The Daily Splendour 2018 - Issue 07

MADE BY MONSTER CHILDREN

ISSUE NUMBER SEVEN DMA’S PHOTO: LINCOLN JUBB

WELCOME TO SPLENDOUR! Hello and welcome to day one of Splendour in the Grass 2018.

My name is Jason Crombie, and I am the guest editor of the newspaper you hold in your hands right now. Hopefully, some of you will remember me as the editor in chief of Monster Children from 2011 to 2016. If that doesn’t ring any bells, perhaps you know me from that Christmas party where I took acid and did a shit in the pool. Either way, we’ll be very well acquainted after you’ve read this 7th issue of The Daily Splendour, and here’s why–it’s a bloody ripper. There is so much exciting stuff in this rag, and I’d list it all for you now, but then why don’t you just have a flick through yourself and stop being such a lazy little so -and-so? Speaking of crude and inappropriate language, this issue of The Daily Splendour is loaded with it.

Or at least I think it is. I haven’t written anything yet. Right now, I’m working on the first bit, which is this editor’s letter.

When I’m done here, I’ll move on to a fun little feature about camping etiquette; then

I’ll

transcribe

interviews

with

DMA’s, Splendour in the Craft organizers Gabe and Tory, and a guy named Chip Monck who MC’d the original music festival: Woodstock. When that’s in the can, I’ll have to chase up some other interviews, and then knock out some silly classifieds, fake news items, a food-related feature, and your weekend horoscope with Bertrand Starman, among other things. So, I guess you got your list, after all, you gorgeous little so -and-so. Have a great first day at Splendour in the Grass !

EXCLUSIVE MAKE UP PARTNER

7 CONTENTS 02 06 12 16 18 20 23 24 27 28 30 33 34

WELCOME TO SPLENDOUR DMA’S CHIP MONCK LORD HURON JOIN THE DOTS THE BRONX SPLENDOUR IN THE CRAFT THE FORUM HANGOVER HACKS CAMPING ETIQUETTE LOVE DELUXE LIPS CLASSIFIEDS

THERE ARE VERY FEW BANDS THAT I GET EXCITED ABOUT, BUT WHEN I FIRST HEARD DMA’S BACK IN 2016, I GOT THE HORN–PROPER. IN FACT, I GOT THE HORN SO BAD, I EVEN WENT AND SAW THEM PLAY AT THE ENMORE THEATRE; WHICH IS A BIG DEAL FOR ME BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE CROWDS, LOUD NOISE, FLASHING LIGHTS, BEER OR FUN. BUT I’M GLAD I GOT ALONG–THAT SHOW WAS NOTHING SHORT OF RELIGIOUS. GOD, IT WAS GOOD. AND IF YOU’RE READING THIS, CHANCES ARE IT’S FRIDAY, JULY 20, AND YOU’RE IN FOR A RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE OF YOUR OWN, WHEN THE DMA’S PLAY TONIGHT! YOU LUCKY, LUCKY BASTARD. SPEAKING OF LUCKY, LUCKY BASTARDS, I

RECENTLY

HAD

THE

PLEASURE

OF

PHONING DMA’S GUITARIST JOHNNY TOOK AND ASKING HIM ABOUT THE NEW ALBUM, THE PERILS OF TOURING, FINE CHEESE, AND WHEN AND HE PLANS TO GET SERIOUS AND BUY A PORSCHE. READ ON.

INTERVIEW: JISM CHRISTMAS PHOTOS: LINCOLN JUBB

Congrats on the new album.

Thank you!

Are you stoked?

Yeah, it’s nice to have another record out, y’know? I don’t think any of us have ever been in a band that actually made it to a second record.

What’s the best part about having a second record?

It’s just little things, like having more songs in the setlist.

Right.

And, also, I feel like it’s harder for us to be pigeonholed into one sound now.

Right, so you’ve got a bit of breathing room.

Yeah, exactly.

Were you worried about making the

amp right there, and you’ve got your little

‘difficult second album,’ as they say?

laptop, and you’re like, ‘Well, I think that

Not really. I guess we never really thought sounds good...’ But you can’t really hear it about it like that. I mean, with our first

because you’ve got the amp blaring three

album, it went well, and the response was metres away. great, but it’s not like when The Strokes

Right.

released their first album, you know?

It was kinda fun to do that for that record,

Right.

kind of appropriate, I think. But working

We weren’t in the position of, like, ‘Oh my with Kim (Moyes) and going to a proper God, there’s so much pressure.’ Plus, we

studio, it wasn’t better or worse, it was

did have a few songs leftover from Hills

just different. Maybe it was a bit easier

End, so having that up our sleeve probably though, easier on us. took a bit more pressure off as well.

And easier on your neighbours, too.

I read somewhere that Hills End was

Oh, yeah. There’s a song called ‘Blown

recorded in your bedroom, but the new

Away’ on Hills End, and Tommy (O’Dell-

album, For Now, was in a studio. Was

lead vocals) played drums on it. We got

that a positive transition?

about 30 seconds into the take, and

Well, it wasn’t all in the bedroom. We did

the bloody hairdresser down the street

some drums and some bass tracks in a

complained about the noise...

tiny shed in Coogee, just to get the ball

Oh, no.

rolling; but then we came back to the

Yeah, and he got me kicked out.

bedroom to do all the guitars and vocals

Out of where, your house?

and keys, and all the kinda creative

My house! I’d been living there for six

stuff. But, when Mason (Matthew Mason-

years.

guitar) and I were doing the guitars in

No shit.

my bedroom, you know, you’ve got the

Yeah, but we used the take anyway, so it

was all good.

my touring life easier...’

