Santa Switch libretto

Libretto Vocal Book

By

Jeremy Desmon Arrangements and Orchestrations by

Jesse Vargas

Additional Arrangements and Orchestrations by

Spencer Crosswell Originally Directed by

Paul Stancato

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THANK YOU! Originally Produced by Timber Lake Playhouse, Mt. Carroll, IL. Dan Danielowski - Executive Director, Paul Stancato - Artistic Director Further Developed and Produced by Titusville Playhouse, Titusville, FL. Steven J. Heron - Executive and Artistic Director Developed by Lively McCabe Entertainment in association with BMG and Primary Wave Music © 2025 Lively McCabe Entertainment, BMG, and Primary Wave Music

(Last Revised—February 2026)

C ast of C haracters (3m, 3f—plus ensemble) LUCY (female, 20s / 30s)—Idealistic. Plucky. Loyal. An aspiring artist, Lucy came to New York in search of her place in the world. She believes in the inherent goodness of people; her optimism in the human spirit is infectious. It also gets her in trouble.

JACK (male, 20s / 30s)—Ambitious. Charismatic. Cynical. Great hair. With a chip on his shoulder, Jack is a high-powered advertising executive gunning for his next score. Smooth with the ladies and emotionally distant, he’s not the guy you’d peg to don a red velvet suit and pass out toys to girls and boys. Oops.

SANTA CLAUS (male)—At first glance, he’s the jolly, bearded gent of yore with a belly full of jelly. But he’s now at a turning point: after a century in the sleigh, he doesn’t quite have the passion for the grind he once did. Might it be time to pass the reins?

MRS. CLAUS (female)—The bespectacled, gray-haired matron of The North Pole, she’s always been satisfied as the “woman behind the Big Man.” When she’s forced to step up and save Christmas, she realizes she likes calling the shots! And she’s great at it.

RHUBARB (female, ageless)—Santa’s no-nonsense, upbeat Head Elf with an aggressively “cheerful” demeanor. Loves Christmas with a chipper, adorable intensity heretofore unknown in the mortal world.

TOPHER (male, 20s / 30s)—Unflinchingly kind and warmhearted. Almost “too nice,” Topher runs Kringlez Kidz, a children’s charity. If Santa were a socially awkward young professional in mid-century Manhattan, this jovial square is how you’d imagine him.

PLUS, AN AMAZING ENSEMBLE OF MULTI-TALENTED PERFORMERS The ensemble plays a number of roles, including various children, diner denizens, salespeople, a sparkle of elves (including Cinnamon, Juniper, Gingersnap, Glitterpants, Becky, and others), Arthur, Hildy, Chester, Operator, bar patrons, Mrs. Callaway, Businessman, Kringlez Kidz Dancers, partygoers, security guards, and others.

—i—

M usical N umbers Act I 1.

Best Day of My Life.. ......... ENSEMBLE (CHILDREN / PARENTS), SANTA .......... 1

1A.

Sugar Plum Diner. . ........................................................................................ 6

2.

Breakaway...................................... SANTA, LUCY, ENSEMBLE (DINERS) ........ 10

3.

Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.............. MRS. CLAUS, RHUBARB, .. .............................................................................................. ENSEMBLE (ELVES) ........ 15

3A.

Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree (Reprise)............... MRS. CLAUS, .. ............................................................................................... ENSEMBLE (ELVES) ........ 17

3B.

The Bells of SinterKlaas......... SANTA, MRS. CLAUS, ENSEMBLE (ELVES) ........ 20

4.

What I Like About You............................................. JACK, ENSEMBLE ........ 23

5.

Good to Be Alive (Hallelujah)............................... MRS. CLAUS, JACK, .. ............................................................................................... ENSEMBLE (ELVES) ........ 31

6.

The Twelve Days of Christmas. . ........... RHUBARB, ENSEMBLE (ELVES) ........ 37

6A.

The Twelve Days of Christmas (Playoff)................................................... 43

6B.

Back to Jack................................................................................................. 47

7.

What a Wonderful World.......................................................... LUCY ........ 51

8.

(Everybody’s Waitin’ For) The Man With the Bag................... JACK, .. ............................................................................... ENSEMBLE (BAR DENIZENS) ........ 55

8A.

Conga (Playoff)........................................................................................... 57

9.

Fight Song.. ........................................... MRS. CLAUS, LUCY, ENSEMBLE ........ 60

9A.

Fight Song (Playoff).................................................................................... 65

10.

Act I Finale............................................................... LUCY, ENSEMBLE ........ 71

—ii—

M usical N umbers (C ont ’ d ) Act II 11.

Kringlez Kidz Medley. . ........................... ENSEMBLE (KIDZ & ADULTS) ........ 73

11A.

Kringlez Kids Underscore.......................................................................... 75

12.

Hold My Hand........................................... TOPHER, LUCY, ENSEMBLE ........ 78

13.

Treat You Better.......................................................................... JACK ........ 84

13A.

The Ol’Christmas Try................................................................................. 88

14.

A Holly Jolly Christmas. . ...................... RHUBARB, ENSEMBLE (ELVES) ........ 89

14A.

A (Not So) Holly Jolly (Playoff)................................................................. 95

15.

Fight Song (Reprise).. ................................................................. LUCY ...... 104

16.

Still the One. . .......................... MRS. CLAUS, SANTA, ENSEMBLE (ELVES) ...... 107

16A.

The Bells of SinterKlaas (Reprise)...................... SANTA, MRS. CLAUS, .. ............................................................................................... ENSEMBLE (ELVES) ...... 110

16B.

Breakaway (Reprise)................................................................... JACK ...... 112

16C.

Topher Out................................................................................................ 115

16D.

What A Wonderful World (Reprise)................................ JACK, LUCY ...... 117

16E.

One Last Transition.. ................................................................................. 118

17.

On Top of the World / Best Day of My Life (Reprise) (Finale)........ .. .................................................................................................... FULL COMPANY ...... 120

18.

Bows.. ......................................................................................................... 125

19.

Megamix..................................................................... FULL COMPANY ...... 125

—iii—

Santa Switch

— 1 —

ACT I SCENE 1—CHRISTMAS EVE It’s Christmas Eve in Mid-Century America.

Decorations fill the stage, i.e., trees, wreaths, garland.

A FIREPLACE features prominently.

SFX / MUSIC: Tick-tocks. Sleigh Bells. Clip-clops.

SANTA (O.S.) (in the distance, echo-y) Ho-Ho-Ho… Merry Christmas!

#1 —B e s t D a y o f My L i f e

Ensemble (Children / Parents), Santa

CHILDREN are in bed awaiting you-know-who. Lights hit CHILD #1—who bolts awake with anticipation!

CHILD #1 (in a superhero cape) I HAD A DREAM SO BIG AND LOUD I JUMPED SO HIGH, I TOUCHED THE CLOUDS WHOA, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH—

ALL THE CHILDREN WHOA, OH, OH , OH, OH, OH—

Lights hit CHILD #2.

CHILD #2 (with a stuffed monster) I STRETCHED MY HANDS OUT TO THE SKY AND DANCED WITH MONSTERS THROUGH THE NIGHT WHOA, OH, OH, OH, OH—

ALL THE CHILDREN WHOA, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH

CHILD #1 & CHILD #2 I’M NEVER GONNA LOOK BACK, WHOA

(THEY yawn) I’M NEVER GONNA GIVE IT UP, WHOA

(more yawns, music starts to slow down)

— 2 —

Santa Switch

(CHILD #1 & CHILD #2) PLEASE DON’T WAKE ME NOW…

They’ve slipped back UNDER THE COVERS. Then, in the distance:

SANTA Ho! Ho! Ho!

The children leap up, excited!

ALL THE CHILDREN OOH, OOH, OOH THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE MY LI-I-I-I-I-I-FE! OOH, OOH, OOH THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE MY LI-I-I-I-I-I-FE!

The kids’ parents enter.

PARENT COUPLE #1 THEY HOWL AT THE MOON WITH FRIENDS BEFORE THE SUN COMES CRASHING IN!

ALL THE CHILDREN (& FEMALE ENSEMBLE) WHOA, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH WHOA, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH

PARENT COUPLE #2 AND ALL THE POSSIBILITIES NO LIMITS—JUST EPIPHANIES!

ALL THE CHILDREN (& FEMALE ENSEMBLE) WHOA, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH WHOA, OH, OH, OH, OH, OH

CHILDREN GROUP #1 I’M NEVER GONNA LOOK BACK, NO!

CHILDREN GROUP #2 I’M NEVER GONNA GIVE IT UP, NO

PARENTS NO! NO! NO! NO!

Echo-y, in the distance, we hear:

Santa Switch

— 3 —

SANTA (O.S.) Ho-Ho-Ho… Merry Christmas!

ALL THE CHILDREN

PARENTS

IT’S GONNA BE THE BEST DAY!

AH…

(GONNA BE THE BEST DAY!)

CHILDREN & PARENTS CHRISTMAS DAY!

A big chorus!

ALL THE CHILDREN

PARENTS

OOH, OOH, OOH

OOH…

THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE… MY LI-I-I-I-I-I-FE

AHH…

OOH, OOH, OOH

OOH…

THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE… MY LI-I-I-I-I-I-FE

AHH…

SLEIGH BELLS return. The KIDS run to their “windows.”

CHILDREN & PARENTS I HEAR IT CALLING OUTSIDE MY WINDOW

ALL CHILDREN I FEEL IT IN MY SOUL!

CHILDREN & PARENTS I FEEL IT IN MY SOUL! THE STARS ARE BURNING SO BRIGHT THE SUN WAS OUT ’TIL MIDNIGHT— I SAY WE LOSE CONTROL!

Music continues. In succession we hear: a CLATTER as SANTA lands on the roof! The SQUEEZING of a man going down a chimney! A THUD—as SANTA lands in the fireplace!

SANTA Ho-Ho-Hoooooooohhhhh, my back, my back, my back.

(then) Man, chimneys have definitely shrunk.

(patting his belly) That’s the ONLY explanation I’ll accept.

— 4 —

Santa Switch

(SANTA) (sings, trying to be cheerful) HO, HO, HO, HO, HO… THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH…

SANTA unrolls a GIANT SCROLL. He reads.

Now, where are we? Japan? Peru? Ahhhh, [Joke on Local City Name]…

(looking in bag, talking to himself) OK, Vivien, what did Santa bring you? A… hula hoop!

(looking in bag, pulling out gift, mocking surprise) And for Frankie… whaaaat? Another hula hoop?! I hit the jackpot inventing this puppy…

SANTA spots Milk and Cookies.

Look at that! Milk and Cookies!

(mock excitement) So original, yay… !

(cheerful) Dear Santa: For Christmas, I’d like at least one salad. Signed, Santa.

(eating cookies, mouth full) Onward!

As Santa “walks” to the next house, he tells himself a bad joke.

“Hey, Santa!” “Yes, Santa?” “What do you call a poor Santa Claus?” “I don’t know, what do you call a poor Santa Claus.”

(answering) “St. Nickel-less… Get it?”

Rimshot. He’s “at” the next house.

Ahh, more gifts, let’s see…

(quickly, pulling wrapped gifts out of the bag) Janet: hula hoop! David: hula hoop! And Stephanie gets… a Magic Eight Ball.

(pulls out final gift) Just kidding: a hula hoop!

Again, DRAMATIC MUSIC. A spot hits Milk and Cookies.

Santa Switch

— 5 —

(SANTA) More Milk and Cookies…

HE looks around to see if anyone is watching—and then just DUMPS the cookies in his sack. (“pretending” rather poorly that he ate them) Nom, nom, nom, yum, yum…

Suddenly, SANTA realizes he has to sneeze.

Uh-oh. A sneeze!

(trying to hold it back) Ah— Ah— Ah— AH-CHOO!

The CHILDREN all BOLT AWAKE. Will Santa get out? (uh-oh; to himself, scurrying out) Oh, fudgesicles.

The CHILDREN burst to their feet and sing—Santa has escaped!

ALL THE CHILDREN

SOPRANO / ALTO PARENTS

TENOR / BASS PARENTS

OOH, OOH, OOH

OOH…

OOH…

THIS IS GONNA BE THE

OOH…

AHH…

BEST DAY OF MY LIFE… MY LI-I-I-I-I-I-FE

LI-I-I-I-I-I-FE

OOH, OOH, OOH

AHH…

OOH, OOH, OOH

THIS IS GONNA BE THE

LI-I-I-I-I-I-FE

BEST DAY OF MY LIFE…

OOH, OOH, OOH

OF MY

LIFE… OF MY

LIFE!

LIFE!

LIFE!

THIS IS GONNA BE THE

OF MY

THIS IS GONNA BE THE

BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!

LIFE!

BEST DAY OF YOUR—

ALL LIFE!

— 6 —

Santa Switch

SCENE 2—SUGAR PLUM DINER (NYC), CHRISTMAS MORNING, 4AM Christmas morning. Just before 4AM. Manhattan’s “Sugar Plum Diner.”

It’s very 1958. Scattered folks fill booths. LUCY, a plucky young waitress is the only one working. A diner shuffles out as lights rise.

#1 A — Sug a r P l u m D i n e r LUCY It’s almost 4am—hurry home and see what Santa left under the tree!

(clearing the table) And thanks for the generous…

(counting it, disappointed) three-cent tip…

Passing the counter, she stops at a PURPLE CANISTER. (It’s a “Kringlez Kidz” Charity Canister.)

Ah, well…

(putting pennies in canister, one-by-one) Every. Bit. Helps. Go forth, little pennies, and help a really cute kid in need.

(realizing how awful that is; to the canister) Or, a not-so-cute kid in need! That’s nice—he needs all the help he can get.

The door jingles and SANTA enters.

Here’s the thing: Santa wears “street clothes” and is completely UNRECOGNIZABLE as Ol’ St. Nick. (Of course, the audience knows it’s the same gent from the opening.)

HE’s a bit zonked, but still cheerful.

Welcome to New York’s Sugar Plum Diner! Merry Christmas—

(looks up, she has NO IDEA he’s Santa) Whoa, pal, you look exhausted!

(catching herself) Sorry…

SANTA (IN DISGUISE) (smiles) It’s OK. I’ve had a loooong night.

Santa Switch

— 7 —

LUCY (cheerfully) You think you had a long night? Think of Santa! Did you know he flies with the Earth’s rotation, so his night is over twenty-four hours long?

SANTA (IN DISGUISE) I’ve heard that, yes.

LUCY I’m a bit of a Christmas Junkie.

SANTA Me, too.

LUCY I know what’ll perk you up. Some of our homemade chocolate chip cookies!

Santa WINCES at the thought.

SANTA NO—ho, ho, ho! I’m… cookie-d out. But coffee would be swell.

LUCY Cup o’ joe, it is. With milk?

SANTA No more milk! Please! No cookies! Thank you!

(laughs) Sorry, I’ve had a… Santa-length night.

LUCY empathizes with the stranger.

LUCY Ohhhh, I get it.

(gathering a head of steam) I mean, tomorrow’s Christmas and I’ve had tables full of Scrooges all night. Do you have any idea what it’s like to GIVE and GIVE and GIVE and all anyone does is ask you for MORE?!

SANTA I most certainly do.

— 8 —

Santa Switch

They vent a bit.

LUCY “Gimme this!” “Gimme that!” It’s a constant list of demands!

SANTA I literally get LISTS of demands—in the mail.

LUCY No…

SANTA And just ’cuz it’s in crayon doesn’t make it cute.

LUCY They want everything… and they want it NOW! As if I’m magic!

SANTA Right?! And even if you were magic, there are still limits! Chimneys are incredibly inefficient.

LUCY (still venting, somehow missing the chimney thing) And the worst part? You can’t even complain…

SANTA (agreeing) Zip that lip!

LUCY Gotta stay cheerful…

SANTA With me, it’s “jolly!” Always “jolly!” Which I think is just code for chubby.

LUCY And do they ever say “thank you?”

SANTA Never!

LUCY Not once!

Santa Switch

SANTA Sure, they leave you snacks… but, to be honest, that feels less like a “thank you” and more like a straight-up bribe.

Lucy shakes it off.

LUCY I’m so sorry to unload on you—where’s my Christmas Spirit?

(pouring coffee) Here you go. One coffee, black as a lump of coal in a naughty kid’s stocking.

SANTA Thank you…

(reading her name tag) “Lucy.” I’m Nick.

LUCY (conspiratorially) So, Nick. They got you working Christmas Eve, too, huh?

SANTA smiles.

SANTA Y’know… I do end up working EVERY Christmas Eve.

LUCY Every year?

SANTA Every single year.

LUCY Well, that’s not fair! Sounds like you should quit that job!

Santa LAUGHS at the thought, dismissing it.

Hey, if it no longer lights that fire in ya…

Santa gets quiet for a moment.

Oh, I didn’t mean to bring you down, Nick.

— 9 —

— 10 —

Santa Switch

SANTA Y’know, when I was young, me and the missus lived down the block from here. We loved to dance. Must’ve been a hundred years ago…

LUCY What’s on your mind, Nick?

SANTA (trying to erase the thought) Nothing! Hey, I’ve got THE greatest job in the world, THE greatest wife by my side, a whole family of trusty elv—

(catching himself) —friends… with pointy shoes. And heck, I get to wear red velvet pajamas to the office! It’s silly for me to even consider.

LUCY But… ?

SANTA How do you know if it’s time to change things up?

#2 —B r e akaw a y

Lucy, Santa, Ensemble (Diners)

LUCY Growing up in Sandusky—Ohio—my mom had an expression. She’d say, “Lulu, the best time to plant an oak tree was fifty years ago. The second best time… is now.”

GREW UP IN A SMALL TOWN AND WHEN THE RAIN WOULD FALL DOWN I’D JUST STARE OUT MY WINDOW DREAMIN’ OF WHAT COULD BE AND IF I’D END UP HAPPY I WOULD PRAY… TRYING HARD TO REACH OUT BUT WHEN I TRIED TO SPEAK OUT FELT LIKE NO ONE COULD HEAR ME WANTED TO BELONG HERE BUT SOMETHING FELT SO WRONG HERE SO I’D PRAY… I COULD BREAK AWAY!

I’d say to myself…

Santa Switch

— 11 —

(LUCY) I’LL SPREAD MY WINGS AND I’LL LEARN HOW TO FLY I’LL DO WHAT IT TAKES TILL I TOUCH THE SKY AND I’LL MAKE A WISH, TAKE A CHANCE, MAKE A CHANGE… AND BREAK AWAY! BREAK AWAY!

(as music continues) I always wanted to be an artist. But back home, all I could be was a wife. So, I packed my sketchbook and hopped a Greyhound to New York.

She pulls out her sketchbook and FLIPS through pages—as she does DOZENS OF LETTERS fall from the pages.

SANTA What are those?

LUCY Rejection letters from forty-three galleries.

