” overlooked by the Hamilton Technical School, which later became Wintec. Wintec Arts students have a habit of running streaks of paint down it, which have been bleached by the HCC.

Clubs Day: The results are in!

The results are back from Clubs Day, which was held as part of part of the B Semester Fiesta . This is where different clubs around campus set up stalls, show off what they do, and get people to sign up and run competitions.

Popped 3 balloons – 17 points

Archery Competition - Over the day 70 balloons were popped

4th Prize – Unicol Soccer Jose, Nigel, Tatiq and Paul

Team comp results 1st Prize – The Awesome People won $200 Bennett’s vouchers Robert, Mark, Jess and Danielle Popped 3 balloons – 18 points

3rd Prize – The Tennis Club Tom, Robby, Asha and Ian

Spot Prize – Join a Club Sarah Muller and Nigel Gilmar

2nd Prize - Student Life won Bennett’s stationary packs Neil, Jody, Kate and Billy

Join a Club please come and collect your prize – 1 month gym pass Mat Bird - $50 Bennett’s voucher Clayton Hopkins, Jonos Vomstein and Hannah Weir – 1 month gym pass

The WSU elections are being held on the 23, 24 and 25 September, following the Annual General Meeting being held on 17 September.

The AMG is where WSU present a report about what they have done and plan to do next year with the budgets, fees and strategies.

For the elections, polling booths will be set up around campus and all you need to do is show your ID card and you can vote.

Students vote for one President and two Vice-Presidents, one which will represent Maori.

Then you vote for eight directors which will represent different bodies around the campus such as international and environmental officer.

This is the second year the WSU has held elections where students can vote for a body of students instead of individuals.

This save students getting elected by default. Instead, those elected as directors get to choose what portfolios they would best represent for students.

Nominations will close on 8 Monday.

Adults Learners’ Week

www.reccentre.co.nz

hip hop dance

That’s right, you’re only an adult once you’re over 25, suckers!

Six week courses starting:

Tuesday 16 September 6.30pm - 7.25pm (Intro Course)

Thursday 18 September 6.30pm - 7.30pm

We also offer 6 week Pilates matwork, Yoga and Kickboxing courses.

Visit our website or come see us for more info.

This week is Adult Learners’ Week at Waikato University.

Adult Learner’s Wekk celebrates special achievements, and recognises the contributions of adult learners and educators.

This special week of celebration was developed after UNESCO’s Fifth International Conference of Adult Education in Hamburg in 1997.

Waikato has one of the highest numbers of adult students in New Zealand with almost 40 per of students older than 25.

The week is to encourage more adults to access learning opportunities.

On Wednesday 10 there will be a Nacho Lunch and a 6pm closing party.

Posters for this event have been placed all around campus.

Thursday will see the second year of the WSU sole parent/caregiver awards.

WSU gives two students $1000 towards their studies and recognises the challenges that sole parents have while being a student.

The awards are intended to encourage and celebrate the efforts, achievements and contributions of adult learners who are also sole parents or caregivers.

The Selection Panel for this Award will consist of two members of the Waikato Student Union, and a representative of the Scholarships Office.

Two more students will receive the Vice-Chancellor’s Adult Learners’ Award.

Little events are also happening around campus during the week.

9

Third annual Castle St Munters Ball

By Amy Joseph (Critic)

Everyone involved seems to have got what they bargained for as the unofficial Undie 500 hit town on the last weekend of the semester (except Critic, which got far more than it bargained for).

Increased police numbers and a massive media presence were met by drunken Scarfies happy to play to type, on a Saturday night that saw thirty arrests.

The lead-up to this year’s event was a long one, with the ongoing battle between students and authorities over permission to hold an official twentieth-anniversary event after last year’s ‘riot’ filled column inches in local media throughout the year. After Dunedin authorities made it very clear that no Undie 500 event would be welcome back in the city, attention briefly turned to Oamaru, where plans to hold an official function for those trekking south from Christchurch in cars costing less than $500 (and probably filled with booze worth more than the vehicles) were briefly mooted before being turned down in late July.

Warnings from student leaders that denying an official event could lead to a anarchic unofficial event may have been the first step in a self-fulfilling prophecy. The Dunedin City Council (DCC) helped things along by instituting a liquor ban in the student area over the month of August (only to be enforced when the invading hordes arrived), while police announced that extra enforcement would be brought in from around the South Island to deal with anticipated trouble. Both agencies helpfully stressed the dates they were expecting trouble on – the weekend of August 22.

In the days before the unofficial Undie 500 set off from Christchurch, local and national media industriously filed stories on the trouble they were anticipating, and by Friday 22 August, media crews were roving the streets of the student area. The convoy that set out from 10

Christchurch was far smaller than in previous, officially sanctioned years, with about forty cars and 300 participants. They were checked by police at several stages on the journey, including a major checkpoint upon arrival in Dunedin, with no major problems found.

Friday night saw five Undie-related arrests: one Canterbury student was arrested for setting a mattress on fire, while two other Canterbury students and two Otago students were arrested for disorderly behaviour.

Saturday saw the residents of the student area and their guests take advantage of sunny weather to drink outside flats during the day, much like last year. However, even as late as 10pm, authorities were confident that there would be no major disorder (the trouble last year started in the early evening). That changed when the Gardies Tavern closed at midnight, as bar-goers spilled out to join a crowd gathering around a couch fire on Castle St. Much like last year, conflict between police and the crowd started as police tried to clear the area around the fire. As the police set up a skirmish line, the chanting and bottle-throwing started.

The crowd involved was much smaller than last year’s, and consisted of about 300 people.

Most people on the street retreated to front yards as the confrontation with police clad in riot gear started, although many chose to egg on their more aggressive peers from that vantage point. The police moved the crowd down to the area by the St David St lecture theatre, where it dispersed by around 2am Sunday morning. Thirty arrests were made.

It appears that our visitors from Christchurch cannot be blamed for the third year of Undie 500 disorder. Reports suggest that most

of the Canterbury contingent had headed into town before the disorder started. Many had hoped for a quiet weekend in order to provide support for reinstating the official event. Of those arrested on the Saturday night, only three were from Otago. The remainder of arrests were locals, roughly split between students and non-students (see box). The overrepresentation of non-students is particularly frustrating for OUSA President Simon Wilson, “because it tars the name of Otago students and there’s nothing you can do to stop them turning up.”

Some students are blaming the media and the cops, although so far they have no complaints about the cheap booze. Some said that there were many first-year students involved, enticed by media coverage of the event. Residents of Castle St were upset by police pushing strangers into their houses, or forcing them out of their own flats and into the skirmish.

One female student has alleged that a police officer hit her across the face with a baton after she responded by requests to move into the street by informing the officer she was in her own house. Her boyfriend allegedly came to her defense by grabbing the baton, and was rewarded by being struck in the neck by another officer and being arrested for assaulting a police officer.

A Critic reporter was arrested and charged with obstruction for attempting to take photos of the confrontation, despite the unhindered presence of reporters from a number of media outlets.

“The Creativity and Identity Strategy makes it clear that as a city we value the development of spaces and places that are meaningful and have depth,”

Council plans for more “identity” By which they mean “pretty colours”

By Courtney Mellor

Hamilton City Council is calling on all artists to “make a scene” at next years V8’s with the Pit Lane Public Art Project.

It’s also hoped the project will add some value to the site and reflect Hamilton’s unique identity.

This project is looking to promote more public art around central Hamilton and to give those drunken V8 tourist something colourful to look at.

“The Creativity and Identity Strategy makes it clear that as a city we value the development of spaces and places that are meaningful and have depth,” says Simcock.

This project is a part of the Development of a Landscape Mitigation Plan which was a specific condition of the Resource Consent granted for the

HCC is hoping this new project will contribute to the drab landscape of Hamilton, specifically on the southern side of Mill Street where the V8 Supercars pit lane is situated.

Hamilton Mayor Bob Simcock says that the call for artists is an exciting start to a project which is fully supported by a number of Council strategies.

“This project embodies those priorities and also fulfils an important aspect of our partnering with promoters to deliver the Hamilton 400 that is the improvement of the effects on the landscape along pit lane.”

Hamilton 400 V8 Supercars street race.

The Plan suggested the introduction of relocatable art for the pit lane location.

Council are taking expressions of interests from artists until 30 September, so if you’re keen all you need to do is design a profile and put your CV together and submit.

To know what you’re working with, site images can be found on the Hamilton City Council website www.hamilton.co.nz/publicart.

Netball Soccer Volleyball

UW SP ORT

TENNIS www.uwsport.orG.Nz/tENNis

PLAY TENNIS? Come down and try it out for FREE!

Indoor Social Sport STARTS SOON Register your team today League 4 Entries Close 11 September

Tuesday and Friday 1 - 3pm Tennis Courts, Silverdale Rd, Pavilion Gate 3B

FIRST GAME

Contact Ian on: 021 842 810 ianpbishop@gmail.com

14 September Soccer 16 September Volleyball 18 September Netball

Dust off your racket and get INVOLVED! tuEsDAY & friDAY, 1-3pM

UW SPORT M A N AG E D BY

www.socialsport.co.nz Enter online today! $150 per team for six weeks of sport 11

Vault

By Grant Burns Tuesday 13th June 1989

WSU CONDEMNS CHINA’S STUDENT MASSACRE Tiananmen Square Massacre – Sunday 4th June, 1989 After a series of protests and demonstrations by Chinese students, intellectuals, and freedom fighters in Beijing since April 15th, the Chinese military, backed by the Chinese Communist Party, moved into Tiananmen Square and slaughtered over 2000 peaceful protesters and injured many others.

From April 21st to April 23rd, students and lecturers from Beijing universities held strikes and boycotted classes. As a result 100,000 students marched on Tiananmen Square, protesting against the authoritarianism, unfairness, and economic policies of the Chinese Communist Party.

A meeting of the Student Representative Council (SRC) and the Waikato Students Union (WSU) has strongly denounced the Chinese Government’s killing of Chinese university students.

As a point of action, the WSU has asked the New Zealand Government to suspend the sale of New Zealand Steel and New Zealand Forestry products to China.

A Memorial to Tiananmen Square was unveiled outside the shops last Thursday. The cordoned off square contains a black coffin, wreaths, and flowers to remind students about the cold-blooded human rights massacre.

