Wayne Life May 2019

Vol. 2 • No. 5 • May 2019

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Wayne Life • May 2019 • Page 3

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Page 4 • May 2019 • Wayne Life

WAYNE

EDITORIAL

Wayne Life

Thank you for reading “Wayne Life.”

Wayne Life is published by Joe Nicastro and Mary Lalama, publishers of the Hometown News.

Wayne is such a great place to work, live and play. There is so much here for the residents to enjoy that we have decided to dedicate a magazine to Wayne. The people that make up this community are caring people who never hesitate to help others in need.

Our goal is to provide you with articles about people, places and things all Wayne.

Each month you can pick up a copy of the magazine at local businesses or visit www.iwantmypaper.com and sign up for a free emailed copy that will be sent directly to your email.

We are also asking our readers to send

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us in photos and information on your life events, parties, birthdays, weddings, engagements or any other milestones. You can send them to editor@mylifepublications.com.

We welcome your feedback as well to the same email.

You can also visit our website www. mylifepublications.com or on Facebook under “Wayne Life.”

Please support our advertisers in our publications as they make this magazine available free to all with their advertising support. We want to help the local businesses and your support of them is appreciated.

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Wayne Life • May 2019 • Page 5

Wayne Moms and Their Families Celebrate Mom’s Special Day

T

By Steve Sears he month of May means many things. The first of the season’s flowers bloom, the incoming heat of summer pervades the atmosphere, and, of course, the annual celebration of Mother’s Day. Rating the before mentioned in

K

Kelly Tripi

elly Tripi, a young mom, works a full-time job and also has two other businesses.

Rather, she has two full-time jobs. Remember, she’s a mom. Son Luca Vincenzo is 7 ½, and daughter Liliana Catherine is 5 ½.

“I would say being a working mom is one of the biggest challenges I have ever faced,” says Tripi. “The most difficult part is the ‘mom guilt’ that comes along with it all. I am not always there for homework, I have missed tucking them in to bed, and I often miss sporting and school events. I love my career as a physical therapist. I dreamed of being a PT from a very young age. I also am very passionate about my photography business and wellness business. However, dedicating time to those passions takes away from my family time. It is a very difficult balance.”

“The most challenging aspect is trying to implement the right amount of structure, rules, and discipline but also feel like you are showing them love and kindness. It is difficult to not yell and try to remain calm when they are acting out of line. Every single day I feel like I made a mistake. Every child is so different and requires such different parenting and unfortunately there is no rule book that comes along with the babies in the hospital. I feel that the most important aspect of being a mom is teaching them to be compassionate and loving people while showing them support, love and a sense of discipline as well.”

Tripi and her husband wanted a child very badly, and she thought she was very prepared for motherhood. “I read all of the baby books, helped out with my niece quite often, and did pediatric physical therapy for a number of years. However, I soon realized that every kid is quite different, and all of the books in the world could not quite have prepared me for my son.”

As with most moms, having a young child sometimes causes changes in lifestyle and just life in general. “Motherhood has made

O

order of importance, the latter would be top of the list, and should be on a daily basis, year-round.

While every Mom is Wayne is special, Wayne Life highlights three Moms who embody what good motherhood is all about.

Dr. Sonia Wolf

“

verall, I would say the most challenging aspect of being a mother is questioning my own decision-making,” says Dr. Sonia Wolf, loving mom to Vanessa, 13, Krystina, 12, and James, who is 10 years old. “You have to always walk that line of being demanding but not too hard on them, strict but not overbearing, and close while still remembering that I am their mother, not their best friend. Sometimes life would be easier if I just gave in, but I try to remember the big picture,” she states with a chuckle.

As for being prepared for motherhood, Dr. Wolf, like

1

me much less selfish and has taught me to be more patient (or at least to try to be more patient). I learned immediately my schedule is not based on me anymore, but my kids. It has made me feel deeper than I ever thought possible.”

Tripi learned from one of the best. “My own mother is the best example I could have ever had. She sacrificed so much to make my brother and me happy. She supported every activity and dream we had and celebrated every victory. She supported us, but never forced or pushed us. She allowed us to make mistakes and learn from them as well as follow our own paths.”

“My proudest moments are when I see my children doing something kind for others without me prompting them. It makes me feel like maybe they really are listening to the lessons I try to teach them.”

Page 6 • May 2019 • Wayne Life

many moms, discovered that when you bring a first child home, you have no idea how difficult it will be. “I grew up in a very old-school, traditional Italian home where my mother waited on us hand and foot yet had to work all day and keep a household.

Looking back, I only now realize how much effort and energy she put into raising us.”

“Motherhood obviously changes you in a number of ways. I think you don’t truly understand what love is until you meet your child for the first time. It doesn’t always show, but I hope motherhood has taught me to be more patient.

With the birth of every child, my love for them has only grown and continues to grow every day.”

And as to the juggling of being a full-time mom and a job? “Being married to a chiropractor has allowed me to do more behind the scenes work. When the kids were very little and demanded unlimited attention, I was able to continue to be involved in the practice even though I wasn’t actively seeing patients. As they

have gotten older, I have been able to get more and more involved with day-to-day practice (New Jersey Spinal Care, PA)”.

“I would consider my mother to be a great example of what a good mom looks like,” she says, paying tribute to her mom. “Like the rest of us, she was far from perfect, but there’s no doubt she always put us first and did what she thought was right for us.”

Dr. Wolf also takes pride in the everyday accomplishments of her children and is with them for the ride as they mature. “For me, it is more a culmination of little things like a waiter complimenting how polite my children were at dinner, or watching them hold the door for someone, or remembering a simple please or thank you when it would be easier for them to just walk away. Watching them grow before my eyes as they become young adults and seeing them make the right choice or decision when they don’t know I am watching, reminds me that I must be doing something right.”

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Wayne Life • May 2019 • Page 7

W

Heather Heaney

ayne resident Heather Heaney is mom to 16-year-old Kate and 12-year-old Sean.

“I thought I was sooo prepared!” she states in an exaggerated manner. “And now I can laugh at that self. I took classes, read books, had been around a ton of kids, treated children.” However, things changed the moment of her daughter’s birth. “Once they put Kate in my arms and I realized we were completely responsible for EVERYTHING, wow! Did I get a reality check! I think no matter how prepared you are mentally, physically with the “gear,” nothing can fully prepare you for the becoming a first-time mom. I am so happy that I had both my mom and mother in law to help guide and reassure me along the way. If I could go back, I would have leaned on others sooner and said ‘Yes’ to all help!”

Motherhood made Heaney “more selfless, more giving, more able to laugh at her mistakes and the kids’ mistakes, able to look at the everyday things through their eyes, more patient especially through the ‘But, why mommy?’ phases, and it taught me to not sweat the small stuff. Is there a smile on our faces? Are we together?

Those,” she says, “are the important things.”

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Page 8 • May 2019 • Wayne Life

Heaney’s own mom raised four children (“She was - and still is - amazing!”) while working full time as a nurse in her husband’s office and loved to volunteer. “Quite honestly, I don’t know how she did it,” says Heaney. “But, when I have a tough day, I do think of her or I call her for help. She was a great role model and I can only hope that my kids one day think of me as highly as I do of her.”

Heaney, a physical therapist at NJ Spinal Care in Wayne, also is a career and family juggler. “I have always been blessed with a lot of help, (but) it takes a village. From my husband and extended family to sitters to an understanding boss, to kids that realize and respect that my work is important, too. Therefore, they know they need to be independent in some of their schoolwork, sports, and chores. My kids grew up knowing that work/home life is a juggle - my husband travels for work - but somehow, we make it happen for our family.

