issue 12

12 28 MAY 2007

This week’s “Kid friendly characters in 20 years time” was great – possibly one of the best Photochops we’ve ever had!

Cheers to everyone who entered. To see past and present entries visit: http://www.nexusmag.co.nz/forum/viewtopic.php?p=5797 Photochop Challenge will be back in B semester. Keep visiting the Nexus forum for any news on the next theme so you can be in to win a $20 Campus Pharmacy voucher.

Theme: Kid friendly characters in 20 years time

Barney’s Revenge by Seanatron Ronald is a sad cunt by Beholder Optimus Prime Beef by Spawn Thomas and gang by Nick_Elliot Huey, Dewey and Louie get pooie by Spawn

This Week’s Winner:

Vitamin C Wow, first time someone won this thing twice but we just had to give it to him. Carmen Sandiego for the win!

Kerry Dean. M.P.S.

PHONE: 838 4740 K.J. Dean Ltd. University of Waikato, Hamilton

ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

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The Magic 8 Ball Magic 8 Ball is losing her edge Is New Zealand hip-hop dead now that Dawn Raid Records has gone under?

Yes. It was never NZ hip hop you tardo. It was American hip hop, remember? Could you at least start with an intelligent question? Jeez, I so don’t have time for this shit.

Does the P in P-Money have a nefarious meaning?

Don’t count on it. I wouldn’t say nefarious exactly. The P in P-Money doesn’t stand for ‘pimp’ or ‘porn’ or ‘paedophile’. It in fact stands for ‘poopoopants’ – while this is a little bit dirty, it’s not nefarious-dirty.

Will David Bain launch a musical career now that he’s free?

Without a doubt. After he took that fishing trip, Joe Karam took David on a drive to Auckland so that he could visit York Street Recording Studios. While they were there, David laid down a few demos of material he’s been writing while in jail. Karam assures us that while David’s sound can be ‘big’ at times, he hasn’t forgotten his indie Dunedin roots.

Is 48-May the best New Zealand pop-punk band ever in the history of the world?

Signs point to yes. Signs point to deranged teenagers hurling abuse at Nexus if Nexus says otherwise.

Will the Datsuns ever be based in Cambridge again, instead of London or wherever the fuck they are?

Don’t count on it. Look what they did to their drummer. He wanted to be based in Cambridge instead of London and so they replaced him. And then they pooed on his head. Oh no, I just made that bit up.

Is there any way to make the Finn Brothers stop making music?

As I see it, yes. Bury them alive in underground chambers and pipe that godawful ‘Chocolate Cake’ song in to their subterranean coffins until they rip their own ears off. That should stop them.

Is Scribe allowed to tell me to ‘stand the fuck up’ if I don’t particularly like his music?

Very doubtful. He’s allowed to ask you politely if you would care to vacate your seat but he isn’t allowed to talk to you that way. And if he does I want you to come straight home and tell me, alright?

Is the song “Are You Old Enough” an anti-paedophilia anthem?

Outlook not so good. Mark Tupuhi sang that song at the first annual Circle Jerk in 2005, as an ode to the many young women he has masturbated on, um, I mean loved.

Of course, these women were all of age. But the sentiment was there. Sort of. Anyway, where is Tupuhi these days?

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ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

Nexus Issue 12 28 May 2007

Features

Credits

18

Resisting the Temptation

The vulnerability of students to personal debt

24

Nexus Readers’ Survey

Give us some feedback and go into a prize draw!

Articles 16

Study Abroad: Student Exchange

A student’s first hand experience studying overseas

26

You and your Car

A Nexus public announcement that may save your life

EDITOR: ROZ CASE (nexus@waikato.ac.nz) DESIGN: MATT SCHEURICH (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz) ADVERTISING: TONY ARKELL (Phone 021 176 6180) NEWS ED: JOSH DRUMMOND (news@nexus-npl.co.nz) BOOKS ED: BRIE JESSEN MUSIC ED: CAPTAIN AHAB (htownahab@gmail.com) CONTRIBUTORS: BURTON C BOGAN, BLAIR, BRIE JESSEN, CHUCK & BENJO, CYRILL, CAPTAIN AHAB, VITAMIN C, JOSEPH ROSS, ADAM SMITH, PAORA MATO, LEAH GRAHAM, MOSKONOVICH, NICK MAARHUIS, GEOFF DOUBE, JED LAUNDRY, ISA, ROZ, MATT, JOSH, ART FOCKER, PETRA JANE, JOE CITIZEN, DR RICHARD SWAINSON, BOULANGER, WSU. NO THANKS TO MIKE MILLER. VISIT US ONLINE @ nexusmag.co.nz AND myspace.com/nexusmagazine NEXUS IS A MEMBER OF THE AOTEAROA STUDENT PRESS ASSOCIATION (ASPA). SO WHAT’S UP WITH BRITNEY SPEARS NOWADAYS ANYWAY?

News 8-13

In with an oldie, out with the newbie WSU Washout Haiku News

WANT TO ADVERTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL nexus@waikato.ac.nz OR PHONE 07 838 4653 OR VISIT www.nexusmag.co.nz/advertising-info

Regulars 04 05 07 14 20 27 27 28 29

Photochop Challenge Magic 8 Ball Editorial Lettuce WSU Section Weird Facts Boulanger Comic Ninja Dookie Puzzles $3 Chef

THE VIEWS EXPESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, WSU OR APN.

29 30 30 31 31 32 33 33 34

Guide to TIGHT pants Boganology Vitalisa Los Libros static void Main() Sport Thoughts Walkthrough Agony Art DVDs

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Citric Books Films Auteur House Arts Diary Gig Guide Busted

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT GROUND FLOOR, STUDENT UNION BUILDING, GATE ONE, UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO, KNIGHTON ROAD, HAMILTON. PHONE: FAX: EMAIL: POSTAL:

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Editorial

NEXUS WILL BE BACK ON MONDAY, 9TH JULY SEE YOU AT THE STUDENT BALL ON SATURDAY, 7TH JULY! VISIT WWW.WSU.ORG.NZ

BY ROSALIND CASE

Last Wednesday’s SGM to elect WSU executive representatives to the GLBT, International, Mature and Tauranga Students’ portfolios was a bit of a wash-out. Or should I say a smoke-out. This was heralded by an excited law student arriving in my office brandishing a rather long, black sausage, praising the WSU for their immense barbequing skills. It seems a freak gust of wind blew a plume of smoke in to L block, setting off the fire alarms and requiring a mass evacuation of classes. The excited law student in my office was one of the people caught up in this evacuation and she, like so many others, was delighted to receive a free sausage on her early departure from the building. I won’t tell you the rest of the story – turn to the news pages to find out the rest...

Anyway, Matt and I wandered down to L1 for the SGM at 1pm, expecting that the drama around L Block and the presence of the WSU and their almighty barbeque would have alerted lots of students to the fact that there was a special meeting to be had, where all sorts of exciting things might occur. But, alas, this was not a particularly well-populated meeting. So not well populated in fact that the meeting didn’t end up happening at all. Which is always a shame, and a waste of money too.

It apparently costs quite a bit of cash to put on one of these meetings (I suspect it’s those enormous sausages pushing the costs up). So when students don’t actually bother to show up to elect not one but FOUR members to the union executive, one presumes that is a little bit devastating for the WSU. They are working really hard to fulfil their obligations to the students and it’s not particularly inspiring or encouraging to think that, actually, the students don’t really give a shit what they do.

Now, I don’t want to jump on the moral highhorse that certain Nexus editors of the past have been so quick to mount – you know, the one where students are ‘apathetic’ and should ‘try harder’ to participate in student politics. I don’t believe that students are apathetic. I think, by and large, they’re busy studying, working and drinking. And when they’re not doing those things, they’re trying to deal with relationships, family dramas, addiction, abortions, and various other personal niceties. Obviously a convincing argument has not been made to the students around why they supposedly have some WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

sort of obligation to participate in student politics. Certainly, there is no logic in the argument that just becoming a student and getting a student loan is a reason for people to suddenly take an interest in the WSU. So, if there is no obligation on the behalf of the students to participate in student politics, and the majority of students have no interest in getting involved, then maybe it’s time that some of these practices are reassessed. Sometimes we can get in to the habit of doing things just because that’s how they’ve always happened and it can take quite a bit of impetus to shake things up and change the way that things work.

This current WSU executive is one of the most cohesive, goal-oriented and focussed teams I’ve witnessed in five years at this university and I think that they offer some very important and valuable services to students. However, the ways in which students interact with the union might be due for some change. I don’t know what kind of change exactly. But time spent by the union farting round waiting for y’all to show up to a meeting and make quorum is time that could be better spent making decisions and creating action for students.

And in other rants...

The student ball is promising to be the mega social event of the year. If you haven’t got your ticket yet, do it soon – the ball is being held on the last Saturday of the mid-semester break (7th July) at the Academy of Performing Arts. The theme is 1920s swing, there’s going to be heaps of bands, DJs, food and booze, and it’s a rare opportunity for the student body to come together and celebrate. Not that any of us are entirely sure of what we’re celebrating, but that’s not really important.

This might be your only opportunity to be totally glamorous AND drunk all in the same evening, with total endorsement from the student union. If you need more info check out the recently beautified WSU website at www.wsu.org.nz and then buy your ticket at the WSU reception – be warned, they don’t have any EFTPOS facilities so you’ll have to pay in cash or jewellery.

done it without all the help and assistance I’ve received from you guys, you’re amazing. If you’re interested in becoming a contributor, please email me at nexus@waikato.ac.nz.

Currently, we’re in dire need of some campus news reporters who will show up to on-campus events, report back on whether it was lame or not, and maybe provide the odd picture.

If you think that sounds like you and you’d like to be able to exaggerate such a position on your CV, we’d love to hear from you.

Good luck to everybody with exams, have a great mid-semester break and if you’re graduating at the end of this semester, congratulations from Nexus.

And Matt says...

Cheers to all the artists who have had their artwork published on the covers of Nexus.

You’ve helped me out immensely and I hope I’ve helped you too by getting your stuff out in the public eye. Thanks to Gordon Harris for being swell chaps letting me give away a $50 gift voucher to those cover artists printed.

If you’ve sent in some stuff and I haven’t used it yet, it doesn’t mean you’re bad, I just haven’t found your art appropriate enough for the cover. Keep working hard and send me some interesting art.

Nexus Cover Art WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ/COVERART

Artist: Ann

Harlow

AHARLOW@WAIKATO.AC.NZ

Finally...

Thank you to all the volunteer contributors who have provided content for Nexus over the past semester. It’s been 12 weeks of steep learning for me as editor and I couldn’t have ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

386 ANGLESEA ST, HAMILTON · OPEN 7 DAYS · PH: 07 834 3952

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NEWS

News

GOOD WORK BRO

In with an oldie, Out with the newbie

By Joshua Drummond Councillor Bob Simcock was elected the new Hamilton mayor at a meeting of the Hamilton City Council last Wednesday by unanimous vote.

The meeting was Michael Redman’s last as mayor, who officially resigned at the meeting. He goes to take up the post of Council Chief Executive.

Cr Simcock’s election left a vacancy for Deputy Mayor which was filled

by Councillor Pippa Mahood.

Simcock said it was an “honour and great pleasure to be elected mayor.”

“My appointment as mayor is a tremendous privilege. It was not something that I expected to be doing at this time, however I am delighted to be able to do so in the current environment and with the support of a unified and committed Council.

“The city has been in the fortunate position of having a mayor and council

CHUR

to be proud of over the last term and I intend to maintain and build on that.

missed,” but that it was good he was continuing on as Chief Executive.

The Council was lavish in its praise for former mayor Redman, with tributes pouring in from all members for around half an hour. The consensus was that he was an “outstanding mayor,” who will be “sadly missed.”

“We’re lucky to keep Redman in a position where he’s able to continue helping implement a plan for the city, and we’ll be able to see a lot more results first hand,” she said.

“We wish you a great time as CEO. It’s been an amazing last three years,” said Redman’s former mayoral rival, Ewan Wilson.

New mayor Simcock also paid tribute to Redman.

“Michael has many outstanding qualities including high intelligence, insight and humour, but it was his ability to use his well developed sense of values that enabled him to always make the right decisions for the city.

His decision-making was never influenced by the desire to create popularity or profile. We should all aspire to mirror those attributes.”

Also present at the meeting was Waikato Students Union President, Sehai Orgad, who said that Redman would “be

ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

“The WSU and the city council have had an exellent communication channel through him, even when he stepped off the university Council, we have consistently kept in contact and had regular catch-ups.”

Orgad said that Redman’s departure would hopefully have the effect of stimulating interest in the upcoming local elections.

“It’ll be an interesting election when it happens, and we’re really encouraging students to get out there and make their votes count. Only 44% of people voted in the last election and I think that’s a bit shocking,” she said.

Mr Simcock assumes the full responsibilities of Hamilton mayor effective immediately.

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NEWS

WSU Washout

By Josh Drummond The WSU Executive Special General Meeting on Wednesday was a washout in more ways than one.

Drizzly, overcast skies may have something to do with the dismal turnout, which saw 41 students show up – not enough for the meeting to meet quorum (the minimum number of students necessary for the meeting to be conducted. For WSU meetings, quorum is 50 students.)

The usual incentives for student attendance were in place – the inevitable sausage sizzle and goody giveaways were both in evidence.

A special tele-link to the Tauranga campus was also set up, so Tauranga students could vote.

Unfortunately all these efforts came to nothing, as smoke from the sausage sizzle

wafted into L block, courtesy of a large gust of wind. This set off the fire alarm, which resulted in perhaps the first ever SGM attended by damp, disgruntled students and several fire engines. The fire crews on the callout declined the Exec’s offer of sausages.

Nexus was then kicked out of L1 as the Exec held an impromptu strict meeting, possibly to discuss how best to entice/bribe students to actually show up to a meeting.

WSU President Sehai Orgad said she was “disappointed,” at the turnout, and said although the weather probably played a part, the WSU Exec needed to “get its act together.”

“I am disappointed that not a lot of people showed up, but as a result of that SGM we have learned that we cannot take for granted just a regular ad scheme through Nexus, we have to pound the pavement and make sure students are more engaged,” she said.

The total cost of the abortive SGM, including travel for WSU Exec members David West and Glen Delamere to Tauranga, and sausages and assorted goodies, is estimated by Union Manager David West at around $500.

“The major costs were getting a rep to Tauranga, consumables (ballot papers etc) and sausages,” said West. He was unsure whether the WSU would have to pay for the fire engine callout.

