Back Street Heroes - July 2019 - Preview

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JULY 2019

ISSUE 423

UK OFFSALE DATE: 04/07/19

accessories

clothing

34: XS650

gorgeous chop with a political message

40: BUM IN THE MUD RALLY

14: 4 PANHEAD DIGGER I

the East Anglian season opener

the e cover bike in all its glory!

44: S&S PAN

beautiful proper chopper!

20: 0 MATT BLACK RAT A SPRING MEET E

48: PANTHER

the e last spring gathering of the ratt bike clans?

well, it isn’t really, read on and find out why not…

4 COVENTRY 24: A EAGLE

52: BMAD FESTIVAL

quite, quite stunning w reworked (very!) d Brit! old

multitudes by the seaside!

56: H-D SPORTSTER

0 SO LOW 30: H CHOPPERS P OPEN DAY

pimping in the Emerald Isle

it might’ve rained, but it was still unspeakably cool

66: FJ RAT

north-eastern and proper tough!

70: CRUISING TO CROATIA

the last part of our epic road trip

6: NEWS all that’s new and happening in the custom bike world 8: PRODUCTS loads of good stuff for you to spend your hard-earned on 12: LETTERS sound off, one, two, sound off, three, four!

62: CENTRESPREAD an artistic poster for you to put on yer wall 64: SUBSCRIBE TO BSH see here for the best subscription offers 74: KATANA PROJECT reworking the frame at this late juncture?!?

78: TECH BSH’s resident spanner monkey twirls his implements… fnurk

100: JIM FOGG FICTION another of the master’s excellent works

82: MR BRIDGES the guru imparts more of his knowledge of mechanics

106: READERS’ LIVES three pages of your pics... and our silly captions

86: MAG NEWS our regular column by the MAG chairnon genderspecificperson

109: EVENTS your essential guide to the best rallies, shows and parties

88: BSH CUSTOM CHAMPS 2019 the winners from BITM and BMAD!

120: SMALLS sell your bike here for free!

92: THE BIZ another interview with a leading figure in the custom world 96: (ALMOST) A ROADTEST the new Enfield Himalayan

121: NEXT MONTH just to whet your appetite…

122: RICK HULSE the musings of one of the most eloquent thinkers in bikerdom

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BE PART OF THE BACKSTREETHEROES COMMUNITY

JULY 2019

3

editor:

NIK SAMSON

nik@backstreetheroes.com

I know that as we grow older these things are going to become a more regular occurrence, that it’s part of the inevitability of ageing, but it’s made me think. One of my great literary heroes, Sir Terry Pratchett, once said: “A man is not dead while his name is still spoken,” and I like to think that that’s true; that while a friend may be gone physically from our lives, they’re still part of them in some way if we remember them. Take the late, great Jim Fogg, whose fiction we’ve been re-running in the mag for a few issues now; I never knew him personally, but through reading his stories all those years ago I felt a kinship, a form of camaraderie, with him, and re-reading them all these years later evokes a kind of fond, but slightly melancholy, feeling – a regretful sadness that someone who was important to me, although I never actually met the man, has gone, but as long as I, you or someone remembers him with fondness he’ll never be truly gone. No, we may not get any new tales from a master story-teller, and that’s a tragedy in itself, but we still have the ones he did write – we can still hear his voice, y’ know?

The same can be said for Sir Terry too for a lot of folk; he was another master of the story-telling art who spoke with a voice that was at once so familiar and yet completely unknown, someone who, like Foggie, a lot of us grew up with, who was a familiar and constant companion through our formative years, and whose voice still lives on in his many books.

I’m talking about memories, I suppose – memories of those who are no longer with us, but who we look back at and remember fondly. As bikers we live a dangerous lifestyle, one in which you can, literally, be here one moment and gone the next, and I like to think that our proximity to death gives us an appreciation for life that perhaps others don’t have. Biker funerals, for instance, always seem, to me at least, to be more solemn affairs than other funerals are, and the sight of a line

And in the end that’s all we can ask for really, isn’t it? I don’t know about you, but when I go I don’t want a fuss – I don’t want wailing and gnashing of teeth, I don’t want a carriage drawn by magnificent black be-plumed horses, I don’t want a long eulogy going over my life. All I want is for someone to stand up in front of whoever’s turned up and say something like “He was alright… he wasn’t a twat… well, not all the time anyway”, and I’d like my friends to occasionally think of me and smile.

