TRANSFORMATIVE

Staycations—stickingclosetohomefor newtravelexperiences—wasagrowingtrendevenbeforetheCOVID-19 pandemicturneditintoapracticalnecessityformanyofus.Staycationsreducecosts, minimizetraveltimeandalsolowerour carbonfootprintbyeliminatinginternationaltravel.Happily,theydon’treducethe purepleasureoffindingnewadventures, exploringuntrammelednature,seeingthe familiarwithfresheyesandmeetingpeople fromallwalksoflife.Allofthatiscloseat hand,andespeciallywhencomparedto foreignjaunts,thepriceisright. Agoodplacetostartisbycheckingout stateandregionalparks,oftenoverlooked gemsofferingscenicmilesoftrailsforhiking,biking,birding,fishing,picnickingand otheractivities.“Whethermountains,prairies,rivers,forestsinthecountryorheartof thecity,thereisalwaysastateparkwaiting towelcomeyou,nomatterwhatkindofrecreationyouenjoy,”saysJasonClay,spokespersonwithColoradoParksandWildlife. InColoradoparks,peoplecan,forexample, riverraftintheArkansasHeadwatersRecre

by April Thompson

ationArea;boat,fishandhammockcampin JacksonLakeStatePark;androckclimbin EldoradoCanyon. Parkscanbediscoveredandtrailmaps downloadedbyvisitingTrailLink.com, runbytheRails-to-TrailsConservancy.It providessearchesfornearbytrailsusingparameterssuchasdistance,typesofactivity andwheelchairaccessibility.Itssmartphone TrailLinkappisfreetodownloadand$30 peryearforunlimitedcustomizeduse. State,localandregionalparksacross thecountryofferricheducationalopportunitiesforkidsandadultsalike,including naturalist-guidedactivities,birdandbotany walks,lessonsinlocalhistory,ecologyand geography,andmore.Severalstatesofferfree admissiontoallstate-runparks,including Hawaii,TennesseeandIllinois.State-by-state listingsoffeesandpoliciescanbefoundat Tinyurl.com/StateParkPasses.

Weekendforaysintonaturalandrusticsettingscanbeidealescapevalvesforpeople needingasimple,quickchangeofvenue. Camping,ofcourse,isalwaysanoption, butforthosethatwanttobeinnaturein amorecomfyfashion,using“cabin”asa searchwordworkswellinwebsiteslike Airbnb.comandTripAdvisor.com.The optionofglamping—orglamorouscamping—offerssurprisinglyluxuriousstays outdoorsintents,podsanddomes;check outGlamping.com.

Getaway.Houseofferswoodsyoutpostsin10locationsequippedwith“tiny house”cabinsaroundthecountrydesigned forquickescapesfromcities.“Ifyouwere atyourdeskinneedofanescape,you couldcutoutearlyandbethereby6p.m.,” saysVicePresidentofMarketingRachel Mansfield.Theprivateexperience,withno check-indeskorcommunalareas,enablesit tocontinueoperatingsafelyduringthepandemic.Thecabins,designedtoblendinwith theirnaturalsurroundings,areequipped withfoodforpurchase,stove,books,radio, firewood,firepitandAdirondackchairs,as wellasamapforlocalhikesandadventures. “Ididagetawayatapointinmylife whereIwantedsometimealone,away

fromcommitments,tofigureoutwhat mynextchapterinlifewasgoingtobe,” saysPaigeConnerTotaro,ofAlexandria, Virginia,thefounderofUnquoteTravel,a web-basedtouragencyfocusingonsmall group,off-the-beaten-trackadventures. “Youcanchangeyourenvironmentwithout goingveryfar,andthatinturncanchange thewayyouthinkaboutthings.Little thingslikesleepingontheothersideofthe bedcanhelpyoushakeupyourbrain.”

