Charlotte Parent Magazine Jan 2018

January 2018 • Free

Digital Detox

Rethinking screen time

5 Top Vitamins Kids Need

PUBERTY: A Survival Guide for

Girls, Boys and Parents

WHERE TO SKI AND SNOWBOARD

Talking About

Social Justice

NOW ENROLLING! Schedule A Tour Financial Aid Available

Peter Pan Jr.

PK, TK, K-5 Programs Faith & Service iPads & Technology STEM & Robotics Broadcast Journalism Spanish Band Musical Theater Athletics

Mecklenburg Area Catholic Schools

Now Enrolling!

St. Ann (PK, TK, K-5) St. Gabriel (K-5) St. Mark (K-8) St. Matthew (TK-5) St. Patrick (K-5) Our Lady of Assumption (PK-8) *Visit discovermacs.org for information on all nine schools

Admissions 704.370.3273 discovermacs.org

discovermacs MACS welcomes students of all faiths & backgrounds

BOJANGLES’ COLISEUM JAN 31 – FEB 4 DisneyOnIce.com

2018 spring

classes register now @ csarts.org ARTS EDUCATION

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Suzuki Harp Suzuki Strings Private Music Lessons Private Art Lessons Art Classes Music Classes

CREATIVE THINKING

Charlotte Children’s Choir Preschool Education Adult Art Programs

SUCCESS

CONTENT › JANUARY 2018

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Puberty: A Parent’s Survival Guide Navigating the changes for boys and girls, and how to take on the teen years

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Top 5 Vitamins The vitamins kids need to grow and thrive

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You Are ‘Just Perfect’ One local mom’s story for helping young girls grow a positive view of themselves

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Digital Detox Why so much screen time may be messing with our kids’ heads

28

Parenting a Perfectionist Helping the child whose best is never enough

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IN EVERY ISSUE 7

FYI

13 Growing Up 14 Tech Talk 30 Excursion 39 Daddy Derek

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40 Faces and Places

CALENDAR 31 Our Picks 32 Daily Calendar 34 On Stage 37 On Exhibit

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EDITOR’S NOTE

A Positive Outlook for the New Year

T

morrismedianetwork.com

EDITOR

he new year is when many choose to make resolutions. I like approaching

Michele Huggins

CALENDAR EDITOR Renee Roberson

the start of the year with a fresh

ART DIRECTOR

perspective and a positive outlook. It’s a

DIGITAL DIRECTOR

time to look ahead and consider changes you want to make to things that aren’t working for you and your family — a time to push the reset button for your day-today life. When it comes to parenting, I’m going to savor the little moments more.

Those mornings when the little guy wants to play Legos just a little longer or wants to push a train around the track one more time, I’m going to take a breath and be in the moment. One or two minutes spent enjoying that moment with my child is much healthier than letting anxiety get us both upset. I’m

Melissa Stutts

Allison Hollins • allison.hollins@morris.com

DIGITAL EDITOR

Myra Wright • mwright@carolinaparent.com

SALES TEAM LEADER • MEDIA CONSULTANT Leslie Hatheway • lhatheway@charlotteparent.com

MEDIA CONSULTANTS

Sue Graf • sgraf@charlotteparent.com Jesse Longshore • jesse.longshore@morris.com

ADVERTISING SALES COORDINATOR Julianne Clune • julianne.clune@morris.com

MARKETING & EVENT COORDINATOR

striving to get up a little earlier to make more time to be present at home before school

Elizabeth Stacks

and work take over the day. At night, instead of running the to-do list through my head

MORRIS MEDIA NETWORK PRESIDENT

after putting my kids to bed, I’m going to take more time for me reading a book, watching a TV show or going to bed earlier because the to-do list will be there tomorrow. And instead of being upset with myself for missing a workout, I’m going to be happy with

Donna Kessler

REGIONAL VICE PRESIDENT OF SALES Kristen Standish

myself when I make time for the yoga class. I’m also ready to put down the digital devices

VP INTERNAL BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT

and experience what is in front of me rather than pondering what everybody else is doing

DIRECTOR OF MANUFACTURING

via their social media feeds.

Mental and emotional health is important for parents and for growing children.

Our story on page 24 tells the story of one Charlotte mom whose oldest child became addicted to video games. It changed every notion she ever had about screen time and kids. She’s started a nonprofit organization to educate other parents about the risks of too much screen time and digital devices, and offers tips on how to reclaim your family’s time “IRL.” For parents embarking on the tween and teen years, be sure to flip to page 16 for our guide to navigating puberty, which includes expert insight on what to expect physically and emotionally with girls and boys during those changing years. And if you happen to have a kid who is meticulous about every little thing, you may have yourself a perfectionist. See how you can help your child do their best without getting hung up on “best” never being good enough, on page 28. It’s also the right time take a trip to the mountains for a day of skiing, snowtubing or snowboarding. Get the details on what you can do on and off the slopes at ski resorts within a day’s drive of Charlotte, on page 30.

Karen Rodriguez Donald Horton

BUSINESS MANAGER Shelonda West

PUBLICATION MANAGER Kris Miller

PRODUCTION COORDINATOR Cher Wheeler

CONTACT US

charlotteparent.com 214 W. Tremont Ave., Suite 302, Charlotte, NC 28203 phone: 704-344-1980 • fax: 704-344-1983 email: info@charlotteparent.com advertising@charlotteparent.com Circulation 35,000. Distribution of this magazine does not constitute an endorsement of information, products or services.

Charlotte Parent reserves the right to reject any advertisement or listing that is not in keeping with the publication’s standards. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission is prohibited.

Here’s hoping your new year is off to a happy, healthy and prosperous start.

HAVE IDEAS TO SHARE? Email editor@charlotteparent.com.

A Publication of the Visitor Publications Division of Morris Communications Company, L.L.C. 725 Broad St., Augusta, GA 30901 Chairman President & CEO William S. Morris III William S. Morris IV

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The Doctor Is In From knowing when it’s time for ear tubes to recognizing anxiety in children and post-delivery worries with your newborn, area doctors and health experts share their expertise.

…/blogs

Time to Hit the Slopes Pack the car with ski bibs, jackets and a thermos of hot chocolate for the drive, and enjoy a snowy adventure at one of 14 different ski and snowtubing resorts within a day’s drive (or less) of Charlotte.

.../thingstodo

Win Tickets to “School of Rock” The movie hit “School of Rock” comes to life on stage with rock-out performances at Ovens Auditorium, Jan. 9-14. Enter to win a family four-pack of tickets to a show of your choice.

… /contests

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charlotteparent.com | JANUARY 2018

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Kim Smith, back row, with children and volunteers in the A Chance to Dance program that inspired the book “A Chance to Dance: Singing in the Rain.” Photo by Sarah Nelson Conklin

OrthoCarolina Wellness Center Offers Fitness Classes for Kids “A Chance to Dance: Singing in the Rain” Promotes Inclusion, Friendship Charlotte mom Kimberly Pace Smith teamed up with author Tammi Keen to create an inspirational children’s book that promotes inclusion, friendship and kindness. The book “A Chance to Dance: Singing in the Rain” is based on the true story of Smith’s daughter, who is diagnosed with autism, and her desire to dance. The story follows 8-year-old Reagan who just wants to be free to dance in a place where she feels safe and happy.

Reagan’s desire leads Smith — in the book and in real life — to start A Chance to Dance, a fully, all-inclusive dance program. The book is written from the perspective of Reagan, highlighting her fears and emotions, and shows just how much children can accomplish when they’re given the opportunity. The book is available at amazon.com, along with a companion coloring/activity book, and a large print edition. $12.95, Civin Media Relations.

Go Behind the Scenes at Mint Museum With Smartify App Add an element of technology to your next visit to the Mint Museum by downloading the free Smartify app. Using image recognition technology, the app allows gallery visitors to scan and identify works of art using their smartphone. The Mint Musuem currently offers information via Smartify about signature works from its Craft + Design Collection, specifically Project Ten Ten Ten, a group of works of art by leading artists and designers around the world. Visitors also can scan the

famous Chihuly chandelier in the entryway and the monumental Sheila Hicks sculpture in the atrium. Those objects plus Tom Joyce’s “Thicket” sculpture on the terrace are accessible without paying museum admission. New objects are being added to the database each quarter with a group of objects on view at the Mint Museum Randolph in the next installment.

The app can be a great tool for introducing kids to art or for help with the next art history project.

OrthoCarolina has opened the OrthoCarolina Wellness Center in Matthews. The facility integrates youth group fitness classes and youth sports performance programs with a community-focused, wellrounded approach to health. Youth athletes, ages 6-18, looking to improve their game can join group training to increase coordination, balance and overall strengthening.

Sports performance training is specifically developed based on age and sport with the goal of helping athletes get in better shape so they can be a better athlete, says Jason Boudrie, wellness director at the center. Sports psychology services are available to help youth overcome mental challenges of returning to play after an injury and to help parents who deal with the challenges of having a child who is hyper-involved in sports. Children as young as 6 can take part in general fitness programs that are structured like circuit training on a kid’s level, Boudrie says. Classes are offered Monday-Thursday. For more information about costs and adult fitness programs, check out orthocarolinafitness.com.

charlotteparent.com | JANUARY 2018

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FYI

| education

Making School Choices

When thinking about making a school change or looking at school options for your child, consider these five things.

Learning environment.

Take a look at public, private, charter and magnet to decide what learning environment is the best fit for your child.

Go visit. Visit the schools you are considering with a list of questions, and observe the teachers and students.

Check your expectations.

Ask yourself, is my child more comfortable in an academically competitive school or in a more warm, fuzzy place?

Location. Determine how important location is and whether you want neighborhood connections.

Extracurriculars and support. If your child has special needs or interests, can the school cultivate those needs and talents?

Source: Amanda Raymond, Charlotte School Search

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Ninth-grade students from Providence Day School work at the Habitat for Humanity Community Garden as part of the “Be the Change” service project.

Photo courtesy of Providence Day School

Providence Day School Students Work to ‘Be the Change’ Ninth-grade students at Providence Day School are learning the importance of social responsibility through a year-long service project titled “Be the Change.” The program is a study of local poverty that also introduces students to hands-on experiences working with community organizations that support people living at the poverty level. Participants learn about needs in the community and work with organizations that strive to improve the lives of individuals.

As part of the project, students have participated in poverty simulation, navigating the challenges of paying bills, buying groceries and using public transportation on a limited budget. “The goal was to build empathy in our students as they began their upper school journey,” says Jennifer Mann, AP human geography, psychology and global issues teacher and freshman class assistant dean. Students also participated in a service day off campus working at nonprofits, including the Men’s Shelter of Charlotte and Habitat for Humanity.

Two more service days are scheduled in February and April. Learn more about the Providence Day’s social responsibility program at providenceday.org.

Chinese Immersion Charter School Set to Open in Charlotte The first whole-school Chinese Immersion charter school in North Carolina is coming to Charlotte for the 2018-2019 school year. East Voyager Academy plans to open with prekindergarten through fourth-grade programs in August 2018, adding a grade each year until eighth grade. No prior knowledge of Chinese is needed for children to enter the program. The whole-school Chinese immersion program promotes strong academics, English-Chinese proficiency and intercultural competency. Students beginning in kindergarten and first grade follow a 75/25 model, receiving 75 percent of instruction in Mandarin Chinese and 25 percent in English. Students in higher grades receive at least 50 percent of content areas, such as math, taught in Mandarin-Chinese. The school is located at 7429 Tuckaseegee Road in Charlotte. Online enrollment is open at eastvoyager.org.

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JANUARY 2018 | charlotteparent.com

of U.S. public school students attend schools where at least half of students are of their race or ethnicity.

Source: Pew Research Center

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FYI | health A recent study suggests that exposure to allergen triggers, including pet dander and dust, before age 3 may help reduce the risk of asthma.

