Montrose Star Entertainment News

How we can live long and prosper

10 MONTROSE STAR .COM

THE GAY-ETY STARTS HERE!

Wednesday May 13, 2020 e VOL. X1, 4

≈ Houston Rainbow Herald ...................... 4

≈ ................................................... ≈ Foodie My LifeDiaries Behind Bars ................................... 11 18

Patti LuPone

≈ What A World ....................................................... 6

A comeback in quarantine

Editorial 5 Crossword 19 Guide to the Clubs 22

Photo Netflix.

INDEX

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PAGE 2 | MontroseStar.com e | Wednesday May 13, 2020

IMPORTANT FACTS FOR BIKTARVY®

This is only a brief summary of important information about BIKTARVY and does not replace talking to your healthcare provider about your condition and your treatment.

(bik-TAR-vee)

MOST IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT BIKTARVY

POSSIBLE SIDE EFFECTS OF BIKTARVY

BIKTARVY may cause serious side effects, including:

BIKTARVY may cause serious side effects, including:  Those in the “Most Important Information About BIKTARVY” section.  Changes in your immune system. Your immune system may get stronger and begin to fight infections. Tell your healthcare provider if you have any new symptoms after you start taking BIKTARVY.  Kidney problems, including kidney failure. Your healthcare provider should do blood and urine tests to check your kidneys. If you develop new or worse kidney problems, they may tell you to stop taking BIKTARVY.  Too much lactic acid in your blood (lactic acidosis), which is a serious but rare medical emergency that can lead to death. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you get these symptoms: weakness or being more tired than usual, unusual muscle pain, being short of breath or fast breathing, stomach pain with nausea and vomiting, cold or blue hands and feet, feel dizzy or lightheaded, or a fast or abnormal heartbeat.  Severe liver problems, which in rare cases can lead to death. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you get these symptoms: skin or the white part of your eyes turns yellow, dark “tea-colored” urine, light-colored stools, loss of appetite for several days or longer, nausea, or stomach-area pain.  The most common side effects of BIKTARVY in clinical studies were diarrhea (6%), nausea (6%), and headache (5%).

 Worsening of hepatitis B (HBV) infection. If you have both HIV-1 and HBV, your HBV may suddenly get worse if you stop taking BIKTARVY. Do not stop taking BIKTARVY without first talking to your healthcare provider, as they will need to check your health regularly for several months.

ABOUT BIKTARVY BIKTARVY is a complete, 1-pill, once-a-day prescription medicine used to treat HIV-1 in adults and children who weigh at least 55 pounds. It can either be used in people who have never taken HIV-1 medicines before, or people who are replacing their current HIV-1 medicines and whose healthcare provider determines they meet certain requirements.

BIKTARVY does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS. HIV-1 is the virus that causes AIDS. Do NOT take BIKTARVY if you also take a medicine that contains:  dofetilide  rifampin  any other medicines to treat HIV-1

BEFORE TAKING BIKTARVY Tell your healthcare provider if you:  Have or have had any kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis infection.  Have any other health problems.  Are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. It is not known if BIKTARVY can harm your unborn baby.

Tell your healthcare provider if you become pregnant while taking BIKTARVY.  Are breastfeeding (nursing) or plan to breastfeed.

Do not breastfeed. HIV-1 can be passed to the baby in breast milk.

These are not all the possible side effects of BIKTARVY. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you have any new symptoms while taking BIKTARVY.

Tell your healthcare provider about all the medicines you take:

Take BIKTARVY 1 time each day with or without food.

 BIKTARVY and other medicines may affect each other.

Ask your healthcare provider and pharmacist about medicines that interact with BIKTARVY, and ask if it is safe to take BIKTARVY with all your other medicines.

MyDailyCharge.com

Your healthcare provider will need to do tests to monitor your health before and during treatment with BIKTARVY.

HOW TO TAKE BIKTARVY GET MORE INFORMATION

 Keep a list that includes all prescription and over-the-counter medicines, antacids, laxatives, vitamins, and herbal supplements, and show it to your healthcare provider and pharmacist.

Get HIV support by downloading a free app at

You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit www.FDA.gov/medwatch or call 1-800-FDA-1088.

 This is only a brief summary of important information about BIKTARVY. Talk to your healthcare provider or pharmacist to learn more.  Go to BIKTARVY.com or call 1-800-GILEAD-5  If you need help paying for your medicine, visit BIKTARVY.com for program information.

BIKTARVY, the BIKTARVY Logo, DAILY CHARGE, the DAILY CHARGE Logo, KEEP CREATING, LOVE WHAT’S INSIDE, GILEAD, and the GILEAD Logo are trademarks of Gilead Sciences, Inc., or its related companies. Version date: February 2020 © 2020 Gilead Sciences, Inc. All rights reserved. BVYC0220 04/20

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BVYC0220_BIKTARVY_C_10X13-65_MontroseStar_Chad_r1v1jl.indd All Pages

MontroseStar.com e | Wednesday May 13, 2020 | PAGE 3

CHAD LIVING WITH HIV SINCE 2018 REAL BIKTARVY PATIENT

KEEP CREATING.

Because HIV doesn’t change who you are.

BIKTARVY® is a complete, 1-pill, once-a-day prescription medicine used to treat HIV-1 in certain adults. BIKTARVY does not cure HIV-1 or AIDS.

Ask your healthcare provider if BIKTARVY is right for you.

See Chad’s story at BIKTARVY.com.

Featured patient compensated by Gilead.

Please see Important Facts about BIKTARVY, including important warnings, on the previous page and visit BIKTARVY.com.

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4/23/20 10:03 AM

PAGE 4 | MontroseStar.com e | Wednesday May 13, 2020

Publisher / Executive

LAURA M VILLAGRAN Business Development Manager

Copy Editor

RANDALL JOBE

NANCY FORD Scene Writers

Production

RAFA ESPINOSA

JIM AYRES JANICE ANDERSON Distribution

News Features

JOHNNY TRLICA

MIRIAM ORIHUELA ELIZABETH MEMBRILLO

T H E S TA R C O N T R I B U T I N G W R I T E R S JIM AYRES by day is an employee benefits and human resources writer. By night he turns his creativity toward the local food and restaurant scene. Do you know of a restaurant that needs a review? Info@montrose-star.com NANCY FORD has enjoyed a front row seat to the most remarkable and sparkly Cultural Revolution in the history of mankind. “What a world!” She reflects appropriately. After moving to Houston from Ohio in 1981, Ford became a highly visible player in Texas’ LGBT publishing circles as an editor and contributor to myriad other local and statewide LGBT magazines and newspapers.

RANDALL JOBE has been a fixture in the Houston LGBT Community for several decades in marketing and promotions for top nightclubs, as an actor/director/writer for dozens of theatrical productions, and is also known for his whimsical art pieces. He is the author of the 12-part series “This Old Queen”, which summarized his many experiences living in the gay Mecca, Montrose.

VIC GERAMI is journalist, media contributor and Editor & Publisher of The Blunt Post. Vic grew up in LA and has a BA in Theater Arts. He spent six years at Frontiers Magazine, followed by LA Weekly and Voice Media Group. His syndicated celebrity Q&A column, 10 Questions with Vic, is a LA Press Club’s National Arts & Entertainment Journalism Award finalist.

Vic is a contributor for Montrose Star, DC Life Magazine, Out & About Nashville, Q Virginia, GNI MAG, QNotes, Windy City Times, WeHo Times, GoWeHo, Los Angeles Blade, Asbarez, California Courier, Desert Daily Guide, Armenian Weekly, GED, The Pride LA, IN Magazine and The Advocate Magazine.

FOREST RIGGS is no stranger to the adventures of life, he bills himself as a “raconteur with a gypsy spirit.” A former educator, public speaker, hospital administrator, counselor and gay owner, he was instrumental in the formation of OutSmart Magazine in the early 1990s. He has written for several newspapers, magazines and other publications. Recently he completed a collection of short stories about his beloved Galveston and is working on a novel. He currently resides on the island where he can be found wasting bait and searching for the meaning of life.

