issue 12

14 July 2008

WE’RE BACK AND SO ARE YOU

Will I stop procrastinating this semester?

Signs point to yes – you will stop procrastinating.

In other words, you’ll procrastinate so fully that you’ll be ejected from Uni, and will end up doing no work at all. There’ll be nothing to procrastinate over, you will achieve Nirvana, and become a kind of monk who lives on the dole and offers advice (“Sleep more. Work less. Do, or do not. There is no try, so you may as well not bother”) to thousands of overworked pilgrims.

Given the situation that Alcohol makes you act in a not funny ‘make everyone cry’ way, should you then attempt placing personals in Nexus after the study break to show females of University that males exist outside the pub crawls?

Yes definitely – it sounds like you are speaking from the bitter ache of personal experience. If your hygiene issues keep you from entering the Outback, there are still many ways to find love. Putting a personal in Nexus is only one way. There are countless others – chat rooms, furry conventions, Next Door in Frankton, or merely lurking in the streets after 3 AM on a Saturday like that cool guy on the anti-drinking ad.

Is Lindsay Lohan really a lesbian?

Without a doubt – and, given Hollywood trends of late, it’s only a matter of time until the sex tape comes out. People who’ve been dreaming of this moment since the Parent Trap can be thrilled… and ashamed. Very ashamed.

Does the news media have any words for winter that are not some combination of the words “icy” and “blast?”

It is certain – it’s just they’re saving them up to really blow everyone’s minds. When they describe winter as the “big brrrrr” or “friggin’ frost,” you’ll know they’ve reached that point.

Speaking of icy blasts, is this winter set to be the BEST SKI SEASON EVER? Concentrate and ask again – stop spending your work hours dreaming of the slopes. That being said, the frozen coke slush that normally masquerades as snow on Mount Ruapehu has been replaced this year by genuine powder. If you have even the slightest chance, ditch Uni and go there.

Will cyclists become the majority when petrol costs more than beer?

My sources say no – because, at the rate the petrol companies are adding ethanol to petrol, by the time prices hit parity petrol will be beer. Drinking and driving will take on a whole different meaning, and garages and pubs will become the same thing.

Is Hamilton set to become a vibrant arts hub in the near future?

Signs point to yes – because when petrol gets so expensive that people can no longer travel, the McGillicuddies will take over the government of Hamilton in an all-out revolution. Fast-forward 50 years and anti-gravity explorers from Auckland will discover a happy community of hippies, which will be nuked and replaced with live-in strip malls.

Last issue’s competition featured fewer entries than usual, due, probably to a.) The fact that it was a goddamn weird picture and b.) It was the start of exams/holidays. However, we did get enough to produce the following little beauty: The rare Flying Ostrich was declared a “crime against nature” by the Communist Chinese regime Congratulations, Gordon Dawson! Come up to the Nexus office to collect your prize!

Here’s this week’s picture.

Send in your captions to nexus@waikato.ac.nz – make sure you include the word “caption” in the subject line. The winner receives a Burger Fuel voucher good for a burger, fries, and drink!

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Karnage Kolumn!

Welcom atrás a Hamilton, y para aquellos que no se marcharon, espero que usted sacara el mayor partido posible de Hamilton. Welcome back to the ‘tron, and for those who didn’t gap, I hope you made the most of the mighty ‘chang.

In this issue of the K.K, I will provide and present a few of the highlights that have come from the occasions I have attended in the past months. Firstly, I would like to describe the events of the appropriately themed ‘inappropriate’ party on the road of Knighton many a moon ago. It was a chilly night and

in the garage accustomed with everything a good house party needs; smoke machine, lasers, strobes, and of course some circles, squares and polygons being cut. The garage also featured in the story of the night when a flatmate had had enough of the shape of the garage door, he preceded to arm his head with a protective helmet and run full tit into the door giving it his own panel-beating medicine.

Another mention has to go to the boys who had had enough of a gatecrasher, nothing the deck of a ute and a few cable ties won’t fix, aye boys (please don’t get any dirty thoughts people, this was legal).

it was the kind of chill that freezes your balls off. This chill was exacerbated by the costume choices which saw half of the party population were dressed as trannys. With the belowaverage temperature, a brazier was a given and the little bugger kept caning it all night.

Party-goers were privileged with a dance pit

Moving on from inappropriate to international, the Fox ‘n Clyde hosted a global party with the theme being international dress-up. This was the first big piss-up at the famous flat on the corner since there was a petition signed by neighbouring occupants. The petition in turn,

banned the flat from hosting parties or just simply enjoying bevvys on their front lawn as they were seen as a public nuisance. Any who, it was time and with all excited and getting amongst the lounge got a dance thrashing and there are rumours that the phantom pooer made an appearance or maybe someone just couldn’t make the porcelain potty quick enough. From American Gangsters to Indian belly-dancers, students had an extremely enjoyable time.

Oh yeah baby yeah, a fresh semester, a fresh start, and fresh crisp mornings. Don’t be afraid to get hold of me to review your gathering or piss-up, email nexus@waikato.ac.nz and ask for AJ. Get amongst the ‘B-Semester Fiesta’, Mexican Partido on Thursday avo at the Cowshed up by Contact FM, going to be carnage with a K.

COMIC: VITAMINC

4

1.What did you do over the holidays?

2.What was the worst thing about your holidays?

3.Who is the sexiest Politician?

4.How big is your student loan?

5.What is your worst drunk and disorderly moment?

1.I didn’t have one, I only arrived a week ago, but the last one I had I went on practicum and visited my family.

2.Getting up early.

3.Don’t know 4.We don’t have to pay in Germany 5.Don’t know Ruth (Germany) 1.Travelled to Israel, visited my brother over there 2.Too much travelling 3.No student loan 4.Angela Merkel (German PM) 5.Don’t know

1.Go to town and the nightclub, celebrate with my friends 2.Being drunk, wake up with hangover 3.Don’t know 4.I have a scholarship from my country (Saudi Arabia) 5.No bad moments, just being happy

1.Played computer games 2.Slept too much 3.Arnie!

4.I try to forget about it, it’s too big.

5.Not one that I can remember

1.Came to NZ 2.It was cold 3.Sorry, I don’t understand (shakes head 4.Haven’t got one 5.Sorry… What….

FEATURES 20 Stranger in a Strange Land: A Bogan in Portugal Nexus columnist and soon-to-be Doctor of Boganology, Dave Snell (alias Burton C Bogan) relates his sojourn to a psychology conference. Nah, jokes. He goes to Rock in Rio Editor: Joshua Drummond (nexus@waikato.ac.nz) Design: Talia Kingi (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz) Advertising: Tony Arkell (admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz/021 176 6180) Assistant to the Editor: Andrew Neal (news@nexus-npl.co.nz) Music Ed: Carl Watkins (toezee@gmail.com) Books Ed: Kelly Badman Film Ed: Art Focker

Contributors 8 Ball, AJ, Vitamin C, WSU, Kirril, Carl Watkins, Chris Parnell, Burton C. Bogan, Nick Sicklemore, Louise Blackstock, Kelly Badman, Jed Laundry, Dr Richard Swainson, Josh, Andrew,

23 INTERN: The story of a professional coffee-carrier Contributor Stephen Hitchcock works an internship in the souldestroying world of advertising - and loves every minute of it.

NEWS

8 – 13 The Hori 440, NZUSA conference/protest, Jan Maree teaches comedy, Waikato Link guff, Media Watch, Vault, the Crime Report, and the Nexus Haiku News

Talia, Matt, Grant Burns, Mammoth, HCAC, Flash Medallion, Art Focker, Andy Fyers, vitaminC, Fergus Hodgson, Gordon Dawson, Annabel, garfieldminusgarfield.net, Blair Munro, Maxine Campbell

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) Because there must be a benefit somewhere.

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, I’M NOW A QUARTER-CENTURY

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL nexus@waikato.ac.nz OR admanager@nexus-npl.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653 OR 021 176 6180

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton

PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: nexus@waikato.ac.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

REGULARS AND RANDOMS

03 Caption Competition 03 Magic 8 Ball 04 Karnage Kolumn 04 In Real Life 05 Low Five 06 Navel-gazing 07 Editorial 14 Notices 17-18 Lettuce 18 Karn 28-31 WSU 31 Sports Results with AJ 34 Lectern 35 The Big Picture 37 Flash Medallion’s Puzzle Page of Re-Orientation 38 Nerdery 39 Sarcophagus Rex 39 Boganology 101 40 A River Runs Through It 41 The Phat Controller 42 Book Review 42 Comix Review 43 Moving Pictures 43 Movie Review 44 Citric 45 DVDs 46 Gigs 48 Not BUSTED

Over the break we got treated to the full range of news media synonyms for “cold weather.” In case you were wondering, they are: “Polar blast” and “icy blast.” When either of these get passé, they mix it up a bit, usually with stuff like “Icy polar blast.” I haven’t actually seen “Polar icy

the inconvenience of having your stuff nicked, it’s the sense of violation.

Some bastard has been in your home and taken your stuff. Anyone reading this who has been burgled will know what I mean.

blast,” yet, but I’m pretty sure I will. Take this example, from the alwaysimaginative New Zealand Herald: “Icy blast sweeps country. Hail stones as big as marbles, sleet, snow, gale-force winds and rain fell in a polar blast yesterday which had the country in an icy grip.” Shakespeare.

Therein lies, perhaps, part of the problem. So many of the solutions proposed by the victims of crime (or their assumed advocates, like the Sensible Sentencing Trust) seem proposed in the heat of the moment after a particular crime hits the news, when the “Lock ‘em up for life” solution seems most attractive. But this doesn’t fix the problem. If criminal scum are breeding in New Zealand, then we should ask why society allows an environment that encourages scum to perpetuate.

Society should have the courage to ask “why,” - and accept that the answers may be complicated, and involve a little more effort on the part of the middle class, the chief source of stolen plasma TVs. The news media should be leading this charge. But they aren’t.

“Blast” is one of the news media’s favourite terms. They use it for winter and when a politician gets shirty at another politician. “Key blasts Clark,” for example. Unsurprisingly, they often use it when something explodes, like the coolstore a few months back. I’m hoping when this summer’s inevitable heatwave/drought rolls around they’ll call it a “solar blast,” because it sounds like something Bulbasaur does to Pikachu, and I get to visualise the big Pokemon in the sky giving the Earth heaps while God yells “IT’S SUPER EFFECTIVE!”* ..Ahem.

Why this lack of imagination? Surely media consumers aren’t so stupid that the media feels the need to rely on overly-broad concepts like “blasting?”

Well, maybe they are that stupid. Take this exciting story, again courtesy the Herald: “Vigilantes and triads “last resort” in the battle against crime.” No, this isn’t one of Mr Safety Bigglesworth’s ideas. Peter Low, the chairman of the Asian Anti-crime group, has publicly voiced that his organisation is considering hiring triads and taking vigilante action against crime directed at Asians. Let’s look at that again, in case you didn’t get it: He wants to use crime to reduce crime. There are two possibilities here: Either he’s a particularly good publicist or a frontrunner for World’s Most Batshit Crazy Community Leader, and the white-coats will come for him shortly. [EDIT: It looks like the “batshit” theory might hold. Mr Low admitted on a radio interview to hiring triads as bodyguards. When the interviewer pressed him, Low went loco, shouting “don’t make me angry.”] Low’s ranting seems to have touched a nerve in the Kiwi populace, though. Commentators flocked to the Herald’s “Your Views” page and were coming up with ideas like: New Zealanders having the right to bear arms and randomly shoot trespassers, reviving the death penalty, forming vigilante groups to raid gang headquarters, banning hip-hop, and so on.

I can sympathise, a bit, because my own flat was broken into around the beginning of June and my laptop, flatmate’s PS3, and a bunch of other stuff was taken. My first thoughts were that the perpetrators should have their hands cut off and shoved up their arses. It’s not just

It would appear, complex concepts are (mostly) beyond the mainstream media, which seems fixated on the easy stories, the quick quotes from eager sound-bite factories like politicians and lobbyists. (See almost any election story for details) It’s been argued that this is because the media-consuming public doesn’t have the time or intellect for complex journalism. But this view is a cop-out. I feel for the harassed journalists around the country – chained to desks churning out recycled drek when, given the opportunity, they might be doing real stories – because they’re blamed for terrible reporting when it’s not always their fault. The blame – and the responsibility – lies with the media machines, corporations like APN and Fairfax. The public has a right to an intelligent press that goes beyond the profit imperative.

That’s where student media comes in. In theory, we’re free to say whatever we want, free of either censorship or the need to turn a profit.

This should lead to a fearless, indomitable paper that breaks important stories and isn’t afraid to tread on a few toes. In practice, however, it often results in a scrappy little shiny rag which flaunts its ability to say “fuck” as often as it likes. Nexus has been guilty of this too much, now and in the past. To be fair, we have a mandate to entertain as well as inform. But the buck stops with you, the students, because we depend on you to create and maintain the magazine. If you want to help create a medium that goes beyond icy blasts from soundbite-spouting talking heads, then come help us do it. We’re up for it. Are you? *This little bit of insanity is for anyone who ever played or watched Pokemon.

You’re out there. Don’t deny it.

