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Men Share the Sexiest Moves Women Make: Find Out What You Do that He Loves

By Kimiko Martinez

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Welcome to the post-feminist era where women don't just want to be equal in the workplace. They want to be the best, and that superwoman complex, that competitive edge, spills over into other parts of their lives as well—in the gym, at the mall ("Can you believe I found this pair of Prada pumps for only $50?!") and definitely in the bedroom.

We buy the magazines, we order the books, we read the advice of sexperts and everyday men, hoping to gather advice and tips to add to our bag of tricks so that when guys talk (and we know how they loooooove to talk), you'll be the one who knocked their socks off, making their buddies green with envy; so that YOU are the one they think of when the words "sex goddess" are uttered.

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So what exactly is it that men love? While that crazy wheelbarrow-to-doggie-style-to-reverse-cowgirl combination may look great when Jenna Jameson does it, it might not make his Top 10 Sexiest Moments.

Technique may get you kudos, but blowing a man's, uh, mind may be simpler than you think. Here are a few things he’ll never forget you for doing:

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Take control.

It's a long-known strategy for guys to use reverse psychology to get a girl in the sack. The best way to guarantee a lay? Insist it's not going to happen.

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When women do it, it can be coy or coercing, playful or powerful. And sexperts insist that setting the boundaries of an intercourse-less night can be much hotter than you’d think. Remember foreplay? That thing you used to do before sex? How about an entire night of it? No running for the finish line, just enjoying the journey.

Have fun.

Flirty is fun. And a woman who’s having fun is almost always sexy. While men may be over childhood playground games, bedroom games (and grown-up toys) are a whole other story.

Forget Monopoly (yawn!) and Scrabble (unless you make it Strip Scrabble).

Buy a board game from a sex shop and see if you can … finish. With a little creativity, you can turn everyday games into something much steamier.

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Lately we've been thinking about self-image. How do you feel about your physical self?

I've got it going on!

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I'm confident in my skin.

Depends on the day.

I don't like what I see in the mirror.

I could care less about my looks.

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and not What to wear when it's cold?

One of the gals in Patty Brisben’s, founder and CEO of Pure Romance, Inc., office turned the waiting game into an actual game by making a scavenger hunt for her honey, leaving come-hither clues, along with "accessories" for the night's festivities (massage oil, a candle, etc.).

Build anticipation.

Men are visual creatures, so flashing a little skin may be all it takes to get him hot under the collar. And in our drive-thru, “I want it now” society, a little delayed gratification can lead to one hell of an “I can’t wait to rip your clothes off” session once you two are finally in the same room.

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“It’s so easy to leave a very provocative message or take a picture of yourself sitting in some sexy lingerie or whatever you want to put on,” Brisben says.

“Just text and say, ‘This is what’s waiting for you.’”

Slutty doesn't equal sexy.

While you may be capable of porn-worthy performances, guys are quick to point out that sexy doesn't always mean slutty. Innocence definitely has a certain appeal. So don’t assume that you’ve always got to be comparable to Carmen Electra or Pam Anderson.

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After getting great oral sex, Robert Hill rhetorically asked his girl: Where did you learn how to do that? "She whispered in my ear: 'HBO.' I thought it was cute, funny and, best of all, added to her innocence. Honestly, no guy wants to know who 'taught' a girl," he says.

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Do the unexpected.

There's a time and place for everything, some say. But when you decide to get down and dirty at conventionally inappropriate times and places, that's when great sex becomes memorable sex.

Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler sang about love in an elevator. And men like Luke Shore remember getting caught, literally, with his pants down when he and his girlfriend were in the park "playing" after dark.

Be into it.

Most men want to know they're doing a good job and that you're getting into it too.

So don’t be afraid to let loose. You don’t have to scream and moan like a banshee, or fake the big O, but do make sure your partner can tell you’re enjoying yourself. Sometimes stroking his ego can be just as arousing as actually stroking him.

READ MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS How to Boost Your Sexual Confidence What Men Think About During Sex Moments Men Remember Is He Really OK with Your Vibrator?

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Your comments Displaying comments 1 to 7 out of 7 uwishtoo The best sex I ever had was with a man that I had met and dated for a month or so and we had slept in the same bed many times but never went furhter than that. I was 46 and he was 51 and on our first date he actually kissed me on the cheek as a good bye! But the weekend that we finally knew it was going to happen I was at his house for the weekend and while getting dressed to go out he had answered the phone and was talking to someone when I walked out in a robe and asked him if he liked my outfit (he was still on the phone mind you and trying to talk) and I opened the robe to reveal a thigh high and low cut lace teddy - lol - he coughed a little and kept talking on the phone as I walked back into the bedroom and finished dressing. All nite long I would discreetly slip the shoulder of my sweater off to show him the lace straps of my teddy. He was a hand holder and once when he reached over for my hand I brought it to my mouth and slowly sucked on his fingers for a second. Needless to say we didnt stay out dancing very long and rushed home where we danced in the living room and then ..... wow ! ucsdgirl building anticipation is like playing mind games. i'm not complaining or anything. i love being the one in control and if a little manipulation will do the trick, so be it. resurrection12 this is one of my favorite articles on the site! i also liked "what men think about during sex." summer this article inspired me to buy a sexy adult board game of some sort. i actually some some in the shopping gifts section, so i think i'll give that a try. asya i don't have a problem with "being into it." actually, the problem is that i'm too into it and once i woke up my bf's dormmates in college. that was pretty embarrassing. banana_peel i wouldn't want to compare to carmen or pamela! i think they're fake and disgusting. i think sexy women are those like scarlett johanson and gwyneth paltrow. summer-girl The most embarrassing thing happened in bed...I didn't know how to give a good bj, but I tried it on my boyfriend (without telling him I was inept). It was probably the most humiliating experience in my life--because he could obviously tell I wasn't an experienced vet (and he's received his fair share so he would know...), but now we just look back and laugh. He thinks that was one of the cutest moments of our relationship....(even though I still cringe).

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Tuesday, September 26, 2006 Kimiko Tuesday // Boxes and boxes of emotional baggage Current mood: Kimiko-ey fresh and clean Boxes For Moving

Boxes and boxes of baggage By: Kimiko Martinez

Last Updated: Jun 3, 2008 Send Message Instant Message Email to a Friend Subscribe Invite to My Blog

So I'm thinking about moving.

I HATE moving.

There are so many things to consider -- does it have a fenced backyard? Are pets allowed? What's the neighborhood like? Is the landlord nice? Gas or electric stove? What about a washer and dryer? And, of course, how much?

Yes, there's a lot to keep in mind when thinking about committing to the place you'll lay your head, cook your meals and store your stuff. It's a big step. And twelve months can be a really, really, really long time if you're miserable.

No matter how well you think you've chosen your new kingdom (or queendom), something always seems to come up within the first couple of weeks.

