PROLOGUE
(#1 – OVERTURE begins.)
(#2 – BARDS begins.)
BARDS
(BARD TROLLS enter and perform a Shakespearean-style sonnet ) BARD TROLL 1: In
(#3 – TROLLS KNOW begins.)
TROLLS KNOW
ALL TROLLS: Trolls know how to
(TROLLS and the Trolls Tree appear.) put on a show, we
(The TROLLS set up a performance space while they sing. KING GRISTLE pops in with enthusiastic abandon. He’s followed by the Royal Entourage (ADVISOR, GUARDS, etc ) )
KING GRISTLE: That’s a perk!
(ALL TROLLS:) whis tle while we work for King Grist le ‘Cause Trolls
know how (ALL TROLLS:) to put on a show, we’re the
tribe with the vibe, yeah we go with the flow! Woo!
DJ SUKI: Is com ing up, and Troll (ALL TROLLS:) stice!
(DJ SUKI:) dra mas what we’re drum ming up
CHENILLE: That goes stage right,
ALL TROLLS: Troll stice!
SATIN: find the line, CHENILLE: and find the light
COOPER: We booked the gig, so ALL TROLLS: Troll stice!
(COOPER:) grab a script, and snatch a wig.
GUY DIAMOND: Our show’s a treat, POPPY: but ALL TROLLS: Troll stice!
(POPPY:) still it’s us who’s gon na eat. BRANCH: Plac es for the
(BRANCH:)
top of the act. The set is huge and the
ALL TROLLS: The act the
cast is stacked Count in’ down days ‘til the cur tain is o pen,
cast is stacked Count in’ down days ‘til the cur tain is o pen
packed house, that’s what I’m hop in’ Trolls (ALL TROLLS:) Trolls
(ALL TROLLS:)
(The rest of the BERGENS appear to watch and join in.) how to put on a show, we
(ALL TROLLS:) know how to put on a show, we’re the
tribe with the vibe, yeah we go with the flow! Woo!
love the twen ty third act though
verse is like a hug, so warm. Plac es for the
cast is stacked Count in’ down days ‘til the cast is stacked. Count in’ down days ‘til the
lights will be dim min’,
GUY DIAMOND: Yeah! swim min’. Trolls know (BRANCH:) how to put on a show, we Trolls (ALL TROLLS:) know how to put on a show, we
KING GRISTLE: That’s a perk!
whis tle while we work for King Grist le ‘Cause Trolls
whis tle while we work for King Grist le ‘Cause Trolls
(BRANCH:)
know yeah, how to put on a show,
(ALL TROLLS:) know how to put on a show, we’re the
yeah we go (BRANCH:) with the flow! Trolls
(ALL TROLLS:)
tribe with the vibe, yeah we go with the flow! Trolls
SMALL GROUP:
(ALL TROLLS:)
yeah we go (BRANCH:) with the flow! Trolls
tribe with the vibe, yeah we go with the flow! Trolls
SMALL GROUP: Woo!
know… (BRANCH:) we know how to (ALL TROLLS:) put on a show, we
(SMALL GROUP:)
(BRANCH:)
KING GRISTLE: That’s a perk!
whis tle while we work for King Grist le Trolls
(ALL TROLLS:)
whis tle while we work for King Grist le ‘Cause Trolls
(BRANCH:) know… (ALL TROLLS:) know how to put on a show, we’re the SMALL GROUP: Tr, tr, tr, tr, tr, trolls. Tr, tr, tr, tr, tr, tr, tr, trolls.
(BRANCH:) Go with the flow! (ALL TROLLS:)
(BRANCH:) Go with the flow!
(ALL TROLLS:) tribe with the vibe, yeah we go with the flow! ‘Cause we’re
(ALL TROLLS:)
Tr, tr, tr, tr, tr, tr, tr, (DJ SUKI remixes the last lyrics.) tr, tr, tr, tr, tr, tr, tr, tr, tr, tr, tr,
(TROLLS celebrate and clear the area as KING GRISTLE prepares to address the CROWD.)
KING GRISTLE
(to TROLLS)
Great work, Trolls! Great work, Trolls! Thanks to you, I’m totally going to be able to deliver on my kingly promise to provide the best entertainment Bergenly possible for this, my very first Trollstice!
(BERGENS and TROLLS cheer!)
(#4 – KING GRISTLE begins.)
(They start chanting.)
King Gristle!
King Gristle!
CROWD
King Gristle! King Gristle!
(CROWD)
KING GRISTLE
(to the CROWD of BERGENS and TROLLS)
Thank you. Thank you! But please, King Gristle was my dad. You can call me King Gristle. I became king in the first movie, in which, as we all recall: Poppy and Branch rescued the Trolls from being cooked and eaten by… (a beat)
us actually! The Bergens! Huh! Anyway. The first thing I did as king was change Trollstice from a feast to a floor show, ensuring that no Troll would ever again face the dinner plate!
(BERGENS and TROLLS cheer!)
(#5 – BREAKING NEWS begins.)
(Two REPORTERS swoop in. ROYAL GUARD CHAD and ROYAL GUARD TODD hold them at bay with their spears.)
REPORTER
1
King Gristle, King Gristle – care to comment on fears and concerns that this Trollstice will be a massive disappointment?
KING GRISTLE
Um—
REPORTER 2
King Gristle, King Gristle – what do you say to Bergens who insist the old way was better?
KING GRISTLE
Uh
REPORTER 1
King Gristle, King Gristle – what’s your response to Bergens who are just like: MEH, I’m just not feeling the hype this year?
KING GRISTLE
Oh, oh! I know this one – Royal Hype Crew!
(#6 – ROYAL HYPE CREW begins.)
(ROYAL HYPE CREW appear and address the CROWD.)
EXTREME ANNOUNCER
Everybody say Trollstice!
ECHO, CROWD Trollstice!
EXTREME ANNOUNCER
I can’t hear you say Trollstice!
ECHO, CROWD Trollstice!
EXTREME ANNOUNCER
Get your finger out of your nose!
ECHO Disgusting!
EXTREME ANNOUNCER
And pick up your tickets to Trollstice!
EXTREME ANNOUNCER, ECHO
Everybody say—
ECHO, CROWD Trollstice!
EXTREME ANNOUNCER
And get ready for the ride of your life because this ain’t your daddy’s Trollstice!
ECHO
New king. New rules!
EXTREME ANNOUNCER
It’s kinder!
ECHO Gentler!
EXTREME ANNOUNCER, ECHO
P-p-p-p-pprogressive!!!
(Double high-five!)
EXTREME ANNOUNCER
Trolls are off the menu and on the stage!
ECHO
Be there or be sad!
(Explosion, double high-five with chest bump, etc.)
EXTREME ANNOUNCER, ECHO
Royal Hype Crew out!
(ROYAL HYPE CREW exit.)
KING GRISTLE
Great, right?
(REPORTER 1 and REPORTER 2 are getting urgent messages.)
REPORTER 1
Excuse us, Your Majesty, we’re receiving breaking news that the terrible Princess of Bergen, France, Marie Bergenette, is on her way to our kingdom to attend Trollstice!
KING GRISTLE
Who’s coming? What’s that mean?
REPORTER 2
Pardon us, Your Majesty, we have to go follow the story!
(REPORTERS run off. BERGEN ENSEMBLE exits. TROLL ENSEMBLE is off to the side, quietly preparing for their show. In the shuffle, KING GRISTLE looks for ADVISOR.)
KING GRISTLE
Advisor? Where is my new advisor? There you are, Advisor, get over here and advise me! Is this good or bad?
(ADVISOR comes to KING GRISTLE.)
ADVISOR
Hmm... it could be good for diplomacy? But it could also be bad for diplomacy and lead to war?
