December 7, 2014

Monday, December 8th • Volume lXXIX • Number 25 • www.mustangnews.net

R G A N TS O C

FALL

CAL POLY

D UA

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2014

SAN LUIS OBISPO

— MINOR MYERS JR.

Monday, December 8, 2014

NEWS | 2

San Luis Obispo stabilization program: The many ideas to integrate San Luis Obispo neighborhoods Lindsy Mobley

According to John Ashbaugh, his stabilization program would increase the amount of owneroccupied homes in San Luis Obispo and balance out the student and permanent resident populations.

But Ashbaugh isn’t the only one with this goal.

San Luis Obispo Mayor Jan Marx said the conversation about implementing a stabilization program was sparked by Cal Poly’s announcement of the new freshmen residence halls on the corner of Grand Avenue and Slack Street. As a result, “an incredible number” of homes owned by permanent residents went up for sale and are now rented out to students.

City council saw this imbalance in the neighborhoods and began to search for a solution, Marx said.

“It’s a question of what can be done, so there’s a lot of exploration going on but no decisions have been made,” Marx said.

Multiple people are separately searching for a solution to stabilize the neighborhoods. Here are some of the tentative ideas.

John Ashbaugh’s idea Ashbaugh wants to find the neighborhoods wth plenty of owner-occupied homes and convert them into mostly permanent residential neighborhoods.

The city would regulate who buys homes in these neighborhoods and also require buyers to live in their homes, not rent them out.

Neighborhoods closer to Cal Poly wouldn’t be targeted because they are already dominantly studentrented homes.

Jan Marx’s idea Marx is looking at neighborhoods in the city that have become predominantly occupied by one particular age group or even race, she said.

“It’s a question of what makes for a healthy

Ashbaugh’s ideas Buying and selling

City buys homes on the market and sells to people who promise to own, not rent out.

@ lindsy_mobley

community, what makes for a healthy neighborhood,” Marx said.

Both Cal Poly and Cuesta students are overpopulating some neighborhoods in San Luis Obispo and upsetting the balance. Marx is unsure of what the best solution to this problem would be.

She is looking to implement a subsidy program model that has been implemented by other universities. This program would give faculty and staff an incentive if they chose to live within a specific radius of the university. This subsidy could include adding a certain amount of money to their pay, Marx said.

“Faculty and staff who live close to the university are much more involved than the ones that live in Nipomo or Atascadero or wherever,” Marx said. “In the past there have been a lot of Cal Poly faculty and staff that live close to the university and it has been a tremendous benefit for the students and for the faculty and staff and prevented a lot of commuting.”

Marx said it’s a good experience for students to be exposed to families and working people. She also thinks it’s good for permanent residents to be exposed to “new energy” from students just arriving to Cal Poly, she said.

“I think it’s a win-win if it’s a balanced neighborhood,” Marx said.

The new residence halls have had an impact on the topic as well.

Marx is in favor of on-campus housing for Cal Poly students and thinks it would be a good idea for Cuesta to implement this as well.

However, it would have been better to provide a buffer zone between the established neighborhoods and the location of the new residence halls, she said.

Marx emphasized that all the stabilization programs are all very “tentative and exploratory at this stage.”

Alliance of SLO Neighborhoods’ idea

Alliance of SLO Neighborhoods (ASLON) President Linda White is also in support of a Cal Poly subsidy program to increase staff and faculty occupied homes near campus.

According to White, Cal Poly can achieve this by working with loan companies to either put a few thousand dollars toward the purchase price for the staff or faculty member, lower the interest rate of the home or subsidize the monthly payments,

Marx’s ideas

Increase faculty/staff pay

s h e said.

However, these faculty or staff homeowners would be required to live in said houses, meaning they cannot be rented out, White said.

White also agreed with Marx that housing should be far enough away from neighborhoods to alleviate noise and prevent conflicts between residents and students.

White is not in favor of Ashbaugh’s idea for the city to buy and sell homes. She is planning on proposing her idea to the city council. She has already created a document detailing her plan for Ashbaugh and the rest of the council.

Cal Poly’s plan Cal Poly President Jeffrey Armstrong was not able to comment on the proposed stabilization programs. However, university spokesperson Matt Lazier provided a statement on behalf of Cal Poly.

“Cal Poly appreciates all opportunities to work with city leaders on our common aim of maintaining and improving our community for all of its members — permanent residents and students alike,” Lazier wrote in an email to Mustang News. “The university looks forward to learning more about the city’s proposed neighborhood stabilization program and better understanding the ways we can work to positively impact the neighborhoods around campus.”

White’s ideas

Help faculty/staff buy a home

Possibly increase faculty and staff pay to incentivize them to buy homes close to campus.

Cal Poly’s Idea

Weighing all the options Willing to look at all ideas proposed in order to please both students and residents.

House AD / NEWS AND BREWS

Incentivize faculty and staff to buy homes by either putting money toward purchase price, lower the interest rate or subsidize monthly payments.