Gender: Male Status: Single Age: 28 Sign: Aquarius City: INDIANAPOLIS State: INDIANA Country: US

How could I have forgotten to check the water pressure?!

How did I miss that the bathroom has no drawers?

The kitchen cabinets stick.

The walls are paper thin.

And, horror of ALL horrors . . . there's not enough closet space.

I know it sounds stupid, but as I'm shopping for my next place, this is actually fairly high on my list of must-haves. A walk-in would be divine. Anyone who's walked into the living walk-in closet, otherwise known as the wasteland called my bedroom, would agree that something larger than a 5-foot wide, 2 1/2-foot deep rectangle with a rack is simply not sufficient for a clothes whore (not horse) like me.

Yes, I have a lot of shit.

Clothes, mostly. And lots of them.

Tubs and tubs and tubs full.

Enough that when I open a tub I find a hundred things I love that I'd completely forgotten about.

But I'm slowly learning that too many options can be overwhelming. (A trip to The Cheesecake Factory quickly proves THAT point. Those menus are ridiculous!)

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And the clutter is never more apparent then when you're about to move. All of a sudden you're hyperaware of just what you might actually have to pack up, carry down two flights of stairs, load into a truck and then repeat in reverse when you reach your new locale.

As I've been reading about feng shui, I'm learning that clutter in the home is considered an outward expression of internal messiness. Simply said: messy bed, messy head.

Now, I have NEVER been a clean or organized person. (I think I got grounded for not cleaning my room about as often as I did for mouthing off. Sassy.) But I'm starting to think that maybe there's something to this. I mean, monks live a simple existence. They don't have never-worn ballgowns (marked down 80 percent at Nordstrom Rack!) or boxes of "But I might need that someday" stuff.

No. I believe that half the battle in striving to live more simply is ridding ourselves of material possessions.

It's odd that we live in a society where people will go on a 30-day total body detox, looking for physically/spiritual/emotional renewal. But when it comes to cleaning out the closet or the junk drawer, forget it.

So why, then, do we continue to carry the clutter?

It's hard, you know, to get to this age and not have a significant amount of baggage (emotional OR physical). So why the death grip? Why can't we just let go? Why on Earth do I need more closet space and storage instead of just taking the time to purge?

Because it feels good.

We are a society that likes excess.

But not just that, we like to be wounded. We wear our battle wounds like badges of honor; we carry with us every heartbreak, every time we've been wronged and pull it out of our arsenal of emotional ammunition when we feel the need to beat ourselves up, empathize with a friend or wallow in self-pity. In a society, and more specifically an entire generation, that's been marketed to telling us we need more and more and newer and better, we don't know how to leave the bad stuff behind so we can upgrade. Or so we can just not be carrying around an entire basement full of emotional crud that doesn't need to see the light of day again anyhow. We collect, horde, save all those feelings like they're some precious commodity instead of seeing it for the junk that it is.

Maybe we just like knowing that, at some point, we felt something . . . anything instead of this emptiness that is your 20s and 30s in America -- a wasteland of unrealistic expectations, self-loathing, confusion, anxiety, ambition and apathy.

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Maybe we carry our closets and suitcases and basements full of emotional baggage around because, like that fraternity T-shirt or the dress you wore to your senior prom, it's not that we actually like or need these things, but they remind us of better times. Simpler times. Times when the pressures of adulthood didn't feel so heavy and crushing.

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Whatever the reason, we all have it. And getting rid of it takes time -- much like my tubs of clothing, if it's out of sight long enough, I'll forget about it completely. But give me a peek inside and I'm wanting what five minutes ago I didn't even remember existed.

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Or else it takes a whole lot of effort -- painstakingly sifting through those boxes to reassess what still has value and what things (sagging elastic and frayed edges) simply need to be tossed.

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It isn't easy. Things like this never are.

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But it's a whole lot better than trying to move it (new relationship, etc etc) again. Or try to squeeze it into a closet that's already overstuffed.

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Jennifer

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Nicely put! Can't say I've ever heard it described that way!!! Thanks for making me think!!!

Posted by Jennifer on Sep 26, 2006 7:34 AM

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home | Subscribe | rss | add to blog group | sign out Tuesday, October 10, 2006 Kimiko Tuesday // So what (who) is your backup plan?

Category: Life

Last Updated: Jun 3, 2008

Send Message Instant Message Email to a Friend Subscribe Invite to My Blog Gender: Male Status: Single Age: 28 Sign: Aquarius City: INDIANAPOLIS State: INDIANA Country: US Signup Date: 01/24/05

Who Gives Kudos:

R.J. Wall (2) marcey (2) Morgan (2) ┃ M!LL (2) ┃ (2) Stephanie (1) La Prima Macc (2) A!MÈE. (2) amber (2)

It's Good to Have a Backup By: Kimiko Martinez We've been taught that saving things is good (hence my closet problem of two weeks ago). Make sure you have a backup plan. Have two months worth of paychecks to fall back on (yeah, right). Don't forget to backup your hard drive. Back that ass up. (No, wait. That's something else entirely.)

Well, you get my point.

And our military has an entire unit devoted to the backup

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theory. They're called reserves.

Now, Lord knows I'm not a huge fan of the military. I don't have anything against them as an institution, but I've known a few too many Marines to admire many of these men. (An ex-boyfriend went into the Marines after high school and I thank God every day that I didn't marry that boy. Good God.) The military does some great things. (I'm a big fan of "Don't ask, don't tell." Especially when it comes to disclosing the number of partners one has had.) And we sure as hell need them around because they provide a vital service to our nation. But after years of getting weekly postcards from the Navy trying to recruit me to be a nuclear physicist (yes, that's what I scored on my ASVAB junior year), it left a bad taste in my mouth. Plus, I'm a little too sassy to take orders. (Just ask my mom and dad.)

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Anyway, while a life in anal retentively spotless, pressed uniforms and shiny shoes do nothing for me, I do love the concept of reserves. (I had a girlfriend who was a Navy reservist. Badass chick. Wouldn't want to get into a fight with her!)

Seems I'm not the only one.

Come on. Admit it. There are certain phone numbers that you haven't deleted from your phone because you know you can call on that person should the, uh, "need" arise. Maybe it's an ex. Maybe an old fuck buddy. Or just some guy or girl that you hung out and hooked up with a couple of times. There was no real falling out. It wasn't a match, but damn, the chemistry was great.

Even if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you know that there's always a fall back plan.

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My friend Bluebeard is notorious for his harem of reserves. I swear, that guy has more women willing to spread their legs for him than anyone else I know. They know he doesn't want to date him. They know they're probably the fourth girl he's texted/IMd/called today.

They KNOW they're on the reserves. But they don't care.

And it's not just the guys who are calling people up for "active" duty. A certain friend of mine, Ramona Blue, once stepped in it when she told her boyfriend that she there were probably 15 guys she could call RIGHT NOW who'd "take care" of her. An almost identical phrase was uttered a weekend or two ago by recently single girlfriend, Freda Fingers (although I think her number was closer to 50).

