issue 14

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ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

Jokes

Joke of the week

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman wave at him and say hello. He’s rather taken aback, because he can’t place where he knows her from. So he says, “Do you know me?”

To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of one of my kids.”

Now his mind travels back to the only time he as ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, “My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery??”

She looks into his eyes and calmly says, “No, I’m your son’s teacher.”

Contributed by Danielle

I took my younger niece to watch ‘Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead man’s chest’ but they wouldn’t let her in ‘cause its ARRRRRR rated.

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.

I was excitedly getting ready to catch the premier of the new blockbuster ‘Constipated’ only to find it hadn’t come out yet.

Naturally, the Doctor asked him, “What happened to you?”

Q: Why couldn’t G-Unit use the bus?

A: Because they only had 50 Cent.

”Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole; we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife’s monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the cow’s ass. Still holding the cow’s tail up, I yelled to my wife, ‘Hey hon., this looks like yours!’.... I don’t remember much after that.”

Q: What did the alien say to the plant?

A: Take me to your weeder.

Contributed by Gary Oliver

Q: Why do opera singers make really good pirates?

A: They know how to handle the high seas.

Q: What to astronauts eat for lunch?

A: Launchmeat.

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

Send us your jokes and funny pics to nexus@waikato.ac.nz and you could win a Rialto Cinemas pass!

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Parties

Party Review

By Skot and JR The Gang Party What do you get when two white boys turn up to a gang party? The bash?

Well that’s what I thought the answer to the question would be too. That was until JR and myself entered the underworld of Hamilton’s gang scene.

The first two words that come to mind about gangs are stupidity and hilarity.

The party didn’t let me down there as the event was filled with one stupid, comedic event after the other.

I received the text message for the shindig a couple of weeks ago. I’m glad I received the text so early as it took me a while to decipher the secret code it was written in. Something about Shizzles, Nizzles and a whole lot more about hoes. One thing that I was sure about was the address - I guess there wasn’t any code word for the street name it was on.

As JR and myself entered the party I first started to notice something was funny as every party-goer had the same coloured shirt on, not that there is anything wrong with a nice orange flannelette shirt. We were greeted with the gang handshake and told to funnel our beer. JR was driving so he didn’t want to funnel his back and the group started mocking us calling JR a SS. I later found out that the SS were the Silverdale Skinheads, a rival gang.

The night continued into more drinking and the performance of the 8-walk.

I’m guessing this is similar to the C-Walk. I did manage to get a couple of pictures of the gang but they insisted on having their identities hidden from the “50”, whoever he is. I hope the boys like what I did with the picture (notice how the one in the middle is pulling a ‘S’ for ‘Squidward’).

Top three quotes

Vo fo shizzle my nizzle this Partay is off the hizzle fo rizzle (I think this has got something to do with hotdogs as this was mentioned as one of the party goers was handing out food.)

Weed is for the “SS”, have some self-respect

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

856 represent!

Txt me anytime (after 7am) 0274 279319 and JR and myself will review your party.

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CONTENTS

Cover Story Local Film: Where’s It Happening?

16

Features Profile: Richard Mans Profile: Greg Page Getting a Film Degree and a Real Job World Cup Roundup Metal Day Out

17 19 20 15 26

News 10-15

Re-Orientation Possible Layoffs To Uni PR Citizen’s Advice Bureau Exec Watch Catching naughty graduates New head of UniQ Short Shorts Nexus Haiku News Mr. Safety Bigglesworth

Regulars 04 05 08 14 28 24 25 27 33 34 34 35 35 36

Jerk Jokes Party Review Editorial Lettuce WSU columns Gig Guide Artshole Poetree Notices Engine Talk Rage In A Cage Word Freak How To..

Split Decision

36 37 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47

Killing Time Boganology 101 Classic Rock Review Rachel’s Kiddies Page Comics Food Books Citric DVDs The Player Films I’ve Got 5 On It Busted

Credits

This issue’s most-excellent cover was done by Tim Dawson (http://www. reconfine.com/). Thanks for putting up with me! Check out his really cool design sense and style in his artwork on his website.

Editor Dawn Tuffery nexus@waikato.ac.nz

News Editor Joshua Drummond news@nexus-npl.co.nz

Designer Matt Scheurich graphics@nexus.npl.co.nz

Music Editors M. Emery htownslut@gmail.com Mo Books Editor Michelle Coursey Sports Editor Gary Oliver

Assistant Designer Ben Thomson Advertising Manager Tony Arkell admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz 0211766180

Main Feature: Dawn Tuffery and Daniel Woodfield, with thanks to all interviewees.

Contributors this issue: Mazzy, Carl Watkins, Aaron Ku, Jeff Rule, Nick Elliot, Boulanger, Skot, Matt, Ben, Brie Jessen, Burton C. Bogan, CJ, Nick Chester, M. Emery, Gary Oliver, Uncle Jim, Hazazel, Kazuma Namioka, Leigh McGeady, Joe Citizen, Josh Drummond, ASPA, WSU Nexus: Coulda been a contender The views expressed in this publication are not necessarily the views of Nexus Publications 2003 Ltd, any of our advertisers, WSU or APN Media.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

Editorial

By Dawn Tuffery

May the Force be with you They say to do one thing each day that scares you, and Tuesday definitely qualified.

I’ve been hanging around this campus an inordinate amount of time, and never thought I’d even touch that lake. The oil scum, the foul odour, the metre of unidentified goo beneath the surface – all good warning signs that one should back off, go to a nice sanitary office and write that damn 8 page film article.

that, really. All those camera exercises and amateur short films looked a bit boring. ‘I want to be a real director, like on the DVD behind the scenes things.’

But then I got sidetracked into the WSU Olympics, filling a gap for the mighty Wakatoomba Development Squad, and the lake relay beckoned. We came 2nd, just, to the strong Waka-toomba A team. Next time I’ll practice my goo-striding technique.

is particularly difficult when the reason is basically that you’re an arty wanker.

The writing time disappeared, but the experience got me thinking. Making a film can have a lot in common with a relay race through unpleasant waist-deep sludge.

Diving in is ominous and potentially deadly.

You generally can’t achieve it without other people. It can be tedious and incredibly slow.

An unseen log trips you up when you least expect it. But finally you reach the end, and memories of the foul smelling slime fade in a blaze of glory and free spatulas.

Not that the film industry is all glamour and spatulas, of course. But my teenage sister is dead keen to be a film director right now.

‘Oh, you should check out the degree I did, at Wintec,’ I suggested. No, she didn’t want

Ah, don’t we all. And then graduation comes and goes and you find yourself explaining to your WINZ caseworker why you don’t really want a job in retail or berry picking, while trying not to sound like an arty wanker. This

But encouragingly, there’s no one way to be a film maker, which does imply you can’t get it wrong. When researching this issue’s feature I spoke to a number of people who generously detailed their experiences and offered advice.

Even with 8 pages, I could only use half. With the sheer variety of approaches, the only constants seemed to be enthusiasm, focus, perseverance and luck. Although, oddly, both Greg Page and Turbo McAwesome have vacuumed large industrial spaces during employment nadirs. Maybe I should try that.

If you’re passionate about film, uncertainty about where you’ll be in a year or five is more pronounced than maybe any other profession. It’s a crazy, inspiring, agonising, cool, frustrating career choice. You could well just find yourself conning a case worker or mooching around in student media but hey, it’s all material for that feature.

Designer’s worblurhghbm

...

nibh orci dapibus magna, eget tempus mi purus quis massa. Praesent tempus ligula vel justo.

Phasellus dui risus, commodo ac, euismod at, fringilla eget, justo.

Nunc imperdiet pulvinar nisi. Morbi sollicitudin rutrum metus. Mauris mollis. Nulla at ipsum sed urna laoreet imperdiet. Etiam leo mauris, dictum et, gravida quis, accumsan at, magna.

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The weird thing is, I’d probably go back in that disgusting lake for the competition next year.

And I’ll definitely be making films again too, despite it being one of the more stressful and exhausting ways to not earn a living. See you at the Olympics and the Oscars.

Addendums Apologies to the Snowtroopers – their article on places to go last week was abruptly truncated due to editorial slackness, and that late night delirium Matt mentioned last issue. If you were wondering, the other skifield mentioned was Tukino (it’s cheap, apparently), and we hear Whakapapa goes off. Check out www.snowtroopers.org.nz for more in depth detailed info.

Big cheers to Ben from Wintec who’s helped out with the design this week. Good stuff.

Matt Scheurich But in all seriousness, I would recommend you all watch the Dave Chapelle show and if you’re even mildly interested in design, perhaps even of Japanese origin, check out www.pingmag.jp.

They have some really fantastic articles!

I also want to extend big thank yous to Ben for helping me out with the magazine. You’ll recognise his work as being the much nicer parts of the magazine! Sad for me but oh so true.

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

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Vestibulum scelerisque. Quisque eget enim sit amet pede ornare ornare. Mauris neque.

Maecenas auctor. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Duis iaculis molestie metus. Vivamus ligula lorem, pharetra id, viverra sed, ultricies quis, sapien. Etiam rutrum. Vestibulum dapibus tempus mauris.

Phasellus iaculis, lectus sed ornare ornare,

To all moving image/screen and media students who’ve collapsed in hilarious delirium in the edit suite with an assignment due in the morning, this issue is a nod to you guys. You know the state, when it’s 4am and batting around an inflated surgical glove while making monkey noises is the funniest thing in the world. Or when the set you’re animating on falls off the table after you’ve already shot 198 frames? Priceless.

Photos

NEXUS NEWS MONDAY, 17 JULY 2006

“KEEPING YOU UP-TO-DATE WITH WHAT HAPPENED LAST WEEK” COMPILED BY JOSH DRUMMOND

Re-orientation and Clubs Day

By Josh Drummond Re-orientation went off without a hitch at Waikato University over the last week. The weather, for the most part, stayed fine – except for some random flash flooding and hail on Wednesday that sent students scurrying for cover.

Monday played host to kapa haka performances and a comedy night at the Don Llewellyn’s bar.

“It was pretty horrible,” said Tuffery. “[Co-music editor] Mo thought I would get a vaginal disease but I think I outran it.”

Things heated up on Wednesday with a successful and well-attended Clubs Day down by the Banks again. Special performances were put on by the Wai Taiko drummers, who shook windows and small children with an enthusiastic performance that could be heard around Uni. As did the weather – a series of small thunderstorms performed admirably, flooding out several club stalls and sending hail and lightning down upon soaked students in a positively Biblical display.

Headlining Re-orientation band Kora performed a stunning set at Don Llewellyn’s, drawing in a crowd that packed the bar and the two adjoining marquees. (See Busted for photos!) The air was thick with smoke of some kind as the band performed hit after hit. The band’s single “Politician,” drew incredible response from the crowd, and their last song, a brilliant rendition of “Flow,” had the encore chants well and truly underway. Sadly, no encore was played, as the enthusiasms of the crowd had somehow tripped a cable and caused the lights to blow out.

Hundreds of students witnessed the “Tune out Thursday” event with live acoustic music on the Banks, and 48 May-comprised covers band Warrant of Fatness playing the Don at night. We’ll review Late 80s Mercedes next week, cos at the time of printing, they hadn’t played yet. And without further ado – photos!

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

OLYMPICS PHOTOS BY AARON KU

Tuesday saw a successful Student Olympics performed at the Banks. A couple of teams had brought sprinters from the real Olympics to perform in the Sprint (around the lakes) event, and the Chop (drinking really fast) event was won, in classic dark horse style, by the Nexus Editor, Dawn Tuffery’s team Wakatoomba Development Squad.

Overall winners were the Wakatoomba A team

successfully defending their title. The low point of the event came when teams had to brave the murky depths of the hideous Uni Lakes, infecting themselves in the process with whatever evil lurks within.

News

PR And Marketing Layoffs For Waikato?

By Josh Drummond A document leaked to Nexus magazine indicates that staff working in Public Relations and Marketing at Waikato University may lose their jobs.

does have the potential to result in redundancies for those involved in the Central PR and Marketing Office.”

A staff member, who asked not to be named, said that staff likely to be affected were not looking forward to the proposed changes.

The document, a proposal signed by Deputy Chancellor Doug Sutton and Raymond McNickel, the head of Corporate Services, outlays preliminary plans to “disestablish” the current central PR and Marketing office, and outsource work currently undertaken internally to an external PR and Marketing agency.

“It’s horrible not knowing what’s going to happen. I don’t want to lose my job,” the staff member said.

The document says “In the case of [Waikato Management School PR and Marketing staff this proposal has the potential to result in some positions becoming wholly or partially redundant…

If the proposal proceeded in its current form, or in an amended form following consultation, this

The process began on the 3rd March, when a briefing statement was given to PR and Marketing staff, explaining that a consultant had been chosen by the Vice-chancellor to review Public Relations, Marketing, Advertising and Communications. The consultant chosen was Chris Williams, owner of

The Vice-Chancellor’s Office could not be reached for comment on this story before deadline.

Raymond McNickel was contacted, but said “we cannot comment at this stage in the process.”

King Street Advertising. The company has been involved in advertising campaigns for Auckland University, as well as Skycity Hamilton and the Waikato Rugby Union.

The review was completed later in March, but sources have indicated the review was not shown to the staff of the areas the review was about. On request, part of the document was made available to the staff. The other half was apparently withheld, and sources report it has been requested under the Official Information Act. The part of the report seen by staff recommends, in a section marked “next steps,” that the University should “undertake a tender process for the external resources required… our advice is that you would be better served with locals.”

It adds that the review of the PR and Marketing departments should be extended to cover “Alumni, Campus Services, WaikatoLink, Student Union and International to ensure consistency”

On-Campus CAB Team Ready To Help Out

By Serenity Taniwha As a student study alone can be enough to stress most people right out. Add to that food, accommodation, transport, evil flatmates, the business with taking out a loan for a pimpedout WRX with full sound system, and the fact that the government pays students enough to just about cover the weekly toilet paper costs, and you get a recipe for insanity. Just who helps out when the sky comes down?

They’re ordinary people you probably pass at uni, or sit in lectures with. That’s right; twelve of the University of Waikato’s finest have offered their time

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

The price of petrol alone is enough for most students to feel ripped off. Add living costs, accommodation, a supply of grog and the money you owe your landlord after the latest flat party.

Who comes to the rescue in a situation like this?

to assist their fellow peers through the trials and tribulations of a struggling student, through volunteering for the CITIZENS ADVICE BUREAU (C.A.B) here on our very own campus.

The Unsung Heroes Back (From left to right): Chris, Serenity, Emma, Gins, Gary.

Waikato University is Middle row: Robbie, Helen, Beryl, Judy. Seated: Flora, Sissie, Amos, Lin. Absent: the first university in Liana New Zealand to have a Citizen’s Advice Bureau phone number, a food bank, budgeting - almost on-campus, and the team at Waikato Uni CAB anything. The friendly student staff will guide you is gearing up to do what they do best – advise in the right direction, so that you’re empowered to students! make your own choices on how to best approach just about any issue you might face.

So what does a CAB do exactly? There’s no magic involved in problem solving, sadly. Fairy Curious? Then call into their office up at The godmothers, Hermione Granger and genies are Cowshed (By WSU Buildings). They are open not involved. Even more sadly, the CAB is not a Mon-Fri, 11am to 2pm or you can visit the other money lending service either. However, what Bureaus outside of those hours. these students are able to lend is some time to listen, up-to-date advice and friendly service with a So spread the word cos it’s FREE, FRIENDLY & smile. Whatever the problem is - a consumer issue, CONFIDENTIAL! legal advice, immigration, cultural, employment, a

News

Exec Watch – SGM Report

By Joshua Drummond The Waikato Students Union executive held an eagerly-awaited Special General Meeting on Wednesday. (By “eagerly awaited” we mean “more than 20 people showed up.”) Having attracted just over 60 people, a massive 0.54 per cent of the 11, 000 students who purportedly make up the Waikato Students Union, the meeting was declared to have met quorum. All the greats of the present WSU exec were present – President Sehai chaired the thing and most of the rest of the exec showed up. Kahu Nikora, who can usually be relied upon to put in an appearance anywhere there is a gathering of people and the potential of a captive audience, did himself proud by talking at everyone who took the stage at least once.

positions had vacated the preceding semester.

Up for grabs were the positions of Environmental Officer, Finance Officer and Sport and Recreation Officer.

The meeting proceeded with candidates standing up front of L1 and delivering their “why you should elect us” spiels to the assembled audience without the benefit of microphone technology. This led to some scurrilous misunderstandings during Question Time, which were sorted out in a mostly amusing and gentlemanly fashion.

Owing to the lack of Nexus personnel being present during the first half of the meeting, it cannot be accurately reported what actually occurred during this time.

disjointed spiels of some of the Environmental Officer candidates, which were half-heard by the half-assed Nexus Reporter who was otherwise engaged in drawing a robot. Kahu’s comedy skills again asserted themselves with his astonishing ability to bombard candidates with comments and questions that made everyone laugh a lot. Alan King likewise made a joke (something to do with the horrible Uni lakes - the reporter missed the punchline, due again to robot-drawing) which drew howls of laughter from more than three people.

