naps stories 17
Sincere thanks to all those unknowns who wrote these articles and to those who forwarded to the rest of the mankind
Compiled & Prepared by A.Narayana Prasad., narayanprasad_a@yahoo.com
Husband (Dog) Missing!! A woman went to police station to file a report for her missing husband: Woman: I lost my husband Inspector: What is his height? Woman: I never noticed Inspector: Slim or healthy? Woman Not slim can be healthy Inspector: Color of eyes? Woman: Never noticed Inspector: Color of hair? Woman: Should be black Inspector: What was he wearing ? Woman: I don't remember exactly Inspector: Was somebody with him ????????? Woman: Yes my Labrador dog (Romeo), tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together. The woman started crying Inspector: Let's search for the dog first!!!!!!! !!!!!! Thanks to internet -2-
Mind the language A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
Thanks to internet -3-
Laughit!! A Japanese doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.'
A German doctor said, 'That's nothing, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.'
A British doctor said, 'In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half of a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.'
A Texas doctor, not to be outdone said, 'You guys are way behind. We took a man with no brains out of Texas; put him in the White House and now half the country is looking for work.'
Thanks to internet
-4-
Lessons in Logic If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but, if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity. ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ...... I was born intelligent education ruined me. ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ...... Practice makes perfect..... But nobody's perfect..... . so why practice? ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ...... If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ...... Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak. ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ...... Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa. ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......
Thanks to internet -5-
Behind every successful man, there is a woman And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......
Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......
The wise never marry. and when they marry they become otherwise. ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......
Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today. ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......
"Your future depends on your dreams" So go to sleep ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......
"Hard work never killed anybody" But why take the risk ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......
Thanks to internet -6-
"Work fascinates me" I can look at it for hours ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......
God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends. ............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......
The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget The more you forget, the less you know So.. why learn.
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ......... ...... A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.... what more can I say........
Thanks to internet
-7-
Laughit!!! Joe died & went to Heaven. Couple of years later his wife Mary too joined him. On finding him she ran calling his name...Joe, darling... Joe : Hold your horses woman & don't darling me. The deal was very clear....รข€œTill death do us apart." ---------------------------------------------------------------ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, \'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan! ___________ _________ _________ _________ __ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? WITNESS : Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ---------------------------------------------------------------ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? WITNESS: Take a guess
Thanks to internet
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________ _________ _________ ______ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ. ____________ _________ _________ _________ ____ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. ____________ _________ _________ _________ __ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. ____________ _________ _________ _________ ___ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shitting me? ____________ _________ _________ _________ __
Thanks to internet -9-
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ---------------------------------------------------------ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. And the best: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Thanks to internet -10-