issue 11 2011 by Nexus Magazine

MAY 23RD 2011

THE WAR ON TERROR

END OF TERROR?

Osama may be dead but whats really changed?

NOM NOM NOM

Our food writer tells you how to make your very own Double Down at home!

PUZZLES

The ever popular puzzle page is here to distract you from that boring lecture

PWNED

We explore the world of games that let you play at terrorism

CHECK OUT

HEY

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THE WAR ON TERROR Credits: EDITOR: Art Robinson (editor@nexusmag.co.nz) DESIGN: David Nixon (design@nexusmag.co.nz) ADVERTISING: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) NEWS EDITOR: James Manning (news@nexusmag.co.nz) FILM EDITOR: Richard Swainson (films@nexusmag.co.nz) BOOKS EDITOR: Kevin Pryor (books@nexusmag.co.nz) GAMES EDITORS: Sash Nixon (games@nexusmag.co.nz)

Contributors Dirty Old Blair Munro, Shannon Rolfe, Loud American Mackenzie McCarty, Judy’s Sweet Legs, Dr Richard Swainson, Owen “Beef” Hinton”, Honest Matt, Kylie Zinsli, Jess Edmonds-Saunders, Danielle Wall, Mrs. Matthews, Jade Carey, Josh Cooper, Daniel Farrell, Sam & Zane, Esther Coker, Lauren KB, Mandy Suess-Ryan, Rawinia Judson, Caitlin Hayns, Aaron.Letcher, Kate Cogswell, Monique Hamilton, and Campbell “Ultimate Warrior” Weal.

Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). Or at least, we think we are.

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. WE THINK THAT THESE LITTLE JOKES AREN’T READ BY ANYONE BUT US. AND THAT PERVY GUY IN MY BIO LAB.

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL ads@nexusmag.co.nz OR call 07 838 4653

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT: Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton PHONE: 07 838 4653

CREDITS & CONTENTS

MAY 23RD 2011

EDITORIAL

PREZ SEZ

THE MAGIC 8-BALL

7-9

NEWS

SPORTS THOUGHTS

POLICE REPORT

12-13

LETTUCE

14-19

WSU PAGES

20-23

FEATURE - TERRORISM

LEFT VS RIGHT

PUZZLES

COMICS

FOOD

29-37 38

COLUMNS AND REVIEWS GIG GUIDE

FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: editor@nexusmag.co.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

EDITORIAL WITH THE WAIKATO FIST NOT AN EDITORIAL In the last few weeks you may have noticed some changes going on at the WSU. We have said goodbye to some long time colleagues and changed some of the way we do business to help create a better student experience for you. Our Events Manger Bronwyn Porter and her assistant Waimarie left a hole to fill having worked on some great events and memorable orientations over the past few years. Following Bronwyn’s departure our long-serving advocate Shannon Kelly informed us that she would be leaving to focus on fundraising for her trip to Zurich. Shannon will be attending a YWCA conference there where she will take part as a representative of young Maori women. Hillary Max who had been a receptionist before becoming Toko’s assistant also decided to finish at the mid-semester break. We would like to thank all of these women for their long service and hours and wish them well on their future endeavours. During this period changes were made to the structure of the WSU. Shannon Cleave moved out of her clubs role and into a position as Office Manager and James Raffan was appointed Senior Communications Advisor. Also joining the team is Paul Haley (advocacy), Dianne Sweeney (Clubs Coordinator), David Garden (Activities Coordinator), L.J Pijnenburg (Activities Assistant) and Kate Cogswell (Nexus Deputy Editor). The Nexus and WSU websites were also redesigned and a new Nexus iPhone app was created. Regardless of the staff changes our commitment to the student body has never changed. That is why we want to hear from you now! Whether it is through twitter or facebook, the WSU site or directly through our email (events@wsu.org.nz) we are interested now more than ever into designing new events, activities and services built around you. Whether it is ultimate Rock Band or Rock Climbing, a dance part or a BBQ with a few quality refreshments and a band we want you to tell us. You are the architect of your student experience. If you have read all of this but can’t be bothered with email or that fancy letter writing then come and see us at the SUB building where you can tell us your events and meet the Nexus Editor in person!

PREZ SEZ The 2010 Income & Expenditure Survey Results New research has been released on the situation of learners at universities and polytechnics. The NZUSA Income and Expenditure Survey is a three-yearly research survey carried out every three years since 1994 following the introduction of the Student Loan Scheme in 1992. It details the financial and socio-economic situation of students at universities and polytechnics throughout New Zealand. It is a rich source of evidence and information on various aspects of a student’s situation—such as debt, income, expenditure, and attitudes to education. The survey reveals that students were hit hard by the recent economic recession with fewer jobs and greater expenses meaning many struggled to make ends meet. Weekly living expenses have increased, along with tuition fees and student debt. Financial stress while studying, and the perceived impact of debt upon graduation, continue to feature highly, as students juggle the desire and need for a tertiary education with the high personal and economic costs involved. The 2010 findings demonstrate that students are a low income group facing significant education and living costs and are vulnerable to unemployment. The survey reinforces that the New Zealand student support system clearly fills a great need in supporting participation in higher education, particularly in harsh economic times. Some of the key findings are below: •Fewer jobs and higher costs meant many struggled to make ends meet, and there is continuing concern over the impact of high student debt •Average student loan debt continues to climb and is now $15,558, #1% higher than in 2001 •The median amount borrowed is now $12,000, 41% higher than in 2001 •More than three quarters (77%) relied on a student loan to pay for tuition fees, up from 69% in 2007, indicating it has been more difficult to save for fees in the recent economic climate •Tuition fees continue to be a significant cost, having increased by 13% since 2007. The median amount now paid is $5,400 per year, and increase of 42% since 2001 •Learners appear to have borne the brunt of recent high unemployment. The research shows a massive drop in learners doing regular or casual work during the academic year, from 90% in 2007 to just 65%. 58% are stressed about the effect of their financial situation on their study •Particularly concerning has been the harsh impact on student parents, with numbers dropping markedly from 19% of the student population in 2007 to just 8% in 2010. It is likely that a huge 30% jump in median childcare costs from $35 to $50 per week, and cuts to the Training Incentive Allowance have increased barriers to entry •The highest perceived impacts of having a student loan were seen as being the ability to buy a house (72% cited this), deciding when to go overseas (69%), and saving for the future (65%) Deni Tokunai WSU President 027 5734241 president@wsu.org.nz

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MAGIC 8-BALL The fury of the disenfranchised sways the strands of time, birthing the relentless death-wheel we name MAGIC 8 BALL. Black frogs and bipedal lizards clamber from the shadows and snatch your people up! Three wheeled cars and Dutch cyclists scream their mournful screams and feel their bones turn to ice in HIS MIGHTY WAKE! And, when all hope seems lost, a ray of hope appears, dancing down from the skies! IT’S A TRAP! MAGIC 8 BALL KNOWS ALL AND DEMANDS YOUR ALLEGIANCE!

nexusmag.co.nz

Will New Zealand ever be attacked by terrorists? Perhaps. I mean what would they need to kill us all? A dozen suicide bombers? But are we important enough? We’re already under attack by the current government and no one seems to care so we’re all too lax / lazy to care. Chur. Can the War on Terror ever be won? Don’t count on it. USA killed the World Hide and Seek record holder, on his death bed in front of his daughter. HOO RAH!! U S A! U S A! I think the war is being won, unless the US is taking a stance of “if you can’t beat’em join’em”. Honestly, the way things are going we will never win. Terror will only ever be won if we stop fighting terror with terror. If the western world instead of spending money on weapons and used the money to improve the quality of life of less fortunate countries, instead of arming them and let them keep their beliefs then perhaps we’d have a chance. But the way we’re going we’ll never get rid of terror. Is Kahu on Victoria Street a front for a darker organisation? All answers point to yes. He’s is clearly a recruitment agent for some secret underground music club. Are George Bush and Osama bin Laden two heads of the same hydra? Reply Hazy, I’m not sure about that but they’re two fossils from the same era. Both rather senile and sadly only one is dead. Can the Magic 8-Ball win the War on Terror? Answers point to yes. Not one 8-ball, but if the right person found all 7 magic 8-balls and summoned the eternal dragon Shenron and wished for the end of all terror. I mean sure I could end terror myself, but if no one else is willing to put the effort in then why should I bother?

NEWS FECKLESS SCUM TOLD TO ACTUALLY PASS STUFF FOR A CHANGE

BY MIKOO KERBY

The University is applying a new and terrifyingly draconian regulation in 2011: pass your papers. This is one of the ways the University will manage/slice ‘n dice its student numbers this year, as required by the Ministry of Education If you are enrolled in more than 20 points in Semester A and manage to fail the whole goddamn lot, you will be ineligible for reentry to Semester B. You will also be withdrawn from your papers, which could severely root your loan, allowance or visa (if you’re an international student) situation. However, you have the right to appeal this decision. If you are ineligible the University will attempt to contact you to find out what the hell you’re doing with yourself – and as such it is of paramount importance that you keep your contact details up to date. The time frame for appealing for re-entry to Semester B is very short, so if you are ineligible and want to appeal, do it ASAFP. You can check your contact details by logging in to iWaikato, or by contacting the student information centre in person, on 0800 WAIKATO, or onenrol@waikato.ac.nz

THEATRE STUDENTS TAKE ON SEDUCTION BY JAMES MANNING A selection of Waikato University Theatre Studies students will be taking to the stage in a classic tale of seduction, murder and damnation, all wrapped in a fine platter of wit. The Last Days of Don Juan is Nick Dear’s modern adaption of a play written by Spanish poet, monk and playwright Tirso De Molina, way back in 1623. The age old tale of a man who thinks with other than his brain, the play is filled with big laughs, saucy seductions, and the flair of the Spanish nobleman hero. Directed by Gary Poole and performed by the students of THST 301 – Play Production, the classic play offers something for everyone. Theatre Student Kate Magozinovic plays the role of Catalina, “the only female in the play that doesn’t get seduced by Don Juan.” “It’s a really entertaining play full of seductions, drama, comedy and sword fighting,” “It’s wicked!” she claims. Check out the poster for more details.

NEWS

CIRCLE JERK 2011

BY JIMMY MANNING

Hamilton’s annual music extravaganza event Circle Jerk will be hitting Flow Bar this Saturday, where a range of local bands will play small sets of two covers of fellow Hamiltonian performers and one original piece. Penelope The bass player Stevie D says its great exposure for bands, and praises the concept of covering fellow musicians’ songs. “You’re covering two other bands from Hamilton, so from a bands point of view you’re exploring other people’s music and pulling it apart through your own version. Getting into someone else’s song a bit more as opposed to seeing them live. It’s kinda interesting in that way”, Stevie said. At 17, guitarist Stenn stated the small Hamilton music scene is a supportive community, giving credit to other Hamilton bands for

Although Stevie couldn’t reveal which Hamilton bands they’d be covering, he did state they’d be unveiling a new song, and is really looking forward to seeing various bands perform.

lending a helping hand. “The bands I’ve been in have always gotten gigs by being asked to play. I really don’t think it’s that hard to find places to play or people to play with if you make a few contacts. The Shrugs have always been really great to us” said Stenn.