NEWS | 3

Monday, December 8, 2014

What to expect at graduation Brendan Abrams @CPMustangNews

As fall quarter reaches its end and most students get ready for the holidays, some 942 Cal Poly graduates will walk the stage and have something more to prepare for — the next chapter of their lives.

Fall commencement does not quite match the scale of its spring counterpart, but it is equally important to students and faculty.

The three ceremonies this year will all take place on Dec. 13 in the Recreation Center, all immediately followed by a reception featuring light refreshments and a performance by the Cal Poly Jazz Band for students and their supporters in the University Union Plaza.

The first ceremony, at 9 a.m.

for the schools of Science and Math and Agriculture, Food and Environmental Sciences will receive a keynote speech from agriculture alumnus Manuel Cunha, Jr. The second ceremony, for students graduating from the College of Liberal Arts and Orfalea College of Business, will hear from business alumnus Quentin Lilly. And finally, brothers Daniel and Kyle Wiens — a construction management alumnus and a computer science alumnus, respectively — will speak at the ceremony for the College of Architecture and Environmental Design and the College of Engineering.

Commencement is always an exciting time for Cal Poly, but this one in particular brings some additional excitement for commencement staff and the

loved ones of this year’s graduates. For the first time, all the ceremonies will be viewable online as a livestream at commencement.calpoly.edu.

“Students have been asking for (a livestream) of the ceremonies for awhile now, so we’re going to test it out,” commencement administrative coordinator Katie Stubberfield said.

Now, friends and relatives from anywhere in the world can watch their beloved graduates walk across the stage, even if they are unable to make the trip to San Luis Obispo.

This technology promises to be very popular, possibly even to a fault.

“We just hope the site can handle the number of viewers we expect to have,” Stubberfield said.

FILE PHOTO | MUSTANG NE WS THE NEXT CHAPTER | Some 942 Cal Poly graduates will walk the stage on Dec. 13 in the Recreation Center.

The baker, the 'momma,' the worker: Cal Poly Sage restaurant supervisor Karen May dies of heart attack Celina Oseguera @celinaoseguera

Sage restaurant supervisor and occasional helper at VG Cafe, Karen May died last Sunday night after being taken off life support following a heart attack, Sage and VG Cafe manager Margi Braden said. According to Braden, May was 58 years old when she died.

Like every other Sage worker, Sage waitress and mathematics senior Holli Fotch received a text message the following Monday from the VG Cafe supervisor that said to come in and talk with her.

After realizing they all got the same text, the Sage workers began to panic.

"Someone did bring up, 'Oh, do you think Karen's OK,'" Fotch said. "We all kind of had an idea but didn't want to think it, of course."

Fotch went to talk with the supervisor as soon as she could.

When she arrived, she was told the news — May had died.

That was the moment Fotch started to cry.

who had graduated and knew May. Fotch called to tell them the news.

Braden's bosses offered to close Sage the night everyone heard the news, but the workers wouldn't have it.

"People did come to work that night," she said. "I was kind of surprised so I just kind of went, 'OK, let's just do this.' It was going to get their mind off of it (May's death) and it's going to make them feel better."

During dinner that night, the staff designated a room at the back of the restaurant as the mourning room for employees.

In that room sat something most people wouldn't notice. It was the one thing that connected the employees back to May — candy.

"She would bring a bag of candy in and leave it for everyone to eat everyday," Sage waitress and business and administration senior Noel Myers said.

The baker May — a Central Valley native — was known for more than her daily candy delivery. She brought

SHE TOOK A GROUP OF KIDS HERE THAT, OUT THERE, WOULDN’T MAKE SENSE TOGETHER. EVERY EMPLOYEE HERE IS DIFFERENT; WE’RE ALL SO, SO DIFFERENT, AND SHE CREATED A FAMILY. Noel Meyers Business administration senior

"We all basically just started crying, every one of us," Fotch said. "I mean, some people react different, like in shock because she was completely healthy, so it was very shocking."

Because Fotch was one of the older Sage waitresses, she was still in contact with employees

in baked goods for nearly every occasion, too.

"She made us these lemon cakes that were just to die for," Myers said. "I'll never have another lemon cake like that again."

According to Myers, May always brought in treats for an employee if it was their birthday. She

would give them baked goods and personalized gifts.

May gave Braden the same thing every year for her birthday — a bottle of wine.

"She always got me a bottle of wine, and when I drank it, I always thought of her," Braden said. "I'd always tell her the next day how good it was and she was always happy because she never drank so she didn't know she was buying the right stuff."

The ‘momma’ May's maternal gestures and knack for baking helped earn her a nickname among the Sage workers — Momma Karen.

Like a caring mother, she would take home the employees' work shirts and aprons, iron and wash them, then bring them back fresh for them to wear, Braden said.

For Myers, May embodied the phrase "momma knows best."

"She was, uh," Myers said as she looked away and struggled to hold back tears. "She was the person that you'd go to when you're having a bad day. Like, you don't even have to say anything, she knows. She knows exactly what to say to fix it."

