Moses Brown Writing Guide

Moses Brown Writing Guide for middle & upper school students

I.

BUILDING AN ARGUMENT

A. The Elusive Thesis Statement.

The success of your paper relies on a strong thesis statement. In other words, if you have come up with a compelling and unexpected argument, people will want to read your paper – and you will be compelled to prove your point. The question is: how do you come up with a great argument?

First, let’s consider this prompt:

How does Shrek transform over the course of his story and why is this transformation important? →The most important thing to remember is that a thesis statement is ARGUABLE. It is NOT a fact, it is NOT a judgment, and it is NOT a rephrasing of the question.

Fact: Shrek is a green ogre who lives in a swamp.

Judgment: Shrek isn’t all that believable as far as ogres go. And he’s annoying.

Rephrasing of the Prompt: Shrek transforms throughout the three movies and this transformation is really important.

Argument: Over the course of his story, Shrek transforms from a shy, self-doubting wallflower into an empowered ogre who believes himself to be worthy of love. This transformation proves that true strength can only come from the mind and not the body. →A thesis statement TAKES A STAND. Be proud of your argument and committed to it! Do not argue two sides of the story. For example, “Shrek transforms into a strong ogre but also continues to be weak because he doubts himself,” is a feeble argument. →A thesis statement is NARROW AND SPECIFIC. Do not try to cover six topics nor should you attempt to prove something about “everyone who ever lived” or “all grandmothers named Betty.” Your thesis should apply specifically and exclusively to the work at hand and address one major issue in the text. →A thesis statement CAN BE SUPPORTED. You must be able to prove your argument with textual evidence. Hunches, opinions and intergalactic aura will not help you in this endeavor.

B. Introductions & Conclusions →The introduction should provide necessary background information and grab your reader’s attention in order to direct it towards the thesis and the entire paper. It serves as a transition by moving the reader from the world outside of your paper to the world within. Teachers will often ask for “a hook”: a clever or intriguing sentence that attracts the reader.

When you write the introduction, imagine yourself as the reader. If you had not read the paper before, what would you expect next, given what you have already read? Are there topics in the essay that are not briefly mentioned in the introduction? If so, include a mention of these topics. Remember, the introduction should not contain every bit of detail you have in the paper, and it should not include support for a thesis (save that for the body of the paper).

An introduction might, however, include the reasons for supporting the thesis as you do.

For example, the Shrek who ends his story is not the same ogre who began it. In fact, one can argue that, ultimately, he becomes something other than an ogre. Over the course of his story, Shrek transforms from a shy, self-doubting wallflower into an empowered being, who believes himself to be worthy of love. This transformation proves that true strength can only come from the mind and not the body.

For the sake of your reader, AVOID these introductions: •

The Dictionary Definition: Many papers begin "Webster's defines X as..." and then continue to discuss the topic. Bo-o-oring. It is important to define terms you will use, but it’s better to craft your own (accurate!) definition than rely on the dictionary.

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The "Cinema scope": Starting too broadly. Avoid sweeping panoramas such as "Throughout the march of history, one thing has been true..." or "Many novels have considered the ways in which good people can be heroes."

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The “Rush Job”: Avoid jumping right into a thesis statement and do not try to cover every topic in the first paragraph. This part of a paper provides "the lay of the land" for a reader who will then know why the paper is worth finishing. This is the preview, the trailer; it’s not the entire movie.

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Using the "telegraphic" sentence: Do not use first person or personal references. For example: "This essay will consider Shrek’s discovery of his own inner strength,” or even, “My thesis is. . . " Using “I” is never an asset unless you’ve won major academic recognition. When you win the Nobel Prize in Literature, you may

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certainly tell us your opinion; until then, don’t even think about using “I believe…”

Just give us the argument! →The Conclusion should do something other than repeat what you’ve already said. Consider the impact of your thesis outside of the work. For instance, in thinking of our Shrek thesis, why is it important for humanity to rely on our mental strength rather than our physical force? Make certain you’ve addressed the “so what?” question, explaining the relevance of your work. Lastly, we already know your paper is winding down, so refrain from saying “in conclusion…”

C. Helpful Hints in Forming Your Argument Rather than thinking up an argument for which you have no evidence, consider studying your evidence first and then creating a thesis. By collecting a dozen quotations that speak to your paper topic, you whittle down the material and are able to see clearly what you can prove.

