issue 10

www.nexusmag.co.nz

18 May 2009

ISSUE 10 Credits: Editor: Joshua Drummond (editor@nexusmag.co.nz) Design: Talia Musson (graphics@nexus-npl.co.nz) Advertising: Tony Arkell (ads@nexusmag.co.nz) Reporter: Grant Burns (news@nexusmag.co.nz) Features Editor: Chris Parnell (features@nexusmag.co.nz) Sub-editor: Louise Blackstock Web Guru: Jed Laundry (jlaundry@gmail.com) Music Editor: Nick Johnstone (music@nexusmag. co.nz) Film Editor: Kirill Kruger (films@nexusmag.co.nz) Games Editors: Antony and Chris Parnell (games@nexusmag.co.nz) Books Editor: Penny Wilson (books@nexusmag.co.nz)

Contributors

03 Editorial 04 Photochop Comp 05 Low Five 06 8 Ball 06 Caption Competition 07 Execution 08-13 News 14-16 Lettuce 24-25 WSU 27 Lord Bfulu’s Puzzle Page of Minimalism 28 Nexus Noticeboard 30 Boganology 101 30 Essence of Annoying 31 Sports Thoughts

31 Uncommon Sense 32 Granny Smith 32 The Far Side 33 Movie Review 34 Book Review 34 Auteur House Presents 35 The Phat Controller 36 Citric 37 Comic Review 38 Gigs 39 BUSTED

8 Ball, WSU, Kirill, Chris Parnell, Vitamin C, Burton C. Bogan, Nick Sicklemore, Dr Richard Swainson, Josh, Grant Burns, Mammoth, HCAC, Flash Medallion, Blair Munro, Jason Sebestian, Penny Wilson, Antony Parnell, Nick Johnston, Louise Blackstock, Hollie Jackson, Lord Bhfulu, Bauhaus, Lauree Cross, Teresa Hattan, Granny Smith, Jessica Zonneveld, Gordon Dawson, Side Undydog, Marc Mcardy Nexus is a member of the Aotearoa

Features:

The Hamilton Circle Jerk

18 The Hamilton Circle Jerk

By Dr Richard Swainson 18 Hamilton music aficionado and Auteur House author Dr Richard Swainson brings you this definitive preview of Hamilton music’s premier annual event.

Student Press Association (ASPA) It’s anagram-tastic! THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS PUBLICATION ARE NOT NECESSARILY THE VIEWS OF NEXUS PUBLICATIONS 2003 LTD, ANY OF OUR ADVERTISERS, THE WSU, APN, THE EDITOR, OR ANYONE. OUTSIDE MY OFFICE SOMEWHERE SOMEONE IS SINGING OPERA. SHE SOUNDS LIKE A PIG BEING KILLED TO MUSIC. YEAH I’M A CULTRAL PHILISTINE, BIG WOOP, WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT?

WANT TO ADVERSTISE WITH NEXUS? EMAIL nexus@waikato.ac.nz OR admanager@nexus-npl. co.nz OR call 07 838 4653 OR 021 176 6180

NEXUS IS LOCATED AT Ground Floor, Student Union Building, Gate One, University of Waikato, Knighton Road, Hamilton PHONE: 07 838 4653 FAX: 07 838 4588 EMAIL: nexus@waikato.ac.nz POSTAL: Private Bag 3059, Hamilton

The Hamilton Circle Jerk By Dr Richard Swainson

18 The 48 Hours By Dr Richard Swainson Newly-minted Features Editor Chris Parnell reminisces about his time as an extra on set during the V 48 Hour Film Competition.

of their peers and predecessors, playing three song sets comprised of one original number and two by other local bands.

If a tradition becomes a tradition at the half decade mark Hamilton’s so-

The masturbatory act referenced in the event name deliberately sent the

called ‘Circle Jerk’ is about to qualify. Held annually since 2005 Circle Jerk is

message that Tupuhi and his collaborators were not overly precious about

the brainchild of long time local musician Mark Tupuhi, a kind of sarcastic

‘celebrating’ the culture. The 2005 poster rammed the point home. Despite

response to New Zealand music month and the perceived slights often

this the inaugural gig saw twelve bands of diverse genres and age groups

visited upon the Waikato region during May. Tupuhi’s concept is simple,

play a wide range of music, sampling the mainstream with covers of the likes

and has proved effective. It involves Hamilton talent covering the material

of “Split Enz” and “Dragon” and “48 May” as well as championing cult acts like “Wendyhouse”, “Book of Martyrs” and “Spatula Death”.

You’re still at Nexus? No. Are you kidding? For years I’ve had a group of foreign slaves who I keep locked in my garage bash out everything attributed to me in Nexus. They are surprisingly proficient at England, and deserve more food and would like blankets, please Master. The winter is so very cold. Wow, you edit Nexus! Do you get paid for that? Once a week, an elderly dog is led to a deposit box and drools into it. This (worth more than Zimbabwean dollars, but less than the Yen) is credited to my bank account OF COURSE I GET PAID YOU PILLOCKS. Wow, you edit Nexus? Is that a full time job? YES. Haha, you’re funny! How much time does it take, seriously? Ten minutes? Five? (Sound of a brief scuffle) Okay, now that I’m kneeling on your windpipe, I’ll explain. You can just lie there and listen while you try to breathe. Yes, it’s a full time job. It’s a mixture of being able to do my own thing and working crazy hours. Cruisyness and mega-stress. If you promise not to ask me this question ever again, I’ll let you go. But really, it can’t actually be full ti… BANG, you’re dead. I killed you. What music do you listen to while editing Nexus? (Someone has actually asked this. I think he had Asperger’s Syndrome.) At the moment I’ve got my laptop plugged in and I just finished listening to Bret McKenzie’s

excellent solo album Video Kid. 3 MCs and 1 DJ by the Beastie Boys just came on. I like a lot of stuff. Man the Execution is a funny column! I love the way you guys exaggerate everything that happens in those meetings… We don’t. You should go to one sometime, see what your elected student representatives get up to. You’d hallucinate too. The news is boring! You should put in more puzzle pages and pictures of tits. And you should move in with a band of chimps. They’d recognise you as a dangerously unintelligent threat to the group and pull your arms off. How are you at University? The mind boggles. Who writes the Magic 8 Ball? The 8 Ball does, obviously. We’re still trying to figure out how he (it?) types. What’s with those WSU pages!? They’re boring! Sigh. The WSU pays real money for those pages. The Directors write them themselves, and then I have the joy of bashing them into a semblance of literacy. On that note, I should point out that several elected student representatives have developed a nasty habit of not handing their allotted pages in. I’ll say this to you, and you know who you are: You are doing a shitty job. The students pay for the WSU pages, and you’re letting them all down by not doing anything. How about spending ten minutes (it’s not like writing your paltry hundred word allotted column is hard) actually

doing what you’ve been elected to do instead of spending the student coin texting, checking your Bebo and whatever else that you do while pretending to work. Shape up. The WSU pages could be an excellent resource for students if only the likes of you would stop fucking about. Those wacky Lettuce to the Editor! They’re not real, are they? I wish. Unfortunately they’re almost all real. We only make them up when we’re short (usually at the beginning of the year.) You can usually tell it’s us because we can’t bear to use shitty spelling and grammar. Can I date you? Yes. Unfortunately for the rest of you, my girlfriend already asked this. Sorry to disappoint, multiple ladies. How much of the magazine do you write? All of it, under the pseudonym of Grant Burns. No, really? It depends. Grant is in charge of making sure news gets written. He has a number of volunteers doing news stuff for him. My job is making sure the magazine comes out and has actual content in it. Talia is in charge of making prettiness (and she does a wonderful job.) Most of the content of Nexus is produced by volunteers. Can I volunteer for Nexus? Depends. Are you psychotic? Then probably, although we’re very specific about the kind of crazy people we allow to write for us. If you think you can or should write, pay us a visit. Finding the Nexus office is the first test. Come along.

Those With Photoshop Skills Are Invited To Take Place In Our Bi-Weekly Tournament! Great Prizes Are At Stake! This Is Only the Second Week of Many! To Enter, Go, to forums.nexusmag.co.nz and look for the “PhotoChop” thread! New Competitions Announced Every Other Week! Here Are the Results of Third Tournament, Judged by Graphics Editor Talia Musson: THEME: Unlikely “origins” spinoffs from an ensemble movie.

You Win A Random CD of Your Choice! Remember: To Enter – forums.nexusmag. co.nz!

QUESTIONS

By Burns One Down

1. How is the recession affecting you? 2. Name one band playing at the Circle Jerk/ are you going to the Circle Jerk? 3. Who is your favourite NZ politician (who is NOT John Key or Helen Clark?) 4. What do you think of AC/DC coming to NZ? 5. Should NZ Police be armed? James 1. Not at all 2. Yep, Sora Shima 3. Jake Quinn 4. Fuckin’ awesome 5. No

Magic Mushrooms (psilocybin mushrooms or teónanácatl) 1. Our business is booming 2. Umm Pink Floyd. Depends if someone wants to take me along. 3. None of them understand me 4. Psychedelically Spectacular 5. No way man

Sez 1. I was poor to begin with so it hasn’t affected me 2. No, why not 3. Bill and Ben 4. Fuckin’ aye 5. Yeah why not

Sarah 1. It’s affecting my opinion of going overseas 2. I am now that I have been informed, where’s the advertising for it? 3. David Bennett because he’s vagina-friendly 4. I think that’s fantastic, I’ll go dressed as a genuine rocker. 5. No! I don’t want NZ to end up like USA where in some states it is illegal to buy a vibrator but not a gun, wtf?

Jordan 1. It’s not affecting me but it’s a good time to get a degree 2. No 3. Melissa Lee 4. They’re obviously feeling the recession if they still need to do concerts when they’re 60 5. No, but maybe something more than pepper spray

THIS WEEKS PIC

By Bauhaus caption competition this one win last week “The Limbo:

this week’s image: how to enter: caption image. send entry to captions@nexusmag.co.nz. also can enter at forums.nexusmag.co.nz. end.

You’re doing it wrong” congratulations maria mo

All questions taken from the Magic 8 Ball thread at forums. nexusmag.co.nz! You can submit questions to the forum, as well as to magic8ball@ nexusmag.co.nz

Dear Magic 8 Ball, In the back of my mind, I occasionally notice the components of some kind of robbery plan slowly assembling. Will I find a job soon? – C. Reply hazy, try again – how formed are these plans? Do they stand a good chance of a reaping a nice cash haul without getting caught? Cut me in. I’m sure we can make a deal. You’ll have a “job” before you know it. Is George W Bush going to be the next Secretary-General of the UN? Without a doubt – after being turned down at McDonalds for having a dubious record and burning the fries during his trial run, Dubya has few options apart from heading the most incompetent, impotent agency in the world. Is it lunchtime yet? My sources say no – wait till after the lecture. Everyone can hear you chewing. You think they can’t, but they can. Also, stop eating your nose-gold. People see.

Does human flesh really taste like pork? Don’t count on it – it depends on if they’ve have swine flu, naturally. Was I wrong to make an outrageous question for last week’s issue just so that I could be in nexusmag? Yes definitely – I don’t think you realise, yet, just how wrong you were. As penance, I command you to eat duck, (hunted from the Uni Lakes) with gravy made from the slime at the bottom of the Uni Lakes. I will laugh at your glowing, mutated corpse. Will Hamilton town-slags combine their clamydia and syphilis with swine flu to create a superbug, which they can form a mutualistic relationship with, resulting in an army of disgusting mutant whores with flappy loose boxes and fire-breathing nipples? Most likely – This has, of course, already happened. Been to Firecats lately? Exactly. Should I bar the windows and grab my

Is David Bain guilty? Outlook good – He’s guilty of something. Whether it’s fashion crimes or killing his family is yet to be decided.

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shotgun? Reply hazy, try again – I don’t know about this one. It didn’t turn out so well for that bloke in Napier. I think he jumped the gun a bit. Too soon?

Execution by Jason S.

It was a cold, dreary and wet morning when the secret cabal that rules the mindless bumbling masses from their dark fortress by the toxic lakes met to discuss matter of life and death.

brought up the option of cancelling a band performance at night and instead increases the daytime activities, games and prizes. The idea of a pub crawl was also raised. This managed to get Nexus excited.

Nexus crept in and settled down to watch the show. However, even the six Directors who were present were in a mood that could be classified as less than pleasant. The first item that was debated was, not surprisingly the minutes. Director Hawkes again raised the issue of accuracy in the reporting of minutes. Before Nexus could let out an exasperated sigh, the Directors wisely chose to move the discussion to the end of the meeting, in the interest of the attending students.

