Denville Life May 2019 by My Life Publications..Maljon LLC

Vol. 2 • No. 5 • May 2019

Honoring Denville Moms for Mother’s Day

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Page 4 • May 2019 • Denville Life

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Page 6 • May 2019 • Denville Life

Honoring Denville Moms for Mother’s Day

By Steve Sears he month of May means many things. The first of the season’s flowers bloom, the incoming heat of summer pervades the atmosphere, and, of course, the annual celebration of Mother’s Day. Rating the be-

Allyson Morren

llyson Morren, owner of A & R Interiors, is a mom to 3 teenage daughters who attend Denville schools, Morris Knolls and Morris Catholic. Casey, 18, is a high school senior; Brooke, 16, is a sophomore; and 14-year-old Averie is a Freshman. “The motherhood juggle was inherited,” says Morren, “as I learned from my own mother to balance home and the business, A&R Interiors. I became stronger and great at multi-tasking.” Morren’s inspiration of a mom growing up was her grandmother. “She learned how to live in America and adapt to a whole new culture in her twenties. She was loving and gentle but found her way in this new culture.” The most challenging aspect of being a Mom? “I am constantly finding new solutions because something always comes up. Everyday requires flexibility because the children’s lives are very active. I encourage my children to be very involved in academics, sports and theater, building their confidence individually. Having confident and happy children is what I consider the most important skills and talent I can instill in my kids. “ Morren says, “Watching each child grow into their own “specialness” is her proudest “Mom moment.” “They have unique talents they each explore. My most recent proud Mom moment was watching my oldest daughter organize and host a talent show for special needs students. Her joy and passion she found working with these children brought me to tears.”

Christine Kohler or Christine Kohler, motherhood means loving and caring for “three” daughters. This gets interesting, even heartwarming. “I have two daughters. Frannie is 22 years old and about to graduate Engineering School at Stevens Institute of Technology in Hoboken. Cassidy is 18 years old and will graduate from Morris Knolls High School in June. I also have one German “daughter”, Laura who is 17 and lived with us last year.” She further explains. “I have never been a stepmom, but I have been a host mom! Last year, we welcomed a German high school student, Laura, into our home for the entire school year. And I had the privilege of being what she called her “American Mom” for 10 months. I told her the same things as I did my own kids when dropping her off at parties or sleepovers: “If

fore mentioned in order of importance, the latter would be top of the list, and should be on a daily basis, year-round. While every Mom is Denville is special, Denville Life highlights four Moms who embody what good motherhood is all about.

Denville Life • May 2019 • Page 7

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you are uncomfortable, I’ll come get you - no matter what time. Just call.” I treasured the opportunity to be the stand-in mom for Laura for almost a year and was caught off guard by how hard it was to give her back to her German parents at the end of the school year. For Mother’s Day, she bought me a necklace that said ‘mom’. That melted my heart.” Kohler, who owns Danceworks Denville, believes that no woman is ever prepared for motherhood, but help and hints came courtesy of those who visited her studio. “I have been around moms and kids my entire working life, so even before I was married, I had a front row seat for different parenting styles. I always say I was an excellent parent until I had kids! I thought I knew just what would work and what I’d never do. It turns out that all goes out the window when you are in the trenches with your own children.” Motherhood has given her patience, strength, endurance (“Babies in car seats are heavy!”), and a whole new perspective on the world. “One of my favorite quotes is, ‘Being a mother is like letting your heart run around outside your body.’ You have to let go of that need for control because the older they get the more they do independently of you. Now that my girls are both adults, I struggle with worry because I can’t be with them all the

time. I worry as much as I did when they were 2 and 7 - maybe more because now they drive! I had no idea how much I would love my daughters. They are my greatest gift and blessing and I am so grateful for the opportunity to be their mom.“ Kohler’s most challenging moments as a mom are letting her children go while at the same time supporting them. “The most important aspect of being a mom, for me, has been having my daughter’s backs. I have tried to let my daughters know that no matter how bad they mess up I will always love them, and I will help them fix things. Every child deserves to be treasured and cherished. That’s my job as their mom... to make them feel that way.” And Frannie and Cassidy have made her feel proud – many times over. “When my older daughter was searching for an engineering job, she was very interested in working for a particular organization but decided against a job where she would be doing something that did not sit well with her morals. And my younger daughter, as much as she was overwhelmed with applications and essays during the college search, would not accept any help because “I need to do this on my own”. And just like that they are grown and beautiful, mature young adults. And that is the proudest of Mom Moments.”

Denville Life • May 2019 • Page 9

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Aparna Pandruvada

parna Pandruvada is PTA President of her children’s school in Denville. “I think I was fairly ready,” she says of motherhood to daughter Nidhi, 13, and son Neel, 10, “though I don’t think anyone is actually prepared for what it involves until after stepping into it. We all come into it thinking we know what to do, and the kids prove us wrong. It’s always a learning process.” Pandruvada’s mom was her role model for a good mom when she was growing up. “I think my mom definitely was great at balancing her work life with being a mom. She would sit with us for hours crafting, singing, reading, helping with our school work and cooking our favorite foods. We never felt that we were missing out on anything as she was there for us whenever we needed her.” Unlike her own mom, Pandruvada hasn’t embarked on a career since leaving India fourteen years ago, but honors and respects those that accomplish it. “I used to be a Merchandiser for a garment manufacturer and exporter. I can’t imagine having the time to spend with my kids as I could when they were little if I were working in that field. I’m always amazed on how well my mom before and my friends now, juggle their life between the two worlds. I have a hard-enough time when I’m involved in PTA

events that I feel I do not give them the time they need from me.” She reflects on the good changes that motherhood has brought to her. “It’s an amazing thing to be able to create new life. Nurturing that life is a ‘Sadhana’ as my dad would say in Sanskrit. A practice. A pursuit. A service. You start thinking of others before yourself, which is a way of self-realization in a sense. There is a tendency for humans to be self-centered, but a little life in your hands can do wonders to change that.” “I think the most challenging is to realize when to let go of the reins. You have the urge to protect and provide...always. The most important aspect for me personally is to have the trust of your kids and for them to realize that you will be there if they need you, whenever that is.” Nidhi and Neel celebrate with Pandruvada often their accomplishments. “There have been many academic and personal triumphs for my kids that made me so very proud to be their parent. But I can’t describe how proud I was when I had my first born! I shouted out to my mom from the delivery room saying, ‘Do you hear your granddaughter?!’ It was magical and I was bursting with pride at being a ‘mom’ to what felt like a perfect bundle in my arms!”