Student Union leaders march against student debt Sun continues to shine, but rain predicted to fall at some point in future

By Andrew Neal Despite giant convoys of trucks nearly stealing their thunder, Waikato Student’s Union (WSU) Directors marched on Queen St. during their conference two weeks ago.

The WSU directors joined many other student union representatives from around the country at the New Zealand Student Union Association (NZUSA) conference to protest rising student debt and discuss current student issues.

“The highlight of the conference for me was the protest, we had a panic about the trucks because they were still in town just minutes before we were going to start our march,” says WSU President Moira Neho.

“Research has shown that debt levels are putting students off starting families, as well as negatively effecting home ownership rates, business start-up and retirement savings. Add to that the direct link between this debt to New Zealand’s increasing brain drain, and you see how the loan scheme is bankrupting our society” says Paul Falloon, NZUSA CoPresident.

250 student representatives, including four furry debt monsters, marched up Queen Street chanting slogans such as: “Do a degree and what do you get? Debt, debt debt” and “Bring Back Bucks”and then rallied at Aotea Square.

Workshops were also held at the conference on everything from Voluntary Student Membership for unions, international student issues and bonding (graduates being offered a certain reduction in their loan to stay in New Zealand) and many other issues.

“The part that I found fascinating was Angus McFarland’s talk (Australian student representative). Some unions in Australia have seen a

75 percent loss of income because of Voluntary Student Membership,” says WSU President Moira Neho.

NZUSA conferences are held around three times a year and are a time for NZUSA members, like the WSU, to network with other unions and vote on NZUSA issues.

“Waikato represented really well and focussed around getting some internal movement on issues that we think are important,” says WSU Vice-President Maori Ben Delaney.

A political face-to-face was also held with a number of parties where student representatives had time to ask political leaders about the direction of student issues in the upcoming elections.

National’s Paul Hutchison was asked by VUWSA exec member Sonny Thomas “What did Crosby/Textor tell you to tell us?” which, according to Salient, left him “flustered”.

“After being asked his perspective of Voluntary Student Membership, he voiced his support. But then backtracked, stating definitely that no National government would support a change to Compulsory Student Membership legislation as it currently stands.” reported Salient.

Men’s issues at the conference also caused a stir with some women’s issues and queer representatives claiming that there was already a strong chauvinist attitude in student culture and that having men’s officers only worsened the situation.

Moira Neho says that the large number of WSU directors at the conference “allowed the group to attend as many workshops and learn as much as possible to help out our students”.

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Comedy classes on offer with Jan Maree Because explaining jokes only makes them funnier

By Andrew Neal Billy T Award-winning comic Jan Maree will be holding two courses on stand-up comedy at the University of Waikato this semester.

The first class, a weekend workshop, begins July 26 and a six week course starts August 6.

Jan Maree says the idea for the classes comes from a history of teaching comedy; being kaiwhakahaere (administrator) for the Class Comedians for the NZ Comedy Trust, workshops teaching comic skills to senior secondary school students.

“I retired that position in 2007 and I really miss working with aspiring new comics and comic writers. My mate Clare said I should talk to this chick at [The Centre for Continuing Education]. I did. And here we are!”

She also trained as teacher for a while before leaving it to become a comedian. “ I still really enjoy teaching.”

The weekend workshop and six week course are designed to aid budding stand up comedians’ writing and performance skills and develop students’ own unique voice.

Jan said the classes would be about teaching “the beauty of making people laugh. Fun. And there will be no maths at all because I hate maths. Comedy is not about maths.”

During her early comedy career, Jan Maree says that she wished there was a mentor or someone to teach her a few ideas about the business, which she hopes to do for today’s up and comers.

“I wanted to meet the guy in the half time band. I liked him but that night I fell in love with comedy. I was 19. There wasn’t really anyone to get help from. And I just wish that I had had someone to usher me into the industry with some tops tips on writing and performing,” she reminisces.

Enrolment for classes can be made through the Centre for Continuing Education.

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The University of Waikato’s new Research Hub, a one-stop-shop for research and development, was opened this week by Parliamentary Commissioner for the Environment, Dr Jan Wright.

Situated in B-Block, the Hub brings together staff from UNILink, WaikatoLink, postgraduate studies and scholarships, and encourages synergies between the various research-related activities across the campus.

As a leading contender for contestable research, the University is currently engaged in more than 400 externally-funded projects, including 13 Marsden-funded pure research projects and 24 FRST-funded applied research programmes.

Deputy Vice-Chancellor Doug Sutton says this has formed a single centre for providing University research and commercial services to business and the community. The Hub links users and sponsors of research and technology with the experts who can get the job done.

Since 2002, the University’s technology department and commercialisation arm, WaikatoLink, has established 12 start-ups and joint ventures with a collective value exceeding $200m.

To complement the creation of the Research Hub, the University has appointed Dr Dominique Noiton to the new position of Director of Research to plan for, and lead, the development of the University’s researchrelated activities.

It should come as no surprise then that some 25% of Waikato University’s revenue comes from research and research-related activities.

“We are determined to ensure that we maintain and grow both our capabilities and our capacity for more research.

“The appointment of Dr Noiton, and the establishment of the Research Hub, will be instrumental in realising these goals,” says Professor Sutton.

Parliamentary Commissioner for the Environment Jan White (left) is presented with a gift by Director of Research Dr Dominique Noiton at the Research Hub opening on Thursday. Deputy Vice-Chancellor Professor Doug Sutton looks on.

IT ideas wanted for iPhone Be in to win an… iPod Touch? WTF? I want an iPhone!

By Andrew Neal WaikatoLink is running a competition for people with ideas on applications for the iPhone, the best idea winning an Apple ipod Touch.

“We’re hoping to get in on the ground floor of iPhone application development, so it’s quite exciting for us,” says Bowering.

WaikatoLink, the University’s commercial branch, has recently obtained a license to create and release applications for use on the iPhone and is looking for great ideas, they say.

The opportunity is available for students from all fields to submit ideas and WaikatoLink say they are not looking for anything specific.

“We really want to see students exercise their creativity,” says Bruce Bowering, Technology Developer for WaikatoLink.

“There is a real entrepreneurial culture within Waikato University… so we’re excited to see what people will come up with,” says Dr. Bram Smith, Technology Development Manager for WaikatoLink.

WaikatoLink has a long history of developing technologies for mobile devices and say that iPhone is a huge step forward.

The iPhone was released in New Zealand on Friday 11 July and is available through Vodafone.

It is unconfirmed as yet, but WaikatoLink may be one of the first New Zealand licensed developers for iPhone technology meaning winners’ ideas may be used on iPhones all around the globe.

More information on the competition and how to enter is available at: www.waikatolink.ac.nz/comppage.htm

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On Saturday June 28th TV One news led with a little beauty of a story about petrol thefts increasing. Sure, petrol thefts have probably been on the increase as the price of fuel has increased however the opening statement of this article claims that people are being driven to this.

“The rocketing price of petrol is driving motorists into drastic criminal acts at the pump, as the price of oil hit another record-high on Friday night.”

“Driving” motorists? Now I’m not saying times aren’t hard for the average kiwi at the moment but it’s impossible to know whether TVOne was making another bad pun or whether they are framing thieves who drive off at the pumps as victims of their environment.

people were regarded as mere thieves – but now the price has gone up, according to some, their actions are justified?

It’s a bit pathetic that New Zealand newspapers have to lead with a story

Last week on Mondy and Tuesday petrol thefts again became leading news in both the Herald and Christchurch Press.

The Herald ran a story about drive-offs getting worse, according to a survey conducted recently, but couldn’t be sure if it was actually getting worse due to the fact that this was the first survey of its kind.

I worked at a service station 4 years ago and at that time the service station could be hit by up to 5 drive-offs on a bad day. Back then, these

as trivial and dated as this when there’s plenty else to be worried about.

LINKS: http://tvnz.co.nz/view/page/1878781 http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/1/story.cfm?c_ id=1&objectid=10520574 http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/1/story.cfm?c_ id=1&objectid=10520395 http://www.stuff.co.nz/4610515a6009.html students now cannot afford to live, study and have a life, so many are choosing to drop study for full-time jobs and financial security.

The survey shows that the average student receives $78.50 for their bursary (student allowance), but have expenses of $159+. That’s an $80 p/w shortfall and most students cannot cope with being hungry, cold, and having no social life, while still trying to study for their degrees.

So, last Bursary Day, 4th May, students were urged to dress up in rags to protest against the dismal student living allowance. The protest was organised by the Student Action Collective (SAC) and WSU, and it turned out to be a huge success.

A recent survey conducted by the National Student Union (NZUSA) has found that student’s finical situations are worsening. The majority of

David Bennett MP M P f o r h aM i l t o n e a s t

Phone: 07 834 3407 Email: davidbennett@xtra.co.nz www.davidbennett.co.nz

Students who participated were given blank cheques and chocolate fish.

On the cheques they wrote out their weekly expenses; the chocolate fish symbolised an average student meal.

1500 cheques were filled in with the average living allowance being asked $120. All the cheques were sent to the Minister of Education, Mr. David Lange.

The protest gained coverage by the Waikato Times, other university newspapers, and even television coverage on Top Half, which suggested students would be better off on the dole.

SAC said the aim of the protest was not to attack the beneficiaries, but instead to demand an increase in student allowances.

www.national.org.nz 12

Ironically, the Government gave a 7% increase to student allowances on the same day there was a 10% increase in parliamentary salaries.

East Hamilton Police Burglary Report 30th June - 7th July 2008 This week 19 burglaries have been reported in the Hamilton East and rural areas. Some of their locations are shown on the map.

It is sad to read that 10 of theses burglaries have involved students, two of whom actually live on the University Campus. To go further into detail, five of these burglaries have seen offenders forcing themselves into flats. They either break the window latches off or smash side bedroom windows to gain entry.

The other five burglaries have occurred after students made a very costly mistake – having a window / door left open or unlocked while they’re out. From the reports I receive and speaking to students, offenders are consist ransacking the house looking for anything of value to sell / swap for cash / drugs.

I ask that you make it harder for these offenders to re-offend, by not leaving your house unlocked. Plus if you have anything of value, please hide it away. Offenders know that University students have laptops and

electronic equipment to steal. So why don’t we protect our belongings and ourselves?

There have been many cases where offenders have entered into student flats while they’ve been asleep, taking such items.

Security Advice: Lock your flat / house up when you go out or you’re running the risk of being broken into.

Information on how to protect your home is available from the East Hamilton Community Policing Centre on Clyde St. If you have any information that might help Police with these burglaries please call the University Constable, Nick Sickelmore Nicholas.

Sickelmore@police.govt.nz

Girl may have run off with man in his 40s Mismatched-aged couple Are out on the run Her 14: Him 41

‘Meteor’ sighted off NZ’s west coast “Meteor” – sure Truth is out there: we all know It was a UFO

Convicted teen murderer gives rude salute Convict shows no remorse Hope his prison rapist Is hung like a horse

‘What DID you do to her, Tony?’

$4000 fine for TV show over formaldehyde Target: busted For misleading show – will it get banned?

One only hopes

(A

particularly tasteless headline related to the alleged/

Get your poor angsty emo kid Off of MySpace Auckland Police plan to end 24-hr boozing Plan will see people Out of supervised bars Getting wasted at home

admitted assault by presenter Tony Vietch against his former partner)

He gave her a whack Then, turned her over, And kicked her hard in the back.

Ledger steals the show in Dark Knight Ledger’s last performance Is fine: We salute you Crown Prince of Crime

Online bullying affects 1 in 3 children If this is the case 13

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but will type your assignments as they are written and your

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14

dent ID on presentation of valid stu promotion)

(excludes cigarettes and products

already on

CONGRATS, YOU’VE REACHED

HALF WAY!

Getting tired? Winter blues? Need a pick me up? Head into LK and grab an Energy Boost!

0800 4 LK DIRECT 0800 455 347 connects you to your nearest Liquor King store! HILLCREST Cnr Clyde

& York Sts, Hamilton - Phone: 07 856 9170 - Fax: 07 856 9169 - Email: liquorking.hillcrest@lk.co.nz Valid until close of trade Sunday 27th July 2008 at Hillcrest store only. While stocks last. We reserve the right to limit quantities. Trade not supplied. All major credit cards accepted. Excludes all other promotions % discounts.

Txts to the Editor!

Nexus now has an all-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. They can be about anything – but if it’s something in the magazine, so much the better. We’ll print the best ones, so get texting! There’s a prize for text of the week as well. We don’t know what it is yet, but it will be awesome.

Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Busted-type situations to 021 235 8436.

Do it.

We would just like to reply to the letter from “jake” in the lettuce column and also the comments made in the “how to bullshit your way through uni” feature article. We are both completing a conjoint degree in Sports and Leisure studies and secondary school teaching and we are sick of the attitudes of other students towards our degree. We are constantly defending ourselves against these so called “higher achieving degrees”, and we thought it was about time that someone spoke out. We are not here to bag on everyone else degree because you all chose it for a reason, right? But I think we need to share some facts with you. Waikato

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name. Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

University is notoriously known for offering one of the best Sports Degrees in the country.