Yeah, that’d do me. ✱✱✱✱✱✱✱✱

Speaking of memories, the other night, as I often do, I put something on Facebook (other social media sites are available) about how I was struggling to come up with a subject for this editorial, and among the replies was one from a mate I haven’t seen in a good ten years or so, reminding me that I once wanted to write a column for another magazine, under a pseudonym, called ‘C**ts Who Come In My Shop’, based on some of the numpties who did, indeed, come into his (bike) shop.

He also reminded me of the guy who came in with, I believe, a largish (250cc? 350cc?) twostroke of some kind (it was back in the late ’90s, a long time ago), and announced that it wasn’t running properly. My mate had him fire it up and, indeed, it wasn’t running properly – it sounded a bit odd and, weirdly, smelt a little fragrant, a little flowery, too.

“Tell me what happened,” said said mate.

“Well”, said said numpty, “it was running okay, but I thought it might be a little coked-up so I put a bottle of Radox into the tank…”

07884 052003 staff writer:

DAVE MANNING

dave@backstreetheroes.com

Pic by Alex

of silent riders following their fallen brother or sister is one that always has a powerful effect on me, yet the gatherings/ wakes/parties/call-themwhat-you-wills that happen after are rarely sad – I usually find I leave with a smile on my face after reminiscing about the good times over the years we all had with the deceased. Yes, they are now gone, but as long as we who remain can say “’Ere, d’you remember when…” then they’re not completely gone, y’ know?

You’ll forgive me, I hope, if this month’s editorial is a little maudlin, a little sombre – I’ve just had the news that one old, old friend of mine passed away peacefully in his sleep recently, and that another’s been diagnosed with dementia and is slowly, but surely, forgetting himself and everyone around him as the days go by.

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rnichols@mortons.co.uk 01507 529357

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bmanning@mortons.co.uk subscription manager:

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DAN SAVAGE

commercial director:

NIGEL HOLE

freelance contributors:

PAM BARAUD, SIMON EVERETT, BEN JONES, ALAN WILSON PHOTOGRAPHY, GARRY STUART, ERIK STIGSSON, IAN SHIPLEY, POINTY HAT WIZARD FABS, MR BRIDGES, SELINA LAVENDER, STUART CHAPMAN, LAUREN RADWELL, JIM FOGG, LOUISE LIMB, RICK HULSE editorial address:

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Distribution by Marketforce UK Ltd, 5 Churchill Place, Canary Wharf, London E14 5HU. Tel: 0203 787 9001. Printed by William Gibbons and Sons, Wolverhampton. ISSN: 02679841. BSH is copyright to Mortons Media Ltd 2019 and all rights are reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted, in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage or retrieval system without prior permission in writing from the publisher.

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NEWS

DIRT DIGGERS #2 – THE SEQUEL Dirt Diggers #2 – The Sequel, the craziest grass-roots flat-track race meeting, will take place on Saturday, June 15 at

Scunthorpe Raceway in Lincolnshire, and will feature even more wacky racing, fun, frolics and general fabbiness this time around.

There are classes for just about everything, from choppers to mopeds, rat bikes to commuters, dirt bikes to scooters, juniors to pit bikes, flat track to vintage, and it promises to be a really good day out.

For more info go to their Facebook page (Dirt Diggers).

TRIUMPH BONNEVILLE T120 ACE

Triumph Motorcycles has teamed up with the iconic Ace Cafe to create a limited edition model of its Bonneville T120 that celebrates the original cafe racers.

The Bonneville T120 Ace, limited to 1400 bikes worldwide, will have special features including a unique matt Storm Grey paint job with a contrasting Ace Cafe stripe, dedicated Ace Cafe and Bonneville T120 graphics, and a host of unique technical specialities. It builds on the success of the Thruxton Ace produced in 2015, with a stripped-back and blacked-out take on the first generation of cafe racers, designed to echo the ‘head down, hold on’ teenage ethos of the day.

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JULY 2019

The Bonneville T120 Ace is now available to order from your local dealer. Get more info from www.triumphmotorcycles.co.uk

SPONSOR MEG TALBOT!

Meg Talbot from Evesham is the European Junior Drag Bike Champion at the age of just 13!

