www.nexusmag.co.nz
27 July 2009
EDITORIAL
ISSUE 15
By Joshua Drummond and Wikipedia I like Laws. Not so much the “statute” kind, and definitely
Third law: Any sufficiently advanced technology is
not the W(h)anganui Mayor kind, but the particular
indistinguishable from magic.
variety that says something about the inherent ironies of
27 July 2009
being human. One of my favourites is Muphry’s Law. Yes,
Garfield’s Law
Credits:
Muphry’s, not Murphy’s. Murphy’s law is great, but it’s
Everyone hates Mondays.
Editor: Joshua Drummond (editor@nexusmag.co.nz)
Muphry’s that I appreciate most.
Design: Talia Musson (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz)
Muphry’s law is, according to Wikipedia, the rule that:
Garfield Minus Garfield’s Law
Advertising: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz)
“If you write anything criticizing editing or proofreading,
90 percent of the time a given Garfield comic will be
Reporter: Grant Burns (news@nexusmag.co.nz)
there will be a fault of some kind in what you have
much funnier without Garfield.
Features Editor: Chris Parnell (features@nexusmag.co.nz)
written”.
Sub-editor: Louise Blackstock
Of course, there are plenty of others. Some I’ve made
Godwin’s Law
Web Guru: Jed Laundry (jlaundry@gmail.com)
up, others are taken wilfully from the internet and other
The first person to invoke Hitler or Nazis in defence of an
Music Editor: Nick Johnstone (music@nexusmag.co.nz)
places. Perhaps you’ll recognise one.
argument (usually on the internet, but may be applied
Film Editor: Kirill Kruger (films@nexusmag.co.nz)
in most places) may be considered to have lost the
Books Editor: Penny Wilson (books@nexusmag.co.nz)
argument.
Games Editors: Antony and Chris Parnell
Murphy’s Law Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
(games@nexusmag.co.nz)
The Dilbert Principle Law of Delayed Comebacks
The most ineffective workers are systematically moved
When insulted, the time taken to think of a perfect
to the place where they can do the least damage:
Contributors
comeback (t) is directly proportional to the distance
management.
8 Ball, WSU, Kirill, Chris Parnell, Vitamin C, Burton
(d) travelled from the insulter and how awesome the
C. Bogan, Nick Sicklemore, Dr Richard Swainson,
Weatherston’s Law
Josh, Grant Burns, Mammoth, HCAC, Flash
Being provoked is a bad defence for stabbing your
Medallion, Blair Munro, Jason Sebestian, Penny
The Law of Corriearklet
girlfriend multiple times, especially if you’re an arrogant
Wilson, Antony Parnell, Nick Johnston, Louise
The moment at which two people approaching from
fuckwad.
Blackstock, Hollie Jackson, Lord Bhfulu, Lauree
comeback would have been if appropriately directed (a).
opposite ends of a long passageway, recognise each other
Cross, Teresa Hattan, Blair Munro, Side Undydog
and immediately pretend they haven’t. This is to avoid the
Law of Nazi-Forum Association
ghastly embarrassment of having to continue recognising
As soon as a new internet forum is created, a Neo-Nazi is
Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press
each other the whole length of the corridor.*
born. The Nazi will inevitably find his way to the forum,
Association (ASPA) Because how else could I
and thus the circle of life continues.
prevent Salient from working for an entire day?
Hanlon’s Razor Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately
The Law of Letters to the Editor
explained by stupidity.
Less than one percent of people affected by a given issue will write in to a newspaper about it.
THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT
Caboose’s Supposition
Addenum:
NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003
I think it would be ironic if we were made out of iron.
This proportion will unfailingly be written by either those
LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE
people who failed England in school or Logic 101 at
EDITOR, OR ANYONE. NEXUS: CREATING “TOO SOON”
The Droitwich Statute
University (or both.) They will also, usually, be drawn from
JOKES SINCE THE WEATHERSTON JURY GAVE ITS VERDICT
A street dance. The two partners approach from opposite
the school of “unfounded rabid ideological standpoints,”
THIS AFTERNOON.
directions and try politely to get out of each other’s way.
and are often written under the influence of intoxicants.
They step to the left, step to the right, apologise, step to
WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS?
the left again, apologise again, bump into each other and
Drummond’s Law
EMAIL nexus@waikato.ac.nz OR admanager@nexus-npl.
repeat as often as unnecessary.**
“The amount of interest in a given story from those most
co.nz OR call 07 838 4653 OR 021 176 6180
affected by it is inversely proportional to its importance.”
Clarke’s three laws
And, simplified:
NEXUS IS LOCATED AT
First law: When a distinguished but elderly scientist states
“Stupid people only like stupid things”
Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University
that something is possible, he is almost certainly right.
of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton
When he states that something is impossible, he is very
There you go. For more of these wonderful laws, visit
PHONE: 07 838 4653
probably wrong.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_eponymous_laws,
FAX: 07 838 4588
Second law: The only way of discovering the limits of
where there are hundreds.
EMAIL: nexus@waikato.ac.nz
the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.
POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton
*Taken from Douglas Adam’s The Meaning of Liff **Ibid.
“Celebrating failure” Life in the performing arts
Te Radar
In conjunction with his comedy tour “Eating the Dog”, New Zealand comedian Te Radar offers his time to Waikato University students and staff in an informal seminar session (public also welcome). Te Radar will talk for 30 minutes and then open the floor for questions.
Thursday 30 July 1 – 2pm
UWC.0609
MSB.1.01
For more information contact the Communications Office on 07 838 4144 or unipr@waikato.ac.nz
QUESTIONS
By Mo
1. Planning on going overseas for an OE? If so, where and when? 2. What is your “oh good, winter’s nearly over” music of choice? 3. What’s your favourite bit of Nexus? 4. You are in a dark hallway. There is a red door in front of you. It is locked. To your left is a window. What do you do? 5. What obscure word best describes you?
1. The world – 2011, ish? 2. Thirsty Merc – “In the Summertime”. 3. Agony Art, but it’s gone. *cries* 4. Get undressed. 5. (friends suggest “cunt!” “ginge!”)… ’South African’.
1. Yep, States. Next year/year after. 2. Don’t really have one. 3. All the Busted! Photos 4. Go through the window. 5. …’loved’.
1. Yes, been on one but going on another… Europe. 2. Black Eyed Peas. 3. Magic 8 Ball. 4. Climb out the window. 5. ‘mysterious’.
RANDOM
Magic 8 Ball
All Magic 8 Ball questions this week were taken from the Magic 8 Ball thread at forums.nexusmag. co.nz. Go there yourself to ask the all-knowing Ball a question!
By the 8 Ball
Should a smack as part of good parental correction be a criminal offence in New Zealand? Outlook not so good – which, coincidentally, is exactly how you should answer this question on your referendum forms. Write “OUTLOOK
Signs point to yes – it’s obvious, isn’t it? Build a giant-size replica of your genital. The “really big can” can be used to represent the warts.
NOT SO GOOD” in big letters, and you’ll have spoiled your ballot! Congratulations, you’ll have managed to combine political awareness with humour. Draw a picture of a Magic 8 Ball and John Key himself will write a letter praising your cleverness.
I assume its odourless, colourless, heatless, fire with invisible smoke and call the fire department? It is decidedly so – call 111 immediately, before you read the rest of this sentence… …Now, if all has gone according to plan, a fireman is now bending you over his lap and spanking you for being stupid enough to call them for a smoke alarm with a dying battery.
Will the ambiguous question on the citizen’s initiated referendum confuse enough of the masses to propel New Zealand law backwards? Very Doubtful – The only thing that could propel New Zealand law backwards would be having Roger Douglas back in Parliament… hang on… Uh oh. Should Double Brown be put on tap at bars? Concentrate and ask again – you haven’t been to Bar 101 lately, have you? Either that, or you have been, and you’re drunk. Is sour cream usable as a substitute for milk in my coffee? You may rely on it – put enough in your coffee, and you will also have a nice caffeinated substitute for sour cream to dip your potato wedges in. Will I ever find a use for the thirty empty V cans, and the one really big one sitting in my room?
My fire alarm keeps beeping, yet I can see no smoke... Should
Will I ever think of a self-referential Magic 8 Ball question? My reply is no – the constant self-bombardment of your synapses with alcohol has removed any originality you might have once possessed. Better stick to playing videogames as a substitute for a life. 8-Ball, I still keep a large stuffed toy collection in my bedroom. Could this be putting off potential bed-mates? Ask again later – after all the keys in the bowl have been taken. That said, if there’s anyone who hasn’t fled your bedroom after you’ve introduced them to the stuffed remains of “missing” prostitutes then you should be worried about becoming a stuffed toy yourself. Should I sleep with your tutor? Better not tell you now – it’s far more amusing for the rest of us if you sleep with your tutor first, and then detail your experiences in the Lettuce pages later.
RANDOM
With Cap ta
in Caption “It’s amazing what they teach guide dogs these days.”
Aaaarrghghh… man down! Get over here soldier! The enemy have occupied that
that fails, I need you to sneak down around behind those oil barrels, shank those three
Good Lord, soldier! That’s the best damn caption I’ve seen in all my years. What is your
airfield, and without it we won’t be getting any backup. Stop crying! I need to you to get it back for me, so what you’re gonna do is double back to this point here on the map, and think of a caption for this picture! When you’ve done that I want you to get to commandeer that tank over there and take it over the hill, and then send your caption to captions@nexusmag.co.nz. You got that?! If
soldiers that are shooting at us, and then log on to forums.nexusmag.co.nz and submit your caption there. Here’s this week’s picture! Caption it! GO, GO, GO!
name, private!
Last week’s winner: This one! “It’s amazing what they teach guide dogs these days.”
Now, faaaaaall out!
Myles Browne-Cole, eh? Well done, Myles! You! Are going to be a general someday, soldier!
WANT TO BE INVOLVED WITH NEXUS BUT CAN’T TEAR YOURSELF AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER?
forums.nexusmag.co.nz ..........sign up today!
7
NEWS
ISSUE 15
27 July 2009
Kia Ora Tungane By Grant Burns
Maori Language Week marks its 34th year this week with celebrations kicking off today (Monday 27th) around campus and New Zealand. Maori Language Week began in New Zealand in 1975 and has since been a week of appreciation for the native language of New Zealand. Waikato University is hosting an array of seminars and events all week across campus to increase knowledge about Te Reo Maori and its history. Starting today, the university will be hosting workshops for four different
issues. The seminars kick off this week with the topic of ‘reclaiming the usage of Maori place names’ and is seen as a way to strengthen links between Maori academics and Maori professionals. The Manu Ao Academy is an inter-university Maori academy which broadcasts its lectures to eight institutions around New Zealand. The seminars are held every Wednesday 12:30pm – 1:30pm.
“I think if every day student’s make an attempt on using Maori words in regular speech that would be awesome. Have a go at pronouncing some Maori place names correctly and try to understand how the Maori language works.” types of haka: Monday - He Oranga at A.G.30, Tuesday – Ka Mate at A.G.30, Wednesday –Te Puru at MSB 1.05, Thursday – Tika tonu at L.G.02. All haka seminars are one hour and start at 12pm daily. On Friday, Dr Te taka Keegan will be on campus to discuss his involvement with the translation of Google.com into Te Reo Maori. A hangi will be on sale on Wednesday to FASS students only, while the WSU will set up on the Village Green to give out soup to other students. An initiative that has been set up to coincide with Maori Language Week is a bunch of weekly Manu Ao seminars which discuss prominent Maori
Maori Vice-President Whetu Taukamo is feverishly excited about Maori Language Week and has some tips for students. “I think if every day student’s make an attempt on using Maori words in regular speech that would be awesome. Have a go at pronouncing some Maori place names correctly and try to understand how the Maori language works.” More emphasis is being placed on the importance of such cultural events as Maori Language Week. The reality that over 60% of Te Reo speakers are over 60 means that the younger generation needs to embrace its native culture otherwise something unique to New Zealand could be lost forever.