JOHNNY TRLICA has called the Houston area home all of his life. Four years ago he founded and still edits the Houston Rainbow Herald and has worked in the apartment leasing industry for the past two years. His passion is keeping the battle for LGBT rights at the forefront of today’s headlines and fighting complacency in the LGBT community.

Want to whine about injustices?

We’ll tell you about injustices e By Johnny Trlica

C

OMMENTARY: ONE OF THE MOST DISTURBING SCENES

of the past few weeks has been those of protesters demonstrating against stay at home orders. Armed militia are storming Statehouses and city halls all across America to protest stay at home/stay safe orders. Some of the protests have turned violent.

Lady Liberals wrote about in on their Facebook page: “Protestors. Armed protestors. Armed, masked white protestors. This is the America that keeps me awake at night.

“They can’t be bothered to protest that 65,000+ (now over 70,000) people have died from a pandemic that has seen America react like a third-world country.

“They won’t dress up in their favorite wanna-be soldier gear and protest that this country still doesn’t have its shit together enough to live up to POSPOTUS’s declaration that “anyone who wants a test, can get a test.”

A beautiful test. Indeed.

“They refuse to pick up their weaponry to protest the lack of basic medical gear for doctors and nurses and patients. They won’t protest for PPE or ventilators. Oh, hell no!

“They won’t wave an American flag and storm a state capital to protest the fact that in America, some — SOME — of its citizens were handed a measly $1200 while corporations and big business sucked trillions right into their bank accounts. Again.

“They won’t protest for people who literally have NOTHING to eat while farmers plow under their fields and milk gets flushed down the drain because no one can figure out the ‘supply chain.’”

Do you want to know who is not out in the streets acting like wanna-be GI Joe’s? The LGBTQ community, that’s who. While mostly white right-wingers are storming state capital buildings complaining about being told to stay home and wear face coverings and calling social distancing an injustice, we know and understand all too well what an injustice is.

Some Christians and their pastors call it an injustice that they cannot pack their churches with throngs of people who may or may not be nonsymptomatic of a deadly virus, but LGBTQ people are not complaining about our Pride Parades, the biggest events of the year, being cancelled.

San Francisco and New York cancelled their annual June parades. Houston and Galveston have both postponed theirs until the fall. You will not find drag queens, twinks, and bears storming the mayor’s office or marching on the Seawall in protest.

LGBT folks will not be caught pushing park rangers into lakes like a protester did in Austin. We won’t be the ones carrying assault rifles threatening state legislators.

We won’t be the ones wiping our face on the Dollar Tree employee who asked us to put on a facemask.

That’s because we have actually experienced injustices so we know one when we see one. When worshipers in churches are invaded by dozens of police officers, rounded up, and carted off to jail just for being there, the way patrons of gay bars have been, they can complain.

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When Confederate flag waving “patriots” have to fear being beheaded the way gays and lesbians in some countries do, they can cry injustice.

When a virus such as HIV/AIDS that seemingly targets only their community and their government does nothing for years because the people getting sick and dying, in some people’s eyes, deserve it, they can talk about injustices.

This isn’t the first pandemic queer folks have lived through. We know what it’s like to be scared of catching

Photo via NBCNews.com

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HRH Report

Michigan protester screams past police at the state’s capital an invisible something that can kill you. While President Ronald Reagan, whose administration called it “the gay plague,” looked the other way, our community was amassing casualties by the hundreds of thousands.

The W.H.O. states more than 35 million people worldwide have died of HIV/AIDS since the 1980s.

While displaying their entitled eminence and complaining about local officials telling them they cannot go to Chili’s and Applebee’s, our community stays home being safe and watches our favorite drag queens put on marvelous shows from their living rooms.

While threatening store employees compelling them to wear a mask, our community straps on the prettiest and most fabulously decked out face coverings, the kind that would make Bob Mackie proud.

While entitled swastika-wearing boomers are ignoring social distancing guidelines at their neo-military rallies and protests, the LGBTQ community keeps its distance from each other and thinks to ourselves, “Idiots.”

The name of the game is survival. We lived through the HIV/AIDS pandemic by changing our lifestyles and habits, and relying on science to find a treatment and, one day, a cure. That’s how we will survive the coronavirus, too.

The gay community has protested and rioted in the past. The gay rights movement, begun at Stonewall, was a riot. We held protests that demanded equal rights and a cure/treatment for HIV/AIDS. ACT UP and Queer Nation are prime examples of the community’s activism.

The difference between gay rights protests of the past and stay home demonstrations today is that we were fighting for the right to exist, not for the privilege to get a haircut.

Unlike our straight contemporaries, we have faced way too many injustices to label everything we don’t like an injustice. e The views expressed in this article are entirely those of the writer and do not necessarily reflect the views of MONTROSE STAR. Johnny Trlica is the administrator of the Houston Rainbow Herald Facebook page. Reach him at: HRHeditor@gmail.com.

MontroseStar.com e | Wednesday May 13, 2020 | PAGE 5

OP-ED

Creep of the Week: Donald J. Trump e By D’Anne Witkowski

C

URRE NT LY TRENDING POLITICAL

advice: Do not chug Lysol. Do not inject bleach. Do not smoke Clorox wipes.

Also add to that list: Do not vote for Republicans. My God, what a sick and dangerous joke is this president and his party.

In some ways it makes sense, this fierce protectionism of the most unqualified person to ever hold the highest office in the land. Republicans are completely incapable of governing. After all, they don’t believe that government is capable of being competent or helpful and so they have an incentive to be terrible.

And, my oh my, do they meet even the lowest, most cynical expectations.

Trump is so terrible that he has people waxing nostalgic about George W. Bush and Democrats getting misty-eyed over Ronald Reagan (waving to John Kerry: KNOCK IT OFF). Note: when one person is MORE terrible than another, that doesn’t make the less terrible person not terrible.

The COVID-19 pandemic makes the difference between Republicans and Democrats nakedly clear. One party is taking advice from the country’s top medical experts about how to navigate this crisis. The other party puts a guy on TV every night who believes that windmills cause cancer and that we should try to kill coronavirus by beaming sunlight into a body — literally putting sunshine where the sun doesn’t shine.

One party takes unprecedented steps to save American lives. The other party encourages protestors in Confederate flag tube tops and “Don’t Tread on Me” banners to descend upon state governments who dare to take these

steps. One party thinks that staying alive is goal No. 1. The other party thinks that life only matters when it’s inside a womb.

There are 50,000 Americans dead as I write this. Surely there will be more by the time you read it. And that’s just the deaths we’re counting. There are likely more. The number of people who are sick is no doubt being undercounted due to the completely botched response by the Trump Administration to this crisis.

We didn’t test. We didn’t do contact tracing. We didn’t do shit. The only thing Trump offered to fight this virus was racism against the Chinese and guess what: racism is as ineffective against COVID-19 as mainlining Purell.

As crass and narcissistic and awful as Trump is, it is astounding to me that he has yet to show any care or concern for tens of thousands of people who are dead. I mean, it’s not astounding to me that he doesn’t care, it’s astounding to me that he doesn’t have advisors saying, “You probably should express some kind of condolences.” Actually, scrap that. I suspect he does, but he is so out of control, so completely off leash, so totally insane that he listens to no one. Not even Ivanka.

Trump’s Republican party claims to be pro-life, but when it comes to life outside of the womb, they DGAF. There are Republicans across the country making the argument that letting scores of people get an incredibly infectious virus and die is preferable to hurting the economy. That death is the lesser evil when compared to a tanking stock market. And then they want to turn around and pretend they’re holier than thou because they oppose abortion.