I got a friend who lived in an apartment

Right, so what’s the hold up?

building somewhere... Boston, I think...

Look, I reckon we’ll implement it next

and there were these kids upstairs

record or something.

from him who were always rehearsing.

That’s what Motley Crüe always say.

Really loud. But he never complained

Yeah, well, we’re getting better, I think.

because he’d run into them on the stairs Have you got the rider down to fruit and occasionally and they were always really coconut water? friendly. This was in the 80s...

No, not really.

Yeah?

What’s on the rider these days?

Anyway, turns out they were The Pixies!

Our rider used to be like cheese and

Woah!

cured meats and stuff, but we’ve kind of

How random is that?

fucked all that stuff off.

That’s great. I love when shit like that

No more cheese.

happens.

No more smelly cheese. It’s maybe cool

Anyway, that hairdresser won’t be able

for, like, the crew when you first get in, but

to tell a cool story like that because he

after the gig’s done, no one wants stinky-

was a dick. He’ll be kicking himself.

ass cheese, you know what I mean?

He didn’t want anything to do with us.

Yeah, that sounds awful.

So, you guys have played Glastonbury,

Like, hanging around the green room with

Reading, Leeds, Coachella,

some prosciutto...

Lollapalooza... You’re a seasoned touring And a big block of Stilton. band now, right? You’re not amateurs.

Yeah. It’s like, fuck off; get it out of here.

Well, we’re still amateurs in some ways.

So now it actually is fruit, and a couple of

How?

cases of beer; so, you know, all good.

I think we’re still amateurs because we

I was listening to the new album again

know what to do to make touring better

today, and, tell me if I’m wrong, but does

and to be healthier, but we’re not quite

Tommy’s voice sound even better? He

doing it yet. It’s like, ‘Okay, I know I can

already had an amazing voice, but now it

do this and do this, and it’s going make

sounds like it’s getting better.

It totally is, man. Definitely. Also, I think the thing was, we didn’t have a producer on our first album–we just produced it ourselves, and there’s a real art to recording vocals. Like, with Hills End, we’d record the vocals, and Tommy and I would look at each other and be like, ‘That sounded pretty good; that’ll do.’ Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah. So, having Kim Moyes producing the new album made a huge difference in that respect.

Yeah, Kim is really good and really quick

“ ‘I think we’re still amateurs because we know what to do to make touring better and to be healthier, but we’re not quite doing it yet.’

when it comes to recognising the best

your industry is into what you’re doing

mad rapper or something. It’s not the

parts of a take and then comping it

and, you know, gives you the thumbs up,

time for guitars. But that’s alright. Look,

together.

it’s pretty cool.

we don’t have to have second jobs now

So, taking the best parts of multiple

Yeah, but Liam Gallagher; there’s not

which is really cool, and we don’t lead

takes and then patching them together

much he actually likes, as far as I can

extravagant lives, so it kind of works for

for the perfect take.

tell. He always seems to be shit-canning

us.

That’s right, man. And doing it quickly.

something, so having his endorsement

Last question: What was your second job

Kim has an amazing ear for what’s good,

must be even better.

and did you go out in a blaze of glory?

you know? He’s cool.

Oh yeah, man, absolutely. I mean, it

No, nothing like that. I was just doing

Are you guys in other bands?

could’ve been horrible.

sort of odd jobs; working in bottle shops,

No, not really, not at the moment.

Had it gone the other way, you mean?

I built stages for a bit, played cover gigs

Although, I do have a band with my

Yeah. That would’ve been horrible.

around Sydney... That was when I met

brother.

What are the band doing when they’re

Mason. He was playing three or four cover

What’s it called?

not working? Let’s start with Tommy,

gigs a week, and he mentioned to me

Big Time.

what’s he doing on his days off?

that he wanted everything he did and all

How often do Big Time get to play?

Tommy usually just watches football and

the money he made to be through music,

Oh, we’ve only played one gig.

hangs out with his mates that don’t play

even if it wasn’t crazy great. Just playing

How was it?

music.

cover gigs and getting by like that. And I

It was cool, man. Yeah. It was good.

What about you?

think that’s when it changed for me, like,

What’s the Big Time sound?

I just sit on the couch and watch Netflix.

my perspective on music changed. The

It’s kind of like Wilco meets The Jesus

But I feel pretty guilty when I do that.

moment you decide music is number one

And Mary Chain, if you can imagine that.

Why?

and is going to be everything you do, and

Yeah, I think I can hear that.

I just feel guilty I’m not writing.

all the money you’re going to make is

Can you hear it?

Really?

going to be through music...

Yeah, I like it. So, where are you guys

Yeah, I mean, we’re already thinking

That was the turning point.

right now, Calais?

about our third record because, you know, Yeah, man. That’s kinda when it changed

Well, last night we got the ferry from

there’s a lot of luck in this game–and

for me. It was really cool, Mason teaching

Calais and played the Hurricane and

obviously a lot of hard work, but still...

me that.

Southside festivals, and now we’re in

People say music is timing in more ways

South Hampton. So, we’ve got South

than one, and if you’ve been given this

Hampton tonight, Exeter tomorrow,

opportunity, you’d be a fool to piss it up

Reading the day after, and then that show against the wall, y’know? with Liam (Gallagher. Duh) at Finsbury

Right, right.

Park Friday.

And it’s kind of inspiring. It’s like, hey,

Man, I wish I was talking to you after

I’ve been given the chance to do this for

the support gig with Liam so I could ask

real, you know? And especially with this

about meeting him.

third record, if we can make a great third

Oh, we met him before.

record it could really cement a career for

Is he cool?

us.

