Love in the Present Moment MINDFULNESS FOR COUPLES

by Marlaina Donato

Jam-packed schedules and answering the demands of everyday life can trip us up and break the spell of even the most solid intimate partnership. With dulled senses, it is easy and all too common to go on autopilot. Like abandoned gardens, heart-unions can become casualties of neglect and the absence of joy.

Mindfulness—awareness and cultivation of the present moment—has been shown to lower blood pressure, reduce anxiety and depression and deepen our appreciation of what we have. Relationships can expand and strengthen when couples practice the art of being in the “now”. A 2021 study involving 1,360 heterosexual couples published in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy indicates that gratitude and forgiveness also contribute to satisfaction, both relational and sexual.

Conscious Hearts

“Mindfulness practice comes in many forms: journaling, meditation, mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, tai chi or breathwork, to name just a few. By routinely practicing mindfulness, we are able to deepen our own awareness of what we are feeling and how we want to respond to someone we care about,” explains Moraya Seeger DeGeare, in-house relationship expert for Paired, an app for couples.

Maci Daye, the author of Passion and Presence: A Couple’s Guide to Awakened Intimacy and Mindful Sex says, “Even a few minutes a day of mindfulness practice can rewire the brain, build new habits and help us dis-identify from our limiting beliefs, stories and intense emotions.” This is a critical factor in transcending personal triggers and promoting conflict resolution. She emphasizes that couples often go into fight-or-flight mode because they feel threatened by their partner’s non-verbal behavior or are triggered by old, painful wounds.

Daye, a licensed professional counselor and certified sex therapist, notes, “Mindful couples are less attached to being ‘right’ and explore their own sensitivities instead of blaming their partners.” Once “awakened intimacy” is put into practice, couples become interested in each other’s perspectives and team up to heal and grow. In addition to formal training, she suggests bringing presence to all aspects of life. “Couples can engage their senses when they hug, touch or hold hands,” Daye explains. “They can pause to look at each other when they say hello and goodbye. They can slow down and taste their food, savoring every bite. These behaviors also make sexual experiences more sensual, intimate and connecting.”

Taking a few moments for eye contact, the brush of a hand or compassionate interaction can strengthen bonds. DeGeare, who is also a couple’s therapist at BFF Therapy, in Beacon, New York, recommends slowing down together to get in sync. “This could be going for a walk, cooking or listening to the same podcast and talking about it later. It helps the body tune into your partner a bit and connect. The time you spend doing this outside of the bedroom will deepen your connection in the bedroom.” She suggests bringing movement like a shared dance or yoga class into the mix to foster connection, as well as setting “dedicated times to check in through the week or month, uninterrupted.”

A Deeper Dive

Daily verbal exchanges beyond the mundane can amplify resonance between two people. “Asking questions is vitally important, as it cultivates curiosity—but not the day-to-day questions, such as, ‘What are you doing today’ or ‘What do you want for dinner?’” says Debbie Lambert, co-author of The Mindful Couple. The Del Mar, California, couples counselor and life coach encourages people to ask, “What scares you today? What is the most important thing that you would like to create today? What was one thing that made you grateful today, and what is one thing that disappointed or frustrated you today? What is one thing I can do for you today? These types of questions scrape the surface of knowing and create intimacy and connection.”

Lambert compares the practice of mindfulness to a beautiful dance—flowing, loving and creative—that can change future generations. “The energy from such a dance extends far beyond the couple,” she says. “It can be felt intimately by anyone in its presence. When parents dance this dance, their children are bathed in a high-vibrating energy. They feel safe and loved. Most importantly, they learn a model for how to be in a loving relationship.”

Marlaina Donato is an author, visionary painter and recording artist. Connect at WildflowerLady.com.

Mindful Tips For Deeper Sexual Intimacy From Debbie Lambert

Couples get too familiar with each other over time, and the wonder and curiosity leave the bedroom. To deepen the sexual experience, couples can: n Shift from knowing to curiosity. Ask yourself, “What does my partner need in this moment?” Be in tune with subtle movements and embrace them in the moment, versus thinking this is what my partner likes. n They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. Eye-gazing in bed is a deeply spiritual activity that allows us to connect beyond our normal experiences with each other. n Smile, laugh and embrace the moment with some lightness. When we smile and laugh, we are out of our heads and into our hearts. This is where we want to spend more time in general.

Calendar Of Events

Diabetes Support Group – 12-1pm. First Mon. Join this virtual support group once a month to discuss issues you are having living with diabetes – with other people living with diabetes. Utilizing peer group problem-solving (asking questions, listening to responses and having a group discussion) we will come up with personalized solutions for you. Seize the opportunity to meet others living with diabetes and talk about your personal challenges as you would talk to a friend. Register online Diabetes FoundationInc.org.

Recovery Meetings – RWJBarnabas Health Institute for Prevention and Recovery’s Hope and Healing Program offers emotional support services, education and community-based resources for individuals and families affected by the COVID-19 pandemic. Through a variety of virtual services, this program aims to assist those impacted by the pandemic to better adjust to their new reality, mitigate stress, review options, develop coping strategies, and, if needed, find linkages to agencies, programs, and other resources in their community. All Recovery virtual meetings provide social support for those seeking or maintaining recovery, as well as family members, friends and supporters of those who have been influenced by substance use. See website for a list of meetings and registration info. RWJBH. org/treatment-care/institute-for-prevention-andrecovery/programs/hope-and-healing/.