Hitherto, the demonstrations have always been peaceful and aimed at achieving freedom, democracy, and equality. Demonstrators have been gaining Western media attention which has angered the Chinese Government, leading to a mass ban on foreign press coverage.

This recent military crackdown by the Chinese Government against unarmed, peaceful protesting students has shocked the world and been hailed as an outlandish attack on human rights and freedom.

All students are urged to show support for the victims of this tragedy by wearing black for the week.

A minutes silence took place on campus on Thursday morning to show respect towards the victims. Local Chinese students have been erecting posters around campus updating the situation.

The only live recording of the Tiananmen Square Massacre was that of the Unknown Rebel; the individual who risked his life to make a point by effectively halting three tanks in the middle of the street.

NY teen arrested after Facebook threat School reacts to threat, mis-stated Relationship: “It’s complicated.”

Hide reports NZ First to police Rodney’s report is Bona-fide – Winston can run But he just can’t Hide.

Average Aussie wage now $1400 per week Australians earn More than Kiwis do – dirty tricks!

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Advantage: convicts Rugby: World Cup quarterfinals venues chosen Hamilton might get World Cup round In other news: Snowball in Hell found.

Teens arrested over pizza delivery attack Teens reach their limit – why?

Pizza delivered outside 30 minutes.

‘Serious’ assaults on prison staff decline

Decline in prison push and shove We know why They’ve discovered man-love.

Nats, Labour poll gap down to 6.5pc Gap narrows six percent Nat “smile and nod” policy Bit transparent?

Is banning fast-food the obesity solution?

Lawmakers better take A dive – mad fat people Will eat them alive

East Hamilton Police Burglary Report 25th 31st August 2008 Last week 19 burglaries occurred in the Hamilton East and rural areas.

Their locations are shown on the map.

Burglaries have are back up to the alarming numbers we have been having over the past 6 months. While students have been away on holiday over the past two weeks, offenders have been hard at work.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not only student flats but also family homes that have been targeted.

A large number of properties have had a window broken or jemmied open to gain entry. Once inside offenders are still taking laptops and electronic equipment. What I have also noticed is that a large amount of alcohol is also being taken, as well as iPods and food.

Hopefully a student flat has learnt not to go away and leave their curtains open, with their (4) laptops visible on the lounge / dinning tables. This only adds fuel to the fire and offenders will make every effort to break in, by either smashing the glass window or door.

What I ask from you all is to be more careful about leaving valuable items out in full view. By putting them away, it not only saves your time / money but the Polices, insurances companies and other agencies that are involved.

Security Advice: Please be more security alert, even if you go out to town or to see a friend close by. Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t leave valuable items out in the open close to you window, as this is the most common place offenders will break-in.

Information on how to protect your home is available from the East Hamilton Community Policing Centre on Clyde St. If you have any information that might help Police with these burglaries please call the University Constable, Nick Sickelmore Nicholas.

Sickelmore@police.govt.nz

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Txts to the Editor!

Nexus now has an all-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. They can be about anything – but if it’s something in the magazine, so much the better. We’ll print the best ones, so get texting! There’s a prize for text of the week as well. We don’t know what it is yet, but it will be awesome.

Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Busted-type situations to 021 235 8436.

Do it.

The letter we thought we’d never get (caution: contains praise) Dear nexus people You guys are actually really awesome. I’m not even making that up. I see you guys strutting round uni in your op shop farmer clothes, making up random stuff to put in your magazine and I think, wow, now THEY are rad. I wish I was that cool, but I’m not. I study management.

I liked your bar review. Tis true, fruity cocktails are widely available and generally live up to the hype. But Firecats cocktails contain no fruit, only herpehepasyphilaids, so you should watch out for that.

People on the busted page should be aware that there’s a secret invisible heading at the top of the page that says “THESE PEOPLE HAVE

Just when you thought everyone had forgotten about GE… Historically the New Zealand mindset has been for “the greater green”, particularly in the areas of nuclear energy and genetic modification. The idea that we live in a very pure country is one that will forever warm the hearts of anyone proud to be kiwi. At least, we hope it’ll forever warm our hearts. Fossil fuel is running out, food is becoming more expensive because we’re burning up crops in our cars.

The largest and most reliable (think consistently able to output) power station in NZ burns coal.

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name. Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz CHYLAMIDIA”. Only non-infected people can read this secret invisible heading. But those that enjoy the busted and puzzle pages probably aren’t reading this letter anyway, because it has words that you don’t have to actually find in a little box filled with squares. For fuck’s sake, start using your brain for something actually hard. Like solving the world’s overpopulation problem. Or figuring out how much real cheese is in a Cheese Ball now that the dairy prices have gone up.

Oh and this uni needs to better explain what some classes actually involve. That really grinds my gears, coz some are way more boring and stupid and irrelevant than you may initially realise when you pay the $700 to sign up for it. And yes, I am bitter. Fuck you, <annoying class name>. fuck you.

Thank you for your time.

Generic Student #5823

You’re pretty ignorant if you think the world can sustain itself on the path we’re taking.

Here’s my idea; use the genetically modified crops, you know, the ones they say grow bigger and better, to make fuel with. We avoid all the nasty comments about “we don’t know what it’ll do in the long term!!!”, as we know exactly what it’ll do to our cars; fuel them. It could be a nation-wide initiative. Think of the publicity!

Sincerely, Permuted Corn

Book, book, book. Book, book book.

Dear Ed Just a reminder that September is New Zealand Book Month!

“What is NZ Book month?” I hear you ask?

Quite simply, the idea is to get more of us reading New Zealand books.

Kiwis are a nation of readers. On a global scale, we are highly literate and recent surveys show that many of us wouldn’t think about relaxing without a good book. +

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!

PH 07 856 6813 14

FAX 07 856 2255

ADDRESS Gate 5 Hillcrest Road

WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP

EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication.

We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t

The guys behind NZ Book Month want more of those books we read to be ones that have been written by New Zealand writers, to celebrate and showcase the brilliant writing talent we have, to support upcoming writers in our country, and show you that whatever your taste, there’s a fantastic New Zealand book for you.

I’m going to do my part and review some great kiwi authors during September so when your brain threatens to implode from study overload, you can chill out by reaching for a guaranteed grand kiwi read and support NZ Book Month.

Your friendly book reviewer Kelly

correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to

See what we did there? No?

you how much of an idiot

Hey nexus!

you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name.

Send letters to nexus@ waikato.ac.nz

I’ve always wanted to put a letter in the lettuce bit because its so much fun. To hear people making fun of shitty letters being sent about O’week, WSU, and comments from people who think they’re gonna insipire,outsmart or make ‘a connection’ with some bum reader makes my day nice. I have nothing to say about those things, or anyting at all to say in actual fact. So have a good day, listen to some good

This might have been an entry for the Caption Comp, but we don’t actually know Well said!

Taufiq Boldy, you hav a twisted view on Nexus content. Journalism should b objective. The best way 2 do tht is represent bth sides of an argumnt. Askn Nexus 2 b…consistent in content and censor extreem views is like askn thm 2 b jst as shit as the politicaly censored subjective American news agencys – Peter Chesterton

music (I recommend: The old Prince by a guy called Shad. mean rapper from Canada), have fun ignoring your lecture and yelling at people from your mums ‘91 civic cos its so mean fun aye. shit this wont make it till after break, im gay.

Johnny Segment

Is this Blair Munro? And do you want yourself killed as well?

Dear Nexus

Could you organise someone to murder my entire flat? I think they’re all sloppy buckets of cum with no social manners. It’s like living inside a ball sack, but with worse sights and smells. Sometimes I get up in the morning and Jon is walking round in just his boxers and the motherfucker’s coin purse is all over the place!

I compare it to a hairy little pendulum. And this one time that fucker Simon was lathering himself up with oil for a day at the gym, which isn’t weird, but the bastard was standing over me when I woke up, rubbing himself all over!

He’s like a lithe and shaven weasel, all ready for his big moment in a German porn film! I hate them all so much! Please get one of your writers to come in and just slaughter them?

From Name Withheld

Smashy rouse – quotes thingi, hug me!!

killer! I swear P2 ths guy looks like lik the btk killer, lokn 4 prey my size.

I dnt wana du a describe he, because im scard of being huntd dwn 4 food.

By scard 4 students lifes

Mmmm, Tiki

Weezer fans: Accurate

The person in Nexus last week who questioned Tiki Taanes shritlessness must have a death wish cos he is, quite clearly a hot piece of ass, Mmm yum…tiki. Jess

Who th fuck did th weezer review?

Th man’s name is Rivers Cuomo. Learn to spell his name right before you prat on abt the band. From Mo!

Serial killer spotter

Ho, ho, ho!

Nexus, if Im gne tel my family I luv them, I know wat your thinkn, a bit dramatic. But u cum n2 my spls clas and sit by a ova aged serial

Why is there always hoebags in the busted page? How bout some classy chicks to prove it aint all cattle in the tron – no offence if you have been in busted but moo 15

4/4!, 6)3)/. /04/-%42)343

&2%% %9% 3#2%%.).'

4(%2% 7),, "% ./ %9% 3#2%%.).' !4 5.) &2/- .%84 7%%+ &/2 7%%+3 %9% 3#2%%.).'3 7),, 2%35-% 7%$ 4( 3%04 4OTAL 6ISION /PTOMETRISTS 'REY 3TREET (AMILTON %AST 0H &AX TOTALVISION VISIQUE CO NZ 16

I CANâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;T PAY! Justin needs legal help to sort out a complex family matter but he canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t afford a lawyer.

The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge database to help answer anyoneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s questions.

Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 3pm daily during semesters or phone 8384466 extn 6622 or 0800FORCAB. By the way if Justinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s income is below a certain amount and he is over 20 he is entitled to civil legal aid. If he is under 20 and living with his parents, their income may be taken into account. Justin may have to repay some or all of his civil legal aid. Justin would be wise to access the legal services agency website at lsa.govt.nz.

Friday the 22nd of August marked a sad day for New Zealand. A petition for a

I can only hope that the majority of the 310 000 people who signed the petition are not

Citizens’ Initiated Referendum challenging the amendment of Section 59 of the Crimes Act was deemed to have enough signatures – indeed, an excess of signatures – meaning that a national referendum will follow. I am, of course talking about the “anti-smacking bill,” as the media coined it; hence giving many people the idea that the Government wants to put good parents in prison for smacking their children.

as idiotic as Baldock; but simply mis-informed, thanks to the way the media twisted the “antismacking bill” in order to cause a bit of hype.