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Kim Leur

or Kim Leur, being a mom was a childhood dream she has realized three times over. “Going back through my school memory books, almost every year in the “what do you want to be when you grow up?” section, I listed “Mommy” with my other choice of occupation (which varied from Coach to Teacher to Computer Programmer. Dave and I both knew we wanted kids so when our first came along, we both felt ready.” Kim Leur is a stay-at-home mom to a 12-year-old daughter, a 10-year-old daughter and a 6-year-old son. “While I don’t have a full-time job, I do have several volunteer jobs, and I also do work two nights a week at the front desk at Danceworks, where all three of my kids and I all dance. Without the love, support and help of both my husband and my mom, doing these things would not be possible.” Being a mom helped her appreciate her parents more than she had before. “Dave and I both grew up in Denville. When we got married, he was going to Grad School at the University of Alaska, in Anchorage, Alaska. Both of the girls were born up there. I would stay with my Mom and Dad while his semesters were done, and he was traveling with field work for his job. When we moved back to Denville after he graduated, he was still

working in Alaska doing field work 3 to 6 weeks on, 3 to 6 weeks off. We stayed with my mom (my Dad died a few days after our second was born, while my mom was in Alaska helping me with the girls) until he found local work and we bought our house here in Denville, about a year later.” She pays tribute to her own mom. “Now that we have three kids, I don’t know how I would survive without my mom. She’s always there for me, Dave and the kids whenever we need her. I always knew how much my mom and dad did for me growing up, but now that I see first-hand what is involved with “taxiing the kids” it has given me a new perspective on how much more they did for me than I thought. It’s also shown me how much more important family is than I ever knew it could be.” Her mom and grandmother were her inspiration. “My Mom and her Mom, both taught me so much about how to take care of family. My Grandma was one of the best cooks I’ve ever known. She, also, always made herself available to listen and help with everything that came up in life, both good and bad. My mom, after being taught by my Grandma is the other of the best cooks I’ve ever known. Both taught me how to cook and bake. They also taught me the importance of putting family first, following the rules and always doing what’s right.”

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ANSWER: THE NERVOUS SYSTEM IS THE “BOSS” OF THE BODY. Maintain healthy neurological input to the muscles and organs and the body functions better. The nervous system goes to every part of your body— the symptoms change because it depends on what part of the spine and spinal nerves are being irritated. The neck spine goes to the arms and hands. The mid back spine goes to the heart, lungs and guts, the low back spine nerves go to the legs, feet and the pelvis organs, like the uterus and prostate.

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Page 12 • May 2019 • Denville Life

Duty, Honor, Country, Still Prevalent for West Point Grad Turned Denville Councilman

N By Christine Graf

ew Jersey native Brian Bergen was a standout on the cross-country team at James Caldwell High School when he attracted the interest of a recruiter at the United States Military Academy at West Point. At the time, Bergen had not considered the possibility of attending a military academy. Although both of his grandfathers had served in the Korean War, he was not from a military family. “I hadn’t thought about it,” said Bergen. “I was very into politics and history and had an appreciation for the military, but until they reached out to me I hadn’t really considered that angle. So, at first I was just going through the motions because the opportunity was there.” It was after visiting the campus and receiving a West Point nomination from

Congressman Rodney Frelinghuysen that Bergen began to seriously consider attending the academy. “The whole thing started to become a reality,” he said. “I got to spend some time up there on a visit, and it really appealed to me.

Denville Life • May 2019 • Page 13

The sense of commitment, pride, and integrity they displayed was really a draw to me.” Bergen was ultimately accepted to West Point, one of the most selective colleges in the country. Their total undergraduate enrollment is less than 5,000. Cadets attend free of charge but must agree to serve five years of active duty after graduation. In July 1997, just weeks after graduating from high school, 17-year-old Bergen joined the freshman class at West Point. His first year was not an easy one. The life of a plebe—a first-year military academy cadet--is extremely challenging both physically and mentally. “You are being yelled at all day every day for months on end,” said Bergen. “The way that West Point is effective at creating you into this leader is that they first have to break you down completely.” In order to do this, Bergen said new cadets were given an “endless amount of impossible tasks” to complete. As an example, he said upperclassmen would order plebes to change into new uniforms in 30 seconds. When plebes are asked to explain why they were unable to complete an assigned task, they are allowed to respond in one of four ways. “You could have the best excuse in the world, but

you are limited to four responses. ’Yes, sir. No, sir. No excuse, sir. Sir, I do not understand,’” he said. “You learn to say, ‘No excuse, sir’ and just get yelled at. You deal with it up until March. From the time you get there in July until March, every day is like this.” Surprisingly, West Point has one of the highest freshman retention rates of any college. Their 95 percent retention rate far exceeds the 72 percent national average. Although he admits there were many times when he wanted to leave, Bergen said it was the support he received from his fellow first-year cadets that enabled him to persevere. “You form that connection with your team,” he said. “You would learn to help each other out and make light of these situations that are just devastating situations when you first get there.” Despite the challenges, Bergen described his experience at West Point as amazing. “West Point is a great place to be from but not such a great place to be at,” he said with a laugh. “But, the entire experience from start to finish is just amazing. It’s an experience like none other. Probably 80 percent of the time it’s not very fun because they are developing you into a leader of character to serve the nation. To do that, requires a lot of discipline, a lot of

Page 14 • May 2019 • Denville Life

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Denville Life • May 2019 • Page 15

commitment, and a lot of hard work.” During a cadet’s senior year at West Point, they are asked which specialized field or branch they would like to serve in after graduation. Assignments are made based on cadet preferences as well as the needs of the Army. “You have to rank your preferences, and you get what you get,” said Bergen. He was undecided about whether to select aviation or infantry as his top choice. After flipping a coin, he listed aviation as his preferred assignment. After graduating from West Point with a double major in French and Spanish and a minor in computer science, Bergen was selected to attend flight school. He spent the next two years at Fort Rucker Alabama where he was trained to fly the Apache helicopter. The Apache, the world’s most technically advanced helicopter, is the Army’s primary attack helicopter. After graduating from flight school in 2003, Bergen spent the next eight months at Ford Hood Texas. It was there that he received training to fight as part of a battalion. At the conclusion of training, his unit was sent to Fort Bragg North Carolina to begin preparations for deployment to Iraq. By the time Bergen’s unit arrived in Kuwait in January 2005, the Iraq War had been raging for almost two years. Bergen’s best friend and fellow platoon leader, 25-year-old

Joe Lusk, died in a helicopter crash just thirteen days into their deployment. The two met at West Point and attended flight school together. “I was on the radio with him when it happened,” said Bergen. “Then a couple days later, I had to lead a convoy 350 miles into Baghdad.” Several years later, Bergen and a group of Lusk’s family and friends established the Captain Joe F. Lusk II Memorial Foundation. The foundation honors the life of Lusk, a third generation West Point graduate, by offering assistance to wounded veterans. He was undecided about whether to There were 94 select aviation or infantry as his top West Point graduates killed during choice. After flipping a coin, he listed the Iraq War, and aviation as his preferred assignment. Bergen said he lost “quite a few” friends from the Academy. Two pilots from his unit were also killed during a combat mission during his deployment. During his year in Iraq, Bergen served as a platoon leader. His operations took place at Camp Taji (on the outskirts of Baghdad) and Camp Victory (in the center of Baghdad). He flew 150 combat hours during his deployment. After returning home, he was stationed at Fort Huachuca Arizona. He married his wife, Kristin, in 2006, and their daughter, Samantha, was born in 2008. She

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was born three months early and weighed just 1lb 14 ounces. Samantha spent two months in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit, and Bergen refers to her as their “miracle baby.” It was because of her that he and Kristin began to reevaluate their life. They decided they wanted their daughter to grow up surrounded by family in New Jersey. That meant that Bergen had to give up the Army career he loved so much. At the time, Bergen was a company commander with a bright future in the military. “I wanted to run the whole show,” he said with a laugh. “I’m a pretty ambitious guy, so I had aspirations of being the general of all generals.” In 2008, Bergen and his family moved to Denville. He took a job as a transportation supervisor for Iron Mountain, a document storage and data protection company. His transition to the civilian world was not an easy one. “I turned over my command on October 31st, 2008,” said Bergen. “I went from commanding 250 soldiers on Oct 31st to being

in charge of 10 drivers in Long Island on November 10th. It was a very, very difficult transition--from being turned into a soldier and then trying to turn myself back out of it.” In the years that followed, Bergen worked for several different companies. “I poured my heart and soul into being the best business person I could possibly be. I was very ambitious about learning and growing as a businessperson. I worked a variety of different jobs in different industries to grow myself,” he said. “I wanted to learn everything.” His quest for learning led him to the MBA program at Rutgers. “I felt like I was missing the understanding of how to build your own business and run it,” he said when explaining why he sought an MBA. By this point in time, his family had grown to include his son, Justin, who was born in 2012. While at Rutgers, he was part of a competition in which students were given the opportunity to pitch a business plan. Ber-