KING GRISTLE
I don’t know what to do with that. What would my father have done in this situation?
ADVISOR
He would have already decided and punished anyone who didn’t agree with him. Will there be anything else, Your Majesty?
KING GRISTLE
I guess not. Bye?
Bye! (ADVISOR exits.)
ADVISOR
KING GRISTLE
Royal Guards Chad and Todd – I don’t think my advisor is actually advising.
ROYAL GUARD CHAD
That’s when you know they’re a good advisor.
ROYAL GUARD TODD
Yeah, when they’re doing a good job, it looks like they’re doing nothing at all.
KING GRISTLE
Huh. Well, what do you two know about Marie Bergenette?
ROYAL GUARD CHAD
Permission to serve tea?
KING GRISTLE
Permission granted.
ROYAL GUARD CHAD
So I heard she already ate all of the Trolls in Bergen, France.
ROYAL GUARD TODD
And the only reason she’s coming here is because she thinks Trollstice is still a big Trolls feast.
ROYAL GUARD CHAD
And she’s going to throw a fit when she sees it’s just a show.
KING GRISTLE
So? She throws a fit, so what?
ROYAL GUARD CHAD
Oh, you don’t understand. If she gets mad enough, she could declare war on our whole kingdom.
KING GRISTLE
But we don’t want war!
ROYAL GUARD TODD
Doesn’t matter. She’ll declare it!
ROYAL GUARD CHAD
Either that or she’ll jump onto the stage and start gobbling up the Trolls like popcorn chicken.
KING GRISTLE
Not while I’m king!! Trolls are friends, not food!
(KING GRISTLE sees BRANCH and POPPY.)
(KING GRISTLE)
Hey Poppy! Hey Branch! Hey, can I talk to you for a second?
POPPY
Of course, King Gristle.
Everybody take five.
Thank you, five!
BRANCH
TROLLS
KING GRISTLE
It turns out we have a special guest coming to Trollstice this year and the show has to go perfectly!
POPPY
Nothing happens perfectly, King Gristle!
BRANCH
There’s always an element of randomness you have to embrace. (BIGGIE runs up to POPPY.)
BIGGIE
Poppy! Poppy!
Yes, Biggie?
POPPY
BIGGIE
We need your help, Poppy. Look at this! There’s an embarrassing misprint on the poster and there’s no way we can rework it that doesn’t make it more rude and hilarious.
(BIGGIE shows POPPY a giant poster, reading ‘EXPERIENCE THE PERFORMING FARTS.’)
POPPY
Oh, I see.
BIGGIE
Or we could leave it how it is and let Mr. Dinkles—
MR. DINKLES
meeeep
—it out.
BIGGIE
(MR. DINKLES is a sock puppet controlled and voiced by BIGGIE. COOPER runs up to BRANCH.)
COOPER Branch! Branch!
BRANCH
What is it, Cooper?
COOPER
We need you over here, Branch! Everything except for the pyrotechnics have caught fire, including the Troll in charge of pyrotechnics!
PYROTECHNICS TROLL
(who is on fire)
Ouch ouch ouch. Sometimes you get duds!
(POPPY and BRANCH extinguish the PYROTECHNICS TROLL.)
POPPY
See, we’ve got it under control!
KING GRISTLE
(relieved)
I knew I didn’t have anything to worry about.
POPPY
Hey Trolls, let’s show King Gristle what we’ve been working on! (KING GRISTLE claps his hands and sits down.)
KING GRISTLE
Ooo, theatre!
(POPPY and the other TROLLS huddle up.)
POPPY
Check these out—
(#7 – MUSICAL MEDLEY begins.)
MUSICAL MEDLEY
(TROLLS perform their catalogue of winning Trolls musicals KING GRISTLE loves each one more than the last.)
(POPPY:) "Alexander Hamiltroll..."
Young, Scrappy & Hungry
BRANCH: (as Alexander Hamiltroll) How
- Yo, BRANCH: it’s me the ti tle role
(Show switch! The TROLLS change up the routine, to KING GRISTLE’s delight.) POPPY: "Trollklahoma!"
(ALL:) Get out of my cornfield!
(Show switch! The next parody kicks in.) POPPY: "Troll Block Tango!"
POPPY: "Glitter: A Dance Review!"
(Show switch! A different musical world appears ) POPPY: "One Troll More!"
Allegro Maestoso
(KING GRISTLE bursts into applause and everyone follows suit.)
KING GRISTLE
Wow! Great work, Trolls, great work! There’s no way this doesn’t knock her socks off. But, wait. Considering this is my first Trollstice as king, let me get a second opinion. Advisor?
(ADVISOR enters.)
Yes, Your Majesty?
ADVISOR
KING GRISTLE
I need a second opinion.
ADVISOR
Well, what was the first opinion?
KING GRISTLE
I thought it was great.
Ok, so did I! Bye!
(ADVISOR exits.)
(to himself)
ADVISOR
KING GRISTLE
I still get the feeling we’re not doing this whole advising thing right. Think, King Gristle. What would your dad King Gristle do?
(a beat)
He would not be satisfied until it was as entertaining as Bergenly possible.
(to TROLLS)
I’ll know it when I see it! And none of those are it.
GUY DIAMOND
Why not?
Because of the stakes.
KING GRISTLE
BIGGIE
What about the stakes, have they gotten lower?
KING GRISTLE
Royal Guards, they’re not getting it.
ROYAL GUARD CHAD
Princess Marie Bergenette of Bergen, France, is coming to the Trollstice Trolls Feast.
COOPER
(scared)
But you don’t have a Trollstice Trolls Feast anymore…
ROYAL GUARD CHAD
Apparently, she doesn’t know that.
SMIDGE
(terrified)
So when are you going to tell her?
KING GRISTLE
All we have to do is put on a show that brings her so much happiness she forgets all about the Trollstice Trolls Feast. Because, if she’s not happy, I’m afraid she might invade us, take over and bring back the Trolls Feast!
BRANCH
What are you saying, King Gristle?
KING GRISTLE
You make the best show that anyone has ever made ever, or Trolls are back on the menu!
(The TROLLS gasp in horror.)
(#8 – COOPER FARTS begins.)
(COOPER farts three cupcakes.)
COOPER
Cupcakes?
KING GRISTLE
I know you can make something spectacular, just keep working on it!
(KING GRISTLE exits with his entourage. MR. DINKLES lets out a big meep.)
MR. DINKLES
Meeeeeeeeep!
BIGGIE
I agree with Mr. Dinkles: I do not want to be a feast.
POPPY
Ok – Everything is out the window. We need new ideas now.
(Some TROLLS roll out a bulletin board that reads ‘NEW IDEAS.’)
(POPPY)
Who’s got ideas?
(SATIN raises her hand.)
(POPPY)
Yes, Satin!
SATIN
We don’t know if this counts…
CHENILLE
But we write fan fiction.
POPPY
Next.
(SATIN and CHENILLE are super offended. GUY DIAMOND raises his hand.)
(POPPY)
Go, Guy Diamond. And it better not be talking mimes.
GUY DIAMOND
It was talking mimes.
Next!
(BIGGIE raises his hand.)
POPPY
(POPPY)
Biggie.
BIGGIE
A play called “Our Audience.” We watch the audience and then we see what happens.
(The TROLLS stare at the audience for a beat.)
POPPY
Meta. I like it. Let’s put it on the board.
(POPPY writes it down and posts it on the board.)
CHENILLE, SATIN
(sarcastic, to each other)
“Let’s put it on the board…”
BRANCH
The only thing that would ever come close to being good enough is the work of the greatest Trolls playwright to ever live, Trilliam Trollspeare.