She started racing at eight, races a fully prepared Aprilia RS125, and has won a host of awards. She is/was the FIM European champion 2018, the Dutch champion 2017 and 2018, the FIM-E Hungary winner 2018, the FIM-E Hockenheim runner-up 2018, the FIM-E Euro Finals UK runner-up 2018, and the UK Summer Nationals runner-up 2018 too. However, due to a major sponsorship partnership coming to an abrupt end just a couple of weeks before the start of the race season, she now needs to raise funds/sponsorship in order to defend her title. Fundraising has started in earnest and the Valkyrie Bar in Evesham, owned

by Steve Richford, whose bike won ‘Best Paint’ in last year’s BSH Custom Championship, has dedicated its bike nights to raising funds and awareness for her, but she’s desperately looking for a major sponsor to help her through her season with race entries and travelling costs (smaller sponsors of perhaps tools, paintwork/airbrushing, parts, team clothing, etc. would also be very, very welcome).

To find out and/or help, follow her race team Rise Racing on Facebook.

HIMALAYAS

BY RICKSHAW

While the usual mode of transport for tourists in the Himalayas is by foot, The Adventurists have chosen a less conventional means of getting over 5000-metre mountain passes – rickshaws.

The Rickshaw Run Himalaya is now in its second year and offers a week-long Himalayan experience like no other. It starts in northern India, and follows the famous Leh-Manali Highway (although ‘Highway’ is a very loose term for the route you follow…) and Spiti Valley to finish around 650 miles later in the foothills of Shimla.

The Rickshaw Run Himalaya happens in September, and to find out more visit www. theadventurists.com

ROCK & BIKE FEST

This year’s Rock & Bike Fest will be held, as it usually is, at Carnfield Hall at South Normanton, near Alfreton in Derbyshire (DE55 2BE), over the weekend of July 11-13, and the big news, for a lot of old foge… err, older folk like me, is that they have the Macc Lads playing there!

They’ve also got Toyah, The Quireboys, Dr Feelgood, folk punkers Neck, Celtic rockers The Band From County Hell, and a host of tribute bands playing everything from AC/DC, Rainbow and Magnum to Tom Jones and Bon Jovi, a high-class custom show with good prizes, burlesque shows, a tattoo show, a fancy dress competition, camping, real ale, food and more.

Tickets cost £40 prebooked (£50 on the gate) from the website at www. rockandbikefest.co.uk – check out the ad on the inside back page for your ticket for a free Fireball shot and a chance to win a bottle of it in the on-site raffle with your ticket stub.

PRESCOTT BIKE FESTIVAL

The National Motorcyccle Museum is running its usual summer raffle, an nd this time it’s a 1977 Triu umph Trident T160V which’s never been run or registered, and is showing nine ‘push’ miles only!

There are second an nd third prizes too (a Sealey Retro-Style Combination Tool Chest worth £850, and a luxury hotel break and dinner for two at the Marco Pierre White Steakhouse in the Manor Hotel in Meriden).

Tickets cost £2 each and will be distributed via subscription copies of the specialist press, but you can also obtain them from the museum on 01675 444123 or www.thenmm.co.uk Good luck!

A brief, not too serious explanation of terms commonly used in the magazine. This month, the Cs: CAD – Computer-Aided Design, a modern way of designing motorcycle parts that doesn’t involve fag packets in any way, shape or form. Also a man who behaves dishonourably, especially towards a woman.

CAFE RACER – a bike lightened and tuned to make it faster between one transport cafe and another. There are two very definite styles these days: trad’ cafe racers as ridden by Rockers now and back in the day, and newstyle with over-sized tyres, no front mudguard, drab paint and hipster riders… perhaps they should be called ‘coffee racers’?

CANDY – no, not sweets (they’re called ‘sweets’), a vibrant paint (or powder-coat) finish accomplished by using a silver basecoat over which a translucent colour is applied.

CAPTAIN AMERICA – not the Marvel Comics superhero, the Panhead chopper ridden by Peter Fonda in Easy Rider.

CARBON FIBRE – space-age ultralight and ultra-strong material used to make components, although these days, no matter what the owner says, it’ll be a hydro-coated paint finish…

The new-look Prescott Bike Festival June 15-16 promises to be bigger and hotter than ever.

The event features the popular ‘Run the Hill’ where riders run the historic hillclimb course on a range of magnificent machines, and there will be paddock specials, celebrity guest appearances, thrilling passenger ride experiences, live rock bands and a large exhibitor zone featuring more than 100 stands. Kickback, the National Custom Show and UK Championships, also moves there, and displays custom and shed-built bikes, has categories including ‘Butchered Classic’ and ‘Young Builder’, and the winning bikes and builders have the opportunity to run their masterpieces up the hill after the awards ceremony.