In the same interview, Baldock said that many of the people who signed the petition do not smack their children, but were outraged at the way the Government had taken away their right to do so: These people probably deserve to live in a nanny state.

For those who never realised that the media was misleading them, this is not the case.

The amendment of Section 59 simply means that parents who beat their kids (for example with a jug cord or stick of wood) and cause serious harm (or death) will not be able to use “reasonable force” as a defence during prosecution.

The amendment to the Act was passed in parliament last year; 113 votes in support of the amendment and seven against. Given the amount of pathetic arguing that goes on between our politicians, I thought this was a great success. Who ever thought that they could all (for the most part) agree on something? There was hope at last.

Unfortunately Larry Baldock, leader of the Kiwi party and organiser of the petition along with the 310 000 people who signed the petition seem to think otherwise. Baldock told Radio New Zealand that it is reasonable to use force to discipline children; after all, children assault other children all the time.

The implication being that it is okay to hit children to teach them not to hit other children.

Got some journalism you want to get off your chest that isn’t Lettuce and isn’t a

What is frightening is the possibility that a referendum on this issue would result in a majority vote in favour of undoing the amendment; that is, going back to using “reasonable force” as a defence for seriously harming children. Just think of all the misinformed people who have the right to vote; who claim they were smacked in their day and it didn’t do them any harm, thus showing their total ignorance surrounding the issue.

Both Helen Clark and John Key have said that results of a referendum will not be binding in undoing the amendment which is some consolation; although we would then have to listen to moaning about the democratic voice being ignored and other such gems of wisdom. Setting aside the rights of children for a moment, imagine world headlines if New Zealand voted in favour of undoing the amendment. It would be cringe-worthy. It would be shameful to be a New Zealander.

regular column? That’s why Nexus (occasionally) has Rant of the Week, an irregular column created by Nexus readers. We want more, so send your rants to nexus@ waikato.ac.nz!

So to you, the intelligent and informed readers, I ask this: When the referendum is held (most likely by postal ballot next year), make sure you vote. It won’t prevent child abuse, but after all, one must have standards.

17

The Uni Snow Games As seen through the alcoholic eyes of the Waikato University Snowtroopers Joel Steens attended the Uni Snow Games in Cardrona, and apparently had a really “cool” time. See what we did there? Because snow is cold, and you say “cool” when something is…right. Okay. We’ll just let Joel get on with the article, now.

(I guess Joel was a bit overwhelmed with memories at this point, because the narrative abruptly breaks off and returns with: ) running down the road in the mob, Waikato entered the night event at Shooters bar fashionably late, as usual.

How do I start this? Wanaka. Uni Games.

Drinking. Snow… and not coming last. Finally, for the first time, Waikato and their “Snow Troopers” competed and gained placing and points in some ways that most had never even expected. To start off the games the team flew to Christchurch to pick up the “soccer mum” Toyota Estima and head to Wanaka.

Supermarket was a must to pick up the old CDs (Canterbury Draught) and exterior décor for the vans. After “team bonding” ha-ha of taping “Waikato” and numerous other comments on the vans they set off. Going through the Lindus pass, Team Waikato won its first Hero medal of the day by saving the luggage and people out of a van full of Asian travellers with a heavy foot on the brakes.

These travellers overheated the brakes so much that the brakes, then the tyres and the whole van lit up in a pile of flames. Cheers Waikato.

Then to the house in which I awaited the team’s arrival. They arrived, drunk and with less clothes than normal. Thus started the first night on the chop.

The games opening party at Shooters featured “King and Queen of the Snow”, a messy event of drinking, fashion mistakes and nudity. I thought I was back in Palmy when there was no shortage of the Waikato team wanting to be rid of their clothes in a packed bar of students. After Mark was too drunk to get in the bar, Jesse took his place with Rach being our Queen. Was a heavily contested battle which was won by Canterbury and then WAIKATO in second and Massey in 3rd. Go team!

The next day was the free day, yay! All got up there and had a great day, weather held off and everyone got put through their paces. All tired and sore from the mountain can the big night. We pulled together the whole team, 20 strong, and met the head house for the next major test - seeing how much all could drink.

Good thing Mark brought the funnel…

18

…… Then came the morning. To make the hangover worse, I had two events on what was a miserable day. Wind and overcast conditions saw us all sit there in our thoughts of pain.

Luckily Giant Slalom Skier was postponed leaving Natalie, Patty and I, to hold in for the Boarder GS. Natalie scored a mean run coming in second, me well, I just put it down to being only my 6th day on a board. Patty our friendly giant also stormed the course.

Yay, the day was over. Getting back to Wanaka we all settled down to a few brews. Following our pains of the previous day we arrived late on the scene expecting to compete in Slalom, um, sorry team, my bad, I’d forgotten to tell pep the new schedule. Thanks Milky for letting us through the course. Douglas came in top ten, and me, well – I put it down to my

hangover. Took the outside of the gate and had to hike up around it, placing me nearly last. Sorry team. Ben started his first games and race, which was awesome to see.

After yet another night off partying we all woke to a mean day. Travelling up the mountain at a crazy heavy footed pace I think the team had the adrenaline pumping before even hitting the slopes. First off Skier Slalom and Boarder X run at the same time. Ryan, Taylor, Mark, Rach and Nat all hit the Boarder X with Nat coming in 4th and Rach 8th. In the Slalom I stumbled a 12th, shame, lol. The afternoon brought in a tightly squeezed Skier X with Douglas and I getting into the semis with a 7th and 8th.

Another party of “Horse Races” and numerous card games followed by town, children’s playground and bare hand trout fishing.

The next day we finally got a little sleep in for what was one very funny event. Cross country skiing at Snow Farm. Cross country skiing differs greatly from normal skiing and Go Waikato for entering 6 people that had never attempted the event before! Getting a quick free lesson by a lovely European Cougar we all set to our paces in the event. The girls grabbed 8th 9th and 10th, cheers Megan, Nic and Jan. and the boys pulling out a 9th 13th and 14th (Me, Douglas and Mark). Don’t ever say that cross country skiing is easy. It is far from it.

Across at Cardrona, Natalie threw some Sik Shet for a 4th placing in Slopestlye.

Thursday night in town saw the team all simmering on the drinks with grimacing faces,

all scared of the next night. Court session, mwahahahahaaaa.

Friday was awesome, for some, while Nat was the only person hard enough to hit the big air and grab 2nd , optimum! The others rode the morning and met at lunch to decide on the afternoon shenanigans. One van left, the occupants keen to eat sausages in Wanaka (don’t ask, but I was not in that van) and the other went to Queenstown for insane miniputt and Winnies pizza and ale. It is sooooo good. An eventful trip back to Wanaka saw us arriving in the Court session where all the stupid fine-able things everyone in the team had done get repaid in alcohol consumption.

Patty threw up $22 bucks worth of pizza and I ended up having half a bottle of fines in the form of a bottle of Smirnoff. Shivers. The whole team amped up and went to town for prizegiving with Waikato getting 5th. From here we all watched as Mark jumped into Lake Wanaka to become the smallest guy in the team.

These travellers overheated the brakes so much that the brakes, then the tyres and the whole van lit up in a pile of flames. Cheers Waikato. Then to the house in which I awaited the team’s arrival. They arrived, drunk and with less clothes than normal. Thus started the first night on the chop.

The aftermath of the court session was shocking, a 6am drive to Christchurch to get to the plane, with all of us as pissed as hell (bar the driver, of course).

The whole trip was an awesome success and I thank the whole team and its sponsors for allowing it to happen. Also big thanks to Ryan for putting it together, chur boi.

For those that didn’t make it, I hope to see you all next year and at “Kegs to Kune” which I will advertise soon.

Mean, Sweet, Optimum, Sweet as.

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Cardrona, located in the beautiful Crown Range between Queenstown and Wanaka, host the Uni Winter Games and have also been kind enough to give me a set of passes to report on the games for the last couple of years. I’d plug them even if they hadn’t, because they have a beautiful skifield with great terrain, park facilities and snow.

An average annual snowfall of 2.7 metres might not sound like much, especially with Ruapehu sporting a monster 3 metre plus base this year, but it’s important to remember that the snow is vastly better and lasts longer than is usual on everyone’s favourite active volcano. Ruapehu’s frozen-coke quality snow is replaced by lovely, fluffy powder-dry snow that’s a pleasure to board on. Learners and 20

intermediate facilities are well represented, with huge wide runs that’ll make anyone feel like a pro. The bunny slopes have “magic carpet” rides for those not yet to graduate to pommers or lifts, as well as gentle slopes and expert tuition.

For daredevils, there are giant tabletops, halfpipes, huge rails and jibs, as well as full-on double-diamond backcountry and on-piste runs. It’s my favourite skifield in the whole country, and it’s absolutely worth a visit. The season runs from 12th June to 12th October each year, snow depending.

The mountain doesn’t lack for amenities. There are five cafés, a crèche/kindy for the littlies, and no end of ski and board schools, as well

as tuition available for more advanced riders.

There’s a fully-equipped shop as well as a workshop for tuning and fixing boards, and you can hire any gear you need.

The tiny township of Cardrona, down the bottom of the mountain, is a former mining town that has seen better days, once hosting many hundreds of people. Now, snowsports is its lifeblood. It is home to the famous Cardrona Hotel (the one off the “divorce” Speights ad) Naturally, this icon of settler New Zealand has been taken over by Speights, but they’ve decently preserved a number of its more unique features – though not the traditions of its former owner, one James Paterson, who was notorious for rationing how much his customers drank and refusing to serve women.

I have broken my wrist, punched a hole in my shin, knocked myself out, run over other mountain-users, slid down entire mountains mostly on my arse, and been dragged up a t-bar by the back of my jacket, flailing face-down in the snow, convinced I was about to go over a cliff

Snowboarding: a beginner’s guide

By Joshua Drummond I’ve been snowboarding since first year at Waikato University, five years ago. In that time I have broken my wrist, punched a hole in my shin, knocked myself out, run over other mountain-users, slid down entire mountains mostly on my arse, and been dragged up a t-bar by the back of my jacket, flailing facedown in the snow, convinced I was about to go over a cliff (with about six friends looking on and laughing.) In this time, I have gone from rank beginner to incompetent seminon-beginner and had more fun than in any other sport. So who better qualified to write a beginner’s guide to boarding?