Entertainment over, the meeting proceeded to vote via secret box ballot. The box was slow in coming, which set some in the audience to whispering. But it did arrive, and it was stuffed

The meeting was called to elect three new union officers, as the people previously occupying the

The second half of the meeting, for which Nexus was present in body if not spirit, consisted of the

with votes, and the meeting was declared closed

by Sehai. The robot turned out well.

Official Vote Count from the SGM held 12 July 2006 Environmental Officer Ben Delaney and Whetu Taukamo Arthur Robinson TOTAL

For 30 19 52

No Confidence 3 3

Finance Officer Barbara Jenkins TOTAL

For 43 49

No Confidence 6

Sport and Recreation Officer

For 38 12 51

No Confidence 1 1

Paora Mato and Matangaro Paerau Beryl Tamati TOTAL

Total Valid Votes Total Invalid Votes Total Votes Cast

52 08 60

Policy To Catch Naughty Graduates Out

By John Hartevelt

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

The Government has set in motion plans to cover its arse against ex-students abusing the interestfree student loan policy.

Prime Minister Helen Clark announced on Monday that Cabinet has approved plans for data matching between Inland Revenue (IRD) and Customs, which will enable the Government to identify student debtors who have been living overseas for more than six months. Under the Government’s interest-free student loans scheme, debtors who are out of the country for longer than six months are ineligible for the new interest write-offs.

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Student loan borrowers are currently obliged to advise Inland Revenue when they have been overseas for three months. However, a spokesperson for Revenue Minister Peter Dunne notes that “there are a number of borrowers who have failed to advise Inland Revenue of their absence overseas.” IRD figures revealed last month by National Party education spokesman Bill English indicated that 35,000 student debtors were overseas and unaccounted for. The value of their outstanding debt is put at $900 million by the IRD. Tertiary Education Minister Michael Cullen has said previously that he has been aware of the problem since December, and has claimed that a

“lack of information exchange” was to blame.

The Government’s data-sharing plan appears designed to address that problem, and “ensure that only those who are entitled to an interestfree loan receive one,” according to Dunne’s spokesperson. She says that data matching is not expected to attract students back to New Zealand, but that the interest-free policy itself should have that effect.

A bill enabling data matching is expected to come before the House in July and come into force before the end of the year.

News

Short Shorts Today’s most boring press release brought to you by Michael Cullen!

In future, the financial performance of all tertiary education institutions will be monitored by one government agency, Minister for Tertiary Education Michael Cullen announced today.

The Ministry of Education’s Tertiary Advisory Monitoring Unit (TAMU) will transfer to the Tertiary Education Commission (TEC) on 1 September 2006.

“The move supports the next stages of the tertiary education reforms. It will offer a more integrated view of institutions and their performance, with educational outcomes being monitored alongside financial, governance and leadership indicators,” said Dr Cullen.

The decision to move TAMU to the TEC follows last year’s Education Sector Review.

“The review raised questions about how monitoring was divided between the Ministry of Education and the TEC as this was seen limiting the ability to have an integrated overview,” said Dr Cullen.

“After consulting with Tertiary Education Institutions, Ministry of Education staff and other government agencies on the issue, it was decided to transfer TAMU to the TEC. A priority will be to ensure the smooth transition of existing work programmes and staff to minimise disruption.”

Postal staff threatened with layoffs NZ Post is threatening to dismiss striking posties for not delivering junk mail and bills, says the Postal Workers Association.

PWA organizer Mike Treen said the company threats are completely illegal under industrial law.

A memo from the company to Postal Delivery Leaders dated July 10 claims that the Posties’ action of “putting significant amounts of undelivered mail in street receivers… constitutes serious misconduct under the CEA”. The Postie union says that this claim is legally invalid as section 83 of the Employment Relations Act defines strike action as a collective action which breaks the employment agreement.

“If NZ Post’s reasoning was valid then Posties would never be able to take action since any action could be defined as a breach of their employment agreement because it interfered with delivery of the mail,” said Mr Treen.

“This threat follows previous illegal action by the company such as suspending employees who have resumed normal work because they ‘might’ take action.

Waikato Students competing in Junior World Orienteering Championships Waikato University students Tineke Berthelson, Simon Addison and Samuel McNally were selected as part of the ten person team who recently represented New Zealand in Lithuania at the Junior World Orienteering Championships (JWOC).

The interim squad (development team) for the JWOC was announced late last year which included Waikato students, Simon and Sam. Trials were held on Waitangi weekend for the final team selection where Tineke was chosen to join the team.

This was the second JWOC for Waikato University Sir Edmund Hillary Scholars Simon and Sam; having both competed in Switzerland in 2005.

This year’s JWOC included approximately 400 participants from 35 different countries. The competition included races of various lengths, ranging from sprint distance (12-15 minute winning time), through to the long distance (70+ minute winning time). The terrain at this years’ JWOC consisted of intricate sand-dune forest with a wide range of tree sizes and types; making for difficult navigation.

Competitive orienteering, which is dominated

by Scandanavia and Switzerland, involves the use of a detailed map and a compass to navigate around a course with designated control points marked on a map. Competitors punch their control cards at each different point and the winner of the competition is the participant with the shortest time to visit all control points in numerical order.

Waikato GLBT Officer Head Of UniQ

By Joshua Drummond Waikato University’s Megan Moffet has been elected the national co-ordinator of the organisation for gay/lesbian/bi/transgender university students, UniQ, after the organisation held its first national conference in Hamilton over the holidays.

Megan says the organisation is the product of two years of hard work. While she is still working on the practical details of setting up the body, she says it will aim to be a national voice for queer students, increase knowledge of UniQ and provide advocacy and social services.

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

UniQ has previously existed across other University campuses in New Zealand including Waikato, but this is the first time the organisation has formed up as a national, cross-university body.

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News

THE NEXUS HAIKU NEWS Because news in 17 syllables makes you laugh at things you should probably take seriously.

Man charged with murder – Handy cops, so quick!

Police moved so fast - chop, chop!

Israel attacks Lebanon, Gaza, etc Does the Jewish state Have a size complex?

Is that why they like big guns?

Peters coy about his Washington date Maori students more likely to be stood down ( the idea for this haiku blatantly stolen from Bro’ Town) Society made me do it!

(All together now) NOT EVEN, OW!

Guileless Winston, Out on a date, turns out In fact - she’s more than a mate.

Northland doctor-turned brothel owner Neil Benson sells the rights to his story to two Canadian television producers.

Law Society wants smacking rule changed, not scrapped Nick, nack,

Goodbye med school, stethoscope!

Hello, patient – er, client.

Care for a poke?

Laziest ever “introduction to the Haiku News” haiku:

Paddywack, give a kid a smack…

Good parents won’t get the sack.

Rotorua lake venture sinks

News, News, News, News, News, News, News, News, News, News, News, News, News, News, News, News, News.

Man in court over body on beach murder (easily the most tasteless haiku yet. We don’t condone hideous murders, and we hope whoever dunnit gets a nice long sentence.)

Rotorua wanted a ship It took their money, Gave them the slip.

Mr. Safety Bigglesworth in the

“Crimebeat on Campus” Greetings, students. Yep, I’m back, and for all the newbies experiencing Reorientation, I’m the campus crime watchdog/guy/thing. Fresh from my highflying adventures in the highly recommended “Biggles” novels by Captain W E

Ray Hayward, the head honcho at Uni Security, tells me there have been a couple of criminal occurrences occurring in the lead up to re-orientation week.

Apparently a car parked between K and L blocks was broken into – during

Johns, I’ve now taken Waikato University and Polytechnic students under my wing, so to speak.

the day – at around 12:30 pm! And what did the thief take? A purse, which supposedly contained only small change. The vehicle alarm went off, which the owner discovered. He subsequently alerted Security, who are looking for people who may have seen this event to speak to. In fact, if you see anything in progress at all, the obvious resort is to call one-one-one, or Uni Security on 444.

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

And I’m the right one for the job, because, having fought bad guys since 1916, I just fucking HATE thieves.

So, all you new kids, listen up. Here’s the info that will keep you from falling victim to thieving bastards. And any thieving bastards reading this? Just fuck off and die, you, you… you lower than shit shitheads. Want to know how low you are? You’re like the shit of a really offensive animal – let’s say, a skunk – that got married to an even lower kind of shit and had little shit-babies. Then the shit-babies, shitting everywhere as babies do, produced a kind of shittier than shit shit that is basically the same as you, you thieving shits.

Happily, news of crime occurring on-campus over the holiday break seems to be fairly slim. Of course, there have been crimes – criminals, like bacteria, don’t take holidays – and they’re of the standard smash ‘n grab variety.

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The lesson in this, kids, is not to leave valuables where they can be seen in cars – or better yet, not at all. A seemingly empty vehicle is a hell of a lot less tempting target than one stacked full of potential thief-goodies.

The good news is, apparently, that break-ins and similar activities are down approximately 50% on last year. But don’t get complacent. The thieves are out there.

Yours,

News

Bus Re-jig Whilst walking the streets through the ghetto, I spied Dave Chappelle licking a lollypop. I asked him “How do you do?” And he said “It might be doo doo!”. I was aghast. I swirled around and saw a man balancing five popsicle sticks on his nose whilst making sounds like a seal and balancing on top of a red and yellow striped ball. I clapped and saluted his efforts by getting a shovel and digging a hole. I then placed a gleaming crystal into the middle of the hole

Get Onboard the Orbiter!

Are you sick of never being able to find a park? Sick of the cash that you have to keep pouring into your petrol tank? Take a break – and get onboard the Orbiter.

Starting this week, Hamilton’s new bus service circles the city connecting key locations, including the uni. It runs every 15 minutes Monday to Friday and half hourly on Saturdays. And even better, this week it’s free.

and a spider walked out.

The spider asked me what the time was so I checked my wrist and said to him “Sorry, I don’t have the time.” The spider then spun me into a web but luckily I fashioned a hole at the bottom by willing my feet around and slipped out. The spider saw me escape and yelled, as he raised and shook 3 feet, “You darned kids say the craziest things to old people like me!”

I ran to the nearest shop which happened to be a bookstore that sold shoes.

I bought a pair of Charles Dickens branded chucks and wore them and my street cred rose a considerable amount. A young teenager sported my new apparel and complemented me on my dope trick hype cool things-that-go-onmy-feet. I said “You mean shoes?” and he said, “Nah, I’m just joshin’ you”.

I turned away from the youth and proceeded to go down an escalator. I pondered as to my next destination as I had never intended to find myself on an escalator. As the escalator came to a stop I ended up having to walk at least 200 metres until I reached an underground cavern that was inhabited by zombies.

Look out for the 12 new purple and silver buses looping around Hamilton delivering students to Gate 2 on Knighton Rd. Both stops at Gate 2 have RealTime – so you know exactly how many minutes left until the bus arrives.

Up until now, Hamilton’s bus system has been largely based on a wagonwheel model, with most routes leading to the Transport Centre in the CBD. This meant people travelling between suburbs were forced to go into town to change buses. The Orbiter is different – it loops around the outside of the city without going into the CBD, providing speedy travel around the suburbs. Do you live in Dinsdale? Flagstaff? Chartwell? Or over by the hospital? Are you sick of having to change buses all the time to get to uni – well now you don’t need to – just jump on the Orbiter – it’ll take you straight there.

After this week, when the Orbiter is free, a ride will cost $2, or $1.40 with a Busit! card. However, there’s also improvements being made to the fares – now any ticket purchased on city buses will automatically give you two hours’ worth of unlimited free transfers on all Hamilton buses.

For Orbiter timetables, route information and other enquiries about the new service, or any of the other Hamilton bus services, check out www.busit.co.nz, call 0800 4 BUSLINE or drop into the Transport Centre on Anglesea St.

A zombie lurched past and I noticed that he had not made an attempt at myself and queried him in a most quizzical manner.

“Do you have any fish?”

“I do not have any fish, just a reptile,” he replied.

“Oh,” I said.

“If you want fish,” he moaned, “Try Uncle Harry, down at the west wing.

There’s a big sign that says Uncle Harry’s. Tell him Murray sent you and he’ll most likely not do anything special.”

I thanked him then journeyed on towards a star that shined so bright that it made everything around me dark. The star then hovered towards me ever so slowly, but then quickly zipped into my right nostril then out my right index finger’s fingernail.

After finding a picture of a thistle in the dictionary, my mother then said to me “All is fair when you don’t have the right kind of playing cards.” I didn’t say anything – I just kept silent. The fear of laughing out loud was what held me in a vice grip and all I could do was wiggle in order to stop the water on my lap from being still.

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

I felt a strange feeling but was already dropped back into reality before I could analyse it anymore. The burden of calculating reality took a hold of my mind and I had to concentrate on where I was and who I was in order to stop my skin from digitising into a billion-trillion purple coloured pixels. After 2 seconds, I reverted back to my banana form and lay in a fruit basket with a carrot, toy car and an action figure of a man holding a flower with “flower giving action pull knob”. He flower-giving-action’d at me and I took it as a sign to turn back into a human and check the nearest dictionary for the meaning of “circumlocution.”

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Send your letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz, by Tuesday 5pm, and the best one wins a $5 voucher for Campus Kiosk – conveniently located in the Cowshed for all your snacking needs.

Lettuce Policy

Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters pages — serious or otherwise. Letters should be no more than 250 words and received by 5pm on the Tuesday before publication. All letters will generally be printed so give it a bash, but the editor retains the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. Bad spelling and grammar will not be corrected — proof it yourself or you’ll look dumb. Pseudonyms are acceptable but all letters must include your real name and contact details even if you don’t want them printed. We discourage the use of pseudonyms for serious letters.

Matt’s Response to the above letter

Letter Of The Week

The changing of the Waikato Student Union logo is totally unnecessary and unrefelective of the students at this university. There is no need for the change. Currently

Hi, you can partly blame me for instilling the idea of a logo change. Basically when I came into this job, there were a few things I thought that could be changed for the better – the WSU logo is one of them. I think the old logo is clunky and stupid looking – but of course,

we have a logo that shows that the union is for all students enrolled at the University of Waikato and I feel that all the proposed changes will only lose this identity.

The suggested logos are implying that the union is for students of one culture only. It is losing the identity of all the other cultures. The university is a place of many diverse cultures, NOT ONE and I am outraged that the union that is meant to be for all students including myself would even consider a change that is going to single out a single culture. This is not acceptable and as a member I strongly suggest that this so called bright idea be abolished and leave it as it is. Just because this is your first year as president Sehai Orgad doesn’t mean that you have to go on a power trip and try and leave your mark. If you wish to leave it do it in areas that are useful to your members like representing our thoughts to the university and other bodies. I tottaly support you third year uni student that if she want to leave a mark do it in such areas as the food prices and internet.

that’s just my personal opinion. I thought that they would benefit from a nicer looking and more professional logo. I drew up a few concepts but the initial brief I was given was to incorporate a Maori design. This was hard for me because I am as white as they come, but I do enjoy the Maori pattern aesthetic and tried various ways to work it into a design (out of all the concepts I did, I was happy with only one design that incorporated the Maori pattern). I had done some other logos which were very neutral in style but were dismissed because they didn’t have the Maori style, I think (do not take that as the fact of dismissal – it is just an assumption). But back on track, I do think the WSU could do with a nice new logo because sometimes nice new clothes can make you feel a little bit better and make you look a little bit better to others.

– Matt

Waikato uni student outragged

Homosexual panic to go?

Come collect your $5 Campus Kiosk voucher from the Nexus office in the SUB building!

Gay MP Tim Barnett wants to eliminate ‘homosexual panic’ as a defence in sentencing for manslaughter. The large majority of NZ males find unwanted attentions from gays

President Power Trip, Ineffective Use of Time

Making a Film In 10 Easy Steps ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

By JC

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1. Have an idea. The stranger the better. Don’t worry if it’s really inappropriate or fantastical - it’s better if it’s really obscure or has a limited audience. Real film makers don’t care if the audience doesn’t understand.

2. Encourage other people to join in. People will do almost anything if you point a camera at them.

Make them work long hours for little or no pay and feel like a god because of it.

3. Borrow stuff. Trash it completely and smile when you apologise.

4.Gotointerestingplaces,usealltheirresources, give nothing back except promises, act like a big shot and reappropriate stuff because it’s just lying around not doing anything. Make sure that one of you is holding a camera and another points at things and makes framing motions with their hands. A crowd of sycophants is handy and will almost certainly gather spontaneously whenever a camera is present. Don’t lose the camera, it is your magic object that grants you wishes.

5. Act like you can do anything. It is much more important to care whether or not the snails have matching suits or not than to worry about how you’re going able to feed people. Make preposterous demands and then change your mind. Never apologise and never explain.

extremely distasteful. What is ‘homophobia’ to socialists, is in fact righteous indignation and horror to normal people. If someone called someone ‘nigger’ and they subsequently were hurt badly or died as a result of such ‘racist’ comment, I have no doubt a defence of provocation would be acceptable to Tim Barnett and his leftist friends. This legislation will be the thin end of the wedge, with the same reasoning being applied to other lesser incidents. Why don’t we have a referendum on the issue Mr Barnett and see what the people think?