Local-ledexcursionsareanotherwaytosee ourhometurfthroughanewlens.Airbnb Experiences,offeredvirtuallyeverywhere thatAirbnblistslodging,areone-of-a-kind toursandclassesdesignedandhostedby localswithuniqueexpertise.Experiences runthegamutfromneighborhoodtourson footorbikeswithathletestomuseumtours ledbylocalartistsorarthistorians.Many includeahands-onlearningcomponent, likehowtomakemosaicsinacommunity artspaceorcookalocaldelicacyfroma familyrecipe.Similartoursandexperiences canbefoundonTripAdvisor’sThingsTo Dolistings.WithLocals.com,whosemission is“tobreakdownthebarriersbetween travelersandlocalsworldwide,”alsooffers foodiefunandoff-beatadventures. KellyKniewelstumbledontotour guidingafterexperiencingburnoutinher previouscareerinthebeverageindustry. AnAirbnbExperienceshost,Kniewel nowleadssmallgrouptoursofChicago, introducinglocalsandvisitorsaliketo manyofitslittle-knownfacets. “I’ve falleninlovewithmycityalloveragain

Find a hike near you, sign up for our Nature Hour virtual lectures, learn how to volunteer, or donate!

Providing wild and forested lands and clean waterways for our community, forever.

doingthesetours,”saysKniewel,aselfproclaimedhistorygeek. ShelovestotakeguestsinsideArt DecoandBeauxArtsbuildingstheymay havepassedbeforewithoutrealizingthe gorgeousartandarchitecturethatexists inside,suchasthelibrary-turned-cultural center,ChicagoCulturalCenter,boasting twoimpressiveglassdomes,onedesigned byTiffanyGlass.Anotherfavoriteexcursion istakingguestsonawatertaxitour.“It’sa cheapanduniquewaytoseeChicago.The water,boththeChicagoRiverandLake Michigan,issomuchapartofwhoweare asacity.” DuringthelimitationsimposedduringtheCOVID-19period,Airbnband otherwebsitesbeganoffering experiences online,allowingpeoplefromalloverthe worldtoconnectandmakepastrieswith aSwedishbaker,drawwithaMexican cartoonist,learnaboutapartheidfroma SouthAfricanorexperienceadayinthe lifeofanAmericanOlympicbobsledder.

Hostingtravelerscanbringnewmeaning toastaycation,offeringarichopportunity forcross-culturalexchangewithoutany exchangeofcurrency.ThepopularCouchSurfing.comconnectstravelerswithlocals offeringfreeuseofacouch,airmattress orsparebedroom.Availableinmorethan 200,000citiesworldwide,ithas14million

membersandsponsors locallanguageexchanges,danceclasses, hikesanddinners,sothereareopportunitiestomakenewfriendsandhavenew experiencesevenwithoutofferingaplace tosleep.(DuringCOVID-19restrictions, theseactivitiesweremovedonline.)

Similarorganizationsthatoffer opportunitiesforlocalhosting(including low-orno-costlodging)includeServas.org, establishedin1949,whichstressesworld peaceandculturalexchange,andpreinterviewspotentialguestsandhoststo ensuresafety;GlobalFreeloaders.com,a freeregistryforhostsandgueststhatdo theirownonlinescreeningandmatching; andEvergreenClub.com,inwhichhosts provideabed-and-breakfasthomestay fortravelersoverage50for$20anight. Anexcitingoptionforhomeownersis HomeExchange.com,a$150-a-yearservice thatallowspeopleinfar-flungplacesto switchhomes,eitherdirectlyorthrough astaggeredpointsystemsotheycantruly livelikelocals. JohnFackenthal,ofRockville, Maryland,hashostedmorethan100 couchsurfersfrom29countries,andloved everyexperience.“Ihadabigapartment intheheartofWashington,D.C.,whenI firststartedhosting,butlivedaloneand feltalittleisolated.Iwantedtobringback theyouthhostelfeelfromtravelsinmy youngerdays,whereyou’dhangoutwith fellowtravelersandgohiking,shareameal orplaycards,”hesays.