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Denville Life • May 2019 • Page 17

gen pitched his idea for an indoor landscaping company. “It was for indoor plants in corporate buildings,” he said. “I had worked for a company that did this so I knew a little bit about the industry.” Bergen won the competition and received $20,000 in seed money to start his own company. He established Bergen Botanicals in 2013. Today, the business grows at a rate of 10 to 20 percent a year and has clients throughout northern New Jersey and Manhattan. In addition to providing indoor landscaping, the company offers corporate holiday decorating services during the Christmas and Chanukah season. It was while at Rutgers that Bergen learned that one of his classmates was a town councilman in Paterson. “I asked him a lot of questions,” said Bergen. “So he started explaining it to me. I had never really thought about it, but one of the things that I was always searching for was another way to give back and to serve. I really felt like that piece of me was missing. So I started thinking that this was a way I could really get involved and do some good for people.” After that, Bergen met with Chris Golinski, his town councilman. “I said to him, ‘when you decide you don’t want to be a councilman anymore, I would love to be the guy who replaces you,” he said. During their conversation, Golinski suggested that Bergen get involved in the local community. Bergen followed his advice and began volunteering for a variety of local or-

ganizations. He also became a member of the town zoning board. When Golinski decided not to run for reelection in 2017, Bergen entered the race and ultimately won the election. “It’s awesome,” said Bergen when describing his experience as town councilman. “I love helping people. It doesn’t have to be big. You don’t have to write some earth-shattering ordinance,” he said. “It’s simpler than that. It could be as simple as fixing a pothole.” After 25th District New Jersey State Legislator Michael Patrick Carroll announced he would not be seeking reelection, Bergen decided to run for After that, Bergen met with Chris his vacant seat Golinski, his town councilman. “I said to in the upcoming him, ‘when you decide you don’t want to election. be a councilman anymore, I would love to “He has been be the guy who replaces you,” he said. in that position for 25 years. Those opportunities don’t come along very often,” said Bergen. “As much as I love doing things in the town of Denville, I could do even more good for more people if I can create actual laws that can change their lives.” If Bergen is elected to represent the people of the 25th District, he said his constituents will be electing a man who never forgot what he learned at West Point. “At West Point, we lived by a very strict honor code. I will never under any circumstance compromise my integrity.”

Page 18 • May 2019 • Denville Life

Oﬀering Help and Hope, Joey Bella Memorial Fund Champions Children with Life-Threatening Illnesses

By Jillian Risberg aith. Family. Friends. For three decades, the Joey Bella Memorial Fund has been keeping families together through catastrophic illness. It all began in 1986 when Joey was diagnosed with Acute Lymphatic Leukemia and family and friends stepped up to help raise money for a bone marrow transplant. Tragically, the little boy lost his battle before the transplant was even possible. The Bella family wanted to turn their unimaginable grief into something positive and make a difference in the lives of other gravely ill children. That’s when they decided to establish the Fund. “The kindness from complete strangers even all these years ago I can still remember; that was really a tremendous help,” says Joey’s father, Joe Bella. “It was the most impressive thing I’ve ever experienced in my life.” The Fund pays temporary financial support above and beyond what the insurance can cover. “We also provide guidance on getting reductions in cost such as utilities, rent, helping with different state and federal programs

that are out there to make less burden on the family,” says JBMF vice president Dan Napolitano, of Denville. The Fund installed a ramp in Marcella Taggart’s backyard when the family relocated to make it easier to get around for her daughter, Rebecca who has spina bifida and uses a wheelchair. “They really helped with those expenses,” Marcella says. “We had a chair lift that had to be moved from our old house to the new house and nothing like that would be covered by insurance or Medicaid, so it was really a godsend.” Since the Fund’s inception, they have supported about 50 families and they currently have six active families. “We are the fund of last resort,” Napolitano says. “Normally the family is in a financial state that they’re struggling to pay rent, keep their electric on, keep the telephones working.” Anyone seeking help must first file a formal application with the board to verify income and financial requirements. Each family’s situation is treated with respect and confidentiality. The need-based assistance program depends on the availability of funds. They don’t provide monetary grants di-

Denville Life • May 2019 • Page 19

rectly to the families. According to the JBMF VP, once they accept the family then the individuals must sign an agreement on what kind of assistance they require. “We’re mainly structured for supporting costs like medical and doctor bills, transit to doctors, overnight stays,” he says. We’ve even had a room built specifically for a family’s needs.” Rebecca also has other health issues to contend with. “About 95 percent of people with spina bifida develop hydrocephalus because they have a bony malformation in the skull and it affects the flow of the cerebral spinal fluid,” Marcella says. “Nearly all these kids end up having a shunt put in and it saves their lives, but the shunts often fail.” In 2018, the 24-year-old was in and out of New York City related to a shunt failure after not being properly diagnosed for some time. “We had to go over the George Washington — all those tolls, buying a meal while we were there and then she was hospitalized a couple of times that month,” Marcella says. “It’s very difficult because I can’t work when Rebecca has major things going on, so Dan and the Fund really helped.” They also respect the privacy of the families, which Napolitano says is very unique. “We don’t require them to ever broadcast that they are part of the Fund,” he says. “It’s really between them and our board, and we sign nondisclosure agreements.” And they take that privacy very seriously. It’s up to the individual families if they choose to talk openly. It was set up that way because of the Bella family.

“Basically we’re gonna give you support but you’re going to have to be part of every pamphlet and have your picture taken,” Napolitano says. “In the worst most catastrophic times it’s hard to consider having my picture on a billboard somewhere.” They hold two major fundraisers per year, including the Tricky Tray on July 2 at Gardner Field and on July 3 there’s Band, Beer and Beefsteak. All proceeds help families in Denville and the surrounding areas. It wouldn’t be possible without the generous donations from friends, sponsors and help from volunteers (concerned members of the community) — according to Napolitano.