POPPY
What did you say?
BRANCH
Troll Hamlet was the first play I ever read – and I recognized something – the discontent, the unease. I looked into that character and saw myself. I saw a place for myself.
SMIDGE
Ok, no problem, just get yourself out of there and there will be room for us!
DJ SUKI
Great idea, Smidge!
BRANCH
Wait, hold on. I didn’t mean to suggest Troll Hamlet! Any play but that play. It’s too difficult. It’s too special. It’s too classic!
SATIN, CHENILLE
We can do difficult.
We can do special.
We can do classic.
COOPER
DJ SUKI
GUY DIAMOND (sung-spoken, like autotune)
We want to stretch.
POPPY
Branch, it’s just you’ve taught us so much, we’re ready to do some really hard theatre. But in a fun way!
BIGGIE
I’m ready to dig deep and make some discoveries.
BRANCH
Well, I didn’t know that, Biggie. But still, we can’t turn the ancient tradition of Trilliam Trollspeare into some wild-eyed gimmick. The Bergens won’t get the nuances of sixteenthcentury Trollish verse, unless we make it slower, and longer. If only there was a way to adapt the Bergens into a more engaged audience.
POPPY
That’s it! We adapt Trollspeare. We make it modern and easier to understand!
BRANCH No! It’s sacred. You’ll never improve upon it!
POPPY
I’m ok with that!
(#9 – MAKE IT POPPY begins.)
MAKE IT POPPY
Don’t need an or ches tra
don’t need a pit, no Just need a snare, and a
grab
(POPPY:) pop py. (Some TROLLS join in as POPPY's pop-group backup performers ) We should
make
TROLLS: Make it pop py.
make it beat drop py, hip and hop py
-
Hip and hop py.
Give them
(gasps!) Pop py!
think your plan is slop py, ‘cause Slop py!?
- - hop py Give them some thing they can
BRANCH: Stop! feel, make it
- hop py.
We should make it beat drop py, hip and
BRANCH: Okay, we can sell out this one time
POPPY: Yay!
POPPY, SMALL GROUP: Make it
BRANCH, SMALL GROUP: Make it 43
(POPPY, SMALL GROUP:) pop py.
We should make it beat drop py, hip and (BRANCH, SMALL GROUP:) pop
We should make it beat drop py, hip and
hop py
Give them some thing they can feel, make it
hop py
Give them some thing they can feel, make it
Hop py, they can feel.
pop py
We should make it beat drop py, hip and
pop py. We should make it beat drop py, hip and
Pop py, beat drop py.
(#10 – INTO THE ROYAL KITCHEN begins. We transition to the Royal Kitchen.)
Scene 2
(In the Royal Kitchen inside King Gristle’s castle, SOUS CHEF and DEPUTY SOUS CHEF nervously hold out a plate of food in front of them. CHEF sticks her fork in and puts a bite of food in her mouth. The SOUS CHEFS watch CHEF chew with bated breath… until CHEF spits it out.)
CHEF
Bfffh!!!
(CHEF vigorously wipes her tongue with a clean napkin.)
(CHEF)
You call that food?
Oh no I’m sorry—
I’m sorry—
SOUS CHEF
DEPUTY SOUS CHEF
Two degrees too cold.
I tried—
I thought—
Clumpy.
I’m sorry—
Mushy.
CHEF
SOUS CHEF
DEPUTY SOUS CHEF
CHEF
SOUS CHEF
CHEF
There were—
Salty.
We had—
DEPUTY SOUS CHEF
CHEF
SOUS CHEF
CHEF
Enough! This is an outrage to the culinary arts! To think I clawed my way out of a worm monster’s stomach to return to this! Oh, to what depths the kingdom has sunk to suffer your presence in this kitchen.
SOUS CHEF, DEPUTY SOUS CHEF
Yes, Chef. We’re scum, Chef. We deserve discipline, Chef.
DEPUTY SOUS CHEF
Me first, Chef.
Enough! I hear voices.
CHEF
(In the hallway, KING GRISTLE catches up to BRIDGET. CHEF and the SOUS CHEFS eavesdrop.)
KING GRISTLE
Bridget, there you are! I’ve been looking for you everywhere.
BRIDGET
I’ve been where I was supposed to be, waiting for you to show up for our pizza date.
KING GRISTLE
I’m sorry I stood you up, Bridget, there’s just been so much on my mind lately.
BRIDGET
Is everything ok? It isn’t like you to have things on your mind.
KING GRISTLE
I know, it hurts, and there’s no room for pizza!
BRIDGET
Gristly-Poo, if you need anything, you can always come to me.
KING GRISTLE
I’m worried if the Trolls show isn’t good, Marie Bergenette of Bergen, France, will demand to eat Trolls once again.
(#11 – CHEF IS DELIGHTED begins.)
BRIDGET
You’re worried the Trolls will be unable to put on a good show? Are you hearing yourself? They’re Trolls. It’s what they do.
(KING GRISTLE and BRIDGET exit down the hallway. Having overheard KING GRISTLE and BRIDGET, CHEF is delighted.)
CHEF
If the show isn’t good we’re back to eating Trolls again?
SOUS CHEF
Magnificent summary, Chef.
CHEF
If we’re back to eating Trolls that means we’re back to cooking Trolls.
DEPUTY SOUS CHEF
I can practically smell your scheme simmering.
CHEF
And if we’re cooking Trolls that means Chef is in charge! Stick around, I might need your help.
SOUS CHEF, DEPUTY SOUS CHEF
We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy!
CHEF
Quiet, you sauce stains!
(#12 – IN MY KITCHEN begins.)
IN MY KITCHEN
Menacing
(CHEF and her SOUS CHEFS sing in delight as they set up the kitchen to cook TROLLS ) (CHEF:) (opt spoken in rhythm) The
- - - way in to a king dom’s heart is through the tum my
That is why I al ways serve the court some thing yum my
I used to roll out a tray of Trolls and
with each bite I’d feed their souls.
(CHEF:) I’m com plet ing (pronounced like "plahn," rhymes with "flan") my plan… Vic to
(CHEF:) sweet in my kitch en SOUS CHEF, DEPUTY SOUS CHEF: In your kitch en! Sweet
(CHEF:) one can hold me down, ‘cause if I hold the spa tu la,
(CHEF:) That’s right. SOUS CHEF, DEPUTY SOUS CHEF: you hold the crown! SOUS CHEF: Their
(SOUS CHEF:) lit tle show will not go on, DEPUTY SOUS CHEF: they’ll
throw a tra gic tan trum,
CHEF: The (DEPUTY SOUS CHEF:) they’ll be deep fried by dawn
Ope ra has its Phan tom Vic to ry will be
(CHEF:) sweet in my kitch en, in my SOUS CHEF, DEPUTY SOUS CHEF: In your kitch en! Sweet
-
-kitch en. They will burn from the in your kitch en, kitch en!
-heat of my kitch en In your kitch en! Heat
(Mic drop, but the mic is a spatula.) from your kitch en, kitch en!
-In my kitch en.
(Lights out.)
(#13 – IN MY KITCHEN (PLAYOFF) begins.)
Scene 3
(Bergen Royal Court.)
(The castle is in a flurry in preparation for the arrival of MARIE BERGENETTE and her ROYAL ENTOURAGE. KING GRISTLE holds court, surrounded by the ROYAL GUARDS and the ADVISOR.)
KING GRISTLE
I’ve been so busy preparing for Marie Bergenette’s arrival I haven’t had pizza night with Bridget in who knows how long because I don’t even have time to look! Nobody told me being king was going to be this hard. Advisor!
ADVISOR
I totally get that. Right there with you, Your Majesty.