May's kindness and willingness to help was not constrained to the Sage family — she was the same with others she met and won their hearts that way.

The worker According to Braden, May was extremely dedicated to her work, a workaholic almost.

"If I needed her to work late over at VG's, she would. If she needed to come in early for dinner she would come in, every banquet she set up perfectly," she said. "Never called in sick one day. Never."

When May wasn't working at Sage, she was cleaning houses or taking on other jobs, Myers said. "(May) used to always tell

me, she would get mad at me and tell me I needed to slow down because I reminded her way too much of herself," Myers laughed. "And I think that's something we always had, a bond between us. We were very similar in that aspect. We worked too much."

Remembering ‘Momma Karen’ There are comical memories of May some of the Sage staff hold close to their heart. For example, according to Myers, how much coffee she drank during shifts and the way she'd joke around with the workers.

There are the more serious ones as well, ones that sound like they came straight out of "The Breakfast Club."

"She did something beautiful," Myers said. "She took a group of kids here that, out

there, wouldn't make sense together. Every employee here is different; we're all so, so dif-

ferent, and she created a family. We may not be coping well, but we're coping together."

MARGI BR ADEN | COURTESY PHOTO MOMMA KAREN | Karen May lived n Morro Bay before she died.

Monday, December 8, 2014

NEWS | 4

The job scramble Tim Wetzel @timawetzel

With fall graduation approaching, soon-to-be graduates have one thing on their mind — getting a job.

Though Career Services doesn't collect data individually for fall grads, Charlotte Rinaldi, assistant director for Career Services, explained that while graduation time doesn't significantly affect what students do, it may instead affect the waiting game.

“Most cohorts start in the fall, so (fall graduates) have a whole chunk of time where they’re waiting,” Rinaldi stated. “Typically student grads in June only have a couple of months before school starts if they’re going to grad school. Otherwise, students try to get jobs exactly the same.”

One of the biggest concerns among college students is finding a job related to their course of study. However, according to the 2012-13 Graduate Status Report (GSR) created by Career Services, “93 percent of respondents reported that their employment or post-baccalaureate

study is directly or somewhat related to their major.” This leaves 7 percent of students who pursue a path not related to their course of study.

Rinaldi believes that even when pursuing something unrelated to their major, students from Cal Poly tend to be successful.

“I think people who tend to follow a non-traditional path do so for a lot of reasons,” she said.

“One is passion for something they’re really interested in; on the other hand, sometimes they just didn’t like what they ended up studying.”

So where do those in an unrelated path end up? One option for students is starting a business. According to Chelsea Brown, manager of Student Innovation Programs, many students start businesses before graduation.

“Some (entrepreneurs) start while they’re still in school,” Brown said. “So if they find the right business model, they can pursue that right away.”

Brown reported that 18 new businesses have come from Cal Poly alone in the last few years from newly graduated students.

“Some students realize they can make a business out of their senior projects,” Brown said.

“A good majority use whatever skills they learned (in) their majors in an industry, but some come into college with a different idea or find one within a program or club at Cal Poly.”

Brown encourages these entrepreneurs to start right away.

“The Center for Innovation and Entrepreneurship (CIE) provides students with mentorship, as well as funding and resources to it. This allows them to start their businesses right away.”

However, Brown believes that the time right after college is the best time to start a business, reasoning that students have the fewest expenses and worries then.

But some students choose instead to follow their coursework into graduate school. According to the GSR, 12 percent of students go directly into graduate school after leaving Cal Poly.

Despite the general success of post-graduate students, some graduates still struggle to find a path after claiming a bachelor’s degree. According to the GSR,

FILE PHOTO | MUSTANG NE WS POST-GRAD POSSIBILITIES | One of the biggest concerns among students is finding a job related to their major.

12 percent of students are seeking employment after graduation. This number has been increasing since 2004; luckily Career Services is available to help students find success after graduation.

“Students can come in for free up to six months after graduating and they also get one free appointment a year,” Rinaldi said.

Students are also encouraged

to respond to the Graduate Student Report to help Career Services. Their website has more information about the program.

The CIE is also available to aid students after graduation by teaching them skills such as financial management and customer development.

“Being successful depends on finding a business model that fits the customers a product is targeting,” Brown said.

The CIE encourages interaction between new business owners and their customers.

More information about the CIE is online at cie.calpoly.edu.

“All the companies that come through the CIE are successful in some regard, whether that means making money or making a difference,” Brown said. “We are here to help students figure that out.”

Jumping ship: Students abandoning Facebook Lauren Piraro Special to Mustang News

Is Facebook outdated?

New social media platforms are emerging, ready to steal the spotlight. To question whether Facebook is relevant for collegeaged students — it’s initial target audience — is not necessarily without justification.

According to data analysts iStrategyLabs.com, there are 3 million fewer teens on Facebook in 2014 than there were in 2011.

Many college students are completely distancing themselves from the website for a variety of reasons, one being they simply don’t find it useful anymore.