All proceeds from the event will go to the Nationwide Association of Blood Bikes and Severn Freewheelers charities, which provide a free vital outof-hours medical transportation service to the NHS. The venue is the Prescott Hill Climb, Gotherington, Cheltenham, Gloucs (GL52 9RD), and you can get further information and tickets from www.prescottbikefestival.co.uk

WIN A TRIDENT!

GLOSSARY

CHAIR – slang term for a sidecar outfit, named after the additional seat that turns a traffic-friendly motorcycle into a luggage-hauling rain magnet.

CHICKEN STRIPS – the unworn portion of tread towards the edge of a tyre that denotes how hard a bike’s been ridden… or not.

CHOPPER – do we really need to tell you what a chopper is? Really?

CHURCH – compulsory club meetings, as referred to in the phrase ‘going to church’.

BSH WORDSEARCH WINNERS Congrats to the winners of the recent word search competition: Jason Tully of Gorebridge who wins a Bikers’ Paradise traditional leather waistcoat, Graham Stone of Farnborough who wins a BSH hoody, and Martin Wilson of Ashford who wins a set of Foldy Bowlz camping bowls.

Well done to all of them.

CLIP-ONS – handlebars that clamp on to fork legs, originally used on cafe racers to achieve racing crouch to allow them to emulate their racing heroes. Also used on certain styles of chopper these days too, which sounds odd, but looks cool.

CMA – Christian Motorcyclists’ Association, long-established group for Christians who ride bikes, also purveyors of the best tea on the rally circuit.

COLOURS – patches that designate club membership, as displayed on a cut-off.

CRUISER – a term coined in the late Eighties to describe a custom-styled factory-built bike (Yamaha Viragos, Honda Shadows, Suzuki Intruders, most stock Harleys).

CUT-OFF – a leather or denim jacket with the sleeves cut off (hence the name), worn over a leather jacket, ridiculously referred to as a ‘cut’ by those who’ve watched too much American TV.

BATES BAJA 100 TYRES AKASO PRODUCTS V50 PRO NATIVE ACTION CAMERA A Akaso, one of the leading ading action camera brands worldwide, has just launched the new V50 Pro Native 4K. It’s waterproof, has a touch screen, and an adjustable view angle, and provides clear and stable images. It’s compatible with external mic’s so videos can also record voices and noise for immersive viewing, and comes with two rechargeable 1100mAh batteries, chargers and a remote-control wristband so the battery will never run out at a crucial moment. Additionally, a variety of mounts are included in the box so there’ll be an option that will suit any user, no matter what.

Available from Amazon, the Akaso V50 Pro Native costs £119.99.

TORX HARRY HELMETS These E-approved open-face helmets with their built-in flip-up sun visor are great value for money. They have an ABS shell and a luxury soft removable and washable interior. They’re available in sizes XS to XL, and in matt black, Racer Black, Racer Orange, Black USA Flag, Black Union Jack, or Black Rising Sun, and from anywhere that stocks the Zodiac range or www.zodiac.nl

MOTORCYCLE STOREHOUSE CLOTHING & LIFESTYLE CATALOGUE The new Motorcycle Storehouse Clothing & Lifestyle catalogue is hing, helmets, out, and is fulll off clloth accessories and much more.

Internally referred to as ‘The FeelGood Catalogue’, iit h has close l to

MERLIN LICHFIIELD LEATHER JACK KET The Lichfield is a leather summer jacket with a cowhide outer with classic styling cues, a British tarta an weave lining, a removable therma al gilet, YKK antique zippers, Italian ‘Safetech’ armour at the shoulders and elbows and stunning design details.

Available in two colours, oxblood and black, and sizes 38” to 50”, it costs £299.99 from anywhere that stocks the Merlin range – check out www. merlinbikegear.com for details of your nearest place.

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JULY 2019

These Bates Baja tyres are on/off road tyres, suitable for scrambler, flat-track and retro chopper-styled bikes, and are capable of ample grip on the road with a tread pattern that’ll get you out of the deepest ruts off the road. The classic square section tyres are certified by German TÜV for speeds up to 190kph (120 0mph), h) and are availab ble for both front or re ear fitments.

Get more inffo from your local W&W Cycles dealer or www w. wwag.com

10,000 products on 770 pages.

Check the latest versio o n o n li n e a t www.motorcyclestorehouse.com or get a paper version from anywhere that stocks the Motorcycle Storehouse range.

BA ATES AGM MINI BATTERIES PRODUCTS S

WEISE TUNDRA JEANS

Tough riding jeans built for day-long comfort, the Weise Tundras feature e stretch denim construction, reinforrced with a 250g Aramid Fibre lining.

