8 minute read
JACK DEE
MR MISERABLE BRINGS HIS COMEDY ACT TO DUBAI
They say comedians can be some of the world’s most miserable people. Well, nobody proves that old adage more than Jack Dee.
For someone who specialises in making people smile until their cheeks hurt, it is ironic that the only facial discomfort Dee feels is the wrinkling of his nose as he describes yet another thing that annoys him.
A stand-up comedian for almost 30 years and a regular fixture on TV panel shows in Britain, Dee brings his grumpy act to Dubai this month.
Before a career in comedy, Dee was a waiter in London (we’re guessing he didn’t get many tips). One night he went to an open mic event at the famous Comedy Store and told some gags on stage. He quickly rose through the ranks and gave up the waiter job to go full time – much to the delight of the restaurant’s manager we imagine.
What followed was critical acclaim, awards, sold out gigs, his Thanks For Nothing autobiography and, most recently, his very own self-help book with a typically snarky title, What is Your Problem? Here are some of Jack’s pearls of wisdom…
1
Cats are just dogs who’ve been to drama school.
3
My local’s rough as anything. I went to the pub quiz the other night – first question was, “What are you looking at?”
5
Try saying: ‘Whale Oil Beef Hooked’ without sounding like an Irish man swearing.
2
Shopping channels. I like to ring them up and say: ‘I’m just looking.’
4
Studies show one in five British teens are unable to peel an orange. It’s a good job they’ve all got knives then.
6
If at first you don’t succeed you are clearly not cut out for it. Give up and move on.
JANUARY 19 a Jack Dee Off the Telly, Dubai Opera, Downtown Dubai, Wednesday 7.30pm, from Dhs195. dubai. platinumlist.net
1 Get cultured at Louvre Abu Dhabi
Impress your dinner guests with your cultural knowledge after a visit to Abu Dhabi’s stunning art museum. The galleries feature a roster of exhibitions to enrich the mind and cultivate conversation, so you can keep up with the best of ‘em. q louvreabudhabi.ae
3
Go back in time
Regress to a time before Thursday night consisted of happy hour drinks, 19 McNuggets and a blurry ride home in an Uber. For the ultimate PG night out head to Wavehouse, located in Atlantis, The Palm. Here you can play arcade games or take a ride on the artificial wave machine outside. Whatever you get up to in this neon labyrinth, you’ll have a total blast without even a sniff of the sauce. q @wavehousedubai
2
BUST SOME MOVES AT A ROLLER DISCO
Roller disco pioneers RollDXB opened a massive venue in Port Rashid early last year and they’ve been throwing skate-heavy jam sessions ever since. The place is themed after iconic club venues of roller disco yesteryears, so get down to music of the ‘60s, ‘70s and ‘80s amongst a chandelier of glitter balls, decorative memorabilia and plenty of people in legwarmers who can probably skate much better than you. a Port Rashid, Sun to Wed 2.30pm to 10pm, Thur 2.30pm to midnight, Fri and Sat 10am to 1am, from Dhs75. Tel: (0)4 2386206. rolldxb.com
4
Explore a brand new aquarium
The region’s largest aquarium recently opened in Abu Dhabi, where you’ll find 46,000 creatures, including a seven-metre long python named Super Snake. It also features the Middle East’s longest glass walkthrough tunnel, where you can spot divers and 22,000 different underwater animals. q thenationalaquarium.ae
5
Solve riddles and clues with your friends
Put that clear head to good use inside one of the city’s many escape rooms. Our favourite is the Sherlock Holmes themed room at Phobia in JLT. You and your team must travel back to 1888 when London’s most dangerous criminal, Jack the Ripper, is on the loose. You’ll have one hour to help Sherlock Holmes prevent the next crime by finding all the evidence hidden inside his office. Wholesome escape room fun. a Phobia, Cluster X, Jumeirah Lakes Towers, from Dhs300 for two people. Tel: (050) 8730445. phobia.ae
8
Be like Bear
Test your survival skills in real life scenarios under the watchful eye of instructors trained by Bear Grylls. This rustic camp sits at the base of Jebel Jais in Ras Al Khaimah, and brave participants can take part in four to 48-hour courses. q beargryllscamp.ae
6
Take the plunge
Swap your dancing shoes for a pair of flippers at the world’s deepest pool. Venture deep to discover an underwater world waiting to be explored; complete with table football, a ‘sunken’ car, and even bicycles. Can’t dive? They have instructors for beginners and snorkelling packages too. q deepdivedubai.com