KING GRISTLE
Stop agreeing with me and help me.
ADVISOR
You want me to take your girlfriend to pizza night?
KING GRISTLE
Ugh, no!
ROYAL GUARD TODD
Your Majesty, Bridget will understand. After all, she’s friends with the Trolls too!
ROYAL GUARD CHAD
Besides, Bridget is tough – remember she used to work for Chef.
ROYAL GUARD TODD
She doesn’t get worked up over nothing.
(BRIDGET bursts in, sobbing.)
KING GRISTLE
Bridget!
BRIDGET
Oh, Gristly-Poo! The worst has happened. I have been assigned to be the personal liaison to the princess as part of the kingdom’s mandatory volunteer program.
KING GRISTLE
You volunteered?
BRIDGET
Yes, it was mandatory – and she’s almost here!
(Massive panic at court. MARIE BERGENETTE, unnoticed and unrecognized, approaches. She sneaks up on a Bergen SCULLERY MAID.)
MARIE
Excuse me—
SCULLERY MAID
We’ll be with you in just a moment. We’re really out of sorts today.
MARIE
Oh really, why is that?
SCULLERY MAID
Oh, you see, this big scary Bergen is supposed to be coming over and she’s apparently just the worst and if things aren’t perfect, she throws a big fit and writes mean reviews and makes people cry!
MARIE
You don’t say.
SCULLERY MAID
Not only that, she’s a horrible greedy glutton who ate up all of the Trolls in her kingdom! Anyway, I’m thinking about hiding in a cupboard until this all blows over. You can’t get yelled at if you’re in a cupboard.
MARIE
Good thinking, there’s just one problem.
SCULLERY MAID
What’s that?
MARIE
I’ve got a whole song for it.
(#14 – MARIE BERGENETTE begins.)
MARIE BERGENETTE
Qu'ils mangent de la Trolls!
(MARIE makes her way through court, terrifying the BERGEN subjects.)
(MARIE:) I want some thing to eat,
- - I want some thing yum my, by the looks of it,
- I’m out of luck, yuck! My day is n’t com plete
til I fill my tum my, by the looks of it,
ment store I feel sick from just a glance,
ADVISOR: When you see the car riage,
MARIE: Don’t for get Ma tee you’ll start to sweat.
- now I’m bored with that, need some thing new… You!
Fetch me a cook ie jar, that would come in hand
ADVISOR:
rie Ber ge nette.
BRIDGET: She’s the
ROYAL GUARD CHAD, ROYAL GUARD TODD: She’s a spoil ed roy al.
(MARIE)
Anyways, I’m starving, I’ve been fasting in anticipation of your famous Trollstice Trolls Feast.
KING GRISTLE
Well, about that. Instead of eating Trolls, in this kingdom we get happiness from watching them perform!
MARIE
You mean I’ve been fasting for nothing? Do you think I like coming here? Not without something in it for me!
KING GRISTLE
There is something for you – we’re putting on this show just for you – and it’s going to be better than any feast you could ever eat!
MARIE
There’s no way a show can be that good. Hon hon hon. In fact, the idea is so absurd that I might just fly into a rage and declare war on your filthy, foodless kingdom. Point me toward the kitchen. This whole day has been crazy!!
(#15 – TO MARIE/CHEF begins.)
Scene 4
(The Royal Kitchen. MARIE BERGENETTE enters.)
(MARIE)
Hello? Can I get some service here please? Hello??
(CHEF and the SOUS CHEFS enter.)
CHEF
Oh my, what an exquisite honor. Your Majesty here in my kitchen! It’s like a dream come true. How may I serve you?
MARIE
Well, that’s better. I’ll have a baguette with freshly churned butter.
CHEF
I’m dreadfully sorry, Your Majesty, our baguettes are on backorder.
(CHEF tries to manipulate MARIE into demanding a traditional Trollstice feast by denying her requests.)
MARIE
Fine, fine then a charcuterie board.
CHEF
Yes, but we’re out of meat.
Then a cheese board.
MARIE
CHEF
Very good, what kind of cheeses would you like?
MARIE
How about a little brie?
CHEF
I’m afraid we’re fresh out of brie, Your Majesty.
MARIE
Ok, never mind, what about gouda?
CHEF
We get it fresh on Monday.
MARIE
How about gorgonzola?
Sorry, Your Majesty.
CHEF
MARIE Muenster?
CHEF
Nope.
MARIE Cheddar?
CHEF I wish.
MARIE
Parmesan? Asiago?
Unfortunately, no!
CHEF
MARIE
You know I’m beginning to form an observation: for a chef, you seem terribly short on ingredients.
CHEF
That’s very astute, Your Majesty, but I’m afraid there’s very little I can do about it. You see, I’m something of a traditionalist when it comes to the culinary arts.
MARIE
What is that supposed to mean? And if you could spell it out for me on a cake or something I’d be very grateful.
(The CHEF hypnotizes MARIE.)
CHEF
What it means, Your Majesty, is Trolls. Sweet, delicious, tender, savory Trolls. Each bite bursting with flavor, leaving an aftertaste of pure happiness.
MARIE
(in a half daze) Sounds amazing, I’ll have one of those please.
CHEF
I would love to serve you up a whole buffet of Troll delicacies, but alas my apron strings are tied. Unless of course, a powerful figure were to insist on policy changes.
MARIE
Huh.
CHEF
You wouldn’t be capable of doing something like that, Your Majesty?
MARIE
Lady, when I get this hungry, I’m capable of anything.
(#16 – TO REHEARSAL begins.)
Scene 5
(The Trolls Tree Rehearsal studio.)
(All of the TROLLS are gathered in the rehearsal studio as they prepare for Poppy’s adaptation of Troll Hamlet BRANCH’s expression is getting increasingly more horrified as he reads Poppy’s script.)
BRANCH
Where is it? Where is Troll Hamlet? Where is the Trollspeare? You’ve changed so much. It’s unrecognizable.
POPPY
Thank you!
BRANCH
Is there at least the skull monologue?
POPPY
The what?
“To be or not to be!”
BRANCH
POPPY
Huh, that’s a good question.
BRANCH
No! Hamlet’s famous skull monologue!
POPPY
Oh it’s still there…but we changed the skull into happiness and the happiness into a flower!
BRANCH
Show me.
(Some TROLLS spring into action, performing an excerpt of Poppy’s Troll Hamlet.)
POPPY
Troll Hamlet: Part One.
(COOPER (dressed as the Ghost of King Hamlet) and BIGGIE (dressed as Hamlet) step forward and take their positions for the top of the scene.)
BRANCH
The scene with the ghost of Hamlet’s father?
POPPY
Yes, but instead of a warning, there’s a reassuring.
BRANCH
What are you talking about?
COOPER
(as Ghost of King Hamlet)
Hello, Hamlet. I’m the ghost of King Hamlet, your father, and I’ve come to tell you to: Chill! Nothing bad is going to happen to you.
BIGGIE
(as Hamlet)
Are you sure, because I’ve got a general bad feeling about things.
COOPER
(as Ghost of King Hamlet)
No, let me reassure you. Wooo. Things have a way of working out…
BIGGIE
(as Hamlet)
Are you a ghost?
COOPER
(as Ghost of King Hamlet)
No! I feel fine! You’re on the right path and no action is necessary. Wooo!
BRANCH
(interrupting)
Poppy, that’s the worst ghost I’ve ever seen.
POPPY
You’ve seen a ghost!?
BRANCH
No, never mind! This is going badly.
POPPY
I assure you, it isn’t. But let’s move on. Troll Hamlet: Part Two. Biggie Hamlet, if you please?
(GUY DIAMOND (dressed as Horatio) steps forward to join BIGGIE (as Hamlet).)