He’s heaps cool, man. He just, like, loves

That’s sounds like a good way to

music and shit, and he’s really funny.

approach it. So how far off is that

And he digs DMA’s. It must be awesome

Porsche, if you don’t mind me asking?

to get the nod from someone like Liam.

Man, I don’t know if you can get rich in

Yeah, totally. I think when anyone from

this game anymore–unless you’re some

DMA’S ARE PLAYING AMPHITHEATRE FRIDAY AT 6.15 PM

People say music is timing in more ways than one, and if you’ve been given this opportunity, you’d be a fool to piss it up against the wall.

SOMEONE NEEDS TO MOVE INTO CHIP CHIP LIT JIMI HENDRIX AT MONTEREY POP, MONCK’S HOUSE FOR A YEAR AND WRITE THE STONES AT ALTAMONT SPEEDWAY, THE HIS

LIFE

STORY

WITH

HIM.

SOMEONE ALI/FOREMAN ‘RUMBLE IN THE JUNGLE,’

NEEDS TO DO THAT BECAUSE THIS GUY– POPE JOHN PAUL AT DODGER STADIUM, THIS LIGHTING GUY, BORN IN WELLESLEY, THE US PREMIERE OF ROCKY HORROR, THE MASSACHUSETTS, 1939 – HAS LED ONE OF OPENING AND CLOSING CEREMONIES AT THE MOST EXCITING LIVES OF ANYONE THE ‘84 OLYMPICS, THE BIRTH OF CHRIST...

YOU’LL EVER MEET, AND THE INTERVIEW THE LIST OF PRODUCTIONS CHIP HAS HAD YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS BARELY EVEN A HAND IN IS INSANE. HE WAS THERE WHEN THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG THAT IS HIS HENDRIX SET FIRE TO HIS GUITAR. READ MEMOIRS.

THAT SENTENCE THREE TIMES.

CHIP IS ARGUABLY BEST KNOWN AS THE THIS INTERVIEW WITH CHIP WAS AT LEAST MASTER OF CEREMONIES AT WOODSTOCK, FOUR TIMES THE SIZE OF WHAT WE HAVE 1969. IF YOU’VE HEARD THE ALBUM OR HERE, BUT IT HAD TO BE MERCILESSLY WATCHED THE DOCUMENTARY OF THAT PRUNED DOWN FOR SPACE, WHICH I MUST FESTIVAL, HE’S THE GUY THAT WARNS THE APOLOGISE FOR, BOTH TO YOU AND CHIP. 400,000 -STRONG AUDIENCE TO BEWARE OF LIKE I SAID, THOUGH– SOMEONE NEEDS TO THE BROWN ACID. THAT’S HIM. HE’S THAT MOVE IN WITH THIS GUY AND GET IT ALL GUY. BUT HE’S SO MUCH MORE.

DOWN IN A BOOK. HE’S HAD A WILD RIDE.

INTERVIEW: JASON CROMBIE PHOTO : HENRY DILTZ. THE CHIPMONCK ARCHIVES

Dylan was around at that time, and we were talking, and I said, “I just live next door; come take a peek.” He saw the typewriter and asked if he could use it.

Wow.

York; so, she decided she was going to open

So, The Village Gate had extra space in the a Summer entertainment venue, very near basement that wasn’t being used; it was the Hyannis, on Cape Cod, Massachusetts. And so, old kitchen. I asked the front desk, ‘Can I rent I was asked to come down and light it. I spent that space next to the Gate?’ They said, ‘Sure, two weeks tidying it up. The opening act was hundred dollars a month.’ Dylan was around Peter, Paul and Mary, and I was mildly ahead at that time, and we were talking, and I said, of schedule, so I put the tanks and flippers on ‘I just live next door; come take a peek.’ And and went for a swim. Anyway, I came across he saw the typewriter and asked if he could this peculiar net, and there was hole in it. use it. I said ‘Sure, but you can’t take it out What kind of net? of here because I need it. Why don’t I give you Well, unbeknownst to me, it was a submarine a set of keys and when I’m working at night?’ net, and it was protecting Camelot, the So, soundcheck would be at 4 pm–if you were Kennedy Compound. So, I swam through this lucky–and then the shows were starting at hole, and I must’ve kicked the net with my 7:30 or 8; and he would drift in at 8 and finish flipper because about ten minutes after that by 12. I’d finish up at 1 am, and that was that. there was a Zodiac– you know those inflatable

As a lighting designer, you toured with Bob I used to take his crumpled up discards out of boats?

Dylan in the late 50s–early 60s? the wastebasket and iron them and put them Yeah.

Yes, I did most of the New York, Boston in a file folder.

So, one of those shows up with the presidential area with him, under the tutelage of Albert Amazing. Have you still got those?

Grossman who was his management. I did No.

seal on the bottom and a hand in the water

both sound and light.

nose 38s are pointed down at me.

No?

motioning me up, right? And then two snub-

And Dylan wrote ‘A Hard Rain’s Gonna Fall’ on They were under my barn in Bridgehampton, Jesus. What did you do? your typewriter?

New York, and, unfortunately, when the I surfaced and was taken to the beach and sat Yes, he did. property changed hands, they took the barn in a chair.

How did that come about? down. I was on tour somewhere and Barbara, And questioned?

I was working for The Village Gate in the late my wife, decided to sell it… so, that was the Exactly. Then some lady came and asked, 50s...

‘Would you like something to drink?’ And I end of that.

Sorry, what’s The Village Gate?

Let’s move onto you being arrested by the said, ‘I’d love a beer.’ She said, ‘No. You are Oh, dear me...

secret service.

Sorry, man. I wasn’t around back then.