She feels the most important aspect of being a mom to me is providing my kids with a strong foundation in feeling loved, in self-worth, and having respect for others. “I have tried to teach them to believe in themselves and believe in the goodness of others. I think back to when I had to constantly teach them right from wrong or how to behave or how to respect others, and now my heart fills when I see them do kind acts for others or help each other or carry on a conversation with adults, or know when to say no and walk away. Yes, kids will make mis-

takes but more often, I now see them do what we have been saying, and teaching: Make good choices, Do the right thing, Be a good example. Before I know it, they will be out of my house and on their own. We are trying to spend as much time together before that happens!”

No matter the ages of Kate and Sean, Heaney knows parenting can be challenging in so many ways and it is different at different ages. “The most challenging aspect of parenting during the pre-teen years is not falling into the friend or buddy category. As much as I want to be the ‘cool’ mom and be friends with the kids, there is a line. Saying no is a lot more difficult than yes. That being said, it’s important to keep the lines of communication open, from the quick talks in the car on the way to school, to the in depth conversations in the car on the way to a far tournament to the quiet talks while snuggling at night, they need to feel safe and be able to talk about anything.”

Her greatest mom moments? Communication and comradery. “I think it’s seeing my kids become friends and actually like talking to each other about their day, sports, and life. As much as I love being the center of their world, I love even more that my son now goes to my daughter for advice and help. It’s pretty awesome to see the progression from sibling rivalry and fighting to comradery and respect. I love seeing their heads together and hearing their laughter.”

“There is nothing better.”

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Wayne Life • May 2019 • Page 9

Wayne Congregations Host Holocaust Survivor for Commemorative Presentation

F

By Anya Bochman or Erwin Ganz, of Warren, speaking to congregations and schools about his experiences in the Holocaust serves a dual purpose; in recounting the events that shattered his childhood, he bears witness to Nazi atrocities as well as admonishes younger generations on the dangers of hatred. Ganz, who is 90, is a member of the last generation of survivors who experienced the Holocaust first-hand.

On Thursday, April 30 at Temple Beth Tikvah (TBT) in Wayne, Ganz told his story in a presentation titled “Growing up in Nazi Germany: Before, During and After Kristallnacht.” The solemn commemoration, ahead of May 1’s Yom HaShoah – Holocaust Memorial Day – also featured candle lighting, music and readings by Wayne representatives of temples Beth Tikvah and Shomrei Torah, as well as Chabad Center of Passaic County and the Wayne YMCA. The program came about when TBT members Alice Osur and Mitchell Berger were discussing an educational speaker on the subject of Kristallnacht, the infamous Nazi Germany pogrom. Berger’s father, who had survived the Holocaust, was understandably reluctant to speak about his painful memories, leading his son to attempt to find out more.

“I went online and I googled [Holocaust survivors] who spoke on the subject,” Osur said. “When I came across Erwin, I saw how very engaging and easy to communicate with he is. He wants to share his experience.”

Ganz was born in Frankfurt, Germany, in August 1929, the son of a Jewish

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Page 10 • May 2019 • Wayne Life

bank executive. Conditions in the country were already deteriorating when Adolf Hitler came to power, as Ganz recalled his father using a wheelbarrow filled with useless paper money to buy bread for the family. As the Nazi party gained power in the 1930s, Ganz’ father lost his job at the bank due to rising anti-Semitism.

As conditions for Jews in Frankfurt grew ever more precarious, the “My family had been Germans living in family relothe country for generations and cated to the generations,” Ganz recalled sadly of the town of Berngradual disenfranchising of German Jews. kastel-Kues, along the Moselle River, where Ganz’ grandmother owned and operated a small department store. Ganz’ father proceeded to work for the store, sometimes selling clothes door-to-door.

Ganz describes the town at the time as home to some 40 Jewish families, with one synagogue. The bucolic setting, however, did not stave off the encroachment of state-mandated anti-Semitism for long; when Ganz was five years old, he was denied entry to the town’s public school and had to take a train to study in Wittlich, a town over 30 miles away. Despite his young age, his parents had little choice in the matter, and the dangerous commute is something that Ganz remembers all too well.

“The Hitlerjugend [Hitler Youth] used to wait at the sta-

tion; they would call us names and take our books while the police looked the other way,” Ganz said. “They just let the Hitlerjugend do whatever they wanted.”

As conditions for German Jewry continued to worsen, Ganz nevertheless persisted with his education at the school for the next three years. He remembers a distinct turn for the worse when Jewish men were taken from their homes by the Gestapo and signs reading “Do Not Buy From Jews” were posted on storefronts of Jewish businesses, including that of his grandmother.

“My family had been Germans living in the country for generations and generations,” Ganz recalled sadly of the gradual disenfranchising of German Jews.

“My father would always talk to me before I went to sleep, and one night he spoke longer than usual,” Ganz said. “In the morning, he was gone.”

His father had managed to immigrate to the United States with the help of an elderly cousin living in Missouri; escape from Nazi Germany was extremely difficult for Jewish people, and without the cousin acting as “sponsor” and putting up funds – sent to him by Ganz’ grandmother – his father would not have been able to leave in time.

Ganz is acutely aware of this, reflecting that neither he nor his father may have survived at all, as the cousin died while Ganz’ father was traveling to America aboard the SS President Harding. The narrow escape is a bitter re-

1

Wayne Life • May 2019 • Page 11

ticed hatchet marks gouged into door minder of how little aid was extended to frames. Coals from the stove had been German Jews at the time. thrown on the family’s beds. The youths As up until that point, Jewish women responsible were mostly teenagers and children had been spared deportawhose parents had previously been custions to ghettoes and labor camps, the tomers in the family store. rest of Ganz’ family remained in Bern“It’s called Kristallnacht, or ‘The kastel-Kues while the father struggled Night of Broken Glass,’ but the destructo make a living in the United States. tion took place during the day as well,” Nov. 9, 1938, the date of the KristallGanz said. “That night, they burned the nacht pogroms, a devastating series of town synagogue, where my brother had attacks on Jewish businesses and tembeen the last bar mitzvah.” ples, began “just like every other day” That night, two Gestapo officers in Ganz’ memory. It was overcast and came into the house in order to take cloudy, and his mother was waiting away Ganz’ father, who had by then left. for him at the train station after he reAs women and children were still largely turned from school. spared by Germany’s genocidal regime She gave Ganz a banana, a delicacy at at the time, the Gestapo did not detain the time, in an attempt to soften the imGanz or his mother. pact of what the boy was about to see in Erwin Ganz with Temple Har Shalom chief of main“After that, I was afraid to go outside the family home.

“All the windows in our home had tenance Manny Morales after a speech in October because of the Hitlerjugend,” Ganz re2018. counted. “There was a tavern near our been broken, and there were shards of house and at night we could hear them glass in the street and in our yard,” Ganz recounted painfully. “The Hitlerjugend had smashed all mirrors, singing songs about murdering Jews. We all had nightmares.”

Soon, all Jews in town had to turn over their money and gold and slashed our pictures and furniture.”

As he took in the devastation to the family home, Ganz no- as the Nuremberg Laws effectively took away their cit-

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Page 12 • May 2019 • Wayne Life

izenship and all the privileges that came with it. Although the family’s gentile housekeeper was no longer allowed to work for them, she secretly supplied them with food – an action that in Holocaust remembrance marks her as a “righteous gentile.”

“All mail was censored by the Gestapo, but my parents had set up a unique system where my mother would snip a lock of my hair and send it to my father in America to let him know that things were okay,” Ganz said. “If there was no lock of hair in the letter, the message was ‘get us out.’”