GUY DIAMOND
(as Horatio) Knock knock!
(BIGGIE (as Hamlet) lies on the ground and reaches one hand toward the sky.)
BIGGIE
(as Hamlet; beleaguered and raspy) Who is it?
GUY DIAMOND
(as Horatio)
It’s me – the Troll who comes in the very end of the play. But still has to sit through all the rehearsals. So—
(GUY DIAMOND (as Horatio) runs and grabs BIGGIE (as Hamlet) by the shirt.)
(GUY DIAMOND)
(as Horatio)
What tragedy has befallen, quickly before you expire, speak!
(BIGGIE (as Hamlet) jumps up and brushes himself off, like nothing’s happened.)
BIGGIE
(as Hamlet)
I’m fine, we all are! Everything’s really good. Lord Dinkles and I are going to have a party later, you should come!
DJ SUKI
Everybody dance to The Hamlet Song!
(#17 – THE HAMLET SONG begins.)
THE HAMLET SONG
(The TROLL HAMLET ACTORS burst into song and dance.)
To The Left Now Y'all
TROLL HAMLET ACTORS: All Trolls to the right!
Ham let, Ham let, Ham let, Ham let,
Ham let, Ham let, Ham let, Ham let Song!
POPPY
The end!
(POPPY and TROLL HAMLET ACTORS bow. Everyone except BRANCH claps enthusiastically. BRANCH is stunned.)
BRANCH
You’ve turned four hours of art into a sloppy jingle.
POPPY
I know! So, throw me a bone here, Branch. I can’t tell if you love it or if you really, really love it.
BRANCH
I don’t get it.
POPPY
At every plot turn, I turned tragedy into comedy and dance breaks! It’s science – comedy makes you laugh and feel good. Tragedy makes you cry and feel bad. And we want the Bergens laughing!
BRANCH
Oh, so that was supposed to be funny?
POPPY
Clearly.
Oh, ok. (fake laugh)
BRANCH
Ha ha ha. I still don’t get it. If you take all tragedy out of life, it isn’t life. Art imitating life means that happy and sad things happen.
POPPY
Ugh! Branch. You have no vision. Would you get it if you watched the whole thing again with me in the lead? Doesn’t matter, it’s gonna happen. Biggie – you’re out! Not funny enough! And, lights!
(#18 – MAKE COMEDY OUT OF THE TRAGEDY begins.)
MAKE COMEDY OUT OF
THE TRAGEDY
(POPPY:) (as Hamlet) It’s me, Ham let
(More TROLLS join the TROLL HAMLET ACTORS as POPPY takes on the role of Hamlet. The TROLL HAMLET ACTORS put on a show for BRANCH ) I’m look ing blue,
- I’m see ing ghosts, I’m full of doubt.
- - It’s me, Ham let I’m feel ing tense,
(TRILLIAM TROLLSPEARE joins in on the fun.)
DJ SUKI: Quivering Quills – is that the playwright Trilliam Trollspeare?
I think I need to dance
TROLLSPEARE: 'Tis 'tis! How can I be of dramatic service? it out.
ENSEMBLE:
TRILLIAM TROLLSPERE:
is that e ven a ques tion? When
I won’t drown in the gloom I’ll find the joke I’ll find the joke
We don’t cry we go with the flow here. We go with the flow here
I’ll put a twist in the Troll speare here, here.
We go with the flow here.
I’ll put a twist in the Troll speare here, here.
I don’t need pois on, in se cure boys and
I don’t need pois on, in se cure boys and
I don’t wan na hold a skull, ew. To be or not to
- life gets tough, I have a sim ple
(BRANCH claps reluctantly. It was really good.)
POPPY
You’re clapping!
Yes.
But you’re frowning…
BRANCH
POPPY
BRANCH
So, if I understand correctly: you are playing Troll Hamlet, rewriting the play, directing the play, what else?
POPPY
Choreography!
BRANCH
I just want to flag that you might be taking on too much.
No, I’m not.
POPPY
BRANCH
You’re already half of the program!
(BRANCH unveils a long program with Poppy’s name printed a million times.)
POPPY
Oh…
BRANCH
If the whole show rests on you, it’s too much responsibility for one Troll.
POPPY
But I’m the leader of the Trolls. If we all get eaten, it’s going to be my fault.
BRANCH
But you won’t really care, because you’ve been eaten.
POPPY
It’s the principle of the thing, Branch!
BRANCH
All the more reason to delegate!
(CHEF barges in, followed by SOUS CHEF and DEPUTY SOUS CHEF.)
CHEF
Hello, Trolls!
(The TROLLS scream!)
Ahhh!
TROLLS
(#19 – COOPER FARTS AGAIN begins.)
(COOPER farts three cupcakes.)
COOPER
(offering them to CHEF)
Cupcakes?
CHEF
You all seem to be in a good mood? Things going well with your little play?
POPPY
Yeah, they are!
CHEF
Well, that’s not really for you to decide, now is it?
SOUS CHEF, DEPUTY SOUS CHEF No, Chef!
CHEF
Besides if things were going so well, then why am I here?
COOPER
Why are you here?
CHEF
I’m not. Don’t mind me. I just want to make sure we have pots and pans big enough for you!
(SOUS CHEF and DEPUTY SOUS CHEF hold up giant pots and pans. TROLLS gasp.)
(CHEF)
Please let us know if you have any food allergies and we’ll do our best to accommodate.
(#20 – IN MY KITCHEN (REPRISE) begins.)
KITCHEN (REPRISE)
(CHEF:) In
BRANCH: Trolls 5
SOUS CHEF, DEPUTY SOUS CHEF: your kitch en! Sweet in your kitch en, kitch en!
They will burn from the heat… (CHEF:) know (BRANCH:) how to
SOUS CHEF, DEPUTY SOUS CHEF: In your kitch en! Heat (BRANCH:) put on a show… (POPPY:) 9
(CHEF:)
(SOUS CHEF, DEPUTY SOUS CHEF:)
from your kitch en, kitch en!
(BRANCH:)
(POPPY:)
TROLLS: Ah!
(TROLLS scream!)
(#21 – TO THE ROYAL COURT begins.)
Scene 6
(Bergen Royal Court.)
(BRANCH, POPPY, and KING GRISTLE rush toward each other from opposite sides of the Royal Chambers. KING GRISTLE is carrying a pizza.)
King Gristle!
My top Trolls!
POPPY
KING GRISTLE
BRANCH
Everyone could really use a morale booster.
POPPY
What’s that you’ve got there? Is that pizza for us?
KING GRISTLE
No! This is for Bridget, it has all of her favorite toppings.
BRANCH
The stress of being eaten is getting in the way of creating the best show ever.
POPPY
The Trolls have worked harder on this show than any other show and just when it’s about to reach its full potential we’re being scared with giant pots and pans!
KING GRISTLE
That’ll only matter if Marie decides she wants everyone to eat Trolls.
BRANCH
She won’t – the show is going to be great.
POPPY
Awww. Thanks, Branch.
KING GRISTLE
The show might be great, but I’m not! She hates me! If she hates me, you get eaten!
(POPPY and BRANCH share a meaningful look.)
POPPY
We’ve got an idea!
BRANCH
Normally we would never suggest this, but ok:
POPPY
Be on your worst behavior.
KING GRISTLE
Excuse me?
Misery loves company!
BRANCH
POPPY
The only way to make an awful Bergen like you is to be as awful as they are.
KING GRISTLE
How do I do that?
(#22 – IT’S BETTER TO BE BAD (PART 1) begins.)