With regard to the dismal turnout, West was philosophical.

“I’m not completely surprised but I’m a little disappointed. I guess it indicates that we either didn’t get enough information out or that that people are satisfied with the election process and are then satisfied to let things ride. The weather was against us, which I think was a factor.”

Singer-songwriter occupies library in NZ music protest

By Joshua Drummond Hamilton singer-songwriter Kimbra Johnson played to a small crowd of fans and curious onlookers at the Central Library on Saturday.

People gathered on the second floor in the “Stack,” section, which is normally a dusty, quiet nook where old books are kept.

On the day it reverberated to Kimbra’s voice and guitar-playing, with onlookers comparing her favourably to other singersongwriters like Bic Runga and Brooke Fraser.

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The concert was part of the library’s Soundz Like Hamilton project, celebrating New Zealand Music Month in the usual way - in a rather unusual place.

she’d played in a library, but she’d enjoyed it.

“I quite like it. It’s a different venue, and a nice quaint style. And in a library, you can be sure everyone is listening.”

“Everyone thinks libraries are quiet. We want to destroy that notion,” said Dawn Carlisle, the organiser of Soundz Like Hamilton.

“We’re planning to have it next year as well. We’d ask any bands interested in playing next year to contact the Library. Everyone’s welcome.”

Kimbra’s career was kick-started with a second placing at the Rockquest nationals in 2004, and has since received two New Zealand On Air grants for her music. She’s now receiving airplay on the Edge (“unusual for my style of music maybe, but I’m not complaining,” she said) and her music video for Simply On My Lips is #10 on the Juice charts.

Kimbra, who describes herself as a “born and bred Hamiltonian,” said it was the first time

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NEWS

Generation Me? A myth!

Youth experts say the label of selfishness that has been given to an entire generation of young people is a myth.

New Zealand Association for Adolescent Health and Development (NZAAHD) executive officer Sarah Helm says young people actually have very high rates of volunteerism.

“Baby boomers were also called the ‘me generation’, which was pretty unfair given their role in challenging the Vietnam War, and fighting for social justice.

“The current generation of young people is involved in many volunteer activities, and shows concern about social issues like climate change, not unlike the generations before them,” Ms Helm says.

If their parents, caregivers, adult role models, support people and teachers have taught young people generosity and kindness, then those values are likely to stay with them.

Y? S ARE BAD, MMKA GENERALISATION “Young people are all different. They all have their own views, interests and concerns. Generational labels are unhelpful generalisations. Instead we should look at the facts.

“Older people might be surprised to find that young people (12-24yrs) do over 49 million hours of unpaid work a year outside of the home. And young Maori give significantly more of their time in unpaid roles in the community than other young people.

In Nelson, an annual Youth Volunteer awards recognising the contribution young people make to the community attracted over 100 nominations in 2006.

Yet the public are often told that today’s youth are violent, selfish, implosive and disinterested. Yet this is not the case for most young people, she said.

“We encourage adults to offer young people opportunities to participate and get involved in the community.”

IRD ‘fixing’ incorrect student loan statements

By Laura McQuillan with reporting from NZPA

Inland Revenue (IRD) last week sent out up to 95,000 incorrect student loan statements wrongly indicating that interest hadn’t been written off.

Up to 20 percent of borrowers, or 95,000 people, may have received the incorrect statements. About 160 called IRD to complain.

IRD spokeswoman Alison Welch told media the error occurred when interest had been written off in the system, but the data wasn’t transferred to the computer code which prints the statements out.

Welch said no accounts were affected by the error, and that corrected statements would be sent out over the next two weeks.

We must at least pretend to like it: Laird Does this press release herald the return of the McGillicuddys? When the oil runs out, it will actually make sense to vote for them.

The Laird McGillicuddy’s speech today, to the public of New Zealand: “Although the Americas Cup yacht racing may look like a piece of irrelevant extravagant elitist yuppie twaddle, New Zealanders should take it seriously, as it does have the potential to be extremely beneficial to us as a nation.

And I don’t mean by maybe winning the race so that once again all those tourist dollars can flood into Auckland, like they did in the 90s. That’s just an elaborate form of gambling, except performed on an international level, and

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not something to pin our hopes on.

No. More useful to us, by far, in the long term, whether we win or lose, is all the research and development that New Zealand is having to put into high-speed, ocean-going, wind-powered transport.

For, when all the fuel runs out, a few years from now, how are we going to export all our primary produce?

We certainly can’t eat it all ourselves, and the highly perishable nature of lots of it means the journey can’t afford to take as long as it did back in the 1880s.

But with a fleet of high-speed lightweight cargo ships (which we probably need to start building very shortly) based on what we’ve learned whilst valiantly competing for the

ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

ENZA SPONSORED TEAM New ZEALAND FOR A REASON: THESE ARE FUTURE FRUIT AND PRODUCE EXPORT VESSELS FOR WHEN PETROL RUNS OUT.

Cup, our chilled mutton and freshly picked golden kiwifruit can be loaded onto the yacht one day, then whoooooooooosh…. next thing you know, its on the dinner tables of all the coastal nations of the Earth.

That’s why we need to support the Americas Cup, because if we don’t at least pretend to be excited by it, then the team, and the sponsors, and most importantly the researchers, will lose interest.

Then where will we be?”

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NEWS

Towing to commence in city Aid from “forces of darkness” enlisted

By Press Release Cars infringing parking restrictions on city clearways and bus stops now run a higher risk of being towed, cackles the Hamilton City Council, rubbing its figurative hands together with satanic glee.

Vehicles “transgressing” parking restrictions during the daytime have previously been penalised with a parking infringement fine. This week, Council will introduce active vehicle towing from clearways and bus stops to provide a strong deterrent for offenders. The aid of Satan’s many minions has been sought for towing services, in a deal former Mayor Michael “Hail Satan” Redman hailed as “ground breaking.”

Tow trucks will be on stand-by in key congestion areas to ensure rapid response time. In the event of a lack of tow-truck availability, witches will be on hand to haul disobedient vehicles off with broomsticks.

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

The council had previously replaced all its parking wardens with witches, ghouls and harpies, but nobody noticed.

Councillor, Minor Warlock and Transport Committee chair Dave Macpherson says that it should be no surprise that Council is getting very serious about transport in the city, and that there was a “clear precedent” for politicians selling their souls to Satan.

“Access Hamilton and the Necronomicon give us a very clear agenda. Deliver a better public transportation system, encourage more people to use it and reduce congestion on our roads. If illegally parked vehicles get in the way of services then the whole system suffers.

Thus, we have had to bring in the forces of darkness,” he said, slavering, his thin lips and sharp teeth foaming with a green, greasy ichor.

“Vigilant ticketing in these areas has not changed the behaviour of many, so an increase in towing should send a very clear message that private motorists and commercial

ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

operators must cooperate to reduce traffic congestion. Parking in clearways and bus stops is a selfish act and we have no choice but to remove the offending vehicles, by any means necessary. Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!” he cried, flailing his arms at the sky as the moon turned an eldritch shade of red and the Great Old Ones broke out of the heaving ocean.

Clearways operate in the city in specifically marked areas between 7.30 - 9am and/or 3-6pm. Bus stops are citywide and operate up to 24 hours a day. Cthulu, Cerberus, several warlocks and Jormungand will be operating mostly at night, but the council warns they may appear “at any time.”

Towed vehicles will be removed to the compound of towing company Toad Away* in Foreman Rd, Te Rapa. To retrieve the vehicle, the driver must pay a $120.00 release fee and descend into the Seventh Circle of Hell, chanting the appropriate chants. *This is, amazingly, true. It’s really called “Toad Away.”

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NEWS

Execution A sausage sizzle was suggested. On that bombshell this week’s meeting of the WSU executive went into Committee of the Whole (not Hole, as Nexus already knew) and Nexus left.

Shavings from a chair Nexus was picking at replaced themselves with uncanny, perfect accuracy as the SGM was discussed. It will be telecast live to the Tauranga campus so that interested students there (both of them) can vote on the proceedings. A WSU executive member will be dispatched to the Tauranga campus so they can receive prizes. What for, Nexus isn’t quite sure. Perhaps each will receive a packet of expired chips for voting. Well worth it. Jeff Hawks asked if grandparenting fees for domestic students was a possibility, and it will apparently be asked of the University Council (presumably to the backdrop of the Council howling with unstoppable laughter.)

Chang asked for the Exec to explain grandparenting of fees to him again; it was, and Nexus reproduces it here.

Basically, grandparenting means that once fees are set for an international student, that student won’t experience any further fee rises unless they change papers or fail.

There you go. A dishwasher in the WSU offices is broken, and is to be replaced, said Union Manager David West as he finished his report. Nexus had nothing to do with it, and the dozens of Green Tea teabags choking the filters are a total coincidence.

Nexus is to be recommended for the Nexus job to the Nexus board of directors. If this is confusing, good. The step challenge has resulted in a firmly mediocre placing for the

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WSU: 10th out of 45. The cow is yet to be sold for the Solomon Islands fundraiser, said West – apparently this means there’s some meat being auctioned. The fundraiser has generated around $2200 for the tsunamistricken islands, which is freakin’ sweet. Dear Leader Sehai Orgad Il and West congratulated the Exec members for helping out and making the fundraiser a success. Then there was love.

Someone from somewhere, Rachel I Didn’t Quite Catch Her Second Name, will be conducting a 399 project, whatever that is, on the WSU and will be looking at how the Exec communicates with its constituents through the WSU website (not at all, yet, but we’ll get to that) and Nexus (quite a lot really.) Titters ran through a female swath of the Exec over something Nexus thinks might have been “cock racing.” Sounds fascinating, will get one of Nexus’ gay volunteers to look in to it. The WSU moved that an upcoming National Woman’s Conference should be shortened from two days to one, in defiance of the mighty Otago and Auckland students unions. Why this is happening Nexus isn’t sure, perhaps missing it as the space-time continuum eddied and swirled about with terrifying abandon. “Nice hair,” called some wag. Hawks, perhaps in a gesture of solidarity, (does he dye his hair ginger? And if he does, why?) showed Nexus a strange black poster, crawling with strange and arcane symbols.

Before Nexus could get a good look in, a black hole came and Ghengis Khan stole the poster, only to have it ripped from his hands

by Hone Heke. The two popped into another dimension, still fighting, with a rush and roar of hideous voices booming from the Deep.

Weirdly, none of the Exec so much as noticed.

ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

James “Elmo” Hartnett, moving and speaking backwards with ease and effortlessly batting off the svelte eel-demons swarming above his head, finished his report with a flourish. He has “great expired stuff,” to hand out as prizes at the SGM. What you have to do to acquire the expired stuff wasn’t clear – vote at the SGM, probably. If you have an enemy that you want to hurt with salmonella food poisoning or demoniac eels, Elmo is clearly the man to see.

The new look WSU website is to be launched at the beginning of B semester, Moira concluded.

This means that the website will probably have some functionality for students, as opposed to its current form, which basically just sits there looking bored and forlorn on the Interweb, and is visited by no-one. It probably collects stamps.

The idea of the WSU trademarking the term “Orientation,” was seized on with raw enthusiasm by the Exec members. “Let’s do that, and we’ll make the other universities pay!” someone said happily, over the top of West’s reasoning that it’s kind of hard to trademark a term already used all the time by everyone. Elmo sat up and began with news of Re-orientation: the Black Seeds are “rumoured” to make an appearance, and there will be plenty of live music and maybe a comedy night. The melodic strains of Tool drifted in from the Contact FM building, creatures of nightmare stormed the skies, time grew fluid and unstable, as this week’s meeting of the WSU Executive began, and Nexus arrived.

[Note. Due, perhaps, to the previously unknown psychoactive effects of fourteen cups of Green Tea, black hair dye, and a Stephen King Dark Tower novel, unwisely combined, the Nexus reporter attending this meeting experienced it backwards in time. This has resulted in the rather garbled transcription above, and Nexus cries your pardon, gunslinger.]

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NEWS

Haiku News

By Drummond-san

Redman Resigns New mayor elected Bad things are expected Now Redman’s defected

Ritual vomiting to cure drug addicts It might help with junkies, But isn’t really good For bulimia

Clark hits back at claims Labour acted too slow with Taito Field

American Idol winner announced

What now, Taito?

No bribes greasing the rails Gravy train will run slow

Career doomed to fail Show’s costs recovered

Next has-been discovered

[Oh, yeah, and it’s Jordin Sparks. (Spoiler warning.)]

Grenade handed to police live, but safe The police safely defuse Yet another Historical bombshell.

Hail Xenu! TomKat rumoured to be pregnant again Will mags bid For pics of the duo’s next kid?

I just hope it’s a squid.

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ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

Jessica Alba a selfconfessed ‘goofy dork’ OMG Alba’s a dork!

We have so much in common!

Wanna have sex?

$43m to help smokers stub out habit As if nicotine fiends Didn’t cost us enough Damn dirty smokers.

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Lettuce

Lettuce policy

Nexus loves it when you give it some attention via the Lettuce page. We want to hear about your thoughts, views and opinions on anything so don’t be afraid to put down your words and send them to nexus@waikato.ac.nz. We’d appreciate the letters before Tuesday 5 PM but you’re more than welcome to send letters whenever you’d like. The best letter will win a $5 Voucher from Campus Kiosk, located at the Cowshed.

Letter of the Week Dear Nexuslol Techno Being ‘man-smacked’ by a bunch of body building lesbians is my HOTTEST fantasy!!!! Do you have to join the Waikato University Committee for Gender Equality to receive the fisting of the Anus, or is it just a service they provide?

Yours in pre-lubed anticipation, Rock Hardnutts Your enthusiasm makes us quiver with an irrevocable sense of nostalgia.

Anyway, you’ve won Letter of the Week with your well crafted prose, so please come up to the Nexus office and claim your $5 Campus Kiosk voucher.

In defence of the worst movie of the year To that retard Joe Citizen.

Is your brain that dimly lit and narrow that you have never heard of Greek history? Your review of 300 is wrong. Before you give me this ‘I’m entitled to my opinion’ rubbish, you must first realise that what you’re bad mouthing is history. That’s right, that movie is based on history. Because your review was such drivel I’m going to list everything you said wrong, and why you’re wrong.

