a lonG time pasSed, anD tHe foresT repLaced itSelF many times over. anD carole remaIned on tHe doOrStep.
ha-ve yoU seen..?
tHe tadPoles… seEn tHem…
tHey’re sM-alL
have to get cLose-r
exCuse me, coUlD | sPeAk witH yOu for a momenT?
to see, hiI m
ge-et cLose -r
sorRy to sPrinG tHis on yOu alL tHe sudDen, but we’re sTarTinG renovatiOnS soOn, anDwelL-tHis hoUse is cominG dowN.
go.. go get him
|’m seriOus, it’s tHe lasT time |’lL saY it! yOu neEd to leAve.
…sHe isN’t goInG anywHere. sHe sat dowN. igNore her, we don’t have time for tHis.
hurRy, cah- role
yOu’re tolD
do as yOu as yOu’re tolD. go get
didN’t | telL yOu to get losT?
yOu’re reAlLy tesTinG my patiEnCe, here.
anTs are eAtinG h|m car-arole …put
nasty tHinG down- b|te yOu
quIt tHat alReAdy! how many times do | have to telL yOu tHe same tHinG? yOu sHoUlDn’t be here!
wHen yOu loIter like tHis, yOu’reah, wHat am
talKinG obViOusLy isN’t getTinG us anywHere.
put tHat tHinG down
yOu’re cominG witH me.
wHere do yOu wanT us to set tHis dowN?
to tHe rigHt of tHe ofFcut.
sPeAkinG of wHicH, we’lL neEd to take tHat to tHe LANdFILl soOn.
meaAn… reAl meAn, yOu kNow
mom was… real sCary…
heY, wHat’s witH tHis?
wHat a hacK job. YoU’re sucH a sLacKer.
| wasN’t sure how cLose | was supPosed to cut to it…
no, | jusT wanTed to make sure we coUlD-
yEah, rigHt. let’s get tHis to tHe lanDfilL alReAdy.
-aby’s bacK here!
tHe baby’s bacK here…
wHat hapPened to yOu…?
are yOu okaY…? caw caw caw
did… wHat hapPened to it???
did yOu do tHat? did holding the crow somehow...
What’s hapPeninG?
sTop igNorinG me alReAdy!
Why won’t yOu saY anytHinG??
EverytHinG was fine a seconD ago…
What sHoUlD | do, Carole? PleAse telL me wHat to do…
YoU’re upSet, aren’t yOu? AboUt yOur hanD?
My--?
| kNow wHat it loOkS like, but yOu gotTa unDerStanD: yOur hanD’s not oUr faUlT.
wHat are yOu doInG? | wanNa go home.
wHat’s cLosinG yOur eYes goInG to do?
yOu- yOu can
YoU’re not supPosed to talK—!
reAlLy, we didN’t do tHis to yOu.
but yOu-
It’s jusT time. It doEs tHat to peOpLe…
ah! waIt a seconD… are yOu magic?
Can yOu fix my sisTer? pLeAse??
LoOk | tolD yOu it’s not my faUlT. tHat’s jusT wHat hapPenS wHen someOne like yOu sTaYs toO lonG in a pLace like tHis.
What??
So yOu did bite me?? but yOu saId yOu didN’t-
| woUlDn’t have beEn borN if my motHer or her motHer didN’t take a bit of bLoOd. yOu’ve beEn reAcHinG in for generatiOnS.
But tHis isN’t rigHt! Carole’s not like… sHe’s not supPosed to be like tHis! AnD my hanD’s alL wRonG toO, anD yOu-
toO lonG? But | jusT got here-
Even if tHat’s wHat yOu feEl, tHese gRoUnDs are difFerenT.
a bit of bLoOd. yOu’ve beEn reAcHinG in for generatiOnS.
tHat’s not tHe poInT! The women onLy toOk a litTle for tHe egGs. we weren’t gorGinG oUrSelVes… yOu can feEl it in yOur hanD, rigHt? tHe acHe of olD age… tHat isN’t oUr doInG.
yOu used my bLoOd for… egGs…?
oh woUlD yOu relax? it’s not tHat big a deAl. it was jusT a litTle.
but carole! wHat aboUt her- wHy’s sHe sPlit like tHat-
…quIt makinG tHat face. yOu’re beInG dRamatic.
GosH! how lonG have yOu beEn tHere?? | don’t kNow, yEarS pRobabLy. sinCe tHe renovatiOn, |’ve beEn takinG it eAsy.
not sure wHat tHat tHinG is, but it’s not a perSon.
tHat’s not carole.
no, he’s rigHt… it’s not alive. no bLoOd in tHat one, | can sMelL it.
it is toO her! | gRew up witH her, | kNow wHo sHe is-
tHe cRow is gonNa geton no! tHe baby!! waAaAh!
caAw caAw
waAah waAah
waAaAh! wHaAh!!