Just as the reserves play an important part for the military, I think they play an even more important function in our personal lives. The reserves step up when the time is right. They're asked to do a job, they do, and then they return to their normal lives. These aren't full-time jarheads. They're still trained. They still go through boot camp and can still kick some ass. But for a majority of their lives, they're simply civilians. And when it comes wartime (or whenever they might get called in), our reserves can make all the difference in ensuring a positive outcome for our country.

It's the same when it comes to sex.

When you're at your most vulnerable (post-breakup, in the middle of a long dry spell, when your crush starts dating some hideous beast) you simply dial them up, or maybe send a few flirty texts back and forth, and your good mood is restored. It's an ego stroke. It makes you feel good. You know that it's temporary, like the high you get after eating a piece of chocolate or whatever that equivalent is for a man, but you don't care. Because

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when you need it most, it's there. And in the long run, it could be the difference between losing an emotional battle and winning the war.

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11:18 AM - 48 Comments - 17 Kudos - Add Comment R.J. Wall

The equivalnt high for a male would be comparable to jerking off...takes us 5 minutes. 15 if you are getting a bad internet connection. Minimal physical effort and we are instantly gratified. Similar to Methadone for a Heroine addict minus the needles or diareha that follows. p.s. I love me some Dirty Martinez Posted by R.J. Wall on Oct 10, 2006 11:49 AM [Reply to this]

marcey

Your friends have the greatest names.

Posted by marcey on Oct 10, 2006 12:04 PM [Reply to this]

Kimiko: Beautiful, Hahahahaha.

Intelligent Child I've got to change the names to protect the innocent (and

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Tuesday, October 17, 2006 Kimiko Tuesday // The Rules of the Game Category: Life

Last Updated: Jun 3, 2008 Send Message Instant Message Email to a Friend Subscribe Invite to My Blog

Gender: Male Status: Single Age: 28 Sign: Aquarius City: INDIANAPOLIS State: INDIANA Country: US Signup Date: 01/24/05

The Rules of the Game By: Kimiko Martinez

I went to a lot of baseball games as a kid. With both the Dodgers and the Angels within an hour's drive, it was always fun to get a group together f Granted, I always thought the game was kind of boring. But baseball is as American as apple pie.

And it's super sexual.(Apple pie can be too, apparently. Just ask

.)

American Pie's Jason Biggs

At some point during elementary school or junior high, we learn about the "bases." Of course, there's some debate as to which acts correspond w second ; genital contact = third, and, of course, intercourse = the home run. (Maybe anal is the grand slam. Hehe. I said "slam." Yes, I'm that But regardless of whether you thought holding hands was really first base, finger fucking second (slut) and BJs third, the point was, just like in the Some guys hit it out of the park on their first at-bat. Others needed an entire season just to get a base hit.

I think the problem happens when you finally become a seasoned player — when you're playing with the same person all the time and you start t In fact, the pitcher's on your team and she wants you to. (God, these baseball innuendos are seriously getting out of hand.) But you still need to m

I realize that most relationships get to the point where figure out what makes the other person tick — three minutes of missionary, 15 minutes of Who Gives Kudos: [codezero]™ (2) La Prima Macc (2) Jess (2) Ran (2) Betsie (2) A!MÈE. (2) Morgan (2) {jer.emiah} (2) Moses (2) Peace Love an (2) joy.is.me (2) amber (2) Dan-Nette (2) Shawn (2) Harbinger Of (2) YASI (2) Kimberly (2)

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That's just, ahem, an example, of course.

For men, it all seems so much simpler.

You don't have to be in the mood, you don't need between 10 and 45 minutes of foreplay just so you can produce enough lubrication to prevent ch If the sheets are particularly cool and rubbing you the right way, you're ready to go. Heck, a nice breeze can sometimes do the trick.

And any orifice — ass, vag or mouth; you're not picky — is better than your right hand. (Most of the time.)

All that being said, women just don't work that way.

I'm not saying that we ALWAYS need an hour of foreplay. But dear god. Remember how insanely turned on I was in those days before we were Just because you've got an all-access pass to the nether regions doesn't mean you shouldn't still round the bases.

Just because you've got wood, doesn't mean I'm ready to throw the pitch (or, more fitting, play catcher).

I mean, sure, there's a winning combination. Some things obviously feel better than others. But most women NEED you to at least touch the bas enjoy sliding into home. (Hint: nipple pinching is only good after some serious arousal time. Otherwise, it's just annoying.)

And yes, you're obviously going to score. But take your time, Sosa.

Unless you're in a public bathroom. Then hurry up. I'm waiting outside and I've got to pee.

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home | Subscribe | rss | add to blog grou Tuesday, October 24, 2006 Kimiko Tuesday // Saying goodbye to a (well-) loved one...

Category: Blogging

Last Updated: Jun 3, 2008

Send Message Instant Message Email to a Friend Subscribe Invite to My Blog Gender: Male Status: Single Age: 28 Sign: Aquarius City: INDIANAPOLIS State: INDIANA Country: US Signup Date: 01/24/05 Who Gives Kudos:

Lu (2) Stacy *BadaBi (2) Moses (2) A!MÈE. (2) joy.is.me (2) Harbinger Of (2) Kimberly (2) Manda (2) Betsie (2) amber (2) Nicki (2)

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Saying goodbye to a (well-) loved one By: Kimiko Martinez

So I went on this Hell on Wheels Tour thing on Saturday and I've got Halloween on the brain. The im dismembered body parts, psychotic clowns, loving spankings (my favorite) and bloody chainsaw-w folks (as well as a couple of naughty devils and Smitty looking better in a short skirt than any girl I k burned into my mind.

OK, burned is a bit too strong of a word. Considering the amount of alcohol consumed – yes, stand on a moving bus – "hazily emblazoned" might be a bit more appropriate. Though the photogr spark the memories.

Anyway, with all that death and dying horrible, bloody deaths on the brain, thoughts of losing a love have started to creep in.

No, I'm not going to get all mushy on you. (This IS a sex column, dammit and I'm sticking to sexy s for it, wait for it . . . ) I'm talking about a girl's best friend: Her vibrator.

A guy's best friend is a dog. He loves you, is happy to see you and wags his tail when you get hom sleeps at the foot of your bed.

A girl's best friend isn't all that different. He loves you (in all the right ways, buzzzzzzzz), is always see you (he IS an erect phallus, after all, and wags his whatever anytime, anyplace) and probably a drawer next to your bed.

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Even better, baths are a hundred times easier (baby wipes anyone?), the only walks it needs are t kitchen when it's time for a new set of batteries and you don't ever have to get up off the couch to l (Please re-read the last part of that sentence if you didn't catch the innuendo the first time.)

Freda Fingers recently emailed me all out of sorts, lamenting the recent passing of her beloved pal (You're my boy, Blue! You're my boy.)

He was of the Rabbit variety and probably good at multiplying . . . I mean, um, multiples.