SANTA (flipping through the book) But these drawings are fantastic!

LUCY Thanks. This sketchbook holds my dreams. What do you dream about?

Nick thinks about it.

SANTA I WANT TO FEEL THE WARM BREEZE SLEEP UNDER A PALM TREE FEEL THE RUSH OF THE OCEAN!

LUCY GET ON BOARD A FAST TRAIN?

SANTA TRAVEL ON A JET PLANE

LUCY & SANTA FAR AWAY… BREAK AWAY…

LUCY Say it with me!

— 12 —

Santa Switch

LUCY & SANTA I’LL SPREAD MY WINGS AND I’LL LEARN HOW TO FLY—

MUSIC pulls back—

SANTA Wait, wait, wait! I already know how to fly. I have a sleigh.

LUCY Pardon?

SANTA (moving on) Nothing. It’s just—I can’t quit. People rely on me.

Lucy doubles down (as diners “OOH” in the background).

LUCY

DINERS

OUT OF THE DARKNESS

OOH

AND INTO THE SUN

OOH

BUT YOU WON’T FORGET THE PLACE YOU COME FROM

OOH

YOU CAN TAKE A RISK!

TAKE A RISK, TAKE

TAKE A CHANCE!

A CHANCE, MAKE

MAKE A CHANGE!

A CHANGE

BREAK AWAY!

BREAK AWAY!

BUILDINGS WITH A HUNDRED FLOORS

CAN’T BREAK FREE

SWINGING ‘ROUND REVOLVING DOORS

OH

MAYBE I DON’T KNOW WHERE

DON’T KNOW WHERE

THEY’LL TAKE ME

THEY’LL TAKE ME

BUT

CAN’T BREAK FREE

GOTTA KEEP

GOTTA

MOVIN’ ON

KEEP MOVIN’

MOVIN’ ON

MOVIN’ ON

FLY AWAY

SANTA (feeling the spirit, gaining confidence) BREAK AWAY…

Santa Switch

— 13 —

LUCY That’s it, Nick!

SANTA BREAK AWAY…

LUCY Plant that oak tree!

SANTA BREAK AWAY!!!

LUCY

DINERS

BREAK AWAY!

TAKE A RISK, TAKE A CHANCE MAKE A CHANGE!

LUCY YOU’LL SPREAD YOUR WINGS

SANTA

DINERS

I’LL SPREAD MY WINGS

OOH

AND I’LL LEARN HOW TO FLY

OOH

AND LEARN HOW TO FLY

LEARN HOW TO FLY I’LL DO WHAT IT TAKES

‘TIL YOU TOUCH THE SKY

‘TIL I TOUCH THE SKY

OOH

MAKE A WISH

I’LL MAKE A WISH

AH

TAKE A CHANCE

TAKE A CHANCE

AH

MAKE A CHANGE

MAKE A CHANGE

AH MAKE A CHANGE

AND BREAK AWAY

AND BREAK AWAY

YOU’VE GOT TO BREAK AWAY

OUT OF THE DARKNESS

OUT OF THE DARKNESS

OOH

AND INTO THE SUN

AND INTO THE SUN

OOH INTO THE SUN

BUT YOU WON’T FORGET

BUT I WON’T FORGET

ALL THE ONES THAT YOU LOVE ALL THE ONES THAT I LOVE

OOH AHH

SO

SO

TAKE A RISK

TAKE A RISK

TAKE A RISK, TAKE

TAKE A CHANCE

TAKE A CHANCE

A CHANCE

MAKE A CHANGE

MAKE A CHANGE

MAKE A CHANGE

Santa breaks from his reverie, and realizes this is CRAZY.

— 14 —

Santa Switch

SANTA MAKE A WISH, TAKE A CHANCE… MAKE A CHANGE…

(to himself) What am I saying?

Santa digs into his pocket to pay.

LUCY Nick?

SANTA Thanks for the coffee, Lucy. And good luck with those drawings.

Santa leaves MONEY on the counter and exits.

LUCY (calling after him) No, no! This is way too much money!

(then) Thank you, Nick. You’re a saint.

LUCY GO SPREAD YOUR WINGS

DINERS AH

AND LEARN HOW TO FLY DO WHAT IT TAKES

AH

‘TIL YOU TOUCH THE SKY SO MAKE A WISH

MAKE…

TAKE A CHANCE

A…

MAKE A CHANGE

CHANGE

AND BREAK AWAY!

EH

On the button, Lucy puts Santa’s money into the Purple Charity Canister.

Santa Switch

— 15 —

SCENE 3—THE NORTH POLE (LATER THAT DAY) The North Pole.

A CHRISTMAS TREE stands beside a long table. ELVES fill the table with a Huge Feast (stuffing, casseroles, pies, etc.). RHUBARB, the cheerful-but-tightly-wound Head Elf, supervises.

#3 —R oc ki n’ A r o u n d T h e C h r i s t m a s T r e e

Mrs. Claus, Rhubarb, Ensemble (Elves)

ALL ROCKIN’ AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE AT THE CHRISTMAS PARTY HOP MISTLETOE HUNG WHERE YOU CAN SEE EV’RY COUPLE TRIES TO STOP ROCKIN’ AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE LET THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT RING LATER WE’LL HAVE SOME PUMPKIN PIE AND WE’LL DO SOME CAROLING

Mrs. Claus enters, carrying a huge ROAST TURKEY.

MRS. CLAUS YOU WILL GET A SENTIMENTAL FEELING WHEN YOU HEAR…

RHUBARB Sing it, Mrs. C!

MRS. CLAUS

ELVES

VOICES SINGING “LET’S BE JOLLY!!!”

AHH…

ALL DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY! ROCKIN’ AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE HAVE A HAPPY HOLIDAY EVERYONE DANCIN’ MERRILY IN THE NEW OLD-FASHIONED WAY!

MUSIC continues. Mrs. Claus surveys the feast.

RHUBARB Scrump-diddly-umptious! Santa’s Welcome Home Feast smells Twinkle-Tastic!

— 16 —

Santa Switch

MRS. CLAUS Nick’s sleigh should land any moment…

RHUBARB … and we’re ready, Mrs. C! Elves, roll call!

The ELVES scurry as Rhubarb calls “roll.” They take position and hold up their items.

Cinnamon!

CINNAMON Left fuzzy slipper!

RHUBARB Sugarplum!

SUGARPLUM Right fuzzy slipper!

RHUBARB Juniper!

JUNIPER Bathrobe!

RHUBARB Gingersnap!

GINGERSNAP Lavender calming spritz!

RHUBARB Becky!

No answer. … Becky!

BECKY (caught off guard) Present! Oh, right. I brought a third slipper.

RHUBARB CORNCOB PIPE, BECKY! Six rehearsals… Are you kidding me?!?!

MRS. CLAUS calms down RHUBARB.

Santa Switch

— 17 —

MRS. CLAUS Rhubarb, this is all so thoughtful. Nick will love it.

(music slips back in)

MRS. CLAUS

ELVES

HE WILL GET A SENTIMENTAL FEELING

OOH

WHEN HE HEARS… WHAT’D YA HEAR?

MRS. CLAUS & RHUBARB VOICES SINGING “LET’S BE JOLLY!”

AHH

ALL DECK THE HALLS WITH BOUGHS OF HOLLY! ROCKIN’ AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE HAVE A HAPPY HOLIDAY EV’RYONE DANCIN’ MERRILY IN THE NEW… OLD-… FASHIONED… WAY!

The song BUTTONS. As applause fades, we hear CLIP-CLOPS and JINGLEJANGLES—it’s Santa’s sleigh!

RHUBARB Holly Jolly Big Man approaching! Elves, to your battle stations!

The elves grab their slippers, robes, etc. They line up as SANTA enters.

#3 A — R oc ki n’ A r o u n d t h e C h r i s t m a s T r e e ( R e p r i s e ) MRS. CLAUS & ELVES ROCKIN’ AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE AT THE CHRISTMAS PARTY HOP!

Santa’s in a TERRIBLE MOOD. Mrs. Claus notices first.

ELVES MISTLETOE HUNG WHERE YOU CAN SEE EV’RY COUPLE TRIES TO STOP

(noticing Santa, elves stop singing, one-by-one) ROCKIN’ AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE LET THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT RING…

MUSIC OUT. (Becky still BELTS to the rafters, oblivious!)

Mrs. Claus, Ensemble (Elves)

— 18 —

Santa Switch

BECKY LATER WE’LL HAVE SOME PUMPKIN PIE, AND WE’LL—!

RHUBARB Read the room, Becky!

Becky stops singing. Mrs. Claus goes to comfort Santa.

MRS. CLAUS Nick, are you OK?

SANTA (unconvincingly putting on a brave face) Of course, my love! Another Twinkle-Tastic Christmas!

(thanking the Elves, one-by-one) Thank you all! Rhubarb. Cinnamon. Sugarplum. Juniper. Gingersnap. Freezerburn.

Bubblewrap. Glitterpants. Sparklemittens.

(with a little less cheer) Becky.

MRS. CLAUS We’ve been married ninety-eight years, Kringle. I know when you’re lying.

Santa gives in.

SANTA It’s just— have you noticed I haven’t exactly been… inspired lately? Toy-wise?

MRS. CLAUS You mean the hula-hoop thing?

The elves echo her sentiments.

ELVES (ad lib) So many hula hoops! / Hula hula hula! / Hoop-de-hoop! / What’s up with that?

SANTA (agreeing, to all) Right?! I used to be so good! Remember Tinkertoys?

(fond memories from the elves for each toy) Teddy Bears?! Yo-yos, am I right?!

Santa Switch

— 19 —

(SANTA) (the Elves go crazy!)

Do you think I lost it?

RHUBARB What’d you lose, Santa? Elves, get searchin’!

SANTA No, no, Rhubarb. It’s just recently, instead of dreaming up new ways to make kids smile, I dream about… learning an instrument… or becoming a chef… or doing close-up magic!

(pulls out HANDFULS of crumpled scraps) I started jotting stuff down on scraps of paper…

(pulls out TONS more) And I just kept jotting and jotting…

He pulls out EVEN MORE crumpled scraps (that Rhubarb collects).

MRS. CLAUS Remember what the previous Santa and Mrs. Claus told us when we were chosen?

SANTA They said, someday, we’d pass on the velvet suit just like they did. Just as it was passed to them.

MRS. CLAUS And when the time came, we’d know.

SANTA (a tough question) Do you miss it? The “real world”?

MRS. CLAUS Maybe? I mean, I haven’t left the Pole since 1874… now they have skyscrapers and ice cream trucks and women’s power suits with pants! I’m game if you are.

They share a look. The two AGREE.

SANTA Elves, the time’s come to hang up the ol’ boots.

RHUBARB Where should we hang ’em, Santa? Cinnamon, go get his boots.

— 20 —

Santa Switch

SANTA No, no, Rhubarb… What I’m saying is:

(taking Mrs. Claus’ hand) I’m going to retire.

The ELVES protest.

ELVES (AD LIB) “What do you mean?” / “You can’t retire!” / “No!” / “But we need you!” / “Santa!”

BECKY (as always, a step behind) What an exciting life change!

Mrs. Claus turns to Rhubarb.

MRS. CLAUS You know what to do.

Rhubarb picks a dusty ANCIENT BOX off a side table.

RHUBARB (trying to put up a brave face) Santa. Mrs. Claus. Serving you has been the greatest joy of my life.

Ceremoniously, the Clauses each pull out ANTIQUE KEYS from chains around their necks and place them in the keyholes.

SANTA & MRS. CLAUS Three. Two. One.

#3 B — The B e l l s o f S i n t e r K l a a s

Santa, Mrs. Claus, Ensemble (Elves)

They solemnly turn their keys and dissonant, tinkly music plays.

Mrs. Claus pulls out weathered SLEIGH BELLS.

MRS. CLAUS (with reverence) The Bells of SinterKlaas. Selecting Father Christmases since the beginning…

Santa Switch

SANTA & MRS. CLAUS (slowly/dissonant/ mystical)

— 21 —

ELVES GROUP 1

ELVES GROUP 2

ELVES GROUP 3

(an echo)

(overlapping, dissonant, adding to the cacophony)

(overlapping, dissonant)

DO YOU HEAR

DO YOU HEAR

WHAT I HEAR?

WHAT I HEAR?

DO YOU HEAR

DO YOU HEAR

DECK THE HALLS

WHAT I HEAR?

WHAT I HEAR?

WITH BOUGHS

DO YOU HEAR

DO YOU HEAR

OF HOLLY

WHAT I HEAR?

WHAT I HEAR?

WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS WE—

ALL DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE I SEE?!

Magically, the lights stop swirling—a pinspot hits a MAN’S FACE frozen in time. (We will soon learn his name is Jack.)

SANTA We have our next Santa Claus.

MRS. CLAUS He’s young.

SANTA Just like I was.

MRS. CLAUS He’s in New York City.

SANTA Just like I was.

MRS. CLAUS He’s skinny.

A beat.

SANTA Some of us are just big boned, OK?

MRS. CLAUS Relax, Nick, you’ve earned it. Dig into those paper scraps and find yourself again.

— 22 —

Santa Switch

(MRS. CLAUS) (“looking at” the new Santa) We’ll see him in the New Year. I’m sure he has a selfless, giving, generous heart. The Bells are wise…

We SEGUE DIRECTLY to:

Santa Switch

— 23 —

SCENE 4—NEW YORK CITY A burst of music as the pinspot on the man’s face EXPANDS.

#4 —W hat I Li ke A b o u t Y o u

Jack, Ensemble

The man is JACK, mid-30s and suave, in a tailored suit.

Jack walks into BLOOMINGDALES where ARTHUR, his elegant personal shopper, stands at attention.

ARTHUR (JACK’S PERSONAL SHOPPER) (as the bass line hits) Jack.

JACK Arthur.

A salesgirl enters with silk sheets. A large price tag reads $50.

ARTHUR For you, today: Silk bed-sheets for the discerning bachelor.

JACK (feeling the sheets) Anything… nicer?

ARTHUR Certainly, Jack.

(a second salesgirl enters with sheets) Though, they are a bit more expensive…

This price tag reads $250. Jack is instantly taken with them—turns out, Jack is quite a materialistic guy!

He sings a swingin’ love song directly to the sheets!

JACK (“you” is the sheet) WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU… YOU KEEP ME WARM AT NIGHT

(wrapping the sheets around his body) NEVER WANT TO LET YOU GO YOU KNOW YOU MAKE ME FEEL ALRIGHT!

— 24 —

Santa Switch

ARTHUR There is, of course, one more option.

A third salesgirl enters—these sheets are $1,000. Jack DROPS the old, lame ones and falls instantly for the new ones.

JACK (holding the new sheets to his ear) KEEP ON WHISPERING IN MY EAR TELL ME ALL THE THINGS THAT I WANNA HEAR ’CAUSE IT’S TRUE THAT’S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU

JACK & ENSEMBLE THAT’S WHAT I LIKE!

An army of salespeople enter as the music picks up intensity. Two wheel out HI-FI STEREO/RECORD PLAYERS carts. The first spins and we see the price: $1,500. The second spins: $10,000.

Guess which one Jack reaches for!

JACK (“you” is the $10,000 stereo; obsessing)

ENSEMBLE (echo, background)

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU! YOU REALLY KNOW HOW TO DANCE! OOH WAH BOP! BY-A-BA DA-BA! WHEN YOU GO UP, DOWN, ‘ROUND AND ‘ROUND

UP, DOWN, ‘ROUND AND ’ROUND

I THINK ABOUT TRUE ROMANCE!

ENSEMBLE IT’S WHAT I LIKE, IT’S WHAT I LIKE, IT’S WHAT I—

A spotlight hits a salesgirl with trendy SUNGLASSES on a “ringbearer” pillow. Jack takes them.

JACK (to the sunglasses, as he puts them on) KEEP ON WHISPERING IN MY EAR TELL ME ALL THE THINGS THAT I WANNA HEAR ’CAUSE IT’S TRUE!

Santa Switch

— 25 —

ENSEMBLE YES, IT’S TRUE!

JACK (to the sunglasses) THAT’S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU!

ENSEMBLE THAT’S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU!

JACK (to the stereo) THAT’S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU!

ENSEMBLE (stacking) YOU… YOU… YOU… YOU… YOU!

Dance break! Salespeople dote on Jack. He is in his element.

Then, suddenly Arthur dangles a set of CAR KEYS… just as HEADLIGHTS blast on from offstage. We hear a SPORTS CAR VROOM! Jack is in awe.

JACK (singing to the car’s headlights)

(as an echo)

ENSEMBLE

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU! WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU! YOU REALLY HOLD ME TIGHT HOLD ME TI-I-IGHT!

ALL TELL ME I’M THE ONLY ONE WANNA COME…

JACK … OVER TONIGHT?!

The car VROOMS again! Jack is over-the-moon!

ENSEMBLE OOH WAH BOP! BY-A-BA DA-BA!

(over “oohs”)

JACK

KEEP ON WHISPERING IN MY EAR

ENSEMBLE OOH…

— 26 —

Santa Switch

ALL TELL ME ALL THE THINGS THAT I WANNA HEAR!

JACK ‘CAUSE IT’S TRUE!

ENSEMBLE YES, IT’S TRUE!

Jack grabs the silk sheets and sings to them.

JACK THAT’S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU!

ENSEMBLE THAT’S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU!

Jack sings to the Hi-Fi stereo.

JACK THAT’S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU!

ENSEMBLE THAT’S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU!

Jack sings to ALL of it!

JACK THAT’S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU!

JACK & ENSEMBLE THAT’S WHAT I LIKE!

JACK … ABOUT YOU!

ENSEMBLE WHAT I LIKE ABOUT!

JACK & ENSEMBLE WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU!

Direct Segue…

Santa Switch

SCENE 4A—NYC, JACK’S OFFICE (PERKINS & PERKINS ADVERTISING) Jack enters the OFFICE, exhausted, in sunglasses and suit. Phones ring as HILDY, his no-nonsense secretary, answers them.

As she does, she hands Jack his morning COFFEE.

HILDY (dryly answering the phone) Perkins & Perkins Advertising, Jack Chase’s office. Please hold.

(puts on hold; answers another call) Perkins & Perkins Advertising, Jack Chase’s office. Please hold.

JACK Morning, sunshine. Any word from…

Jack slyly points his fingers UPWARDS.

HILDY He said “this year.”

JACK It’s January 3rd, 1959.

HILDY I’m aware.

JACK So, it’s finally “this year.” He said “this year.”

HILDY If I hear from…

(she repeats the sly, upward FINGER-POINT) … Mr. Perkins that he’s finally picked a date to step down… and he’s chosen YOU to replace him over his idiotic son, I’ll send a memo.

Jack won’t be discouraged and heads to his inner office.

JACK (upward FINGER-POINT) The 29th Floor, Hildy. I can feel it! I’m all tingly.