4 Simple Methods for a Daily Detox Kick off the new year by filtering out the bad stuff to make room for feeling your best.

1. Start the day with a glass of warm lemon water. Squeeze half a lemon into your first glass of water to help your body reach its optimum state of being slightly alkaline.

Starting the day with a glass of water also helps get your digestive system on track.

2. Work up a sweat. Sweating is one of the best ways to eliminate toxins and can boost your mood and metabolism.

3. Add more fruits and veggies to your day. Add kale or spinach to a smoothie, have a salad and a side of blueberries at lunch, and include something from the broccoli family for dinner. Fruits and vegetables have phytonutrients that are the best detoxifiers.

A Little Dust and Dander May Help Prevent Asthma in Kids Dust and pet dander are commonly considered asthma triggers, but findings from a study by the Urban Environment and Childhood Asthma suggests that exposure to certain allergens and bacteria before age 3 and before asthma develops, may protect children from wheezing — a precursor of asthma. Since 2005, investigators enrolled 560 newborns considered high risk for developing asthma, and then assessed asthma status at age 7 for 442 of the children. Of the 442 children, 130 — 29 percent — had asthma at age 7. Higher levels of mouse and cat allergens in dust samples collected from the children’s homes during the first three years of life (at age 3 months, 2 years and 3 years) were linked to a lower risk of asthma at age 7. A similar association was seen for dog allergen, but it wasn’t statistically significant, meaning it could be due to chance.

4. Brush your tongue. By adding this to your tooth-brushing routine, you scrape away unwanted germs and toxins.

Source: spunkyavocado.com

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Nurse-Family Partnership Empowers First-Time Moms Nurse-Family Partnership is helping first-time mothers who struggle to make ends meet to successfully manage their lives and the lives of their babies. Nurse-Family Partnership pairs a registered nurse with qualifying expectant moms, at no cost, to educate, encourage and support the new mother through her child’s second birthday. Nurse educators help women engage in healthy prenatal care, teach responsible care for a child, and help to develop a future plan of self-sufficiency through education and work. To participate in the Mecklenburg County program, a woman must enroll before her 28th week of pregnancy, have no previous live births, meet eligible income requirements and live in Mecklenburg County. Find more information about where the program is available at nfpmoms.org or by calling 704-332-0111.

› Krystle Sauls, owner of Pachyderm Music lab, with her daughter Cadence Sauls and husband Jason Sauls. Photo by Krystle Sauls.

FYI | people

Best advice ever received: Don’t do what everyone else is doing. Do what you like and attract people in your life that you want to be around.

Proudest parenting moment: My daughter on my husband’s shoulders rocking her ear muffs at a Primus concert last summer. She was nodding her head, holding up the rock hand on one side and her My Little Pony doll up in the other singing along to “Too Many Puppies.”

Get to Know: Krystle Sauls

BY MICHELE HUGGINS

K

rystle Sauls is the owner of Pachyderm Music Lab and the director of Girls Rock Charlotte. She and her husband Jason Sauls are also parents to 4-year-old Cadence Sauls.

Where do you live in Charlotte and where did you grow up?

We live in East Charlotte close to the old Eastland Mall site. I’ve been here for seven years and Jason as been here for over 10 years. We met in Hilton Head where I was making my living as a musician. I moved to Charlotte to start a band with Jason and the rest is history.

Tell us about your job. What do you like most about it? What are the challenges?

I am a very unconventional music teacher.

I teach guitar, bass guitar and ukulele, and dabble in a lot of other instruments.

Those skills come in handy when I teach my original BabyPUNK class where we use rock-band and kid instruments to create lullaby versions of songs by rock, punk and metal bands. I also started Lady Rockstars, an inspiring and empowering series of classes that puts women in bands and on stage. I also am the music director for a local nonprofit Girls Rock Charlotte that uses music to amplify the voices and confidence of girls and women.

I love the level of creativity I get to bring to work with me every day. It’s never boring. The challenges for me are marketing the things I’m doing. It’s a lot of work for one human.

What’s the hardest part of juggling family life and work life?

There really isn’t a line between the two. My daughter is with me at work all day. I think meal planning is my biggest struggle. I do really good for a while and have everything squared away. When I have events on days I usually plan or shop, we end up eating out until I get back into the swing of things.

Eating out for us gets pretty boring too, because the only meat we eat is fish and there’s not a lot of healthy fast-food options out there.

What is your favorite thing about raising a family in Charlotte?

There is so much to do. We can see live music, go to an art show, shop at any store you can imagine. There also are so many outdoor activities close by. It’s the best of both worlds.

Lowest parenting moment: Cadence was a month early and my milk hadn’t come in yet. I was constantly worrying that my breast-milk supply wasn’t enough. It was a very stressful first few months. It felt like I was hooked up to a breast pump for a few months straight. My body finally caught up.

Once she had some precious baby fat rolls, I breathed easier.

Name three things you can’t live without: • Music and all the instruments.

• Soft blankets. They keep getting softer over time. When I was a kid we just had scratchy afghans.

• Funky-colored hair dye. I didn’t always have green hair, but I look forward to being the crazy granny with green hair, tattoos and facial piercings.

Name your favorite Instagram account. @littlelottestudio. I’m obsessed with this marbling thing she does. It’s hypnotic.

Last book read: “Big Magic” by Elizabeth Gilbert.

What inspires you?

Children. It’s awesome to hear ideas from kids and see how aware they are of each other and their place in the world. Kids just seem really wise. I love engaging in conversation with the Girls Rock youth.

They are smart and capable, and inspire me to set the best example I possibly can. They are beacons of hope in a divided world.

charlotteparent.com | JANUARY 2018

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1st Whole-school Chinese Immersion Tuition Free Charter School in North Carolina

Strong Academics English-Chinese Proficiency Intercultural Competence

www.eastvoyager.org

7429 Tuckaseegee Road, Charlotte, NC 28214

704.412.6988 eastvoyageracademy@gmail.com Open enrollment deadline for Pre-K to 4th grade January 31, 2018 Pre-K is fee based.

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GROWING UP

Raising Socially Conscious Kids

Around ages 10 and 11, kids can really begin to embrace these concepts, says Jessica Hulick, founder and executive director of Social Justice Storytime, which strives to promote an inclusive community by creating a space for children and families to learn and discuss contemporary issues through storytime. At family storytimes in Durham and surrounding communities, Hulick and other volunteers aim to create a space where families can learn about issues, such as bullying, gender identity, immigrant and refugee rights, racial equity and family structures through children’s literature. Though the events were designed for kids under age 8, Hulick quickly found that fourth- and fifth-graders were highly engaged in the conversations. Caregivers can continue these conversations at home by answering questions honestly, providing factual information and encouraging reflection about what constitutes fairness.

BY MALIA JACOBSON

Teen Years

“W

Newsreel The moment older kids step into social media, they are deluged with persuasive messages about race, gender, immigration and more, including blatant racial stereotypes and sexually degrading messaging, along with graphic, violent images connected to contemporary world issues. Because teens are absorbing these media messages almost constantly, it’s essential that caregivers talk to them about the violence they’re seeing, Eusebio says.

Encourage teens to expand their media use beyond social platforms. Podcasts and radio can provide topical, current information about social justice, activism and news without displaying graphic violence. Ask teens how they would address problems in their community, including economic inequality, racial tension or homelessness, to open the door to a dialogue around social justice.

“Open and respectful conversation is the best formula for raising peaceful, concerned and proactive children,” Eusebio says.

hy don’t some people have homes?” “Why do we donate money to help people?”

“Why doesn’t everyone have enough food?” When kids begin asking hard questions, they are ready to talk about social justice.

Social justice is a broad term for action intended to create genuine equity, fairness and respect among people, says licensed school psychologist Eleazer Cruz Eusebio, chair of the school psychology department at The Chicago School of Professional Psychology. Harvard University research shows that children can begin to harbor negative racial biases as early as 3 years old, thus caregivers should consider being intentional about teaching values like equity and inclusion early in life. Here’s an age-by-age guide to communicating with kids about the issues shaping our world.

Early Years

Role Play Toddlers and preschoolers are starting to learn about empathy, the experiences of others and how their actions impact those around them, making early childhood an ideal time to begin talking about social justice. Keep concepts simple. Focus on differences and similarities in people your child knows with messages of inclusion and equity. For example, you could say: “Each person’s body has different abilities. Some people walk with their legs. Your friend Sam uses a wheelchair to get around. That restaurant table has a space for a wheelchair.

That way everyone can enjoy eating here.”

For a classroom of preschoolers, having interactive group conversations and setting up role-playing scenarios that focus on basic differences and similarities are healthy, productive ways to address false stereotypes, and may even help prevent potential discrimination and bullying, Eusebio says.

Elementary Years

Fair Wars By elementary school, children can handle the concept that the world isn’t always fair, and that some people don’t get what they need, so others should step in to help.

Malia Jacobson is a nationally published health journalist and mom. charlotteparent.com | JANUARY 2018

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TECH TALK

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock

so encourage family members to take turns. Do a little coaching so kids are prepared to thank relatives for gifts or demonstrate what they can do with a new toy. Ask questions that prompt elders to share memories and stories.

7 Ways Technology Can Bring Your Family Closer

BY CAROLYN JABS

M

ost parents can agree that it’s a good idea to set aside technology-free family time. At the same time, it’s also helpful to remember all the ways technology can bring families closer. Young people, in particular, filter much of their experiences through their phones, so turning phones off for extended periods of time may actually cause them to feel less connected. Here are a few ways technology can enhance family togetherness. Whenever possible, use the simplest apps so as many people as possible can participate.

Plan reunions. Using an app like Party Planner for the annual family reunion can help you manage the details, from inviting guests and tracking responses to delegating tasks and budgeting.

Entering necessary information may take a little time, but it lays the groundwork for future reunions.

Start a family media channel.

Establish a blog or a social media group, and limit access to extended family and special friends. Invite kids, cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents to participate, providing whatever support they need to get connected. Encourage everyone to post inside jokes, recipes, memories and bits of family lore. To make people more comfortable with

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TECH TALK

sharing heartfelt or silly sentiments, establish a simple rule: What appears on the site can’t be shared anywhere else without permission.

Tune up. Build a family playlist for your next family reunion, summer vacation and other occasions. Ask everyone old enough to talk to make suggestions.

Of course, there are plenty of playlists available on sites like Pandora and Spotify, but it’s a lot more meaningful and fun to juxtapose grandma’s favorites from the 1940s with the latest Justin Bieber jam.

Chat long distance. Schedule video chats with distant loved ones. Group chats can sometimes feel awkward

Set up a group text. If video chatting makes family members self-conscious, try using GroupMe, a free app that allows everyone in the family to see the same text messages. GroupMe works with every smartphone platform. Give it a try in your immediate family, then expand the group to include cousins and other relatives. Notifications can be set to alert smartphone users when a new text arrives, or turned off so multiple texts don’t become bothersome.

Play games. Ask preteens for the best family-friendly games or find apps that simulate classics like Scrabble and Checkers. Help grandparents sign up so they can play across the room — or country. Consider creating customized games for your family. For example, try making up a scavenger hunt that involves taking photos connected with family traditions.

Collect photos. Set up a passwordprotected site on a photo-sharing platform like Flickr, Instagram or Google Photos, then send the link to everyone in the family. Ask family members to upload their favorite photos and videos to create a collective album.

There are, of course, plenty of other ways technology can make family time fun and meaningful. Embracing these possibilities with an open heart makes it more likely that everyone will participate and enjoy these experiences together.

Carolyn Jabs is the author of “Cooperative Wisdom: Bringing People Together When Things Fall Apart,” available at Amazon and cooperativewisdom.org. carolinaparent.com | JANUARY 2018

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She gets her hair from her mom.

Her eyes from her dad.

And her drugs from her grandma’s medicine cabinet.