The University of Waikato – helping you plan for your future. Did you know we have a careers office on campus, providing career direction and pathway planning for you? Get a first glance at current vacancies, employer presentations and job websites. There is also the opportunity for one-on-one appointments.
8
0800 WAIKATO careers@waikato.ac.nz
NEWS
Waikato University: It’s Cheap ...to join the Student Union. By Hollie Jackson Waikato University boasts some of the lowest union fees in the country, with students paying considerably less than those in other institutions. Waikato students pay only $95 in student union fees per year which covers WSU services and events - these are the general costs that all tertiary institutions incur. Waikato University is one of the only universities which does not charge its students for an O-week pass which in Canterbury and other universities can cost more than $100. The University of Auckland student association charges its students $130, Massey University’s charges $140 and Otago’s student union $165. The fact that other universities charge for Oweek does not mean they host better events; former Massey University student Alisha Huijs
says that, in comparison, Waikato University O-Week is considerably more enjoyable than that of Massey. “Their O-week was horrible; the events were overpriced for what you got and the nightlife was slack” she said. However, as Waikato University grows in student population and with the economic downturn looming, the question is whether these fees will go up. WSU Manager David West said that it “depends on what students want to do and how much that is going to cost us”. Whether the fees will go up is a matter of the overall budget; getting the money we need without being extravagant with it. If you have any views or ideas about the budget or student union fees then come along to the Student Budget Consultation on 3 – 14 August.
WSU AGM and elections coming up Time to get involved in shaping your campus By Grant Burns The ‘B’ in B Semester stands for “Business Time.” Maybe not literally, but figuratively, with the Annual General Meeting (AGM) and WSU Elections coming up, it is. This is your chance as a student to make a difference in student affairs and or run for a Director’s position within the Waikato Student Union. The AGM is a time where the annual report, annual plan, and the budget are contemplated and acted upon. Students have from the 3rd to 14th August to make submissions and raise ideas with WSU members about the annual plan and the budget. This is called the
“consolation process” and it is the only time where you can have an influence on the AGM because the budget gets written on the 23rd. After that time, all you can do is sit and listen on 23rd September. The WSU Elections are an annual event where every position on the WSU goes up for grabs. Nominations open 7th and close on 18th August. To be nominated as a Director, VicePresident, Maori Vice-President, or President, you must be a currently enrolled student and have three or more nominations other than yourself.
WSU President Ben Delaney is excited about the nominations process. “I think students who want to consider running for the Board of Directors should between now and nominations come and talk to the incumbents. We advise you to ask what the roles are because the perception and reality of being on a board are quite different.” So, if you want to have a say in the way the campus moves, then come up to the WSU office with your nomination or ideas on the budget – or both!
9
NEWS
What do you know? There’s a recession in the real world Next week: Climate Change By Grant Burns
Waikato University’s Golden Key chapter hosted a seminar on the economic crisis last Wednesday with guest speaker and ex Minister of Commerce/ Speaker of the House Margaret Wilson. However, the seminar contained more financial/political banter then any real solution to the problem or how it affects students. The seminar took place in S.G.01 with approximately 30 students in attendance. Wilson gave background to the financial crisis morphing into an economic crisis, suggestions about whether or not to regulate the market, and the question: has the media made the recession worse? In an answer to a student’s question about whether or not there was an end in sight of the current economic situation, Wilson replied, “I guess things will change, whether they will get better or not for some will depend on your position in society‌however, the reality is it will probably be longer than most people think. You’re not going to get a sudden return to normal.â€? Golden Key President Daniel Garnett was pleased with how the seminar went and encourages more students to come listen. “The idea of these seminars is for some intellectual stimulus both for Golden Key members and the wider student body. Part of our chapter standards is
to put on some events that are based around idea that challenge people academically. Our next one is next week where we’ll be talking about climate change.� The next seminar is on Climate Change and is open to all students at 1pm Wednesday 5th August S.G.01.
BONUS! Context-free quotes from various press releases we’re not going to print: Chelsea Charms achieved her large breasts through the use of polypropylene string breast implants. As a result, we now live with the legacies of minimum wage laws, price-fixing, controls and regulations on various professions, health regulations and much more--all eventually passing the Supreme Court during FDR’s reign. Worse, the Supreme Court took it upon
itself to lower the constitutional threshold for economic regulations
“her measurements are 153XXX-2334, and that her breasts each weigh 26 pounds (11.8 kg)� On her website, Charms says her measurements are 153XXX-23-34, and that
her breasts each weigh 26 pounds (11.8 kg). Only a small number of women in the world have such implants. In the meantime, if bakers wanted voluntarily to enhance the health of the nation, they might consider adding prussic acid to the bread of politicians and journalists with socialist agendas,� Perigo concludes.
"+#,-' , ))%# , - #% -) (#/ +,#-2 ) 2). &)/ " && (! 0)+% " + ( 0 (- -) ' % -" '),- ) ( ' 3#(! ,.'' + $) )**)+-.(#-2 )**)+-.(#-2 " ( , &&#(! "+#,-' , ))%# , #, )+ 2). +( ).- +.((#(! 2).+ )0( .,#( ,, ( 0 && + 0 + )+ 2).+ 4)+- ),#-#)(, + / #& & #( -)0(, ( #-# , +),, 0 & ( )+ -" ,#1 0 %, & #(! .* -) "+#,-' , - -" &)0 )0( +)' -" "+#,-' , ))%# , - ' ( , 2 .&2 ' *' )( -" #&& ! + ( )+ #( ) - ( )( ).+ 0 ,#-
10
NEWS
4 million people on Hamilton buses 3 million of them are reeking, raving derelicts By Jason Sebestian More than 4 million people travelled on Hamilton buses in the past year, according to a newly released report. All the city bus services increased its total passenger numbers by about 800,000 compared to the year before. According to Paula Southgate, the deputy chair of the Regional Transport Committee, the introduction of two new Direct services, the rolling out of Sunday buses and other network enhancements to the general bus service probably induced more Hamiltonians to ride on the bus network. She added that the Government sponsored free off peak SuperGold cards was another boosting point. Higher petrol costs and the “ever increasing awareness of the benefits of public transportation” were of course two undeniable factors in the increase of bus passenger numbers seen over the last few years. This year’s numbers ending in June 30 proved a remarkable increase of 21 percent from last year and 57 percent increase from the year 2006-2007. Hamilton’s bus services provide a more cost effective way of travelling around the city while conserving the environment at the same time. According to Paula, the bus services greatly help in reducing traffic congestion on the roads and saving money that would have been
used for road construction. Improvements and revisions to the Passenger Transport Plan and to Hamilton’s bus services will continue to proceed in order to create a balance between great service and cost effectiveness. The latest change to Hamilton’s bus service is the change in management with Pavlovich Coachlines taking over the running of the Orbiter, City Express and the CBD Shuttle services. The new deal with Environment Waikato is expected to see 17 new lower emission buses introduced in the bus fleet, but bus fares will remain the same. A few years ago, one might not have expected the bus services in Hamilton to have been a success but now it carries about the same number of passengers as number of people living in New Zealand now. As Paula Southgate said, “The growing use of Hamilton’s buses is a real success story”.
Back in business Show Business By Grant Burns AC/DC have broken new ground for their New Zealand shows. Instead of complex ticketing hierarchies, AC/DC have devised a “one ticket for all” system. $160 can see you at the front of the stage or the back of the grounds. Sitting, standing, doesn’t matter: $160 regardless. The initiative behind the idea is the notion that the majority of AC/DC fans would rather stand and mosh than sit and knit. AC/DC will be playing two shows: one on 28 January in Wellington and one at Western Springs, Auckland on February 4th. Tickets for both shows go on sale tomorrow (Tuesday 28th July) and be quick cause half a million tickets for their Australian shows sold out within 30 minutes! However, AC/DC isn’t the only big named band coming to New Zealand in recent months.
Alice Cooper brings his ‘Theatre of Death’ tour to NZ for one show on Friday 4 September at ASB Theatre in Auckland. LA rap group the Black Eyed Peas drop in to Auckland on Tuesday 13 October. Pop-punkers Green day play two shows at Vector Arena on Friday 18 and Saturday 20 December. The Rock’s Legal Tender concert which includes The Living End, Airbourne, Shihad, and others come to Waikato Stadium on Friday October 9. And LA rapper The Game performs at Rotorua Sportsdrome on Saturday August 15 – haha. AC/DC have not yet confirmed their opening act in New Zealand, however, Wolfmother is supporting them through Australia. Also, watch this space for BDO 2010 news.
11
NEWS
Vault Vault – 15 March 1972
Sons of Thunder By Grant Burns
Twenty two thousand devoted rock ‘n’ roll fans braced the wet conditions of Western Springs last Friday night to witness “The greatest show New Zealand has ever seen – Led Zeppelin!” Bus trips were arranged all around the North Island, trains came up from Wellington, others hitchhiked from the South Island and one man sailed over from the Chatham Islands – all just to be there. As soon as the gates were opened, 22,000 people had stormed to the best positions they could find. The atmosphere was restless and eager. A man with short ginger hair and a wearing a white Led Zeppelin shirt climbed onto the stage and took one of the four standing microphones. Suddenly, a loud voice came over the PA, “The moment you have all been waiting for ladies and gentlemen, the greatest show New Zealand has ever seen – Led Zeppelin!”
Immediate applause followed as the Zepp rocked straight into ‘The Immigrant Song;’ Plant’s long hair dripping in the rain as thousands danced in the mud till the final notes. The concert consisted one heavy section, an acoustic segment, and a five song blast off which included legendary songs such as Moby Dick, Stairway to Heaven, Since I’ve Been Loving You, Whole Lotta Love, and Black Dog. The concert lasted as solid two and half hours with highlights including Jimmy Page’s doubleguitar in Stairway and John Paul Jones playing acoustic guitar at the same time as playing bass with his feet. At 10:30pm, Plant thanked the crowd and left to a party with the cast of ‘Hair’. A near riot broke out after the end of the encore. The final song to be played was Communication Breakdown and the first international rock ‘n’
The Nexus Haiku News By Drummond-san Bennett faces more flak over cut for solo parents at uni Bennett cuts allowance She used to receive Did you vote National? ESPN reporter shocked by secret nude video You’d be shocked too At least she wasn’t caught On the loo, doing a poo Partial defence of provocation set to be dumped Good job, Power “Devil made me do it” defence Is just abhorrent. Raimi to direct WoW film World’s nerds rejoice 12
“We’re getting a Warcraft movie That’s not by Uwe Boll.” No sleep led to samurai standoff I see a movie: Nicolas Cage As the Insomnia Samurai Severe gales, rain warning for much of NZ Ugly weather Socially inept Have a conversation topic Windows 7 is ready, says Microsoft Windows 7 ready? Lying is An illegal operation.
roll act at Western Springs was gone and no one has yet fully recovered. Western Springs has hosted such prominent musical acts since Led Zeppelin including: Bob Marley and the Wailers, Pink Floyd, The Rolling Stones, and AC/DC in 2010.
NEWS
East Hamilton Police Burglary & Vehicle Crime Report 6th - 12th July 2009.
Last week there were 19 burglaries and four vehicles either stolen or broken into in the Hamilton East and adjoining rural areas.
Question from the Police: Are your ranch slider doors secure, are they fitted with proper locks?
Several of the properties broken into can be identified as homes or flats rented by students, particularly around the May St area.