The appeal of snowboarding is a bit hard to explain to anyone who’s never done it. That it’s a bit like skateboarding, only completely different, is about the best I can manage. It’s not a lot like surfing, either. Movement-wise, it relates most to wakeboarding, but it’s in a league all its own. Once you’ve progressed beyond falling over as soon as you stand up, the sensation is a bit like what surfing on an infinite, controllable, and very cold wave might be.

Snowboarding began, as far as anyone can tell, in the 60s, with the creation of a thing called a “snurfer.” According to the ever-reliable Wikipedia, this was basically a skateboard without wheels, which you held on to with the aid of a rope and had “provision” for boots to be fixed. This terrifying device was one of

many deathtraps that evolved to become the modern snowboard, which is only slightly less dangerous to beginners today. The sport has become comparable to skiing in popularity, and snowboarders and boarding competitions are entirely commonplace around the world.

If you’re planning on giving boarding a go, you should probably start by buying cheap but reliable gear, possibly second hand. The sport is expensive as hell and you’re probably going to break a lot of gear on your first time up. That being said, get someone who knows what they’re doing to help you select gear. You need a board that’s the right size for your height and feet. You can also hire gear, which suits some budgets. If you do, make sure the hire people aren’t just fobbing you off. You need to make sure they’re giving you gear that’s the right size and isn’t broken. Safety gear is essential, of course, so make sure it’s good.

I broke my wrist because I went to a cheap hire place in National Park that offered me the world’s most useless wristguards for around 20 bucks. I ditched them after a day, and opted to fail a jump two days later. If I’d been wearing (non-shitty) guards I’d probably have been fine, but instead ended up sporting a plaster cast with a Nexus article to type. Wristguards are a must. Helmets are also a good idea. Don’t be tempted to buy cheap gloves. A decent pair of piste gloves or mittens will set you back over $70 easily, but they won’t break or get

soggy/frozen after an hour of falling like crap $15 Warehouse gloves will.

You’ll also need a lift pass. If you’re in the Waikato, it might be a good idea to get an all-year student lift pass Mount Ruapehu for around $400 when the April sale is on. This can save you ridiculous money in lift fees if you go up a lot. It gets you access to both Ruapehu skifields, Turoa and Whakapapa, for the whole season, and it’s a good deal.

Once you’re on the mountain, there’s nothing I can tell you in writing that’ll really help you learn. If you’ve got some experience in other sports that end with –boarding it’ll help, because snowboarding is all about balance and shifting your weight. It’s quite difficult and physically intensive to learn, because you’re strapped to the board and if you lose balance you absolutely will fall over. This leads to many bruises and being extremely tired and usually sweaty from standing up and falling, over and over.

The first thing you need to do is learn how to skate. That’s taking your back foot out of your binding and using it to push yourself. Following this you can learn how to stop. In fact, you’ll certainly learn how to fall before you learn how to stop, but hopefully they’ll amount to the same thing and prevent you disappearing off the edge of a cliff. If you don’t have friends who can teach you how to do things, it’s also a very good idea to hire an instructor, rather than trying to learn on your own. Good luck!

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Shannon Kelly is the WSU Advocacy co-ordinator. She’s the one to see if you’ve got any trouble with anything at Uni at all.

No, really, she’s pretty much that person. She’s friendly and knowledgeable and lives down the office from the Nexus Editor, so we’re always really nice to her.

Plagiarism has long been associated with cheats, lazy people, and sneaks. But the truth of the matter is that plagiarism can happen to ANYONE. Plagiarism, otherwise known to the University of Waikato as “misconduct”, arises because students get stuck and confused, and just don’t know the basic rules. Sometimes it happens because people are too scared to ask for help from their tutors and lecturers.

Sometimes they plagiarise because it’s easier than doing the work. For now here are two rules that will help you stay out of the plagiarism circle, and not have to meet the fabulous people that will otherwise be known as the SDC (the Student Discipline Committee). I’m sure they will be more than happy to see less of our sorry selves up in the Discipline meetings, and be totally stoked when we can say we have dropped our numbers of plagiarism cases.

Rule one: STOP COPYING AND USING YOUR MATES ASSIGNMENTS FOR IDEAS. This includes mates who have done the paper before you, or students who have given you their assignment to help enlighten you. This will not enlighten you.

The SDC see a huge number of students

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who have looked at other people’s work and used their ideas without referencing. It is way safer to look at your mates lecture notes and tutorial notes than look at other people’s assignments. Or even smarter, harass the tutors and lecturers till you understand the assignment. That’s what you pay them for.

(it wasn’t identical, but it was pretty close).

Because they did ALL the work together, their essays ended up looking so similar and they were both found guilty of misconduct. They had the same references for a large proportion of their essays, and it totally sucked for both of them, cos they were pretty good students.

If you are a student who is looking at someone’s assignment to get enlightenment, you will be floating down poo creek until you meet the SDC. Because what happens is you look at another student’s assignment, think you have to do it like they’ve done the assignment, and you will write the way they have written it. Even if you paraphrase your friends work without referencing you are still travelling down poo creek, because that is still plagiarism.

If you are going to work with your mates on an individual assignment, discuss the concepts, get help on the bits you need, but don’t sit down and do the assignment and write the same answers together. Put your own spin and understanding on the question, and if you have to, use examples that apply to you, not your study buddy. Go away and write the answers up by yourself so that you don’t have the remote possibility of writing in the same style and format as your classmate. You’ll be way safer like that.

Rule two: DON’T DO INDIVIDUAL ASSIGNMENTS AS A GROUP Okay, primo scenario. A couple of years ago, my a friend of mine did her assignment with her flatmate (they were both in the same class).

They did all the examples together, discussed the issues, and helped each other understand the concepts. Five weeks later they were both at the SDC for submitting the same assignment

And if you want to know more about plagiarism and the process go to the Waikato Student Union, and talk to the Advocacy Coordinator, who can supports students who are facing the Student Discipline Committee. She’s friendly, and has a whole bunch of information and help that will definitely be of use.

Christianity

By Ryan O’Connor Ryan’s story Moving away from my parents in Auckland and coming to College Hall in my first year was an adventure! I was making friends with students from all over the world - people who had all sorts of different cultures and beliefs. I got to understand many different world views and major belief systems and through that I opened my mind to considering spiritual realities. In the midst of the variety of beliefs, something really attracted me to the person of Jesus- Christianity. Those students connected with me in a really humble and kind way, and their message was centred on Love and Relationship.

You see, I didn’t grow up in a religious family or anything. I never went to church. I never wanted to believe in God, and certainly not in heaven - if that meant believing in hell. But, after a friend brought me along to a couple of bible studies, I began to understand why she believed what she believed. It seemed important. But somebody getting resurrected!

Are you serious?

Life went on, and I went flatting the next year. But things got hard.

Loneliness and emptiness, even in the midst of a crowd, began to settle in. I didn’t know it at the time, but what I longing for was to be loved. I started turning to drinking and when that didn’t work, I got a girlfriend.

She was a great girl, but I still wasn’t satisfied because I was chasing lust - not love, and lust just can’t be satisfied. I was mislead – in fact, I was lost. I broke up bitterly with my girlfriend. I started feeling guilty realising that it was my own entire fault, and wondered if I would somehow have to repay the wrong that I had done.

What happened next I was desperate. I opened a bible someone had given me on campus that past year and started reading it. As I read it, I knew there were answers to what I was going through – even though my flatmates mocked me for reading it. See, God loved us from the start and He created us to have a relationship with Him. So after a bit of time, I made a decision in faith to start a relationship with God. I prayed to Him and said “Dear Jesus, I need you. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I am sorry for everything I’ve ever done wrong. Please come into my life and make me the kind of person you want me to be.” Since that decision two years ago I have a much more positive outlook on life and a passion for doing what’s good and decent. I am satisfied with a new lifestyle of joy, and I have an inheritance waiting for me in heaven.

How does that relate to me?

Well, I am going to tell you something you already knowWe’ve all stuffed up. The Bible puts it this way: “All have sinned (done things wrong in God’s eyes) and fall short of the glory of God”. Because of sin- our own selfishness- we are imperfect people. We are all in the same boat- Everyone has messed up!

The problem is that the boat is sinking… There’s no amount of good we can do to connect back with God because the bad stuff is still there after we do good deeds. It gets worse! “The wages (consequence) of sin is death...” (Romans 6:23). Our own self-centred sin has resulted in eternal separation from God. We actually deserve to be separated in this life and the next. Luckily, this is when God steps in...

What’s the good news?

“God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). The good news is that Jesus died for stuffed up people like us. And he rose physically from the dead to prove his saving power and open the gates of eternal life and joy. This means God can acquit guilty sinners and still be just. “For Jesus died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring us to God” (1 Peter 3:18). Coming home to God is where deep and lasting satisfaction - life - is found.

What should I do?

All the stuff that we think will satisfy our lives at the end of the day are empty promises. Even though we don’t deserve it, Jesus rescues us from the penalty to come and change our lives NOW to know freedom and real joy! We just have to ask for it like I did! For “all who call upon the name of the Lord will be saved” (Romans 10:13) If you have any questions, please visit www.everystudent.com or email me personally at ro15@waikato.ac.nz

23

Pres Sez

By Moira Neho WSU is excited to be presenting a strategic direction for you to approve.

This is your student union and we want you to tell us if we are heading in the right direction. In 2007 I was your Vice President. I remember being given the keys to the office and access to the computer and then pretty much being left to my own devices. I soon discovered that the core functions of the WSU were to provide advocacy services (food vouchers, hardship grants, representation), events and activities (O Week, End of Year Shindig), and to make sure that our students needs were heard at the national politics level.

While all of this happened, it was an ad hoc process with a focus that changed annually with each new board that took office. It is our goal that this document will set the overarching governing direction for future Directors of WSU. The intention is that a new Board of Directors will be able to use it as a check and balance for the activities which they will undertake throughout their year of office. So for example, if a President decided that it would be a good idea to purchase an army tank (don’t laugh – it’s happened before) the Board can refer to the strategic document to check if it fits within the governing direction of the organisation. Now while tanks definitely don’t fall within the strategy, something like a student vege garden does. So as part of enhancing our welfare advocacy services WSU might decide that a vege garden would enable us to provide not only food vouchers, but fresh veges at a cheap price.