Freda, of course, has backups (no, not "the reserves," though she has plenty of those too).

But Blue (RIP) was her favorite.

Needless to say, he had a place near and dear to her, uh, heart and has been with her for a while. him won't be easy (until we get her to the store, and then I'm sure she'll forget all about him).

So what's a girl to do?

Go shopping.

Not all vibes are created equal. And when you're in-between boyfriends (hell, even when you've go they're good to have) it's important to make sure your lil' buddy is always ready, um, for action.

I'm told that there are women out there who don't own one and have never used one. But I don't kn anyone like that. Heck, my friends made a point of stopping at the huge Lions Den-esque "Adult Bo on a recent Nashville road trip. Sure, there was some giggling. But there was some serious shoppi well. (Or, maybe that was just me and Renee Green. Sex spray? You don't insert it? What about s jam? Guess you had to be there.)

In any case, I'm sure that most of the people who read this are more than familiar with the process toys. But for those that aren't, I'll give you a quickie (on the five w's, of course).

* Who's it for? In Freda's case, she needs a go-to guy for flying solo. But there are models that ar with couples in mind as well, including same-sex duos.

* What are you gonna use it for? Besides the obvious, of course. Are you looking to spice up yo and want some extra stimulation? Do you need a simple vibrating pocket rocket or are you looking serious alone time with all the bells and whistles â&#x20AC;&#x201C; rotating, spinning, vibrating, beads, etc etc.

* Where is it gonna go? Are we talking just vaginal penetration? Clitoral stimulation? G-spot stimu Anal probes? All of the above? They've got one for that. Also, where are you going to buy it? Three private in-home parties (fun with friends), retail stores (talk to a real person) or online (always a go choice).

* When will you use it? They have travel-sized vibes for the girl on the go, massive dongs that sh practically be built into the wall, Murphy bed-style, magic bullets that fit into stretchy silicone cockrin playing with friends, vibrating underwear with remote controls when you're out and about, and plen models in between.

* Why do you need it? Some women have never had an orgasm. (Heaven forbid!!) And vibrators "prescribed" by doctors and therapists for use in "self-discovery" exercises. For most women, tho just easier than doing it by hand. I mean, $30 for a year's worth of on-demand orgasms? The line b want and need gets a little blurry.

* How much are you willing to spend? I once saw a model online that I wanted super bad. Until $159 price tag. Also, how do you feel about looks? Do you want a striped Dr. Seussical dong or a r

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veined shaft? One that looks like a cartoon beaver, a rubber ducky or a replica of John Holmes' peter? If you've got sensitivities to certain materials (latex, rubber, etc.) those are things to keep in well.

Of course, keeping all that in mind, there's nothing better than word of mouth. Sales people (whethe Priscilla's or at a sex toy party) are great. But girlfriends know best. They'll give you all the dirty det think Ramona may like Pink â&#x20AC;&#x201C; a g-spot vibe â&#x20AC;&#x201C; better than her own tried-and-true Blue these days), models (Freda says her Penthouse is only so-so) and, best of all, go shopping with you. (Or, best a "Naughty Girl" party with you. Be looking for invites to my XXXmas party sometime in the next m Speaking of shopping, my birthday is tomorrow. You all know what I want.

Spread the Kimiko love! Send out the code below to your friends is a bulletin....they'll thank you for it! :) <a href="http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=8144898&blogID=184233431" target="_blank"><img src="http://hupshoopty.com/MySpace/Kimiko/Kimiko.Vib.jpg" width="400" border="0"></a><br><br>If you haven't met Kimiko, I think it's time...today is Kimiko Tuesday.<br><br>In today's installment Kimiko chats about a girl's

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happy birthday! and duh. what else would you possibly get a scorpio for her birthday :) Posted by Lu on Oct 24, 2006 9:35 AM [Reply to this]

FreakyJean

I didn't buy my first vibrator until I was 28 years old. Talk about resentful. All years of bliss I missed out on. lol. I think the best part about B.O.B's (battery boyfriend) are the fact that they don't talk back. Oh, and Happy Birthday Kim Posted by FreakyJean on Oct 24, 2006 9:38 AM [Reply to this]

Hup

Replaced by electronics??

Say it ain't so!

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home | Subscribe | rss | add to blog group | sign out Tuesday, October 31, 2006 Kimiko wishes us all a Happy Hall-OHHHH-ween!

Category: Blogging

Last Updated: Jun 3, 2008

Send Message Instant Message Email to a Friend Subscribe Invite to My Blog Gender: Male Status: Single Age: 28 Sign: Aquarius City: INDIANAPOLIS State: INDIANA Country: US Signup Date: 01/24/05

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Happy Hall-OHHHHHH-ween!

By: Kimiko Martinez Halloween is the one time of year when men can dress as women and women can dress like sluts

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and no one can say anything about it.

It's a great time to experiment, to be creative, to have fun, to be sexy, or . . . temporarily "change" sexes. And that's all wonderful stuff.

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Granted, the men that are dressing up as Confucianism cheerleaders and such aren't usually the types that you'd think would indulge in cross-dressing Applied to fantasies any other time of year. It's funny. And Business? these are usually some pretty athletic, The Most ultra-hetero dudes, which makes the ruse even Creative funnier.

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But, ironically, these are probably the men who need a release like this more than anyone. I mean, everyone falls somewhere on the gay to straight scale. It's a continuum, and most people fall somewhere just slight to the left or right (gay or straight) of middle (dead center being bisexuality). And for these Cro-Magnon types -- the football players squeezed into their girlfriends' short skirt and sweater sets -- it's probably a nice break from the rigorous undertaking of maintaining an uber masculine facade. This is their one time during the year when they can subtly, jokingly (and completely without judgment) play with their sexuality.

They're trying on womanhood. (And mostly making a mockery of it.) But being allowed to "try on" that gender is a vital part of a human's sexual development.

The same goes for women.

While fewer women are jumping at the chance to dress as men (it's much more acceptable to

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do so in everyday life anyway), they ARE snatching up barely-there Playboy-made costumes, like the naughty nurse, a super sexy cowgirl or a policewoman who looks like she'd rather hand the cuffs to the bad boys for a night of fun. And though dressing up like a themed hooker may not be the original intent of this pagan holiday, indulging a sexier look, embracing that inner vixen, is one of the most important things that woman can do. Any night of the year.

Plus, everyone knows that playing dress-up and role playing is one of the sexiest ways to spice up a stale romance. I mean, what's hotter than having sex with a stranger? Having sex with a stranger that's really the person that you love and not feeling bad about it the next day, of course. And who hasn't fantasized about a man in uniform?

"Oh, I'm sorry officer. I was speeding? Please don't write me a ticket. Isn't there ANYTHING I can do to talk you out of it?"

Ahem. Or maybe that's just me.(Mmmm. A man in a uniform. Plus, those handcuffs!

Grrrrrrrrr.)