— 27 —

— 28 —

Santa Switch

HILDY You should get that looked at.

Focus shifts as MRS. CLAUS and RHUBARB enter. Their odd, fur-lined North Pole ensembles are instantly out of place.

MRS. CLAUS Look at this place… Faux marble! Real, live fake plants! Very modern.

RHUBARB Where’s Santa? He promised he’d be here. I’ll reach out again.

(scribbles a note; reads aloud) “Santa: Where are you? Love, Rhubarb.”

Rhubarb slips it in an ENVELOPE that says “Santa Claus, North Pole” and FLINGS it out the window, offstage—we hear magical chimes as they watch the letter “float to the sky.”

MRS. CLAUS Face it, Rhubarb, Nick’s been so scatterbrained with those darn paper scraps of his… It’s time for the ladies to take care of business.

Rhubarb nods. They approach Hildy together.

RHUBARB Greetings! We’re here to see the twinkle-tastic Jack Chase!

HILDY (snidely) Nice jacket.

RHUBARB Thanks! Juniper whipped it up in the Workshop.

(no response) Wait, are you doing that mean, human thing where what you say is the opposite of what you mean?

HILDY Yes. Do you have an appointment?

MRS. CLAUS My husband set one up.

(saying each name, deliberately)

Santa Switch

(MRS. CLAUS) Mrs. … Santa… Claus.

HILDY (checking for the name) You’re not in the book.

MRS. CLAUS (under her breath) Nicholas!

RHUBARB How about me?

(saying her full name) Rhubarb Jinglebell Peppermint Tinselbottom Butterscotch Jellyroll Sodapop Sprinkles.

No appointment—Hildy shuts the book.

HILDY If you’re not in the book, you’re not in the book. Have a glorious day.

RHUBARB Thank you, you too!

(then, realizing) Wait, were you—

HILDY Yes.

They are defeated. Then, Jack pops in.

JACK Hildy?

MRS. CLAUS (to Rhubarb, aside) Quick, hide.

Mrs. Claus and Rhubarb duck behind a fake plant.

HILDY Mr. Chase?

— 29 —

— 30 —

Santa Switch

JACK Go down to the printers, would you? Pick up the K&P presentation?

HILDY Back in a jiff.

Hildy exits and Mrs. Claus and Rhubarb make their move.

MRS. CLAUS Now!

They follow Jack into his office. As they sit, he notices them.

JACK Can I… help you?

MRS. CLAUS The question is: how can we help you?

RHUBARB You gettin’ goose pimple-y? Cuz, I’m all jingle-jangled!

Jack stares at them.

JACK You should get that looked at.

(takes a sip of coffee) So, these costumes… are you cats with Kringlez Kidz? The charity with the purple canisters? I keep bugging the guy who runs it for the ad campaign…

MRS. CLAUS Even better.

JACK OK…

MRS. CLAUS Jack Wesley Chase of 5 East 63rd Street, Apartment 6A: we bring thrilling news.

JACK OK….

MRS. CLAUS Your destiny has arrived.

Santa Switch

— 31 —

Something suddenly CLICKS with Jack. (Of course, it’s a bit of a misunderstanding… )

JACK Oh my Lord…

RHUBARB He gets it.

MRS. CLAUS Told you he would.

JACK I can’t believe it. Did you come down from…

(slyly points UPWARD, as before) …with a sweet, sweet offer from The Big Man?

Rhubarb misconstrues this with gusto!

RHUBARB Lemon-berry swizzle-sticks we did! Straight from…

(repeating the UPWARD point) …the top-top-tippity-top! The Big Man himself wants you to take the reins!

MUSIC begins.

#5 —G o o d To B e A l i v e ( H a l l e l u j a h )

Mrs. Claus, Jack, Ensemble (Elves)

JACK Why me?

MRS. CLAUS The best person is always chosen for the job.

(sings) YOU’VE BEEN GRINDING SO LONG, BEEN TRYING THIS STUFF FOR YEARS AND YOU GOT NOTHING TO SHOW, JUST CLIMBING THIS ROPE RIGHT HERE

(pointing upward, again) AND THERE’S THAT “MAN UPSTAIRS” HE KEPT BRINGING YOU RAIN BUT YOU’VE BEEN SENDING UP PRAYERS

— 32 —

Santa Switch

(MRS. CLAUS) AND SOMETHING’S CHANGED…

MRS. CLAUS (over offstage “oohs”)

OFFSTAGE VOICES (ELVES)

I THINK I FINALLY FOUND YOUR HALLELUJAH

OOO…

YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT ALL YOUR LIFE NOW ALL YOUR DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE,

OOO…

YEAH!

A flurry of ELVES enter out of nowhere—Jack is shocked and delighted!

ELVES YOU’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT!

MRS. CLAUS FEELS GOOD TO BE ALIVE RIGHT ABOUT NOW

MRS. CLAUS

ELVES GROUP 1

ELVES GROUP 2

YEAH!

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD

DOESN’T IT FEEL

GOOD TO BE ALIVE

GOOD! RIGHT ABOUT NOW

GOOD?

UH-HUH!

UH-HUH!

YEAH!

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD

GOOD TO BE ALIVE

GOOD, RIGHT ABOUT NOW!

HALLELUJAH!

HAL-LE-

HAL-LE-

LET THAT BASS LINE MOVE YA

LU-JAH!

LU-JAH!

SAY “YEAH!”

YEAH-EE-YEAH-EE-YEAH!

YEAH-EE-YEAH-EE-YEAH

I’M SINGIN’

MRS. CLAUS PRETTY GOOD TO BE ALIVE RIGHT ABOUT NOW!

JACK (looking at this odd group of elves) The outfits are strange, but I’m flattered he sent so many of you! I was worried I’d get passed over…

WAS I DEAD IN THE WATER, NOBODY WANTIN’ ME?

MRS. CLAUS & ELVES NUH-UH!

JACK WAS I OLD NEWS, WAS I COLD AS COLD COULD BE?

Santa Switch

— 33 —

MRS. CLAUS & ELVES NO, N-N-NO!

JACK BUT I KEPT THROWING ON COAL TRYNA MAKE THAT FIRE BURN!

MRS. CLAUS & ELVES UH-HUH! (NUH-HUH!)

JACK SOMETIMES YOU GOTTA GET SCARS TO GET WHAT YOU DESERVE!

JACK

MRS. CLAUS

I KEPT MOVING ON

YOU KEPT MOVING ON

AND NOW I’M MOVING UP

AND NOW YOU’RE MOVING UP

MAN, I’M FEELING BLESSED—

MRS. CLAUS & ELVES I’M FEELING BLESSED YOU’RE FEELING BLESSED! I’M FEELING BLESSED I’M FEELING BLESSED

YOU’RE FEELING BLESSED

WITH ALL THIS LOVE

WITH ALL THIS LOVE!

I THINK I FIN’LLY

HOO

FOUND MY HALLELUJAH!

HOO HALLELUJAH!

MRS. CLAUS WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT ALL YOUR LIFE

ELVES NOW ALL MY DREAMS

HOO

ARE COMING TRUE, YEAH!

HOO

ELVES COMIN’ TRUE! WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT

MRS. CLAUS & JACK FEELS GOOD TO BE ALIVE RIGHT ABOUT NOW!

— 34 —

Santa Switch

JACK

ELVES GROUP 1

ELVES GROUP 2

YEAH!

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD

DOESN’T IT FEEL

RIGHT ABOUT NOW!

GOOD TO BE ALIVE

GOOD… ?!

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD

YEAH!

RIGHT ABOUT NOW!

GOOD TO BE ALIVE

MRS. CLAUS

ALL ELVES

I’M SINGIN’ HALLELUJAH

HAL-LE-

HALLELUJAH

LET THAT BASS LINE MOVE YA

LU-JAH!

LET THAT BASS LINE MOVE YA

YEAH-EE-YEAH-EE YEAH!

YEAH-EE-YEAH-EE YEAH!

SAY “YEAH!”

PRETTY GOOD TO BE ALIVE RIGHT ABOUT NOW!

RIGHT ABOUT NOW!

JACK I ALMOST CAN’T—CANNOT HANDLE IT

ELVES HEY, HEY, HEY!

MRS. CLAUS YOU COULD GET U—COULD GET USED TO THIS!

ELVES HEY, HEY, HEY!

JACK I ALMOST CAN’T—CANNOT HANDLE IT

ELVES HEY, HEY, HEY!

MRS. CLAUS YOU COULD GET U—

ALL —COULD GET USED TO THIS!

JACK

MRS. CLAUS

ELVES GROUP 1

ELVES GROUP 2

‘CAUSE IT’S GOOD, GOOD, GOOD

GOOD, GOOD

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD

GOOD TO BE ALIVE

GOOD TO BE ALIVE

GOOD TO BE ALIVE

GOOD

RIGHT ABOUT NOW!

RIGHT ABOUT NOW!

UH-HUH!

RIGHT ABOUT NOW!

OH YEAH!

GOOD, GOOD

GOOD, GOOD

UH-HUH! GOOD, GOOD

IT’S GOOD TO BE ALIVE!

IT’S GOOD TO BE ALIVE! IT’S GOOD TO BE ALIVE!

Santa Switch

MRS. CLAUS I THINK YOU FINALLY FOUND YOUR…

ELVES HALLELUJAH!

MRS. CLAUS & ELVES HALLELUJAH!

JACK (loudly proclaiming, over music) Formerly VP of Perkins Advertising… Jack Chase is movin’ up to the 29th Floor as the new President and Chairman of the Board!

Mrs. Claus hears this, but the Elves continue on, clueless!

ELVES HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!

Music CUTS out as the entire North Pole Crew stops en masse.

Except:

BECKY GOOD TO BE ALIVE RIGHT ABOUT—

RHUBARB Becky!

MRS. CLAUS (laying it out for Jack) We’re not from the 29th Floor, Mr. Chase. We’re from the North Pole.

JACK Come again?

MRS. CLAUS (pointing to herself) White hair. Wire-rimmed glasses. I’m Mrs. Claus!

(he doesn’t get it) Rhubarb’s an elf!

JACK Shouldn’t an elf be, like, this big?

— 35 —

— 36 —

Santa Switch

RHUBARB (sick of this misconception) One elf was very small! Once!

Jack SNAPS his fingers—he thinks he’s figured it out.

JACK Dougie Perkins. The boss’s bratty little spawn stuffed in a suit—he hired you to mess with me. He knows I’ve earned that promotion, but he wants to make sure Daddy chooses him.

Dougie’s trying to throw me off my game, which explains the holiday outfits: he knows I despise Christmas.

RHUBARB (totally shocked) Who despises Christmas? Think of all the MILK AND COOKIES!

JACK I’m allergic to milk. Plus, I don’t eat sugar.

RHUBARB (to Mrs. Claus) I can’t with this guy.

MRS. CLAUS (focusing on Jack) We don’t know a “Dougie.” All we know is The Bells of SinterKlaas have chosen you as our next Santa. You are to report to the North Pole for training immediately.

Jack’s done. (Rhubarb wakes up.)

JACK This was swell, but I have a 10AM. Please “jingle” yourselves out. And tell Dougie I won’t quit. His Dad’s gonna—how’d you put it?—“pass the reins” before year’s end. And it’s gonna be me.

MRS. CLAUS When you change your mind, Mr. Chase…

(hands him giant envelope: “Mrs. Claus/North Pole”) Drop us a line.

Santa Switch

— 37 —

SCENE 5—NORTH POLE/NYC MONTAGE (FEB-JUNE) Cheerful holiday music plays. (NOTE: During scene, calendar pages fall… )

#6 ­— Th e Twe l ve D a y s o f C h r i s t m a s

Rhubarb, Ensemble (Elves)

The North Pole [February]—Santa Lights hit SANTA on one corner of the stage. He’s chillaxing in a beach chair with cucumbers on his eyes.

Suddenly, the ELVES burst into song, jolting him from his spa day!

ELVES (with exuberance) TEN MONTHS ‘TIL CHRISTMAS STILL OODLES LEFT TO DO!

RHUBARB NO TIME FOR NAPPING —

ELVES SANTA, EV’RY KID IS COUNTING ON YOU!

SANTA (putting the cucumbers back on his eyes) No can do. Daddy’s retired…

CINNAMON But we need Naughty/Nice Rulings ASAP!

SANTA Retired!

SUGARPLUM But Davey Watkins pulled his sister’s pigtails NINE TIMES and the department’s SPLIT on the decision!

CINNAMON & SUGARPLUM WHAT DO WE DO?!?!

SANTA (sitting up, engaging for a moment) Fine, I’ll tell you.

— 38 —

Santa Switch

(SANTA) (music holds) Ask the new guy.

Cheerful MUSIC resumes as Santa zens out. Crossfade to…

New York City [March]—Jack JACK sits on a PARK BENCH. He’s about to take a bite of a sandwich when ELVES pop out, terrifying him.

ELVES ONLY NINE MONTHS ‘TIL CHRISTMAS AND SOMEONE’S BEING COY!

ELF 1 QUIT PLAYING HOOKY

ELF 2 GET TO IT, ROOKIE

ELVES YOU’RE A STUBBORN, JINGLE, JANGLE, NAUGHTY BOY!

BECKY (in time with music) THREE! TWO! ONE!

ELVES CONFETTI!

They aggressively toss CONFETTI all over Jack and his lunch.

JACK You threw confetti on my sandwich? What is wrong with you?

North Pole [April]—Santa Back to Santa, who is obsessing over his SCRAPS of paper, i.e., his bucket list of things to do.

ELVES BARELY EIGHT MONTHS ‘TIL CHRISTMAS IT’S GETTING CRAZY LATE!

ELF 1 SACK NEEDS A DUSTING

Santa Switch

— 39 —

ELF 2 SLEIGH NEEDS DE-RUSTING

ELF 3 STABLES SMELL DISGUSTING

ELVES SANTA, BUCKLE DOWN, START PULLING YOUR WEIGHT!

Music continues. Santa has ignored them, analyzing his paper scraps.

SANTA Which first? Mountain climbing? Scuba diving? Running With The Bulls?

JUNIPER Focus, Santa! Our mailbags are bursting with letters. The kids want new gifts that AREN’T hula hoops!

Santa’s not paying attention.

SANTA Thinking about the bulls thing…

(patting his belly) … “running” ain’t my strong suit.

GINGERSNAP SANTA! Without a new you to design toys, we’re in super-deep doo-doo!

JUNIPER & GINGERSNAP WHAT DO WE DO?

SANTA I’ll tell you.

JUNIPER Don’t say—

SANTA & JUNIPER —ask the new guy.

New York City [May]—Jack Back to Jack on his bench. Looking around, surreptitiously, he pulls out a sandwich. He’s about to take a bite… when ELVES pop out.

— 40 —

Santa Switch

ELVES HARDLY SEVEN MONTHS ‘TIL CHRISTMAS WE’RE GOBS AND GOBS BEHIND!

ELF 3 ELVES NEED RECRUITIN’

ELF 4 ROUTES NEED REROUTIN’

ELF 1 BOOTS NEED REBOOTIN’

ELF 2 SUIT NEEDS RE-SUITIN’

ELF 5 DON’T BE HIFALUTIN!

ELVES TIME TO MAKE UP YOUR COTTON CANDY MIND!

Music continues.

JACK (trying to get rid of them) I’ll think about it! Just don’t throw—

BECKY (in time with the music again) THREE! TWO! ONE!

ELVES CONFETTI!

They shower confetti all over his sandwich again!

JACK I hate you people!

Over The North Pole [June]—Santa Back to Santa. We hear the sounds of a PROPELLOR plane. As they sing, Santa puts on a parachute and a big pair of aviator GOGGLES.

ELVES MERELY SIX MONTHS TO CHRISTMAS NO TIME TO TAKE A BREAK!

Santa Switch

ELF 3 TOYS NEED DESIGNING

ELF 4 LISTS NEED REFINING

ELF 1 GIFTS NEED ASSIGNING

ELF 2 BELT NEEDS A SHINING—

Rhubarb interrupts the singing! Music continues, as she shouts over the sound of the propellor.

RHUBARB (to Santa) What are you doing?!?!?

SANTA Living it up!

RHUBARB But we’re in crisis mode.

SANTA I told you…

SANTA & ALL THE ELVES “ASK THE NEW GUY!”

RHUBARB (grabbing Santa by the lapels) But there IS! No! New Guy!

For a moment, Santa’s taken aback.

SANTA Oh, fudgesicles. Well, Lucy said change isn’t easy… !

RHUBARB Whoa, whoa, whoa!

(with vitriol) Who’s “LUCY”?!

— 41 —

— 42 —

Santa Switch

SANTA A waitress I met. At The Sugar Plum Diner.

RHUBARB Is “LUCY” the one who told you to quit your job? Is this all “LUCY’S” fault?!

SANTA No, no. Lucy just said “the best time to plant a tree is—” Never mind! Talk to the new guy.

Santa JUMPS out of the airplane.

GERONIMO!!!

Rhubarb has renewed purpose. As she speaks, she straps on her own parachute and goggles.

RHUBARB Cinnamon, Sugarplum, Juniper, Gingersnap, Freezerburn, Bubblewrap, Glitterpants, Sparklemittens. Becky… Time we pay this “Lucy” person a visit!

Rhubarb leaps out of the plane as the elves sing an epic, final verse!

NO TIME FOR NAPPING

ELF 1 PACKAGES NEED WRAPPING

ELF 2 SACK NEEDS A DUSTING

ELF 3 SLEIGH NEEDS DE-RUSTING

ELF 4 ELVES NEED RECRUITING

BECKY ROUTES NEED REROUTING

ELF 5 TOYS NEED DESIGNING

ELF 4 LISTS NEED REFINING

ELVES GIFTS NEED ASSIGNING BELT NEEDS A SHINING

Santa Switch

(ELVES) HAT NEEDS RE-LINING STOCKING COAL NEEDS MINING

(decelerando/crescendo) SORRY FOR THE WHINING… !

(fermata, then) BUT THE VERY FATE OF CHRISTMAS IS AT STAKE! AHHH!

#6 A — The Tw e l v e D a y s o f C h r i s t m a s ( P l a y o f f ) Blackout. A musical playout takes us to…

— 43 —

— 44 —

Santa Switch

SCENE 6—LUCY’S APARTMENT (JULY) Lights up on LUCY in her apartment. It’s small, but cozy. She’s on the phone—midconversation.

LUCY Yes, Mom, my oven’s still broken. But Manhattan’s so magical!

(off Mom’s reaction, which is a bit condescending) Yes, Mom, I’m still doing my “art thing.” Planting oak trees, like you taught me…

(reminded of something) Oh, I know it’s July, but I sent Christmas presents home for the nieces and nephews. Art supply kits. I felt awful I couldn’t come home last Christmas, and Auntie Lucy wants Gracie and Richie and Peggy and Pete to grow up with their hearts open to wonder like I did. Art can do that. Open hearts, I mean. It’s magic. Kinda like Christmas.