With world class lecturers and resources such as Sport Waikato etc, you would be crazy not to complete it here. With expanding sport industry, we are nearly promised a job in a fun filled environment from the moment we step out of University. How many degrees can you say offer this opportunity? As teachers in training, we are going to be the ones teaching YOUR children with the information we are gaining now. So are you telling us that this information is not valuable to the future of your children? Physical Education has come in leaps and bounds even since we were at school. We find it highly offensive that you can catagorise us so easily as piss drinking bums that do not have literacy skills and get through

University on “Urghs” and “Ahhs”. For future reference maybe you should have a sit down and think before you regurgitate shit on to paper.

Sticking it to the big guy Hit a nerve, did we? I hope you noticed that we took the piss out of all the other degrees as well. That being said, you were the only ones who wrote in about it. Either people in the other, “higher achieving” degrees are completely self-secure, or they’re just lazier. Rock up to the Nexus office to collect your Bennetts voucher! I’m sure Bennetts has picture books.

Just kidding… XD

Don’t ask, don’t tell So, last Wednesday night I was reading through nexus, as you do, and saw an advertisment looking for virgins to participate in a satanic ritual... obviously i’m no virgin, but this guy sounded like my type of person so after a few back-and-forth txts I ended up at the Hilly having a few drinks.

Unfortunately we didn’t find any virgins to sacrifice, which was quite disappointing, so we had to make do with dancing naked around a

bonfire while chopping the heads off frozen chickens and spinning around in circles chanting in tongues.

Afterwards, everyone made love to the sky until twilight when Satan himself revealed himself to us and we sold our souls for candyfloss.

Can’t wait til next Wednesday.

And yes, I’m still on drugs.

From, Addicted to Life.

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!

PH 07 856 6813

FAX 07 856 2255

ADDRESS Gate 5 Hillcrest Road

WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP

EMAIL wku@bennetts.co.nz 17

The past: Stoner utopia How times change. I remember when the Bongo’s used to Wail and the whiskey-brave poets would recite to the pillar in Club Uni. There was always live music up on campus – that is what attracted me up here all those year ago. If you rolled a fatty, a circle would magically form and new faces would join the smoke ring. Now? No student bars. No live music. Well, there is chamber music, but it is not quite the same for a relaxed night out. And on the few times I’ve bothered to bring a spliff, I have struggled to find anyone to join the fun! Kids these days, I just can’t understand it!

Someone, fetch my slippers!

- Old Man J

Nexus is one big sausage-fest, apparently Hey, Wasting time instead of studying for exams I was reading over Nexus and realised the hugely skewed male contribution- probably a sign that a lot of girls are fed up with the almost complete male focus of Nexus ( a whole issue dedicated to a playstation game!!?!?!). If you like or at least think other people may enjoy the attachment feel free to print it. I thought I wouldn’t give you the excuse that no one is willing to contribute anything different.

Also Josh- after your tirade in response to people complaints about misrepresentation of women in the fashion show, did you get into any trouble with President Moira who is unlikely to be less than a size 14. If Nexus is the voice of students at Waikato, remember when so pointedly expressing your personal views that there are significant numbers of women and mature students at the university

Isn’t that precious!

The comment made by the editor in last weeks issue stating that once you get much over size 14 you’re starting to head towards being fat is uninformed, insulting & in many cases, incorrect. I am a slim attractive woman who is a size 14-16. This is due to the fact that I am 6ft tall and my frame is in proportion to my height. Perhaps the editor should avoid making such uninformed generalisations in future…

From Unimpressed.

18 18

that don’t appreciate your sentiment and no doubt quite a few men as well. Sure people aren’t contributing to the magazine- ever wondered if it’s because they don’t want to align themselves with your views? I personally don’t have a problem- everyone has the right to their own opinion (your opinion of me in person would not be very high, since I certainly fit into the weight sector you find unhealthy) just try to be objective as to what others might be interested in as well.

Maria Giving me letter of the week in the last issue obviously unleashed the complaining beast within :P I didn’t get in trouble. The WSU aren’t that precious. Note that I said “once you get much over size 14. you’re starting to get [fat]” Emphasis on MUCH. I consulted with a few females of varying sizes before writing it, too.

I stick to my “opinion” which is actually a fact: Being obese is unhealthy. If people don’t appreciate that sentiment, tough bikkies. We have quite a few female contributors – five or six of this year’s features have been written or co-written by girls – and we’d be happy to have more.

The GTA issue was devoted to the media furore surrounding the game (and violent games in general) not the game itself – it was something we’d been wanting to do for a while, and the launch of GTA gave us a convenient platform.

Rather a lot of girls like GTA, by the way.

As for contributors, we have way more than we have in the past, and receive more articles than can fit in the magazine each week, so I’m not sure where you got that idea.

Hahaha #1 God damn astounding maze. What are you playing at.I pity the fool

Hahaha #2 Oi dickhead next time you make a maze can you just check that it is possible. I was very keen for burger fuel but am now deeply disappointed. Thanks Patrick Sorry, fellas. Flash must have thought it would be amusing to make an unsolvable maze. He

I’ll put your contribution in next week - we didn’t have room this issue. Like any other student, you’re more than welcome to submit articles. This is your magazine, after all – Ed.

Complaining about Christians: How original This is an open letter to all the hypocritical propagandists that seem to be hell-bent on spreading the “holy word” around campus.

STOP! Lately, I have noticed (and removed) a lot of booklets on the windscreens of cars around the student village area. Titled “Steps to peace with god”, these booklets attempt to ‘prove’, through biblical quotes, that (a) our lives are empty and sinful without god, (b) all attempts to live a decent life are not successful, and (c) the only way to change this is admit your sins, invite jesus into your life, and believe that he died on the cross and rose from the grave.

What the hell happened to “Do unto others”?!

I can’t help but wonder how these people would react if they left church one sunday morning, only to find a copy of the satanic bible, or Richard Dawkins’ The God Delusion, in their car. Imagine the reaction to that.They would be infuriated that someone was trying to say their way of life is wrong.

If you are a christian, fine. I don’t care. You are entitled to your beliefs. BUT SO IS EVERYONE ELSE. How dare you try to tell me that I am living a bad life? You do not know jackshit about me, don’t be so fucking pretentious.

Your beliefs are just as feeble (if not more) as mine. Stop your missionary nonsense, I don’t want to hear about it.

Jesus died 2000 years ago, let it go Josh Scarrow has since been harshly punished, forced to eat the BurgerFuel meals that you would have won if you had completed the maze. I’m pretty sure this week’s one is solvable, but as the Nexus staff and contributors stopped doing mazes and wordfinds around age six we don’t normally check. But we did this week, and it’s doable.

Good luck – Ed.

Nightrider

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A Stranger in a strange land:

A Bogan in Portugal

20

“…the opportunity to do it on the other side of the world made it seem that much more attractive. Everything’s better when you’re doing it on the other side of the world!”

Ola!

deal is only moments away, as I was regularly

within two minutes. Every now and then a taxi

As some of you know, due to my scholarship I was given the opportunity to fly to Portugal for the 2nd International Community Psychology conference to present the initial findings of my Bogan thesis. I won’t bore you with details of the conference itself, but instead would like to tell you a little bit about my cultural experiences. I also won’t bore you with details of travelling, suffice to say that 27 hours is a long time in a plane and Heathrow airport is a bitch. However, scenic views of Moscow and the Gobi Desert are awesome.

Being in another country so far from home is weird. Quite often you forget that you are on the other side of the world, until you see the Portuguese drive. Not only do they drive on the other side of the road, but there are a lot of cars, moving very fast and beeping at the slightest hesitation to move. Imagine Auckland – a million times worse. Parking is, however, easy, as it seems that as long as you leave your hazard lights on, you can park pretty much anywhere, even on the sidewalk.

Another reminder of cultural differences occurs when you try to order food. There’s nothing as disconcerting as looking down at a menu where you can’t understand a single word.

Some restaurants provide entertainment in the form of translated English menus with unintentionally bad translations; with ‘Sideburn of Cow’ (Beef Steak) and ‘Codfish in Spit’ (Codfish on a Spit). There are also other differences, for instance as far as I could see there is no such thing as a ‘quick bite’. Within walking distance of the hotel I could not find a single bakery or corner dairy – only restaurants or little eateries that all had tables, chairs and a waiter no matter how small or dingy the establishment was. However a quick drug

offered hashish and occasionally cocaine, both of which I declined.

Our nights were spent eating at various restaurants, including one where Fado (the traditional music of Portugal) was played.

One such night we decided to find a bar afterwards. As a Bogan, I am very adept at finding alcohol. Earlier on in the week I had managed to remember the location of and find a small bar that only served a surprisingly tasty drink that is pretty much cherries soaked in brandy. At 1 Euro (NZ $2) a shot, a whole afternoon could be spent drinking in the city square, as it seemed a lot of people did. But that was nothing compared to the bar that one of our group found towards the end of the Fado night. We walked up a series of steps to what at first appeared to be a dark alley ending in a T-junction, at the top of which a large group of people, made up of a variety of ages, ethnicities and nationalities, were congregating outside a ramshackle building.

What at first appears to be a dark alley turns out to be a busy ‘suburban’ road. We walk to the bar and I get offered hashish three times by the young drug dealers that dot the street.

The congregation of people turn out to be a pub which has spilled out onto the street; a regular occurrence in Portugal. We stand outside drinking, although you’d be interested to know that you can still smoke inside in bars and restaurants. The drug dealers make their round, and are closely followed by an Indian guy selling roses and the kind of cheap toys you find at the $2 shop – including a squeaky hand puppet. Annoyingly, the Indian ‘vendors’ don’t take no for an answer and take a refusal as an invitation to haggle. Getting rid of one only prompts another one to appear, usually

drives up the hill and has to beep to move the crowds of people as it tries to make a hairpin turn. A street kid walks through begging for money. Two fire dancers arrive and put on a show and then collect money; a garbage truck drives up the ‘alley’ and honks for people to move. A group of teeny bopper British girls arrive and start giggling and chatting loudly about how drunk they are. One goes over and starts talking to one of the young drug dealers; all of a sudden she’s surrounded as they circle like vultures. Being the person she seems to be, she thrives on the attention and starts chatting to the whole group and even gets her photo taken. She starts asking for directions…we all know where she’s headed. This is like some giant circus, the kind of circus where at any moment the clown could rape you and steal your money – exactly like your everyday average clown. We have a few drinks and then decide to leave, we walk back and nobody asks me if I want to buy hashish – apparently skanky British tourists are good for something.

Before leaving for Portugal I searched the Internet for Rock or perhaps even Metal bars hoping to find somewhere to have a few drinks and mosh with the locals. All I found was the tragic Hard Rock Café which was a sad reflection of globalization and other things that hippies like to tut tut about. When we got there, the girls informed me that their taxi driver had mentioned that Metallica were playing in town that Thursday. My eyes lit up.

While I had seen Metallica before and would normally not be overly keen to see them again, for some reason the opportunity to do it on the other side of the world made it seem that much more attractive. Everything’s better when you’re doing it on the other side of the world!

21

Sadly ticket vendors seemed to be in short supply and the one I did find had no posters up outside. There were no posters in town mentioning Metallica either. It seemed that Metal was the minority even on ‘the other side of the world’. This all changed however as I walked past the same ticket vendor the next day and my Bogan senses tingled. I walked up to the window and there was a piece of A4 paper with the lists of bands that were playing at a series of five day concerts called Rock in

what appeared to be a keg strapped to his back. They were selling beer and not only was it cold and relatively cheap, but it was also mobile.

Now all I needed was Lindsay Lohan doing a crab walk! So I sat there drinking and basically put his kids through college. As the time drew near, the Bogan Brigade arrived in droves, packing the huge concert area to capacity – a sea of people. 7 rolled around surprisingly quickly and Moonspell played. A Portuguese band similar to Lacuna Coil or

Rio. Day four read Metallica, Machine Head, Apocalyptica and Moonspell Nightwish, most of their songs are in Portuguese. Not too bad but a for 59 Euros (around NZ $120). Not only was I going bit soft for me, as I explained to an exasperated and to see Metallica, but Machine Head – a band that I “Apocalyptica are a five piece extremely patriotic Portuguese Bogan later on, which had wanted to see live for a very long time. I bought severely pissed him off. Apocalyptica were next, and a ticket and shakily put it in my pocket. I was going! band, consisting of four – would you believe – they are a five piece band, My mission was now to buy a Portuguese Heavy consisting of four cellists, a drummer and no singer. They Metal shirt as a souvenir. Suddenly home sickness cellists, a drummer and no played covers of famous Thrash Metal songs (mostly was forgotten and I couldn’t wait for the two days Sepultura and early Metallica), their own musical pieces to pass by. It took five minutes up the road for the singer, who play covers of and slightly rockier versions of Beethoven. A very strange ticket to drop out of my pocket, but luckily Sally experience as four of them were pretty Boganised and noticed and saved the day! Strangely the ticket said famous Thrash Metal songs.” the fifth, one of the cellists, looked like your stereotypical it started at 4pm, which seemed really early. I waited classical musician. Machine Head came later and blew until the end of the conference day and rushed to the venue which was me away. During the previous bands I marveled at how polite and reasonably easy to find. Strangely absent was the usual sea of black subdued the crowd was, with no mosh pit, perhaps they do things T-shirts streaming towards the venue. Had I come to the right place? differently in Portugal, and then the circle pit started up and mayhem Despite language barriers, I managed to make it past the security guards ensued. Safety was clearly a concern, as any Bogan fallen by the wayside with only a light frisking. On a sign I noticed that the music didn’t start was helped or protected from being stomped on. Metallica were last and till 7pm. Why the hell did the gates open at 4? On the other side of while I had seen them before, this performance was better – perhaps security I saw why. Rock in Rio is a not only five days of concerts but due to being closer to the stage then previously (10 metres instead of a five day festival. On the other side of security were a wide variety of 100!). My mission was successfully completed as I purchased a Metallica food stalls (including KFC and Pizza Hutt), Playstation displays (mostly shirt depicting the Portuguese shield found on their flag, and several Guitar Hero and Singstar) as well as carnival rides and a flying fox over Portuguese words. I went home a very happy Bogan! If you’re interested the crowd. Not only was Metal going to be played, but small rock bands in what it looked like check out Youtube where the whole concert is played on another small stage and a dance building had been erected available for download! for those who love glow sticks (I later learned that Crystal Method was Portugal was an amazing experience and I am extremely grateful that ‘performing’ later that night). Imagine Rock2Wellington crossed with my studies on Bogans had provided such an amazing Big Day Out, over five days, and about twice as big! I found opportunity to discuss my work and show to the world a spot in the grass and got myself ready for a what Kiwi Bogans are made of (if you’re wondering…its long wait, and then as if hearing Metal!). It will never cease to amaze me my prayer, a guy walked past with despite how worthwhile I know my study is that I travelled to the other side of the world to discuss something I love so much!