At 10.23, the excitement that Nexus was waiting for finally occurred. The issue was the funding for the Noho Marae next week. VP Maori Whetu proposed getting the Te Ranga Ngaku (TRN), the Maori management students network to prepare the food at the marae as well as helping out in the workshops. In return, it was suggested that the WSU would give them funding for the Haeranga proposal before it was actually proposed because they would be proposing it anyway as a way to thank them for helping out at the Noho Marae. Get it? Nexus didn’t quite get it. Nexus watched breathless as an attending student argued with VP Maori Whetu and VP Delamere on the unfairness and possible bias of such a proposal. Sparks started flying, tables were thrown

Director AJ was mysteriously silent, staring around with a blank look. Director Anya on the other hand was happily munching into her breakfast. The meeting quickly progressed onto the President’s oral

“Nexus crept in and settled down to watch the show. However, even the six Directors who were present were in a mood that could be classified as less than pleasant” report. Nexus suspected that President Delaney had decided to exercise his mouth muscles this morning instead of sparing everyone the comfort of reading of paper. The Federation Executive meeting was “interesting” while the graduation ceremonies were “fun”. 10 points to the President for a busy busy week. Students may wish to note that the President is looking for feedback on the Uni’s plans to install paid parking for both students and staff alike. Also, the University Sports New Zealand council may decide to raise fees due to lack of funding which would mean that the common students will have to empty their pockets even more. At 9.40, VP Delamere presented his report and mentioned that though he was not mentioning any names, he “was disappointed” in those Directors that didn’t manage to hand in their articles in time. However, Nexus watched in delightful horror as Director Anya willingly grabbed the noose and hung herself. 5 points to her. At around 9.48 Director Tokunai walked into the room in a gruff mood. By the teasings of his esteemed colleagues, he apparently he hadn’t had his breakfast yet and Nexus fully understood the feeling. After, passing the motion to accept 4 new clubs as affiliated members, the Directors then moved on to Deni’s report on the Pacific Islands Student Fono. 10 points to Deni. B Semester Fiesta was also brought up. Bronwyn Porter

aside and chairs flung into the air, nearly missing the Nexus’s head. Thunderstorms started brewing in the room to reflect the dismal weather outside. Sadly, Nexus only imagined the above sentence. Tempers flared yes, but no furniture was thrown about the room. VP Delamere supported a motion and Director AJ seconded it. Then lo and behold, Nexus witnessed the efficient workings of the WSU as the people in the room were hit with the amazing revelation that no motions had even moved or proposed. President Delaney quickly acted to calm the incredulity and proposed a motion. The same people supported it, but due to numerous abstentions, the proposal by VP Maori Whetu was defeated. At the moment no one will be cooking food at the Noho Marae. As the Directors returned to battle about the minutes of meeting, Nexus started drifting off. Nexus nearly choked as a question was raised if the minutes were meant to record what actually happened at the meeting. The Directors then started arguing over what the word ‘tabled’ meant and over what happened a week ago. Nexus thought that it was for that exact reason that the concept of minutes of meeting was invented. At this point, Nexus decided that it did not want to spend the rest of its day reporting on minutes of meetings and decided to leave.

any question or queries email news@nexusmag.co.nz

ISSUE 9 - 11 May 2009

Lindon Live at Lunchtime By Grant Burns

Rockabilly folk hero Lindon Puffin ripped up a shivering Village Green audience last Wednesday lunchtime as part of his New Zealand Music Month Tour. Performing with a confident swagger and an admirable amount

his valve guitar amp which catered for some awesome toe-tapping harmonies. Puffin also played from his assorted bag of instruments, incorporating a harmonica and a kazoo into a couple of his tunes.

of cockiness, Puffin ranted, rambled, and sung songs about everything and anything . “It’s about growing up in a small town and behaving yourself- which is basically what all my songs are about,” said Puffin before kicking into one of his jams. Due to sporadic rainfall and consistently changing conditions, Puffin was forced to set up outside the ASB Bank at the Service Station. Playing to a semi-respectable crowd who were mostly all sitting down, half-eating and halflaughing, Puffin entertained to the best of his musical talents. Lindon Puffin was dressed in old school apparel with a brown blazer, leather shoes, black pants, and the irresistible talent of being able to laugh at himself. The sound was exceptional, perhaps because there was only one of him. Nevertheless, the P.A was dually in sync with

Lindon Puffin, the brave and fearless musician from Littleton, definitely knew how to keep a crowd. Before his set, there was torrential rain which threatened to kill the crowd and dampen the mood. However, for the hour Puffin performed, the sun came out and for a split second it almost felt like summer again – warm sun, free concert, jovial laughter. However – aptly – the rain began to pour shortly before his last song. The event was put on by the WSU in correlation with New Zealand Music Month and in preparation for this Wednesday’s Culture Day. “New Zealand Music Month is the coolest – it’s a great time for Hallensteins,” said a satirical Puffin during his set. Overall, the event was a major success for all those who attended. To those who didn’t, you must be quicker to take advantage of the cool

free events the WSU hosts throughout the year . To leave you with a lasting impression of Lindon Puffins musical wit, a line from one of his songs: “There are only two types of people in this world. The first are a group who only think there are two types of people in the world.”

Australian band headline Waitangi Day Acca is Bacca

By Burns C. Bogan This is not a joke, a lie, or a piece of satire. AC/DC are coming to play two (definitely going to be sold out) shows in New Zealand next year! Once in Wellington on 30 January, the second on Waitangi Day in Auckland. I will spare you all a 1500 page essay on the history of AC/DC, but all of us here at Nexus (mostly me and Burton C. Bogan) find it importantly newsworthy that all readers must acknowledge the significance of this concert extravaganza. AC/DC formed in 1973 and have sold over 200 million albums and counting. The original brothers of Malcolm and Angus Young are both over the age of 60 and still rocking strong. AC/DC are an influential,

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hard rock machine that never lets up – hence their two upcoming shows. The last time AC/DC came to New Zealand was November 1996, which – even though I was only six years old at the time – would have been the greatest concert ever in New Zealand, until February 6 2010 of course. I’m already over overly excited for this concert that my hands are shaking while I type. I could go on for days about Bon Scott, Rosie, the school boy uniform, and many other AC/DC related topics, but of course, that would take days of intense discussion. Long story short: AC/DC are best fucking rock band in the world ever and anyone who doesn’t adhere to that I will fight – to the death. (I expect you will be killing me later, then? – Ed)

The Winter Show is back This time it has brought its goons, too. By Hollie Jackson The Waikato Winter Show will be celebrating its 102nd birthday from 22 to 24 May at the Claudelands Showgrounds. This year the Winter Show brings (along with the usual carnival rides

The national Hype Dance Competition hits the main stage Saturday, featuring New Zealand’s best hip-hop dance teams competing for a grand prize of $1,500. There will also be prizes for best child dancer and

and stalls) two major events located in the 600-seat grandstand at the Showgrounds – the Rock FM Offroad Grand Prix and The Breeze Medieval Tournament – both completely free to the public. Mounted Knights stab each other with big sticks as soldiers on ground “battle” to the “death”. Court Jesters, minstrels, storytellers, druids, knaves, knights, lords, ladies and larrakins will be roaming around the Dark Ages Village, so be careful what you say or they might try you as a witch (they take their jobs quite seriously). For the ‘sk8ers’, The Edge are building a massive skate park including all the bits and bobs you need to feature demos from Pro-skaters and a skate competition open to the public (for free, no less). On Friday and Sunday the skate park is open to anyone who wants to skate it, and on Saturday is the pro-demos and skate comp. Also, bring your skateboard to the Winter Show to get half price entry.

‘freshest’ dressed boy and girl. Like always, the main exhibition halls will be filled with stalls varying from selling fudge (the alcohol fudge stall is the best - think whiskey in a block of sweet goodness) to promoting a new dishcloth product. Carnival rides are tradition with the Winter Show, including that shityour-pants loop-de-loop ride and the Gravity Master. Be sure to not spend too much money on those carni-games, no one ever wins anyway. What: Waikato Winter Show Where: Claudelands Showgrounds How much: Adults: $12 Children (ages 5-14): $6 Family ticket (2 adults and up to 3 children): $30 Students and pensioners (ID required): $10 Preschoolers (4 and under): free

WANT TO BE INVOLVED WITH NEXUS BUT CAN’T TEAR YOURSELF AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER?

forums.nexusmag.co.nz ..........sign up today!

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Marketing trade show No actual trading allowed By Grant Burns Would you like to purchase some authentic items crafted from our very own first-year drones? Well then, next week’s marketing tradeshow on Friday 22 May in MSB1.15 from 5:30-7pm is for you. On sale will be numerous products created by the entrepreneurial minds of first-year

tell you about their product. However, I would like to make clear that I have received no bribes – yet. For a taste of what’s in store, one of the products that will be on show is a product called Charm Allure. Charm Allure is the brand name for graduation memorabilia bracelets

marketing students. The stalls open to the public at 5:30pm so best to be in quick to snap up the most popular products. The marketing students projects will be judged under categories like “best stall” and “best product.” Also, like any good marketing student would do, I was asked by a certain group to endorse/

which can be purchased in silver, silver with diamantes, or gold. However, Nexus urges all readers to check out all the stalls at the show and who knows, you may just find what you’ve been looking for at a very cheap, drone-produced price.

Rock ‘n’ Roll ain’t noise pollution But your mouth is By Walt Whitman “Paul is particularly interested in talking with people who are flatting with other people or who are living in the halls” Noisy flatmates driving you crazy? Got neighbours from hell messing with your peace and tranquillity? Then Waikato PhD student Paul Beere wants to hear from you. Paul, a Top Achievers Doctoral Scholarship recipient, is studying the ways in which people negotiate issues relating to sound and noise in the home. A major focus of his research is on the impacts that unwanted sound has on wellbeing, and our relationship to the places that we live. “I’ve chosen to focus on the home as it is a space that is considered to be private, a haven in which to relax. Unwanted sound has the ability to disrupt that privacy, whether it’s from the neighbour’s stereo or a noisy flatmate,” said Paul. The term ‘home’ refers to not only houses, but residential buildings such as apartments and the Halls of Residence. The inability to control sound in one’s living environment has been shown to elevate stress levels and reduce life expectancy. Mental health can also be affected and people have been driven to commit murder due to

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excessive noise. “Between 1996 and 2000, there were 18 homicides in Britain that were due to disputes with neighbours over noise,” said Paul. Although based in the Geography, Tourism and Environmental Planning department, his research incorporates theories and methods from a number of disciplines. “There are broad implications for my research, from urban planning to health and wellbeing. The National Foundation for the Deaf has also taken an interest in this project,” he says. Paul is particularly interested in talking with people who are flatting with other people or who are living in the halls. He would also like to talk to people who are new to New Zealand. Interviews can either be individual, or as a household, and will take around 60 minutes (a bit longer for group interviews). All interviews will be kept in the strictest confidence and participants can remain anonymous if they wish. If you’re keen to help out, or just want to find out more about the research, email Paul at pbeere@waikato.ac.nz

Academics help charity Golden Key to giving By Grant Burns Waikato University’s chapter of the Golden Key Honour Society is hosting a Charity Clothing Drive next Wednesday and Thursday in an effort to raise money for the Salvation Army and The Hamilton Women’s Refuge – and they would like your discarded fashion to give.

as well as any unused toiletries such as soap, toothbrushes, etc.

Between 11am and 2pm on Wednesday 20 and Thursday 21, there will be collection posts set up outside The Banks and the Management School crossing on Hillcrest Road. The pledge is going towards the people who are most vulnerable in society and need it the most. Any types of clothing will be greatly appreciated,

communities in which they are based.

The Golden Key Honour Society is an invitation-only international academic society which helps students achieve their full academic potential and also help out in the

Nexus urges all students to contribute as much as possible and give something back to their community – together we can make a difference by helping those less fortunate than us.