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Page 20 • May 2019 • Denville Life

“At $60 a ticket it’s not cheap,” he says. “Such a show from all those who are helping families they don’t even know.” According to Bella, every year during the BBB event he is overcome with emotion. “Just to see everybody there and having a good time means so much to me and my family,” he says, of the yearly outpouring for Joey and other children suffering deadly diseases. He calls Joey a good boy and a really special kid. “He liked the Yankees and to go out hiking and walk in the woods,” his father says. “He was always there helping me when I needed help raking or something.” Bella says despite the passage of time, he can remember in great detail many things that happened and it’s burned into his memory. Like when the five-year-old got a bone marrow biopsy the first time they went down to Children’s Hospital (of Philadelphia). “They put that needle in your hip bone and it’s excruciating. I know adults who say it’s one of the worst things they’ve ever had,” Bella says. “My wife was just sobbing and Joey stopped crying and put his arm around her.” Looking back on the past 30 years, Napolitano says often families only stayed briefly in the Fund because tragically, the child would pass. “Now, with the amazing advancements in medicine, we keep the families a lot longer,” he says. He says the majority of their support comes from Denville, but they are hoping to expand in the next few years. According to Napolitano, he went from a kid who loved those

beefsteaks to an adult who wants to make the world a better place. “Having this fund is the most incredible outlet to do that,” he says. “Hearing the dire straits of some of these families that really don’t know where else to go.” Napolitano says it’s a constant struggle and a lot of times the Fund has to advocate on their behalf when they have past due bills and work with collectors. “Because of our scope and the number of volunteers that we have, we’re very limited,” he says. “But if anyone ever has any questions or is undergoing a catastrophic situation, we would certainly love to talk to them.” They’ve been grappling with how to reach people who may not know about the Fund and make sure families learn about the resources available. “We’re a small charity that kind of relies on those fundraisers,” he says. “We also get a lot of donations at memorials. So when someone passes, they would name us as a recipient.” According to Napolitano, a group called Band+Aid on Broadway popped up after Hurricane Irene to support businesses in Denville with musical performances and a triathlon. For the past several years, the same group has donated all the proceeds from the triathlon, which equates to $30K a year to the JBMF. “The whole thing goes directly to the families,” he says, adding that the best part about his job is to see the relief on their faces when they know that they’re not in this alone. Napolitano helps the Taggart family of Rockaway. “I’ll meet with them once a month, collect their bills,

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Page 22 • May 2019 • Denville Life

talk to them about how their loved one is doing. It’s a drop in the ocean of what can be done,” he says. “It doesn’t erase the illness, but at least it’s someone there to help.” And the board itself personally donates to the Fund. “One of the routine things we do is buy the biggest gift at the Tricky Tray to give away,” he says. “That’s all donations from the board; so people not only give their time, they’re giving their money as well.” After a stint in the army supporting a community in Baghdad, Napolitano attended town hall meetings with an interpreter and with funds they had built a community center for the locals. Seeing their appreciation was life changing for the combat engineer. “You learn what you want to do and how you can help,” he

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says. “Applying what your mother taught you about being moral and ethical can really make a difference.” He says that everyone involved with JBMF wants to continue that. “It isn’t our first time. A lot of us have a personal experience in assisting someone somewhere in life,” Napolitano says. Whether Bella is with Napolitano, supporting the Fund as a board member or out on the field, people always say, ’That’s Joey’s father.’ “Even to this day, you can see that compassion in people; it’s really amazing,” Bella says. “I have a different perspective on life than most people.”

Denville Life • May 2019 • Page 23

Getting Your Swim On, California Beach Hut Will Make Sure You Look Beach-Perfect

By Jillian Risberg or a lot of women one of the most daunting things is shopping for a swimsuit and some would even rather be at the dentist. Now you can cast your fears aside and step foot in an oasis of swimwear in the heart of Denville. California Beach Hut is celebrating 30 years outfitting Morris County in the best of swim and surfwear. “I’d say it’s traumatic for some women,” says owner, Colleen Holland. What makes it so difficult is living up to that unrealistic ideal. “When women are looking online for swimwear they’re seeing these beautiful models with perfect bodies,” Holland says. “Then they come into the store and try on a suit and they don’t have

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Page 24 • May 2019 • Denville Life

that model body.” According to the store owner, especially in the winter when we are all a little pale and our skin may not be in the best shape, clients need to accent their best part and that’s what California Beach Hut is there to help them do. “If we see them in swimwear and their waist is so tiny, (we’ll tell them) let’s find something and draw attention to that,” Holland says. “Or you have awesome legs — you’re not going to wear a skirt. We work with what they have.” The store isn’t crazy busy like a department store so she says you actually can come out of the fitting room and walk around in the swimsuit, bend over and see if it’s comfortable. “If something new comes in, we’ll ask customers if they mind trying it on so that we can recommend it; we try to make it fun,” Holland says. They also love to lift their client’s spirits. “Definitely that woman who is feeling down on herself, we try to find a suit that really highlights; even if it’s just her coloring,” Holland says. “Blond hair, blue eyes we’re not going to give her a black suit.” It all started when one of Holland’s best friends growing up worked for TJ’s Sportwide Trophy & Awards in Randolph and they had this tiny fashion department when the man decided that he wanted to sell the store. “My friend Teresa wanted to buy it but didn’t have the money, so she asked my parents and myself to invest with her,” she says. “That’s how we got involved — Teresa managed it up until her death in 2008.” That’s when Holland came on board and started to take over the day to day operations. And she’s been at her current location, 1 Broadway in Denville since 1991. “Originally it was just a fashion store (workout wear: leotards, tights, leg warmers back then) and since 2000 we’ve been growing our team side of the business. Now that’s actually overtaken our fashion side,” Holland says. “It’s actually more popular. We service the swim teams throughout Morris County and parts of Somerset County and Essex County also.” California Beach Hut sells swimwear and beachwear yearround. According to Holland, you might be able to find something in a department or other type of store but it’s going to be a very small selection. “You’re not going to find it until January when it’s cruise season,” she says. “And for those people who travel in November and December it’s hard to find swimwear so we actually stay very busy through the fall with a lot of people going on vacation.” The main gist of her business in the wintertime are the YMCA indoor swim teams. “What makes us so unique is our customer service,” Holland says. “If you go into Lord & Taylor or Macy’s you’re walking around by yourself, going into a fitting room and nothing

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Page 26 • May 2019 • Denville Life

fits — and then you come out all disappointed.” But if you go to Cal Beach Hut, Holland says they look at each individual client and assess everything about you (good and bad parts) — and find the right swimsuit for you. “We have bra sizes and underwire and small busted and we just keep bringing you stuff until you find something,” Holland says. “We have so much to offer, such personalized attention.” The store owner says they honestly take it to heart if somebody walks out not buying anything, they are always trying very hard to make the customer experience the best it can be. “We’re increasing our plus size market so that we cater up to size 24 for women and she’s a good customer too,” Holland says. “Our men’s department, we’ve brought in the Hawaiian shirts, we’ve brought in the hybrid shorts where you can wear them as walk shorts or swim trunks.” And they just made some changes to their return policy. According to Holland, it used to be a 30-day exchange or store credit only, no money back. Now they offer a seven-day return for money back. “We definitely look at reviews and take ‘em to heart, make changes based on them,” she says. They have a good selection of accessories: straw bags, hats, flip flops, beach towels and more. “Everything you could possibly need,” Holland says, adding that when the owner of the store next to them retired, they broke down the wall and expanded California Beach Hut in 2003, making the store its current 3,000 square feet. Holland says they now carry size 7 for kids and carry a range of sizes for the preteen girl just coming into her own. “We help her with the right coverage that still makes her feel older, but her mom is happy she’s covered,” Holland says. Last year they sponsored the Denville Sidewalk Sale and are planning to do it again this year in conjunction with Thatcher McGhee’s. And they are generous with donations because they like to support the community. “Anybody comes in for Tricky Trays or whatever we always give them a gift certificate,” she says. “We encourage donations; it’s a great way for people to come in to see our store.” “There’s always something going on in Denville,” Holland says. “It’s a great community and we’re really lucky to be one of the largest stores here.” When it comes to who shops at California Beach Hut, Holland says they serve a lot of local swim teams since they specialize in championship suits for swimmers. California Beach Hut is the go to shop for Keira Cruz’s swim team and she calls their customer service like no other. “They are able to service a 220-member youth program and make it look easy,” says Cruz, head coach of the Lakeland Hills Family YMCA. “Always well informed of new technology as well as the old standbys regarding equipment and competitive swimwear; they