Step 1. THEME. Choose an Idea or THEME to get started: ____________________________________________________ Step 2. QUOTES: #

Reorder (Step 4) #

Page

Select 10-12 QUOTES that address your rough idea/theme: Speaker

Quote

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 Step 3. THESIS: quotes above?

What THESIS can be generated by the evidence demonstrated through the selection of

Step 4. ORDER: argument.

Choose 5-6 quotes from Step 1 above and ORDER them in a way that builds your

Step 5. BUILD: thesis.

BUILD an argument around the evidence/quotes above, in order, which supports your

Step 6. CONCLUDE: Write a brief CONCLUSION that utilizes your thesis in a broader context (e.g. the whole book, society, humanity)

D. Structuring The Rest of Your Paper: A Diagram for Writing Analytic Papers Once you have an argument in place, it’s helpful to consider your paper from a broader perspective. How are you going to start and finish it? And what’s supposed to be in the middle? This diagram will help to “see” your paper in its final form.

HOOK to draw your reader in.

INTRODUCTIONS move from the broad to the specific. Begin with the CONTEXT for your argument and, by the end of the paragraph, have a specific, detailed argument/conclusion.

THESIS

Topic Sentence →Context→Quote→Analysis

Body ¶

TRANSITION

Body ¶

Topic Sentence →Context→Quote→Analysis

Topic Sentence →Context→Quote→Analysis

TRANSITION

Body ¶

Transition

A CONCLUSION is not simply a reiteration of your first paragraph. Start specific and go general. Why does this matter? How might this change things for the reader? How might it affect our outlook on the world?

II. WORKING WITH QUOTATIONS For the purposes of this section, we will be working with the following short excerpt from Ray Bradbury’s short story, “The Pedestrian,” which explores the main character, Leonard Mead’s fight against the sterile, lifeless routine of his technology-obsessed community and his comparative vitality to that of his neighbors.

Sometimes he would walk for hours and miles and return only at midnight to his house. And on his way he would see the cottages and homes with their dark windows, and it was not unequal to walking through a graveyard where only the faintest glimmers of firefly light appeared in flickers behind the windows. Sudden grey phantoms seemed to manifest upon inner room walls where a curtain was still undrawn against the night, or there were whisperings and murmurs where a window in a tomb-like building was still open.

Mr Leonard Mead would pause, cock his head, listen, look, and march on, his feet making no noise on the lumpy walk. For long ago he had wisely changed to sneakers when strolling at night, because the dogs in intermittent squads would parallel his journey with barking if he wore hard heels, and lights might click on and faces appear and an entire street be startled by the passing of a lone figure, himself, in the early November evening.

On this particular evening he began his journey in a westerly direction, towards the hidden sea. There was a good crystal frost in the air; it cut the nose and made the lungs blaze like a Christmas tree inside; you could feel the cold light going on and off, all the branches filled with invisible snow. He listened to the faint push of his soft shoes through autumn leaves with satisfaction, and whistled a cold quiet whistle between his teeth, occasionally picking up a leaf as he passed, examining its skeletal pattern in the infrequent lamplights as he went on, smelling its rusty smell. (Bradbury 301)

A. Choosing a quotation When choosing a quotation, your goal is to find the best evidence of your topic sentence claim. You do not want to choose a quotation that you can easily summarize in your own words OR a quote that too simply sums up your argument. You want a rich, detailed quotation that has your argument embedded in it but that requires you to “close read” the language and explain how it proves your topic sentence claim.

Your direct evidence should match your topic sentence claim; if it does not, then often your paragraphs might be unfocused OR repetitive of points you might make later on in your paper.

If I am trying to prove that Mead’s community is symbolically dead, my “best evidence” is the underlined quote.