That is precisely what Ganz’ father did, and in April of 1939, Ganz, along with his mother and brother, managed to leave the country. His grandmother followed shortly after, on one of the last boats out. Most relatives remaining in the country died in the ensuing extermination campaign against the Jews.

Today, Ganz – who has four children and eight grandchildren – is retired following a long career as Executive Vice President for Ronson Corporation. He has stayed anything but idle, having spoken of his experiences in over 100 locations, including Fairleigh Dickinson University. At a presentation in his temple in Warren, Alice Osur heard Ganz’ story and recommended him to Temple Beth Tikvah for its 2019 Yom HaShoah program.

“Erwin is extremely articulate and passionate,” Osur said. “I saw him at the Warren synagogue and knew he was the one to lead this program.”

For Ganz, who has since gone back to Germany several times,

the reminders of the past are everywhere. During a visit to the family home on the Moselle River, he could still see the hatchet marks struck into the wood by the Hitler Youth, visible despite layers of paint. The town synagogue had been turned into a machine shop, but the Star of David that once decorated it was still visible on the structure.

The school in Wittlich is long gone, but the town’s temple has been turned into a “Jewish museum.” Its owner told Ganz that there were no longer any Jewish families in Wittlich. In many ways, the absences, both of people and places, are more startling than the physical reminders of that terrible time.

Perhaps incredibly, during a more recent visit, Ganz, struck by a “burning desire” to find someone who would remember his family, spoke to a number of elderly people in Bernkastel-Kues.

After a series of false starts, he met a woman who said that when she was a little girl, she remembered a Jewish man – Ganz’s father – selling her family a dress.

In his continued efforts to bring his story to others – whether school children in Germany or temple members in the United States – Ganz emphasizes the need to bear witness and learn from mistakes of the past.

“Too many people don’t know what happened,” he said.

“When I was invited to speak to children in a school in Germany, I told them they are the future. There is still too much anti-Semitism in the world today, and we need to do better.”

G

Wayne Life • May 2019 • Page 13

Watch Out! 7 Vacation Costs That Sneak Up on You

oing on vacation is a time to get away, relax and enjoy new experiences. But if you don’t pay close attention, extra costs can sneak up on you like tiny money-stealing ninjas. Here are seven sneaky vacation costs to watch out for: 1. Covert airfare increases. Airline pricing algorithms are programmed to store your browsing history to see if you’ve been looking at flights. If you have, they will bump up the price. Before searching, clear your internet history and switch to private (or incognito) mode on your web browser.

When you are finally ready to book the flight, do so using a different computer from a new location to be sure that you’re avoiding this artificial price increase.

2. Stealthy resort fees. The nightly base rate for a fancy resort will often compare favorably to a standard hotel in the same location. This is an intentional pricing tactic by resorts to get their rooms on the initial search results page. Don’t be fooled! These same resorts will add a daily resort fee on the back end of your bill to cover the extra amenities they offer.

The extra fee might be worth it to you, but it’s better to understand the full cost of the stay before making your reservation.

3. Useless rental car insurance. Rental car companies will try to sell you insurance to cover damages you may cause during

the rental period. Often, the auto insurance you already have will extend to the rental car. In these cases, the extra insurance isn’t necessary. Before renting a car, check with your insurance company to see if a rental will be covered.

4. Bloated baggage fees. You probably already know that airlines may charge for checking a bag, but do you know they will charge extra if a bag is too heavy? Exact weight can vary by airline or location, so check the weight limits before you go and weigh any heavy bags using a bathroom scale.

5. Crafty parking costs. Downtown hotels in big cities charge as high as $75 per night for parking! Research alternative parking options near your hotel or compare the cost of using rideshare options before committing to the hotel rate.

6. Sly extra driver charges. Rental car companies will charge an extra daily fee to have a second driver listed on the rental.

If possible, commit to one person to handle all the driving on your vacation.

7. Tricky foreign transaction fees. Traveling abroad

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Page 14 • May 2019 • Wayne Life

Brownie Troop Visits Wayne Interfaith Network Food Pantry

Brownie Troop #97751, 3rd graders from JFK Elementary School, recently brought food donations to the Wayne Interfaith Network Food Pantry. They helped stock the shelves and learned how good it feels to help their neighbors when it is most needed. WIN is a coalition of individuals and volunteers from houses of worship and service organizations in Wayne, NJ who provide assistance to Wayne residents in need. For more information about the WIN Food Pantry, visit www. winfoodpantry.org.

and paying an extra fee for every purchase will add up in a hurry. Before you go, check your credit cards and bank accounts to see if they charge foreign transaction fees. If they do, shopping for another card or account that doesn’t charge fees might make sense.

Some vacation fees can’t be avoided, but many of them can if you know where to look. Implement a plan to navigate the fees in the planning stages of your trip to avoid dealing with them during your vacation.

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Wayne Life • May 2019 • Page 15

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Page 16 • May 2019 • Wayne Life

Do Cats and Dogs Really Fight Like Cats and Dogs?

C

ats and dogs have long been depicted as ardent foes, consistently getting into scrapes with one another. But are those claims exaggerated?Many cats and dogs peacefully coexist in their homes, where their divergent personalities combine to make homes more interesting. Cats and dogs tend to have different body language, but that should not be mistaken for opposition.Take, for example, a boisterous puppy that excitedly approaches visitors with its tail wagging to show friendliness. According to the animal experts at slimdoggy.com, a resource for dog food, fitness, and fun; cats interpret wagging tails as signs of anger or displeasure. Dogs like to sniff their “friends” and get to know them, and cats don’t favor this attention.

When sniffed, cats may run off, unintentionally triggering dogs’ natural predator instincts.

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Wayne Life • May 2019 • Page 17

Cats and dogs also have different social styles. While a cat may be content to be alone and approach visitors cautiously, dogs tend to be sociable and rush into situations if they think there is fun to be had.

But cats and dogs can peacefully coexist. One way to foster a good relationship between cats and dogs is to control their initial introduction. If possible, separate the animals initially, giving cats a chance to warm up to their new situation. Upon introducing the two, it may be best to have the dog on a leash so that you can control its desire to lunge.

Calmness is key; do not force the cat to come to the dog or vice versa. Reward calm behavior with treats and repeat these steps until the pets appear to be used to each other.

It’s important that pet owners recognize that while cats and

dogs may peacefully coexist in a home most of the time, their natural instincts may kick in every so often. Just separate the pets if they have a tiff.

Rumors abound that cats and dogs can’t share a home, but that’s simply not true. With some early socialization, patience on the part of pet owners, and an understanding of cat and dog behaviors; pet parents can ensure both cats and dogs live together in harmony.

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Page 18 • May 2019 • Wayne Life

Wayne Girl Survives Childhood Cancer Battle, Publishes Book to Aid Others

S

By Steve Sears ometimes good things result out of challenging situations.

Looking at Emanuela Stilianessis now at age 11, you’d find it hard to believe that, at 15 months, she was fighting for her life while her mom, dad, and older brother fought tears. But there’s a happy ending. Emanuela in her young life has accomplished something many people dream of: having a book published. She and her mom, Anna, co-authored and self-published Dream On…, a wonderful 35-page offering in paperback where Emanuela hops on Sparkles the unicorn’s back and is whisked to just a few of the spots around the world she longs to visit in her lifetime.

It all started with a well-baby visit to Emanuela’s and her older brother Gerry’s pediatrician, Lisa Meli, D.O. “My husband, Chris, was there,” says Anna Stilianessis, mom to Emanuela, “and my two children – right now I have four children, at the time I had two children – and we

went in for a well-baby visit. We hadn’t actually started the visit yet, and my son started tickling her belly, and a lump protruded, and he asked, ‘What’s that?’ My husband and I looked at each other; we’d never seen it before. All the times I changed her diaper, bathed her – I never ever noticed it. It was quite large (10 cm).”