IT’S BETTER TO BE BAD (PART 1)
(POPPY and BRANCH coach KING GRISTLE on the best “worst” behavior to woo MARIE )
Pop Punk
2
POPPY: Woah
- flaws be man y and your perks be none
BRANCH: Step two: here’s what you got ta do,
since she’s such a mon ster, you be one too
Step three: take it from me,
- - be real ly ag gres sive, Gris tle, that will be the key.
She’s not gon na hate you and you’ll
be so glad, woah…
If you’re wrong, then she’ll plate you
When it comes
to Ma rie,
Bet ter to be bad.
BRANCH: Ok, try it with the Princess. (BRANCH and POPPY step aside, observing KING GRISTLE MARIE BERGENETTE enters, hangry, followed by her ENTOURAGE, which now includes BRIDGET, who has been acting as Marie’s scullery maid.)
MARIE: Listen up, King Gristle! There’s going to be some fast and drastic changes around here.
KING GRISTLE: Can it wait until after our moonlit walk?
MARIE: Ugh! Moonlit walks are the worst
KING GRISTLE: I agree. But then again, so are you!
(MARIE BERGENETTE gasps loudly.)
MARIE
You swine. You pig. You absolute rogue! (agreeable) Let me get my purse.
KING GRISTLE
(to himself, but loudly) Whoa, it’s working.
What’s working?
MARIE
KING GRISTLE
(avoiding being caught)
I’m showing you my true – really mean and horrible – self.
(KING GRISTLE and MARIE begin their moonlit walk, with BRIDGET and the ENTOURAGE trailing behind. POPPY and BRANCH also follow, keeping an eye on KING GRISTLE and his “bad behavior.” KING GRISTLE is still carrying the pizza. They pause at a puddle in the way.)
MARIE
Huh! Is that a puddle in the path?
KING GRISTLE
Yes… Let me take you down an alternate, less puddly path!
MARIE
Princess Marie Bergenette fears no puddle – figure something out.
KING GRISTLE
Bridget, help!
MARIE
Yes, good idea, Bridget, you can help by lying down in the mud. That’s a good idea, right, Gristle? You’re mean enough to think that’s a good idea, right?
KING GRISTLE
… Yeah.
MARIE
Then say it. And no winking.
KING GRISTLE
I think this is a good mean idea.
(BRIDGET lowers herself into the mud.)
BRIDGET
Okay…
(MARIE “steps on” BRIDGET as she crosses the puddle.)
(BRIDGET)
Ouch!
MARIE Is that pizza?! Give it to me!
(MARIE grabs the pizza KING GRISTLE has been saving for BRIDGET.)
KING GRISTLE (whispering) Bridget! I’m sorry!
BRIDGET
Pizza is our thing… (#23 – IT’S BETTER TO BE BAD (PART 2) begins.)
IT’S BETTER TO BE BAD (PART
2)
POPPY: Think it's working?
BRANCH: Maybe too well...
MARIE: Gristle, now that I see the ugly side of you, I’m kind of into it
(MARIE:) Gris tle, con fes
Gris tle, a ques tion…
Would you be mine? KING GRISTLE: Wait, what?!
MARIE: You’re not a nice king, you’re a law less lad.
When
We’re going to have so much fun eating Trolls together!
(KING GRISTLE is being pulled offstage by MARIE and her ENTOURAGE. BRIDGET lingers behind the group.)
KING GRISTLE
(struggling against the ENTOURAGE)
No! Turns out being bad was bad. I should have just been good, I knew it!
(POPPY and BRANCH run after them. BRIDGET returns to the castle alone.)
Scene 7
(Bergen Royal Court.)
(BRIDGET is alone in an empty corridor.)
(#24 – WALK ALL OVER ME begins.)
WALK ALL OVER ME
(BRIDGET starts scrubbing the castle floor )
BRIDGET: Gristly-Poo
I just have a couple questions... Swing 16ths
4
(BRIDGET:) I’m your la dy in wait ing… but how
(BRIDGET:) long, Gris tle?
(Castle portraits, suits of armor, and other castle décor come to life as BRIDGET’s backup singers.)
ENSEMBLE: How long?
(BRIDGET:)
ENSEMBLE: How
ENSEMBLE:
Look at the mess you’re cre at ing… How (ENSEMBLE:) How
long! How strong! How wrong! For
long! How strong! How wrong! How wrong!
- - - You bruise my e go and my ver te brae.
(BRIDGET:) Heart breaks! Back cracks! (BRIDGET stretches her back ) For
(BRIDGET:) you Slower I’d run an
rized
You are mine, and I am yours, you
ground ed but I’m not the ground,
(BRIDGET returns to cleaning. Having seen BRIDGET’s moment of vulnerability, ROYAL GUARDS CHAD and TODD and ADVISOR chat idly.)
ROYAL GUARD CHAD
Poor Bridget.
ROYAL GUARD TODD
She really deserves better.
ROYAL GUARD CHAD
(putting arm around TODD)
I just wish everyone could have what Todd and I have.
ROYAL GUARD TODD
Aww. Right back at you, Chad.
ADVISOR
Bergens like Marie Bergenette don’t want what you have, Royal Guards Chad and Todd. Love is just another toy to her.
ROYAL GUARD TODD
Wait – you actually have opinions about things?
ADVISOR
Yeah.
ROYAL GUARD CHAD
Why don’t you ever share them?
ADVISOR
Because my job isn’t to share what I know, it’s to agree with what everyone else knows!
ROYAL GUARD CHAD
And how well do you think you’re doing at that job?
ROYAL GUARD TODD
Whatever, what else do you know?
(BRIDGET, still cleaning, has moved closer to the ROYAL GUARDS and ADVISOR.)
ADVISOR
Some say Marie killed her own twin sister so she would be next in line for the throne.
ROYAL GUARD CHAD, ROYAL GUARD TODD
(shocked)
What??
ADVISOR
Although there are rumors her missing twin just disappeared at birth.
BRIDGET
(overhearing them) Wait – I disappeared at birth!
ROYAL GUARD CHAD
Hey, didn’t Bridget disappear at birth?
ROYAL GUARD TODD
Could she be the rightful heir to the throne of Bergen, France?
BRIDGET
Does that mean? Does that make me?
ALL
Princess…
(#25 – TO TROLLSTICE begins.)
Scene 8
(#26 – ROYAL HYPE CREW 2 begins.)
(The Trollstice Auditorium.)
(Something between a coliseum and a circus ring. Flags and streamers like a sporting event. BERGENS sit in the audience while the ROYAL HYPE CREW amp up the CROWD.)
EXTREME ANNOUNCER
Everybody say Trollstice!
ECHO, CROWD
Trollstice!
EXTREME ANNOUNCER
It’s finally here, so let’s make some noise!!
(The CROWD cheers, hopefully.)
(EXTREME ANNOUNCER)
Everybody say Trollstice!
ECHO, CROWD
Trollstice!
T-t-t-today!
ECHO
EXTREME ANNOUNCER
The Trolls are performing like their lives depended on it.
ECHO
Because they do.
EXTREME ANNOUNCER
If this show isn’t the best show that anyone has every seen at any time ever the king has promised everyone in attendance a free Trolls dinner and partial refund.
EXTREME ANNOUNCER, ECHO
Refund! Refund!
EXTREME ANNOUNCER
Be there or... What am I saying? You are already here.
EXTREME ANNOUNCER, ECHO
Let’s go!
REPORTER 1
We’re streaming to you live from Gristle Stadium, for Trollstice 2.0.
REPORTER 2
Too Trollstice, too furious.
(MARIE and her ENTOURAGE, including BRIDGET, enter the VIP area, followed by KING GRISTLE, ROYAL GUARDS, and ADVISOR.)