66% of people 12 and older who abuse prescription drugs get them from family or friends. Prevent your children from abusing your own medication by securing your meds in places your child cannot access.

BE AWARE. DON’T SHARE.®

LOCK YOUR MEDS.® www.anuvia.org

charlotteparent.com | JANUARY 2017

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PUBERTY: A Parent’s Survival Guide Tips for managing your child’s hormonal roller coaster

BY CAITLIN WHEELER

No matter how advanced parents are in the 21st century, it’s normal to feel a pang of panic when it comes to talking to your child about puberty and sex. While there is no easy way to broach the subject, preparing for and getting comfortable with having this necessary discussion need not be a dreaded task.

When a child goes through the physical, cognitive and emotional changes associated with puberty, there’s a wide range of what is considered normal. Pediatricians typically rely on puberty milestones, known as the “Tanner stages,” to predict when your daughter will get her menstrual period, or how far along your son is in a growth spurt.

The only certainty about developmental timing is that your child’s growth experience is likely different from his or her peers. Already sensitive about a changing appearance, your child may be particularly self-conscious if he or she is the first — or last — in that peer group to enter puberty.

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Puberty for Girls

Puberty for Boys

Let her know what to expect. On average, girls start puberty earlier than boys — between ages 8 and 14, with the average age being 11. The first signs of female puberty typically include growth of pubic hair and breasts, awareness of body odor and acne. Your daughter’s body may change shape, generally becoming fuller and wider at the hips.

One to two years after the first signs of puberty, she likely will begin menstruating. At this time, consider providing her with a book that might explain the changes in more detail, such as “The Care and Keeping of You” by Valorie Schaefer, (American Girl, 1998. Versions are available for ages 8 and older, and ages 10 and older.); or “Bunk 9’s Guide to Growing Up: Secrets, Tips and Expert Advice on the Good, the Bad, and the Awkward” by Adah Nuchi (Workman Publishing, 2017).

Let him know what to expect. Boys tend to start showing signs of puberty about a year later than girls — between ages 9 and 15, with the average age being 12. Early signs of puberty for boys include growth of pubic hair, increased sweat gland production — aka body odor — and growth of genitals, which is hidden, unlike the very public growth of breasts in girls. Later stages for boys include voice changes, acne, increased muscle mass and a final growth spurt. Keep an eye out for the most obvious of the early signs: sudden growth spurts, an increasing desire for independence and hard-to-ignore body odor.

Provide her with what she’ll need before she needs it.

“You don’t want girls to have a fearful experience when they start bleeding,” says Dr. Curtis McDonald, medical director at the Charlotte Pediatric Clinic. He suggests putting a strategic plan in place so your daughter is prepared, no matter where or when she gets her first period. Give her a care package to keep in her closet and backpack, which could include deodorant, over-the-counter facial washes and creams, pads, tampons (along with tips for how to use them), and remedies for cramping, such as ibuprofen and a hot water bottle or heating pad.

Remind her of the importance of good health and hygiene. Getting regular exercise and eating a healthy diet can help a tween girl feel good about her body, improve her mood and help her focus. Girls in particular need to get plenty of calcium, Vitamin D and iron, McDonald says. Plus, exercise and healthy eating can help alleviate adolescent stresses and influence lifelong routines.

Be supportive and keep communication lines open.

As your daughter’s hormones kick in, her motivations may become more socially focused and her need for independence may increase, according to the National Institutes of Health’s Human Brain Mapping study, published in May 2010. Be prepared for mood swings and “attitude” as she deals with shifting hormones. But remember: You are the adult. Try to keep your cool if she gets frustrated or upset with you. Whether she admits it or not, she needs your support and love.

Know her world. “It may be cliché to talk about girl drama, but it is very real,” says Jeff Parkin, guidance counselor at Durham Academy Middle School in Durham. “The drama ramps up in sixth grade as girls become more socially aware and friends become central, but by eighth grade they are usually mature enough to overcome their issues.”

Familiarize him with the stages of puberty. Be sure to include information about girls in your discussions, since they will likely start to loom over him and develop breasts before he even enters his first stages of puberty. His knowing what to expect might make him more sympathetic and less self-conscious. Provide him with a detailed and approachable book for boys that explains the changes, like “What’s Happening to Me?” by Alex Frith (Usborne Books, 2006).

Remind him to maintain good hygiene. Parkin has observed that boys don’t express the same angst over puberty and body changes that girls do. This lack of anxiety is comforting, McDonald says, but it also means parents may need to nag at sons about showering daily, brushing their teeth and combing their hair until they become habits.

“It’s a transitional time,” Parkin says. “They don’t have much concern for self-image so they won’t do these things on their own, but it’s an important lesson in growing up — to take responsibility for your appearance.”

While teen boys might be less concerned with selfimage than girls, late or early bloomers may be sensitive about being different, or worried that they will never grow.

Be aware of this possibility and remind your son of the wide variety in normal development.

Taking on the Teen Years Clear things up. Not all teens suffer from severe acne, but even dealing with an occasional pimple can be troubling.

“Teens are shy about it,” McDonald says. “My patients won’t bring it up on their own.”

Without criticizing your child’s appearance, explain that hormones cause skin changes during puberty and that good hygiene and a daily cleanser can be powerful tools in warding off outbreaks. Over-the-counter acne treatments have “gotten so much better, and many are as effective as prescriptions,” McDonald says. Your pediatrician can offer additional remedies if your child’s case is severe. charlotteparent.com | JANUARY 2018

17

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Infant • Toddler • Preschool Kindergarten • Elementary

Understand teen brain development. Teenagers’ brains do not function like adult brains. While the thrill-seeking, risktaking, peer-following part has developed, the reasoning area of a teen’s brain does not fully develop until a teen is in his or her mid-20s, according to Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health’s “The Teen Years Explained: A Guide to Healthy Adolescent Development” (Center for Adolescent Health, 2009). Keep these very natural tendencies in mind as you are telling your adolescent to “just say no.” One way to protect your teen may be to keep him or her as busy as possible with constructive activities, or to simply have him or her steer clear of attractively dangerous situations.

Make “the talk” an ongoing conversation. Forget about “the talk.”

Issues associated with puberty and growing up should be part of an ongoing and open discussion — not a single, embarrassingly intense lecture, which puts too much pressure on you and your child. Focus instead on open communication, so that when an issue comes up, you are both comfortable having a conversation.

Considering the proliferation of sexual references in movies and on TV, social media and the internet, if you wait until you think your teen should know, you are probably too late.

“It’s better for a child to hear it from a parent or other mature and trusted source rather than on the bus or on social media,” says Dr. Laura Sinai of Signature Pediatrics in Charlotte.

“The best strategy is to be offensive and provide accurate information that reflects your own values.”

Another reason to start having conversations earlier rather than later is that several studies analyzed in a citation published by the Environmental Protection Agency in 2008 (and revised in 2017) concluded that the age of puberty in both boys and girls has been inching younger.

“Kids are developing physically without the cognitive tools to handle it,” says Marcia E. Herman-Giddens, an adjunct professor at the University of North Carolina Gillings School of Global Public Health, who first identified the issue in a 1997 study at Duke University. “Being open with young children, and providing them with information that will keep them safe, is absolutely key.”

She points out that this information is just as important for kids who don’t develop early so they have context for treating their peers with respect and understanding.

North Carolina public schools, and most private schools, start some form of sex education in the fifth grade. “We find that fifth-graders still have that aspect of curiosity and openness,” Parkin says. “By sixth [grade], they tend to be more self-conscious and less likely to talk.”

Consider starting the conversation with your child before he or she starts learning about it at school or from the media. Keep in mind that the school sessions provide a great

opportunity to continue the conversation by asking your child what he or she learned, and whether he or she has any followup questions.

Know what they know. Today’s youth have access to a lot more than the basic “birds and bees” information. Many teens have seen internet pornography by the time they are seniors in high school, according to an August 2013 Psychology Today article titled, “Overexposed and Under-Prepared: The Effects of Early Exposure to Sexual Content.” If your teen has no real experience with sex and then is exposed to porn, porn may become his or her baseline for how he or she views sex.

“It’s important to bring this up with kids before they see it,” Sinai says. “You should let them know that porn is about as real as what might happen in a Road Runner cartoon, where the coyote falls off a mountain and hops right back up. Tell them and tell them again: Real people don’t treat real people this way. It is just terrible interpersonal dynamics.”

Know your resources. Every child needs someone to talk to as he or she goes through puberty. If you’re uncomfortable doing this, find a trusted friend or family member who isn’t.

“If a child hides some anxiety inside, then it eats away at them and makes it worse,” McDonald says. “Pull back the curtain and make sure they have the information they need to be comfortable with who they are becoming. Empower kids with information they can handle.”

From “It’s NOT the Stork” for preschoolers by Robie H. Harris (Candlewick Press, August 2006) to “The Teenage Body Book” for teens by Kathy McCoy and Charles Wibbelsman (Penguin Random House, August 2016), there are helpful books to read with your child no matter what age you decide to introduce him or her to conversations about puberty and hormones. There are also excellent resources online for teens, such as the Center for Young Men’s Health (youngmenshealthsite.org) and the Center for Young Women’s Health (youngwomenshealth.org).

If websites and books don’t fully answer your child’s questions, consult with a professional. Your pediatrician should be your family’s first resource, and can put you in touch with a psychologist who specializes in talking with parents of teens.

Finally, remember that it is absolutely appropriate for your child to slowly break away from you. Celebrate this growing independence, while keeping your child safe and informed until he or she has matured enough to move forward without your loving assistance.

Caitlin Wheeler is a freelance writer living in Durham.

charlotteparent.com | JANUARY 2018

19

THE

TOP 5 VITAMINS

Your Kids Should be Taking

BY MICHELE JONCZAK

W

hile kids who consume a well-balanced diet that includes healthy amounts of dairy, fruits, veggies, grains, protein and fats get most of the nutrients they need, vitamins are a good option for giving children’s bodies what they need when blood tests show deficiencies in certain areas.

Wanda M. Koszewski, an associate professor and chair of the human nutrition department at Winthrop University in Rock Hill, South Carolina, recommends that parents encourage kids to eat a well-balanced diet so they get the vitamins their bodies need through food.

She says there's a “delicate balance between what is good and what is too much” when it comes to vitamins in pill form.

There are five vitamins in particular that a growing child should consume in sufficient amounts or supplement his or her diet with when necessary, says Tracy Owens, a boardcertified sports and clinical dietitian at Triangle Nutrition Therapy in Raleigh.

“We have to choose vitamins — our bodies can’t make them, and they are important across the age spectrum,” Owens says.

Vitamin A Vitamin A is absorbed in the presence of fat and is essential for healthy eyes and skin cell production, a well-functioning and strong immune system, and good vision. It can be found in foods like liver, carrots, egg yolks, green leafy vegetables and fortified milk.

Daily Suggested Amounts* 0-6 months: 400 micrograms 7-12 months: 500 micrograms 1-3 years: 300 micrograms 4-8 years: 400 micrograms

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JANUARY 2018 2018 || carolinaparent.com charlotteparent.com JANUARY

9-13 years: 600 micrograms 14-18 years: 700 micrograms for females, 900 micrograms for males

Vitamin D Vitamin D helps bodies absorb calcium for healthy bones and teeth. Children can get the amount of vitamin D they need by consuming foods like milk and fatty fish, and by getting plenty of fresh air on sunny days, since vitamin D is absorbed through sun exposure.

Owens says breast-fed babies can get the vitamin D they need through adequate sun exposure and from their mother’s breast milk.

If breast-fed babies aren’t getting enough, however, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends they get 400 international units of vitamin D each day through a supplement. Babies who consume formula in place of or in addition to breast milk are already getting the recommended amount of

vitamin D, since formula is already supplemented with it.