I built a club for Trude Heller. Trude Heller was I had a cup of tea, and I was interrogated.

swimming. You may have a cup of tea.’ So,

That’s ok. The Village Gate was on the corner involved with a club called The Round Table Eventually, when they realised I wasn’t a threat of Thompson and Bleecker Street in Greenwich which… oh dear… I think his name was Levy to national security, I said, ‘Why don’t you and Village. It was a nightclub built into the ground and he owned Roulette Records with Frank Jack and the kids come to opening night and floor and basement of The Mills Hotel, which Sinatra. Anyway, Levy and Trude and Sinatra enjoy this new act–they’re called Peter, Paul was a flophouse.

and Fat Tony and half the mob hung out at The and Mary…’

Ok.

Round Table on something like 56th Street, I Wait, wait, wait. Were you talking to Jackie

Everyone played there: Odetta, Josh White, think, and... what was the question…

Nina Simone, Pete Seeger, Joan Baez, Bob You got arrested by the secret service.

Onassis?

Yeah.

Dylan, Dizzy Gillespie, Peggy Lee, Lenny Oh yeah, so, Trude was a member of that Please continue.

Bruce, Coltrane, Mingus, Brubeck, Miles Davis group and was given the Versailles, which was Anyway, she said, ‘Oh how wonderful!’ So, etcetera. the kids and Jackie came, all dressed up in an exquisite restaurant in the 50s in New

wigs and makeup so you couldn’t tell who what they wanted on their site. So, Michael Oh God no. they were. But Jack (John F. Kennedy) couldn’t (Lang) and the crew finally found Yasgur’s So, I paid moderately dearly for that. I managed come because the secret service wasn’t able farm. They went and spoke to Max (Yasgur), to hold them at bay and explain that ownership to make a sweep fast enough to assure that and Max made a deal for 65 grand: here’s the did mean something, and this rug belonged to the venue was safe.

land, do with it what you wish, I’ll move my the production company and I had to return it.

Wow. Next question: you lit the 1967 cows, but not the cow shit. And that’s the way So, it was a long negotiation, but I got the rug Monterey Pop Festival where Jimmy Hendrix it went. Michael tapped me on the shoulder back. burned his guitar?

Friday morning and said, ‘We need a little help. Insane. And that kid was murdered.

Yeah.

We’ve forgotten to hire an MC, so... you’re it. Yeah. Meredith Hunter. It took me two years to

So, you’re the guy that had the spotlight And the first thing we want you to do is to get get to his mother without having a cup of tea them (the audience) to move back a bit; they’re thrown in my face. But I eventually said ‘I’m trained on Jimmy Hendrix at that show?

No, I directed six operators and ran the board; too close to the front of the stage.’

sorry, on behalf of the people that killed your

the lighting board was maybe 35-40 circuits So, you jumped on the mic.

son’.

on stage.

Right. And I said, ‘Okay, folks, I’m terribly sorry, So, sad.

But you saw that happen with your own two but you need to move back, otherwise when the Yeah. We had two deaths at Woodstock (both rest of the audience arrive, you will be pushed accidents). There were two births and two eyes.

Sure, yeah.

right up against the front of the stage and you deaths.

You’ve worked with The Doors.

will spend three days with your nose against Wow. How many people were at Woodstock?

Yes.

the plywood. So, pick yourselves up and we’re 456,000, by my pin count. I worked with a

What was Jim Morrison like?

going to take ten giant steps backwards.’ And photograph that was about 8 x 8 feet, and I

Pretty easy to work with. The only time there everyone started to do what I asked.

used about 150 boxes of pins. But the people

was a problem was when he was about to take How’d that feel?

that were underneath the trees couldn’t be

his clothes off. I walked out on stage and put Well, it could have been a little easier had my counted.

You printed up a photo of Woodstock and my arm around him and told him ‘There’s a knees stopped shaking. contingent of police out back waiting to take You

were

really

good.

I’ve

seen

the counted people with pins?

you to jail if you do this, so I’m going walk you documentary a bunch, and you did a really Yeah, like you put pins in a map. off stage and, if I have to, I’ll drag you.’ He good job MC’ing that thing; great energy, That’s insane. came, and we just sat in the dressing room very calming….

Most of the things that I do are not the most

and had a short and unimportant chat to keep Well, thank you.

logical. But, for all intents and purposes, they

him from doing what he felt like doing.

You said earlier that everyone walked away turn out quite well.

Now please tell the Crosby, Stills and Nash from Woodstock with something of value. What advice can you give the kids at Splendour right now, regarding how to have a What did you walk away with?

Rolls Royce story.

David Crosby didn’t think that a Sat Nav–or The Stones.

good time and how to ensure the festival is a

what was called an A-Z (street atlas) back Right, because right after Woodstock you success for everyone? then–was helpful. So, he would hire a taxi to and Michael Lang (Woodstock producer) got Just remember that it’s not all about you. It’s guide him to where he wanted to go.

to work on the notorious Altamont Speedway also about the guy left and right of you, front

And just follow the taxi in his Rolls.

gig, which, for many people, was the end of and back. Take a moment to think about the

It might’ve been a Bentley, but yeah. If you’ve the 60s.

fact that you are just as equal as he or she.

got that sort of money, you have fun with it, or It ended it. That was it. The end of the Summer That’s good advice.

Just realise you’re only a pinprick on a map. of Love and all the rest of that shit. do whatever’s easiest, or what looks best...

The thing that you’re most famous for is How clear are your memories of that night?

And avoid the brown acid.