Do you close ranch slider curtains? If not, why as by denying a clear view into your flat it makes it harder for thieves to determine what’s inside? Leaving your valuables in clear view advertises what you have and what burglars may want. Make your home seem unattractive to opportunistic burglars so they look for easier pickings.
The majority of these residential burglaries happened over the weekend, between Friday night and Monday morning while the victims were away. According to victims the most common method of gaining entry into people’s homes has been offenders smashing windows or glass door panels. Once inside the most attractive items for thieves have been small electronic items, such as laptop computers, i-pods and digital camera’s. Circumstances of a Burglary: In one burglary the offender(s) attempted to break into a victim’s bedroom by smashing a hole in a ranch slider door. Because the door was braced with wood they were unsuccessful so they tried and gained entry via another outside ranch slider. Once inside they rifled through bedrooms stealing a laptop and i-pod.
Have you put identification numbers on your valuables? Often Police recover dozens of items when arresting offenders- is your property marked to enable Police to return your stolen goods? Information on how to protect your home or flat is available from the East Hamilton Community Policing Centre on Clyde St. If you have any information that might help Police resolve these burglaries please call the University Constable, Nick Sickelmore on 8582792 or e-mail Nicholas.Sickelmore@police.govt.nz
13
LETTUCE
PH 07 856 6813
PH 07 856
6813
THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS P E WEEK BOOKSHO TS TER OF THBOOKSHOP! WAIKATO UNIVERSITY IVERSITY M BENNET US LET IKATO UN HER FRO THE NEX P! WA .co.nz WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP OK VOUC RSITY BOOKSHO @bennetts $20 BO UNIVE EMAIL wku TO IKA WA FAX 07 856 2255 ADDRESS Gate 5 HillcreststRoad EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz Road
856 FAX 07
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Not your Buddylink Letter of the Week
Studylink. Send letters to editor@nexusmag. co.nz Letter of the Week wins a $20 Bennett’s voucher!
That two syllable word causes a collective groan from anyone who has had problems with the government agency which was designed to help the common student. I personally am having a shitty time trying to negotiate my allowance to gain acceptance. After applying, I got a declined error message online. With furrowed brow, I marched out to Hamilton East and asked what was going on. The woman with the plastic mechanised smile gave a rattle of the keyboard and gave me another robotic leer. “Sir, your allowance declined because you haven’t reached the full-time minimum” I asked her what the minimum full time was,
Letters may also be sent via the letters thread at forums.nexusmag.co.nz. We sometimes get too many letters to publish these days – but don’t stop sending them! Letters that don’t make it into the mag can be viewed in the forum as well. Txts to the Editor! Nexus now has a non-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Bustedtype situations to 021 235 8436. Letters policy: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name. Send letters to editor@nexusmag.co.nz
and what I had. She said it was 0.4 for minimum, and that I had a measly 0.375. I wanted to throw a chair at the ridiculousness! I talked to some people, and filled out a limited full-time form, and walked once again all the way out to Hamilton East to hand it in. The same woman blinked at me and said “We’ll have it ready within a week. Sorry for the trouble!” I grinned all the way home. I was certain that my backpayments and acceptance letter would not be far off. Nearly two weeks later, I am still waiting for the approval. I’m living on -$20 a week, unable to clean any of my clothing, pay for my compulsory books and readings, and paying rent each week is another bullet in my stomach. I’m using my last two megabytes of lightwire credit to send this email! There is no reason for me to write this letter except to propose a name change for Studylink. Perhaps Fuckyoulink, or Screwuplink would suffice. I should spray some more deodorant now, my rooms starting to stink again. Thanks Studylink! Logan N
Texts to the Editor! Now with actual prizes! Nexus now has ACTUAL PRIZES for its Texts to the Editor! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. We’ll provide the Text of the Week writer with a fix of New Zealand’s freshest and bestest Gravity Coffee! All you have to do is text in with something worth wasting words on. Have an opinion and we’ll provide the coffee. www.gravity.co.nz
THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!
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ADDRESS Gate 5 Hillcrest Road
WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP
EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz
LETTUCE
Yawn You are all terribly embarrassing people, and no doubt your mothers are ashamed of you. Your fathers would be embarrassed, but they honestly don’t care enough about you to put down the paper, or turn off the television long enough to beat you the way OJ beat the system.
REVISED SCENE 2: All your friends laugh as you run around the playground with soiled underwear because a zombie who looks suspiciously like your recently dead grandmother is groaning and trying to pinch your cheeks.
This is not referring to any joke in particular, but to all jokes you’re smart enough to get, yet don’t. Laugh more. That’s what your mouth is for. A lot of people will refute this logic with claims of “What about talking?” or “But I have to eat!”
I am tired of you lot walking around with faces that make you look as though you got raped in the face by a giant anthropomorphic lemon. Laugh more. Tell jokes, have fun, chill the fuck out a bit. Your life is not as bad as you make it. For a start, you are not in prison. To the readers who are in prison, at least you have the internet.
No, Fatty McNolaugh, you don’t. You can be fed through an IV like all the sick people. Why are they sick? Because laughter is the best medicine, and they don’t laugh. Laugh more. It is simple. Picture the saddest thing you can, and then make it opposite. Here is an example:
To those of you reading this on paper brought to you by your loving wife during a conjugal visit in prison, at least you aren’t getting raped.
SCENE 1: Your grandmother dies. SCENE 2: You cry, because your grandmother is dead.
To those of you reading this on paper brought to you by your loving wife during a conjugal visit in prison, and are also getting raped, at least you aren’t on the outside, where the rest of us would laugh at you.
REVISED SCENE 1: Your grandmother comes back to life.
From EoA
NEtbALL t SoCCER t VoLLEYbALL
League 4 Starts Soon
Enter online at asbsocialsport.co.nz
Social Sport
or at the Rec Centre
HE WISHED HE’D BEEN
Register your team today First Game Soccer
09 August
Volleyball 11 August Netball
13 August
Entries Close 6 August Managed by
You Choose Competitive or Social Grade
Indoor
Gerald thought he couldn’t afford to get his car insured – not full cover for his car and any car he damages – or even cheaper third party insurance to cover another car in case he is at fault in an accident. Gerald was wrong! He should have least got third party insurance. Unfortunately his car damaged another car while it was parked so he was clearly at fault and responsible for the costs incurred. The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge database to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 8384466 extn 6622 or 0800FORCAB. By the way as about a quarter of vehicles in New Zealand are not insured, the Government is considering making third party car insurance compulsory. This would address issues of equity and road safety as at-fault insured motorists would be protected against potentially hefty costs in the event of a crash and responsible drivers wouldn’t be left out of pocket. At present, those who have vehicle insurance are paying for the costs of all motorists through their insurance premiums.
15
LETTUCE
“Why did you waste everyone’s time with your lame arse comment about Aucklanders?”
Munters continue munter dialogue This is responce to last week and the week before- about the Flow bar’s rude customer service. Well Andrew ( the unhappy Aucklander) and Ben.W (the person who obviously has issues). First of all, Andrew, sorry you had such a gay time. Come to REDACTED or REDACTED next time. And why would you waste your time and money in that bar? Have you not seen that it’s not surrounded by any other lively places? EXACTLY - because it’s damn dry! GO TO redacted!!
Now for you Ben you racist shit head...Who are you to talk about Aucklanders you dry ball sucker. Why did you waste everyone’s time with your lame arse comment about Aucklanders? Next time you would like to comment on Aucklanders...think about how nothing Hamilton is without the exciting dare devils from Auckland! SUCK ON YOUR DAMN FINGER AND HAIRY ARM PIT HAIRS YOU DAMN SKINHEAD SHIT FACE!! Monique d.V.
Hi, Moan Weak. You’ll notice I REDACTED a number of allusions to Hamilton bars from your wonderfully incoherent letter. That’s because we get a surprising amount of mail from people either connected to or employed at rival bars intent on making their opposition look bad. Unless Hamilton has a bar called “Redacted,” that I didn’t know about, this shouldn’t be a problem as long as I edit out the names – Ed.
Texts To The Editor
Send texts to 021 235 8436!
Text of the Week Sure, why not.
Nexus shud chnge its nme to Sexus mag haha chur bro
You don’t actually need to say “text of the week” in your text. That won’t change our opinion of it. And JAFA is an acronym.
Quote emote Dearest Nexus, Your article ‘New Student loan proposal would hurt students financially’ in issue 14 talks about the changes being proposed to student loan repayment thresholds, which I’m sure most people will agree look pretty look pretty shit (great title by the way – it draws the reader in without giving too much away). Anyway, our WSU President had this to say: “It’s just another way for the government to discriminate against students who want to support themselves while studying”. I’ve got nothing but respect for our Directors who seem to be working to represent us, but what
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the fuck is that? I realise that anyone involved in student politics is morally obliged to rage against any elements that are even mildly rightof-center. Sticking it to the man is what being a student politician is all about. The problem is, Ben implies that the government is acting against students out of spite, without any way of backing this up let alone making any attempt to sound rational. Childish, petty and irrational is not how I want to be represented. Other than that, keep up the good work. Vault-dweller
Txt of the week – Could you tell Andrew that Jaffa is spelt as before…You Taihape Redneck
Whiner Could aaron from enmp223 please shut the fuck up in class nobody wants to hear your stupid questions you only know more than us because you are repeating the paper from the entire class
RANDOM
Arts Hole
Spark festival – imminent! Pheobe Merryll
Next week, Spark Festival of Media, Arts and Design is happening in Hamilton, hosted mainly at the Gallagher Hub at Wintec. Spark is free, predominantly, and is well worth checking out. As in past years, invited guest speakers from around NZ and the world will offer specialised presentations and workshops based around their own arts practice, which are free to attend. Other events punctuate the week - details and dates on all events and presenters are up now http://www.spark.net.nz.
printmaker, artist), Special Group (AK advertising agency), plus graduate forum which includes Sandra Mu (Getty Images photographer) and Aaron Styles (Huffer designer). Music: Sing Songs (band), Beyond Ipanema (film) Fashion/Interior Design: Vee Smit (interior design), Denise L’estrange Corbet (World) Journalism/media/advertising: Helen Baxter (digital media), Carly
A quick summary of the creative areas covered:
Flynn (TV presenter), Special Group (AK advertising agency) Theatre: Sam Scott & Wes McDowdell (Massive Company)
Film: Marina Goldavskaya (director), Guto Barra & Beco Dranoff (director/producer Beyond Ipanema), Onedotzero motion graphics screening (includes some of the most exciting and innovative animation and moving graphics from around the world Visual Art: Nicky Deeley (contemporary art/sculpture), Paul Seawright (photographer), Sara De Bondt (graphic design), John Pule (writer,
There will also be a number of associated events including Pecha Kucha night (1st birthday), Media Arts graduate showcase + forum, live music & international DJs, art exhibitions, and two film premieres. Put 3rd – 7th of August in the diary now, and prepare to Spark. Look out for more information in next week’s Nexus.
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FEATURE
Experience AISEC Bored with doing the same thing every summer? Experience the most amazing time of your life overseas!