Immediately sent to Hackensack Medical Center for an ultrasound and MRI, the family was greeted by a team of oncologists. “I honestly thought they were in the wrong room,” Anna recalls. “They hadn’t done anything yet, no testing. They introduced themselves and I said, ‘Sorry, but you’re in the wrong room.’ Because when the doctor first sent us to get tests, who thinks cancer? I wasn’t thinking cancer at all.”

“That’s when our lives changed- just like that.”

It was discovered that half of the left lobe of Emanuela’s liver had a rare tumor, which was diagnosed as hepatoblastoma, the most common malignant tumor found in young children. It forced immediate eight-hour surgery,

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which included removal of Emanuela’s tumor, neighboring lymph node, and her gall bladder. The follow-up biopsy revealed, in Anna’s words, “More bad news, one thing after another, telling us it was cancerous, and we had to go along with chemotherapy.”

It was a roller coaster of emotions. “Cry is an understatement,” says Anna. “We didn’t know how we were going to get through it. We didn’t know how we were going to get through the next hour let alone the next day, because you’re really living hour by hour.”

Emanuela endured chemo and suffered the normal side affects (loss of hair, vomiting, not eating, losing weight), but survived. Also, her liver has rejuvenated to the size of a healthy liver. “How blessed we are,” is the first thought Anna says pops into her mind each day as she awakes. “I look at her and tell her all the time that she is my inspiration to just do so much in life, she really is. She’s full of life, she wants to see the world – that’s where the book comes from, she has places she wants to visit, and she keeps me going.”

“I have a long list of places that I want to visit. It’s a really long list,” Emanuela says with a laugh. “It’s a lot of places, and I kind of wanted to share it.”

“Yes, she has a long list,” agrees Anna, who with her family

owns both the Wayne Preakness Diner in Wayne and Lenape Hills Diner in Oakland, and also owns with her husband Ringwood’s Lakeside Diner. “I said, ‘You know what? You’re talking you want to go visit here and there, so why don’t we pick three and put them in the book?’ For example, Paris is one of them, so she started reading a book about Paris and researching about Paris. So, we just sat down and put them together and, at the end of the book, we kind of left it open that we can’t wait for our next adventure, so maybe we’ll turn it into a little series and talk about the other places.”

Highlighted in the book are, yes, a trip to Paris, but also stops in New York City and California. “The unicorn,” says Emanuela, “ is a stuffed animal. I would have a (day) dream where, every time I had a place I wanted to visit, I’d basically go on the unicorn’s back and then go to the place.” The book took both Anna and Emanuela a year to write, each researching each place, taking notes, and put it all together. A few copies of the book are available at Packanack Lake Elementary School Library, where Emanuela currently attends school.

Both Anna and Emanuela are considering a second book but would actually like to visit the next places they write about, and those places include Hawaii and London.

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Page 20 • May 2019 • Wayne Life

Chris and Anna Stilianessis, who have been married for 19 years, and also are parents to 6-year-old Irene and 4-yearold Manny, recognize that Gerry and Emanuela have a very special bond.

“Out of all four kids, he is the only one she hugs, shows affection to. She is very close to him and he is very overprotective of her.”

Dream On can be purchased at www. amzn.to/2x4N8iu, and a percentage of all proceeds are donated to, primarily, different pediatric cancer charities per month. “People don’t realize that only 4% of cancer research goes to pediatric cancer,” says Anna. “They keep saying pediatric cancer is rare, but there’s so many. That bothers me a lot. When you start the process of the chemo and the devastating news, it’s scary, you don’t know what’s going to happen from day to day, but you meet all these other families and then, by the end of the treatment, you realize how lucky and fortunate you are that your child is healthy. You ask a lot of whys: Why did this happen to me? Why were we fortunate? All these things go through your head.”

According to Emanuela, she had a goal with the book idea.

“So that they (children suffering with cancer) could have the courage to fight.

And, when she (her mom) says donating the money, they don’t have a lot of medicines for cancer.”

Adds Anna, “There was a lot of people who were great to us so we’re trying to give back. And family is the most important. We couldn’t really go throughout the process without our family.”

Anna Stilianessis recalls her first thought when she realized her baby daughter would be okay. “Relieved and scared at the same time. Relieved because it was over and I never thought we were going to get there, but scared because, though the chemo was keeping the cancer away, I was scared that once we were done, it was going to come back.”

It hasn’t. Thankfully, Emanuela is healthy. She is a cheerleader and is also involved in acrobatic gymnastics, and often gets tested to ensure she is still cancer free. She will soon enter George Washington Junior High School. “Her oncologist said they’ll be at her wedding,” says Anna with a smile. “I’m happy to hear that.”

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F

Wayne Drug Forum: Drug Abuse Education for Community Members and Parents

By Debra Winters or five straight years, Wayne Township has remained on the forefront of the ongoing opioid battle through public education. They will continue doing so this month with their sixth annual drug forum, an interactive discussion designed to inform parents about drug abuse.

This year’s main contributing sponsors of the drug forum are the Wayne Teachers Association (WEA) and the Albert Anthony Kayal Foundation (AAKF).

Wayne, like most communities in the State of New Jersey, is facing a detrimental drug problem. The goal of the seminar is to draw in as many parents along with their middle and high schoolaged kids, said Wayne Mayor Chris Vergano.

He went on to speak about February’s triple fatal crash at a Delta gas station on Route 23 north. The driver, a 29-year-old Sussex County resident, had overdosed and was administered Narcan, a medication that blocks and reverses the affects of opioid overdoses. He was later arrested and charged.

“We just saw the tragedy unfold on Route 23 and what came out of it due to our proactive police department. How many other tragedies were avoided by the arrest of the driver,” questioned Vergano. “The number is staggering,” he stated.

At a recent mayor and council meeting, Vergano said they spoke about the number of Narcan uses the township had

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since the program started in September 2014. For three months the median age was 25. However since then, he reported it dropping down to as young as 16 with the oldest being 21. Just last year, there were 30 uses of Narcan, with 15 of them being Wayne residents.

“If we only reach one child, it’s still somebody’s kid. Then we’ve been successful,” said Vergano regarding the ongoing need for the drug forum.

“My goal when we started this forum,” said Vergano, “was to educate parents. We started working with the school system then we brought in the (WEA), the police department, and a host of other speakers over the five years we’ve been offering this event.

Some years there are big turnouts and others are very little. Mailers go out to every parent alerting them about the forum.

Principals also do robo calls a couple days before and it’s also on the town and Board of Education websites.”

“It’s a very collaborative effort. We also send a notice out to our parks and recreation departments as well as the Police Athletic League (PAL) who notifies the Boys and Girls Club. A lot of notifi-

cation goes out and I think that might start to wake people up,” Vergano said.

“I think it’s also naturally growing on its own.”

Eda Ferrante, the WEA president, also recognizes the need for parental education.

“There are many children that are challenged with the temptations of drug use. Peer pressure is intense. The WEA sees this issue as vitally important and as partners in the community, we see it as our obligation to find solutions,” Ferrante stated.

Despite the fact that eradicating drug abuse forever would be difficult, Ferrante says the WEA will always aim at that target.

“Although it is our goal, we are not naive in believing that we could ever totally eradicate drug abuse and addiction in our community. What we hope to do is educate our parents, students, and fellow educators so that we can do all we can to address this drug scourge that has caused such harm,” she added.