MARIE
Has it started yet? I can’t tell. That’s not good, is it? Not feeling very entertained right now, am I? Are you trying to make me hungry for Trolls, because that’s how you make me hungry for Trolls!
KING GRISTLE
It’s starting! Please give this a chance.
MARIE
Fine.
(MARIE huffs into her seat. The TROLLS take center stage. The TROLLS performance begins. BRANCH enters dressed as Troll Hamlet.)
BRANCH
Welcome to Troll Hamlet, everyone is going to have a real Hamlet of a time. We’ll start things off with a happy Troll dance. And that dance is called—
MARIE
(rudely interrupting) Skip! Seen it!
Shhhh!!!
BRIDGET
MARIE
You don’t tell me what to do, I tell you what to do. Troll Hamlet, right? Seen it.
POPPY
But we were going to do it different.
MARIE
Ugh. Don’t tell me that now. Ruined. Next!
(#27 – SEEN IT MONTAGE begins.)
3
SEEN IT MONTAGE
(The TROLLS speed through a rushed – and interrupted – version of their musical medley from rehearsal )
MARIE: Seen it.
BRANCH: How does a Troll from south ern Ber gen town
ALL TROLLS: Troll Faster kla ho
MARIE: Seen it ma! CHENILLE: Pop! SATIN: Dance.
BRANCH: Trolls. GUY DIAMOND: Yes please!
5
COOPER: Cup cakes
MARIE: Seen it Faster ALL TROLLS: Yeah!
SMIDGE: Troll stice
- Glit
MARIE: Seen it. And that didn't even have singing. ter! Slow (ALL TROLLS:) One Troll more
MARIE: Seen it.
(MARIE)
Seen it seen it seen it! Seeeeeen itttt! You’re not just ruining a play, you’re ruining all plays.
(The TROLLS are left wondering what to do next to prevent being eaten while the BERGENS looks on in confusion.)
KING GRISTLE
I have an idea. Poppy, listen, you can’t do anything from the past because she’s seen it, you have to do something from right now.
POPPY
What? Like come up with something on the spot?
BRANCH
You know I draw the line at improv.
POPPY
Branch, please, this is life and death!
BRANCH
You’re right, let’s do this.
BIGGIE
Aren’t you always saying something about life imitating art or art imitating life or something?
MR. DINKLES
Meep meep!
BIGGIE
Oh yeah, I mean art imitating life?
I can imitate others!
Me too!
COOPER
GUY DIAMOND
CHENILLE
We need hot gossip, tales of palace intrigue, dirty secrets!
SATIN
We need someone who knows all the tea.
ROYAL GUARD TODD
Well, let us spill it for you!
(ROYAL GUARDS CHAD and TODD come over to the TROLLS and they huddle, whispering. POPPY emerges to set the scene. The TROLLS, wielding new props, costumes, and/or accessories to indicate their roles, act out the recent happenings at the Bergen court.)
POPPY
“Act 1: The Cook and The King.”
(SMIDGE (dressed as Chef) enters banging on a pot.)
SMIDGE
(as Chef)
I am Chef and wish that things could go back to the way that things were because that’s when things were best!
(COOPER (dressed as King Gristle) enters.)
COOPER
(as King Gristle)
No! I, King Gristle, say we can’t go back to the way things were because the way things are now are best!
POPPY
“Act 2: Trolls.”
(DJ SUKI (dressed as Poppy) and GUY DIAMOND (dressed as Branch) enter.)
DJ SUKI
(as Poppy)
I’m Poppy and I think that everything is better if it’s a little more fun. Or even a lot!
(as Branch)
GUY DIAMOND
I’m Branch. I don’t think anything is good unless it’s serious and hard to understand.
DJ SUKI
(as Poppy)
The king has told us that we must perform a show that tops all others or we get eaten!
GUY DIAMOND
(as Branch)
That sounds easy enough!
DJ SUKI
(as Poppy)
Almost anything is better than being cooked and eaten… but performing because we have to isn’t the same.
(KING GRISTLE stands in the audience.)
KING GRISTLE
Wait! This whole time I’ve been making my Troll friends unhappy just so the Bergens could be happy?? I think I’m having some thoughts and feelings about that. Advisor? Advisor?!
POPPY
“Act 3: The Advisor.”
(as Advisor)
CHENILLE
Yes, I am the advisor, I know so much. But I must never speak of such.
SATIN
(as Advisor)
For if I do, then I’ll be let go, because it doesn’t matter what advisors know.
CHENILLE
(as Advisor)
I am here just to agree.
(as Advisor)
SATIN
One may as well speak to a tree.
KING GRISTLE Advisor!
ADVISOR
Yes, Your Majesty. What do you want me to agree with?
KING GRISTLE
I just had a realization based on this poignant scene.
ADVISOR
You’re going to offer me job security so I can speak my mind freely?
KING GRISTLE No!
ADVISOR
Does this mean I’m getting fired?
KING GRISTLE
Even better. Now that I understand the full extent of your usefulness, it’s time for you to fail upward. Everyone, I want you to meet the new head of Bergen Customer Service!
ADVISOR
Press nine for Advisor.
KING GRISTLE
Or don’t, it won’t do anything!
POPPY
“Act 4: Bridget and Marie.”
(POPPY and PYROTECHNICS TROLL enter dressed as Marie and Bridget.)
PYROTECHNICS TROLL (as Bridget)
I am the missing twin princess and rightful heir to the throne of Bergen, France: Bridget. But I am treated with such cruelty.
POPPY
(as Marie)
Hon hon hon! Shut your mouth or else I will hit you with this baguette!
MARIE
Wait a second – she sounds kind of familiar.
(POPPY (as Marie) chases PYROTECHNICS TROLL (as Bridget).)
POPPY
(as Marie)
Hon hon hon! I’m the princess of Bergen, France, that’s why I have this outrageous accent! I rule with le iron hand. Let them eat le cake! Hon hon hon!
MARIE
(laughing hysterically)
Stop stop stop that’s me! That’s me!! That is exactly how I talk! I have been made the butt of the joke! Lampooned! Satirized! Hoisted by my own baguette! HonHonHonHon!
(MARIE wipes away tears from laughing.)
(MARIE)
Just when I thought I’d seen everything – I see myself! Oh what folly! Bravo! I say bravo! I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I loved the show. I love theatre! One must laugh at oneself to know thyself.
(MARIE encourages everyone to applaud.)
MARIE, CROWD
Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!
(Uproarious applause from the CROWD. CHEF interrupts.)
CHEF
I don’t believe it, they are actually enjoying this. I can’t stand it when people enjoy things. That’s why I became A CHEF. I guess if you want something destroyed right, you have to do it yourself.
SOUS CHEF
Chef, not without us, Chef!
DEPUTY SOUS CHEF
Allow us to help you do it yourself!
(The SOUS CHEFS run after CHEF as CHEF charges the stage, going after the TROLLS.)
(#28 – THE SHOW MUST NOT GO ON begins.)
THE SHOW MUST NOT GO ON
CHEF: I have had e
(CHEF stalks the TROLLS around the stage.) nough, Trolls!
I am not a fan
(When CHEF can’t catch them, CHEF starts ripping things apart, doing her best to ruin the Trolls' set/show.) I have had e nough, Trolls!
- This was not my plan No more spot light, pull the plug!
- No more set, I’ll tear the rug! No more cos tumes, just one tug,
rip! Get a grip You all have no taste, but
you have plen ty fla vor. Troll speare is a waste, so
- please do me a fa vor!
No more mu sic, cut the track!
for this to fade to black No cheers, just fear The
POPPY: Please leave (The TROLLS take a stand ) us a lone, Chef! Why are you so rude?
BIGGIE: Our show is a suc cess, so we will not be stewed. POPPY: Big
- - gie, that’s right, we got this We are not a fraid!
