Back Street Heroes - November 2019 - Preview

ISSUE 427

NOVEMBER 2019

UK OFFSALE DATE: 07/11/19

£4.20

accessories

clothing

12: PANHEAD COVER BIKE OLD IS

COOL, NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS

18: DUTCH HARDLYRIDEABLES MAD CLOGGIES IN THE SUNSHINE!

20: 125 RAT NOT BUILT

EVOLVED,

24: NCC DIAMOND DAY THE CHOPPER CLUB’S

GERT BIG LONDON BUNFEST

6: NEWS

ALL THAT’S NEW AND HAPPENING IN THE CUSTOM BIKE WORLD

8: PRODUCTS

LOADS OF GOOD STUFF FOR YOU TO SPEND YOUR HARD-EARNED ON

10: LETTERS

SOUND OFF, ONE, TWO, SOUND OFF, THREE, FOUR!

54: CENTRESPREAD

AN ARTISTIC POSTER FOR YOU TO PUT ON YER WALL

56: SUBSCRIBE TO BSH

SEE HERE FOR THE BEST SUBSCRIPTION OFFERS

62: THE BIZ

ANOTHER INTERVIEW WITH A LEADING FIGURE IN THE CUSTOM WORLD

66: (ALMOST A) ROADTEST THE NEW SUZUKI KATANA

70: YAMAHA NIKEN LONG-TERMER AWAY UP TO THE FAR, FAR NORTH!

74: KATANA PROJECT

28: SPORTSTER BOBBER BOLD AS BRASS

40: SHOVELHEAD BOBBER PLAIN, SIMPLE,

32: WARRINGTON WHEELS ENCOURAGING

46: ROAD DRAGONS MCC’S OVER THE EDGE RALLY LOTS OF

AND TWICE AS SHINY

YOUNG PEOPLE INTO BIKING

34: HERITAGE SOFTAIL TRIKE

THERAPEUTIC TRIKE BUILD, SIR?

38: TRIKE DESIGN OPEN DAY THERE

WAS A WELCOME IN THE HILLSIDES…

ELEGANT AND GORGEOUS

VERY WARM SILLY PEOPLE IN A FIELD!

48: GS1000 TRIKE

TRIUMPH OVER ADVERSITY… WELL, SUZUKI ACTUALLY

58: SPORTSTER BOBBER OOO, SHINY!

82: MR BRIDGES

THE GURU IMPARTS MORE OF HIS KNOWLEDGE OF MECHANICS

86: JIM FOGG FICTION

ANOTHER OF THE MASTER’S EXCELLENT WORKS

91: READERS’ LIVES

THREE PAGES OF YOUR PICS... AND OUR SILLY CAPTIONS

94: MAG NEWS

OUR REGULAR COLUMN

BY THE MAG CHAIRNON GENDERSPECIFICPERSON

95: EVENTS

YOUR ESSENTIAL GUIDE TO THE BEST RALLIES, SHOWS AND PARTIES

104: SMALLS

SELL YOUR BIKE HERE FOR FREE!

105: NEXT MONTH JUST TO WHET YOUR APPETITE…

106: RICK HULSE

THE MUSINGS OF ONE OF THE MOST ELOQUENT THINKERS IN BIKERDOM

TRANSMISSION PLATES AND HOSES

78: TECH

BSH’S RESIDENT SPANNER MONKEY TWIRLS HIS IMPLEMENTS… FNURK

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NOVEMBER 2019

3

editor:

NIK SAMSON

It’s odd how stuff makes you think, isn’t it? There you are, ambling through life, not really taking too much notice of stuff that doesn’t really concern you when… wham! Something out of the ordinary hits you right between the eyes, and your brain goes off on a completely different tangent.

nik@backstreetheroes.com

Pic by Bones

According to the powers-that-be, four million people in the UK, out of a population of 60 million, 6% of the country, is diabetic, and the illness costs the NHS, our NHS, ten billion pounds a year.

Again, according to the figures 1% of people in the UK have coeliac disease, a condition where people have an adverse reaction to gluten, a dietary protein found in wheat. And about 5% of the UK population are lactose intolerant, a condition in which people have unpleasant symptoms due to a decreased ability to digest lactose, a sugar found in dairy products.

Both of these conditions, though, can be dealt with by avoiding foods with the triggering ingredient in them – if you’re gluten intolerant, avoid foods with wheat in, and if you’re lactose intolerant, avoid dairy products. Diabetes, though, is different; everything you consume has an effect – even not eating doesn’t help and, in fact, can be worse. Yet, as I said, there are no areas in the main places we get our food and drink that cater for diabetics…

Why is this? Well, as has been well documented over the last few years, the food industry has been putting more and more sugar in all our foods for a very long time now, and as a result of this we’re currently going through an obesity epidemic. Obesity is reckoned to be going to cost the UK around ten billion (that figure again) by 2050, with wider costs to society estimated to be around £49 billion. There’s a lot of money to be made by putting sugar in food as we’re genetically programmed, as a species, to crave sugary foods, and big business knows this so it’s not in their interests to promote low sugar foods. You see the problem? They make money out of stuff that makes us ill, and we, ultimately, pay for it.

So what’s this got to do with bikes? Well, as is well known, the biking population in the UK is getting older – a recent survey of BSH readers revealed that the average age of you lot out there is now 57. Type 2 diabetes, the one that’s most commonly brought on by being overweight, occurs more often than not in people who are at middle age

I’ve met a fair few folk with diabetes on the bike scene over the years – I’m sure you have too (you’re reading the words of one now). And the thing that I’ve heard from just about every one of them is that while they’re doing their best to deal with their condition, the one thing they really struggle with is beer. Beer has, as I’m sure you’re aware, a fair amount of sugar in it – lager tends to have between 10 and 15 grams per pint (a heaped teaspoon is about four so 10-15 is between two and four teaspoons, if you like), bitters and real ales have between 10g and 20g (two to five teaspoons), stouts (including the famous one) and porters are usually in excess of 20g (five teaspoons and up), and ‘light’ beers (Coors Light, Bud Light, etc.) and pilsners have less than 10g, some less than 5g (one to two teaspoons).