The clothing. You mock the fact that these soldiers wear knee high boots, capes and red speedo’s. That’s what the Spartans wore when fighting, just because styles have changed doesn’t mean they’re not real men. The lack of

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fat/ugly/old chicks. If I was the greatest fighting race in those times, the last thing I would do is fuck ugly chicks. This, coupled with the fact that they throw the ugly/fat/deformed babies to their death at birth, assumes that before long you would be breeding a super race of strong males, and beautiful females. ‘The dialogue is atrocious.’ They are fighters, not fucking politicians, most heavily built males are rough around the edges, and talk rough.

Just look at boxers, there speech is terrible.

The lack of storyline. You can’t just make up shit to make history more exciting, that is how it went down. The fact you call it a story. Its not a story, its fact. You say the movie has a ‘videogame approach to baddies, what with them coming from Persia and being a simplistic conquering horde.’ They DID come out of Persia, they WERE an all conquering horde. ‘no redeeming features whatsoever tyrant.’

Physically he was HUGE, were you blind? He was bigger than the Spartan king, and he was MASSIVE. As a character, he gave the Spartan king many chances to surrender. That shows a desire to avoid unnecessary deaths. You say ‘the heroes come from (cradle of civilisation) Greece.’ They DID come from Greece. ‘The invaders are definitely middle-eastern.’ The invaders WERE middle-eastern. And why do you have to be a 13 year old boy to enjoy this kind of movie? 13? Is it limited to only 13 year old boys? And why not 13 year old girls?

All the bad points you conveyed about this movie were actual fact, they were not just a story. Get your facts straight before you comment on a re-creation of history, this will live on longer than your narrow minded, dimly lit existence.

Sincerely A 14 year old Engineer

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Nexus welcomes your letters and encourages debate through the lettuce page, just keep it under 250 words. Letters must be received by 5 PM Tuesday, no later. Letters may be edited for sense, length and/or legal reasons. Psuedonyms are welcome but you must also include your real name and contact details (don’t worry, they won’t be printed). We discourage the use of psuedonyms on serious letters.

Another lover of Kahu Dear Nexus, I’m sorry but I absolutely HAVE to respond to Kahu Nikora, cos the man is a complete DICK! Kahu, I have been reading your letters for the last couple of weeks and dude, you shouldn’t be flattered at those who wrote “where is Kahu?” they are taking the piss!

They do this because every single time that you write anything in the Nexus you are the laughing stock of pretty much every single reader. Your sentences are poorly structured, your grammar and use of “big words” makes it hard for us to fathom that you are actually a University student….bro….GET OVER YOURSELF!!!! You keep on taking pot shots at those who are actually doing something for Maori students on campus, yet fail to offer ANY constructive, logical, or even any good advice.

Bro, I reckon, if you got something to say, pick up your GONADS and say it to our faces!

People please, if you are reading this, please think about running for a position in the WSU next year, preferably Vice President or President, because I hear that Sehai and Moira are definitely NOT running again for next year.

The last thing that WSU needs is another run with people like Kahu Nikora and the “old boys network” that for some reason never seem to graduate from University….scary huh?

Chur, Jah

A lack of logic in politics?

Dear Nexus Re: The People’s Party of Aotearoa “When a child is born in to the world, it in fact has no right to exist because its right to access the necessities of life are not guaranteed.”(Nexus issue 7, page 19)

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LETTUCE This argument is so obviously flawed! You say “its right to access the necessities of life are not guaranteed” this merely means that the right is not guaranteed, it does not follow that the right does not then exist (In order to say that, you would then have to argue that because there was no guarantee, then there was no right either -yet this has not been said). And if you then want to say that the “right to access the necessities of life” is the same thing as, or logically entails, the “right to exist”, then it follows that the child does in fact have a right to exist, yet it does not have a guarantee to have the conditions met for its “right to exist”. These are two separate things! Please note that I am not disputing the opinions made in this article (great ideas), but the conclusion does not follow deductively nor logically from the premises.

This argument is neither sound nor valid! Not to be rude but perhaps this dude should take a 1st year class like PHIL103 Critical Reasoning and learn how to structure a basic argument before he attempts to take on the govt??

How can it be that we are university students yet so many of us (documented often by those who write to nexus) lack the ability to reason or argue logically, to spell basic shit, or to use the correct their/they’re/there in the right place?

Big Mama

Dirty Don

student culture seems to be endangered. One may argue that the student lifestyle should not be constantly tainted with alcohol and it’s not what we are drinking but how we are drinking …. sit in your oversized glass…. yadayadayada…. but come, on it’s a students right of passage. After Waikato University was ranked 5th by the Performance Based Research Fund instead of 3rd and the Hamilton Council just splashing out $35K on A PLAN to determine feasibility of a new stadium – one student begs “throw us a freakin bone!!!” or perhaps a small cash injection. Throw away the skanky tall tables and chairs, bust out some funky red and orange couches, round wooden tables, a few swings, see-saws and merrygo-rounds outside and we’re good to go.

Love That Shit!!!

L3

Captain issues death threats I am perhaps the most technologically advanced being in the known universe, and as such it seems only fair to send you all a warning. I am working on a device that will emit a large electromagnetic pulse (EMP) at various stages during lectures to DESTROY any cell phones that are on. Hopefully if people are texting at the time, the detonation of the phone will blow off one or more of their fingers. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Capt. Aircool Platini

for Gender Equality having to Fist them out)

Another lover of Kahu Dear Nexus When the kaupapa is wrong, it is wrong, and no amount of bull is going to change it. Apparently people, not all is not well in little paradise where personlities under guise of ‘doing the right thing’(TIKANGA) clash.

The thing that is really amuzing is when a mindset is set in a direction that will only cause conflict others usually object and when this happens no amount of self pity and recrimination is going to be useful - I mean to say that if the peg is square going into a round hole, it just doesnt fit.

The new Maori working party are running out of members as one has resigned already.

Not bad that didnt take long did it? Perhaps now people might see sense and fix that thing that was broken. How is a new group going to get true mana and accountability when already the group is less one member.

Perhaps the question needs to come back again - What makes this new group more accountable and transparent than the last one - How will the ills of another group be taken away when already there are signs of the same nature of the other group (resignations - due to personalities).

Dear Nexus Oh! The State of the Don- A place one can call Home- Hardly It’s quite a sad state of affairs when it’s most likely you will need a tetanus shot upon entering our once renowned student bar. To the uneducated mind the Don brings about connotations of a bad ass Corleone type establishment with ruthless behaviour, chandeliers and general mayhem- Bada Bing.

However upon entering, you realise that there will be no “say hello to my little friend speeches” and the décor closely resembles the Cosmopolitan Club. (which is not good) It seems a touch ironic that the bathrooms are littered with propaganda about rooting do’s and don’ts and “thou shalt wipe front to back” signs, but the toilets themselves are coated in growths that make you wonder if the bowl itself has contracted some venereal disease.

All in all it’s a breeding ground for nastiness.

Without being a total arse the Don does have reasonably cheap beer, a cool spin the wheel game and the bar dudes are alright looking, but having given it a fair go (3 occasions) I feel as if I am blatantly being robbed of a place to have a beverage or 2. Sadly the once infamous WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

PS: If I fail in my attempt to construct my device, I will be forced to either smash the phones with a mallet, or shove them up your arse (resulting in the Waikato University Committee

Remember people just because it walks and waddles like a duck - maybe it aint a duck?

Kahu Nikora

CITIZENS’ ADVICE BUREAU

He is losing control!

In spite of receiving more money each month than most of us, Daniel gambles it all away and has run up huge debts.

He spends many hours a day gambling and it is affecting his grades as well as his pocket. He constantly returns to the pokies in order to try and recover his losses, or win more. He wants to stop and gain control over his life, but the urge to gamble is so great he knows he needs help but doesn’t know what to do.

The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this

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or other inquiries you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions.

Visit them at the Cowshed from 11am – 2pm daily during semesters or phone 838 4466 extn 6622 or 0800FORCAB. By the way, Daniel could ring the free national gambling helpline 0800 654 655.

They are available until 10pm daily and can provide support, information and referral to a number of specialist support or self –help programmes. CAB could also tell him of several places in Hamilton that could help.

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STUDY

D A O R ABent Exchange Stud

BY PAORA

Hi again from Lancaster University, England I’m guessing you are now getting ready to get those exams sorted – a week or so away. Best wishes for that – kia kaha!! My exams finished last week leaving me free to travel for the next six weeks or so… yeah right! No money = no travel. However enough about me - as promised in the last instalment this will be more about the exchange process, sport and lectures. There is another Kiwi exchange student here and we caught up in a random meeting in not the library. We were talking about NZ and she knew heaps about Waikato ... turns out she’s doing her BMS and is on exchange with Waikato as well! So we were pretty stoked to meet up.

MATO

to Hazel Leslie, Rebekah Bright and Bronwyn Poki for the awesome help and response to queries, also Te Taka Keegan and my old sparring mate Kahutia Nikora for the awesome tautoko – it is very cool to get great support from home.

The sport on this campus is pretty much the same as Waikato, where students join the clubs and participate in the local leagues. However the rivalry between the nine colleges on campus is intense and includes a wide range of sports.

There is also a Battle of the Roses with the University of York, which is like the Battle of the Bombays but with a lot more sports involved - about 40 sports, including darts, snooker and ball room dancing. A broken finger kept me out of most sport last term except squash, and our three squash teams got a major butt-kicking from York – say no more. I also finally managed to get me a game of American Football and played most of the game at Nose Tackle which marks the ball scooper guy in the bangy bangy line (never did find out the right name for that). If anyone says American Football is tougher than rugby then they’re full of what politicians speak – the pads certainly help though.

Step Up, STEP UP FOR

The International Office on this campus is awesomely helpful. They are ready and willing to help out when approached which is a nice surprise considering the other support services are mostly bound in bureaucracy. If you are contemplating an exchange try to talk to someone who has already been there. I saw the photos and packed for snow. Turns out the snow is at the other end of the county and this place is mostly wind and rain. We’ve had a week or so of sun so that was real nice.

It even makes the locals smile. If you are contemplating applying for a Student Allowance while studying abroad get confirmation before you go. Studylink will not post stuff overseas and don’t assume the exchange advisors will automatically warn you if your papers don’t stack up.

Trying to get things sorted from overseas is a very protracted process and you certainly won’t feel the love – although admittedly Studylink were very helpful. A big shout out as well to the support from my school (SCMS) and Te Paetata. Heartfelt thanks

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Lastly, the lectures. Lectures are intense where the lecturers get through a huge amount of information. Now I know what is meant when your brain fills up and nothing else goes in. They also have seminars which are more like tutorials but with a real emphasis on participation. The labs and tutorials seem to be the same thing in computing. The in-class work time is not huge but very intense. Students are

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expected to do at least as much personal study as well which is pretty reasonable considering that for my four papers I was in class eleven hours per week. If you don’t work in your own time you certainly will struggle to complete assignments and tests, and the exams will not be pleasant.

I wasn’t sure what photos to include but these are the Duke of York Column overlooking Central Park in London – it is huge, a shot of part of a wall full of swords, pistols and armour – including horse armour, they go right around the room. These were taken in Hampton Court which is sort of like a holiday castle of Henry VIII - I didn’t know you weren’t allowed to take photos in here and the guard let me off cause of the accent (I so thought we didn’t have one). A picture of part of this campus taken from the front gate, plus the American Football get-up, apparently as soon as you put on the helmet you become tougher and instantly know how to play – not!

Well I might get another one of these in before I come home – unless I get asked not to, heheh. Go hard with the exams!

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COMIC

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ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

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FEATURE

BY MINNIE SCHNEIDER

A

dvertisers consider students to be one of the most vulnerable target-markets available to them. Just spend a day on campus during O-Week and look at the time and money that companies like Vodafone, Coke, and other mega-corps put in to attracting students to their products. They must think we’re pretty important consumers to spend all that energy trying to attract our dollars.

And yet, at the same time, there’s all this rhetoric around how poor students are. We can’t afford to live, apparently. We’re borrowing against our student loans in order to be able to exist, we spend $30 a week on food (and at least the same amount on alcohol, but let’s not go there) and we struggle to pay the rent.

So why are advertisers interested in us? We obviously don’t have any money to spend, so what the hell can we offer them? Just take another look around on one of those days during O-Week and you might notice another group of advertisers who are working really hard to push their products on to us. Amongst the multi-national conglomerates are banks.

They will target students, especially at the beginning of each semester, in order to get you to sign up for one of their most valuable product – a student account. While you think you’re getting a great deal with those low/no fees, interest free overdrafts and discounts on Burger King, the banks who sell you these deals are doing just that – selling them, which is to say that students are paying a price that they may not even be aware of at the time of purchase. There’s some irony in the idea that students’ lack of money is the same reason that banks want their custom.

BA student Rocky Maeva has become a lot more conscious of the debt he was consuming since starting university. Like so many students, he

“I was sleeping in my car, spending the bulk of my money paying the minimum on a credit card I got as a student, along with all those bank fees and interest.”

JAMES ANDERSON, UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO GRADUATE

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ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

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FEATURE got in to his first serious amount of debt via a student account with his bank. “I was like, ‘yay, free money!’”, he says of the various debt facilities which were made available to him. He resisted most of the temptation of items like credit cards and personal loans but did end up with a massive overdraft which he struggled to pay back. But Maeva is one of the lucky ones, in that he has managed to pay back that overdraft during his time as a student. What the banks are counting on is students not having the available funds to pay back their interest-free overdrafts during the time they’re a student – as soon as university is over, the interest starts clocking up.

And not all students are in employment when this happens. Ex-Waikato student James Anderson struggled, like many other graduates, to find a job after he finished his degree. “The bank didn’t give a shit though”, he says. “Here I was, unemployed and on the dole and they were pinging me for interest, massive bank fees and then dishonour fees

needed and interest free terms ‘til 2008.”

Often, interest-free terms act as a massive trap. The majority of interest-free deals on offer to consumers only exist for a short period.

“Interest free until 2008!” might sound like an attractive offer, until people remember that 2008 is only six months away and most HP periods extend over at least 24 months.

Many finance companies will happily provide debt facilities even if your credit history is terrible. But is that all it takes for us to be manipulated in to spending huge amounts of money on items we might not even need?

Hawkes thinks students are an “easy market” for debt because the student-loan system has distorted our perception of money. “If you’ve clocked up $50,000 on student loan, what’s $2000 on a stereo?”. Anderson agrees, and believes that students have absolutely no concept of the fact that the debt that they accrue represents real money. “Our student loans could be small mortgages and they’ve

for the personal loan and 19.95% PA for the credit card (in the case of BNZ), that’s about $600 a year for a student to pay in interest alone (if the repayments aren’t high enough to cover any principal) – around ten times more than one might pay in fees with a standard bank account. Saving money you say?