22

Intern: The story of a professional coffee-carrier The best way I could describe an internship would be “incredibly varied.

Popular belief would have you think that an internship is days of namedropping, networking with an industry’s “who’s who” and filling your planner to the margins with the long lists of new tasks you’re allocated every day. On the flip side, many who have done it will let it slip that it’s the perfect chance to fine tune your ability to chronologically order files or hone the skill of wasting time on the internet (even though you’ve already looked at everything*).

Internships, in my experience, are neither, but at the same time, both.

I’m talking about the whole package. The best way I could describe an internship would be “incredibly varied.”

As I was plotting out my final year of undergrad over last summer, trawling through pages of papers, each looking more unexciting than the last, I came across Media Internship. I was intrigued. As many of you will know, the Waikato University website is atrocious for those actually looking for information and not just wanting to get lost in a myriad of broken links, so I switched to Google. After a quick copy and paste (and for the first time ever I used the “I’m feeling lucky” button – awesome) and up came the contact details for the coordinating professor. I sent an email through, and within a day, I had reply sitting in my inbox. I found a paper breakdown, as it turns out you didn’t just have to have a discussion with the head of department to get into the paper, you had to go through a system of interviews and that there was only a handful of slots available to students.

A week later I arrive at the fourth floor of FASS in the screen and media department, a bit frazzled as I rushed here straight from work and hadn’t had a chance to eat because this was my lunch break. After

sitting down, I noticed that my professor had a rather large folder with my name on it, as it turns out, this folder didn’t just have my University academic records, but back through high school and further. Maybe this was a little more intense than I had first thought out. It soon became apparent that this wasn’t just a meeting about the paper, this was actually my interview, to see whether or not I was in the paper.

The meeting in all honesty was exactly what I needed, speaking to someone face to face who was in the position to answer all of the ‘dumb’ questions that actually factor in to your decision making; such as ‘Do you find a placement for me?’ and ‘Do I get paid?’ (FYI: the answers are No and No). It was good to find out what to expect and to be told what would be expected by me, both from them and from a prospective sponsor.

Internships are actually papers where the actual working at the organization translates into lecture. It is, effectively, where you do your learning. The grading of the paper is derived from a final report or presentation (often both). Generally you will complete a log after every interaction with the organization, and this is also handed in with your final report and factored into the grading. Internship papers are also restricted entry, as the coordinator may only be willing to take on two or three students.

Soon after this meeting I was told that I had been accepted into the paper and that it was time to start looking for placings – and so the hunt began.

23

MOVEMENT

PROBLEM SOLVING CREATIVE THOUGHTS PLANNING EMOTIONAL PROCESSOR

MEMORY VISUAL PROCESSING

24

The level of trust and responsibility was huge, involving company credit cards to use, M-Series BMWs to drive and hundred thousand dollar clients to deal with.

You have to decide, at this point, what you want to be doing, and what exactly you want to get out of this experience. Do you want that “real world” experience to put on your CV? Or do you want to try something out, see if that’s what you want to do when you grow up? Once you have that decided, figure out what industry will offer you this. Next, find out where you can go – remembering that you can do your internship wherever in the country you want – and then start hunting for organizations.

I started my hunt at the Waikato Times, as I was really interested in the editorial decisionmaking that went on. I was however, promptly shot down as I was told that they have exclusive contracting with Wintec. This was a blow, but I quickly got back on the horse. That afternoon I was doing some Googling, trying to find an eligible sponsor, and I came across King St Advertising. I had never considered advertising, but it sort of made sense, as it incorporated almost every aspect of my degree I began the process by contacting Chris Williams, the CEO. I told him the situation, what I was looking for and what I could offer.

To my bewilderment, he was keen, he told me to come in and pitch the idea to him, we organized a time about two weeks later and it happened: I pitched the idea, he liked it and asked me when I wanted to start. The start date was a bit trickier as I had to work around

exams and final assignments but we organized it after a few rounds of answer phone tennis - and I was set to go on the 30th of June.

The first week of the internship was incredibly varied. I started out working on admin things, filing, organizing and some media scanning.

By mid-week the real jobs started rolling in. It was quite intense at first, I would show up in the morning with a list of 20 odd people to call, 10 things to go buy and a bunch of things that needed doing by 5pm. Even though I was so busy I didn’t have time to eat, the days flew by. I think that they wanted to get an idea of who I was, and whether or not I would be alright to come along to pitch to clients (which is a BIG deal) and how capable I was.

The level of trust and responsibility was huge, involving company credit cards to use, M-Series BMWs to drive and hundred thousand dollar clients to deal with. I was in my element, and I realised – I want to do this, and get paid for it. I also learned that lunch is actually the most important part of the day for you as an intern; the social aspects of it open up so many doors and opportunities for you like you wouldn’t believe. I can attribute the vast majority of the best activities I got into to grabbing lunch/ coffee with employees. The first week was over before I knew it, and I couldn’t wait to get into the second.

My second week was full-on, every day – 7AM photo shoots, pitching to new clients – and

even the prospect of a job offer. I find out over the course of that week that the reason my first week was so patchy was because the senior members of the organization were on long-deserved annual leave. Even though I was wishing I wasn’t there in the first week, I really didn’t want it to be over. It was so great to get a taste of the ‘real world’ and that I was finally able to see that the last 20 years of schooling actually meant something. It made me view my studies in a different light, with a little more respect– I could see how important the proper use of semicolons was, the arrangement of colour and the treatment of marketing creativity; all really were. So here I am now, only a few days away from entering the B semester of my final year – and it was all worth it. There are a few challenges you have to face, the most obvious being the lack of pay - your going to have to work at least 100 hours, most probably in your holidays - for nothing but the experience. Secondly you need to be able to take the initiative on certain things, and be able to work on your own – a lot. There will be no one to supervise you, or hold your hand.

You also have to be prepared to be thrown in the deep end – because you will be.

I got so much more from the internship than I ever thought I would – it was a huge learning curve which gave me perspective and a good ol’ cup of reality. I would highly recommend that if you can swing one into your degree, do.

25

FACT BOX I thought I would drop some knowledge on you, stuff that I wish I had known on the first day.

1. If someone asks you to go to lunch, for god’s sake go. It’s where the magic happens.

2. There isn’t a role for you to fill, because if there was a role to fill, there would be someone getting paid to do it – so just offer to do what you can.

3. Don’t sit there and wait for things to come to you, it may be terrible and awkward to approach people, but if you don’t, you’ll end up doing nothing.

4. Have something you can be working on to look busy, like research or writing a report for Uni. Even if you are bored as a mofo, look busy.

People will like you more.

5. Always keep your ears and eyes open. Listen to what’s happening, not only can you keep up with the office gossip, but you may hear of opportunities that you can pounce on.

6. Do your Internship just before graduation, often graduate jobs will open up and you’ll be in a great position.

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Prez Sez

By Moira Neho We need YOU… 250 of you, specifically.

The Charities Commission has told us that our “winding up” clause (the one that states what we will do with all our resources etc in the event that WSU ceases to exist) is not up to their standards and leaves room for us to leave our stuff to people who are not charitable in nature.

We think it’s bollocks but hey, what do we know? We know that if we don’t have Charitable status that we will get taxed ridiculous amounts of money which means that we have less to do things for you with.

So where to from here? We need to hold a Special General Meeting (SGM) in order to change the clause in our constitution from this: Rule 27.1 In the event of the winding up or dissolution of the Association under the provisions of section 24 of the Incorporated Societies Act 1908 all the surplus assets of the Association, after payment of all costs, debts and liabilities shall be handed to the University Council, to be held upon trust and invested for the benefit of the student community until such time as a similar Association is formed.

TO THIS:

Live Like a Student Challenge It’s an election year and one of the major issues for students is that we are the only group in society who has to borrow to live (think student loans, living costs and all those overdrafts). So what should be done about it? Well that all depends on who you ask really. The National Party are going to solve everything with tax cuts, and Labour in their infinite quest for incremental targeted support increased the amount students can borrow by $5.00. Yep, that’s right kids, $5.00. You can’t even get a McD’s combo for that these days, let alone a block of cheese.

The problem is we need more money. But we don’t need any more debt. Seriously, isn’t $10bil in national student debt enough? So messing around with the amounts that students can borrow might help in the short term (ie, $5.00 more money in your pocket each week as of Jan 09) but in the long run all it does is add to the amount of personal debt that we are all collecting as we try to become well adjusted contributing members of society.

27.1 “If any property remains after the winding up or dissolution of the Association and the settlement of all the Association’s debts and liabilities, that property must be given or transferred to another organisation that is charitable under New Zealand law and has purposes similar to those of the Waikato Students’ Union Incorporated.”

To do this we need 250 of your bodies. It’s a lot of fuss and effort and it all seems like a matter of semantics to me but what do I know? Well I’ll tell you what I know… I know that it would have been easy for the Board of Directors to make the change without telling anyone and hence saving us the challenge of bringing 250 of you together (not to mention completely disregarding the constitution), but the truth is you don’t elect us to lie to you and so we don’t.

Now we need you to come and help us make the change. It is a simple process that requires you voting to change from the original wording to the proposed change. It will probably take longer to account for the 250 of you then it will to vote on the motion. And as always, if you attend you will be rewarded with food and beverages!

What: WSU Special General Meeting Where: L1 When: 1pm, Wednesday 16th July

WSU is working with NZUSA (NZ Union of Student Associations) to lobby the government for a Universal Allowance for all students. You shouldn’t have to borrow money to live and the government needs to acknowledge this.

WSU has come up with a challenge that asks our local politicians to try and survive on the same budget that students do. The challenge will be launched after our SGM (Wed 16th, 1pm @ L1) and will see the likes of David Bennett, MP for Hamilton East, and Sue Moroney, List MP and candidate for Hamilton East (ie. she wants David’s seat) trying to live on $155 for a week. We will set up a blog so that you can follow their progress, this will be accessible through the WSU website – www.wsu. org.nz The details of the challenge are set out as below. Check it out and come along to the challenge launch to cheer them on.

The Profile: • Single • Under 25

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• Lives away from home • Ineligible for the Student Allowance • Has a Student Loan and borrows the Living Cost component • Have a part time job that pays minimum wage. Works 10 hours per week.

• Participates in KiwiSaver scheme

The Rules: 1. Participants have $155 for the week (as will be the amount students can borrow through student loan living costs as at Jan 09) 2. Participants also have $95.52 from their part time job (after taxes and kiwisaver and as per IRD calculations). This can be used at their discretion.

3. Costs of living ie. Rent, food, fuel costs, etc must come out of this budget.

4. Nominal amounts are attributed to the following: • Accommodation • Food • Travel

All other services/purchases etc will retain their true costs.

5. All participants will be given a “speed bump” at some stage within their challenge and it will be up to them to overcome this within their budget. These will be typical of situations that students often encounter.

6. Participants are expected to budget for and attend at least one social activity of their choice ie, • Movies • Rugby • Concert 7. All participants will be given a challenge pack at the launch which will include: • “student food” up to the value of $30 • Challenge rules • A notebook to record their experience – However these will need to be emailed to WSU daily • President’s contacts for any questions during the challenge 8. Participants are expected to blog their experience and email this daily to WSU 9. There is no winner, but participants will be evaluated on their experience.

The Money:

29

Sport Results with AJ

THE WSU HAS CHALLENGED LOCAL POLITICIANS TO LIVE ON A STUDENT BUDGET FOR ONE WEEK! COME TO THE SGM TO MEET THE POLITICIANS AND HEAR MORE ABOUT THE CHALLENGE.

Welcome back to the ‘chang peoples. Here is a brief rundown on what has happened in University sport for the last 3 or 4 weeks, business end of the season now so lets get behind the boys and girls in black and gold.