are efficient, friendly and most importantly reliable.” Their target audience is the woman between 35 and 60 and Holland says she’s shopping for her whole family. That includes her husband, herself and her daughter comes in to take a look. It makes sense to devote some time to the whole experience and not rush through buying a swimsuit, Holland recommends at least an hour. The best part for her is getting to do this every day. “I do a lot of the buying and being in the store and seeing that people like what I bought is very fulfilling.” “When that teenager comes in who may have a little bit of baby fat still left and she wants to be stylish but needs to be covered and girls with bigger busts — that age we really want to make that girl feel comfortable,” Holland says. “It’s so nice to see her smile when she comes out and to really be happy. The moms are just thrilled that they finally found something.” According to the store owner, some girls can go to Target for a swimsuit but there are many who need that individualized attention to find what flatters them. The store carries a good selection of suits that will keep you right on trend whether you’re at the pool, spa or an exotic island somewhere. “This year we’re seeing a lot of prints, reversibles — they’re trying to make it affordable — you’re spending $150 on a suit but it reverses, and mix-n-match; you don’t have to buy the bottom that came with the top,” Holland says. “Animal print is coming back in, polka dots are coming back, that high waist with cutouts, there’s a lot of stripes.” This is their first year selling separates and she says people are loving it. “Previously you’d buy a top and this bottom looks

Denville Life • May 2019 • Page 27

cute with it (your basic brief bottom) and then somebody would come in and be like, ‘can I get a skirt for this’ I want to cover the top of my thighs,” Holland says. “Before they wouldn’t be able to do that or a lot of women are bustier with smaller bottoms or vice versa, so an A top and an A bottom don’t work. You might need an A top and a 10 or 12 bottom. This gives them the opportunity to buy exactly what they want.” And they sell a lot of chlorine resistant suits for the year-round swimmer who swims for fitness. “We can help them with the best fit for that too,” Holland says. “And a few (specialty) lines that we carry have the SPF built into them — dresses and rash guards, for people who are very sun sensitive.” Are you short on time? No problem, Cal Beach Hut has got you covered. “If they call us ahead of time and say, ‘I’m gonna be coming in and I have like a half hour; I wear a size 10 and need an under-

wire I have a full bust,’ we’ll definitely pull some things for them and have them ready,” Holland says. When a client needs a particular size or the store is out of a size, Holland says she’ll special order it and try to secure their size if it’s still available. California Beach Hut makes bathing suit shopping fun and exciting for Mindy Gansley and she says the staff is competent, caring and knowledgeable. “They provide the personalized attention required when searching for the suit that suits you best regardless of size, age or style,” says the Lincoln Park resident. “A trip to California Beach Hut will definitely get you ready to comfortably and confidently get your summer on! I love this place.” California Beach Hut is located at 1 Broadway in Denville. They are open Monday through Thursday from 10:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. On Friday and Saturday, they are open from 10:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. For more information, call 973-625-9155 or visit www.californiabeachhut.com.

Page 28 • May 2019 • Denville Life

Memorial Day Marks 150 Years of Remembrance in Denville

T By Rick Mouzon

he 150th Annual Memorial Day Parade and Remembrance Service is scheduled to kick off at 11 a.m., on Mon. May 27. This year, there is a major ceremony scheduled for the event. All three towns, Rockaway Borough, Rockaway Township, and Denville will assemble, on Beech and Main, in Rockaway Borough at 11 a.m. in commemoration of 150 years of celebration. One big parade will consist of three ceremonies as a joint effort, as Denville had begun its parade in the 1930s; Rockaway Township in the 1950s; and Rockaway Borough, the oldest, having begun its parade in 1869. This year, unlike past years, Denville and Rockaway Townships, and Rockaway Borough, will assemble as one. All three mayors are also scheduled to appear, at which there will be a speech commencement. Jim Vialard, a Vietnam Veteran who is a longtime Denville VFW and American Legion member, will coordinate the event. “The intent is to return [the parade] to its original route,” says Vialard. “From Beech

and Main Streets to the First Presbyterian Cemetery.” His wife, Phyllis, also a coordinator, has been involved with the Memorial Association for many years, serving Rockaway and Denville Townships and Rockaway Borough. Many Denville area residents, who fought and died in the American Revolution, are buried in First Presbyterian Cemetery. There are estimated to be 48 Revolutionary War veterans buried here. Revolutionary War Brigadier General William Winds, who directed armies alongside George Washington at the Battle of Monmouth (NJ), is buried at First Presbyterian—which also has a church that he himself founded and financed. Also, Stephen Jackson, a colonel in the U.S. Army, is buried in the cemetery, says Vialard. Also at the cemetery are 20 veterans of the War of 1812; 135 Civil War veterans; 13 Spanish American War veterans; 87 World War I; and to date, 142 World War II vets. Also, 25 veterans of the Korean War; and 8 Vietnam War veterans. When asked why the committee feels to keep the tradition alive, Vialard stated, “It’s the history of the area…many who were from this area

Denville Life • May 2019 • Page 29

served—many made it out, while many others never made it back home; during the Civil War, they became POWs and contracted illnesses—smallpox, cholera, typhoid—and died of the illnesses. Those POW’s and others were buried in mass graves away from this area, while others are buried at Presbyterian.” Vialard also has shown Memorial Association minutes from 1869 to date. There are also written journals of minutes from past American Legion and VFW meetings, such dating back to 1869. There also programs dating back from 1890, commencing through modern date. “These were men who served in all wars,” he says, “The Revolution, Spanish American, 1812, both world wars, Korea and Vietnam. These are actual signatures.” At this time, he further stated, a new generation of books is being added. Moreover, there is also a collection of pictures that were owned by a late Rockaway resident, who was a World War I veteran. “But the people in charge of [the veteran’s] estate would not surrender the pictures.” Tony Ramirez, a Rockaway Borough resident, is a U.S. Navy veteran also involved in the upcoming parade. He says that he is “involved in anything for the betterment of veterans.” Ramirez says further that he does not like the way Hollywood has glorified war; he feels that TV and film actors “put opinions out there that are too politicized”. “No one thought of politics during service time,” Ramirez further stated, “Wartime or peacetime, we just did what needed to be done.” Denville Township, known as the “Hub of Morris County”, was formed as a township in 1913, seceding from Rockaway Township. It is said to be named in honor of Daniel Denton, a purchaser of the Elizabethtown Tract in 1664, who led an expedition into the area of Northern New Jersey, while Rockaway Township was incorporated in April 1844 by an act of the New Jersey Legislature. Portions of the township were taken to form Rockaway Borough in 1844. Vialard shared a story with those gathered about John Logan, a young man from Illinois who became a congressman. He left his congressional seat to enter the Civil War. When he was in the south, he noticed the women decorating the graves of soldiers. When he returned to Illinois, he was instrumental in organizing the Grand Army of the Republic. The Grand Army of the Republic was the first veteran’s organization in the United States. Vialard noted the many name changes that Memorial Day went through before it officially became known as the holiday. From “Decoration Day” to now Memorial Day, Logan had a plan that those who died serving the country would never be forgotten. “John Logan had hoped that the day of remembrance and the day of paying tribute to the war dead would be a healing time for a nation torn apart. In his orders, he hoped that American’s would keep up with the tradition. I don’t think he has anything to worry about because here we are 150 years later,” she said.