The Nexus Haiku News By Drummond-san

Returned makutu lion ‘looked happier’ People believe in makutu, Kill each other The things morons do. Police ‘offered joint’ during drugs raid “Here, bro, settle down This’ll chill you out Hey, don’t look me like that” ‘Sex online’ signs upset school “It’s such a bother Our boys will bone hookers Instead of each other” Jail for drink-drive mum This booze-hag mum

Got pissed in court – social disorder? No, she’s just scum. ‘I don’t think I can work with Ms Rankin’ - Maori advisor quits “The air around her is frigid I just can’t work Under those conditions” ‘Hi John, Barack here’ “Hi John, it’s Barack Your time is important to me I’ll be right back” Bain ‘sane but stressed’ Bain: “I confess My family situation is a bit of a mess”

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Vault

University covers up cancer deaths From Issue 1, March 5 1980

“at least four students, and possibly seven, have died from cancer which may have been contracted from the biology laboratory at Waikato University”

By Grant Burns According to our sources, within in the past few years at least four students, and possibly seven, have died from cancer which may have been contracted from the biology laboratory at Waikato University. Nexus believes through a circumstantial amount of evidence that these deaths are attributable to the inadequate supervision of the University’s biology isotope laboratory which includes the use of radioactivity.

after a Professor of Chemistry asserted his dissatisfaction with the lack of safety standards and procedures applied by the Department of Biology. After the isotope laboratory was set up in the Department of Biology, safety procedures were still not followed. Reports of pipettes and other radioactive equipment were not destroyed after experimentation nor sealed in air-tight disposable containers. Students also sometimes were

In order to protect the interests of the next-of-kin, Nexus will not publish the names of the students but will allow under the strictest confidence that these names and details can be used for an independent critical inquiry surrounding the deaths of the student’s involved and their link to the Waikato University. Nexus understands the background of these events went something like this: an isotope laboratory was set up in the Department of Chemistry, with its facilities being used by the Department of Biology. However, the Department of Biology was forced to set up their own isotope laboratory

permitted to eat their lunch within the radioactive laboratory. It wasn’t until early 1979, that the University of Waikato officially admitted that there could be a connection between the high incidence of cancer amongst science students of the University and the Biology isotope laboratory. Investigation is now underway to uncover more information related to the situation at hand. Nexus suggests that all past and present users of the laboratory in question should be invited to undergo a full medical examination at the University’s expense. Also, independent and Health Department inquires should begin to find out the truth of the matter.

Experience the real New Zealand Natives and all By Grant Burns How you like to spend a night in an authentic Marae, learning and experiencing traditional Maori customs and dances? Well, if you are an international student and want a ‘real New Zealand Experience’ then the Noho Marae experience next Friday 22 and Saturday 23 is for you. The WSU has organised this special event which leaves from Gate 2b at 3pm this Friday. For $30 you get return transport to the Waipapa Marae in Kawahia, food, accommodation, and entertainment with workshops where you can participate in traditional Maori customs such as flax weaving. The experience will begin with a Powhiri (welcoming) at the Marae in which the students will perform a traditional Maori song that will be taught on the bus. From there a local elder will give a detailed description about the history of Maori and the Marae at a Wharenui (meeting) house. A Whakawhanaugatanga (meeting everyone) will take place so everyone is comfortable and acquainted with each other. Over the two days, four workshops will be running which include: Raranga (flax weaving), Poi making and Waiata (song), Tititorea (stick games), and Pepeha (learning to say where you are from in Maori.) After a Poroporaki (farewell) the students will return back to Gate 2b on Saturday evening. Event organiser and Maori Vice-President Whetu 12

Taukamo believes it is an awesome opportunity for international students. “It’s a great opportunity for the WSU to do something more tangible for our international students.” If you are interested in taking part in this special adventure, then come to the WSU reception for more details. Only 50 students will be taken, but if you miss out there will be one in October during B Semester.

East Hamilton Police Burglary & Vehicle Crime Report 4th - 10th May 2009.

Last week 18 burglaries occurred and five vehicles were either stolen or broken into in the Hamilton East and Rural areas. It clearly shows on the map, that break-ins have occurred all over Hamilton East. Plus two vehicles were stolen from the University carpark. From the 18 break-ins that did occurred 15 of them happened during the week, between Monday to Friday. This tells me that there are a lot of suspicious people are walking around your flat, during the day or night. If you do see anyone acting suspicious around you flat or car, then please call Police on 111. It’s best to let us know so we can attend and investigate the circumstance, then to do nothing and let another person be a victim. Circumstances of a Burglary: A student was at their flat during the week, when they noticed a suspicious male walk across the park to the neighbour’s house. The student lost sight of the male and thought nothing of it. Twenty minutes later the student noticed that same male walking in the park away from the house, with several items in his hands. Property taken from the break-in were, Laptop, DVD drive, Samsung Cell phone and a Digital camera. Question from the Police: How often do you see strangers walking about, like these above circumstances? If you do see this, please call the Police. Let us know! Information on how to protect your home is available from the East Hamilton Community Policing Centre on Clyde St. If you have any information that might help Police with these burglaries please call the University Constable, Nick Sickelmore on 8582792 or e-mail Nicholas.Sickelmore@police.govt.nz

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SEND LETTERS TO nexus@waikato.ac.nz

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The Hilly Grudge

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LETTER OF THE WEEK

Dear students,

13 856 68 I’m going to come right out and say PH 07it: I like the Hilly. I’m a first year student and I go there

3 681 every week. From what I’ve heard, the old 856 07 PH Hilly was great, and maybe keeping the name wasn’t such a flash idea, but how long can you people hold a grudge? I even hear other 1st year students whine about how the old Hilly was so much better. You’re only 18, and it closed like 3 years ago!

How many other pubs in Hamilton have a weekly Guitar Hero competition? They’ve even started having Fight Night, Tekken and Street Fighter on Thursday nights, depending on what

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people 5 want to play. The drinks are cheap, 225 856 07 staff are awesome, karaoke night kicks Xthe FA

ass, and the food is orgasmic, yet students refuse to go because it doesn’t live up to it’s predecessor, which they’re too young to have ever been to anyway. Stop bitching about the past, come to the Hilly, drink some fucking beer, eat some fucking chips, and watch me destroy you on Tekken.

Jeremy

Imagine a supermarket telling its customers. “Sorry you have to park 2 km away because the car park is needed for staff”. The staff car parks are never full whereas the Ridelink parks are now often full. Regards Kerry Thomas

THE NEXUS LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS A $20 BOOK VOUCHER FROM BENNETTS WAIKATO UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP!

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Letters may also be sent via the letters thread at forums.nexusmag.co.nz. We sometimes get too many letters to publish these days – but don’t stop sending them! Letters that don’t make it into the mag can be viewed in the forum as well. Txts to the Editor! Nexus now has a non-new TXT-in service! Send Letters to the Editor - via text - to 021 235 8436. Don’t forget: You can send Busted pictures in by pxt! Send us your best snaps of you or your mates in Bustedtype situations to 021 235 8436.

Peace

Carp Arks Hi We arrived at the car a few weeks ago which we had parked in a Ridelink car park, at the beginning of our first lecture, to find we were now parked in staff parking. What’s up. Two lines of Ridelink parking in car park one had magically changed to staff parking during the day. The University already allows a ridiculously inadequate amount of parking for its customers. Us! I understand that less than a third of available parking is for students.

Send letters to editor@nexusmag.co.nz Letter of the Week wins a $20 Bennett’s voucher!

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Letters policy: Nexus welcomes and encourages debate through the letters page, serious or not. Letters should be kept under 250 words and be received by Wednesday 5pm on the week prior to publication. We’ll print basically any letter, but the editor reserves the right to abridge or refuse correspondence. We won’t correct your spelling and grammar either, so it’s up to you how much of an idiot you look like. Pseudonyms are okay (all correspondence must include your real name and contact details – they won’t be printed if you don’t want them to be) but if it’s a serious letter we’d prefer you to use your real name. Send letters to editor@nexusmag.co.nz

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THE DUMB IDIOT!!! CAN NEXUS PLEASE ASK WHO IS THE DUMB IDIOT IN THE SMPD COMPUTER LABS, THAT MAKES THE SCREENS APPEAR SIDEWAYS WHEN YOU SWITCH THEM ON?? SHITHEAD!! IF YOU AINT GOING TO USE THE COMPUTERS PROPERLY THEN FUCKN LEAVE THEM ALONE!! LET PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY NEED THEM, USE THEM!! FUCKN PISS ME OFF!! I GET ON A COMPUTER, HELLO THE FUCKN SCREEN IS FUCKED UP!! HOP ON ANOTHER COMPUTER, AND ITS FUCKED UP 2!! CAN THE IDIOT RESPONSIBLE, NOT FUCK AROUND WITH THE COMPUTERS! EVERYONE HAS TO USE THEM!! AND JUST BECAUSE YOU FRIKKN HEAD IS LOP-SIDED DOESN’T MEAN EVERYONE ELSES HEAD IS TOO!! FAG! -KIRI

FYI: The caps lock key is located at the left-hand side of your keyboard. There should be a “caps lock” light above the numeric keypad that indicates whether caps lock is on or not. A quick tip is to check to see if your writing is coming out all in caps. If it is, your caps lock key is probably switched on. To turn it off, simply press it (once only!) You run the risk of looking stupid if you leave it on when writing a letter – Ed

Commmmmplaint about mmmmmisogyny. Having newly discovered Nexus myself, which I await eagerly every Monday morning, I was appalled to read a certain letter of this week entitled ‘Mmmm... Misogyny’. Being neither for or against feminism I was shocked at finding myself offended none the less and after several minutes of biting my tongue though, fuck it, this guy is going down! By starting your ‘sulk’ of a letter with ‘art is better than woman’ most readers (including yours truly) know that you either lack a brain (ie. Penis) or are suffering severely due to the fact that you have not ‘got any’ for a very long time, surprising? I think not. What do you have against the female race anyway? Is it because you were deprived of your mother’s titties or just that no sane female will sleep with you?? Your obvious state of desperation was further made clear through your illconceived views on waitresses- a wooing attempt gone wrong perhaps? An old grudge? But be my guest, talk down to waitresses as much as you bloody well please, don’t let good manners and morals get in your way. Personally I just hope that any waitress who serves you spits in your food at the very least. It’s the most action you can hope for with your attitude. Your letter is nothing short of embarrassing. In truth I pity you and your caveman like ideals, so to help you stop humiliating yourself I’d like to enlighten you on a few things. Firstly, darling, you were a female at one point in your life and if your brain lacks all contents of biology-look it up. Secondly; effective no doubt gets you laid...for one night... earning you the reputation of a man whore and making you repeat the process all over again whilst classy not only cuts your chance of a STI by half but also gets you laid over and over again...with minimal effort (regretting

that crabs incident yet..?). Thirdly; if we were (God forbid) given a penis, we would also have to put up with unwanted stiffies, wet dreams and having our brains below our belts. Ask if our eggs are ready if you want but don’t get your hopes up in being included in the fertilisation process. For one any eggs that had the choice of being fertilised by you would instantly commit suicide and furthermore any attempt at fertilisation on your part would fail due to inferior sperm quality- you just can’t make the distance, one look is enough to reach this conclusion. I’d also like to point out your sad, non-existent life-style which is made very clear by your ‘cookies and porn’ comment. To be more exact you are an arse, and if I wanted to hear anything from an arse hole I’d fart, one hell of a lot better than reading your fucking tantrum first thing on Monday morning. Finally you should be ashamed after having wasted a page on nothing but your egotistical, penis driven thoughts. So, stop stamping your feet and screaming blue murder; you are embarrassing your gender, who, during the time it took you to write your letter would have been laid at least twice. P.S Blow up dolls are half price, have a good wank you chauvinistic pig. On behalf of all the girls you will never get 15

The extra “A”. Dear Rachael Well I totally agree that smoking and second-hand smoking iS disgusting, BUT as a smoker I think that the way you have approached this subject is quiet rude and hateful!!! If you don’t want to eat with smoke in face well then get your takeaway sushi and fuck off home and eat it there!! No one told you to eat in PUBLIC, yes PUBLIC, a place where we can do what we like. Until smoking is illegal than we are not breaking the law!!! We all have the same rights as you, so unless your the fucking queen. Get the fuck over it and approach the smoker in an appropriate manner and ask them if they don’t mind blowing the smoke the other way or even butting it out instead of being a Asshole about it. I am not condoning that smoking is good for you but you don’t have to be bastard about it, so the way I see it is why the fuck should we as smokers give a fuck what

For the part where you state, ‘Do I have a huge fucking sign above my head saying “hey you! I loved being pissed off by cigarette smoke so come sit next to me and light one up”’ I suggest you should start wearing one because like hell there is going to be designated areas for smokers, if there is I would like it to be outside Momento café, so I can enjoy my smoke and a beer…… oh shit and sushi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As for walking through clouds of smoke…….. shit lady those people must be smoking a joint to have CLOUDs of SMOKE…… can we please not over exaggerate the point…….. Well I only replied to this letter not because I am a smoker, but because

you think……….. As for the butts on the ground, I think that you should write a petition to the uni and ask for ashtrays, this way people wont have to put them on the ground, coz I assure you that I wont be putting them in the bin, do you really want the new shops to go up in smoke coz some brainy-arse wrote to the nexus and told all smokers to put their butts in the rubbish, HELLLO it can catch on fire! Dumarse!