Rugby – Varsity (W.U.R.F.C)

berth. The Under 21’s registered their 1st win of the season against Leamington 17-15 over the break and face bottom placed Hinuera in the last round with a chance to finish the season on a high. Good luck to the U21’s and the rest of the Varsity teams.

Soccer – Unicol A.F.C

The footballers of Unicol A.F.C have either been piped at the post (no pun intended) or have found some form in the couple of games that The Premiers didn’t make the top 8 but in the promotion-regulation have been played in the break. The A’s have only just been beaten in round they have registered 6 wins out of 6, and in turn qualifying top their last few rounds with close defeats to Matamata (2-3) and FOSS with one match still to play before the finals. They beat Hinuera 23-18 (1-2), something has got to give soon for these boys who just haven’t on the weekend to confirm a home semi-final for the 19th of July. The been able to raise their arms in celebration since round 5 (10th May).

Varsity B’s are teetering on the edge of the top 4 in the promotionThe Reserves however, are starting to turn their 1st half of the season relegation round and a win this weekend will give them a strong chance around and in the last 5 rounds have won 3 (2 against top teams) and of a semi-final (they had a crucial win last weekend against Hinuera B). drawn 1. Keep it up champs! D1 and D2 play in the Waikato D division After early season dominance, the Under 85’s have suffered 3 close together and last week had their second official showdown of the defeats in recent weeks, however recorded a solid 20-5 win against season, D1 handed the D2ers a comprehensive beating 5-2, whereas Hautapu last week to keep them in a firm position for a semi-final it is claimed that the D2 team always beat their Unicol counterparts in practice. Bit of a civil war coming on perhaps. The women, B1 and B2, presents...

Campus Construction have had a month break in their season but are getting back amongst

By FMD it this weekend coming. Good luck is extended to the 6 teams of Unicol A.F.C, slot those balls!

As can be seen down at the Shops site, the demolition has begun and before we know it the erection of the new building will be under way.

As is always the case when one does a building project, there is some disruption while the work is in progress, but we have every confidence that the end result will be worth all the pain along the way.

Naturally we are concerned about the disruptive effects of the work and we hope that everyone will understand that we are trying to get it all over and done with as quickly as possible. We apologise for the upsets and changes the work is causing to people’s lives, but trust that everyone will be as understanding as they can be.”

Notice courtesy FMD (Facilities Management Division) – they are the people that keep this campus looking great! Thanks guys and girls 30

THE WSU HAS CHALLENGED LOCAL POLITICIANS TO LIVE ON A STUDENT BUDGET FOR ONE WEEK! COME TO THE SGM TO MEET THE POLITICIANS AND HEAR MORE ABOUT THE CHALLENGE.

www.wsu.org.nz

FOR MORE INFORMATION CHECK OUT THE DAILY FLYERS OR

10 – 10:45 CAFÉ SESSION – Live acoustic music @ Sch. Of Education Cafeteria 12 – 1:30 MIDDAY MASH @ contact fm outside the Cowshed (inside SUB Building if raining) 1:30 – 5 FIESTA PARTIDO (Dress in Mexican theme) @ the Cowshed (BYO, live music & weekly draw) 9 till late - After Party @ Bar 101 (LIVE BAND: ANOMALY)

THURSDAY:

WEDNESDAY:

10 – 2 CLUBS DAY @ L Block (INCLUDES SGM AT 1PM IN L1) 7 – 10 COMEDY NIGHT feat. Jamie Bowen, Ben Hurley. Simon McKinney @ the Don’s (tickets from WSU $10 Students $15 Public)

10 – 10:45 CAFÉ SESSION – Live acoustic music @ Oranga, Bottom Floor 12 – 1:30 MIDDAY MASH @ S Block courtyard (IJK Side, inside S Block if raining) 2 – 2:45 CAFÉ SESSION – Live acoustic music @ Momento Café, Sch. Of Management 7 – 10 GUITAR HERO @ the Don’s (register at the WSU)

TUESDAY: 10 – 10:45 CAFÉ SESSION – Live acoustic music @ Momento Café, Sch of Management 12 – 1:30 MIDDAY MASH @ Sch. Of Management Courtyard (inside Sch. Of Management if raining) 2 – 2:45 CAFÉ SESSION – Live acoustic music @ Sch. Of Education Cafeteria 7 – 10 QUIZ NIGHT @ the Don’s (teams of up to 6 people, dress in any theme you want)

MONDAY:

presented by

It is, apparently, my turn on the lectern. The forces of the universe have consulted and conspired, drawing me into the vortex that is the student press. Okay, Andrew just rang and asked – and made no mention of cosmic forces. It also occurs to me that extracting the bathplug usually produces a splendid vortex and my words may therefore be just so much dirty water. None-the-less, I have the opportunity to spray some of that water over the entire student body and I need to work out what sort of soap I should use.

I am a sociologist (visions of sandals and tree hugging) and a feminist (a whole new vision there). I also teach social policy (now that’s vision) and this is an election year. We’ve just completed some local elections – did you vote?

Did you even notice? A little over a fifth of us noticed enough to bother voting. We were electing the board of the WEL Trust, whose last term of office was marked by dissension and acrimony, largely in regard to what should be done with the funds they were elected to manage. The candidates in the latest election included a scattering of independents and two main factions reflecting the division in the outgoing board, with each standing for election on the basis of its rebates policy. One group preferred to channel all profits back to electricity customers as rebates, while the other wanted to continue the practice of disbursing a (small) percentage of the profits to a range of community groups along with continued, but smaller customer rebates.

Over the years WEL Trust has been a significant funder of local organisations, ranging from sports and health focussed organisations 34

to those promoting education, the arts and frontline community work. Chances are, you have benefitted from or been involved with at least one of these organisations somewhere in your past. Full listings of WEL grants for recent years are available online (http://www. welenergytrust.co.nz). The continued existence of many of the organisations listed was quite literally attached to the outcome of the elections. All of this may have passed you by.

Well … it was exam time and the flu season and anyway, local politics can be so boring.

And one vote won’t really matter – more than 75% of eligible voters thought the same way, so it must be right.

There will of course be another election this year, one with which you will probably be more familiar if only because the media will make it hard to miss. For most of us, the media will be our main source of information and as such, it will frame the issues. Issues currently in the frame include crime, tax cuts, government spending, privatisation and the cost of living.

Are these the issues that are important to you? Already the spin doctors are weaving their magic; we are variously exposed to the politics of fear, the politics of greed, the politics of blame and the politics of vacuity. Further iterations are bound to follow. How do we determine when an issue is really an issue or just what it is that makes something an issue?

For example, crime is an invaluable weapon in the politics of fear. For the record: while overall crime numbers might be up, crime rates (the number of crimes for every 1000 people) are down. Violent crimes are up considerably, but the rise in recorded violent crimes is largely

driven by the increased reporting of domestic violence. Per capita crime rates are higher in Central Auckland than in South Auckland. Are these the impressions you’ve been getting?

Should you be bothered by it?

Maybe not. Then again, if you are not bothered, who will be? Well, we are an ageing population – just check out all the advertising aimed at baby boomers if you have any doubts. They are the biggest cohort in the electorate/market and they are approaching or already enjoying retirement. They tend to be more conservative than younger cohorts, they worry more about crime and personal safety and they tend to be more inclined to vote. In other words, their priorities may hold sway over the electorate in the absence of any voices – and pens – raised by and in the interests of younger voters. So Nana and Pop might get to decide what student life will be like for the next three years. Or perhaps they’ll sacrifice their own interests for the greater good. After all, that’s what happened in the WEL elections, isn’t it? Chances are, the election will be held around exam time and just when you’re having or planning those end-of-exams/degree/year celebrations and anyway, national politics can be so boring.

Dr Maxine Campbell is a lecturer and the convener of Social Policy in the FASS. She has a particular teaching and research interest in family sociology, with a focus on the role, status and experiences of parents.

Zimbabwe A Lesson on Self-Destruction Little over a week ago, after winning a morethan-questionable but unopposed second round of voting, Robert Mugabe (stripped of his knighthood) entered a third decade as president of Zimbabwe. While media reports have been plentiful regarding the fiasco that has been the Zimbabwean presidential election, little examination has been given to the process that led to Zimbabwe’s fall from its relative prosperity of the late 1980s and 1990s; so what wisdom can we draw from this episode in history?

Needless to say, Mugabe achieved re-election

by Machiavellian and far-from-ethical means.

(When a candidate’s rival pulls out of the race for fear of his life and the lives of his supporters, the competitive party system has lost more than a tad of legitimacy.) Such a synopsis is not controversial, and his past re-elections have scarcely been any better, so rather than labour over how many democratic principles he and his buddies have managed to violate, let us examine Mugabe’s mindset and how his virtually unchallenged decisionmaking has driven his nation into economic and diplomatic wilderness.

Mugabe was first elected as prime minister of Zimbabwe in 1980, providing at least a semblance of stability after fifteen years of internal violence since declared independence from Britain, and he managed to elevate himself into the then-new presidential position in 1987. However, while in office, Mugabe has managed to cut 23 years from his people’s life expectancy (now the World’s lowest at 37), halve per-capita economic activity, and generate hyperinflation of incomprehensible levels. (If you can believe it, conservative estimates of inflation hit 165,000% in June,

and a meal now costs over a billion Zimbabwe dollars.)

Now, amidst soaring violence and civil disorder, 5,000 opposition-party members are missing, and to confirm the gravity of the situation, millions are fleeing for neighbouring countries.

The mass migration, estimated to be greater than 3 million, has caused South Africa and Botswana to go so far as to station their military along the border with Zimbabwe.

Meanwhile, foreign reporters are being silenced and in some cases imprisoned, and the economic situation is only worsening as a result of trade sanctions from the US, the EU, and Australia.

So what does Mugabe have to say? Far from apologising or conceding policy shortcomings, he denies the severity of the state of affairs, and recent events have demonstrated his desire to maintain power at any cost, ignoring both the Zimbabwean people and the international community. He continues to claim that Zimbabwe is “a hundred times better, than the average African economy” and that “what is lacking now are goods on the shelves.” Indeed, goods on the shelves would help.

Mugabe’s fear of losing power trumps any sense of commitment to his own people—he mocks the rule of law on a regular basis—and his fixation with power extends to Zimbabwean sovereignty. Any international, and especially European, critique of his regime is seen as an intrusion and a return to colonialism. His expulsion from the Commonwealth and the loss of his knighthood have only cemented his distrust of foreigners, who serve as scapegoats for his own failings.

Beyond his own power cravings, paranoia, and detachments from reality, Mugabe may

have good reason to fear a fall from power. He oversaw internal fighting against insurrections during 1980’s that resulted in 20,000 deaths, most of those killed being innocent civilians, and these may come back to haunt him. A trial of Mugabe appears to be very likely, should the democratic opposition ever come to power.

To be fair, Mugabe did inherit a post-colonial nation dogged by ethnic hostility regarding land-appropriation going back a century.

He could only keep a lid on the brewing resentment for so long. However, what followed was a virtual what-not-to-do script which ended in violent land-grabs and a destitute economy. While some land-owners of European descent may have enjoyed a privileged ruling position and disproportionate land-ownership, most had bought their land on the free market, and the white ruling minority that once existed has been replaced by a black ruling minority. The races have changed; the injustice is the same.

Early on, Mugabe used a “willing buyer, willing seller” approach. Crown and government money was used to purchase land from farmers willing to sell. However, this approach was not swift enough and was costing too much money for his liking. In the early 1990s he shifted to compulsory acquisition, with court-determined compensation. Still this was too expensive, and in the year 2000, Mugabe, ignoring any legal framework and a referendum on the issue, began to forcibly acquire land without compensation. All along the redistribution program was structured to reward Mugabe loyalists, and little by little, more and more European farmers began to leave Zimbabwe, cutting their losses and taking their productive knowledge with them.

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With property rights all but non-existent, farmers had little incentive to plant for next season’s harvest, let alone make long-term investments; and new owners, many of them government officials and nonagricultural businessmen, did not possess the experience necessary to continue productive enterprises. Surprise surprise, agricultural production declined steadily, and with it Mugabe’s tax intake.

However, lower taxation revenue did not stop Mugabe from spending.

He merely resorted to deficit spending, printing ever-growing quantities of currency. As with all un-backed fiat currencies (like our own,) inflation is an inevitable concern: more currency, limited output, prices rise.

Zimbabwe is no exception.

In order to curb inflation however, Mugabe declared price freezes, fixed exchange rates, and restrained attempts to use foreign currencies with heavy-handed enforcement. Predictably, people rushed to get to stores before the price controls were rescinded, chronic shortages emerged, black-markets flourished, and production was further stymied by the chaos.

Rather than address the underlying lack of production and his own miss-spending, Mugabe has only dealt with the symptom of inflation, and in the only way he knows how, by force. Until Zimbabwe gains

36

new leadership and the policy of compulsory acquisition is reversed, the nation’s problems are only going to worsen.

As Professor George B. N. Ayittey, a native of Ghana, laments, “there are political skills that you need to wage a successful liberation struggle and those skills are not necessarily compatible with the skills that you need to run an economy efficiently.” Mugabe possesses neither the economic skills nor the moral character to fix the mess he has created.