But I digress.

What's wonderful about Halloween is that after you've dressed up, you can keep the costume and KEEP dressing up. As often as you'd like.

Hell, people pay good money for role playing outfits. And you've already bought it anyway.

So why not get your money's worth out of it?

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Men are visual creatures. If they see a slutty Little Miss Muffett they might just have the urge to bend her over that tuffet and have their way with her. He might not be a spider, but it'll seem like he has eight arms the way he can't keep his hands off of her.

And who doesn't want her man to feel that way?

Sure, it takes some women a little bit of time to overcome a shy streak or whatever it is that hinders one from assuming the role. And if that's the case, merely dressing up can be a good start. (You own lingerie anyway, don't you? That's almost the same thing!)

When you start feeling more comfortable with that and are ready to take it to the next level, you can really start getting into character, creating scenes or even elaborate setups outside the home (hotel keys, a note to meet at a certain location, e-mailed instructions to seek out a certain sexy stranger at a local diner . . . you get the point), which can all lead up to some very hot and heavy sex.

If there's anything that Halloween reminds us, it's that experimentation is a wonderful thing.

We are human, after all, and we tend to learn best via trial and error. We wear a lot of masks in our day-to-day lives and try on a lot of personas in our lifetime, including sexual intricacies, fetishes, gender-bending ideas and outfits, etc. and you never really know until you try it out.

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Even if it's just for today (though I hope it inspires many more days), indulge a part of you that's been supressed. Dress up. Play pretend.

Remember how fun it was to be a kid, to try on your older sister's clothes or just make-believe that you were in another time or place.

The greatest thing we lose as we age is our imagination. And we lose it, we aren't the only ones who suffer. Those we love lose out as well.

Kimiko's bday party in Cincy via the Hoopty...

Did you dress up for Halloween this past weekend?

Show us your costume by posting a pic of your scary/sexy/funny self in my costume blog.

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Tuesday, November 07, 2006 Kimiko Tuesday // Does every man cheat these days? The mystery of monogamy.

Category: Life

Last Updated: Jun 3, 2008

Send Message Instant Message Email to a Friend Subscribe Invite to My Blog Gender: Male Status: Single Age: 28 Sign: Aquarius City: INDIANAPOLIS State: INDIANA Country: US Signup Date: 01/24/05

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The Mystery of Monogamy By: Kimiko Martinez A couple days ago my parents celebrated an anniversary. Just over 33 years ago, my dad slipped on a tan and brown ruffle-collared tuxedo (hideous, and apparently my mother's idea -surprise, surprise) and waited for my mom to make her way to the end of a church aisle where he was waiting.

Theirs was not a romantic engagement. In fact, I often wonder what they didn't tell us about their courtship. Apparently he was a cop (LAPD) and had to go get a statement from some guy at the Los Angeles County Hospital, where my mom worked as a physical therapist. I doubt it was love at first sight. He says he first noticed her legs (in typical Japanese fashion, my mom never blossomed beyond an A cup, so he definitely wasn't a breast man). How romantic.

Deciding to get married was even less so.

Apparently when they move in together my mom made a rule: six months and they either were getting hitched or breaking up. (Apparently she was just as bossy then as she is now.)

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One day while she was on the phone with her mother, she turned to my dad and said, "The church is available Oct. 25 or Nov. 1. Which day do you want to get married?"

And that was that.

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Granted, they're still together. But I often wonder what kind of marriage it has been. I don't want to know all the gory details. But as I've aged, had www.FreeAutoInsuranceRateQuote.com relationships of my own, learned about what love Affordable means to me, I've begun to see their marriage in a Music Lessons new light. As a child, you see your parents Piano, Guitar, Violin, Drums, more Fun bickering and don't understand the emotions lessons - all ages accepted involved. You just don't want to be in the way and TakeLessons.com/Music don't really want to hear it at all.

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As an adult who's had similar same encounters you find yourself examining their relationship.

Thirty-three years is an awfully long time.

I don't doubt that they've loved each other. But is love -- which science has shown to be chemically akin to mental insanity -- really strong enough to last a lifetime? Are humans even built for monogamy?

I've had quite a few guy friends. In fact, before moving to Indianapolis 90 percent of my friends were male.

And they all cheat.

Even the good guys. The ones you thought had amazing marriages, great families -- the type you'd never expect.

They ALL do it.

As a woman, it's disheartening. But it begs the question whether we were meant for this type of

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life.

It seems that since the beginning of time that the signs have pointed to no. Despite our intelligence and opposable thumbs, we're still animals that act on instinct, adrenaline and hormones. Men still chase after prey. Certainly our Cro-Magnon forefathers were not one-cavewoman men. They spread their seed and procreated just like every other wild creature.

But as we've evolved, become more civilized and such, we've somehow come to believe that humans should be coupled. It's really quite silly if you think about it. Many tribal societies are polygamist. Historically speaking, marriage was more of a social arrangement/business contract than an avowal of love and lifelong fidelity. The women ran households and raised children while the men provided the means to do so. It seems that virtually all had mistresses and affairs.

This has been our history as humans.

I'm not saying it's right, but I don't think our genetic code has evolved quite enough, yet, to expect men to behave otherwise.

Do I condone cheating? Absolutely not.

Do I think that monogamy is possible? By God I certainly hope so. I just think that it's the exception to the rule.

Monogamy works short term. Heck, maybe it even lasts 10 years. But I wouldn't be surprised if 80 percent of the couples in the U.S., if they answered honestly, have been unfaithful at some point.

So we're not made to be monogamous. It doesn't mean we shouldn't try. And it doesn't give men a reason to cheat. But if you're going to, for the love

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of God learn the meaning of discretion.

The difference between years past and modern times is discretion. Gentlemen in the 1700s and gangsters of the last century all seemed to have a certain respect for the institution of marriage. And their mistresses, indiscretions and affairs were kept behind closed doors. If done well, their wives should have never known any different. And even if they suspected, there shouldn't have ever been any evidence beyond he said, she said.

The problem today is that people are careless.

They leave messages in their emails or Blackberries that can be found and read. They're photographed (paparazzi is ruthless) on tropical vacations. Or the nanny eventually comes forward.

Come on, men. Never mess with a woman in your own household! You're just asking for it then.

When it comes to cheating, maybe there ought to be rules.

1.) Minimize the degrees of separation between your significant other and your other other. If your boy/girlfriend/husband/wife hears about it, you're just dumb.

2.) Keep others out of it. The more you entangle innocent parties, the messier things get. No point in forcing a moral dilemma (do I tell or not?) on a friend you've asked to cover your ass.

3.) Don't leave a trail. Credit card receipts, phone numbers, text messages, emails . . . if you want to be caught, keep them. If not, get rid of them immediately.

4.) For the love of God, WEAR A CONDOM. Really, that ought to be rule No. 1. Nothing says I

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cheated like an illegitimate child.

