How Do We Pick Which Minhagim To Keep?

By Adinra Stiener ('24)

urim is a holiday where there are many different minhagim, customs, that people can keep. Some of them include: drinking holy potions, giving money to the rich, and wearing speci shoes and polka dot scarves). The difference between minhagim and halachot is that minhagim are only kept by certain people. A minhag is a custom, and not everyone keeps every custom. A minhag you may keep may not even be recognized by someone else, which poses the question: When and why would one take on a minhag?

To answer these questions, we first must notice that there are three types of minhagim: personal minhagim, familial minhagim, and communal minhagim. As the names suggest, personal minhagim are customs that you take on for yourself and only affect you. As long as familial or communal minhagim do not override another said minhag upon themselves.

The next type is a familial minhag down through families. We learn to keep these through the pasuk in Mishlei 1:8, which states, “ ֶָֽמִא ת֥רות at least three times after their bar or bat hataras nedarim, an annulment of vows from rabbanim, to not keep the minhag. cally tells their child to keep a , the child may not get and must keep at least until the parent dies. If a child is keeping only because of Kibud , honoring their father, they may stop keeping the minhag once the parent dies without .

שֹ֗טִ֝ת־לַאְו

ָיִ֑בָא רַ֣סומ heed the discipline of your father, and do not forsake the instruction of your mother.” We see here that we have to follow the custom of our parents. These minhagim that are passed through generations override personal minhagim, but are overridden by communal minhagim

Finally, there are communal minhagim, which are set in place and kept by a community. We learn to keep these minhagim by the pasuk in Mishlei 22:28, which states,

Next in this category is a law between a husband and wife. Wives take their husband’s because in a Jewish marriage, the woman is moving into the man’s household. She takes the man’s customs because it is as if she is leaving her household with no intent to return, so she inherits all of the new household rules. However, a woman may keep her if it is more stringent than her husband’s and she wishes to keep that level of stringency. She can also nusach of prayer or her . If a woman is divorced or widowed, she unless she has no kids with him. If she doesn’t have kids with him, then she returns to the minhagim of her parent’s household without hataras nedarim.

רֶ֖שֲא םָ֑לוע לו֣בְג גֵסַ֭ת־לַא

” meaning “Do not remove the ancient boundary stone that your ancestors set up.” Through the laws of these three types of minhagim, we see where and when minhagim are kept.

Familial minhagim are kept over personal ones, but if a family minhag contradicts a personal one, then the familial minhag is kept. Familial minhagim can be split into two parts: parent to child and husband to wife. Children have to take on most of their parent’s minhagim, but there are some exceptions. If a parent has a very strict minhag with no halachic basis, such as fasting twice a week, the child does not have to keep said minhag. However, if the child kept

Lastly there's communal minhagim. Communal minhagim are any minhagim that an entire community takes up for anyone living in the area. Some examples are a nusach davened in a shul or a standard of tzniut expected of the community members. Communal minhagim are passed throughout generations, and there’s a disagreement if these minhagim can ever be annulled. When the rabbanim in a community make a minhag, everyone in the community follows them. In most cases, they override familial minhagim.

Minhagim are important to Jewish society, but just like any Jewish concept, they may be difficult to understand. Minhagim are taken by different people for different reasons, whether it be their own choice, because of a marriage, or because of the community they are currently in. Regardless, it is important to know when to take up a minhag in case one of these situations applies to you.