Fergus Hodgson has a B.A. in economics from Boston University. He currently studies political science and tutors macroeconomics here at the University of Waikato. Feedback is welcome and sources are available via flh2@waikato.ac.nz.

Anya Varezhkina is currently in her 3rd year of BA/LLB and takes a keen interest in Foreign Affairs. She can’t wait for Mr. Hodgson to move to New Hampshire and then move out of New Hampshire, so that she can do her “I told you so” speech. If you have any queries regarding this article or New Hampshire, please email av18@waikato.ac.nz.

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Dear Agony Art Our all guy flat never has enough water for everyone to have a shower. These holidays I figured it out. My flat mates have been beating off while in the shower. Does every other guy on Earth do this but me? I can’t even orgasm standing up with someone else helping me, let alone by myself in a shower. Should I join in on this shower-wank thing or somehow make them stop?

S. Jarraman Dear S. Jarraman The shower-toss is a long time tradition among New Zealand men. Not

anyone, so why hurry? This is why wristing off in the shower is not the best, as time-honoured as it most certainly is, due to the restrictions of hot water.

As far as getting your flat mates to stop, the only sure-fire way is to run hot water in the kitchen, thus turning their pleasant and private time into a boner-killing nightmare.

Keep fighting the good fight Art Dear Agony Art Why do hot girls consistently date munters? Everywhere I look, girls who look like they’re from FHM are dating guys who look like they’re from Police 10-7. What’s so attractive about munters?

Confused in College Hall

getting clean is not as easy as it sounds.

That said, it is also a good way to piss off your flat mates if they are, as in your case, all guys. If you spend too long stroking your crotch vulture, it’ll result in all the hot water disappearing. How do you expect the rest of your flat to have their turn at bat without hot water? Cold water is not known for its erection-inducing properties and last time I checked, wood was a vital ingredient to releasing your DNA up the shower wall.

The best place to have a wank is (and always will be) your own bed.

Light some candles, put on your favourite album, have a little wine.

Remember that unlike sex with two people, self pleasuring is not a race. It’s a party. I can’t stress that enough: you’re not trying to impress

Dear Confused What you’ve noticed has been happening for a long time, perhaps since the dawn of man. It’s an evolutionary throwback to the time when the uglier and more violent a man was, the less likely his girlfriend was to be eaten by a pterodactyl of velociraptor or whatever. While we don’t have any dinosaurs (outside of the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences) in this day and age, the survival instinct remains, leading attractive woman to find the biggest, stupidest men in their society and cling to them like toddlers to pant legs.

Art

IS SHE BEING UNDERPAID?

www.reccentre.co.nz

hip hop dance

unlike rugby, binge drinking and yelling nasty things to fat girls from fast moving cars, having a shower masty is a vital facet of New Zealand culture. Not only does it cut down on sock and sheet laundry, it also proves once and for all that men can multi-task. Thinking filthy while

Six week courses starting:

Tuesday 15 July 6.30pm - 7.25pm

Thursday 17 July 6.30pm - 7.30pm

We also offer 6 week Swiss Ball Fitness, Pilates matwork, Yoga, and Kickboxing courses.

Visit our website or come see us for more info.

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Sylvia is 19 and has been working in a shop for 6 months. She is being paid $11.25 per hour but her friend who has just started at another place and does the same job gets $12.00 per hour. Her friend says the pay rates have gone up again.

The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other hassles you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 838 4466 extn. 6622 or 0800FORCAB. The minimum wage for employees aged 16 years and over rose to $12.00 an hour before tax as of 1 April 2008.

By law, employers must pay at least the minimum wage - even if an employee is paid by commission or by piece rate. Minimum wages apply to all workers, including home workers, casuals, temporary and part-time workers even if they have not been included in employment agreements. The only exception is when an employee holds an exemption permit. Holiday pay must be paid in addition to the minimum wage. If an employee receives “pay-as-you-go” holiday pay, this payment must be a separate and identifiable part of their pay.

An employee being paid less than the minimum wage should first talk to their employer. If this doesn’t resolve the problem they can ring the Employment Relations Infoline on 0800 20 90 20 during business hours to get information on what to do. Employees can also get help from a mediator (www.ers.govt.nz).

Blair Munro’s unresolved Oedipus complex or $800 worth of advertising?

You choose!

The following column takes place between the hours of 11.00pm and 12.00am. *clock noises* I just had to say that, in case this makes no sense, because I’m tired.

It’s all about perception. The things we do, the people we associate with, the shit we complain about, it’s all about perception.

Some of the greatest comedic geniuses are such simply because of the way they perceive the world around them. Casual observations, like “Oh look, a car crash,” can be made humorous with an off-hand comment like “See, Moira told us we shouldn’t text while driving,” or “I keep telling you it isn’t safe to suck me off on the road!”

Postmodern?

Simpsons did it! Simpsons did it!

It’s all been done before. No it hasn’t, but it really does feel like it. Lately I’ve been trying the whole song writing thing, ‘cause I’m one of those people who has always wanted to be in a band but never had the guts to do it – until recently. So I’m doing singing lessons, the whole nine yards (only minus that fucken annoying Chandler). But writing lyrics can be hard, because as you’re writing, you can’t help but feel like you’ve heard it before. It often feels like all you’re doing is reassembling stuff that’s already been said. I used to do creative writing and the number of times I’ve heard people say ‘I’ve always wanted to write a book, I think my life would make a very interesting story’ – somehow I don’t think the world wants to hear the life story of a soccer mum and her minivan! But I digress. In academic circles we call this “cobbling together” other people’s ideas research. To copy one person’s work is plagiarism, to copy many is research. People who like to show off call this postmodernism,

I don’t know, I think I see the world a lot differently to other people. I hear a sad story, I think of a joke or something funny to say.

Psychiatrists might say I’ve developed a coping mechanism for dealing with stress, I say I have an underdeveloped frontal lobe, from being dropped on my head as a baby. My theory explains the aesthetic fuck-up I call a face as well. Munro: 1, Qualified psychiatric evaluators: 0.

It’s true though, I have a tendency to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. It’s not that I just say the first thing that pops into my head without thinking; it’s just that I always think of two things to say, and go with the funnier one. Needless to say, this hampers my ability to meet people.

“How’s it hanging?”

which these days has become more of a clichéd pick up line for Social Science students.

Try it – stand in IJK ground floor corridor and pretend to have a conversation with someone and then drop “postmodernism” – undergrads will be impressed. It’s almost as successful as quoting Marx in the philosophy department.

It’s the academic equivalent of “if I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?” The music world’s reaction to this is to become more and more obscure and random, which is how we get ‘Progressive Metal’ and other forms of wankery. This is why we get things like random timing changes. Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes this is cool – particularly when you incorporate musical influences from other cultures; Sepultura’s Roots being the obvious example. This excursion into randomness has meant that labelling your music 100% Pure Heavy Metal has become a selling point in itself. At a certain point you come full circle and realize that the old school straight out Metal is usually the best, banging your head and air guitaring beats the hell out of standing there with a superior

“Oh, it’s hanging quite well, actually. Not wearing restrictive underwear allows the plums to swing rather freely.” Strangely, most people develop a case of the I-have-to-be-somewhereelses when I say that.

I can’t help it though; I have a tendency to cross the line quite a bit, as you may well be aware. It might be just a toe over, or it might be the offensive equivalent of the Olympic long jump. It’s working for me, at the moment at least, and who knows? It may help me in two possible careers. Comedy, just to add that little bit of shock value, or boxing.

Boxing, you say? Yes, boxing. There’s nothing like pissing people off to force you to learn how to take a hit. With the amount of shittalking I do, I’ll be trading blows with Shane Cameron in no time.

smirk on your face because you understand the inner progressive elements. Burton C Bogan – keeping the 80s alive through random rants since ages ago! I’ve also noticed just now that this column is a reflection of what I’ve been bitching about: I started talking about one topic, used outside influences from other topics (e.g. academic ‘superiority’), suddenly changed tangent and then came full circle back to tradition. Who’s postmodern now?

Shamless plug time: Tune in to Backbeat 89.0 or livestream www.backbeat. co.nz Thursday nights from 10pm onwards for Metal Worx. Two hours of Hard Rock and Heavy Metal! www. bebo.co.nz/metalworxradio for more details!

39

Blair Munro’s unresolved Oedipus complex or $800 worth of advertising?

You choose!

The following column takes place between the hours of 11.00pm and 12.00am. *clock noises* I just had to say that, in case this makes no sense, because I’m tired.

It’s all about perception. The things we do, the people we associate with, the shit we complain about, it’s all about perception.

Some of the greatest comedic geniuses are such simply because of the way they perceive the world around them. Casual observations, like “Oh look, a car crash,” can be made humorous with an off-hand comment like “See, Moira told us we shouldn’t text while driving,” or “I keep telling you it isn’t safe to suck me off on the road!”

Postmodern?

Simpsons did it! Simpsons did it!

It’s all been done before. No it hasn’t, but it really does feel like it. Lately I’ve been trying the whole song writing thing, ‘cause I’m one of those people who has always wanted to be in a band but never had the guts to do it – until recently. So I’m doing singing lessons, the whole nine yards (only minus that fucken annoying Chandler). But writing lyrics can be hard, because as you’re writing, you can’t help but feel like you’ve heard it before. It often feels like all you’re doing is reassembling stuff that’s already been said. I used to do creative writing and the number of times I’ve heard people say ‘I’ve always wanted to write a book, I think my life would make a very interesting story’ – somehow I don’t think the world wants to hear the life story of a soccer mum and her minivan! But I digress. In academic circles we call this “cobbling together” other people’s ideas research. To copy one person’s work is plagiarism, to copy many is research. People who like to show off call this postmodernism,

I don’t know, I think I see the world a lot differently to other people. I hear a sad story, I think of a joke or something funny to say.

Psychiatrists might say I’ve developed a coping mechanism for dealing with stress, I say I have an underdeveloped frontal lobe, from being dropped on my head as a baby. My theory explains the aesthetic fuck-up I call a face as well. Munro: 1, Qualified psychiatric evaluators: 0.

It’s true though, I have a tendency to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. It’s not that I just say the first thing that pops into my head without thinking; it’s just that I always think of two things to say, and go with the funnier one. Needless to say, this hampers my ability to meet people.

“How’s it hanging?”

which these days has become more of a clichéd pick up line for Social Science students.

Try it – stand in IJK ground floor corridor and pretend to have a conversation with someone and then drop “postmodernism” – undergrads will be impressed. It’s almost as successful as quoting Marx in the philosophy department.

It’s the academic equivalent of “if I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?” The music world’s reaction to this is to become more and more obscure and random, which is how we get ‘Progressive Metal’ and other forms of wankery. This is why we get things like random timing changes. Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes this is cool – particularly when you incorporate musical influences from other cultures; Sepultura’s Roots being the obvious example. This excursion into randomness has meant that labelling your music 100% Pure Heavy Metal has become a selling point in itself. At a certain point you come full circle and realize that the old school straight out Metal is usually the best, banging your head and air guitaring beats the hell out of standing there with a superior

“Oh, it’s hanging quite well, actually. Not wearing restrictive underwear allows the plums to swing rather freely.” Strangely, most people develop a case of the I-have-to-be-somewhereelses when I say that.

I can’t help it though; I have a tendency to cross the line quite a bit, as you may well be aware. It might be just a toe over, or it might be the offensive equivalent of the Olympic long jump. It’s working for me, at the moment at least, and who knows? It may help me in two possible careers. Comedy, just to add that little bit of shock value, or boxing.

Boxing, you say? Yes, boxing. There’s nothing like pissing people off to force you to learn how to take a hit. With the amount of shittalking I do, I’ll be trading blows with Shane Cameron in no time.

smirk on your face because you understand the inner progressive elements. Burton C Bogan – keeping the 80s alive through random rants since ages ago! I’ve also noticed just now that this column is a reflection of what I’ve been bitching about: I started talking about one topic, used outside influences from other topics (e.g. academic ‘superiority’), suddenly changed tangent and then came full circle back to tradition. Who’s postmodern now?

Shamless plug time: Tune in to Backbeat 89.0 or livestream www.backbeat. co.nz Thursday nights from 10pm onwards for Metal Worx. Two hours of Hard Rock and Heavy Metal! www. bebo.co.nz/metalworxradio for more details!

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The New Zealand media has performed admirably in generally ignoring it, in fact nearly everybody has, and the longer we can ignore its existence the less power it has, so all should be well. Right? I can’t actually tell you what it is, because naming it out loud gives it power. It is the Voldemort of socio-economic stability. The crux of its power lies in a whore. I am of course talking about the ‘R’ word.

“I am of course You know, it rhymes with... the ‘D’ word. It’s that thing that, after all this time, finally convinces you that talking about you don’t really need that fancy bread. That maybe you can get by with only a dozen tonight. It’s what actually convinces even the munters not to drink and the ‘R’ word. drive, because petrol is getting quite expensive now.

You know, it

Even the upright-walking mouth-breathers who fill their Bebo pages with “got some vodka drinks tonight rhymes with... HARDCORE”, “omg drank 2 boxes thru up evrywhere and fell over lol! MEAN NIGHT” and the painfully the ‘D’ word” inevitable “so hungover... never drinking again” have been proclaiming their horse-shit self-importance to the world with a little less gusto.