Double-stitched main seams offer added strength, and removable CE-approved knee armour comes as a standard (there are interior pocketts for additional CE-approved hip protectors, available separately for £12.99). £ Th hey have a classic fit with a semibo oot cut (a short leg version is also available), and they come in trraditional black or blue denim, in siizes S-4XL, and cost £99.99 from anywhere that sells the Weise range – ring 0117 9719200 or visit www. th hekeycollection.co.uk to find your ne earest place.

WEISE OUTLAW JACKET

The new Weise Outlaw retro textile jacket blends classic styling with thoroughly modern materials, protection and practicality. It has a tough 600 denier textile outer shell, removable CE-approved shoulder, elbow and back armour, a breathable, waterproof and windproof lining, a removable 120g quilted thermal liner, an adjustable Neoprene-trimmed collar, waist and cuffs (all secured with Velcro) and there are plenty of pockets, inside and out.

It retails at £149.99 in sizes S-3XL and comes in black or grey from anywhere that sells the Weise range – ring 0117 9719200 or visit www. thekeycollection. co.uk to find your nearest place.

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These reliable 12v, 7Ah batteries are suited for any bike with just a kick-starter, and are gel-filled which means theyy won’t spill or leak, and theyy can be insttalled in any posittion and loccation. Dimensionss are e 150mm by 65 5mm by 93mm.

Get more info from f your local W&W W Cycles dealer d or www. wwag.com w

OXFORD ORD STORMSEAL WATERPROOFS

prepared for the British summer Be p h these new waterproofs from with Oxfford Products. Available as separate over-jacket and trousers or as a one-piece, they’re made from a waterproof material and have a mesh liner, a foldaway hood and arm and wrist adjusters on the jacket, an adjustable waist, full length expansion zips and ankle adjustment on the trousers, and oth have water-resistant taped seams. bo hey cost £59.99 and £39.99 separately Th or £99.99 as a one-piece, and you can get them from anywhere that stocks he Oxford Products range – check out th www.oxfordproducts.com to find w your nearest place.

PUTOLINE TEXTILE PROOF & PROTECT This new textile protection spray is based on fluorinated polymers and has excellent water and dirt repellent properties, and doesn’t contain any silicones, waxes or Vaseline.

It forms an invisible barrier that’ll protect textiles from water and dirt, while keeping the technical properties of the sprayed materials intact, and it’s also suitable for many other textiles including tents, rucksacks and footwear.

It costs £10.99 from anywhere that stocks the Putoline range – ring 01778 349333 or visit www. putoline.co.uk to find your closest place.

Need to agree, or even disagree, with something you’ve seen in the mag? Heard a bloody awful joke you think we should groan at? Email nik@ backstreetheroes. com or send it snailmail to the address in the front (somewhere) of the mag!

Any Beatles fan will tell you that in February 1968 the Fab Four were in India in search of spiritual guidance. With them were Mike Love, of the Beach Boys, the actress Mia Farrow, and Donovan, and the person that they had come to see was the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.

Fast forward to 2019, it’s a glorious February day with blue sky and sunshine all the way. I’m riding in the Yorkshire Dales on my Sporty on deserted country lanes with only roadside daffs and snowdrops for company.

I’m making for a small market town as a cafe there serves good food. Also here are two charity shops and I always look in to see what CDs and DVDs they might have. Well, there’s nothing much here for me today except perhaps a collection of 1960s hits CD, featuring Petula Clark, The Troggs, The Bachelors and Donovan. I’m not really a ’60s fan except, of course, for those magical mystery dream weavers, The Beatles, but on this as-new CD, is Hurdy Gurdy Man by Donovan, and it’s one of the few ’60s hits I’ve always liked, and so I bought the CD, priced at 50p, for that one track.

Tanked up with grub from the cafe, and the CD in my backpack, I take the high road home; and it really is the high road. After a long, steep, winding climb, the road levels out and the view up here is fantastic. My Sporty is running bang-on in the clear air, and it just makes me smile – Cheshire Cats, ain’t it!

Up here too are short, stocky, rough-coated cattle, roaming free, and sometimes you have to ride around them as they take their ease on this single track road, but they’re always placid and good to see in this wild landscape.

Later that day, at home, I play the ’60s CD. Track three is Hurdy Gurdy Man and I’m instantly disappointed because it’s a live

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recording. Live recordings are not for me, but wait, the track is six minutes long and I stick with it and it turns out to be, well, magical. The song starts with Donovan strumming his acoustic guitar very quietly; everything about this rendition is quiet and calm. After a verse or two, Donovan still quietly strumming starts to talk to the audience.