The 150th Annual parade will return to its original route— from Beech and Main Streets, commencing to the First Presbyterian Cemetery, at which many veterans are laid to rest, as are POWs and local residents from the American Revolution. “Many POWs are buried here,” Vialard stated, “Many died from various illnesses of the time.” Vialard comes from a family of veterans; his father was a Denville resident who served in the U.S. Army during World War II; his brother in the Navy during the Korean war, while his grandfather served in the Navy during World War I. Both the American Legion and VFW will participate in the parade, which will include surviving veterans of all wars. There will also be a display of World War II cartoon drawings depicting American soldiers, as drawn by the late cartoonist and Pulitzer Prize winner Bill Mauldin, who served in the National Guard during World War II and was a sergeant of the 45th Infantry Division’s press corps. Mauldin’s drawings were viewed by soldiers throughout Europe during the war and published in the United States. The upcoming parade is said to be the first joint effort since 1930. The Rockaway, Marcella and Denville Borough Association was organized in 1869. The procession will commence to the Monument at the cemetery, at which a service will be held, followed by flag placement and paying homage to the war dead.

Page 30 • May 2019 • Denville Life

Get Your Ducks in a Row, Denville Flocking Together for a ‘Great Race’

By Jillian Risberg t’s all that it’s quacked up to be and then some! There’s something about those yellow rubber duckies that have something of a cult following in town so there was no doubt the Great Denville Duck Race would be a success when the Sunrise Rotary Club revived it in 2010. For a decade earlier, the Denville Recreation Department handled the event. And then it petered out because they ran out of volunteers to run it, according to James LaSala, president of the Club. “They were running it to raise money for Project Playground and then dropped it once it was built — two years later we resurrected it,” says his wife Teresa, vice president of the club. LaSala says they didn’t invent the Duck Race, but they saw it as an amusing idea and wanted to focus on something that would appeal to families with children. “We get entries of all ages and people without children,” Teresa says, adding that everyone can participate in the festivities. They stage everything at the central area of Gardner Field near the snack bar between the ball field and the pavilions. “The DPW parks a big ‘Ducketloader,’ there and the kids bring their ducks in,” Jim says. “If they’ve decorated the ducks, we have three tables set up in front of one of the pavilions where they put the decorated ducks out for everybody to ogle and love.” Then they award prizes for the best decorated ducks. Ultimately all the ducks end up in the ‘Ducketloader.’ “And it is wheeled out onto Savage Road and brought up to the bridge over the Rockaway River. The mayor shoots off a small can-

non and all the ducks are dropped into the river,” Jim says. That is hundreds (usually 400 to 500) rubber ducks take part in the annual race down the river and bystanders say it is a sight to behold. Jim is spearheading his second term as president of the Denville Sunrise Rotary Club. His passion for the rotary and all that it stands for is evident 14 years in. He likes giving back in any way he can. The club holds weekly breakfast meetings on Tuesday mornings at St. Francis Residential Community, 122 Diamond Spring Road. Ducks are $10 apiece and available for purchase in advance at many downtown locations (the ‘Duck Depot’) including Denville Chiropractic, Denville Dairy, Denville Diner, Denville Dog, Provident Bank and Write On Gifts. This year’s feature event sponsors are Anthony & Sons Bakery and Dover Dodge. People decorate the ducks and show up the morning of the race and enter their duck in the contest. “Between that arrival time and the start of the race, we do the judging of the ducks and there are jugglers there, bagpiper, music, food (including a duck cupcake), free face painting, massive bubble blowing machine, application of duck tattoos and several tables with our sponsors,” Teresa says. “We really try to keep all our focus for the kids.” Then there are the vendor tables — a lady with competitive dogs that jump through hoops and tunnels, they really hope to have Voltaire Cycles showing some of their electric bikes and so much more.

Denville Life • May 2019 • Page 31

They also run a 50-50, where they sell a bunch of the tickets that day. According to Teresa, half the proceeds they collect go to one winner just before noon after the duck race is judged and prizes are awarded. The grand prize of the day (last year) was over $1000. Power Play Gaming provides the primary prizes for the race itself. “And we give out very nice prizes for the first, second and third place to the first three to cross the finish line decorated ducks, the first three undecorated ducks to cross the finish line. So we give six prizes that are fairly significant and then we give out about 40 bags to the next 40 ducks that come through the race,” Teresa says. “Total we give out over 50 prizes.” They also give out the ‘best decorated,’ the best overall,’ ‘most whimsical’ (that category changes every year). Longtime partner and sponsor Write On Gifts has a table full of markers, glitter and glue so children can decorate their ducks — and Teresa says they really try to work with the downtown shops. Also, within a week or two of the event they hold ‘Decorate your Duck’ night, where they put tables out on Broadway, and people come down and decorate their ducks. “Preparing for the event is an ongoing project that we enjoy doing because the day of the event watching the kids is just magical,” Jim says. “They’re putting them directly into the ‘Ducketloader,’ and you can see 10/12 kids at a time just staring at the ducks and pointing out the different ones (bat mobile duck, bride-n-groom duck, etc). Rotary’s motto is ‘service above self.’ It is a global network of 1.2 million volunteer leaders committed to tackling the world’s most critical humanitarian crises and advancing goodwill and peace. Rotary spans 200 countries and walks of life, where members unite and take action to create lasting change — in our own communities, across the globe and in ourselves. In that vain, the members are always giving back one way or another. In terms of the rotary’s involvement in other events, Jim says they haven’t done anything on the scale of the Duck Race but they do run a golf outing every year in the fall. “We raise just about as much money on the outing as we do on the Duck Race,” he says. “So those are our two major fundraisers. We also run a monthly blood drive with the Denville Rotary Club and last month they collected 58 pints. We are one of the largest, most successful blood drives in the state the last couple of years.” The Denville Rotary Club runs the Denville Street Festival and Sunrise Rotary supports them in that yearly event. According to Teresa, in addition — the elementary schools in Denville have helped them every year by sending out notices in the Friday folder about the Great Duck Race and the kids get revved up about the event.

“We also have between half a dozen and a dozen high school students that come every year from the Interact Club — a Rotarian high school club (connecting 12 to 18-yearolds who develop leadership skills, take action, build international understanding and make new friends from around the world),” she says. “The high school kids do all the tattoos and help us with other things.” Sunrise is a smaller club compared to others in the area, but Teresa says with the 16 to 18 of them working together, the Duck Race really runs itself. “And it’s just a beautiful gift to the community,” she says. “We raise a significant amount of money and all that money or the majority of it goes back goes back to the community.” According to Jim, it’s all about charitable efforts — they have no administrative costs and that’s what makes it all possible. Denville Police Department Lt. Scott Revis, his wife and kids traditionally every year create something with an amusing concept for the decorated duck contest and Jim remembers their winning theme very well. “We won the decorating part when they (Revis’ son and daughter) put their two ducks together and made a little bench for them and called them the ‘sitting ducks,’” the detective says. The Denville PBA is a longtime supporter of the event. “Ever since my kids knew what a duck was — they look forward to dumping the ducks in the river,” says Revis, of Rockaway. Year after year Jason, 6, and Aubrey, 7, love being at the river’s edge with all those yellow ducks. Especially after their first year win, Revis says his kids are excited to keep returning to the race to give it another shot. “We’ve tried ‘Duck, Duck and a Big Goose’ and that didn’t win so we’ll have to try a different theme,” he says. “I like seeing them enjoying it more than anything else and it’s an excuse to spend time with my family.” Jim says a winning couple in their 70s with a Mexican duck — brought the same duck back the following year and paid the extra $10 to run it again. “Because it was a lucky duck,” Jim says. Most years the Great Denville Duck Race brings in upwards of $5000+. And one does not have to be a Denville resident to take part in the fun. Kids (and kids at heart) are fascinated by the ducks. “We have people who travel every year from out of town,” Teresa says, adding that’s how much the event appeals to folks far and wide. “We see it as a total community event that’s really awesome.” If you want to go it’s on Saturday, June 15 at the Gardner Field, 36 Savage Rd. Check In: 10 a.m., race start: 11 a.m., finish: 12 p.m. For additional information call 908-403-6535 or email DuckRace@sunriserotaryclubofdenville.com.