In the meantime, the Reserve Bank has repeatedly warned that New Zealanders are heading for a major wake-up call when it comes to our consumption of debt and the government is struggling with its efforts to encourage Kiwis to save instead of spend.

Interest rates continue to rise as the Reserve Bank attempt to curb our spending for us but it seems there is no slowing us down.

“What we need is a re-conceptualisation of debt”, says Anderson. “Banks are in the business of selling us debt and that means there’s something in it for them – more of our money”. Anderson believes that students need to view debt as a reflection of their consumption and be absolutely sure that they can truly afford their repayments. “Students need to be sure they can survive with this debt if their situation changes,” he says.

“And even if you can survive, do you want to piss all your money in to an Australian bank?”

It’s likely that when students return to this campus in the first week of B Semester, there will be some major competition going on between the banks to lock them in to a student account... when the interest and fees took me over my overdraft limit.” Anderson estimates that this cost him several hundred dollars during a period where he literally couldn’t afford to eat. “I was sleeping in my car, spending the bulk of my money paying the minimum on a credit card I got as a student, along with all those bank fees and interest”.

If students only end up with a credit card and an overdraft during their time at uni or polytech, then they’re doing quite well. The majority of students will also end up with at least one hire purchase agreement to their name before their studying days are up.

WSU executive member and BSc student Jeff Hawkes is one of the many who has regretted an overdraft that he simply couldn’t afford.

“I found striving to pay back money that I didn’t have was really tough”. Hawkes made it a goal to be debt-free and managed to achieve that with some tight budgeting and hardcore repayments. But he admits that it is still difficult to resist the temptation to enter in to a consumer finance arrangement. “I need a new freezer”, he says, “and it’s hard not to go out and get one when there’s no deposit WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

numbed us to the idea of debt”, he argues.

“The idea of being debt-free, or even saving money, is completely foreign to students”.

So, how do the banks justify targeting such a vulnerable, non-wealthy group as consumers of debt? The National Bank says its tertiary pack will “give you a good steer on how best to manage your money and take control of your finances”. ANZ echo the ‘control’ claims and tell students that their pack will in fact help students save money. Meanwhile, BNZ says its campus account will allow you to “hold on to your hard-earned cash as long as possible.”

All of the banks cite low-fees and student discounts as potential ways that students stand to ‘save’ money by using these accounts. But how much debt will be made available to them at the same time? The same BNZ campus account which makes claims about helping you hold on to you money will allow you to obtain $6500 worth of debt in your first year of study, $5500 of which will bear interest as soon as it’s used – similar amounts of debt are for sale with all the other major banks as wel. With a current interest rate of 9.95% P.A ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

It’s likely that when students return to this campus in the first week of B Semester, there will be some major competition going on between the banks to lock them in to a student account of some sort. One banking insider, who asked to remain anonymous, said that it wasn’t just the interest from debt that made students such an attractive demographic. “If we can sign a student up for an account at this stage in their life, it’s most likely that they’ll stick with us. Locking them in to debt makes it hard to change banks in the first place, but most people don’t ever change.”

Thus, banks stand to gain a lot more when ex-students get in line for their first mortgage.

Anderson says it’s time that students got real about debt. “Most of us have already signed our lives away to a student loan and we still want more debt,” he says, “which is just going to further jeopardise our futures”. It seems that it’s not the job of our local banking advisers to protect us from ourselves. Come B Semester Re-orientation, student will have to rely on themselves when it comes time to resist the ugly personal-debt monster of doom.

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Ground floor, Student Union Building, University of Waikato, Gate One, Knighton Road, Hamilton Mon-Fri: 8:30AM – 4:30 PM www.wsu.org.nz

Overview Okay, okay… I have to apologise for last week’s column on the WSU overview. I accidentally attached the wrong document instead on reporting on the fabulous International Students Noho Marae Trip. So here goes: The International Noho Marae which took place on May 11 and 12 was one of the best projects put on by the WSU. A mix of 100 international and domestic students took off to Te Papa O Te Aroha Marae to have a real New Zealand experience. At the marae, international students participated in a wide range of workshops which taught them skills from weaving to basic te reo and tikanga practices.

Students from all over the world were able to share their experiences, customs and identity with other students, as well as learn and experience New Zealand culture, great food and fabulous entertainment.

Phone: 07 856 9139 Fax: 07 856 3161

We want to take this opportunity to thank all of those involved, in particular all of the student volunteers who helped out over the weekend to get everyone organised and having a fabulous time.

We would also like to thank the University’s Cultural Committee as well as the International Students Centre for their support in getting this project off the ground and finally happening!

Special big ups also go to the whanau at Te Papa O Te Aroha Marae who could not have been more welcoming and hospitable to our visiting students. Thank you all again for your hospitality, warmth and open arms… and of course the amazing food!

And finally, to all the students who participated in the weekend’s events, we really hope to stay in touch throughout the year and we look forward to seeing you around campus.

In other news, this week I will be attending the University Finance committee which will be deliberating International student’s fees amongst other things. I will be discussing this and other developments on campus next week, Take it easy people,

This is the first time that the WSU, in partnership with the University, were able to put together a project specifically for international students with a focus on social interaction and a distinctive Waikato experience.

Sehai Orgad WSU PRESIDENT – president@wsu.org.nz

EVENT RECAP

Successful Solomon Islands Fundraising Gala Saturday morning saw an influx of people into Gate 2b for the gala raising money for the Solomon Islands relief fund. With mountains of clothes, electronics, home ware and food on sale there were plenty of bargains that were snapped up by students and members of the community. And the exec did pretty well for ourselves too, although we were hard-pressed not to spend up large as time kept ticking on and temptation kicked in! And lets not forget to mention the raffle (in which our Union Manager David won third prize), and the Solomon Islands cultural dances in full costume (not that it was really that full).

A huge success, the gala raised $2200 for the relief fund and all the clothes that were not sold (and there were plenty) are being bundled up and sent over to the Solomon Islands courtesy of the NZ Air Force.

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And the fundraising isn’t over yet. As well as sausage sizzles, we still have Solly the cow (yes, a real cow) left to auction, thanks to a generous farmer in Huntly. So if you know anyone who wants a cow, great for the freezer or as a pet if you can’t bear otherwise, tell them to keep their eyes on this space for more info as to when he will be auctioned.

All in all, we expect to raise in the vicinity of $3,000, a worthy effort by anyone’s standards.

A special thanks to the Tongan students who came along to sell their delicious food which kept us well nourished and warm on the chilly morning. Also, a big thank you to all the students who came along and supported our Solomon Islands community here at the university and in Hamilton; it was very much appreciated by the Solomon Islands community and the WSU.

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Student Events Coming Up The Deadly Deaths FRIDAY 1ST MAY 1-2pm – Village Green The WSU presents a live performance from The Deadly Deaths. Go to www.myspace. com/thedeadlydeaths for a sneak preview

Engineer’s Boat Race FRIDAY 1ST JUNE Come down to the Village Green this Friday and watch the engineers build boats, race them, break them, fix them and then race them again!

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

PICTURES FROM THE NOHO MARAE TRIP

Events Calendar Student ball: Saturday, July 7th. Starts 8pm. Tickets at the WSU Office. Any questions, email orientation@wsu.org.nz

Re-Orientation 07: July 9 till 15. Stretch now, details coming soon…. Any questions, email orientation@wsu.org.nz

How to be a Squirrel with Kiwisaver The big news of the budget two weeks ago was Kiwisaver, and the incentives to use it. What is it? How does it work? And the important question when can we get our money?

for 12 months, from 3 months to 5 years, but remember that once that period ends you must contribute for another 12 months to get a new contribution holiday.

Investment

Overview Kiwisaver is a voluntary savings scheme, run by the IRD. It is your choice to join up if you are an existing employee, but if you start a new job after 1 July 2007 (so that’s all students going into the workforce next year), you will automatically be signed up to Kiwisaver, which you cannot get out of until after your first pay day. It is important to remember that you must opt out before 8 weeks to get all your contributions refunded to you.

Contributions When you join Kiwisaver you will be given $1000 by the government to start with, and will have to contribute either 4% or 8% of your gross wages (the amount is calculated before tax, but then is taken out of your pay after tax). The incentives from next April are that the government will match your contribution up to $20 per week (that’s $1040 maximum per year) and your employer is required contribute up to 4% by 2011. (Note: the employer contribution is 1% of your gross wage in 2008, 2% in 2009, etc leading to 4% in 2011)

Withdrawals You cannot take out your savings until you are 65, or you die, which ever comes first. You are able though to access your contributions and your employer’s contributions (But not the government portions) after 5 years to purchase your first home.

Contribution Holidays

Your Kiwisaver account will be invested by a fund manager, who is registered with Kiwisaver. You must note that the government does not guarantee your savings therefore you must choose the fund manager with care as they could decrease or lose all your savings. If you do not choose a fund manager, you account will be placed with a default provider, that is picked by the government.

There will be many different fund managers, all investing in different things, from property to the stock market to venture capitalists.

The most common will be the New Zealand stock market, where managers will either invest in the whole market, on a weighted basis, or try and pick winners. Read up on both approaches and make sure you’re comfortable before you choose one.

Warnings The downside to Kiwisaver is that, as your employer has to contribute, they may be more reluctant to give you a pay rise in the future. Your employer will get a tax credit from the government, but only up to $1040 per year, so if you earn more than $40,000 per year your employer will be worse off.

So, as a word of warning, tread carefully with your boss Overall Kiwisaver is good especially with the government contribution, but make sure you can afford to save that much each year. For further advice on Kiwisaver look at www.consumer.org.nz or www.sorted.co.nz

Contribution holidays can be taken after being in Kiwisaver

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ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

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CLUBS Well everyone, this is the last Nexus for A semester and I haven’t managed to visit nearly enough clubs but will endeavour to do so in B semester. Yep, that’s right Clubs, if I didn’t get to you watch out because I will be back…

As for the Christian clubs, well I only managed to catch up with one and I tried to bribe God by letting them eat cake (his followers not God). If I was in France that could lead to me losing my head (guillotine) - check with a history major if you need to know more.

Last week I had a higher calling, to do my job as a WSU executive member and went to Tauranga Campus to represent for the SGM. It was also my only chance to get on T.V (teleconference) other than maybe appearing on Police 10-7 but we won’t go into that… So all the best for exams and if you haven’t studied sit close to the hottest looking member of the opposite sex, then at least you will have something to look at when you get stuck on that essay question.

Glen Delamare SPORT AND RECREATION OFFICER

Maori Students’ Officers Kei ngaa tauira, nei raa ka mihi ki a koutou ngaa ihi, ngaa wehi o te motu e rapu ana i te maatauranga ki Te Whare Waananga o Waikato.

E te whaanau, teena koutou katoa.

Congratulations we have now arrived in the last week of A semester 2007. Its now time to plant seeds for the rest of our year. Have you enrolled for B semester? Have you marked off 28th July in your calendar? Have you sussed out all your peeps for Te Huinga Tauira?

And don t forget the first Koroneihana for our Te Ariki Nui, Kiingi Tuheitia Paki held in August. And please always remember that should hardship arise from tangihanga or other whaanau commitments, come and see us, we will help you in any way we can.

Regarding 28th July, Poo whakatairanga i te reo Maaori (ball to celebrate Maaori Language) is happening so keep an eye out for more info.

Lastly, go hard for your exams, enjoy your break and see you all in B semester.

Noo reira, anei teetahi whakataukii whakamutunga: He nui maunga e kore e taea te whakaneke, he nui ngaru moana maa te ihu o te waka e waahi There will be great challenges next semester but with perseverance, you will achieve.

Elaine Kameta & Tatiana Hohepa MAORI STUDENTS’ OFFICER - maori@wsu.org.nz

Women’s Rights Officer The Sir Edmund Hillary Outdoor Pursuits Centre Of New Zealand helps tomorrow’s future leaders to gain valuable leadership skills for life through it’s Summit 9-day Leadership Programme.

The next course will be running on the 7th – 15th July 2007.

2 suitable applicants will be subsidised by up to $400 each!

If you are interested in this one-off opportunity apply in writing: Private Bag 37, Turangi 3353 or via email: opc@ opc.org.nz, outlining your circumstances including your personal objectives and financial status.

I’d love to set up a scholarship fund to specifically allow women the opportunity to attend leadership courses, such as this, while at university. I picked up an interesting book from the fundraising gala held for the Solomon Islands relief fund: Heads and Shoulders: Successful New Zealand women talk to Virginia Myers (1986).

When this book was written in 1986 “the idea of women achievers still (sat) uncomfortably in our dominantly male culture” and “although a growing number of women (were) breaking into male professions, they (were) not promoted as high or as often as men”.

Statistics would suggest that although the amount of women in leadership positions is increasing – things are far from equal.

I encourage women at our university to apply for this program and am working on getting a scholarship set up to specifically help women to attend these types of courses in the future.

I welcome your feedback about this or anything else.

Ana Moriarty – womens@wsu.org.nz

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ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

Public Meetings and Events

Notices Accomodation Four bedroom house with 2 bathrooms. nice 3 year old home. walking distance to university, short distance to town. one double room available. $20.00 a week in expenses for power green waste, telephone. wireless/ broadband$6.00 a month on top and tolls also on top of this. smokers ok no pets. $100.00 per week available 25th june.

Ideal flatmate: aged between 21-26 must be honest, reliable, trustworthy, clean habits and easy to get along with. Own bedroom stuff to be provided all the rest fully furnished. in new Sherwood Vale subdivision. 3 girls and 2 guys already in house really easy to get along with and very responsible and trustworthy. call or text 0274280871 Flatmate wanted: Sunny room available approx 11 June close to uni on Hillcrest Rd. $140 gets you everything, room, food, broadband, Sky digital, phone, power. Off street parking, furnished besides room call Scott 856 8474 or 0276960437.