“Personally for me, I just didn’t see a need to use it anymore,” business administration junior Brandon Swearingen said. “I stopped having the motivation to get online and check it or post, and so I guess it just got old.”

Swearingen signed off of Facebook his sophomore year and never returned. He became fed up with how much time it consumed from his day and the lack of face-to-face interaction that resulted from his

frequent usage.

“Not being on social media, you’re more active, you go out and do stuff,” he said. “When you’re in company and social gatherings, you’re not staring at your phone. You’re making eye contact with people.”

Admittedly, Swearingen said people are confused when he tells them he doesn’t have a Facebook account, but says communicating by other means, such as text message and e-mail, meet all his needs. He likes to maintain his friendships while not getting too caught up in social media, he said.

The only social platform Swearingen participates actively in is Twitter.

Swearingen didn’t actually make the Twitter account; instead, his friend set it up for him.

“I like how the profiles people make are sometimes fake and they’re really funny,” he said. “I like how they post pictures and memes that are really funny. I don’t really find that on Facebook.”

Weston Kilbride, a single-subject credential program graduate student, also ditched Facebook permanently a year ago and said it was a split decision.

“I actually deleted it one night when I was feeling frustrated because I was bored,” Kilbride admitted. “It’s mostly because of a social thing, like where you see everyone else’s activities and then you’re just kind of like, ‘Um, I’m not doing anything fun.’”

The mundane nature of viewing only the best parts of other people’s lives became a distraction for Kilbride.

“I was just like, I can cut it out and then I did,” she said. “I didn’t really think about it at all until months later when someone was like, ‘Oh, I posted a picture of you’ and I was like, woah, I don’t even have a Facebook anymore.”

Like Swearingen, Kilbride thinks being without a Facebook has allowed her friendships to grow and flourish without social media as part of the equation.

“Honestly, I think that not having a Facebook distinguishes the people that I care about and the people that I don’t care about that much,” she said. “And it makes your circle a lot smaller and you can focus your attention on the people that you really, truly care about and who care about you because it’s less superficial.”

Kilbride said she loves the personal nature of a text message and relies on that to connect with people. She also said using texting as her only means of communication can sometimes backfire.

“If someone’s throwing a party, they’re going to be inviting everyone on Facebook,” she said. “I’m not going to get that message and I’m left out.

That’s just the way it is.”

The only social media platform Kilbride uses is Instagram. She loves the streamlined simplicity and emphasis on photography. Just like Swearingen, one of Kilbride’s friends set up the account.

Kilbride and Swearingen both said they are the only ones they know of who do not have a Facebook account.

“I think that I am one of the only people that I know who doesn’t have a Facebook, but it’s been fine,” Kilbride said. “I really thought that it was a big part of me. Then I got rid of it and I was like, oh wait, it’s not that big of a deal.”

As young adults are opting out of the Facebook norm, many older adults are jumping in. According to the Pew Research Center’s Social Media Update 2013, activity among seniors on the social media platform has increased in the past year — 45 percent of Internet users aged 65 or older now use Facebook.

Joel Westwood, a lecturer in the English department who teaches a media and technologies course, said there is a definite demographic shift. He has noticed that an older crowd is embracing Facebook more and more.

“It’s a powerful medium for re-connecting, for opening up a box of the precious photographs we had kept in the closet,” Westwood said. “I know out of a show of 120 students, all but two students have Facebook accounts, but now, not all are regularly checking or going on.”

Facebook is now seen as “uncool”, Westwood said.

“I think that’s because Facebook is such a wonderful repository of photographs and narratives for people who have time to and really cherish the photographs of their kids or their grandkids,” he said. “That may be part of the backlash among students, it’s like I’m not using it because Grandma is and I don’t want to be my Grandma’s friend on Facebook.”

Westwood states that he noticed high school students in 2010 not necessarily deleting their accounts but moving away from actively using Facebook.

“I think because it’s reached this critical mass of sorts that if you don’t have a Facebook account, you’re making a statement,” Westwood said.

And though students may have a varied list of reasons as to why they want to live without a Facebook account, Westwood understands the magnitude of not participating in a social media platform that has become ingrained in college culture and society.

“I don’t think college students necessarily want to make that statement, but there are outliers — the Henry David Thoreau types,” he said. “Not having a Facebook is like going into the woods for two years.”

Monday, December 8, 2014

ARTS | 5

Graduating senior seeks to rebuild the world Madi Salvati @MadiSalvati

Applause rang through a small town in Haiti.

It was a sound very similar to the ringing bell towers of a church rebuilt by Cal Poly students after the devastating 2010 earthquake.

When graduating architectural engineering senior Caleb Dunne described his experience working in Haiti with Structural Engineering Students for Humanity, nothing could hide the passion in his voice.

“Their church had been completely demolished,” Dunne said. “When we had finished rebuilding the bell towers, there was this very emotional ceremony where the entire town came out and they rang the bells for the first time.”