“I’m keen to see Knights of The Dub Table again, and it’ll be interesting to see what Dick Dynamite do, they’re always fun. Strayhound, too.” Formed in 2009, Penelope The have been a prominent act in the Hamilton music community, picking up supporting slots for the likes of The Lookie Loos and Milk Train. Self described as “progressive blues-rock” and inspired by The Raconteurs and other Jack White projects, Stevie says all three members’ differing music backgrounds come together collectively, allowing them “to let loose and play something loud.” He references the incomplete name of the band to their constant desire to push themselves musically. “We kinda see Penelope as a character. Sometimes it’s Penelope the Beautiful, Penelope the Prick, Penelope the Ugly. Sorta like this ongoing character that we wanna develop I guess.” Elsewhere on the Circle Jerk bill are the Blood Pops, a band which member Stenn Francis-Deare states is mainly influenced by “beers and cigarettes.”

Stevie D agrees that the music scene is small, though says it does have its benefits in making strong contacts. “You do get to know people quite quickly. If you’ve got a show and you need another band, you just text them up and see who’s around. You all kinda try to help each other out a bit,” Stevie said. Penelope The are hoping to record an EP by the end of the year, and a full length album next year. Stevie is looking forward to the prospect of touring when they physically release their material. “Once we have a physical release, small tours in support of it will be something we wanna look at. We wanna keep gigging in Hamilton, but we’re trying to get a lot more gigs up in Auckland at the moment. Festivals [are] what we’ll be looking at next year as well.” Show your support of New Zealand music month by catching Penelope The and Blood Pops sharing the stage with a wide range of Nexus May 2011.pdf 17/5/11 11:28:06 AM other Hamilton musicians at Circle Jerk this weekend. Entry is $10 and it starts at 8pm.

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A TASTE OF LIFE AT WAIKATO UNIVERSITY

PRESS RELEASE:

More than 3500 secondary school students from Auckland, Northland, Bay of Plenty, Hawkes Bay, Gisborne and Taranaki joined students and staff at the University of Waikato Open Day last Friday.

Nexus caught up with some of the wee youngin’s and found out what they actually consider when deciding on University education:

The annual University of Waikato Hamilton campus Open Day is designed to showcase the qualifications, academic excellence, student support, facilities and lifestyle the university offers students and features a range of mini lectures and tours of the laboratories, grounds and halls.

Robyn and Kate

Students from around the country attended mini lectures which included ‘Working @ Google’, ‘What is Computer Graphic Design’, ‘Can Machines Think?’, ‘Taming of the Shrink’, ‘Making things work: opportunities in Engineering’, ‘Fun with Statistics…Probably’, ‘Wikipedia: The world’s largest Knowledge Base’ and campus tours throughout the day. Prospective students also had the chance to attend dance workshops, ugly Shakespeare performances and chemistry demonstrations. Nearly 300 students from some Hawke’s Bay and Northland schools will stayed at the Ngāruawāhia Christian Camp the night before and students from Gisborne Boys’ High School stayed on the campus marae. The day which ran from 9am to 2pm aims to give prospective students a taste of life at Waikato University.

How much it’s gonna cost. We live in Hamilton and are staying with families. Also the way a University looks. We like the lakes here.

Torben and Kodi Uhhhh, accommodation, fees, courses and parties. Yep.

Jess and Sally Not being in Hamilton, keen to get out. Any other university that has stuff you’re interested in studying. Proximity isn’t really a big deal.

Nicole, Sian and Jayne Probably first the courses, then the costs. We all wanna be close to home. We’re all into Media Studies, so might look at Wintec too. Just pondering our potions at the moment.

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SPORTS THOUGHTS

WITH C-BALL

DECLAN O’DONNELL – FLAWLESS VICTORY The court system has to be playing up. If Mortal Kombat had its wicked way with our society, Declan O’Donnell would currently be a part of a massive parade down Victoria Street, after defeating a contender (the Bouncer) from the Outback Inn by ‘flawless victory’, in turn going on to the semi-final rumble to the death versus either Scorpion or Reptile. Reptile got a mention simply because Skrillex’s theme song for him is playing in the background, and its badass. Yep, that’s right; I’m in the mix bro. Luckily I learnt how to dance to dubstep last week. Unfortunately for O’Donnell though, Hamilton isn’t quite up to Mortal Kombat’s stage of understanding when it comes to violence, the world isn’t in extreme peril from evil monsters from another dimension who know how to snap kick the fuck out of some shit, and because of that he is in trouble – because hands are for loving, not fighting. O’Donnell’s name suppression was lifted a while back, although most of us already knew what had happened and who was involved. The interesting thing to note however is that he had his diversion plea thrown out, instead now having to go through the court process like one of us regular day peons. It was recently announced that his case had been adjourned until July, where he will have to face charges like ‘injuring with intent to injure’, ‘common assault’ and ‘hulk-smashing’. I have to admit I made that last one up, but that’d be gnarly if it were true. This is where my brain goes all ‘three cones of Illusion’, because

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I can’t understand why O’Donnell’s diversion plea would be thrown out. As a public we have already had to swallow countless times the acceptance of a sportsman’s actions, and the following watered down punishment handed out. O’Donnell is an international sportsman, a member of our New Zealand sevens team and a local boy educated at the mighty Hamilton Boys High School (represent), so why on earth is he not able to get diversion when so many before him have done worse and received less? I’m not saying what has happened is acceptable, but much like I want with the Black Caps top order, consistency is the key. We need consistency. And for a long time now we have seen that anyone with a bit of fame usually gets away with a lot more than the average person. Shit, Tony Veitch is back on TV after beating on his woman, and OJ Simpson even murdered his wife and her man friend and got away with it. Fame is meant to mean not guilty – so what the fuck has happened with the O’Donnell case? The world has reversed. What’s next, a pre-shower dump? Three of the top four batsmen in the Black Caps hit centuries in the same test match? Now I know I’m dreaming, and come to think of it, it’s a wet dream at that. But getting back to the point, fame means leniency. However, I do need to clarify that being in Snapstar’s pictures every week doesn’t count, nor does streaking at a Rugby match or being a regular at bikini competitions held by local bars. You are not famous. And don’t buy into that whole bullshit argument that sportsmen are our role models. I’m pretty sure little Timmy’s mind has already been brainwashed enough by MTV. No one wants to see a promising young lad’s career ruined, especially at the hands of a silly moment in town one night. The last three billion fights I’ve seen in town didn’t give a result like this. I’ve seen a guy punch a fat girl over, right outside the Outback, and just walk off calmly. I’ve even seen bouncers choke slamming sober guys that they’d adamantly said were too drunk to be in the club. Yeah that redbull made that dude one tipsy motherfucker! You better get him out of your bar quick, before he vomits PURE ENERGY everywhere and it eats through the piss, shit and vomit secreted on the toilet floors. And you can bet there are two sides to this story, so don’t be brainwashed. As for O’Donnell: hook a brother from HBHS up and give him diversion!

HAMILTON EAST POLICE REPORT

1ST MAY - 18TH MAY 2011 WITH CONSTABLE NICK SICKELMORE

In the last fortnight there were 31 burglaries that occurred in the urban & rural areas of Hamilton East.

Home security advice is available from the East Hamilton Community Policing Centre on Clyde St.

As shown on the map there is a cluster of burglaries located around the area of Masters Avenue, Carrington Avenue, Cameron Road and Knighton Road close to the vicinity of the University.

As a minimum precaution Police recommend recording the serial numbers of valuable items and storing that data somewhere safeother than on your laptop.

Circumstances of the burglary: At about 1.30am three of the five students that flat together went into the city, with two remaining

QUESTION FROM THE POLICE:

at home. The two students that stayed behind were at the rear of the house when one of them saw an unknown male leaving their driveway on a bicycle.

If you do go out, please make sure that you tell your other flatmates and lock you windows and doors. Even if you are in the rear garden or just pop next door to see a mate.

When they went into their flat, they discovered several items missing from bed rooms with drawers and cupboards opened and rummaged through. When the other students returned home, they noticed that the male that left on his bicycle had wedged open a bedroom window to gain entry.

If you have any information that might help Police resolve burglaries, please call the University Constable, Nick Sickelmore on 8582792 or e-mail nsj639@police.govt.nz

A laptop and 2 Xbox consoles and games were stolen from the studentâ€™s flats. All kinds of individuals are walking or riding bicycles around during the day and night, looking for every opportunity to invite themselves into your flat.

Lettuce Write to Win! SEND LETTERS TO: Send your letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

WEEKLY PRIZE: This week there is a prize! Brett from UniMart is kindly offering a $20 voucher to the writter of our letter of the week. Come to the Nexus office in the Student Union Building to collect your prize!

LETTERS POLICY: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. Word count is limited to 250 words and we will enforce this as we please. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be). Send letters to nexus@waikato.ac.nz

Apathy

Mark Wins for Tragedy To whoever the scumbag is who decided to pocket my iPod Touch in the library instead of handing it in to lost and found. You go to f*cking university. I thought you would have some damn morals. I always had the opinion that university students, for the most part, were reasonably upstanding citizens and although cause a bit of a ruckus would at least do the decent thing and hand in stuff to lost property. Just today, Wednesday the 18th, I mistakenly left my iPod Touch by a computer on the 4th floor of the library. Once I realized I had done this, 45 minutes later, I went and asked security and the library staff and nothing had been handed it. Now this f***s me off, I’m a university student and I’m not made of money, my iPod was one of the few assets I have worth more than $10, and now it is gone. YOU, whoever you are, should be ashamed of yourself. You can do the right thing and go hand it in to lost and found sometime in the next week, and I will go and ask if it’s there, and you will get away with a week of free iPod touch use or the other thing you can do is risk keeping it, it has been reported to the police with the serial number and everything, and continue to be a scumbag and get what you deserve. Your choice. You can be a thief or not. Possession of stolen goods isn’t a good look.

Dear Nexus, I’ve was misled to believe that our generation was an apathetic one, full of hollow and half-formed opinions about subject matters which have no bearing on our lives on a day to day basis. I believed that we were either all bedroom philosophers or drug and alcohol fueled party animals on a painful and bitter road to nowhere. Of the day to day toils of modern slaves, of the pain of the displaced masses in a war-torn Africa, we know not. The climate, heck that’s the next generations problem. Torture at Guantanamo bay? Give ‘em a bit of electrode for me Uncle Sam. Oil? It’s still coming out of the pumps at the gas station, not my problem. I thought we were all live for today and don’t worry about tomorrow types. I was wrong. There’s just simply too damn much for us to care about. Endangered species are disappearing faster than we can count them. The Japanese are still killing whales. Protesters in the Middle East are being denied their freedom of expression in a hailstorm of bullets. We still haven’t cured cancer. AIDs is still running rampant. The climate is warming. We still can’t feed and water 1.7 billion people living in poverty. The first world still can’t quite claw it’s way out of the fiscal situation. And we’re only just scratching the surface of the world’s problems. I don’t have the funds to donate to Greenpeace, the NZ paralympics team and breast cancer research too. I can only sign so many petitions in one day.