Now, I myself, as you can probably tell from my racing snake figure in the picture above (stop laughing you bastards), do like a beer. I’ve managed to give up just about everything else that’s bad for me (chocolate, sweeties, cake… anything nice, basically), and as a result my weight has dropped quite dramatically since the 1990s.

Beer though… it’s still my one weakness (apart from ladies with long legs in high-heeled shoes, of course). I have recently tried to drink ‘light’ beers when I can, and I’ve found that both my all-important blood sugar levels, and how shite I feel in the morning, are greatly improved, and so I thought I’d pass this nugget of wisdom (allegedly) on to you lot out there in the hope that it may perhaps help you deal with your cravings in some way. Maybe it will, maybe it won’t, who knows?

There’s just one thing I need to ask though; anyone who’s running a bar at a rally, please bear this in mind when you’re planning your purchases.

Bearing in mind that there are lot of diabetic folk in the bike scene, and we do still like to drink, perhaps buying in a few cases of the ‘light’ stuff might be a good thing? It doesn’t usually cost any more than ‘normal’ beer, and it might just make your bar takings go up if us diapathetics can think ‘ooo, they’ve got that, cool, I can drink beer’ rather than ‘oh, great, an evening of diet pop again… joy’.

Or, if you can’t do that, please at least don’t get shitty with me riding into your event with some on the back o’ me bike – if you’d had it there I’d’ve bought it off you, y’know?

See you next time.

NIK

07884 052003 staff writer:

DAVE MANNING

dave@backstreetheroes.com

Pic by Alex

I was wandering round my local supermarket the other day (exciting, I know) when, as I was going up an aisle (stoppit) that I don’t normally, I spotted a whole range of stuff set aside for people who are gluten-intolerant (this will be about bikes, bear with me), and it got me thinking.

There are whole aisles in supermarkets for people who are gluten- and lactose-intolerant, yet there aren’t any areas whatsoever (well, in any I’ve been in anyway) for people who are diabetic.

(45) and above, and one of the things that happens in middle age is that we get a little less active as we get older and this, combined with our high sugar diet, means that we, no matter how good our intentions are, get a little thicker around the middle, a little more solid, a little fatter.

This, in turn, increases our risk of diabetes. Kind of a vicious circle, eh?

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GLOSSARY

A brief, not too serious explanation of terms commonly used in the magazine. This month, the Gs: GAS – farts and burps. Americans use this term to refer to petrol too, but then their president is called ‘Trump’.

NEWS

CAROLE NASH CLASSIC MOTORCYCLE MECHANICS SHOW ‘Genius engineer’ Allen Millyard’ll be guest of honour at Stafford this year, and’ll once again be showcasing his amazing display of bikes. Renowned for creating mindboggling bikes, he’s created more than 30 multi-cylinder machines, including a V12 Kawasaki based on a Z1300.

The most successful sidecar racer of all time, Steve Webster, will be guest of honour too, and there’ll also be an exclusive interview by resident compere and local racing star Steve Plater.

The Carole Nash Classic Motorcycle Mechanics Show takes place October 19-20 at Stafford County Showground, and is the largest classic bike show of its kind in the world, with hundreds of cool old bikes on display and hordes of trade and autojumble stands.

Advance tickets are on sale now, with a 20% saving on the gate price, at www. classicmagazines.co.uk/stafford or www. staffordclassicbikeshows.com

GASKET – a seal between two components

LEGO HARLEY

GEARBOX – the correct name for the bike’s gearbox, it’s not a transmission unless you’re a wannabe American.

LAST CHANCE TO WIN A TRIDENT!

GIXER – colloquial name for the Suzuki GSX-R,

The National Motorcycle Museum’s summer raffle to win a brand new/old stock 1977 Triumph T160V that’s never been run or registered is to be drawn on October 26, so there’s still time to get yourself a ticket or o two!

Tickets cost just £2 each, and may be obtained from the museum on 01675 444123 or securely online from www. thenmm.co.uk

THE TRIKE GUY By opening up a new showroom in the Peak District, Phillip Knowles, otherwise known by his business name of The Trike Guy, has created the UK’s biggest trike dealership. The new shop’ll play host to no less than every model in the Rewaco trike range, while also offering tuning, service and workshop facilities for all makes of trikes.

It opened on September 28, and is set amid some of the best triking roads and scenery in the country. As all the staff are either trikers or bikers, they’re more than aware of potential customers’ needs, and respect the fact that customers’ll be making a major investment with a trike purchase.

More details can be seen on the website at www. thetrikeguy.co.uk while the showroom is at Capital Garage, High Street, Chapel-en-le-Frith, Derbyshire SK23 9SS.

Simon Pollock, of Nefarious Pinstriping, was undoubtedly the best-known pinstripe artist in the UK. Tragically, he passed away at the end of June after a brain aneurism.

Many of you will have seen Nef, as he was known by so many, in action at shows, most recently the Bike Shed Show in London, and if you haven’t, then you’ll most definitely’ve seen his work on bikes (and cars, helmets, jackets, etc.) at shows and rallies, and in features in BSH too. If you want an idea of the strength of his creativeness, and raw talent, take a look at his Nefarious Pinstriping Facebook page, which shows amazing work on guitars, tool boxes, even baubles, and some incredibly long, single line, striping undertaken without a wobble, waver or pause – utterly incredible.

So, join us in raising a glass of rum (or a big mug of tea) to Nef, and know that, wherever he is, he’ll be pinstriping absolutely anything and everything that doesn’t move… and lots of things that do.

Simon ‘Nefarious’ Pollock RIP. NOVEMBER 2019

GAUGES – the dials atop a bike’s upper yoke that show the speed, engine revolutions, fuel level, etc.

The LEGO Group has revealed its latest model – an H-D Fat Boy that’ll cruise into LEGO stores globally.