Dunne worked with a non-government organization doing aid work to design and implement a project in Haiti. The project was to take three 500-pound bells from the debris of the demolished church and give them life again. Along with this first experience with Structural Engineering Students for Humanity, Dunne went back to Haiti as an intern for Build Change in Port-au-Prince, an organization that provides engineering services, training and education. Instead of rebuilding things, they taught Haitians how to do it themselves.

According to Dunne, these are the experiences that have shaped him at Cal Poly.

“I realized that a lot of what I’ve done at Cal Poly has not just been getting through my courses and keeping my head down,” Dunne said. “There’s been a lot of personal enrichment with all of the groups and experiences I’ve been involved in at Cal Poly.”

Dunne’s “personal enrichment” is also due to his role on the board of the Structural Engineers Association of California (SEAOC).

John Lawson, associate professor for architectural engineering, has taught Dunne in two of his courses — foundation design and a design lab — and knows Dunne best through the SEAOC. “He is confident in the roles he’s placed in,” Lawson said. “Someone that you can always invite into a formal or professional situation and never worry about what he’s going to say or do.”

In the SEAOC, Dunne was in charge of planning the Structural Form, the depart-

ment’s biggest off-campus event. The event incorporates keynote speakers while different companies pay to attend.

“I was the Structural Forum chair,” Dunne said. “I was in charge of organizing Structural Forum, which is a huge conference for architecture, civil engineers and architecture-engineering students.”

Even with all of his time put toward his major and being involved, Dunne never hesitated to mix it up a bit.

“I play the tenor drums in the drum line for the Cal Poly marching band,” Dunne said. “It’s a huge group and performing with that many people has been a wonderful experience.”

But Dunne was not always this excited about being involved — it was not until he entered Cal Poly as a freshman that he realized he’d missed out on past opportunities.

“In high school I just went to my classes and was in the drum line and that was it,” Dunne lamented. “I looked back at the end (of ) high school and decided when I came here I would get involved in as many things as possible.”

But with the urge to be involved and step out of his comfort zone, Dunne also discovered that college is very much a balancing act.

“When I first came to Cal Poly as a freshman, I wanted to try everything, but I eventually found that I had a breaking point.”

It seems Dunne has come full circle in his quest to be involved and try new things. As he graduates at the end of the fall quarter, Dunne is excited to start his own life.

“I definitely feel excited to go out into the world. I’m itching to go somewhere and do something totally different.”

And even if his endeavors were to take him somewhere completely unexpected, Dunne is game.

“I’ll be up for any opportunity that comes my way. If a project were to take me to Antarctica, I’d be all for it,” he said.

For now, Dunne is looking forward to being in the real world and having a job. He plans to be a consulting engineer and work for a firm.

“I’m most excited to go out and start my own life,” Dunne said. “When we graduated high school, we still weren’t in the real world yet; it’s still this little bubble. Finally getting out in the real world and starting a whole new life is exciting.”

JOSEPH PACK | MUSTANG NEWS HELPING HAND | Dunne traveled to Haiti to help locals rebuild their demolished buildings.

Monday, December 8, 2014

ARTS | 6

A stand-up ovation: Brian Regan charms the PAC Brenna Swanston @brenna_swanston

Stand-up comedy fans tend to walk into their favorite comedian’s shows ready and willing to laugh at just about anything. The comic walks onstage and it’s hilarious. He says hello and the whole audience is in stitches. By the time he starts his act, the crowd is rolling around on the floor in tears.

So when I took my seat at the Christopher Cohan Performing Arts Center to see Brian Regan on Thursday night, I knew exactly what to expect from the packed house of fans. I knew I wouldn’t be able to judge the forthcoming show’s quality by their reactions.

I did not, however, know what Regan had in store. I had never before seen his stand-up.

He shuffled onto the stage after opening comic Jackie Kashian had finished her relatively successful act and met his excited, warmed-up audience. He greeted us, told us we were nice people and launched right into a wealth of selfdeprecating stand-up material.

He opened with a safe one-liner: Regan’s New Year’s resolution for 2014 was to lose 20 pounds and he was close to his goal — only 25 pounds to go.

It kicked off a series of weight-gain-related jokes. He described the increasing degrees to which the waistband of his underwear flips down as his belly gets bigger, at which point I realized Regan was quite the physical comedian.

He used his body to illustrate every step of every comical anecdote and contorted his face and voice when acting as different characters. At times, his flailing limbs and loud, dumb voices got annoying, but for the most part they added dimension to his material.

Now, I’m not an easy crowd when it comes to stand-up. I don’t really enjoy physical or musical comedy, whereas stand-up comedians tend to like those genres of humor a little too much. So we don’t always mix well.

I do like ironic humor — comedy that gives mundane, everyday situations an unexpected perspective. I’ve always liked

JERRY METELLUS | COURTESY PHOTO CRACK-UP | Regan turns life’s awkward little moments into spot-on stand-up material.

Jerry Seinfeld.

And now I like Brian Regan.

The first time Regan got full-blown laughter out of me was in his reminiscence of trying to learn how to work a juicer.