…ThanKs for not hurinG him.
wHy are yOu cRyInG?
…|’m sorRy for tHrowinG yOu, jusT now…
…was tHat yOur baby? DowN by tHe telepHone wires?
…yOu can come witH us if yOu don’t wanT to be alone.
|’lL take yOu bacK home.
tHanKs for yOur helP, but | tHinK it’s time we leAve.
but wHat aboUt yOur hanD?
anD yOur sisTer! |’m telLinG yOu, tHat’s not her!
mom’s pRobabLy wonDerinG wHere we are.
we’lL figure it oUt. Mom’lL kNow wHat to do.
wHat’s yOur motHer supPosed to do aboUt tHe sTate yOu tWo are in? don’t be so sure!
| kNow someOne wHo’lL acTuAlLy be abLe to fix yOu botH.
tHis wHole pLace is his? isN’t it a bit mucH for one perSon?
If yOu wanT tHinGs tHe waY tHeY were, yOu sHoUlD meEt witH tHe lanDowNer.
wHo’s tHat?
he’s in cHarGe, of everytHinG, roUnD here.
but… asKinG a sTranGer for helP is kinDa.
renovation
harDly! | was in cHarGe of tHe renNovatiOn a few yEarS bacK, anD if | coUlD, |’d make it tWice as gRanD. it’s a sHame, but tHis is tHe besT we coUlD do.
even if he can helP us, woUlD he, if he’s so imPorTanT?
|’m cerTaIn he woUlD!
but how do we get in? it’s jusT winDow afTer winDow…
wHat was tHat?
It musT be him! no one elSe goEs inSide!
no harM in simPly asKinG if he woUlD fix yOu anD yOur sisTer!
tHe enTranCe sHoUlD be dowN tHe waY, jusT a bit!
yEs! jusT rinG tHe belL anD yOu’lL be on yOur waY oUt!
…anD… yOu’re sure he’lL be fine witH us gyOu’lL be fine! jusT get goInG, alReAdy!
um… if tHe owNer reAlLy is in cHarGe of tHis pLace …doEs tHat meAn he’s tHe one wHo let carole get like tHis?
wHat? no! tHat’s not tHe poInT at alL!!
…tHe bLoOd, | supPose. up tHere? here!
wHat is tHe poInT, tHen?
are yOu sure he isN’t a bad perSon?
wHat’s tHe…?
tHe poInT? ah, welL…
is it reAlLy?
ah! carole!!
She barGed rigHt in?!
| guEsS yOu betTer go get her. aren’t yOu cominG, toO?
ah, | sHoUlDn’t. us bugS don’t reAlLy belonG inDoOrS… anD | betTer heAd on bacK… …okaY. get yOur sisTer anD get on home.
We wilL, tHanK yOu for yOur helP.
wHat are we doInG here? we’ve beEn walKinG for so lonG anD we’re not getTinG anywHere…
fix… he’lL fix us
scary… so upset
go get leO… hurRy
but we don’t kNow if he’s even tHere!
maYbe we sHoUlD turN bacK. mom pRobabLy has a tire by now, anywaYs…
tHe hospital..s on tHe pHone…
the pHone… dougLas is…
wHat are yOu talKinG aboUt? yOu’re not makinG any senSe.
wHat do yOu meAn, make it in time!? is DoUg okaso upset
don’t wanna go bacK… sCary
and we’re sT…|lL tWo hourS oUt
hoUrS oUt… won’t make it |n time
mom waas so upSet…
let’s go bacK, Carole. we’ve gone far enoUgH…
The End
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
To Mom and Dad, who’ve raised and supported me with a complete abundance of love,
To Fordham University’s Center on Religion and Culture, who graciously supported this book’s completion and release under the 2023-2024 Duffy Fellowship,
To my grandparents--Nana and Skeeter and Meemaw and Grandaddy--who asked me questions more interesting than any answer I could provide and pushed me to contemplate God through a more expansive lens,
To David Goodwin, my (patient) project supervisor, who kept me on track and grounded throughout this whole process,
To James Smythe, who was my honorary editor and helped sharpen and naturalize the dialogue immensely,
To my siblings, who are my best friends and inspire me daily with their lives and postures towards others and myself,
To college friends and high school friends and everyone who supported me throughout the creation process or engaged with this work after its completion,
To Mary James, William, and Julia for helping out with erasing the pencils,
To my poor little bug specimens, who have been carted from dorm to dorm to be used as reference and who haven’t been allowed to decay since last summer, who I’ll bury tomorrow,
And, most expressedly, to God, whose mystery, presence, disruption, love, and forgiveness, gave me life and made this a story worth telling...
To each of you, I’d like to express my deep, heartfelt gratitude. This book would not exist without you. Thank you.