Awebdeveloper,herecallssuchmemorableguestsasacarpenterinhis60sfrom thePacificNorthwestthathelpedhimwith fixer-upperprojects,apairofprovolleyball playersfromtheCzechRepublicandtwo youngwomenfromChinathatprepared himamassivetraditionalChinesefeast“with allfourburnersgoing,”hesays.“It’srestored

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Agrotourism,inwhichworkingfarmsopen thebarndoorstovisitorsfordayorovernighttrips,hastheaddedadvantageofsupportinglocalagriculture.AgritourismWorld. comandFarmStayUS.comprovidelistings forfarmstaysworldwidesearchableby type,suchasChristmastreefarm,vineyard, orchard,duderanchoralpacafarm. The40-acreTaosGojiFarmand Eco-LodgeRetreat,inTaos,NewMexico, isonesuchvenue.“MyhusbandandI returnedtothelandnineyearsagoafter manyyearsworkingasprofessionalsin stuffyoffices.Thefarmhasbeendeveloped forourfamilyandotherswhowishtobe closetonatureandtoliveoffoftheland,” saysco-ownerElizabethvomDorp. Thefarmisopenforpaidguests, aswellastothevolunteersknownas “Wwoofers”thatcomethroughWorldwideOpportunitiesonOrganicFarmsto helpraisegojiberries,fruits,vegetables andfree-rangechickens.Allcabinsdate fromtheearly1900s,includinganold dairybarnconvertedintoaduplexand fivesheepherdercabins.Thefarmis surroundedbyanationalforest,somany guestsvisittoenjoyhiking,biking,fishing, raftingandballooning.“Familieswith childrenlovetocomeandpickberries, collecteggsandpettheanimals.Wehave rescuealpacas,sheep,goats,chickensand

turkeys,”saysvomDorp.

Whiletheworldmaystillbeatthe mercyofunfortunatecircumstancesthis summer,travelisultimatelyastateof mind. Bystayingopen,curiousand present,therearealwaysnewencounters anddiscoveriesunderfootveryclose tohome.

Connect with Washington, D.C., freelance writer April Thompson at AprilWrites.com.

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by Gisele Rinaldi Siebold

Socialdistancingduringapandemic ischallenging—exceptwhenit’snot.

Wearefortunatetoliveinanarea aboundinginnaturalplacesandbountiful resourcesforrichenjoymentandappreciationofthatwhichhasalwaysbeengood andwillalwaysbetherewhenweneedit. AdheretothelatestCDCguidelines whenoutinpublicandpracticeLeaveNo Traceprinciplestopreservethehealth andbeautyofthedelicateecology. This includesdisposingofwasteproperly,lettingnature’ssoundsprevailbyavoiding loudvoicesormusicandleavingrocks, plantsandothernaturalobjectsaswe foundthem. “Natureisessentialtoourqualityof life,”believesTamiShimp,BerksNature vicepresidentofdevelopmentandcommunityrelations.“Explore.Enjoy.Right athome.Beforeyouhitthetrail,make sureyouchecktheindividualparkortrail systemforup-to-datemaps,rulesand regulations.”

The1-mileAngelicaCreekTrailconnects toKenhorstBorough,AngelicaCreek ParkandtheSchuylkillRiverTrailandis apathwaytothecity-owned,90-acreAngelicaCreekPark,educationalwetlands. Duetoconstruction,AngelicaCreekTrail extensionandThunTrailisclosedfrom BrentwoodDrivetothereargateofthe WasteWaterTreatmentPlant.

AntietamLakeissurroundedby665acres ofparklandandprovidesabeautiful, serenesettingfornature-basedrecreation.

TheAppalachianNationalScenicTrailis amarkedhikingtrailintheEasternUnited StatesextendingbetweenSpringerMountain inGeorgiaandMountKatahdininMaine.

BlueMarshTrailisa23.7-milemoderately-traffickedlooptraillocatednear Leesportthatfeaturesalakeandisratedas difficult;dogsandhorsesarealsoableto usethistrail. The2.3-milelong,straightExeterScenic RiverTrailisgoodforhiking,mountain bikingorwalkingandoffersaviewofthe SchuylkillRiver.

FrenchCreekStateParkis7,730acres with35milesoftrailsforhiking,running andmountainbiking.