(her Mom is rushing her off the phone) I know, I know, long distance. Send my love to the gang at Linneman’s and all of Sandusky! I love you!

She hangs up the phone and sighs.

Then, the DOORBELL rings. She opens the door and RHUBARB barges in, dripping with disdain.

RHUBARB You.

LUCY Hello… ?

Rhubarb marches past her, followed by Mrs. Claus.

RHUBARB You broke him.

LUCY Do I know you?

MRS. CLAUS Sorry to barge in. Are you Lucy Wells?

LUCY I am.

Santa Switch

— 45 —

MRS. CLAUS And do you recall meeting a rosy-cheeked gent on Christmas morning?

LUCY (delighted at the thought) Sure, Nick!

RHUBARB Saint Nick. That’s right, missy, you broke Santa—and you murdered Christmas!

Lucy tries to catch up with the logic.

LUCY I’m sorry, “Santa”? As in Santa Claus?

MRS. CLAUS My husband.

LUCY That’s… CRAZY! He had a beard, sure… but he wasn’t Santa! You expect me to believe he is—you’re both—magical beings from the North Pole?!

DING! The oven timer goes off. Mrs. Claus puts on an oven mitt.

MRS. CLAUS I don’t know what to say, Lucy, but it’s true.

Lucy’s dumbfounded as Mrs. Claus casually pulls a TRAY of COOKIES out of the oven.

Snickerdoodle?

(off Lucy’s reaction) Sorry, I bake when I’m stressed.

LUCY How did you—? That oven doesn’t work…

Another DING! Do I smell gingerbread?

Mrs. Claus pulls a SECOND TRAY of cookies from oven.

MRS. CLAUS We need your help, Lucy. You somehow talked Nick out of the gig of a lifetime—so clearly you’re persuasive…

— 46 —

Santa Switch

RHUBARB And, because of YOU, Christmas is DEAD!

LUCY But I didn’t— I wouldn’t—

(re: trays) WHERE ARE THOSE COOKIES COMING FROM?

MRS. CLAUS He got the magical Santa sack. This is my party trick.

Another DING!

LUCY So you’re really Mrs. Claus… and you’re, what, a super-tall elf—?

RHUBARB One elf was very small!

LUCY —And I’m the moron who convinced the actual Santa Claus to quit his job?

MRS. CLAUS Bingo.

LUCY Well, just make him un-QUIT!

MRS. CLAUS It’s too late. The Bells of SinterKlaas have rung and Nick’s powers are fading. They’ll be completely gone by Christmas.

(she’s pulled a pie out of the oven) Apple pie?

Lucy swings into panic mode.

LUCY No, no, no! I love Christmas! And I have nieces and nephews and they love Christmas.

And I love gingerbread and caroling and ornaments and I REFUSE to be the person who DESTROYED CHRISTMAS!

She stress eats a snickerdoodle.

Santa Switch

— 47 —

MRS. CLAUS Good. Because we need your help.

LUCY (with her mouth full) I’ll do anything. And this cookie’s incredible.

RHUBARB The problem is our new Santa, Jack. He won’t show up for work.

MRS. CLAUS And, like I said, YOU are very persuasive….

LUCY Tell me what to do.

Rhubarb drops Old Dusty Books in front of Lucy.

RHUBARB These are the Ancient Tomes of Christmases Past. All one needs to know about the North Pole, the Workshop, the Reindeer, The Suit, The Boots, The Sack… basically, “How-To Manuals” for Brand New Santas.

MRS. CLAUS Learn ’em. Study ’em. And then teach ’em to Jack. You’ve got until December 24th to get him on board.

(pointedly) Lucy, it’s up to you to save Christmas.

#6 B — B ac k To J a c k Lights hit JACK as we transition to…

— 48 —

Santa Switch

SCENE 7—LUCY & JACK AT THE BAR (JULY) A JET-SETTING BAR. Jack hails the bartender.

JACK Gin martini, Chester. Bone dry, up, with a twist.

CHESTER Sure as shootin’, Jack.

Lucy enters the bar and spots Jack. She approaches him.

LUCY Jack Chase?

Jack gives her a suspicious look, but doesn’t answer.

Are you Jack Chase?

JACK (pouring on the charm) Only two reasons a beautiful woman knows my name. One, she’s serving me a court summons…

(eyes her as he “waits” to be served papers) Or, two, she and I went out once and had a fabulous time, yet I’ve blanked on her name and I’d very much like to make it up to her. Chester, gin martini for…

CHESTER Sure as shootin’, Jack.

JACK (she won’t give her name) For the woman who’s about to hand me a court summons.

A pause.

LUCY (flirting aggressively) You forgot number three: I spotted you across the bar and just had to know your name.

I’m Lucy.

JACK (thrown at the success of his gambit) Oh, uh, so, umm—

Santa Switch

— 49 —

LUCY (quick about face) Just kidding, it’s number four: Santa Claus sent me.

(Chester slides her a martini) Thanks for the martini.

She holds up her glass to toast.

JACK Oh, no, you’re one of those Christmas Crazies?

(sizing her up, raising his glass) Well, Lucy, at least you’re not a terrifying pack of singing elfs.

They CLINK glasses and take a sip.

LUCY Elves.

JACK I’m sorry?

LUCY Elvvves. Not “elfs.” You said “at least I’m not a pack of singing elfs.”

(then) And it’s a “sparkle.” A pride of lions, a gaggle of geese, a sparkle of elves. You’ll pick up on the lingo—it’s all in the manual.

Lucy pulls an ancient TOME out of her bag and drops it on the bar.

JACK (legitimately impressed) Whoa. This thing’s a real antique—where’d you get this?

LUCY Santa Claus.

JACK Of course you did.

LUCY That’s Volume One. There’s eleven more.

— 50 —

Santa Switch

JACK Just tell him to stop.

LUCY Santa?

JACK Dougie!

LUCY Who’s Dougie?

JACK Doug Perkins!

(off her look) The guy who hired you?

LUCY I don’t know a Dougie—

JACK Tell Junior Perkins I don’t scare so easy. I’ve signed three new accounts this year and I’m about to land a new one: Kringlez Kidz.

LUCY The Purple Canisters!

JACK The guy who runs it is my neighbor. Snagging a high-profile charity looks “promotable,” right? Speaking of, I need to go work on the pitch. It’s been real.

He STANDS UP, finishing his drink to leave, but before he can, Lucy reaches into her bag.

LUCY He asked me to give you this.

JACK Dougie?

LUCY Santa.

Santa Switch

— 51 —

He rolls his eyes. She hands him a GIFT BOX. He opens it and pulls out an old-school GOLD METAL TOY. It affects him.

JACK (contemplative, lost in memory) You’re good. A real Buck Rogers Ray Gun. When I was a kid, all I wanted was this thing for Christmas. I thought I could save the whole galaxy. How’d you know?

LUCY He knows things.

JACK You actually believe in Santa.

LUCY Now more than ever.

JACK (explaining his world view) “Christmas spirit” is such a hoax. People aren’t good ’cuz it makes them feel good. They do it ’cuz it makes them look good.

LUCY I don’t agree.

JACK It’s how the world works.

#7 —W hat A W on d e r f u l W o r l d

Lucy

LUCY I feel sorry for you. All you see is a cold, uncaring world. That’s not what I see, at all.

I SEE TREES OF GREEN, RED ROSES TOO I SEE THEM BLOOM FOR ME AND YOU AND I THINK TO MYSELF: “WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD” I SEE SKIES OF BLUE AND CLOUDS OF WHITE THE BRIGHT BLESSED DAY, THE DARK SACRED NIGHT AND I THINK TO MYSELF: “WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD”

— 52 —

Santa Switch

(LUCY) THE COLORS OF THE RAINBOW SO PRETTY IN THE SKY ARE ALSO ON THE FACES OF PEOPLE GOING BY I SEE FRIENDS SHAKING HANDS SAYING “HOW DO YOU DO?” THEY’RE REALLY SAYING “I LOVE YOU” I HEAR BABIES CRY, I WATCH THEM GROW THEY’LL LEARN MUCH MORE THAN I’LL EVER KNOW AND I THINK TO MYSELF: “WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD” YES, I THINK TO MYSELF: “WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD”

Jack looks at her intensely.

JACK “What A Wonderful World.”

(then, grabs a cocktail napkin and writes it down) That’s FANTASTIC! It’s total drivel, but… it’ll make one hell of a tagline for Kringlez Kidz! “What A Wonderful World…”

(pocketing the napkin) How do you come up with this crap?

LUCY You’re a cretin.

JACK Drop the act, OK? The Ray Gun was emotional manipulation, not Santa magic. Dougie did research. He talked to someone.

LUCY Who? Your parents passed away when you were young.

He’s taken aback for a moment. How’d she know that?

JACK Also, not Santa magic. Common knowledge.

LUCY You have to believe—

Santa Switch

JACK There is no magic!

LUCY Fine. You want proof ?

(pulls out a RED SACK) Here.

JACK A Santa Sack?

LUCY Not a Santa Sack. The Santa Sack.

He takes a moment to inspect it. Then, incredulously:

JACK The tag says “Made In China.”

LUCY It was hand-woven by Shaolin warrior monks during the Tang Dynasty—it’s all in the manual.

(then) Take the Sack and imagine a gift.

She thrusts the sack into his hand.

JACK This is nonsense.

LUCY Imagine a gift for me.

JACK Why should I—?

LUCY (overlapping) Picture a gift!

JACK (overlapping) What are you doing—

— 53 —

— 54 —

Santa Switch

LUCY Think of a GIFT for me!

JACK A gift for YOU? Fine!

Angrily, he concentrates and… we hear TWINKLE-WHOOSH. Suddenly, the sack twitches. Curiously, Jack reaches in and, shocked, pulls out a PAPER TICKET. He gets quiet—and serious.

LUCY (taking it, reading it) A one-way plane ticket to Timbuktu. Ha ha.

JACK I can’t believe— I mean, I thought of that as a joke…

(then, to himself) OK, Jack, think of another GIFT.

He concentrates. TWINKLE-WHOOSH. He reaches into the sack and pulls out a GOLD WATCH. Holy cow! A real Rolex!

LUCY I don’t want a watch—

JACK Well, if you don’t want it…

(puts the watch on eagerly) … I’ll take this 1951 gold Rolex Chronometer 6-0-7-5 with a coin edge bezel and a “superoyster” crown.

LUCY Jack.

Jack takes stock and gets very serious.

JACK So, I’m actually Santa Claus.

LUCY Yes.

Santa Switch

— 55 —

JACK And I’ve been granted Santa Magic.

LUCY Yes.

JACK Do you know what this means?

(reaching in the sack) It means: DRINKS ON ME!

#8 —( Eve r yb o d y ’ s W a i t i n ’ F o r ) T h e Ma n W i t h T h e B a g

Jack, Ensemble (Bar Denizens)

Jack pulls out a STACK OF CASH and “makes it rain” as everyone cheers! He parades around the bar.

LUCY Jack!

[NOTE: During the number, Jack distributes gifts from the Santa Sack. (He makes hidden “switches” from empty sacks.)]

JACK (pulling “martinis” out and passing ’em around) OLD MISTER KRINGLE IS SOON GONNA JINGLE THE BELLS THAT’LL TINGLE ALL YOUR TROUBLES AWAY EVERYBODY’S WAITIN’ FOR THE MAN WITH THE BAG ’CAUSE CHRISTMAS IS COMIN’ AGAIN

LUCY Stop this, Jack. Please.

Jack blows off Lucy and leans in, passing out FANCY GIFTS for all, i.e., jewelry, hats, etc.

JACK HE’S GOT A SLEIGH FULL IT’S NOT GONNA STAY FULL HE’S GOT STUFF TO DROP AT EV’RY STOP OF THE WAY EV’RYBODY’S WAITIN’ FOR THE MAN WITH THE BAG ’CAUSE CHRISTMAS IS COMIN’ AGAIN

BAR DENIZENS CHRISTMAS IS COMIN’ AGAIN!

— 56 —

Santa Switch

JACK

BAR DENIZENS

HE’LL BE HERE…

HOO OOH WAH!

JACK WITH THE ANSWER TO THE PRAYERS THAT YOU MADE THROUGH THE YEAR

JACK

BAR DENIZENS

YOU’LL GET YOURS…

HOO OOH WAH!

JACK IF YOU’VE DONE EVERYTHING YOU SHOULD EXTRA SPECIAL GOOD

LUCY (shouting over the music) This is NOT Santa behavior!

JACK (ignoring her, leading a Conga Line) HE’LL MAKE THIS DECEMBER THE ONE YOU’LL REMEMBER THE BEST AND THE MERRIEST THAT YOU EVER HAD!

ALL EV’RYBODY’S WAITIN’ FOR THE MAN WITH THE BAG

Jack pulls a long LIMBO STICK out of the sack!

JACK

BAR DENIZENS

‘CAUSE CHRISTMAS IS HERE!

CHRISTMAS IS HERE!

YES, CHRISTMAS IS HERE!

CHRISTMAS IS HERE!

ALL CHRISTMAS IS HERE!

Big DANCE BREAK w/limbo!

EV’RYBODY’S WAITING FOR THE MAN WITH THE BAG ’CAUSE CHRISTMAS IS HERE AGAIN!

WOMEN HE’LL BE HERE…

Santa Switch

MEN YES, HE’LL BE HERE…

WOMEN WITH AN ANSWER TO THE PRAYERS THAT YOU MADE THROUGH THE YEAR!

MEN YOU’LL GET YOURS…

WOMEN YES, YOU’LL GET YOURS…

JACK IF YOU’VE DONE EV’RYTHING YOU SHOULD…

BAR DENIZENS … EXTRA SPECIAL GOOD! EXTRA SPECIAL GOOD! EXTRA, EXTRA GOOD!

JACK HE’LL MAKE THIS DECEMBER THE ONE YOU’LL REMEMBER THE BEST AND THE MERRIEST YOU EVER DID HAVE!

BAR DENIZENS YOU EVER DID HAVE!

JACK EV’RYBODY’S WAITING!

JACK & BAR DENIZENS WE’RE ALL CONGREGATING! WE’RE WAITING (WAITING, WAITING… ) FOR THE MAN WITH THE BAG!

BAR DENIZENS (underneath held note) THE MAN WITH THE BAG (EV’RYBODY’S WAITING) THE MAN WITH THE BAG (EV’RYBODY’S WAITING FOR… ) THE MAN WITH THE BAG!

(Party poppers?)

#8 A — C ong a ( P l a y o f f ) Over a PLAYOUT, they CONGA out the door. Lucy is left behind, gobsmacked. She charges out of the bar as the scene changes…

— 57 —

— 58 —

Santa Switch

SCENE 8—LUCY CALLS MRS. CLAUS A PAYPHONE. Lucy dials “0” and fishes out a scrap of paper.

Lights rise on OPERATOR.

OPERATOR Operator.

LUCY Person-to-person call, please. From Lucy.

OPERATOR To whom?

LUCY Mrs. Claus at the North Pole.

The operator is not amused.

OPERATOR Shall I loop in the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny, as well?

LUCY Very funny.

OPERATOR I can also connect Mickey Mouse—

LUCY The Fate of Christmas itself is at stake!

OPERATOR (ah well, what the heck?)

I’ve heard weirder. Number, please.

Lucy reads numbers one-by-one; the operator repeats. [NOTE: It’s long.]

LUCY (& OPERATOR) Four-nine-three (four-nine-three)… Six-eight-two (six-eight-two)… Five (five)… Five (five)…

Five (five)… Five (five)… Five (five)… Five (five)…

(it continues on the back of Lucy’s paper) Five (five)… Five (five)… Five (five)… Five (five)… Five (five).

A phone RINGS as lights rise on Mrs. Claus at a desk; elves race around, working hard.

Santa Switch

— 59 —

MRS. CLAUS (picking up phone) Go for Claus.

OPERATOR (surprised) I have Lucy…

MRS. CLAUS Put her through!

(checking a list) And thank you, Lydia—other than that snide Tooth Fairy joke, you’ve been a good girl this year. My best to Charlie and the kids.

OPERATOR Uh, thanks… ?

Lights fade on a confused Telephone Operator.

MRS. CLAUS How’d it go?

LUCY It’s not him.

MRS. CLAUS What?

LUCY Jack Chase is NOT Santa. There’s been a mistake.

MRS. CLAUS (calmly) The Bells of SinterKlaas are never wrong.

LUCY Well, they are this time.

MRS. CLAUS But they can’t be.

LUCY How do you know?

— 60 —

Santa Switch

MRS. CLAUS I just know!

LUCY But how?

MRS. CLAUS Tradition?! Faith?! The Bells analyze generosity, selflessness and countless other attributes across every home address in the world… and POOF!

LUCY Well, they POOFED wrong!

MRS. CLAUS Lucy…

LUCY Jack Chase is a self-absorbed pig! Can’t Nick do a “Bonus Christmas,” then we all regroup in January?

MRS. CLAUS His powers are fading, there’s no way he’d get that sleigh to fly. And, without a new Santa, Lucy…

#9 —Fi g h t S o n g

Mrs. Claus, Lucy, Ensemble

(MRS. CLAUS) … I can’t even say it. You must get Jack to accept the Christmas Magic.

LUCY But I can’t get through to him.

MRS. CLAUS Dig deep, Lucy—we need you.

(sings) LIKE A SMALL BOAT IN THE OCEAN SENDING BIG WAVES INTO MOTION LIKE HOW A SINGLE WORD CAN MAKE A HEART OPEN YOU MIGHT ONLY HAVE ONE MATCH… BUT YOU CAN MAKE AN EXPLOSION!

Santa Switch

(MRS. CLAUS) AND ALL THOSE THINGS YOU COULDN’T SAY WRECKING BALLS INSIDE YOUR BRAIN YOU WILL SCREAM THEM LOUD TONIGHT AND HE WILL HEAR YOUR VOICE THIS TIME! THIS IS YOUR FIGHT SONG — TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE SONG — PROVE YOU’RE ALRIGHT SONG, YEAH! YOUR POWER’S TURNED ON STARTING RIGHT NOW YOU’LL BE STRONG YOU’LL PLAY YOUR FIGHT SONG SAY “I DON’T CARE IF NOBODY ELSE BELIEVES… ’CAUSE I STILL GOT A LITTLE FIGHT LEFT IN ME!”

LUCY I STILL GOT A LITTLE FIGHT LEFT IN ME!

Jack’s Office MUSIC CONTINUES as lights rise on a meeting between Jack and a BUSINESS LADY in a broach. She’s about to sign a contract.

BUSINESS LADY Mr. Chase, a pen, please… ?

LUCY rushes in, a woman on a mission!