I hope you do the right thing, Our problem is that we are just overwhelmed Mark

Come pick up your $20 UniMart voucher at the Nexus office in the WSU Building.

by the world’s problems. If a person came knocking on my door, looking for shelter for the night, I’d let them in. But I cannot let the whole world in, and their animals too (as cute as those baby pandas and elephants are). We all possess and express our capacity to care, but where do we draw a line? World, can we just take it one step at a time? Ben Cardwell

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Law Student Lays Down Law Sup Nexus, I usually read the Lettuce section of Nexus and have a few laughs. Some people are somewhat deluded really, and it seems to always be them who write into Nexus. But there was a couple from this week that really annoyed me, so I decided to write in and have a bitch. Firstly, I would like to comment on the lettuce by “Whitey Lover”. How do you propose Nexus gets “some fine wahines and some mean as Indian ladies writing for [Nexus]”? Should Art walk around campus with a cage and force them to write things for Nexus? Oh, hold on, that’s called slavery. That’s a breach of something that us “white, middle-class men” like to call the New Zealand Bill of Rights Act. And I would like to put money on the fact that you would be writing in to Nexus (or maybe even the Police) and having a bitch about that. There is nothing Nexus can do to make people write for them. So, unless you want to be the one to throw some caged darkies at Art, then sit down and shut the fuck up. Secondly, I want to have a chat with “A Reasonable Man”. You, sir, are a prime example of an idiot. While I agree with you that there are a number of people who are complete douchebags about how militant they become regarding people smoking, can you really blame them? They are effectively being murdered. Let’s look at the definition of murder, as per the Crime Act. According to section 167a, a murder has been committed “if the offender means to cause the death of the person killed.” I think you could argue a pretty good case that because of the huge amount of publicity around the effects of second hand smoke, the person willfully

committed an act that they knew would cause the death of a person, and therefore, they meant to cause the death of the person killed. Also, you think people who don’t smoke should be anti-social just because other people do smoke? Should these people not be allowed in Momento because of the cigarette smoke? I really hate to say this, but I think this is one place where the University of Auckland has it right. Let’s make the University of Waikato a Smokefree campus! So, that’s my little rant. Every single person involved with Nexus is amazing. Giving students a place to have their voice is important. So Nexus, you guys are awesome. Love, kisses and double rainbows, A Law Student (did you guess?)

Snapstar – Not For Everyone Dear Nexus! What happened to the busted page? It used to be a wall of shame where people could send in photo’s of their friends passed out naked on toilets and such, now it appears to have been hijacked by Snapstar. If you’re going to continue to have a Snapstar dictated busted page can you at least give it a more appropriate title? My suggestion is “BUSTED being a town whore”. By the way, LOL at the “Snap Star Hotties”. Anonymous.

Extended warranty! But it’s a new machine? Ngaio has bought a new washing machine for her flat. It comes with 2yr warranty. The saleswoman recommended that she purchase an extended warranty which would add another $300 to the cost. Does she need to do this? NO! The Consumer Guarantees Act covers new goods for a period of the expected life of the goods. A washing machine should last many more years than the 2yr warranty so Ngaio would be covered by the Consumer Guarantees Act and does not need to pay for an extended warranty. See: http://tvnz.co.nz/fair-go/extended-warranties-3577669 The Hamilton Area Citizens Advice Bureau provides advice and information from four locations. They are at 55 Victoria St (MonFri 9am-5pm), 70 Kent St Frankton (Mon-Fri 9am-4.30pm), Garden Place (Mon-Fri 11am-2pm) and the Cowshed at the University (Tues-Thurs 1-3pm). They also have legal, advocacy and consumer services available where you can get more specialised help. Phone the CAB on 0800 367 222 (0800 FOR CAB) or look at the CAB website www.cab.org.nz

Are you interested in being a member of the WSU Board of Directors? There is currently a vacancy in the WSU Board, which will be filled by appointment. If you are interested in applying, send you CV and a one-page cover letter to Charlie at vp@wsu.org.nz Applications close 3 June, 2011

APPLY FOR THE WSU BOARD! Are you keen to be involved in the governance of your student union? Interested in making sure your voice is heard? Think you’d be good at representing students’ interests and pushing for their needs to be met? Keen to be involved in events? If you answered yes to these questions, then apply to be on the Waikato Students’ Union Board of Directors! In the last WSU Board Meeting (held on May 12), the WSU decided to act on the vacancy in the board created by the departure of Holly Hudson. The WSU Board has resolved to fill this position. The vacancy therefore means that the WSU is now calling for applications from WSU Members (University of Waikato Students) to fill the position as a Director of the WSU Board as per Article 17.2 of the WSU Constitution. Applicants should send a CV of no more than four pages, plus a

one-page cover letter detailing why there are suitable for the position, to vp@wsu.org. nz before 4pm, 3 June 2011. If you have any questions, then feel free to email Charlie at vp@wsu.org.nz. Directors are concerned with representing students and governing the WSU. As a director, your key job is to put forward the interests of any student who approaches you. WSU Directors are each assigned a portfolio based on their interests: a student interested in women’s rights (as Holly was) might take on the Female Welfare Position. Directors are generally expected to run and help out at WSU Events. If you want to be involved in the WSU and meet lots of new people, this is the position for you! Directors are part-time positions (about 10 hours per week) and are currently paid approximately $3000 per annum.

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WSU SPACES AND PLACES: Over the last few weeks you’ve (hopefully) been learning all about the WSU services that we provide to all University of Waikato students. However, some people have pointed out to me that they don’t quite know where the WSU is, or what spaces we have available. As a result, here is the ‘tour of WSU Spaces and Places’ to make things a little clearer, and to summarise the services that the WSU has on offer.

General Parking

The Student Union Building Our first stop is the Student Union Building, or SUB. For those who don’t know what this is, the SUB is the building that is pretty much opposite the Uni-Mart on campus: it’s the one

UL3

that has been covered in scaffolding for the last few months (although that is now gone). The Student Union Building is also home to the WSU Offices, and all of the services we provide. You can come to the WSU for advocacy (to see people who can help you out if the uni, your employer, your landlord etc are making your life horrible), club support (to see our Clubs’ Co-ordinator), activities (if you have an idea for an event) or perhaps just to chat with the President, the Vice Presidents or one of the Directors: all of whom have been elected to represent you.

The WSU Reception also has a bright red telephone booth in it – just like the ones in England. This phone is there for you to use and is free. Yes, you can only call local and toll-free numbers on it, but next time your mobile battery is dead and you want to dial a taxi, want to ring the bank, need to call your work, or have to tell your flatmates they need to take your dominatrix outfit off the washing line before it rains: remember the WSU Phone!

Sports

and happiness with you. All levels of (im) morality are welcomed in the land of Nexus. Remember that Nexus is your magazine so if you think there is something missing, come and contribute today!

Feilds

Also found in the WSU Building are the Nexus Offices. According to Editor Art, the Nexus office is a hive of scum and villainy. If this sounds like your kind of place,

Our final space is the WSU Clubs Room, which is also known as Guru Phabians. This is a medium-sized room with a board table, chairs, a photocopier and a computer: perfectly set up for all your meetings. Come and talk to reception if you would like to use this room for your club meeting: it is free for all WSU Clubs. Guru Phabians is also the room where the WSU Board Meetings are heldn, so feel free to come here if you want to

volunteer to contribute today: email nexus@ waikato.ac.nz. If this sounds remotely scary, volunteer, and bring your morality

see your board at work: drop in at reception or email Charlie at vp@wsu.org.nz for details of the next board meeting.

Academy of Performing Arts PA

If you want to do any of the above, come up to the reception and say hello to our friendly receptionist Annie. Annie can help you make an appointment (if one is needed) or direct you to the right place. At reception you can also make use of our booking agent status, and book a trip on Naked Bus, buy tickets

Oranga

Shops Cowshed

Student Village

for ticketmaster events, or get a lightwire top up card. Annie also often has free lollipops at her desk too, so make sure you grab one of those if they are around.

General

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Student Union

SUB

SRC

UniRec Centre

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Faculty of Ar Social Science CONF

Parking

Chapel

CHSS

Student Services Bryant 16Hall

Centre for Continuing Education

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members from ASKEW: the club for GBLT students on campus. As you can see from our beautiful photos, there was a lot of happiness and laughter in Queer Space, with students feeling proud to have their own homophobiafree space. So, next time you want to hang out with other GBLT students, go to Queer Space and meet some fellow gays! You can also email ASKEW at askew.waikato@gmail.com

The Cowshed Courtyard However, the SUB is not the only space the WSU has available. If you go out behind the WSU, you will find the old ‘Cowshed’ Building. For those who don’t know, the Cowshed is located just beyond the Student Union Building and is behind the Rec Centre. The Cowshed has a number of exciting places and spaces for students. The first of these is Campus Cuts; the hairdresser at University. The people here are lovely. We think they give super awesome haircuts for super awesome prices, so do go and check them out. The next exciting place in the Cowshed is Contact FM: your friendly student-based radio station. Contact operates on the 88.1 FM frequency, so tune in to them next time you’re at uni. Next is the Citizens Advice Bureau. These guys are the people to see if you just need some general information on what to do in a sticky situation (along with the WSU Advocacy Service). According to their website, CAB exist to provide information to assist with almost any issue, and if they can’t help, they’ll find someone who can! They are also on the lookout for volunteers, so go and drop in today if you want to be involved. Student Spaces At the back of the cowshed is what are known as the ‘student spaces’. These are three rooms that have been put aside for specific groups of students on campus: the Adult Learners’ room, the Queer Space, and the Women’s Space. We went on a quick visit to see what was happening. The Queer Space was our first stop, where we had the delight of hanging out with a few

We then frolicked down the hallway to the Mature Students’ Room, which has its own computers, magazines and even a kitchen. This room has been put aside as a place for mature students (anyone over the age of 25) to hang out together. The Mature Student’s Room has its own little fridge and microwave, as well as tea/coffee making facilities, so is a great place to go for an hour to get some lunch and some peace and quiet. There are also some computers if you want to get some work done while you’re at it. WSU Director Priscilla Ngatai has been a very busy bee tidying up this area and making it nice; flick her an email at priscilla@wsu.org.nz if you

Remember, these spaces have been especially put aside for you, so make the most of them! Similarly, if you think that there is a need for another space: come and see us at the WSU (or email president@wsu.org.nz) today, and we will see what we can do.

want to know more. Our last stop for the day was the Women’s Space. The Women’s Space was originally set up to give women a safe, comfortable place to go on campus. Like the Mature Student’s Room, Women’s Space has a kitchen (including a microwave and fridge) and some comfy couches; and is generally just a place to relax. Recently, Roselle O’Brien has been busy doing some tidying up in this space, and is quite keen to start up a Women’s Group on campus; email her at waikato_womens_ space@hotmail.co.nz if you are interested! OPEN: 8.30am-4.30pm PHONE: 07 856 9139 WEB: www.wsu.org.nz

DIRECTOR INTRO: RYAN HENDERSON

on the WSU involves helping promote and encourage sports and recreation on campus. With there being over 50 clubs on campus and many events and competitions throughout the year, there is plenty to get involved with!

