RVing, Revitalized My Mother and Daughter Relationship

RVing, Revitalized My Mother and Daughter Relationship!

BY ANGELA HUNTLEY, BOOK PUBLISHER

Obviously, the year 2020 is different from any year that we have ever experienced. There have been some real challenging times from finding modified ways to conduct business, to cancelled travel plans, and even quarantine. If we were told at the beginning of the year that we would spend months working from home and having to go out wearing a mask, I’m willing to bet none of us would have believed it. I certainly would not have. But one thing that was most unexpected was the time we would spend away from our friends and especially from close family members. I was not prepared to spend several weeks away from my mother.

Ours is more than a mother and daughter relationship. We are friends. We talk and get along like friends, but then we also can get on each other nerves like friends. But we both feel that spending time together is invaluable. Not only do we talk on the phone several times a day, but we were in the habit of spending time together doing every day-life things like going out to lunch, running errands, or just taking a drive to get out of the house. So, when the quarantine first happened, I did not understand or realize the ramifications it would have on my time spent with my mother. Because COVID-19 was and still is, a mystery. We thought it would be wise to be on the side of caution by staying inside and away from people as much as possible. This limited our time together to just talking with each other from a distance as I dropped off groceries to her place. It was weird seeing my mother and standing so far away from her. But we both were doing what we thought was best to keep each other safe.

After several weeks went by and we learned a little more about how the virus could spread. We learned that by staying 6 to 8 feet away, wearing a mask to prevent droplets from spreading and frequently washing our hands, we could safely be together. So, one day we went out for an RVing excursion, which is a passion we both share.

It all started back in the 90s when my mother was the first one in the family to discover this form of travel and introduced it to my kids when they were little. At that time, I did not understand it. I had absolutely no desire to travel inside of an RV. But as I got older, I realized that RV travel was a wonderful way to get the entire family together for a grand adventure. So, we broke ranks with the “shelter in place” restrictions and took a mother and daughter ride out in my RV. However, since we were still being responsible inside the RV, we had enough room for social distancing.

It was so nice to be out of the house for a change of scenery, but most importantly being able to spend time with my mother like we used to. We laughed and enjoyed the breeze all the way down the highway. We didn’t have a particular destination, nor did we have any activities planned when we got there, but we enjoyed the trip, anyway. We drove about 20 minutes outside of our city to a rest stop and then turned around and came back. It felt like we had been on a vacation!

My point in sharing this story is to demonstrate how important it is to connect with your mother and daughter, especially through these challenging times. Sometimes just a small gesture like taking a walking in a park or watching a television program together can make a world of difference in helping you stay connected. Yes, it’s true COVID-19 has interrupted 2020, in many ways, but it doesn’t have to interrupt your mother and daughter relationship, which will be here for a lifetime.

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AINSLEY ROSS (DAUGHTER) & AUBREY COHORST (MOTHER)

NOT MY FOOTPRINTS, BUT THELord’s!

BY AUBREY COHORST (MOTHER)

“As mothers, we need to stop raising our daughters to live up to impossible fantasies.” We are setting them up for failure, poor communication, dishonesty, depression, anxiety, internal battles, and standards impossible to live up to. As parents, we only want our kids to see the best side of us…. without realizing it, we are unintentionally setting them up for failure. I will never forget the moment I realized this, the magnitude it had and still has in my life today.

My daughter, Ainsley Ross (6 years old at the time) snuggled up to me in our bed on a Saturday morning when she said, “Mommy, I love you, I then looked at her and said, I love you too, baby. She followed that with: I want a perfect life just like you, and I want to be just like you mommy.” “I’m going to meet a

perfect man and get married; I’m going to have a beautiful house like you and I’m going to be the Mommy that you are to me.” Most mothers would think this is the best thing that their daughter could ever say to her. Followed by thoughts of I’m a great Mom, I set outstanding examples, and my daughter is going to have a great life, if she follows my footsteps.

That was not my reaction at all! My heart skipped a few beats, and I literally felt it beating in my feet. Before I even had a moment to gather my thoughts. I looked at my daughter and said, “don’t you ever say that again!” That was one of the worst things you could ever say to me. My daughter’s eyes got so big, and her heart was heavy and full. Her quivering voice replied, “what do you mean, Mommy?” In a daughter’s or child’s eyes of any age, they would think that is one of the highest compliments they could give.

THIS IS THE PROBLEM! By me accepting that compliment encourages “her” to live up to an impossible standard. I asked her to tell me three things she would do differently, as a mother one day: Her response was, “I wouldn’t do one thing different.” I said, “baby girl, communication is so important in life. I am not perfect, and I don’t have a perfect marriage. I am not a perfect mother and we do not live a perfect life.”