LUCY Don’t trust this man with your business!

BUSINESS LADY My word.

HILDY enters, out of breath, pointing at Lucy.

HILDY She’s not in the book! THAT WOMAN is NOT in the book!

JACK It’s OK. Hildy, Mrs. Callaway, this is Lucy.

— 61 —

— 62 —

Santa Switch

LUCY (pulling out dusty tomes) I’m just here with Volumes 2 & 3 for Jack to read.

JACK And why would I do that?

LUCY (casually, a twinkle in her eye) So this nice lady won’t find out you’re tricking her, using your secret knowledge of stories she wrote in letters to a certain jolly fellow?

BUSINESS LADY (MRS. CALLAWAY) (cheerfully) Did you know, that when we were young, Jack and I both had chihuahuas named Cheesecake?

(suddenly suspicious, pushing the contract away)) Wait, Jack, is that true… ?

Jack scrambles to contain the damage.

JACK She’s kidding, Mrs. Callaway! Lucy, thanks for the books.

LUCY You’ll read them by Thursday?

JACK See you Thursday!

(as Lucy turns to go, he reaches in his breast pocket) Mrs. Callaway, a pen…

LUCY AND ALL THOSE THINGS I COULDN’T SAY WRECKING BALLS INSIDE MY BRAIN I WILL SCREAM THEM LOUD TONIGHT AND YOU WILL HEAR MY VOICE THIS TIME!

LUCY

BACKGROUND VOCALS

THIS IS MY FIGHT SONG—

SONG…

TAKE BACK MY LIFE SONG—

SONG…

Santa Switch

(LUCY)

— 63 —

(BACKGROUND VOCALS)

PROVE I’M ALRIGHT SONG, YEAH!

SONG, YEAH!

MY POWER’S TURNED ON

TURNED ON…

STARTING RIGHT NOW, I’LL BE STRONG

BE STRONG…

I’LL PLAY MY FIGHT SONG!

FIGHT SONG!

SAY “I DON’T CARE

OOH… AHHH…

IF NOBODY ELSE BELIEVES ‘CAUSE I STILL GOT

I STILL GOT!

A LITTLE FIGHT LEFT IN ME!”

The Golf Course Jack is golfing with a BUSINESS MAN, who tees off. During the following, Jack tees up his ball and prepares to hit it.

JACK Well, Mr. Rashkin, the 18th Tee. I said I wouldn’t pressure you—

BUSINESSMAN I know.

JACK Will it be Perkins & Perkins? Or the other guys?

BUSINESSMAN This is make-or-break for my company.

JACK I know, sir. I can tell you haven’t been sleeping.

BUSINESSMAN (coming around) That’s true, I haven’t been.

JACK I know when you’ve been sleeping. And I know when you’re awake.

(then) Choose us, and rest soundly.

The two are about to SHAKE HANDS, when, out of the bushes—

LUCY Are you KIDDING, Jack?!

— 64 —

Santa Switch

JACK For Pete’s sake—

LUCY That’s really low. Even for you.

Lucy steals Jack’s GOLF BALL.

BUSINESSMAN What’s low? What’s going on?

JACK Give me back my ball.

Jack chases Lucy, but, by now, there’s a FAMILIARITY to their interaction. They’re fighting… but there’s a warmth there, too.

LUCY Nope.

JACK Lucy, come on.

LUCY Shall I tell him exactly how you know his sleeping habits?

Jack folds, impressed with her.

JACK Just give me the books.

Lucy gives Jack two more books.

LUCY See you Thursday. And bring those muffins I love.

Lucy tosses the GOLF BALL back to Jack as we exit with her.

Mrs. Claus appears.

LUCY & MRS. CLAUS

BACKGROUND VOCALS

THIS IS MY FIGHT SONG!

AHH…

TAKE BACK MY LIFE SONG!

AHH…

PROVE I’M ALRIGHT SONG, YEAH!

YEAH!

MY POWER’S TURNED ON!

TURNED ON!

Santa Switch

(LUCY & MRS. CLAUS)

— 65 —

(BACKGROUND VOCALS)

STARTING RIGHT NOW, I’LL BE STRONG!

BE STRONG!

I’LL PLAY MY FIGHT SONG!

FIGHT SONG!

LUCY & MRS. CLAUS AND I DON’T CARE IF NOBODY ELSE BELIEVES…

BACKGROUND VOCALS AHH…

ALL I STILL GOT A LITTLE FIGHT LEFT IN—

LUCY & MRS. CLAUS ME!

BACKGROUND VOICES AHH!

A playoff as Mrs. Claus exits and the set shifts.

#9 A — Fi g h t S o n g ( P l a y o f f ) Lucy settles in, at:

Jack’s Apartment JACK Should I get us take-out? Maybe Chinese?

LUCY I’m starving, but we need to keep studying.

JACK (a sudden idea) We don’t have to stop.

Jack reaches into The Sack—a magic glissando—and pulls out CHINESE TAKEOUT containers and some chopsticks.

LUCY (playfully, but she means it) JACK! Quit abusing your powers!

— 66 —

Santa Switch

JACK (teasing; threatening to put them back) If you’re not hungry…

LUCY (giving in; grabbing container) No, give it! Is this—

JACK Shrimp Lo Mein? You bet. Big benefits when a guy knows your heart’s desires, huh?

Lucy smiles. Then, she picks up a book.

LUCY Volume Twelve: The Magic Sleigh.

JACK (getting excited) Oh man, that Sleigh! Santa grabs the reins and shouts “AWAY!”—zero-to-sixty in the blink of an eye.

She puts down the Lo Mein and flips through the book.

LUCY My favorite part was… here it is:

(reading) “Santa’s love takes his hand to bless his journey. They kiss in the winter air, a warm reminder of life’s truest magic. Soon, the sleigh lifts off into the night.”

(romantically) Isn’t that romantic? A goodbye kiss, every time?

JACK It’s a bit… predictable.

LUCY What’s wrong with that?

JACK I’ve just never found something I’d want to do, exactly the same, year in, year out.

LUCY What about that promotion, when Mr. Perkins retires? Won’t that be “predictable?”

Santa Switch

— 67 —

JACK It’s a huge stepping stone. From there, I could probably start my own agency. And from there, flip over to the client side, get some real equity. And from there, maybe run a multinational corporation?

LUCY (mocking his ambition) And from there? And from there?

JACK If you’re not flying, you’re dying.

(getting personal) Judge all you want, but when I was young—well, you know about my parents. Then, foster home after foster home… People bail on you. You can’t count on others, so, you hustle. You sell yourself. And, along the way, you sell dish soap and dog food.

(re: Lucy) You know what it’s like to be on your own, with your dad walking out on you guys.

LUCY Sure, but it didn’t make me cold. It made me appreciate the warmth even more, when I found it.

JACK (intrigued) What’s your story?

LUCY No story…

JACK Come on, spill. A single woman, uprooting herself, living all alone in Manhattan? Just to be a waitress? There’s gotta be more.

LUCY OK, there’s a small story. More of a picture book.

(she grabs her sketchbook; rejection letters fall out) Oops. Ignore the rejection letters.

Jack begins flipping through the sketchbook.

JACK You drew these?

— 68 —

Santa Switch

(JACK) (flipping through drawings) They’re amazing.

LUCY Really?

JACK Really. Y’know, I could get you work in the Art Department.

LUCY No, thank you.

JACK You’d be great in advertising.

LUCY No, no—

JACK We always need new talent.

LUCY I couldn’t draw for other people.

JACK You could make real money.

LUCY No!

(taking back her book) Thank you. I don’t care about money. Or gold watches. Or nice apartments. I know you think I’m ridiculous, but art is a gift. I feel rich when I can capture a moment on a page… and make even one person just a bit happier.

Jack is touched by this. They lock eyes.

JACK You’re unlike anyone I’ve ever met.

LUCY Sorry.

Santa Switch

JACK No, it’s wonderful.

They come together for a KISS… it’s a beautiful moment for both of them. Just before they kiss, though, Lucy pulls back just a bit—

LUCY (still in the moment) Jack?

JACK Yes?

LUCY How did you know my dad ran out on us?

JACK You must have told me.

Slowly, Lucy steps away…

LUCY I didn’t.

(coming to a conclusion) No, no, no, NO—you used Santa Magic on ME, didn’t you?

JACK No!

LUCY You’re unbelievable!

JACK I didn’t— Maybe I did, but I didn’t mean to! Honest!

She prepares to leave.

LUCY For someone who doesn’t want to be “predictable,” that was textbook Jack.

JACK I swear, Lucy. I didn’t mean to.

— 69 —

— 70 —

Santa Switch

LUCY Why do I bother? You are incapable of appreciating anything other than yourself. You’re hopeless. Goodbye, Jack.

JACK Lucy, please. Don’t go—

Upset, Lucy charges out of Jack’s apartment and slams the door.

Hallway Outside of Jack’s Apartment She tries to compose herself, when a JOLLY-LOOKING fellow enters. We’ve never seen him before.

This is TOPHER. With his kind face and overall appearance, he is EXACTLY what “Young Santa” would have been like in his 30s.

TOPHER Oh my stars, I hate to intrude, but why the frowny face?

LUCY (wiping off tears, without looking up) I’m OK. It’s not your problem.

TOPHER We all share each other’s burdens, don’t you think? What’s got ya blue?

LUCY Well, the Magic Bells swooped into this hallway looking for a special someone… but, it turns out he’s not who he’s supposed to be.

Topher doesn’t understand what she’s getting at.

TOPHER Might Mr. Fluffykins cheer you up?

(pulls squeaky stuffed toy out of pocket; reconsiders) Sorry, habit. I run a Children’s Christmas Charity. Sad adults aren’t my forté.

(introducing himself) I’m Topher. I live in 6A.

LUCY Lucy.

(then, realizing)

Santa Switch

— 71 —

(LUCY) Wait, doesn’t Jack live in 6A?

TOPHER Technically, they’re both Apartment 6A. It was all one big apartment eons ago, and no one’s fixed the city’s records. Crazy, right?

(laughs) Ho, Ho, Ho!

Lucy does a double take; Topher’s laugh is very SANTA-LIKE. (laughing more) HO, HO, HO! We should get that fixed before it causes a real problem!

#1 0 — A c t I F i n a l e ( E v e r y bo d y ’ s W a i t i n ’ F o r ) T h e M a n W i t h T h e B a g ( Re p r i s e ) Lucy, Ensemble

Lucy looks at him. [“OH GOD,” she realizes, “THE REAL SANTA!”]

LUCY Who are you?

TOPHER I’m Topher. Well, my full name is Christopher Kringlemeyer.

Confirmation! We hear voices in the background.

OFFSTAGE VOICES EV’RYBODY’S WAITING…

LUCY Your name is Chris Kringle?

TOPHER Kringlemeyer.

OFFSTAGE VOICES FOR THAT MAN…

LUCY And you run a Children’s Christmas Charity?

TOPHER Kringlez Kids!

— 72 —

Santa Switch

OFFSTAGE VOICES THAT MAN…

LUCY And you live in Apartment 6A?

TOPHER Home Sweet Home!

OFFSTAGE VOICES THAT MAN!

LUCY And you laugh just like Santa Claus?

TOPHER (he finds this funny) HO, HO, HO… I honestly don’t hear it.

Lucy’s convinced. Topher’s the guy.

LUCY Can we talk?

TOPHER (a “yes”) How about some hot cocoa?

LUCY In August?

TOPHER It’s always the right time for cocoa! HO, HO, HO…

MUSIC BUILDS as they exit together. Before she’s gone, she turns out.

LUCY

OFFSTAGE VOICES

EV’RYBODY’S WAITING FOR THE

AHH…

MAN WITH THE BAG!

MAN WITH THE BAG!

ALL ‘CAUSE CHRISTMAS IS COMING AGAIN!

Lights fade. END OF ACT ONE.

Santa Switch

— 73 —

ACT II SCENE 1—CHARITY EVENT (START OF THE CHRISTMAS SEASON!) Music plays. Curtain opens on… SANTA CLAUS!

“SANTA CLAUS” Ho, Ho, Ho! Ho, Ho, Ho!

Wait is that REALLY the new Santa? Or is it just Topher in a beard? Or is Topher now… Santa?!

TOPHER (pulling down his beard) Hey all, I’m not really Santa. It’s just me, Topher Kringlemeyer! Gotcha!

Welcome to “What A Wonderful World”, our Annual Kringlez Kidz Charity Ball!

Christmas is just around the corner and to help us celebrate, please welcome… the Kringlez Kidz Dancers!

#1 1 — K r i n g l e z K i d z Me d l e y

Ensemble (Kidz, Adults)

The Kringlez Kidz dancers, along with a handful of kids, perform a spirited, jingle-jangly medley of Christmas tunes!

KID 1 I SAW MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS UNDERNEATH THE MISTLETOE LAST NIGHT… SHE DIDN’T SEE ME CREEP DOWN THE STAIR TO HAVE A PEEP SHE THOUGHT THAT I WAS TUCKED UP IN MY BEDROOM FAST ASLEEP! THEN—

KID 1, KID 2, & KID 3 I SAW MOMMY TICKLE SANTA CLAUS UNDERNEATH HIS BEARD, SO SNOWY WHITE…

ALL KIDZ WHAT A LAUGH IT WOULD HAVE BEEN IF DADDY HAD ONLY SEEN MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS LAST NIGHT!

Dance break!

— 74 —

Santa Switch

(ALL KIDZ) WHAT A LAUGH IT WOULD HAVE BEEN IF DADDY HAD ONLY SEEN MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS LAST NIGHT!

ADULTS

ALL KIDZ

CHRISTMAS…

THE SNOW’S COMING DOWN

CHRISTMAS…

I’M WATCHING IT FALL…

CHRISTMAS…

LOTS OF PEOPLE AROUND

CHRISTMAS…

BABY, PLEASE COME ‘A HOME!

CHRISTMAS…

THE CHURCH BELLS IN TOWN

CHRISTMAS…

ALL RINGING IN SONG…

CHRISTMAS…

FULL OF HAPPY SOUNDS

CHRISTMAS…

BABY, PLEASE COME ‘A HOME!

Solo KIDZ step out of the group.

(ADULTS) OOH…

KID 2 THEY’RE SINGING DECK THE HALLS

KID 3 OOH…

BUT IT’S NOT LIKE CHRISTMAS AT ALL

KID 4 HOO…

‘CAUSE I REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE HERE

KID 5 AHHH!

AND ALL THE FUN WE HAD LAST YEAR!

Everyone sings together!

(ADULTS)

ALL KIDZ

CHRISTMAS…

PRETTY LIGHTS ON THE TREE

CHRISTMAS…

I’M WATCHING THEM SHINE

CHRISTMAS…

YOU SHOULD BE HERE WITH ME

CHRISTMAS…

BABY PLEASE, BABY PLEASE COME HOME!

Santa Switch

(ADULTS)

— 75 —

KIDZ GROUP 1

KIDZ GROUP 2

CHRISTMAS!

I SAW MOMMY KISSING

THE SNOW’S COMING DOWN

CHRISTMAS!

SANTA CLAUS

I’M WATCHING IT FALL…

CHRISTMAS!

UNDERNEATH THE MISTLETOE

LOTS OF PEOPLE AROUND

CHRISTMAS!

LAST NIGHT

BABY, PLEASE COME ‘A HOME!

(ADULTS)

ALL KIDZ

CHRISTMAS…

I SAW MOMMY KISSING…

ALL SANTA CLAUS LAST NIGHT!

#1 1 A — K r i n g l e z K i d z U n d e r s c o r e The well-dressed attendees CHEER, as Lucy shouts!

LUCY Bravo! Bravo!

MRS. CLAUS enters, in a gown. Lucy spots her and rushes over.

Mrs. C., you made it!

MRS. CLAUS You sent twenty-nine invitations to the North Pole.

LUCY Free postage, am I right? Whoosh!

(Mimes flinging letter; Mrs. Claus is not amused) Sorry. Just wait till you meet Topher.

MRS. CLAUS Lucy—

LUCY Jack’s old news.

MRS. CLAUS Jack’s here tonight, right? His company sponsored the event.

— 76 —

Santa Switch

LUCY I know.

MRS. CLAUS I need to speak with him.

LUCY Jack doesn’t matter! Topher’s our man.

MRS. CLAUS The Bells of SinterKlaas are never wrong.

(over her objection) Can we just have fun tonight? I’m running The Whole Pole by myself—manufacturing, logistics—and Nick’s “system” was NOT having a system. So, guess what? I got us a computer.

(she over-pronounces “computer”; bragging a bit) It has five-hundred-and-twelve bytes of memory! Should last us fifty years.

LUCY Is Nick here?

A bit annoyed, Mrs. Claus looks around.

MRS. CLAUS He said he’d be, but who knows? He’s into “close-up magic” now.

(spots something) Oh no…

Lights hit SANTA before three partygoers, each holding a card.

SANTA The Amazing Claus-ino knows! Is your card… the Ace of Hearts?

PARTYGOER #1 Three of clubs.

SANTA Is your card the Ace of Hearts?

PARTYGOER #2 Six of diamonds.

Santa Switch

SANTA Is your card—

PARTYGOER #3 Two of spades.

LUCY Nick! Nick!

Santa hears Lucy and takes his leave.

SANTA (dramatically) The Amazing Claus-ino must now… disappear!

Santa pretends to “vanish.” Then, he joins Lucy and Mrs. Claus.

LUCY Nick! Great to see you! Now, about The Bells—

SANTA & MRS. CLAUS They’re never wrong.

LUCY But what if they got confused? Jack and Topher live at the exact same address.

MRS. CLAUS Really?

SANTA Which one’s Topher again?

LUCY He’s the new you, the correct one. The magic hit the wrong guy. We need a loophole—

SANTA A loophole?

LUCY In the magic. A way to switch the powers. You’ll love Topher. He’s really nice.

MRS. CLAUS There’s no loophole, Lucy. It’s Jack or bust.

Just then, JACK gets up “ON STAGE” in front of everyone.

— 77 —

— 78 —

Santa Switch

JACK (onstage. ever the charming host) Good evening, everyone!

LUCY Speak of the devil.

JACK I’m Jack Chase, from Perkins & Perkins Advertising, sponsor of tonight’s Kringlez Kidz Ball, what we’re calling “What A Wonderful World.” It’s my pleasure to introduce your host: Topher Kringlemeyer!

#1 2 ­— H ol d M y H a n d

Topher, Lucy, Ensemble

TOPHER takes stage, as music enters. Applause.

TOPHER Every night, kids go to bed hungry. One day a year, Santa fills their stockings with gifts and their hearts with joy. But all those other days? It falls on us.

(takes off Santa hat, holds it out for donations) WITH A LITTLE LOVE… AND SOME TENDERNESS WE’LL WALK UPON THE WATER, WE’LL RISE ABOVE THE MESS WITH A LITTLE PEACE…

(getting a donation; speaks) The kids thank you! … AND SOME

TOPHER & ENSEMBLE HARMONY

(another donation; speaks) You, too, ma’am!