Flatmate wanted: For our 5 bedroom phlat! to share with 3 chics and a guy all easygoing and this phlat is never short of laughs! (mind the back of the toilet door :-)) . Nice house, plenty of parking, a 15min stroll from uni! $100 a week includes power, rent, wireless boradband and telephone. Food normally round $25 a week :-) call 8591117 or ph/txt 0276966120 Flatmate wanted: 1 easygoing flatmate wanted to share with 1 female uni student, 1 male uni student and 3 working males. 6 Bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and off street parking. 10 mins walk to uni. $100 per week includes sky, wireless broadband, power, phone and rent. Txt Laura 0273717391 or phone 07 8566746 FLATMATE WANTED nice, sunny house in hillcrest (fenwick cres)

not a scummy flat. two other easy going flatmates, rent is $80 per week. text 0276966351

For Sale Honda Integra for sale. 1991, 1800cc, Manual, Maroon, NZ new, sun roof, full electrics, tow ball, Panasonic Mp3 player, Sony speakers, Alarm, tidy inside and out, approx 250,000 on the clock, $2500,00 ono, txt for any enquiries to 0276988735.

Fridge/Freezer $180, Two seater fold out couch $80 Three seater couch $70 Very cheap Nissan Sunny for sale, only $800 NZ. Oldie but Goldie (1985), large boot, 4 doors, approx. 255000km.

Txt 021-2664943

Situations Vacant and Other Opportunities

So you think you’re clever? Bit of a gun? Come along and prove it matey! Eastside Apostolic’s Quiz Night is going to be EPIC - and you’re invited!!! Thursday 31 May, 7pm. Eastside Apostolic Youth Hall (out the back) East street (Tramway Rd end), Hamilton Bring a friend, you don’t need a whole team, and entry is F-R-E-E Fun and frivolity guaranteed.

Any queries email christina. cook@hotmail.com The Careers Office, in conjunction with Future Directions, is putting on workshops FREE for all students. To register, email careers@waikato.ac.nz (registration is vital as places are limited and will fill fast).

CV Workshops – held in the Z Centre at the library Monday 28th May (10am–12pm) Thursday 31st May (1pm–3pm) Thursday 21st June (2pm–4pm) Monday 25th June (12pm–2pm) Interview Workshops – held in Guru’s in the WSU Building Tuesday 29th May (11am–12pm)

Friday 1st June (11am–12pm) Career Planning Workshops – held in Guru’s in the Student Union Building Thursday 31st May (10am–12pm) Friday 1st June (1pm–3pm) Matariki Celebrations Friday 15th June Event: He Hokinga Mahara (Memorial Service) & BBQ Where: Roose Commerce Park- Grantham Street Time: 4:30-6:30pm All Welcome Saturday 16 June Event: Dawn Service and Breakfast Where: Windows Restaurant, Wintec Avalon Campus Time: 6am RSVP: By Noon of 08/06/07 Vikki.Blundell@wintec.ac.nz Wednesday 20 June Event: Wearable Arts Competition Where: Founders Theatre Time 6:30-9:30pm Entry Donation of one nonperishable food item per person All food items will be donated to Frankton dinsdale Rauawaawa Charitable Trust

Do you buy dietary supplements?

Looking for females aged 20 - 50 to participate in a focus group on either the 4th, 5th or 6th of June at 7.30pm. if interested phone or text kristen on 021 222 3343 or email kjk11@waikato.ac.nz. you will be paid for your time If you’re into free stuff and reckon your 15 minutes of fame are well overdue, then you need to listen up.

Film a 1 minute clip with just you in front of a camera chatting away, no editing. Log on to www.oe.tv and get in for your chance to win!

Anybody interested in starting Waikato Uni Cycling club, predominantly for Mtb, but Roadies as well, to organise social rides, and general coffee drinking outings please email me to guage interest. We may be able to get some WSU funding to get, transport to events, shirts printed etc. mtbking@hotmail.co.uk

NOTICES ARE FREE FOR STUDENTS TO ADVERTISE WITH. SEND YOUR NOTICE TO NEXUS@WAIKATO.AC.NZ AND PLEASE KEEP IT SHORT AND SWEET. VISIT OUR WEBSITE FOR INFO ON NEXT SEMESTER’S NOTICE SUBMISSION STUFF. WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

23

It’s our annual Nexus Readers’ Survey and we’re curious about what things you like, or dislike, about our little publication.

Your feedback will go towards helping us further our understand of our readers and improve the magazine. Also, we’ll be able to tell our advertisers just what kind of nice people read this magazine.

We’ve scored some sweet prizes to give away, thanks to Hillcrest Liquor King (cnr Clyde & York st), to 15 lucky survey completors. If you’d like to be in the draw to win some neat prizes, fill in the survey and drop it into the WSU reception, or fill it out online at www.nexusmag.co.nz/survey It’s so easy your pet could do it!

Prizes available:

1. How often do you read Nexus?

4. Do you find Nexus entertaining?

7. What are your favourite parts of Nexus?

a. Every week when I can get my hands on it b. Sometimes, but not always c. Very rarely as I’m a busy person

2. Do you find Nexus interesting? a. Yes! It holds my interest well b. Some bits are good c. It makes excellent toilet paper – shiny for my bottom!

3. What do you think Nexus’ main objective should be? a. To provide information to students b. Pure entertainment – uni is an info overload as it is c. To provide a mixture of entertainment and info d. Other: ______________________________

24

a. I find it quite enjoyable! b. It’s good, but it’s no William Shatner c. It’s about as entertaining as a wet fish

5. Do you ever get offended by anything you read in Nexus? a. Yes, sometimes I find the content offensive b. If I cared enough then I might get offended, but I don’t care c. You couldn’t offend me if you tried

6. Do you think Nexus is relevant to students? a. Of course! It’s created by students for students! b. It has its moments... c. No, Nexus doesn’t relate to student life at all ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

$10 Liquor King Voucher (5 available) 4pk Smirnoff Double Black & Cola (5 available) 750ml Asti Riccadonna Wine (5 available) Many thanks to Hillcrest Liquor King for providing the prizes. You can even submit your completed surveys to the Nexus Survey Box in store!

a. b. c. d. e. f.

News Columns Features Lettuce Reviews Other: ______________________________

8. If you could do one thing to improve Nexus for the majority of students, what would it be? _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

NEXUS READERS’ SURVEY

9. What is your favourite column? a. b. c. d. e. f. g. h. i. j.

Weird Facts Sports Thoughts Boganology Walkthrough Agony Art $3 Chef Vitalisa Los Libros Society Pages Other: ______________________________

10. Do you read the editorial? a. Yes, religiously b. Sometimes, if it looks interesting c. No

11. Which is your favourite review section? a. b. c. d. e.

Books Music DVDs Film Other: ______________________________

12. Do you find the News section to be informative and/ or relevant to students? a. Totally! b. Sometimes c. No, not at all

13. What do you think of Nexus’s design and layout? a. It’s bloody brilliant! Two thumbs up b. It’s passable. I see much room for improvement, though. c. Freakin’ terrible. Get a real designer, not an elephant.

14. Does the cover of Nexus determine whether or not you pick it up and read it that week?

17. How could the website be improved? a. b. c. d. e. f. g. h.

18. Whereabouts do you get your copy of Nexus? a. b. c. d. e. f.

a. Yes, a million times better b. No, it’s worse c. What new layout?

16. Have you ever visited www.nexusmag.co.nz? a. Yes. b. No, not interested c. You have a website?

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

On campus (Where?: _________________) In town (Where?: ____________________) At WINTEC (Where?: _________________) Other: ______________________________ It’s usually lying around at work/home I pick it up off the ground

19. Do you read the whole magazine? a. Cover to cover, baby b. I read some articles, not all c. I just do puzzles/look at the pictures

Are you male or female?

Male

Female

Are you 18 years or older?

Yes

No

Student?

Yes

No

Employed?

Yes

No

What’s your primary mode of transportation? a. b. c. d. e. f. g.

a. No, I don’t care what’s on the cover b. I’m more likely to pick it up if the cover is attractive/interesting c. If it’s a boring/ugly cover, I won’t bother reading that week

15. Do you think the new layout for the WSU pages is an improvement?

More magazine content More fights in the forums More hot naked people Photo galleries Podcasts/vlogging Blogs Some actual updates!

Other: ______________________________

Walk Bike Motorbike/Scooter Car Carpool Bus Other: ____________________________

Do you take your copy of Nexus home?

Yes

No

20. Where do you read Nexus? a. b. c. d. e.

Anywhere At Uni/Tech In town (cafe, shop, etc.)

At home On the toilet

21. Do you look out for advertising that has student related deals? a. Yes! Any student deals will get my attention b. I’m not really all that concerned about student deals c. No!

22. What does it take for an advertisement to really grab your attention? _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________ _________________________________________

What kind of housing do you reside in? a. b. c. d. e. f. g.

House Flat Bryant Hall Orchard Park College Hall Student Village Other: ____________________________

What percentage of your household reads Nexus? a. b. c. d. e.

100% - Everyone 75% - Most of us 50% - About half 25% - Not many 0% - No-one (except me)

Name: ______________________________________

Student ID: ______________________________________

Email: ______________________________________

Random Prize Draw terms and conditions You must be at least 18 years of age to qualify for the random prize draw. Email addresses will be needed to notify prize winners and will not be used for anything else. Prize winners will be randomly drawn on Thursday, 5th July (two days before the Student Ball – www.wsu.org.nz) and winners will be notified via email and published in Nexus magazine issue 13, published on Monday, 9th July.

ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

25

FEATURE

A Nexus public service announcement that may save your life

BY NICK MAARHUIS

A

recent tragedy occurred when a girl was driving her car and lost control which caused her fatal crash. The news reported that the road was wet and the car fishtailed while turning a corner, which placed her vehicle on the wrong side of the road and unfortunately collided with an oncoming truck.

As any grief-stricken parents would do, they searched for someone or something to blame, and settled upon their daughter’s snow tyres as the cause of the crash. Many Japanese import vehicles are equipped with snow tyres (identified by a snow or mountain related name, and/or picture of a mountain on them) and many NZ car importers don’t change them due to the expense of a new set of tyres. The experts on the news argued that snow tyres are dangerous and should be banned because they have 30% less grip than a regular tyre on wet surfaces. Therefore unless you are actually driving in snow they are less effective at keeping your car on the road. This is a valid argument, and it is sad that an event such as this has to occur to bring the dangers of snow tyres to the public’s attention, however saying the cause of a crash is due to a set of tyres may not be the most accurate placement of blame.

Owners of vehicles with snow tyres will almost always be aware of the fact, as they are different in appearance (more square-edged than normal tyres, and have deeper tread with more fine tread on the bulk tread), and more noticeably they are very noisy to drive on. Their grip deficiency is also quite apparent the first time you attempt to take off quickly in the wet at an intersection, as they will spin quite readily rather than propel the car forward.

26

The noise alone is usually the main incentive for most owners to invest in regular tyres.

The parents of the aforementioned girl said that the car was clearly ‘dangerous’ as it had spun out three times before the crash. This is usually a pretty blatant sign to a car owner to have it looked at by a professional. READERS: IF YOUR CAR SPINS, GET IT CHECKED OUT

BY A TYRE OR SUSPENSION SPECIALIST. Your life is probably worth more than what it will cost to have the wheels aligned and the tyres checked or replaced, or whatever else needs doing to the suspension (new shocks, etc).

The bulk of cars on NZ roads are front wheel drive, and car manufacturers know that that Joe Public doesn’t have the greatest of driving skills. They therefore design into their cars a

the time the back end is coming around, this steering direction will be opposite to which way you originally turned the steering wheel) and then pray that they pull the front of the car around faster than the back of the car is coming. It isn’t as confusing as it sounds, but is something only driver training and instinct can allow one to do at the split second when your car loses control. The natural reaction for most drivers is to stamp on the brakes when their car gets loose, and that will actually make this situation worse as it further unloads the rear wheels and causes the spin to occur more quickly, or can cause the car to fishtail.

Every car, truck, and motorbike has different amounts of grip, and they should be driven with this in mind. The reason the car lost

READERS: IF YOUR CAR SPINS, GET IT CHECKED OUT BY A TYRE OR SUSPENSION SPECIALIST. certain degree of what is called ‘under-steer’.

That is, if you are driving at a speed too fast for a corner, the front wheels will steer the car less than the amount desired. Essentially, they are designed to skid so that the car will continue forward and the driver will take the next corner at a lower speed. This seems like an odd setup, but without under-steer, the front wheels would follow their steered path on the road and turn the corner, but the weight transfer due to this change of direction would unload the rear tyres and cause the back end of the car to spin around. Then the car would crash backwards into the curb or whatever is on the outside of the corner (wall, cliff, oncoming vehicle, etc). Advanced driver training* can teach someone how to deal with a situation such as this, which would be to bury your foot and steer the wheels in the opposite direction (point them where you want to head - by ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

control was that she overestimated the amount of grip she had and therefore the cornering speed that she could do in the wet. Then with limited driving skills she couldn’t keep the car on her side of the road and crashed.

This form of modern Darwinism is sad and heartbreaking for all involved, but is made worse by people who publicly deny the real causes of the accident. Ignoring warning signs like your car spinning out repetitively, then driving too fast for a situation, and not having the skills to correct yourself in an emergency is a recipe for disaster. If you are driving on snow tyres or have a car that isn’t particularly high on grip or good handling characteristics, do like the radio jingle says, and ‘drive to the conditions, if they change reduce your speed’. * Driver training courses are available through many car clubs and also though car companies such as Holden and BMW.

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

COLUMNS FEATURE

By Blair

•

In a year, the average person uses the loo 2500 times

•

In 1989, 23 people were hired in Jacksonville, Florida just to flush toilets so the pipes would not freeze

•

In Virginia, even toilets used to be segregated between whites and blacks which is why the Pentagon has twice as many toilets as it really needs. On average the Pentagon uses 666 rolls of toilet paper a day

•

One in 6500 Americans will be injured by a toilet seat during their lifetime. Most will be men

Toilets and Accessories •

A flush toilet exists that dates back to 2000BC

•

A US company has come up with a toilet night-light that sends out a green warning beacon when the seat is up

•

In 2000, eight Brits cracked their skull while throwing up in the toilet

•

According to studies, the average toilet roll lasts about five days in the bathroom

•

Dentists recommend that a toothbrush be kept at least six feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush

•

Before toilet paper was invented, French royalty wiped their arses with fine linen

•

In San Antonia, US, there is “Barney Smith’s Toilet Seat Art Museum” where 700 differently decorated toilet seats are on display

•

In the Middle Ages, balls of hay or discarded corn husks were the toilet paper of choice; for those tough jobs, a gompf stick (a sort of scraper) was used to remove stubborn bits

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

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Puzzles are puzzling! Puzzles help ninja to technique go good. Very important to ninja.