If I am trying to prove that Mead is a vital character who feels alive, this quotation will not work as well because it is not focused on Mead himself. A better quote would be the bolded quote, which focuses more on Mead’s liveliness, just as my claim does.

B. Quotation Analysis Once you have selected your best evidence, you will need to analyze it, explaining how this quotation “proves” your topic sentence claim. It is important to remember the “SHOW, Don’t TELL” directive, as your task is to point your reader’s attention to the specific language or phrasing of the quotation that makes this strong evidence and explain its impact. The quotation cannot speak for itself; you must speak for it. A good rule of thumb is your analysis should be as long as the quotation you are using.

Example 1: Stuck inside watching television, Leonard Mead’s community lacks the vitality that comes from experiencing the natural world: “…It was not unequal to walking through a graveyard where only the faintest glimmers of firefly light appeared in flickers behind the windows. Sudden grey phantoms seemed to manifest upon inner room walls where a curtain was still undrawn against the night, or there were whisperings and murmurs where a window in a tomb-like building was still open” (301). The fact that Mead’s neighborhood is likened to a cemetery, with “tomb-like” houses and floating ghost-people, emphasizes the community’s lack of vitality. Dark and somber colors drive the imagery, as does weak light and weak voices, further communicating a cold, unresponsive landscape.

Example 2: Leonard Mead defines himself as a man fully alive in the natural world: “[The] good crystal frost in the air…made the lungs blaze like a Christmas tree inside; you could feel the cold light going on and off, all the branches filled with invisible snow. He listened to the faint push of his soft shoes through autumn leaves with satisfaction, and whistled a cold quiet whistle between his teeth, occasionally picking up a leaf as he passed, examining its skeletal pattern in the infrequent lamplights as he went on, smelling its rusty smell” (301). Here, the reader is forced into Mead’s shoes (“you could feel…”) and made to feel the overwhelming sensory experiences of walking in the cold. Sight, sound, smell, and touch are all stimulated at once, as a bright, ornate tree blooms in Mead’s chest, while his content whistle communicates his love of nature and continued curiosity in its exploration.

NOTE: Sometimes there is strong evidence in the text that does not lend itself to be quoted as complete sentences and thus, might work better as paraphrased evidence.

Example 3: Mead’s description, with its quick sequence of strong, action verbs that ends with the powerful “march,” emphasizes his proactivity and dynamic nature compared to those surrounding him (Bradbury 301).

Note: Avoid language that resembles “this quote shows...” as it is your task to point to the parts of the quote that reveal your argument. Work to vary your verbs, considering other powerful verbs that help you interpret the quote. Avoid using the words “quote” and “quotation,” in your own commentary!

Further, also avoid telling your reader what the author is “trying to show.” You cannot know this and thus to guess is unnecessary.

Good writing relies on strong verbs. Strong verbs show, rather than tell. They should help you connect your evidence (relevant details from the story) to your analysis (your interpretation of these details).

Strong “power” verbs to use instead of “show,” “say”, or “think”: illustrate, illuminate, demonstrate, exhibit, reflect, communicate, emphasize, highlight, suggest, develop, transform, consider, claim, evoke, reveal, establish, and many more.

C. Quotation Integration (including poetry) The final task is to integrate the quotation into your writing smoothly, so that it reads as a seamless part of your argument. There are a variety of patterns you can use, based on the length and content of the quotation.

General Guidelines Do not leave your quotes “naked” or “floating.” They must be “tied down” to your own writing, carefully integrated into your analysis with correct mechanics.

NO, NO, NO!: Leonard Mead’s vitality sets him apart from his “dead” neighbors, “It was not unequal to walking through a graveyard” (301). Mead also prefers walking to watching television, unlike his community.

All kinds of NO! NO integration, with the evidence “floating” next to the preceding sentence; grammatically incorrect because it’s tacked on with a comma; NO analysis of evidence.

All kinds of YES!: Here are some patterns you can use to integrate your quotations; ideally, you will vary your integration patterns, as you do your sentence structure.

Pattern 1: Introduce the quotation with a complete sentence and a colon.