Hey everyone my name is Ryan and I’m

Just gone in the holidays was the University Games which was held in Auckland this year. This was a 3 day sporting competition in which a strong team of around 60, including myself, went up from Waikato to compete in a range of sports. This was an awesome time for all that got involved; so if you didn’t make it this year, then there’s always next! Some more big events coming up this year are Snow

the 2011 Sport and Recreation director for WSU. This is my first year on the WSU but I am completing my fourth and final year of university now. This year my role

Games, in which a team from Waikato travels down to Wanaka for a week of boarding and skiing events. And also the Tertiary Games where Waikato University will be defending

Email: ryan@wsu.org.nz Portfolio: Sport and Recreation Studying: BMS (Hons)

their shield against other Waikato and Auckland institutions. Email me at ryan@ wsu.org.nz if you are keen for more info on these. This year will also be action packed with events such as dodge ball and other sporting activities and competitions on campus throughout the year. So get in touch with me at ryan@wsu.org.nz (or come see me in the WSU Office, or down on the Village Green during cultural hour) if you have any sporting or club related issues, want to organise an event or even want more info on the events coming up. So there you go! That’s a bit about me and what’s happening throughout the year with the WSU. Have an awesome year and I look forward to meeting many of you out there!

DON’T MISS OUT!

GETTING BACK IN TO UNI FOR B SEMESTER

As we wind down for A semester, it’s time for an important “public service announcement” about getting back into uni for B Semester: make sure you pass all your papers so your application for B semester is accepted, and make sure you keep your contact details up to date so that you know the process for appeals if you don’t get back in.

To make sure that they fit within this ‘cap’, the University is applying a new regulation in 2011 that requires students to achieve a certain level of performance in Semester A in order to progress to study in Semester B. In other words, you now will have to show that you’re somewhat committed to staying at uni by passing your papers.

If you are ineligible for re-entry to Semester B you will be sent you information by email (if you have chosen this as your preferred method of contact) or by post. You can check your contact details by logging in to iWaikato, or by contacting the student information centre in person, on 0800 WAIKATO, or on enrol@waikato.ac.nz

For those who don’t know, the University now has to operate under what is called a ‘capped’ environment. This means that they

What that means is that if you are enrolled in more than 20 points in Semester A, and you fail all of your points, you will be ineligible for

The time frame for appealing for re-entry to Semester B is very short, so if you are ineligible and want to appeal, make sure you

are limited in how many students they can have enrolled at one time.

re-entry to Semester B and will be withdrawn from your papers. You will have the right to appeal this decision, and for this reason it’s really important that you keep your contact details up to date, so the uni can get hold of you quickly.

do so as soon as possible, and pay attention the deadlines you are given. If this does happen to you and you do need some advice, come and see the WSU advocacy team: make an appointment at the WSU Reception and our advocate will be happy to help.

The War On Terror By the The Waikato Fist

Total number killed in 9/11 attacks: 2,819 » Number of firefighters and paramedics killed in 9/11: 343

The War on Terror began nine days after the attacks on the World Trade Towers and the Pentagon, in September 2001. George Bush, speaking from Camp David, launched a war, which is still being fought in almost every corner of the world a decade later, with a few brief words: “Our ‘war on terror’ begins with al Qaeda, but it does not end there.” A few weeks after that, the United States of America and the United Kingdom started hammering Afghanistan with the latest in guided missiles and fighter jet technologies. Afghanistan, ruled for the previous 5 years by the Taliban, had been harbouring al Qaeda in the vast mountains which ripple across one of the least conquerable regions in history. The United States, confident that al Qaeda was to blame, demanded that the Taliban cough up the villains.

» Number of nations whose citizens were killed in attacks: 115 » Number of death certificates issued without a body at request of victims’ families: 1,616 thousands of Muslim men who answered the call. From bases near the Pakistani border he, along with a few thousand like him, battled overwhelming odds and did so with inferior technology. Enter the United States of America. You see, during the Cold War, America was throwing cash, weapons and training at anyone who claimed to be fighting socialism, Communism or anything else that scared the American people. The Mujahideen, those Muslim men who answered the call to Jihad (Arabic for holy struggle), were some of those who benefitted from covert funding from the United States. Some sources have put the value

meeting and al Qaeda was born. Many of the Mujahideen who had fought against the Soviet forces wanted to expand their jihad to other areas of the world, such as Israel and Kashmir (where Hindu India and Muslim Pakistan still contest the exact location of the border) and generally fight a fierce defensive battle for what they deemed Islamic land. Two years later, Iraq invaded Kuwait and began the First Gulf War. Saudi Arabia, bin Laden’s home and the home of some of the world’s largest oil fields, suddenly found one of the world’s largest military powers at their necks. Bin Laden offered his veterans from the war against Russia as defence troops for the kingdom of Saudi Arabia, but was turned down in favour of American and allied troops.

Percentage of Americans who knew someone hurt or killed in the 9/11 attacks:

20%

The Taliban, for some reason thinking they had choice, demanded evidence that Osama bin Laden was to blame for the September attacks, before they handed him over to either execution or disappearance.

The United States and England, aware that one of their bombs was worth more than the entire Afghan air force, decided that the Taliban could shut up and merrily started bombing Afghanistan back to..... well, back to the Stone Age, which was potentially an improvement in some portions of that poverty stricken, backward nation. Now, some of you may have heard that Osama bin Laden was trained in Afghanistan, by the Americans, in the 1980s. This is mostly true. When secular Communist Russia invaded Muslim Afghanistan, a call to arms sounded across the world. A 22 year old Saudi Arabian man named Osama bin Laden was one of the

of the funding at close to $30 billion.

The weapon the Mujahideen coveted most was the FIM-92 Stinger, the most advanced anti-aircraft weapon available to infantry in the 1980s. With it they were able to knock out Russian helicopters, which were the Russians only means of striking at Mujahideen in their mountain hideaways. Many people like to say that America gave al Qaeda weapons which were then used against them. This is not true. At the time of the Russian war in Afghanistan, al Qaeda did not exist, but we’ll get to that later. Also, it is important to note that the battery pack on a FIM-92 Stinger only has a life span of five years. The weapons sold to the Mujahideen in the 1980s do not pose a threat to American and allied forces in Afghanistan now. Most of the weapons were bought back from the fighters in the late 1980s anyway, as part of a $55 million buy back scheme. So, why did these warriors, one time American allies, decide that America was a villain? In August of 1988, bin Laden called a

One would think that Osama’s troops, as experienced as they were in fighting Russian technology, would have been a good choice for the Saudi armed forced. Bad move.

Horrified by what he saw a sacrilege, bin Laden began to speak openly against the Saudi royal family. Having foreign troops in Saudi Arabia, the home to Medina and Mecca (Islam’s holiest cities) was revolting to bin Laden, especially when there were Muslim soldiers ready to fight. As a result of his comments, he was banished from Saudi Arabia and took residence in Sudan, which had just experienced a coup and was now fiercely Islamic. From Sudan, bin Laden continued to rant and rave against the deployment of foreign troops of sacred soils. So vitriolic were his criticisms that he had his Saudi citizenship terminated. The $7 million a year allowance he received from his family was also cut off and his bank 21

accounts with Saudi banks were frozen.

who had blocked the Taliban’s complete

differences, any number of other, small ethnic

A few years later, after an affiliated group

takeover of Afghanistan. Most of the men in this unit had experience fighting the Russians

groups could declare independence and Russia would turn into a clusterf*ck that would make

called the Egyptian Islamic Jihad tried unsuccessfully to assassinate President Hosni

in the 1980s, while others had fought in the Balkan wars of the 90s, or against Russian

the Balkans look like a good time. After a war in the mid-90s was universally

Mubarak, Sudan kicked Osama bin Laden out,

troops in Chechnya.

protested as a case of Goliath stomping David’s

but not after reported offers to the Americans to hand him over. America, apparently, were

Russia has a long history of war on terror. After withdrawing from Afghanistan in 1988,

head repeatedly into the ground, the Russians left the Chechens alone for a while. That is, if

not interested. Back in Afghanistan, a group called the

one would think that Russia was done with fighting the warriors of Islam. Many scholars

you call three years a while. In 1999 Russian troops began to pour into

Number of funerals attended by Rudy Giuliani (Mayor of New York City) in 2001: 200 Taliban (a word which means ‘students’) had seized control. After Soviet troops had left Afghanistan in the late 1980s, Afghan warlords had been battling it out, with no clear ruler. By 1996, most of Afghanistan was under the control of the Taliban, who enforced strict laws based on the teachings of the Koran. Osama bin Laden moved his operations there and was involved in the training and recruitment of the Taliban’s elite fighting unit – the 055 Brigade. The 055 Brigade primarily fought the Northern Alliance, an anti-Taliban group of warlords

refer to Russia’s war in Afghanistan as a parallel to America’s war in Vietnam. The huge amount of money and men poured into fighting in the mountainous lands also played a part in the eventual collapse of the Soviet Union. Among the nations which decided to declare (or were granted) their independence from Russian rule was a tiny nation in southern Russia called Chechnya. Chechnya, the population of which are primarily Sunni Muslim, wasn’t going to get away with it for long though, as the Russians realized that, if Chechnya declared independence based on religious or racial

Are all suicide attackers Islamic extremists? No. Most suicide attackers in history have been atheists, Hindu or Shinto. Suicide attacks are probably as old as war itself. The defenders at Masada, in the Roman province of Palestine, were driven to kill themselves, rather than risk capture and torture at the hands of their Legionnaire foes. Many assassins in history have carried

the region once more. Again fighting in mountainous terrain, the Russians laid waste large chunks of the country, using better weapons technology than was available during their fight in Afghanistan. Outnumbered and outgunned, the Chechens turned to the only form of fighting they had left: dirty fighting. Even though Russia occupied their infant nation (around 60,000 troops still remain) and dispersed their leaders, the Chechens have continued their fight through terrorism. A dozen major attacks, most of which have been secreted away into short bulletins on New Zealand news, have occurred in Russia since then. In October of 2002, around 50 terrorists took over 850 people hostage in a Moscow theatre. Many of the terrorists were equipped with bomb-belts of the same kind used by suicide bombers around the world. After a four day siege, Russian special forces gassed the building. 170 people died and 700 people were injured. Most of the deaths were caused by the gas deployed pre-assault.

out their missions, well aware that success would guarantee a slow and painful death. In the Second World War the Japanese deployed some of history’s most memorable suicide attackers. Pilots in lightly armed planes would crash into American naval units, weaving in and out of intensive anti-aircraft fire to hit battleships and troop ships. Called Kamikaze (Japanese for ‘divine wind’), these pilots were trained briefly in the operation of their planes and pointed in the right direction. Around fifty ships were sunk in this fashion. Japanese Communists also launched a suicide attack at Lod Airport in Israel in 1972, killing 26 and injuring around 80 civilians. Not even ‘bomb vests’ were created by Muslim terrorists. They were first used by the Tamil Tigers, the terrorist organisation recently crushed in Sri Lanka.