It captures the beauty of the real-life machine with finishes, surfaces and design elements crafted to replicate the full-size bike. Featuring 1,023 pieces, it’s seven-and-a-bit inches (20cm) high, seven inches (18cm) wide and 12 inches (33cm) long, and features several moveable parts – the rear tyre spins to make the engine’s pistons move, the handlebars turn, the gearshift and brake levers move and the side-stand flips up and down.

Finished in authentic dark red and black colours, with logos on each side, it costs £84.99 from LEGO stores and or their online shop, and there’s even a full-size one, made from 69,569 pieces with sound and light effects, that will tour various Harley events.

SIMON ‘NEFARIOUS’ POLLOCK

6

that can be copper, rubber, cork, steel laminate, cardboard, or a combination. The very old (and skint) among us can remember cutting up cornflake boxes for this very purpose.

GORE-TEX – hugely technical techno-material

that keeps you dry, warm in winter, and cool in summer. Not as trad’ or as sexy as leather, but a hell of a lot more useful.

GPS – Global Positioning System, satelliteoriented navigation system which promises to show you the easiest and most straightforward way of getting from A to B, but quite often takes you on a magical mystery tour instead…

GIRDER FORKS (GIRDERS) – steering/

suspension system comprising a pair of upright ‘girders’ attached to the front wheel spindle which move on rocker arms attached to the steering yokes. never, ever, to be written as Gixxer.

GOLD STAR – exquisite BSA singles in 350 and 500 capacity that were among the fastest bikes of their age (the 1950s). These days they’re very desirable, and go for house price money.

GOLD WING – Honda’s biggest, flashiest

and most-equipped two-wheeler, considered by many to be the closest that a motorcycle has ever come to being a house.

GOOSENECK – a frame style whereby the steering stem is moved further forward by extending the frame rails, in a way reminiscent of the neck of a goose.

GRAB-RAIL – a bar or handle attached behind or to the sides of the pillion seat to give a passenger something (other than the rider) to hold on to.

GREASER – very 1970s term for a biker.

GREEN-LANING – popular pastime whereby you ride road-legal off-road motorcycles along unmade roads and, invariably, hurt yourself.

GRINDER – rotary abrasive tool that’s essential for any custom biker… as are plasters, and the address of the nearest A&E. Also a dating website for gentlemen who like each other’s company.

GROM – very cool-looking, very small 125

Honda that’s rapidly taking over from the Cub as the small Honda to customise as there are a huge number of accessories out there for it.

GROUND CLEARANCE – self-explanatory

phrase regarding the distance between the underside of a motorcycle (sump, frame rails, footpegs, exhaust, etc.) and the road surface, and something that’s endlessly argued about on Facebook forums.

GRUNT – an engine’s bottom end torque.

See also gas.

GS – model designation for both 1970s/80s

four-cylinder Suzukis, and BMW off-road flattwins like those famously ridden around the world by Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman.

GUDGEON PIN – the finely machined

hard steel pin that holds a piston on to the connecting rod.

GUSSET – a plate added to frames for increased strength that has the added bonus of also attracting schoolboy sniggering.

GYPSY TOUR – odd American term referring to a bike ride over several days stopping at a different venue each night.

LAWRENCE BELCHER

As you’ll’ve been made aware from the last three issues of BSH, at this year’s Motorcycle Live at Birmingham’s NEC in November, we’ll be having a number of artisans showing off the skills that they employ in the build of some ground-breaking custom motorcycles. The fourth and final of our invited artists at this year’s Custom Heroes segment of the show is Lawrence Belcher, of XIII Pinstriping & Traditional Signpainting.

Like all of our other guest artists, Lawrence is self-taught in his preferred medium, having started painting in 2007, with absolutely no formal training whatsoever – just a focused drive on doing something that really appealed to him. His initial interest in pin-striping came from a love of custom cars and bikes (his first job was actually a 1959 Ford pick-up) but, like so many specialist artists, it wasn’t long before a little

diversification came into play, and within a couple of years his portfolio’d expanded into traditional signpainting and lettering.

Since then, aside from the more commonly known items associated with pin-striping (custom bikes, cars and trucks), he’s painted so many different things; wheel chairs, wall of death bikes, steam-powered traction engines, shop fronts, bowling pins and surf boards to name but a few. While he’s based in Nottingham, he travels around the country for shows and gatherings, including the Vintage Hot Rod meeting at Pendine in South Wales and Kustom Kulture Blast Off in Lincoln.

He’s also worked on projects with companies that you might not automatically assume have a link to pin-striping: Cornishware (who make ceramic bowls, mugs and plates), the Original Surf Board Company (whose products are pretty much self-explanatory – the traditional British wooden surf boards first became popular in the 1930s, and are now made in Cornwall), and MMW (a high-end surf and clothing specialist based in Newquay). He reports that, since he first started out 12 years ago, the scene’s changed a lot – it used to be people who knew what it was, asking for original-styled hot-rod stuff (like his inspirations, Kenny ‘Von Dutch’ Howard and Tommy the Greek), but now people see him at shows, having never seen pin-striping being done before, and normally give him free rein on their projects.

To give an idea of how highly he’s regarded in the custom car world, he was recently invited to work at a show orchestrated by veteran American ‘kar kustomiser’ George Barris (creator of the original Batmobile and the vehicles used in The Munsters) who, as he was looking at Lawrence’s work, said: “You’re going to be the next Von Dutch, just don’t drink too much!”

Lawrence Belcher, XIII Pinstriping & Traditional Signpainting, can be found on Facebook and Instagram, or via email at xiiipinstriping@hotmail. co.uk or by traditional means on 07786 163421.