I think this bitch is straight fuckin rude, and if this is the way she approaches problems well fuck me!!!!! Well apologies to all the nonsmokers apart from this bitch RACHAEL……. The extra A in ur name is for ARSEHOLE….. Yours Truly Pall Mall

Hi Paul Maul. I guess you’re looking for someone else? Rachel’s name is spelled without the extra “a.” – Ed.

UW SP ort

WSU Tertiary

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join in the fun with other northern tertiary institutes Basketball > Touch >Netball Rowing >Volleyball >Soccer Ultimate Frisbee

Register your interest before 15 June aj45@students.waikato.ac.nz

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16

THEY ARE ALWAYS RUNNING OUT OF FOOD Robin and Reece haven’t been budgeting and have run out of money for food and not eaten properly for days. They have heard it is possible to get emergency food but don’t know what to do. The University branch of Citizens Advice Bureau can give you information about this or other inquiries you might have. They have heaps of pamphlets and a huge data base to help answer anyone’s questions. Visit them at the Cowshed from 1pm – 3pm daily during semesters or phone 0800FORCAB (0800 67 222). There are several places in Hamilton that can provide food parcels. Hamilton Christian Food banks will give a food parcel (order before 12.30pm and no parcels on Wednesdays), but first you have to apply to WINZ for an emergency grant or entitlement letter. A community card is needed for food parcels at most other food banks which are usually operated by churches. The University Budgeting Advisor may supply food vouchers to students in need.

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For more information phone 0800 WAIKATO or visit www.waikato.ac.nz

The Hamilton Circle Jerk

The Hamilton Circle Jerk By Dr Richard Swainson

of their peers and predecessors, playing three song sets comprised of one original number and two by other local bands.

If a tradition becomes a tradition at the half decade mark Hamilton’s socalled ‘Circle Jerk’ is about to qualify. Held annually since 2005 Circle Jerk is the brainchild of long time local musician Mark Tupuhi, a kind of sarcastic response to New Zealand music month and the perceived slights often visited upon the Waikato region during May. Tupuhi’s concept is simple, and has proved effective. It involves Hamilton talent covering the material

The masturbatory act referenced in the event name deliberately sent the message that Tupuhi and his collaborators were not overly precious about ‘celebrating’ the culture. The 2005 poster rammed the point home. Despite this the inaugural gig saw twelve bands of diverse genres and age groups play a wide range of music, sampling the mainstream with covers of the likes of “Split Enz” and “Dragon” and “48 May” as well as championing cult acts like “Wendyhouse”, “Book of Martyrs” and “Spatula Death”.

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A couple of trends emerged from the first show that have persisted ever since. Firstly, Circle Jerk provided the impetus for the temporary reformation of long defunct bands. 2005 saw the resurrection and the last performance to date of “Schrodinger’s Cat” and “Disjecta Membra”. Secondly, it became apparent that some material lent itself more to reinterpretation than others. The satirical, obscene lyrics of local legends “Mobile Stud Unit” have a continuing popularity, as does Chris Thompson’s parochial anthem “Hamilton”.

stopping version of “Dead Pan Ranger”’s ‘California Dream’ by a “Rumpus Room” line up bolstered by radio personality Kerry Cooper.

The 2006 Circle Jerk saw a change in organisational personnel and in venue, with a literal shift underground to Ward St’s Yellow Submarine. The format remained essentially the same, with bands like “The Shrugs” and “Amy

“Sora Shima”, the winner of that competition, are an instrumental outfit that those far more knowledgeable than I have compared to the Scottish band “Mogwai”. Their My Space page features a quote about audience reaction that

Racecar” returning and perennial favourites “Rumpus Room” and “Dick Dynamite and the Doppelgangers” making their debut. In a night of young pretenders arguably the best performance came last, from veteran covers band “Johnny Fist”, with blistering versions of “Dogs of Prozac”’s ‘Fonzie Gets The Girls’ and “MSU”’s story of Pete Sinclair, ‘Marmite Man’.

seems to suggest that they will be ideal for an event which nominally celebrates mass wanking: “...someone next to me actually spasmed when that insane whirly-whirly effect came out”. A certain 1980s hair product commercial described such ecstasy as “the orgasmic reaction” though another My Space comment more portentously claims their particular wall of sound “slices open reality” and creates a “black hole”. Either way it will be fascinating to see how “Sora Shima”’s pedal-heavy musicianship interprets the songbook of their peers. I for one hope they cover “MSU”’s “Bob”.

It was perhaps not until its third year that Circle Jerk truly lived up to its potential. The 2007 gig was held at the Ward Lane tavern and attracted a huge crowd. It also saw a greater range in the line up than ever before, from the acoustic singer-songwriter “Kimbra” to the hardcore punk act “Gawj”. In between these extremes there was melodic pop from “Dynamo Go” and “The Gills”, rockabilly from “Dick Dynamite and Doppelgangers”, the indie synth soundscape of “The Deadly Deaths”, and the only live performance from the “Mobile Stud Unit”, whose ‘poop remix’ of “48 May”’s ‘Leather and Tattoos’ was a highpoint. Also notable was the contribution of “Ministry of Hypocrisy” whose electronic replication of 706 Hamilton songs simultaneously was nothing if not different. Last year saw Circle Jerk return to its original venue of Digger’s back bar on Hood St. Utilising two stages for the first time the transition between bands was achieved with record speed. The greater space also afforded more electronic acts than hitherto possible, seeing the debut performance of “Doteyes” “DJ Handbreak” and a polished, professional effort complete with music video from the all round genius of “One Fat Man”. Other highlights included some distinctive ukulele stylings and percussion from the 25 year veterans “The Big Muffin Serious Band”, a bizarre set from event founder Tupuhi which somehow blended “Crowded House” with “MSU”, and a show

The 5th anniversary of Circle Jerk, to be held at Flow bar on Saturday the 23rd of May, promises much. With fourteen bands on the bill the doors open at 8pm and the first act will take the stage at 8:30pm sharp. Over half of the performers will be appearing at the gig for the first time, including all the finalists from 2008’s successful revival of the Band Experiments.

“Radiator” are all about the funk. Definitive nice guys, the Trenwith brothers have an impeccable pedigree (their parents were part of the legendary “Hamilton County Bluegrass Band”) and have honed their act for close on a decade. A line in one of their songs, “you have to fight, for the right, to remain funky” was without a doubt the most quoted H-town lyric of last year. “The Dusk” are young men on the come. Arguably they have improved out of sight since winning through to the Band Experiments finals as the most popular of heat runners up. Teenage garage rock seldom sounds this good and to my ears at least there’s a hint of early Dylan brashness about the lead singer’s delivery. “Knights of the DUB Table” bring something new and fresh to Circle Jerk: a six-piece line up, for one thing. Their particular combination of reggae, drum’n’bass, hip-hop and rock is probably a first for the event as well. “Sumo Love Machine” are much more white boy. Circle Jerk comes at a transitional time for the band, with personnel changes afoot and debates raging as to the “Machine”’s overall 19

direction. At their best - and given that the gig will mark lead singer Andy’s last outing, you would expect nothing less on the night - they are witty and theatrical punk pranksters. They certainly have the best theme song in town. “The Prime Numbers” are also at something of a cross roads with the imminent departure of both lead guitarist and bass player. This is a crying shame given relatively recent recordings and live shows that suggest real progression. On a bill where female musicians are unfortunately thin on the ground “The Prime Numbers” sport two, including the distinctively Gallic singer and songwriter Marion Chastelas. Completely different again are “Wasteland”. Minimalist, hardcore punks they promise a short set devoid of bullshit or any extraneous embellishments. Energy and intensity are guaranteed. Bullshit of the most imaginative variety will be a feature of “Goulash Archipelago”. A side project for the anarchic geniuses behind “The Big Muffin Serious Band” I am expecting a similar blend of ukulele, kazoo and stand up percussion, not to mention melodic singing, skilled harmonies and the kind of comedic timing that only comes with over a quarter century of experience. They will in all likelihood be playing first so make sure you get to Flow early.

Two of the acts returning from the 2008 Circle Jerk will be performing in Hamilton for the final time. As mentioned above “Doteyes” debuted last year; in the intervening months Shane Dudfield’s development of his solo electronic and sometime guitar work has been remarkable. Dudfield is also part of “Dynamo Go”, popsters who have survived untold line-up changes and rumours of demise to emerge with a new CD and a slightly harder sound than ever before. Lead singer Gian Perrone’s dulcet tones and robust intelligence will be sorely missed. Likewise back at the Jerk by popular demand are “The Shrugs”, “Dick Dynamite and the Doppelgangers”, and “Rumpus Room”. “The Shrugs” really are one of the great mainstays of the city with an output that is as prolific as it is diverse. Resisting easy categorisation, the

Rumours also abound about an unnamed ‘super group’ that has especially formed for the Circle Jerk’s 5th anniversary. A combination of established musicians from high profile bands of the past it may or may not include at least one international artist. You will have to find out on the night. One thing that is certain is the identity of the final act. Circle Jerk began with Mark Tupuhi and this year it will end with him, playing with a collaborator under the collective name “Dharma Junkies”. The lateness of the hour is

“alternative folk country” band write the smartest lyrics in town and the showmanship of Messers Doube, Bassett and Tregilas is superb.

sure to produce something special from the ever surprising event founder.

After missing the 2008 “Dick Dynamite” are chomping at the bit to cover a favourite song or two. Perhaps the most inherently danceable band on the bill, the voice of Ricky Kimber-Bell is easily Hamilton’s finest, with a Freddy Mercurylike range that always does full justice to material with origins anywhere from the 1950s to the present day.

Whilst its origins were relatively humble the Circle Jerk premise has proved a robust one, showcasing a wide variety of Hamilton performers and song writers. In its short history it has already become a musical focal point and social highlight of the year, breaking down the artificial barriers between differing styles and ‘scenes’, catering for as wide an audience as possible while retaining the uniqueness and integrity of individual acts.

“Rumpus Room” are an old school outfit that has long been but one of the musical expressions of

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“Datsuns”’ sound engineer Scott Newth. After setting the bar very high last year a lot is expected of them. Rumour has it that “Rumpus” have again drafted in a new member for a one off guest performance.

48 Hours of film-related fun By Chris Parnell

“Awesome! Can you help out? We could totally use you as an actor. Got a nice suit?”. So it began, although the severity of the situation did not strike home until the later reception of a text-message reading “7am by da uni library.. Thanks heaps! :) ”. The action unfolded at 7:15 am on a classically chilly Hamilton Saturday morning when I arrived at the scene of a film shoot, starring a couple of woollen-clad amateur filmmakers setting up a tripod, flicking through sheets of paper, and issuing directives to a chap dressed as a bum. Having missed the planning stages of the short film I had been recruited for and being on the wrong side of a caffeine imbalance, I waited in the cold and gathered clues on what was happening, how well it was happening, and my role in the scheme of things. You are of course reading about my first exposure to the 48Hour film contest, a nationwide celebration of film-making. Competing at a city level before reaching the national finals, teams must make a short film of no longer than 7 minutes in the space of 48 hours. This years contest ran from 7pm, Friday the 8th of May to 7pm on the following Sunday with the Gallagher Building at Wintec as the base of local operations, acting as the starting point and finish line. In order to enforce the 48-hour limit, two members of each team attend the pre-start event at 6pm, where they draw a random genre that their film must adhere to, and are informed of the three compulsory features of the movie; this year every film had to include a rock, a character called ‘Alex Puddle’ who was an exaggerator, and the line ‘It doesn’t fit”. The selection of genres was quite open, obviously to thwart too much advanced planning, and the options ranged from general (Romance, Horror, Family Movie), to a bit more specific (Politically Incorrect/Religious, Revenge Film, Real-Time Movie), to rather specific such as ‘M. Night Shyamalan Twist Movie’ which we just happened to be assigned. For those who are unaware, M. Night Shyamalan is a director whose first major movie executed such a brilliant twist that his career was haunted and eventually

destroyed by the majority of people who decided that all his other movies must be about twists as well. That first movie was The Sixth Sense, and his other work includes comic-book hero deconstruction gem ‘Unbreakable’, 50’s alien invasion homage ‘Signs’ and the celluloidmasturbatory ‘Lady in the Water’. So our film had to be focused on a big twist. It turns out we were shooting the opening scene of the movie with our bum, Alex Puddle, awakening on a public bench at dawn. From my mark on the set it was hard to see the details, but I was able to chat with my fellow co-star who was next to me, dressed to match me in a dark suit with aviator sunglasses. We briefly discuss life in the acting business; comparing agents, previous work, notable skills and cinematic tastes, before agreeing that being in our friends 48Hour film doesn’t really make us actors at all. Apparently our characters are spooks that are following Alex Puddle. Alex packs up his cardboard and newspaper abode, and shuffles off to start his day being a bum, while the camera slowly pans to reveal two distant motionless spooks, observing. How very intriguing. After this sequence, the sun has risen somewhat and I am informed that I’m not needed for a little while. I head home to rock some Z’s, until a few hours later when I am roused for the next shoot. Taking advantage of Hamiltons urban decay, the next scene being filmed involves Alex heading down an alleyway, presumably for a spot of dumpster diving, where he is pursued by a pair of thugs and cornered by the spooks. I get a line here: “Be careful not to hurt him… much”. Alex then receives a royal smacking. We spend about ten minutes trying to record his abuse in the reflection of my sunglasses. I’ve always had a deep interest in film and media – it is more or less my passion – but a fated coin-flip in 7th form landed me here in Waikato as an engineering student. I spent a lot of time working with film in highschool (both as an academic subject and also doing paid promotional 21

the concept of making a 48Hour is a perfect exercise for bludgeoning one’s film-making skills into shape. Writing a screenplay to suit your limitations, sticking to a shoot plan while leaving room for improvisation, being able to compose a shot on the spot–these are all muscles that get quite the workout.