In 2004, the Russian town of Beslan became

Tamil’s are largely a Hindu people.

Chechnya to America’s war with al-Qaeda,

» Number of Americans who changed their 2001 holiday-travel plans from plane to train or car: 1.4 million » Number of mentions of 9/11 at the Oscars ceremony 24 March, 2002: 26 » Number of orphans created by the 9/11 attacks: 1,300 front page news around the world. The main school in a town of 35,000 was captured by Chechen terrorists. Inside were 1100 people, 777 of which were children. After three days, Russian special forces stormed the building, with the resultant gun battle killing 156 children. Now, it’s easy to compare Russia’s war with

but this is hardly fair to America. Russian forces had raped and pillaged their way across Chechnya in the early 2000s, attempting to cover up their atrocities at every level. The bodies of infants were found near Grozny in the February of 2000 with bullets in their heads. Pregnant women were shot in the stomach. Of course Russia, being a land of bread and circuses and not much else, has never admitted to any of these crimes. When Beslan was captured, the Russian media were told that there were only 354 hostages inside. The gas used in the storming of the theatre in Moscow has never been revealed by Russian government sources. On the other side of Europe, England has been fighting terrorist longer than most countries. In the 18th Century, English colonists used terrorism, including acts of sabotage and murder, to gain independence from the Crown. Those colonists were the ancestors of today’s America. The militia men in the early days of the American Revolution were called Minutemen, supposedly for their ability to get their musket and meet with other Minutemen to defend their homes or attack British targets. They wore no uniforms, fought in loose order and used guerilla tactics. The reasonably inaccurate film The Patriot, starring everyone’s

Was 9/11 the first al-Qaeda attack on America? No. The first attack in America by al-Qaeda occurred in 1993, when a van full of explosives was detonated in the underground car park of the World Trade Centre in New York. Six people were killed and a thousand were injured. Five years later, the American embassy in Kenya and Tanzania were attacked, again with vehicle mounted explosives. Over two hundred people were killed in these attacks, with close to five thousand being left injured. In October of 2000, the USS Cole, a destroyer refuelling in Yemen, was rammed by a suicide boat. The resulting explosion killed seventeen sailors and injured over a hundred others. It is interesting that some of America’s worst terror attacks (outside of the attacks on September 11th, 2001) were launched by domestic dissidents. The Oklahoma City bombing in April of 1995 was planned and executed by Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols, both of whom were American citizens. Almost two hundred people died in this attack, while 700 were injured. The anthrax attacks which took place a week following September the 11th were found to be the act of an American working in the biochem laboratories of the United States military. Five people died as a result of opening mail laced with anthrax spores.

the destruction of their hidey-holes in Afghanistan, launched a suicide bomb attack on the public transport system of London. Four homegrown militants blew themselves up in the subway system and on a bus. Fifty two people died in these attacks. Two weeks later, another five bombers were arrested after a failed attempt to further bomb the London Underground. A day later, a Brazillian electrician was gunned down by police for failing to stop when asked. The ‘heavy jacket’ police claimed could have hidden a bomb vest in turned out to be a

were caught by our government, and then released when the French asked for them. Good work New Zealand. Three years prior to this attack, Hamilton came close to a terror attack of its own. The Springbok Tour of 1981, at a time when only whites were allowed to play with the whites and Nelson Mandela was locked away on an island in shark infested waters, was a highly contentious issue for freedom and rugby lovers in Aotearoa. Almost four hundred protestors invaded the pitch at Rugby Park (Waikato Stadium these

Number of songs, including ‘Ruby Tuesday’ and ‘Imagine’, banned post- 9/11 for being ‘lyrically questionable’: 150 favourite drunken racist Mel Gibson, gives an idea of the kind of tactics used in that war. Perhaps the most infamous of all of England’s terrorist enemies are the Irish. After fighting a losing battle against the guerilla forces of Ireland since 1798, when the French attempted to land troops there in order to free it from British rule. Since then, even after the independence of Eire in 1922, Irish terrorists kept striking at England, from Northern Ireland to Manchester and even an attempt on Prime Minister Maggie Thatcher at a hotel in Brighton in 1984. In 2005 al-Qaeda, provoked by British involvement in

denim jacket, which could be found in any number of the Datsuns’ videos. Across the English Channel from London is France, the only country in the world to have sponsored an act of terrorism against us, New Zealand. During the late 20th Century, France used its territory in the Pacific to test its array of atomic and hydrogen bombs. New Zealand, being the champions of nature that we have been for the past 40 odd years, told France that it should really cut it out. France responded by blowing up a Greenpeace ship in Auckland harbor. The ship, the Rainbow Warrior, had been due to lead a flotilla of ships to Mururoa, the atoll where the tests were to be held. France put an end to this with two bombs, the second of which killed photographer Fernando Pereira and sank the boat. Four French spies were hunted for after the attack, two of whom escaped. The other two

days) to stop the game, in protest against the racist policies of the Republic of South Africa’s Apartheid era government. The crowd went nuts and, in true Waikato style, battled protestors outside the grounds, while those on the field were pelted with bottles and cans. A small plane, piloted by Pat McQuarrie, was stolen from Taupo and began to approach the city. When the authorities heard that he intended to fly into the stadium, the game was cancelled. So, even in Hamilton, acts of terror have affected lives. Most people would think that Hamilton is not a viable target for terrorists, but in thinking that we become a viable tactic. Terrorists, whatever their religion and whatever their political leanings, want us to be afraid. They have hit military bases, schools, theatres and buses. They kill children, soldiers, business men, police men and scholars. All we can hope for is that this latest War on Terror kills enough of them before they kill enough of us. 23

I REMEMBER Where were you on 9/11? Did it affect you at all? Mitchell, 29

Rebecca, 20

“I was in my flat playing an online game. People were talking about it (9/11) on the game, so I turned on the TV and watched the 2nd plane hit the tower. I was shocked, in disbelief. It was a pretty unreal thing to watch.”

“I woke up and thought it was a movie. It didn’t really affect me.”

EVAN, 20

“I was at intermediate, got home and watched it.”

tim, 22 “I was gonna go to elementary school in the morning, but I stayed home to watch it on the news. At the time I wasn’t affected, it was only until about a year ago when I saw the conspiracy theories that it started to affect me.”

alex, 20 “I hard out remember it. It was a school day and Mum woke me up. We spent the whole day at school watching it on television. Mum and Dad had a friend in New York, so it kinda affected me in that way. But when you’re 10 you don’t really know what terrorism is.”

Mark, 25 “I was in 5th form Science Class. At first I thought it was like a small passenger plane just crashing, I didn’t even care. I was like, ‘what’s the big deal? What’re the twin towers?’ It wasn’t until I saw the thing collapse on television that I was like ‘holy shit, this is ridiculous’. I thought it was a conspiracy theory.” 24

IVICA, 22 “I had just come back from overseas on a plane –American Airways. In a survey that we were handed out, my brother wrote on the comments section ‘American Capitalism is the disease of the World’. That was a week before 9/11. I got a little freaked out about it (9/11) cause my teacher thought it was the beginning of WW3.”

abby, 19 “I was at Primary School, the teacher was real upset. I wasn’t really affected. I care less about America than I do about New Zealand.”

kate, 21

“I’d just got outta bed, had slept in. It didn’t really affect me. That’s when I found out what a terrorist was.”

kirstine, hod english “I was working at Tauranga at

the Extension Campus, at a Staff Meeting when I found out. It had a profound impact on me. We all couldn’t talk of work afterwards. It all seemed a bit empty. I went straight home, shocked in numb way. [It] comes back to a sense of horror, knowing it was all real. I hate flying, so haven’t got on a plane since. If I have to go overseas I’d go on a boat.”

A QUICK ONE-TWO

LEFT JAB WITH MADAM KERENSKY

RIGHT CROSS WITH MR FREEDOM

Race based parties do not have a place in parliament. Does the Nazi Party ring any bells? The Maori Party have swayed from left to right in pursuit of power for their people. Politics may concern race but are more importantly about the bigger picture of how we all live together in this country. The collapse of both the Maori Party and ACT has led to Hone Harawira breaking off to form the Mana Party on the left and Don Brash being named leader of the ACT Party. The centrism of the Government is being challenged and voters are becoming more polarised. The great divide between rich and poor means extremism is alive and well. Politics is being given passion but this has become

This week we have been asked to comment on Don Brash, Hone Harawira, and who is the more racist of the two. Personally I am baffled that the two are even considered capable of comparison. Before we can properly give a verdict, let’s have a quick analysis of their racial policies and conduct.

such an uncommon event that it is easily confused with racism.

required because Maori are fully capable of entering Parliament in their own right.

Harawira was not willing to give up his stance on the Foreshore and Seabed, an issue many see as racially divisive. He saw Maori title as guaranteeing our beaches “will always be there for all New Zealanders to enjoy for ever”. However the new Marine and Coastal Area Bill makes a common space of our beaches so that they cannot be sold, the very issue concerning Harawira. While still offering iwi the opportunity to apply for customary title, the legislation makes this extremely difficult demanding proof of exclusive, uninterrupted use and occupation since 1840.

Policy-wise, Don Brash advocates for one rule for all. No special treatment for Maori, no special treatment for New Zealand Europeans (or as Hone likes to call us – white mother fuckers). He is a staunch opponent of reserved Maori seats and claims that they are no longer

The Treaty of Waitangi: fuelling racism since ages ago.

Hone Harawira, on the other hand, advocates for preferential treatment of Maori. Reserved Maori seats, unelected Maori advisory councils, you name it – he wants it. I would love to give a more detailed description of the Mana Party policies/communist dribble but it would seem they don’t actually write them down, and Hone just makes most of them up as he goes along. Harawira accused Brash of aiming to destroy Maori by removing Maori reserved seats. Does he not think his own people are capable of competing in their own right? Several MP’s in Parliament are of Maori decent, and stood in ordinary electorate seats - Proof that the seats are outdated.