Yours faithfully nicholas keesing

Re-Orientation a bit of a stink I found reorientation this year a bit of a dud compared to other orientations past. True though that reorientation doesnt have that much compared to the start of the year orientation, but still, bands like Missing Teeth and Late 80s Mercedes really dont do anything for me. I found that the comedy night was a really good idea and think that should be carried on to the start of the year orientation as well. Good work on Kora because that night went OFF! But yeah, stink for most of it!!!

Where was the contact live to air?

Nubsy

6. Don’t communicate to anyone that is vaguely helpful. Your status is assured if you act like an arsehole. Whatever you do, don’t talk to the extras.

Don’t even look at them and certainly under no circumstances, thank anybody. It’s very important that everyone waits for ten hours doing nothing and then have to do what you want them to do IMMEDIATELY after you ask them.

7. Get someone else to pay for it. If you can’t do this, go hideously into debt. Remember, social capital is more important than economic capital. It might not feed you but you’re better than everyone else and that will sustain you when everyone deserts you and won’t let you eat at their place for free anymore.

8. Network like the slut that you are. Do this by getting other people to buy you coffees at expensive cafes whilst you slag off the service.

Most cafe staff are actors anyway and expect it.

9. Give everybody fancy titles. Tea makers are caterers, electricians are gaffers. The gaffer’s assistant is the best boy. Somebody make a donation? Executive producer. Sleeping with the director? 1st AD. Call the runner a production assistant and they’ll work harder.

10. Fail to complete the film. When you can’t pay anyone the only thing you’ve got to give back is the finished article. If you don’t complete it then nobody can judge you by your work and you can get on with the next big thing.

Feature

World Cup Roundup

By Gary Oliver After just over a month of intense competition, Italy emerges victorious, wining the World Cup final 5-3 on penalties. The final itself showcased everything that makes football both loved and loathed by billions across the globe.

Bursts of inspirational skill, acting worthy only of a cameo in Shortland Street, tenacious defending and rapid counter attacking contributed to a flow of cards, conflict and tension. Ultimately, the climax to the 2006 tournament has been rated as one of the best through recent cup history.

Zinedine Zidane gave France the lead from the penalty spot as early as the seventh minute after Florent Malouda was brought down by Marco Materazzi. Materazzi made amends by equalising for Italy in the 19th minute, climbing high to head home an Andrea Pirlo corner.

Zidane was shown a red card in the 111th minute after he head butted Materazzi in the chest. I am unsure as to what was said, ‘dirty terrorist’ seems to floating around, but I find it interesting that an Italian remark could infuriate a Frenchman to such an extent; obviously communication barriers magically disappear on the pitch. As it stands, Zidane finishes his career by emphatically proving that it is entirely possible to use your head without actually thinking.

The only other occasion in which a World Cup has been decided through penalties was in 1994, with Brazil beating Italy after a 0-0 draw.

A good number of curve balls were thrown throughout the tournament, including the Czech Republic, Netherlands, Argentina and Brazil all exiting prematurely in the eyes of their many fans.

All said and done, the outstanding individuals of the 2006 World Cup were as follows:

MOST SUPPORTIVE FAN

Miroslav Klose

This guy

Having scored a total of five goals, Germany’s success in the 2006 World Cup is in no small part directly attributed to Miroslav Klose. In conjunction with his five goals in

If he didn’t kamikaze in a drunken rage after the Korean’s final match, he’s still in the bathroom chiseling off that face paint.

Full marks across the board; and a handful of

the 2002 tournament, his tally in the World Cup is now in double figures after only two appearances.

bonus point for being kinda creepy.

GILLETTE BEST YOUNG PLAYER

Lukas Podolski After scoring three goals in Germany 2006, and terrorizing many defensive outfits through a tightly nit partnership with Miroslav Klose, this 21-yearold striker thoroughly earned the award. Adding plenty of zest to the teams’ performance, we’ll be seeing a lot more of Lukas in years to come.

GOLDEN BALL

Zinedine Zidane It wasn’t a pretty end to the French campaign, or to an international career, but here’s some more critical acclaim to add to Zidane’s résumé. Barring one act of indiscretion, through the 2006 tournament, Zidane cemented his place in the midfield maestro’s hall of fame.

OK, so I made up those last two awards, but I think there needs to be some more recognition directed toward the wider football community.

Surprisingly, as voted by the official FIFA website, Portugal take home the people’s choice for most entertaining team with 47% of the votes, closely followed by the Italians on 41%.

And so concludes another World Cup, fraught with controversies, complaints, protests and fortunately, a little bit of football along the way too.

Caption Contest!

What do you think Matarazzi said? Fill in the speech bubble and drop it off at the Nexus office up in the SUB building. Alternatively, send in your caption to nexus@waikato.ac.nz. The best caption will win a Rialto Cinemas Movie pass!

MOST ANIMATED COACH

Luiz Felipe Scolari Portugal didn’t always put on a good show in terms of football, but their coach was a consistent source of entertainment, facial contortions, and gestures worthy of cartoon animation. He made the World Cup worth watching all on his own. Good to see a coach in touch with game for a change.

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

The host nation once again confirmed the ridged, organized, proficient German stereotype in all organizational aspects of the cup while, contrastingly, their team provided no end of spontaneous and creative football.

GOLDEN SHOE

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Local Film

Where’s It Happening?

By Dawn Tuffery, with reporting by Daniel Woodfield.

The ‘Hamilton – Where It’s Happening’ was never the best slogan for a city, being somewhat hopeful and ripe for mockery. However, despite the bad rap often accorded to Hamilton, there is certainly plenty happening on the film scene. Find out the juicy details about some of the current projects being made by Hamiltonians lately.

Chairman of Film Waikato and uni production tutor Paul A. Barlow believes the Waikato film scene is ‘surprisingly vibrant’. ‘It’s not as media friendly as that of our northern and sourthern counterparts but at the moment we’ve got a number of digital features in various stages of production, commercials looking at the area, Sam Raimi of Spiderman and Evil Dead fame has been scouting the area for his next feature, as has Roland Emerich of Independence Day. Then

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

Downending

By The Riverside

One project that’s completed shooting recently is Downending Film’s Down By The Riverside. Nexus talked to producer/DOP Joe Hitchcock about how that’s going. Why such a big project? ‘A feature film is something we have been wanting to do for some time. I worked with Marama [Killen, writer/ director] and Brad [Davison, writer/director] on close to 20 short films over the last few years, but our stories were often too complex to be told in

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there is other media like TV - we’ve just had What Now come through, the Fieldays always draws a huge TV contingent, and various sports and soon we have the V8s coming to the city with $8 million dollars of media money following them.’

Hamilton had its own branch of the 48 Hours film competition this year, which Barlow was very pleased with - ‘our stuff stood up really well’. For film competition buffs, he mentions the 24 hour Shootout that’s coming in September.

Film Waikato is looking into a script writing/ development program for later in the year.

Barlow also refers mysteriously to a ‘a big budget Bollywood project’ that he’s fairly confident will be happening next year. ‘There are half a dozen digital features happening and a currently untitled high school drama about bullying that will be helmed by Ben Woollen - both graduates of the University. All of this is on top of the work done in the university

production papers and the Wintec courses - it’s all interesting, it’s just a case of finding the right projects to be passionate about.’

The high school drama mention by Barlow is in pre-production stages at present. Written by Scott Granville and currently to be directed by Ben Woollen, the film will focus on teenage life and the related issues – being an outcast, bullying, etc.

‘It’s set in a school and based around a popular rugby team, that sort of thing’ says Woollen.

The production team – Woollen, Granville and ‘Sanchez’ - is looking for funding at the moment, and are soon to be casting. They plan to do open casting in hopes of finding actors capable of taking the relatively weighty roles, and plan an 8 week shoot happening in January. Barlow, newly on board as a producer describes the story as ‘a cross between American Beauty and Cruel Intentions’.

less than 10 minutes. Having an hour or so to tell a story enabled us to really get into a story and learn a lot more about the process.’

Mountain Lodge, Hamilton Operatic Costume Hire, Mokena Restaurant and Matamata Piako district council.

Joe and Marama were also inspired by attending ‘Screamfest’ in LA, there for Hitchcock’s short film Kismet. ‘In particular, Sean S Cunningham (director/producer of Friday the 13th) spoke about the importance of making DIY films and not waiting for the world to fall in your lap. We also learned that making short films is good for practicing technique, but is relatively pointless if you already know the mechanics of film. The next logical step for us was to make a feature film.’

‘[Shooting in] Te Aroha was great. We had a lot of support from the community and were able to shoot relatively trouble free, with volunteers saving us the expense of catering, period picture vehicles and accommodation. We were able to shoot a high quality movie, while spending well under the Hollywood definition of a “no budget” film.’

Immediately came the challenge of funding such an undertaking. ‘The script was developed with the lack of budget in mind, and various people came on board to help out.’ Down by the Riverside was self funded by Marama, Brad, Lyn Renwick from the Te Aroha Centre and Joe, plus several generous sponsors who enabled them to keep the total film budget under $6000 - The Te Aroha Centre, N-SURE Brokers NZ Ltd, Aroha

‘We set a filming date before we wrote the script and stuck to it. While our friends were at the beach enjoying their summer, Marama and Brad were busy rewriting the screenplay while I was planning the shoot technically.’

The biggest challenge for the team was breaking the number one rule of low budget filmmaking, “don’t do a period piece”. ‘Our film was loosely based around the 1920s and 1940s, which we managed to achieve through donated props,

Local FIlm costumes and locations, as well as access to the Te Aroha museum.’ Another other major problem was putting together an experienced cast and crew with no money. ‘Our biggest expense was petrol. Because our actors came from all over the North island to work for free, the least we could do was cover their travel, food and accommodation.’

be online on www.downending.com in a month or so. ‘There will be a limited release of the film in New Zealand cinemas. If festivals won’t play the film (it is a horror after all), we will arrange our own screenings. We also hope to get the film out on DVD mid to late 2007.’

Shooting was done on black and white DV on a SONY DSR370. ‘Digital is ridiculously cheaper than film, but digital colour also looks like DIY television.

Being a noir thriller, the decision to shoot black and white came well before we had a script. I’m quite biased but I think it looks great.’

Check out http://www.downending.com/ http://www.myspace.com/downendingfilms.

or

client usually allows me to do that. That’s why I’m trying to do my short film now because I enjoyed that first animation where I was allowed to go completely out of whack and do something crazy.

Behind The Fuzzy Realms

The team hope to have the film finished by September. A Down by the Riverside trailer will

Richard Mans runs one man 3D design animation company Fuzzy Realms (http://www.fuzzyrealms. com/). Over the last few years he’s been busy producing computer graphics for TV, film, games and ads, among other things, and is definitive proof that you can do world class animation from Ngaruawahia.

How did you get started with Fuzzy Realms?

I used to work with a company doing 3D graphics, and when I left there I got my client base to start with. Then the other clients that came on board were more by reputation – you get known as ‘the 3D guy in the Waikato’. Any other work I got wasn’t

‘I like to animate futuristic, fantastical things which expand your mind. Stuff outside what we see every day that gives you a sense of wonder. So that strange machinery I really enjoyed doing because it was something you’d never see.’

a bit. But now I have contracts in place that are a little bit more demanding of what we get up front.

What are working on?

‘I’m on and off contracts at the moment, and trying to work on my short film. I’m finding it quite hard to come up with a proper story I can stick with. I had an idea nailed, then storyboarded it out and it just doesn’t work. Writing stories has to be the hardest damn thing. It’s just a personal project at the moment, in the very early stages. I’ve been a year or so now doing concepts but I just keeping getting stumped. If you’re going to commit 2 years to doing a short film the story’s got to be nailed.

really by going out and promoting myself, it was just people, networking, I guess.

The very first job I got was enough to support myself but because it was one of my first contracts I didn’t have it all sorted out and it fell through. And there were quite a few of those in the first year.

When you’re starting up you get knocked around

Favourite animation you’ve done?

One of my first animations for the company I worked for at the start – the robot unfolding [from Wayward Manor]? That’s the most imaginative.

Other contracts I have to do now I’m usually selling a product, or branding. It’s good fun though – because I’m known for going imaginative, the

How did you come to do some work for NASA? The company I worked for at the start created a unique piece of technology, these LCD screens, and I’d done the only animation anyone had done on those screens. After I left the job, that animation was still their favourite demo and they went around the world demo-ing that to their clients.

NASA saw that and liked the technology, plus they liked the animation. So they thought ‘let’s get the original guy who did that and see if he wants to do animation on those screens for us’.

Have you ever been tempted to move anywhere else?

A lot of people want to go off and join big studios.

But my origins are from more of an illustrative sort of thing where you freelance and have your own studio somewhere. So I’ve kept that sort of thing with the animation. Because it’s so much more involved people usually want to do in teams, but I’ve managed to do it from Ngaruawahia.

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

‘I like to animate futuristic, fantastical things which expand your mind. Stuff outside what we see every day that gives you a sense of wonder.

Have advances in broadband technology helped your business?

‘I’m still on dial up. I find the internet a bit distracting. I’ve done a lot of research on the net.

But I usually just send my final content across on a CD or something.’

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Section Title

Dance All Around The Waikato

Joe Citizen isn’t trying a feature film just yet, but he is producing a short dance film for his Wintec honours project.

So what’s it about? ‘It’s a shamanistic story set on Ruapuke Beach called The Journey. It’s about acknowledging the spiritual component in an everyday sense and the struggle for the group in the story to regain a sense of innocence.’ 16 cast and crew are involved. ‘There are 6 dancers in it, and a local choreographer,Yvette Rumney. The Hairdressing Academy and the College of Beauty Therapy are contributing some people to help with makeup assistance. I’ve got a professional director of photography, Mark Pritchard, who normally works as a technical director for TVNZ. Makeup is by Glenys John, who’s worked for Xena and Hercules. Music design is being done by Jason Long who’s currently a music tutor at Wintec. So I’m very lucky to be working with such a high calibre of skill. I really feel these things are collaborative things and because it’s such a low budget, the only way of making it is by people putting all their skills into the pot.’ Incidentally, Joe is keen to hear from anyone willing to support The Journey with time or finances – mrjoecitizen@gmail.com.

In terms of style, Joe started off looking at Butoh

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

but moved towards dance as it seemed the best way of telling the story. ‘I think dance is the basic expression of the human soul. Dance films are experimental because they cross the lines of art

Sew wot els iz happennin ar0wnd Ham1llton?

Well, Misspelt is a mockumentary feature length film that follows the lives of several people in the weeks leading up to the fictitious ‘Hamilton Regional Spelling Bee’.

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practice – film and dance – and make a 3rd genre.

But that can also be a danger, as you can make something that is neither and doesn’t succeed by itself. So it’s important to study both.’

‘There’s a belief that dance is somehow airy fairy but it’s incredibly athletic. And if you compare it to rugby or soccer, I think dance is much more beautiful than either. It’s obscene that we support rugby and soccer but not dance.’

“The film will give Hamilton national profile and I believe could contribute to the development of the city and the region.”

-Michael Redman, Mayor, on ‘Invitation To A Voyage’

Joe’s strategy for overcoming technical and financial limitations has mainly been to rack up huge loans, thanks to various institutions. Overall, the film is ‘made on the small of an oily rag’. ‘I’ve purchased a glide cam (poor man’s steady cam) because with dance it’s very important to capture movement.’

Shooting is currently set for August (studio) and in October, the beach shoot at Ruapuke.

Citizen is pleased by the location options often by the region. ‘Hamilton rocks in terms of locations.

In terms of job prospects, it’s a bit limited but it’s getting better. We’re starting to see the creation of a creative industry and an appreciation by locals of it.’ He believes there will be a growth in employment opportunities in certain areas. ‘Local businesses are starting to see the need for imaging technicians and the like. There’ll be a demand for multi-skilled individuals who can shoot, edit, produce media for industry purposes.’

Filmmakers Nick Wilkinson, Falstaff DowlingMitchell and Mark Westerby began shooting their feature-length film in March of this year and the film is currently in post-production. Submissions are currently being taken for music to be included in the finished film (interested parties can email music@markwesterby.net for more details).

The script, written by Dowling-Mitchell and Wilkinson, has been developed over a 14 month period, and includes a large ensemble of unusual characters. Supporting the creative team is Director

Another feature that has been shooting in the Waikato, this time in Hamilton, is ‘Invitation To A Voyage, helmed by Daniel Strang and Victoria Wynne-Jones. According to Creative New Zealand’s ‘Great Stories From The Waikato’ newsletter, it’s a story about a boy, a girl, and a boat, with most of the action happening along the river. The shooting of experimental narrative feature film involved students and graduates from Wintec.

“The Waikato River is an ideal location for a return of the ‘road film’,’ said Wynne-Jones. ‘The script is driven by actual locations that deserve to be filmed in a dramatic context. Hamilton and the greater Waikato area should be represented in New Zealand film, and this film will enable its landscapes, landmarks, streets and history to be revealed to a wider audience.”

of Photography Shane Lin from XLarge Productions, who has a wealth of experience behind the camera including stints as DOP and camera for Police Ten7, Stake Out and To Catch A Thief.