In Michigan, where I live, Gov. Gretchen

Whitmer, a Democrat known to Trump as “that woman from Michigan,” has gotten some pushback from Trump supporters for her “Stay Home, Stay Safe” order, which has just been extended until May 15. She’s had protesters in front of the capitol and even her house. People are protesting her audacity to limit their liberty in an effort to not kill thousands of people. They are taking “give me liberty or give me death” to the extreme, here. And Michigan Republicans are with the protesters on this. They have a majority in the state House and Senate and they have forced both bodies to meet in person in Lansing, most recently so that the Republicans could pass bills stripping Whitmer of some of her power — bills that Whitmer is obviously not going to sign. So the whole thing is just a political stunt. A political stunt that puts peoples’ health and lives at risk. This is even after Rep. Isaac Robinson (D-Detroit) DIED in March from COVID-19. Michigan’s Republican party is a ghoulish circus of nightmare clowns.

But they, of course, take their cues from their Dear Leader who tweeted “LIBERATE MICHIGAN” as protesters without masks crammed elbow to elbow toting assault rifles and boasting about allegiance to white supremacy, intentionally blocked streets in the capital, including access to a hospital.

Remember those death panels Republicans warned us about when Obama dared to give people health insurance? Well, they’re here. And the panelists are Republicans. Vote them out before they kill you. e

TOC MAY 13, 2020 | VOL. X1, 4

COOKING WITH PAULA DREAM COMMUNITY Galveston Keep on cookin’, welcomes crowds friends back, but follow the rules

10 14

D’Anne Witkowski is a poet, writer and comedian living in Michigan with her wife and son. She has been writing about LGBT politics for on Twitter @MamaDWitkowski.

MY LIFEOF VICTIM BEHIND CORONAVIRUS BARS Houston’s Fiction, fantasy Prideor Parade fact? delayed

14 14

HRH Report...........................................................4 OP-ED.....................................................................5 What a World........................................................6 Community..........................................................14 Across the Causeway........................................17 My Life Behind Bars......................................... 18 Crossword Queeries......................................... 19 Guide to the Clubs............................................22 ©2019 Montrose Star All Right Reserved Montrose Star™ Newspaper since 1976, is owned by GYLP Media, a Texas minority-certified company est. in 1990.

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PAGE 6 | MontroseStar.com e | Wednesday May 13, 2020

What a World

Two sides of the COVID coin e By Nancy Ford

I miss hugs.

I miss parties and holiday celebrations with friends.

I miss going to a bar for happy hour or to watch a game, eating lukewarm hot dogs out of an uncovered Crockpot.

I miss high-fiving strangers, feeling the slight sting of the slap, when our team wins.

I miss putting my clothing into my condo complex’s communal washers and dryers without gloving up.

I miss browsing at a big-box retail store without having to cue up in line like I am waiting to buy a loaf of bread or a pair of shoes in Cold War-era Soviet Russia.

I miss passing a single joint around the circle.

I miss waking up and knowing, at least within a few brief seconds, what day it is.

I miss 5 o’clock traffic. I really do.

I miss my hands not feeling like they’re made out of leather. And not the soft, supple kind of Italian leather. I mean the kind of leather that is dry, rough, and cracked like it’s parched from laying out in the Texas sun for about 20 years.

I miss being able to read people’s lips when I can’t quite hear them.

I miss seeing people’s lips.

I miss taking a walk without getting a headache from repeatedly inhaling my own mask-trapped carbon dioxide.

I miss shaking the hands of people I’m meeting for the first time.

I miss shaking hands with, and more often, hugging people I haven’t seen for a long time that I run into in public places.

I miss reading the assorted free publications stacked in racks at restaurants while sitting at the bar or in a common area while waiting for my food order, then returning those publications to the rack for the nest person to enjoy without feeling like Typhoid Mary.

I miss attending trade conferences and packing shoulder-to-shoulder with colleagues into a hotel’s ballroom to listen to a keynote speaker, even if I fundamentally disagree with everything that keynote speaker says and stands for.

I miss having a President who suffers with his fellow citizens. The only hint of suffering Trump has displayed during this crisis came when the country’s meatpacking industry almost collapsed. Lesson learned: Do not stand between Trump and his hamberders.

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I miss riding the Metro and sitting beside the Spanish-speaking woman struggling with a stroller in one hand and her wriggling child in the other.

I miss lining up like cattle in Southwest Airlines’ A-B-C-D boarding lines.

I miss pressing crumpled up dollar bills that I got in change from a bartender into the hand of a drag queen in support of a worthy community charity. And I miss the ritual of that drag queen sometimes kissing my hand in gratitude and recognition.

I miss slipping carefully folded dollar bills into the hands of valet parking attendants, and not giving a second thought to the fact that their hands were just all over my steering wheel, gear shift knob, and door handle.

I miss the tasty free samples at Costco, distributed by someone whose face I can see.

But I love how people have tapped into their arty side to create facemasks that are more than terrifying reminders of a global airborne pandemic.

I love the quiet of the city. Who knew what a significant difference reducing the number of air travelers by 96 percent would have on one’s eardrums?

I love the fact that the largest ozone hole over Antarctica has disappeared due to the worldwide reduction of carbon emissions.

I love spontaneous, socially-distanced, masked picnics in the park with mutually cabin-fevered companions.

I love every phone call — even those from telemarketers. Do I buy what they’re selling? No. But I’m more likely to at least listen to them now, and then wish them luck on their next call.

I love talking to my immunecompromised sister in Ohio every single day about absolutely nothing.

I love seeing people smile with their eyes.

I love waiting in my car in the parking lot of a restaurant to pick up a safely prepared, safely packaged meal. And I love thanking them for resisting the option of opening their dining rooms too soon, and for prioritizing their customers’ health over profit.

I love the feeling of safety and comfort, and pure joy I find in my precious partner’s arms after we quarantined away from each other for a month to make 99.999 percent sure we were safe from infection.

I love waking up in the morning. Or maybe it’s afternoon. Hard to tell.

I love waking up. e

MontroseStar.com e | Wednesday May 13, 2020 | PAGE 7

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PAGE 8 | MontroseStar.com e | Wednesday May 13, 2020

A comeback in quarantine

Stage icon talks ‘Hollywood’, her basement videos and why ‘Ladies Who Lunch’ will never be the same e By Chris Azzopardi

I

N RYAN MURPHY’S HOLLYWOOD, THE

wife becomes the boss, the “black screenwriter” is simply a screenwriter, and the gay leading man is just himself.

Naturally, it stars Broadway icon Patti LuPone, who, in conversations like the one we had recently, thrives on brazen authenticity.

In the seven-episode Netflix series, LuPone portrays Avis Amberg, the wife of a studio head whose work is relegated to the kitchen. But not for long, thanks to Murphy’s 1940s corrective where power dynamics shift in favor of the underdogs and outsiders in this alternate reality, a fantasy depiction of Tinseltown’s Golden Age reimagined as diverse, inclusive and unabashedly queer.

That LuPone, 71, portrays a grand Hollywood dame and housewife-turnedstudio head – in, of course, only the most glam fur-fringed couture – should be no surprise given how she’s been commanding the stage through a variety of extravagant personas for a half century. In 1979, as Eva Perón, she won her first Tony for Evita; her second win came in 2008, for her portrayal of Rose in Gypsy. She’s also been nominated for roles in Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, War Paint, Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown and Anything Goes.

On Broadway is where she was throwing back martinis in Stephen

Sondheim’s 1970 musical Company, as Joanne, until the pandemic lockdown forced theaters to shut down.

Now quarantined in rural Connecticut with her husband, Matthew Johnston, and son Josh, LuPone has been doling out delicious bits on social media. In one video she posted to Twitter, she channeled Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard, making a dramatic entrance from her basement steps (when Glenn Close got the role for the Broadway run of the show in 1994, LuPone said she reacted by trashing a dressing room).

Other at-home videos of LuPone involve her giving aptly chaotic, hungover tours of her treasure-filled basement.