Reaching a kid before his or her life spirals out of control remains the top goal of the drug forum. Because sadly many

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“The goal of starting the foundation was to provide the outlook from previous addicts and how it impacted their lives. I always felt so strongly that if my brother had that support or information given to him at a crucial time in his teenage life it would have been beneficial,” Eskow stated. addicts that lose their life are not always kids, in many cases, they are adults who never got the memo. And in those cases, when tragedy strikes, there are also family members at stake.

AAKF is headed by executive director Michelle Eskow, a former Wayne resident whose brother Albert died from a drug overdose at age 33, leaving behind a wife and daughter.

“The goal of starting the foundation was to provide the outlook from previous addicts and how it impacted their lives. I always felt so strongly that if my brother had that support or information given to him at a crucial time in his teenage life it would have been beneficial,” Eskow stated.

This year’s drug forum will spotlight former NBA basketball player Chris Herren, who will speak about his addiction and recovery. He will also have separate speaking engagements at Wayne Valley High School and Wayne Hills High School.

Herren spent most of his career with the Boston Celtics as well as pro teams in various other countries. He began using cocaine at age 18, and eventually heroin for over 14 years. He struggled most of his career with opioid abuse using such painkillers as OxyContin, Vicodin, and Percocet while with the Celtics.

Back in 2007 Herren was charged with possession of heroin in a Rhode Island parking lot. The following year in Fall River, Mas-

sachusetts he overdosed on heroin and crashed into a utility pole and was dead for 30 seconds before receiving Narcan.

Herren has been in recovery since 2008 and is a motivational speaker. He founded “The Herren Project”, with focus on assisting others in recovery. He now focuses on children and launched “Project Purple” in 2012 which educates children about his substance abuse message.

“The interesting thing about Chris Herren is he’s going to talk about one of the main reasons why he wound up in trouble. His parents allowed him to drink and smoke in their house. He also talks about going to these assemblies where people speak about drug addiction. He explains how he was the guy in the audience saying, ‘that’s not going to be me’. All I do is smoke and drink. I’m not going to be the guy that does anything stronger than that,’” said Robbin Gulino, coordinator of the Wayne Alliance for the Prevention of Substance Abuse.

She went on to say, “The challenge facing those organizing the forum is talking to parents who say, ‘I don’t have that problem, I don’t know anyone with that problem.’”

However the reality is that - at this point the epidemic is so bad - that everyone knows somebody.

“The drug forum is helpful to offer people the under-

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standing of what to do if the crises were to arise. And it’s also helpful to understand what to do when someone comes to you and says they have the problem in their own family. Maybe it’s not going to hit you per say but you need to have insight in terms of what advice to give,” Gulino said.

Wayne remains on the forefront in the battle of substance and alcohol abuse in Passaic County. Despite the drug forum, the Wayne Alliance for the Prevention of Substance Abuse also educates the public in making drug-free choices. It started in 1990 and those involved work tirelessly on a volunteer level to promote safe and healthy lifestyles through prevention, intervention, and education.

“The Wayne Alliance does a fabulous job providing services to for alcohol and drug abuse. We have a lot of resources in the community available and I’d like to see more people take advantage of it,” said Wayne Police Capt. Laurence Martin.

For further information log onto, www.waynetownship.com/ alliance.

The alliance is also a big proponent of communication between parents and their children about the existence of drugs, alcohol, and even tobacco. And the drug forum helps to educate parents on the overall topic.

“I’m not an expert. I’m just trying to get the word out every chance I get. Mayor Vergano was one of the first in the area to have a drug forum. The mayor came to me and said, ‘I’m not going to pretend there’s not a problem. I’m going to have this forum.’

And then all the sudden I notice now other towns are hav-

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Page 28 • May 2019 • Wayne Life

Every year Wayne tries different approaches when coordinating the drug forum.

One of the more harrowing approaches included a panel of former addicts who all shared their personal stories with the audience. Another year fake drugs were hidden on stage to simulate a kid’s bedroom in an effort to educate parents on what signs to look for. ing similar events,” Gulino stated.

Every year Wayne tries different approaches when coordinating the drug forum. One of the more harrowing approaches included a panel of former addicts who all shared their personal stories with the audience. Another year fake drugs were hidden on stage to simulate a kid’s bedroom in an effort to educate parents on what signs to look for.

“Once there’s a problem, that’s the beginning of a spiral that nobody can predict,” Gulino said solemnly.

She added, “We try so hard as an alliance to get the point across that it’s no joke. Do not allow underage drinking. And it’s no joke to not allow smoking marijuana underage. All this underage activity is the stuff that leads to the next bad thing.”

The forum also informs parents on the current drug trends. The latest “cool thing” is vaping.

“Don’t be lazy. There’s no excuse to say you don’t know something today, not with the Internet and YouTube. Spend 10 minutes a day doing some research to learn what your kids are doing. I think with vaping, kids got it past their parents saying its just water and parents don’t understand that their kids are sucking some-

thing hazardous into their lungs,” Gulino said.

Parents like Donna Andelora, of Wayne, who lost her son to drug abuse at age 22, knows all too well about the importance of a forum. She has spoken at many, starting just six months after her son, Joey, overdosed on heroin.

“There is a need now more than ever to educate our youth, parents and even our educators as this epidemic is growing with no end in sight and more deadly now with fentanyl. We need to teach coping skills to our youth, decision making, as well as how to handle failure and disappointment. They need to be better equipped when entering adolescence. And we need to educate parents and teachers to know the signs of drug abuse and what to look for,” Andelora stated.

The Wayne Police are also on the forefront of the drug epidemic as they battle the situation on a daily basis.

“This is something we’ve been dealing with for years. This is not going away and it’s not going to end tomorrow,” Martin said.

There are so many drugs on the streets however many older ones continue to find their way back into the hands of addicts.

“What we’re seeing is an increase in crack cocaine via

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Wayne Life • May 2019 • Page 29

boats up and down the Eastern seaboard into the Ports of Baltimore and Newark. There was a huge seizure recently out of Newark, which is good news. But sadly, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. We have a problem with people accessing our country with drugs and it has to stop. We’re losing a lot of people because of it,” Martin stated.

“The drug forum is a positive step,” he stated, “but more people need to attend if we’re going to get the word out.”

“I’d love to see the forum packed but we don’t because unless we’re changing the color of the football uniform or the color of the school mascot or changing the name of a school you won’t see anybody flood these events,” Martin said.

Echoing Gulino’s words, he added, “What happens is these types of events bring to light situations such as this recent accident. People have a tendency to look away unless it’s right in their face. The goal is to embrace the fact that the problem exists and to be aware of it and to be smart enough in how to deal with it and recognize it either in their household or neighborhood.

Narcotic arrests are made every day by the Wayne Police.

“The people we arrest are either behind the wheel, in a parking lot, or have overdosed. The problem is not going away. We march them in here every day. All demographics, all ages, all times of the day, it’s tragic, it’s really tragic,” Martin said.

The problem exists. That’s been stated. Parents though need to be educated.

Stop by this year’s drug forum on May 29, at 7 p.m., at Wayne Valley High School, located at 551 Valley Road, inside the auditorium. There will also be a Q and A portion. The event is free.

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Page 30 • May 2019 • Wayne Life

Wayne Middle School Student Wins Prestigious Summer Music Scholarship

S

axophone player Isabelle Mailman of Wayne, an eighth-grader at George Washington Middle School in Wayne, has won the prestigious Hanover Wind Symphony 2019 Summer Music Scholarship in the Junior Division.

Isabelle, who plays both tenor saxophone and alto saxophone, will be using her scholarship to attend the 26th Annual Jazz Workshop at William Paterson University this coming summer.

An avid musician, Isabelle finds that music enhances her life in myriad ways.

