The invisible load: Setting boundaries around your mental space
There’s a kind of tired that sleep can’t fix.
It’s the exhaustion that comes from carrying too much in your mind and heart every single day—keeping track of appointments, school events, grocery lists, moods, meals, feelings and everyone else’s needs. It’s the invisible load, and it’s heavy.
Most conversations about boundaries focus on time: blocking your calendar, saying no to commitments or limiting how much you take on. That matters, but there’s another kind of boundary we don’t talk about enough: mental boundaries—the ones that protect your mind, not just your minutes.
As a mom, a wife and an entrepreneur living with a chronic mental illness, I know how easy it is to let my thoughts run the show. Even when my plate looks “clear” on paper, I’m still carrying the pressure of what I’m not doing, what I should be doing, and whether I’m doing enough for the people I love. Sound familiar? The truth is, we can’t thrive if we’re mentally tapped out. Protecting our peace starts inside—with the things no one else sees.
Here are three ways I’m learning to set boundaries around my mental space —and how you can too.
Pay attention to your thoughts
Sometimes the loudest demands don’t come from people, but from within. The guilt. The pressure to always be “on.” The fear of disappointing someone. I’ve had to ask myself: Is this thought helpful or harmful? Just because it’s loud doesn’t mean it’s true. Living with a mental illness, I’ve seen how quickly one racing thought can spiral into a full narrative. And most of the time, those thoughts aren’t reality—they’re just noise.
So I’ve started filtering what I allow to stay in my mind. If it’s not rooted in truth or grace, I give myself permission to let it pass. Mental boundaries begin right here. Whether it’s guilt, comparison, perfectionism, or that sneaky voice that whispers you’re not doing enough—you have the right to challenge it. You are not your thoughts. You don’t have to believe everything your brain throws at you when it’s tired, overwhelmed or anxious.
Give yourself permission to let go
I used to wear “handling it all” like a badge of honor. Family meals, appointments, school drop-offs, dry cleaning—you name it, I managed it. And for a long time, I believed that’s what made me a good wife and mom.
But after we purchased and renovated our new home, I hit a wall. I was drained—physically, emotionally and spiritually. One night, stumbling upstairs after a late snack, I realized I couldn’t keep going without a break. That was my turning point: letting go wasn’t weakness, it was wisdom.
So I took a much-needed mental break. I delegated what I could. I pushed myself to ask for help, even when it felt uncomfortable. Most importantly, I released the emotional weight of trying to do everything for everyone. I had to relearn how to show up for my family without taking on more than I was created to bear. Here’s your permission slip, mama: you don’t have to do it all. Let go of the pressure. Let go of the expectation. Let go of what doesn’t belong to you.
Schedule mental margin
For years, I filled every open space on my calendar. If I wasn’t busy, I felt unproductive. But all that “doing” didn’t bring peace. It left me drained, resentful, and disconnected—from myself, my family and even God.
Now, I intentionally protect small pockets of time that aren’t for work, family or even traditional rest. They’re just quiet moments for me—to breathe, pray or sit in stillness. One of my favorite places to find this margin is at my hairstylist’s home. What began as a routine appointment became a sacred pause. I’d bring my journal or laptop while getting my hair braided, and somehow that environment gave me permission to slow down and reset.
We all need that. Mental margin isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. Whether it’s five minutes in the morning, a solo grocery run with your favorite playlist or a short walk outside, make space for stillness. In that stillness, God whispers reminders: you’re not just a mom, a wife or an employee—you’re His daughter. And that’s more than enough.
Protecting your energy and emotional bandwidth is just as important as protecting your time. You deserve peace—not just when everything is done, but even in the middle of the mess. You were never meant to carry it all. Let this be your reminder to set boundaries not just with your schedule, but with your mind. Your well-being matters. And when you protect your mental space, you create room to actually enjoy the life you’re working so hard to build.
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