work for the school) so it was great to be back amongst it, even as an observer. Coming from that angle, the concept of making a 48Hour is a perfect exercise for bludgeoning one’s filmmaking skills into shape. Writing a screenplay to suit your limitations, sticking to a shoot plan while leaving room for improvisation, being able to compose a shot on the spot – these are all muscles that get quite the workout. Budgeting your time is crucial; can someone be editing, location scouting, or sweet-talking local businessfolk while you are shooting somewhere? Are there any takes which depend on the public? It turns out that our film involved a lot of public locations and interaction, so while on the one hand we spend a lot of time standing around on the street doing shit all, on the other our film was coloured by some of the magic that comes with improvisation, especially with that peculiar breed of public known as the Hamiltonian. It’s rather bizarre to see in action, but when the locals see a camera on the streets, they shit themselves. It probably didn’t help that we were filming our bum outside Browsers (thanks guys) where the other Hamilton bum known widely as ‘Kahu’ habits, but trying to shoot a scene in public when the public is making 22

wide circles around the area is really offputting. Myself and another crew member even stood on either side of the shoot with signs saying “Please keep walking, thanks”, but to no avail. In this shoot Alex Puddle sits on the street with his cardboard and his pet rock, greeting passers-by who are played by crew members. Most abuse him - like my brother who we met on the street and agreed to do a cameo, performing the most convincing robbery of a homeless person I’ve ever seen – except for a lovely young lass who introduces herself Charlie Bouquet, who gives him some money and engages in conversation with Alex and his pet rock. Another great aspect of the contest is the zzplayground for acting it provides. We were lucky to have a couple of talented players as our two leads, and more than a few names have popped up in the contest since its inception in 2003. The contest originally started in Auckland, as a feature alongside the Becks Incredible Film Festival (previously known as Incredibly Strange). In 2005 Peter Jackson came onboard as a Wildcard judge, and last year there were over 600 teams taking part. Contestants have included earth-shatteringly

important New Zealand names such as Scribe, Tammy Davis (Munter from Outrageous Fortune) and Jacqui Brown, and last year’s winning team included the guy with the on again/off again beard who just started presenting on C4 not too long ago. Shooting continues throughout the day as we get more footage of Alex doing his thing on the streets. Other scenes have been wrapped that I wasn’t involved with, mostly following on from Alex waking in the morning and making his way into the city. As night falls my prayers for nicotine are answered as our director decides that the spooks need some shots up on top of the car-park building, and one of them should be smoking. The next morning it’s back up early again, and this time we are racing the weather. With just under half the shooting to go, the team heads out to finish up. Our editor has been up all night working with the existing footage, and we have a composer putting together our soundtrack. Alex gets made up to look bloodied and bruised, and we have a few more scenes to shoot back outside browsers. It’s Mother’s Day, however, so we get some interesting looks from families out at the cafes as we camp on the street with a man dressed like a bum, trying to cover his bloodied face with a newspaper, as well as a few ourselves since we all look like zombies by this point. When we finally piled into the editing suite to grind the edges of our creation and turn it into a film we were tired, weary, but very satisfied. It’s a great feeling seeing a film you’ve made roll across the screen, tweaking it and trying to get it just right, while manically watching the clock. There was a great atmosphere at the finish line (free beer), and a few of the teams mingled and swapped horror stories. Going to the heats and seeing your film up on a big screen is something else again, and the quality of some of the entrants was mind blowing. There’s really not much left to say except if this sounds like fun; do it! You’ve got nothing to lose except for one weekend. Check out 48hours.co.nz if you are interested.

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Pres Sez By WSU President Pene Delaney Paid Parking….. Are you keen? On my travels around this campus of ours there are a few topics which insight feelings from the student membership with passion as that of campus car parks. The question posed this week is would you pay for the privilege of using them? While parking is an emotive issue there are many other issues that are affecting students both on and off campus. The fact that we are in a recession means that part time jobs are hard to come by with more students coming to us for temporary financial assistance when time gets tough. Our advocacy service has been increased to cater for this growing demand. The vibe on campus is hibernation with many students taking advantage of the cold weather by staying indoors and studying. We hope this is going well, a main area we are working with the university is to recognise where changes made to courses due to a changes in budget allocation. That the university recognises the effects of those changes and to increase support where the change has resulted in a decrease in the student experience. As student representatives our main job is to represent you and to make changes to enhance your student experience to this extent we have increased our output on committees around campus. We have also developed a better relationship with the university towards assisting in making events happen on campus this includes partnerships and sponsorship. Recent examples include the highly successful Vagina Monologues and Kingitanga Day. Internally the your student union is working hard with activities ranging from preparing for B-Semester Fiesta through to starting the process around budget and annual plan setting. This process will include consultation round with you so that you can have a voice in the process of designing what we do next year including events and services we provide. Consultation will also be sought on the appropriate level of levy set.

Heard joke once: 11 ways to save power 1. Share blankets but be wary of bad touching. a. NB: Energy shared mid-bad-touching may also be used to replace output from your mum’s old fan heater. 2. Place your noodles in a bowl of cold water approx 3 hours before you would like to eat them. After 2 hours, drain water as desired and heat by breathing on them just before you put them in your mouth. 3. Burn fossil fuels and save all that hassle instead of it going through the NZ power generation system. Not only will you save power but you will also save minimum wage earners from embarrassing tasks making coffee for an overpaid CEO.

question your digging a hole and especially will not expect you to bury said cable permanently. 6. Keep warm by spending as much time as you can in the WSU building asking about where your money goes. Its air conditioned so is warm and toasty, and you’ll be able to identify which WSU board members actually do anything. 7. If your flat leaves the TV/stereo on all day, leave the room. If a tree falls in the woods but no one hears it then did it really fall?

4. Use solar power from Christine Rankin’s earrings.

8. Call your power company and tell them to put you on a certain plan. A few days later call back and with a husky voice change it to a different plan. Another few days later do this again in falsetto. A week after that, call and complain that your stupid flattie has stolen your identity and you demand a refund.

5. Tell your neighbour that you are doing renovations and ask to run a lead from their house for the ‘expected one hour’ to run electric drills/saws during this time. No one will

9. Call your power company and have your account switched over to your cigarettesmoking-sexually-confused-Alzheimer-suffering flatmate’s name.

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10. Save cell phone power by instead of texting your peers to find out who’s on the sauce, just drink by yourself. 11. Change your name to God or Jesus and claim first dibs on almighty power.

The WSU VP Māori speaketh… By Whetu Taukamo

I just want to summarise what has been happening for my portfolio in the last couple of weeks and preview what is coming up before the end of A semester. Student Māori Advisory Committee This committee met for the first time on Mon 4 May in the Guru Phabians, and yes I wrote the wrong date in the Nexus and is probably the reason why the turn out was lower than expected. Overall the feedback from those who did attend was great and there are some points for me to work on as VP Māori. Next meeting is Tues 2 June 12-1pm at Guru Phabians. International Students’ Noho Marae: 22-23 May This Friday 50 international students and some of the WSU Directors will be

traveling to Waipapa marae in Kawhia to enjoy an overnight stay to participate in many organised Māori events. The events include: flax weaving, poi making, traditional stick games and songs and the history of the local area as told by local Māori. See our poster on the other page for more details, come see us at the WSU office or contact us on reception@wsu.org. nz. Mātāriki Market Day: Wednesday 3 June Matariki is the Māori name for the group of stars also known as Pleiades star cluster. Matariki is also the Māori New Year celebrated when Mātāriki rises which is usually during the last few days of May and the start of June. To celebrate this event on campus we will hold distinct Māori merchandising stores and other events.

WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON CAMPUS PARKING Would you pay for it? email president@wsu.org.nz 25

A report on our national organisations.

As you may know being a member of the WSU also gives you membership to a number of national organisations. These organisations vary in their roles but all carry out functions to support your student experience. The following is a synopsis on those organisations and an update of what they have been doing this year University Sport (USNZ) This organisation is a combined effort of all universities student associations towards reaching sports outputs on a national and domestic level. The flagship event of this organisation is university games;

however the bad news is that due to the recession there are less of them to go around.

however the organisation also holds a number of championships, coordinates attendance at world uni champs including summer and winter events. You currently have two of your board sitting on the board of this organisation. Our President Pene and Andrew James help to put forward the Waikato viewpoint. At this point in time the organisation is going through a change to make it more effective this include reviewing its strategic direction in relation to its mix between participation and elite sports. The organisation is also streaming its processes in order to become a more professional and trusted contributor to the sporting landscape in NZ. This organisation has not been immune to the effects of the recession with a number of funding pools drying up as funders move towards other priorities the challenge for USNZ moving forward is to remain financially viable while increasing outputs to its members.

Te Mana Akonga This oganisation is a collective of Maori student representatives from around the country. Currently under consideration is the restructuring of the organisation. A main change of this organisation has been the empowerment of a position that can effectively lead the organisation. To this effect Jackie Poutu former Tumuaki (President) of Te Roopu Maori (Otago Uni Maori Group) has been elected Tumuaki of the organisation responsible for the day to day running and leadership of the organisation. Waikato’s’ two delegate to this organisation are the President and Vice President Maori. Currently under consideration by the group are the implications of the TEC cap on domestic enrolments and its flow on effects to Maori.

NZUSA Student Job Search (SJS) Student Associations from around the country are the key shareholder in this organisation. The purpose of the organisation is to co-ordinate employment opportunities for you as students while you study and in the breaks. Our President is one of six presidents nationwide to sit on the board of this organisation. Currently this organisation is experiencing the effect of the recession on its ability to find jobs for students. The board is looking at internal operations strategy to increase its ability to serve students and other key stakeholders such as employers. The good news is that Waikato students are on par with national averages for jobs;

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The New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA) is a federation of student associations and the largest student body in the country. NZUSA advocates for the common and collective concerns of students. This organisation has been internally focused for the first part of the year with its co-presidents going on campus tour (visiting all campuses). A number of press releases have been released around the effects on policies and decisions made by government effect students. As a member of this organisation a benefit is derived by the networking opportunity for our board with others around the country. We also benefit by having people in wellington fighting on our behalf.

READ THIS FIRST: Send notices to notices@nexusmag.co.nz before Wednesday, 5 pm. Placing notices is free for students. We don’t always have much space, so get in quick! Notices cannot be any more than 75 words. We will not accept handwritten or non-electronic notices or dictation over the phone – that’s stone-age shit. If you (somehow) don’t have access to email or a computer, come into the offices and use one of our computers to type up your notice. Ta.

Random Stuff

Wednesday, June 3

wusssa@gmail.com or ring Natalie 027 329 1713.

Wanted: Waikato Draught bottle cap with “the Dave

5.00 – 6.30pm,

Chur

Snell question” on it. Reward: Box of 15 Tui, Lion Red,

Room S1-03, S block, Waikato University

Export or similar type of beer.

Followed by pizza /tea/coffee for participants planning

Belly Dance Classes: Great Fun and Good Exercise!

email burtoncbogan@hotmail.com. First person to

to stay on for “Demand Dignity” presentation

Beginners Classes start Wednesday 13 May. For more

email and get me the cap gets the booze.