“To me, music is simply magical,” says the 13-year-old scholarship winner. “I have journeyed so far down the path of music that it has become an essential part of my life. As a form of communication, it has become as organic and

elemental to me as speaking. Music is something that I just cannot live without.”

Besides the Hanover Wind Symphony scholarship, Isabelle also won the Chuck Sastre Memorial Award for musical excellence in 2016. The honoree has been first chair, tenor saxophone, with the Symphonic Winds Orchestra– Northern New Jersey and the Concert Band–Northern New Jersey, and first chair, alto saxophone, with the Elementary Honors Band; has played alto saxophone with the All-Wayne Band and AllWayne Jazz Band; and has been part of the George Washington Middle School Sixth Grade Wind Symphony and Seventh and Eighth Grade Concert Band.

She also participates in the school’s Drama Club, and has performed in a number of productions, including play-

Wayne Life • May 2019 • Page 31

ing the Hyena in “The Lion King”; the Evil Witch in “Shrek the Musical”; and the Wicked Witch of the West in “The Wizard of Oz.” In addition, Isabelle is vice president of the George Washington Middle School Student Council, and a junior instructor in karate (a junior black belt), teaching younger students.

She notes, “No matter what’s on my schedule, I always make time for music. Whether I’m singing and dancing on stage, playing my saxophone, or tapping my foot along to the radio, I never miss the opportunity to enhance my life with music.”

Michele Hughes of Whippany, Isabelle’s private saxophone teacher, says of her student, “Isabelle is a highly intelligent, and sensitive musician. Her skills and dedication to the saxophone (alto and tenor) are excellent, and she has progressed from a beginning player to a mature musician performing at a level well beyond her 13 years of age! Isabelle is a joy to teach, absorbs what I teach her very quickly, and is extremely motivated. Isabelle has a passion for both classical repertoire and jazz music.

Her innate sense of musicianship, phrasing and maturity are evident in her playing--she has a beautiful vibrato! I believe her talent will only grow and mature as she continues her musical journey.»

Gail Lalk of Morristown, chair of the HWS Scholarship Committee, notes, “We are very pleased about the quality of auditions we had for this year’s scholarship. Isabelle prepared impressive audition pieces on both alto and tenor saxophone.” Adds HWS

president William Trusheim of West Milford, “This year, we were able to expand our scholarship program to include a junior division, which Isabelle Mailman won. This is in line with our mission to support aspiring instrumentalists. Isabelle gave an excellent audition and has a bright future in music.”

The Hanover Wind Symphony is a unique extension of the great American tradition of adult music performance. One of only a handful of outstanding community-based adult wind bands in New Jersey, the Hanover Wind Symphony delights audiences of all ages by giving a contemporary twist to traditional favorites. The large orchestra, made up exclusively of woodwind, brass and percussion instruments, is committed to mentoring the next generation of wind musicians.

Hanover Wind Symphony Scholarship Committee members include Gail Lalk, committee chair, plus HWS president William Trusheim, HWS treasurer Len Stern of Kinnelon, HWS music director Matthew Paterno of Parsippany, HWS associate music director Kurt Zimmermann of Rockaway, oboe player Lynn Grice of Maplewood, and flutist Drusilla Gaffney of Succasunna.

HWS is working to make this scholarship program self-sustaining through donations. Donations to the Hanover Wind Symphony Summer Music Scholarship Program may be mailed to Hanover Wind Symphony, P.O. Box 100, Whippany, NJ 07981.

Checks should be made payable to the Hanover Wind Symphony with “Scholarship Fund” in the memo line. Inquiries about the scholarship program may be emailed to info@hanoverwinds.org.

Page 32 • May 2019 • Wayne Life

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Page 34 • May 2019 • Wayne Life

Wayne Life • May 2019 • Page 35

Page 36 • May 2019 • Wayne Life

Utilizing His Litigation Skills to Create Positive Solutions for His Constituents is What Councilman Jonathan Ettman Does Best

J

By Pamela Macek onathan Ettman is a skilled attorney whose area of practice is in litigation. He has taken this skill and brought it into his duties as Councilman for Wayne Township’s 6th ward. When asked what his primary goal as Councilman is, Ettman shared, “First and foremost to serve my residents. To be an advocate for my residents. I am here to help the community, and that is my top priority.”

Ettman is in his first term, fourth year as Councilman. A Wayne resident himself for 14 years, Ettman made the choice a long time ago, that Wayne was the town where he wanted to raise his own family. With a daughter attending Wayne Hills High School and son in Schulyer Colfax Middle School, this father of two realizes first hand that, “Wayne is a fabulous place to raise a family.” Folks who enjoy living in Wayne would readily agree. “The athletics and accessibility of various events that our children can take part in, like sports, music, or whatever fits their interests, they can find it here.”

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So, what are some favorite things that this Councilman enjoys doing in Wayne? “I would say the athletics and fields which are available for everyone. I used to play on a men’s softball league for many years, and I just thought that was great to be able to have a league with so many teams participating. It created great competition – I got so much personal enjoyment out of that. From children to adults, there’s something for everyone. Or, if you want to go out and grab a drink or a meal at a local place like Maggie’s or Novelli, it has that neighborhood feeling to it, where everyone knows your name.”

There is also one place in town that stands out as extra special to Ettman. “The Laurelwood Arboretum, located at 725 Pines Lake Drive West, is a botanical oasis right here in Wayne.

Most people don’t even know it exists. I’ll take my wife, kids and dog there and go for a walk.

It’s a really nice, quiet place to just enjoy nature. The staff does an amazing job taking care of and maintaining the gardens and have contributed such a wonderful sanctuary for the township.”

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Wayne Life • May 2019 • Page 37

to dusk to the public.

Some of the reasons the Councilman relied upon for choosing to live in Wayne are not centered around fun and recreation, but on hardship and challenges. Ettman has seen and experienced this firsthand himself. “First off, there’s a real sense of community here where people really care for each other, especially in time of need or when there’s an unfortunate event, like if a child is befallen with a terrible illness, which we’ve had our share of in this town.

You see how this community can really rally behind one another and support each other and uplift each other.”

One experience in particular stands out as a significant and proud moment in time for Ettman as not only a councilman, but on a much more personal level. “I went to an interfaith service after the Pittsburgh synagogue shooting.

As a person with a Jewish background, I was just amazed at the outpouring of support from people of such various religious backgrounds coming together at Temple Shomrei Torah, which is located on Hinchman Avenue. It really had a profound impact on me and I thought it was remarkable.”

These acts of camaraderie and support are poignant and are all the more reason why Ettman desires to serve as Councilman, but when asked, he will say there is one person who stands out among the rest who really inspires him to do what he does each day. “My wife Marla is truly a superwoman, juggling her career as a pharmaceutical sales rep with captaining the ship that is our family. She is

selfless and courageous in so many ways.”

While serving others has always been a part of who Ettman is, his original career plan was to solely maintain his profession in the field of law. “I am an attorney and my area of practice is in litigation. I handle cases that cover a variety of matters including personal injury and business-related disputes like employment issues. Our firm also has a very interesting niche in “I went to an interfaith service after the area of bullythe Pittsburgh synagogue shooting. ing. We represent As a person with a Jewish background, a lot of families I was just amazed at the outpouring of whose children have suffered bulsupport from people of such various lying incidents, religious backgrounds coming together and I don’t just at Temple Shomrei Torah, mean light name which is located on Hinchman Avenue. calling. These are really bad issues It really had a profound impact on me where kids comand I thought it was remarkable.” mit suicide or are really badly harmed by the bullying and lack of action by the school districts.”