MC’ing Woodstock. How did that come Oh, very clear. Thank God, the lamps were Exactly. about? Your company was lighting the gig?

left in the wooden packing crates underneath

Yes, lighting and half-production management the towers. They were worth about six grand with Chris Langhart. All the lines of the a piece. They didn’t get put up because the demarcation were discarded because anyone union refused to come–they saw (the gig) as that said they could do this or do that–didn’t. nothing but a firestorm. The crates got pulled Anyone that promised you something didn’t apart for firewood, but they left the lamps come through because they’d rather go off sitting in the dirt. behind a bush and get high.

You lost some teeth to a pool cue, right?

So, the festival was chaotic from the get-go.

Yeah. They (the Hells Angels) tried to take the

Oh, by all means. We’re moving site, and we stage rug. They rolled it up and put one end have ten to 12 days to build. Impossible.

on the top of a pickup truck and the other end

Woodstock was never meant to be in on the tail gate, which was open. And then Woodstock, right?

they put two choppers, one on either side of

Never in Woodstock.

the rug, so as the pickup started to leave the

Originally Wallkill, New York?

ground, I grabbed a hold of the ass-end of the

Yeah, but it could never happen in Wallkill, rug, and as the pick-up went forward, the rug because the city fathers decided that rapists, came off. But, unfortunately, so did the two gangsters, drug dealers and hippies were not choppers.

GRIT ‘N’ GAGS WITH LA’S

LORD HURON ERIN BROMHE AD

MICHIGAN-BRED, LOS ANGELES -BASED BAND LORD HURON DROPPED ITS WILDLY ANTICIPATED THIRD ALBUM, VIDE NOIR, IN APRIL THIS YEAR. A SLIGHT DEPARTURE FROM THEIR FOLK ROOTS, THE NEW RECORD EMBRACES A DEFINITIVELY MORE ELECTRONIC SOUND. ACCORDING TO MEMBERS MARK BARRY AND BEN SCHNEIDER, IT MARKS THEIR MATURITY AS A BAND. WHILE THAT MIGHT RING TRUE MUSICALLY, WE DISCOVERED THEY’RE STILL JUVENILE ENOUGH TO TALK ABOUT CHUMP THE CHIMP, FOLLOWING NASA ON INSTAGRAM, AND MAN-EATING SPIDERS.

Your album, Vide Noir, came out earlier this year. around. It’s all part of the process. Anything You’re playing Friday at Splendour in the Grass.

It’s a bit of a departure from your folk roots. goes. He’s a master at bringing songs to a new, What’s a good/funny/weird festival story that’s What influenced this new sound?

happened to you as a band?

uncharted place.

Mark Barry: For me, this record is us maturing BS: Dave mixed the album, so his involvement MB: There was that time we got caught by the as a band. We’re DIY guys, or like to think we came toward the end of the project. We had fin- cops rollin’ dice at the bottom of the stairwell… are, and that’s how this record started—tracking ished recording and had actually started the mix- One thing you hope you see in Australia? it on our own, in our studio. We weren’t sure how ing process with another engineer before we went BS: The stars of the Southern Hemisphere. we wanted to approach it as a band and tried a to see Dave. The final stages of making a record One thing you hope you don’t? few different things, but that’s what gave it that can be some of the most difficult and uncertain BS: Man-eating spiders. flavour; us experimenting with different kinds of and it was really good being in such capable cre- What can Splendour audiences expect from your grooves and tones that allowed us to be more ative hands at the end there. We learned a hell show? funky.

of a lot from him, but honestly, I think the most BS: Plenty of cosmic yee-haws.

Ben Schneider: In our heads, our whole catalogue valuable lessons I learned were about how to live MB: We’ll give it everything we got.

16

is one long anthology of interconnected stories. a good life in what can be a strange and unforgivSo Vide Noir feels like a very natural progression ing business. He’s got a real good thing going and from the ideas and sounds we were exploring he’s way up at the top creatively.

on Strange Trails, which similarly felt to us like a I know your name was inspired by Lake Huron, natural next step from Lonesome Dreams, and so but Lord Huron kind of sounds like the final boss

on. Since we’ve been doing so much touring and of a video game. If he were, what game would he live performance over the past several years, I be from?

think some of the urgency and propulsion from our MB: Chump the Chimp: Return to Banana Island. live show has found its way into the recordings.

BS: I guess a seafaring adventure game that also

You worked with producer Dave Fridmann involves baseball and ice fishing.

(Mercury Rev, MGMT, Tame Impala) on this You only follow two people on Instagram – NASA album. What is the best advice he gave you and a skeleton by the name of ‘Cobb Avery’. during the recording process?

Please explain.

MB: Dave showed us that it’s important to be MB: We like to keep our socials tight. Space and creative at every level of the record— even the skeletons. mixing stage. Just because a song is being mixed BS: In some cases it’s best to just simplify and it doesn’t mean you can’t add parts or shift things focus on the truly important things.

LORD HURON ARE PLAYING

GW MCLENNAN TENT FRIDAY AT 7 PM

THE BRONX:

ERIN BROMHE AD

BROKEN NOSES AND TACO BELL

The first time Los Angeles punk band The Bronx came to Australia, it was In 2009, after releasing three albums as the Bronx, the band traded their 2004. They’d only formed two years prior but had already built a solid leather jackets for mariachi suits and released Mariachi El Bronx to their reputation for their wild live show. I was lucky enough to see them at The slightly bewildered, but ultimately accepting fan base. Over the years, Annandale in Sydney that year and leave without a facial fracture. Many they’ve dropped two additional albums and toured extensively as the alter others weren’t as fortunate, but judging by their expressions, they didn’t ego persona. While they’ll be appearing at Splendour as the OG Bronx, rest see it that way. I distinctly remember the huge grins splashed across fans’ assured that their Mariachi El Bronx outfits are tucked safely back in LA, faces as they emerged from the pit with blood gushing from their noses. awaiting their next outing. “Both of mine are hanging up in my closet at I’d never been to a real punk show, and it left a huge impression on me home. I look at ‘em every day and smile,” says Caughthran. because I finally understood the allure of