When we connect via phone, I tell LuPone that she might actually be happy that, for once, this conversation is occurring between phone lines, not on Zoom. “You’re right,” she says, roaring with laughter. “It really is the Brady Bunch.”

Do you have any more basement videos in the works?

My problem right now is focus and structure. If I don’t do something in the morning, I’m in bed till 4:30 in the afternoon. So my kid – we’ve come up with a couple more. We just have to get down to it. We have to get up in the morning and go, “OK, now we’re gonna do the video.” We have two plans. So we’ll see.

The problem, Chris, is it has to be spontaneous. It’s the only way it’s funny. The day after my birthday when I was so hungover I went, half-asleep, (slurring, drowsy) “Let’s … go … make … a … video, I’m ... re–a–dy.” (Laughs.)

If it weren’t for COVID, you’d be throwing back martinis on Broadway in Company.

So I’m happy to hear you’re still throwing back martinis – or something!

Well, last night we had frozen strawberry daiquiris, but that was really the first time, because I was texting with a friend of mine and she said, “Go have a daiquiri,” and I went, “You know what? That sounds like a good idea.”

And we seem to have all the fixings for it! So my kid made daiquiris for my husband, himself and me. Then I had red wine, which wasn’t too smart. What I’m drinking a lot of right now is red wine. And I’m just trying … you know it’s really easy to let yourself go!

Have you completely let yourself go?

No! No! I’m holding it together. I have to! (Laughs.) Years ago a friend of mine, when he was on unemployment, I said, “What are you doing, Tony?” He said I’m preparing for my comeback!

So, Chris, I’m prepping my comeback!

You made me teary when you recently sang “Anyone Can Whistle” for Stephen Sondheim’s virtual 90th birthday party.

Do you like performing virtually?

What was difficult about it was the technical aspect. My kid was filming it and I had one AirPod in and I’m going, “I can’t really hear,” and then my kid said, “You’re pitchy,” and I was like, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN I’M PITCHY. I’m NEVER pitchy!”

There’s always the fear that, you know, you’re gonna sound like shit.

And Stephen’s thanking everybody who partook, and I wrote him back

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and I said, “The rub is that we all wish we could’ve done better.” It’s true. I’m sure everybody thought, “Damn, if only I was in costume and makeup and on the stage at the Philharmonic with a full orchestra behind me.”

You were singing “The Ladies Who Lunch” in Company, which Meryl Streep, Christine Baranski and Audra McDonald performed during that same birthday celebration.

What did you think of their version?

(Explodes into a thunderous, dragged out cackle.) When it was over, I went, “I’ll never be able to sing ‘Ladies Who Lunch’ again!”

Yeah? Because they set the bar?

No. I don’t think they set the bar – I think they trashed the number!

MontroseStar.com e | Wednesday May 13, 2020 | PAGE 9 stick your head in the sand because any minute now we’ll be “hi Hitler”-ing (President Trump). So I’m just really confused. I’m confused, I’m lost.

Photos: Netflix.

So how do you keep your mind straight?

By drinking strawberry daiquiris?

(Laughs.) How do I keep my mind straight? That’s the question! Because my problem has been structure, and I’m the kind of person that goes, “OK, you have to be on the set or you have to be at the theater – OK, great. I know what my schedule is.” But without a schedule, I’m lost. I’m going, “I don’t know what to do.” I guess I am my work.

They set the bar for trashing the number?

Yeah, exactly! That’s what I think! I mean, I say that with great humor, but I’m not going to be able to sing it without thinking of them doing it. (Laughs.) This is all joke, by the way! This is all humor!

Let’s talk about Hollywood. Does it feel good to be part of a project that’s beaming with hopefulness in a time when hope seems harder and harder to find?

Yes, yes, yes. And I hope that is translated across the board. It’s hard.

It’s really, really hard. I mean, I’m having a hard time. We all are. I’m not unique. And my problem is, I don’t know who to believe anymore. I’m so confused by what everybody’s saying.

It’s just … I just … ahh. And you can’t

For structure, what’s the first thing you do in the morning?

I started working out remotely with my trainer. Just to do something, just to feel like something is done. And then as soon as the weather gets really nice I’m gonna walk up our road, which is part of a mountain, and walk back down.

And I have shows coming up, unless they’re going to be canceled, in January.

I haven’t done them in a while, so what I started to do, because the weather still isn’t that great where I am right now, I’m listening to the shows that I have to sing in January, just to remember them. I haven’t sung them in a while.

Then I’ll feel like I’ve accomplished something in the day and it hasn’t been – this is our lives! And our lives are being wasted! Not that work is the only thing, but if we can’t figure out what to do in the time that we have been given, that’s pathetic! It’s a blessing, really!

If you were running Hollywood right now, what changes would you make?

I would listen to the artists, I would listen to the writers. And I would not greenlight pictures because of statistics.

I would ignore the statistics, and I would greenlight films and television shows that I thought were going to be beneficial for education and for parents as opposed to, “Well, that was a big hit; let’s make 9,000 more of those Marvel comics.”

Would you let them make another Mamma Mia! movie?

(Deliberates, speaks flatly, deadpans.) No. We don’t need a third?

I hate ABBA. I have always hated ABBA. I will not go see Mamma Mia! because I hate ABBA. And I’ve hated ABBA since I was a kid, because I’m a closet rocker; when ABBA came out, I went, “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding.”

My favorite band is The Band, and so if you’re a rocker, and if you’re a rocker and The Band is your favorite band and ABBA comes along, there’s no way.

And so I don’t support ABBA at all.

So you haven’t even seen the Mamma Mia! movies?

No. Can’t support ABBA! Is Hollywood the gayest thing you’ve ever been a part of?

Is it? Let me think.

Consider that pool party scene – all those naked men, penises hanging out.

Yeah! And the thing that was kind of distressing to me when I was shooting it was: Why am I going home?! Why is Avis going home?!

Yeah. Why doesn’t Avis get to go to the party?

(Feigns weeping.) Why couldn’t she just sit there and ogle the penises? No. I go home early.

Didn’t you talk to Ryan about that?

Trust me, I thought about that. But no, I didn’t. That was in the script and I went, “OK, I gotta leave the party.”

But I’m trying to think – is that the gayest thing? Maybe it is. I’m trying to think of anything I’ve done. I can’t remember anything that I do and that I’ve done. Maybe. I don’t know.

That party that Avis doesn’t get to go to – have you ever gone to an industry party like that in your life?

No. I mean, I’ve gone to pool parties with tons of Broadway dancers who were gay, but they kept their clothes on.

That seems less fun.

Well, their bodies were incredible to look at, but they were all clothed. Well, barely clothed!

Everybody had a speedo on!

If someone decides to reimagine your life in 70 years, what parts of it would you ask that they keep factually intact and which parts would you allow them to reimagine?

All of it! I think they should keep it all factually intact! It’s been a rebellious life. And it’s been interesting. I hope it’s not over – the rebellion part, and the interesting part. No – they don’t have to reimagine anything. It’s been a lot of fun.

You’ve turned down diva roles in the past, like one that Ryan offered you on Glee. Avis does have some diva qualities, though. What about her divaness made you say yes to playing her?

I hadn’t read any scripts when Ryan pitched it to me. All Ryan said was that I was going to be the wife of a studio head and I would inherit the studio and make movies for gays, minorities and women. That’s all he told me. But Ryan is such a champion, and I’m not offered a lot of roles, and I’m not going to turn down Ryan or a role that he offers me.

He expanded the role for me in the process, and of course it’s the most stunning era for women. Every time I would go to a costume fitting I was reeling with delight because the stuff was stunning. You feel so glamorous in that time period. I felt really, really glamorous, and I’m just thrilled.

I’ll tell you, even though I knew from a very early age that I was born for the Broadway musical stage, I was one of those kids who wanted to go to Hollywood and be a movie star.