RSVP to Youth Intern Catherine Davies – youth.

info email nzbellydancer@hotmail.com.

intern@amnesty.org.nz Waikato Basketball Social Competitions! Registrations

We have a small ginger cat that keeps hanging round

are currently open for all Men’s, Women’s and Mixed

Friday 22nd the marketing tradeshow will feature

our house that we believe is missing. He has been

League Social Teams. It’s a great way to have fun, do

a revolutionary product. Charm Allure is a charm

around for about a month. We are located half way

some exercise and you can still party in the weekend.

that can be attached to either a conventional or

down Old Farm Road so if you have a missing ginger

Competitions run on Monday (Mixed –YMCA) and

Pandora type charm bracelet. The charm features the

cat and live near or around our area and think it is

Wednesday Nights (Men’s/Women’s –Fraser High)

University of Waikato Crest and has been designed as

yours give us a call on 859 3492. We feel sorry for

6pm onwards. Check out www.waikatobasketball.

a graduation memorabilia piece. It will be available for

him as he misses his owners.

co.nz for more info and registration forms or email

view at stand 33 room MSB1.15 you can also go into

Amiria@waikatobasketball.co.nz

the draw to win our proto type for your own charm

Flats and Mates

collection.

Female flatmate wtd, 25 plus, tidy, friendly, mature,

Anyone driving from uni to Auckland/Manukau on

lake/frankton area. $100 per wk, includes power and

June15 at 5:30pm? (Anyone feel like giving a lift?)

Fencers Wanted

That’s right after MKTG151 exam. I’m planning to

Waikato Swords Fencing Club looking for new

catch a flight at the Auckland Airport that night and

members of all skill levels. at AgResearch (Farmers)

FLAT MATE WANTED. Aurora Tce. Short walk to

would REALLY appreciate it if anyone could take me

Hall, on Ruakura Campus from 7-9pm on Mondays.

shops and uni. $100 wk rent, power, ph, wireless, flat

there. I’m more than willing to share fuel cost. If you

Check out http://www.sportsground.co.nz/

essentials, staple food. Gas heater, lockable garage

could let me know asap so I can book the flight that’d

waikatoswords for more info or email Simon at

and shed, off st parking, two bathrooms, large lawn,

be PHENOMENAL. Txt 021 029 79 439 or email

sdw9@waikato.ac.nz

two decks. Four current flatmates, 2 men, 2 women.

wywc1@waikato.ac.nz Thanks!

rent. Ph/txt 021 101 6210 / 027 323 0168.

Sweet room with morning sun. Tidy flat with lots of Babysitter Available

personality. 07 856 5614 to check the pad out.

All people are born free and equal in dignity and

I am Jess and I’m 18 years old. I’m available to babysit

rights?”

kids of any age weekends and after school as well

5 bedroom house, 2 bathrooms. Rent is $119

A chance to find out more about Amnesty’s new

as over night if necessary. I am doing a Bachelor of

including power and gas. House is only a year old

direction and to ask questions about this and other

Teaching, and have done a lot of babysitting so I am

so nice and warm in the winter. Located on Snead

campaigns that AI is currently working on

very experienced and have references available to

Place so only a 5 min walk 2 uni and the Hillcrest

Wednesday, June 3

prove this. I am reliable and trustworthy and adore

warehouse. Room is big with built in wardrobe.

7.00 – 8.50pm,

working with kids. My rates are $13 an hour usually,

House is fully furnished including a dishwasher. Has

Room S1-03, S block, Waikato University

however this is negotiable over longer stretches of

broadband. Off street parking. Cook together $25 a

Preceded by tea/coffee from 6.30pm

times or for other reasons. Regular work can also

weeks. Call/text me on 0273342196

Koha/gold coin donation to help cover costs

be negotiated. Please feel free to contact me on

RSVP to Sabine Pahl – spahl@xtra.co.nz

0212103982 or 0277524700

A Freedom Challenge workshop for student members

Drummer wanted for established act. No exp.

bring things for your room. Off st parking for 5+ cars.

of Amnesty International

necessary. Hot chick preferred. Bogan/filth ok. Must

Fun loving existing flatmates x 4. Walking distance to

The “Demand Dignity” presentation will be preceded

have own sticks. No freaks. www.myspace.com/

uni. On management school side. BBQ, 2 bathrooms,

by a Freedom Challenge workshop. Freedom

caneofpunishment

wireless, trampoline, lockable shed for bikes etc.

Sem B only as im graduating and moving out of hams. $79 room + exp p/w. Clean flat. All set up, just

Challenge is how our student members participate

0273218025 to come have a look.

in Freedom Week and this year the theme is “Kids

Any riders or skiers who are keen to come to Wanaka

against camouflage….. keeping children out of

for the Winter Uni Games this season, want to save

Flatmate wanted: Hogan street, $96 per week.

conflict”. Students, teachers and all Amnesty

coin and car pool to Ruapehu or interested in joining

Looking for another flattie to add to 3girls & 2guys in

members are welcome to attend this session also.

the Waikato Uni Ski and Snowboard Club email

a 5bedroom, 2bathrooms house.

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BOGANOLOGY 101 By Burton C Bogan The A-Z of Bogan Part Deaux Okay so I did an A-Z of Bogans three years ago so I thought it was time for an updated one…that’s right I’m paying homage to myself. Cause I’m that kind of guy! Due to layout constraints Ed may split this up into two columns but who knows. A is for ACDC – greatest band in the world ever. No arguments, no internal monologue. Told. B is for Beer & Bourbon - one in each hand is a Bogan’s best friend (also true of boobs). C is for Cookie Monster – which is what Death Metal can sound like. D is for Danzig – The Goth Elvis. E is for Evil – Evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

F is for Fuck – Cause we say it a lot, as in “fuck this fucking band is fucking cool”. G is for GWAR – another awesome band, just don’t sing the lyrics out loud when walking through L Block cause apparently singing “getting my dick bent” scares the shit out of first years (true story). H is for Hell – Cause we’re going there, but if going to heaven means listening to pop music it’s a fair trade! I is for Iron Maiden – singing like a choir boy

L is for Lynyrd Skynyrd – Also weird spellers… and they probably lynched people (which is bad). M is for Metal and May Music Month – (And apparently also alliteration) Which means M is also for Kiwi Metal that you should listen to. N is for New Wave of British Heavy Metal – A historic period in Metal’s history. Think Iron Maiden, or Motorhead or Diamond Head, so really N is for getting head. O is for Orgasmatron – I AM THE ONE

has never been cooler. J is for Jeebus – He don’t take kindly to our kind. K is for bad spelling – Cause it makes us look tough. Think Korn or Kreator.

ORGASMATRON, THE OUTSTRETCHED GRASPING HAND! Look out next time for the magic letter P right though to penultimate Z!

ESSENCE OF ANNOYING In which Blair Munro is annoyed by his ex’s claims of dissing. Aren’t we all. George Carlin, in one of his later shows, performed a sketch called “Free-floating Hostility.” I want to emulate this presently, by casually pointing out the several things that are pissing me off. Caution, this could get raw.

one where music plays in the streets and strangers all dance together in a fluorescent, spontaneous, acid-trip of a Rick Astley video.

Gravity. Gravity is pissing me off. I am tired of walking, and to float along in the breeze would be a much preferred alternative.

1. Communication and the appropriate technology. Email specifically, and Facebook. I’m getting messages on this ass-crack of a networking site from my ex, whom I’ve apparently dissed (expect elaborate dance battle to follow; Step Up 3: The Facebook Showdown), emails from Josh telling me my column is due, emails from friends in other countries, spam, and things I probably signed up for when I gave a shit about their cause. Can everyone just shut the fuck up on the net? Use your tongue; that’s what it’s there for. If you send an email, you might not get a reply for days, whereas the phone, which is considered an inferior technology, is to the point, and fucking simple to use. Sheesh.

would be a much preferred alternative. This brings me back to communication – if you’re caught in an awkward conversation, “Sorry, you insufferable twat, but I have to go now, as changing atmospheric pressures is driving a tendency towards equilibrium, meaning it’s about to get windy.” Off to Blair’s next adventure.

2. Gravity. Gravity is pissing me off. I am tired of walking, and to float along in the breeze

3. Lack of music. I wish the world was more like a musical. Not a crap one, but a good

30

4. Rick Astley and radio stations. Why the hell do people on the radio feel the need to expose the “phenomenon”? The idea of a practical joke is to play the trick on someone. You never see a sign on a door labeled “CAUTION: Beware falling water-filled buckets positioned precariously on the edge of this door which happens to be ajar.” Why not? Because it’s FUCKING STUPID, that’s why not. Shut up about this crap on the radio and play my acidtrip musical soundtrack. 6. Non-sequiturs. Full credit to anyone who gets the joke. On the plus side, seeing so many things wrong with the world does inspire my vision of a new world order. Communism works perfectly as a theory, so picture that theory done right. “In the United States, presidents have pictures of their faces on money. In Soviet Russia, nobody has money.”

SPORTS THOUGHTS By Teresa Hattan

UNCOMMON SENSE By DJ Lollee

The battles of the century took place in Hamilton on Mother’s Day weekend. The Wellington/Taraknai region saw both their rugby and netball teams venture into Mooloo land, where they were kicked into touch. Twice. Our girls did it in style. Not to be outdone, Stephen Donald decided to beat the Hurricanes. Firstly there was the Magic Vs Pulse at Mystery Creek. With an even score of 11-all against the bottom placed Pulse after the first quarter the crowd seemed to get a bit of a shock. The Waikato/Bay of Plenty, however, worked a bit of magic (oh dear, what a bad pun that is!) and

There may be a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the Editor’s mind.

sent the Pulse back to the capital and the land of the wind wand with their tails between their legs and feet dragging. Final score: 59-36. Highlights of the match would’ve been Laura Langman’s last quarter, where she was back at centre from wing attack, as well as Casey William’s wonderful intercepts. Question: why would the Pulse have short shooters and goal keepers when they know how tall our girls in the circle are? It was also apparent that several deals were struck before this week’s game. There was a considerable increase of the male species in attendance this week. Many women would have said “I’ll go to the rugby with you, if you come to the netball with me.” Overall, it was a brilliant game from our girls. Magic are at this stage are second on the table, with the Melbourne Vixens currently holding the number one spot. We’re playing the Mystics on the 18th of May in Rotorua (Mystics are placed 8th on the table) and I’m hoping for yet another win! The rugby proved to be the main highlight of the weekend, with a sell out crowd of 25,000 at the stadium, the words “squished like a sardine” being muttered by several fans. The rain wasn’t too bad, with a splatter at the beginning of the match, making the field and the ball slightly greasy. In the first half Stephen Donald put over three penalties to take a one point lead over the Hurricanes at half time. When Donald slotted his third penalty of the night he brought up a century of penalty kicks in his Chiefs career. The second half saw Donald score the rest of the Chiefs points by successfully converting his own try. Whilst Donald was the only Chiefs scorer of the match it was a great team effort and the Chiefs took the win with an eight point differential over the Hurricanes. First Half: Penalties: Stephen Donald (3). HALF TIME: Chiefs 9 - 8 Hurricanes Second Half: Try: Stephen Donald; Conversions: Stephen Donald FULL TIME: Chiefs 16 - 8 Hurricanes The Chiefs win put them at the top of the table momentarily, until the Bulls thumped the Cheetahs. Our boys are now second after round 13. We will have played the Brumbies by the time you all read this, so good luck Chiefs! Home semi here we come!

cheap imitation Barbie doll. I must have thought when I got her like 10 years ago that she was too pretty to even come out of her wrapper and run the risk of getting lost, or dirty or heaven forbid; borrowed by my little sister. But, its’ not her pretty dress that catches my eye so much now, as the plastic gold bracelet that she’s wearing that looks like it would pose quite nicely on my belly button as the real thing….It does! Excited, I proudly show my little sister, (which in hindsight was the single stupidest thing I could have done at this point!) carefully instructing her not to tell mum! I mean it! Sister, tells brother and both of them keep dropping hints the entire way thru dinner until mum finally leans across the table, looks me right in the eyes and goes “Lauree, did you get your navel pierced?’… Not knowing what to do here, and thinking it would be fun to milk it, I clutch my stomach and run giggling to my room…I’ve got her fooled!