He says: “When I wrote this song I was in India with four Beatles, one Beach Boy, and Mia Farrow. We were gathered together one day, sat crosslegged on the floor with the Maharishi in his bungalow. There was an embarrassing silence and John Lennon, being the wit and humorist, gets up and walks across to the Maharishi and pats him on the head and says ‘There’s a good guru.’ We all laughed, the Maharishi laughing loudest.

“Later that night we were gathered together on the roof of our bungalow under the tropical Indian stars, and I started to write this song. It went like this and George Harrison, he turned to me and said (and here Donovan does a brilliant impersonation of George’s Liverpool accent): “I could write a verse for that song, Don.” And he did, but I didn’t record it, but would you like to hear the long lost verse that George wrote?

Okay, George he wrote: “When the truth gets very deep beneath the thousand years’ sleep, time demands a turn around and once again the truth is found.

Awakening the Hurdy Gurdy Man who comes singing songs of love.”

And as I listen to Donovan, I’m stunned. It’s so unexpected to find this fragment of Beatles magic. It’s brilliant, it’s spiritual.

And do you know if the CD’d said Hurdy Gurdy Man by Donovan recorded live, I wouldn’t have bought it, but it didn’t and I did.

Karma.

FAB FOUR FAN, East Lancs

Hope Nik’s okay after his off – they’re never pleasant and

sometimes sting a bit.

Any road up, just thought I’d drop you a line as I decided to do something a little different over the winter. I looked at doing some extra training of some sort, IAM/ROSPA maybe, but couldn’t bring myself to put all the effort in for a badge – no disrespecting it all, but for the effort I decided to take a riding instructor course; that way at least my effort could be put to some use of a weekend getting folks riding bikes (and if I happen to make a couple of quid to help pay for chips, gravy and petrol for the behemoth of a Harley I ride...). Plus I’m sure I could get another bike in the garage using the “I need that to do the training on – I don’t want to get miles on the Harley riding around town at 30mph for two hours” excuse.

It’s all going well; been studying for three months now, and I’ve even found a Jedi master to help me out – he’s done a splendid job; taking me on the pad, and giving me advice, showing me what’s expected, and he’s offered me a job on Saturdays helping out when he’s busy when I pass. Fookin’ bonus! My test is booked for in a month, the hotel’s booked for the two-day Cardington test, all I have to do is study like a madman!

The good lady wife, who’s ridden pillion for the last 12 years, has decided that when I pass she wants to take her CBT, and for me to assess her and take her through it as my first pupil – talk about taking your work home with you!

Will let you know how it goes.

Cheers!

JAMIE Thanks for printing my letter in the April edition; seeing it was great, though I haven’t heard from any old acquaintances, friendly or hostile (or debt collectors either, thank Christ!). I included a poem too last time and, even though I know you don’t ‘do’ poems, after having dosed on BSH again, and everything coming flooding back, my mind drifted back, so I had a go at a more ‘modern’ sort of approach. In other words, it doesn’t necessarily have to rhyme (apparently). Oh to be back in that day…

We’re in the second week of our Library Festival here (HMP) and last week I introduced Vicky Price (you know, the MP Chris Hume’s wife who took points for him etc. etc.). This week I’ve got Henry Marsh, the brain surgeon author of Do Not Harm and Admissions, then Robert Forde, former chief advisor to the MOJ and author of Bad Psychology, which most of us have been in receipt of in jail!

Anyway, between ’em perhaps they’ll sort my head out or baffle us all! Thanks for keeping us ‘sane’.

DENZIL DAVIES

Must congratulate Chris Ryder on his most absorbing write-up and photos of the Wasteland Weekend in the US, however… in his final sign-off, he states there’s nothing like this event in the UK. I would like to amend this statement by drawing attention to Apocalypticus – Road to Ruin; a very British postapocalyptic festival (slightly more vegetation than the common desert theme) in Buckinghamshire, July 19-21.

For a taster of the last two festivals, visit www. road2ruin.co – there’s even a discounted ticket option for Mad Max and ratted bikes (and cars!).

PETE ROBERTS

A while ago I wrote to ask what the definition of the word ‘biker’ was. I had seen this word in your magazine a few times, and wanted to use it myself, but no-one uses words they don’t know the meaning of – I had asked a number of people and got a different answer off each.

Imagine my delight when I discovered that you were doing a glossary of terms and eagerly awaited the list of B words, but alas, I scanned the page at least thrice but found no definition of ‘biker’.