Who doesn’t? If you’re in the business, who doesn’t want to be a movie star, especially when you go to a movie theater and see your idols up on the silver screen? When I was 12, I saw Disney’s Swiss Family Robinson with Tommy Kirk and marched out of that movie theater determined to go to Hollywood and be his leading lady. At 12!

To be challenging the patriarchy like Avis does – was that cathartic for you?

Yeah, I think so. Any time a woman gets to push back on any kind of male authority, it’s cathartic. Push back and succeed. But I seem to have done that all my life, just in life, and then in my career.

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But I’ve always kind of pushed back because authority needs to be explained to me. I need to understand, “Why do you have authority? If it’s something you want me to do as a human being, I’ll do it; but if you are authoritarian about it, I need to understand why.

When in your career have you felt slighted or like you didn’t get what you deserved because you’re a woman?

Hmm. A lot of times. I would say the majority of my career – not necessarily on the musical stage. You know, I think I got what I deserve as far as roles are concerned. I think I’ve had a varied career. But in the development of them, I think that I’ve been stifled because I was a woman. The opinion that you have is not valued because you’re a woman. That kind of stuff. I’ve always questioned authority and I’ve always spoken up for what I perceived as injustice. Always. I think it’s just in my DNA. That’s just how I thought. And it has nothing to do with being a woman or a man – it has to do with me being Patti.

It was different to watch you have that rough sex scene with actor David Corenswet because I was like, “Oh, wait – we don’t typically see this.” We don’t get to see a woman over 50 go at it in full view like you two do.

Yeah!

Did you relish that moment because for whatever stupid reason it’s still so rare to see that onscreen?

Yep, are you kidding? Gimme more Gina, as they say! I had a sex scene with Dylan McDermott that was rougher but that was cut!

Yeah. That was sad. (Laughs.)

What advice did the intimacy coach give you? How does that even work?

He was a great guy. And he was always there to make us comfortable.

I don’t know what other intimacy coaches do, but I don’t think I need an intimacy coach. I think I know what I’m doing. I’m certainly not uncomfortable, and if I was uncomfortable, I would talk to the director or the actor I was working with. As long as the coaches don’t interfere with acting, I’m fine with them. But if they start to interpret for us, then I’m not happy.

As we near the upcoming presidential election, I was curious: What advice do you have for LGBTQ people who struggle with the fact that some of their family members are still voting for Trump?

Oh, I’m having a real hard time with that, Chris. I don’t have family members necessarily that I discuss it with, so I don’t know if they do. But I have close friends and I actually had to cut one loose. It’s heartbreaking. But I’m thinking of my own mental health and I’m not going to get into an argument with anybody about that Piece. Of. Shit.

I’m just not. I can’t. I have very dear friends; they’re Republicans; it’s really hard. It’s really hard to talk to people. I don’t even want to talk to these people.

As editor of Q Syndicate, the LGBTQ wire service, Chris Azzopardi has interviewed a multitude of superstars, including Cher, Meryl Streep, Mariah Carey and Beyoncé.

His work has also appeared in The New York Times, Vanity Fair, GQ and Billboard.

Reach him via Twitter @chrisazzopardi.

PAGE 10 | MontroseStar.com e | Wednesday May 13, 2020

CURES FOR GETTING PAST CORONA

How we can live long and prosper e By Howard Barbanel

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Trek” (the original series) the crew of the Enterprise or the population of some distant and exotic planet would find themselves afflicted by some new and heretofore unknown virus or malady that threatens the lives of the crew or even of humanity as a whole. It could be premature and rapid old age, grotesque lesions that drive a man mad, parasites that take over one’s nervous system or even a giant-sized single-celled organism that swallows whole planets. One thing that they all had in common was that a cure would inevitably be found between the fourth and final commercial breaks.

There would be much suspense as Dr. McCoy and Mr. Spock brought all their brainpower and computer skills to bear but the cure was a forgone conclusion.

In real life there are very few magic potions or miracle pills. Humanity has made enormous strides in medicine and surgical procedures over the past century – so much so that we routinely see folks living deep into their 90s. When I was a kid, I never saw anyone who was 95, most folks were lucky to get to 75. This is one reason Social Security is tottering on the brink of bankruptcy – people were supposed to retire at 65 and live maybe to 72. The system wasn’t engineered to pay 30 years of benefits.

That often four generations of a family can be alive at the same time is probably unprecedented in human history. This is a real blessing, but it also has lulled us into a false sense of physical invulnerability and the chimera of eternal youth.

Prior generations knew and accepted that life was often short and fraught with threats and dangers from all sides.

If you were lucky to survive your early childhood, you had to fend off no end of diseases throughout your lifetime – maladies for which there were no cures.

Prior generations accepted the risks attendant with daily life and went about their business. They weren’t hysterical people. But in today’s instantaneous nanosecond digital world, that we don’t “have an app for that,” has caused no end of panic worldwide.

Which brings me to the Coronavirus pandemic afflicting most of the world.

In 1982 there was a hit song by Thomas Dolby called “She Blinded Me With Science,” (“She blinded me with science and failed me in biology, yeh yeh…”). The woman of Mr. Dolby’s infatuations, Ms. Sakamoto dazzled him with technology so that he was helpless in her hands.

Much the same has occurred with our national and local political leaders.

Despite the fact that the Chinese insisted that only about 83,000 people in Wuhan had the Coronavirus and only 3,300 died from it (which we now know to have been lies) the scientists across the globe predicted Bubonic Plague-like catastrophic mortalities as it made its way round the world. One study asserted

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2.2 million people would die in the US and a half million in the UK. Revised models dropped down to 200,000 in the US, then 100,000, then 85,000 then 61,000.

The initial and ensuing panic prodded our leaders to put the entire country in a lockdown quarantine which has so far resulted in 26 million Americans applying for unemployment benefits as of April 23rd, wiping out all jobs created and gained since the 2008 recession.

Whole sectors of the economy have been decimated – travel, hospitality, restaurants, retailers, publishing, sports, oil and energy and even vast swaths of the health and medical establishment with more industries to come. Education has been stopped cold. Mighty industries are dancing on the precipice of insolvency.

The shutdown of the most populated parts of the country will end up being from 45 to 90 days depending on where you live. Thousands que-up in lines for boxes of food despite very generous unemployment benefits. The federal government has ramped-up spending to a level that may double the size of the federal budget this year and incur debt and deficits that multiple generations probably won’t be able to repay.

Never in my lifetime have I ever seen anything quite like this, and I’m 61. The very social fabric of our country has been torn asunder with the rationale of “flattening the curve.” Some in the media commentariat have led millions of Americans to believe that “curve flattening” is about saving hundreds of thousands of lives and if we emerge from our hermetically sealed shelters the virus may kill us all. But they’ve not closed down Sweden or Hong Kong and the world didn’t end.

I had occasion to speak with one of my doctors who is one of the top people in his field in the nation. He converses regularly with colleagues of similar stature in other specialties. He told me bluntly that “flattening the curve was about reducing the demand for ambulances, emergency rooms and intensive care facilities and equipment as the virus hit its apex” and not about reducing the number of cases or saving lives per-se. He went on to tell me that as a result of this the disease will continue in our midst probably for the next year and a half in some form or another in varying degrees of severity, with a dip in the late Spring and Summer (owing to the virus not surviving well in the air and on surfaces in intense heat and light) and a resurgence in the late Fall and coming Winter and beyond. He went on to say that “there will be no cure or vaccine for another year, two or three or maybe never” and that “the medical community is looking at Corona in a similar way to HIV/AIDS, in that there is no cure but enough palliative medication and treatments have been developed so that the infection is not lethal.” They hope to accomplish this for SARS-Covid-19 as well so that the most vulnerable people (folks over 65, those with compromised

MontroseStar.com e | Wednesday May 13, 2020 | PAGE 11 immune systems and other underlying preexisting medical conditions such as diabetes) won’t contract Coronavirus and a death sentence simultaneously.