What Don Brash doesn’t realise is that in Maori culture, land is valued spiritually, not financially. The fascist can’t relate, yet openly attacks

Now his policy is one concern, but his conduct is a whole new issue. We can all remember that time when Hone accused “white mother

Maori. The Resource Management Act is a prime target with its clause that councils must consult both the community and local iwi separately. Parading as the anti-racist crusader Brash wants ‘equality’ but the inequality lies in the different sentiments towards land. ACT’s new leader can be remembered from National’s controversial 2005 “Iwi/Kiwi” campaign billboards. Don Brash isn’t afraid to say he’s anti-affirmative action. In his recent ‘Dear John’ letter to the Prime Minister Brash criticised the “privileged” position of Maori, arguing that positive discrimination is still racism. Unfortunately whatever you do you’re a racist.

fuckers” of “raping” Maori lands, or when he told us he wouldn’t let his daughter date a Pakeha. But the recent Close Up debate between Harawira and Brash really stands out. Within a thirty-minute interview Harawira managed to label Brash a white supremacist, a red neck, and a KKK member. One of the truly golden moments of the interview was when Hone compared Don to Hitler, and likened Maori colonization to the holocaust. Not only was this comment completely absurd, it was also highly offensive to Jewish people. Can you imagine the backlash that would follow if Don had made similar comments to Hone? What if Brash had said he wouldn’t be comfortable with his daughter dating a Maori? That is the extent of modern day racism in New Zealand and its double standards. Paul Henry asks if our next Governor General will look and sound like a real New Zealander and he get kicked off television, yet we let this sort of shit slide from a parliamentarian? Oh that’s right, I forgot. Only white people can be racist.

Why didn’t we sort this out when New Zealanders were all racist motherfuckers and nobody cared? That’s just it, nobody cared. Our defining document was lost in a basement, water damaged, half-eaten by rats and found only to provide conflict in New Zealand for centuries to come.

Did I mention Hone praises Osama Bin Laden as a freedom fighter? No? Maybe next time.. 25

DANIEL FARRELL COMMEMORATIVE

Puzzle Page

Brought to you by Mighty Strong Friends of Nexus; Event Cinemas and Frozen Coke Smugglers

So, this week, we’re talking War on Terror. Boom! Headshot. Also, by request of the person who wrote in a couple weeks ago, we have the word “Vote Mana Party”. And I would like to point out that I submitted the puzzle page for that week before Don Brash became leader of ACT. Anyway, if you have a theme suggestion for the puzzle page, email puzzles@nexusmag.co.nz. That would make you epic and cool and stuff.

THE BIG BAD wordFIND the wORDS OSAMA BIN LADEN TALIBAN AXIS OF EVIL GEORGE DUBYA BUSH AFGHANISTAN IRAQ MARINE NAVY SEAL HEADSHOT

WHAT TO DO The Furious Puzzle Page

TONY BLAIR

(seriously, it’s pretty darn cross) Brought to you by the strong mind of Event Cinemas, in both Chartwell and Centreplace flavours! Mmmmm, delicious frozen coke! Be warned, this is the most difficult puzzle page ever!

VOTE MANA PARTY

SUDOKU TIME

COMICS GALORE RL - BY TOM BEISLY AND DANIEL KEEGAN

Fancy yourself as an artist? Got some sweet comics you want to share? Let us know! Contact us at nexus@waikato.ac.nz

NEXUS. FOOD. LOVE. WITH DEE Hi Nexus readers, This week, I’ve found myself talking to a lot of people about two topics: Diets and Double Downs. Now, I’m not the smallest of lasses, and that being said, I have been on a range of different diets in my time. I’ve tried the weight loss shakes, Weight Watchers, Sure Slim, a weird version of a soup diet, and a nasty version of the Atkins diet. Needless to say, they all had various amounts of success, and there are some of them that I would revist, if I could make room for them in my budget. I have a lot of opinions about weight loss, and theoretically I know what works. I just

This brings me to the Double Down conversations. Most of you will know about KFC bringing the infamous Double Down to New Zealand, and it has created some talk about not only whether it is tasty, but whether it is okay to eat health wise. Let me run you through what is in the Double Down: two chicken fillets; two rashers of bacon; two slices of cheese; and some special sauce. My first thoughts on the Double Down were “$7.90! For that! And that’s all you get?” My second thought was “There must be a better way to do this!” This “sandwich” is pretty high in calories, and as much as the Heart

I have tried yet. I first want to have a go at making my own version.

haven’t been able to nail the sticking-toit side of things. Healthy eating around campus can be tricky, and normally involves being fairly well prepared, and having a lot of support.

Foundation made a fuss over it, there is no way it can be as bad as a Double Quarter Pounder, a Double Whopper, or working your way through a whole meat lovers pizza. Still, I must admit it isn’t something

trying to recreate it.”

HOME MADE DOUBLE DOWN: Firstly: Experiment with your own blend of herbs and spices. To get you started, I would include salt, pepper, thyme, and rosemary, throw in a bit of whatever other herbs and spices smelled nice together, and then blitz them in a food processor or the likes. Add those to a mix of flour and breadcrumbs. Then dip your (thin) pieces of chicken in some milk, coat them in the crumb mix and pan fry them till they are cooked. Secondly: Make up your own version of special sauce. My plan is to mix together some mayo, tomato sauce, mustard, a little sugar, and some gherkin relish or chilli powder. Three: Use streaky rasher bacon, and grill it to try and get some of the fat to drop out. Four: As much as I hate to admit, there are some pretty tasty varieties of cheese slices out there. To try and get close to a real Double Down, I would use cheddar, or cracked pepper cheese slices... but personally, I prefer smoked cheese slices. Five: Assemble your creation! And bask in the knowledge that even if it is a bit higher in calories then Weight Watchers would like, it really should cost less than $7.90 a serve. Eat and enjoy.

Back in 2010 when the Double Down was first introduced to the USA, one of my favourite food blogs (www.seriouseats. com) did a Home Made version of the Double Down. They used really good quality ingredients, did their best to recreate some of the 11 herbs and spices KFC use, and worked out their own version of the Special Sauce. To quote the article “Never in my life did I ever expect to ingest something called ‘The Colonel’s Special Sauce,’ much less spend a morning

I suggest you have a go at making your own Double Downs at home sometime.

RANGATAHI IN THE WORKPLACE

YOUNG WORKERS’ RESOURCE CENTRE

MAKING LIVING CHEAPER

WITH HONEST MATT

Misuse of Trial Periods From the 1st of April 2011 all employers have the option to hire a new employee on a trial period of up to 90 days. If you are hired on a trial period for the duration of the trial period you do not have the right to

Hello cheap living enthusiast. How’s life going? Mine’s been swell. Thanks for asking. This week’s tip is to attach your card to someone else’s present

file a personal grievance on the grounds of un-justifiable dismissal; all other employment rights still apply.

I would like to paint you a picture. It’s your friend’s engagement party and you’re expected to give a gift. They are streaks ahead of you in the maturity stakes and already own a house, car and dog together. You on the other hand have a bottle of Appleton’s and half a pack of b & h to your name. You don’t really feel like spending your fickle income of these smug bastards who are carving you up in the game of life. What do you do?

At YWRC we have been receiving a number of calls about this legislation, we have found some employers are not using the trial period correctly, below is a brief list of some of the cases that we have been hearing. •One student being fired under the 90 day trial period, although he did not have a written agreement that stated he was on a trial period. PLEASE NOTE: a trial period agreement must be in writing •One 17 year old was hired by a cafe, it was her first job and they offered $8.00 per hour for the duration of the 90 day trial period, they employer had noted in the employment agreement that once she made it past the trial period her pay would be increased to the minimum wage. PLEASE NOTE: all other rights such as minimum wage entitlements still apply when employed on a trial period, the 17 year old should not have been paid less than the new entrant wage of $10.40 per hour. •A women was on maternity leave for one year, and was about to return back to work. The employer said the women could come back to work on a 90 day trial period. PLEASE NOTE: this is not allowed, if you are on maternity leave your employment has not ended and there is no need for a new agreement, furthermore you cannot be put on a trial period if you have worked for the employer before- mainly because they should already know how you work. All in all this new legislation can have some benefits to young workers’ trying to gain some work experience however, some employers may attempt to take advantage of this new law, it is your responsibility to know your rights, and stand up for them.. If you would like more information or have any questions about employment relations please contact kylie, kylie@ywrc.org.nz, 07 834 7124

The first thing you do is go to Whitcoulls and buy a card, a nice envelope, a ribbon and some cellotape for around $10. Ok, you have your card all ready to go now all you need to do is find a suitable present to attach it to at the party. The next step is a game of stealth and cunning. Second thing you do is rock up fashionably late to the party with your two rough mates Animal and Steve. Ideally the couple will know them well enough to let them stay but will still be keeping a cautious eye on them. Animal and Steve will act as your diversion. Showing up late is crucial, as you will need to do this under the cover of darkness. While it’s dark and everyone’s dancing and having a good time is the time to strike. You will have your card in hand surveying the table in a hawk like fashion to find an appropriate present to attach it to. Once you have found an appropriate present (never the biggest present) it’s time to get the plan going. Indicate to Animal and Steve that it’s time to execute the plan (do this is through subtle signals such as a flick of the nose or a tap of the ear). Once this is understood it’s time for the distraction to begin. Animal will distract the blokes with his “watch me skulls three jugs in 30 seconds” trick while Steve distracts the bizzays on the d-floor with his cute but ultimately disappointing caterpillar attempt. While all this is all going down you simply rip a card of one of the more modest presents and attach your one. Problem solved, money saved. Get your H Card for only $25 today from hcard.co.nz Check out our deals at hcard.co.nz/deals 29

CAFES: LIKE A BOSS

WITH MRS MATTHEWS

Red Cherry Cafe Cnr SH1 and Forrest Rd Cambridge. We ended up here because I, determined to get a new pair of work shoes that were on sale, was willing to drive to a shop in Cambridge just to get them. I dragged a friend and her baby along so that we could have a lunch date, and so I wasn’t driving all that way just for shoes. Upon entering we perused the blackboard menu, and despite the sign above it which said ‘available until 3pm’ and the fact that it was only 2:45pm we were told it was no longer available and we could only order from the cabinet which we found a bit disappointing. Between us we decided on a ham, spinach and cream cheese muffin and a vege lasagne, with which we were given the option of having with salad, roast veges or wedges. We chose the latter. We finished it off with a huge slice of Banoffie pie. The muffin was huge and delicious and could have been a meal in itself. The lasagne was pretty good (despite the fact that I’m not a vege fan) and came with a dollop of capsicum and apricot chutney, which is frigging delicious and we acquired another pottle to smother our wedges in. By the time we got to the Banoffie pie we were stuffed, but it was beautiful so we struggled through it. I had ordered an iced coffee and my friend a mocha. Despite my coffee having a large dollop of ice cream in it I still found it a little bitter, and likewise my friend found herself adding sugar to her mocha. I thought it was a shame because I know the coffee is roasted right here and has the potential to be delicious. Overall I found the staff to be a bit non-descript to be honest. Nothing they did really stood out for me, maybe this is good because they didn’t do anything wrong, but it means they weren’t stellar either. The decor here is the same it’s always been; it has a converted barn feel and which can be warm and cosy when it’s rainy and horrible outside like it was that day. I have to admit I was a little disappointed with this visit as I’ve been here before and it’s been much better.