Point One: Anyone who says that they are never drinking again gets locked in a treasure chest with Robert Mugabe and Elton John.

So how does this affect the futuristic might of Hamiltron (bypass via Gordonton State Highway 1b)? Well for one thing, the utter painfulness of “clubbing” in small-town New Zealand is hitting home. The people

We fellow geeks generally tend to stick to the internets, after all, happiness is a warm mouse. But every now and then, we take a venture outside with a little help from our friends. Ventures – like the SCMS pub crawl for example – are generally accepted as an enjoyable outing, and a splendid time is guaranteed for all.

But recently, there has been another reason for us to emerge from our darkened rooms; Geohashing. Simple description; people go to random locations around your local area every Saturday. Long, nerdy description (for geeks who don’t follow XKCD – and if you want to, check out xkcd.com); First you find your graticule (the 1°x1° geographical co-ordinate, i.e. waiKato is -38,175) then you take the opening value of the Dow Jones, MD5 it, split into two 16-bit values, convert to 40

who go to dance and lounge style venues probably aren’t being affected as much, since they go there because they aren’t required to be blind drunk to enjoy it. It will come as shock to a significant amount of wannabe nightlife connoisseurs that when you are fucking drunk, anywhere will seem to kick ass and make you feel important. Except prison, where your ass won’t be being kicked per se, but I know you’ll feel important.

The guttertrash who hang out on the streets after the clubs have closed (I’m talking about you if you’ve ever ‘casually’ dropped into conversation that you got home from town at 4.30) are wondering why it’s getting harder to get laid. It’s because people have less money to spend on whores who wear those tit curtains with the elastic at the bottom that give a visual indication of how sticky their twat is. Partially. It’s mostly because those whores aren’t drunk enough to convince themselves that the douche with the crippling acne was just a bad dancer, as opposed to being the proud father of a duke in his undies that the whole dancefloor could smell (true story).

Point Two: When you hear guys numerically rating girls these days, they aren’t talking about hotness or tits. Girls are getting too fat this winter to bother with that. They are rating the stickiness of the crotch, where higher numbers are the perfect amount of stickiness. Truly, these are difficult times.

Yeah, so the Recession is gonna bite, huh?

binary and append it as the decimal point to your graticule and voila, you have a location.

All you need is to find your coat and grab your hat, and hopefully a crowd of people turn up (for the benefit of the environment, you should catch the bus).

To give you an idea just how vast an area is covered, the area around waiKato extends from Te Uku (2/3 way to Raglan) to just beyond Waihi, and then from Papakura down to Te Awamutu. A lot of this area is private property and some of it ocean, and so it’s not always feasible to make it to a point. And of course, being a fairly recent concept, it’s not incredibly popular with those of waiKato yet. So far there have only been 3 known geohashes here; twice by a guy who likes to wear pirate gear (InvaluableKiwi; congrats on my 3rd ever plug!), and once by myself and my girlfriend.

So, would you like a bit of adventure on any given Saturday at 4pm? We’ve got a Facebook group going (search for NZ Geohashers), or read the wiki at http://wiki.xkcd.com/ geohashing/. Who knows, if the Nexus Ed and the rest of the club band is as keen as they claims they are, you might even score a t-shirt or something. Hell, I might even score a t-shirt or something. ... Final note; Across the Universe, like most things with Evan Rachel Wood, is a movie that you should watch at least once. Now. But before this Saturday.

If you know what Metal Gear Solid is, then you’ll already know if you want to bother reading this or not. To save you reading, the latest instalment got a whole bunch of nearperfect reviews by most respected gaming magazines, and I’m giving it the same. If you don’t know what it is, read on.

The series describes itself as Tactical Espionage Action, and what this boils down to is a game that involves lots of sneaking around. The typical scenario for each game sets the player (usually as series protagonist Solid Snake, “the ultimate soldier”) the task of infiltrating a tightly guarded installation to investigate or destroy some version of Metal Gear, a secret weapon that ups the ante of nuclear deterrence. Working your way into the heart of enemy territory, you slowly increase your arsenal of weapons and gadgets as you wipe out - or slip past - patrolling guards, confront the best soldiers of the enemy unit one on one (as boss battles), and fight the titular superweapon to bring it down. Gameplay wise, the series has been hailed as a gaming milestone with each incarnation, the greatest fault being a sometimes awkward control system. MGS4 is somehow just as classic and just as revolutionary, with the added bonus of an overhauled control and camera system which is much more accessible to newcomers, while remaining familiar and elegant for longtime players. While the Playstation classic relied on hiding in the shadows, around corners and down corridors (essentially the 2D

gameplay from the original Nintendo games, but with 3D graphics, cinematics and gameplay innovations), the PS2 installments used the extra processing power to increase interaction with the environment by utilising industrial environments to divert attention in MGS2, or hiding in plain sight with jungle camouflage in MGS3. The step up to PS3 introduces the concept of sneaking through a battlefield, using the chaos of war to disguise your identity and intentions as opposed to your presence.

The latest console technology allows for an unbelievably detailed and absorbing world, where leaving footprints can mean life or death, turning around and finding the rest of his squad has been silently murdered can send a man batshit crazy, and hiding in a carboard box is just crazy enough to work (this applies online too). Ignore the plot and you have an undisputed pinnacle of interactive media.

The plot/cinematic issue is a contentious one, and doesn’t need to be covered in detail here.

The game is very Hollywood inspired, and is a deliberately over the top send-up of action and spy movie tropes, except played completely straight. I mean completely straight. As in “what if these ludicrous action-movie scenarios actually happened, in today’s world, all involving one person?” straight. If this doesn’t sound the least bit interesting there’s always the skip button, but if it does then you should really take a look.

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Title: 20 Fragments of a Ravenous Youth

Title: Shanghai Tango

Author: Xiaolu Guo Publisher: Random House $34.99

Author: Jin Xing Publisher: Atlantic Books Limited $37.99

20 Fragments of a Ravenous Youth. An unusual title for an unusual book.

If someone had written a non-fiction novel with the plot line of Shanghai Tango, chances are the outlandish tale would never have been published.

But sometimes truth is stranger than fiction and that is definitely the case with this deeply personal memoir by Jin Xing.

Xiaolu Guo tells the story of Fenfang, a peasant class girl in China who leaves her potato growing village to move to the bright lights, big city of Beijing in search of fame and fortune as an extra actress.

A disastrous romantic life, interfering “cocks and hens” for neighbours, a continuous diet of instant noodles and jobs with titles like “girl on bridge pushing bike” characterises Fenfang’s life as she struggles to find her way in life and in her nation’s capital. But as frustrating as her career prospects may be, life is infinitely better in Beijing than in her home village which Fenfang is reminded of when she takes a trip home at Chinese New Year.

A short read at just 200 pages long, it is also not one that is likely to linger with you for long. Fenfang is astute in her observations on life in China, and is witty and likeable. However, she is not all that memorable.

Written ten years ago but only published now, 20 Fragments of a Ravenous Youth - despite its unusual, eye-catching title – is one of those books you will read but instantly forget the moment you return it to your shelf. It is a real shame, as Xiaolu Guo is capable of so much more, as evidenced in her stunning debut novel Village of Stone.

Astonishing X-Men #1 Warren Ellis Simone Bianchi

Reviewed by Gordon Dawson Astonishing X-Men recently ended its award-winning run under Joss Whedon (of Buffy and Firefly fame) and artist extraordinaire John Cassaday with a bang that saw a long-time team member removed permanently (?) and a host of momentous X-changes which included a trip to another planet. It was, to be fair, astonishing, and was by far the best superhero comic on the shelves during its delay-plagued run (with the exception of Neil Gaiman’s stellar but short Eternals.) Now, the book is being picked up by cult favourite Warren Ellis, who splits his time and prolific work between “mainstream” superhero comics and edgier, creator-owned independent work, like the bleeding-edge awesome Transmetropolitan. His wilful style immediately shows itself in the new Astonishing, with the X-men relocating to San Fransisco and taking up a police-provided job tracking down new mutants who are being “created” by agents unknown. Unlike Whedon’s run, which was largely a homage to the Grant Morrison X-books of the late 90s and ignored 42

A colonel in the Chinese People’s Liberation Army and one of the country’s foremost male ballet dancers, Jin Xing became China’s first sex change operation patient and went on to become the Shanghai Ballet Company’s prima ballerina.

As a child Jin Xing excelled at dance. Selected at just nine years of age to leave his family and begin his training, his talent and dedication are clearly evident. But Jin has always felt alien in his own body. Drawn to the beauty and strength of the male body, he knows he is different from other boys. With his fine features and delicate frame he also knows he could be a very pretty girl.

But it is not until Jin wins a dancing scholarship to America in his late teens that he discovers that gender reassignment surgery is actually possible. Returning home Jin not only faces a painful and radical transformation but the deeply conservative Communist China authorities.

This book is quite simply, amazing. Jin’s grace, poise and beauty as a ballerina shines through in her personality and writing. Told with searing honest even the hardest heart would fail to be moved by the yearning Jin feels to find his true self and the lengths she went to in order to find herself. contemporary continuity more or less completely, Ellis’s book seems to be running parallel to recent and ongoing events in the Marvel Universe.

I’m not sure if this is a good thing. Ellis has a handle on the material – his dialogue is witty, sharp and very current – but I don’t like the idea of the comic being shackled to the mess which is Marvel continuity. This comic is largely necessary exposition and plotting to set the new X-team (which sees Storm rejoining the group) up on their next adventure. This tends to make it drag a bit. We’ve been spoiled with Cassaday’s art for a while now, and his replacement, Simone Bianchi, has a completely different style, which I found a bit grating. She seems to like off-kilter panel arrangement, which gets in the way of the story. I don’t like how she draws some of the team members, either; new member Hisako (Armor) looks awful in several panels, and I have no idea what she thinks she’s doing to Wolverine. That being said, it look like the X-men’s new adventure will be taking them to some very interesting Warren Ellis-y places, and I can’t wait to see where the story goes.

Astonishing X-Men is available, as are kajillions of other fine titles, from Mark One comics.

Whatever the subsequent cult status of “It’s a Wonderful Life” on first release it was a box office disappointment and marked the end of James Stewart’s working relationship with director Frank Capra. The harder edge evident in Stewart’s Frank Bailey characterisation was however a feature of most of his post war career, beginning with a minor film noir classic for Henry Hathaway, “Call Northside 777”, in which he was cast as a crusading cop.

The same year, 1948, saw the first of his four collaborations with Alfred Hitchcock. In “Rope” Stewart is an unconventional university professor whose cynicism finds its limits when two of his former students commit murder as a Nietzsche inspired exercise in amorality.

Stewart shines in an ensemble cast, stressing his character’s guilt-by-association.

At the dawn of the 1950s he took another of his trade mark parts, one he was to reprise later on stage and even television: the title role

Without a doubt one of the worst movies of 2008, The Happening is a cinematic abortion and an obvious sign that the once great M. Night Shyamalan has lost his touch.

Somewhere along the way this brilliant young director, who brought us The Sixth Sense and The Village, decided that by being vague and slightly artsy he was guaranteed critical and commercial success. What he ended up with is a ninety minute ordeal which caused people not to be amazed and thankful, but be horrified and hate themselves.

Shyamalan is well known for his skill with twists and turns in his films. A sure-fire sign that he has grown lazy is that ‘the twist’ (if it can even be called that) is revealed within twenty minutes of the films opening. Despite this, it is never fully explained, despite the fact

in “Harvey”, a delusional who believes himself befriended by a giant white rabbit. While a partial return to Capraesque whimsy, Stewart continued to demonstrate his range, branching out in Westerns like “Winchester ‘73” and “Broken Arrow”, and an early disaster movie, “No Highway in the Sky”. His American ‘everyman’ side saw him repeatedly cast in biopics, playing real life figures as diverse as rifle pioneer David Williams (“Carbine Williams”), one legged baseballer Monty Stratton (“The Stratton Story”), aviator Charles Lindbergh (“The Spirit of St Louis”) and, most profitably, big band leader Glenn Miller (“The Glenn Miller Story”).

between “Bend of the River”, “The Far Country”, “The Man from Laramie” and “The Naked Spur”, though the first is the most picturesque and the last offers a superior villain in Robert Ryan.

Not all of these movies were necessarily of the first order but Stewart himself was at the height of his game. His most consistent work was for Hitchcock and Anthony Mann.

“Winchester ‘73”, both a critical and popular hit, inspired four more unusually nuanced westerns directed by Mann in which Stewart played good men soured by personal loss and out for revenge. There is little to chose

cast as the master’s alter-ego (as opposed to Cary Grant’s more idealised, conventional leading man roles for Hitch), Stewart is the director-like photographer with the broken legs in “Window” and the tortured ex-detective undone by a blond obsession in “Vertigo”.

that it’s brought up about every five minutes for the rest of the movie.

so abysmally bad that he would be shot by an angry movie-goer.

People all over New England are killing themselves in the most gruesome ways they can imagine and no one knows why. Until twenty minutes in. That’s when we find out that the plants in New England are sick of humans, so start releasing an enzyme into the air that causes people to kill themselves. That’s right: the twist in The Happening is that plants are killing us with chemical weapons because we are polluting the world.