As it is, the overwhelming number of tragic fatalities from Covid-19 have been for people over 50 with a heavy majority being over 65 and among those, a heavy mortality rate among the obese and people with other existing ailments. More than 95 percent of those testing positive for Coronavirus will survive it, thank God. It’s not going to kill 2 million Americans.

Also, most viral epidemics (yes, including the Bubonic Plague and the Spanish Flu Pandemic) do and will burn themselves out eventually which is why we’re seeing a precipitous decline in new hospital and ICU admissions even in our hottest spots.

So where does this leave us? Well, as a society until just recently we’ve been accepting of the fact that not every illness has a cure. We have a flu shot each year, but it’s only 50-60 percent effective so that according to the CDC, between 39 and 56 million Americans will come down with the flu, up to 740,000 people will be hospitalized for it and that between 24,000 and 61,000 of us will die from it each year depending on the severity of the outbreak and the mutation. Heart disease fells 647,000 of us (one of every four deaths).

According to the American Cancer Society, there will be 606,520 cancer deaths in the United States in 2020. The CDC also reports that 83,564 Americans passed from diabetes. The IIHS reports that 36,560 people died in car crashes

wash it down with a pitcher of beer. The government doesn’t legislate our sex lives and doesn’t tell us not to drive because we may, heaven forbid, get into an accident.

So, we’ve “flattened the curve” on Corona to the extent that ERs are sitting empty in much of the country.

We’re awash in ventilators. The Mr. Spock gives the Vulcan salute (left) and the Thai ‘Wai’ greeting virus will be with us for a while. in 2018. As of April 29th, 60,846 of us The government needs to give us a “get perished from the Coronavirus. There out of jail free card” or release us on parole are no cures for any of these things. and let us resume our lives. How do we do We take risks every day we get up, start this and stay safe? By “turning Japanese.” the car and go to work; anytime we get I used to laugh at all the pictures of on a plane, anytime we eat a fatty steak, Asians teeming together in their blue delve into a tub of ice cream; anytime we facemasks every winter. No longer. Many have a drink of alcohol, anytime we cross would laugh at their custom of bowing in the street, even anytime we shake hands greeting, but it’s a lot safer than shaking or kiss someone. As adults we measure hands. In Tibet folks put their hands over the risk-reward ratio for all our actions their hearts (like when we say the Pledge and decide if it’s worth it. As consenting of Allegiance) and in Thailand instead of shaking hands, Thais greet each adults, the government trusts us to live other by putting their hands together in responsibly (or not) and doesn’t dictate a prayer-like gesture and raising them to that we can’t have that hamburger and

a position somewhere between the chest and forehead and then bowing. On “Star Trek,” Vulcans greet one another with their hand raised in that “V” or “W” made popular by Mr. Spock and urging the other person to “live long and prosper.”

That might be the way to go. Masks and gloves when out in public. Initially not cramming together like sardines.

Use those new digital laser-like thermometers outside every venue to see if someone has fever. Also, for social distancing in travel, airlines could charge more to keep the middle seats empty. Many would pay for the privilege.

Ditto with restaurants charging more for increased space between tables.

Theaters and sports stadiums can do likewise, charge a premium for increased space. And we’re going to need more hospitals and more beds permanently, so we won’t need curve flattening.

But we must resume work and life or there will be no point in living because there will be no quality of life. Staying on lockdown will financially bankrupt us individually and collectively, this cannot be sustained. Memo to government: We voluntarily acceded to flattening the curve, now treat us like adults and let life resume. Coronavirus will join the panoply of other risks and dangers that we’ll have to live with each day, but we can’t shut the country down any longer or whenever a lot of people unfortunately get sick. Finally, a financially robust America will be better equipped to handle public health challenges more so than an anemic and bankrupt one. e

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MontroseStar.com e | Wednesday May 13, 2020 | PAGE 13

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PAGE 14 | MontroseStar.com e | Wednesday May 13, 2020

VICTIM OF CORONAVIRUS

Houston’s Pride Parade delayed e By Johnny Trlica

T

HE CORONAVIRUS CONTINUES TO

disrupt the normal routine of Americans. After meeting with health and city officials, Pride Houston announced it is postponing the annual parade to the fall over concerns over the ongoing pandemic.

In a video statement posted on PrideHouston.org, Lo Roberts, president and chief executive officer of Pride Houston said, “A month ago our team made the announcement that Pride Houston was monitoring the Covid-19 pandemic situation that has gripped the world. Since then, we have had conversations daily with health and elected officials and with our larger production team and Board of Directors to see how Pride Houston 2020 could and should take place.

“Given the impact of this pandemic we have come to the unanimous conclusion that the only viable decision is to postpone Houston’s 2020 Pride Celebration with a target of Fall 2020. “As a nonprofit that has vowed to support the LGBTQ+ community, we have no option but to delay our celebration so that we can ensure the safety of our supporters and attendees. We are still working out all

the details for what our 2020 Celebration will look like so more details are to come.

However, understand that we will still have smaller pop up events throughout June until the fall as the city allows it to celebrate life, love, culture, the arts, and this beautiful DiverCity!

“What we do know: 1. Pride is all around us at all times! 2. Grand Marshal Announcements will continue as planned!

3. We could always use the help of new volunteers so please reach out to volunteer@pridehouston.org 4. At the end of the day we share in the sadness that many of you feel with so many things being put on hold and with everyone being asked to stay home and be distant — but if there’s one thing we would like to put out there in the world it is that while we’re all asked to be physically distant from each other to help curve the effect of this pandemic we encourage you all to be emotionally and empathetically close with your fellow human, with your family, with your friends, with your pets and with those who need it the most.

“Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind… Instead of worrying about what you cannot control, shift your energy to what you can do.

“Always remember after every storm there is a rainbow — and for us that Rainbow is Pride Houston 2020!”

Dates for the parade and other festivities, attended by over 700,000 people last year, have not been determined. On a related note, Galveston’s Pride festivities have been rescheduled for September 18 through 20. e

Community

Galveston welcomes crowds back, but follow the rules e By Johnny Trlica

G

ALVESTON HAS BEEN CALLED ONE OF

the most haunted cities in the country, and the stay at home orders only enhanced that image.

The streets of the Island city were deserted as inhabitants adhered to the precautionary measures enacted by the county and later by the governor.

The streets along the Strand and Mechanic Streets were mostly deserted throughout the day. Early morning sea fog only enhanced the eeriness of the surreal scene. It’s very reminiscent of the opening of the classic soap opera Dark Shadows.

Breaking the ghost town feel was the sight of a few restaurants doing business via take out only. Cruise ships sat idle with skeleton crews longing for the tourists with rolling luggage wearing Bermuda shorts.

After Texas Governor Greg Abbott allowed the stay at home order to expire on April 30, most businesses and restaurants were allowed to open, albeit with limited capacity. On May 1 crowds began returning to enjoy the nice

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spring weather and begin reconnecting with friends. Beaches, which had been closed since March 29, were opened and strewn with sun bathers and surfers.

The pictures included here show the city and beaches during the shutdown and the return of life beginning the first weekend of May. For visitors planning to take the drive down I-45 South, remember Galveston Mayor Jim Yarbrough signed a new order that allows the city to issue $500 fines to people found in violation of Gov. Abbott’s orders, such as not social distancing, and which encourage but don’t require people to wear a mask, reports GalvNews.com.

The Galveston City Council extended its disaster declaration through May 31.

Keeping the emergency declaration in place ensures the city can still access federal disaster funding and can act quickly if needed, the mayor said.