WE’LL TAKE THE WORLD TOGETHER, WE’LL TAKE THEM BY THE HAND

Back-up voices join in.

TOPHER

ENSEMBLE ‘CAUSE I GOT A HAND FOR YOU

I GOT A HAND FOR YOU! HOO I WANNA RUN WITH YOU

Santa Switch

(TOPHER)

— 79 —

(ENSEMBLE)

WON’T YOU LET ME RUN WITH YOU? HOLD MY HAND

HOLD MY HAND

TOPHER & LUCY I WANNA HOLD YOUR HAND!

LUCY & ENSEMBLE HOLD MY HAND…

TOPHER & LUCY

ENSEMBLE (underneath Topher & Lucy)

I’LL TAKE YOU TO A PLACE

HOLD MY HAND

WHERE YOU CAN BE ANYTHING YOU WANNA BE

OOH

TOPHER ‘CAUSE I WANNA LOVE YOU

AHH

THE BEST THAT THE BEST THAT I CAN

AHH

LUCY AND THEN MAYBE WE CAN CHANGE THE WORLD

WE CAN CHANGE THE WORLD

TOPHER WE CAN CHANGE THE WORLD BUT…

(to the kidz)

AHH

TOPHER & LUCY

I WANNA LOVE YOU THE BEST THAT

BEST THAT

THE BEST THAT I CAN!

THE BEST THAT I CAN!

Lights hit Santa and Mrs. Claus, shellshocked.

SANTA Wow. Topher is… NICE.

MRS. CLAUS Sooooo NICE.

— 80 —

Santa Switch

SANTA Like, waaaaay nicer than I am.

MRS. CLAUS (almost too honest) Oh, yeah.

(completely convinced) We’ve gotta find that loophole.

SANTA Whoa, whoa, slow down—

MRS. CLAUS Face it, Nick: The Bells screwed the pooch.

(she points to Topher) Look at him! He’s obscenely kind, uncomfortably generous, he runs a dang kid’s charity, he lives at the exact spot The Bells chose, and his real god-given name is CHRIS-topher KRINGLE-meyer?!

SANTA Jack just needs more time.

MRS. CLAUS It’s been ten months!

SANTA Big life changes are hard! You’re cruising down one path your whole life and then, one day, it all changes. He’s doing his best.

MRS. CLAUS Are we talking about Jack? Or, you?

Santa doesn’t know what to say.

SANTA We have to double-down on Jack.

MRS. CLAUS “We?!” There is no “we”! Ever since you had your “epiphany” and vanished into those crumpled paper scraps, I’ve been at this myself. And it’s hard!

Santa Switch

— 81 —

SANTA (contrite) I didn’t know you felt that way.

MRS. CLAUS Because I didn’t want to hurt your “process.” But I’m exhausted! And no one’s card was the Ace of Hearts!

SANTA I didn’t finish the trick! Check your pocket.

MRS. CLAUS My pocket?! What—?

Flustered, she reaches in her pocket and pulls out the Ace of Hearts.

SANTA Ta-da… ?!

She’s not amused.

MRS. CLAUS Our main duty is keeping the Christmas Flame alive. Talk to Jack if you want, but I’m telling Rhubarb to find that loophole. It’s our best shot.

SANTA (as she walks away) Holly! Come on, Holly…

Frustrated, Santa goes to the bar as Mrs. Claus storms out, passing Lucy.

MRS. CLAUS (to Lucy) You really think it’s Topher?

LUCY It’s gotta be.

MRS. CLAUS Get him ready. I’ll see what I can do.

Mrs. Claus exits. Jack approaches Lucy. He still pines for her.

JACK Lucy! Hi. I keep calling, but you don’t answer.

— 82 —

Santa Switch

LUCY (coldly) I’ve been busy.

JACK Busy? Or just “spending time” with Kringlemeyer? When did you two get so involved?

LUCY It’s not like that.

Topher bursts into the conversation, an explosion of kind energy.

TOPHER Jack Chase! Jackie, Jackie, Jackie! The brilliance behind “What A Wonderful World!” What the heck, you’re gettin’ a hug, buddy!

(gives him a big hug) Your hair smells SO good.

Jack sizes him up.

JACK What’s your deal?

TOPHER My deal?

JACK No human is this… pleasant.

LUCY Stop it, Jack.

JACK You spend all your time raising money for other people’s kids? What else do you do?

TOPHER Not much. Oh, I make fudge!

JACK It’s an act, right? I mean, no one’s this much of a saint!

TOPHER What about Saint Nicholas, huh? Zing!

Santa Switch

— 83 —

JACK (to Lucy) This guy?! Really?! Him?!?!

Topher’s a bit lost. He turns to Lucy.

TOPHER Goose?

JACK Who’s Goose?

TOPHER I call her “Goose.” Like Lucy Goose. Get it?

JACK (is he really losing to Topher?)

I’M LOSING TO THIS GUY?!?!

LUCY (shooing Topher away from the situation) Topher, why don’t you go mingle? Breakfast tomorrow? At the muffin place? I have something important to discuss with you.

TOPHER (nods) Good to see you, Jack.

Topher heads off.

JACK There’s something off about him.

LUCY Some people are nice! Oh, the horror!

JACK But he’s weird nice. Like, how can he live in my building? It’s too expensive for me, and I burn money on stupid things like overpriced apartments! He runs a charity.

LUCY (realizing) Are you jealous?

— 84 —

Santa Switch

JACK YES! I’m extremely jealous!

LUCY Not that it matters, but Topher and I aren’t together. I mean, we might try… I don’t know, I’m just trying to save Christmas.

JACK Forget him. Try with me. Again.

#1 3 ­— Tr e a t Yo u B e t t e r

Jack

LUCY I cried when I left you that night.

JACK Lucy…

LUCY BUT it’s pointless. Because you are selfish and a liar… and that won’t ever change.

JACK I WON’T LIE TO YOU I KNOW HE’S JUST NOT RIGHT FOR YOU AND YOU CAN TELL ME IF I’M OFF, BUT I SEE IT ON YOUR FACE WHEN YOU SAY THAT HE’S THE ONE THAT YOU WANT AND YOU’RE SPENDING ALL YOUR TIME IN THIS WRONG SITUATION AND ANYTIME YOU WANT IT TO STOP… I KNOW I CAN TREAT YOU BETTER THAN HE CAN AND ANY GIRL LIKE YOU DESERVES A GENTLEMAN TELL ME WHY ARE WE WASTING TIME ON ALL YOUR WASTED CRYIN’ WHEN YOU SHOULD BE WITH ME INSTEAD? I KNOW I CAN TREAT YOU BETTER— BETTER THAN HE CAN!

Santa Switch

LUCY This is foolish, Jack. It’s too late for us.

Lucy RUNS OUT.

JACK GIVE ME A SIGN—TAKE MY HAND, WE’LL BE FINE PROMISE I WON’T LET YOU DOWN JUST KNOW THAT YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THIS ALONE PROMISE I’LL NEVER LET YOU DOWN

(pouring out his heart) ‘CAUSE I KNOW I CAN TREAT YOU BETTER THAN HE CAN AND ANY GIRL LIKE YOU DESERVES A GENTLEMAN TELL ME WHY ARE WE WASTING TIME ON ALL YOUR WASTED CRYIN’ WHEN YOU SHOULD BE WITH ME INSTEAD? I KNOW I CAN TREAT YOU BETTER— BETTER THAN HE CAN!

Jack heads to BAR, dejected, where an equally bummed SANTA already sits. (Turns out, the bartender is Chester.)

That you, Chester? What’re you doin’ here?

CHESTER Gotta make a livin’, Jack. The usual?

JACK Sure as shootin’.

As Chester starts the martini, Jack sits next to a tuxedo-ed SANTA nursing a Virgin Egg Nog. [Note: Jack does not know it’s Santa, but Santa, of course, knows it’s Jack.]

SANTA Well, you look as terrible as I feel.

Jack sizes up his companion and smiles.

— 85 —

— 86 —

Santa Switch

JACK Could say the same to you.

(Jack offers some advice) If you don’t mind constructive criticism: that suit? Looks a bit last century.

(handing Santa a business card) Here. Call my guy.

SANTA Your guy?

JACK My suit guy. You gotta have a guy. I got a guy for suits, shirts, shoes, shoelaces… I even got a guy who knows when my guys are too busy being other guy’s guys, so he can find me new guys.

Chester hands over Jack’s martini.

CHESTER Bottoms up, fellas.

JACK (toasting) Jack Chase.

SANTA Santa Claus.

Jack is a bit taken aback, but he gets it.

JACK Ahhhh. So, the hard sell’s coming? Gonna twist my arm to be the new you?

SANTA Change is tough, Jack—

JACK It’s not gonna work.

(without waiting for a response) And, don’t say “but, Jack, it’s the greatest job in the world!” Cuz if it’s so great, you wouldn’t have quit.

Santa Switch

— 87 —

SANTA True. It’s grueling. You GIVE and you GIVE and you GIVE…

(thinking it through) Turns out, though, that was the best part. And, now, because of some rash, selfish decision, I might be the chump who destroyed Christmas.

JACK Here comes the guilt trip.

SANTA I get it, Jack. You had life all figured out. You were flying high. But then the same thing happened to you that happened to me.

JACK And what’s that?

SANTA You met Lucy.

A beat.

JACK That woman has a way of scrambling your priorities.

SANTA She saw I was lost. And she knew it was time for me to try something new. Of course, now I’m trying everything new… and I’m more lost than ever.

JACK Exactly! I can’t just change my whole life, my whole personality… just for Lucy.

SANTA No. But you can do it for you.

Jack looks at Santa.

JACK Why me, man? I’m not… jolly. Christmas is just a reminder of terrible times when I was a kid. Shouldn’t it be someone nice like Topher?

SANTA (thinking about it) That guy’s, like, weird nice, isn’t he?

— 88 —

Santa Switch

JACK That’s what I’ve been saying!

SANTA The Bells chose you, Jack. And we both know you have it in you. So, I’m gonna fight like fudgesicles to keep Christmas alive—it can’t end with me.

(leaning in) Plus, if you open your heart to this… you might just win Lucy back.

Jack melts—Santa’s got him.

JACK Are you using Santa Powers on me?

Santa smiles.

SANTA Why don’t I stick around New York? I can teach you everything I know about the Christmas Spirit, straight from the Big Man himself. And, we’ll see… Besides, it’ll be nice to live back in the city. I’ve been doing stand-up comedy—they say I’m the next Lenny Bruce!

JACK Lenny Bruce? Really?

SANTA No. But if anyone asks, yes. What do you say, Jack? Give it the ol’ Christmas try?

Santa holds out his hand. Jack shakes it. MUSIC plays us out…

#1 3 A — Th e Ol ’ C h r i s t m a s T r y

Santa Switch

— 89 —

SCENE 2—NORTH POLE Music plays as the elves wrap packages on an “assembly line,” humming as they go.

Behind them, in enormous letters on a chalkboard, it says: “41 DAYS TO CHRISTMAS EVE!” RHUBARB enters, on phone, cord stretching offstage.

RHUBARB Roger that, Mrs. C. I’ll figure it out, Mrs. C.

(getting tense; elves huddle around her) I’ll try not to panic, Mrs. C. Yeppers. Okey-doke, Mrs. C. Toodles.

Rhubarb lets go of the phone. She is not OK.

CINNAMON You OK, Rhubarb?

RHUBARB (trying to be overly-super-duper-delicate) Soooo, elves… Hypothetically, what if Mrs. C told me that, hypothetically, we had the wrong Santa, and, hypothetically, we had just 41 days to scour the Pole for every treatise, handbook and historical document in search of a loophole in the SinterKlaas magic or Christmas is done for?!

A beat. They PANIC like their elfin hair is on fire.

ELVES AHHHHHHHHH!!!

RHUBARB Elves! Elves!

(they stop; she lies all silly-like) I said “hypothetically!”

The elves breathe a HUGE sighs of relief. Music starts.

#1 4 ­— H ol l y J ol l y C h r i s t m a s

Rhubarb, Ensemble (Elves)

(RHUBARB) (lying cheerfully) Mrs. Claus just asked me to share Christmas tidings! And I was tooootally kidding about the books and the loophole and the grizzly death of Christmas!

— 90 —

Santa Switch

(RHUBARB) (singing through super-smiley, gritted teeth) HAVE A HOLLY, JOLLY CHRISTMAS IT’S THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR NOW, I DON’T KNOW IF THERE’LL BE SNOW BUT HAVE A CUP OF CHEER!

Rhubarb slyly grabs a book, surreptitiously flipping through it. Nada.

Fudgesicles!

(tossing book away, slyly looking for another) HAVE A HOLLY, JOLLY CHRISTMAS AND WHEN YOU WALK DOWN THE STREET SAY HELLO TO FRIENDS YOU KNOW AND EV’RYONE YOU MEET!

She grabs another book. Nope. The elves join in glorious harmony.

RHUBARB & ELVES HO, HO, THE MISTLETOE HUNG WHERE YOU CAN SEE SOMEBODY WAITS FOR YOU—KISS ’EM ONCE FOR ME!

RHUBARB NO! I sing! You listen! I can’t concentrate!

CINNAMON Is there something you’re not telling us?

RHUBARB (continuing with fake smile and gritted teeth) HAVE A HOLLY, JOLLY CHRISTMAS AND IN CASE YOU DIDN’T HEAR OH BY GOLLY HAVE A HOLLY, JOLLY CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR!

What’s that?!?!

Rhubarb points offstage. The ELVES look as Rhubarb grabs a book and bolts the other way. MUSIC continues, as we CROSSFADE to one of two “training scenes” on the front corners of the stage. First:

Lucy and Topher Lucy holds an empty plate; Topher stuffs a cookie into his very full mouth.

Santa Switch

LUCY One more cookie… and… The Cookie Challenge Champion is…

TOPHER (hands up in victory; spitting crumbs) Woo-hooooooo!

LUCY Topher Kringlemeyer! Thirty cookies, a new record!

They do a complicated “HIGH FIVE” to celebrate…

Jack and Santa Crossfade to Santa with a full plate of COOKIES; Jack stares one down.

JACK I haven’t had sugar in ten years! My body’s a temple.

SANTA Try the milk, then.

JACK I told you, I’m allergic.

SANTA But Santas eat milk and cookies, like it or not!

JACK Fine, I’ll have a sip.

(takes a sip; then… his stomach GURGLES) Nope. Nope. Nope nope nope nope…

He runs off, clutching his stomach.

Back to The North Pole It is now “27 DAY(S) TO CHRISTMAS EVE!” The elves watch a wired/exhausted Rhubarb sit with a huge pile of books.

RHUBARB (tossing books, one-by-one) Nope. Nope. Nope.

— 91 —

— 92 —

Santa Switch

CINNAMON Rhubarb, you haven’t slept in weeks.

JUNIPER What’s going on, Rhu?

RHUBARB What’s going on?! Why, I’m just jingle-jangled that Christmas Eve is 27 days away!

(frenzied tempo, flipping thru books, tossing them) HAVE A HOLLY, JOLLY CHRISTMAS, IT’S THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR! I DON’T KNOW IF THERE’LL BE SNOW BUT HAVE A CUP OF CHEER! HAVE A HOLLY, JOLLY CHRISTMAS AND WHEN YOU WALK DOWN THE STREET! SAY HELLO TO FRIENDS YOU KNOW AND EV’RYONE YOU MEET! HO, HO, THE MISTLETOE HUNG WHERE YOU CAN SEE SOMEBODY WAITS FOR YOU—

Rhubarb YAWNS involuntarily. Is she gonna fall asleep on her feet?

SUGARPLUM Rhubarb?! Sweetie?!

RHUBARB (jolting awake) HAVE A HOLLY, JOLLY CHRISTMAS! AND IN CASE YOU DIDN’T HEAR! OH BY GOLLY HAVE A HOLLY, JOLLY—

(like a broken record, she gets into a loop) OH BY GOLLY HAVE A HOLLY, JOLLY— OH BY GOLLY HAVE A HOLLY, JOLLY—

CINNAMON Wait a Cotton Candy minute! The books! The panic! Rhubarb, was that hypothetical NOT a hypothetical? Is Christmas in trouble?

Santa Switch

RHUBARB (nodding) Mm-hmm.

The elves PANIC, running in circles! Music continues. Crossfade to:

Lucy and Topher Lucy stands in front of a FIREPLACE. Someone’s inside.

TOPHER (O.S.) (yelling from within) This is terrifying!

LUCY (yelling up chimney) Careful, Topher! Chimneys are dangerous without Santa powers.

TOPHER (O.S.) Hold on, hold on…

With a POPPING sound effect, Topher flops out of the fireplace!

That was… INCREDIBLE! Can I go again?

Jack and Santa Crossfade to a warehouse, where the sleigh is stashed—not visible to the audience. We hear the sound of SNORTING REINDEER.

SANTA Remember, Jack, the Reindeer will respond if you’re firm, yet kind.

JACK I’ve tried for a month. That sleigh will not fly.

SANTA Firm, yet kind. You got this.

Jack nods. Santa is rooting really hard for him.

JACK AWAY!

(nothing happens) AWAY!

— 93 —

— 94 —

Santa Switch

(JACK) (again, nothing) AWAY!

SANTA There’s always tomorrow. But, hey, check your pocket.

(Jack pulls out the Ace of Hearts) Ta-da!

Back to The North Pole It’s insanity. Everyone’s freaked out. The chalkboard reads “13 DAY(S)” The elves all work together, flipping thru/tossing books.

RHUBARB Seventeen days to find that loophole, elves! It’s all on us!

As they SING, the chalkboard counts down. 13… 12… 11…

RHUBARB (fast, frenzied, overlapping with elves)

ELVES GROUP 1 (spinning out of control; nonsensically)

ELVES GROUP 2 (spinning out of control)

HAVE A HOLLY, JOLLY

HOLLY, JOLLY!

HAVE A HOLLY, JOLLY!

CHRISTMAS BEST TIME!

BEST TIME OF THE

THERE’LL BE SNOW BUT

I DON’T KNOW!

BUT HAVE A CUP OF CHEER!

HAVE A CUP!

WHERE’S THAT CUP?

HAVE A HOLLY JOLLY

HOLLY, JOLLY!

HAVE A HOLLY, JOLLY!

WALK DOWN THE STREET!

WALK DOWN THE STREET!

SAY HELLO

SAY HELLO

SAY HELLO!

TO FRIENDS YOU KNOW

YOU KNOW

FRIENDS

AND EV’RYONE YOU MEET!

YOUR FRIENDS!

YOU’RE MEETING

HO, HO, THE MISTLETOE

MISTLETOE! WHERE IS?

