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For What It’s Worth by Dr. Melfi , Ph.D.
In this upside down time in our lives, there has been an in ux, it seems to me, of individuals wanting to revisit simpler times, with less responsibility and more fun. If only that meant including a weekly movie, or making a special dinner to spice things up at home, that would be less dangerous than the trend that has crossed my ears more than a few times in the past year, namely, people connecting with old ames, needing the comfort of someone who isn’t their husband, someone who knew them when they were young and carefree, and it’s pretty easy to nd that once-special person because of social media. It is also a fantasy, which, with twenty-twenty hindsight, is treading on dangerous ground.
It begins innocently, of course, as all risky things start, with a causal “hi, how are you doing?”, and if the person on the other end is responsive, it morphs into all the “remember whens”, which no one in your current life can compete with. Your husband didn’t know you when you were a teenager, or a college student, he wasn’t in your high school classes and he didn’t take you to the senior prom. ose are conversations that your spouse can’t begin to participate in, and before anyone knows it, the casual conversations become irtatious, if not subtle, and invitations to an emotional a air. Suddenly your world seems brighter, lighter, happier, hanging on every word, and texts become covert phone calls with dreams of what could have been. Trust me when I say this, in most cases, the person who is going to be hurt the most, is you. Sure your old ame knows all the right things to say, gives you undivided attention, and makes you laugh, but I doubt that Casanova is as tantalizing to his own wife who is probably at home doing the dishes and his laundry.
e story is as old as the hills. Everyone wants something new, something bright and shiny, romantic words and endless promises of undying love, and people who are in a marital rut risk it all, over and over again. Let’s play this fantasy out… the wife suddenly can’t stand anything about her boring, lazy husband, and les for divorce. She dreams of the day she and her old boyfriend can be together, but guess what? Nine times out of ten, he has a million reasons that he can’t move forward with his divorce. He can’t hurt his family, he doesn’t want to split the assets, and on and on, until the fairy tale becomes a nightmare.
So, For What It’s
Worth, keep your dreams locked in a box where they can’t get lost or trampled on, and reignite the spark in your marriage. A er all, you must have been enamored with your spouse when you walked down the aisle, and perhaps, the hum-drum evenings have as much to do with you trying less, as it does with him ignoring you. Marriages go through ups and downs, and women think of jumping ship when the romance gives way to everyday drudgery, but even a boring marriage can be spiced up. A fantasy boyfriend rarely materializes.