Imagine you are a student faced with the prospect of finding a job over summer, especially in theses hard economic times. Or imagine if the other options would be for you to take up summer school or just wander around Hamilton doing nothing much useful. You could of course go on a short holiday somewhere in Rotorua or in the South Island, but why settle for just that? You now have the option of doing something far more exciting, far more adventurous and which you can also get countless benefits from. Imagine having the chance of going overseas on an internship experience for around two or three months over this summer. Imagine how exciting it would be! Not only would it be an exciting learning experience and a mind blowing adventure, it would also be the chance to gain first-hand experience of a foreign culture and society. AIESEC Waikato is offering you the chance to do exactly that. Our internships are not as highly priced as other overseas internship or exchange programmes, they focus more on interacting with the local youth population and they are unique in the way they are run. Why go overseas? Why not? This semester, we are offering three amazing yet diverse countries for students to do their internships in. In India, we are offering students the chance to volunteer and travel in the world’s fastest-growing economies. Add that to the largest human population in the world and
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imagine all the experiences one could have! Our projects in India include: working with children and helping to improve their welfare, HIV/AIDS awareness, and raising the importance of education in the community. Besides that, we also offer environmental conservation internships in some of the cities in India. In the Eastern European country of Ukraine, we offer a highly acclaimed project run by the AIESEC branch in Ukraine. The World Without Borders project is a nationwide project in Ukraine aimed at school students. The aim of the project is to educate students on international awareness and the various different cultures of the world. Now, for the first time, we are also offering students the chance to volunteer in Malaysia. Called by many “the heart of Asia,” Malaysia is a multicultural country like New Zealand that infuses traditional Asian culture and modern Western trends. Besides being among the most peaceful countries on Earth, Malaysia is known for its blend of culture and society. Among the AIESEC projects run in Malaysia are HIV/AIDS awareness and working with disadvantaged children in the community. Why not read for yourself the amazing first hand experiences of two students who have gone through our overseas internship programme. The two stories below showcase what it really is like to experience an AIESEC internship. The fun, the adventure, the skills and the experience of a lifetime.
“Travelling from place to place and seeing the sights I had only read about in books, I felt like a sober Jack Kerouac�
FEATURE
Malcom Laird goes on a Russian Adventure
The China Experience
I joined AIESEC because I thought the opportunities offered would provide useful work and life experiences after finishing my degree. Plus it wasn’t really the best time to be looking for employment and I have the rest of my life to be a wage slave. And when the offer to work in an orphanage in Russia was emailed to me, it was too good to pass up. The Kazan State Orphanage No.4 in Tatarstan, Russia is an institution for orphaned children and juvenile criminals that cater for 50 boys and the same number of staff caring, educating and providing entertainment. My duties as an AIESEC volunteer involved organising activities, teaching English, mentoring and shovelling snow (a collective responsibility). I had ample time to teach the kids how to play bullrush and tiggy, and also got a moderately impressive touch team going as well. Living in the orphanage gave me a totally unique insight into life within a social microcosm, of sorts. While suitably Dickensian, the orphanage was well funded and well managed. Still, living the same life as the children on the inside was humbling, and gave a feeling of solidarity. All those jokes about orphan-grade food turned out to be largely true. These people had nothing, and some had been inside for years (the standard sentence for offenders was three years). But in talking to them (their English lessons were next to useless so I learnt plenty of Russian) they revealed how very little really got them down. It was an infectious optimism that was difficult not to be inspired by. The AIESEC committee in Kazan was similarly inspiring. Despite only being a relatively small, fledgling organisation, the committee was very professional and helpful. They went out of their way to make my time in Russia memorable. Travelling from place to place and seeing the sights I had only read about in books, I felt like a sober Jack Kerouac. I forged some important friendships and met people that would otherwise remain complete strangers. While everyone in the world seems to dwell on our differences, usually in pursuit of some political agenda, it is refreshing to know we are really more the same than we care to realise. It is also enlightening to know that sometimes people don’t always act purely on their own self interests. At the end of my three month internship I was doubtful that my work had been of use to anyone but myself, but I was told that I had made a difference. A lot better than just sitting at home and sucking up air.
When I finally decided that I didn’t want to spend my summer in NZ, I signed myself up for volunteer work abroad with AIESEC. An AIESEC member told me “this is a life changing experience” and I thought that sounded a little too cheesy, but I was able to testify this when the project RED WINGS offered me the opportunity to volunteer in China. Project RED WINGS mainly involves raising awareness of HIV/AIDS and work with NGOs around China, and I was based in Shanghai. My first day in Shanghai was an unforgettable day, although I had done my homework researching, standing in the middle of the central Metro station, dragging my 26kg luggage with a map and instruction of getting to my destination – it was overwhelming! People were everywhere and going in every direction, people were packed onto the
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by Ying Fei Yew
“A lot better than just sitting at home and sucking up air” trains like the tuna packed in cans. I soon learned the art of gracefully pushing through or else I’d have never gotten anywhere. It was a great relief when I finally got pick up by the AIESEC SISU members at their university – the Shanghai International Studies University (SISU). There are various responsibilities and learning opportunities that were given to me during my volunteering work for AIESEC SISU, which included: organising the HIV/AIDS awareness campaign and presenting at the “NGO and HIV/AIDS night”; distributing condoms on campuses (sponsored by Okamoto-condoms.) It was an interesting experience seeing how the Chinese students and community reacted to such activities. We also did fundraising for the “box of love” and Christmas presents for the disabled orphans; Standard Chartered Bank trainings for selected individuals; weekly free Chinese lessons; English speaking sessions with anyone; facilitation in the AIESEC in Mainland China national conference. I was extra privileged to experience the university life in China, such as living in a dormitory with EVERYONE else from your year and same
FEATURE
degree; dining in a canteen where the menu never ever changed; packed bicycles at the bicycle parking lots and not a single car was seen on campus… I was treated like a VIP!AIESEC members went extra miles in specially arranging with the lecturers for me to sit in their classes; invitations to go to social events; front row concert tickets; national sport championship tickets and many more activities that are exclusive to students only. In the first week on campus, I was known as the VIP foreigner from New Zealand; second week on campus, I was known as someone and someone elses friend from overseas; third week on capmus, I blended in just fine, like one of the students on campus. This is something more than what I signed up for! Life in Shanghai for someone like me, who spent the last six years in Hamilton, was like Nemo leaving his small tank and going out in to the huge ocean. The buildings, people, events, food, shopping, nightlife, things that I saw, heard, felt… there were so many thrills, it never has a quiet moment, never a dull second, nothing like what I had prepared myself for. Surprisingly in Shanghai, one of the largest metropolitan areas in the world, there are places in the same city where unfortunate souls struggled to survive, where three year-olds were begging at hours when they should be in warm, comfy beds. Many times, I clenched my heart walking passed without doing anything and felt useless because there are just too many of them. In many ways, I was lucky to be part of AIESEC in Shanghai, which has the strongest and largest network of AIESECers from all around the world. In this place, alongside the new exiting things, new friendships, random strangers, old friends, even true love just naturally happen every single day, everyone crossing paths with each other. The friendships that I have made, the strangers with who I shared laughs and frustrations, old friends who I reconnected with had made my experience even more priceless. After 2 months in China, it was time to pack my heart up to head home with many “first time” experiences; many travelling stories; many new friendships made; 30GB of photos and videos; countless lessons learned; and many, many more… I asked for an overseas experience, I got a life changing experience, and nothing would stop me from doing it again.
These two stories only give a taste of what it is like to experience an AIESEC internship. Our internships are one of a kind and are hard to replicate elsewhere. The lessons and skills you get out of it are unique. The people you meet are those you wouldn’t meet anywhere else. The impact it would have on you later life and job opportunities are priceless.
So what are you waiting for? Applications are open now at www.aiesec.org.nz. To find out more email us at aiesec.waikato@gmail.com or drop by our office at MSC next to the ELT building.
Info Sessions Wednesday 22nd July 1pm L5 Thursday 23rd July 1pm L5
Who are we? AIESEC Waikato is the Hamilton branch of the world’s largest student-run organization. Run by students for students, we offer all university students with leadership and developmental opportunities, overseas internships and a global learning network. Present in over around 110 countries with over thousands of members worldwide we are a unique student organization in what we do and how we do it.
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FEATURE
FEATURE
The Shortcut to Academic Success If you are doing a degree then maybe you do assignments. If you’re unlucky then some of them will contribute towards your final mark! The real top students know how to make sure their marks are the best in the class, and while attending lectures and studying regularly sounds like hard work, you will be pleased to know that’s not what counts. In this weeks The Shortcut to Academic Success, you will learn how to add that very special after-touch to your submitted class-work. But first you need access to it, after it’s been submitted. Before you pick a lock, you need to know how it works. Most modern locks use a system of pins in a rotating barrel (pin-and-tumbler design). The pins are arranged in pairs, and with pressure from springs protrude from the housing of the lock into the barrel so that the barrel cannot be rotated. When the pin pair is pushed up by the correct distance (e.g. by the notch on a key) the point where the pair of pins meet is at the exact height of the barrel, and since they are two separate pieces of metal there is no longer anything stopping the barrel from rotating. This system ensures that only a key segment that is the exact height (not less or more) will allow the barrel to turn. The correct distance is different for each pin pair, which is why keys have a long jaggedy bit, but when all the pin pairs are at the right place the 22
barrel is free to turn and your lecturers filing cabinet (for example) is now unlocked. Without a key, you need something to turn the barrel and something to manipulate the pins. There are tool kits you can by, but with practice a screwdriver and a bobby pin will do fine. First up you want to know which way the lock turns. If it’s your own door that you’re practicing on then you’ll know this but if it’s an unknown office door (for example) then you need to first apply torsion with the screwdriver. If there is a firm stiff resistance, then you are going the wrong way; the correct direction with yield a millimeter or two. Now with a small amount of tension, push each pin up as far as it will go. Your goal is to push the upper pin out of the barrel, and let the lower pin fall back down. With the pins separated, the slight misalignment resulting from your applied tension should cause the upper pin to rest on the barrel. You will hear a faint click when this happens. Repeat for every pin and you are in.
The real top students know how to make sure their marks are the best in the class, and while attending lectures and studying regularly sounds like hard work, you will be pleased to know that’s not what counts
Now it is a simple step of going through everyone else’s assignments and changing the answers on your paper to match the best looking ones. NOTE: This is a demonstrative use of lockpicking only. Actual lockpicking is generally frowned upon by Johnny Law. 23
WSU
Upcoming WSU Events
Pres Sez Balance
1. Guy Cater Hypnotist (29 July) Tauranga, 8pm The Colosseum
By WSU President Ben Delaney
2. Te Wiki Te Reo Maori (22-31 July) Celebrating Maori Language Week
Hello there. This week I’m compelled to talk to you
brightest. Is the answer to balance to take away from
about balance. The fact is, as students, we play many
both ends of the spectrum? Or could it be possible
different roles in society such as family members,
that increased support to both end of the spectrum
worker, club member etc and of course student and
be a more plausible solution. An important issue
that’s why balance is important. Just like individuals,
for all students who are on any level of the pyramid
organizations also need to find balance. At this point
is that should current government policy remained
in time of writing the Budget, Annual Report and
unchanged the university will effectively have to
Annual Plan it is crucial that we maintain a balance
start capping numbers due to underfunding. The
between services, representation and investment
government has only provided limited funding for a
4. Super 10 Kapa Haka (5 August)Venue to
in our long term sustainability. As your student
particular amount of students. Due to the funding
be advised
organization we sit at various levels in the university
cap the limited amounts of resources need to be
system representing you on a number of issues. When
spread over a wider population, in the foreseeable
we represent you we often have to balance a number
future that population is expected to grow. A key
of concerns such as how much will this cost you
driver of this growth has been due to the institution
the student? Does this increase the quality of your
taking on more students, a result of the recession;
education and experience? If a particular decision
surely this positive step to supporting our future could
goes ahead will there be any long term effects to
be through the allocation of extra funding from the
students who take this paper, use this facility, etc?
government. . The cap placed on funding will have
Striking the balance between the uses of various
a major impact on decisions made in the future. For
resources has become more difficult by the current
example who gets in and who stays out, options you
funding climate. With less money in the system and a
have to study including papers, courses and degrees,
growing student population due to the impact of the
and how much you will pay for that increasingly
recession the university has and will continue in the
restricted privilege. Removing or at the very least
future need to make decisions around what it does
raising the cap on funded enrolments is an investment
and does not fund.