Politics was not initially intended to be a part of Ettman’s career, but it became apparent to him that it was the next step. “The more I considered our town and the future of my children – the place where I made the decision

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Page 38 • May 2019 • Wayne Life

to plant roots, I felt that I needed to get involved and put my aspersions of politics aside and stop complaining about the actions or inactions of our elected officials and take action on my own. That was the impetus that got me going. I also felt the need to give something back to the community, and that I was at a point in my life that it was time to step it up and get involved.”

Ettman’s position as Councilman has been embraced with realistic expectations. “I think I expected to work with exactly what has been before me. I started coming to town hall meetings and really started taking an interest in the issues before running for town council, and so I had a good idea of what I was getting myself into.”

Yet there was something Jon Ettman didn’t anticipate upon taking office, and that came directly from the township residents.

“It is astounding to me that people are so surprised when I respond to them so quickly and give them the attention that they deserve.

To me it is inexcusable for a public official, especially someone in

local government not to be that way.”

The Councilman has taken on his responsibilities with focused intent.

“My view of filling this position as Councilman genuinely centered on the principle of helping people.

Sometimes it would be with the little things like ‘I have a problem with a pothole in my neighborhood which needs to be filled,’ or ‘I’m having trouble with my neighbor,’ or ‘there’s a problem with such and such…’ the daily grind if you will. On a larger scale, I expected to be dealing with areas of concern such as the housing issues and COAH. I also anticipated hearing about different social issues that might come before the council.”

This is where Ettman’s years of well-developed litigation skills as an attorney became an advantage for the constituents in Wayne’s 6th ward. “My biggest strength so far in this role has been my ability to work with residents in helping them to solve their individual problems. With my background as a litigator, we don’t always go to trial and our majority of cases end up settling.

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Wayne Life • May 2019 • Page 39

I feel like those skills have transferred very well to this role as a councilman. Many of my constituents have had issues with other residents where I was able to meet with them in their kitchens, listen and work with them, and then help to mediate or broker, if you will, a resolution that everyone was happy with and able to move on and go about their lives in a better way than before. I feel proud of the fact that I’ve been able to work with residents on that level.”

Wayne Township 6th ward resident Julius Minervini, is one of several residents who can attest to Ettman’s attentive support that helped bring resolution to a controversy between neighbors. Minervini’s residential property butted a paper road. These roads,

also known as unformed legal roads, usually exist only on paper, have legal existence on either public or private land, but are not developed. Issues tend to arise when there are conflicting opinions regarding ownership or use of these roads. If more than one property owner has their land abutting an underdeveloped paper road, there arises disputes as to who has rights to access via that road; access that, if the need arose, could be developed in the future. Also, property values can be affected if a paper road is present, as there may be required building setbacks from the road. This could limit development opportunities.

Minervini and his neighbor each had different ideas about their rights and desired use for this paper road. Minervini explained, “While we addressed the issue in town council meetings, the neighbor had gone ahead and contacted Jonathan, and he was speaking with them at their home.

My wife was outside and saw this, so she introduced herself. Jonathan took the time to speak with both of them and even reach out to me via a phone call, since I was not present. He was trying to make everything work for both sides. Jonathan was

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Page 40 • May 2019 • Wayne Life

very open minded, trying to propose a solution. In the end a compromise was made that worked out for both of us. It was a positive experience, because often, for me personally, you can’t get our officials to listen, or they do and that’s as far as it goes. So, it seems that he really did hear both sides and worked to negotiate a solution that was fair to both parties.”

There are also challenges that Councilman Ettman must work through and he readily shares what he believes is top on the list.

“Probably the most challenging issue is going to be the COAH ruling with respect to affordable housing. COAH stands for the Council on Affordable Housing and is a State agency which is responsible for the establishment and oversight of municipal affordable housing obligations in New Jersey. A number of years ago, there was a decision rendered by the Supreme Court that requires municipalities to set aside a certain number of housing units for affordable housing. We will learn of our fate at some point in the near future and then we are going to be required to find space in this town for affordable housing. We don’t know how many units yet, as this issue is still pending litigation. As a litigator talking, I am hopeful that a settlement can be reached between the litigants so that we can have a little bit of control over the end result. It’s important that we do not disrupt the lives of the residents or the character of our town.”

Not all township issues are as controversial as COAH. There are a number of projects that Councilman Ettman is proud to be an active participant in while working together towards positive solutions with the other Wayne Councilpersons and local officials.

“One thing that stands out that I feel proud about was the project for the Alps Road fields. They are brand new, state of the art multiuse turf fields for soccer, lacrosse and other activities. Wayne has an abundance of sports programs for our youth, but with such well attended programs, the town was running low on fields. This new facility has filled that void and then some. The fields are immaculate.”

“Also, currently, we are working on obtaining funding for a special-needs playground. It is really important to provide this to our residents. So many parents of special needs children have inquired about a playground like this and now it will become a reality. We have a responsibility to be giving to a part of our community that is so under-served in terms of access to fun, inclusive activities.

Another issue that I am pleased to have helped bring resolution to is when I worked with the residents of my ward to help pass an ordinance lowering the speed on Colfax Road. This was after the county installed rumble strips on that road, to the chagrin of the residents who were disrupted by all the noise they created.”

For Ettman, positive results equal success. When asked what success as a councilman would look like, Ettman was quick to respond. “The satisfaction of the constituents. That is the biggest measuring stick to determine my success as Councilman. I respond as quickly as possible to their inquiries and meet with them as soon as possible in person or give them my personal cell phone number to discuss their concerns. I think people really appreciate when someone in local government is willing to pay attention, listen and respond.”

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Wayne Life • May 2019 • Page 41

Comfort Zone Camp: A Place for Grieving, Healing, and Growing

N

By Steve Sears

ikki Russo, 25, painfully recalls that day when she was 11-years-old.

Her dad had suffered a number of health ailments, and after a scheduled surgery to improve circulation in his legs was deemed successful, two days later he died from a massive heart attack.

“My mom and I are very close now, but me and my dad just got each other.” Russo says. “We could just look at each other and know what each other were thinking. So, when I didn’t have that anymore, it was like a piece of my heart was taken away from me.

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have anyone to talk to. When my dad was sick, I would walk to my bus stop every morning – it was like a rite of passage as a 6th grader, you could walk to the bus stop by yourself – and I would call him every morning. I couldn’t talk to him anymore; it was depressing. It was such a numbing experience that I don’t even remember the first year.”

Katie Pereira, who is 24 years old, lost her dad, Franco Lalama, who was killed as he was helping folks exit the World Trade Center during the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, 2001. She was just seven years old. “As a result of my dad’s death,” says Pereira, “I was very angry and did not know how to deal with all of the emotions that came with grief.”

Both discovered Comfort Zone Camp, a bereavement group for young people, and it worked wonders for both. “It was the first time I really cried talking to somebody about it,” claims Russo, a Union City elementary school teacher. “That was the first time I told people my story and really talked about it. It was very beneficial to me and my mom. I always say that Comfort Zone Camp saved me and my mom’s relationship, and I generally believe it saved my life, because I was going down a very bad, destructive path.”

“I felt very alone, isolated, and different from everyone else my age,” says Pereira. “Going to Comfort Zone Camp helped me learn and understand that I was not alone and never will be in my grief journey.” An Operations Specialist with the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, she also adds, “Comfort Zone helped me understand my emotions that I was feeling and helped me cope with my loss in a healthy way. I was very angry as a result of my dad’s death so being able to learn how to cope with my emotions at a young age helped shape who I am now.”