RESURG GENCE WARRIO OR JEANS PRODUCTS

S&S EARLY SHOVELHEADSTYLE ENGINES

The legendary generator Shovelhead engine was only made by the Motor Company for four years (1966-1969) and today is very rare. This version by S&S (74 cubic inches or 1200cc) combines authentic retro style with today’s technology for thousands of troublefree miles. It has bullet-proof steel flywheels, reinforced connecting rods, a billet oil pump, billet rocker boxes, roller rocker arms, internal oilways in the pushrods, and a higher lift cam for better performance. Crankcases, cylinder heads and the gear cover have a cast finish, cylinders are powder-coated black, and the rocker boxes are polished.

It comes without an intake manifold, carburettor or ignition, so you can choose whateve er se eems appropriate for your needs, and you can get one from anywhere that sttocks the W&W W Cycles range – check out www.wwag.com for more information.

These Warrior Selvedge e jeans are the lightest jeans utilising PEKEV protective fabric, and are designed to be lightweight, strong and comfortable. The fabric’s durable against bleach, UV, heat, moisture, detergents and ionic enzyme washing, and there’s a wicking comfort inner mesh, and heightadjustable knee and hip p armour pockets.

Available in men’s and d women’s styles (men’s waist 28-44, women’s 6-18), they cost £169 from anywhere that stocks the Resurgence range – go to www. resurgencegear.net to find your nearest place.

ELEVEIT T VERSUS BOOTS S Italian firm Eleveit has takken all its top protection and fitting g tech, and made a new ankle bo oot – the Versus. Starting with a full grain leather outer, they’ve add ded armoured sections in the ankles and toes, super-rig gid torsionally-stiff soles, pate ented Freelock one-touch laces that make the boots fast and easy to get on and off, an n E-Dry breathable waterprroof membrane and comfort mesh liner, and a classically understated black/white colour scheme with red highlights.

Available in sizes 7-14, they cost £159.99 from anywhere that stocks the Eleveit range – go to www.tri-motive.com to find your nearest stockist.

SPADA RIGGER JEANS

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These new jeans from Spada are made from Cordura, but with a Selvedge finish to the inner lower seams, an nd have Coolm max technology for year-round comfort, a 100% polyess ter micro-mesh fixed lining, a water-re e pellent treattment that keeps lighter showers out, reinfforced 100% Aramid fibre at impacc t poiints to keep you safe, a YKK antiq que bra as s zipper, and CE-approved knee arm mour.

Available in both short an nd re egular leg lengths, and in sizes 30-40, they costt just £13 39.99 from anywhere that sto ocks the Spada rang g e or ww w w.spadaclothing.co o.uk NOVEMBER 2019

KEIS LADIES HEATED BODYWARMER This heated bodywarmer, as designed and cut for ladies, ha heating panels at the front and d back to deliver warmth to the body’s core, and the collar’s allso heated to keep your neck warm m too (as it’s often more exposed d in the gap between helmet and jacket). It comes with everythin ng needed to run direct from the motorcycle’s 12v battery (current draw is only 1.5A so it won’t overload the charging system) or, alternatively, it can be powered by a rechargeable e portable battery pack (sold as an optional extra) for use anywhere, anytime.

The Keis B510W comes in sizes 6-16 and retails at £150, while the optional portable rechargeable battery packs se ell from £49. For details of the fu ull range of Keis heated clothing, visit www.keisapparel.co.uk or call 01256 704909.

MAD STAINLESS EXHAUST PIPES

Hand-crafted in the Netherlands from stainless steel tubing in precisionbuild moulds, these custom exhaust pipes are more a work of art than "just another exhaust". They come in raw stainless with welds as you see them on race bikes, and you can add your own baffles or mufflers, or use them as they come for the track or show.

They’re available now from your local Zodiac dealer – go to www. zodiac.nl/dealers to find your nearest one.

BYCITY WAXED CO OTTON LONDON JACKET

The Lon ndon is another stylish motorcycle jacket from ByCityy, and is made to CE EN17092 certification, in a waxed d cotton, with a removable warm liner, multiple pockets, a Hipora internal waterproof membrane, arm ket mour in the shoulders and elbows, and a pocket fo or a removable back protector.

Available in black, blue or XL, it green, and in sizes XS–4X costs £275 from anywherre that stocks the ByCity range – go to www. dot4distribution.com to find your nearest place.

SPA ADA A DAR RK K STA STAR CARB BON HELM MET

This very nice, fully carbon fibre open-face helmet h has a cho oice of black ‘n’ tan lining g or black ‘n’ red, is incre edibly light and strong as it’s carbon fibrre, and has a quickk-release bucckle to make it easy to get on an nd off.

Avvailable in size es XS-2XL, it costs just £159.99 from anywhere that stockks the Spada a range or www w.spadaclot hing.co.uk

OXFORD SUPER MUFFS

Ideal for winter riding, the Oxford Super Muffs (stop sniggering) protect your hands from the wind and rain, and are warm, waterproof and windproof.

They’re specially designed for nonsnag operation of control levers, have pre-formed openings for easy access, are made from heavy-duty polyester fabric, reflective piping for increased visibility to other road users, and are a universal design that fits the majority of motorcycles.

They cost just £39.99 from anywhere that stocks the Oxford Products range or www.oxfordproducts.com

SW-MOTECH SOFTAIL BAGS

SW-MOTECH has developed d two new side ide b bags, the LH1 and the LH2, exclusively for the current H-D Softails, and they combine the low weight of a saddlebag with the high form stability of a case. Both bags offer a total of 45 litres of storage for your luggage (25.5 on the left and 19.5 on the right), with easy-to-clean ABS plastic and reinforced sides (to protect the contents from damage), quick-release mountings, handles and locks to prevent theft of the bags or the contents.

The bags are available individually or as a set with the corresponding SLH carriers, and fit almost all 2018/19 Softail models (check before purchase).

Get more info from www.sw-motechshop.co.uk

Need to agree, or even disagree, with something you’ve seen in the mag? Heard a bloody awful joke you think we should groan at? Email nik@ backstreetheroes. com or send it snailmail to the address in the front (somewhere) of the mag!