into society at a time when people are hurting, it
On a societal level the government has chosen to
will support those already in the system by allowing
force change on a number of particular groups
the institution to cater for those who are new and
including the removal of the Training Incentive
maintain existing level of expenditure on those who
Allowance which has the detrimental effect of
are already here. As students who have benefited
removing support to solo parents to up-skill
from having access to education we need to defend
themselves back into the workforce . Removal of the
the right of future students for access to a supported
Top Achievers Doctoral Scholarships, supporting our
education
3. Student Budget Consultation (3-14 August) Venue to be advised, your opportunity to be involved with your Students’ Union Budget
5. Northern Tertiary Challenge (7 August) Support The Tribe as they do battle with other Unis, Polys an Institutes of Tech right here on the Waikato Sports Fields 6. Adult Learners Week (6-13 September) Celebrating mature students, WSU Sole parent/ Caregiver scholarship awarded 7. WSU Nominations open (7-18 September) put up or shut up, your opportunity to run for your Waikato Students’ Union 8. Pride Week (12-20 September) 9. WSU Director Campaigns (21 Sep-2 Oct) Vote for me, vote for me… 10. WSU AGM Directors speeches (23 September) I have a dream…
Event Recap: B Semester Fiesta By Dave the Bogan
Due to my trip overseas I sadly arrived back half-way through B Semester Fiesta.
made up two big pots of soup and
I had been tempted by AJ to grow a Mexican style moustache but I get enough
took it down to the Village Green
crap from customs officers as it is so couldn’t. Good on him for the fine effort at
to give out to hungry (and cold)
the ginger-mex though. I arrived straight back on campus to get roped into a pizza
students. This was snapped up
eating competition with Art Focker and Kate. We came a very close second but
quickly by people walking past and
probably would’ve won if my technique was better and I hadn’t dropped some. Big
disappeared really fast. Sadly I was too tired to
thumbs up to Art for doing the floor eat. Due to jet-lag I was put on day duties for
take part in the shenanigans at night – however I do want to say that I think it was
the rest of the week so helped with the WSU stall and sausage sizzle (so I stood
an awesome idea to have a WSU taxi taking drunken students to and from town.
there promoting WSU services and eating free food!) on the Thursday. Also there
A big “ka pai” to everyone who helped out till five in the morning! On that note
was a tin can shoot out and an amusing competition that Liquor King set up to see
a big ka pai to the Events team, volunteers, sponsors and WSU board who helped
which student could say “chubby bunny” with the most sausages in their mouth. I
make B semester a success. To all you students out there – during events come on
was dying to see the guy in the pig costume enter it because with the extra points
down to the Village Green cause you can reliably expect free food and good times!
awarded due to irony he would’ve been a sure thing to win. On the Friday we
WSU
Introducing the Directors
Waikato’s Cook Islanders Dance It Up
Hey guys, I’m Kate Magazinovic and I’m one of the two new directors at the WSU. You might have seen me down on the Green with the team during B Semester Fiesta last week handing out free stuff – hope you all enjoyed the week as much as I did! It was great to meet so many of you at the WSU Quiz Night
Waikato University’s campus culture is largely influenced by the many sporting and cultural groups that are active on campus, including various international students’ clubs. Two weeks ago, Waikato University Cook Island’s Association (Te Orau Maeva) successfully hosted Taokotaianga 2009—NZ’s National Cook Island Students’ Conference. The conference is a biennial forum for tertiary students within NZ of Cook Island heritage and/or affiliation—and this year saw a large contingent from Auckland University make the journey south of the Bombays. An intense week of Cook Island affairs followed including workshop sessions
and the infamous Pub Crawl... I’m originally from Tauranga, and in my first year here at Waikato doing a BA in Theatre and English. I was one of the actresses in last semester’s production of The Vagina Monologues, and am stoked to have the opportunity to work inside the WSU team to make your Uni experience that bit better. As yet I’m not sure what my job on the board is going to be (a portfolio shuffle is imminent), but keep an eye out for me working for you throughout the rest of semester, and hopefully the years to come!
facilitated by notable Cook Island professionals and academics, moot debates between the universities, a sports competition and cultural competition. Creating and retaining a Cook Island identity within NZ was one interesting and relevant issue that the conference generated and the topic was hotly discussed. Overall, all credit must go to Te Orau Maeva’s Executive for a well-planned and streamlined conference, engaging both the intellectual, physical and social demands of their delegates. And for the record, Te Orau Maeva won the moot debate, the sports competition, and also the cultural competition.
Kate Magazinovic
By Deni Tokunai
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WSU
Veep Speaks
By Vice President Maori Whetu Taukamo Te Wiki o Te Reo Māori – Māori language week true or false quiz (answers are at the end of this article). 1. In 1987 te reo Māori became an official language of Aotearoa in law? 2. Te reo Māori has the same sentence structure as French? 3. With one click of your mouse you can change from ‘google’ English to ‘google’ te reo Māori? 4. The word “Māori” can mean ordinary? 5. Currently there are more Kohanga reo (Māori early childhood), Kura kaupapa (Māori primary school) and Wharekura (Māori secondary school) in Aotearoa than any other time in history (fact); however, those who speak te reo Māori is expected to decline in the next 5-15yrs? Te reo Māori was spoken by the tangata whenua of Aotearoa. It is closely related to the Polynesian languages of the Cook Island Māori, Tahitian and Hawaiian. On 14 September 1972 a petition containing 30,000 signatures was presented to Parliament. This started a significant change in the history of the language. For some time the speaking and amount of people who could speak the language was in serious decline. In 1975 the first Māori language week was held. This was followed by the introduction of Kohanga reo in the early 1980s as a means to revive the language in the growing generation. Finally, after the passing of legislation te reo Māori became an official language in Aotearoa which also established Te Taura Whiri I te Reo Māori - The Māori Language Commission. The Commission’s work includes: (a) promoting and raising the awareness of the Māori language; (b) promote quality standards of written and spoken Māori through initiatives; (c)
administering examinations for candidates seeking formal certification as translators and interpreters; (d) researching and formulating policy related to the promotion, maintenance and progression of the Māori language; lexical expansion work including the production of glossaries.
What can you do to support and promote the te reo Māori? • Take Māori language lessons and encourage friends and family to learn too. • Read Māori books. • Watch Māori television, programmes or listen to an iwi radio station. • When talking to friends use as much te reo as you know or understand. • Ask speakers of te reo Māori to teach you a new word each day for the duration of Māori language week. • Learn how to pronounce correctly the Māori names of towns and cities in Aotearoa. During this week there are many activities around the campus promoting te reo Māori like the various haka workshops where the haka will be explained and then performed and music on the Village Green. Last quiz question: 6. The Māori vowel sounds (A, E, I, O) are the same as German vowel sounds? The answers to all the questions asked in this article are true! Torou Hawaīki.
Sports Results
With your friendly WSU Sports Director, Natalie Good
is last rounds results as follows, good luck to all the teams for the remainder of the
Mens Gold Mens Black Womens B Womens Black Womens Gold
season, go get ‘em tiger!
Hockey
Hey guys and girls, I hope to put out weekend results from all our University Sports Clubs for the last few weeks of the season in the WSU pages so you know how everyone is going. They will be results from the previous weekend and I will give you the placing on each team’s points table and playoff chances next week. Here
Last Played
Result
Score
Won Won Won Won Won
28 . 15 22 . 12 10 . 3 40 . 7 13 . 5
Lost Won Lost
5.0 2.1 4.1
Rugby (Varsity) Prems Taupiri B’s Southern United U21 Morrinsville U19 Lemmington U85’s Te Awamutu
Football (Unicol) Mens A Mens B Mens C 26
Hamilton North Melville Old Boys Ngaruawahia
Mens Prem CBD Mens Speights Mens New World Mens Challenge Mens Inkfish Mens Development Womens Prem CBD Womens Storage King Women Admor Prom Womens Creative Plastics
Cambridge D2 Morrinsville E Tokoroa Won Te Awamutu B Eastern Suburbs
Lost Lost 5.0 Lost Lost
1.0 5.0
Frazer Tech Suburbs Piako PioPio Won Uni Inkfish Uni Challenge Suburbs Pastits Rotorua Aces Frazer Tech Marist Ngaruawahia
Lost Drew 7.0 Won Lost Won Won Won Lost Lost
7.5 3.3
1.0 4.1
4.3 4.3 6.4 5.4 4.0 5.0 5.0
Looks like Rugby was the winner on the day, 5 out of 5! Good luck for all the finals guys!
28
NOTICES
The Nexus Noticeboard Send notices to notices@nexusmag.co.nz before Wednesday, 5 pm. Placing notices is free for students. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Notices cannot be any more than 75 words unless you ask us specifically and we say yes. They will roll over every two weeks, unless specified – so please, tell us how long you want us to run your notice for. We will not accept handwritten or otherwise non-electronic notices or dictation over the phone – that’s stone-age shit. If you (somehow) don’t have access to email or a computer, come into the offices and use one of our computers to type up your notice. Ta.
Flats and Mates
Current flatmates are an easy going couple in early
The MCOM Student Association is recruiting now. As
Flatmate wanted. One room of five available.
20’s, both 3rd year uni students, and 2 dogs. Rent
a member you’ll have access to PR workshops, guest
Hamilton East. Ten minutes walk from uni. Close to
is $120pw including wireless broadband,power, gas
speakers, networking events and work experience
shops. $100 including power, phone and internet.
heating and sky. ph/txt 0272030148 or email sn68@
projects. Free to join, looks great on your CV.
email ryalkane@ihug.co.nz or ring Ross at
waikato.ac.nz
Contact Maggie Lo at mhyl@waikato.ac.nz
0212651764.
Student Life’s *Tune In* competition *Tuned Out* on
Random Stuff
Wednesday with the following names drawn as this
Flatmate wanted for 4 bedroom apartment. $100
For sale:Human development in Aotearoa: A Journey
semesters winners;
per week, to live with 2
through life (2nd edition) written by Wendy Drewery
females and 1 male on innverness ave. Close to uni,
and Lise Bird.Very good condition. $40 Contact:
Ipod Winner; Matthew Leach
warm and friendly
02102286768 or jk109@waikato.ac.nz
$20 Prepay Phone Card Winners; Johannes Botha and Johnathon Dudley
environment. Phone or Text 0272835720. FOR SALE - Brand new Mens Burton Hail
Movie Money Winners; Marissa Theron
Flatmate wanted for 4 bedroom apartment. $100
Snowboard Boots,
Congratulations guys! In the off chance you haven’t
per week, to live with 2
Men’s size US 11, UK 10, JPN 29, EUR 44. Mint
heard from us give
females and 1 male on innverness ave. Close to uni,
condition, worn for half a day.
Claire a holler on Claire.semones@studentlife.co.nz
warm and friendly
Colour - brown, purple, green and white
<mailto:Claire.semones@studentlife.co.nz> or 021
environment. Phone or Text 0272835720.
Make me an offer or text to view
589 084. Enjoy!
Ph 027 375 8128 Cane of Punishment. Busty, sexy, x- rated duo.
Not looking for a laid back flatmate to share our nice house, its close to uni (on may st) with 2females
FOR SALE - Black Lange Womens Ski Boots
available for parties. $50 1/2 an hour. www.myspace.