At the time of the first Mariachi El Bronx

pure recklessness. 14 years on from that

release, the band explained that the

fateful night, I spoke to frontman Matt

change in musical direction was born

Caughthran about the current state of punk

from the urge to challenge themselves

music, his worst stage injury, and Taco Bell.

creatively

Recounting

unexpected.

my

2004

experience

to

and

make

Despite

the

something slowing

of

Caughthran, it occurs to me that he must

gears, The Bronx never strayed far from

have been on the receiving end of some

their punk roots, and the release of V

pretty brutal live injuries, too. And although

only cemented that. “I’m bipolar when it

I expected the worst ones to have been

comes to the current state of punk music

inflicted in the band’s early years, it turns

or even music in general. Most days I’m

out he’s only recently recovered from his

so stoked about all the bands that are

most devastating trauma of all.

“Last

coming up and killing it, and all the older

year in France, I tore my calf muscle. I was

bands or artists that are still pushing the

coming down on one leg from a jump on

envelope and creating inspired music out

stage and split my calf from the bottom

of love and necessity. Other days I just

up, a little more than halfway through the

wanna throw it all in the trash. Myself

muscle. I wanna throw up just thinking

included!”

about it. It was so gnarly. Took two and a

As for their arrival to our sunny shores,

half months to heal,” he says. It’s not just physical pain that Caughthran the band is most excited to get to Splendour and hang out with their mates has experienced lately. If you live in America right now, there’s a lot to be backstage, where they’ll be “mostly laughing and drinking beers. We have angry about. Every day a human Cheeto rolls out of bed, dons a suit, and a lot of friends playing and attending the festival this year so the vibe does a very bad job of running the country. A year after the disastrous result backstage is gonna be magical.” As for their Splendour set, what can you of the 2016 US election, The Bronx released their eighth studio album, V, expect? “Absolute madness. Complete insanity. Total chaos,” he says. and to say they sounded angry is almost an insult. But now, almost a year And as for what the band can expect upon their return to California, the on from its release, they’ve got bigger things to worry about—like soccer. answer is unequivocally Taco Bell. The American fast food chain was just “Right now I’m angry about the US not being part of the World Cup.” What voted ‘America’s Favourite Mexican Restaurant’, and holds a special place is he stoked about, then? “I’m stoked that The Bronx is playing Splendour in Caughthran’s heart. So, what’s his go-to order? “Two potato tacos and in the Grass!”

nacho supreme with NO MEAT! Let’s go! You fly, I’ll buy!”

@SCARLETTMATCHES SCARLETTMATCHES.COM

FIRE IS FLEETING, SCARLETT IS PREMIUM QUALITY, LIMITED EDITION.

THE BRONX ARE PLAYING AMPHITHEATRE FRIDAY AT 4.45 PM

ARTIST: LEXIE LIU

LEVIS.COM.AU @LEVIS_ANZ #LIVEINLEVIS

Treat yo’self.

Pull up a chair. Dine. Drink. & Dance.

Grab your crew and step into another world at Chiswick’s pop-up at Splendour In The Grass for two hours as you drink all the delicious drinks and eat all the amazing things. $110 + Fees (inc booking fees & cc charges) splendourinthegrass.com/explore/chiswick Available Sitting Times: Saturday: 3pm & 6pm Sunday: 3pm (Subject to availability)

SPLENDOUR IN THE CRAFT THE OXFORD ENGLISH DICTIONARY DEFINES CRAFT AS ‘AN ACTIVITY INVOLVING SKILL IN MAKING THINGS BY HAND,’ BUT WE’D ARGUE THAT THE WORD ‘SKILL’ DOESN’T COME INTO IT. GIVE ANY TOM, DICK OR MARY A POT OF GLUE AND A BAG OF SEASHELLS, AND YOU’VE GOT YOURSELF A CRAFTSMAN. ALL YOU NEED TO PARTICIPATE IN CRAFT IS A VAGUELY CREATIVE DISPOSITION AND A FEW BITS ‘N’ BOBS. AND SOME GLUE. AND SOME GLITTER IF IT’S AVAILABLE. PERHAPS SOME MACARONI, TOO, AND SOME WOOL. A CAN OF GOLD SPRAY PAINT WOULDN’T HURT. AND MAYBE PUT DOWN SOME NEWSPAPER SO YOU DON’T MAKE A MESS. THIS YEAR’S SPLENDOUR IN THE CRAFT (THE MAGICAL CRAFT WONDERLAND WHERE EVERYTHING IS FREE) FEATURES A BUNCH OF FUN AND CRAFTY THINGS FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO ARE CRAZY ABOUT CRAFT. WE’VE LISTED SOME OF THE HIGHLIGHTS BELOW, BUT THERE’S LOTS MORE TO DO, AND, AGAIN, ALL WORKSHOPS AND MATERIALS ARE FREE (FIRST IN BEST DRESSED)!

JAZZ UP YOUR JUMPSUIT

WE’RE ALL GOING TO...

CHARMS FOR THE CHARMING

with Fancy Free (Rachel Burke and

Conversations in the craft bus with

Charm Bracelets with Each to Own.