HO! HO!

HUNG WHERE YOU CAN SEE

RIGHT THERE!

I CAN’T SEE IT!

SOMEBODY WAITS FOR ME—

WHO’S THAT WAITING?

SOMEBODY…

KISS ‘EM ONCE FOR ME!

KISS ‘EM ONCE FOR ME!

KISS ‘EM ONCE FOR ME!

CHRISTMAS, IT’S THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR! I DON’T KNOW IF THERE’LL BE SNOW

CHRISTMAS AND WHEN YOU WALK DOWN THE STREET!

Santa Switch

— 95 —

We’re at “5 DAY(S) TO CHRISTMAS EVE!” when Becky leaps up.

BECKY I found it! I found it! I found the loophole!

(music holds/vamps as Becky reads) “No more Yuletide Magic? Is the fate of Christmas at stake? Here’s how to put pep back in Santa’s step: One, whisk the egg yolks and sugar in a medium bowl until light and creamy. Two, in a saucepan over medium-high heat, combine the cream, milk and nutmeg. Three—

RHUBARB That’s not a loophole, Becky! That’s a recipe for Egg Nog from Good Housekeeping Magazine! And it sounds delicious! We’re DOOOOMED!

They all sing a big, dark, Carmina Burana-esque CHORAL ending.

RHUBARB & ELVES HAVE A HOLLY, JOLLY CHRISTMAS AND IN CASE YOU DIDN’T HEAR OH BY GOLLY HAVE A HOLLY, JOLLY—

A FEW ELVES (OH BY GOLLY HAVE A!)

RHUBARB & ELVES OH, BY GOLLY, WILL WE EVEN HAVE A CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR? AHH!

Over the final note, the chalkboard counts down until it finally lands on “1 DAY(S) TO CHRISTMAS EVE!” The Elves land in a heap—they still haven’t found it and Christmas Eve is tomorrow!

#1 4 A — A ( N ot So ) H o l l y J o l l y ( P l a y o f f )

— 96 —

Santa Switch

SCENE 3—LUCY’S APARTMENT (DEC 23RD) Lucy and Topher sit in Lucy’s apartment, reading one of the Dusty SANTA BOOKS, specifically Volume Twelve.

LUCY (reading warmly) “… They kiss in the winter air, a warm reminder of life’s truest magic. Soon, the sleigh lifts off into the night.”

TOPHER A goodbye kiss every time. How romantic.

LUCY That’s what I said!

A beat. Topher brings up something they’ve clearly discussed before.

TOPHER See, Goose, we’re perfect for each other…

LUCY Stop it, please don’t.

TOPHER I’ve never met someone like you, Lucy. And these past three months… What’s wrong with me? Is it because I’m too nice? I don’t have to be.

For emphasis, he pounds the table. Then, he WINCES, hurting his hand.

LUCY But, you do. And you are. And it’s not that.

(she pulls away) It’s December 23rd. Let’s focus on now. Cuz if the Elves find that loophole…

TOPHER OK. Now, this was meant to be romantic, but…

(pulls out gift) I got you a gift.

LUCY No! I don’t want anything—

He hands her a small box.

Santa Switch

— 97 —

TOPHER It’s Christmas. Almost. I saw it and thought of you.

LUCY (opening the box) A watch?

TOPHER Not just any watch, it’s a 1951 gold—

LUCY (overlapping, a bit underwhelmed) —a 1951 gold Rolex Chronometer 6-0-7-5 with a coin edge bezel and a “super-oyster” crown.

TOPHER You know your watches! You deserve beautiful things, Goose. Because you’re beautiful.

Lucy, though, is suspicious. She’s thinking of what Jack said.

LUCY This cost a lot of money. I don’t mean to be rude, but… can you afford this?

TOPHER What?

LUCY And how do you afford that expensive apartment? You can’t make that much money at the charity.

TOPHER (taken aback) What are you suggesting—?

LUCY Just tell me the truth.

Topher takes a moment. Then, he’s a bit sheepish.

TOPHER You’re right, I’m sorry. I have a secret. Don’t be mad, but…

(what’s his secret?)

— 98 —

Santa Switch

(TOPHER) I come from money. You know that little metal ball inside an aerosol paint can that goes all clankety-clankety when you shake it? Long story short, my mom was mixing paint, bumped her head, lost a tooth… got a patent… and I inherited a little money.

(a beat) Maybe it’s why I’m so drawn to Kringlez Kidz—I’ve just always wanted to give back, y’know?

Awwww. It’s a moment. Then, Topher decides now’s the time—and he goes IN FOR A KISS. She pulls back.

LUCY Topher…

(changing the subject) You, my friend, might just have a very late night tomorrow, if our miracle comes through.

Get some rest.

She heads for the door.

TOPHER Goose…

LUCY I’ll call if I hear anything.

TOPHER (disappointed) Good night.

Topher exits. Lucy closes the door and takes a moment. Suddenly, we hear a LOUD THUMP. Then, the sound of SQUEEEEEEZING, as before, as someone tries to get down a chimney. It’s more awkward than earlier. It stops.

LUCY (to the fireplace) Hello?!

More SQUEEZING sounds. (a hunch; calling at the fireplace) Jack, is that you?! Jack, are you stuck in the chimney?!

LOTS and LOTS of THUMPING! Then:

Santa Switch

— 99 —

JACK (O.S.) (from inside chimney, very echo-y and muted) Yes.

(more THUMPING) Should I go back up? Yeah, I’m gonna go back up.

More THUMPING as he climbs up—Lucy follows him “up” with her eyes.

LUCY DID YOU MAKE IT? JACK, ARE YOU OK? JACK? JACK?!?!

DOORBELL rings, she answers it. Jack enters, brushing SOOT off of him.

JACK (worse for wear; catching his breath) I was trying… to make a dramatic entrance.

Lucy is having none of this.

LUCY What are you doing here? I haven’t seen you for months—

JACK I’m here because tomorrow is Christmas Eve.

LUCY This I know.

JACK And— first, I want to apologize. For being such a jerk at the charity event.

LUCY That you were.

JACK It’s just something about that Topher guy gets under my skin! But that’s no excuse. I’m sorry. And I got you a gift.

He hands her a SMALL GIFT BOX (about the size of a watch).

LUCY Why do people keep giving me things? I don’t want GIFTS!

(trying to get rid of him)

— 100 —

Santa Switch

(LUCY) Fine. Apology accepted. Thank you. You can go now.

JACK No— there’s something else. Tomorrow’s Christmas Eve—

LUCY As you’ve said.

JACK And, well, I’m Santa Claus. I know things are off between us, but no one knows Christmas like you. I want you to ride shotgun in the sleigh with me. You’re a part of this, Lucy.

Lucy feels badly that Jack still thinks he has a chance.

LUCY Oh, Jack… Have you even gotten the sleigh off the ground yet?

This hurts Jack’s pride.

JACK No. But I will.

(reading Lucy’s body language, realizing) You don’t think I can do it, do you?

She doesn’t. She comes clean.

LUCY There’s something you should know. Santa’s completely in your corner, but Mrs. Claus and the Elves and, yes, me… we believe The Bells chose you by mistake. It’s not just the sleigh, it’s everything. This was never you.

(the kicker) Rhubarb is searching for a loophole in the magic.

JACK But the Bells are never wrong.

LUCY What if they are? What if we can fix this obvious mistake? You and Topher are—

It’s the first time he’s hearing this.

Santa Switch

— 101 —

JACK Topher? This is about him?

LUCY Think about it! You have the same address—the Bells got confused! One of you is a selfish, materialistic narcissist who peddles half-truths for a living… the other runs a Children’s Charity and is a dead ringer for Santa Claus.

JACK This isn’t right.

LUCY You didn’t want this, Jack—

JACK I didn’t.

LUCY So, let’s fix it—

JACK I didn’t want it. But then, I was chosen. And when your heart opens up and you can suddenly hear people’s deepest desires, whether you want to or not… you start to care what happens to them. Mr. Perkins is giving out that promotion tomorrow, but that’s not what I want anymore—I’ve been passing my accounts off for the past two months to Dougie, the idiot son.

LUCY I didn’t know you were doing that. That’s— That’s—

RHUBARB bursts through the door, not noticing Jack at first.

RHUBARB Lucy, Lucy, Lucy, Lucy!

(she takes a big breath; sees Jack and backpedals) Jaaaaaaack…

JACK Rhubarb.

A beat.

— 102 —

Santa Switch

RHUBARB (delicately to Lucy, trying to keep it from Jack) Soooo, I have N-E-W-S.

(trying harder) About the L-O-O… O… O-P… H—?

JACK You’re looking for a loophole in the magic. I get it. And you’re a terrible speller for someone as old as you are.

Rhubarb is offended.

RHUBARB Hey!

(reconsiders) Wait, how old do you think I am?

LUCY (trying to get her back on track) Rhubarb—!

RHUBARB (to Lucy) Shh— let him answer. Go on.

JACK I don’t know. You’re an elf.

RHUBARB Guess.

JACK How old you are? I don’t know. Like four… hundred?

Rhubarb reacts aggressively.

RHUBARB Four hundred?! Are you SERIOUS?! You’re… SERIOUS?!

JACK (backpedaling) I have no reference! You’re an elf.

Santa Switch

— 103 —

RHUBARB You are… bad. He’s SERIOUS?!

Here’s the thing: It’s very UNCLEAR if she’s delighted or offended.

Four hundred. Are you SERIOUS?! You’re so bad. Sooooo bad.

JACK I still can’t tell if I’m way over or way under.

Lucy gets us back on track.

LUCY Rhubarb! You have news!

RHUBARB We found the loophole! We think. An ancient reference to “a challenger for the sleigh.” A real Santa Switch. Legend says they met on Christmas Eve in “a thicket of holly” on “the highest of high hills.” At dusk, they grasped the Bells of SinterKlaas… and the “rightful heir” was revealed. You’ve got to prepare Topher.

LUCY He’s ready. All we need is a thicket of holly. And a high hill. And the Bells.

Jack is heartbroken. He mentions the final ingredient they need.

JACK And me.

(a beat) You need me to give up what I want most.

Jack is devastated.

LUCY Put yourself in our shoes. If that sleigh doesn’t fly, there’s no Christmas.

JACK And what about us?

LUCY Jack…

JACK Right, there is no us. It’s you and Topher—

— 104 —

Santa Switch

LUCY It’s not about that—

Jack starts to leave.

JACK I never should have believed—

LUCY Don’t go—

JACK I have to, Lucy! I have so much to do! I mean—

(getting upset) I’m selfish, remember? Well, I’ve only got twenty-four hours left with these Santa Powers—better make the most of ’em. Better use my Santa Magic mind-reading to win back all those accounts I gave away so I can snag that promotion. This is gonna be the jolliest Christmas ever!

Jack storms out. Rhubarb turns to Lucy.

RHUBARB You OK?

LUCY Sure. I’ll get Topher ready.

RHUBARB See you all tomorrow.

Rhubarb exits as music begins.

#1 5 ­— F i g ht Song ( R e p r i s e )

Lucy

LUCY (looking at the gift in her hand, opens it) I can’t believe he tried to buy me off with some stupid gift—

Lucy stops cold. From the box, she pulls THE GOLF BALL (from Act I). It’s a sweet gesture. She melts a bit looking at the golf ball.

AND ALL THOSE THINGS I DIDN’T SAY WRECKING BALLS INSIDE MY BRAIN

Santa Switch

(LUCY) (resists Jack, putting golf ball away) I WILL SCREAM THEM LOUD TONIGHT CAN YOU HEAR MY VOICE THIS TIME?

The scene changes as Lucy sings, alone, in a spotlight.

THIS IS MY FIGHT SONG TAKE BACK MY LIFE SONG PROVE I’M ALRIGHT SONG MY POWER’S TURNED ON STARTING RIGHT NOW I’LL BE STRONG I’LL PLAY MY FIGHT SONG AND I DON’T CARE IF NOBODY ELSE BELIEVES… ’CAUSE I’VE STILL GOT A LITTLE FIGHT LEFT IN ME!

We transition to…

— 105 —

— 106 —

Santa Switch

SCENE 4—TOP OF THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING (DEC 24TH) Sundown approaches. Mrs. Claus and Rhubarb carry HOLLY branches.

RHUBARB What a view! The tallest building in the world…

MRS. CLAUS Let’s hope the Bells consider the top of the Empire State Building the “highest of high hills.”

SANTA enters, jazzed.

SANTA The old fella’s still got it!

MRS. CLAUS It worked?

SANTA (rhyming, like the poem) “Every security guard sleeps, as it’s said/As visions of sugar plums dance in their head.”

Took all the magic I had left, my powers are officially dry…

RHUBARB Step one, complete! I’ll go check on the elves.

Rhubarb exits. Santa turns to his wife.

SANTA So, this is it, huh? I’m no longer “Jolly Old St. Nick.”

MRS. CLAUS I guess not. Now you’re just “Old.” And Nick, I guess.

SANTA I’m so sorry I left you high and dry at the Pole—

MRS. CLAUS (brutally honest) You really, really did.

A beat.

Santa Switch

— 107 —

SANTA All of sudden, I didn’t know who I was anymore. I figured if I could find something new and exciting in all those crumpled scraps of paper…

MRS. CLAUS Got any left?

SANTA Just one.

Santa pulls out a scrap of paper. Mrs. Claus reads it.

MRS. CLAUS “Go to Le Cordon Bleu and learn to cook nouvelle cuisine…”

SANTA As if trying to be a gourmet chef won’t just be another disaster! I know I abandoned you, Holly. But, there’s sort of a silver lining.

MRS. CLAUS And what’s that?

SANTA I haven’t seen you this full of life since the seventies.

SANTA & MRS. CLAUS Ahhhh, the seventies.

MRS. CLAUS The 1870s were a long time ago.

#1 6 — S t i l l Th e O n e

Mrs. Claus, Santa, Ensemble (Elves)

SANTA Look at you! You’re incredible. You complain about the work, but I think you like it.

She finally admits it, excitedly.

MRS. CLAUS I do! I really do! I loved supporting you all those years, but it feels good to get my hands dirty. Did you hear? I fixed your stupid system and I bought a computer!

WE’VE BEEN TOGETHER SINCE WAY BACK WHEN SOMETIMES, I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN

— 108 —

Santa Switch

(MRS. CLAUS) BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS YOU’RE STILL THE ONE I WANT WHISPERIN’ IN MY EAR

SANTA I LOOKED AT YOUR FACE EV’RY DAY BUT I NEVER SAW IT, ’TIL I WENT AWAY WHEN WINTER CAME, I JUST WANTED TO GO DEEP IN THE DESERT, I LONGED FOR THE SNOW

Out of nowhere, ELVES appear, singing back-up. They brought holly branches— throughout the song, they lay out the “thicket.”

SANTA YOU’RE STILL THE ONE—

ELVES STILL THE ONE!

THAT MAKES ME LAUGH! STILL THE ONE—

STILL THE ONE!

THAT’S MY BETTER HALF! WE’RE STILL HAVING FUN, AND YOU’RE STILL THE ONE YOU’RE STILL THE ONE!

MRS. CLAUS YOU’RE STILL THE ONE!—

STILL THE ONE!

THAT MAKES ME STRONG

DOOT DOO

STILL THE ONE!—

STILL THE ONE!

I WANNA TAKE ALONG

DOOT DOO

WE’RE STILL HAVING FUN,

YOU’RE STILL HAVIN’ FUN!

AND YOU’RE STILL THE ONE

YOU’RE STILL THE ONE

SANTA & MRS. CLAUS CHANGING…

AHH

OUR LOVE IS GOING GOLD

AH

EVEN THOUGH WE GROW OLD,

NEW

IT GROWS NEW! CHANGING…

CHANGING

OUR LOVE IS GOING GOLD

YOUR LOVE IS GOING GOLD GOING GOLD

EVEN THOUGH WE GROW OLD, IT GROWS NEW…

SO NEW

SO NEW!

NEW!

Santa Switch

SANTA

MRS. CLAUS

AND YOU’RE

AND YOU’RE

STILL THE ONE THAT I

STILL THE ONE

LOVE TO TOUCH! STILL THE ONE AND I

— 109 —

ELVES STILL THE ONE! STILL THE ONE!

STILL THE ONE

CAN’T GET ENOUGH WE’RE STILL HAVIN’ FUN

WE’RE STILL HAVIN’ FUN

YOU’RE STILL HAVIN’ FUN! OH YES!

YOU’RE STILL THE ONE!

YOU’RE STILL THE ONE

YOU’RE STILL THE ONE!

WHO CAN SCRATCH MY STILL THE ONE!

ITCH!

DOOT DOO

STILL THE ONE I WOULD

STILL THE ONE!

NEVER EVER SWITCH!

DOOT DOO

‘CAUSE WE’RE STILL HAVING FUN

WE’RE STILL HAVING FUN

ALL WE’RE STILL HAVING FUN! WE’RE STILL HAVING FUN! AND YOU’RE STILL THE ONE!

(The ring of holly is complete.) Lucy and Topher arrive.

MRS. CLAUS Lucy, Topher! Our “thicket of holly” is all set…

LUCY Excellent.

SANTA (to Topher) You up for this, my friend?

TOPHER I’ll do my gosh darn best.

Rhubarb re-enters with Jack. There’s clear tension.

RHUBARB Jack Chase! Incoming!

WE’RE STILL HAVING FUN

— 110 —

Santa Switch

JACK Merry Christmas.

SANTA Thank you, Jack. I know this is tough for you.

LUCY He’ll be fine. At least he got his promotion, right?

JACK Let’s do this, OK?

Rhubarb steps forward with the ancient trunk that holds The Bells of SinterKlaas. She places it in the middle of the HOLLY CIRCLE.

RHUBARB Here, atop “the highest of high hills,” Jack and Topher enter a ceremonial “thicket of holly.” As they each grasp The Bells of SinterKlaas tonight, on Christmas Eve, the magic will be drawn to the rightful heir.

#1 6 A — Th e B e l l s o f S i n t e r K l a a s

Santa, Mrs. Claus, Ensemble (Elves)

As MUSIC plays, Jack opens the trunk. He picks up The Bells and looks at Topher.

JACK You ready?

TOPHER Gee, I sure better be!

Lights DIM and FLICKER.

MRS. CLAUS, SANTA & LUCY (slowly/dissonant/ mystical)

ELVES GROUP 1

ELVES GROUP 2

ELVES GROUP 3

(an echo)

(overlapping, dissonant, adding to the cacophony)

(overlapping, dissonant)

DO YOU HEAR WHAT I

DO YOU HEAR WHAT I

HEAR?

HEAR?

DO YOU HEAR WHAT I

DO YOU HEAR WHAT I

DECK THE HALLS WITH

HEAR?

HEAR?

BOUGHS OF HOLLY…

DO YOU HEAR WHAT I

DO YOU HEAR WHAT I

HEAR?