When I was in high school my best friend (and neighbour since I was like 4) got her belly button pierced. Man, was I jealous; I thought it was the coolest thing ever; a secret and you got the power to choose who knew about it, and who didn’t…mean! So I tell my mother that I want one too only to get the age old “not as long as you’re under my roof you’re not.” “My life is over!” A few weeks later I’m cleaning out my closet…and find a beautiful

Tee Hee Hee. Will she believe its’ real? Ground me? Kick me out? When should I tell her it’s fake? My head is swimming… I come out to find Mum sipping her cup of tea gazing out the window…“Mum, I…” “Lauree I don’t want to talk about it; I just want to think how to react”, was her reaction. I seep back to my room feeling pretty bad… Sit there for about 20 minutes before going back to see if she wants to talk about it… “Mum, I”… (she’s still giving me the cold shoulder) “Mum… Mum, I think you should try it on” I finally blurt out, removing it and holding it out to her. Her face is firstly bewildered, then relieved, then kinda frustrated that it was all a joke…. We both laugh awkwardly and the saga ends… The next day when I get home from school she proudly exclaims “Hey Lauree; look what I got”…and shows me this fake ($1.95 from the nearest emporium) tattoo that she’s put on her hip. Oh mum… “I got you” she tries to accuse me… No, mother, but good effort. I’m sure there have been things that my mum has said and done that haven’t been cool, but for the most part she took care of ‘me, me, me’ pretty well. My mum is cool, and I hope that on Mothers Day you remembered the times when yours was too! Questions? Comments? Email me at djlollee@gmail.com

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GRANNY SMITH

THE NERDARY

Good morning, poppets! I’m back with my regular advice column teaching you how to do things the old-fashioned way. It’s important that in this time of Depression 2.0, we don’t let the Old Ways go. Fight political correctness! This week, I’m going to teach you how to hunt and gather food in an urban environment – and, best of all, cook it!

Like a dirty pirate slut who drinks rum and puts the coke on the side for contraceptive purposes, the weather in Tauranga has put the good weather aside and given us the sobering taste of sea men’s rum in an attempt to prepare us for the harsh reality of winter. And harsh it is. Thunder makes king, and rain reigns alongside. There is a common ‘wondering’ here in Tauranga. You’ll hear it muttered under the breath of previously sunshine blessed locals at bus stops and Countdown fairly often – does the rain get through the mucous thick fog of Hamilton? They wonder aloud, carrying on piling the front half of the trolley with upward facing bananas as they walk/shuffle in a c-walk-like fashion.

Fur Chicken soup Fur Chicken soup was a standby back in ’33. It’s tasty, nutritious, and easy to make! You will need: • Salt • Water • Some leaves – don’t be fussy, any old leaves will do. Autumn is a good time for leaves. • Some PVA glue • Cat food (a generic, inexpensive brand is best. Alternatively, roadkill will do the job.) • A cauldron • Some Fur Chickens (cats) • Bear traps The best thing about Fur Chicken Soup is that the main ingredient is easy to come by. Simply take the bear trap and bait it with the cat food. Leave it out overnight. (Bear traps can be hard to come by. If you can’t get hold of one, dig a hole in your back yard and line with sharpened stakes. Cover with sticks and leaves and put the cat food at the bottom.) In the morning, investigate your bear trap. With any luck, you’ll have caught a cat. The bear trap should have sliced it neatly in half, which saves you the trouble of killing it. I hate cruelty to animals, so make sure if the cat survives, it is slaughtered humanely – a local vet may be able to euthanise it for you. If the cat has a collar, make sure to take the address of the owner and send them a thank-you note. (More about thank-you notes later.) The rest is easy. Put the cat, the salt, the water and the leaves into the cauldron and build a fire in your lounge room out of spare furniture. Make sure there you put a hole in the roof for smoke to get out – otherwise it might get quite stuffy! Put the cauldron over the fire, and add PVA glue as required. I find PVA a little sharp, so you might prefer to use a couple of bars of soap. If you have any cat food left, you might as well add it. Once the Fur Chicken Soup is done, serve it into large bowls and invite your neighbours over. I do love seeing the community work together. And just wait till they taste it, and you can tell them you made it yourself! Perhaps you can ask your friends to join you in a cat-trapping club – heavens knows, there’s enough of them! Keep well, poppets, and I’ll see you next week, when we will look at anthrax.

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by Jed Laundry

Have you heard about that? The bananas that is, not the c-walk. C-walk is so passé. Apparently bananas are now the way to meet ‘someone special’ at the moment in Tga. Oh those cold winter nights can be hard on the soul. And let’s stay positive, if you don’t find that special someone, well at least you still have the banana right? Yum…OH! Bananas contain tryptophan which your brain converts to serotonin with the aid of B vitamins. There you go, a little dose of happy for you!

“Have you heard about that? The bananas that is, not the c-walk. C-walk is so passé. Apparently bananas are now the way to meet ‘someone special’ at the moment in Tga” School of Education recently had an unofficial quiz night, hosted by 3rd year B.Tch (primary) students Chief Spirit-Water-Long-Plait, and Little Chief Feather-Drinker. The chiefs organised this quiz in their endeavour to give a great night to the younger students, and ensured cheaper than usual beverages at a secret Mount Maunganui location. Ross Siviter, in his 1st year of B.Tch (primary) (yeah there’s a lot of them here in the Bay) entered the quiz night to win. He kept well in the company of Captain Planet, Super Sober Driver, and Scuba Steve, real names not required. Costumes were elaborate, although Scuba Steve in his skin tight wetsuit may have been wise to pay more attention to detailing the finer points of his costume. Socks could have contributed to a more ‘confident’ look for Steve as he worked the room. Self-professed quiz master, and some-time champion of De Bier Haus quiz nights, student Arden Carter, 20 shared his prowess of quiz knowledge and life experience over a casual pre-quiz drink. Arden is in 1st year of B.Tch (primary) also, and wants to be a teacher because his teacher told him he would never be one. His passionate and intricate web of happiness at being a quiz night participant was evident in the slightly perturbing way he swilled his pint, licking the corners of his mouth with high accuracy. Swilling pints and licking the corners of your mouth brings us back to the bananas really. For a bit of autumn joy; (if unlucky at supermarket) you need banana, milk, ice, a squidge of honey, cinnamon, and nutmeg also if you will and a blender. Happiness is yours to keep. Just keep ready on the B vitamins.

Movie: Star Trek

Reviewed by vitamin C

J.J. Abrams

A pop-cultural phenomenon that has swept the world

place. An interesting example is Spock’s promotion

is occupying yet another silver screen; hoping to lure

to Acting Captain, while Kirk is made first officer.

movie-goers to the seats with the promise of all-new

The film is definitely in prequel territory in terms of

thrills and chills, characters, catch-phrases, and

following the early days of the characters you know

toys for Happy Meals. I am obviously talking about

and love, but the masterstroke here is the mechanism

prequels, but this summer comes a union of the

used to tell a story that you don’t know the ending

mighty prequel with an even greater force. Star Trek

to. Some of the better stories in the Star Trek canon,

is an institution in itself, and the time has finally come

especially The Next Generation, have dealt with

for someone to try it again; big, shiny, and accessible.

time-travel and its various entanglements, and the plot element used in the film is employed with the

This film follows the adventures of one James T. Kirk,

sublime touch of a safecracker, or using arson for

a young 23rd century rebel without a hover-cause

insurance (if you make it look like an electrical thing).

who is convinced to enlist in Starfleet, partially due

It is respectful to the original continuity; validating

to tales of his fathers’ heroic actions and mostly to

it while also allowing jeopardy for the characters.

follow certain linguistics officer he met in a bar. Three

The characters deal with these extraordinary events

years later he is a promising cadet, having become

intelligently and charismatically, which is another

friends with a certain medical officer and banging

facet to the quality that made Star Trek such popular

drive, and golden charisma of Shatner’s Kirk

various women in renowned James T. Kirk style.

science fiction.

without missing a beat or taking off his shirt, while Karl Urban’s slightly unstable McCoy made for a

When Earth receives a distress call from the planet Vulcan, the ships are deployed and the cadets are

The visuals are a joy to gaze upon, with vibrant

great counterpoint. Zachary Quinto (from Heroes)

off on a mission with the exception of a suspended-

colouring and a subtle 70’s vibe that carries the

simply embodied the alien nature of Spocks’ logical

from-duty Kirk, who was in the middle of defending

original series’ optimism to the forefront of the

demeanour, while establishing a believable emotional

himself from allegations of cheating in a certain test

proceedings. It is a refreshing change that to be

undercurrent throughout the characters development.

when the distress call came in. Having snuck on

reminded that ‘realistic’ does not mean ‘dark-and-

His similarity to Leonard Nimoy’s portrayal of an older

board the new flagship U.S.S Enterprise with the

gritty’. The cinematography is suitably blockbusting

Spock, punctuated with the energy and boldness

help of his friend McCoy, he swiftly determines that

in the slower scenes, but as the action picks up our

of youth, stole the show in my eyes. Sulu, Uhura,

the distress call is a trap due to its similarity to the

old villain shaky-cam silently strangles it, which was

Chekov and Simon Pegg’s Scotty were all given

events a couple of decades earlier that lead to his

a bit of a shame. The score had its moments, with

moments to shine and the characters were distilled

fathers’ aforementioned heroic actions and death.

plenty of lovely swelling strings and chorus for the

well before being fleshed out in their new context.

Attempting to convince the captain and crew of this

space-opera moments, some funky 70’s beats for

Chekov and Scotty took the reins on their given

presents leads to conflict, but with Uhuras’ linguistic

a bar scene, and even a splash of the Beastie Boys.

clichés (Yes, Pegg delivered that line) which kept the

expertise, young officer Chekovs’ technical prowess,

After some teasing and subtle allusions, by the end

humour in the spirit of the source without any groan

and (Kirks rival) Spock’s logical deductions, Captain

of the credits the pressure was too much and the Star

moments. Overall the movie really delivered; I’m not

Pike sets out a plan and the action begins.

Trek theme burst forth in all its glory.

much of a Trekkie but I know the basics and I can’t

Trek fans out there will notice some familiarity with

After all of that, the acting really brought everything

seen a gun-fight with phasers look so cool. Star Trek

the outline, but also a few things that seem out of

together. Chris Pine channelled the arrogance,

ticked all my boxes and split every infinitive.

say no to good science fiction, and hell: I’ve never

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Book:

The Secret Life of Siegfried and Roy: How the Tiger Kings Tamed Las Vegas Reviewed by Penny Wilson

Jimmy Lavery and Jim and Louis Mydlach with Henrietta Tiefenthaler Phoenix Books Being rich and famous sounds great to me, even if I did have to become a professional magician first. Unfortunately my repertoire begins and ends with my infamous disappearing Canadian Club routine, unlike Siegfried and Roy, the German magic duo who have been co-performers – and lovers, on and off – for more than thirty years. It all ended tragically in 2003 when one of the white tigers they used in their Las Vegas show got his testicles caught in a trapdoor, causing him to react angrily and attack Roy. Six years and many operations later, Roy is partly

realising their dream of becoming ‘the biggest ever act in Las Vegas’ and the fallout following the Roy’s infamous public mauling, with a hefty dollop of spicy speculation about the true nature of S&R’s relationship. Sound salacious and riveting? It isn’t. This is trash all right, but not in that good way. An unofficial bio needs to deliver dirt, and sadly international touring freight costs, what tigers like to eat and a bodyguard’s recollections of his famous bosses make less than riveting reading. The book’s tone is speculative; veering from regurgitation of facts and figures to

recovered and good friends with said tiger, but the rest of the entourage are jobless. Which can be the only plausible reason for writing a book such as this. Lavery and the Mydlach brothers, with a little help, have pooled their ‘intelligence’ to produce a work which promises to unveil the men behind the magic. Glossing over the duo’s early life and career, the book focuses chiefly on the years of toil S&R devoted to

paparazzi-style observation and offering little to no insights into the inner workings of the duo either personally or professionally. I find it hard to believe that this book’s authors knew the duo as intimately as they claim. This book is without a doubt the worst I have read all year and a classic example of the depths hangers-on will probe to make a quick buck. Watch the Simpsons episode about Gunter and Ernst instead.