Galveston’s gay bars, Robert’s Lafitte, Rumors, and 23rd Street Station, remain closed until the governor gives the green light for bars, salons, and gyms to reopen. e

MontroseStar.com e | Wednesday May 13, 2020 | PAGE 15

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PAGE 16 | MontroseStar.com e | Wednesday May 13, 2020

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≈ Crossword Queeries ................................ 19

≈ My Life Behind Bars .................................. 18

The boys in the band MONTROSE STAR .COM

≈ Guide To The Clubs ................................... 22

PART TWO:

‘Our complaint department....’

Section B

THE GAY-ETY STARTS HERE! Wednesday May 13, 2020 e VOL. X1, 4

MOVING FORWARD SAFELY

Galveston re-opens the beaches and more e By Forest Riggs

Across the Causeway

FTER SEVERAL WEEKS OF RESEMBLING A

ghost town, sleepy Galveston Island is stirring to awaken. But is it too soon?

There is great debate among the locals and business and civic leaders, as well as federal and state authorities. After months of social distancing and wearing protective gear (masks), when is it safe to throw caution to the wind and hit the sunny beaches, fine dining establishments, and the many refreshing bars and clubs that dominate Galveston tourism?

The rules and regulations have, at times, been vague and rather poorly shared and enforced. Locals watched the daily news from various areas, including the national news, and it quickly became clear that a clusterf*ck of information was being released, most of which is hollow and useless as the orange moron that was touting them. Even among his staff and chosen members of the “team,” the moneyed folk were in major disagreement with the medical and scientific folks.

Politics as usual? Well, sort of. However, this time such foot-dragging and finger-pointing cost human lives — thousands of them. Quickly it became evident that once again Lord Cheeto is unequipped to handle such an all-encompassing event. In his daily self-honoring and bombastic political rallies that aired in the afternoons, he gave misinformation, falsehoods, “fake news,” and blamed everyone for everything that has ever happened. Of course, Obama was the cause of everything. Between Pat “Aunt PittyPat” Robertson blaming same-sex marriage as the cause of the Covid-19 virus and Mr. T blaming whomever he could, Americans were lost in the confusing shuffle. The few that did stand up, speak the truth, and try to do what was right and moral, were rebuked, removed, and slandered.

So is Galveston open? Are things back to normal? I think it is fair to say we may never again see “normal” as we knew it. There’s been too much change, the kind of change that will have very long lasting effects. On a national level, the economy is shot, unemployment is higher than ever, businesses have closed, suicide, and

Photo via BoredPanda.com

A

hours in the morning and two hours in the evening. What a joke! Word spread like a brushfire in August, and in no time, traffic was backed-up along the Seawall and Broadway.

The beaches were full of people, crowds not adhering to the social distancing guidelines, and motorcycle-riding groups taking over the lanes. Litter was strewn from one end of the Seawall to the other, on both sides and on the beaches. Everybody came to Galveston, had their fun, brought their unbridled germs, and left their litter, everywhere. Good ol’ Galveston, trashcan for all the neighboring communities.

Soon, on Friday, May 1, things began to re-open in Galveston. Forget all the harsh warning weeks ago about staying in, wearing masks, bending the curve…it’s party time!

Statistics and data have not changed; we are not out of the woods. Hell, we are not even in a clearing in the woods.

The entire coronavirus saga has been poorly managed and gravely misled, at all levels, local, state, and federal. The mantraw among Galvestonians when asked about opening things: “Let ’em come. I’m staying home. It’s too soon.”

It’s all about money and nothing else! It will be impossible to oversee every restaurant, club, theater, and store to ensure the required 25 percent-capacity limits. In a week or so, it will be back to business as usual for those businesses that survived and were able to reopen.

Sadly, science says there could be a huge second wave of the viral infections, spread by those failing to heed warnings and rush back to the old norms.

It happened before and will happen again.

Come to Galveston? Of course, it can be a great place and loads of fun. But before you load the kids and family in the van and head down I-45, think about the possible consequences — a terrible price for a few hours of “getting back to normal.”

Masks are important. Wear them. Practice social distancing. And, by all means, pick up your trash. Galveston does not want it or need it. e

drug use rates are through the roof. And politicians, ignoring their constituents, argue and make public spectacles of themselves as they point fingers, quibble, and look for scapegoats. Things are a mess!

The local Galveston businesses that depend on tourist dollars have sat idle, as business owners go broke, unable to re-open. All the while, locals (like everyone else) wait for the words from on high about what to do. Once again, money talks and bullsh*t (even if it is proven scientific fact), walks!

Of course, Galveston’s own Tilman Fertitta (though most are getting tired of claiming him and his arrogant ways), picked to be on the Governor’s “re-opening” the state committee heartily pushed for reopening the businesses and beaches by May 1. Of course he did; he owns the entire strip along the Seawall and more. Ask his employees how the billionaire has taken care of them during this mess. Slashing and cutting jobs has saved the money man tons of revenue, but brought heartache and misery to once-devoted employees.

Earlier, in an effort to “test the waters” and placate a few money people, the city decided to “partially open the Seawall and beaches for exercise.” Two

A resident of Galveston where he can be found wasting bait and searching for the meaning of life, Forest Riggs recently completed a collection of short stories about his beloved island and is working on a novel.

PAGE 18 | MontroseStar.com e | Wednesday May 13, 2020

My Life Behind Bars PART TWO:

‘Our complaint department is managed by Helen Wait.

Got a complaint? Go to Hell and wait.’ e By Randall Jobe

I

MAY HAVE HAD, IN MY 20-PLUS YEARS OF

bartending had a few, OK, dozens, OK hundreds of customer complaints. One thin-skinned crybaby once turned me in for the way I said “Thank you.” Now, I am no Meryl Streep, but I do have a knack for giving new meaning to anything I’m saying either with tone, volume, or the inclusion of the “stink eye.” I am fairly convinced that the “Thank you” I delivered translated as the “F*ck you, Bitch!” that I intended. In a job where you dole out liquor you can easily be their best friend, but refuse them any further libations when you think they’ve had enough, and suddenly they become Satan’s ugly sister — a curse-spewing, head-spinning something straight out of The Exorcist.

One would think that the drink you are prying from their death grip was their first boyfriend’s stuff. Jesus! I would rather wrestle a pork chop from a grizzly bear.

Not all complaints received about me, or my fellow bartenders, were completely unfounded. But most of the time we had the upper hand. We were generally dealing with complaints fueled by the

very alcohol we served. Strike One. We were given the power to cut you off at our discretion. Strike Two. In most instances a good manager was backing us up.

Strike Three, you were out! (And usually for 30 days.) The latter of the strikes worked in the bartender’s favor but could easily be upset by a mealy-mouthed manager who was happy to placate an angry patron, knowing that you would need his support. He could then easily make your life a living hell, and often did.

I used to work with a certified asshole who loved nothing more than to dangle reprimands, suspensions, and firings over your head. A descendant of a Nazi Commandant, he screamed and yelled, threatening at every turn. His moods were as predictable as hurricane landings. I would have remained perpetually angry at him if I hadn’t felt so sorry for him.

An unattractive, emaciated, sad sack named Waylon, I had never seen, nor have I seen since, anyone who allowed themselves to be a punching bag at the whims of upper management. He was a whipping post who took verbal abuse as if he deserved it. He could withstand unfair, demoralizing and vicious berating on a

nightly basis and still show up for work the next day.

I secretly feared that one day he would show up in fatigues, shotgun in hand, and blow some people’s shit away. But, thankfully, he never did. If he balked it was outside the workplace. I hope he had an ear he could vent to.

Still I wondered what would make him play Wylie Coyote, constantly blown up, hammered down, anvils landed squarely on his low-hung head. Lack of self-esteem seemed to barely scratch the surface.

Waylon was notorious for his love of young, small Hispanic boys. With his hiring abilities his well never ran dry as one after another swept floors, emptied trash and occasionally landed the coveted position of bar back, assisting the bartender by doing all the grunt work. He never disguised his lustful favoritism and partied publicly with his “boy toys” on and off the job. Despite the “no fraternization” clause we were all made to sign. Of course, it was worth the ink it took to sign. There are three rules that you will never see adhered to in any gay bar: no drinking, no drugs and no sex. This particular lover of the Latino “twinks” was no exception.