We have included a copy of the plan in this issue of Nexus and I hope that you will take the time to go through it. Thanks to those of you who attended our consultation sessions, your contributions were valuable and really helped shape the document. For those who weren’t able to make these sessions, I am more then happy to take your questions and suggestions and look forward to hearing from you.

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You will get to vote for or against the strategic plan at the WSU annual general meeting (Wed 17th Sept).

WSU Elections are here again. If you are interested in being President, Vice President, Vice President Maori or a Director of the WSU, now is the time to get involved. Come down and talk to us because these roles offer exciting opportunities that you wont get any where else. If you don’t think that being on the Board is your thing, you can still have your say in who runs the Board by voting in the election. You will get to hear from each of the candidates at the AGM and will be able to ask them any questions that you might have.

I heard someone say that the only thing they knew about WSU was that there is always a vote going on. I take heart at that because the nature of our organisation is that you are our bosses. It’s your organisation and you entrust it to us to look after it and make sure that the services that you love and need are always available to you. If we weren’t asking you to vote on things like the strategic plan, then we could never truly say that we represented you, because how could we know what you want?

It’s not always exciting or sexy, but that’s just life.

Finally, on a completely different note, I would like to say a big hello and thankyou to Wendy Craig and her team over at Student and Academic Services. The variety of services they offer include admissions and appeals, post grad support, all things to do with exams and graduation just to name a few. I’d like to thank them for being an invaluable group of university staff who always have the students best interest at the forefront of their minds and really contribute to the positive relationship that the WSU have with the university. Cheers!

Waikato Students’ Union Draft Three Year Strategic Plan INTRODUCTION This 3 year strategic plan sets out our mediumto long-term directions. This document outlines our vision, mission, role and values, as well as the four strategic goal areas, with their associated outcomes, that we will need to

VALUES The following four core values are the guiding principles and behaviours. These behaviours do not exist in isolation and describe the way we will do business. By having and exercising these values, WSU will attain the trust of the Members, the University of Waikato, and the wider community both locally and nationally.

focus on over the next few years.

I te reo Māori:

In English:

WSU faces a range of challenges and opportunities that have considerable implications for the future functions of the organization. After several years of consolidation, the WSU looks towards increasing its return on investment in parallel with the need to maximize its service to its Members.

Ko te mana te WSU ka herea ki tō tātou;

The Waikato Students Union places a high value on;

• Tū ngātahi me nga Tauira

• Partnership with students

• Mahi pono

• Acting with integrity

• Whakanui i ngā kaupapa tauira tu atu

• Promote student issues

This plan will be the key business driver for all areas of The Waikato Students’ Union (WSU). If it is going to make a difference, it must be a living document with links to all aspects of the organizations operations.

INTEGRITY To operate with integrity and honesty requires ethical practice and high standards of behaviour. To demonstrate integrity and honesty, WSU will: • Act in a manner that reflects the mana of its Membership • Commit to kaupapa and tikanga Maori and encourage this within the University and wider community • Act honestly and fairly • Be procedurally transparent and open

COOPERATION Cooperation means building strong relationships and alliances for the benefit of the members.

To demonstrate cooperation, WSU will: • To respect and acknowledge the mana of Tainui • Build strong relationships and alliances • Promote mutual trust through transparent practices • Respect the Members and their contributions • Share ideas, information and best practice • Foster open and effective communication

VISION The vision of the Association is to act as an independent advocate for every student’s rights; to enhance every student’s well-being; and to recognise the value of the diverse communities and cultures that are part of the Association and the University.

ROLE • To act as an independent, informed and principled representative group on issues affecting members, considering educational matters, student welfare and social reform to be amongst its areas of primary concern; • To advocate for the rights of the Members of the Association; • To enhance the well-being of the Members of the Association;

PROFESSIONALISM Professionalism involves setting and meeting challenging technical and quality standards, and continually improving our knowledge and performance. To demonstrate professionalism, WSU will: • Act with commitment, competence and responsibility • Be dedicated to ongoing improvement • Operate efficiently and effectively • Develop and maintain technical and managerial expertise • Respond to the changing needs of the Members

ACCOUNTABILITY Accountability ensures that the WSU is a transparent organisation that provides regular information about its operations to its Members. To demonstrate accountability, WSU will: • Produce and make available quarterly reports – written reports with summary financials • Make available audited financial statements – at the Annual General Meeting of the organisation • Produce an annual report • Produce a budget and statement of intent for the subsequent financial year of the WSU 25

STRATEGIC GOALS AND OBJECTIVES To achieve the vision of the organisation, four key areas have been identified. They are: 1. Services 2. Representation 3. Asset Management/Revenue Generation 4. Operations These areas equally weighted in importance to the WSU. 1. SERVICES Goal: Increase services to accurately reflect the need of our student body on all University of Waikato campuses.

Objective one Advocacy: Increase advocacy services to deliver more meaningful support to our members.

Objective two Campus Culture: To provide members with a full calendar of regular events and activities that enhances every studentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s well-being and recognises the value of the diverse communities and cultures that our members come from.

Objective three Scholarships: To continue offering unique scholarships where a clear need has been identified.

Objective four Communication: To effectively utilise multimedia communication channels to ensure effective two-way communication between WSU and the student body.

Objective three Hamilton City: To form positive relationships with influential members of the community and council (HCC) that ensures students are considered in local policy decisions.

Objective four National: To form positive relationships with influential people and organisations on a national level to advance WSU member student issues.

3. ASSET MANAGEMENT/ REVENUE GENERATION Goal: To provide a solid platform for asset growth and revenue generation.

Objective one To establish a stand alone commercial entity for the advancement of WSU asset growth and revenue generation.

4. OPERATIONS Goal: To enable operations to perform at its optimum capacity.

Objective one Staff: To develop a highly skilled and diverse workforce, that is able to respond to the needs of our Membership, by regularly providing relevant quality training and development.

Objective two Staff: To be an employer of choice, with effective staff who add value to the organization and its Members.

Objective five Clubs: WSU will support and encourage the development and activity of clubs on all University of Waikato campuses.

Objective three Organisational performance: To increase the level of service provided to generate value greater than expenditure. That where expenditure does occur it will be linked to targeted outcomes.

2. REPRESENTATION Goal: To be the voice for members and ensure that messages are communicated effectively at local and national levels.

Objective four Organisational Performance: To ensure that the organisation is adequately resourced through logistics, finances, and people, to achieve all goals and objectives.

Objective one Advocacy: To have a student presence on all relevant boards and committees within the University Objective two University of Waikato: To form positive relationships with influential members of the university community to influence the decision making process around student issues.

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Objective five Communication: To have a strong and trusted brand that is both recognized and celebrated by Members and those of the wider university community. A brand supported by a communications plan which allows for a multimedia approach to sharing our messages with the world.

WSU presents

THE HORI 440 Registrations open Monday 8th September (today) at WSU reception

Limited to only 30 vehicles Pay a $20 deposit for your spot in the exclusive 30 Keep an eye and ear out for more information

RANDOM STUFF Freeloader.co.nz Where students buy and sell online You’ve seen this ad before Yung cute maori lookn 4 DISCREET m2m xxxfun. I like nethng u do, I prefer nonsmokers, yung[18-24] hu KNOW they are QTs. Get back to me on my email for mor info guys, clarissa_luva@hotmail.com mwah mwah

FOR SALE FoR Sale: 1991 Toyota Trueno GT-Apex (minor frontal damage) needs $500 spent on it Black. New Tyres. 5speed Manual SilverTop 20V Engine. 1600cc Goes well. Fast as, and CHEAP on gas!

2-door. Tidy Interior MoMo SteeringWheel, SonyHeadunit(mp3) Wof n Reg (til-Sep) GREAT CAR - No Problems $1500 ONO ---------------------Other Stuff-----------------------21’ TV - $80 29’ TV - $130 Photos+More info Available.

Delivery Available. (4Gas $) Call/Text 027 3522564 4 Sale: Anybody want some curtains? Really good condition. listed on freeloader and trademe. $10 or highest offer. lb51@waikato. ac.nz.

WANTED SCOOTER WANTED!!!

I need a scooter. In really good condition, petrol powered, not electric, and preferably in the 2000’s years. Willing to pay around $200-

400, dependant. Phone or txt Michele on 027 216 0216 Thanks!

Wanted: ok laptop for my brother’s 13th birthday.

Help me get my special, very intelligent little brother a cool present for his 13th. He’s starting secondary school soon, and this will help him with his education. If anyone out there has spare laptops, unwanted laptops or unused laptops... I’ll pay cash $$$ Please please please email me ASAP. If anyone including the University can donate to a good cause, that would be good too! (Hey, maybe he’ll be coming here in 5 years)! Thank you =) lb51@ waikato.ac.nz 078583367 Wanted Engineering student to help develop simple prototype, Prefer 3rd year plus but if your on to it you will do. Easy cash to right person Txt Kim on 0272822730 Wanted: anybody with a small puppy (like bichon friese/ shih tzu/ maltese/ pomeranian etc) to organise puppy play dates at the park.

My poor little puppy needs a little doggy friend to play with sometimes. lb51@waikato.ac.nz.

FLATS & MATES $280p/w Small house 77 Galloway, Hillcrest Available straight away Only one weeks bond 027 243 7788 $3 hour absolute freakin pro at mixing baked beans into mince! Will work for beer also.

Jethro 0276942879

Flatmate wanted. Really big room really close to uni. $115 a week including rent, phone, sky and wireless internet. Available now. Text 0272086390 Flatemate Wanted$130 P/w (includes everyfing except food) three bedrooms, two bathrooms, to live wif two guys and a gurl, can do group meals or by your self, gas water, heating, dish washer, close to uni, good deck, gives us a ring on 8568613 or give justin a text on 0276973618 New site out to help flatties Ulive has taken the idea of amateur videos from sites such as YouTube to create a venue for those looking to explore the world of flatting by posting free online videos to market flatmates or rental properties.

Flatting can be daunting at times in search for an ideal or ‘decent’ flatmate. Ulive showcases videos so you can view what’s out there before committing to numerous house visits!

Ulive is simple, fun to use and eases the stress of hunting for property, and best of all Ulive is a FREE venue for ANYONE with a property need.”

Please check out Ulive’s About Us video or contact them on info@ulive.co.nz for more information.