The crew comprises both practitioners and students from the University of Waikato and Wintec institutions.

Writer/Director/Producer Wilkinson says of the film “Misspelt is the sort of film that finds the comedy in real life situations, and lets us laugh at ourselves”.

The film is expected to be released in New Zealand and abroad later in the year.

Section Title So Hamilton has plenty of creative projects happening. But is it lacking the type of industry that brings employment? What would Hamilton need to do to develop a viable film industry of its own in the future? ‘I loved this question because it is very typical of some students thinking,’ says Robyn Spence from All-Psyched-Up Productions.

‘It isn’t a matter of making Waikato more ‘viable’, it is about working to make the Waikato a prominent filming destination…There are a number of production companies operating in the area, but their staff turnover is minimal because (like me) they contract workers in as needed on a project need basis. Because NZ is a small country, anyone looking to work in the industry has to be motivated

Getting a Film Degree & a Real Job

By Dawn Tuffery, with reporting from Daniel Woodfield Everybody’s heard the jokes about doing a BA – the witty alternative acronyms, the fast food career implications. If you’re majoring in film, you get a certain street cred for your ready access to cameras, but real employment prospects are arguably even dimmer. Yet people still enrol for film courses en masse. As Gnarls Barkley would say, does this make you crazy? Er, probably.

Where do I go, what do I do?

Migration away from Htown is a marked trend after graduating, and the big A or the big W tend to be the destination, given their active film/TV industries. But is this the best option? And does it work?

industry and that’s what makes it great.’

According to ex-local Greg Page, Hamilton is great the way it is. ‘It hasn’t been burned by the film

Spence also believes there are some great things happening in the Waikato. ‘Because of the Wintec and Uni film students there is a sustainable and seasonal buzz around the area and there is always something being shot somewhere.’ The establishment of the Waikato film office a few years ago is also a great asset that she feels more people should be involved with – see http://www. filmwaikato.com/. ‘I often hear students saying discouraging things about the scene in Waikato, but these are usually the students that expect it all handed to them on a plate. Don’t bitch about it – get out there and get it happening.’

According to Screen & Media Studies professor and chair of department Dan Fleming, it’s not

be out on this, as graduates aren’t tracked far enough into their careers to know for sure. As

a straight either/or choice. ‘The smart move might be to head off to Wellington or Auckland in pursuit of any job opportunities but to think of coming back here to help build the local creative sector, especially once you have your professional networks in place. If you have those networks, then location becomes less important. Los Angeles is full of young hopeful but disappointed film-makers these days, while a lot of the talent that’s getting the work lives elsewhere, like in Austin, Texas.

A city like Austin might be a good role-model for Hamilton.’

the new chair of department in Screen & Media Studies, that’s something Dan Fleming is keen to start doing. However, he believes it takes a few years to build up reliable figures. ‘In the European universities I’m familiar with, it’s typically 12-15% of media graduates who end up in the mainstream media industries. It’s generally less than that in US universities, including some of the big Californian university film schools that you’d expect to have a real advantage. These aren’t surprising figures because they’re directly related to the most talented getting the jobs.’

‘I have been working putting in a studio in Marlborough, Psyched-Up productions is now the only operating production house in marlborough and although this is fantastic for business, but it also means that good keen contractors are thin on the ground . This could also be the case in many areas – if you are prepared to travel around, the work can be there.’

Regardless of location, Fleming says people should bear in mind that good ideas are in shorter supply than technical skills. ‘So ask yourself if you really have some creative ideas, then figure out who needs to hear about them.’

According to their website, Wintec optimistically boasts an 85%+ rate of industry related employment among recently surveyed Media Arts graduates, but this covers all disciplines of the degree.

Associate Professor Dr Geoff Lealand, from Screen and Media, points out that with digital developments and the internet, you don’t necessarily to be in any particular place to do film/TV work. Also, ‘Auckland is the main production centre of screen production and it is only a short distance to travel.’

Big city job hunting

I was interested in roughly what percentage of Waikato film/moving image students actually get industry-related jobs but the jury seems to

Sadly, even being resident in a creatively active big centre doesn’t automatically mean you’ll have Peter Jackson knocking at your door the next day.

There may be more jobs, but there are also more people wanting them – something of a catch 22, as All-Psyched-Up Productions head Robyn Spence remarks. Wellington and Auckland are swarming with keen, talented graduates who are finding out for themselves that securing that elusive paid

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

But just how crazy is it to expect a half-decent and industry-related job after doing your Screen and Media or Moving Image degree? Can it be done?

And if so, how? Ever considerate, Nexus talked to a bunch of people for you to get their advice on this tricky topic.

to go where the work is.’

Screen & Media Studies professor and chair of department Dan Fleming sees a place for productive changes. ‘The city council is helping by promoting Hamilton as a supportive environment for that kind of business. The July issue of North & South magazine with its ‘Hot City Hamilton’ feature was a sign of changing times. If the city can continue re-inventing its image, then more opportunities in the creative sector will come. The university can certainly contribute a great deal to this process.’

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Local Film Feature THAT’S OUR FAVOURITE ISSUE OF NEXUS TOO!

Local Film Boy Made Good If you’re a film student, music video guru, ad man, and director of The Locals Greg Page will need little introduction., We hit him up for some fun quickfire details on the Life Of Page.

How did you start off?

I started making clay animation in my bedroom, went to Waikato tech and the world of film opened up and swallowed me. Failed film school, made a film.

Did you go through a depressing job hunting phase starting out?

I went though a depressing ‘waiting for another job’ stage. There was long gaps between directing jobs so I had to sell stuff to make ends meet. I don’t have a CV. I have a showreel.

Where d’ya reckon’s the best place to be for a raw film grad job hunting?

I only know the Auckland industry, anywhere is good if you’re hungry enough.

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

How would you perceive the film industry’s demand for workers at the moment?

Good editors are hard to find. The camera dept is a good place to start. Learn the tools.

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How’s your second film going? Does it have dead people?

It’s tentatively called ‘The Vent’ . It’s set in a renovated apartment building in Auckland.

The air conditioning is the only thing they didn’t renovate… There may or may not be some dead people.

You manage to direct, do music vids, develop features, seek funding, drum in

multiple bands, paint, and presumably find time for a family life in between. Is this due to kickass time management skills or a scifi style time freezing device?

Using my claymation skills I built a couple of life-like replicas of myself. They help me get all my stuff done. You can spot the fake Gregs as they don’t ever stand too close to an open flame.

Computer animation or stop-motion?

Computer animation mixed with claymation would be rocking. The organic world married with the digital world is a succulent idea.

I was so poor I vacuumed a field. A film crew had blown up a house and sprayed glass through a farmers field. I got paid 20 bucks to spend the morning picking it all up.

Preferred editing system?

An edit room with a nice couch is best. I let editors cut my stuff now. I used to use Avid to cut my own clips, but I like using people who have the skills. I lie on the couch behind them reading magazines and making inane comments.

Favourite music vid that you’ve made?

There was long gaps between directing jobs so I had to sell stuff to make ends meet...

Any opinion on the 48 hour film project?

It’s fun for some, I wouldn’t do it as you have to burn up too many favours to make your film.

There are many, I can’t decide. P Money, Scribe, ‘Stop the music’, 8ft Sativa ‘Believer’, Rumpus Room JBS Favourite music vid somebody else has

Film degree or on-the-job experience?

On the job experience will prove whether you have the right personality for the film industry. Film schools can turn out people who think they are directors straight away.

I’ve been doing this for ten years and I’m still learning.

Who you know or what you know?

What you do. The who will always come looking for you if you have done something cool.

Best job you’ve had/done?

Making Locals still is number 1, Hopefully I will top that with my next feature.

Worst?

made?

Twisted Sister ‘We’re not gonna take it ‘ from 1984 Favourite film of the last year or so?

Hills have Eyes (remake) Most admired NZ directors?

Mr Jackson is cool. Lee T is also cool.

Final wise words to Htown’s film students and other random readers?

When you’re a film student, make the absolute most of your time and the gear available. Make a load of shit so when you get out into the industry, the crap is out of your system and you make good stuff.

Local Film Feature

Getting a real job continued... position is harder than it looks.

Sidling into non-industry-related jobs is one of the most common immediate path for film graduates as they take stock, develop their creative ideas and pay the rent in the meantime. Hey, even the Nexus editor did it. The bonus about that is that, despite not being directly film related, the job can sometime utilise and expand your skills for future film-related work. For instance, Tracey, a Wintec Moving Image graduate, is currently working as a photofinisher doing colour correction and processing. Eventually she’s keen to be a documentary film maker, but for the moment feels she’s still getting educated in her current job. ‘Skin tones, correct lighting, bad lighting, framing a subject. - I see it all, and I learn from their mistakes every day.’

etc that that documentary attracted. The rest is history and has been a whirlwind of Corporate product, music videos, tv ads, promotional videos, creative installation support and another couple of documentary projects – and all sorts of other fun stuff.’ She says money was a factor in the decision to kick off, but ‘a major motivating factor for me was to “make my vacation my vocation” and wanting to do something that I am passionate about. Two years on, I am still very passionate about what I do and why I do it. I am still waiting for the money bit! This industry is definitely not a ‘get-rich-quick-scheme.’

Tanya’s current job-hunting tactics at the moment revolve around scouring newspapers and job-

Geoff Lealand points out that even though not all

Contrary to popular perception, some lucky

oriented websites. ‘Occasionally I’ll send the odd email to local production companies, attaching my CV and suggesting I would basically work for free.’ She chose Auckland for resident friends, its proximity to Hamilton and rumours there were more job opportunities.

Screen and Media students get industry jobs, the skills learned are valuable and highly transferable. ‘[They learn] analytical skills; practical skills; writing skills; presentation skills; ways of understanding how the world works; understanding some of the most important aspects of life’.

bastards do manage to go and get interesting jobs in the industry. It’s rare, but less rare than you might think. We hunted down a few and held them upside down in the toilet until they gave us their secrets.

Her advice for current students? ‘Don’t just rely on what’s offered in the curriculum to make your degree worthwhile. Do short films on the side (even if they’re poos) and volunteer for anything you can get your hands on. Your experiences count for much more than that expensive piece of paper after 4 years.’ She also advises against desperation jobs such as transcribing raw documentary footage.

‘Don’t do it, kids. Even for $50 a tape.’

Setting up your own thing

Tanya Barlow, a Screen and Media Honours grad and S+M club stalwart, recently moved to Auckland to pursue jobs. As yet, she’s not in a salaried position per se, but has done some interesting voluntary stuff. ‘I’m currently volunteering at Alt TV, editing promos, stings, and ingesting music videos.

It’s kind of like the Auckland music television station equivalent of Big TV, only with more gear, volunteers and a wider audience who don’t have to be in the line of sight of the library.’ She’s also done some extras work and transcribing, but is less enthused about that. ‘Both awful.’

Jeremy Pickett studied Media Arts at Wintec and also has a Diploma in Computer 3D Animation with distinction (MDS) and an animation award to boot. He’s currently working at browndog media studio ‘doing frustrating stuff (not sexually).’

Sounds intriguing. The tactics for landing such a position? ‘I applied, and I got it. This is my fourth job since graduating I think.’ Immediately after Wintec, Jeremy worked at TVNZ while studying for his Diploma. ‘From there I moved straight on to Urban Voyage doing render wrangling and then shot off to Wellyizzle to work at Weta productions.’

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

So, where are you working now?

Nexus profiles 3D graphic artist and animator Richard Mans in this issue, and also talked to Downending Films’ Joe Hitchcock about how they independently made a feature film. Another self-motivated individual is ex- Screen and Media tutor Robyn Spence, who runs All-Psyched-Up Productions. What initiated the move? ‘In 2004 I produced a documentary “Keeping it Reel” Then I started All-Psyched-Up Productions & Consultancy Ltd as a direct result of the interest

Do creative film-type jobs actually exist?

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Local Film Feature

Top Secret Editor Dude Name - Turbo McAwesome Qualification?

Bachelor of Media Arts, Visual Arts (Moving Image) from Wintec.

What does your job involve?

According to my contract, I’m a News Video Editor, and my main duties are to edit items for TV3’s news programmes.

My contract probably also says something about confidentiality...

How didja get it? Did it take long after you graduated?

I graduated in 2002. I spent that year doing nothing, then got a job back at Wintec, which I did for 3 years. I left there at the end of last year, and moved up to Auckland since that’s where most of the jobs are. TV3 were advertising for a new editor so I applied, had an interview and got offered the job. Ace. A friend I studied at Wintec with was working at TV3 so I was lucky to have someone on the inside who gave me some advice as to what they might be looking for, which helped.

And the environment and systems, like Avid, that I’d been around at Wintec were fairly similar enough to what I’m now using that it hasn’t been a big adjustment. I haven’t had to re-train anything, just expand what I already know, and even help the technical support guys with some troubleshooting.

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

What’s your worst job ever?

Didn’t I say I used to work at Wintec? I’m kidding. Worst job ever was probably vacuuming a carpark next to the Skytower when it was being built. The construction site made it really dusty, and the businessmen didn’t want their fancy cars to get dusty.

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Dream job?

Hmm. Hard to say. I worked on a story making fun of emo kids this week, I don’t know if it can get any better than that, especially since it got them all upset. Maybe doing some stuff of my own if I get the opportunity, and some ideas. Or an astronaut.

From there he moved on to browndog when the Weta contract ran out. At the moment he’s doing ‘a bit of everything, but mostly frustration. Modeling, rigging, texturing, lighting, rendering, wrangling, file management.’ ‘Apply for everything’ is Jeremy’s main tip, ‘even if it’s not related to your specialised field.

It’s not too dumb as it pretty much always leads on to other guff’.

Tim Grocott is another Media Arts Moving Image graduate, and is currently doing freelance work editing a show for Sky. ‘I have an 8 week booking to turn out 7 episodes, 25 minutes each.’ His secret for job hunting was door-to-door searching, as there were ‘almost no jobs advertised for editing positions’. His other approach was spreading the word. ‘Every time I talked to anyone, I asked them if they knew of any other companies I should get in touch with. And they tell 2 friends and they tell 2 friends and so on...and so on. It’s a vicious cycle.’

Tim stresses the importance of making connections. ‘Don’t settle for dropping your CV in at the reception desk. You have to talk to the person in charge face to face. Even a quick chat and a handshake.’

Louise Rae and myself met a good 4 years back when we were both Hamilton finalists in the now-defunct TV2 Awards. Nowadays she’s a Development Assistant at the Film Commission, but is soon to move on to London and do the OE thing.

‘The degree doesn’t get you the job. It’s the evidence of talent that gets you the job and the degree contributes evidence but isn’t a magic key that opens industry doors. And there are lots of other good jobs that graduates of media courses end up doing as well.’

Dan Fleming Chairman of the Screen and Media Department Career trajectory in a paragraph? ‘Bachelor of Management Studies (hons) – media studies and marketing at Waikato Uni. Graduated, moved to Wellington, was unemployed for 6 months volunteering in arts organisations around town, got a part-time fixed-term contract working at BATS Theatre for 4 months through the PACE scheme, applied for Receptionist at NZFC which was in the paper and on the Big Idea. I got that and expanded it into Receptionist and Assistant to Business Affairs. A few months later [the] Development Assistant [job] came up and I applied for that with everyone else and got it.’

Louise’s career goal has always been to be a Film Producer but she’s open to other stuff along the way. ‘I’m definitely interested in the script side of films so development is a natural fit. I’d be stoked to get another development job in London.’

The main conclusion to be drawn on how to get a film job seems to be that there’s no conclusion. You can sit in your bedroom and do awesome work and people might come to you. Other get successful by relentless perseverance.

But here are a few tips from professionals, tutors and graduates on how you can up your chances of earning in the creative sector.

A medley of advice ‘I think it’s a matter of looking at what you want to do and then working backwards to figure out what you need to do now to get it. Also learn how to write a good cover letter!’

Local Film Feature - Louise Rae, NZFC Development Assistant

on expanding and it’s good to see what experience they have but ultimately it’s all about their work.’

to do, someone sitting in a lecture theatre having a art wank session about mis-en-scene and

Get out there and don’t expect to walk into a middle or high level position – keep your expectations real.

Don’t wait for jobs to be advertised, cos usually they aren’t – they want you to go to them. Target companies and get them to know you – get on mailing lists, subscribe to the right mags, network!

Join the Technicians Guild, research the who is who and know the industry! Target where you want to work, ring, email, offer to work voluntarily, get to know them and get them to remember YOU (for the right reasons!). Show prospective employees that you are keen and prepared to start anywhere.’

– Robyn Spence, All-Psyched-Up Productions ‘Avoid being cocky - there is a difference between confidence and cocky and cocky will get you nowhere. Confidence will get you noticed even if you’re serving coffee (and for some film grads that

– Richard Mans, 3D animator

cinematography doesn’t come close to someone who can actually operate a camera properly. And by operate a camera, I don’t mean turning on the auto focus. Or know where Star Wipe is in iMovie.

That’s the Uni v Tech debate.’