Patience Hodgson). Go Turbo-DIY

Stefan Hunt from We’re All Going to

Back by popular demand, the

on a pair of coveralls with The Fancy

Die, the festival that uses death to

Charms for the Charming workshop

Free ladies. Rachel and Patience

shift our perspective on fear and the is set to be jam-packed. Sew if you

will help you Jazz up your Jumpsuit

role it plays in our lives. Combining

want to charm your way through the

(supplied free) from hood to toe

film, book, installation, visual

crafternoon (sorry), be sure to rock

with a crazy collection of crafty

art, music, talks and immersive

up early. This event also includes a

bits and bobs.

experiences the festival will be

live performance by Monkey Monkey

Friday 11 am - 12:30 pm

an amusement park for your soul

Shake Shake!

inspiring you to live more

Sunday 1:30pm - 3 pm

TOTES TOTES!

and fearless.

Tote bag making with Art Park.

Three sessions daily. 12:30pm -

Join Paul McNeil and Craig Rochfort

1pm, 1:30pm - 2pm, 2:30pm - 3pm.

for some awesome tote bag making.

Choose from one of four designs,

FANCY FOIL BLING AND HELMETS

screen print your tote and then get

Get down with the girls from

carried away blinging the shit out of

Fancy Free and craft yourself

it with charms of your own invention. some jewellery and helmets from This workshop is very popular, so

aluminium foil! You’ll never pass

get in early. Boomerang Bags are

through a metal detector again, but

providing the complimentary tote

we guarantee you’ll leave looking

bags (made from 100% recycled

cool and shiny.

materials).

Friday 4 pm - 5:30pm

Sunday 11 am - 12:30pm YOUR EYES ARE LIKE A CUP PILLOW APPRECIATION SOCIETY

OF TEA

DIY Pillow Cases with Beci Orpin.

Curated by AMAC from Citylights

All hail the Queen of Craft, Beci

Projects (who also created the

Orpin! Let Australia’s premier craft

amazing art inside and out the free

master show you how to jazz up

teahouse we’re about to mention),

your pillowcase and get a better

Your Eyes Are Like a Cup of Tea is a

night’s sleep knowing you’re a

free teahouse with a very special faux

member of the Pillow Appreciation

tea ceremony. Come by for a cuppa.

Society.

Open daily from 11 am - 5 pm, or until

Saturday 11 am - 12:30pm

the mystery tea blends runs out...

THE FORUM

WORDS: JASON ‘PRETTY WOMAN’ CROMBIE

THE FORUM LOOKS PRET T Y GOOD THIS YE AR. I SAY ‘LOOKS’ BECAUSE I’VE NOT RE AD WHAT THE SE ‘THINKERS, INDUSTRY HE AV Y WEIGHTS, POLITICIANS, ARTISTS, SCIENTISTS, ACTIVISTS, JOURNALISTS AND MUSIC TASTEMAKERS’ ARE GOING TO WEIGH IN ON – I MERELY GL ANCED AT THE PANEL TITLE S. I’M NOT L AZY (I TOTALLY AM ) OR SLOPPY (THAT TOO), I JUST FIGURE IT’LL BE MORE FUN TO GUE S S WHAT SOME OF THE SE PANEL S ARE ABOUT, R ATHER THAN ACTUALLY TELL YOU – E VEN IF THAT ME ANS UNWIT TINGLY MAKING LIGHT OF A SERIOUS IS SUE AND GET TING MYSELF LYNCHED BY THE PEOPLE I’VE OFFENDED WITH MY STUPIDIT Y. THAT’S THE LINE I WALK, BABY. IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE SE PANEL S ARE RE ALLY ABOUT, YOU CAN CHECK THE SPLENDOUR APP. ME ANWHILE , US COOL , FUN PEOPLE WILL REFER TO THIS LOAD OF BALONE Y AND MAKE OUR DECISIONS BASED ON THAT. HERE ARE FIVE R ANDOM E VENTS FROM THIS YE AR’S FORUM. LET THE GUE S SWORK BEGIN !

HER SOUND HER STORY SUNDAY 10am-12pm If this panel doesn’t have something to do with girls lying about their farts, I’ll be deeply disappointed. It’s high time women took responsibility for all the metric tons of cheese they cut every day. It’s outrageous. My ex-girlfriend (let’s call her Anna because that’s her name) used to fart like a sheepdog with IBS. She’d make the wallpaper bubble and never admit to a damn thing. One time I walked through one of her more evil miasmas, and it knocked me out cold. I woke up on the stairs with a bump on my head, burnt nostrils, and a note that read, ‘Just popped out for more broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, Brussel sprouts, and sugar-free gum. Home in a jiff. X’ MORNING BOOK CLUB W/ MARIEKE HARDY

SATURDAY 10-11.30am I’m

going to take a wild stab and say this one is about books and writers and writing etc. Better borrow a scarf and call LensCrafters. Marieke Hardy will be hosting, which is great because A) she’s excellent at this sort of thing, and B) now I finally have an excuse to tell about the time she, Marieke Hardy, cruised me at a bus stop in the mid-90s like I was a common streetwalker. She pulled up in her Datsun and motioned for me to get in, which I did. She then drove me back to her house and took advantage of me. About a week later, she came over to my house and took advantage of me a second time. Then she stopped returning my calls because I wasn’t very good at being taken advantage of when I was 20. True story.

Q&A W/ TONY JONES SUNDAY 2.30-4pm I love Tony Jones. You know why? Because no one talks over Tony Jones. No one fucks with that guy. Normally, when panelists are yelling over each other, it can go on for days, but not with Tony. Tony shuts fools down with a quickness. I wish he’d represented me during the negotiations for this guest editor gig–I might’ve been paid money instead of Tim Tams.

According to legend, Tony has a leather jacket he breaks out for this event. I also heard he arrives onstage astride a shiny Honda Nighthawk while ‘Leader of the Pack’ plays and everyone throws their knickers. That’s what I heard.