Daily Suggested Amounts* Infants-12 months: 400 international units 12 months and older: 600 international units

Vitamin C Vitamin C, also known as ascorbic acid, boosts immunity, protects cells, maintains healthy gums, heals wounds and helps make collagen — a protein that gives structure to hair, skin, nails, bones, ligaments and tendons. Vitamin C also helps bodies absorb iron, an important component of hemoglobin, which carries oxygen from the lungs to the rest of the body. Vitamin C can be found in broccoli, potatoes, citrus foods, red peppers and tomatoes. Owens says consuming too much vitamin C, however, can cause stomach problems like diarrhea and nausea.

Daily Suggested Amounts* 0-6 months: 40 milligrams 7-12 months: 50 milligrams 1-3 years: 15 milligrams (don’t exceed 400 milligrams) 4-8 years: 25 milligrams (don’t exceed 650 milligrams) 9-13 years: 45 milligrams (don’t exceed 1200 milligrams) 14-18 years: 65 milligrams for girls, 75 milligrams for boys (don’t exceed 1800 milligrams)

Vitamin K Vitamin K is a fat-soluble vitamin that helps blood to clot and assists with ensuring proper bone health. Foods rich in vitamin K include kale, spinach, broccoli and edamame.

Daily Suggested Amounts* 0-6 months: 2 micrograms 7-12 months: 2.5 micrograms 1-3 years: 30 micrograms 4-8 years: 55 micrograms 9-13 years: 60 micrograms 14-18 years: 75 micrograms

Vitamin E Vitamin E is an antioxidant

that helps protect cells from damage caused by free radicals in the environment.

Foods high in vitamin E include broccoli, peaches, nuts and whole-wheat products.

Daily Suggested Amounts* 0-6 months: 4 milligrams 7-12 months: 5 milligrams 1-3 years: 6 milligrams 4-8 years: 7 milligrams 9-13 years: 11 milligrams 14 years and older: 15 milligrams If you choose to give your kids vitamins, Owens recommends bioavailability brands, which are high quality; come in a natural, nonsynthetic form; and are more likely to be digested and absorbed by your child’s body. *Source: National Institutes of Health Office of Dietary Supplements Michele Jonczak is a Raleigh writer and mom to Holden (7), Hayes (5) and Emery (3).

Your essential everyday resources.

MultivitaminGuide, at multivitaminguide.org, which rates multivitamin brands based on safety, nutritional composition, bioavailability and overall effectiveness, recommends Xtend-Life Total Balance Children, Dr. Mercola Children’s Multivitamins and Garden of Life Vitamin Code Kids.

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21 19

‘Just Perfect’

YOU ARE

Local author is on a mission to grow positive body image in young children

BY MICHELE HUGGINS

S

elf-image and self-esteem are personal characteristics that shift back and forth throughout a person’s life. A carefree toddler has no worries about chubby legs and a belly that pokes out. Preschoolers continue to love learning about the world around them and rarely think about whether their arms are too long or legs lanky. In the middle grades, however, kids start to take notice of others. They notice similarities and differences in body types. My 8-year-old son is known to take a minute in front of a mirror to observe his developing “eight pack.”

Charlotte mom and author Kimberly Mohns Roberts is dedicated to helping children, including her two daughters who are 1-1/2 and 3-1/2 years old, develop a positive body image while in their early, formative years. In 2017, Roberts selfpublished the children’s book titled “Just Perfect,” which she also wrote and illustrated. The story is a calland-response story that follows the conversation of a mom and daughter with the mom assuring her daughter about questions she has about her body. With her

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JANUARY 2018 | charlotteparent.com

Author Kimberly Mohns Roberts with her daughters, Brooklyn (right) and Amelia Roberts. Photo

by Little Nest Portraits Charlotte

flamingo legs and hippo belly, the reader gradually is introduced to the beautiful ballerina character whose mother reminds her that her body is just perfect the way it is.

PERSONAL INSPIRATION As a teen, Roberts didn’t know where she fit in. She loved art and fashion, and aspired to be a fashion model. She struggled with depression and attempted suicide.

“I struggled to find friends that were like me,” she says. She now realizes it’s not about finding someone that’s just like you. “There’s only one you, and you’ll find someone that compliments you and has similar interests, but you need to love and accept yourself as you are.”

After having her second child, Roberts opted to leave the corporate marketing world with the mission to help young girls learn to love themselves so much that they would never go to the extreme she did in trying to commit suicide.

“After having another daughter, it pushed me down the path to start talking about what I went through (as a teen),” Roberts says. She had long thought she’d write a book about her experience, but as a mom of toddler and infant girls, she realized how the early years are important for teaching children about body positivity.

“I want to give tools to little kids to talk about the things we question and things we worry about, and build them up while they are younger,” Roberts says.

She started writing and drawing, and got excited about the children’s book character that took form. By using animal body parts, such as flamingo legs and elephant ears, the character embodies an animal unlike any other whose questioning of how she looks is backed by a mom’s

encouragement that she is “just perfect” the way she is. By choosing to illustrate the message with an animal character rather than a person, Roberts hopes it makes it easier for parents to talk about body image with their child and is a character kids can love without comparison.

MORE THAN A STORY In addition to her book, Roberts engages children at public speaking engagements.

She has shared her personal story to the Hornets Nest Girl Scouts, local middle schools and dance studios. PlayPlay! Theatre is also creating an on-stage version of “Just Perfect” for its 2018-19 season. She also has a book for young boys in the works and aspires to start a foundation. Roberts supports Girls on the Run and its mission to empower girls to be their best through healthy lifestyles and working to achieve goals.

“People struggle with surviving depression because they don’t believe in tomorrow,” she says. “Girls on the Run teaches girls they can do anything they work for.”

A portion of proceeds from the sale of “Just Perfect” is donated to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. “I am a suicide survivor, but had no idea how many young kids are affected by suicide,” Roberts says. “I want to give back to these

programs with people who know and do research to create formal programs to help people in need.”

PARENTING MOTTOS As a parent, Roberts has learned to embrace positivity and patience. She wants her children to learn to leave room for error, and be patient and positive with themselves.

She has two mottos she wants her girls to embrace as they grow up. The first is to look in the mirror and realize you are just perfect as you are.

“You can hone in on talents and interests, but you don’t need to change you,” she says. “You are the only you in the world.”

The second motto: stick around.

“Stick around because you never know who you are going to be,” she says. “I wanted to be a fashion model when I was 16, but now I’m a role model as a mom, and I’m an author and public speaker. I couldn’t have dreamed of it as a kid. You can dream, but sometimes you can’t dream the reality of 20 years from now.”

Find Roberts’ book “Just Perfect” ($19.95, hardback; $10.95, paperback, Catskill Publishing) at Park Road Books, Brilliant Sky Toys, CLT Finds at Seventh Street Market, Argyle Alligator and at amazon.com.

After having her second daughter, Kimberly Mohns Roberts was inspired to write a book to help girls develop positive body image at a young age. The book is available at Park Road Books and Argyle Alligator, and on amazon.com.

Photo by Little Nest Portraits Charlotte charlotteparent.com | JANUARY 2018

23

Is it Time for a

Digital Detox?

Is it Time for a

Digital Detox?

How one family’s choice to delay screens has given hope to families everywhere

BY MEAGAN CHURCH

We see it everywhere. We find ourselves doing it and allowing it to happen. Sometimes giving a kid a screen to entertain them is just easier. Plus, screens can offer entertainment, education and social connection, right? So, what’s the harm?

Melanie Hempe thought the same thing when her oldest son started playing video games at the age of 13.

“Adam (Hempe) is my first of four children and like every other mom, I was not educated on the effects of technology on children, especially boys and video games,” she says.

He was drawn to video games, so they gave him a Game Boy. Melanie Hempe played the role of “Game Cop Mom,” as she calls it, making sure he didn’t spend too much time on the device, but once he was given a laptop from school, everything changed.

“At that point I lost all ability to hold him accountable and manage his time. He dropped out of sports and social activities, and gamed in all the nooks and crannies of free time throughout his high school years.”

She thought it was just a passing phase, but it became much more.

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JANUARY 2018 | charlotteparent.com

The Battle Begins “We had a lot of conflict in our home over time spent on the game away from other activities like doing things with the family, spending time with friends, chores and sports,” she says. “He didn’t even want to get his driver’s license. He would have anger outbursts. One summer I even gave him an option of quitting his game or moving out for the summer. He chose to move out.”

Tom Kersting has seen the first-hand effects this digital world has on kids. He speaks from 18 years of psychotherapist experience, as well as 23 years of experience as a school counselor. He has written a book on the topic, titled “Disconnected: How to Reconnect Our Digitally Distracted Kids.”

“The deterioration of kids’ mental, emotional, social, academic and family lives is unparalleled. Anxiety and depression are through the roof. ADHD diagnoses are way up and the teen suicide rate is at an all-time high,” Kersting says.

“Ultimately, the average kid is spending nine hours per day, on average, in a cyberworld rendering it difficult for them to handle issues in their real world; they’re simply not spending enough time in the real world and therefore they are not developing effective coping skills when confronted with even trivial situations.”

The American Association of Pediatrics recommends children younger than 18 months avoid screen media, and children 18 to 24 months of age have limited access with adult supervision while watching high-quality programming.

Children ages 2 to 5 years of age should limit screen use to one hour per day, and children over the age of 6 should have consistent limits put on time spent on digital media.

From Entertainment to Addiction As for Adam Hempe, he dropped out of college after his first year. Having spent most of his time gaming in his dorm room, he made no friends and had incompletes in classes. It was at that point that Melanie Hempe, a registered

nurse, began researching the effects of video games on kids’ brains and realized that her son was addicted.

“Research shows that the brain responds to gaming like a gambler’s brain responds to a slot machine,” Melanie Hempe says. “Excess dopamine is produced but over time the body begins to produce less in order to regulate itself. The child can become depressed if they don’t continue to play more.”

The even bigger problem that parents miss beyond the addiction-inducing chemicals is everything the screen is replacing. “Many kids are completely missing out on developing the necessary habits and life-skills required for future success. And these childhood hours will never be recovered,” she says.

For many families, screens have become commonplace and default devices that become an expectation. Kids turn to them for entertainment and assume they will receive their own devices and social media accounts at a certain age, but you don’t have to follow the crowd.

“The advice I give to parents to help them reclaim their children’s brains is to be aware of social conformity. We see what other families do and our brain justifies it as OK,” Kersting says. “It is critically important that we get a handle on devices because this generation is the experiment for the negative effects of screen overuse. We know that it is not a neutral activity and that our children’s brains are rewiring themselves to accommodate the unnatural consequences of spending so much time on a screen,” The B.E.S.T. Screen Plan As Melanie Hempe did more research and spoke with more families, she realized the need for parents to have a better understanding of what screens are doing to their children’s well-being. She founded Families Managing Media and developed the B.E.S.T. Screen Plan, which stands for “balanced electronic screen time.”

Developed through medical advisory and working with doctors throughout the country, the B.E.S.T Screen Plan is

THE B.E.S.T FAMILY SCREEN PLAN If your family needs to rethink their screen time, a digital detox may be in order. As part of the B.E.S.T. Screen Plan, Families Managing Media founder Melanie Hempe recommends parents consider the following: Realize that your are in control.

Parents need to understand that they are in control, not the kids and not current culture. It can be a difficult change to make, but it’s the first step in reclaiming your kids.

Understand that screens are not a neutral activity. “Screens are addictive and cause a chemical dependence with the unnatural amounts of dopamine and other neurochemicals that are released in the brain,” Melanie Hempe says. Consider that your child may not just be using the device as entertainment, but because they are addicted.

Trust your gut feeling. If you think your child has a screen addiction problem then they do.

Arm yourself with research on how screens are affecting your child’s brain and behavior.

Take away the screens. It is often said that it takes 21 days to break a habit — so go without screens for 21 days. If a computer is required for school, the only screen time your child should have during the detox is for school work. Spend time playing games together, reading books, being active outside, or enjoying a hobby that can serve as a distraction and a stimulant for your body and your mind.