Really I wish the rules were: keep it in your pants, keep it in your pants and keep it in your pants. I mean, hasn't Internet porn done anything to help society?! Geez.

Then again, 33 years is a REALLY long time. You probably work through all the alter egos and positions in the Kama Sutra by year five anyway.

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Hup If you don't ever commit, then you never really cheat, right?

Posted by Hup on Nov 7, 2006 4:17 PM [Reply to this] Kimberly

BOOOOOOOOO.... bad answer!

Posted by Kimberly on Nov 7, 2006 4:54 PM [Reply to this] Hup

Posted by Hup on Nov 7, 2006 5:55 PM [Reply to this] Fagatron McSprayfart oooh but its true, you cant be cheated on if you arent "together" Posted by Fagatron McSprayfart on Nov 7, 2006 5:12 PM [Reply to this]

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Tuesday, November 14, 2006 Kimiko Tuesday // Toxic Friends - Part I Category: Blogging

Last Updated: Jun 3, 2008

Note: Kimiko apologizes for the lateness (word?) of the blog today, but when you read it you will see why it took her a little longer. Due to the length of this week's Kimiko goodness, there will be Part I today and Part II (link to Part II) tomorrow. Think of it as a Kimiko mini-series.

Send Message Instant Message Email to a Friend Subscribe Invite to My Blog Gender: Male Status: Single Age: 28 Sign: Aquarius City: INDIANAPOLIS State: INDIANA Country: US Signup Date: 01/24/05

Toxic Friends - Part I By: Kimiko Martinez

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La Prima Macc (1) Ran (2) Stacy *BadaBi (2) Rachel (1) ~ Kelly ~ (2)

Relationships are a complicated thing.

As the responses to each week's blog indicate, there's a range of viewpoints on just about every subject. Last week's thoughts on cheating and monogamy ranged from the "just keep it in your pants" to "is it really cheating if you're there?" (It's hard enough dealing with one person without bringing polyfidelity and swinger lifestyles into the mix â&#x20AC;&#x201C; though the topic fascinates me and I'm sure I'll do a column about it some time in the near future).

Still, relationships aren't always about a romantic

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partner. And in recent weeks I've been thinking a lot of toxicity. (She sang about it. So, I don't know how Brit-Brit didn't realize earlier the truth about K-Fed. Don't you know that he's tox-ic!)

As usual, I'm not the only one.

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Or so-called friends.

A wise old man once told me (OK, it was Otis Gibbs and he's really not that old) that you know the fatal flaw in any relationship.

For some people, the fatal flaw isn't a big deal.

They manage, live with it and don't let it become so deadly. To others, they let that flaw turn to poison, to grow and fester until it ultimately results in the end of a relationship.

But you're lying to yourself if you don't think you know the flaw.

It can't be helped. It seems that certain relationships, at some point, simply turn toxic. Like Otis says, you may know it within the first hour or the first couple of weeks, but maybe it doesn't really start to bother you until a few months down the line. Maybe it's a year or two or 10. Really, it's up to you to be honest with yourself and either try to resolve the issue or realize that the issue can't be resolved and the relationship isn't going to work.

Toxic friends aren't just the ones who spread

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malicious gossip behind your back or backstab you at work. Maybe it's the way this person never stops talking about him or herself; how they ask you a question â&#x20AC;&#x201C; like "how was your weekend?"â&#x20AC;&#x201D; just so they can tell you about theirs. Maybe it's your pal who doesn't hesitate to make plans but nine times out of 10 doesn't show. Or maybe it's that one buddy that, in some twisted way, always seems to be in competition with you.

They're all unhealthy. And as I started looking into the topic, I found that a lot has been written. I particularly like Dr. Jan Yager's excerpts from "When Friendship Hurts: How to Deal With Friends Who Betray, Abandon, or Wound You." According to Dr. Yager, these types of friends fall into six types. (Warning: You may see yourself in some of these!)

1. The Promise-Breaker. True to the name, this person constantly lets you down. It could just be meeting for coffee or it could be an expensive getaway you've planned together. Either way, this person is a flake, flake, flake.

A lot of people live with these types by lowering expectations, making plans but always having a backup or knowing the chances of him or her showing are slim. But if you're fed up and simply can't live with this type of behavior (no one likes being stood up), maybe they don't even realize the pattern. So point it out. Let them know how it feels to be constantly disappointed (maybe you've been holding it in and have never actually expressed the frustration).

When making plans, don't forget to confirm and reconfirm. They still might flake at the last minute, but if you've got a backup, maybe you won't mind so much. Their loss.

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2. The Double-Crosser. You got it. This is that person in your life who betrays you in a big way.

You know who they are and you know this person needs to be cut completely from your life.

But do it nicely, Yager suggests. You don't want to incur more wrath. So find a low-key way to exit the relationship.

If you're one of those softies, though, that really thinks a relationship with this type of person needs to be salvaged, Yager says it'll take a lot of work.

Often these people need some serious help to deal with the emotional issues involved. And you probably aren't the one to do it.

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2:01 PM - 29 Comments - 10 Kudos - Add Comment Kimiko: Beautiful, Intelligent Child Yes, my apologies. of Royalty I got all hot and sweaty last night and then passed out. (Gym.) Didn't have finish. My column, that is.

Posted by Kimiko: Beautiful, Intelligent Child of Royalty on Nov 14, 2006 2:25 PM [Reply to this]

â&#x201D;&#x192; M!LLer Ch!LL dont lie you were hot with me last night....GYM? â&#x201D;&#x192;

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home | Subscribe | rss | add to blog group | sign out Wednesday, November 15, 2006 Kimiko Tuesday-ish // Toxic Friends - Part II Category: Blogging Note: This is Part II of a two part series. You can catch up on yesterday's Part I by clicking here.

Enjoy!

Last Updated: Jun 3, 2008

Send Message Instant Message Email to a Friend Subscribe Invite to My Blog Gender: Male Status: Single Age: 28 Sign: Aquarius City: INDIANAPOLIS State: INDIANA Country: US Signup Date: 01/24/05 Who Gives Kudos:

Stephanie (2) ~mph (1) Betsie (2) joy.is.me (2) La Prima Macc (2)

Toxic Friends - Part II By: Kimiko Martinez 3. The Self-Absorbed. I love this snippet on iVillage: "For you to feel good about yourself, and for your friendship to thrive, you have to be more than a sounding board. The Self-Absorbed does not care; she listens to you only because she is waiting to speak."

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We all get excited about things going on in our lives. And yes, most of us are more egocentric and narcissistic than we'd like to admit. But, for the most part, we're pretty good and the give and take. Your friend talks, you listen. You talk, your friend listens. Maybe one conversation is all about him/her. The next is all about you. It all evens out in the end.

But in some relationships you begin to realize that you're doing a whole lot more listening than talking. In fact, you never seem to get to talk at all.

And when you do, your friend pretty quickly finds a way to relate what you're saying to his or herself and, again, starts monologuing.