TheGravityTrailconnectstheNeversink MountainPreservetothecounty-owned AntietamLakePark.HikesonNeversink Mountainprovidebreathtakingvistas; mostpopulararetheCityOverlookand theWitchesHat(McIlvainPavilion).

GreenHillsPreserveis201 acresofbeautifulgrasslands;visitorscanbecomeimmersedinnaturesurroundedbynothing butgreenonthisshort1 to3-miletrail.

HawkMountainisadedicatedwildbird sanctuarywith2,600acres.Therearefive trailsrangingfromeasytomostdifficult.

HopewellFurnacearea,anationalhistoricsite,offersaneasyhikeoverlooking HopewellLakeandtheopportunityto vieworiginallandscapes,awaterwheel, ironplantations,blacksmithshopsand more.

HorseshoeTrailisa140-mileunique, difficultandlongtrailthatstretchesacross andhasaccesspointswithin5different counties:Berks,Chester,Dauphin,LancasterandLebanon.

MountPennPreserveisarecreational areawithtrailsidealforhikingandbiking; theReadingPagoda—abeautifulhistorical landmarkthatlightsupthecity—isalso locatedwithinthepreserve.

TheMuhlenbergRailTrailisaneasy andrelaxing,ADA-accessible,1.75-mile shadedpathwaysuitableforwalking,bikingorinlineskating.

NoldeForestconsistsof10milesoftrails connectedthroughsmallbridges,rangingfromeasywalkstosteepinclines,with uniquewildflowersandsceniccreeks throughout.

ThePinnacle,locatedonBlueMountain RidgeontheAppalachianMountains,offersoneofthebestviewsinBerksCounty andevenPennsylvania.

TheSchuylkillRiverTrailstretchesfor 130miles,makingitperfectforexercising, bikingorevencommuting.Itreachesfrom Philadelphia,Phoenixville,Pottstown, HamburgandReading.

TheUnionCanalTrailrunsalongthe TulpehockenCreekfromthecityofReadinguptoBlueMarshLakeinLeesport, andmakesupasegmentofthe71.7-mile SchuylkillRiverTrailinsoutheasternPennsylvania.Theflat,crushed-stonetrailsurface makesforacomfortablejourneyonfoot,bicycle,cross-countryskisorevensnowshoes.

WyomissingCreekParkisasmooth, ADA-accessible,2.6-mileasphalttrailsuitableforbikingorwalking.

LocatedbetweentheboroughsofColumbia andMarietta,ChickiesRockCountyPark isthecounty’ssecond-largestregionalpark. TheparkincludesChiquesCreek,Donegal CreekandselectedpointstotheSusquehannaRiver,aswellasnumerousvistas, variednaturalandgeologicalfeaturesand richindustrialheritage.NorthwestLancasterCountyRiverTrailisafourteen-mile, multi-use,publicrecreationtrailadjacent totheSusquehannaRiver.Thetrailspans fivemunicipalities,aportionofwhichruns throughChickiesRockCountyPark. The5-mile,well-graded,levelConewago RecreationTrail,formerlytheCornwallLebanonrailline,followstheConewago Creekthroughscenicfarmlandandwoodlands;itisappropriateforwalking,hiking, running,bikingandhorsebackriding.

LancasterCountyCentralParkisthe largestofthecounty’sparks,covering544 acres,andincludestrailsforhiking,biking andhorsebackridingthatmeanderacross fields,throughwoodsandalongcreeks; sometrailsareADA-accessible.

Thewell-graded,ADA-accessibleLancasterJunctionRecreationTrailallows forhiking,jogging,bicycling,horseback ridingandcross-countryskiing.Itwas partoftheformerReading-Columbiarail lineandstretchesforjustovertwomiles betweenthehamletofLancasterJunction andRoute283.

MoneyRocksCountyPark,located neartheNarvonClayMine,spansmore than300acresofwoodlandintheWelsh MountainsofeasternLancasterCounty.A networkofminingandloggingdirtroads makesmuchofthiswoodedparkaccessibletonaturelovers.