Whitcoulls $52.99

Auteur House Presents...Dom DeLuise By Dr Richard Swainson

Legendary fat fuck comedian Dom DeLuise died on May 4th at the age of 75. I use the term ‘legendary’ loosely. It is doubtful that many people under the age of 35 have ever heard of the guy. DeLuise belonged to a school of corpulent mugging that has gone in and out of favour since the earliest days of movie making. From John Bunny and Fatty Arbuckle in the silent era to Eugene Pallette and WC Fields in the 1930s to more recent but far lesser would be funnymen like John Candy and the excruciating Chris Farley, obesity has been used to milk laughs in direct proportion to the artist’s cholesterol levels. The Dom’s hey day was the 1970s and early 1980s. His best work was done in collaboration with either the writer/director/ ham Mel Brooks or the good ol’ boy and one time star Burt Reynolds. His completely unsubtle, over the top mannerisms and physical schtick fitted in well to Brooks’ groundbreaking parodies of Hollywood genres and also, after a certain fashion, 34

that their lisp heavy delivery of a line reminds him of “steam escaping”. Soon afterwards he is on the receiving end of a Slim Pickens hay-maker, a punch in the guts that follows the movie’s most openly self-reflexive line: “Piss on you. I work for Mel Brooks”. The collision of western and musical genres could not have been enacted more literally. complemented Reynolds’ easy charm in a series of lame brain car racing flicks. As there was always a lot of DeLuise a little of him could usually go a long way. For this reason he is seen at his absolute best in what amounts to no more than a cameo in the western spoof “Blazing Saddles” (1974), playing an outrageously camp musical director on the set of a film interrupted by the cast of the main narrative. DeLuise’s performance would be labelled homophobic by today’s politically sensitive standards but he takes his moment and runs with it, calling his chorus line “sissy Marys” and “faggots” as he mincingly demonstrates a dance and then suggesting

The films with Reynolds have dated badly. I would imagine that a 21st century audience would be at best puzzled by Burt and Dom’s smug, self satisfied antics in the likes of the “Canonball Run” and the “Smokey and Bandit” sequel. I retain a certain affection for DeLuise in “Canonball Run II” though as his character was the first I can recall ever saying - in either a movie or real life - that he would like to “get into” someone’s “pants”. As a child this turn of phrase confused the hell out of me. The logistics of a two hundred pound man trying to squeeze into Shirley MacLaine’s underwear wasn’t that amusing, but it’s stayed with me.

X-men Origins: Wolverine Reviewed by Flash Medallion

The inevitable movie tie-in to the latest superhero flick, Wolverine is a hack and slash affair, built squarely from the template of games like Devil May Cry and Ninja Gaiden which were the first to take the old-school gameplay of titles like Final Fight and Double Dragon kicking and screaming, on fire, and fully amputated into glorious white-knuckle 3D. My impressions of the game were formed in that context. Strapped into the boots of the world’s favourite mutant, your task is to brutally murder your way through a dozen-odd linear environments, with the plot of the film limping to catch up and provide the occasional motivation. The game begins with a pretty (unskippable) cutscene of our main man murdering some special-forces types, before flashbacking to a mission in Africa. The levels alternate between whatever Wolvie is up to in the present and his mission in the jungle. This keeps things fresh environment-wise, but later it’s a bit of a drag when you find yourself having another flashback to that fucking jungle. As a self-healing beclawed psychopath, you’ll be using a quick attack, strong attack, grab and jump to navigate each bloodbath. There are combos and special moves to implement, but combos basically come down to how many times you mash quick attack before hitting strong attack so there’s no real tactical play to learn. The grab can throw people off cliffs, into each other, or at lethal terrain which sometimes is needed to solve a puzzle. There

is a quick-kill move, which involves grabbing an enemy and timing an attack to spill their guts on the spot, which does have its uses but ultimately comes down to taste or how lazy you are. The game does distinguish its combat with Wolverines lunge attack, which involves targeting an enemy and leaping claws first at his throat, and you can finish him or chain into more attacks depending on tactical necessity and your reflexes. The lunge has an insane range, so is useful both for closing distance or retreating to a quieter corner of the massacre. The enemies come in two flavours; guys with blades and guys with guns, who vary in toughness depending on how far you are into the game and which environment you happen to be unleashing your genocide upon. A few tougher enemies later on require a basic element of problem solving, but nothing taxing for a man with has ‘Feral Senses’, a.k.a. puzzlevision. There are boss fights against familiar faces from the movie, and a showdown with a Sentinel (giant robot) but unfortunately the opportunity for some Shadow of the Colossus action is squandered in favour of wailing on its feet for half an hour.

“Strapped into the boots of the world’s favourite mutant, your task is to brutally murder your way through a dozen-odd linear environments, with the plot of the film limping to catch up and provide the occasional motivation”

As a film tie-in the game puts in more effort than you’d expect; as a second-quarter 2009 game it is technically above average if a little derivative. More importantly it is great fun, doesn’t suffer much from the repetition blues, and should be a treat for fans and anyone with a weekend to kill with a game rental.

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CITRIC: New Releases Nick Johnston

I was going to continue rants throughout New Zealand music month on the current state of popular local music but I will call a truce for one column so I can take some time to acknowledge a few releases worthy of attention. An Emerald City have released their debut album Circa Scaria, supposedly recorded in a cave over two days. At first I thought this was just a clever publicity stunt, but I was proven wrong when I opened up the album booklet to find several photographs of the band actually recording in a cave! It is a very impressive album and I will be giving a full review of the album once I give it couple more listens. It has potential to be one of the best New Zealand releases of the year, which is a little

Phoenix Foundation. Let’s hope they have a Hamilton show in the next few months. Grand Prix, an Auckland band signed to Arch Hill label, have recently released their latest record The Speed of Sound. This is another album I plan to review in the near future, but the tracks on Myspace are sounding pretty damn good. Amplifier.co.nz describes their music as a mixture of bluegrass, country, rockabilly, surf, Motown and the music of Roy Orbison. If this interesting combo intrigues you, there should be copies available from JB Hifi or Real Groovy. On a different note, the Hamilton Circle Jerk is on the 23rd of May at

ironic considering its sound could not be any more foreign. Fat Freddy’s Drop will be releasing their second album Big BW towards the end of New Zealand music month. This is sure to satisfy dub fans across the country. The two tracks available to listen to on Myspace are both great songs, showing a bit more of a blues and funk influence on this album which should give their album a distinctive sound once again over their dub peers. Family Cactus, an indie rock band from Wellington, will be releasing their debut album in the next few months. If the couple of MySpace featured tracks are anything to go by, it has a lot of potential with beautifully lush production reminiscent of fellow Wellingtonians The

Dynamite and the Doppelgangers, Rumpus Room, Knights of the DUB Table, Doteyes, The Prime Numbers, Radiator, Sumo Love Machine, Goulash Archipelago (featuring members of Big Muffin Serious Band), Dharma Junkies, Wasteland and the final show from Dynamo Go. Just to shamelessly promote the band I’m in for a moment, you can download the entire Dynamo Go album for free fromwww.dynamo-go.com or you can find a torrent of it on Pirate Bay. Lastly for this week, keep an eye out for lunchtime concerts on campus at the Village Green. This is a work in progress, but soon there will be a chance to check out some of the best new bands in Hamilton for free!

Flow Bar. The current lineup is: The Shrugs, Sora Shima, The Dusk, Dick

ALBUM REVIEW

Neko Case - Middle Cyclone To those who have not had the pleasure of listening to Neko Case, she is an American singer/guitarist and a member of indie-pop supergroup The New Pornographers. In stark contrast to the joyous power pop on such classic albums as Electric Version (2003) and Challengers (2007), her solo albums are often beautifully dark and brooding country records. She has received much acclaim for her previous albums Blacklisted and Fox Confessor Brings the Flood, so anticipation was very high around the release of this record. The overall tone on this album is lighter than the melancholic predecessors. People Got a Lotta Nerve, the first single from the album, could easily get a few electric guitars added and it would fit right in with a New Pornographers setlist. There are further moments of pop brilliance on the album, with a cover of Harry Nilsson’s Don’t Forget Me, accompanied by a piano orchestra (six pianos played simultaneously in an old barn). 36

However, the dark Americana creeps back in with tracks like Prison Girls and The Pharaohs. The mix of the two styles creates an exciting blend of music that makes the album a lot more accessible to listen to fully. Two tracks stood out for me on this album: the bookends to the album. Opening track This Tornado Loves You is a strikingly beautiful tale of destructive love (quite literally in the form of a tornado), and closing track Red Tide (reminiscent of Amy Winehouse’s Back to Black), a cinematic “good riddance” farewell to her former hometown Seattle. Recommended for anyone who enjoys acoustic singer-songwriters or alt-country music. Even if you don’t usually enjoy these styles of music, check it out anyway and you might be pleasantly surprised.

Rating: 4.5/5

Comic Review: King City Story and art by Brandon Graham Reviewed by Gordon Dawson King City is a comic that laughs at the impossible and the improbable, laughs at them and chucks them out the window of a 200-story building. It slaps convention hard in its pouty face and takes a big steamy crap on the rulebook before setting it on fire and also throwing it out the window. King City does what it damn well pleases. King City is a work of genius. The comic is “about” a theif and Cat Master named Joe and his loose interaction with a gimp-mask sporting mate, his ex-girlfriend,

worth running out to Mark One and buying yourself to discover. King City is comics pushing the limits of creativity. The art is simple yet intricate, with detailed cityscapes and cleverly rendered characters, drawing equally from manga and French comics masters such as Moebius. Brandon Graham is immensely talented as both an artist and a writer, and he draws girls sexier than, possibly, anyone (he got his start in the biz drawing naughty comics, and it shows.) His writing is laced with the sort of punny humour that made

her new boyfriend who is addicted to a nasty drug called “chalk” thanks to post-traumatic stress disorder following the Xombie wars, and, of course, Joe’s cat, Earthling, who has a range of spectacular powers. If that sounds wacky – it kind of is, but in the most wonderful way possible. King City doesn’t follow any rules but its own, and I’m not even going to touch on the story here because it’s absolutely

me just about explode with laughter when I read Asterix comics back in the day, as well as a decidedly dark streak when he wants. You simply can’t do better than King City, and with the complete story about to be re-released serially by Tokyopop now’s the time to race to Mark One and buy the original. That’s enough from me; I want to let the art sample do the talking. Buy it.

You wouldn’t do it if it was… By Florian Herrmann

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Gig listings courtesy of Hamilton Community Arts Councill.

GIG GUIDE Musicians, bands, and other performers! Send your gig listings to gigs@nexusmag.co.nz – and we’ll print them, free of charge! Get yourself known! Cabaret (the musical) Cabaret is a controversial and hard-hitting show set in the exciting turmoil of Berlin in the 1930’s. Sizzling dancing, dazzling costumes, beautiful singing and some darn good acting - you can’t miss it! General admission is $28, table seating at the front of the theatre $33, students/senior citizens $23, matinee $16. Fri 15 May 2009 - Sat 30 May 2009 Cost: $16-33 Time: 730pm Where: Riverlea theatre, 80 Riverlea Road Hamilton Film Society Screening The Hamilton Film Society meets to watch Diva (Director: Jean-Jacques Beineix, France, 1981). A marvellous amalgam of spy thriller and fairytale romance. Jean-Jacques Beineix’s eyecatching debut draws diversely from film noir and the escapist adventure serials of Feuillade Tue 19 May 2009 Cost: Full memberships $100 / $90 students/ unwaged and three film passes ($30) available Time: 8pm Where: Victoria Cinema, 690 Victoria Street, Hamilton

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Don’t mention Casablanca Fans of the classic movie Casablanca will get to learn a little bit more about its famous director at a public lecture. This Playwright Michelanne Forster, who also wrote My heart is Bathed in Blood and Daughters of Heaven on which Peter Jackson’s Heavenly Creatures was based, is coming to Hamilton to talk about her most recent play. Thu 21 May 2009 Cost: Free Time: 6.30pm Where: Dance Studio of the Academy of Performing Arts, University of Waikato, Hillcrest Hamilton La Mezz Gallery - New Exhibition ‘Ensemble’ Group Show curated by Amanda Watson. Exhibiting Artists: Mark Wooller, Penoir, Amanda Watson, Lynda Wilson, Paul Judd, Damien Kurth, Maree glass, Jessica Crothall. Weekly | Thu 21 May 2009 - Sat 13 Jun 2009 Cost: Free Time: 9am - 5pm Monday to Saturday

Where: La Mezz Gallery, Mezzanine floor, Audio Art Cafe,1 Greenwood St, Hamilton The 5th Anniversary Hamilton Circle Jerk Contact 88.1 fm and Mammoth Gig Guide presents.... Hamilton Bands covering Hamilton Bands. Featuring.... Goulash Archipelago, Doteyes, Dynamo Go, The Shrugs, Sora Shima, Knights of the DUB Table, The Prime Numbers, Radiator, Dick Dynamite and the Doppelgangers and Sumo Love Machine. Hamilton’s proven big night out! Sat 23 May 2009 Cost: $10 Time: 8pm Where: Flow Bar, Victoria St downstairs by Hair Euphoria Cadbury Crunchie Comedy Convoy The Festival’s funniest local and international comedians take to the highway. Sat 23 May 2009 - Mon 25 May 2009 Cost: $36 & $38 + service fees Time: 8pm Where: Clarence St Theatre, 59 Clarence St

Gentlefolk of the wide Waikato! We desire your BUSTED pictures! It is rather easy! Simply email your pictures to busted@nexusmag.co.nz , or PXT to 021 235 8436. Show us your face! Shame your friends! Or you can (perhaps) take some Busted pictures for us! Email editor@ nexusmag.co.nz for details! 39