Know that you are not alone. Many families are struggling with screen addictions and after becoming more educated, they are choosing to delay smartphone access, social media and even video games. Despite what they may tell you, kids can thrive without these distractions. The solutions are much simpler than you think.

charlotteparent.com | JANUARY 2018

25

Melanie Hempe (back row middle), pictured with her family, founded Families Managing Media to help other parents understand how too much screen time affects children’s brains and developing life skills. Photo by Courtney Schnee

FAMILIES FAMILIES MANAGING MEDIA MEDIA WORKSHOPS WORKSHOPS backed up with science, research and medical recommendations — and a whole lot of firsthand experience by the Hempe family. The plan includes three stages: rethinking screens, reclaiming kids and reconnecting families.

Families Managing Media walks parents through this process during local seminars and via online resources.

“Parents are paramount when it comes to changing this issue,” Kersting says. “Parents must model the behavior that they wish their kids to employ. That means parents must disconnect themselves from their devices as much as possible when they are present with their children.”

Finding Freedom Things have changed for the Hempe family.

Adam Hempe joined the U.S. Army and was able to break his gaming addiction. Melanie Hempe took a different approach with her

other three children when it came to screens.

Her daughter did not receive a smartphone or social media accounts until she was 18 years old. Her 13-year-old twin boys don’t have phones, and they maintain a game-free home.

“I made every mistake out there, but I’ve learned and figured it out, and I’ve gone back and made changes when I needed to,” she says.

Instead of spending an average eight or more hours in front of screens, the family chooses to focus on other things like sports, outdoor activities, meal time and conversation.

“We aren’t antitechnology. It’s about balance,” she says. “Our family is having so much more fun now that we’ve changed our approach to screens. There is so much more freedom and less stress.”

Melanie Hempe says she often hears parents say their biggest parenting regret was giving screen access to their kids too early. “You can’t redo childhood. Making screen changes

Make plans to attend a Families Managing Media Solutions Workshop. Two upcoming are: •

Jan. 25, noon-2 p.m. at Quail Hollow Club

•

Feb. 23, noon-2 p.m. at Providence Country Club Register online at familiesmanagingmedia.com/events

may seem difficult at first, but you will cherish your decision for years to come.”

Meagan Church is a writer, children’s book author and the brainpower behind unexpectant. com, which explores the story of modern motherhood. She lives in Charlotte with her high school sweetheart, three children and a plethora of pets. Connect with her on Instagram (@ meaganchurch) and Twitter (@unexpectant).

charlotteparent.com | JANUARY 2018

27

When ‘trying your best’ is never enough

BY LARA KRUPICKA lothes having to match. Toys arranged in neat rows. Outbursts over not being able to get a task right the first time. These behaviors can indicate to parents that they may have a perfectionist on their hands, for better or worse. Perfectionists have high standards.

Perfectionists can be driven to achieve, but they can also get tied up in knots over their expectations of themselves. Psychologist Madeline Levine suggests in her book “Teach Your Children Well,” performanceoriented children “are so afraid of failing that they challenge themselves far less, take fewer risks and therefore limit opportunities for growth.”

C

28

How can parents recognize a perfectionist tendency in their child? And what actions can they take to help their child do their best without getting hung up on “best” never being good enough? A few experts and moms offer their advice.

JANUARY 2018 | charlotteparent.com

MODEL MAKING MISTAKES The truth is, as adults we can also struggle with setting our standards too high for ourselves and our children.

We may not handle our own failure well, unwittingly communicating a negative attitude toward mistakes.

We can help our children by instead admitting our own behavior needs an adjustment.

“You don’t want to stress that children shouldn’t make mistakes in the first place,” says Dr. Wendy Grolnick, psychologist and author of “Pressured Parents, Stressed-Out Kids.” “You want to have the attitude that mistakes are our friends. We learn from them,” she says.

Kelly Arabie, a mom of two, works to pass this attitude along to her kids. “The faith journey I’ve been on has taught me that life is very much a process and that I’m not going to be perfect as long as I’m living. It’s a gift I can give my children to be able to share that with them.”

Occasionally point out a mistake you made to your child.

Talk about the outcome, that it didn’t derail life and that it doesn’t reflect poorly on you.

Explain what are doing to correct the mistake or what you plan to do differently the next time. Let your child see you learn from your mistake.

This goes for owning up to imperfect parenting too.

Allowing your child to let you off the hook for a mistake made toward him helps him develop tolerance and compassion toward others’ blunders. It can help him to understand that others will want to show the same compassion for his errors, and to be compassionate toward himself.

FOCUS ON THE PROCESS NOT THE OUTCOME Perfectionists tend to be most concerned about the end product. Oftentimes a perfectionist will do work over and over in an attempt to achieve a flawless result, but they miss the enjoyment of learning along the way.

Kathryn Johnson’s son, Alex, is a hard-working student who takes this approach. “I see him striving to do his best,” she says. “But it borders on constant dissatisfaction. He always thinks, ‘I can do better.’”

These children don’t always gain much for their efforts. A York University study of elementary- and middleschool students found that perfectionists didn’t score any better than their peers, but don’t tell perfectionists that.

Their competitive nature only pushes them harder toward the goal of doing better than others. Of course, as Grolnick points out, our outcome-based academic culture isn’t helping them any either.

“There’s more competition than ever before.

There’s more stress on grades and standardized test scores.

It is a set-up for kids focusing on outcomes.”

Parents can help by encouraging their child to recognize his growth and what he has learned from an assignment or task. Instead of asking ‘what grade did you get’ ask ‘what did you learn about today,’ or ‘what stood out from the unit you just completed.’

“I would like to see learning as a lifetime process and help my children to see that as well,” Arabie says.

It’s important for parents to talk about what they’re learning too. Children appreciate seeing that Mom and Dad, who they might think know it all, are still acquiring knowledge and skills.

A focus on outcomes also can cause an aversion to challenges. Perfectionists stick with tasks they’re sure to complete well, instead of delving into new territory. It’s up to parents to notice this behavior and assist their child in combating they tendency.

“The best way we can help our children welcome challenges is to encourage them to work just outside their comfort zone, stand by to lend a hand when needed, and model enthusiasm for challenging tasks,” Levine says.

acknowledging that the ideal in

LIVE WITH LIMITS

associates the praise with being

Johnson found it helped her son when she set limits for completing tasks.

“A lot of it was encouraging him to stop working on something,” she says. “We had to help him realize that at some point he’d wreck his work in trying to fix it.”

Letting go and learning to pick a stopping point have been central in his adjustments, otherwise, as she puts it, “where does it end?” Try setting a deadline for completing a task.

Use a timer during homework.

Parents may also find their child letting natural deadlines speed up their work — procrastination can be common among perfectionists. For a procrastinator, chunk projects into smaller pieces and set minideadlines for achieving each of those chunks.

Perfectionists also need to learn to live with their own limits. This means

valued for what they do.

their head may not be possible in this world. A good phrase to teach a perfectionist to say to himself is: “This is the best I can do for now,” promoting the idea that improvement is always possible.

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND VALIDATION Parents can inadvertently communicate that they value accomplishment and results, what Grolnick calls “contingent parental regard” by giving more attention when a child performs well, and less when they don’t. It’s easy to slip into when we want to praise a child for work well done, but it can work against us when the child

Let your child know your love is unconditional. Be vocal about it. Grolnick says parents should tell their kids, “You’re no less loved if you don’t do something perfectly.”

Arabie echoes this in how she talks with her children. She’ll tell them, “I love you for who you are and not what you do.”

It may take being specific, such as telling your child that it’s OK that they struggle in a certain area or that a B or C grade is just fine.

As you implement any or all of these strategies remember: Parenting any child, perfectionist or not, is an imperfect job done by imperfect people. Which practically makes each of us perfect for doing it.

Lara Krupicka is a freelance writer, mom to three girls and sometimes a perfectionist.

charlotteparent.com | JANUARY 2018

29

EXCURSION › EXCURSION

Take a Family Ski Trip in North Carolina

BY MEGAN FINKE

W

hether you’re looking for a day of winter fun or an entire weekend on the slopes, North Carolina resorts present a variety of options. Most resorts kick off the ski season in late November and stay open through mid-March. Check websites or call ahead for weather reports and slope closures before you embark on a snowy adventure.

Appalachian Ski Mountain 940 Ski Mountain Rd., Blowing Rock 828-295-7828; appskimtn.com Lift rates: $18-$70. Ages 5 and younger ski free with a ticketed adult.

Number of slopes: Three easy, three more difficult and three most difficult; three freestyle terrain parks.

Off the slopes: A fully lit outdoor ice rink for skating under the stars.

Children’s programs: Ski Wee and Cruiser Camps instructional programs designed for skiers ages 4-10 and snowboarders ages 7-12.

Beech Mountain 1007 Beech Mountain Pkwy., Beech Mountain 800-438-2093; beechmountainresort.com Lift rates: $20-$79; ages 4 and younger ski free with a ticketed adult. Discounted pricing starts March 5.

Number of slopes: Three easy, six more difficult and four most difficult; two freestyle terrain parks.

Off the slopes: Outdoor 7,000-square-foot ice rink and state-of-the art tubing park with chutes up to 700 feet in length.

Children’s programs: Snow Kamp provides all-day child care with an introduction to a winter wonderland of activities for ages 3-5.

Traxx is an all-day ski program for students ages 6-14. Burton Learn to Ride Center provides snowboarding lessons for ages 6-14.

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JANUARY 2018 2018 || charlotteparent.com carolinaparent.com JANUARY

Appalachian Ski Mountain offers nine slopes and an ice rink.

Photo courtesy of DigiDreamGrafix/Shutterstock Cataloochee Ski Area 1080 Ski Lodge Rd., Maggie Valley 800-768-0285; cataloochee.com Lift rates: $20-$75; ages 4 and younger ski free with a ticketed adult. Adults age 65 and older ski free.

Number of slopes: Eight easy, seven more difficult and two most difficult; freestyle terrain park.

Off the slopes: Snow tubing at Tube World in Maggie Valley 4 miles from the ski area.

Children’s programs: Class lessons for ages 8 and older; private lessons for ages 3 and older. Half- and full-day programs for ages 4-12.

Sapphire Valley Ski Area 127 Cherokee Trail, Sapphire Valley 828-743-7663; skisapphirevalley.com Lift rates: $21-$63 Number of slopes: Two slopes (one main intermediate run, one learning slope). Ideal for youth and beginners.

Off the slopes: Snow tubing at Frozen Falls Tube Park at a 500-foot run with a 60-foot vertical drop. Winter zip line tours on the Vordach Zip Line Experience.

Children’s programs: Ski and snowboard group lessons for ages 5 and older.

Sugar Mountain Resort 1009 Sugar Mountain Dr., Sugar Mountain 800-784-2768; skisugar.com Lift rates: $23-$74; ages 4 and younger ski free with a ticketed adult. Discounted pricing starts March 5.

Number of slopes: Seven easy, 10 more difficult and four most difficult; freestyle terrain park.

Off the slopes: 700-foot-long tubing lanes; 10,000-square-foot outdoor ice skating rink.

Children’s programs: Sugar Bear Ski School program for ages 5-10; includes a lift ticket, rental equipment, a helmet, lessons, lunch and supervision. Polar Bear Snowboard School offers a similar program for ages 7-14.

Wolf Ridge Ski Resort 578 Valley View Circle, Mars Hill 800-817-4111; skiwolfridgenc.com Lift rates: $20-$71; ages 4 and younger ski free with a ticketed adult. Adults 65 and older free.

Number of slopes: Four easy, eight intermediate and two advanced.

Off the slopes: Snow tubing at Wolf Ridge Tube Run. Children’s programs: One-on-one ski or snowboard lessons for ages 5 and older.

Group lessons for ages 9 and older.