I wonder if you can help me out please? I’m looking to find my old lowrider/dragbike, called ‘The Howling’, featured in BSH in the ’90s. The registration is Q999 FVT, and it’s SORN’d. I’ve posted on various websites and people remember the bike, but no luck so far in finding the owner.

I’ve attached a pic of the bike from when I was racing it, would you be able to post this up on the BSH website and print it in the magazine?

DAVE FRIEND If anyone can help Dave find his bike, please drop me an email to the address in the front of the mag and I’ll pass the info on to him. N.

I wonder how many geezers and the female variety every month look forward to the very next coming edition of Back Street Heroes, and give thanks to this magazine that’s nothing more than second to none? I, for one, wait with bated breath in anticipation for the unknown mystery motorcycle to hit the front cover, along with those tender little female chickens that when photographed in their wee bikini alongside a Flying Banana (Francis Barnett) can make this old rattle box look not too dissimilar to a Vincent Black Shadow.

And so it came to pass! Back Street Heroes issue 425, September 2019.

What the f**k is that on the front cover? Who am I to give judgment on a motorcycle that someone’s taken pains to design in their dinner time for someone to love and cherish.

Eee by gum! It takes all sorts, I’m thinking, as I turn the pages to read and digest all that’s on offer in this wonderful magazine this month and, lo and behold, I get to page 98, and ‘goodness gracious me,’ a cack-handed female with a gently held screwdriver

10

NOVEMBER 2019

tightening up the last screw before bombing off down the road in her safety bikini! And I think the bike was a Garelli?

Anyhow! With the smile still on my mug I turn to page 100, and my worst nightmare hits me smack in my peepers – for some unknown reason BSH has printed a photograph of some hairyarsed, brown-eyed monster crashed out on his beer gut. Now! The point is here, you have printed this pornographic filth for all to experience in the process of projectile vomiting, and if this is not nipped in the balls right away, what will follow in future editions? A full frontal of the male gender in sweaty soiled spuds with a chipolata of the cheese and onion variety? Or will it be the old tramp dress up with Y-fronts and string vest coated in a yellow crust? I pray that this will never be shown in all its filth and horror!

NINO HOBLYN

Ex. 2nd Battalion Coldstream Guards Slightly concerned, Nino, that you looked closely enough at a photo of a bare-arsed man to see the colour of his eyes… N.

Yayyy! I’ve been out on me bike! A BSH reader out on a bike, so what’s new?

You’ll be posting pics of your lunch next!

Ah, but you don’t understand – it’d been 18 weeks of health-imposed withdrawal from my only form of transport, during what turned out to be the best weather of the year so far. My bike’s something I’ve loved with a passion for 51 years now, and to say I was missing it is… no, understatement is still too small a word, and ‘stir crazy’ doesn’t begin to cover this caged emotion. Strewth, if Jeremy Kyle’d still been on I’d have broken my duck and watched an episode – I was THAT bored!

The doc’d given me the all-clear to start riding again, but that was a week ago and something was still holding me back, and I’ve learnt to listen to some of those nagging doubts over the years as they’ve saved me many a time. The day had started badly, as many seem to when you’ve passed a certain age, especially if you’ve only ever ridden bikes – the kind of day where the only joints that work are the ones in your ashtray (you younger ones, it will come to you) – but today was going to be THE day. ‘D-Day’ literally.

Everybody gets down sometimes, but for me a playlist of my favourite tracks played at a ‘suitable’ volume would always lead the ‘Black Dog’ astray. Once you’re deaf though it’s no longer an option. These days, my only cure is riding my bike, an avenue that’d been denied me now for months. My wife was now the ‘Lighthouse keeper to a shipwrecked heart’ – I HAD to get back out there.

After a half century of experience with bikes I couldn’t believe the degree of nerves that were now gripping me. There was nothing else for it, I just bit the bullet and gingerly backed the bike out on to the road. However, not being ginger I didn’t have the fire of Prometheus coursing through my veins this day. Trust me I wished I had, but maybe nerves are a good thing? Like the nerves on my first date with Lori, my wife, even at the ripe old age of 48 ’cos I knew I was punching above my weight... still, been together 15 years now so something must be right!

But I digress, anxious, see, why am I still so loath to turn the key?

With no real idea where I was going, I set off and turned the first corner. “There was nowhere to go but everywhere, so... just keep on rolling under the Stars Sun” (apologies to J Kerouac).

After about 15 minutes of riding, I was starting a dalliance with 50mph! “Be still my beating heart,” embarrassing isn’t it, but in the first five minutes I’d been positioning myself totally wrong, and even forgot an all-important ‘life saver’ at one point, riding with tight shoulders, and a broom handle up me arse, so I was being somewhat cautious.

And so, it’s come to this; from someone who’d frequently hoon about on his derestricted Triumph Rocket 3 (which I still have), throwing it about around twisting country lanes with gay abandon (can you still say that?) just for the hell of it, to pootling about on an NC750 Honda at 50mph. Next stop, Honda step-thru if I don’t get a f**king grip!

Time for a fag break perhaps and rally the troops, a ‘Touch of Harry in the Night’. Whether it was the coffee at the roadside greasy spoon I’d stopped at or my own personal mind-meld with my former self over a fag, it did the trick.

Back on the bike I was soon pushing myself into corners and reaching the dizzy heights of 70/75mph, which was fine for the road I was on and a ‘first’ trip out. I’d put on weight in my months of confinement, but now I was finally starting to ride as one with my bike, and it was the lightest I’d felt in a long time. I can relax a bit more now, winding through country lanes, identifying crops from my days in horticulture by sight and smell, even the odour from the last

group of dolorous cows I passed seemed welcoming. I was IN the picture once more – the world no longer framed by my wife’s RAV4 windscreen.

My penchant for always wishing to experience every element of a bike trip was once contested in court. I was successfully claiming (£5.2k boosted from £4.5k by the judge ’cos the solicitor pissed me about so much) for damage incurred by a huge pothole – the council’s floundering defending solicitor argued that if I’d taken the most direct route that day we wouldn’t be here having this conversation. When I explained that my journey took me past the flower boxes on the central railings for over a mile, all of them at nose height, then on through an estate alongside an industrial bakery after which I’d ride with the smell of freshly baked bread in my nostrils, they looked at me like my dog had just sh*t in his slippers – obviously, the very idea that someone should choose anything but the most direct route didn’t fully compute?