FLATMATE WANTED ASAP! Four bedroom home in Sherwood park, ten min walk to university & 5min drive to CBD. House is new & fully furnished except room for rent.

Live with easy going two girls, one guy (20,21 & 26). Getting broadband & sky within a month. Must be clean, reliable, sociable .

Professional or student ok, preferably 19-27 years old, male or female. No couples. $100/wk excluding expenses Call or text Kelly 0273162729

Send notices to nexus@waikato.ac.nz before Wednesday, 5 pm. Placing notices is free for students. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Notices cannot be any more than 75 words. We will not accept handwritten or non-electronic notices or dictation over the phone – that’s stone-age shit. If you (somehow) don’t have access to email or a computer, come into the offices and use one of our computers to type up your notice. Ta. Oh, and we hear that personals ads work terrifyingly well, so give that a go as well – fun for everyone involved.

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In years to come the Beijing Olympics will surely be remembered as one of the greatest Olympic Games.

From a purely patriotic New Zealand perspective the Beijing games were our most successful since the 1980s.Three gold, one silver and two bronze represents a solid return, but for me the medal count only tells part of the story. The efforts of 1500m runner Nick Willis in winning a bronze medal should not be underestimated. Any medal won on the track has to be given extra weight, for this reason: everyone runs.

It makes being the best in the world at running a lot harder.

I don’t wish to belittle Mahe Drysdale’s herculean effort in holding to win a bronze, either - not everyone in the world gets the same chance to row a boat as they do to run.The talent pool for running is much deeper than it is for rowing. Aside from all that, it was just great to see a Kiwi 1500m runner being competitive with the world’s best. Getting up to watch 1500m final at 3am on a work-day, I couldn’t help but feel like I was belatedly getting a share in the great New Zealand middle-distance dynasty.

After being a surprise Commonwealth gold medallist in 2006, Willis once again showed that he has big-race temperament, beating morefavoured runners to the last podium spot.

Internationally, the games will be remembered for the achievements of two freakish athletes and for the grand, epic and at times slightly eerie spectacle put on by the Chinese.

The opening ceremony will stay with me for a while as much for the sheer audacity of the planning behind it and the magnitude of the logistical effort involved as for its visual impact. Phelps in the water and Usain Bolt on the track were so far ahead of their competitors that the story quickly became not whether either of them could win - that was given - but whether they could re-write Olympic history.

Bolt’s 100/200m gold medal and world record double is the kind of sprinting achievement that won’t be emulated again in a while and Phelps eight gold medals at one games won’t be forgotten in a hurry for the sheer dominance of the performance. The guy won more gold medals in one week than New Zealand has won at the past three Olympics.

Of course it helps when there is a gold medal dished out for every conceivable swimming stroke and for any combination of these in relay events. Still, eight golds is an impressive effort by anyone’s standard.

Dear Agony Art Lately I haven’t been able to maintain an erection when I’ve got a girl home from town. How can I fix this? And please don’t just say that a relationship is the answer like you tell everyone else!

Halls Boy Dear Halls Boy I don’t know how many times I’m going to have to explain it to first years and the generally inexperienced masses of Waikato, but it always seems to be one more time. Drinking kills boners. It’s a simple fact most of you can probably manage to grasp, but it keeps coming up.

It’s nothing to do with impotence or erectile dysfunction. I’m pretty confident you’re too young for those kinds of issues to really be a threat to you and your sex life. Young men in this city are worried that they’ve lost the steam when they’ve just been feeding their engines the wrong fuel.

Alcohol makes everything great, excluding driving and sex. Sure, you might be having a great time, provided you can get it started, but you really have to take a long hard look at your life when you wake up in the middle of a field surrounded by barnyard animals. That scenario covers both drunk driving and drunk pegging.

Drunk humping in a relationship will be just as futile, so that was never an answer you were going to get. The only difference with drunken rooting in a relationship is that you generally get to have another

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crack at it, instead of being forever known as ‘that guy who used three condoms but never got any action in the park opposite Student Village during O-Week last year’. There is a young man in the city that has this unfortunate nickname, so take it as a warning that drunk loving has wider ranging consequences than just a night with a case of Spaghetti Sword.

Of course not everyone has the same problems. However, a lot of troubles has been caused by successful drunken sex. Adolf Hitler, in addition to only having one testicle, was also the result of drunken sex, as were Britney’s kids and most of the National Party. You’re not the man if you can please a woman while totally ripped: you’re a threat to the future of this nation.

The only way you can avoid this problem is to not drink so heavily on a night when you have a good chance of pulling. As far as I know, water has yet to be proven as an erection killing substance.

Hello children. I sure bet you’re glad to be reading my words as you settle back into class. Do my soothing tones send you back to holiday bliss, perhaps even coital bliss? Yes? Good.

But enough of you hitting on me, we have some business to discuss.

Today we talk technology, and how it can help you not fail at life, or keep appointments, do less work and attract more people for smooching time.

So, the university has blessed you with an “electronic mail” account. It is provided by “Gmail”, which stands for “GrafenbergMail”. You can send letters on via the “information highway web” with it. Great, huh? Sure beats the noon trans-Tasman gyrocopter mail pickup.

But you know what else this “GrafenbergMail” has, you know how else it hits the “spot”? (I hope you got that joke). GoogleCalender is the answer.

Here’s the deal. This calendar function allows you to make a calendar online with all your tasks and appointments, which is pretty normal. But then you can go into the settings menu and make magic happen. The best of these is the ability to get free text reminders on your phone for all your calendar entries. Just go into the “Mobile Reminder” section and enter your number.

This is unbelievably useful once you begin to rely on it.

But the “Grafenberg” based fun doesn’t stop there.

Let’s imagine that you have a group assignment. If

you and your group all use these calendars, you can share them between each other, online, and in a big bold colorful way you can see when everyone is free.

But then, there’s more. There is a function to invite people to things and the invited will get a text. So one day if you and me share our calendar options, you might invite me, and I will get a text saying “Hot woman invites you to smooching time”. I will then go, “Hmmmm”. I will then go online and decline… Cause smooching time with me doesn’t happen for everyone, only special people. You will then get a text saying something along the lines of “Kirill has declined to meet you the backalley for smooching time”, and you wont have to waste time waiting for me, since I have better people to smooch then you. Sorry. Its just it’s a bad time for me. Its not you its me. I love you, but I’m not in love with you.

For those who like to use Microsoft Outlook or Mozilla Thunderbird, the new Gmail system also allows you to access your mail from them. So in my case, while I can press a certain set of keys that instantly bring up Outlook and checks all of my email accounts at once (there’s 7, I like to compartmentalize my communication).

Combine this with a program like Digsby, which logs me onto MSN, AIM, and facebook chat in one window. I have all my communication in two programs and reminders on my phone.

Now to work on my people skills, so I can find a friend.

Blair Munro would be right at home amongst a bunch of illiterate syphilistic rapists on a small ship in the 17th Century, even though he prefers ninjas.

Internet piracy is a great thing. Watching movies long before they arrive in cinemas in the backwater country we call New Zealand, obtaining music from bands that don’t get airplay on the radio, downloading albums you just can’t be arsed shelling out money for. Ordinarily, I’m not a fan of pirates, because they’re inferior to ninjas in every possible aspect other than their tendency to hit the bottle. Internet pirates, however, are awesome. Every time I imagine someone downloading the newest hip hop song (which more often than not these days contains a sample from one of Daft Punk’s lesser known songs), I like to picture them with a Jolly Roger background on their laptop, and a big, fuck off pirate hat.

And it’s not like they’re making it difficult to do either, we haven’t got the FBI in New Zealand, nobody seems to crack down on pirates, and the options are limitless. Limewire, Napster (way back when), and more torrent sites than lies from the Government, to name a few. It’s so easy to get what you want, when you want, and with minimal guilt. You can even use Limewire Basic to download Limewire Pro. A greater cock-up, I haven’t seen.

But why draw the line at the Internets? Copyright infringement is all around us, people. Burning CDs for friends, bootleg copies of DVDs, photocopying textbooks at the Uni library so we don’t have to buy them – wait, what? Even I have limits however, and I flatly refuse to pirate Kiwi music. What people don’t realise when they do pirate, is that this is a damn small country, and the odds of meeting a well-known Kiwi musician are surprisingly high. I was in Auckland a little while ago, round my birthday, I think, and I was walking from Britomart to where my sister works, and I saw Dave Gibson of Elemeno P fame, and had a nice little chat to him about their (at the time) unreleased album. I met King Kapisi earlier this year at the concert thrown by the WSU with Supergroove as well, so I’m just saying, it happens.

Now, had I been the one who leaked Sione’s Wedding, or had just bought a bootleg copy off a Westie from the back of a Holden Commodore, and bumped into Oscar Kightley, an ass-kicking of epic proportions would have taken place, that he would have told his kids for generations. The point is, feel free to pirate (I’m endorsing it), but don’t shit where you eat, seen?

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Who is true the most?*

I’m talking about, when people walk with some sort of swagger with

Okay so if you’ve persisted with my rantings for the past three years I’ve been writing Boganology (fuck it’s been that long) you’ll know about what I like to call “Gothier Than Thou Syndrome”. In academic terms it’s been called sub-cultural capital, where a person’s status or their identity in relation to a sub-cultural group is related to how cool their CD collection is or whatever. Who has the coolest boots, or who knows the rarest band, or the biggest spiked wristbands are also examples of this. In the metal circles I tend to float around in, it’s who is the most Brutal or the most True. Trueness is often a reference used

their arms slightly sticking out like they’ve just been kicked in the balls and/or ovaries. People like to judge others based on what music they listen to, and I’m not above this, I think most rap music is about money and bitches, emos want to cut themselves, and country singers (except Johnny Cash of course) want to lynch anyone who looks slightly tanned.

But I guess like a lot of stereotypes, it’s about what you do with it. I playfully mock Goths about probably wearing wigs, being afraid of the dark, and dissolving in water – but I have nothing against Goths. It’s just the ones who try to prove they’re better than everyone else, posers in any group are annoying. Doing this thesis I’ve had a number of people

in Black Metal circles, relating to how underground the bands are that you listen to, and whether you listen to just Metal. So really the more cynical amongst us (pick me pick me) see it as an award for narrow mindedness. Although most people use the term true light-heartedly.