Example: Leonard Mead’s vitality sets him apart from his lifeless neighbors: “It was not unequal to walking though a graveyard…” (Bradbury 301).

Note: Do not use a comma or semi-colon; ONLY a colon works in this situation.

Pattern 2: Use an introductory or explanatory phrase (not a complete sentence), separated from the quotation with a comma.

Example 1: Mead clearly characterizes himself as enlivened by the natural world when, in response to the brisk temperature, he thinks, “You could feel the cold light going on and off, all the branches filled with invisible snow” (Bradbury 301).

Example 2: “You could feel the cold light going on and off, all the branches filled with invisible snow,” Mead thinks as he likens his bursting chest to a “Christmas tree” (Bradbury 301).

Example 3: According to Mead, “You could feel the cold light going on and off, all the branches filled with invisible snow” (Bradbury 301).

Please note that, above, the commas set up/separate quotations that are complete sentences; in Pattern 3, below, you do not use commas to separate the quotations because the quotations are NOT complete sentences, but rather fragments.

Pattern 3: Make the quotation a part of your own sentence without any punctuation between your own words and the words you are quoting.

Example 1: Mead characterizes himself as intentionally resistant to the status quo when he notes that he “wisely changed to sneakers when strolling at night, because the dogs in intermittent squads

would parallel his journey with barking if he wore hard heels, and lights might click on and faces appear” (301).

Example 2: To avoid the colorless life of his neighbors Mead takes nightly walks in the cold, walks that “ma[k]e the lungs blaze like a Christmas tree,” where one can feel “the cold light going on and off” and “the branches filled with invisible snow” (301).

Pattern 4. Embed very short quotations--only a few words--as part of your own sentence.

Example 1: Likened to a “graveyard” and described as “tomb-like,” Leonard Mead’s community lacks the vitality that comes from experiencing the natural world, a fact emphasized by imagery driven by weak light, such as “grey,” “faintest glimmers” and “flickers” (301).

Poetry: A word on working with quotations when writing about poetry Pattern 4 is especially effective when you are analyzing poetry, which requires shorter quoting due to the shorter form of the text. You should not quote whole stanzas, or even whole lines of poetry, but need to work to pull out shorter images or patterns of imagery so that pieces of the poem are not lost in the shuffle.

Sample from response to Walt Whitman’s “I Hear America Singing” Here, the writer seeks to prove the joyful, celebratory tone of the poem, and opts to quote shorter bits from multiple lines that serve his point, rather than one larger chunk, much of which often goes unused: Further, Whitman works to show that these people are joyful, that they are working productively and hard, and love it. He does this by using the verb “sing,” a verb of vocal celebration and also the song choice, “carol,” a celebratory song. Further, he uses words that bring about positive feelings, like the mother’s “delicious singing” and the fact that people are singing with “open mouths” which reflects how fully they embrace the celebratory act. Finally, everyone is friendly and full – of life, good humor, and decency, like the “young fellows, robust and friendly.”

Quote Integration Mechanics 1. Cite! Cite! Cite! For parenthetical citations, MLA format requires the page number for novels and plays, and the line number for anything with specific lines numbers (Homer, Shakespeare, poetry…)

2. Be accurate with quotations. Everything that appears within your quotation marks should be exactly as it appears in your primary source.

3. Never quote out of context. Always be true to the original intent/meaning of the text.

4. You may change parts of the quotation to maintain grammatical correctness only if you use brackets ([these], not (these) or {these}) to indicate the change.

Sometimes you may need to alter parts of the quote, inserting more specific nouns (for example, a character’s name might replace “he” or “she” to help you clarify a reference) or changing the verb tenses to maintain consistent present tense.

5. Indicate deletions from quotations with ellipses (…). An ellipsis is three dots, preceded and followed by a space.

Use ellipses when you omit any words from the original, or multiple words or sentences. If you have a long quote that starts and ends with “best evidence” and needs to be whittled down, you can remove the less useful or irrelevant parts with ellipses. However, don’t abuse this – you should separately quote anything that appears in different paragraphs rather than fuse them with an ellipsis.

