Your partner is not your parent

from The Sex Edition — Technician 02/09/23

Sexist advertising misleads sexual health

It’s Saturday night. My friend and I are on our way to a frat party. We’ve spent hours picking out the perfect outfits and delicately styling each other’s makeup. Right as we’re about to leave, she sends a picture of her outfit to her boyfriend for approval. The answer comes almost right away: she has to change.

An estimated 40 million Americans have been labeled as co-dependent. Among college students, the rates are higher among men, but the rates are nationally higher among women. Perhaps it’s the fact that many students get into their first serious relationships in college, so they’re less likely to know the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship. maybe it’s the fact that we live in the South and antiquated expectations surrounding relationships have yet to die. Whatever the reason, evidence shows that college students are more vulnerable to unhealthy relationships. What’s worse is that these behaviors have lasted because of societal norms.

It’s time we stopped pretending this is OK. We need to set a new standard for our peers, one that does not tolerate controlling, co-dependent behavior for the sake of love.

Co-dependency is a relationship in which one partner has the role of caretaker to the other. This can manifest as people pleasing, lacking boundaries, emotional caretaking and more. If unchecked, co-dependency can sometimes blossom into flat-out control.

You may think you’ve never experienced any dependency in your relationship. But co-dependency can often manifest in much more subtle ways, such as feeling like you can’t miss a text from your partner because it will make them feel ignored, keeping them constantly updated on where you are and who you’re with or changing your behavior because you know it will make them jealous.

All of these behaviors are often ignored, but are common signs of a controlling or co-dependent relationship. They may seem insignificant, but these little tradeoffs chip away at one’s self-esteem and individualism detrimentally. Victims of these unhealthy relationships often have higher rates of depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. This is why it is so crucial we radically reject normalized codependency; in extreme cases, it is a matter of life or death.

When we have higher relationship standards, we’re less likely to fall prey to manipulation. A 2013 study published in Couple and Family Psychology investigating how to prevent divorce found that the most effective way to do so was by educating individuals on healthy relationship skills before they even found a partner. Being able to recognize unhealthy behavior is not only imperative for individual health, but also a relationship’s longevity. We need to encourage our peers to stop turning a blind eye to controlling behaviors, and we need to empower ourselves to know when controlling behavior is unacceptable. It’s the 21st century. Instead of settling for the bare minimum, it’s time to accept that we deserve the very best.

If you or someone you know is experiencing relationship violence, sexual violence, stalking or any other form of interpersonal violence and are in need of advocacy services, the NC State Women’s Center has trained advocates available to offer crisis intervention, emotional support, resources and referrals. Students can contact the 24/7 Sexual Assault Helpline at 919-515-4444 or email ncsuadvocate@ncsu.edu to schedule an appointment with an advocate.

Advocacy services through the NC State Women’s Center are available for all students inclusive of all gender identities and sexual orientations. For more information on advocacy services, please visit go.ncsu.edu/ supportsurvivors. If you would like to talk to a confidential resource, you can also connect with the NC State Counseling Center at 919-515-2423. You may also visit go.ncsu.edu/safe for additional information on resources and reporting options.

With You Avery Szakacs, staff cartoonist A second-year studying art and design

Letter from a Friend Lucy Osborn, staff cartoonist A second-year studying art and design