SpeedwellForgeCountyParkislocated betweenSpeedwellForgeLakeandthe woodedStateGameLandsofthenearby FurnaceHills,withtrailsthroughscenic woods,aswellasadiversityofhabitats, includinguplandwoods,amaturingforest,awoodedwetland,cultivatedfields andanovergrown,wetmeadowalongthe HammerCreek.

TheodoreA.ParkerIIINaturalAreais a100-acreparkwithatrailthatparallels StewartRunasittumblesoverrocksand waterfallstocreateoneofthecounty’s mostpristinestreams.

TurkeyHillTrailisa6-mile,moderate looptrailusedforhikingandbikingthat connectswiththe8.27-mileEnolaLow GradeRailTrailandprovidesviewsofthe SusquehannaRiver.

BerksNature.org BerksNatureRx.com co.Lancaster.pa.us/243/Parks-Trails GreaterReadingTrails.com LancasterConservancy.org VisitPa.com

Ephrata Lancaster Berks Lancaster Reading Columbia Elizabethtown Willow Street Kutztown Hamburg Wernersville Fleetwood Bethel Boyertown Womelsdorf Coatesville Lititz Leola

Gratefully serving Lancaster County and Berks County, Pennsylvania and the surrounding area. Paid subscriptions available along with delivery of free-to-the-reader print magazines at hundreds of locations. Sign up on our website to receive our digital magazine delivered free to your inbox.

Take this quiz: 1. do you have back pain when you wake up? 2. Neck pain? stiffness or soreness? 3. does it take you more than 30 minutes to fall asleep? 4. do you experience restless sleep? Toss and turn atnight?

times or more, this may be the most important article you read all year.

Here’s why…

While you sleep, your immune system recovers and prepares for the day ahead. It replenishes every cell in your body.

Low-quality, uncomfortable mattresses have been linked to discomfort and pain, which can prevent quality sleep.

People who struggle with sleep deprivation may suffer from irritability, depression, over-eating— and even face a higher risk for Alzheimer’s.

If your mattress is filled with chemical toxins, airborne allergens, or worse, your body is doing battle with those things rather than repairing itself. You’re losing valuable energy each night instead of healing your body and revitalizing your mind.

And all of that can wreak havoc on your health and well being.

The following information may be disturbing to some. That’s because the Environmental Protection Agency has identified at least fourpossibly dangerous chemicals commonly found in some synthetic mattresses— benzene, propane, naphthalene and styrene—especially bedding made in China and overseas, where such governing agencies do not exist.

Consider these facts: ● Typical mattresses made from artificial materials are known to emit potentiallyharmful gases in your bedroom—a phenomenon known as off-gassing. ● Laboratory researchers in the u.s. and Europe have identified up to 61 potentially harmful chemicals that off-gas from typical synthetic mattresses. ● Exposure to these 61 chemicals has been associated with irritation of the skin, eyes and digestive systems. ● Additionally, the chemicals offgassed by synthetic mattresses have been associated with headache, fatigue, depression and even hearing loss. ● Your skin, the most porous entry point into your body, has contact with a mattress for 8 hours every night, on average.

● Children, who breathe faster than adults, are especially vulnerable to chemical exposure.

Every night, we lie down with minimal clothing for a seemingly good night’s sleep. But in reality, while lying on a conventional mattress, we are breathing in and absorbing through our skin a range of chemicals from synthetic materials—chemicals that can disrupt our sleep cycles and negatively impact our health. our mattresses emitgases from a toxic brew of components used to create them. From the polyurethane foam used in the padding to fire retardants and other additives, conventional mattresses continue to release chemicals in gaseous form long after they roll out of the factory.

Even after they have finished off-gassing, the chemically based construction of a conventional mattress provides an ideal environment for dust and dust mites, whose excrement is the #1 trigger for asthma attacks.

And get this. You know those white labels on a mattress that say, “do Not remove”? Incredibly, the law actually allows manufacturers to include potentially hazardous chemicals in your mattress without disclosing the facton any label.

But if a true list of ingredients were available for conventional mattresses, it would likely include TDI (a common component), a known carcinogen, which can cause respiratory ailments such as bronchitis and asthma.

In addition, liver damage and breathing problems have been linked to vinyl chloride monomers, another common mattress material.

