Direct Line

Saluti Sigonella! Domestic violence affects millions, both women and men of every race, religion, culture and status. In just the three minutes it takes to brush your teeth, five incidents of domestic violence have occurred. In the seven minutes it takes to order coffee, 12. And during your 30-minute commute to work, 54. Nearly three out of four Americans personally know someone who is or has been a victim of domestic violence. This often silent issue is a pervasive one, and one that deserves our attention.

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, which first began in 1981 by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. This annual observance generates awareness of community responsibility and educates individuals, couples and families on where to find resources to help prevent and address this silent epidemic. Abuse in relationships thrives in a culture of shame and silence, and there are significant costs associated with remaining silent. Communities with an ongoing coordinated community response see a significantly reduced rate of re-abuse. Prevention takes courage to act when we see or suspect something, and everyone in Sigonella has a responsibility to prevent domestic violence and build a healthy, safe community.

Domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate partnership. It can happen to anyone at any point in a relationship. Abusive partners may use a combination of physical, sexual, psychological, and financial abuse to intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, scare, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt or injure their partners. Many people do not realize they are in abusive relationships, especially in the beginning. From within the relationship, signs of domestic violence can take the appearance of other things such as stress, love, passion or jealousy. The abused partner may see the behavior as normal or may think he or she caused it.

In the age of smartphones, using technology to harass and abuse has become increasingly common. Like other types of abuse, digital abuse is about control. Abuse through technology is still abuse. Signs of digital abuse may include bullying and harassment, monitoring and stalking, sexual coercion, possessiveness, and control. The important thing to remember is if you feel your partner may be using technology to control you, something is wrong.

As part of maintaining a healthy relationship, it is good for partners to check in with each other to develop ground rules for what behavior is acceptable, what actions cross the line, and what behaviors violate trust, mutual respect, and each partner’s independence. Define what it means to feel safe both on- and offline, how to set healthy boundaries and expectations for online communication in your relationship, and how to exercise your rights through technology.

If you have concerns about your relationship or think you know someone who is being abused, contact the Fleet and Family Support Center at 095-56-4291 and ask to speak with a family advocacy counselor. They provide prevention and education, victim advocacy, rehabilitation for domestic violence, and counseling services to help develop heathy relationship skills and address stressful situations. Other Sigonella resources include military healthcare providers, base chaplains, and base security. Conflicts happen, even in a healthy relationship. What matters is that they are resolved in a healthy way. Only through collaboration will it be possible to end domestic violence.