– Turbo McAwesome, editor.

is reality). The best way of increasing your chances of getting work outside of the coffee table is to make stuff while the resources are available and free - especially stuff outside course work.’

– Paul A. Barlow, Chairman of Film Waikato

Department

‘It’s all about the showreel, at least with this type of art it is. I get a lot of showreels just in case I do plan

‘Students need to have skills of all kinds--which can range from the mundane (getting to places on time) to the very skilled (completing a short film, or script). I think we do pretty well in offering such opportunities.’

– Dr Geoff Lealand, Associate Professor, Screen and Media ‘The degree doesn’t get you the job. It’s the evidence of talent that gets you the job and the degree contributes evidence but isn’t a magic key that opens industry doors. And there are lots of other good jobs that graduates of media courses end up doing as well.’

- Dan Fleming, Chairman of the Screen and Media

‘Don’t expect to walk straight in to your dream job. Be prepared to do an internship or training position, because chances are you might have to do a bit of on-the-job training first. Get some hands-on experience, because that’s what counts.

Sorry to say it, but depending on what you want

‘You need to know exactly what job you want and be realistic with your experience. For example, CVs with an extensive experience in every job on a set will go the bottom of the pile because they can’t be filed easily, but if you say you are talented in something like prop making or graphic design, you will be considered for that specific job. Entry level jobs such as runners usually go to the crew’s friends or family.’

– Joe Hitchcock, Downending Films ‘The best people in the film industry have the right attitude and are fun to work with. The bums usually are the coolest people. Work for nothing, meet people.’

– Greg Page

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

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COMPILED BY MAZ If you know of any events that you’d think would look really swell here, email nexus@ waikato.ac.nz the details.

18th and 19th July

Mos Def’s funny antics).

The Da Vinci Code plays at Campus Movies in L1, 8pm. ADMISSION - $6.00 with ID Card (student/ University Staff/Alumni Member).

Check out http://campus-movies. waikato.ac.nz/ for up-to-date info.

Thursday July 20th

Tuesday July 18th

Friday July 21st

The Da Vinci Code at Campus Movies, 8pm (see above)

4 Second Fuse EP Release Party Featuring the Hollow Grinders and Amy Racecar. Check out the poster to the right.

Hamilton Film Society meets at 8pm every Tuesday at Victoria Cinema.

Intending members can sign up on screening nights or call Andrea Haines on 839-5932. Student subscriptions are $85 full year or $45 half year. 3-screening Flexi tickets are also available for $25. ‘In My Father’s Den’ will be screening on the 28th of March.

Surrender to the night Come to the Kings Arms Tavern in Auckland and join the Kingsland Vinyl Appreciation Society every Friday 4.30-7.30pm. This is followed by the Shaft album release with guests The Rainy Days and The Nudie Suits. All in all an eventful Friday night!

Wednesday July 19th

Saturday July 22nd

The Da Vinci Code at Campus Movies, 8pm (see above)

Pop rockers False Start, Kingston and Hamilton’s Trigger Theory are performing at the Te Atatu South Community Hall, Auckland. False

Jazz band Zebra play at The Cook, Cook Street, Hamilton East every Wednesday night from 8pm.

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

The Sneaks, The Whipping Cats and The Tutts are playing at the AUT Vesbar, Auckland. These bands are fantastic if you love to dance!

Alright all you old schoolers, punk rockers Pennywise join New Zealand girl rockers Foamy Ed at The Powerstation, Auckland. The show will start at 7:30pm and will cost $52.50 (AA) Tickets at Real Groovy.

DJ Shadow is performing with Mos Def at the St James Theatre, Auckland. Tickets available at www. ticketdirect.co.nz.

Top quality entertainment brought to you by one of the world’s best DJs and one of the funniest MCs around (check out the Dave Chappelle show for examples of

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Start will have their EP and a while lot of merch for sale. The show will cost $10 and is AA (all ages).

Sunday July 23rd Winter Duathlon Run 4km, Bike 10km, Run 2km. The Winter Duathlon is an event open to all ages and abilities. It all takes place at the University of Waikato Sports Fields Silverdale Rd, Hamilton. The event starts at 10am (registrations from 8am) and costs $30 individuals or $100 for Teams of 4.

Artshole

EXHIBITION OPENING

ar.chi.tec.ton.ics Kim Nola ar.chi.tec.ton.ics opened at Gallery East on July 11 and Nexus dropped by for a glimpse. Kim Nola’s images explore an objective and gently abstract view of local architecture. As an extension of her previous Honours work she has focussed on digitally manipulating photos of buildings to remove human presence and recognisability, leaving just geometrical shapes and textures.

These are further displaced and softened by being images of buildings reflected on to other buildings, rather than straight photographs.

Given the synthetic, man-made nature of architectural facades, the works have a surprisingly organic feel and a warped sci-fi charm. A bit like a structural Magic Eye puzzle, they imply a hidden secret and tempt further contemplation. An intriguing collection.

Gallery East is particularly accessible to students - it’s on the Steele park end of Grey St, so drop by sometime and have a look. The exhibition runs until July 29th.

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

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“666 - The Number of the Beast. Hell and Fire was spawned to be released” – Iron Maiden It’s 8:30am, it’s freezing, and our gothic transportation has disappeared – taking Dragula elsewhere (yes, I’m still bitter…). But it’s 06/06/’06 and International Slayer day so it’s worth risking my warrantless, registrationless car to drive up to Auckland’s Supertop for Metal Day Out. It was worth it. 15 bands going from 10.30am to 10.30pm…for 50 bucks.

First off I just wanna say how proud I was of the Waikato/Tauranga representation at 666. Despite numbers being a bit low (due to venue problems, and it is arguably the first of its kind in New Zealand), we showed Aucklanders how it’s done.

Everywhere I turned my head there was one of you bastards.

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Sadly we arrived a little late so we got there towards the end of WW4’s set (sorry Paul), which really sucked. All the bands I saw were great, but I wanted to write my highlights ‘cause it’s my article!

Sinate: I have to say that while I don’t listen to Sinate on a regular basis, these guys were one of the top Kiwi bands performance-wise of the day.

Matt is always good with the crowd and the Colonel always looks like he’s having fun. Matt gets extra points for joining the mosh-crowd later on and teaching the junior Bogans a thing or two about how to mosh (how else are they gonna learn?)

Frankenbok: With being one guitarist down, Scott having left the band, vocalist Adam took over guitar duties very well – even if this made singing

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Flatline: All the way from the USA, Flatline were very cool. Kinda hardcore I guess. They scored huge points with the crowd for a Pantera and a Slayer cover (particularly relevant as it was International Slayer Day). Their original material was really cool too. A lot of people rated these guys as their highlight of the day.

IllDisposed: I picked it like a dirty nose, and IllDisposed were the major highlight of the day for me. Despite coming off the end of a world tour and having a bit of a fucked voice, Bo still kicked ass.

All the guys seemed cool, laid back and hilarious.

A lotta songs were played from 1-800-Vindication which was brilliant, as well as some of their other songs as well. Highlight of the set was when a scary drunk chick snuck up on stage and started to pretend to hump each of the band members, resulting in IllDisposed doing some mocking of their own. Also a heckler Skinhead getting shot

Sinate Chuganaut

Pictures by PJ Artforms Ltd

F****n C***s a bit tricky (Bok fans know what I mean). I still prefer their Blood Oath material more than their new material. But hearing ‘Victims’ live is always really cool.

Frankenbok

By Burton.C.Bogan.

METAL DAY OUT

down with some Austin Powers “Faja” jokes.

And so we headed home, with me proudly wearing my IllDisposed hoody. A day well done. My only complaint was that every time I felt hungry there was a sudden pain in my ass, and it took me a little while to work out why that was…and then I realised it was because I was getting shafted for food prices. Oh yeah and it was a dry gig. But this was only a result of venue problems that were out of “The Beast Entertainment’s” hands so was a minor inconvenience.

A big Thank You to Beast Entertainment and Chuganaut for helping to organise and run this event and I hope that there are many more to come.

Ill Disposed

Flatline (U.S.A)

Poetree Inglewood

by Carl Watkins Of course it was just before Inglewood I thought of you my brother You and those pink mountains We saw in the night Coming back from the bowl of Brooklyn And up Egmont the next day in the snow Chanell just as fresh In her mother’s arms In mine in Pak n Save in New Plymouth The day before Her sightless eyes dancing in the fluorescent light Smiling

Taking Chanell to get weighed Eating in a New Plymouth café You were hard at work We drove to get you. To take you home.

Intrigued at what she would soon see

I remembered the house you lived in Singing Pearl Jam in it Chanell bouncing in the doorway Kerilee conversations

That day up the mountain She was kept warm And we kept looking out over our beautiful country Out across to Ruapehu pink again And Ngaruahoe Ghosts in mist giving way to green Green meets with our eyes and tumbles tan to the ocean, gold and deep blue With the sun Deep blue

Driving along the coast away from that mountain, north I’m getting closer to home Hamilton Y’know me and Corinna came to Inglewood Back in the day of our togetherness And took photos of us by the sign And I thought of you my brother

And you were hard at work.

Today is your birthday.

My 31 makes you 38 I’m as far away now as I was then from you But on my way home the other day Around the messy middle of the island I had no other road to take I came to Inglewood And I thought of you my brother You were the first thing in my mind

I was driving the main street of Inglewood And I thought of you my brother Those fish n chips that night I’ve yet to have better I had journeyed from Palmy in a truck To be with you, Kerilee and Chanell newborn Us parked, talking and walking through the bowl of Brooklyn Night. Dark. Beautiful. Electric.

You and me together.

Alive.

I was 18 it was August and that made you 25.

News

Poetry In Motion: Jump on the new CBD shuttle bus from the Knox St carpark, the Chartwell Direct or the City Orbiter, and you’ll be treated to live

readings of some of the best NZ poetry. Sounds like fun. From 7am – 9am.

At 3.30 pm at the Hamilton libraries there’ll be a synchronous mass reading of Margeret Mahy’s ‘Down The Back Of The Chair’ and several other Mahy classics. The author herself turned 70 this year and is one of the rockingest children’s writers around, so go along and celebrate your inner child.

Aoteroa in 10 Easy Pieces: Celebrate NZ poetry and sample some fine visual art in a special Montana Poetry Day programme at the museum. The evening will begin with a NZ poetry performance piece by 3 local actors, followed by an open-mic opportunity to support and celebrate our own local poets.Drinks and nibbles will be available for purchase in the Museum foyer from 6.30pm. Performance starts at 7pm.

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It’s Montana Poetry Day on July 21, so Nexus encourages you to get poetic – and send us the spoils (nexus@waikato.ac.nz).

Here are some of events happening. Contact the Hamilton Community Arts Council for more details.

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@ Don Llewellyn’s, 12th July

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

By M. Emery Photos By Lemon

Kings of Groove Kora performed last Wednesday at Don Llewellyn’s to a packed out audience of students and revelers alike. The 5-piece band of the 4 Kora brothers and Bass/ Synth guy, Dan McGruer held the audience in thrall as they played solid groove after groove, which had Llewellyn’s dancing tent wall to tent wall.

I was feeling low and not prepared to dance but the phat grooves forced me to dance against my will. Kora’s music is an uplifting blend of reggae/ dub and rock with songs that morph from one to another, taking in ambient detours but always with a solid emphasis on groove.

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became more metallic. After driving the groove I couldn’t quite hear the vocals because I’m half deaf but I could just make out some sweet harmonizing from the brothers as they sang in unison over the pounding rhythm section. Later in the set I could swear they were riffing on an old Drowning Pool tune before unleashing into a Bob Marley cover of ‘Roots, Rock, Reggae’. Late in the set Kora busted into their radio favorite Politician which drove the crowd bezerk. Everyone started hoisting their arms in the air and slurring the words to Kora’s most well known tune. The crowd knew it so well that the band actually stopped playing and let the audience carry the tune for a few choruses.

This was amazing to hear all these happy people singing in unison.

The Kora boys built on a mid tempo stomp that started in a groove/reggae fashion but slowly

relentlessly into the ground for several minutes the music stopped abruptly and all the members froze like statues in mid groove. Maybe a minute passed of dead silence while the audience whooped and hollered. Was that it? No way, man! The silent tension built over that frozen minute before the band erupted forth again into the same persistent groove. This time it was more intense. Heavier and noisier. Around about now the lights went out, which I don’t think was suppose to happen, but the music carried on regardlessly becoming more intense and climactic. The beats were getting faster and the music became a blur of noise until eventually it all exploded in the dark. Maybe the music was so intense it blew up all the light bulbs.

Like a lot of people I left the gig that night thrilled that I had witnessed one of the greatest bands currently performing in New Zealand.

MORE KORA

WAKA WEEK - 2006 TE WHƖNAU-Ɩ-APANUI 31st July to 4th August 2006 Presenters’ Day - 2nd August 2006 9.30 am Mihi - Level 2 Tutorial Room 10.30 am Speakers: Wiremu Tawhai (Te WhĆnau-Ć-Apanui) Professor Tamati Reedy (NgĆti Porou) Te Kepa Stirling (Te WhĆnau-Ć-Apanui) ALL WELCOME - NAU MAI HAERE MAI For catering purposes RSVP: hinek@waikato.ac.nz

UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO LIBRARY - WAKA WEEK July 31 – Fri 4th

Haere mai! Haere mai! Haere mai In 1998 the Ani Pahuru, Kaitakawaenga Maori, organised Library Hui for University of Waikato Maori staff, where ideas were sought as to how Maori could be enticed into the Library. Mr Matiu Dickson (UoW School of Law) proposed

Waka Week 2006 Date: Monday 31 July 2006 - Friday 4th August 2006.

Main day: Wednesday 2 August 2006 Time: 9:30am Mihi 10:30am Speaker Presentation 12:00pm Lunch – Finger Food 1:00pm Cultural Hour – Outside Te Āhurutanga Speakers: Wiremu (Bill) Tawhai Tamati Reedy Te Kepa Stirling For more information and to register your attendance for catering purposes please contact: Hinerangi Kara - Māori Liaison Librarian. Ph (07) 856-2889, Ext - 4754 Email - hinek@waikato.ac.nz KO WAI? NA WAI? NO WHEA? It’s a question of identity – Maori people want to know about themselves, and the University of Waikato Library holds many resources and taonga that are of interest to Maori. How do we bring Maori into the Library? By offering them the opportunity to view, to touch, to experience the resources held here – and by inviting key kaikorero from each waka to bring to life the taonga, through the oral tradition – whakapapa, waiata, moteatea, haka.

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

Tuia te rangi e tü nei Tuia te papa e takoto nei Tuia rätou i wehea atu Ki te Pöuriuri ki te Pötangotango He kura i tangihia - he maimai aroha ki a koutou

a “Waka Week” where Maori could learn about themselves.

After further consultation and planning the inaugural Waka Week commenced by celebrating the Tainui Waka in 1998, as tangata Whenua.

Mataatua followed, as Mr Matiu Dickson and other kaikorero readily offered their knowledge. Te Arawa and Ngati Porou followed, and saw the celebration grow bigger then the Library. 2002 saw the whole idea of Waka themselves being celebrated with huge input by Hoturoa Barclay-Kerr.

There will be information displays of the Library ‘Te Whānau-ā-Apanui’ resources through-out the week. However, we will also have a main day where we will have guest speakers from Te Whānau-āApanui and kai etc. This day is open to both staff and students. Please find the information below.

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WSU President Kia Ora whanau!

Cheaper food on campus: Seriously, this has been my favorite debate every time I attend in any meeting to do with campus activity. I’ve even tried my own boycott of Momento because of not only the price, but the varying temperature of my coffee. But every time I go into discussion about the need for cheaper food on campus, there is always equal argument about the tenants, their overheads, and that if the prices were really “hurting” their customers, they wouldn’t be doing so well in selling their product.

I welcome ANY help with my on going argument about food prices on campus; I’m running short of ideas and solutions to this problem and will appreciate your help.

Sehai Orgad Re-Oweek: This time around we thought we would try something a little different with our range of line up and activities. The comedy night went off! This is seriously something I think we can definitely do more of on different occasions and will be planning on getting more gigs like this one happening. Take note that I am writing this column on the Wednesday of last week, and am gearing up for a big one tonight at Kora… so I am yet to report on the rest of the week’s activities but am confident that it was ALL GOOD.

NZUSA is the national body representing tertiary students. It negotiates directly with the government.

Most university and polytech associations belong.

About $4.50 of your WSU levy goes to NZUSA annually. Te Mana Akonga (TMA) is the national tertiary Maori students’ organisation, and is a parallel body to NZUSA. The two organisations work closely together.

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

The latest conference was held at Waikato University. It was the best, and most important, NZUSA conference in some years.

Major disagreements in NZUSA throughout 2005 over strategic direction were generally resolved.

There was a workshop to follow up on January’s full-day session, and a draft report will come back to September Conference, aiming to broaden its strategic focus. There was agreement on a ‘parallel’ structure for NZUSA, to give more equal

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WSU have also been chosen to be the client for the Management Schools 333 PR and Marketing Campaigns paper. This means that students taking this paper will be researching and studying the WSU as a whole in order to put together a PR campaign, not only to complete the paper, but also to be in the annual Management Schools Gordon Chesterman PR and Marketing Competition.