The acting is actually worse than the god-awful premise. Wahlberg (in possibly the greatest twist Shyamalan has yet engineered) acts like a shy third form boy performing Shakespeare in front of an audience of attractive teenage girls.

It doesn’t help that the script is barely a script at all, with characters summing up off-screen conversations in order to save Shyamalan the effort of having to write any kind of meaningful dialogue. Deschanel, as Wahlberg’s thoroughly unconvincing wife, doesn’t blink for the entire film. She is, it seems, mistaking staring for acting.

Maybe Shyamalan is mocking us and the twist is actually that he gave this movie no thought and less effort. Maybe he saw An Inconvenient Truth and thought it wasn’t enough like a snuff film. Or maybe he wants to die, so made a film

Hitchcock employed Stewart in one slight entertainment, “The Man Who Knew Too Much”, and two of the best pictures ever made, “Rear Window” and “Vertigo”. Usually

Many of the titles alluded to above may be rented from the Auteur House.

If there is a film you should avoid this year (even on DVD) it is The Happening.

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No more empty self-possession Welcome back to you old hands and to all new students (how sweet, fresh meat). This week’s column starts with a fond farewell to a great supporter of Nexus. Ross at CDs 4 Nix, formerly Tracs, has decided to close his doors. For at least 8 years now, Ross has been providing the Nexus music and DVD reviewers with product, which of course Nexus would reciprocate with promotion of his retail outlet. With the advent of the copying of material via internet many music retail outlets have had their businesses suffer, a fact not helped by the inability of manufacturers and record companies to shift their multi-million dollar profit margins. I know that these pressures were difficult for Ross and would have had a bearing on his decision to move on to other things. Whatever the reason, I wish Ross all the best and hope this public

thank you serves as a fitting tribute to the wonderful partnership and friendship between Waikato Uni’s flagship cultural publication and one of Hamilton’s biggest supporters of, particularly music, but also culture in general.

In other news, with a hint of eerie coincidence, the Yellow Submarine, one of Hamilton’s too few live music venues has again shut its doors at the very same time as the HCAC supported forum to address Hamilton’s live music problems has set up the “Live Music Trust”.

The trust is still in the developmental stages, with neither its members yet firmly established

at least two moments of magic. Firstly there was the highly successful performance café as part of Ignition, which strung together several artistic genres in a seamless evening of music, theatre (both serious and sport), comedy and interpretive dance. And secondly there was another well-frequented performance by the exponentially ever popular “robot” 3-piece The Trons. The Trons are the brainchild of Hamiltonian Greg Locke who built the selfplaying robot band from salvaged flotsam and jetsam of a computer, mechanical or musical nature. The result has to be seen to

nor having met, but in broad terms it is hoped that it will act as a conduit for re-establishing and maintaining a functional live music scene in Hamilton.

Hamilton’s Fringe Festival took place in the break and from a musical viewpoint threw up

be believed. For more info check out www. myspace.com/thtrons SONG OF THE WEEK: “Total Control” by the band The Motels, off the album Motels (1979)

ELEMENOP

PARAMORE

(self-titled) (Mushroom Publishing Ltd)

Riot!

(Warner Music)

If you find it hard to check your brain at the door when you listen to music then you’re probably older than 18 and don’t dig Elemeno P. I suggest you skip to the next review. For the remainder left reading who love to jump around oblivious to the soundtrack, and/or whose life experience peaks at drunkenness and pre/during/post pubescent sexual self-antagonism/relief/antagonism, this is another album for your drive to the beach if the summer ever returns.

On first listen to this album I couldn’t helping thinking this was simply “Emo for girls”, at its best a heavily watered down hybrid of straight edge and classic emo such as Coheed and Cambria. There is nothing very riotous about the music, it is all very formulaic and quality controlled to the nth degree. The imagery on the album sleeve smacks of mass production and does not inspire one to perform acts of antiestablishmentarianism. Despite the many glaring inconsistencies one can find when measuring the disparity between message and messenger, it is still very hard to discount Riot! altogether.

Elemeno P play music that suggests it never ended. Perhaps it’s 30something wishful thinking, Peter Panomania; perhaps they were never as cool in their teens as their target market think themselves to be and cling desperately to the idea vicariously through those hormone saturated fans. Whatever the recipe for their disasterradio, Elemeno P have dished up another cold meal of familiar sounding Americana pop rock that never quite satisfies if you stop and consider for even a second while you’re listening to. Without the burden of intellect, however, though it will never satisfy, it is very easy to digest.

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Again, I would not recommend this album to the person with broader life experiences who finds it hard to self deceive and/or those who possess a more developed musical palette of myriad hue, but Riot! is music that can be appreciated for its own sake. Tracks like the poppy, emocentric and irresistible “That’s What You Get”, the half-time phat “Hallelujah” and the pure pop punk “Born For This” are proof of Paramore’s musicality and, if you wish Avril Lavigne had a kick-ass rock heavy backing band that pushed her music further to the edges of mainstream, then this is the album for you.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Hoping for Palestine: Brixton Academy, London

Directed by Tim Burton

Featuring Steve Mason, Nick Cave, Spiritualized & Primal Scream

Reviewed by Burton C Bogan

Reviewed by Burton C Bogan

I wish my life was a musical. Every step I would take would be a little ”bing,” every dramatic moment would be some evil intense music in

Okay, so go easy on me, cause this week I’m reviewing a DVD…shock horror…that isn’t Metal or Hard Rock. Much like Vitamin C did with the

the background, and every revelation would be like that dramatic prairie dog from YouTube. If my life were to be a musical, I hope it would not have the kind of story that this does. For those of you who don’t know, Sweeney Todd is based on a 1979 musical of the same name by Stephen Sondheim. It’s set in Victorian London and features the title character as a vengeful barber returning to avenge his exile and the resulting suicide of his wife at the hands of villainous Judge Turpin. Setting up a barber’s shop in Fleet Street, Sweeney sets about slaughtering the population and hiding the corpses in a very imaginative and tasty manner.

Sweeney Todd marks the sixth collaboration between Burton and Depp.

It also marks yet another collaboration involving Depp and Bonham Carter, the last being the Corpse Bride. Those in the Depp fan club will be donning their Goth make up and stocking sleeves and putting on that big clown smile once again. Surprisingly given this is a musical, this movie lives up to the previous high standard of previous collaborations with these talented people. I hate musicals. When watching The Sound of Music I was surprisingly cheering on the Nazis, Cats I was looking for the violin makers, and I cheered when Buddy Holly died in the plane crash. But Sweeney Todd is my kind of musical. Blood and violence all wrapped up in a nice pastry container. You’ll never look at a pie the same way again…or given today’s cooking standards maybe you will.

The whole movie is the usual Tim Burton affair with very dark and dare I say it gothic overtones. Depp is surprisingly a reasonable singer.

Some singing parts seem unnecessary and little cringe worthy, while others really set the scene and add to the story. Alan Rickman’s singing performances are particularly cringey but his always impressive acting make up for it. Even Sacha Baron Cohen’s (Ali G & Borat) brief appearance in the film is good, surprising given his past failed attempts in other people’s movies (Talladega Nights anyone?) Overall a surprisingly cool movie and a worthy addition for all you ‘freaks’ to add to your Johnny Depp shrines.

Fall Out Boy review, I have tried to extend my horizons to another genre and so I’m sorry if my Metallic nature shines through. But just take this review with a grain of salt, cause if you like this kind of music and you agree with the cause, what some little Bogan says won’t change a thing and might even encourage you to buy it and prove me wrong.

So I’ve set this review up to be a negative one already, and I’m sorry, but it is. This DVD is footage from a benefit concert for the children of Palestine. It was organized by the organization HOPING which stands for Hope and Optimism for Palestinians in the Next Generation. Sadly lacking is any real depth of background in terms of the organization.

Here was a prime opportunity to advertise their cause and they blew it.

Instead we get some brief comments from people we don’t really know saying we hope you enjoy the DVD cause we had fun making it, and Nick Cave laughing at how he’s the backup act.

First appearing is Steve Mason who sounds like someone gave a guitar to a ten year old kid, set them on fire, and then threw them into a garbage bin. I can barely hear what he’s singing and feel glad for the experience. Next comes Nick Cave, the one performer who I actually recognize and like…but wait…HE ONLY HAS ONE SONG! Jack the Ripper sounds awesome and real and somehow I feel like Nick Cave got ripped off. I know I did and I didn’t pay for this DVD! Spiritualized’s performance is good, but again not my sort of thing. Sound issues seem to have been sorted out and then Spiritualized decide to fuck it up by doing that distorted guitar thing way too long. A bit is cool, ala Jimi Hendrix, but they drag it along further than they should and it all just sounds like noise. Why yes I am expecting a call from Mr. Pot telling me I’m black but shut up. Lastly comes Primal Scream who are introduced as ‘The Greatest Rock Band in the World’. I instantly want to throw them into a meat grinder…maybe I shouldn’t have watched Sweeney Todd first. However their performance is actually really good if you like that sort of music. They seemingly take a little while to get going but when they do they really get into it. The sounds a little bit off in terms of production but for all you ‘indie’ types I’m sure that’s an attraction.

Overall if you like Primal Scream – buy this. Also if you’re into this music and support this cause, my whining isn’t going to stop you. And good for you, cause solidarity is important.

To WIN a copy of this DVD be the first to email the correct answer to this question to burtoncbogan@hotmail.com: If I’m getting a phone call from Mr. Pot telling me I’m black…who am I? 45

Listings courtesy of Mammoth and the Hamilton Community Arts Council Main Street Dub @ La Commune Cafe 244 Victoria St HAMILTON CENTRAL 18 July DOORS OPEN 8pm FINISHES AT Sat 19 Jul 1am Shihad, The Mint Chicks + Luger Boa @ Altitude 30 Alexandra St HAMILTON CENTRAL 24 July DOORS OPEN 8pm Squirrel Skin Slippers + The Mechanists @ La Commune Cafe 244 Victoria St HAMILTON CENTRAL 24 July DOORS OPEN 8pm

GARFIELD MINUS GARFIELD

Fuel Festival of NZ Theatre Our Stories On Stage! The ingenuity, inspiration and diversity of Kiwi theatre is sitting on your doorstep and waiting for you to tackle it front on. Check Fuel’s website for full programme.

Tue 24 Jun 2008 - Sat 12 Jul 2008 Cost & Time: Various Where: The Meteor and Academy of Performing Arts, Victoria Street and University of Waikato

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Further details: Fuel Festival 0800 3835 200 www.fuelfest.co.nz Sharpie Crows, Malenky Robot, Damsels, Punchbowl @ 121 Tristram Street 25 July DOORS OPEN 8pm The Finn Brothers in Concert @ Wel Energy Trust Academy of Performing Arts University of Waikato Gate One, Knighton Rd HILLCREST 26 July DOORS OPEN 7pm STARTS AT 8pm Trash to Fashion Awards 2008 @ Founders Theatre Cnr Tristram St & Norton Rd HAMILTON NORTH 26 July DOORS OPEN 7pm STARTS AT 7:30pm D Couture Fashion Parade @ Xquizart 15b Hood Street, Hamilton 30 July DOORS OPEN 7pm

Billy TK Jnr and Groove Shakers @ Biddy Mulligan’s Irish Pub 742 Victoria St HAMILTON CENTRAL 31 July DOORS OPEN 8pm

The

StonerDoom Tour @ Ward Lane Ward Lane, Hamilton 1 August DOORS OPEN 8:30pm STARTS AT 9pm Spark 08 - International festival of media, arts and design @ Wintec Student Hub 4 August DOORS OPEN 8:45am FINISHES AT Fri 8 Aug 5pm Subjects to Hand: Joanna Paul Drawing When Joanna Margaret Paul died in 2003, she had been working for nearly four decades as an artist and poet. While highly respected in both spheres, she never received the acclaim she fully deserved. Hundreds of drawings left in her Wanganui studio had never before been seen. Until their re-discovery.

Sat 31 May 2008 - Sun 10 Aug 2008 Cost: Free Time: 10am - 4.30pm daily Where: Waikato Museum, 1 Grantham Street

The BUSTED page will be back in next week’s Nexus with pics from all of your holiday shenanigans!

Just send us pictures of yourself and your mates getting in some BUSTED-type situations from over the holidays and we’ll print them!

The BEST TWO pictures sweet

a completely

See the ad below for details!

Send BUSTED pictures to: nexus@waikato.ac.nz

Export Gold has a great new look - and the same great taste! There’s really nothing better at the end of a big day, and the start of a big night, than getting together and having a few with your mates.

To maximise your Export Gold experience we have two awesome packs worth over $200 each to giveaway. Each pack contains a jacket, a shirt, a beanie, and best of all, 24 Export Gold.

To be in to win simply send in your best BUSTED picture* to Nexus and get ready to Export Yourself! Send entries to nexus@waikato. ac.nz *Competition entries must not feature obscenity or intoxication. Winners must be over 18 and provide photo ID to redeem prize. All entries for this competition must include the reader’s real name and contact details (phone, address, email.) By sending in pictures you consent to having the entries printed in an upcoming issue of Nexus magazine whether they win or not. Winners will be notified by email or phone, and will have their names printed in an upcoming issue of Nexus.