“The first thing I tried to make was banana juice,” he said, “not knowing there is no moisture anywhere inside a banana.”

He proceeded to illustrate his ill-fated attempt to juice seven bananas before realizing bananas can’t produce juice. I, along with the rest of the audience, lost it.

Relatable humor is the best kind, and we’ve all done stupid stuff — more than that, we’ve all done stupid stuff repeat-

edly before realizing how stupid it was.

Regan’s juicer story hit the nail on the head, setting the tone for the rest of the evening.

Regan eventually moved away from the self-deprecating humor and toward commentary on social situations, such as dating and parties.

He performed one bit about joining a dance floor: You can’t just go from normal walking to full-blown dancing. You have to start dancing little by little as you approach the dance floor. It’s a delicate process.

Aerospace engineering sophomore Scott Jorgens identified best with this bit.

“My favorite part was the dancing and

how awkward he was,” Jorgens said. “I just related to that. Everything he said was pretty true.”

One of Regan’s best bits focused on the activities men choose to do when they spend time together, such as fishing and hunting. He pointed out how strange the man-dates would be after removing any animal-killing from them.

Fishing would consist of waking up at the crack of dawn, driving to a lake and sitting close to each other in a small boat for a long time. Hunting would be reduced to taking a walk through the woods in matching outfits.

(Of course, I could never do Regan’s material justice in my retelling, especially when I lack his flapping hand gestures, crazy voices and spot-on facial expressions.)

His delivery was quirky and unique. Between bits, Regan paced the stage, mumbling to himself. He took time with his anecdotes — he spoke slowly, moved slowly and put periods of silence between lines to build anticipation. He never got ahead of his audience.

Also, Regan messed up twice, and it was hilarious.

The first goof was in his transition to a joke about the pope, in which he forgot Pope Francis’ name. Regan paused midline, racking his brain, eventually giving in: “Is it Pope Benedict?” And when an audience member told him otherwise: “Guess which joke I’m working on later?”

It happened again in a joke about Mars exploration, where Regan called rovers “the little wheely things.” He laughed at himself upon remembering their actual name and said, “now I have two assignments.”

Regan ended his official set with a rant about confirming hotel reservations but returned shortly for an encore, during which he connected more personally with the audience.

“San Luis Obispo,” he said slowly. “That’s fun to say. You probably just wake up every day and say, ‘Oh, I get to say it!’”

Audience members yelled corrections to his mispronunciation of our city’s name, which inspired Regan’s closing bit.

“I’m just trying to get through life without looking stupid,” he said.

He followed up by pointing out little things that can make anyone look dumb: walking into a spider web, getting off an elevator at the wrong floor and immediately getting back on, guessing someone’s gender incorrectly.

Regan ultimately left his audience roaring with laughter and applause.

Cal Poly Arts Director Steve Lerian told me last week Regan’s show was Cal Poly Arts’ best-selling event of the season and last night I saw why. He was a clean comic, relatable to any age. In the audience I saw families with kids, college students in groups and on dates, elderly married couples and everyone in between. They all seemed to love it.

Civil engineering sophomore Spencer Jemes said though he’s been watching Regan’s stand-up for more than a year, he rarely sees the comic repeat material.

“That’s what’s amazing about him,” Jemes said. “All his acts are completely original.”

I made sure to jot down some of Regan’s funniest jokes, so I’ll close with his words, not mine.

On learning: “I’m trying to get smarter.

Anyone ever try that? It’s hard. I’m trying everything short of reading.”

On women’s curling: “She’s got that look in her eye where I think if a bird flew in front of her, it would explode.”

At restaurants: “Why is the catch of the day always fish? Don’t they have to catch all the animals?”

On voice-over actors’ careers: “You get a voice-over agent. He sends you out on an audition. You wait a couple days. Your voice-over agent calls. He tells you they gave the part to Morgan Freeman.”

On tattoos: “I think somebody should get a tattoo of a dozen Easter eggs, but tell the tattoo artist to hide them. Then if anyone ever finds them all, you know they like you.”

On performing two miracles to meet sainthood requirements: “I can sort of do that thing where you put your two index fingers together, then you look off in the distance and you see a kind of floating sausage. So that’s one. Then I’d hit ‘em with my rubber pencil trick.

OPINION | 9

Monday, December 8, 2014

State of the world; moving forward Zachary Antoyan @CPMustangNews

Zachary Antoyan is a political science senior and Mustang News liberal columnist. These views do not necessarily reflect the opinion or editorial coverage of Mustang News.

You are not a stagnant being and your political views shouldn’t be either. It is because I believe you to be more complex than the singular words we have to describe our political beliefs, that I speak candidly to you now; this last chance that I have.

For the world in its current state is a place filled with what appears so wrong: aggression and upheaval, hatred and harsh words, fear and pain. These things are isolating in what they do to us as individuals and pervasive both at home and abroad. I want to address them in the places that I see them, in the events around the world that we so easily distance ourselves from.

