naps stories - 03

naps stories – 03 03 Sincere thanks to all those unknowns who wrote these articles and to those who forwarded to the rest of the mankind.

Compiled & Prepared by A.Narayana Prasad., narayanaprasad_a@yahoo.com

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Content

01. Laughit 03 02. Rearrange the letters 04 03. Sense behind Names 07 04. Shout 11 05. Mess with seniors 13 15 06. Lost Freedon 07. Reverse Recommendatn16 08. Car Cancer 17 09. Polish Diverse 19 10. Perfect Women 21 22 11. Laughit!2 12. Sardar’s mom’s letter 23

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Laughit A Sardar furniture dealer decided that he wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.

After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip ever to the French capital), he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a new range of furniture that he thought would sell well back home in India .

To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a pub and havea glass of wine.

As he sat down enjoying his wine, soon enough, a very beautiful attractive young lady came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair.

He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in Hindi, Punjabi & English, but she did not speak or know any of these languages. So, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.

They left the pub and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance.

They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Then, after they were back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a bed. . ........ . .

............

........

Would

you

believe.....

..

Till this day, the Sardar has no idea how she figured out that he was in the furniture business!!!!

Thanks to Internet

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Rearrange the letters PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters:

BEST IN PRAYER --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters:

MOON STARER ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

DESPERATION: A ROPE ENDS IT --------------------------------------------THE EYES: THEY SEE --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

GEORGE BUSH: HE BUGS GORE --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE MORSE CODE: HERE COME DOTS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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DORMITORY: DIRTY ROOM --------------------------------------------SLOT MACHINES: CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY: IS NO AMITY -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ELECTION RESULTS:: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SNOOZE ALARMS: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A DECIMAL POINT: I'M A DOT IN PLACE -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE EARTHQUAKES: THAT QUEER SHAKE Thanks to Internet

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ELEVEN PLUS TWO: TWELVE PLUS ONE --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: MOTHER-IN-LAW: WOMAN HITLER ---------------------------------------------

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Sense behind Names There are many companies / brands/products whose names were derived from strange circumstances.

Mercedes This was actually the financier’s daughter’s name.

Adobe This came from name of the river Adobe Creek that ran behind the house of founder John Warnock.

Apple Computers It was the favorite fruit of founder Steve Jobs. He was three months late in filing a name for the business, and he threatened to call his company Apple Computers if the other colleagues didn’t suggest a better name by 5 O’clock.

CISCO It is not an acronym as popularly believed. It is short for San Francisco.

Compaq This name was formed by using COMp, for computer, and PAQ to denote a small integral object.

Corel The name was derived from the founder’s name Dr.Michael Cowpland. It stands for COwpland REsearch Laboratory.

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Google The name started as a joke boasting about the amount of information the search-engine would be able to search. It was originally named ‘Googol’, a word for the number represented by 1 followed by 100 zeros.

After founders- Stanford graduate students Sergey Brin and Larry Page presented their project to an angel investor, they received a cheque made out to ‘Google’

Hotmail Founder Jack Smith got the idea of accessing email via the web from a computer anywhere in the world. When Sabeer Bhatia came up with the business plan for the mail service, he tried all kinds of names ending in ‘mail’ and finally settled for hotmail as it included the letters “html” – the programming language used to write web pages. It was initially referred to as HoTMaiL with selective uppercasing.

Hewlett Packard Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard tossed a coin to decide whether the company they founded would be called Hewlett-Packard or Packard-Hewlett.

Intel Bob Noyce and Gordon Moore wanted to name their new company ‘Moore Noyce’but that was

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Thanks to Internet

already trademarked by a hotel chain so they had to settle for an acronym of INTegrated ELectronics.

Lotus (Notes) Mitch Kapor got the name for his company from ‘The Lotus Position’ or ‘Padmasana’. Kapoor used to be a teacher of Transcendental editation of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.

Microsoft Coined by Bill Gates to represent the company that was devoted to MICROcomputer SOFTware.

Originally christened Micro-Soft, the ‘-’ was removed later on.

Motorola Founder Paul Galvin came up with this name when his company started manufacturing radios for cars. The popular radio company at the time was called Victrola.

ORACLE Larry Ellison and Bob Oats were working on a consulting project for the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency). The code name for the project was called Oracle (the CIA saw this as the system to give answers to all questions or something such). The project was designed to help use the newly written SQL code by IBM. The project eventually was terminated but Larry and Bob decided to finish what they started and bring it to the world. They kept the 9

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name Oracle and created the RDBMS engine. Later they kept the same name for the company.

Sony It originated from the Latin word ’sonus’ meaning sound, and ’sonny’ a slang used by Americans to refer to a bright youngster.

SUN Founded by 4 Stanford University buddies. SUN is the acronym for Stanford University Network.

Andreas Bechtolsheim built an icrocomputer; Vinod Khosla recruited him and Scott McNealy to manufacture computers based on it, and Bill Joy to develop a UNIX-based OS for the computer.

Yahoo!

The word was invented by Jonathan Swift and used in his book ‘Gulliver’s Travels’. It represents a person who is repulsive in appearance and action and is barely human. Yahoo! Founders Jerry Yang and David Filo selected the name because they considered themselves yahoos.

Thanks to Internet

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Shout A saint asked his disciples, ‘Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?’

Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, ‘Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.’