6. If you are quoting dialogue, you must use a single quotation mark within a double quotation mark to offset the words that are spoken from those that are not: “Ransom cackled as his students plead, ‘Please, Ransom! Don’t make us write papers every week!’”

7. Avoid beginning or ending paragraphs with quotes. You need to begin and end each paragraph with your own ideas, as your reader could misinterpret your evidence without the framework you provide.

III.

CITATIONS

At Moses Brown, we adhere to the MLA format when citing sources. You will learn more about proper citation methods during the Lit Search and I-Search processes in 10th and 11th grade. For the time being, please refer to this brief citation overview Parenthetical (In-Text) Citations 1. MLA requires that you cite the page number and author’s name, with the page number always appearing in the parentheses and never in the text of your sentence.

2. Follow the Quo-Par-Punc sequence at the end of your quotations (Quotation marks; Parentheses; Punctuation). Punctuation always comes last.

3. Exception: Quotation and exclamation marks that end your quotation in the text being cited should be included inside the quotation marks, as part of the quotation, since they communicate inflection/emphasis.

4. When quoting poetry or Shakespeare, cite the range of line numbers used in the quotation, and, if applicable, the act and scene numbers.

5. When quoting poetry and Shakespeare, make sure to use a slash (/) to indicate where each line ends in the original text.

6. If you are using more than four lines of prose and more than three lines of verse, you will need to use a block quote format.

1. Indent the left margin of the quotation 1”, making sure to keep the original paragraph formatting as you cite.

2. Double spacing should remain in effect.

3. Parenthetical citation will now follow the punctuation at the end of your quotation.

4. When block quoting poetry or other verse, you should not use slash marks to indicate but should break the line so that your quotations retains the original formatting/line breaks.

IV. TROUBLESHOOTING: GRAMMAR AND STYLE • Tense Analytic papers should be written in the present tense. It does not matter that you finished a book several weeks ago; the argument remains current. It doesn’t matter that events have already unfolded in that book because, if you pick up the book next week or next year, those same events will still play out in present tense. Accordingly, the only actions that are referred to in past tense are those that happened before the book started. For instance, “Shrek’s parents met long before he was born” is in past tense because we did not witness the event but “Shrek and Fiona get married” because we are witness to that action. Rule of thumb: when in doubt, use present tense and remain consistent!

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Eliminating “to be” Verbs If you are using “to be” verbs, you are robbing verbs of their momentum. For instance, “Jen was thinking that to be happy was impossible.” That’s a roundabout way of saying “Jen thought she’d never find happiness.” Frankly, your reader doesn’t have that much time or patience so find the quickest route to your idea. Instead of “Marc decided he would commit to being diligent and determined in his efforts,” just go with “Marc was now diligent and determined.”

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Active vs. Passive Voice Teachers often say, with exasperation, that one should never use passive verbs. Students inevitably roll their eyes and say, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” The easiest way to explain passive verbs is this: an action should belong to the subject of the sentence. In other words, “Meghan reads the book.” Passive voice flips the natural order of things by saying, “The book was read by Meghan.” Well, that’s true but why are we giving the book top billing when it didn’t even do anything? It’s passively lying there while Meghan is doing all the work! Stop ignoring Meghan and give her verb back to her.

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Punctuation • Periods. These little dots define a sentence. Do not finalize your sentence with one unless you have at least a subject and a verb. “Graham couldn’t take it anymore.” deserves a period. “Not taking it anymore” does not since its subject is missing.

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Commas. Commas are meant to identify a brief pause. Do not overwork your commas by attempting to moderate a three-page sentence. A comma would feel right at home in this context: “Despite numerous attempts, Mike could not manage to get his paper saved onto Google Drive.” A comma is exhausted and underpaid in this context: “Mike tried to save his paper on Google Drive, but he was tired, and frankly he was preoccupied, and he thought that handing in a hard copy would be fine anyway, because his teacher was a little bit confused, about Google Drive and some other things as well.” Consider breaking that laundry list into two or three sentences. Or, better, consider not insulting your teacher!

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Comma splices! Another common comma error. Comma splices incorrectly connect two independent clauses.