Some people honestly don't realize they're doing this. And it's up to you to point it out if it's bothering you. Some people can't stand silence, so they chatter mindlessly. It's a nervous habit. But for some, it's either a power move or they honestly just don't care. They're that into themselves. And believe that everyone else in the world should be too.

The solution? If you've brought it to his or her attention already, try planning activities that involve other people or that minimize the problem.

Yager suggests things like playing tennis, watching movies, or taking a class. (Shhhhh!)

4. The Discloser. A couple weeks ago I got a birthday card that said, "You're not just anyone. You're the anyone I talk to when someone says, 'Don't tell anyone.'"

The giver wasn't necessarily a felony discloser. But I thought the card was very telling of a lot of relationships.

Some people just can't keep their mouths shut. Maybe they're impossible gossips. Or maybe they're just uncomfortable with the pressure of keeping confidential information to themselves.

I've known of situations where one girlfriend will be on the phone with another, talking about something private, and the listener is simultaneously texting/IMing/e-mailing several other girlfriends all the juicy details.

They're all Disclosers.

If you know a person is this way, it's really your own fault for trusting him or her with any sort of secrets. You really ought to know better.

Not sure? Tell this person something you don't mind being shared and see

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how fast and how far it spreads. Then you'll know.

Of course, maybe this friend doesn't know when he or she NEEDS to keep quiet. Maybe she thinks it's all fair game within your circle of friends. So make sure you're being clear which information needs to be kept quiet.

Like all our other toxic friends, the Discloser might not realize his or her folly. So point it out, using specific examples. See if he or she apologizes, realizes the problem, points out that they didn't know it was privileged information, etc. All that is telling.

But if your friend is a well-known Discloser and isn't going to change.

Yager suggests reassessing the level of intimacy you have with this friends. You might just have to start keeping your secrets to yourself.

5. The Competitor. Come on. We live in a capitalist society. Competition is part of our nature as Americans. It's healthy (usually) and a little bit is to be expected. But there are no winners and losers in friendships. Yager reminds us that both friends should "feel they can be 'themselves' and that they don't have to put on airs or impress one another. Competition implies a race in which one wins and the other loses' those conditions are quite the opposite of what someone typically expects in a positive friendship, especially a close or best one."

Help the situation by avoiding overly competitive situations. (Definitely don't brag or bring up that raise you just got, lest you're ready for a series of one-ups.)

It seems like this would be more of a male problem. I see this a lot with guys, especially when it comes to girls or jobs or cars. Things like that.

But women are just as bad. (Hello, Single White Female.)

Yager suggests heightening your Competitor friends awareness about his or her tendency by prefacing comments with statements like, "Let me just share something with you without it having anything to do with you, OK?" Of course, self-esteem or self-image is usually the culprits in the constant one-upmanship of these types. And it wouldn't be healthy for you to loser yourself down just so he or she can feel better about themselves. Just realize you're going to have to listen to a whole lot of boasting. If you can tune it out. Great. If not, tell them you just learned to hang glide and maybe they, too, should go jump off a cliff.

6. The Fault-Finder. Oh, Lord. It's always SOMETHING with this one. It doesn't matter what you do or what you say, it'll never be good enough.

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(You have parents; you don't need friends like this too.)

Maybe this person has some obsessive need to always be right. They're the know-it-all holier-than-thou types, the brown-nosers that maybe just can't help themselves. But no one likes being put-down. And after awhile, it can wear on your own self-esteem.

So why not try a little tit for tat. (Hehe. I just said tit.) "Those who criticize and find fault are often unable to take it from others," Yager says. "If you do criticize the Fault-Finder, it may break the spell of negativity that is now allowing this friend to say and do anything toward you. When the shoe is on the other foot, she may suddenly have an 'ah-ha' awareness of what it feels like to others."

But this strategy isn't fool proof. I can't help thinking of little boys with their constant rebuttals. "Oh yeah, well you're so fat that . . . ."

And the Fault-Finder might just cut off the relationship themselves.

It's a risk you take.

Really it all boils down to control and balance. All healthy relationships share control. You give, you take. You talk, you listen. You cry, you laugh.

And when one person has the upper hand, when one person is dominating or demanding more from you than you're getting from them, then it's time to take a good hard look at whether this person is a real "friend."

All relationships take work. Real friends, though, make the work seem easy. Usually it's even fun. And when it hurts or feels uncomfortable, that's a warning sign that something just ain't right.

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5:52 AM - 23 Comments - 9 Kudos - Add Comment Hup

Oh crap...is that me?

Posted by Hup on Nov 15, 2006 10:07 AM [Reply to this]

Kimiko: Beautiful, Intelligent Child of Royalty

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No, no. You're the one who doesn't show up. ;) The Promise Breaker.

Though, in your defense, you technically don't make actual commitments, so you technically don't make any promises that can be broken.

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Tuesday, November 21, 2006 Kimiko Tuesday // Crazy for your touch...

Last Updated: Jun 3, 2008

Send Message Instant Message Email to a Friend Subscribe Invite to My Blog Gender: Male Status: Single Age: 28 Sign: Aquarius City: INDIANAPOLIS State: INDIANA Country: US Signup Date: 01/24/05

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Crazy for your touch By: Kimiko Martinez I'm starving.

And no matter how much I eat, nothing satisfies.

I don't think I'm the only one.

A few years ago I remember reading about this crazy new trend: cuddle parties. Perfect strangers would get together for a completely non-sexual love fest. At the time, outsiders thought this was odd. People thought it was silly and couldn't quite understand why people were doing this. But it made perfect sense to me. People are starving.

We are desperately lacking in our daily dose of physical touch.

There've been countless studies about babies, orphans mostly, whose development is stunted because of lack of physical touch. People actually

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volunteer their time to simply hold these children for five or 10 minutes a day. They do the same thing at Humane Societies and such. It seems to be an innate need in many species. So why do we give so readily to helpless infants and stray puppy dogs and not to the people in our lives every day?

It seems the older I get, the more affectionate my friendships become. Girlfriends and guy friends alike are dying for a hug, a kiss on the cheek, a squeeze on the shoulder, a pat on the back. When we were younger, our parents provided this.

Maybe even our siblings, aunts and uncles or grandparents. And once we were out of the house we sought it out in other places, often feeding our hunger pangs for physical touch with sexual encounters.

The hanging out and hooking up phenomenon began with our generation. Becoming a make-out bandit every time you went out became the norm for a lot of people. (It's the norm for a lot of people still.)

Maybe it didn't mean sex. Maybe it was just kissing. But the slightest hint of attraction was an open door for much-needed physical contact. We didn't want to date, maybe we didn't even want to know his or her name. We JUST wanted to feel the warmth of another body.. We wanted those warm-fuzzies that come along with the two-armed embrace of our best friend's bear hugs or that comfortably blissful feeling we used to get when Mom would tuck us into bed and kiss us on the forehead.