The list goes on. unfortunately, it is highly unlikely that you would be given information aboutany of these chemicals from a manufacturer of conventional, synthetic mattresses.

one of the most significant actions we can take to reduce our exposure to toxins and improve our overall health is to make changes to the one household item that is in direct contact with our bodies for one third of our lives—our mattresses.

“There are more ways than ever to sleep better and wake up painfree on a natural, organic mattress,” says Ben McClure, president of

Gardner’s Mattress & More, in Lanc aster, PA.

“Many people, like me, are in search ofa natural sleep system. I was shocked to learn that toxic emissions from mattresses are a major source of daily pollution in our lives,” says McClure.

An all-natural, organicmattress is free of potentially harmful chemicals. Instead, natural materials like natural rubberare used. Rubberis naturally hypoallergenic and resistantto dust mites, making it ideal for allergy sufferers.

Also, natural rubberis antimicrobial, inhibiting the growth of bacteria, mold and mildew, which can cause asthma and respiratory distress. No synthetic materials are added to provide these benefits.

“All rubberused in our natural mattresses is from the sap of a rubber tree, which can yield rubber for up to 30 years. When a tree is done producing rubber, it is taken down and turned into furniture. A new tree is then planted in its place, thus making natural rubber a sustainable bedding component,” says McClure.

conventional one? “Organic mattresses are crafted from natural materials. Conventional mattresses are made mostly of artificial materials from nonrenewable sources, such as plastic and other petrochemicals,” says McClure.

in different firmness? “Yes, there are two main types of organic mattresses: Natural rubber and inner-spring. Both styles are available with varying firmness options to suit anyone’s sleep needs,” says McClure.

When researching natural, organic mattresses, look atthese areas: 1. Visit a store that carries the top certified natural and organic brands including Naturepedic, Posh + Lavish, Hypnos, Gold Bond and iAdjust. “Each of these manufacturers crafts bedding that is safe and sustainable,” McClure recommends. 2. Try outa new mattress forat least 15 minutes. Lie down in various positions, to simulate a night of sleep. Look for a store that offers a clean pillow to test out. “We offer the only

adve rt orial Dream Room, where you can spend 15 minutes to 4 hours resting or even sleeping on a mattress, with 100% sanitary linens, blankets and pillows so people can truly ‘test drive” any natural bedding,” says McClure. 3. Protect yourself by insisting on a strong guarantee. “I know people are tired of sleeping on a worn-out, chemical-laden mattress. That’s why we give every customer a 120 night Wake Up Happy Comfort Guarantee to exchange if it doesn’t deliver the sleep you want,” says McClure.

If you’re not sleeping well or you’re worried about toxic chemicals in your bedroom, consider this: The two things in life you spend the most time on are work and sleep. How much of your remaining hours on earth do you want to waste losing sleep on an uncomfortable, chemical-laden mattress? That’s a question that many are asking.

“To help Natural Awakenings readers make the right choices, we’re offering a package of 4 Free Gifts for a limited time,” says McClure.

Readers may bring this article to the Gardner’s Mattress & More location to see the latest natural organic sleep systems and claim the following gifts:

Rubber Pillow ($40 value). You get this just for visiting the store. There’s no obligation to buy anything. Here’s why this is important: A good pillow is essential to your health, because it can gentlysupport you in a healthy sleep position while providing comfort to your neck and shoulders.

Doctors and chiropractors agree—nearly all neck and back problems are made worse by improper sleeping habits and bad or worn-out pillows. The All-Natural Pillow, reserved and waiting foryou, is filled with soft, 100% natural rubber.

Fact: About 10% of the weight of a 2-year-old pillow is actually dust mite droppings—excrement. With one big exception: Dust mites hate natural rubberpillows, like the one waiting for you to pick up at Gardner’s. (Ask why when you visit—the answer will surprise you!)

Inside, you’ll discover little-known facts about how men and women are sleeping better on Natural and Organic Mattresses—waking up energized and more productive— and why ignoring problems with your current mattress can lead to depression, permanent health problems, and even damage family relationships.