Abroad, the United States is faced with much. The warmonger in a country that claims to have no part in fueling uprisings, despite all evidence to the contrary, sits back and watches the flames grow.

Content to allow the oligarchs control everything, he blames the actions of other countries for the poor performance of his economy, even going so far as to threaten those countries with flybys of his air force.

He would rather the world burn than allow it to stand against him.

After winding down two wars in a region that has seen little stability in the last decade, we are yet again faced with a threat that opposes the very notion of our existence. They work in the shadows to strip from us the lives of aid workers and reporters. And what they take from the local populations is far greater than what you or I can fathom. This existential enemy has set up a stronghold in two unstable countries, sowing fear in the hearts of millions who reside within their claimed borders.

But those borders do not set the limits of this group’s reach, indeed they have many legislators worried. So much so, that these legislators are more concerned with the possibility of attack than the rights of their constituents. A law that would prevent the

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the true progressive government from touching the private information of its citizens was stifled by a mere two votes. Their connection to our needs has been severed for a long time.

All the while, we the constituents, we the citizens, we the people, are fixated on the dividing lines that separate us instead of focusing on the things that could bring us together. Allowing each other to take sides in a meaningless fight over who is responsible for that unfortunate death or that school shooting or this changing climate.

Blaming the other or the system; continuously failing to realize that those lines are self imposed and that system is a reflection of the sentiment we actually harbor.

Because it is never our fault.

Yet we are complicit in this deplorable state of the world, at ease with the uncer-

tainty of its future. You are not a stagnant being and we are not a stagnant species, but we are somehow complacent in our inaction. I do not believe this to be our fate and I refuse to be a part of it.

“The simple passage of so many generations will have changed us. Necessity will have changed us,” claims Carl Sagan in his book The Pale Blue Dot; “For all our failings, despite our limitations and fallibilities, we humans are capable of greatness.”

We don’t have to be afraid of the things in the world that cause pain and strife.

We don’t have to blame others for the issues that we all face. With a better understanding of the lives and perspectives that are all around us, we can find the answers to these problems. And they exist, believe me, they exist. But they aren’t easy to come

SPECIAL SECTIONS COORDINATOR Suha Saya

to, and that requires work. The game of government, and the space that is politics, and this thing we call humanity isn’t easy, but that doesn’t mean we should turn away from those endeavors.

Looking forward we need only approach things with open and accepting minds, finding kernels of truth even in the things that we disagree with. For the world is full of beauty and wonderful people, and those are things worth fighting those fights for.

This is the path that I will continue to walk and I hope that moving forward, you will be there with me.

This is Zachary Antoyan, naked under his graduation gown, waiting for someone to run up during commencement and punch him in the balls. Lead wonderful lives, everyone.

STAFF REPORTERS Brooke Sperbeck, Samantha Pryor, Savannah Sperry, Lindsy Mobley, Olivia Proffit, Kelly Trom, Annie Vainshtein, Will Peischel, Trevor Melody, Rafael Salinas, Erik Chu, Amelia Parreira, Allison Edmonds, Harry Chang COPY EDITORS Drew Gorman, Nikki Petkopoulos, Jen Silva, Kristine Xu DESIGNERS Jordan Dunn, Lauren Wallack, Monique Martinez, Zack Spanier OPINION COLUMNISTS Zachary Antoyan, Eric Stubben PHOTOGRAPHERS Ian Billings, Sophia Liu, Dylan Sun, Christa Lam, Dakota Greenwich ADVERTISING MANAGER Connie Lewis ART DIRECTOR Albert Chang PRODUCTION MANAGER Joseph Hewison MARKETING MANAGER Nikole Knak DISTRIBUTION MANAGER Kalei White ASSISTANT ADVERTISING MANAGER Maddie Spivek ADVERTISING ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Anna Seskind, Ashley Safari, CJ Estores, Ian Taylor, Johnny Galvez, Kenney Young, Kristen Corey, Melissa Mubaraki, Sam Patterson, Shakti Rajput, Victoria Howland, Taylor Clarke, Madison Fleming ADVERTISING DESIGNERS Jordan Triplett, Scott Cutler, Micaela Pacini, Erica Patstone, Ally Bender MARKETING ASSOCIATES Kelly Witkop, Ross Pfeifer, Kelsey Payton FACULTY ADVISER Pat Howe GENERAL MANAGER Paul Bittick

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SPORTS | 11

Monday, December 8, 2014

Wrestling goes winless in Windy City Mustang News Staff Report

@CPMustangSports

IAN BILLINGS | MUSTANG NEWS WINDY CITY WOES | The Cal Poly wrestling team couldn’t come away with a win in Evanston, Illinois, on Saturday, when it faced Northwestern, Eastern Michigan and Princeton.

Freshman Nick Fiegener won two of his three 184-pound meets and continued his impressive rookie campaign in what was an otherwise turbulent Windy City Duals affair for the Cal Poly wrestling team in Evanston, Illinois, on Saturday.