POST-RAD

WITH BLAIR MUNRO

I’m pretty sure that I hate newspaper journalists. Sure, they have credentials, and contacts, and money, but this is not a hatred born of jealousy. No sir. This is a hatred born of a deep-seated intolerance of stupid people. Now, I will grant that most newspaper journalists (we are excluding the staff at the Waikato Times from this, because that particular rag has more errors that the conceptual entity that is Twilight) are able to spell, type, and communicate clearly. I seldom feel the need to punch a newspaper editor in the face, because most of the time, it appears they are actually doing their job. No, what I hate about newspaper journalism is the tendency to put quips, and witty comments in serious news pieces. In an opinion column, it’s fine. No harm, no foul. But when you’re writing a story about the family of a girl killed by a repeat drunk-driver, you don’t have to mention that she was “their own Jessica Simpson.” Yes, you got that right. In the New Zealand Herald, just last weekend, some dopey fuckbrain thought that was relevant. I might be an asshole, but forgive me for wanting a little sincerity with my news. You’re clearly not on television, because you have the personality of roadkill, and looks to match. You aren’t on television, so quit bloody pretending. You are not a face, you are a by-line. You don’t get to sign off with a witty analogy; you get to report the damn news. I wonder how the family reacted to finding out that the country now knows they likened their daughter to a woman who can’t tell the difference between chicken and tuna. That’s why I hate newspaper journalists. Getting something that sounds cute on television is not the same as getting information that makes for good copy. There is a part of me that hopes I get kidnapped one day, not just to rub it in the faces of all the girls who told me that nobody would want me, but because the newspaper article would read like a dating profile. Tall, handsome, stylish, opinionated. If something like that were to happen, I’m not sure I’d want to be rescued. The embarrassment of being written about by some cocksuck journalist would be enough to keep me from showing my face in public ever again.

POSTCARDS FROM A FORMER STUDENT

WITH MACKENZIE MCCARTY

A Manicure in Cambodia She’s wearing a floppy hat and gloves to keep the sun off her skin, a near impossible task when you spend twelve hours a day pacing up and down a steaming Cambodian beach asking grouchy tourists if you can do their nails. I like her immediately, mostly because she doesn’t run up to me with the usual “hellobeautifulladyyoulikebuysomesing?!!! schpiel you get twenty-five times a day here. Instead, she sits quietly watching the sea roll in and out. And she isn’t thirteen years old, so I know she isn’t supposed to be in school. I tell her what I want and settle myself into a rented beach chair, moving my umbrella so that she gets some shade. She runs and fills a plastic bucket with salt water to soak my feet, and begins doing her thing with my fingernails. And while she works, she tells me about herself: My manicurist is thirty-one years old. “Do you have any children?” No. She had one baby but it died. She also had a husband once, but he “smoke too much ganja and then he leave.” So now my manicurist lives with her elderly parents (as most single Cambodian women do), and pays their bills by doing (predominantly) white ladys’ nails. When she tells me all this, it’s not in a tone that denotes a desire

“ So now my manicurist lives with her elderly parents (as most single Cambodian women do), and pays their bills by doing (predominantly) white ladys’ nails.” for pity- she’s just reporting. She points to Nick and asks if he’s my boyfriend. When I nod and smile, she says he “look nice.” I ask if she has a boyfriend. “I had one soon time ago, but he from Finland, and he leave. He no call me like he promise.” This makes me smile; you come half-way around the world, and yet when it comes down to it, boys are still a pain in the ass. When she’s finished, we’ve spoken for over an hour. She charges me $4 but I give her an extra $1 as a thank you, and she gets all embarassed. I won’t take it back, so she offers to paint little flowers on my fingernails for free. Ok. Then my manicurist packs her basket and heads down the beach, searching for new hands and feet.

WORDS OF WISDOM

WITH MR MINTY FISH

When you turn to the religion that is Facebook for advice, shit gets real. Not “Dear diary, I don’t have any real friends so (insert problem here)” kind of advice, but “Hey guys, hit me with topics to write about.” Advice. Before we continue, I feel like it is my public service to make you watch this pole-dancing rabbit. http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll89tfb4T21qa4xyf.gif Now for the deep hidden meaning of this stripper bunny... Fuck all. Sometimes things just are. Sometimes people just do things/watch things/fuck things because they can. Because having no reason why you shouldn’t do it is almost always stronger than no reason why you should. You following me? Not literally. That’s something you probably shouldn’t admit to. Anyway the basis of that little hipster rant was this. When you ask for Nexus topics and every single one of them involves alcohol, being drunk, going to town and basically just getting fucked up, you can do one of two things. Stop and evaluate the situation or give the monkeys their bananas. So here we are monkeys. Make a split. Q. How can I stay classy in town? A. Stay out of Victoria Street. Don’t even look at it. With every glance at Vic St, the terrorists win; but if you want my honest opinion, class is overrated. Q. How can I not look like a desperate hooker in town? A. Don’t ask if people want to pay for sex then if they say no offer to pay them. Q. What are the dangers of cork wedges? A. Having no friends. Q. What is the bathroom situation in Hamilton clubs? A. I have it in good authority that if you drop things on the toilet floor in The Outback the night of your friends 21st and then proceed to put them in your mouth even after we all tell you it’s not only the worst idea you’ve had all day, but potentially all week, you will power chuck solidly for the next 7 days. Q. Are you a bad influence? A. I get good grades, I have a good job, and I take every single opportunity/drink that comes my way. You tell me. I hope you’re all fabulous.

Before she goes I notice her nails, bare and full of sand. Stay minty and tell me, what wisdom do you want? I use the word ‘wisdom’ very loosely. 31

FASHIONISTAS!

WITH LADY HAYNS

DIARY OF A RAVER

WITH THE GIRL WHO GOES OUT LOTS

It’s hard being a student, trust me I know. We attempt to live on next to nothing, get to live in the crappiest houses, and have to share those crappy houses with several other people just to afford the bills.

Underage drinkers in bars have been the topic of many a conversation this past week after a 14 year old was picked up from a Victoria Street bar. So I thought I would put in my 2 cents worth.

And here I am every week telling you that your wardrobe is crap and you should go out and buy new clothes. “With what money” you ask! “I have none! I’m trying to live on rice and noodles this week, how am I going to afford clothes?”

Underage drinking in bars has been happening for years. My mum used to tell me stories about being taken to bars at the age of 14 by her older brothers and sisters. Fast forward a good 40 years later and not much has changed. I myself, at the age of 17 managed to get into a bar known as Six Foot Under, a bogan bar that played mostly metal music. At the time I couldn’t believe that I had made it in, it was an exhilarating feeling, both scary and amazing at the same time.

Easy peasy. Say there’s a group of you girls who love your fashion and want some cute new dresses/skirts/pants/tops/etc but shopping in Hamilton, New Zealand is a bit dull, and you all end up looking the same anyway, even when you all have different senses of style. There is an answer. Online shopping In the USA/UK; they have opposite seasons to us so at the moment while we’re going into winter, they’re coming out of it and have clearance on all their winter stock. Cue cool clothes at bargain prices, which no one else here will have. I know the shipping costs seem huge but if there’s a group of you who all want to buy something, you can split the cost between you all – so it’s really not that much – especially if the clothes are all on sale. I know a few girls who buy things through these sites and always have some amazing clothes, and because the sites do international shipping the sites tend to have accurate size charts and the option of returning if your item is the wrong size. Where to go? 1. http://www.asos.com (UK) one of my favourites, I currently have several dresses lined up to buy. 2. http://www.shopnastygal.com/ (USA) They have some awesome bargains when their end of season comes around, but keep checking it out for sales anyway. 3. www.ebay.com (try the AUS/USA/UK versions to grab some sweet bargains) It’s just like trademe but a hundred times better! 4. http://www.topshop.com (they have a shop in Auckland too) Just awesome. 5. http://www.modcloth.com/ (USA) Can vouch for this one, a friend recently got some really cool clothes from here, shipping didn’t take too long either. 32

“ Underage drinking in bars has been happening for years. My mum used to tell me stories about being taken to bars at the age of 14 by her older brothers and sisters.” These days it’s much tougher to get into bars, with proof of age required in the form of a driver’s license, passport or 18+ card. Even at the age of 23, I get grilled by the few bouncers that don’t know me here in Hamilton when I decide to venture away from my regular spots. One bouncer in particular insisted on me taking off my glasses because he wasn’t convinced that the ID was mine. It is nights like these that make me wonder how it’s possible for underage people to get into bars, when I believe that I look my age, yet am being forced to prove so. Being a regular out and about in town it is definitely noticeable the number of underage drinkers. I constantly see girls who clearly can’t be 18 and I know that one popular student bar has picked up the nickname ‘kindergarten’. It’s usually the 17 year olds in their last year of high school who have borrowed their older siblings drivers license, or found someone’s ID that looks similar to them. Teenagers are easily bored and to them, getting into a bar is like a game. The girls spend hours getting ready, making themselves look older, which is not difficult to do with the right clothes and the right make-up. For them it’s the thrill of doing something that they aren’t supposed to be doing and getting away with it. And until there are ramifications for those teens that are caught, it’s going to keep happening.

AUTEUR HOUSE THE INSEMINATOR WITH DR. RICHARD SWAINSON

TALES FROM TINSLETOWN

WITH JADE CAREY

The cinema of Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn’t occupy vast shelf space at Auteur House. To label the thickly accented Austrian ham a limited actor would be to damn with faint praise. With the exception of gnarly pieces of deadwood timber like Chuck Norris Big Arnie is the least

Looks like Charlie Sheen won’t be getting his job back on two and a half men. CBS and Warner Bros Studios have confirmed that a replacement has been found, that replacement is Ashton Kutcher! I personally didn’t see that coming. Insiders told a Hollywood reporter

able thespian ever to achieve star status. A muscle bound Neanderthal whose calling card to Hollywood comprised sundry body-building titles, he had a successful bricklaying career before that and in his youth was regularly beaten by a Nazi dad. Outside of this richly fascist heritage his salient characteristics are steroid abuse, groping anything in a skirt and polluting the environment in as many ways as possible (cigars and Humvees being the vices of first choice).

that Kutcher is very close to signing a deal to join the hit show.