Page 32 • May 2019 • Denville Life

Denville Baseball Preserves Past, Moves Forward as 2019 Season Begins

By Evan Wechman he Denville Baseball league is viewed by the residents of the town as being very special and inclusive. The volunteers who help the league run smoothly are dedicated to fostering growth for all players, regardless of skill. Mark Stein, who is the past president of the league and now serves as an advisor, states “we try to focus on all the players, not just the stars. We want the kids to feel included and not left out.” As a result, Denville Baseball, unlike other ultra-competitive youth leagues around the nation, doesn’t cut any players. Rather, the children are grouped in different divisions based on age and experience. This ranges from tee-ball for the little tikes at approximately 4 years old to hardball for those in their early teens. Stein also likes to point out that also adding to the sense of community, he rarely sees any verbal exchanges between parents on opposing sides. Rather, the parents’ come together to serve as an example of the great bonding power the national pastime could be for friends and family. Unfortunately, on Sat. April 13th, the children who were eager to grab their bats and gloves to play their favorite game were forced to wait a few more days due to the rain that cancelled the opening day games. However, just like their professional idols in Major League Baseball, the kids did get to enjoy the myriad of opening day festivities. Stein also spoke of the league’s desire to make the ceremonies not only special, but very personal as well. For instance, over the loudspeakers, each one of the approximately 300 children who participated had their names announced for everyone to hear, just like their heroes on the Yankees or Mets.

Also bringing that special Major League Baseball feeling to opening day was the unveiling of a special logo. This logo was painted by Denville resident Kevin Healy, who performs work for the New York Yankees and has been painting beautiful logos at their stadium in the Bronx since 1996. This includes an All-Star game, the World Series, and a Yankee opening day. In addition, there was a heartfelt scoreboard dedication to the late great Ron Lockwood. According to Stein, the Lockwood family is “still involved and has strong ties to Denville Baseball.” This tireless volunteer who gave over 30 years of service to the league was spoken about by Bob Ranft who coached alongside Lockwood. Ranft mentioned how Lockwood was dedicated to the overall development of the children as both players and people. Equally as touching was Ron Lockwood Jr, who not only spoke of his father, but showed his very first baseball hat from Denville Baseball that his father had held onto all these years. Similar to professional baseball, opening day would not have been complete without the singing of the National Anthem. This was performed by Anna Staltari and Jessica Stein, students at Valleyview Middle School who will be appearing in the school presentation of Grease in May. There was also the ceremonial first pitch, despite the poor weather conditions. The youngsters got to see one of their own baseball youth players, Christopher Kaiser, toss the ball to his older brother Michael Kaiser. Michael is a senior on the Morris Knolls Varsity Baseball team. Also participating in the honorary first pitch activity, was when Denville Softball’s Kieran Gibbons threw the first pitch to her older sister, Hailey Gibbons from the Morris Knolls Softball team. Stein points out that the overall purpose of this was to show the “relationship of our two rec programs to the Morris

Denville Life • May 2019 • Page 33

Knolls High School teams.” Stein who is very proud of the baseball league and the community at large spoke at length about all the work the volunteer parents and different town departments performed, despite the dreary day. He commented that the weather did not destroy the enthusiasm of the children who are trying to improve their game, but the opening day festivities would not have happened had not the Denville Department of Public Works worked tirelessly to make the field usable for the parade. Stein also applauded the Denville Fire Department for bringing the hook and ladder truck down and hanging the American Flag from the extended ladder above the field. All of this, Stein says, is to give the kids a big league feel while still preserving the personal touch that the volunteers of the league give to its players. The volunteers who maintain the fields, run the snack bar, or coach the children all have one singular purpose in mind. Stein repeats that the mission is simple. He wants “ all the kids to continue to play the game and come back next year.” The past president and advisor left the congested highways and crowded malls of Bergen County for the beautiful open space of Morris County some twenty years ago but has absolutely no regrets. Here, he has coached his own children as well

as those of his friends’ in other leagues such as PAL Basketball. However, in a time when society is shifting to faster, less deliberate sports such as football, the love of baseball remains in the hearts of both Stein and the children he helps mold. “Baseball is definitely my favorite sport,” states Stein. Though the rise of other sports is increasing, Stein chuckles when asked if he thinks baseball will remain America’s pastime. “I have concerns, but I think baseball will survive.

Page 34 • May 2019 • Denville Life

Comfort Zone Camp: A Place for Grieving, Healing, and Growing

N By Steve Sears

ikki Russo, 25, painfully recalls that day when she was 11-years-old. Her dad had suffered a number of health ailments, and after a scheduled surgery to improve circulation in his legs was deemed successful, two days later he died from a massive heart attack. “My mom and I are very close now, but me and my dad just got each other.” Russo says. “We could just look at each other and know what each other were thinking. So, when I didn’t have that anymore, it was like a piece of my heart was taken away from me. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have anyone to talk to. When my dad was sick, I would walk to my bus stop every morning – it was like a rite of passage as a 6th grader, you could walk to the bus stop by yourself – and I would call him every morning. I couldn’t talk to him anymore; it was depressing. It was such a numbing experience that I don’t even remember the first year.” Katie Pereira, who is 24 years old, lost her dad, Franco Lalama, who was killed as he was helping folks exit the World Trade Center during the terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, 2001. She was just seven years old. “As a result of my dad’s death,” says Pereira, “I was very angry and did not know how to deal with all of the emotions that came with grief.” Both discovered Comfort Zone Camp, a bereavement group for young people, and it worked wonders for both. “It was the first time I really cried talking to somebody about it,” claims Russo, a Union City elementary school teacher. “That was the first time I told people my story and really talked about it. It was very beneficial to me and my mom. I always say that Comfort Zone Camp saved me and my mom’s relationship, and I generally believe it saved my life, because I was going down a very bad, destructive path.” “I felt very alone, isolated, and different from everyone else my age,” says Pereira. “Going to Comfort Zone Camp helped me learn and understand that I was not alone and never will be in my grief