1male, 2at uni 1working . rent is not $80 a week plus
Worn for one day, excellent condition, approx 2
com/caneofpunishment
$25 flat expenses (power, internet, flat essentials) Off
seasons old. Mondopoint size 24.5, European size
street parking is not available. Room is not medium
38-38.5, US size 7-7.5. Boots have Easy Concept Fit
choice if youd like to print our cartoon comic strip
to large, but do not need to bring own furnishings,
Thermofit Liners that can be heat treated to mold to
attached as well, we are anticipating some hate
house is pretty well set up, however any additions are
your foot and calf for a more comfortable fit.
mail in the next issue as we upset a few squares and
not welcome. Were a pretty relaxed and social flat, so
Suitable for those with a narrow foot. Would suit a
recieved complaints from some p.c fuckwits at our gig
if not interested plz don’t txt Becca on… SEE? That’s
recreational beginner to intermediate skier. Make me
here for b semester fiesta.
what happens when you post an ad on the Nexus
an offer or text to view
Noticeboard? You get a flatmate! Send your notices
Ph 027 375 8128
to notices@nexusmag.co.nz! WEEKLY DANCE CLASSES: Flatmate wanted: One bedroom available in a clean
These classes are run by the Unity dance club.
and tidy four bedroom apartment style building with
They are suitable for everyone even with no dance
off street parking. There are 3 existing flatmates, 2
experience. WEDNESDAY 1-2PM-various styles taught
female (ages 20 &21), 1 male (age 20) all in third
each week such as contemporary, jazz, hip hop, ballet
year at uni. We pay $100 rent, +$50 for food, power,
and more. THURSDAY 9-10.30AM-More advanced
broadband and phone. We are a friendly flat and are
contemporary dance classes. Cost just $20 semester
looking for someone who is easy going and fun! We
to cover both classes and this gives you access to
don’t party every weekend but do every now and
dance workshops held as well! DONT BE SHY! SEE
then! :) Contact us on 0274229602
YOU THERE:) At the Academy of Performing Arts dance studio. Email ksr6@students.waikato.ac.nz
Flatmates Wanted! We have 2 rooms available in our sunny, 4 bedroom house only 2 mins walk to
Interested in Public Relations?
uni!! House is fully furnished except for bedrooms.
29
COLUMNS
KIRILL INVESTIGATES:
VITAMIN C By vitaminC Volunteering is an interesting thing. I read recently that the numbers of people who are volunteering for things have increased significantly during this recession
What do I have in common with Ryan Reynolds, Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman? We all have sexy bodies, and we know how to use them. What do I have in common with Stephen Hawking and Christopher Reeves? We all have brains and know how to use them. What is the difference between the first and second group? Body language... and the ability to use it. Some scientific types have claimed that body language accounts for up to 80% of communication, especially when one is expressing opinions or an attitude. This explains why I don’t understand much of Stephen Hawking’s theoretical physics, or care much about whatever it was that Mr. Reeves wanted to eat stem cells for. With a percentage this high, body language is too valuable tool to ignore in life (like I do with grammar and etiquette). So… let’s investigate! I am sure we are all familiar with the idea of someone closing themselves of by crossing their arms, or protecting their personal space in the same way. Or the typical involuntary response to touch one’s face when lying (along with lower percentage of palm and inner wrist showing, and decreased eye contact, possible contraction of pupils). Body language can be a very good way of understanding the iterations of people around you, to see things that they aren’t willing to say. Or to understand more technically things that you “just feel”. It isn’t a given method or a trick that you can use to get endless affection from opposite sex members... but it can help...kinda. But that is boring. Let’s get interesting. People who are in sync act like each other. The closer they are emotionally the closer they are physically. So let’s look at a social interaction. You are talking to opposite sex member. If they have any interest in you they might be pointing to you with a foot or a knee. If not, do as in the movie Misery, break their foot and point it where you please. Adopt their volume of speech. Perhaps adopt some of their speech patterns. If sitting lean back, slightly. Wait for them to lean towards you. They will. Try looking round the room, or checking your watch, just do something. See if they echo you. Yes? Good. No? Spike their drink. Keep talking, eventually if things are working, the time it takes for them to echo you will decrease, until the point that it is basically mirroring you. Eventually look for open sexual signs like head tilts, hair touching, knee pointing, open wrist, raised laughter or eye contact, adjustment of clothes or pelvis pointing. When four or more are directed to you, scientist types will say that “you’re in” (damn science lingo). If at least one is shown but less than four, or they aren’t directed at you... it means the person is sexually activated or aroused, but not for you (I know... from experience… sigh). 30
business. Since people can’t make any money, they’re helping out for free. Isn’t that nice? Nexus makes use of a significant amount of volunteers. Flicking through last week’s issue (#14), there’s the music pages, the movie review, the Auteur House column, the Seeing Stars bit, and the columns which were all written by volunteers, as well as some of the news. The guy who does the music gets free CDs and the guy who reviews the movies gets to see them for free, and that’s the only payment involved. The games reviews and puzzle-page used to be done by a volunteer, but now they are added to the workload of someone who gets paid. So who gets paid to work on Nexus? There’s the editor, the graphics designer, the news editor, the guy who gets the ads, and the features editor. Josh is the editor and it’s his job to make sure that Nexus has a whole lot of pages with stuff on them each week and to get the balance right with ads so that we actually make money. To do that job he tells Grant the news editor how many pages of news he wants, and Grant goes about researching and making those articles. Grant has people who volunteer for news writing (actually only a couple at the moment I think, but luckily they’re pretty good) so in an ideal world it would be his job to manage all the incoming news to make sure we have X amount of pages of news, which he would check and then hand off to Josh. In reality he does most of it himself. Talia is our graphics designer and her job is to take all the text that everyone has submitted and turn it into attractive looking pages that catch the eye and are easy to read. I don’t envy her job. For a start, it’s nowhere near as easy as she makes it look and secondly, because there are basically 3 other people trying to make a magazine who also have coursework to do it normally means that she is stuck laying everything up on a Thursday night, which sucks. The Features Editors job is rather loosely defined, but basically at the moment means filling in all the spaces that won’t be filled in a given week. That means coming up with like three pages of stuff, and also there is an agreement somewhere to make three award winning issues, which has kind of fallen by the wayside lately with the exception of when we busted the Unis balls over that thesis affair, and even then that was mostly Josh’s work. There’s a thing about how to pick a lock this week. We have no idea if that is interesting, but it should at least be informative. Did you know it’s illegal to carry lock-picking tools? The point of all this is, it’s hard to find volunteers. It’s hard to find enthusiastic people who want to contribute. It’s even harder to find enthusiastic people who can write, but that shouldn’t be a barrier; after all that’s what an editor is for. We have meetings now and then with free pizza and beer for people who contribute or who don’t but would like to, but somehow the notice for the last one never quite made it to print and only a few of us showed up. See, we’re human too so don’t worry if you don’t think you’re up to it. If you saw a good movie the other day and want to write about it then do it and email it to us. Or better yet come and visit. If you have a hobby or you’re in a club and want to see it featured in a magazine then get in touch (features@nexusmag. co.nz). There are perks and you’ll also meet all sorts of interesting new people.
COLUMNS
By Teresa Hattan
THE NERDERY By Jed Laundry
I’m still up in wet and miserable Auckland, so here’s the last column from the other side of the Bombays. Netball: The Magic have stumbled and fallen inches before crossing the finish line in first place. They were doing so wonderfully well too. But those sneaky Aussies were just a bit vicious for our liking. The Waikato/Bay of Plenty side were knocked out of the ANZ Championships the weekend before last when they played the Adelaide Thunderbirds. This was the
So, just before the holidays, Google did something big. Really big. Mind you Google never really does anything small, but even this is big by Google’s standards. They introduced Wave - a brand new platform that integrates Email, IM, Documents and the internet in a way that Microsoft won’t be able to pull out of the air anytime soon. It’s not complete yet - they wanted developer input. But wow... in the 1h 20min demo video,
SPORTS THOUHGTS
minor final and the girls lost 54-35. This 14 goal defeat was the Magic’s third loss in as many weeks, something they really couldn’t afford to do. I certainly would not have picked this outcome judging on the girls’ form throughout the season. The game was rather physical; with Magic co-captain Joline Henry saying after the match “It is very disappointing when teams have to resort to thuggery out there, like what I believe happened tonight, and that the umpires allowed that.” With five Magic squad members in the Silver Ferns it has recently been reported that the Ferns might struggle this year but I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. Ruth Aitken will name the Silver Ferns squad later this week, with up to 18 players possibly getting the call up. From this group a squad will be selected for three matches against an Invitation World Team in August before the two-match series against the Australian Diamonds in September. Also in sport over the past two weeks; Golf: The British Open has recently crowned its king in a closely fought battle between Stewart Cink, 36, and 59 year-old Tom Watson, both from the US. At the beginning of play on the 18th hole Tom Watson was on the verge of becoming the oldest major champion by an incredible 11 years. With a few shots that went wayward by Watson the pair went head to head in a four-hole playoff. Cink came out on top with 69 for a twounder total, while Watson had to make do with 72. Rugby: I have a confession to make. I didn’t think the men in black could do it - triumph over the Wallabies, that is. Boy was I wrong. I wasn’t able to watch the game due to work commitments, but I had regular updates to keep me posted. It felt like every second there was a change in the score line. Aussies up, the AB’s chasing, equalling, over-taking. Then the final score of 22-16. Well blow me down with a feather! We lose to the French, almost stumble with the Italian stallions, yet we can win against Australia. The game was held at Eden Park and those in the terraces should have said good-bye as they’re being demolished and re-built for the Rugby World Cup. The AB’s are now in South Africa and would have played against the Springboks by the time you read this.
I jizzed myself at least 5 times. And the holidays went by, and the blogosphere died down a bit. The Wave got ignored by the fact that Microsoft is still using their inferior rendering engine in Outlook 2010. I pointed out to people that it didn’t matter, because Outlook is a horrible product anyway as anyone who gets more than 10 emails a day will know. I find it vacuous that in order to add any sort of decent search capability, you need to add Windows Search. But anyway, that’s another rant for another day.
“I can’t really care for spreading the love about decent interfaces; I’ve put my love into one highly concentrated pocket of this world” I can’t really care for spreading the love about decent interfaces; I’ve put my love into one highly concentrated pocket of this world. I got engaged. Top of the Dinsdale hill, where we first exchanged our love verbally. I got down on one knee. I picked out the ring beforehand, and everyone Beverley has shown the ring to seems to think I have good taste. I suppose those years of mac-toting and artsy-picture-taking helped. Weeks went by, I then went to the World Cyber Games 2009 (aka xLAN), where I rocked as a networks admin once again. My compadre wasn’t so lucky, he came down with what was probably H1N1/09 flu, although apparently doctors can’t confirm it after 48 hours of contracting it. I made my lucky escape, thanks to my obsessive-compulsiveness of keeping my mac clean with alcohol wipes and washing my hands before eating things (does ANYONE else still do that?). So I’ve been house-bound this week making sure I’m not actually infected, which is becoming more apparent I’m not, having time to reflect over a bottle and box set of Veronica Mars with my fiancée. And so as I write this, mostly intoxicated (I’ve rekindled my love for sauv blanc, a love that was temporarily severe thed morning after the 2008 ASPAs), I can’t help but think; my oh my, this is a good year.
If you would like to see any mention of a particular sport feel free to email me on teresa.hattan@gmail.com.