Crossword Club – 5-6pm. Join on Zoom to do a crossword puzzle every Monday! Test your puzzle skills! Geared for children in grades 4 to 12. NBPL. org/Event/Crossword-Club.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 3

Soul care reset for moms raising kids with mental health–2:00-3:00pm. Focusing on SOUL care is where life truly changes. Every mom needs & deserves to be nurtured, but if you’re raising a child with mental health challenges, this likely feels completely impossible. Sign up for Zoom session: https://allevents.in/jersey%20 city/10000401531089297.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 5

Bridal Expo– 1:00–4:00pm . For the bride that doesn’t need one more thing to worry about. Hyatt House Rooftop sweats the small stuff so you don’t have to. Location: Hyatt House Rooftop, One Exchange Place, Jersey City, NJ.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 11

Neighborhood Community Dinner–8:00 pm. Join the neighbors from around the Hoboken community for a potluck dinner at Christopher Columbus Gardens (Hoboken Housing). Our aim is to build relationships, strengthen community, and tear down the walls that needlessly divide us. Please visit www. milesquare.church/events for more information or email hello@milesquare.church.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 12

L.E.A.D. Super Bowl Fest–4:00pm. Join us for the Super Bowl Party of the year at the Coaches Club at MetLife Stadium! Get your opportunity to par- ticipate in activities on the field, meet professional athletes, and have some family fun this Super Bowl Sunday. Tickets are available for purchase at www. theleadfest.com/p/events/super-bowl-fest, Location: MetLife Stadium, 1 MetLife Stadium Drive,East Rutherford,NJ,United States, East Rutherford

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 14

Kids Art Classes at Hoboken Historical Museum–10:00am-1:00pm. Join two days a week for fun art making in the Museum walkway! Recommended for ages 2-5. All children must be accompanied by an adult. Art materials are provided, and adults must wear masks. Seating available on a first-come, first-served basis. Location: Hoboken Historical Museum, 1301 Hudson Street, Hoboken, NJ.

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 16

Family Nights = Fun Nights–6:00–6:45pm. Come on in and join Bonetti Children’s Department Staff for an hour of Family Bingo every 3rd Thursday each month. Win prizes engage in challenging activities and get creative. Location: Priscilla Gardner Main Library Branch, 472 Jersey Ave., Jersey City, NJ.

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 18-19

The Home Show–10am–5pm. The Home Show’s goal is to motivate, inspire and excite you in your next home improvement project, no matter how small or large. In a relaxed, fun environment, our events bring together a variety of home-improvement professionals. We know that you will be inspired and motivated after meeting and comparing the expert exhibitors. For more detail: www. njhomeshow-me.com/, Location: Meadowlands Exposition Center, New Jersey, USA.

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 24

Cordero School 12th Annual Dinner & Dance

6:30–11pm. Join and help support student activities at Cordero School in Jersey City, NJ for dance, buffet dinner party. Location: Chandelier Catering, 1081 Broadway, Bayonne, NJ

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 24

Yoga (Hybrid) –9:30–10:30am. Join us at the Main Library and on Zoom for a Yoga class on Friday mornings! Please bring a towel or yoga mat and water bottle. Location: 8411 Bergenline Ave, North Bergen.

MARCH 2-9, 2023

Soul Shine Retreat in Kauai, Hawaii –5-star resort accommodations, daily yoga, meditation, past-life regression and reiki workshops, nature walks and tons of beach time! For more information, visit www.pure-bliss-yoga. com/events.

Classifieds

Fee for classifieds is $33 (up to 40 words) + $1 per word over 40 words, prepaid. To place listing, email content to Publisher@NaturalAwakeningsNNJ.com or Call 201-781-5577. Deadline is the 10th of the month.

Books

THE TRUE SCHOOL IS LIFE–Books for Conscious Living such as:

• Recognize and Heal Yourself through the Power of the Spirit

• Living and Dying to Keep on Living

• Cause and Development of All Illness http://www.Gabriele-Publishing-House.com

• The Life I Chose Myself … and much more!

1-844-576-0937. 20% Off with coupon code: OFF20.

For Sale

OCEAN-FRONT PROPERTY IN BELIZE FOR SALE– This expensive oceanfront propery is an amazing opportunity to develop beachfront lots, a resort, nature reserve, or your own private oasis. The 37-acre property stretches 700 feet along the Caribbean coastline. The land has been surveyed. Priced for quick sale: $550,000. 201-926-0338.

ELEGANT KAWAI PIANO – Mahogany upright with matching bench. Dimension: 5’ 2’’ x 2’ 2’’ x 3’ 5’’, Perfect for interested child of 5-7 years of age to begin study in keyboarding. Bench has finally crafted, hinged top opening to store music books. Price cut to $2000. Separate Piano lamp, marble and brass available at $150. Located close to Bergen Town Center/Whole Foods. Call 201-487-4839.

Tarot Readings

NOT SURE YOU’RE ON THE RIGHT PATH?

Let’s chat. Schedule a tarot reading and get the clarity you’re looking for. Visit: theclairgardener.com or call 201-503-6335.