But that’s what it’s all about; as many have said before, it’s more about the journey, not the destination, even though I was going to work… maybe especially as I was going to work. It’s quite a morale boost, let me tell you, to represent yourself in court against a legally trained bod and win. Don’t be afraid to do it – just do your research thoroughly and never let them intimidate you.

The preparation for my ride had focused a spotlight on the passage of time (like scrolling back to your birth year on an online form). Gone are the days of a toothbrush, tool-roll, and patting your pocket for your wallet/keys (and that was it for long trips on the bike), those’ve faded fast, along with my reasons for starting this paragraph… oh yes, I know.

Now it’s pill trays, appliances, notes to self, AA cover, and mobile phones.

Getting old can be a bastard some days, but many of my heroes (Hendrix, Lynott, Healey, Stevie Ray, Rory, Bill Hicks) never got that chance so every day is a privilege, and I take my problems and bury them deep behind the smile that riding my bike produces, smothering a tedious litany of medications and appliances for an ever-growing list of ills that ensures I have three times as many MoTs per year as my bike!

But it’s all good. Fortunately, my ‘f**k it’ attitude has grown exponentially with it. However, having had my internal sat-nav jarred a few times, I think it’s safe to say I may have one or two ‘dry joints’ in its processor, so I’ve finally relented and upgraded from the oldschool list of place names taped to the tank to a modern box of tricks. Devils Dyke, which I’d logged into it at the last fag, was now looming into view as the familiar chequered flag icon. Time for my next pic…

I always try to remember to take photos on all my trips now. My epilepsy (gained via the dubious skills of a mobile phone-using car driver) has blessed me with a shocking memory, and if I didn’t take pics my nocturnal seizures would erase my memories, and “All those moments will be lost in time... like tears in rain. Time to Die LIVE!” (RIP Rutger Hauer).

Even after all these years I still go out with an open mind, always hoping that I’ll have an unmolested ride, how many of us still have the temerity to expect that? And as I’ve woken up a few times counting the ceiling tiles in ICU while high on morphine, I realise I may be eternally optimistic. Today, though, was turning into a great day – an unmediated peaceful journey through the Sussex countryside, temporarily free from the exigencies of the modern world, all under a ‘Simpsons’ sky. I was thoroughly starting to enjoy it now; I’d missed so many different aspects; the sunny weather, the sticking-together, the battle scars, the laughing at cars, the dash for chips, planning the big trips, being acknowledged once more with a nod or

No doubt the story of cyclist Rob Hazeldean’s clash with a pedestrian has dropped into one of your news feeds at some point over these last few months?

Judge Shanti Mauger awarded phone-using yoga teacher Gemma Brushett £4K+ in damages, plus legal costs, after she wandered like a ‘lost dog’ into his path, quickly converting her into a ‘downward dog’. The usual tired FB comments followed on when it appeared; “Should’ve killed the bitch” (most probably from a sunny Sunday Harley-riding estate agent dressed in his SOA ‘cut’ he got off eBay/Gumtree). Some took the opposite (and just as predictable) tack; “F**king shit cyclists shouldn’t even be on the road, f**k them all!” said retired accountant Aubrey (45), obviously still tired from his arduous 10-mile motorcycle ride to the nearest wine bar on his £55k Brough.

Many seemed to miss a few obvious points, namely that, like it or not, cyclists are allowed on our roads regardless of how many times you like/share some half-arsed FB meme to the contrary. Okay, if my memory still serves me right, the original riding two abreast campaign was to allow parents to legally chaperone their kids (highly laudable as I’m sure you’d agree).

Now admittedly some cyclists do seriously take the piss and don’t adhere to even their own association guidelines on when to resume single file, but then, quite often neither do we!

So why the overly macho FB comments/ reaction? “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” Who knows what they’re compensating for? Plus, after all, they’re still also somebody’s son/daughter/mum/dad… assuming

a wave, once again i part off this hi ‘club’ ‘ l b’ we pay no dues to, whose membership features the camaraderie that’s universally acknowledged (or should be) as soon as you throw your leg over your bike/trike.

For those that don’t get it about riding as we do, no amount of lengthy explanation’ll make a difference. That feeling when it just flows, eyes on the vanishing points, waiting for the visible apex, old adages subconsciously filtering through. Slow in, fast out, look O.U.T (Over Under & Through all obstacles), and all your braking and acceleration points are just spot on through a series of testing bends, never ‘surprising your tyres’, and when it goes right it’s just so... oh, I don’t know – “If I have to explain you wouldn’t understand.”

After a few minutes back in the saddle on this second stage, all my aches, pains and limitations are a distant memory, and I’m 20 again… okay 40, I’ll settle for that!

After about 50 miles, though, my focus was waning, parts were aching, and my only ‘vanishing point’ now was a rapidly decreasing ability to concentrate. I was obviously not fully fighting fit yet. Time for another fag break I’d say. Standing next to my trusty steed by a Little Thief I realised I’d perhaps been a little over-zealous with the WD40 as she’d been laid up for a while – my engine was now very hot and ticking after that last blast, with the essence of cooked WD now reminiscent of my childhood thumbnail after setting off caps. Perhaps this is a two-coffee stop after all.

Over the last few miles I’d been doing a wicked Lee Marvin impression but, sadly, Ben Rumson in Paint your Wagon rather than Chino from The Wild One, time to stop meandering and focus this particular ‘Wandering Star’. Somewhere in the recesses

they can still reproduce after years encased in Lycra, but the main thing, surely, is the judge has now set a precedent – her judgment will now most probably be referred to by solicitors in future cases as Brushett v Hazeldean, and it could be you they’ve aimlessly staggered in front of. Forget cyclists – there you are, legally doing 30mph (44ft per second), with your third of a tonne of metal/rubber and they launch themselves off the pavement like a suicidal lemming, and you send them clattering up the road like a ninepin because they can’t be arsed to look up!