WSU stuff in general: We are going through an interesting time here in the WSU camp. At an SGM this afternoon, three new positions were elected , and I would like to congratulate Ben Delany and Whetu Taukamo for their election into the Environmental portfolio, Matangaro Paerau and

Vice President NZ Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA) June/July Conference 2006

Paora Mato for being elected to the Sports and Rec portfolio and Barbara Jenkins for taking on the Finance officer position.

Carl Gordon say between university and polytech members.

Campaigns to limit rises in tuition fees for tertiary students, and to increase student allowances and eligibility, will continue.

There were important new initiatives too. The first Men’s Conference, and especially the first Maori caucus, were successful. NZUSA will lobby for Matauranga Maori to be elevated to a position of equity with western knowledges in the tertiary education sector – this is part of a campaign to end the suppression and marginalisation of indigenous knowledges.

Work was begun on Voluntary Student Membership (VSM) issues, and an updated resource kit will be developed for member associations to include material on the situation in Australia (where VSU became enforced by federal law on 1 July in an attempt to destroy students’ associations).

There was debate over students’ and workers’

employment rights. There will be a resource kit on the various financial structures used with students’ associations. There will be research done on the Performance Based Research Funding (PBRF) system for universities and how it discriminates against women, non-Western epistemologies, and Postgraduate (and undergraduate) students. There will be a submission on the review of the Code of Practice for the Pastoral Care of International students, and for better health care insurance for international students. And there will be a resource kit compiled on mental health, suicide prevention, and substance abuse.

There was a lot more, but this gives an idea of the range and direction of the policies and work of NZUSA. If you want to know more, or have your say, please contact us.

Mature Students’ Officer

Vince Malcolm-Buchanan

My nine year old nephew is addicted to computer games and spends hours playing them. To protect his eyes, his mother instructed him to take a break every half hour and look outside the window. One afternoon he had finished his homework and, as usual, turned on the computer to play games.

Then we watched him suddenly crouch on the windowsill and stare outside for quite some time.

We couldn’t help asking him what he was doing.

“I’m doing all the looking outside now,” he said, “so I don’t have to interrupt my games later!”

appropriate, at times, for those with a weak constitution (the nails in the forehead act etc was a bit hair-raising), but hey, the group of friends I went along with LOVED it! Yours truly included.

Whilst I didn’t attend the Toga Party as such (I was the nominated driver), by all accounts this event was another success. Then of course there was Kora – bloody great line up! And those are just three of the many events which unfolded. Good on ya Elmo, Kirsty, Shannon and the many others who pitched in to help also. It was great to see an event catering to non-drinkers! Hope you people enjoyed

navigate between lectures, labs, tutorials and so forth. Don’t forget to feel free at any time to seek assistance from your Student Union staff and representatives.

With regard to the forthcoming election of the ALMS committee, I’ll be composing the relevant article and information sheets over the next fortnight – these will be posted on the ALMS notice-boards. So please keep an eye for them and consider nominations in order to bring together a working committee for our club.

Congratulations to the WSU team of staff and volunteers who pulled together a terrific and well executed B semester O Week. The Comedy Show was bloody brilliant, albeit perhaps not

the free showing of Tom Cruise’s latest release.

Have a great week - one and all!

Kia ora

We are now in the second week of this six week term. Hopefully you are all oriented enough to

Maori Students’ Officer Renee Rewi

SPONSORED BY ‘THE MILL’

telling all of you why you should enrol on the Māori Electoral Roll. My partner and I are members - are you?

‘IF EVER YOU STOPPED AND NOTICED THE CLOUDS FLYING PASS – THEN LIKE THE CLOUDS DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF AND DON’T LET LIFE FLOAT BY ALSO’

Ok so you are here and ready for action – here’s hoping that the week’s entertainment has not been too arduous on your body and your brain. For all the newbies: your life as a student will at times become nerve-wracking and sometimes you do not quite know which way is up – before things get out of hand, hook up a time to come see me: • • • • •

Advocacy advice; Contractual advice – re-halls of residence; Budget; Hardship, and; Referral – cause if I do not know my networks will.

Things to look up – Te Puna Tautoko website link on the main Waikato website, www.wsu.org.nz

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

Notice to all students – there are times when as a group/roopu you need to raise money to attend different conferences or sporting events. Introducing a new sponsor ‘The Mill’ whose relationship with us should mean good deals and provide prizes for student raffles. To ensure that all is pono I will be setting up a raffle myself to help fund students wanting to go to ‘Huinga Tauira’. These students are proactive enough not to wait around for others to place a spoon in their mouths. And no, I am not the co-ordinator for ‘Huinga Tauira’ as this job belongs to our own roopu on campus that represents Māori Tauira as a body recognised by the WSU constitution.

19 July 2006 – down at ‘The Banks’ 1pm – 2pm = Free BBQ for all students. For your listening pleasure it is our intention to bring you guest speakers who will be

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International Students’ Officer So, you survived the first week? Good, I’m impressed. Now that you have found all your classrooms and signed up for a Unirec membership although you have never ever set a foot in a gym before, you also have time to(re)explore the campus. Not that it is a undeniably extraordinary campus. It has an awful lot of stairs (big cheers to all the people with bikes) and the parking lot is indecently far away from the lecture halls (big cheers to all the people with legs but without time or umbrellas) – but it is still nice and green.

heavily disappointed that no one wanted to win my Douglas-Adams-appreciation-towel but I can understand that students rather have something to eat or real freebies.

compared with other campuses in New Zealand.

Has anybody discovered the new extension to SBlock yet? First one to send me a picture gets a Snickers! YES, that’s a competition, everyone can participate, get your digicam, phone or pencil out of that bag and send me a picture! By mail, email, txt or if you are capable of it, by telepathy. I am still

that dream of going to Fiji wile you’re here.

So here we are back again for real freebies, because if you are an international student you can get yourself organized and take part in our poster competition for the international student day. Win real nice prizes, like a $50 book voucher, in case you need to buy the lonely planet New Zealand or some STA Travel freebies that help you realizing

And that’s all I have to say this week, I don’t have much time anyway, because I am preparing to go to the international student conference to make some noise for you. Although you might not know it now, there are still some things not quite right in

Sonja Gruebmejer New Zealand for international students. Think of the costs and requirements for your visa, or your health insurance - it sounds nice but leaves you alone in quite a few situations, like pregnancy. Or the strict course on plagiarism: I am not a native speaker in English so I know how difficult it can be, to say something in my own words in a foreign language without copying the eloquent wording of the author in some way. If you find yourself stuck alone in one of these situations, the WSU can help you. I don’t want any of you guys to feel alone or unsupported during your stay here. New Zealand is a wonderful country, don’t let difficulties ruin your experience.

Remember: You’re not alone, there’s always the WSU.

GLBT Officer 2nd week already!

So, you spent last term wondering if you should join Askew? The answer is YES! We are going on a trip to Auckland soon, for clubbing and to socialise with members of the Auckland group. Our meetings on Wed at 1pm in

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

the WSU building Queerspace are a fun time to catch up & make new friends. Plus Pride Week is next term and this is the point to get involved!

On the 7-9th of July a group from Askew went to Massey in Palmerston North for the annual UniQ conference. It was a great chance to mix, mingle and learn about queer issues. We spoke about homophobia, the police, transgender issues, asexuality and many other topics. We also had a great time at the ‘all tied up’ party.

Megan Moffet the networks between all tertiary student queer groups in New Zealand.

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Scents of night fall all around us...with the fog.

Moisture kisses our flesh. and moisture rests between

See you all soon, I hope. Meanwhile here is a poem from a lesbian:

our thighs.

With my tongue I’ll find the curve of your neck.

Thigh against thigh,

Dance with me © Linda Bray

breast against breast, gently I’ll caress your back.

Soft, silken shoulders...in moonlight, kisses and nibbles.

Let’s dance together you and I.

Clothing no longer optional...

I’ll hold your warmth close to mine.

skin to skin.

A galaxy of fire above us....sparked against a blackened

With your heart beating in rhythm with my own,

sky.

Music in the air is cascading....drifting on cool mist.

I’ll make love to you,

Music enchanting... slow and rhythmic, with the music we’ll sway together.

As we dance.

Our bodies collide as we dance.

Come dance with me.

In your ear I will whisper...my desires.

As a result of this conference we now have a National UniQ Coordinator in the form of me!

We will be moving forward nationally to improve

My cheek...just grazes yours...slowly...softly.

I long to hear yours whispered into the night.

As the strands of a basket, our fingers are threaded together.

Send your notices of 100 words or less to nexus@waikato.ac.nz, or drop into box at WSU reception. Deadline is 5pm Tues.

2 Flatmates wanted to share with one female uni student in Fairview Downs.

Preferably suited to those who like tidy living environment. Fully established house with off street parking and garage. Master & Single bedroom available asap. $100 per week rent, power and gas (phone optional).

Quiet, sunny, tidy house, easygoing landlord.

Phone or text 0274257390 or after hours 07 855 8521. House welcome for inspection Flatmate wanted to live with 3 guys and a girl, all over 20. Very sunny room, has no carpet or wardrobe. In Hamilton East village area, close to shops and fast food places, outside off-street parking available!

Rent covers phone, power, gas heating, broadband, sky and basic supplies. Phone Tracey on 856 6630 or text 021 130 1265.

Flatmate wanted, Masters ave. $125pw including everything. Close to uni, Sky, wireless internet etc. Mean party garage and huge deck. Email spm12@waikato.ac.nz or phone 027 357 7335 Flatmate Wanted: One flatmate required, for a room in a four bedroom house.

Recently renovated villa type house with newish carpet, wall paper, kitchen and bathroom etc. The house is warm with gas heaters throughout, sunny deck out front, loads of off street parking, private backyard area and shed available for bikes, tools, etc. $100 p/wk includes: Rent, power, phone, appliance rental, and some basic

flat stuff, just buy your own food. We also have a cat. Ph 854 9738, 0275446305 or 0273580546.

COME LIVE WITH US! Nice 4bdrm house in Dinsdale. We are one couple, a girl, a guy and a doggie, students and workers.

Dont worry we’re not scarey. $140/week for everything (rent, lawns, power, phone, net, food), or you can buy ur own food. Phone 847 6924 or txt shari 0212062604 Flatmate Wanted: We’re 3 chilled out, music loving students & you should be to if your keen to live with us!! Single bedroom, off avalon drive, premo character home. $55pw + expenses. Check out our pad ‘Periam Castle’. Ph or txt Eryn 027 4706 307 Flat mate wanted urgently to live with 1 guy and 3 girls. 5 bedroom house on Liston Cresent 5 minute walk to uni. 2 bathrooms with off road parking. Big room available. $120 per week including rent, food, power, phone, sky and broadband. $372 bond and contract till 2nd of Febuary 2007. PLEASE PHONE OR TXT SAM ON 027 350 6557 Flat Wanted – Friendly responsible 3rd year female student looking for queer friendly flat within walking distance of university. Aim to move in first week of August. Please email mlm27@waikato.ac.nz or call 021 125 4727 Make friends from different parts of the

Upcoming Campus Movies The Da Vinci Code Tuesday 18 July

Wednesday 19 July

Friday 28 July

Law Ball Theme Competition!

The Law Ball is approaching, and here is a chance for you to decide the theme and win a $100 voucher courtesy of Bennetts Book Shop! Simply tell us poetically in approx 25 words or less what the theme should be and e-mail to: wulsa@waikato.ac.nz. All entries will be considered, so hurry-up and be in to win! Entries close on 21st July 2006.

The winner will be contacted via e-mail.

Is yr spelin as apawling as ths sentins is?

We’ll help you get the grades you want by proofreading, editing and revising your assignments for you.

When you write wrong,

Tuesday 25 July

Wednesday 26 July

Tuesday 1 August

Wednesday 2 August

Ice Age: The Melt Down Thursday 27 July

Singer/Bassist Wanted. Originals rock band wide range of influences. Come for a jam, 027 296 0858

UNIVERSIT Y OF WAIKATO · GATE ONE, KNIGHTON ROAD · L BLOCK · L1 at 8PM

ADMISSION: $6 with ID card (Student/Uni Staff/Alumni Member)

we right the wrongs

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

Friday 21 July

FREE for PIZZA? All Engineering Students come down to the Annual General Meeting on Wednesday, 19th July in L4 at 1pm and grab a bite of PIZZA. There will be a guest speaker Lisa Drysdale, from Fonterra and get introduced to the nominatees of WESA Exec ‘07. Find out more details about upcoming Semester B WESA events like Engineering Ball and Pub Crawl B semester.

Interested to nominate a fellow student or yourself for positions on the Exec ‘07, then contact nsmk1@waikato.ac.nz

Visit us at www.editwrite.co.nz

The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift Thursday 20 July

world! For fun, games, fellowship & dinner, check out International Christian Fellowship from 21st July Friday onwards at 7pm Lady Goodfellow Chapel (opposite Uni Rec gym).

Christians and non-Christians are welcome.

Contact h_icf@yahoo.com

FOR UPDATES AND OTHER INFORMATION CHECK OUT

HTTP://CAMPUS-MOVIES.WAIKATO.AC.NZ

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Columns

The Invisible Game ‘Book’ As a word freak books are naturally very close to my heart, and as my friends and family will tell you, they are probably my greatest weakness (I only have two bookshelves in my bedroom…). Being at university, we all come into rather frequent contact with books, well, at least we are supposed to.

To my mind there is something magical about a good book. Non-fiction can explain things in ways that make complete sense (of course there are textbooks which just make everything 10 times more confusing, but I’m talking about good books), and a great novel can take you miles away.

The word ‘book’ is of Germanic origin and is found in varying forms in many of the modern Germanic languages. It is thought that it originally meant “writing tablet, leaf, or sheet”; a meaning which is not entirely different from its present meaning today. ‘Book’, in its Old English form of bóc (in the singular, béc in the plural), has been in use since the late 800s. Just as the form of written documents (or collections of documents) has changed in the last 1000+ years, so too has the meaning of ‘book’. I’m sure no-one would disagree with me in saying that ‘book’ is now a common everyday word in English, so much so that it is now being combined with other nouns to form compound words such as ‘bookmark’, ‘bookworm’, and so on.

While the term ‘book’ once encompassed magazines and what we would now call journals (I mean the academic type not the “dear diary…” type), today book is generally used to mean a professionally printed and bound book, either fiction or non-fiction.

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

Barbara W. Tuchman once said that “books are humanity in print.” In many ways this is true. A good novel (or biography) can take us through a range of

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human emotions - we can laugh, we can get angry, we can cry along with a book. We can travel huge distances without leaving our house. Non-fiction shares with us the knowledge of a wide range of subjects. We can find out how people cook in Argentina, or what languages people speak in Latvia, we can learn how to fix things, how to make things. To my mind, books bundle the knowledge, experiences, and emotions of humanity together to form something we can (hopefully) connect with. Don’t agree? Well, of course it’s entirely up to you to form your own opinion, this is just mine. But I’ll leave you with a parting thought to ponder… George Bernard Shaw, a famous playwright and essayist once wrote that “people get nothing out of books which they don’t bring to them.” What do you think?

Well the Football World Cup is over, and my predictions were horribly wrong.

I picked Holland to beat Brazil in the final, so I made a big fuck up. But the giant fuck up belongs to the New Zealand media and public for basically ignoring this month of the beautiful game.

After all, the World Cup is the biggest sporting event on the face of the planet, and only comes around every four years. It wouldn’t have killed the media to actually report on it. Some nights, the football coverage was relegated to fifth or sixth item on the sports news, following several pieces of rugby news and any other sport that happened to feature a New Zealander. Some games were not reported on at all. And if you didn’t have Sky, you were able to see seven games. They were all supposed to be live, but they weren’t.

It’s all got to do with the New Zealand perception that soccer is a pansy sport. Average ignorant Kiwi thinks that you have to play rugby, league or cricket. No grown men hug each other and act that gay after scoring a goal!

Well I’m afraid that soccer is just a more skillful sport. Rugby has become so boring it’s painful. I’d like to note that it never used to be this way. Open, running rugby was great. But now, you need to be a physical freak to play rugby at the highest level. It’s no longer an interesting game. And anyone that accuses football players of being posers only has to look at the fashion parade that is rugby these days. Luke McCalister must spend hours getting his hair in place before a test match.

So if you only followed what the New Zealand media gave you about the World Cup, you missed out big time. While the rest of the world enjoyed a feast of football, New Zealand missed out because the All Blacks and the Warriors were playing, and those who didn’t watch that must not be patriots. But rest assured, it won’t happen next year. When the Rugby World Cup is on, we will see every single game, live and in its entirety. Even the tedious ones such as Namibia vs. Uruguay will be shown because rugby is our national game, and if you don’t like it, then tough. Well I will be watching, and I will laugh myself into hysterics when the All Blacks choke once again and lose. How much will you all like rugby then?