Is there a reason for this?

I can only presume that you are doing a second B list next month?

I. P. FREELY I want to use a smiley face here, but they don’t translate well into magazines… N.

I was in my garden this morning first thing, feeding the birds, and I started thinking (dangerous I know) – there can’t be many people in the world who have a dedicated brush for smoothing away the worms, so they don’t get trapped when I replace the compost bin lid.

Then I went to get my bike out and a large spider’d spun a beautiful web between the bike and the fence, and was in the throes of eating something it’d caught, so I left them to it and looked for something else to do. Use my laptop perhaps? No, my cat’s asleep on it, sucking out the last vestiges of heat from its last use. I won’t disturb him, he’ll bugger off when it goes cold.

That’s the way I am generally with most things in my life, and the number of animals in my life I’ve helped; herons with fishing line round their legs, foxes trapped in various snares, wild rabbits and badgers in distress, the number of crows, blackbirds, thrushes, hedgehogs etc. I’ve nursed back to health and set free, birds of prey kept as they’d become imprinted but were no longer wanted and couldn’t be set free. I mention this for a reason; I’m certainly not looking for praise or anything, it’s just the way I choose to live, but knowing that if karma was a real thing and what goes around comes around etc., how come fate keeps kicking me in the n***.

“Ahh, that’s nice what he did for that fox, yes, but, it’s about time he came off his motorcycle again and experienced pain every day.”

“Did you see how he helped that heron then? I did, however, I think he’s enjoying his music way too much, rob him of his hearing.”

“Those were really thoughtful poems he did for those women to help them in their time of grief, yes, they certainly were, let’s make him fall down the stairs.”

Perhaps if I hadn’t stopped to do certain things to help other creatures/people on the morning of my last accident, I’d have been in a totally different spot? If I carry on going into work despite being in pain every day and overcoming obstacles just to get there, then they’ll respect me for all the years I’ve been there and the experience I have? Ha! “Quick, I think he’s getting too comfortable, get his employers to suggest early retirement,” and so it goes on.

Not that I believe there is but, IF there was something in charge of a karma bank, then they’re arse’oles! I can only assume I was called Torquemada in a former life, or maybe it’s because I’ve ridden just bikes for 50 years, in all weathers, with high annual mileages, and I’m still here – are the comparatively minor grievances my reward? Without the good karma I’d have been long gone? The karma police are somewhere going: “Look boss, we’ve done all we can but, he’s riding his bloody bike in the snow again.”

So I’ve answered my own question then?

I’ll get me coat.

Cheers.

KEITH Please keep writing in, Keith, your letters are a real pleasure to read. N.

Just sat down for my Sunday morning read before church! Started to read Keith’s letter and thought: “Oh here we go, another go at Christians!” but as I wore through the words I realised I was nodding and making agreement noises. The religious and political leaders of Jesus’ time killed him, and it occurred to me how right Keith’s observations are in parallel to today’s leaders both religious and political.

I have a rule which is held to in my house; no politics or religion at the table – strange as I do attend a church of sorts that works on the same lines that Keith champions. We have bikers, some in wheelchairs, and old grannies that have no one else, all sorts, and as I’ve mentioned before, what biker doesn’t care about something? People have it in them to care, even if it’s just for the cat – it’s up to them

So, you know me, I am not one to moan… but!

Yesterday, mid-morning I see two ‘hoodie youf’ pushing a smashed-up scooter into the bushes in the park up by the railway bridge, before leaning it against the 20ft wooden boundary fence that runs along the main Bristol to London railway line.

My concern was that the scum who do this usually round off an entertaining evening of joy-riding by setting fire to the stolen vehicle; the same vehicle that’s now leaning against a wooden fence, under a footbridge… you can see where I’m going with this.

So I call 101, the police non-emergency line (after all no-one was bleeding). After 20 minutes on hold, interspersed only with regular messages advising me how I could “report crime online”, to add insult to injury I receive a second message advising me that the poor old Plod are experiencing “high call volumes”, and how if I leave my number they will “call me back within the hour”. I gave up.

I then call the British Transport Police, and guess what? Once again I’m on hold because they’re experiencing “high call volumes” as well… oh, but worry not, I can report the crime online!

