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For What It’s Worth by Dr. Melfi , Ph.D.

Take a moment. Stop what you’re doing and try to remember when you gave up your innocence, your childhood wonder, and your dreams. What were they? Did you want a profession and if you did, what was it? Did you hope for marriage and if you did, how did it work out? Did you assume you would always be happy? Are you? If not, why not?

We have the ability to know ourselves like no one else knows us. We know if we are proud of who we have become, or if we had some other plan, that faded into the ethers. I know I had dreams that didn’t come to fruition. I wanted to be blissfully, romantically entangled with a man who adored me every second of the day, who would never have a negative thought about me, who could nish my sentences, and thought I was the best thing that ever happened to him. Far-fetched? Of course, but I don’t think my dream was unique at all. I think every woman who walked down the aisle, who vowed to love their husband for all eternity, thought exactly the same way I did, but we were unprepared, I believe, for the reality of work, responsibility, stress, sameness, inter-meddlers, and unkind words that linger long a er apologies are made.

So, if you can’t count on ongoing romance, what’s next? I still believe that wishes can come true, but only if there is a plan, only if you put in the e ort, only if you are steeped in the reality that it is nearly impossible for two people, raised in two geographic locations, with two traditions, whose parents reared them in two di erent manners, can expect to come together magically, and agree upon everything. at is simply impossible. But if the person you love is not a fantasy, if they are real, with all their faults and failures, and if they are still standing in front of you, all is not lost. Life gets in the way, children get in the way, bills get in the way, but you can rise above all of that, and remember why you took your vows in the rst place. For What it’s Worth, you may shake your head at my hopeless romanticism, and call me a dreamer, but I believe love is worth ghting for, and blame is rarely helpful. Take a moment, call it date night, call it vacation, call it intimacy, and leave it all behind, for the time being. I think you’ll be surprised that the person you fell in love with is standing right in front of you. Forgive them, as they surely will forgive you. A er all, we’re only human.