January OUR PICKS

COMPILED BY ADDIE GOTTWALD School of Rock hits the stage at Ovens Auditorium Jan. 9-14. Photo by Matthew Murphy

ASC Connect With Culture Day at President James K. Polk State Historic Site Jan. 27 In addition to activities uptown planned by the Arts and Science Council, residents in south Charlotte can enjoy live music and learn about local history at the James K. Polk State Historic Site. The Myers Park High School Bluegrass Band plays at 11 a.m., followed by the High Ridge Pickers at noon. Craft demonstrations, including lace tatting, are scheduled from 1- 3 p.m. Tour the grounds anytime between 10 a.m.-3 p.m. 12031 Lancaster Hwy., Pineville. nchistoricsites.org.

Dia de Reyes/Three Kings Day Jan. 6 Celebrate the end of the 12 days of Christmas, also known as Epiphany, with dancing, music and family activities. Refreshments include hot chocolate and King’s Bread provided

by Las Delicias Bakery. Admission is free to the museum for the celebration. Levine Museum of the New South, 200 E. 7th St. museumofthenewsouth.org.

School of Rock | Jan. 9-14 The hit film “School of Rock” starring Jack Black comes to life on stage at Ovens Auditorium this month. The comedic musical follows Dewey Finn, a wanna-be rockstar posing as a substitute teacher, as he turns his class of straight-A students into a guitar-shredding, bass-slapping, mindblowing rock band. Tickets start at $25. See website for showtimes. Enter to win tickets on us at charlotteparent.com/contests. Ovens Auditorium, 2700 E. Independence Blvd. blumenthalarts.org.

Favorite Disney characters perform at The Wonderful World of Disney on Ice, Jan. 31-Feb. 4.

Photo courtesy of Feld Entertainment

The Wonderful World of Disney on Ice | Jan. 31-Feb. 4 Mickey, Minnie, Donald Duck and Goofy are skating down memory lane with some of Disney’s mostloved characters, like Dory, Elsa, Anna and Buzz, to re-create moments from favorite Disney movies.

Tickets start at $15. See website for showtimes. Bojangles’ Coliseum, 2700 E. Independence Blvd. bojanglescoliseum.org.

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1 MONDAY We Make Children Safer, New Year’s Day ™ Babes in the Woods. McDowell Nature Healthier, and Smarter Center, 15222 York Road. Ages 4

www.charlotteaquatics.com

stay in the know sign up for our free e-newsletters

and younger. 10-11am. FREE. 704588-5224. Enjoy an easy walk along the paved, stroller-friendly nature trail. Relax, chat, and experience what nature has to offer in a casual, social setting. Registration is required. parkandrec.com.

First Day Hike. McDowell Nature Center, 15222 York Road. FREE. 704-588-5224. Bundle up and enjoy winter’s natural beauty on this family-friendly hike followed up with some hot cocoa.

Registration required. 1-2pm or 3:30-4:30pm. parkandrec.com.

First Footin’ Community Hike and Meal. Rural Hill, 4431 Neck Road, Huntersville. 11am. FREE. Celebrate Hogmanay (Scottish New Year) with a vigorous walk along Rural Hill farm’s 2.25-mile trail. Bring soup or another dish to add to the luncheon following the hike. ruralhill.net.

2 TUESDAY American Girl Book Club. Mint Hill Library, 6840 Matthews-Mint Hill Road, Mint Hill. Ages 5-11. 4-5pm.

FREE. 704-416-5200. Join other American Girl friends the first Tuesday of each month to explore the lives and times of the American Girl Doll series with crafts, games and food. Preregistration required. cmlibrary.org.

Toddler Storytime at Barnes and Noble. Barnes and Noble, Morrison Place, 4020 Sharon Road. 11am. FREE. 704-3640626. Enjoy a storytime Tuesday and Wednesday each week. barnesandnoble.com.

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JANUARY 2018 | charlotteparent.com

Child Safety Seat Check. Charlotte Mecklenburg Police Department, Freedom Division, 4150 Wilkinson Blvd. 9:30-11:30am. FREE. Learn how to correctly install your child’s car seat with the help of a certified

technician. Bring your child, seat and vehicle, and plan to spend at least 20 minutes. No appointment required. safekidscharmeck.org.

Free Wednesday Evenings at the Mint Museum. Mint Museum Randolph, 2730 Randolph Road; Mint Museum Uptown, 500 S. Tryon St. 5-9pm.

FREE. 704-337-2000. Explore the Mint Museum exhibitions at no cost. mintmuseum.org.

Homeschool Rally Junior Edition: Ice Art and Hibernation. ImaginOn: The Joe and Joan Martin Center, 300 E. 7th Street. Ages 5-11.

11am-1pm. FREE. 704-416-4600.

Home-schooled children can explore STEM and arts activities. Read books, play games and do activities themed around cold-weather animals, then create art with ice. No registration needed. cmlibrary.org.

4 THURSDAY Board Game Night at Barnes and Noble. Barnes and Noble, The Arboretum, 3327 PinevilleMatthews Road. 6pm. FREE. 704-341-9365. Bring your favorite games or play some available at the store. stores.barnesandnoble.com.

Tot Time. Perfect Balance, 8850 Monroe Road. Ages 5 and younger. 11:30am-12:30pm. $5-$6. 980-299-8445. Enjoy an hour of open play in the gym. There is no instructor, so parents are in charge of their children. Ongoing Monday-Friday. perfectbalancecharlotte.com.

5 FRIDAY Monster Jam. Spectrum Center, 333 E. Trade St. $15+. See world-class athletes drive the larger-than-life Monster Jam trucks, demonstrating the rare combination of physical strength, mental stamina and dexterity. Friday, 7pm; and Saturday, 1 and 7pm. The Pit Party is Saturday from 10:30am-noon. monsterjam.com.

Museum Camp In: Get Moving and Breathe. The Schiele Museum, 1500 E. Garrison Blvd, Gastonia. 7pm-9am.

› $35. 704-869-1033. Junior and Cadette Girl Scouts can spend the night at the museum and learn about Earth’s precious resources through engaging hands-on activities and crafts. Advanced registration required. schielemuseum.org.

6 SATURDAY Día de Reyes/Three Kings Day. Levine Museum of the New South, 200 E. 7th St. 2-4pm.

FREE. 704-333-1887. Come and celebrate Three Kings Day (Epiphany) with music, dance and family activities. Complimentary parking at 7th Street garage. museumofthenewsouth.org.

Monster Jam. Spectrum Center, 333 E Trade St. $15+. World-class athletes drive larger-than-life Monster Jam trucks, demonstrating the rare combination of physical strength, mental stamina and dexterity. Friday, 7pm; and Saturday, 1 and 7pm. The Pit Party is Saturday from 10:30am-noon. monsterjam.com.

Wild Wonder Saturday. The Museum of York County, 4621 Mount Gallant Road, Rock Hill. 10am-2pm. $5-$8, includes museum admission.

803-329-2121. Explore nature’s patterns and shapes, and discuss their meanings. Scavenger hunts are available through the naturalist center. chmuseums.org.

7 SUNDAY Winter Scavenger Hunt. Reedy Creek Nature Preserve, 2900 Rocky River Road. Ages 6 and older.

2-3pm. FREE. 980-314-1119. Go on a scavenger hunt to see nature from a different perspective. parkandrec.com.

8 MONDAY Teen Geek Club: Pokémon. Matthews Library, 230 Matthews Station St, Matthews. Ages 10-18. 4:305:30pm. FREE. 704-416-5000. Meet other local fans and participate in activities. Preregistration required. cmlibrary.org.

9 TUESDAY Free Entry to the Schiele Museum.

The Schiele Museum, 1500 E. Garrison Blvd., Gastonia. 4-8pm.

FREE. 704-866-6900. Get free entry to the Schiele Museum every second Tuesday and every fourth Friday of the month. schielemuseum.org.

Toddler Storytime at Barnes and Noble. Barnes and Noble, Morrison Place, 4020 Sharon Road. 11am. FREE. 704-364-0626.

Join in a storytime Tuesday and Wednesday each week. stores. barnesandnoble.com.

On Stage: School of Rock. See page 34.

10 WEDNESDAY Free Wednesday Evenings at the Mint Museum. Mint Museum Randolph, 2730 Randolph Road; Mint Museum Uptown, 500 S. Tryon St. 5-9pm.

FREE. 704-337-2000. Explore the Mint Museum exhibitions at no cost. mintmuseum.org.

McDowell Campfire. McDowell Nature Preserve, 15222 S. York Road. 6-7:30pm. FREE. 980-3142267. Learn about fire safety and enjoy making s’mores and other activities.Registration required. parkandrec.com.

Wee Wednesday. Main Street Children’s Museum, 133 E. Main St., Rock Hill.

Ages 3 and younger. 10:30-11:30am.

FREE. 803-327-6400. Enjoy stories, movement with music and a seasonal craft. chmuseums.org.

On Stage: School of Rock. See page 34.

11 THURSDAY Tot Time. Perfect Balance, 8850 Monroe Road. Ages 5 and younger. 11:30am-12:30pm. $5-$6. 980-299-8445. Enjoy an hour of open play in the gym. There is no instructor, so parents are in charge of their children. Ongoing Monday-Friday. perfectbalancecharlotte.com.

Winter Warriors: Backyard Birds.

Latta Plantation Nature Center, 6211 Sample Road, Huntersville. Ages

9-14. 1-2:30 pm. $5. 980-314-1129.

Discover the winter bird population through brainstorming and habitat building. Venture on the trails to get a glimpse of some of the most common birds seen in the winter months. parkandrec.com.

On Stage: School of Rock. See page 34.

12 FRIDAY Crafty Critters. Latta Plantation Nature Preserve, 6211 Sample Road, Huntersville. Ages 4-11. 10:3011:30am. $3. 704-875-1391. Explore nature through arts and crafts. Each session has a different theme and participants can take home a craft.

Dress for mess. Registration required. parkandrec.com.

Checkers Versus Toronto. Bojangles’ Coliseum, 2700 E Independence Blvd. 7:15pm. $15+. Come join Hockey Fights Cancer Night presented by Hendrick Acura and watch the Checkers take on Toronto. gocheckers.com.

Harry Potter Night at Founders Holiday Ice Rink. Founders Holiday Ice Rink, 205 Saluda St., Rock Hill.

6-9pm. $10 per person, includes skates. Come dressed as your favorite Harry Potter character and enjoy a magical night on the ice. onlyinoldtown.com.

On Stage: BreatheINK Youth Poetry Slam; Charlotte Symphony Pops: John Williams Unlimited; Mr. Popper’s Penguins; and School of Rock. See page 34.

13 SATURDAY Checkers Versus Toronto. Bojangles’ Coliseum, 2700 E. Independence Blvd. 6pm. $15+. It’s NASCAR Night presented by K1 Speed. Stick around after the game to take a shot on the ice. Bring a new or gently-used coat to donate for a free ticket to the Sunday, Feb. 18 game. gocheckers.com.

Takeover Days: Roush Fenway Racing. Discovery Place Science, 301 N. Tryon St. 9am. $13-17. 704372-6261. As part of Year of the Engineer Saturdays, local engineers and professional organizations

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provide industry-specific experiences while showcasing work being done in the Carolinas. science.discoveryplace.org.

On Stage: Charlotte Symphony Pops: John Williams Unlimited; Balloonacy, Mr. Popper’s Penguins; School of Rock; and The Imaginators. See page 34.

14 SUNDAY Sunday Fun Day: It’s Elementary, Dear Artson. Mint Museum Uptown, 500 S. Tryon Street. 1-4pm. Free for children and members; adult admission, $6. 704-337-2000. Be an art detective looking for clues to unlock the mystery of the elements of art. Enjoy family-friendly art projects, gallery visits, artist demos and family yoga sessions. mintmuseum.org.

On Stage: Balloonacy; School of Rock; and The Imaginators. See page 34.