We just wanted to be touched. We wanted affection. If we ended up fucking instead, so be it.

It was as close as we were going to get. And so we settled for that.(And guys, don't pretend like this is just a girl thing. I'm not just talking about

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being all girly and sappy. Guys are just as guilty of craving the affection as women are.)

Many of us are settling for it still. I see the hunger in the eyes of so many people every day. Maybe they're not really lonely. Maybe they live completely fulfilling, happy, successful lives and have loving, supportive families and friends. But they are DYING for a hug.

I don't know how people survive.

I'm pretty affectionate by nature. And if I didn't have a 10-year-old running around to fill my touch quota each week, I'd probably be about ready to jump out of my skin. I crave human contact THAT much.

And when you're finally in a long-term relationship, no matter how phenomenal the sex is, it's the everyday caress of a cheek, hand on the small of your back or kiss on the neck that brings those feelings of euphoria -- safe, warm, comfortable bliss.

But not everyone has someone. Not all friends are the touchy-feely kinds. Not all parents live close enough to give you a hug after a particularly hard day at work. So it's no wonder people have started to seek out alternatives. I think more and more people are realizing that it's not sex they need, but a hug. They don't need their gennies stroked, but their hair or their back. They don't need a conjugal embrace, but a standard two-armed, "I'm gonna squeeze you for at least 30 seconds" hug.

Can't get enough of Kimiko? Check out her new column in INtake!

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01/09/07 7:46AM Kimiko Tuesdays are BACK! // MENstruation

MENstruation By: Kimiko Martinez Dear all men, No, it's not that time of the month. Aunt Flo is not visiting, didn't just leave, isn't due any day. I'm not hormonal. I'm not being moody. I'm not emotional.

This has nothing to do with periods. Period.

Sometimes I just don't like you. OK? And every time you bring up the fact that I'm moody, upset or otherwise pissed off and somehow insinuate that maybe it might be due to "that time of the month," I like you even less.

I'm not sure what it is with guys, but for some reason they can't seem to get it through their thick heads that not everything revolves around our ovulation and menstruation cycles. Just because you are ruled by your genitals does not mean that we are ruled by ours.

Amazing, I know.

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I understand that sometimes we have these swings. Yes, there are times when we do feel the effects of our hormones (usually it has more to do with sex drive than anything else), but you will never win any points if you think that every time we're angry it's because of some widespread myth that menstruation makes women moody. I mean, OK, maybe it does, but that's still not an excuse. Guys are moody too, you don't hear us blaming it on lack of masturbation every time you start griping, do you?

No, men do not menstruate. (If you're bleeding down there, please seek medical attention immediately.) But I do believe in MENstruation, because there seems to be these waves when a lot of the men in my life are acting like they're "on the rag," much worse than any woman I know.

As women, we know not to blame it on hormones. Perhaps you've just been stressed at work or are having problems with your boss or a family member or friend. Maybe you really haven't jacked off recently enough and that extra testosterone running around your body has got you in a 'roid-like' rage.

Regardless, stop getting your panties in a bunch lest we start turning the tables and asking why the heck you're being a prick for no reason.

Now can you go pick up some tampons for me, honey?

Thanks.

Sincerely, The women in your life *Also, don't forget to read Kimiko's weekly thoughts in INtake! Click here to read last week's story.

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01/15/07 9:33PM Kimiko Tuesdays -- Court(ing) is now in session

Court(ing) is now in session By

Kimiko Martinez

Don't think from

last week's open letter/column

that I hate men.

I don't.

I love them. (Some more than others, and one in particular.)

So it was a shock when I realized last week that MMMmmm, the love

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of my life, and I have never actually been on a proper date.

I was never one for the whole "hanging out and hooking up" thing. I've always kind of fancied traditional dating â&#x20AC;&#x201D; giving a guy your number, maybe talking on the phone a couple of times or exchanging flirty e-mails until you finally make plans to actually go out. Whether it's for dinner, drinks or just coffee, I like the idea of getting to know each other in a public setting.

And it's not just because I usually get a free meal out of it.

Perhaps it's because there's something chivalrous about a date: A man picks you up (or, these safety-conscious days, more likely meets you somewhere), takes you out and, hopefully, shows you a good time (meaning enjoyable conversation and activity of the non-sexual variety, you perverts). There's excitement and build up. You look forward to it.

You plan out your outfit days ahead of time.

And from this one night out, you can tell a lot about a man â&#x20AC;&#x201D; if he plans ahead (actually calls to make a date days or even a week or so beforehand, instead of asking you if you're busy tonight), how thoughtful he might be (did he plan a date or just show up and ask what you wanted to do?), whether or not he opens doors for you, how he treats service personnel (whether it's the gal at the movie theater's ticket booth or the server during dinner), etc.

All important things.

Best of all, and call me old-fashioned (I do still love me someJane you know what his intentions are.

Austen),

The problem with the whole "let's hang out sometime" thing is that oftentimes people on both ends are wondering if it's just a friendship or more. Usually it seems to start out with a "testing the waters" phase, but inevitably one or both parties ends up wondering if s/he likes me.

Now, I subscribe to the "He's Just Not That Into You" theory that says, IF he wanted you to be his girlfriend and/or date you, he'd make it known.

But it's sad that men and women these days even have to wonder.

Certainly there are plenty of friendships that evolve into romance. But a part of me (the part that loves "Pride and Prejudice" and "Sense and Sensibility") longs for the long-ago days where visitors left calling cards and unmarried young men and women weren't allowed to be in the same room alone without a chaperone. Men formally declared their intentions in flowing prose, praising their beloved's beauty and charm, even before they really knew her. Women were never second guessing.

I think a lot of women (and men too) miss the it.

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courting

process.

I, myself, look back at the past few months and wonder how I missed

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I'm truly, madly, deeply in love. And yet, was I ever really courted? I mean, I live with the man of my dreams, and yet, day one I turned to a friend and said, "I think MMMmmm just asked me out."

So how did a foxy lady like myself manage to miss out on the wining and dining?

I'm not really sure.

As a single mom it seemed easier for MMMmmm to come hang out at my place after Monster Mash went to bed. Why take time away from my kid if I didn't know if this was just going to be friendship or more?

But with the Indianapolis Downtown Restaurant & Hospitality Association putting on the Devour Downtown Winterfest (just like Indy Restaurant Week this past summer, it starts this week and runs through Feb. 4), there's little excuse not to have a romantic night out. For just $30, you can get a three courses (or more) of deliciousness at many of Downtown's fine dining establishments, including St. Elmo, 14 West, Shula's Steak House, Danielli (at the Canterbury Hotel), Palomino, Elements and Dunaway's.

At first I wanted to call all my friends and arrange a gourmand's night out.

But then I reconsidered.

For just $60 (plus beverages, taxes and gratuity, of course), I could have a romantic evening someplace like the Eagle's Nest? Sign me up.

Let the romancing begin.

At least I know what his intentions are.

And I do think he will pay.

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