HEAR?

WE WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS, WE…

Santa Switch

— 111 —

ALL DO YOU SEE WHAT I SEE? I SEE?!

Topher grabs the BELLS—lights FLASH and power throwing them to the ground. Lucy and Santa both run to Jack.

SANTA Jack!

LUCY Are you all right? Jack? Say something!

Jack doesn’t move. Then, Topher sits up, rubbing his head.

TOPHER Whoa… did it work?

MRS. CLAUS Topher! You OK? How do you feel?

TOPHER I think I feel… ready to dip a half-a-billion cookies in some milk!

The elves CHEER! During the celebration, Jack awakens.

LUCY Jack. I was so worried—

JACK Don’t be. I’ll be fine. Good luck.

Jack RUSHES out, brokenhearted. Mrs. Claus rallies the troops.

MRS. CLAUS All right, it’s go time! Elves, let’s prep that sleigh. Lucy, stay with Topher as he suits up, then head to a clearing in the park. Wherever feels good, the reindeer can always track down Santa.

The elves and Clauses exit as we “CROSS-FADE” to…

A Street … Jack walks, alone. He’s heartbroken. Melancholy music plays.

— 112 —

Santa Switch

#1 6 B — B r e a k a wa y ( R e p r i s e )

Jack

JACK What’d you expect, Jack—you can’t count on anyone. Just start over, like always.

I’LL SPREAD MY WINGS AND I’LL LEARN HOW TO FLY I’LL DO WHAT IT TAKES ‘TIL I TOUCH THE SKY AND I’LL MAKE A WISH, TAKE A CHANCE, MAKE A CHANGE… OUT OF THE DARKNESS AND INTO THE SUN BUT I WON’T FORGET ALL THE ONES THAT I LOVE…

Jack can’t finish the thought.

We CROSS-FADE back to Topher and Lucy on the Empire State Building. Topher wears the Santa suit. Lucy wears a brave face.

LUCY Well, you certainly look the part…

TOPHER I can feel my Santa Powers growing…

(noticing Lucy is still a bit down) What’s wrong?

LUCY I’m worried about Jack.

TOPHER Come on, Goose. Jack is old news. He was nothing.

LUCY That’s harsh. I mean, he tried.

TOPHER But he doesn’t fit the suit—I do, remember? And YOU saw that before anyone else. You figured it out. You did ALL of this.

LUCY (a bit humble) That’s not true.

TOPHER Take the credit, Lucy. You saved Christmas, Lucy!

Santa Switch

— 113 —

LUCY This is not about me.

TOPHER Maybe not. Maybe, it’s about “us.”

Topher takes her hand. Lucy pulls away. She doesn’t want to talk about a potential relationship.

LUCY Let’s just get through Christmas first?

Out of nowhere:

TOPHER Where’s the Santa Sack?

LUCY With the sleigh, I guess? Why?

TOPHER The moment we get that sack, Goose, I’ll use my powers to pull out stacks of cash… and we’ll be set for life.

Lucy is taken aback.

LUCY What are you talking about?

TOPHER (revealing a new side of him) People like us—the “nice guys”—we always finish last. But not anymore! You can stop working at that stupid diner. We’ll buy a big house and a fast car. And we can get you art lessons! Your drawings are fun and all, but now we can afford the best teachers money can buy!

Everything is unraveling before Lucy’s eyes.

LUCY You said your family had money.

TOPHER I may have… lied. But who cares? You got what you wanted, right! All of it. And I would know—’cuz “Santa Claus” knows exactly what you desire, Lucy…

(looking off in the distance)

— 114 —

Santa Switch

(TOPHER) The good life. An easy life. With everything money can buy…

Lucy realizes what’s going on.

LUCY (to herself) No, no, a real Santa would know what I want. Something’s wrong. No, no, no… Jack!

Lucy runs off. Topher doesn’t notice, as he’s still waxing poetic about their lives.

TOPHER Can’t you see it, Goose? You and me… and fountains of champagne! Maybe a mink coat or two. And a private jet!

(reconsidering, laughing to himself) I guess we don’t need a jet, we have a sleigh! Or should we buy one anyway? What do ya think?

Topher turns—but LUCY’S GONE. Goose?

(calling out) Goose?! Where’d you go?

Lights dim on Topher as two SECURITY GUARDS enter, rubbing their heads, groggily.

SECURITY GUARD #1 You OK, Reggie?

SECURITY GUARD #2 I guess so. Some nut-job in a RED SUIT snuck up on me…

SECURITY GUARD #1 Me, too!

SECURITY GUARD #2 And then, suddenly, badda-bam, I’m sleeping like a baby!

SECURITY GUARD #1 Me, too! And ain’t this screwy, but I was dreaming of, get this, dancin’ plums.

SECURITY GUARD #2 Me, too!

Santa Switch

Lights rise on Topher, looking for Lucy.

TOPHER Goose?! Goose?!

The security guards spot him. He is, of course, in his RED SUIT.

SECURITY GUARD #1 Reggie, the red suit—that’s him!

SECURITY GUARD #2 Hey, you! You’re under arrest for trespassing!

TOPHER Oh, I don’t think so, friends.

(he prepares to put “a spell” on them) Because both of you look… a bit sleepy…

(dispensing magic, but it fails, and they come at him) “Sugar plums!” “Sugar plums!” Why won’t this work?! “Dancing sugar plums!!!”

The security guards arrest Topher.

SECURITY GUARD #2 You’re coming with us, weirdo.

TOPHER Let me go!

(calling out) Goose?!

SECURITY GUARD #1 Hey, Reggie, what’s up with all these sugar plums?

SECURITY GUARD #2 No clue! But, is it just me, or are you gettin’ hungry… ?

#1 6 C — To p h e r O u t MUSIC CONTINUES as the scene shifts. During the transition, LUCY re-enters, searching for Jack…

— 115 —

— 116 —

Santa Switch

SCENE 5—COCKTAIL BAR LUCY crosses in front of the Cocktail Bar from Act One. A half-dozen martini glasses sit on the bar, in front of JACK. His back is to us. Finally, Lucy spots him.

LUCY Jack! Jack… ! You were right—about Topher, everything. And, I know this is totally insane, but I think you might still have the Santa Powers.

Jack spins. He has a full BEARD and stuffs COOKIES in his mouth.

JACK (mouth full of cookies, spitting crumbs) I jusssht realizzzshed the sshhhame thing.

CHESTER Here you go, Jack. One more milk-tini.

Chester hands him a MARTINI GLASS filled with MILK.

LUCY What’s in those, Chester?

CHESTER Just milk.

LUCY I thought you were allergic!

JACK Not anymore. This stuff’s SO good. And have you ever dipped cookies IN milk? I mean, COME ON!

(looks at Lucy; confused and scared) What are you doing here?

LUCY I came here looking for you. Turns out Topher was a power-hungry creep all along.

JACK That’s why he felt so “off ”! Must’ve been my naughty/nice alarm going crazy.

LUCY There’s one more thing.

Santa Switch

#1 6 D — W hat A W o n d e r f u l W o r l d ( R e p r i s e ) (LUCY) Lucy looks Jack in the eye.

You are the rightful heir… You gave up that promotion, didn’t you?

JACK It didn’t feel right.

LUCY You have changed. And The Bells knew it. And the Bells are never wrong.

JACK THE COLORS OF THE RAINBOW SO PRETTY IN THE SKY ARE ALSO ON THE FACES OF PEOPLE GOING BY I SEE FRIENDS SHAKING HANDS SAYING “HOW DO YOU DO?” THEY’RE REALLY SAYING…

(to Lucy) “I LOVE YOU”

JACK & LUCY I HEAR BABIES CRY, I WATCH THEM GROW THEY’LL LEARN MUCH MORE THAN I’LL EVER KNOW AND I THINK TO MYSELF “WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD” YES, I THINK TO MYSELF “WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD”

We hear SLEIGH BELLS from offstage.

CHESTER Anyone else hear a jingle-jangle?

Rhubarb runs into the bar.

RHUBARB Lucy! Twinkle-tastic, we found you!

CHESTER Is she old enough to be in here?

Rhubarb switches topics on a dime.

— 117 —

Jack, Lucy

— 118 —

Santa Switch

RHUBARB Really? How old do you think I am?

LUCY Rhubarb!

RHUBARB Right! The sleigh is out back, in the alley. The reindeer knew exactly where Santa was and took us straight to you and To—

(she realizes it’s not Topher, it’s Jack; she gets it) Jack? It’s you. The “rightful heir.” The Bells are never wrong.

LUCY C’mon, let’s go! We’re losing time—

CHESTER He’s had seven milk-tinis, he’s not driving, is he?

LUCY He’s not driving, Chester… he’s FLYING!

They rush out as the set shifts…

#1 6 E — O n e La s t T r a n s i t i o n

In The Alley And there it is… SANTA’S SLEIGH! (Likely, the “sled portion” with reins heading to the audience.) Mrs. Claus and Elves huddle around it. Santa holds a GARMENT BAG on a hanger.

JACK (to Santa) You really think I can get this off the ground?

SANTA I believe in you. Hurry, get in the suit.

Jack takes the garment bag and rushes off, as Cinnamon calls out.

CINNAMON Hey, everyone—listen! The radio!

Cinnamon cranks up the RADIO on the sleigh.

Santa Switch

— 119 —

RADIO ANNOUNCER “The man in the Santa Suit was arrested on the Empire State Building insisting he was, quote, “the real Santa Claus.” But he was just Christopher Kringlemeyer, President of Kringlez Kidz. After his arrest, it’s come to light that Kringlemeyer is a bit of a Scrooge— allegedly, he’s been stealing money from the Children’s Charity for years. Seems like a chilly fall from the North Pole… to Sing Sing.”

Mrs. Claus shuts off the radio.

MRS. CLAUS Well, he was kinda weird nice.

Everyone MURMURS in assent. Then, Rhubarb sees Jack approaching.

RHUBARB Hot-cha-cha! Check out Jack!

Jack enters—in the SNAZZIEST MID-CENTURY SANTA SUIT you’ve ever seen!

That’s one swingin’ Santa!

LUCY That is one snazzy suit… Well done, Nick!

SANTA Yeah, the old one needed a little zhuzh. So, I took it to my guy.

JACK (impressed) You got a guy!

SANTA Of course I got a guy! What kind of guy doesn’t have a guy?!

JACK Let’s do this.

Jack and Lucy CLIMB into the sleigh. Jack takes the reins.

Ready?

(Lucy nods) “AWAY!”

(nothing happens, at first) “AWAY!”

(still, nothing happens)

— 120 —

Santa Switch

(JACK) “AWAY! AWAY! AWAY!”

MRS. CLAUS Oh no, it’s not flying…

SANTA (to Mrs. Claus, nervously) They’ll get it… they have to…

Jack turns to Lucy, both unsure.

JACK I’m so sorry, Lucy. Even after all that studying…

Lucy smiles—that’s it!

LUCY Volume Twelve, remember?

MUSIC enters. She recites from memory, taking his hand.

“Santa’s love takes his hand to bless his journey… They kiss in the winter air, a warm reminder of life’s truest magic.”

Lucy leans in and KISSES Jack. Suddenly, the SLEIGH ROCKS and they tumble onto the seat as it PREPARES TO LAUNCH.

#1 7 — On Top O f T h e W o r l d / B e s t D a y o f M y L i f e Re p r i s e ( F i n a l e ) Everyone cheers as MUSIC enters. Santa turns to Mrs. Claus.

SANTA Would you look at that? I thought I was the one who made the sleigh fly.

MRS. CLAUS (smiling) I know you did, dear.

The Clauses kiss as Lucy and Jack take the spotlight.

LUCY IF YOU LOVE SOMEBODY BETTER TELL THEM WHILE THEY’RE HERE ’CAUSE THEY JUST MAY RUN AWAY FROM YOU

Full Company

Santa Switch

(LUCY) YOU’LL NEVER KNOW WHAT GOES WELL, THEN AGAIN, IT JUST DEPENDS ON HOW LONG A TIME IS LEFT FOR YOU… I’VE HAD THE HIGHEST MOUNTAINS I’VE HAD THE DEEPEST RIVERS YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL, BUT LIFE KEEPS MOVING NOW TAKE IT IN BUT DON’T LOOK DOWN…

JACK “Away… !”

And the sleigh… TAKES… OFF… !

LUCY (as the clouds whip by) ’CAUSE I’M ON TOP OF THE WORLD I’M ON TOP OF THE WORLD BEEN WAITING ON THIS FOR A WHILE NOW PAYING MY DUES TO THE DIRT I’VE BEEN WAITING TO SMILE BEEN HOLDING IT IN FOR A WHILE TAKE YOU WITH ME IF I CAN BEEN DREAMING OF THIS SINCE A CHILD I’M ON TOP OF THE WORLD

JACK I’VE TRIED TO CUT THESE CORNERS TRIED TO TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT I KEPT ON FALLING SHORT OF SOMETHING

ENSEMBLE WHERE, OH WHERE IS THAT SOMETHING?

JACK I COULDA GAVE UP THEN BUT THEN AGAIN I COULDN’T HAVE ’CAUSE I’VE TRAVELED ALL THIS WAY FOR SOMETHING

ENSEMBLE HE TRAVELED ALL THIS WAY! NOW, TAKE IT IN, BUT DON’T LOOK DOWN!

— 121 —

— 122 —

Santa Switch

LUCY, JACK, & ENSEMBLE ’CAUSE I’M ON TOP OF THE WORLD (EY-E-E-EY!) I’M ON TOP OF THE WORLD (EY-E-E-EY!) WAITING ON THIS FOR A WHILE NOW PAYING MY DUES TO THE DIRT (LOOK AT ‘EM GO!) I’VE BEEN WAITING TO SMILE (EY-E-E-EY!) BEEN HOLDING IT IN FOR A WHILE (EY-E-E-EY!) TAKE IT WITH ME IF I CAN BEEN DREAMING SINCE I WAS A CHILD I’M ON TOP OF THE WORLD!

ALL AND I KNOW IT’S HARD WHEN YOU’RE FALLING DOWN AND IT’S A LONG WAY UP WHEN YOU HIT THE GROUND BUT GET UP NOW—GET UP! GET UP NOW! AND I KNOW IT’S HARD WHEN YOU’RE FALLING DOWN AND IT’S A LONG WAY UP WHEN YOU HIT THE GROUND BUT GET UP NOW (GET UP NOW) GET UP (GET UP NOW) GET UP NOW —I’M ON TOP OF THE WORLD!

“Jack’s Apartment”—now Santa & Mrs. Claus’ Apartment Music continues. It’s a month or two later. Lights hit MRS. CLAUS, in a modern “POWER” PANTS SUIT.

MRS. CLAUS Hi, honey, I’m home! Something smells good!

SANTA enters, wearing an apron.

SANTA Duck a l’orange with a black truffle dauphinoise and cherry clafoutis for dessert…

Santa kisses Mrs. Claus, taking her coat.

MRS. CLAUS Scrump-diddly-umptious!

SANTA How was Day One as President of Kringlez Kidz?

Santa Switch

— 123 —

MRS. CLAUS I took the subway! And, running the Pole prepared me perfectly—but instead of “elves,” we have “paid employees.” Plus, I’m gonna buy us a computer!

Santa puts his arm around her and leads her off.

SANTA Tell me all about it over dinner… I love you, Mrs. Claus.

ALL AND I KNOW IT’S HARD WHEN YOU’RE FALLING DOWN AND IT’S A LONG WAY UP WHEN YOU HIT THE GROUND BUT GET UP NOW—GET UP GET UP NOW —I’M ON TOP OF THE WORLD!

The North Pole Jack, Lucy and Rhubarb. Rhubarb holds something under a sheet.

LUCY As the North Pole’s Lead Toy Designer, I wanted to create a new toy to help young people create art. Art is for everyone.

RHUBARB And she used state-of-the art technology, so anyone can… ETCH a SKETCH!

Rhubarb unveils an old-school ETCH-A-SKETCH!

LUCY I call it: “The Double-Knob Doodle Box!”

JACK I love it! Though the name needs work.

LUCY Oh! And what if our next toy is a guy whose head is made out of a potato…

JACK Ho Ho Ho! I love you, Mrs. Claus.

The stage fills with characters from throughout the show!

ALL AHH! AHH!

— 124 —

Santa Switch

LUCY, JACK, SANTA, & MRS. CLAUS I’M ON TOP OF THE WORLD!

ALL OOH! OOH! OOH! THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST DAY OF OUR LIVES

LUCY, JACK, SANTA, & MRS. CLAUS

ALL

THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST DAY OF MY LI-I-I-I-I-I-IFE

OUR LIFE! (OUR LIFE!) OUR LIFE! (OUR LIFE!)

‘CAUSE I’M ON TOP OF THE WORLD

OOH! OOH! OOH! THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST DAY OF OUR LIVES!

LUCY & MRS. CLAUS THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST DAY

THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST DAY

JACK & SANTA THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST DAY

THIS IS GONNA BE THE BEST DAY

ALL OF OUR LIVES! IN THIS WONDERFUL WORLD!

END OF PLAY.

Santa Switch

— 125 —

#1 8 — B o ws

#1 9 — M e g a mi x

Full Company

After the bows, a burst of bright swing music and the cast launches into a Christmas “Megamix”!

ALL JOLLY OLD ST. NICHOLAS, LEAN YOUR EAR THIS WAY DON’T YOU TELL A SINGLE SOUL WHAT I’M GONNA SAY CHRISTMAS EVE IS COMING SOON… NOW, YOU DEAR OLD MAN: WHISPER WHAT YOU’LL BRING TO ME— TELL ME IF YOU CAN! YES, YOU CAN! TELL ME IF YOU… CAN!

(the music shifts to a Latin beat) JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS JINGLE ALL THE WAY OH, WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN A ONE HORSE OPEN SLEIGH!

GROUP #1 (WOMEN)

GROUP #2 (MEN)

JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS

HAVE A HOLLY, JOLLY CHRISTMAS

JINGLE ALL THE WAY

IT’S THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR

ALL OH, WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN A ONE HORSE OPEN SLEIGH! JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS JINGLE ALL THE WAY OH, WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN A ONE HORSE OPEN SLEIGH! AHH AHH AHH

More bright swing music.

I SEE TREES OF GREEN RED ROSES, TOO

— 126 —

Santa Switch

(ALL) I SEE THEM BLOOM FOR ME AND YOU

JACK & LUCY

KIDS

AND I THINK TO MYSELF

… MERRY CHRISTMAS!

“WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD!”

… MERRY CHRISTMAS!

“WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD!”

… AHH BAH! BAH! BOW!

Jack and Lucy step forward.

JACK & LUCY YES, I THINK TO MYSELF “WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD!”

ALL AHH… AHH AHH!