‘But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you?’ asked the saint.’ Isn’t it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you’re angry?’

Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the saint.

Finally he explained, ‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.’

Then the saint asked, ‘What happens when two people fall in love?

They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very Thanks to Internet

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close. The distance between them is very small…’

The saint continued, ‘When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.’

MORAL: When you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other

Thanks to Internet

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Mess with seniors They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what's wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this and I love the way this old guy handled it: An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"

"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something, and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."

The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone."

The man walked out, waited several minutes and then reentered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?" "There's something wrong with my ear", he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?" "I can't piss out of it," he replied.

The waiting room erupted in laughter.

Mess with seniors and you're gonna lose

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Thanks to Internet

" One song can spark a moment, One flower can wake the dream. One tree can start a forest, One bird can herald spring. One smile begins a friendship, One handclasp lifts a soul.

One star can guide a ship at sea, One word can frame the goal One vote can change a nation, One sunbeam lights a room One candle wipes out darkness, One laugh will conquer gloom.Anonymous

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LOST FREEDOM! FREEDOM! A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.

"Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly. "Yes I do" she replies. .

The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?"

"Yes! I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him. .

The husband continued. "Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?" . .

"I remember that too" she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, . .

"I would have been released today!"

Thanks to Internet

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Reverse Recommendation?

Dear Manager (HR),

Jim

Smith my

subordinate

can

always

be

found

hard at work in his cubicle. Jim works independently, without wasting company time talking to colleagues. Jim never thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always finishes given assignments on time. Jim often takes extended measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee breaks. Jim is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Jim can be classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Jim be promoted to Executive Management, and a proposal will be sent away as soon as possible.

Signed – MANAGER

PS: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report sent to you earlier today.

Please read the odd lines (1, 3, 5, 7,9,11, 13) for my true assessment of him.

Thanks to Internet

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Car Cancer?

No wonder more folks are dying from cancer than ever before. We wonder where this stuff comes from but here is an example that explains a lot of the cancer causing incidents. Hmmm.

Many people are in their cars first thing in the morning and the last thing at night, 7 days a week.

As I read this, it makes me feel guilty and ill.

Please pass this on to as many people as possible.

Guess its not too late to make some changes Car

A/C

(Air

Conditioning)

MUST

READ!!!

Please do NOT turn on A/C as soon as you enter the car.

Open the windows after you enter your car and turn ON the AC after a couple of minutes.

Here's why: According to a research, the car dashboard, sofa, air freshener emit Benzene, a Cancer causing toxin (carcinogen - take time to observe the smell of heated plastic in your car).

In addition to causing cancer, Benzene poisons your bones, causes anemia and reduces white blood cells.

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Prolonged exposure will cause Leukemia, increasing the risk of cancer.

Can also cause miscarriage.

Acceptable Benzene level indoors is 50 mg per sq. ft. A car parked indoors with windows closed will contain 400-800 mg of Benzene.

If parked outdoors under the sun at a temperature above 60 degrees F, the Benzene level goes up to 2000-4000 mg, 40 times the acceptable level.

People who get into the car, keeping windows closed will inevitably inhale, in quick succession, excessive amounts of the toxin.

Benzene is a toxin that affects your kidney and liver.. What's worse, it is extremely difficult for your body to expel this toxic stuff.

So friends, please open the windows and door of your car - give time for interior to air out -dispel the20deadly stuff - before you enter.

Thanks to Internet

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The Polish Divorce!!!

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.

One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: Have you any grounds?

Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?

It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand.

Does either of you have a real grudge?

No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean what are your relations like?

All my relations still in Poland .

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?

We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?

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No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?

No, she white..

Why do you want this divorce?

She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?

I got proof.

What kind of proof?

She going to poison me.

She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.

I can read English pretty good, and it say:

~~~Polish Remover~~~

Thanks to Internet

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Perfect Women ?

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met.

After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.

Only one of them survived the accident.

Who was the survivor? (Scroll down for the answer. Trust me, it's worth it) Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.

Men keep scrolling.

So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.

By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point: Women never listen.

Thanks to Internet

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Laughit!2 Musharaf, Manmohan, Aishwarya rai and Sonia are travelling in a train.

The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.

Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel... The women and Manmohan are sitting there looking perplexed..

Musharaf is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Sonia is thinking: These Pakistani are all crazy after Aishwarya. Musharaf must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him.

Aishwarya is thinking: Musharaf must have tried to kiss me but kissed Sonia instead and got slapped.

Musharaf is thinking: Damn it. Manmohan must have tried to kiss Aishwarya. She might have thought it was me and slapped me.

Manmohan is thinking: if this train goes through another tunnel I will make another kissing sound and slap Musharaf again. .

Thanks to Internet

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Sardarji's Mom's Letter Dear Banta Vahe Guru !

I am in a well here and hoping you are in the same well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so we moved 20 miles.

I wont be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address.

Hopefully by next week we will be able to bring our earlier address plate here, so that our address will remain same too.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine, situated right above the commode. I'm not sure it works.

Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days.

The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

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Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him.

He is cutting the grass at the cemetery.

By the way I took Bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is really badmash. He told her that two-piece swimming suit is not allowed in this club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove?

Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle.

Your uncle, Jetinder fell in a nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned.

We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried at sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.

There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.

P.S: Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.

With Regards,

Thanks to Internet

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