Sudoku

this

and

that

C K A D E B T T D S E S F X U I O P R O C Y A B D D N K C R W S N L L N E H J Q R U A G A P E C S X W X P N D Y R J O H W B U R U V T L B X D F L D L Y U O I E M S Q C Y D X X P F K T V E R D E E W A P U E T I R R E C O S I R E B J S N C N H B R N T S B T G F A U J A T P V D A C B Y F O H O N M G E N C R N E X K C C C M T K O R E M A I L O V R C K S V H P E K N F F L H U A C S R B Q S S E C T P O P P J R O T L C N T J G O C C A I L A R T S U A M INTEREST LOAN OVERDRAFT PURCHASE

will draw

COLLECTOR CONSUMER CREDIT DEBT FEES FINANCE

Only skilful ninja can complete this!

Are you ninja?

I

BAYCORP HP ACCOUNT AUSTRALIA BANK CARD

You draw line through all boxes and not go in box with ur drawn line in it

you you complete!

28

if

Ninja name: Ninja email: Tick you like Ninja Dookie: Yes Of course I like cats!

Yeh! Ninja Box is hard Yes Send your comments to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

picture

Be first with a complete crossword to the Nexus office and win a free DVD rental from Auteur House! (555 Victoria St) Read page 37 for more info

START/FINISH BOUNCE Na! No

ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

REFLECT TELEPORT

CANNOT GO BACK THRU block UNLESS REFLECT!

FOLLOW ARROW!

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

COLUMNS

TIGHT

BY CHEF CYRIL Chicken Pasta Bake type thing Grazed Anatomy: When “No” means “Well, maybe…”

Ok, as you can see today we are making a chicken pasta bake type of thing. I don’t know if this is what it would be called, I just threw the remains of a bunch of stuff together one night after work and this came out. People liked it, I liked it, you WILL like it (I know where you live).

This is it, children. The last edition of this column for the semester, where we will discuss the origins of sexual harassment in the workplace (and not part two of our NZ Music thingy).

So now that you’re scared of what I might do to you or your cat if you don’t read on, let’s make this easy on everyone and cooperate nicely. First get the following ingredients: Pasta (lasagna, shells or anything scoopy) 200g chicken Cup grated cheese Butter, flour, salt and pepper, milk

70c $1 60c “find” at your friend’s house

So just like Iron Chef, lets “BEGIN-AROO”. Cook the pasta.

Cooking pasta is just like your older brother in that it doesn’t need much supervision (pasta also gets that Optimus Prime, while you get shitty Afterburn). This will give you plenty of time to do things like seeing what your phone number spells out, sniffing your flatmate’s laundry… and cooking the chicken.

The chicken will need to be cut into thin strips and browned. So don’t make it crispy or dry, you will want it moist but without the Giardia. Once the chicken and pasta is ready, it can be set aside. Turn on your oven to 200 C’s (Cats? Cucumbers?)

Now we make the sauce for it, a cheese sauce. This is basically a white sauce with cheese in it. I know that some of you have already whipped out a block of cheddar and a petrol station Playboy, but let me say: it’s a different type of white sauce.

First, melt 1.5 tablespoons of butter in a pot. To this add an equal measure of flour. Mix it all up on a medium heat. It should go kinda solid, or at least not “liquidy”. When this is done, set it aside. Now march to the lounge, kick open the door and yell “CAN YOU KEEP IT DOWN, I HAVE A SOUFLEE IN THE OVEN”.

Return to kitchen and return pot to a lower heat. Start pouring milk into the pot, while mixing the flour/butter into it, try and get rid of all the lumps before adding more milk, a cup and a half should do. Now keep on the heat and constantly stir, the sauce should go thicker. When you can take the spoon out and there is sauce on it, add the cheese. Do this in pieces, adding it only when the last measure has melted. Stir for another minute.

Layer the chicken, pasta and sauce into an oven proof dish. And throw into the oven. Leave until top goes all crispy and artery clogging. Done.

You can add vegetables to this: Broccolli, cauliflower and spinach are my choices. Others have used last year’s Christmas tree - it was surprisingly good.

WWW.NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ

In the beginning, God was about to create the heavens and the earth. But His co-creator, Rachael, informed Him that doing so would thrust great responsibility upon Him. He informed Her that “If She was a good co-creator, He may very well thrust Himself upon Her!” Repulsed by his blatant sexual advance, She told God that, when He created Man, She would create Woman to royally piss Man off whenever the woman felt like it. God then cursed Woman with something known as the “red tide” where she would bleed for several days a month.

Rachael then gave Woman the gift of superfluousness, where she will always unnecessarily look deeper into situations, often jumping to conclusions without proper logical thought.

And this went on for ages until Rachael quit and found employment at Subway.

Fast forward several million years and sexual harassment is a huge part of daily life. Women everywhere still jump to conclusions when it comes to a misjudged statement. In fact, a man nowadays cannot say “nice rack, Chloe!” without the woman immediately thinking that he is referring to her breasts. A man is not allowed to say “You have large breasts, Sapphire” without the woman thinking that he is still referring to her breasts. And, a man is forbidden to say to a woman “I want to be inside of you, Emma” lest the woman think that he is referring to gently placing a certain part of his anatomy into a certain part of hers.

Sexual harassment is simply born out of misunderstanding. When a man compliments a woman’s anatomy, she should not be offended.

The same goes for men. If a woman says you look good, don’t be offended. Be pro-active. She says you look good in tighter pants, go to work in your underwear. She says “Gee, Derek, you look great in pink”, go to work naked. If she says “Let’s have a drink after work, Jacques”, take her out, get her drunk and…

Good Lord, this column is getting a little out of hand.

And that is exactly what next semester will bring; more pointless crap.

ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

29

COLUMNS

STAGE GATE HUGGERS

CIRCLE PIT

MOSH

KEEPERS OF THE MOSH

By Burton C Bogan The Concert - Geographies With all these cool international Metal acts coming to New Zealand, I thought it would be good to dissect the concert.

Too many people think that the concert is merely one big mosh, but no - it has subtle intricacies and various areas.

First up there are those people who are right up the front. You know the ones, the people who stand virtually strapped to the fencing throughout the entire gig. Often it’s not because they want to see every band up close. It’s ‘cause they want to be able to say to their mates that they were right up the front. Often when the gig starts these people have to cling for dear life as every Bogan tries to steal their position or tear them away.

Then there’s the mosh. Things get pretty crazy in here sometimes. Thrashing around, barging into each other… good times, good times. This is usually made up of junior Bogans trying to prove themselves to the rest of the community.

Sometimes an area opens up in the mosh and a circle pit is formed. This is where people basically mosh in a circle and run around and around. Every now and then someone jumps in the middle and gets fucked up.

Then there’s the ‘Keepers of the Mosh’.

Round the outside of the mosh is the thin black line. This is made up of people who either hate being barged into or who love seeing people get fucked up. So anyone trying to escape the mosh is thrown back in or if you stumble into them while being barged,

Vitalisa

By Isa

TECHIES SOUND DESK

you get shoved back into the fray also.

Round the back are usually the Elder Bogans. They’ve already proven themselves.

So they can stand there slowly nodding their head, passing the joint on the left hand side and discuss “Yeah this is good, but back in 95 they were way better”.

Then in the middle of the back section are the techies. These are the people who like the music, but are more interested in the sound quality. So they hang around the sound desk offering advice to the poor sound guy or generally making comments about the acoustic quality of the venue.

exam. Take it in with you, perhaps put a twig in your water bottle or behind your ear or rub it on your wrists before you enter the exam. The scent will trigger those memories of studying and all the knowledge you have learnt will come flooding back to you.

Top secret exam techniques On some level we are all connected in a semi-nauseating new-agey kind of way. I don’t feel I need to continue with that line of thought any more but I really would like you all to pass your exams. You will need to be honest with yourselves about how much work you need to do, don’t get all narcissistic on me and overcompensate, arrogance doesn’t work and don’t feel sorry for yourself, or guilty, or miserable because that sure as hell won’t work either. If your perspective is skewed to either side adjust it so it is both realistic and positive.

Now you are ready to learn exam techniques, arcane wisdom which will help you if you use it wisely. When you are studying pick some rosemary, that strongly scented shrub you may have been acquainted with through roast lamb dinners. Take this sacred herb and hold it in your hand, place it around the books from which you study, anoint your body with its scent. This plant has powerful memory enhancing qualities and it will also be your secret weapon in the

30

ELDER BOGANS

Now for the next divine secret. When you read over something important, hold that thought in your mind, then close your eyes take a deep, relaxing breath. Imagine a metaphoric stalk of wisdom protruding from your head and branching off. Attach the knowledge you have just learnt to one of the branches and give it a symbolic image and link all the finer points like twigs, to the main branches. If you have more than one exam imagine a different coloured tree for each subject. When you get into your exam close your eyes and take a deep, relaxing breath, just like you did when you were studying. This process will also help to relax you and free you of any pre-exam jitters. Be aware that all the knowledge you learnt is easily accessible to you and it will be.

If you visualise your exam going the way you want it to go you will find that it mysteriously easy, after all, it’s all in your head.

ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

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COLUMNS

With the break looming, many of you will be considering a vacation from squalid student flats. Given the claustrophobic growth of high density housing and virus like spread of multinational franchises you may want to visit some of the more scenic parts of the country. The New Zealand Collection houses numerous guides and directories that may be of use. Try subject searches such as ‘Hiking New Zealand’, ‘Camp sites, facilities, etc. New Zealand’ or ‘New Zealand description and travel’. If you have the funds for overseas travel, you may want to visit the Map Library next door on Level 3, where you can find relevant Lonely Planet Guides, atlases, road maps, etc. The curator of this cartographic cornucopia, John Robson, will no doubt help you find what you need.

If do not have the means to travel, you can do so vicariously. On our shelves you can find travel literature from renowned authors such as Mark Twain, D.H. Lawrence or Robert Louis Stevenson. We also have classics such as The Travels of Marco Polo or Claude LéviStrauss’s Tristes Tropiques, an account of Lévi-Strauss’s travels to South America, which has been highly regarded due to its beautiful prose and philosophical ruminations. If you have a geographic area of interest, try a ‘description and travel’ subject search as above.

Many people think of more ‘exotic’ locales when it comes to travel literature, but America has also been a popular subject, particularly for Europeans; from the 11th century Vinland Sagas, telling of Viking voyages to North America, through to more well-known works by Tocqueville and Baudrillard. Of course, some of this literature is often critical; for example Knut Hamsun, who claimed America was a “childmonster whose runaway physical growth would never be matched by moral or cultural maturity.” A sentiment echoed by American born author Henry Miller, who saw America as a black curse upon the world spreading disaster. Miller’s Air-Conditioned Nightmare contains his account of traveling through America during the early forties. Kerouac’s On the Road, a book that was hugely influential among the ‘Beat’ movement, is also worthwhile checking out.

If fiction is more to your liking; perhaps Jonathan Swift’s satirical Gulliver’s Travels, wrongly regarded by most as a mere ‘kid’s book’, or Conrad’s The Heart of Darkness. Conrad’s book recounts a journey into the Congo, and also serves as a criticism of the veneer of civilisation that masks the reality of humanity alluded to in the title. The ancient Homeric epic, The Odyssey, a tale of Odysseus’s journey home to Ithaca encountering various mythological beings, is one of the more influential, and fundamental, in the Western cannon. Joyce’s Ulysses is modeled on it, showing how even just a single day in the modern world can become an odyssey imbued with mythological significance.

By Jed Laundry Often times, the image given to those technically literate and experienced often gets confused with less savoury characters. Seeming as how I’m too busy and overworked and lazy to write anything that requires thinking this week (what with exams coming up and a case study to finish), I’m going to detail some of these creatures as I sip my tea and try to revive myself from this slight hangover.

The Fanboy - This is the person who has bought a copy of Vista Ultimate signed by Uncle Bill himself, or who pre-ordered the PS3 when the Xbox 360 was shipping, just to show their dedication, or who buys a Mac and then spends every second sentence explaining how great it is. Some of the most productive time in a person’s life can quickly be wasted away on internet forums blasting those who do not agree with a fanboy’s opinion. Beware of becoming a fanboy.

The Wannabe Emo - Unlike real emos who just be emo with their emo friends in real life, wannabe emos have no emo friends in real life and so join other wannabe emos in emo infested places such as MySpace and YouTube, posting meaningless garbage that the overwhelming majority ignore.

Often wannabe emos can be confused with fanboys, as they will defend each other vigourously against people who have never heard of this ignoring concept and instead insist on bashing said wannabe emos, who then retort and become even more of a wannabe emo. It’s a vicious cycle, one that you should never enter in to for there is no known escape.

The H4X0R - This can mean one of two things: a. Someone who thinks that they can hack because they know how to find hacking tools using google, but when the time arises to actually hack something they cower and refuse to demonstrate their “mad skillz”, as they know they couldn’t hack their way out of a mime’s box. The saying “I think, therefore I am”, obviously does not apply here. b. A very technologically gifted individual who has poor English skills.

So there you have it. Next time, there will be more words, arranged in some sort of interesting fashion.

The recesses of the human mind can provide much bizarre and foreign terrain to explore, and reading itself can be a means to do so. Although those favourable to last week’s topic may prefer more direct methods.

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COLUMNS

who is still trying to rehabilitate his Achilles tendon after a serious injury last year.

By Joseph Ross Anyone who has been following rugby lately will know that the main event on the card for 2007 will occur in France in September and October. That is the World Cup. The first All Black squad was named on May 18 for the domestic season (the World Cup squad will be named at a later date).

Predictably, Graham Henry and his selectors have selected all the players who missed a large chunk of the Super 14 because they were in the ‘conditioning squad’. As expected, the team will be captained by Richie McCaw. ‘Bolters’ (or unexpected inclusions) in the team are Waikato halfback Brendon Leonard (who made his provincial debut in 2005)

and Wellington prop John Schwalger.

Henry made the following comments on Leonard at the press conference after the side was named: “Brendon has been the best attacking halfback in the Rebel Sport Super 14 this season and has forced his way into the side based on form.”

A notable omission is Wellington and Hurricanes back Ma’a Nonu. He was out of form during the Super 14 which was one of the reasons why the Hurricanes struggled, finishing in the bottom half of the table.

Several would-be All Blacks were unavailable due to injury. The main three are all in the tight-five. These are locks Jason Eaton and James Ryan, as well as prop Greg Somerville

Waikato Stadium Hamilton sports fans flock to the Stadium when there is a big game on. But do they know the story behind the stadium?