Sleep Mask ($9.95 value). Here’s a natural way to fall asleep faster and wake up feeling better! The “Good Night” Sleep Mask helps create a state of pure darkness by keeping light away from your eyes. Get the restful, relaxing sleep you need, without pills.

Voucher, good toward the purchase of any Natural Organic Mattress in our store. This special $200 discount is notavailable to the general public. It’s only for you, as a reader of Natural Awakenings.

“To see the difference that natural and organic sleep systems have made in people’s lives is nothing short of miraculous,” says McClure.

Freelance writer Kevin Donlin is based in Minneapolis.

• FREE Gift #1: All-Natural Rubber Pillow ($60 value); 2nd is 50% off! • FREE Gift #2: Natural RubberMattress Guide ($9.95 value) • FREE Gift #3: "Good Night" Sleep Mask ($9.95 value) • FREE Gift #4: $200 Savings Voucher on an Organic Natural Mattress

Bring this coupon to the store at 830 Plaza Blvd. in Lancaster (behind Park City Mall, next to VanScoy Jewelers). There’s no obligation to buy anything -- just answer three simple questions. Your Readers’ Gifts expire June 30, 2020 . Gardner’s Mattress & More - 830 Plaza Blvd., Lancaster, PA 17601 Phone: 717-299-6228 - Online: www.GardnersMattressAndMore.com

Dads,lightenup.Yes,alldadsprojecttheirownfearsandhopeson theirchildren.IfDaddreamedof becomingafirstbasemanfortheYankees, he’llpushJohnnyintobaseball,ignoringhis son’spreferenceforwoodworking.IfDad harboredhopesofbeingthenextHemingway,he’llpraiseMary’spoetry,andmaybe skipafewofhertedioussoccergames. Thosearethefacts,ma’am.Dads haveahabitofimposingtheirownsuccessgoalsontheirkids.It’snotbuiltinto fatherhoodtoletkidswilly-nillydevelop theirowntalentsanddreams.Doesthat ruinthekids?Whoknows?Ithappensin justabouteveryfamily,sogoodluckfindingacontrolgroupfortheexperiment. Theremaybenohopeforthekids, buthowaboutthedads?Whatmighthappeniftheynoticethisoddbehaviorand howmightthatlightentheirownloads? Mostofusdads,mostofthetime, initiallytakeontheresponsibilityoffatherhood—income,protection,education—with driveandpurpose.Wemakecompromises withourpre-dadselves.Thesportscargets tradedinforaminivan.Playingguitarbecomesahobby,notaprofessionalgoal.We signonatthewarehouse.Newdadsaround thecountryaremakingthesechangesevery Fathers Know Best by Neal Allen

day,andmostlywithalacrity. It’slater,whentheperfectinfant becomesthecomplainingtoddleror rejectingteenager,thatthevexingnotion arisesthatanotherlifecouldhavebeen lived.Thisformofnostalgia—forwhat nevercame—isbitter.Theword“nostalgia”,afterall,comesfromtheGreekfor “thepainofgoinghome”. Butbyseeinghimselfprojecthis dreamsonhischildren,afathercanalso seehowhe’sholdingontoasuspectbelief thatanotherlifewouldhavebeenbetter.Withmaturity,adadcanrevisithis adolescentdreams;notnostalgically,but withthewisdomthatcomeswithage.Did IreallyhaveachanceattheYankees?Be real.Weren’ttheretwoguysinhighschool alonewhohadmoretalent? Askingthesequestions,afathermight evennoticethatnooneinthefamilymeasureshisworthinworldlyachievements. Adadisbestrememberedinhiscapacity forlove,kindness,forgiveness,everyday strengthandfriendliness.Yourchildmay knowyou’reamastercarpenter.Butwhat sheremembersisthatdaywhenyougently showedhertherightwaytoholdahammer.

Neal Allen is a spiritual coach and author who shares seven children, step-children and grandchildren with his wife, writer Anne Lamott. His book on a new path to personal freedom will be released by Hierophant Publishers in spring 2021. For more information, visit ShapesOfTruth.com.

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