Columns

Although you’ve got to keep in mind that a car is made with the intention to get you from somewhere to somewhere else, it’s also obvious that cars have many other uses, from being a form of expression to being an enjoyable pastime and hobby. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you have to spend outrageous amounts of money. I’ve given plenty of flak to plenty of people about how much they spent on their cars and how much they’re trying to sell them for, because it’s morons like them that make cars so overpriced.

After all, something is only worth as much as someone’s going to pay for it, and while all the mindless slobs of society go and pay what the con-man dealer wants for it, the rest of us are forced to either pay ludicrous amounts

But of course, I think this is overpriced. After all, I scored my ‘98 Vectra for a mere $1300, and all I had to do was get the selector out of gear. A saving of $3700, and it is just as good as the Nissan, if not better - alloys as opposed to hubcaps, 2.0L as opposed to 1.8L, manual as opposed to auto, etc. I’m not one to brag, but you can’t argue with a saving of just under four grand.

of money, or to trudge through the hordes of rip-offs to find that gleaming bargain.

you certainly can’t argue with that.

I again rip on my friend with a ‘97 Bluebird; it set him back $5000, which most people seem to think is reasonable, especially since it has low-ish kms.

HAGGLE! I’m a flea market and second hand shop fanatic. Some label them “junk shops”, I say phooey -they’re treasures looking for a home. I love to think I’m getting something for practically nothing, being all secret squirrel a buying an antique vase for $2 when its worth is similar to my growing student loan.

I was the kid who at the end of the school fair walked away with tons of leftover crap that nobody else wanted. Ugly vases, balls of string, hundred year old magazines, crusty soft toys, and dolls missing limbs. I took home the useless odds and ends, believing I was a winner scoring hoards of bargains from unsuspecting oldies. Although in hindsight, taking away someone’s unwanted crap probably doesn’t make me the overall winner.

Not everyone is open to haggling and certainly not all shopping environments are “haggle friendly”. Chain or larger stores aren’t so open to suggestion and I strongly recommend you don’t haggle at The Warehouse, Sounds, Glassons or even the $2 shop. It has been suggested to me that I may in fact be illiterate as I “cannot seem to read the clearly visible price”.

In the same category is haggling with family - don’t haggle for a larger loan or

Then I’ll probably buy some old ‘70s datto or mitsi for a grand or two, and have a few thousand dollars to play with. Am I such a cheap bastard now?

you’ll get squat. Don’t haggle using what another family member has been given, or you’ll get squat and a slap plus a lecture. And never ever haggle using how boozed you’d like to be on Friday or how cool or your new tattoo will be (the above diddly squat + slap + lecture x 5 = dumbass …)

The place to test your haggling is the Frankton Markets, garage sales, for sale columns in The Loot or newspaper or even a craft fair (although be sure to not offend the oldies).

Chose what you want to buy, and determine the maximum price you are willing to spend. Start by offering the vendor 40% - 50% less than your maximum price. Respond to counteroffers from the vendor by increasing your offer in small increments until you reach your maximum price, don’t rush to meet your maximum price and don’t appear too hell-bent on being successful.

Tips for haggling •

•

•

•

•

The nearer the end of the market or festival, the more willing the vendors are to haggling.

Make sure you know the item’s rough value before you start your negotiations, you could lose big time and wind up paying more than the item is actually worth.

If the vendor won’t come down to your maximum price, don’t hesitate to walk away from the deal. (If you’re anywhere near the rough figure they’re after, they won’t let you and your cash walk away) Be smart and don’t stroll round the markets flashing hundred dollar notes around, nobody will take less than the asking price if they think you’re loaded.

Haggling over a car in the Loot or newspaper? Don’t turn up in your mate’s 2001 Holden vectra - borrow a 1986 Honda city.

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The only reason I enjoy my market day outings is the haggling. A fun way to get the best deal on something I want, think I want or sometimes don’t even really want. But the art of haggling is a tricky one…

In saying that, I’m not a huge fan of my car. It’s far too new and posh for my liking; I’d expect someone like my nanna to drive it. This is why I plan on exploiting those people that will pay me at least what my friend paid, which suddenly turns that four grand saving into at least a four grand profit. Now

Warnings: Try not to let the excitement of haggling overpower your better judgment and lead you to exceed your maximum price.

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Columns

Welcome back, stupid students. Go ahead, turn the page. You’ll be back.

First things first, I (Vitamin C) made the oft-fatal mistake of letting Special K write the article last week, while shouting out a few gems from the couch while also trying to fill the Fantasy Meter on Smackdown vs Raw 06.

That’s fine by me, except one little thing got lost in translation: people did come and look for the beer. But they were still too stupid to bring shovels right? Right. I neglected to mention the beer was buried. So yes, there is probably a box of Tui still buried in that little foresty bit.

Anyway, on to bigger and better things - this week we bring you the first half of the story of the kersplosion. Due to its extremely hilarious nature, this story will presented as happening to ‘our friend’. Please note that this does not refer to ‘Our Friend Andrew’. His story is much funnier.

Anyway, plans had been laid for a trip to the Coromandel to stay in a nice beach house. All was good. So we all went drinking the night before we left. In order to prepare for a weekend of drinking. It was a reasonably quiet night of social drinking in the lounge, until it became apparent that our friend was making some serious progress with his whiskey. Serious as in eventually deciding to drink another half a bottle straight. In 5 minutes. His goddamn stupid antics that night would make for an article in themselves, but it gets better. Everyone came home at 3 and went to bed, in order to leave early tomorrow morning. Now, our friend has a great ability to tackle alcohol so was up reasonably early the next morning, bright eyed and bushy tailed, hangover free. All was well. Until he decided he might recharge his batteries. With some good old fruit juice. Lots of vitamin C in fruit juice, right? Right.

So about an hour into the journey, he asks Mr. Driver if we can pull over at the next gas station. “Okay!” says Mr. Driver. Gas station rolls past the window. “Too scummy”, says Mr. Driver. Our friend looks upset. Cafe rolls past the other window. “That’s a poorly marketed Cafe”, says Mr. Driver.

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Our friend squirms in his seat. You see, vitamin C has a laxative effect.

An eXplosive laxative effect. Five minutes later: “Stop this car right now or I’m going to shit in it”.

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Coming next week: Booze-poos + eXplosive laxative effect + 1 meter drop + landing against an electric fence = hilarity. You know what: you really don’t need us to finish this story. Suffice to say that at the precise moment that the aforementioned elements combined, 36 cubic centimeters of diarrhea slammed into our friends’ boxer shorts. The next few minutes was spent finding some nice soft grass to wipe with, before somehow covertly removing pants and boxer shorts, replacing pants, and returning to a vehicle of hysterical travelers, and a rolling camera. After all the effort of staying reasonably clean and keeping Mr. Driver’s car clean, our friend Andrew decided that now was the best time to throw up everywhere.

I was reading something the other day that really got my panties in a twist. It was an article by Martin Elliot, ‘Where for art thou tradesman’ in June’s issue of ‘On Campus’. The gist of the article was that parents are placing too much emphasis on getting ‘candy floss’ degrees as opposed to encouraging their children to take up trade apprenticeships. Martin also suggests that one of the biggest myths of the 20th Century is ‘that the worth of a person [is] determined by whether they [have] a university degree.’

Personally I’d be a little uncomfortable lying on the operating table awaiting my triple heart bypass if I knew anyone other than a qualified doctor was wielding the scalpel. Imagine the anesthetic taking effect only to see Phil the plumber peering down at you “Don’t worry; I unblocked a u-bend this morning – this is pretty much the same thing”.

The fact that there are some professions in which a degree is mandatory is inescapable. Status resulting from holding such a qualification is clear for all to see; and is a fact of life.

An increasing number of trades also require formal qualifications of some description. Be they trade certificates, or diplomas, these too fall under the umbrella of ‘candy floss’ degrees. They represent that individuals have both the academic knowledge and the practical experience necessary to perform adequately in their given vocation. Yes, I am guilty of measuring a persons’ ability based solely on a piece of paper and an official title, as we all are; but this is very different to measuring that person’s intrinsic worth.

I totally agree that trades offer much higher earning potential for a relatively low amount of work in comparison to laboring toward a degree.

I can’t however, recall the last time I saw a 65 year old carpenter, plumber or electrician; yet 65 year old researchers are not uncommon. Jobs requiring a high level of physical input, as in the case with most trades have a limited occupational life span.

Even the education sector, from which many academic yardsticks are forged require qualifications. In the old days, any degree would do, but now a teaching degree is a prerequisite. For many, this necessitates a degree upon degree(s). How someone from the education sector can be discouraging parents and students advocating degrees at any level is beyond me.

Any efforts in breaking the University degree mindset would be more productive if channeled into finding appropriate qualification(s) for the student to aim for. Now that I’ve removed the stick from my ass, here’s my pick of the week’s activities.

Date: Time: Location: Cost:

Thursday 20 July 2006 7:00 PM - 9:00 PM L3 Free

A Japanese film, ‘I are you, you are me’ will be shown on Thursday the 20th of July. As usual it will start at 7pm at L3 on campus. Engrish subtitles provided.

Columns

I was really hungover Saturday night (cheers C.J!) and so I didn’t go out and instead sat on the couch watching TV, wondering what the hell I did during those patches I can’t remember. Sigh. Rock Star Supernova?

WTF? For those who don’t know, Rock Star is a rock version of Pop Idol.

Now there’s a new one with Tommy Lee (formerly Motley Crue & M.O.M), Jason Newstead (formerly Metallica, Echobrain, Flotsam Jetsam etc.) and Gilby Clarke (formerly G’N’R) looking for a lead singer. Now let’s overlook the whole selling out thing because I’ve done that to death, inside this column and outside of it, and instead look at the super group theory. As you can imagine, this is where members of different bands, either as a

The Sex Pistols

side project or after they’ve been sadly ejected from other bands, form something new.

Stewart. Woo. And from this happy atmosphere came the Sex Pistols, who after a few changes, settled on the line up of Paul Cook (drums), Steve Jones (Guitar), Glen Matlock (Bass) and Vocalist John Lydon (aka Johnny Rotten because of his rotten teeth).

Results may vary. This is just my opinion but Scott Weiland should go back to drugs and stick with Stone Temple Pilots and G’N’R should have just quit while they were ahead, Stone Temple Roses (a.k.a Velvet Revolver) doesn’t work. Chris Cornell should’ve taken the hint when his solo career didn’t work and Tom Morello should stick to politics, Rage against the Garden (a.k.a Audioslave) doesn’t work.

Then there are times when it does work. Temple of the Dog (showing my age here) was cool (a mix of Pearl Jam & Soundgarden guys). Roadrunner Allstars is a very cool album, and even Probot had moments… I dislike Dave Grohl, but he gains respect for influences including Venom, Motorhead, Voivod, and Sepultura. There’s also the very cool Brujeria (Fear Factory & Faith No More).

So I think that super groups only work as side projects really. The examples above are all experiments where like minded metal musicians have taken a break from their regular bands and jammed to create something new, which theoretically appeals to me. But where it goes wrong is when bands break up and then some of them reform a new band. Or they replace one member, after they leave, and something’s still wrong (Metallica or Fear Factory anybody?). When one dies and they replace one it still works (ACDC or early Metallica).

Maybe bitchiness interrupts the creative process? Who knows, that’s why I write about music rather than playing it!

Nevermind the Bollocks – Here’s the Sex Pistols Guest review by Charills The Sex Pistols came from the UK of the ‘70s, a time when life was a mess for anyone who wasn’t filthy rich. Music had pretty much turned to crap, with the only interesting things happening being David Bowie and Rod

After being signed to and then sacked by EMI, the band replaced Matlock with John Simon Ritchie-Beverely, probably better known as Sid Vicious.

The band were then signed to and sacked (10 days later) by A&M. Eventually the band got a record deal with Virgin Records in 1977, and on November 12th released the band’s one true album: Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s the Sex Pistols.

And a great album it was. In a time where music was bland and insignificant the Sex Pistols stood up and said NO! Never Mind the Bollocks is pretty much an expression of how pissed off the working class really was. ‘God Save the Queen’ is a vicious punk rocker with a satirical attack on the Queen’s ‘facist regime’ and the oppression of the working class. ‘Anarchy in the UK!’ is pretty much along the same lines – except without the satire.

Nevertheless ‘Anarchy’ is a damn good song, particularly if you’re feeling pissed off with the government, capitalism and the state in general. ‘Pretty Vacant’ is another brilliant track. Somewhat amusingly Rotten managed to get away with placing huge emphasis on the second syllable of Vacant, ending up with a rather interesting line “We’re Va-CUNT!” For those of you are into punk then this is brilliant – what more could you want than four young guys pissed off with the mistreatment of the working class and who didn’t really give a damn about what the world thought of them? If not, then this is still a good listen – the Pistols set the scene for the later punk and grunge music of our generation.

The winner of last weeks’ prize is CoryR. Congratulations!

This week’s question: Why are this week’s band called The Sex Pistols?

And, in 25 words exactly...

Which band is better: Guns N Roses or AC/DC? Send your answers to cjw37@waikato.ac.nz

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

Competition

CHUGANAUT. PIC BY PJ ARTFORMS

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ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006 Activities

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Comix

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

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Food and Drink

Flat Feed REINVENTED OLD FAV...

MATT SEARCHES THE NET AND FINDS

Mac ‘n’ Cheese

Vegan Choc Chip Cookies

By Danielle Thomson

By Matt Scheurich & some website

Ingredients

I don’t eat meat or dairy and when it comes to cookies, dairy seems to play a big part in their construction. You can usually replace cow’s milk with soy milk, butter with Olivani and eggs with... a banana! Here’s a yummy cookie recipe I found on the net and slightly altered to the metric system.

These might not be “hardcore” vegan cookies but still vegan in a less-strict sense. The original website is here:

¾ of a 750g pack of Watties Pasta ‘n Vegie Italienne Mix 250g ham or 2 diced ham steaks 2-3 trimmed and sliced spring onions 6 (optional) chopped halves of sundried tomatoes 1 tablespoon freshly chopped oregano or Italian parsley 400g can of Watties Macaroni Cheese Pasta Bake Sauce. ½ cup grated Parmesan or Cheddar cheese (or Tasty, which I prefer)

Method 1. Place the frozen Watties Pasta ‘n’ Vegie Italienne Mix in a microwave proof bowl. Cover and cook on high for 4 minutes or until defrosted and just warm.

Nobody can stay that this is too difficult!

2. Add ham, spring onions, sundried tomatoes, oregano, Watties Macaroni Cheese Pasta Bake Sauce and half the grated cheese. Mix well and season with ground pepper. Feel free to use more cheese, I usually a whole cup of cheese.

3. Turn into a shallow ovenproof dish (lightly greased sometimes helps, baked cheese can be an issue to clean off later) and sprinkle with remaining grated cheese.

For more quick and tasty meals I suggest you check out www.foodinaminute.co.nz.

By Hazazel The Monthieth’s Wild Food festival is almost upon us! Some popular items this year seem to be kina roe, flax seeds, and terrines, but horopito has not lost its trendy factor. As always there many offerings of wild pork, venison and seafood. Check it out! http://www.monteiths.co.nz/wfc/hamilton_ restaurants.htm

I plan to sample at least 3 restaurants this

http://brandy.weblogs.us/archives/cat_recipescooking.html

year - watch this space for reviews!

Ingredients

Wasabi is being grown in Putaruru! This spicy

1 cup margarine (Olivani is vegan) 1 cup raw sugar 2 Tbsp molasses 4 Tbsp firm silken tofu, mashed (the original recipe called for it to be pureed, but I didn’t want to get out the blender for 4 tablespoons, so I mashed it well with a fork) 1 tsp vanilla 1 1/2 cups unbleached flour 1/2 cup whole wheat flour 1/2 tsp baking soda 1/4 tsp salt 250g vegan chocolate chips (Generally dark chocolate doesn’t have milk in it. Chocolate doesn’t need milk anyway!)

Method 1. Mix together the margarine and sugar with a

4. Bake at 180ºC for 35 minutes or until golden and hot.

Waikato Foodie Notes

hand mixer, or if you don’t have a hand mixer (like me) let the margarine soften for several hours before mixing by hand. Add the tofu and vanilla, mix well. Next mix in flours, baking soda and salt until all the flour is blended in. Add chocolate chips.

delight is notoriously difficult to grow, but I imagine Putaruru’s beautiful spring water is a very good medium. You can sample or buy it (and watercress) on site at 293 Huihuitaha Rd, in Putaruru.

Locally made pasta (eat in or cook at home) is available from Pasta Mia, on Casabella Lane. I haven’t tried it yet, but it sounds pretty exciting (the operators are actually Italian, so if you go in congratulate them on the world cup).

Did you know there is an eel processing plant in Te Kauwhata? You can buy wood-smoked eel (they also have salmon and mussels) from the factory in Rata St. The Pantry Shop (on Alexandra St) is under new ownership, and big changes are afoot.

Check it out for tasty gourmet goodies. The entire Pantry Shop range is produced in Mt

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

Maunganui, and is slowly but surely spreading 2. Drop by teaspoonfuls onto a baking sheet and bake for about 10 minutes in a 180ºC oven. I like to use two regular spoons to form nice round cookies, and they are just about the right size too.