Waikato Stadium as we know it only came to be a handful of years ago. Before that, it was Rugby Park, which was built back in 1925 after Waikato rugby had a stint at Claudelands Grounds and Steel Park. In 1934, the roof of the grandstand collapsed, fortuitously with no injuries. In the late 90s, the Rugby Park deteriorated rapidly.

In 1996, to attract world class events (both sporting and otherwise), the decision was made that Hamilton needed a new stadium.

Originally, the idea was to construct an oval stadium at an estimated cost of $52 million.

The Trust had only slightly over half that much money so it was decided that a twin upgrade of Waikato Stadium and Seddon Park would be more realistic (estimated at $30 million). This idea also meant Seddon Park would retain its position as one of New Zealand’s few international-standard specialist cricket grounds. The stadium is now managed

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and owned by Hamilton City Council.

These redevelopments took place in 2000 and 2001. During the ‘01 season, Waikato hosted its NPC games at Seddon Park. The first rugby game at Waikato Stadium was the Chiefs v Crusaders on March 1, 2002.

The stadium now has a capacity in excess of 26,000. After this year’s Chiefs v Blues game, referee Steve Walsh said of the stadium, “There was a big crowd in for the local derby and when it’s a full stadium, it’s the best stadium in New Zealand. The crowd is right there on top of you – it’s a very good rugby ground.”

The total surface area of the field (including all grassed area) is 12,000 m². The in-goals are 10 metres deep (the shallowest permitted by the laws of rugby) and the field is 70 metres wide (the widest permitted). The turf is called Loksand and is a mixture of sand and nylon thread, which binds the sand particles together while still allowing the attachment of the grass roots. The advantage of this system that is more stable than plain grass (and drains better) but is also more forgiving on the players.

Under the Rugby Park alias, the ground had an unusual characteristic – the ground

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The full 30-man squad is: Dan Carter, Jerry Collins, Nick Evans, Troy Flavell, Carl Hayman, Andrew Hore, Doug Howlett, Chris Jack, Byron Kelleher, Brendon Leonard, Luke McAlister, Richie McCaw, Leon MacDonald, Chris Masoe, Aaron Mauger, Keven Mealamu, Malili Muliaina, Anton Oliver, Keith Robinson, Joe Rokocoko, John Schwalger, Sitiveni Sivivatu, Conrad Smith, Rodney So’oialo, Rueben Thorne, Neemia Tialata, Isaia Toeava, Piri Weepu, Ali Williams, Tony Woodcock.

All Blacks Domestic Schedule: (all times NZT) v France v France v Canada v South Africa v Australia v South Africa v Australia

Auckland (June 2, 7.35 pm) Wellington (June 9, 7.35 pm) Hamilton (June 16, 7.35 pm) Durban (June 24, 1.00 am) Melbourne (June 30, 10.00 pm) Christchurch (July 14, 7.35 pm) Auckland (July 21, 7.35 pm)

sloped away in one corner. This meant the ball would roll further in this part of the ground and therefore would often either find the touchline or the dead-ball line (which includes touch-in-goal). This corner was known as ‘Referee’s Corner’, and was the corner at the right hand side of the Wel Networks stand (or the top-left corner if watching the game on TV). The vertical distance between the centre of the paddock and the corner flag was a metre and a half. This was leveled out in the redevelopments of 2001.

Thank you to Justine Jarden (Even Facilities Administrator of Waikato Stadium and Seddon Park) for providing much of the information used in this article.

Non-rugby events held at Waikato Stadium: • Soccer – International, Kings, Waikato Football Club, National League Competition • Concerts – Summer Jam and Crusty Demons • Volcanic Paintball • NRL – Warriors, St George-Illawarra Dragons, Parramatta Eels • National Marching Championships • Harley Davidson Hog Rally • World Indigenous Peoples Conference in Education Cultural Concert • Kiwi Bowl National Gridiron final

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COLUMNS

ON HORSE APPRECIATI with VITAMIN CATHY Hay everyone out there lol! Wassup haha. It’s me again Cathy from the last time I was here! If you remember well I run the Horse Appreciation Club (its HAC for short remember :P)!! You see there are a lot of people who really love horses because they are so cute and handsome and they like to do things with horses on waiKato as well!!! rofl. I have a horse called Sprinkles and she is all grey all over his skin except for her white bits which are in little dots all over her skin and its adorable. So you can see why she is called Sprinkles LOL !

(It’s because she keeps using Level 17 Pee Everywhere). It’s so great! Me and my friend Katy get together and talk about Horses and write stories about things that could happen when we go questing with Horses and appreciate Horses.

We have even set up a web-sight where you can play games, browse for horses or even join our HAC (horse appreciation club) Club. The sight is at www.ultimatehorsesite. com/fun/free_horse_games.html. Check it out roflomg!

Questing is so easy!! I’m like ‘hey guy can I have a quick fuck?’ and he was all ‘okay haha would you like a shot as well?’ ‘and I was like ‘hahahahaaha LOL that’s what I meant’. So I got the drink for free! That’s how girls get experience in waiKato by the way, by getting free stuff without paying for it isn’t it great? You get more experience if you win the mini-game where the guy tries to sleep with you but I don’t really care if I lose, I mean I didn’t want to but he kept asking and kept asking so I did it in his car to make him go away. I totally wish I hadn’t played that mini-game though. Wait doesn’t that make it rape since I changed my mind? OMG I feel so violated lol.

Dear Agony Art How do I know if a girl, who is my friend, is hitting on me or not? I mean should I bust a move and risk our relationship or should I wait for her to make it obvious and possibly make her feel I’m not interested?

Manorexia Nervosa Dear Manorexia Girls are like cats; you don’t know if they ever like you or not.

Sometimes you think they just want you for food, or the occasional shoulder to lean on. Other times you won’t see them for weeks and they’ll reappear, smelling like other people and slightly fatter.

And other times you will find them dead on the road down from of your house. But that’s beside the point: the point is you’ll never know. You will never know, unless you read her diary (or blog), if a girl likes you or not. I once had a girl like me for two years and she never said a word. After I got a girlfriend, however, she busted out a tearful explanation of 24 months of silenced love. So, you’re best bet is to get a girlfriend. Watch how your friend (who is a girl) reacts to this and you’ll know. But you’ll already have a girlfriend, so fuck her. She had her chance.

Your brother in Christ Agony Art

Dear Agony Art I keep getting denied by girls I ask out. Apparently they’re all lesbians. What’s a lesbian? My dad says they’re a myth.

Jimmy Prudeface Dear Jimmy Prudeface

OMG guess what guys the other day I was by the lake walking my horse and all these other horses were wandering around and they were all like “hey sugar fifty bucks for a trick” and other stuff and I was like “what the hell” because my horse already does tricks and she does them for free she can like jump over a fence and spin around in circles and crap in her own mouth, just like all the other horses in waiKato. So watch out for all the dirty horses around campus guys!! And if they say they will do tricks then don’t pay them!!!! Ps out from Cathy (and Sprinkles lol).

Oh lesbians are real my friend. A quick search on the internet will reveal everything you need to know about them. I suggest looking up “lesbian + group + parties” to get in touch with some lesbian support groups who will help you understand the nature of their world. Or you could just watch “The L Word”. Actually, now that I think further on the matter, I’m not altogether convinced that they are real. I’ve pondered their existence as an escape function for women who don’t like you, but don’t want to be honest with you.

They could also be a creation of the porn industry to sell naughty tapes. I myself have slept with several “lesbians”, which is odd, seeing I have a penis and not a uterus. So, from my own experience, there’s no such thing as a lesbian. Just a girl who hasn’t met me yet.

Email your Agony Art questions to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

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ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

Gotcha!

Agony Art

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DVDs Little Miss Sunshine

Pixies Acoustic

REVIEWED BY ARTHUR ROBINSON

REVIEWED BY ARTHUR ROBINSON

People told me this movie, about a dysfunctional family travelling to a child beauty pageant, was hilarious. One girl told me she laughed so hard that she cried. So I was looking forward to it as a way to lift my spirits on a bleak and rainy Monday. I’d just been to a funeral and now I was going to sit down and laugh my ass off.

Most of you, including myself, were too young to ever buy a brand new Pixies album, with the band having broken up in 1993. The first time many in my age group heard their music was in the film Fight Club, which features the song Where’s My Mind as the credit card companies are demolished.

Directed by Jonathon Dayton and Valerie Faris

Instead, Little Miss Sunshine wasn’t funny. At no point did I feel the need to laugh until I cried. Sure, there were a few parts of the film where I felt a little warm inside, such as when the depressed uncle (played brilliantly by Carrell) explains the chain of events that landed him in hospital.

Or when the daughter performs the talent section of the pageant to Rick James’ Superfreak. Other than this, the film puts out a lot of tragic and depressing vibes.

That’s not to say that this movie isn’t good however.

I enjoyed it a lot. But is it a comedy? Not really.

It’s a comedy in the way Lost in Translation was a comedy. Don’t expect to laugh a lot. Some people may not even laugh at all. But it is a good film and may well make you feel warm inside.

Live in Newport

Now that I’ve seen an entire DVD of their live performance I think it’s safe to say that the Pixies aren’t for everyone. Their kind of alternative folk rock, especially in its acoustic form, is going to grate on some people. In-joke after in-joke may also grate on some people. The tie dyed clothing in the crowd may even grate on some people. But apparently that’s what the Pixies are all about.

As far as the performance goes, it’s a little dull. It may have to do with the fact that they’ve all put on a little in the way of pies and sausage rolls since the mid1980s and dancing wildly around the stage just isn’t that high up on their priorities anymore. The crowd on the disk don’t care though. I guess standing in front of it is a whole lot more interesting than sitting on your couch with no pants on.

As the DVD moved on, I got up and had some breakfast. That’s when this DVD became awesome. The band isn’t doing anything, so I don’t need to watch it. Their songs are beautiful and laid back however, so I still want to hear them. This isn’t a DVD for watching, but is instead a DVD for listening. Which sounds odd, but once you buy it, you’ll understand.

The First NZ Street/ Latin Dance Festival The biggest Latin Dance festival ever to come to town is here from 1-4 June (Queen’s Birthday weekend), and in your very own UoW Performing Arts Academy.

Come and meet the NZ Argentine Tango and Salsa champions, the Australian Salsa champions, the Hong Kong Open Salsa champions, and a huge range of brilliant dancers. Parties every night will follow competitions and shows, with workshops during the day. There is a long list of world-class teachers and performers coming - go see www.dance-festivals. com. They will teach you even if you’ve never done a dance class in your life, and perform stuff you can only dream about. Whether you want to dance or watch, or both, there’s something for everyone.

PHOTO BY LEI LEI

If you wanna go to classes, or just party, it’s all there - Salsa (LA style, New York style, Cuban style), Brazilian Samba and Axe, Lambada, Argentine Tango, Bachata, Merengue, Cuban Rumba, Reggaeton, Modern Jive, Hip Hop, Kapahaka, Pasifika dance, and much more.

Cancel that trip to Honolulu or Brisbane, and stay in town for the party of the decade. And not just one

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ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

party each night, but up to four, simultaneously!

There are dance competitions for all levels – including beginners. Modern Jive on the Friday night (1 June), Salsa on the Saturday night (2 June), Argentine Tango on the Sunday night (3 June), and Hip Hop on the Monday afternoon (4 June). Oh, there are prizes for category winners, if you need an incentive.

The shows will be different every night and there are two balls – a Latin Passion Ball on the Saturday night (2 June), and a Masquerade Ball on the Sunday night (3 June), with prizes for best dressed couple. If you want to buy some new dance shoes, there will be a fabulous range on offer, all weekend, at very special Festival prices.

And the cost? - much cheaper than comparable events, and with more workshops, more shows, more competitions, and more parties. You can buy full festival passes, or part passes, with discounts for students and early payment. For more information, please email info@dance-festivals.com

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Citric

Because Of The Times KINGS OF LEON Reviewed by Captain Ahab

Rumours It has been a strange week for music. New Zealand Music Month means that we get to see artists dragged out and paraded around for our amusement who we haven’t seen in years. Is it just me, or is Dave Dobbyn looking more and more like Yoda every May? Drink Yourself More Bliss You Must!

If anachronistic schtick is your kinda thing, you’ll probably love Pop Levi, a hot new thing from Britain. Apparently he’s visiting Auckland in June. I would tell you more about what he sounds like, but I listened to Sugar Assault Me yesterday and now I can’t remember any distinguishing features. It uh... has some guitars and some singing on it. If I had to choose a genre, it would be “non-descript fad-core”.

Auckland’s Schooner Tavern is closing its doors in July, on account of the building lease expiring. For anyone who has ever tried to book a gig in Auckland, this is terrible news. This means that for a city of a million people, there is now exactly 12,341 shitty bands to each venue.

Apparently Fielding’s godliest sons Evermore are touring New Zealand in June, with support from ex-Rockquest winners The Electric Confectionaires and Australian one-hit-coke-ad band Thirsty Merc. You can just bet that this will be the best show you ever see. It’s all-ages too, so you can be assured that there will be lots of young screaming Evermore fans there and not a drop of alcohol.

I’m pretty sure you can die from that much wholesomeness.

CheeseOnToast is reporting that The Sneaks have spent their $5,000 video grant betting on a horse. The rationale is that if they win, they end up with a much bigger budget, and if they lose, they have footage of them losing $5k to use for their (low-budget) video. If I could get money out of the government, I would gamble it away too. Watch the results of their gamble here: www.myspace.com/dontfuckwiththesneaks If you missed the Hamilton Public Library NZMM showcase gigs, you should be kicking yourself. The only thing more striking than Kimbra’s glowing performance was the fact that they had posters up that said “Buy New Zealand Music”. I guess it gives you something to look at as you walk through the library to pick up some new CDs to burn.

This latest effort from Kings of Leon is bizarre and unfocussed. Naturally it’s a best-seller. Essentially, take one successful Nashville band in tight jeans, add a bunch of average songs and two slick veteran producers. The result is an extremely mediocre album. Strangely, repeating an average musical idea 200 times over doesn’t make it any better. “Repeat-it-until-it-sticks” and “lets-justjam-this-bit” seem to be the main strategies employed to turn simple musical ideas into 7 minute compisitions. Basically, the album just misses on so many levels. I appreciated 2004’s Aha Shake Heartbreak, but Because Of The Times simply doesn’t live up to my expectations. I found it difficult listening, with only a few tracks even beginning to capture my imagination. If you happen to be a die-hard Kings of Leon fan, you probably already have this album, and you probably love it. As only a casual listener though, I can’t get past the bland mediocrity which seems to permeate every aspect of this album. It’s not even bleak in a deliberate, artistic way. It’s bland because it is over-produced and under-thought.