Those of us of a certain age will remember the Green Cross Code brought to us by our very own Daft Ada Dave Prowse (lovely chap, I met him once back in my weight-lifting days but, with his broad West Country accent as big as his shoulders, you could tell he was never destined to do the voice: “Pass the loight zaber there’s a love, I need to ’eat this pastie urp”); “Look left, look right and look left again.” It was drilled into us, wasn’t it, till we never got it wrong! How can a judge apportion blame today if none of the above is now being observed? Surely we all have a duty of care to look out for ourselves regardless of the role we’re currently playing, be that biker (motorised or push) or pedestrian?

Judge Mauger stated: “We must be prepared at all times for people to behave in unexpected ways” and, as we all know, that is SO true, especially for us bikers. Surely at times, though, the opposite is true, and we could expect people to behave in some predetermined ways via the teachings of their childhood? With the silence of electric vehicles, the judgment will become even

afl flypast at I could ld recallll something hi about b Beachy Head. That’s it, time to point the Bridgestones at the briny.

Now much more confident I arrived at Beachy while the flypast crews were still getting their boots on so I dropped down into the usually quiet town of Eastbourne first. Normally sleepy, but now very awake and standing so much to attention on this military occasion – it must have only just woken up! The Belgian Cafe, with American and Canadian servicemen filling the pavement tables, resplendent in both their own and their deceased relatives’ medals, it was a sight to behold. I spoke to them about their visit and their memories. It was a close call between my pride in them for their service, but also their pride in their voices when describing events, plus the way in which we treat them when they come over.

They said it made them feel very humble.

That, sir, is a two-way street!

Back up at The Head, this time rammed with a variety of bikes and cars and the people to match. The trendy bikers approached me first, anxious to tell me the cost of everything it seems – most importantly the £3k paint job on their brand-new Harley.

Remember when we did it all on a shoestring?

Each frayed hole in our jeans was hard-fought and earned, they had to last because we couldn’t afford any more… well, not and put fuel and oil in the bike as well. (Unlike the carefully stylised jeans of today with their very specific holes oh so coincidentally lining up with that very recent tattoo!) Pretty soon they were talking in bumper sticker platitudes so, detecting a ‘momentary lapse of frisson’, I made my excuses and found some good old boys to chew the fat with. Bugger me if that didn’t look like my sister over there gassing to someone. I hadn’t realised that the Custom

more relevant, and perhaps they should start loading horrific ‘tobacco industry’-style accident imagery on to phones to remind users of their obligations?

The enthusiasm that greeted Rob’s case, probably partially down to its novelty value (I believe he ended up with an excess that he’s donating to Action Aid), may be difficult to reproduce in the future. I would imagine that the sympathy engendered towards us bikers in forthcoming cases may be considerably less than the average FB birthday fundraiser. We may end up having to flog the bike while the likes of ‘Aubrey’ may just have to cut back on his favourite aubergine toasties and macchiato.

It could be any one of us and if judges are going to start awarding damages to mesmerised mobile users who’re not looking out for themselves then I, for one, will be spending some time at Her Majesty’s Pleasure for non-payment of fines. I’m certainly not going to be paying ANY costs! On the plus side, my winter heating bills’ll be less – winter in Parkhurst… I quite like the Isle of Wight, and the good thing is both my hips are shagged so there’ll be no looking for soap in the showers.

Plus I quite like porridge!

KEITH The best letter each issue will now receive a free T-shirt from those lovely people, Laura and Mark, at Fat Maggot T-Shirts (www.fatmaggot.com) – get all your rally shirts etc. from them, they’re triffic!

Cafe on F Facebook C f meet that h I’d read d about b b k some time back included a run to Beachy Head, and my sis’ and her mate were on it – love it when life throws such a welcome and unexpected happenstance at you. ‘I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I’ve ended up where I need to be,’ Douglas Adams.

My lil sis’, normally a V-Max rider, but today resuming her role in the ‘Camel Toe Crew’ with her mate Jan (sometimes also known as the Stunt C**t, depending on how alcoholically ‘tired’ Jan is) as they resume the task of covering as much of the UK as possible on Jan’s trusty BMW Outfit ‘The Red Lady’ – from the ‘simmer dim’ in Shetland to Chaos in Guernsey (although it probably wasn’t chaotic till they got there), and many ports in between, while Sis’s slightly tired ‘Max (an old lady of ’85 vintage) now lingers under the revitalising magic wand of Mr ’Arris down at Attitude. Looks like I’d now have a welcome pacemaker for my journey home.

“What? Another bloody medical appliance!”

I swear my bike’s a time machine; in one decent day it’s taken years off me, and it’s funny how it also always seems to make the return journeys shorter. Maybe we’re turning the throttle just a little more? I don’t know, anxious to get home to loved ones maybe?

“And every stranger’s face I see reminds me that I long to be… Homeward Bound.”

My disabilities’ve severely reduced my income so all these years later I’m still biking, but on a shoestring – ‘Money can’t buy life,’ only our experiences fulfil it. And with that thought Mr Marley’s last words kick started Redemption Song as my earworm for the last part of my journey home with Jan and Lisa leading the way. “None but ourselves… can freeee our minds.”

When I finished my ride, it’d started

raining i i and d I was soaked k d through, h h but b as my old mate Shaun’d say: “We’re not made of sugar” – so did I care? After a ‘back on the horse’ round trip of 134 miles, it’s safe to say the rider rust had almost been polished out.

Lisa and Jan’d stayed with me, rolling all the way to my front door, concerned for her big bro’. Lil sis’ was probably aware that this old fart might not be able to get back off his bike unaided, but I did, returning completely chilled where, only hours earlier, I’d been so on edge. “I went out with my demons inside and returned home with a feeling of absolute peace in my heart,” (Tam Reid, West Fife MCC).