They will be a bit soft when they first come out of the oven.

across the country.

3. Enjoy! These are quite delightful with a glass of soymilk :-) MMM... WASABI

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Reviews

Books Professional Thesis Presentation

Your Best Life Domonique Bertolucci

Ken & Cheryl Benn

HACHETTE LIVRE

PEARSON EDUCATION NEW ZEALAND

Reviewed by Michelle Coursey

Reviewed by Jeff Rule If you’ve ever wanted to maim that cheerful staple-helper that pops up in Word, then this is the book for you. Warning: this is not gripping stuff, although the promise of tips to make your thesis look ‘professional’ should be enough keep you going. The title says it all: the book is a guide to writing your thesis in Microsoft Word. But don’t be fooled: this is no Word for Dummies. The authors assume basic word processing knowledge and they present their advice in clear, precise and relatively jargon-free language.

Personal favourite gems of advice include: ‘beware the mouse’, ‘how to lose a document’ (like I needed help!) and how to avoid OOS.

I have a confession to make. I didn’t actually manage to read past the first thirty pages of this book. Not because I am a lazy reviewer, but because I just couldn’t face yet another peppy “how to get ahead in life” spiel.

The bookstores are teeming with these self-help books, and there seem to be people that collect them and work through the exercises to find out what colour their parachute is or who ate their cheese. I’m not saying that people shouldn’t like these books, but when Domonique Bertolucci writes that to get your “dream life it’s simple – know where you want to be, know what you need to do and do it!”, I have to wonder. This is nothing we aren’t told every day by Oprah or Dr Phil, and nothing we don’t hear from every other successful person given a microphone.

The authors have the experience to back up their advice. Both have supervised, as well as written, lengthy documents. I recommend this book as an excellent addition to your course-related costs, and one that might actually be useful post-Uni.

So, to cut to the chase, if there was a point of difference in this book, it wasn’t very obvious. And any book that has “don’t just dream it – live it” emblazoned on the front cover deserves a bit of a roasting.

Read this book if...

Read this book if...

You want to put that spark back in your relationship with Word

You have been living in a cave for the last ten years and have never heard terms like ‘goal-setting’ or ‘visualisation’

The Book of the Film of the Story of My Life William Brandt Reviewed by Michelle Coursey

With the help of a kiwi hooker who pretends she is an Australian (because customers think ‘sheepfucker’ instead of sexy when they think of NZ!),

Frederick blunders through a plan to make his exwife fall back in love with him on a tropical island retreat. If it sounds ridiculous, it is. But Brandt knows that, and has a hell of a time writing the absurd story. I laughed so hard it hurt all through the book – the characters are well-drawn, the dialogue brilliant, and the pace cracking.

This is a fantastic read which I would recommend to anyone, and particularly anyone that doesn’t believe that New Zealand fiction can be deeply entertaining. Because this book proves it can be.

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

“It’s dark and raw. I notice a blue plaque on the brickwork by the doorway. Karl Marx Frequented this Knocking Shop. You’ve got to give the English this. They do have a sense of history.” Moments like this are pure genius. And it is moments like this that pop up over and over again in this hilarious book about Frederick Case-Carlisle, a script-reader from New Zealand living in London, recently dumped by his gorgeous actress wife for a gorgeous actor.

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Citric

By M. Emery

CD Review Peeping Tom Peeping Tom IPECAC

Reviewed by M. Emery

The CD release party for 4 Second Fuse’s debut EP, We Foresee Confusion is this Friday at Sohl on Victoria St. Entry is $5 and EPs will be available at the show. Hollow Grinders and Amy Racecar support. Copies of my new comic Rape Magnet will also be available at this gig.

Mike Patton’s latest effort is a return to the pop rock sound of his most well-known band Faith No More. In addition to his nasal sneer from the ‘90s he’s included a few of the elements he’s picked up over the years playing other collaborations, Fantomas, Tomahawk, Lovage and others.

This album has been 6 years in the making and the emphasis is pop

Local Knowledge, the guide to touring for any musical act in New Zealand is available in PDF form at: http://www.homepages.paradise.net.nz/ian/localknowledge/download/

music or rather Patton’s twisted take on it. Like a musical magpie, Patton has never been afraid to swipe pieces from different genres and mix them together for himself. First single ‘Mojo’ features regular Patton cohort Dan The Automator and starts with an Eastern motif that descends into

LKv1_2.pdf The Local Knowledge touring guide is compiled by Low Hum’s Blink, indietouring guru to the stars. A must have for any muso considering getting out of town.

The Open Mic night at Fatbellies on Wednesdays is not happening for the next month or so while certain members of house band The Rinky Dinks ‘find themselves’.

The Mega Men of Mole Music make touring possible for local music group This Night Creeps who are touring down south with Auckland beat combo The Shaky Hands at the end of this month. South islanders will be treated to 5 dates including an in-store at Radiant Records in Timaru.

The recent Malenky/Racecar/Looky/PSI gig at Sohl started well with new lads The Lookie Loo’s charming the crowd with their charming rock/pop.

Things went downhill from there with the night ending in power outages and toilet sacrifices. It is unfortunate when these things happen and I pray they don’t happen again.

After a long delay, production on the next DateMonthYear studio album is finally back under way. Tracks for the new album, to be called Pot/Kettle/ Black, have been laid down and a running order is finalised. Spokesperson Trevor Faville explains, “The financial realities of being independent really bite hard sometimes. We have been working hard to raise money through gigging to maintain financial, and therefore artistic, control over DateMonthYear’s recorded output.” Pot/kettle/black will follow on from previous releases Sampler (2003) and 7Ghosts(2005) and will continue to develop DateMonthYear characteristic blend of pop melodies, rock dynamics, and movie atmospheres. The team continues to be busy in home base Hamilton with a full gig schedule through August/September, the revitalised Style Explosion series, and a planned concert with the Trustbank Waikato symphony orchestra in February 2007.

Any Htown music news etc htownslut@gmail.com

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Faith No More, Midlife Crisis vocal stylings, before breaking out in an uplifting chorus espousing the views of an addict. The video for this clip features Rachel Hunter, Mark Hoppus and Patton fanatic Danny De Vito.

Other guests on the album include Massive Attack, Dub Trio, Rahzel, Kool Keith and the nasty Norah Jones. Other highlights for me included the Dub Trio remix ‘We’re Not Alone’ and ‘5 seconds’ featuring Odd Nosdam.

This album should satisfy most Patton Fans although some may find the music a bit dated and bland in comparison to recent noise efforts like Fantoma’s Delirium Cordia.

The Wreckers

Stand Still, Look Pretty MAVERICK

Reviewed by M. Emery Songwriter and guitarist Michelle Branch made her debut in 2000, and released the platinum-selling albums The Spirit Room and Hotel Paper in subsequent years. In 2004, she formed the band The Wreckers with fellow musician Jessica Harp. Stand Still, Look Pretty is the debut album from Branch and Harp. The longtime friends and collaborators dubbed themselves The Wreckers, and created an album combining Branch’s pop-rock music with Harp’s country-folk style. The album was originally due for release in June 2005 but was delayed due to promotional reasons. The album cover made me think that maybe The Wreckers is short for the Home-Wreckers but maybe I’m just reading too much into it.

The 12 songs on Stand Still wear more of a country influence rather than Branch’s pop roots and benefit well from it. Standout tracks include the title track and also the first single ‘Leave the Pieces’. I fully recommend this album for Branch fans or people who appreciate modern country music.

Section Title

BY KAZUMA NAMIOKA

Munich Directed by: Steven Spielberg Starring: Eric Bana, Daniel Craig, Ciarán Hinds, Mathieu Kassovitz

Not all Jewish people are funny and non-threatening like Woody Allen.

We may laugh at their frizzy hair and everyday predicaments in Seinfeld but at the core their religion is strong like a featherweight boxer with a gun: he’ll take a pummeling but the other guy’s going to die. That allowed them to survive a millennia of being shat on, making them experts when it finally came their turn to shit on another. Munich is about an officially unofficial squad, led by Eric Bana’s Israeli operative, who are out to shit on 11 terrorists that supposedly masterminded the hostage-taking and consequent massacre of 11 Israeli athletes at the ’72 Munich games. So same old Palestinians against the Israelis, but this time in many exotic locations around Europe.

Death on the Road

First of all this DVD is a real package, with 3 discs and a booklet, elaborate cardboard DVD case thing and all the rest. 2 of the discs are the same live concert filmed in Dortmund, Germany with one in stereo and another in 5.1 Dolby format. Then the third disc has this really long documentary and a whole lot of other stuff. Hours and hours of it. The whole lot is to do with Maiden’s 13th studio album Dance with Death and the subsequent tour. Live they follow the rules of hairmetal bands everywhere by having a big-arse set onstage that, in their case, involves a lot of grim reaper and a castle dungeon motif. Though vocalist Bruce Dickinson keeps his hair cropped short, all the others have long glorious manes that they whirl about with gusto. To rate the show itself? Three guitarists out of a possible two.

On the bonus disc was a featurette on the fans, which is always good for a laugh, as well as music videos for singles “Wildest Dreams” and “Rainmaker”. The main documentary starts with the making of the album, which was pretty boring because I’m not a production geek; then it went onto the tour and interviews with the crew members involved with setting up the sets and sound on the road. They were more interesting. Spinal Tap references abound, and I liked the bit where a guy hammering scaffolding together is pointed out by another crewman who explains: “three years it took him to learn how to do that.

Three years and 32 grand in debt.” Ah, the rich returns of a tertiary education. Still, who wouldn’t want to work for Iron Maiden?

Am I right?

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

Munich shows what Spielberg can do when he stops being retarded and actually tries to make a decent film, something Lucas will apparently never manage again, and is probably his best work since The Goonies. The central squad of five guys is thankfully free of cliché and eye-candy (old guys up front is really underused, why do you think The Sopranos is so awesome?), instead made up of clearly different, interesting characters. The way they struggle and overcome, their camaraderie and their bickering, you are drawn in and root for them even as they blow up hotel rooms. They were instructed to kill only the 11, but others will inevitably join a party this fun. 2 and a half hours sounds a long time without a swordfight, but it is full of tension, drama, and nourishing truth.

Iron Maiden

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Reviews

BROUGHT TO YOU BY: GAMES YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED

Front Mission 3 Squaresoft PLAYSTATION 1

Reviewed by Matt The Front Mission series is a formidable line of turn-based mech (read: giant robot) tactic games. The combat is similar to games such as Advance Wars, Disgaea, Final Fantasy Tactics and so on. Front Mission 3 manages to make it more of a movie-like experience with large story dialogue and cut-scene sections broken up by the actual game itself. I guess

and filled with clichés, I still found the story interesting and engaging.

there’s a warning there because if you don’t like following the story with characters talking in speech bubbles with “Press X to continue” to drive the story, then you’re shit outta luck.

Even though the Japanese like to make the dialogue sequences overblown, over-dramatic

to nowadays but the graphics are very nice considering the platform and I never found them detracting at all. Mechs look very cool, menu systems are slick and while the cut scenes are rendered with the game engine, they do look very nice.

Of course the Playstation 1 is much older, the graphics not so spectacular compared

If you’ve never experienced turn-based combat, it is one of those types of things that people either love or hate. On one hand, a person can take as much time as they want to strategise and plan what their mechs do, and on the other hand someone could possibly lose patience and want to just run in and gun.

If you feel like running and gunning, go find a copy of Armored Core 2 or 3 for PS2 or grab a copy of Phantom Crash for the Xbox.

Front Mission 3 was a seminal game by Squaresoft and is a strong example of turnbased mech combat. To be honest, it is a game made for hardcore mech and/or turnbased RPG games. Luckily I am one of those people.

RATING:

GAMES PLUS - THE NEXT LEVEL: Providing you with all your necessary gaming needs S H O P 1 0 5 , C E N T R E P L A C E M A L L , V I C T O R I A S T, H A M I LT O N · P H O N E 8 3 8 0 8 0 1 XBOX · PLAYSTATION · GAMECUBE · PC · GAMEBOY · DS · PSP · MOVIES · ANIME

Opal Nera Issue 14 Competition Winners Keep em coming – there’s one more week of the poem comp and then there’ll be a brand new challenge.

Here are this week’s winners...

Love is an industrial diamond Life is like a pearl Opal Nera on the benchtop Will you be my girl?

JC

HypnOtized by her curves I fall deePer WrApped in the veLvet sensatioN AllurEd The Real oceAn of bliss

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

Kayla Charteris

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Reviews

Films Tsotsi Rialto Cinemas Reviewed by Joe Citizen When it comes to crime and punishment, most people forget that criminals suffer. For many it is normal to expect that if you’re being punished you should suffer for your crimes. We tend to forget that the suffering of criminals can motivate criminal behaviour rather than act as a deterrent.

It’s hard to consider the cyclic nature of violence when confronted by brutality. Can a violent offender change? What could cause a murderer

gets out he is stopped by crying from the back seat. He steals everything, including the baby.

to reconsider their ways?

learning to care not only for something else but for some part of themselves they had forgotten about.

Tsotsi is a personal journey of change. The title character is an angry young man who kills without remorse in order to survive the ghettoes of South Africa. His name literally means ‘thug’ but like anyone else, he too has a past. One day he steals a car after shooting its owner. He doesn’t know how to drive so he quickly crashes it. When he

A thug is not a great caregiver, but a baby is not the best flatmate either. Incapable of maintaining his latest possession, Tsotsi has some decisions to make. It soon becomes apparent that his normal methods cannot obtain what he needs.

This is not a love story, this is a story of someone

Shot in the shanty towns around Soweto and Johannesburg, this film portrays that life. The only token white man is a cop, which is probably ironic from an American perspective and accurate from an African one. Beautiful cinematography and

camera work made me wonder how it was made without more people stopping and staring – there are some huge crane shots and whilst the average viewer won’t think about the crane, I’d certainly notice it if it was on my street. The casting is very good – nobody appeared unconvincing - and with that combined with a haunting soundtrack I felt as if I had been transported away into the story’s dimension. When the end came I wanted more because the story was in so many ways just beginning.

A great film that neither over-dramatises nor glorifies violence, but examines it and the capacity within the worst of us to change.

Rialto Check

By Leigh McGeady

Hands up who has seen ‘Distraction’ on TV on a Friday night where they do wickedly crazy things and the host is the most sarcastically comical British dude ever? Well that British dude (Jimmy Carr) stars in the film I am about to tell you about called Confetti.

To help each couple get ready the mag hires camp-as-Christmas wedding planners Archie

As the big day approaches, all start to crack under the pressure. Matt for example, rebels against the meddling of his future mother-in-law and sister-in-law and then Sam has to contend with the open antipathy of Matt’s best man, Snoopy.

Hilariously funny, the talented cast of comedians were afforded total creative freedom within the confines of a carefully crafted story frame. To prepare, the cast took part in weeks of intense workshops where they began the process of developing and inhabiting their unique roles.

The filmers shot three different endings, and only in post-production did they choose the couple that wins.

ISSUE 14 / 17 JULY 2006

Confetti is the British take on the mockumentary genre and follows three couples as they duke it out to win a bridal magazine contest for the “most original wedding of the year”. Will it be the suburban sweethearts Matt and Sam who want to have all-singing, all-dancing nuptials?

Will it be the highly competitive yuppies Josef and his Canadian fiancée Isabelle with their tennis theme? Or will it be nudists Michael and Joanna who have their hearts set on a clothesfree ceremony – a decision the mag’s doublebarrelled bitch of an editor, Vivien Kay-Wylie is determined to tone down?

Heron and Gregory Hough. Their sweet, loving relationship will appeal to all viewers.

Season begins Thursday 20th July. A MUST SEE film!

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QUESTIONS 1. What have you got planned for O Week ?

2. What’s your favourite NZ film ?

3. Do you like team sports ?

4. How do you feel about people / clubs handing out pamphlets ?

5. What do you think about tights on boys ?

SUBJECTS Steven De Bruin 1. Yeah... I went to the toga party.

2. The Locals.

3. Sure do.

4. Find it annoying I JUST SAY NO. 5. Depends on how they look!!!

Libby Grey 1. Going to see Kora play, can’t wait!

2. Whale rider.

3. Yeah, So much more fun.

4. I don’t mind, I’ve done this sort of thing before and I know how hard it is to get people involved.

5. Ooohh... Saucy! hahahah.

Rachel Cornwall 1. A whole bunch of things, I’m gonna try all of them.

2. Lord of The Rings.

3. I do enjoy team sports, but I’m also a glory hog.

4. I hate it. I throw them all away.

5. Only if there’s good things to reveal.

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Matthew Hardy

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1. Drinking, yeah... Dont know much about O week, will probably go to Sohl.

2. Don’t really like New Zealand films.

3. NO!!

4. I would prefer for them to just let us grab them.

5. If they’ve got it, flaunt it :)

Georgia Summers 1. Studying / helping out young labour, yeah.

2. The Piano.

3. Nooo... I like the gym.

4. It’s o.k, I just don’t like it when Christians hand them out.

5. Pretty Nasty!

Section Title

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