I continued, “be your own person, just focus on being exactly how God made you. I pray that you take the good things that I have done as a mother and add your own ideas to them. You should also take my weaknesses and the things you think should be different and use that to raise your children. Be the best that you can be! “

Again, I asked Ainsley to tell me three things she would do differently than I did as a mother. When she becomes a mother? Ainsley thought and thought and quickly came back with her #1 answer. Keep in mind, I stressed the importance of honesty, before she answered. Answer #1: “If I were you, I would get my muscles back from when you were younger,” My inner monologue was, did my daughter just call me fat? My response was: “WHAT?” And she replied, “Yes Momma, I would find my muscles if I were you.” I then said, “what an honest response.” A lesson for another time is how to make a graceful delivery. Answer #2: “I wouldn’t say bad words around my daughter like you.” My inner monologue was “I thought I did a better job hiding that.” KIDS HEAR EVERYTHING! Yes, even when you spell it out…. They sound it out, making the curse word longer and more drawn out than ever. My actual response: You are right! Her 3rd response: I would be in Church every single Sunday. My inner monologue was “My sixyear-old daughter just checked me.” My actual response: “What great answers, see how easy it was to be honest.”

God has a plan for every one of our lives. The plan for my life, and the plan for my daughter’s life aren’t the same. We unknowingly start teaching our daughters to conform at an early age. For example, I want to be just like you, or to be dishonest ex: Telling grandma how much I love the sweater she made me when instead we could say “thank you so much for loving me enough to make this sweater for me, I am so thankful”.

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When our daughters think we’re perfect they base their relationships, friendships, careers and goals off of a fantasy. In return, if their relationship doesn’t work out, it is extremely hard for them to come to us in honesty to have an honest conversation! Because they feel like a failure and like we will not understand what they are feeling, especially if all they see is the good and strong side of you.

This makes it exceedingly difficult for our daughters to communicate with us. Our daughters may deal with the fact that they have let themselves down, and that they have failed themselves, because of the impossible expectations they have placed upon their lives.

The only footprints our daughters should ever follow are the Lord’s. We think selfishly that our daughters are ours. We need to check ourselves! Our daughters are His, and He has trusted us enough to bless us with the amazing opportunity to raise a delicate and strong woman of God. I honestly believe in that moment, when my daughter was 6 years old, we set the tone for our incredible and honest relationship.

I love my daughter Ainsley Ross more than all the stars. We are mother and daughter, best friends, accountability partners, the best snuggle buddies. We love our mother-daughter bible studies. But make no mistake, it is very clear who is the mother and who is the daughter. I do not seek her approval but love it when it is there. We respect each other immensely. We do not always agree and are quite different people. Our moral compass is the same and we seek God first, always. It is wonderful seeing things differently as it brings so much perspective into both of our lives.

THE Objects

IN THE MIRROR ARE CLOSER THAN THEY APPEAR! BY AINSLEY ROSS (DAUGHTER)

We are all daughters. The definition of “daughter” itself means: a girl or woman in relation to her parents.

When you think about this definition.... what do you think about? Being a daughter is like a mirror and some objects are closer than they appear. As daughters our maternal instinct is to go to our mothers. This is by God’s design.

I remember when I was six, and I looked to my mom and said, “I want to be perfect like you.” “I want to have the perfect relationship just like you” I didn’t receive the reaction I longed for, instead the harsh reality cratered my mind. My Mom said, “that was one of the worst things you could have ever said to me.” Naturally, it confused me. Now, it all makes perfect sense.

As I have grown up through the years, I remember how honest my mother has always been in and throughout my childhood.... now and then, the thought “she wouldn’t understand” would pop up.... and create unease in my heart. The feeling that “she didn’t go through this, why am I?” popped up in my mind. It wasn’t until through her honesty, love, and care that she showed what every mother should embody.... she explained how she had a similar experience, and her vulnerability with me and authenticity allowed my heart to feel relief. We should feel strength and pride when talking to our mother’s not fear nor worry.

Circling back to the “Objects In the mirror are closer than they appear” theory, is when you look at yourself in the mirror, you are more like your mother than you think. I realized that, I, as a daughter wanted to keep things from my mother, because I held her to a perfect standard.

One day she sat me down and had a conversation with me and it all made sense. She told me that “God made me just how I am.” She told me about how her relationship wasn’t perfect, and how she didn’t have all the answers and that made my heart feel such relief, because now, I felt like she could understand. Unknowingly, I was saddened that my relationship hadn’t worked out. It left me feeling alone, and that it was just me having to deal with my relationship issues.

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Our jobs as the daughters are to be real, and honest with our mothers. We unknowingly try to live up to their shadow whether you want to be better or be just like them. Love binds us and defines us.... however, it is defined, is up to you.

Remember, before you were hers, you were His. We are each a princess because we are the daughter of the King. He gave us our mothers to mold us. It is our job to allow their example, no matter how good, or bad it may be, to drive us to be strong, beautiful, intelligent women. Honesty is the key in a mother and daughter relationship. My mom is my person, through thick and thin, I thank God for her every day. Just like any significant thing, there is a lot of honesty and constant growth involved in maintaining a great relationship.

No matter what your relationship is or isn’t with your mother, know that God wanted you to be here and that He chose her to bring you into this world to live out your purpose. We can choose to strengthen our bond with our mother’s or sever it. It was never meant to be severed. If your mother is no longer here or a part of your life, it is your duty to be the best mother you can be or be there for another mother who is in need, of a loving example.

Proverbs 31:25-31

Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; and her husband also praises her.

Numbers 6:24-26

The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.