15 MONDAY Martin Luther King Jr. Day Kids’ Day at Dish It Out. Dish It Out, 7828 Rea Road, Suite C. 10am-8pm. $3 per hour. 704-5444848. Paint pottery for $3 per hour each Monday through May. dishitout.net.

Martin Luther King, Jr. Legacy Celebration. Levine Museum of the New South, 200 E. 7th St. 10am-4pm. FREE. 704-333-1887.

Bring the family to enjoy exhibits, crafts, performances and student poets. This year’s theme is “We Are Made By History: Continuing King’s Legacy.” museumofthenewsouth.org.

On Stage: Art, Poetry, Music: Celebrating Charlotte’s Black Culture. See page 34.

16 TUESDAY Act of Kindness Club. Mooresville Public Library, 304 S. Main St., Mooresville. Grades K-7. 4:305:30pm. FREE. 704-664-2927.

Work together to make a difference creating simple projects for the community. mooresvillelibrary.org.

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Mr. Popper’s Penguins is on stage at Children’s Theatre of Charlotte as part of Wonderfest beginning Jan. 12. Photo by Donna Bise

ON STAGE School of Rock (Jan. 9-14). Ovens Auditorium, 2700 Independence Blvd. Tickets start at $25. 704-372-1000. Based on the hit film, this hilarious new musical follows Dewey Finn, a wanna-be rock star working as a substitute teacher, who turns a class of straight-A students into a guitar-shredding, bassslapping, mind-blowing rock band. See website for showtimes. blumenthalarts.org.

BreatheINK Youth Poetry Slam. (Jan. 12). Knight Gallery at Spirit Square, 345 N. College St. Ages 13-19. 8pm. $5. 704-3721000. Local teen poets express themselves through performance poetry. blumenthalarts.org.

Charlotte Symphony Pops: John Williams Unlimited.

(Jan. 12-13). Belk Theater, 130 N.Tryon St. 7:30-9:30pm. $19+.

704-714-5128. Hear legendary tracks from John Williams, who wrote scores for famous films like “Indiana Jones” and “Superman.” charlottesymphony.org.

Mr. Popper’s Penguins. (Jan. 12-13, 20-21 and 27-28).

Children’s Theatre of Charlotte, ImaginOn: The Joe and Joan Martin Center, 300 E. 7th St. Ages 4 and older. $12-$20. 704973-2828. In this musical based on the classic book, Mr. Popper spends his time daydreaming of adventures while Mrs. Popper saves to put beans on the table. When a spirited penguin arrives on their doorstep, a new story unfolds. See website for showtimes. There is also an ASL Sign-Interpreted performance on Friday, Jan. 12 at 7:30pm. ctcharlotte.org.

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The Imaginators. (Jan. 13-14, 19, 21, and 26-27). Children’s Theatre of Charlotte, ImaginOn: The Joe & Joan Martin Center, 300 E. 7th St. Ages 7 and older. $12-$20. 704-973-2828. When a brother and sister move to a new town, they meet an inventive girl next door who gets them to go on an imaginative adventure they’ll never forget. See website for showtimes. There is also an ASL Sign-Interpreted performance Sunday, Jan. 14 at 11am. ctcharlotte.org.

Balloonacy. (Jan. 13-14, 20-21, 27-28). Children’s Theatre of Charlotte, ImaginOn: The Joe and Joan Martin Center, 300 E. 7th St. Ages 3 and older. $12-$17. 704-973-2828. A comedic play that explores the power of friendship. A mischievous balloon finds its way into the home of a solitary elderly man, and suddenly his grumpy life is interrupted. See the website for showtimes. There is also an ASL Sign-Interpreted performance Sun., Jan. 21 at 11am. ctcharlotte.org.

Art, Poetry, Music: Celebrating Charlotte’s Black Culture. (Jan. 15). Friendship Missionary Baptist Church, 2400 Beatties Ford Road. 7pm. FREE. A community celebration and collaboration by Friendship Missionary Baptist Church, David Tang’s Firebird Arts Alliance’s Power of Song Project, Quentin Talley’s OnQ Productions and Opera Carolina that fuses music, spoken word and visual art with readings of Dr. Martin Luther King’s iconic speeches. operacarolina.org.

Beauty and the Beast: The Broadway Musical. (Jan. 19-20). Duke Energy Theater at Spirit Square, 345 N. College St.

$15. 704-372-1000. Acting Out Studio of Charlotte brings the Academy Award-winning film and story of Belle and the Beast to life on stage. Charlotte Catholic freshman Liz Trumpower plays Belle. Performances Fri., 7pm; and Sat., 2 and 7pm. blumenthalarts.org.

Innovative Works. (Jan. 26-Feb. 17). Charlotte Ballet, 701 N. Tryon Street. $25-$80. 704-372-3900. A showcase of contemporary ballet in an intimate setting, and for an added bonus, tickets include a dessert reception with the dancers and artistic staff following the show. Recommended for ages 10 and older. Thursday-Saturday performances. Check website for showtimes. charlotteballet.org.

Charlotte Symphony Lollipops: Stone Soup. (Jan. 27).

Knight Theater, 430 S. Tryon St. 11am. $14+. 704-372-1000. In a powerful musically driven story of giving, three hungry travelers create a magnificent feast from scratch. charlottesymphony.org.

The Wonderful World of Disney on Ice. (Jan. 31-Feb. 4). Bojangles’ Coliseum, 2700 E. Independence Blvd. Tickets start at $15. 704-372-3600. Watch Mickey, Minnie, Donald Duck and Goofy as they skate down memory lane to remember Disney moments that span generations. Expect appearances by other Disney favorites like Dory, Nemo and Marlin; Anna, Elsa and Olaf; Rapunzel; Snow White; Buzz and Woody; Simba, Timon and Pumbaa; and Jasmine, Aladdin and Genie. See website for showtimes. bojanglescolisuem.com.

The Speech Garden Institute Developing speech, language and social skills.

Communication & Sensory Preschool and Summer Camp

www.speechgarden.org

We believe in allowing children to be independent, creating a lifelong love of learning and tailoring the curriculum Come See The Difference For Yourself!

TWO LOCATIONS: 5 Toddler & 3 Primary Classrooms

Inspiring the unlimited potential of the child • Located in Dilworth, near Uptown • 15 Months – 6 Years • Full Day Programs • 9 or 12 Month Programs • Hours of Operation 7:30-5:45

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Blaze of Glory. Reedy Creek Nature Preserve, 2900 Rocky River Road.

Ages 8 and older. 1:30-2:30pm.

FREE. 980-314-1119. Learn how to make a fire and then enjoy s’mores. parkandrec.com.

Storytime and More. Wing Haven Children’s Garden, 260 Ridgewood Ave. Ages 10 and under. 10-11am. $10 per family. 704-331-0664. Join Rutherford Rabbit in the Children’s Garden for a seasonally themed story and take-home craft activity. Water the vegetable plants, dig for worms, explore the sensory and butterfly gardens and enjoy the Wing Haven chickens. winghavengardens.org.

17 WEDNESDAY Free Wednesday Evenings at the Mint Museum. Mint Museum Randolph, 2730 Randolph Road; Mint Museum Uptown, 500 S. Tryon St. 5-9pm.

FREE. 704-337-2000. Explore the Mint Museum exhibitions at no cost. mintmuseum.org.

18 THURSDAY Tween Time: Mad Science.

Mooresville Public Library, 304 S. Main St, Mooresville. Grades 4-7. 4-5pm. FREE. 704-6642927. Engage in STEAM learning by conducting fun and exciting science experiments with dry ice. mooresvillelibrary.org.

Winter Warriors: Night Sky. Latta Plantation Nature Center, 6211 Sample Road, Huntersville. Ages 9-14. 5:30-7pm. $5. 980-314-1129.

Explore the night sky by identifying constellations and exploring astronomy-based mythology by the campfire. parkandrec.com.

19 FRIDAY Biology: It’s In Your Genes. McDowell Nature Preserve, 15222 S. York Road. Ages 9-12. 1:30-2:30pm. $5.

980-314-2267. Learn about DNA and genetics, and extract DNA from a strawberry. Registration required. parkandrec.com.

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On Stage: Beauty and the Beast: The Broadway Musical; and The Imaginators. See page 34.

20 SATURDAY Come Draw With Me. Museum of York County, 4621 Mount Gallant Road, Rock Hill. 10am-2pm. $5-$8.

803-329-2121. Draw along with Piedmont regional artists in the museum’s galleries. Look over an artist’s shoulder as a drawing comes to life. Learn valuable tips from Winthrop University art students, Catawba River Art Guild members, Fridays’ Art Project artists and other local artists. chmuseums.org.

Opossum Meet and Greet. The Schiele Museum, 1500 E. Garrison Blvd, Gastonia. 1-3pm. $4-$7, includes museum admission.

704-866-6908. Meet and take photos with Avery, the animal ambassador opossum. Learn how opossums adapt and help humans. schielemuseum.org.

On Stage: Balloonacy; Beauty and the Beast: The Broadway Musical; and Mr. Popper’s Penguins. See page 34.

21 SUNDAY Animal Care Behind-the-Scenes Tour.

McDowell Nature Center, 15222 York Road. Ages 8 and older. 3-4pm. FREE. 980-314-1128. What do turtles eat?

How do snakes keep warm? Learn the answers to these and many more animal-care questions. Registration required. parkandrec.com.

Family Day at the Checkers. Bojangles’ Coliseum, 2700 E. Independence Blvd.

1pm. Tickets start at $15.. Save $45 (40 percent) on groups of four tickets when purchasing online. After the game, participate in the Post-game skate with the team presented by Novant Health. Post-game skate costs $8; $10 with skate rentals. gocheckers.com.

On Stage: Balloonacy; Mr. Popper’s Penguins; and The Imaginators. See page 34.

JANUARY 2018 | charlotteparent.com

22 MONDAY Girls With Grit. McDowell Nature Preserve, 15222 S. York Road. Girls ages 11-14. $15. 980-314-2267.

Middle-school girls can develop new skills, explore the natural world and create lasting friendships while conquering recreational environmental challenges. Female guides share their knowledge in a positive social space. Preregistration required. parkandrec.com.

Kids’ Day at Dish It Out. Dish It Out, 7828 Rea Road, Suite C. 10am-8pm. $3 per hour. 704544-4848. Paint pottery for $3 an hour each Monday through May. dishitout.net.

23 Tuesday Toddler Storytime at Barnes and Noble. Barnes and Noble, Morrison Place, 4020 Sharon Road. 11am. FREE. 704-3640626. Join in a storytime each Tuesday and Wednesday. stores. barnesandnoble.com.

24 WEDNESDAY Free Wednesday Evenings at the Mint Museum. Mint Museum Randolph, 2730 Randolph Road; Mint Museum Uptown, 500 S. Tryon St. 5-9pm.

FREE. 704-337-2000. Explore the Mint Museum’s exhibitions at no cost. mintmuseum.org.

Mini Masters Adult/Child Workshop:All Dressed Up. Mint Museum Randolph, 2730 Randolph Road. 1:30-2:45pm. $12-$16. 704337-2000. Check out the fashion gallery and 18th-century portraits, and draw and collage a fabulous fabric portrait. Children and their adult companions can create, explore and visit the museum’s galleries. Preregistration required. mintmuseum.org.

Nature Detectives: Simply Snowflakes. Latta Plantation Nature Center, 6211 Sample Road, Huntersville. Ages 4-6. 1:303pm. $3. 980-314-1129. In this drop-off program, your child can

become a nature detective, and enjoy stories, crafts and activities to learn more about snowflakes. parkandrec.com.

25 THURSDAY Winter Bird Feeder. Mooresville Public Library, 304 S. Main St., Mooresville.

Ages 3-6. 1-2pm. FREE. 704-6642927. Learn about local birds while listening to bird stories, then make a birdfeeder for your backyard. mooresvillelibrary.org.