9
GET YOUR GAME ON
Swap pool at the pub for more puritan pursuits at The Six, Dubai’s popular board game café. With over 1,000 games on offer, you can battle your mates at classics such as Monopoly, Jenga and Pictionary, or at any of the other hundreds of options available. Pay just Dhs35 at the door for unlimited access to their library of games and engage in a battle of wits with your friends over shareable sliders, salads, sundaes and wings. a Burj Vista, Downtown Dubai, Sun to Wed 9am to midnight, Thur to Sat 9am to 2am. Tel: (0)43342666. thesixcafe.com
7 Brave an observation deck with a difference
While Burj Khalifa’s At The Top experience is the highest observation deck in the world, Sky Views Dubai, at Address Sky Views, is the one for your bucket list, with a few thrilling experiences to try. There’s Sky Edge Walk where – after being secured in a harness – you can stroll around hands-free 220m above Dubai. There’s also the pretty neat Sky Glass Slide, and the Sky Observatory if you’re feeling less adventurous. a Sky Views Dubai, Address Sky Views, daily, Observatory & Glass Slide 10am to 9pm (sunset 4pm to 6.30pm), Edge Walk 2pm to 8pm. skyviewsdubai.com
10 Take on some target practice
You might tell yourself that lifting pints is a great way to condition your arm muscles, but so is a few hours of golf club swinging at TopGolf Dubai. Book in time at one of the 96 bays available and compete against your friends in a bowling meets golf-style competition. a Topgolf Dubai, Emirates Golf Club, Dhs180 to Dhs220 per hour. topgolfdubai.ae
11 Have a cinema party
Used to living the high life? You still can during Dry Jan, just swap out your private club booth, for an entirely private cinema room. You and your mates can hire out Azul Lounge & Theatre, a new concept inside Cinema City in Downtown Dubai. You can choose any movie from the last six months, or have one chosen for you by the experts at Cinemacity. There’s a JapaneseMediterranean menu, with dishes such as fresh raw creations, classic rolls, and hot tapas. a Cinemacity Dubai, Downtown Dubai, Dubai, 10am to 2am daily. @cinemacityuae
13
Roll in the dough
Expo 2020’s hidden gem Bread Ahead (of Borough Market, London fame) whips up delicious doughnuts, pizzas and other carby delights for the Expo masses. But the team are just as passionate about educating others as they are about making joyful doughs, so consider signing up for one of its daily three-hour lessons, where you’ll find yourselves pummelling away at lumps of buttery dough inside their shiny workshop spaces. a Workshops cost Dhs350 per person. expo2020dubai.com
12
Yoga at the Expo Water Feature
Forget staring into the old mirrors around your gym, the Monday morning yoga session at Expo’s Water Feature will have you surrounded by flowing waterfalls. Sure, Expo isn’t normally the most tranquil setting, but the morning classes beat rush hour so you won’t have to put up with school kids while you’re doing full-wheel. The sessions are free, ladies-only and begin promptly at 9.30am. Book your spot on the glofox app. q expo2020dubai.com
15 Get your creative juices flowing
There are few things more satisfying that slamming a lump of clay down and pounding it into the smooth start of a new piece of crockery. New pottery studio Mud House allows members to do their own thing independently while beginners can learn the ropes in their classes. Finally, you can replace all those chipped IKEA plates with your own creations. q @themudhousestudio
FOUR FAVOURITE UNLICENSED RESTAURANTS
1 Dibba Bay
Freshly shucked oysters and Fishing Harbour views – sign us up. q @dibbabay
2 Lana Lusa
An authentic Portuguese gem with an impressive nonalcoholic wine list. q @lanalusadxb
3 Goldfish Sushi & Yakitori
Mall restaurants don’t need to be disappointing, seek out Goldfish for top grade sushi. q @goldfishdubai
4 TVM
A dry Irish bar? It sounds like an oxymoron to us but TVM has a great mocktail selection. q @TVMabudhabi
14
HIT A CAFFEINE HIGH
From now until February 1, relocate all after-work drinks and dates to late night coffee shops and you can neck cups of caffeine until the wee small hours. Around The Block café and concept store at Wasl 51 is our current go-to, with speciality coffee and cool kicks on sale. Best of all, it stays open until 1am everyday. a Wasl 51, daily 8am to 1am. Tel: (050) 3489700. @aroundtheblock