We be lieve in thea ter and the ma gic that we made!
CHEF: Aren’t you just so pre cious? Wow, you’re such a fool!
You’ll be in my pot, Big gie, just like it’s a pool!
We re mem bered ev ‘ry line COOPER: And im pro vised the rest!
(CHEF:) on! The show must not go on! The
Show SOUS CHEF: must not go on!
Show must not DEPUTY SOUS CHEF: go on!
Show must not go
Show must not go
show must not go on! Lights out. on! on!
(CHEF unplugs a big plug. Blackout in the arena. The TROLLS and BERGENS are left in the dark, scared and confused.)
CHEF
If I can’t have what I want, you don’t get your little show. Enjoy the dark, weirdos!
(CHEF and SOUS CHEFS exit.)
COOPER
It’s over.
It’s all over!
GUY DIAMOND
DJ SUKI
There’s nothing we can do.
BIGGIE
Absolutely nothing!
Let’s give up.
She’s ruined everything!
SATIN
CHENILLE
POPPY
Hold on! She didn’t ruin everything.
(POPPY gives BRANCH a look.)
BRANCH
That’s right, Poppy! We still have our voices.
(#29 – GO WITH THE FLOW begins.)
GO WITH THE FLOW
Growing, Changing
(BRANCH:)
Trolls know
(BRANCH starts making music with the only thing left to him: his voice ) how to
(BRANCH:) C'mon... (BRANCH:) Trolls 4
put on a show, we go with the flow…
(BRANCH looks to his fellow TROLLS, encouraging them to join in and make magic with their voices ) how to (BRANCH:) put on a show, we
know,
POPPY: Yeah, how to put on a show, we 7
(BRANCH:)
go with the flow…
(The TROLLS join in one by one ) Trolls
(POPPY:) go with the flow… Trolls
TROLLS: Trolls
(ALL TROLLS:)
(The TROLLS use their voices to create magic, slowly bringing light out of the darkness, eventually encircling POPPY.)
know, how to put on a show, we go with the flow!
(The magic of their voices turns on the lights fully. Everyone celebrates.)
POPPY
No matter what you take away, you can’t take away a play. Because a play isn’t the lights or the set or the sound. Or even the costumes.
(Everyone gasps.)
GUY DIAMOND
Choreography! Called it.
POPPY
No, Guy Diamond. It’s about the players. All of the players. And the audience. Coming together to be in one place and experience one story.
BRANCH
You did it.
We did it.
POPPY
BRANCH
I used to think that theatre had to be only one thing—
POPPY
With me doing everything!
BRANCH
That we respected something by setting it in stone — but it’s more than what’s written down.
BRIDGET
I’ve learned that theatre is alive!
SMIDGE
And thanks to theatre, so are we!
MR. DINKLES
Meep!
POPPY
I couldn’t have said it better myself, Mr. Dinkles. Let’s hug, everybody!
TROLLS
Troll hug!
(The TROLLS hug! KING GRISTLE runs onstage.)
KING GRISTLE
I’ve decided I’m not going to have any more advisors! I can make decisions for myself. Maybe that’s what the Advisor was trying to teach me all along.
BRIDGET
No, they were just trying not to get fired, remember?
KING GRISTLE
Oh yeah. Wow, this really is the best Trollstice we’ve ever had.
MARIE
I may have underestimated you, King Gristle. I think I just might like running things around here after all.
KING GRISTLE
But you’re not going to be running things.
MARIE
What? Don’t tell me you really believe that silly dog and pony show. Besides, if Bridget were the missing princess and rightful heir to the throne, she would have the royal mark!
(Everyone gasps as BRIDGET reveals the royal mark.)
BRIDGET
Oh, this royal mark?
(Everyone celebrates – big cheers and applause.)
BRANCH
(with pride)
This happens all the time in the plays of Trilliam Trollspeare.
MARIE
Without my royal title, how will I be able to look down on anyone!
BRIDGET
You’ll just have to look them in the eye.
MARIE
Oh terreblay!!
BRIDGET
My first act as the true princess of Bergen, France, is to decree that eating Trolls is strictly forbidden throughout the kingdom forevermore!!
KING GRISTLE
So now that you’re a princess does that mean you’re too fancy for pizza night?
BRIDGET
I promise I will never be too fancy for pizza night!
KING GRISTLE
There’s only one thing that’s bothering me. Now that Trolls aren’t required to perform, who will entertain us?
ROYAL GUARD CHAD
Eh-hm. We don’t want anyone we work with to know, but we’ve decided to become actors.
KING GRISTLE
Really? You too, Royal Guard Todd?
ROYAL GUARD TODD
Yeah, I want to do theatre now. I think I can get my happiness from performing.
ROYAL GUARD CHAD
We don’t have to only be entertained by the Trolls, it’s even more fun to participate!
MARIE
(while munching on a baguette)
Even though I’ve lost my royal title, and no longer terrorize the Trolls, I’ve found the next best thing. I’ll be a theatre critic.
(Everyone cheers. CHEF bursts through the crowd, full of indignant rage, followed by SOUS CHEF and DEPUTY SOUS CHEF.)
CHEF
No no no no! The only way to be happy is to eat Trolls! We have to eat Trolls!
KING GRISTLE
Chef – you can either get with the times and stop trying to get us to eat Trolls or you can get up outta here and be eaten by a worm monster again!
CHEF
You didn’t even give me a chance to make you happy. I could make you all happy!
KING GRISTLE
That sounds like worm monster talk to me. Get her, guards!
(#30 – TROLLS KNOW (REPRISE) begins.)
TROLLS KNOW (REPRISE)
One Last Time BRANCH: We don’t need the lights or the set
(ROYAL GUARDS CHAD and TODD apprehend CHEF, SOUS CHEF, DEPUTY SOUS CHEF.)
Our stor y is n’t o ver yet
- - You can’t de stroy all the joy we’ll be bring ing, 5
- - we’ll keep danc ing and sing ing! ALL TROLLS: Trolls 7
(All BERGENS and TROLLS gather to begin a brand-new kind of Trollstice celebration!) how to put on a show, we 9
- - made a pop py play and we learned a long the way. Trolls
tribe with the vibe, yeah we go with the flow! Woo!
GRISTLE: Go take the reins, lead er ship is in my veins.
O pen your mind, you’d (ALL:) Les sons!
girl, you de serve so much more.
-Glad
I’ll CHEF: be back and I’ll be ex tra vi cious,
(CHEF:) My re venge will be de li cious POPPY, BRANCH: Break legs! Trolls ALL TROLLS: Trolls
know yeah, how to put on a show, we
know how to put on a show, we
made a pop py play and we learned a long the way Trolls
-- -
made a pop py play and we learned a long the way Trolls
know how to put on a show, we’re the 37
know yeah, how to put on a show, we’re the
tribe with the vibe, yeah we go with the flow! Trolls
tribe with the vibe, yeah we go with the flow! Trolls
(POPPY, BRANCH, TROLLS:)
know how to put on a show, get
SMALL GROUP, CHEF: Tr, tr, tr, tr, tr, trolls. Tr, tr, tr, tr, tr, tr, tr, trolls.
(POPPY, BRANCH, TROLLS:) up on your feet, you can’t boo 43
gie from your seat. ‘Cause Trolls know how to
SMALL GROUP, CHEF: Tr, tr, tr, tr, tr, trolls
put on a show, we’re the Tr, tr, tr, tr,
(ALL:)
tribe with the vibe, yeah we go with the flow! ‘Cause we’re
Tr,
Tr,
(#31 – BOWS begins.)
THE END
(#32 – EXIT MUSIC begins.)