At the house the torch on my phone flashed (can’t hear the pings); brilliant news that an old friend’s cancer scans had come back clear this time. Suddenly, a trip that had started with the storm clouds of apprehension had finished on a rainbow!

Wishing you all the best for the future, Goose – the way you’ve faced your battle has been an inspiration to everyone that knows you, a lesson for us all to never take anything (not even bike rides) for granted. I’m on a threeyearly reviewed licence as it is; don’t know what I’ll do when they finally rescind it. Days like this will be history so savour even the smallest experiences, a moment’s apricity on a bitter winter ride, cupping your unfeeling hands around the gratifying hot coffee at the roadside burger bar, swapping stories with the other riders as you bolster each other up for the journey home. Drink it all in!

It may not have been on a par with Kerouac’s journey, but at least I was back ‘On the Road’ and there’s always tomorrow now that the old me was back...

Take care.

NOVEMBER 2019

KEITH 11

WORDS: DAVE MANNING PICS: GARRY STUART

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NOVEMBER 2019

WHILE THERE’S SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL ABOUT SHOW-WINNING CHOPS THAT’VE HAD UMPTEEN DAYS SPENT JUST ON CAREFUL DESIGN, AND WEEKS, NAY MONTHS, OF WORK FINISHING DETAILS AND PREPARING FOR PAINT AND POLISHING, THERE’S SOMETHING INTRINSICALLY COOL ABOUT A WELLPROPORTIONED CHOP THAT’S BEEN BUILT TO RIDE, AND USED CORRESPONDINGLY.

NOVEMBER 2019

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ouie Hartley at Death Grip Custom Cycles in Middlesbrough is no stranger to the infinitesimally fine attention to detail required for an internationally recognised show-winning chopper (witness the ‘Final Farewell’ a couple of issues ago, and the stunning purple Pan that he and his father took to Born Free in California in 2017, featured last year), and he’s also more than capable of building a usable, good-looking chopper that can be righteously blasted along the highways and byways of our septic isle without care nor fret about whether the expensive paint’s being damaged or the polishing’s getting jaded by road dirt and moisture.

L

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NOVEMBER 2019

Get the stance right, and use the right components in the right places, and the actual finish, the amount of paint, powder and polish, can almost become irrelevant. Note that I said almost, but the most important part of the build of a chopper is getting the stance right – the balance of proportions; the clean lines flowing from headstock to rear wheel spindle, from the top of the ’bars to the tip of the forks, ensuring that none of the ancillary parts (tank, seat, pipes etc.) foul any of the lines and are conducive to the whole. Get that right, and the rest just follows… and, as you can see here, Louie nailed it.

He got hold of the original bike, a 1959 Panhead, from a hot rod guy down in Oxford with the plan being to flip it and, hopefully, make a couple of quid in the process. However, after a little bit of thought, the super ugly and really wide split fuel tanks, massive tractor seat and “weird as f**k” rear mudguard hurt his sensibilities so much that he just had to change them. The hardtail conversion also wasn’t especially pretty, although that’s something that’s a bit more involved to change, and the

fact that it also ran rougher than a panda’s posterior meant that it really needed a proper reworking, and that’d mean the Pan’d be a cool bike that’d run properly and look neat (and be a damn sight easier to sell on!).

While many of the parts that came with it were of uncertain origin, like many serial bike builders Louie has a comprehensive stock of cool chopper parts, and all the bits that needed to go would have replacements sat ready to be fitted… after a certain amount of persuading, of course. While he’s very keen to point out that this wasn’t really a Death Grip build, he’s probably understating the fact that he’s turned an ugly old shonker into something that stands out, and it wasn’t just a case of swapping bits over – it never is!

NOVEMBER 2019

15

| ENGINE: 1959 H-D Panhead, S&S Super E carb with bell-mouth, Lockhart oil cooler, ’59 ratchet top transmission, oil pressure gauge, oneoff ’pipes | FRAME: 1959 H-D Panhead with hardtail conversion, unknown ’pegs/controls | FRONT END: Metzeler Marathon 21” tyre, 21” rim, H-D star hub/drum, ’40s WL forks, apehanger ’bars, dog bone risers | REAR END: 16” rim, hydraulic drum brake, 16” Metzeler Marathon tyre | BODYWORK: Low tunnel Sportster tank, horseshoe oil tank, arrowhead seat, modified rear mudguard | ELECTRICS: Bates headlight, Sparto tail-light, minimal wiring loom | PAINT: Black by Death Grip Custom Cycles | POLISHING: Very little ENGINEERING: Death Grip Custom Cycles (07487 642212 or www.deathgripcustomcycles. co.uk) THANKS TO: “All of the Death Grip family...” |

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NOVEMBER 2019

While the hardtailed frame (it would originally’ve been a twin shock), WL forks, and wheels, were with the bike as it came, he fitted the low tunnel Sportster fuel tank, the rear mudguard with its neat tubular supports, and then an arrowhead seat very reminiscent of what was available over the counter of the (very few) chop shops that were around in the late Seventies and early Eighties.

As mentioned, the engine wasn’t operating exactly how Messrs Harley and Davidson’d intended and so required some attention. Much of that was down to simple servicing and setting up, although the inlet side was fitted with an S&S Shorty Super E carb with short bell-mouth and gauze to prevent any children or small animals from being ingested. At the other end of the four-stroke process, a set of indeterminate headers were mated to a pair of tulip silencers, mounted at a jaunty angle. And with the components blown over with quick-and-easy black, the wiring sorted where necessary, and the fluid hoses fitted and checked (including the aftermarket oil cooler, something of a rarity on older HDs), the old Pan was ready to rock and roll once more.

The end result is a bike that’s clearly been shown some life, yet is also a deeply desirable, and very cool, machine that’s ready to clock up plenty of miles, creating adventures and tales for its new owner. Whoever picked it up from Death Grip is a lucky soul indeed…

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