The Mustangs (0-7 in duals) lost all three of their meets at Northwestern’s Welsh-Ryan Arena to No. 18 Northwestern, Eastern Michigan and Princeton. The day’s first meet pitted Cal Poly against a Northwestern (8-1) lineup that features five nationally ranked wrestlers,

including two No. 1s in their weight class.

Cal Poly’s first victory came in the 174-pound match when sophomore Mitch Woods earned the decision 7-5 over Wildcats sophomore Ben Sullivan. Fiegener followed the victory with a 6-5 decision of his own over freshman Mitch Silga.

Northwestern senior Mike McMullan — currently the No. 1 heavyweight — then fell to sophomore Nicolas Johnson 3:25 into the match, closing out the meet and sealing the Wildcats win.

In the midday meet, Cal Poly was again limited to just two non-forfeiture victories, this time by Eastern Michigan (52), which won 30-7. The Mustangs were unable to get on the board in the dual until sophomore Travis Berridge won 5-4 by way of tiebreaker over Eagles sophomore Austin Geerlings in the 165-pound class.

Two matches later, Cal Poly saw its most dominant performance of the day in Fiegener’s 15-3 major decision over Eagles sophomore Mike Curby.

Cal Poly was unable to salvage

a win in its last dual of the day against Princeton (3-1) despite back-to-back decisions to open the match in the 125 and 133 by freshmen Yoshito Funakoshi and Victor Trujillo, respectively. The Mustangs were shut out by the Tigers the rest of the way and lost 35-6.

The team will travel home and get a week off for finals before returning to action Dec. 21 at the Reno Tournament of Champions.

Harry Chang contributed to this report.

Monday, December 8, 2014

SPORTS | 12

Mustangs slam Menlo in blowout win Jesse Summers @CPMustangSports

Coming off two road losses in the Bay Area last weekend, the Cal Poly men’s basketball team looked to capture an easy win over the struggling Menlo College and its 1-7 record at Mott Athletics Center on Saturday.

In a blowout performance with contributions from the entire squad, the Mustangs more than doubled the Oaks’ point tally, with a 72-35 victory. Every active player on Cal Poly’s roster for Saturday’s game scored at least three points for the team. Led by junior forward Brian Bennett’s 15 points on 7-of-7 shooting, the Mustangs finished ahead of Menlo in rebounds, assists, turnovers, points off turnovers and second chance points.

“Tonight, everything just seemed to click for all of us,” Bennett said. “This week at practice we talked about crashing the boards and getting rebounds offensively and defensively. We just came out and transferred what we practiced into the game.”

Not only did the Mustangs dominate the boards on defense, allowing zero second chance points, but they tallied 25 points from offensive rebounds, completely controlling the paint on both ends of the floor.

“We knew we had a prohibitive height, size and experience advantage and we overwhelmed them on the glass that way,” head coach Joe Callero said.

Despite facing a zone defense — which Menlo likely used to combat the significant size disadvantage — the Mustangs were able to penetrate the defense for higher percentage shots and get to the line for free throws. Leading the high-energy attack was junior Joel Awich, who got to the line several times and finished the game with a season-high 13 points.

“My mentality was the same as every other night,” Awich said.

“Coach has been telling me to be more aggressive and tonight the shots were actually falling.

Being aggressive from the start

definitely helps bring energy to the team, which allows us to pick it up on the defensive end.

We are a good team like that.”

At practices leading up to Saturday’s matchup, the team addressed certain issues that could potentially occur when playing an NAIA team such as Menlo.

“We talked a lot this week about not playing the score and not playing the opponent, but playing to get better,” Callero said. “In the games that we lost on the road, it was tight but we lost control of it real quickly.”

The Mustangs honored the 1994-95 men’s basketball team at halftime — the first Division I team in school history. The ’94’95 squad ended up with a 1-26 record but had plenty of wisdom to share with current players prior to Saturday’s matchup.

“It was important to see those guys because they were the first to really struggle, but they talked about how they persevered through a 1-26 season and we honor them for that,” Callero said. “People ask how do you honor a team that went 1-26, but I think, ‘Who better a team to honor?’ They finished the season and that perseverance reminds me of our team last year, who I don’t think many people had much faith in.”

“They had a lot of adversity coming from those losses, but they told us to just keep fighting, stay together and be strong,” Awich said. “It’s a team effort, whether you are 1-26 or 26-1, the important thing is that you stay together because we are all a family.”

The Mustangs will now spend more than a month on the road, with December contests at Santa Clara and No. 9 Gonzaga, a team undefeated on the year. Big West Conference play begins on Jan. 7 at Hawaii, and Cal Poly returns to Mott Athletics Center on Jan. 10 to face rival UC Santa Barbara.

“We know it’s going to be a long 11 days, but we are going to approach it like a business trip,” Bennett said, “because that is what we are there to do, take care of business.”

IAN BILLINGS | MUSTANG NEWS SLAM | Junior forward Joel Awich snagged a season-high 13 points on Saturday. “My mentality was the same as every other night,” Awich said.

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