Stranglet GRANT LEE PHILLIPS Reviewed by GEOFF DOUBE For indie types these days there’s a pretty clear fork in the road between angular, aggressively avant-garde post-punk on the one hand, and acoustic strummy folk slash country on the other. There was a time when Grant-Lee Phillips and his band Grant Lee Buffalo would have fit very comfortably in the latter camp. In fact, their first couple of albums were a big part of the initial stirrings of the ‘alt-country’ trend in American music. With songs which often took white country music and recast it from the Native American perspective, and which used delicate mandolins and heavy distorted electric guitars in equal measure, GLB did a lot to rescue Americana from its corny clichéd self.

However, fast forward to 2007’s Strangelet, and both the ‘alt’ and the ‘country’ has disappeared. The songs themselves are perhaps still as strong as ever, but they are buried under so much MOR majorlabel production that they have lost their entire impact. Where once Phillips was content to let some of his songs make their point in a minute and a half, now every single one outlasts its welcome. Where the arrangements used to be outstanding examples of economy and elegance, there are now string sections, horns and special effects added willy-nilly, which only detract from the core of the composition.

Certainly there is a huge FM radio market for this sort of stuff; and when you listen to Strangelet you can pretty much see the closing credits of every M-rated Hollywood movie scrolling down in front of your eyes. In the end, you’re left with the feeling that the same songs recorded with Will Oldham or Sam Beam would have left nary a dry eye in the house; but the way they appear on Strangelet will have you reaching for the off-switch rather than the tissues.

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REVIEWS

Books The Children of Hurin J.R.R TOLKIEN

For a Few Demons More KIM HARRISON

Reviewed by Minnie Schneider

Reviewed by LEAH GRAHAM

As a mad Tolkien fan, I was surprisingly ambivalent at the prospect of delving in to the second posthumous release from this author since his death in 1973.

While part of me was excited that this novel might be a potential extension of the enjoyment on offer in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, another part was wary due to whispers I’d heard that this book was “bloody diabolical” to read; a dense, self-indulgent journey in to the true depths of Tolkien’s (largely linguistic) fantasies. This rumour was born in internet chatrooms long before the books release, as Tolkien fans wondered whether The Children of Hurin was going to be as difficult to get in to as The Silmarillion was.

The cover of this book promises that it will be “action-packed… chick lit with a supernatural twist.” It was certainly action-packed, with the heroine of the story coming under attack from Elves, full-moon crazed Werewolves as well as Demons escaped from the ever-after. If that particular variety of violent action doesn’t do it for you, then the steamy lesbian action between the heroine, Rachael Morton, and her Vampire house-mate Ivy should. If all this isn’t enough action for you, the author has also thrown in some good old-fashioned heterosexual sex between our heroine and her Vampire boyfriend.

The novel has been constructed by Tolkien’s son Christopher (from a number of the senior’s manuscripts) to create an epic story of the earliest days of Middle Earth, or the legends of the ‘Elder Days’ that were so often referred to in LOTR and The Hobbit. It tells the tale of the fulfilment of evil Morgoth’s curse against our anti-hero, Hurin, and all of his family. In this respect, those central notions of good versus evil that we saw in Lord of the Rings still dominate Tolkien’s writing here. And certainly, Hurin is as flawed and unlikely a protagonist as Frodo ever was.

But this book is far closer in style to The Silmarillion than LOTR, in that it just takes so much longer to come to grips with what is going on. It would be misleading to say that any fan of LOTR is going to enjoy this book – Tolkien’s writing is far more mature and serious this time around. I didn’t feel that close to any of the characters either – in LOTR, you could just about eat those cute little hobbits by chapter two; developing a relationship with Hurin and the accompanying characters was a lot more difficult.

Ultimately, it was a satisfying read, although I did make the mistake of taking it to bed the first night – I was asleep in ten minutes. The Children of Hurin is undoubtedly a wonderful novel, but its one that the reader needs to actively engage in, otherwise the intricacies of the story will be lost. While I’d recommend it to LOTR fans, I’m not talking about people who just liked the movie – if you loved reading the trilogy, then you should take the time to read The Children of Hurin. Otherwise, you might just want to give it a miss.

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“Action-packed” as this novel may be, it was a chore to read. There was some accuracy in the authors’ depictions of magic and demon-lore but much of it was very laughable.

This book reads like a Famous Five novel with gratuitous sex and demons thrown in. An odd combination you may be thinking? It was! The mental power required to wrap my head around the childish tone of this novel when combined with decidedly adult themes was draining. After the first two pages I was alternately laughing at the pathetic writing and inwardly groaning that I had to continue reading to give it a fair review. I needn’t have bothered as the rest of the book was no better than the first few pages.

This novel at times seemed like a ‘princess and the pea’ fairytale because of the heroine’s selection of friends which included elves, pixies and oh-so-well-behaved werewolves and vampires, but it doesn’t manage to keep things PG enough to even pull that off. Not sweet enough for fairytale, not tough enough for action and not smart enough for the supernatural, this book falls far short of any expectations you may have developed looking at the cover.

If you ever see this book on the shelves of your local bookstore I recommend averting your eyes and getting downwind of it, it stinks! It was a struggle to finish reading this steaming pile but for the sake of Nexus readers I persisted. Needless to say, this one went straight in to the recycling bin when I had finished.

ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

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REVIEWS THE

AUTEUR HOUSE INTRODUCTION TO

Film Spiderman 3 SKY CITY CINEMAS REVIEWED BY JOE CITIZEN Do you believe in forgiveness? I’m not sure if I do, but this film certainly does. This is a classic children’s morality play that believes in friendship and the ability to make the right choice. You can see why Spiderman 3 has been touted as ‘the original and the best’ in this current phase of comic books reinvented for the big screen. He’s the boy-next-door, a bit of a geek, who has let some of his newly earned self-confidence go to his head. He’s so ordinary by day that you’d walk past him on the street without blinking. When he does turn into a super-hero, he’s not unbeatable either. He has inner demons he has to overcome, but unlike Batman he’s not fabulously wealthy. Quite the opposite – his apartment sucks and he lives on a student budget.

As children’s films go, this one is not too bad. There are lots of characters and some points you have to wonder if everything’s going to tie up at the end, which it does despite the inevitable schmaltz – why can’t the Americans make a movie that doesn’t have the stars and stripes and uncontrollable bursts of public clapping? It’s not like anyone ever does that in real life. The villains are a tad simplistic, but very original comic book. This film hits all the right notes on that score- it doesn’t rely on over blown sets or graphic art colour grading, its simply made like a comic. That’s not to say there are no special effects worth shouting about, just that the effects fit into the world of the story appropriately.

At two hours and twenty minutes, this one’s a bit of a bladder-buster. They could’ve chopped off the first forty minutes, but the result is a multi-layered plot with significantly more depth than your average children’s movie. As an adult I didn’t feel like it was all for the kids. There are some brilliant throw- away lines and moments that make us wince, especially when we see on-screen adults being childishly nasty to each other. There aren’t many super-hero stories where the hero could be any one of us.

All in all, my pick of the current round of children’s films, despite dangerous amounts of beautiful women screaming as they dangle off crumbling tall buildings.

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Vincent Sherman

BY DR RICHARD SWAINSON Vincent Sherman was not an auteur. He wasn’t a hack director either. His talents fell in between the two camps. What he was a solid craftsman, the type of film making artisan seldom championed by critics, even the loony French ones.

Sherman made his first film in 1939. It was called “The Return of Dr X”, though, strange as it may seem, it was in no way a sequel to “Dr X”. In probably his most bizarre role, Humphrey Bogart plays if not an actual vampire, then certainly a creature of the night with a bad skin condition.

Sherman’s forte didn’t turn out to be the horror film.

What he is best remembered for are his so-called ‘women’s pictures’. The term ‘melodrama’ is often today given a negative connotation yet in the hands of the likes of Sherman or Douglas Sirk stylised narratives with strong female protagonists and over the top musical scores could say an awful lot about American culture, its class system and racial politics.

Auteur House only stocks one Sherman film. It may well be his best. “Mr Skeffington” is a Bette Davis vehicle which dates from a period when she was Hollywood’s biggest star. She plays a woman of absolute vanity, who exists on the most superficial of levels, learning the lesson almost too late that beauty is only skin deep.

When the Davis character loses her physical attractiveness her once attentive suitors fall away and she ends up lonely and socially isolated. It is a poignant reflection on the aging process, one made all the more moving on the DVD’s commentary track. Sherman himself - at the age of 99, in the last months of his life - sustains a remarkable monologue, giving an insight into his own sixty year old film that only extreme age can provide.

Not the least of Sherman’s anecdotes deal with the affair he enjoyed with Davis throughout the shoot. While, as I say, Vincent is not considered in the first rank of Golden Age directors, he did enjoy the intimate company of many of his leading ladies. Davis was but one of the A-list notches upon the Sherman belt. He also bedded her chief Warner Brothers rival, Joan Crawford, and showed Rita Hayworth a good time after she busted up with that cad Aly Khan.

Not shy about his conquests, Sherman published a ‘kiss and tell’ autobiography at the age of 90. As Ingmar Bergman, the world’s greatest living director, approaches that venerable age, I think we should expect the same from him. I’ve watched a couple of Bergman masterpieces this week (Auteur House has his newly released early 60s ‘faith trilogy’, amongst many other melancholy classics). Whilst Bergman’s before-the-camera work is intense and spiritual behind the scenes he was often sweaty and physical with the feminine portion of the stock company. I’m sure reading about Harriet and Bibi Andersson in the sack or the finer points of Liv Ullmann’s technique would add plenty to our understanding of film history.

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Arts Diary Gig Guide Content May Offend – A Quilt Exhibition

ALEXISONFIRE

This exhibition challenges viewers to discuss the uncomfortable topic of family and domestic violence. Approximately 20 quilts made by women from across the country, will be on display at the WEL Energy Academy of Performing Arts from June 5 –29. The exhibition, which opens on Tuesday June 5 from 5-6:30pm will be followed by a seminars. Speakers include School of Education Associate Professor Joyce Stalker who has researched how women use fabric crafts to make defiant messages and Dr, Jill Chrisp from the Human Rights Commission. The seminar will present some of Joyce’s research and track the story of how the project has become an excellent Human Rights Commission’s project.

Annual Queen’s Birthday Pacifist Warfare Campaign – Warmongering Partake in the exciting art that is the preparation for a Pacifist Battle. Imperial Warmongers will lead you through the intricacies of preparing flour bombs, making paper swords and preparing shields for a jolly good bash. Koha appreciated. Weather permitting.

Various other activities will take place throughout the day. Sat 2nd June, 11am-all day in Garden Place. Koha appreciated.

Tuesday Canadian posthardcore screamers Alexisonfire play the St James in Auckland with The Bleeders, City Newton Bombers & The Rabble.

Wednesday Zebra play the good kind of jazz at The Cook, Hamilton East, this and every Wednesday night from around 7 till 10. With a glass of wine and the fireplace blazing, this is a lot more pleasant than watching reality TV in your scummy flat.

Thursday

Pottery: On the wheel workshop This is a one day workshop making pottery on the wheel which can be used for the future Raku firing extravaganza in Spring. This is a great workshop for those wanting to give it a go without committing to a course. Beginners learn basic skills. Spaces are limited. Saturday 9th Jun from 9am to 4pm. Cost $40. The workshop will be held at the Old School Arts Centre, Stewart St, Raglan. For more info call 07 825 0023

Liam Finn returns home just long enough to drop some laundry off to mum, and to make a special appearance at Auckland’s Kings Arms. The furry wee one-man band will be joined by the Whipping Cats. Tickets are surprisingly reasonable at $13, available from Ticketek outlets and the venue.

Friday

The Beast of Pak n Stack The Beast of Pak n Stack is a piece of devised theatre brought to you

by Hamilton’s IDEA drama group. The Beast of Pak n Stack is about a rather strange supermarket and the people to be found there - the bland shoppers, the discontented staff and a shady beast who only comes out at night to forage in the bulk bins and wreak havoc. Fri 22 Jun 2007 - Sat 23 Jun 2007 at 7.30pm (22nd) and 1pm (23rd).

New Place Theatre, Gate 8 Hillcrest Road, University of Waikato.

Why should you come to Uni on your day off? The WSU has one good reason -- free entertainment at the Village Green on Friday afternoons.

Rumour has it that The Deadly Deaths will be playing from 1pm today.

Discover the next Evermore or Anika Moa at the Rockquest Waikato regional final, at Founders Theatre tonight.

Thunder: the cool silent auction

Saturday

Come do coffee & check out the eclectic range of original artworks by local artists. Choose your favourite artwork and bid (just like Trade Me without the www). This is a fundraiser for the Brooke Baker for the TOWER New Zealand Youth Choir International tour June 07. Running until 1st June, entry is free. La Commune Café, 244 Victoria St, opposite Rydges Le Grande.

Katchafire are making a mid-winter Summer Tour, pulling into Mt. Maunganui’s Brewer’s Bar tonight, and the Coroglen Tavern in Whitianga tomorrow. Both shows $25 from Ticketek or $30 on the door.

The first NZ Street/Latin Dance Festival A dance/music event: workshops, competitions, shows, & parties.

Salsa, Samba, Tango, Hip Hop, Modern Jive, and much more.

Friday 1 June – Monday 4 June at the Academy of Performing Arts. Contact Carl Gordon on 07 855 2324 for further details.

If you know of any art events or you are an artist looking for some media exposure for your event, email nexus@waikato.ac.nz.

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Eclectric – Kylie D, Sol and Paul spinning “funky and electro house” at Aqua Velvet in Raglan. $8 entry.

Sunday In Dread Response, A Calm Before, Congaline, Cause for Alliance and A Black Disaster tear up No Way Out Records from 2pm this afternoon. If you like your hardcore with a sharp metallic edge, this is $7 well spent.

You can get the Gig Guide on petrajane.com over the study break. Keep sending your gig listings to petrajane@gmail.com.

ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

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Got any funny Busted! pictures of you and your friends out in town or getting totally busted you want to share with us? Send ‘em to nexus@waikato.ac.nz before Thursday 5 PM for the next issue of Nexus.

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ISSUE 12 28 MAY 2007

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