Ex: Macbeth is a stellar English student, he always comes to class well prepared.

To fix a comma splice, you can: -- make two separate sentences by replacing the comma with a period; --add a coordinating conjunction after the comma to join the two independent clauses. Ex. Macbeth is a stellar English student, and he always comes to class well prepared -- add a subordinating conjunction Ex. Macbeth is a stellar English student because he always comes to class well prepared.

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Colons. Colons indicate a list or announcement or, in the broadest terms, it is the hinge that links the general to the specific. “Brooke liked everything about the cafeteria: the commotion, the camaraderie and, most importantly, the Panini press.”

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Semi-colons. Overused and underappreciated, the semi-colon should be cherished by all writers. Its purpose is to stand in for linking words such as “and,” “but,” or “yet.” Phrases on either side of the semi-colon must be able to stand on their own.

For instance, “Matt didn’t care for sneakers; he preferred to wear flip flops even in the snow.”

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Exclamation points. Use them sparingly or, better, not at all. You sound like you’re screaming or in a state of utter delirium. Stop it!

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Apostrophes. Okay, here we go again: the most repeated lesson in grammar.

Apostrophes are used to form possessives. You must add “’s” to singular nouns and plural nouns that do not end in “s”. Add only an apostrophe to plural nouns that already end in an “s.” So it’s “Mark’s shirt” and “the mice’s food” but “the girls’ decision to start their own hockey team.” If the singular word ends with an “s,” it is standard to add the “’s” as with “Jess’s hat.”

The hurdle, as you well know, lies with the word “it.” “It” only gets an apostrophe when you want to say “it is” in a lightning fast manner. “It’s fun to go over this a thousand times, isn’t it?” But the possessive doesn’t get an apostrophe at all: “I am sick and tired of talking about grammar and its rules.” What can we say?

Learn it, live it, love it.

V. COMMON MISTAKES A. Editing. Or, rather, not editing. Every paper needs a resting period of several hours or several days, after which you can edit your work. Reading through something you have just written (or worse, not rereading it at all) is a punishment to your reader. You will not catch redundancies nor can you identify nonsensical statements. Peer editing is also a vital tool and ensures that someone else can understand what you’re saying. In addition, remember that less is more. Don’t fill up three pages by rewording the same sentence. Your teacher already knows that trick and it doesn’t work. We also know if you make your periods and commas 18-font to take up space.

B. Overusing the Thesaurus. We all appreciate a good vocabulary but we frown upon awkwardly used words. If you haven’t heard the word before, don’t use it.

C. Titles: Underlining versus Quotation Marks. If it’s a shorter piece of a whole, it gets quotations marks; if it is the whole, it’s underlined or in italics. Poems or short stories are in quotations marks (as they are part of a longer book) while books and plays are underlined or italicized.

D. Spelling Errors and Apostrophes. There are too many to mention but the winners of the most often misused include: • its vs. it’s (its obvious pattern vs. it’s raining) • loose vs. lose (the button is loose vs. don’t lose the permission form) • your vs. you’re (your personal belongings vs. you’re going to fall down) • their vs. they’re ( their house is down the road vs. they’re coming with us) • to vs. too (we’re going to the movie vs. they’re going to the movie too) E. Summarization/Plot-driven writing. Assume your reader is familiar with the text you’re addressing. You can briefly summarize key points in order to contextualize your thesis (e.g. “Shrek faces a series of tasks that test his strength”) but do not rewrite the story for us.

F. Random Capitalization. Why does this even happen? Capital letters belong at the beginning of a sentence or the beginning of a proper noun. Unless you’re Emily Dickinson, those are your only options.

G. Rhetorical questions. Teachers have mixed opinions on rhetorical questions. The rule of thumb is that you should never present a question that your reader needs you to answer. If you say, “Who can say whether physical or mental strength is more valuable to Shrek?”, then your reader is going to say, “You’re getting a C on this paper.”

H. First person. It bears repeating: As a middle or high school student, you don’t have enough clout to assert your opinion with authority. Arguments must always be presented on their own, without your presence.