With his skinny frame, receding hairline and sandpaper-scrubbed complexion, still his sexual exploits were legend. Most people would be embarrassed to have their bedroom, bathhouse, and back alley “sexploits” so public, but I think Waylon enjoyed the notoriety. He took a sense of pride in his own lascivious behavior, unable to take pride in much else.

Once I was serving drinks to a cute boy and his female friend when the case in

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point stopped by to say hello to the boy.

When he walked away the boy turned to his companion. “I used to date Waylon,” he said, “but I got tired of putting my arm up his ass.” I spit half a shot of Jägermeister across the bar. Although somewhat disgusted by the stories, I was also intrigued. Waylon had a hold on boys that was difficult to explain. Beyond the ability to allow the underage ones to sneak into the “over 21’ bar, and despite the liquor he provided, they were loyal admirers who genuinely seemed to enjoy his company. Once in a rival club to ours, I saw him slap a young queen several times across the face, spit on him, and roughly thrust his tongue down an alltoo-willing throat. Nevertheless, it was obvious he enjoyed the humiliation. I guess turnabout was fair play. Maybe this was the ability to “vent” I wondered about.

I took all of this into consideration when on multiple occasions he would use a complaining customer to throw me under the bus. He thrilled at the ability to write me a reprimand. They were always accompanied by a holier-thanthou tirade about proper customer service and how the customer was always right.

I would agree with him, sign the paper, and head to my bar to piss off the next patron with a heartfelt “Thank you.” e

Crossword Queeries

THE BOYS IN THE BAND Across

49 Press package from HRC

21 Pink Triangle

1 Masticate

50 Kofi Annan’s home

22 “G’day!” sayer

5 Leathermen ride them

53 End of the quote

25 Dull surface

9 Banana treat

59 Kahlo portrayer

26 Harden

14 Jamie who cross-

60

27 “Queen of the Hop”

dressed on M*A*S*H

61 Historic Stonewall event

singer Bobby

15 Current Amsterdam currency

63 One with a holey bottom

29 Env. fattener

16 Linney of Tales of the City

64 Depp’s cross-dressing role

31 The

17 Early Ron Howard role

65 Locker room emanation

(passive partner?)

66 Where to start out

32 Rehoboth Beach setting

19 Spear of Minnesota

67 Since, to James M. Barrie

33 Pluck ‘em!

20 Start of a quote by Mart

68 Say, “We’re just

35 Tales of the City character

Crowley (1935-2020)

friends...” perhaps

36 On the decline

18

all-time high

beat

38 Good to eat

23 Out on a limb 24 Club where you can

Down

43 Club dancer

dance with a sailor

1 Handler of big bucks, in brief

46 Box office buy

25 The Rose star Bette

2 Drag queen

28 Month in Madrid

3 Julia Roberts’ Brockovich

49 He stole the tarts of

4 Sweaty guys

the Queen of Hearts

34 Erotic diarist Nin

embracing in a ring

51 Iroquoian tongue

35 More of the quote

5 Eavesdropper, e.g.

52 Cell component

37 More of the quote

6 Bellybutton type

53 Facetious “I see”

39 Org. in many spy movies

7 2015 Tomlin movie

54 Gladly, old-style

40 Always, to Emily Dickinson

8 Carol, for example

55 Seaman’s pair

41 Math subject

9 Puts in stitches, like

56

42 Avoided going straight

Wanda Sykes

(Robin Hood’s men?)

44 Inventor’s monogram

10 Boxer of the comics

57 Baldwin staffer

45 Velvet finish

11 Knockout

58 Time for cowboys to shoot off

12 Coward’s confession?

62 “I’ll

13 Tart taste

anything once”

30

46 Poet

& the Gang

Wu

47 Jeremy of M. Butterfly

Phace

48 Boston leather bar

guys

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Guide to the Clubs HOUSTON

n MONTROSE - MIDTOWN

n DOWNTOWN / EADO

n NW HOUSTON

Buddy’s 2409 Grant St Ste A, Houston (281) 310-1050 Cocktails | Beer | Karaoke |Pool | DJ’s

Lucky’s Pub - Downtown 801 St Emanuel St, 77003 (713) 522-2010 • Luckyspub.com Sports Bar | Food

La Granja Disco & Cantina 5505 Pinemont Dr., Houston (713) 518-6753 • lagranjadisco.com Latin dance club

Crocker Bar 2312 Crocker St, Houston (713) 529-3355 Large Deck | Karaoke

Moon Tower Inn 3004 Canal St, 77003 (832) 969-1934 • damngoodfoodcoldassbeer.com Hot Dogs | Beer Gardens

Neon Boots Dancehall & Saloon 11410 Hempstead Highway Houston, TX 77092 (713) 677-0828 • neonbootsclub.com

George’s Country Sports Bar 617 Fairview Ave, Houston (713) 528-8102 Sports Bar | Pool & Darts | Patio Guava Lamp 570 Waugh Dr, Houston (713) 524-3359 • guavalamphouston.com Video Lounge | Karaoke | Mixed JR’s Bar and Grill & Santa Fe 808 Pacific St, Houston (713) 521-2519 • jrsbarandgrill.com Videos | Patio | Karaoke | Shows Michael’s Outpost Piano Bar 1419 Richmond Ave, Houston (713) 520-8446 Neighborhood Bar | Pub | Piano

Neil’s Bahr 2006 Walker St, 77003 (281) 352-7456 • NeilsBahr.com Premier Nerd | Gamer | Intellectual hangout Tout Suite 2001 Commerce, 77002 713-227-8688 • toutsuitetx.com Bakery | Cafe | Pub Voodoo Queen 322 Milby St, 77003 713-555-5666 • damngoodfoodcoldassbeer.com Casual | Po’ Boys | Games n DOWNTOWN / WARDS 1-4

Rebar Houston 2401 San Jacinto (281) 846-6685 RichsNightclub.com

Tony’s Corner Pocket 817 West Dallas Street, Houston (713) 571-7870 • tonyscornerpocket.com Neighborhood Bar | Pool | Dancers

Barcode Houston 817 Fairview Ave, Houston

n HOUSTON - NORTH SIDE

(713) 526-2625 • facebook.com/barcode77006

Shows | Neighborhood Bar | CD/Trans The Ripcord 715 Fairview St, Houston (713) 521-2792 • facebook.com/ripcordhouston Leather | Uniform | Fetish | Men

Ranch Hill Saloon 24704 Interstate 45, Spring (281) 298-9035 • ranchhill.com Country | Cowgirl | Neighborhood Bar The Room Bar 4915 FM 2920 Rd, Spring (281) 907-6866 • roombarspring.com Neighborhood Bar | Shows | Dance | Mixed

Viviana’s Night Club 4624 Dacoma St, Houston (713) 681-4101 • vivianasniteclub.com Latino | Tejano | Dance n SW HOUSTON Crystal Night Club 6684 SW Fwy, Houston (713) 278- 2582 • crystaltheclub.com Latin Dance | Salsa n HEIGHTS / WASHINGTON CORRIDOR Pearl Lounge 4216 Washington, Houston 832-740-4933 • pearlhouston.com Neighborhood Art Bar | Live Music | Women

GALVESTON 23rd Street Station 1706 23rd St, Galveston (409) 443-5678 • 23rdstreetstation.com Piano Bar | Pub | Live Entertainment Robert’s Lafitte 2501 Ave Q, Galveston (409) 765-9092 • galveston.com/robertslafitte Neighborhood Bar | Pub | Cruise | Shows Rumors Beach Bar 3102 Seawall Blvd., Galveston (409) 497-4617 • RumorsBeachBar.com Beach bar | Shows

SOLUTION FROM PAGE 19

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