journey.” An Operations Specialist with the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation, she also adds, “Comfort Zone helped me understand my emotions that I was feeling and helped me cope with my loss in a healthy way. I was very angry as a result of my dad’s death so being able to learn how to cope with my emotions at a young age helped shape who I am now.” Lynne Hughes founded Comfort Zone Camp in 1998, seven years before she wrote You Are Not Alone, a bereavement book for teens. Camp is currently held primarily in five states: Virginia, Florida, New Jersey, Massachusetts, and California. “My parents died when I was young; my mom died when I was 9, and my dad when I was 12,” says Hughes. “I went to summer camp after my parents died and I loved it. Then, I always wanted to be a camp counselor after I graduated, and then I went to Michigan State when I was in college, and I found a camp outside of Michigan, and then I found one in the Poconos which was co-ed, and then I met someone who suggested we start our own camp.” Hughes was aware that there were no resources for grieving kids, not when she was a child and also when she entered adulthood. The awareness and her experience in camp as a child and then camp counselor encouraged her to combine both into a resource for youngsters who suffered from loss of a sibling or parent. Comfort Zone Camp filled and still fills the void. “Grieving kids grow up in isolation, they might be the only ones in their school or community. When they show up and they meet 60 or 70 other kids at a camp and they visually drink in that message, ‘Gosh, I’m not alone; we’re all here for the same reason,’ it almost frees them up to step outside of their loss to get back to being a kid again.” Comfort Zone Camp has activities to allow kids to grieve, tell their stories, and teaches them skills that will help them in everyday life. The camp is open to individuals ages 7 to 25. Mitch Decter is a Comfort Zone Camp Board member. “I volunteered for my first camp in Richmond, Virginia, and shortly after the tragic events of 9/11, we promptly started to conduct camps for the families affected by the tragic events. Many of the

Denville Life • May 2019 • Page 35

children who attended the camps in 2001 now serve as “big buddies” at our camps. Eventually, we hosted many camps in the New York/New Jersey area for any child who had suffered the loss of a parent or sibling.” Pereira, who is originally from New Jersey and now lives in North Carolina with her husband, has been involved with the camp since 2001, first as a camper, then a junior counselor, and now Big Buddy and volunteer. “It feels great to be able to give back to a place that gave me my life back.” Russo herself has attended Comfort Zone camp 25 times. “In the beginning in New Jersey, they would let campers go more than once a year. Once it became more popular and well known, I could only go once a year. Then I started volunteering as a counselor so that I could go to every camp.” “Many of our adult volunteers suffered a loss when they were a child,” adds Decter. “They always say that they wished there was something like Comfort Zone Camp when they were young. While the volunteers are there to support the children, they are also afforded the opportunity to

talk about their loved ones and share the ways in which their loss influenced who they are today. The bond between little buddies and big buddies is extraordinary, and many of the friendships carry on beyond camp. One of my first little buddies was a 7-year-old boy named Tyler, who lost his dad on 9/11. He and I were paired together at camps for almost 10 years. I would visit him and his family from time-to-time and felt a responsibility to be a part of his life. At our most recent New Jersey camp, Tyler, who is now 25 years old, and I volunteered as big buddies together. I watched with such pride and felt like things had come full circle watching him be there for his little buddy.” Per Pereira, Comfort Zone Camp is a “truly magical place.” “You walk into your first camp wondering how it will be, but then when the weekend is over you don’t

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Page 36 • May 2019 • Denville Life

want to leave. The weekend is set up like a summer camp feel, but everything you do that weekend relates to grief in some way. I took everything I learned about grief and use those learnings in other aspects of life. When someone asks how you can explain Comfort Zone Camp, one word always comes to mind, and that is “bubble.” Comfort Zone Camp is a bubble. You enter into it and you get to be in that moment for the whole weekend and nothing else in your world matters that moment. Camp helps you cope with your death that you experienced in your life, but then you also learn how to cope with other losses that you may encounter throughout life. When one of your loved ones passes away you can also sometimes lose other things that relate to that loss.” Pereira offers the following to those who are not yet ready to share the feelings. “I would say that you do not have to share if you are not ready to. Sometimes you don’t have to say anything to get everything that you need to help cope with your loss, but I would encourage everyone to attend a camp weekend because just being there in the camp bubble will help you cope and help guide you with your grief.” As previously noted by Russo, volunteers – aka “Big Buddies” – benefit as much as those they are aiding. “Absolutely,” agrees Hughes. “Every time you listen to how someone feels, every time you tell someone how you feel, whether you’re a child or an adult

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mentoring somebody, it gives it purpose and meaning as to why this adversity happened to you, so when you get to give that purpose and meaning to it, give back and pay it forward, it helps them to navigate their grief journey, and potentially make it easier for your own, it’s very rewarding.” “It helps you stay connected to your own loved one, too.” Decter agrees. “The most important benefit of Comfort Zone Camp is that the children who attend our camps learn that they are not alone in their grief journey. Many children report that they don’t like to talk about their loss when they are at school because they feel different and alienated. At camp, they are surrounded by other kids and volunteers who have experienced something similar to what they went through.” Comfort Zone Camp is held on the weekends all year round. Sign-up is done via the camp website by creating an account and profile, selecting a camp date, and then there is a screening process after sign-up. Comfort Zone Camp is free to all children. Activities are the same at all camps but could vary by time of the year. There is time for all-around kids fun, buy also time for breaking the attendees down by age into groups and placing them into grief support circles, which are called “healing circles,” led by a healing circle leader who is a mental health professional. Discussed are stories, feelings, grief in the body, how things have

Denville Life • May 2019 • Page 37

changed at home, talk about different skills, and more. “We know,” says Hughes, “we’re not going to cure or fix everything up during the course of the weekend, but what tools can we give them to help them navigate their day-to-day grief journey, as well as kind of prepare them for big milestones?” Examples are graduations and the like, but also preparing for not taking part in a Father/Daughter Dance for the first time. There are limited travel scholarships offered, so prospective attendees are directed to camps close to their home. More information is available on the Comfort Zone Camp website. “I am incredibly proud of my affiliation with Comfort Zone and it has been such a pleasure to see the positive results of many children who I have watched grow up,” says Decker. “We teach them that their grief journey never ends, it just becomes different over time. I hope that Comfort Zone Camp continues to grow so that we can continue to support children who should never feel like they are alone. “ Speaking of ‘grow”, volunteers (who are trained) are welcome, as are donations. Hughes says there are kids on a waiting list, so the goal is to get them off the list and into more camps. That, and camps of longer duration, are the goal. Decter adds, “Comfort Zone Camp is free to all families. Therefore, fundraising and corporate sponsorship are what allow us to serve as many grieving children as possible. The more money we are able to raise, the more children can attend camp. Right now, we have three camps Take One FREE, Please

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scheduled in New Jersey for 2019 -- next year we would love to double that. In addition, we are always looking for people to serve as big buddies. You do not have to had suffered a loss or have any professional experience. Instead, you can attend a training session and learn about what it means to serve as a big buddy.” Hughes speaks to the benefit of her founded, very worthwhile 501 (c) 3. “Comfort Zone Camp is important because kids break their isolation, get back to being a kid again, and get the opportunity to have the peace of their healing. We literally see kids blossom, grow, and heal right in front of our eyes. And there’s nothing more powerful and humbling than being a part of that.” That is something both Russo and Pereira can attest to. “It’s still a rescue for me,” says Russo. “I get choked up just talking about it,” she continues through tears. “I have a boyfriend, and I wish my dad was here now to meet him, talk to him, because I know they would get along. Just going to camp as a Big Buddy now is my saving grace. I get to give advice and talk to kids, it’s really a nice experience.” Pereira adds, “Comfort Zone Camp changed my life. I do not know how I would have been able to cope and deal with my dad’s death if I did not have the support system of my camp family. I grew up with Comfort Zone Camp and I am forever grateful to them for changing my life and showing me that I am not alone.” Visit www.comfortzonecamp.org for more information.

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