Brutal is generally a reference to how heavy the metal is, no lead jokes please, and also how tough you look. Things like goatees (on men – on women it’s just fucked), spikes, boots – how tough you behave in the mosh pit…whether you walk like a crab…you know what

Time flies when you’re having fun. That’s why I’ve spent most of the holidays either being unproductive or “I was smart working, both of which are very fun for me.

And yet, it’s now one (1) week out from uni, enough after and I’ve once again completely forgotten that I have a Nerdery to write. Fortunately, at the getting smashed to last Nexii contributor meeting, I was smart enough after getting smashed to try looking try looking though though archives so I could come back with a wizz-bang story on the history of waiKato archives so I could nerds. Unfortunately, this isn’t that article.

That article is next week’s article. Instead, this come back with article is a witty collection of random ideas in the hopes that people out there (that’s YOU) a wizz-bang story can help me resolve them.

on the history of

Why is it that the big recycling bins on campus take glass and aluminium cans, BUT waiKato nerds” NOT PLASTIC?!?!? I dare say that drinking fizzy, sugary, oh-so-caffeinated beverages is more popular on campus than beer (I could be wrong). The lack of plastic recycling is especially upsetting for us in the Interaction Design Lab (the dungeon-esque one), who combined consume a few bottles of

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try to out-metal me, and in the end…good for you for loving what you listen to. Have a beer. In the end though, its music to be enjoyed…not to be used as a status symbol. Stay Bogan, Brutal, True…whatever…just don’t tread on me. Haha. *Don’t put Exponents references in my magazine, you bastard – Ed

black liquid per week. Anyone on the environment council thingy know why this is the case? Also, why are there no recycling facilities in Bongo?

The garbage bins overflow with sushi containers and plastic bottles, why is this all going to the tip?

Why is it that the Clarence st Pak n Save doesn’t stock Cadbury Three Wishes chocolate and Bluebird Sweet Thai Chili chips anymore? While I highly doubt Pak n Save management types read Nerdery, if anyone out there knows how to complain and get these in stock it would be much appreciated. I’m tired of going out of my way to seek these items out elsewhere. Oh, and stop making the Croissants randomly disappear!

And before I forget; waiKato needs another Imagine Cup team for next year to carry the torch of excellence we seem to always wave here in the computer science department. In 2007 the waiKato team came 1st in NZ and won a trip to Seoul, Korea to compete in the world finals, and this year we came 3rd (although it’s fine to say fuck in Nexus, I don’t think my thoughts on the winners of this year’s competition would be suitable for this column). Ryan Tarak from Microsoft and I are to give an information session to anyone who wants to be involved, at the time of writing this is to be Tuesday September 13th @ 14:00, but this may change. For updated information, visit my site; http://www.jlaundry.com or look out for the posters that I’m supposed to be putting up.

Drillbit Taylor

Street Kings

Directed by: It’s American comedy, no one cares!

Directed by David Ayer

Reviewed by BURTON C BOGAN

Reviewed by BURTON C BOGAN

Drillbit Taylor is the story of an ex-army deserter who ends up homeless.

He’s a loveable guy, and luck comes his way when three nerdy high school kids end up hiring him to protect them from the psychologically disturbed bully making their life hell. He decides to take advantage and rob them blind but then yadda yadda. The storyline is pretty typical of American mainstream comedies. Loveable loser has a chance to improve his life; things are going good, cue random drama or the ‘spilling the beans’ moment, then loveable guy has to come clean in order for everyone to like him again. The more naïve among you are probably saying…oh Burton you’ve spoiled the whole movie - trust me you’ve seen the storyline a million times but you keep renting these movies because they’re funny and if you miss part of the plot because your flatmate was talking it doesn’t matter. Once upon a time they called these “make-out” movies. Anyway, less bourbon, more reviewing - I can’t help but feel that this is actually some sort of metaphor for Owen Wilson’s (the “star”) life. The loveable loser (after his alleged attempted suicide…lawyers pay attention to the word alleged) who makes it good, then the scandal, and now he has to come clean to prove himself. Just me? Ok. Anyway, people working on this include people from 40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked up, so as you can imagine there are some really funny bits. Particularly in the first half an hour during the ‘introducing characters’ phase of the movie, as the nerds are typically portrayed as easy to relate to. Much like Superbad, there’s the short fat kid and the tall skinny one. In the end the lead character regains the dignity he once had before his fall from grace. We can only hope that happens for Owen Wilson, before he goes the way of Heath Ledger…oh wait… too soon?

Overall, it’s your typical American mainstream comedy, good for a laugh at the start, you cheer as the loveable goofball losers defeat the baddies and win the girls, but somehow we’ve all seen it before regurgitated ad nausea. Although Owen Wilson fans will still love it and yeah I admit it – it is worth a few laughs.

I’m just going to put this out there right at the start. Everything about this movie is wrong, yet I can’t help but like it. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Street Kings is the stereotypical movie about the cop who doesn’t play by the rules but who gets shit done, who finds himself tangled in a conspiracy involving crooked cops and brutal gang bangers as he tries to sort out the good guys from the bad guys. Everyone seems out to get him as he tries to clear his name, as he is the prime suspect in the case of the murder of a fellow officer who used to be his partner.

Perhaps this fog horn will explain everything…wah wah. First off the casting is all wrong. Keanu should have gone the way of his Bill & Ted co-star Alex Winter and the dodo and faded after the filming of the Bill & Ted movies. He slightly redeemed himself in A Scanner Darkly but other than that he doesn’t do it for me. Forest Whitaker should never have acted in anything ever (except The Last King of Scotland), as his ‘I’m a little slow but ever so cute’ only worked in Good Morning Vietnam. Don’t get me started on Phone Book where he spent most of the time talking about his character’s erectile dysfunction, which might have saved him a lot of trouble in The Crying Game. Hugh Laurie is even more strangely cast as the Internal Affairs guy out to get everyone. The rest are a host of ‘where have I seen that guy before’ actors and only the two rappers Common and The Game seem adequately cast – mostly because they seem to be playing themselves (excuse the pun). The only thing that interested me at first was that the director wrote Training Day (and SWAT but that movie sucked). Yet somehow this movie entertained me. As clichéd as the storyline seems to be and as mis-cast as the actors seem to be I still watched it till the end and thought it was an alright movie. Definitely not one to buy, but worth a rental at the least and yet I can’t pinpoint exactly why. Perhaps it has something to do with the sheer pleasure of watching Cedric the Entertainer getting sprayed with machine gun bullets!

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On DW Griffith The name DW Griffith is today synonymous with racism. Between 1908 and his enforced retirement in 1931 he directed 534 films on a wide variety of subjects yet he remains best known for the 1915 masterpiece “The Birth of a Nation”, the first great feature of the American cinema. An epic covering the periods immediately before, during and after the United States Civil war, “The Birth of Nation” was groundbreaking on every single level: length, structure, artistic ambition, technical prowess, subtlety of acting, critical respectability and box office performance.

It was also an unspeakable articulation of prejudice; a defence, as one of its southern ‘gentlemen’ characters puts it, of the “Aryan birthright”; a glorification of the Ku Klux Klan.

All this needs to be said first and foremost about Griffith. Part of his paradox is that while he did more than any other single figure to turn the cinema into the twentieth century’s preeminent art form his attitudes and sensitivities were grounded in the nineteenth.

Melodrama was his stock and trade: he

failed at it as an actor and playwright upon the stage but employed it brilliantly to free the new medium from staid theatrical conventions of composition and performance. It is important to remember that his world view, his racism and sentimental piety, was considered to be old fashioned and reactionary, that his films succeeded largely in spite of these characteristics rather than because of them. “The Birth of a Nation”, as financially successful as it was (some claim it as amongst the most profitable films of all time)

artist: not all of them achieve greatness, but all are touched by it.

resulted in race riots and legitimate protest and was considerably censored in some states.

product. Subsequent intercutting between the obscene opulence of the wheat king’s party life style and those queuing for bread they cannot now afford is masterfully handled as is the eventual fate of the businessman, drowning in his produce as police struggle to contain starving rioters.

Although Griffith, the son of a Confederate officer, had a life long fascination with the Civil War, those films which dealt with it directly make up only a small part of his immense output. A vast amount of his work, particularly the hundreds of shorts he made prior to “The Birth of a Nation”, has been posted on You Tube. To watch these century old artefacts is to marvel at an inventive, curious and prolific

One short in particular stands out. “A Corner in Wheat”, released in 1909, is noteworthy not only for the framing and trademark Griffith parallel editing but for a theme that is borderline socialist. Opening with a carefully composed shot of farmers and their wives about to sew a wheat crop it quickly progresses into more frenzied scenes at a stock market as a greedy capitalist corners the market on the

The message in a Griffith film is never as subtle as the craft. However, the precision of his eye, the delicate touch with actors, the profound understanding of pace and drama in editing, changed the medium forever.

Movie Review:

The Clone Wars

By Art Focker I love Star Wars. Any man who says he doesn’t love it too is no friend of mine. It is a perfect blend of Medievalism and science fiction and I haven’t seen a Star Wars film which didn’t impress me at some point. Even Episode I (George Lucas’ abortion of merchandising thinly disguised as a movie) had fantastic lightsaber battles.

The Clone Wars is rather different from any other Star Wars film in that it is entirely computer generated. It’s not even good animation, like Final Fantasy or Beowulf had on display, but rather a caricature of Star Wars.

While this may turn off some die hard fans, I found my lust for Star Wars completely sated.

It had massive space battles, epic land battles and an almost ridiculous amount of saber 34

fights. Sure, the story line was a bit weak, but isn’t it always with Star Wars? Just don’t expect me to understand why the Jedi feel the need to help Jabba the Hutt find his son.

As an animated film, it is easy to assume that it is pitched at children. There’s even a tweenage main character that looks like an extraterrestrial Olsen twin and talks like one of the characters from High School Musical. I was half expecting the Jonas Brothers to perform the soundtrack. Another piece of evidence as to its child-friendly status is that the scrolling words at the films start have been replaced by a bad voice over, accompanied by a montage.

As one of the most recognisable aspects of Star Wars, the text scroll was noticeably absent in this new film.

While this movie satisfied my need for more Star Wars (a need all true fanboys and fangirls can appreciate), I was left feeling that it wasn’t really Star Wars at all. Something abut going to a cinema to watch animated Jedi fight animated droids made me feel hard done by.

I don’t know if it was the fact that hardly any of the actual actors voiced their characters, or if there was no text at the start of the film. It might have been the High School Musical feel that Anakin’s annoyingly cute sidekick draped all over the story.