31
COLUMNS
The Far Side By Jessica Zonneveld
Michael Jackson fever has hit Tauranga. Any home with C4 coverage and a radio will no doubt have heard the news, Michael Jackson has passed onto an ethereal existence, if he hadn’t already done so years ago. But we, the peoples of Tauranga have not passed MJ. Every cloud has a silver lining; the resurgence of His music on local radio has been awesome. In Tauranga we will never tell Michael Jackson to Beat It, because Behind the Mask is the man who tells you that You Are Not Alone, and that You Are the One. Some extremist fans have taken to communicating only in his song lyrics and titles with one another. How could you get enough of that? We Rocked His World, his music was the voice of a generation where music was about combining a rockin’ beat and lyrics with mega dance moves. Recent MJ topic discussion at Tga house parties attended
particularly perplexing to Tga RSA members. A 42” plasma television, full portable sound system, DVDs, videos and cameras were stolen from the RSA on Cameron Road near Tauranga Hospital at 3.20am on July 6. The television, and other stolen goods listed were used for Anzac Day, funerals and other RSA celebrations. In other local news there has been some dialogue as to street names. Bill Griffiths, 56 of Matua says “I would change Hamilton Street to brighten it up. It’s a street with such a prime location overlooking the water, why call it Hamilton?” Fair point Bill, Hamilton doesn’t have water views so it doesn’t make sense. Interestingly, there was a fire at an Ohauiti property recently, caused by a fire in a sauna because someone took a duvet in there which caught on fire. Saunas are meant to be hot right? Upon hearing this news,
shows divisive opinion on the amount of coverage devoted to Michaels passing, along with the now often played number one hits. Some say they have had enough, but many haven’t and won’t. MJ reminds me as well as many of my contemporaries of a time where the music was about holistic talent. Sure it was pop, but it was catchy, crafty, and always choice. There is a place for MJ always in the hearts of the people of Tga and its bars and nightclubs. Don’t stop ‘you get enough: More please! In other news in the cardiac arrest category and related to the fine water city of Tauranga, there has been a burglary which has proved
sometime Australian (now Tga) resident Sheri Young exclaims “Why would you take a doona [duvet] into a sauna!” A duvet does seem superfluous to your body warming needs in a sauna. In any case, the sauna had to be disassembled by fire servicemen who had difficulty in getting to the scene because of an ‘overgrown and unkempt’ driveway, so the message has been issued to Tga residents to ‘please maintain your driveways’…a fun winter activity suitable for students and perfect for procrastinating.
2009 Wallace Corporation University of Waikato Blues Awarding excellence in sport, creative and performing arts.
APPLY TODAY Proudly Sponsored by: Wallace Corporation Ltd, Waikato Students’ Union and Coca-Cola. Managed by: U Leisure.
Online applications now open www.waikato.ac.nz/student/ click on Blues Awards. 32
Everything you’d expect from your favourite free weekly student magazine + much more!
FINALLY! visit nexus online for: • extended articles • features • comments & feedback • competitions • letters to the editor • up-to-the-minute news
• forums • archived issues - more added all the time! • busted pictures • exclusive online content • streaming music from contact FM
Some features yet to be implemented. Site is a work in progress, and is subject to change without warning.
REVIEW
Battlefied 1943 Developed by DICE, distrubuted by EA 360, PS3 and PC
Reviewed by vitaminC. The Battlefield games have been around for a while now, and have proven to be something of a benchmark in terms of multiplayer gaming. Generally, each game (which have until now been only on the PC) has involved getting a couple of big teams together and having a good old fashioned war, with tanks and jeeps and helicopters and whatever else might be appropriate to the setting, which has ranged from WWII to Vietnam the future. And they are bloody great fun. This time around, the good fight is being fought in the Pacific Theatre in 1943, which for those who don’t know their history was where the United States Marine Corps and the Imperial Japanese Navy battled over a whole bunch of islands during the later years of World War II. The gameplay has designed around simplicity, so it’s as easy as possible to get into a match and start fighting. From the menu you pick ‘Quick Match’ and you get dropped into a server right away. From here you get the spawn menu, where you can pick your class and where you want to appear on the map. Your class determines what weapons you have, and therefore how you can effectively fight. The Rifleman is your all-rounder, who can take on infantry and vehicles from a decent range. Infantry can repair vehicles, and carry a submachine gun and rocket launcher making them great for dropping tanks but very vulnerable to long-range fire. Scouts are the specialists with a sniper rifle, pistol, and remote explosives instead of grenades. The layout of the maps works perfectly with the balance of the classes, so while a skilled player can do well in tough circumstances, the player who is best equipped for the situation will more likely come out on top. Trying to fight over long distance as Infantry will get you filled with rifle-holes, while sprinting blindly into a base as a rifleman will have you plugged with even more sub-machinegun holes. The three main maps are Iwo Jima, Guadalcanal and Wake Island, and they all look beautiful. While geographically they are recreations of the real-life islands with reduced scale, they are rendered as beautiful scenery - especially the postcard perfect Wake Island with its rich blue sky and sea, white sandy beaches, and the beautiful orange glow of the bombing raid up ahead. Each has five checkpoints on the map such as fuel dumps, airfields or landmarks such as the top of Mt Suribachi on Iwo Jima. The object for each team is to capture and hold each checkpoint. While your team has a checkpoint you can spawn there, 34
making it a tactical advantage, but mainly when one team has more than half of the checkpoints the other teams score bar slowly decreases. If your bar reaches empty, you lose. The great thing about this mechanic is that being a team player doesn’t necessarily involve being the best killer. As long as you pay attention to the flow of the battle, reinforce your team when needed or sneakily take an enemy base while they are distracted then you are helping your team win. You can play as a lone wolf if you want, taking to the hills with a sniper rifle or capturing bases alone and unseen, or you can form a squad either with your friends or with random team mates. When in a squad, you can spawn next to any living squad members which is a significant tactical advantage in a heated battle, but also works for you personally since there are many bonus points to go around for assisting in kills and vehicle destruction, as well as saving the life of a squad member or avenging their deaths. The game achieves its aim of being a lightweight shooter perfectly. The stripped back rock/paper/scissors style gameplay works perfectly, and there are never any frustrating moments where you find yourself unfairly getting killed (if you spawn next to an 5 enemies or a tank, it’s your own fault). The vehicles are balanced, with each requiring a degree of skill to use effectively, but like the rest of the game it’s much more a case of knowing where, when and how to use a weapon than being able to use it well. The only problem controls-wise is the hand-grenades, which get thrown a hundred meters off into the distance instead of, you know, having any weight. This makes it very hard to sneak a grenade into an occupied bunker when it bounces off an interior wall and comes back out and smacks you in the head. While there are only three main maps, they cover a surprising variety of different styles of 1st-person shooting gamplay between them, but hopefully more content will be available at some point. There is a bonus dogfighting mode that has been released which is hard, but good fun and is a refreshing break from the grind of ground fighting and still manages to encapsulate the requirement of good teamwork to succeed. In the end, that is what Battlefield 1943 has to offer more than anything else, and it might be just what converts me from Warhawk, another downloadable, highly underrated teamgame. Battlefield manages to force teamwork on you to succeed, and it’s that social aspect that makes it so engaging; having to find your place amongst a bunch of strangers based on each of your specific skills, so you can work towards a common goal. Great fun.
REVIEW
BOOK: Killing God By Kevin Brooks
Reviewed by Louise Blackstock
This book is a tricky one to explain. Basically, the premise is that of a 15-year-old girl, Dawn, who decides to kill God after her father goes all God-crazy and runs away. But this book doesn’t really follow that intriguing plotline. Instead, it veers off into a crazy story involving drugs, guns, money and alcohol. Dawn’s mum is an alcoholic, and Dawn essentially does what she wants – hides away at home with her dogs, Jesus and Mary, and listens to weird 80s emo music. But her new friends Mel and Taylor soon complicate her
but from there it can be hard to stay interested. It’s a weird mix of slow-moving and quick, but the story failed to fully engage me. Rather than being mysterious, Dawn’s friends were just annoying, and while the author admirably avoids explaining everything really obviously, he leaves some things a bit too vague. But hey, if that’s your kind of thing, and you like books with a nice dose of weird and vague morbidity, then you’ll like this. It’s not that I didn’t like it, I just... didn’t enjoy it. But I get the feeling that this is not a novel meant to be enjoyed. It’s a
story, and bit by bit, the truth of her dad’s disappearance is revealed. Personally, I wasn’t hugely impressed by the novel. It hooks you in very quickly with its idea,
short novel, easy to finish in a day or two, so I’d recommend reading it, if you like that sort of slow-moving, real-life scandal, and if you like your endings depressing.
COMIC: Double Review By Gordon Dawson
GTO (Great Teacher Onizuka) volumes 1-4 By Tohru Fujisawa Published by Tokyopop GTO is a “shonen” (boys) manga which looks at the life of ex-bike-gang member Eikichi Onizuka after a series of hilariously contrived events see him becoming a teacher at a classy private school. I was introduced to GTO by some manga-savvy friends in highschool, and read the first three issues. I found them bloody funny. Onizuka is a wonderful character, who turns out to be an oddly brilliant teacher. Much of the comedy comes from the fish out of water setting; as Onizuka is a perverted ex-bikie virgin with a love of looking up girl’s skirts he fits in to the cloying environment of a private school exactly as well as you’d expect. The story fits the shonen convention nicely – Onizuka always does the right thing in the end, albeit accidentally, and often solves problems by hitting them. The art is spectacular. Fujisawa is a brilliant artist, rendering backgrounds and people with a kind of minimalist realism that fits the series perfectly. GTO, is, notably, one of the few manga I’ve seen where Japanese people really look like Japanese people (some liberties are taken with the schoolgirls, but that’s understandable.) The publisher, Tokyopop, has recently reprinted the entire GTO run, and the series can be found/ ordered at Mark One Comics. It’s well worth looking at whether you’re a manga virgin (as I was) or a connoisseur.
Beats the Kangaroo By Aaron Christiansen This is a locally produced effort by Hamilton cartoonist Aaron Christiansen, which means I’m instantly hesitant to review it. I really do not like ragging on local stuff, so I’ll try and make this review as constructive as possible. Beats is a collection of short, anarchic vignettes about the titular kangaroo and assorted, loosely-parodied Disney characters. I love Christiansen’s drawing style – his excellent art has graced a Nexus cover or two – but his stories, many of which have also appeared in Nexus, are decidedly not my thing. People who enjoy anarchic, violent toilet humour with no particular reason or context (and that’s not a bad thing – plenty of people do) will find much to like here, but with the asking price a ridiculous $12 they might not buy it. Note to people doing local publishing: I’m all for it, but DO NOT ask crazy sums for your work. Price it for a gold coin and people will be far more likely to pick it up. Recouping your publishing costs is not the point, it’s getting your name out there, and over-valuing your work will only earn you contempt. Right. Rant over. Beats is worth a look for the art, and if it’s your thing I still encourage you to buy it. It can be found, naturally, at Mark One Comics on Victoria Street.