Arnie got a new nick name last week. ‘The Inseminator’ became the latest in a long list of Schwarzenegger nom de plumes, following on from Mr Universe, The Terminator, Governor of California and the memorable hybrid of the last two, The Governator. It seems that Arnie has been a generous employer as well as a typical Kennedy family husband, giving the maid a love child and his now estranged wife something of a headache. Unconfirmed reports suggest that Maria Shriver responded by herself drawing on the vast catalogue of Schwarzenegger one-liners, bringing down the curtain on a quarter century marriage with the to-the-point statement: “fuck you, arsehole”. The thinking world shudders at the thought of the has-been politician and exposed philanderer attempting to revive a movie career in his seventh decade. Whilst destroying the West Coast economy Arnie was more or less in cinematic retirement, bothering us only with dreadful cameos (“Around the World in 80 Days”, “The Expendables”) and digital animations of his younger, robotic self (“Terminator Salvation”). Now he’s got a divorce and child care to pay for. If he ever had a finest hour before the cameras it was the first “Terminator” film. I don’t personally mind the second one either. His vanity is amusing in the body building classic “Pumping Iron” and he got to work with Robert Altman in “The Long Goodbye”. “Eraser” is probably the only non-”Terminator” vehicle worth watching. The balance of the Schwarzenegger oeuvre is just the pits with the nadir being his Mr Freeze in “Batman and Robin”, a black hole of a performance that singlehandedly killed the franchise dead. Please, for once, let him not be back.

The news came just after reports that Hugh Grant had turned down the role. Grant and Kutcher are two people I never considered would have been chosen to replace Sheen. Out of the two I reckon Grant would have been a better option for the part, he would have been unexpected and interesting. Choosing Kutcher on the other hand just doesn’t seem right for the epic role, maybe because he’s so much younger and better looking than Sheen. But because he will be playing a new character I’m interested to see how the show will go with him in it and it will be nice to have a good looking male in the show. The 33-year-old star admits that he is no replacement for Charlie Sheen, but he has vowed to “work his ass off” to make sure the show continues to be a success. Kutcher was quoted saying, “I can’t wait to get to work with this ridiculously talented 2.5 team and I believe we can fill the stage with laughter that will echo in viewers’ homes.” Chuck Lorre, the show’s creator and executive producer, is thrilled that the hit comedy is now able to continue after the shows future was thrown into doubt following Sheen’s dismissal. Lorre said, “We are so lucky to have someone as talented, joyful and just plain remarkable as Ashton joining our family.” It’s not all happy endings though. Sheen has taken a swipe at Ashton, insisting that he will not be able to attract the same demographic of viewers he did. Sheen told TMZ that “Kutcher is a sweetheart and a brilliant comedic performer. Oh wait, so am I!! Enjoy the show America. Enjoy seeing a 2.0 in the demo every Monday, WB. Enjoy planet Chuck, Ashton. There is no air, laughter, loyalty or love there.” When the show returns for its next season in America, Kutcher will be introduced as a new character, rather than a direct replacement for Sheen. We in NZ will have to wait a bit longer to see how Kutcher does on the show. I love the show and I’m still going to watch it even without Sheen. It may not be the same but it might be just as funny.

PWNED:

BREAKING THE LAW WITH THE WAIKATO FIST PLAYING AT TERRORISM

Video games have traditionally given the player the role of the hero: mankind’s last hope, the American soldier in the wrong place at the right time or the Everyman, destined to rescue the Earth from complete destruction. Even the earliest video games were a battle between yourself and the destructive, villainous forces of enemy – your noble spaceship destroying evil asteroids, or Pac Man, struggling to survive in a haunted labyrinth. Now that I’m a little older and (I hope) a little wiser, I’ve begun to realise that some of the games I’ve played over the past ten years aren’t perhaps so black and white as me versus villain. Red Faction, released in 2001, put you in the role of a miner beneath the surface of Mars, beaten and threatened by your harsh taskmasters to the point where joining a militant union is your only option. And I mean only – if you don’t join the Red Faction, simply by refusing to strike back when your supervisor starts beating you, you die. Game over. Once a fully armed and pledged member of this resistance group, you set about attacking full depots, destroying bridges and assassinating enemy leaders. In short, you are a terrorist. The whole time you are reassured that you are on the side of right and justice, the only chance for an oppressed under class.

Plenty of games give you the chance to play the bad guy – Nod in Command and Conquer, a Sith warrior in Knights of the Old Republic or the alien invader in Destroy all Humans. These games are far more overt in their announcements of your evil intent though, and for some reason that makes it OK.

Martian al-Qaeda. In the 2009 game The Saboteur, you play Irishman Sean Devlin, trapped behind German lines in Occupied France. You blow up bridges, assassinate Germans and collaborators and generally sabotage things. You walk the same streets as these Germans and even drink in the same pubs, but as soon as they turn their back, you’re dynamiting their check points and machine gunning their troop trains. Potato al-Qaeda.

Now, when Medal of Honour, released just last year, gave players the option of playing as the Taliban in online play, America went mental. America is a pretty crazy place to start with, with weird clashing ideologies and even stranger censorship laws, so when Medal of Honour decided to give players this option (just as Day of Defeat had allowed players to be Germans), America went off the edge. Eventually the game was released and the word Taliban was replaced with Opposing Forces, but no changes were made in the single player campaign, leaving the player still engaging in fictional actions against a real enemy. In the Saboteur and in Red Faction, your avatar is white and not a soldier on the frontline. You are behind the lines and you are fighting between cantinas and hotel rooms, laying waste to your foe where and how you wish. In Medal of Honour, the Taliban are organised and holding a set front line, even uniformed to a degree. Perhaps the answer lies in the nature of the war. In the Saboteur you are fighting Germans, who have done their part as video game villains for the better part of thirty years. Killing German, or even Japanese, soldiers is not going to raise too many eyebrows at the censorship board. Fictional bad guys can be gunned down to your hearts intent with no thought for real world applications. But, for some reason, the Taliban are off limits.

THE REALM OF INFINITE CHAOS AND COMICS WITH DAGGARD INVADERS NOW MARVEL

PRESENTED BY MARK 1 COMICS AND GAMES 551 VICTORIA ST.

STORY: CHRISTOS GAGE, ALEX ROSS ARTIST: CAIO REIS Getting the old gang back together. “They were World War II’s premier team of superheroes, fighting bravely against the axis and it’s own super-powered agents! They are Captain America, Bucky, the original Human Torch, Toro, Namor the Submariner, Union Jack, Spitfire and the Golden Age Vision – the Invaders!” I grew up in the 80s and the Silver Age of comics, so I confess I didn’t know much about the Invaders or the misty-eyed Golden Age of Marvel when I picked this up. I remember a few black and white comics of my brother’s that featured Namor and Human Torch on the cover (as a kid I assumed – incorrectly - that Johnny Storm was Torch). A powerful force has brought the original Invaders back together again some 60 years later to uncover a mystery and to fight unspeakable evils. The story revolves around a virus that breaks out and contaminates a hospital, creating a crazy super-powered zombie (yes, zombies are still hot right now). The news reaches Steve Rogers (now the head of S.H.I.E.L.D) and Vision appears like a prophet of doom. A mystery is slowly uncovered and the original Invaders members are brought back into action to solve it. The delivery of the dialogue is heavy on the cheese factor (character exposition and background information is far from subtle) but I took this as deliberate, as the entire book is meant to give the sense of the old school days of Marvel Comics. It’s nice to see some actual character development between the members and not just have pages packed with slam-bang fist fights (though it’s no slouch in the action department either) and the story has a b-movie horror plotline but is executed with a modern sensibility. Clearly for older readers, if you’re a fan of the Invaders and want some of that old school Marvel cool, give it a read.

According to Joe Johnston (director of the new Captain America film due in July) the Invaders will feature in the entire second half of the film. I’ve always thought Namor was a cool character (much cooler than his DC counterpart Aquaman – at least in the old days) and I’d like to see a lot more of him. It’s not hard to see why Marvel would want the Invaders in the Cap film; they’re on something of a roll with the Avengers members so why not introduce another potential movie franchise?

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KEVIN PRYOR GOES DOWN ON BOOKS

THE HIGH WINDOW - RAYMOND CHANDLER Los Angeles - The City of Angels. I’ve never been there myself, but my impression is that it’s one of the shittest cities in the Western World. Overrun by cars and polluted, a producer of crap movies, and full of desperate, vain individuals hoping for their big break - it’s just not my cup of tea.

public outcry. Unfortunately, as is usually the case with hardboiled fiction, the case is not that simple. Marlowe is drawn into a seedy underworld of nightclubs, blackmail and gangland heavies, and everybody has a secret to hide.

And it’s been that way for some while. The ‘High Window’ is set in the 1940s and the Los Angeles of that time is a corrupt and venal place. Philip Marlowe, a character unforgettably brought to life by Humphrey Bogart, walks down these mean streets. His job is as a private detective, also known as a shamus, keyhole peeper or simply, a dick.

The key to Chandler’s greatness is not what he writes about, but the way he writes it. His prose is lean and tough, but what distinguishes him from the likes of Hemingway, is the personal touches. Marlowe is a wise-arse and makes snappy one-liners no matter how dire the

Marlowe probes beneath the superficial Hollywood gloss into people’s dirty secrets. In the ‘High Window’ this involves investigating the theft of the Brasher Doubloon - an antique coin of immense value. The owner of the doubloon, a wealthy heiress, accuses her son of the theft. She believes he stole the coin to pay for the gambling debts of his trashy wife - a nightclub singer. She hires Marlowe to get the coin back, quietly, without

situation. Chandler is also renowned for his unique metaphors e.g. ‘She was a blonde. A blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stain glass window.’ With videogame giant Rockstar having just released their latest, ‘L.A Noire,’ set in 1940s Los Angeles, this is the perfect book to get you in the mood.

JUDY READS...

FIGHT CLUB - CHUCK PALAHNIUK Ok, so everyone knows that Fight Club is a movie. I’m assuming that pretty much everyone has seen it. If you haven’t you probably should. It’s got Brad Pitt in it and a whole lot of violence. I did not think that that kind of movie would have been adapted from a novel. But it was. And it was a damn good

Tyler and Nameless, and they form the basis of project mayhem. And then I can’t say much more or I’ll wreck everything and that’s just mean if you haven’t already seen or read Fight Club.

adaption of a really good but brutal novel.

I’m still amazed at how well this story went from page to screen. Because I’d seen the film first the people in the novel were those that were in the film. Like in my head the character of Tyler Durden was Brad Pitt. The Nameless guy is Edward Norton. Marla is Helena Bonham Carter. It was nice being able to totally visualise faces and places. It made me want to watch Fight Club again, but I still have to get around to that. But if you loved the movie you’ll also love the book.

The basic plot is something you’ll already know if you’ve seen Fight Club, but I’m going to go over it just a little to encourage you to read the book. Nameless man works in a horribly depressing job which forces him to travel the country, his home is a generic box apartment filled with IKEA furnishings. He goes to support groups for diseases he doesn’t have so he can get some human contact. Then he meets Tyler. When his apartment explodes he asks Tyler is he can move in with him Tyler agrees, but asks for something in return: “I want you to hit me as hard as you can”. They fight. They start Fight Club. Fight Club gets huge, and then there are recruits that move into the house with

PRESENTS

THE BUSTED PAGE

BATTLE STEEZE MAY 7TH - FLOW

BOREGORE

PINCH AND A PUNCH

ALL PHOTOS BY SHANNON ROLFE - SHANNONROLFE.COM

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