Whatever it was that stopped The Clone Wars from feeling like a true Star Wars film, it didn’t stop it feeling like a good film. If you go, take some young family member. At least one of you will enjoy it.

Can We Help It If We’re Fabulous?

Author: Peta Mathias Publisher: Penguin Price: $35.00

Reviewed by Kelly Badman Peta Mathias is better known for culinary creations with hard to pronounce names featuring ingredients from far flung places.

But proving she is a woman of formidable talents Peta has downed her pinny and pinot noir to create a fabulous book for women and in praise of women in Can We Help It If We’re Fabulous?

Sharing her own life experiences, Peta covers the spectrum of womanhood from sex, happiness, fashion, travel to beauty, food and men – it’s all there interspread with dos and don’ts necessary for every woman to be happy, independent and successful. It also features interviews with Peta’s friends for their

Echochrome – PSP (also available for PS3)

by Cryo* Remember those impossible object and maze images, you know, the ones the crazy math teachers plastered over walls which you ended up staring at for most of the year instead of actually doing maths? Ok – maybe it was just me – but those posters were better than maths any day. Well, you’ve at least seen that famous drawing of the staircase that goes in a continuous loop, right? The real name for it is the Penrose Staircase and it’s all about perspective. I kid you not. If you still don’t know what I’m talking about, Wikipedia is your new best friend. Now just think if that concept was incorporated into a game, you’d have one seriously fun trippy game. There is a game that does just that, its name is Echochrome.

Echochrome (or – Mugen Kairou, Japanese for ‘Infinite Corridor’ for those of you obsessed with original names) is one awesome-sweet game. The game is based

on five mysterious laws; you use the five laws to progress on in the world of Echochrome.

The main objective is that you help guide the mannequin like character and gather the echo (shadow mannequin) by utilising the five laws and manipulating the camera perspective.

‘The third mystery is perspective existence.

You may not be able to see it, but there is a path.’ The game is all about perspective, shift the perspective and a new path is opened.

The mysterious laws are quick to learn and are what make the puzzles insanely addictive after the first few.

Graphics wise, there is an absence of colors, but damn, this black and white (and grey) game is among the top puzzle games I have ever played. Hands down my new favourite!

Who needs color when you have the awesomeness of Echochrome? Additionally, the soundtrack on this game suits nicely, think classical orchestra tunes, with violin, cello, and viola flavours. While I do not find all the songs

views on the topics, giving the book a nice rounded feel, not just one woman’s spieling on life as the fairer sex.

I got the distinct impression that Peta had an absolute ball writing this book and has “been there, done that…and would do it all again!” if she had the chance. It felt like having a crazy/cool aunty dishing out witty and wise advice while the rest of your family looks down their noses at her sometimes outrageous, always hilarious offerings with her acid dipped tongue. Shrinking violets picking up this delightful book should prepare to have their sensibilities affronted.

I wasn’t expecting to laugh out loud or be so captivated I couldn’t put it down and raced through it in one night. But I loved it so much I firmly believe it’s a must read for the women of New Zealand to learn to love and embrace what being a woman in the 00s is all about.

to be acoustic wonders, I do particularly favour two orchestral songs by the much talented Rumiko Kitazono. The great thing about Echochrome is that there are multiple solutions for each problem; this proves interesting especially when you see how differently other people attempt the same problem. The game play is immensely fun and can be enjoyed by all ages and all types. Controls are simple and easy, although the snap feature is sometimes more of a hindrance than a help. Another interesting feature Echochrome provides is a level creator, you can copy original levels, or create your own new ones – to enjoy yourself or share with your friends (via WiFi multiplayer) for some interesting matches.

Echochrome is a fun, value filled, puzzling game (it me took three tries to complete F3).

If you’re looking for a game that makes you think outside the outside of the box then go grab Echochrome today. Two thumbs up and a ‘That’s sweet bo!’

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By Carl Watkins Through the mirror of my mind Welcome back to the beginning of the end.

If whenever one of your family sneezes it pleases Jesus then you may want to turn up to In His Honour 2008. In His Honour is a monster rock concert, Christian in nature, featuring some of the biggest names in NZ musichrist. This year’s bill includes Mumsdollar, Kingston, Rapture Ruckus, Radiator, Arm’s Reach, The Ember Days, All the Big Names and Fletcher. Tickets are on sale at www.iticket.co.nz for a measly $10 presale, which is worth taking advantage of because at the door is, though still gosh darned reasonable, $5 more expensive. The show is on October 11 at Raleigh Street Christian Centre in Cambridge.

In international news, Michael Franti, the uber political writer and composer of Spearhead and Disposable Heroes of Hypocrisy (“Television, the drug of the nation”) fame, is returning to New Zealand for a nationwide tour. The Californian “Beatnig” poet and multi talented musician plays Auckland’s Powerstation with Spearhead on October 7, celebrating the release of their latest album, All Rebel Rockers. Tickets go on sale through ticket master this Friday and if last time he was here (2001) is anything to go by they will sell fast. Check out www. ticketmaster.co.nz for more details.

That’s about all I’ve got for this week, please keep sending me your news, review and interviews: nexus@waikato.ac.nz

The Band Experiments is set to get under way hell soon, so check www.mammothguide.net for further details on the dates and times for the heats etcetera. Nexus will be covering the competition, giving you the rundown on the band’s involved, previews and reviews of each heat, and the final/s so keep yer dirty mitts and darty eyeballs here for all the info ya need to know on Hamilton’s premier band competition.

SONG OF THE WEEK: “Total Control” by The Motels off the album Motels (1979)

THE VERVE

BECK

Forth (Parlophone)

Modern Guilt (DGC Records)

Along with the annoying American spelling of the word Fourth comes the long awaited follow up to the huge 1997 breakthrough album Urban Hymns. One assumes this legendary Brit-rock band is playing on the double meaning of the word in this form and in this context. In any case Forth can be, depending on your perspective, either a triumphant re-emergence of a reconstituted Verve that you’ve been patiently waiting for, or an album for the lover of contemporised prog rock (with lashings of soul and dollops of pop sensibility).

In other words this fourth outing for the Verve isn’t so much a follow up to Urban Hymns as a follow up to all that has gone before it. Nick McCabe’s “shoe-gazing” guitar based psychedelia that underpinned the bands early work returns here but is never quite let drift into space jam territory by the songwriting structuralism of Richard Ashcroft. The songs are often just too long to be ballads but too short to be true prog rock outs with yer cock outs, which does have them sounding a bit aimless at times. There are no real standout tracks as with previous releases, the album holds together as a complete work with no one thing greater than the sum of its parts. I guarantee you’ll think the album has had no effect on you after several listens, and in some random space and time, you’ll catch yourself humming a familiar tune that you can’t quite place and Voila! it’s made its mark.

In the happier, more tongue in cheek moments, Beck is basically Jose Gonzales on ecstasy. An irresistible blend of 60s psychedelic folk rock concerts and mid 90s Brit rave parties pressed to vinyl and squeezed out your speakers. In other words, in case you missed the hint, you need to get this album on vinyl to truly appreciate it. But, as evidenced with the haunting and magnificent Sea Change (2002), Beck can also hit the crap out of the mark when he plays it straight from the heart. He can be as pop-art as the next post-modern wunderkind, and he’d be the Andy Warhol of the rock industry if he wasn’t so sentimental. This album is perhaps the best combination yet of all these divergent and multifarious strands and the only criticism I have is that it is far too short!

There are no dud tracks here, but my faves are the title track - a very QOTSA-like groove and vocal melody over a riff reminiscent of “Little Green Bag” (George Baker Selection) - that turns all Portisy at the end, “Chemtrails” is an elegant nostalgia tinged rock and roller that calls to mind Alan Parson’s Project, and the albums closer “Volcano” is beautiful and disarming, “I’m tired of people who only want to be pleased, but I still want to please you.” Masterful, if not quite a masterpiece.

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Listings courtesy of Mammoth and the Hamilton Community Arts Council Gig Guide! With Agony Art! It’s going to be a madhouse! Especially because this week he seems to be experiencing Tourettes!

* Friday the 13th at Ward Lane will see The Managers, The Bludgers and Dick Dynamite & the Doppelgangers being revolting and punk from about 9pm. For just $10 you can go experience the unluckiest day of the year with some of the most dangerous music in the city! Fuck! * If you haven’t been to Thrash Palace on Te Aroha St, then you probably like Katy Perry and the latest Ne-Yo tracks. It’s pretty much a giant house full of young people.

Bad Medicine, Sixlip, Roll With The Punches and Masada will let you sample their musics for just $5 from around about 9pm on the 19th. Be there or be a generic fuck! * Azalia Snail, Sandra Bell and Matthew Bannister and the Weather will be

playing at La Commune on Victoria Street on the 10th of October. They didn’t post any prices online so far, so I would assume the motherfucker is free as fuck. That’s right you penny pinching bastard students; get there, drink amazing coffee and enjoy great music.

For FREE! * Starting on the 13th of September, the Spring Writers Series (formally the Winter Writers Series) hits the city like a literary bat out of literary hell. Joe Bennett will be hosting an evening during the festival.

There will also be a short story writing competition called The Plot Thickens which will surely produce some badass writing from the Fountain Pen City. I mean Fountain City.

That’s right folks; I just busted out a dad-joke.

Score for me! This writing competition will be run in a way not dissimilar to the 48 Hour Film Festival, with entrants being provided a sentence and a character, before being spewed forth into the world with just one day to come

up with a piece of writing no longer than 1200 words.

For further information call up Kym Plaisted on 838 6424. Call her now! Call her at 3am! Don’t stop calling her until you get the information you need! * Finally, the Band Experiments are coming up. Entries closed on the 7th of September, so you’re probably too late if you haven’t entered already. Every Thursday from the 18th of September until the 16th of October will have bands, solo acts and even Christian gangster rappers battling it out for the enormous $5000 prize package! Holy fuck! I just shit myself! They’ll all be at the former location of Catalyst, now called Flow.

The heats are a cheeky fiver each, while the final is a glorious tenner. Pricey, I know, but you little fuck stains better get there and repra-fucking-sent bitch. The winner also gets a spot at O-Week next year! Oh my fucking God! Jesus! Save me Jesus! I’m just a poor little orphan with a giant dong! Woohoo!

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