After almost 40 minutes of this nonsense I decide to call 999, something I was reluctant to do as I work on a blue light service and fully appreciate how busy they are. I report the scooter to the call handler who actually transfers me to a real live, living, breathing police officer; a police officer who agrees with me that should this scooter be set on fire it would cause major disruption and risk, not to mention some poor bugger losing their scooter and their no claims bonus (after all, when a vehicle’s stolen it’s clearly the owner’s fault for owning it, and absolutely nothing to do with the chav scum who stole it).

Three hours later though the scooter is still there, and no police have attended, so I call back only to be advised “we are experiencing a high call volume and we are dealing with major crimes at the moment”. “Oh,” I exclaim, “what’s that then? Murders, civil unrest, acts of terrorism?

Or are you just busy raising revenue by nicking motorists for speeding? After all detecting crime costs money and nicking motorists raises revenue?” Strangely Plod declined to comment.

I ask for the number of my local police station only to be told: “Oh, we don’t have those any more – I’ve been here 10 years, and they were long gone when I started, but you can report it online!”

At this point I offered the opinion that perhaps the lack of police on the beat and the demise of

if they put it into practice. We know the reason we do something, but it’s not always seen the same way by others. Is the bearded rough guy holding her hand to comfort her or is he taking her rings? We’re quick by nature to judge by the yardstick we are clinging to. Yes, I choose to believe in ‘Our Lord’ – there has to be something better than all this, surely!

I admire Keith’s views, and his willingness to put pen to paper (metaphorically). I like commitment and comment, someone that has the balls to say what they believe in this day and age where it’s considered offensive to do so! I agree with a lot of what he says, and am embarrassed by a lot of it too. Excellent letter, mate.

WONKS

local police stations, coupled with the ridiculous online culture of “your call is important to us” when clearly it’s not otherwise they‘d’ve answered it, and factoring in that the response times can now be measured in hours and days as opposed to minutes, may be, in part, a factor in the rising crime rate? Maybe that’s why the chav scum walking the streets think they’re untouchable? We all know it’s not the severity of the punishment, but the likelihood of detection that prevents crime…

Next morning a PCSO wanders up and moves the scooter away from the wooden fence and places it leaning against the stanchion of the bridge, presumably so if it gets torched it’ll only close a footbridge and not a railway line. Good thinking, Plastic Plod!

My point is every time this happens someone loses their bike, and everyone’s insurance goes up, while the police sit behind desks in their nice warm call centres doing very little, apart from cuffing… sorry, ‘re-categorising crime’ so bike thefts count as traffic offences or litter law infringements or whatever bollocks they think up next so as their figures look good.

Someone lives next door to these scum; someone knows who they are, so instead of the social media Sons of Apathy wannabe tuff guys posting comments about “yeah, let’s break their legs, let’s kill the scum” from the safety of their keyboards, no doubt located in mummy and daddy’s back bedroom, why not do nationally what a few brave souls have done in the south west and form local groups who take anonymous information and act upon it ‘discreetly’ and in an old-school fashion? I’m not recommending vigilante-style lynch mobs; just a quiet word in the ear down a dark alleyway or a dozen or so bikes set outside the house letting the scum know that the biker community knows where they live.

Hell, we could have a phone line with a recorded message saying: “All our operators are busy at present, however your call is important to us.

Please phone back in a couple of days, or report this on line at www.noonegivesafuck.com”.

GRUMPY OLD GIT The best letter each issue will now receive a free T-shirt from those lovely people, Laura and Mark, at Fat Maggot T-Shirts (www.fatmaggot.com) – get all your rally shirts etc. from them, they’re triffic!

JULY 2017

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JULY 2019

WORDS & PICS: NIK

SYNCHRONICITY IS A CONCEPT DREAMT UP

BY THE PSYCHOLOGIST CARL JUNG (THE ONE NOT OBSESSED WITH EVERYONE WANTING TO SHAG THEIR MOTHER) WHICH HOLDS THAT EVENTS ARE ‘MEANINGFUL COINCIDENCES’ IF THEY OCCUR WITH NO ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP TO ONE ANOTHER, YET SEEM TO BE MEANINGFULLY RELATED.

JULY 2019

15

IT

was only last issue that Mr Benny Thomas Esquire, the head honcho of Mutt Motorcycles and ex-big boss of Boneshaker Choppers, was bemoaning the dearth of digger-style motorcycles, as first popularised by the late great Arlen Ness, in the article on the Honda 550 digger he built, now owned by John Walsh over in Ireland, and yet here we are, not a month later, with another digger, and one that Benny’s been aware of for a little while. That, ladies and gentlemen, is, I think, a sterling example of Our Carl’s synchronicity right there, don’t you think?*

16

JULY 2019

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