Lynne Hughes founded Comfort Zone Camp in 1998, seven years before she wrote You Are Not Alone, a bereavement book for teens. Camp is currently held primarily in five states: Virginia, Florida, New Jersey, Massachusetts, and California. “My parents died when I was young; my mom died when I was 9, and my dad when I was 12,” says Hughes. “I went to summer camp after my parents died and I loved it. Then, I always wanted to be a camp counselor after I graduated, and then I went to Michigan State when I was in college, and I found a camp outside of Michigan, and then I found one in the Poconos which was co-ed, and then I met someone who suggested we start our own camp.”

Hughes was aware that there were no resources for grieving kids, not when she was a child and also when she entered adulthood. The awareness and her experience in camp as a child and then camp counselor encouraged her to combine both into a resource for youngsters who suffered from loss of a sibling or parent. Comfort Zone Camp filled and still fills the void. “Grieving kids grow up in isolation, they might be the only ones in their school or community. When they show up and they meet 60 or 70 other kids at a camp and they visually drink in that message, ‘Gosh, I’m not alone; we’re all here for the same reason,’ it almost frees them up to step outside of their loss to get back to being a kid again.”

Comfort Zone Camp has activities to allow kids to grieve,

1

Page 42 • May 2019 • Wayne Life

tell their stories, and teaches them skills that will help them in everyday life. The camp is open to individuals ages 7 to 25.

Mitch Decter is a Comfort Zone Camp Board member. “I volunteered for my first camp in Richmond, Virginia, and shortly after the tragic events of 9/11, we promptly started to conduct camps for the families affected by the tragic events. Many of the children who attended the camps in 2001 now serve as “big buddies” at our camps.

Eventually, we hosted many camps in the New York/New Jersey area for any child who had suffered the loss of a parent or sibling.”

Pereira, who is originally from New Jersey and now lives in North Carolina with her husband, has been involved with the camp since 2001, first as a camper, then a junior counselor, and now Big Buddy and volunteer. “It feels great to be able to give back to a place that gave me my life back.”

Russo herself has attended Comfort Zone camp 25 times. “In the beginning in New Jersey, they would let campers go more than once a year. Once it became

more popular and well known, I could only go once a year. Then I started volunteering as a counselor so that I could go to every camp.”

“Many of our adult volunteers suffered a loss when they were a child,” adds Decter.

“They always say that they wished there was something like Comfort Zone Camp when they were young. While the volunteers are there to support the children, they are also afforded the opportunity to talk about their loved ones and share the ways in which their loss influenced who they are today. The bond between little buddies and big buddies is extraordinary, and many of the friendships carry on beyond camp. One of my

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Wayne Life • May 2019 • Page 43

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Page 44 • May 2019 • Wayne Life

first little buddies was a 7-year-old boy named Tyler, who lost his dad on 9/11. He and I were paired together at camps for almost 10 years. I would visit him and his family from time-to-time and felt a responsibility to be a part of his life. At our most recent New Jersey camp, Tyler, who is now 25 years old, and I volunteered as big buddies together. I watched with such pride and felt like things had come full circle watching him be there for his little buddy.”

Per Pereira, Comfort Zone Camp is a “truly magical place.”

“You walk into your first camp wondering how it will be, but then when the weekend is over you don’t want to leave. The weekend is set up like a summer camp feel, but everything you do that weekend relates to grief in some way. I took everything I learned about grief and use those learnings in other aspects of life. When someone asks how you can explain Comfort Zone Camp, one word always comes to mind, and that is “bubble.” Comfort Zone Camp is a bubble. You enter into it and you get to be in that moment for the whole weekend and

nothing else in your world matters that moment. Camp helps you cope with your death that you experienced in your life, but then you also learn how to cope with other losses that you may encounter throughout life.

When one of your loved ones passes away you can also sometimes lose other things that relate to that loss.”

Pereira offers the following to those who are not yet ready to share the feelings. “I would say that you do not have to share if you are not ready to. Sometimes you don’t have to say anything to get everything that you need to help cope with your loss, but I would encourage everyone to attend a camp weekend because just being there in the camp bubble will help you cope and help guide you with your grief.”

As previously noted by Russo, volunteers – aka “Big Buddies” – benefit as much as those they are aiding. “Absolutely,” agrees Hughes. “Every time you listen to how someone feels, every time you tell someone how you feel, whether you’re a child

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Wayne Life • May 2019 • Page 45

or an adult mentoring somebody, it gives it purpose and meaning as to why this adversity happened to you, so when you get to give that purpose and meaning to it, give back and pay it forward, it helps them to navigate their grief journey, and potentially make it easier for your own, it’s very rewarding.”

“It helps you stay connected to your own loved one, too.”

Decter agrees. “The most important benefit of Comfort Zone Camp is that the children who attend our camps learn that they are not alone in their grief journey. Many children report that they don’t like to talk about their loss when they are at school because they feel different and alienated. At camp, they are surrounded by other kids and volunteers who have experienced something similar to what they went through.”

Comfort Zone Camp is held on the weekends all year round.

Sign-up is done via the camp website by creating an account and profile, selecting a camp date, and then there is a screening process after sign-up. Comfort Zone Camp is free to all children. Activities are the same at all camps but could vary by time of the year.

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attendees down by age into groups and placing them into grief support circles, which are called “healing circles,” led by a healing circle leader who is a mental health professional. Discussed are stories, feelings, grief in the body, how things have changed at home, talk about different skills, and more. “We know,” says Hughes, “we’re not going to cure or fix everything up during the course of the weekend, but what tools can we give them to help them navigate their day-to-day grief journey, as well as kind of prepare them for big milestones?” Examples are graduations and the like, but also preparing for not taking part in a Father/Daughter Dance for the first time. There are limited travel scholarships offered, so prospective attendees are directed to camps close to their home. More information is available on the Comfort Zone Camp website.

“I am incredibly proud of my affiliation with Comfort Zone and it has been such a pleasure to see the positive results of many children who I have watched grow up,” says Decker. “We teach them that their grief journey never ends, it just becomes different over time. I hope that Comfort Zone Camp continues to grow

1

Page 46 • May 2019 • Wayne Life

so that we can continue to support children who should never feel like they are alone. “ Speaking of ‘grow”, volunteers (who are trained) are welcome, as are donations. Hughes says there are kids on a waiting list, so the goal is to get them off the list and into more camps. That, and camps of longer duration, are the goal. Decter adds, “Comfort Zone Camp is free to all families. Therefore, fundraising and corporate sponsorship are what allow us to serve as many grieving children as possible. The more money we are able to raise, the more children can attend camp. Right now, we have three camps scheduled in New Jersey for 2019 -- next year we would love to double that. In addition, we are always looking for people to serve as big buddies. You do not have to had suffered a loss or have any professional experience. Instead, you can attend a training session and learn about what it means to serve as a big buddy.”

Hughes speaks to the benefit of her founded, very worthwhile 501 (c) 3. “Comfort Zone Camp is important because kids break their isolation, get back to being a kid again, and get the opportunity to have the peace of their healing. We literally see kids blossom, grow, and heal right in front of our eyes. And there’s nothing more powerful and humbling than being a part of that.”

That is something both Russo and Pereira can attest to. “It’s still a rescue for me,” says Russo. “I get choked up just talking about it,” she continues through tears. “I have a boyfriend, and I wish my dad was here now to meet him, talk to him, because I know they would get along. Just going to camp as a Big Buddy now is my FREE, Please

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saving grace. I get to give advice and talk to kids, it’s really a nice experience.”

Pereira adds, “Comfort Zone Camp changed my life. I do not know how I would have been able to cope and deal with my dad’s death if I did not have the support system of my camp family. I grew up with Comfort Zone Camp and I am forever grateful to them for changing my life and showing me that I am not alone.”

Visit www.comfortzonecamp.org for more information.

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