Winter Warriors: Which Way? Latta Plantation Nature Center, 6211 Sample Road, Huntersville. Ages 9-14. 1-2:30pm. $5. 980-3141129. Build navigation skills and find your way to a chosen destination using a map, compass and GPS devices. parkandrec.com.

26 FRIDAY Charlotte Mecklenburg Library Presents: Music With Holly.

ImaginOn: The Joe and Joan Martin Center, 300 E. 7th St. Ages 18 months-5 years.

11:30am-noon. FREE. 704-4164600. Toddlers and preschoolers can join Holly Johnson in a music and movement program to hear songs and play a variety of instruments. imaginon.org.

Crafty Critters. Latta Plantation Nature Preserve, 6211 Sample Road, Huntersville. Ages 4-11. 10:3011:30am. $3. 704-875-1391. Explore nature through arts and crafts. Each session has a different theme and participants can take home a craft.

Dress for mess. Registration required. parkandrec.com.

Free Entry to the Schiele Museum.

The Schiele Museum, 1500 E. Garrison Blvd., Gastonia. 1-5pm.

FREE. 704-866-6900. Get free entry to the Schiele Museum every second Tuesday of and fourth Friday of the month. schielemuseum.org.

On Stage: Innovative Works; and The Imaginators. See page 34.

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See 75 machines designed by Leonardo da Vinci at Discovery Place Science’s exhibition Da Vinci’s Machines. Photo courtesy of Discovery Place

ON EXHIBIT Toys, Games and TRAINS. (Through Jan. 6). Kings Mountain Historical Museum, 100 E. Mountain St., Kings Mountain. 10am-4pm. Free. 704-739-1019. See model-train displays, railroad memorabilia, and antique toys and games, including some interactive features. kingsmountainmuseum.org.

Immortal: A New Series by Miya Bailey. (Through Jan. 22). The Harvey B. Gantt Center, 551 S. Tryon St..

Tuesday-Friday, 10am-5pm; Sunday, 1-5pm. $7-$9, includes museum admission. Explores how artists immortalize people, places and memories through the visual arts. ganttcenter.org.

The Darryl Atwell Collection of African-American Art (Through Jan. 22, 2018). Harvey B. Gantt Center for African-American Arts + Culture, 551 S. Tryon St. TuesdayFriday, 10am-5pm; Sunday, 1-5pm. $7-$9, includes museum admission. 704-374-1565. The debut of one of the most expansive collections of abstract and contemporary AfricanAmerican art. ganttcenter.org.

Collards + Culture Exhibit. (Through Jan. 24). Sugar Creek Library, 4045 N. Tryon St. FREE. 704-416-0600. See a life-size installation that explores African culture and how Africans were brought to the Americas through the Middle Passage. cmlibrary.org.

Charlotte Collects: Contemporary Couture and Fabulous Fashion. (Through Feb. 4). Mint Museum Randolph, 2730 Randolph Road. $6-$15; free for children 4 and younger. 704-337-2000. From cocktail attire to wedding dresses, see 21st-century long-gown, fashion designs by Roberto Cavalli, Dolce & Gabbana, Carolina Herrera, Marc Jacobs and many other renowned designers. mintmuseum.org.

Da Vinci’s Machines. (Through May 6). Discovery Place Science, 301 N. Tryon St. $13-$17, includes museum admission. 704-372-6261. This interactive exhibit features 75 machines designed by Leonardo da Vinci, including an assault tank, submarine, parachute, scuba-diving tank and a robot. science.discoveryplace.org.

Charlotte’s Road to Revolution. (Through June 6).

The Charlotte Museum of History, 3500 Shamrock Drive.

11am-5pm. $7-$10. 704-568-1774. View 17 original oil paintings by Charlotte artist Dan Nance, 20 interpretive panels and 18th-century antiques that tell the story of Charlotte’s earliest days, including the Catawba Nation; settlement of the area by Europeans immigrants and African enslaved people; and Charlotte’s role in the Revolutionary War. charlottemuseum.org.

Year of the Engineer. (Through Sept. 3). Discovery Place Science, 301 N. Tryon St. Monday-Friday, 9am-4pm; Saturday, 9am-5pm; Sunday, noon-5pm. $13-$17, includes museum admission. 704-372-6261. Year of the Engineer celebrates the creativity and imagination of engineers. It includes the opening of an all-new Thinker Space lab and exhibition Think It Up, along with the premiere of “Dream Big: Engineering Our World” in the IMAX Dome Theatre. science.discoveryplace.org.

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27 SATURDAY ASC Connect With Culture Festival. Various times and locations throughout Mecklenburg County. FREE. 704-337-2000. Explore current exhibitions at uptown museums, plus science, history and heritage experiences and enjoy live music at various locations throughout Mecklenburg county. artsandscience.org.

ASC Connect With Culture Day at President James K. Polk State Historic Site. 12031 Lancaster Hwy, Pineville. 10am-3pm. FREE. Explore the museum’s exhibits and tour the historic cabins. See local artists demonstrating and displaying works. Hear the sounds of traditional bluegrass music from the Myers Park High School Bluegrass Band and the High Ridge Pickers. Tours leave from the visitor center at the bottom of each hour. Musical performances happening from 11am-1pm. nchistoricsites.org.

Let It Snow, Let It Snow. Reedy Creek Nature Preserve, 2900 Rocky River Road. 2-3pm. FREE. 980-314-1119. Learn how Mother Nature creates snow, sleet and hail. parkandrec.com.

Mini Masters Adult/Child Workshop: All Dressed Up. Mint Museum Randolph, 2730 Randolph Road. 1:30-2:45pm. $120$16. 704-337-2000.

Check out the fashion gallery and 18th-century portraits and draw and collage a fabulous fabric portrait. Children and their adult companions can create, explore and visit the museum’s galleries.

Preregistration required. mintmuseum.org.

Wild Wonder Saturdays. The Museum of York County, 4621 Mount Gallant Road, Rock Hill. 10am-2pm. $5-$8, includes museum admission. 803-329-2121.

Explore the natural world of the Carolina Piedmont and its global connections with area photographers who share tips on using digital cameras to capture nature’s artistry. chmuseums.org.

On Stage: Balloonacy; Charlotte Symphony Lollipops: Stone Soup; Innovative Works; Mr. Popper’s Penguins; and The Imaginators. See page 34.

28 SUNDAY A Wintry Stroll. Reedy Creek Nature Preserve, 2900 Rocky River Road. Ages 8 and older. 2-3pm.

CALENDAR POLICY ::

FREE. 980-314-1119. Go for a wintry walk and enjoy hot chocolate. parkandrec.com.

It’s Snow Joke: Winter Precipitation 101. The Schiele Museum, 1500 E. Garrison Blvd, Gastonia. $4-$7, includes museum admission. 704-866-6908. Discover the different types of winter precipitation from snow, sleet, freezing rain and rain. Find out how snowflakes are created and why no two snowflakes are alike. Talks start at 2pm, 3pm, and 4pm. schielemuseum.org.

On Stage: Balloonacy; and Mr. Popper’s Penguins.

See page 34.

29 MONDAY Nature Story Center. Reedy Creek Nature Preserve, 2900 Rocky River Road. Ages 3-6. 10-11am. FREE. 980-314-1119. Unearth the untold narratives of nature through stories and walk about the forest engaging all five senses. parkandrec.com.

30 TUESDAY Children’s Writing Group. Beatties Ford Road Regional Library, 2412 Beatties Ford Road.

Ages 10-11. 5-5:45pm. FREE. 704-416-3000.

Collaborate and share writing, give and receive feedback, and support others through the writing process. cmlibrary.org.

Toddler Storytime at Barnes and Noble. Barnes and Noble, Morrison Place, 4020 Sharon Road. 11am.

FREE. 704-364-0626. Join with other families in a storytime each Tuesday and Wednesday. stores. barnesandnoble.com.

31 WEDNESDAY Free Wednesday Evenings at the Mint Museum.

Mint Museum Randolph, 2730 Randolph Road; Mint Museum Uptown, 500 S. Tryon St. 5-9pm.

FREE. 704-337-2000. Explore the Mint Museum exhibitions at no cost. mintmuseum.org.

Homeschool Day: Tropical Treasures. Daniel Stowe Botanical Garden, 6500 S. New Hope Road, Belmont. Grades K-5. 9:30am-12:30pm. $5-$12.

704-829-1270. Join in hands-on, guided discovery experiences using the Orchid Conservatory as a living laboratory. Register online. dsbg.org.

On Stage: The Wonderful World of Disney on Ice. See page 34.

The Charlotte Parent calendar lists free and low-cost local and regional events for children and families. To submit an event for consideration, go to charlotteparent. com/calendar, then click on Submit an Event. Submission deadline for print is the 5th of the month prior to the next month’s publication. Time, dates and details of events are subject to change. Call venue to confirm.

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BUSINESS DIRECTORY

YOUR AD. THIS SPACE. NEXT MONTH. advertising@charlotteparent.com

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DADDY DEREK

What Happened to My Car?

BY DEREK JAMES

I

’ve never been a “car guy,” but I’ve always taken pride in keeping my car neat and clean. Even my first car — a used, early 1980s Nissan Stanza that Kelley Blue Book would be none-tookind complimentary — still got my caring attention. The FM radio didn’t work and it melted cassette tapes after three songs, but it was clean. I kept Armor All and wipes in the glove box, and there was never a soda can or wrapper on the floorboard.

Being the extremely cool guy I was in those high-school years, I traded up to a Ford Aerostar minivan. Nothing impresses a 16-year-old girl and her protective father more than a guy who drives a minivan with all the back seats removed. I have an excuse though. I started my own professional DJ business and needed something that could accommodate my huge speakers, lights and crates of music.

Fast-forward more than 20 years to my current car, which is a hot mess.

My 2007 Hyundai Santa Fe has over 125,000 miles on it and has been with me since before our oldest son, Tyler, was born nine years ago. For several years after Tyler was born, and then our second child Chase came along, I tried to immediately clean up spills and stains.

I remember attempting to clean a stain in my back seat for an hour after my youngest son, Chase, spit up a milkshake that he drank too fast when he was a toddler. It didn’t work.

I went to one of those big commercial car wash places and learned that they couldn’t clean my seat because it contained my son’s “bodily fluids.”

His spit up was being treated like it was from a crime scene. I later tried to have a professional detail company that wasn’t afraid of “bodily fluids” take a shot at it. They got rid of the smell, but the evidence remained. Join me now in a chorus: “Eww.” I’m not sure at what point I gave up trying to preserve and revive the interior of my car, but I did. As time goes by, it just gets worse. For example, something clearly melted its way into the plastic of the back-seat cup holders and armrest.

The armrest now must remain in the down position so no one can see the massive stains that lie beneath. It also appears that a sucker (I think?) melted on the carpet of the back seat — not conveniently on the removable and easily

replaceable floor mat — but on the carpet itself. Add in the hidden milk spills and discarded bananas (those always smell great), melted crayons, fossilized fast food and dog hair, and you’ve got a perfect storm of back-seat nastiness. (You’re welcome for the visual).

For now, I deal with the mess and dream of the blissful day when I have a clean, food-free vehicle, but that will have to wait until the kids are older.

Until then, I avoid having non-family members ride with me. A man has to have standards. Speaking of which, what would you think if you got into someone’s car and there were towels draped all over the seats? This is hypothetical, of course. I’m asking for a friend.

Derek James is a host of WCCB News Rising. He and his wife live in Charlotte with their two sons who are age 9 and 6.

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FACES & PLACES

Gabriel, 9, and Abigail, 6, taking a break on our hike at Lake Norman State Park. They love wild adventures and everything that this beautiful park has to offer. Photo and memory by Sandra Mims of Statesville.

Share your real-life moment at charlotteparent.com/contests.

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JANUARY 2018 | charlotteparent.com

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