35 35
REVIEW
Movie:Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince Reviewed by Joshua Drummond
As an unabashed Harry Potter fan I was quick to call dibs on this one. I suppose this will colour the review for some of you, but luckily I don’t care. I enjoyed Half-Blood Prince, which is not to say that it’s a particularly good movie. HBP is the second Potter to be directed by David Yates, and the screenplay is written by Steve Kloves, who is returning after being absent for the fifth movie. Perhaps Kloves is getting bored, but the movie seems rather disjointed. The various parts don’t hold together particularly well, and the ending (OMG DUMBLEDORE DIES but you knew that already) is much less emotional than it might be, far less so than Goblet of Fire’s harrowing climax. The film feels like it rushes over important bits and lingers over filler material, and there is an utterly unnecessary sequence added to the middle of the film where Kloves has clearly gone “Huh. Looks like we could do with an action beat here,” and
Directed by David Yates
has pulled a scene straight from his arse. You’ll know it when you see it. That being said, there are some jaw-dropping moments here. I loved the Death Eater attack on London, the Quiddich showpiece and the firey standoff between Harry, Dumbledore and some watery corpses (which is pretty bloody creepy, actually.) The three main actor actors have matured and it’s safe to say their acting has never been better. Rupert Grint and Daniel Radcliffe do a particularly good job of demonstrating the mateship between Ron and Harry, something that’s been glossed over or ignored for lame comic relief in the previous films. Emma Watson, to my relief, has finally gained control of her eyebrows, which might have made you seasick in previous instalments. She makes a great Hermione, finally. Of course, the rest of the all-star British cast shines as you’d expect. Jim Broadbent plays a pitiable Professor Slughorn, and Alan Rickman’s Snape glistens and glides through his scenes with
dark charisma and considerable aplomb. It’s a shame there wasn’t more of him. The wonderfully witchy Dame Maggie Smith, Sir Michael Gambon, and Helena Bonham Carter also look like they’re all having a tonne of fun. The problems with this movie are mostly inherent in the switch in medium from book to film. It’s still far better than Chris Columbus’ execrable first attempts, but it doesn’t scale the heights of Alfonso Cuaron’s Prisoner of Azkaban, which is a shame. As a friend pointed out to me, it’s a perfectly serviceable, enjoyable adaptation, but it seems to lack a little… magic.
Auteur House Presents: The Dearly Departed
By Dr Richard Swainson
The multiplicity of celebrity deaths during the university’s teaching recess has been a challenge to more than the tear ducts. Unless I turn this column into a sequential series of obituaries some hard choices have to be made. Who amongst the recent dead is most deserving of eulogy? Michael Jackson certainly is not. While he may well have been directed by Landis, Lumet, Coppola and Scorsese his contribution to world cinema was negligible. Playing the scarecrow in “The Wiz”, a misconceived, all black version of “The Wizard of Oz” hardly evoked memories of Ray Bolger yet it stands as his only real acting role. I guess Landis’ “Thriller” video is seen as iconic by most folk who rate the album which shares the same name but Scorsese’s “Bad” is just that, a risible attempt at being macho by a man whose squeaky voice always suggested a lavender sexuality. Farrah Fawcett’s film career was only slightly more substantive. She showed a bit of flesh in a couple of minor science fiction entries, “Logan’s Run” and “Saturn 3”, a bit more in a latter day Robert Altman failure, “Dr T and the Women”, and still more parading the plastic surgery for a “Playboy” video when she turned 50. Her pretentious acting vehicles, usually cast as an abused woman or long suffering martyr type, are best forgotten. At least she had one part to be proud of: Robert Duvall’s
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estranged wife in that fantastic parable of faith and redemption, “The Apostle”. David Carradine’s 222 movie and television credits are a testament to a man who took his lead from a famously hard working father. Mostly he appeared in utter crap, content to be the best thing in b grade fodder. There were some saving graces, however, including being the only actor to be directed by both Martin Scorsese and Ingmar Bergman, albeit in their worst films. Carradine’s talent found true expression but twice: as Woody Guthrie in “Bound for Glory”, an excellent biopic of the American folk singer and political activist, and the title role in Tarantino’s “Kill Bill”, delivering a performance worthy of comparison to the very best work of his generation. Karl Malden’s death is easily the most cinematically significant demise of recent weeks. One of the key method actors to emerge in the post war period, he held his own with Marlon Brando in “A Streetcar Named Desire”, “On the Waterfront” and “One Eyed Jacks”, was an effective foil for George C Scott in “Patton”, and surprisingly credible in westerns like “The Gunfighter” and “Wild Rovers”. Elected to head the Academy when well into his 70s, Malden’s most courageous act was to insist that his old mentor Elia Kazan be given a honorary Oscar, a decision that resulted in some shameful protest. Malden’s brokennosed, everyman looks gave hope to ugly actors the world over.
REVIEW
CITRIC: Band Experiments 09’ Nick Johnston
Firstly, I am excited to announce the return of the Band Experiments in 2009! The Hamilton Live Music Trust will be organising the event this year after the fantastic revival of the competition last year by Mammoth Gig Guide. The competition was first established in 1999 and over the first few years of its existence, it saw many prominent local bands arise, including The Datsuns, Cornerstone Roots and Katchafire. The Band Experiments 2009 programme is scheduled to coincide with the end of the Waikato University and Wintec B Semesters (but well before exams), running every Thursday five weeks. Four heats will see four acts playing 20 minute sets each, with the winner of each heat (announced on the night by a panel of judges) contesting the final along with a wild-card ‘people’s choice’ entry. The competition is a great opportunity for bands to get experience and exposure, but
the best part is that there are up to $5000 worth of prizes up for grabs! More details will be available closer to the beginning of the competition. The official entry forms aren’t ready just yet, but don’t let that stop you. Send details about your band to bandexperiments2009@ gmail.com and the Hamilton Live Music Trust will keep you in the loop and will provide an entry form as soon as they are available. The competition is limited to 16 acts, and you’ll want to get your application in well before the deadline on the 4th September 2009. Visit http://livemusictrust.wainet.org/ to find out more details about the Band Experiments 2009. The scheduled dates are: Heat 1 (4 acts) – Thursday 17th September Heat 2 (4 acts) – Thursday 24th September Heat 3 (4 acts) – Thursday 1st October
Heat 4 (4 acts) – Thursday 8th October Final (5 acts) – Thursday 15th October Another big gig to check out this week is Tiki Taane at Flow Bar on Saturday 1st August. He is touring with the release of his latest album ‘Flux’ which is a remix album of tracks from the his popular 2007 release ‘Past Present Future’. He will be playing an acoustic set first before DJ Sambora from Shapeshifter hits the stage for the remix tracks from ‘Flux’. Tickets are available from Flow and from CD and DVD Store Centreplace, you’ll need to make sure you get tickets early for this gig. Local support acts are Selector Cam, Evade & Dold. Some of the big upcoming gigs at Flow include Concord Dawn on 14th August, Ladi6 on 22nd August and King Kapisi on 19 September.
ALBUM REVIEW
Doteyes - Doteyes EP
To give an unbiased perspective on this recording (as I actually helped record a couple of the songs on it), I have asked Arianne to review this weeks featured recording: the Doteyes EP. Recorded only a few months ago, and released at Flow on the 13th June with The Hollow Grinders and Aum, it was also the farewell gig from one of Hamilton’s busiest musicians. I was lucky enough to play with Shane in Dynamo Go, but musically he really hit his stride when he returned from his half-year visit to the USA with a second hand synthesiser (a bit more affordable thanks to a broken key!). After playing his first show as Doteyes at the Hamilton Circle Jerk 2008, he managed to fit in many gigs over the last year despite having an incredibly busy schedule organising the Mammoth gig guides you may have seen around town over the past year or so. Probably his most significant contribution to the local music community was his revival of the Band Experiments last year, offering a performance platform for many new bands that are now regulars of the Hamilton music scene, including The Prime Numbers, Knights of the Dub Table and The Dusk. So thank you Shane for all you have done for Hamilton music over the last few years!
Doteyes EP
Reviewed by Arianne Zilberberg It is a pity that Hamilton has just lost Shane Dudfield aka Doteyes to the big, bright, and busy Melbourne. He brightened up the Hamilton gig scene with fun, light and energetic electonica-esque music. The short EP consists of four tracks: Eye For A Telescope is a heavy base synth number accompanied by distorted vocals that fill in as another instrument, and embodies the typical repetitive traits of the genre only to surmount to an epic chorus (Caution- side effects may include head-bobbing and foot- tapping). It possesses a somewhat
Animal Collective feel to it. Steven Segal is the slow track that could easily be background music for a bar, or has the feel of an 80s ‘’slow dance’’. Bill Murray, a crowd favourite, explores varying rhythms and great climaxes- really this is what we should be shaking our hips to in clubs these days. With the conclusion of the EP, Hiroshima Jellyfish slows down again, and is a light hearted tune that one would expect to be accompanied by the visual effect of colourful bubbles floating about. The music is simple yet effective, proving how easy it is for one guy to make something good without pro mixers and
excessive layering which often covers up the essence of the music. All in all, the EP is just like a wine tasting- you just end up wanting to drink the whole bottle and boogie into the night partying. 37
GIG GUIDE
Got a Waikato gig you’d like to see in Nexus? Send it to gigs@ nexusmag.co.nz and we’ll print it, for free! Memoirs of Active Service - Atamira Dance Collective A MEMOIR OF LOVE, LIFE AND WAR. A unique and poignant dance work commemorating love and the year of the veteran, Memoirs of Active Service received rave reviews when it debuted in 2006. An ex service man, Maaka Pepene has devised and based this work on his grandfathers diary during his service in WWII. Thu 23 Jul 2009 - Fri 24 Jul 2009 Cost: $15-$30 Time: 8.00pm Where: Telecom Playhouse Theatre -The WEL Energy Trust Academy of Performing Arts, Gate 2B, Poles Apart Okta Concert A programme born out of international connections between Ireland and New Zealand featuring William Dowdall (flute) and Richard Nunns (taonga puoro/traditional Maori instruments). As well as new Irish works the concerts will include the world premiere of Kala Danda for flute and electronics by Michael Williams and Oiche ghealai (Moonlit Night). Fri 24 Jul 2009 Cost: $5,$10 Time: 7.30pm Where: Gallagher Concert Chamber , Academy of Performing Arts
A Funny Thing Happened on the way to the Forum St Paul’s Collegiate Production Tue 28 Jul 2009 - Thu 30 Jul 2009 Cost: $15 - $25 Time: 7.30pm Where: Southwell School Performing Arts Centre, Hukanui Road. Hamilton Apollo 13: Mission Control “In a lifetime of theatre-going in this city I have never seen anything quite like APOLLO 13. It is a truly amazing production.” Dominion Post. Trapped 200,000 miles away from Earth, three astronauts fight for their lives. An explosion has ripped through their space craft and they are quickly running out of oxygen, power and hope. Mon 20 Jul 2009 - Sat 25 Jul 2009 Cost: From $20 Time: 8pm Where: The Meteor, 1 Victoria Street Te Radar’s Eating the Dog Misfits, Failures, and People Who Died Trying: Te Radar’s New Zealand heroes. In this live show Te Radar, star of TV1’s Off the Radar and Homegrown, turns his eye towards his New Zealand heroes; the bumblers and the ne’erdo-wells who personify the “She’ll be right”
Momento lakes
OPEN MIC NIGHTS Every thursday 5pm – 8ish
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Memoirs of Active Service - Atamira Dance Collective
come & support our local talent!
spirit that epitomises this great country. With a visual presentation. Wed 29 Jul 2009 - Thu 30 Jul 2009 Cost: Adults $25, Concessions $20, Students w ID $10 Time: 8pm Where: WEL Energy Trust Academy of Performing Arts, Gate 2B, Knighton Road, University of Waikato, Hamilton BLUES NITE Chris Thompson and friends playing a mixture of classic blues and country music with some originals as well! Monthly | Fri 24 Jul 2009 Cost: Gold Coin Time: 9 p.m. Where: The Palladium Bar, 287 Victoria St. Sunday Afternoon Opera Concert Florian Dengler from Munich sings famous operatic & musical arias and songs from the Romantic German Period including ’The Magic Flute’ and ‘Memory’. Sun 26 Jul 2009 Cost: $10.00 Time: 2.00pm Where: Union Church, Corner of Stewart St and Wainui Rd, Raglan
Corona Buckets
4 corona’s $20 all day everyday
Gentlefolk of the wide Waikato! We desire your BUSTED pictures! It is rather easy! Simply email your pictures to busted@nexusmag.co.nz , or PXT to 021 235 8436. Show us your face! Shame your friends! Or you can (perhaps) take some Busted pictures for us! Email editor@ nexusmag.co.nz for details!