APOCALYPSE FATIGUE SUNDAY 12.30-2pm If I had to guess (which I do because, again, I didn’t read the program), I’d say this panel looks at how bored everyone is with talk of the coming apocalypse. That sounds interesting and beneficial, but I bet it’ll be the science-based apocalypse they’re talking about and not the crazy biblical one. Shame, the Bible’s version of the end of the world–aka The Book of Revelation–is way more engaging: the sun is blotted out, mountains and

24

islands start moving around willy-nilly, the plagues begin, then the rivers and seas turn to blood and it rains diarrhoea while God plays ‘Bad Day’ by Daniel Powter on repeat. It’s awful.

CYBER HACKING FRIDAY 2.30-4pm This one is almost definitely about hooking electrodes up to a Barbie doll and hacking into a powerful government computer system to create a beautiful, intelligent British woman with supernatural powers and a heart of gold, who wants nothing more than for you and your best friend, Wyatt Donnelly, to find true love and accept yourselves for who you are. She achieves this by arranging a huge house party where you and Wyatt are forced to meet several character-building challenges head-on, thereby teaching you important lessons you might never have learned otherwise. ‘Fats, man, let me tell you my story, man.’ I don’t care if you got that.

REFINED AUTHENTICITY PROCESS SP1

adidaswatches.com

FRIDAY 20TH JULY SET TIMES

Amphitheatre Kwame 12.00 – 12.30 West Thebarton 12.50 – 1.30 Marmozets 1.50 – 2.30 Welcome to Country 3.00 – 3.30 DZ Deathrays 3.30 – 4.15 The Bronx 4.45 – 5.45 DMA’s 6.15 – 7.15 Angus and Julia Stone 7.45 – 8.45 Claudia Smith Khalid 9.15 – 10.15 Lorde 10.45 – 12.00 Mix Up Alice Ivy 12.15 – 1.00 Wafia 1.30 – 2.15 Emma Stevenson 2.15 – 2.45 Riton & Kah-Lo 2.45 – 3.30 Love Deluxe (DJ Set) 3.30 – 4.00 Baker Boy 4.00 – 4.45 Love Deluxe (DJ Set) 4.45 – 5.30 N OTOMY X MC

Touch SensitiveWW 5.30 – 6.15 W.E POKH E .CO Love Deluxe (DJ Set) 6.15 7.00 Safia 7.00 – 8.00 Mike Gurrieri 8.00 – 8.45 The Presets 8.45 – 9.45 Mike Gurrieri 9.45 – 10.30 Miguel 10.30 – 11.30 GW McLennan Didirri 12.30 – 1.15 Bully 1.45 – 2.30 Stella Donnelly 3.00 – 3.45 Jack River 4.15 – 5.00

Claudia Smith

Cub Sport 5.30 – 6.30 Lord Huron 7.00 – 8.00 Henry Rollins 8.30 – 9.30 Dune Rats & Friends 10.00 – 11.00 Tiny Dancer Alta 3.00 – 3.50 Woodes 4.00 – 4.50 Manu Crook$ 5.00 – 5.50 Human Movement 6.00 – 7.30 Lo’99 7.30 – 9.00 Madam X 9.00 – 10.00

N OTOM Y X M C WWW.EPOKHE.CO MONSTERCHILDREN.COM

Nina Las Vegas 10.00 – 11.00

HUNGOVER?

JASON CROMBIE

TODAY IS DAY ONE OF A THREE-DAY MUSIC FESTIVAL IN BYRON BAY. CHANCES ARE, YOU’LL WAKE UP TOMORROW (DAY TWO) FEELING A LITTLE ‘DUSTY,’ AS THEY SAY. YOU MIGHT FEEL FOGGY, OR HAVE A DULL HEADACHE. PERHAPS YOU’LL EVEN DO A LITTLE SPEW. THAT’S OKAY. DON’T FEEL BAD. YOU’RE EXPERIENCING SOMETHING CALLED A ‘HANGOVER,’ AND IT’S WHAT HAPPENS TO GROWN-UPS WHEN THEY HAVE TOO MUCH FUN THE NIGHT BEFORE. ‘TOO MUCH FUN’? IS THAT EVEN A THING? YES. IT IS DISTINCTLY POSSIBLE TO HAVE TOO MUCH FUN AND WAKE UP FEELING LIKE THE DEVIL USED YOU FOR A FLUSHABLE WET WIPE. HERE’S THE GOOD NEWS–WE’VE ENJOYED TOO MUCH FUN FOR AT LEAST TWO DECADES NOW, AND WE’RE EXPERTS AT BOTH MINIMISING AND SOOTHING HANGOVERS. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PAGE OF THIS DAILY SPLENDOUR, AND WE RECOMMEND YOU TEAR IT OUT, FOLD IT UP INTO A LITTLE SQUARE AND PUT IT IN YOUR POCKET FOR LATER.

WATER A wise man once said if you drink a glass of water between every alcoholic drink, you’ll be the smartest person in the room. You’ll also wake up feeling a lot better in the morning. Drinking water is always a good idea, but you should try to chug as much as possible when you’re drinking alcohol.

You and I both know this is a literally the oldest and most obvious tip in the world, but it’s one we all forget during the throes of a good time. Get a pen right now and write ‘WATER’ on the back of your hand. That’s a good idea.

FOOD Don’t forget to eat. Thats a big one. If I had a dollar for every time I was having so much fun I forgot to have dinner, I’d have enough money to pay for all the pethidine I would have liked to have had the following morning. Like the water recommendation above, this really is one of the most basic of basics; but, again, it’s something that slips the best of minds at the best of times. So, maybe borrow that pen again and write ‘FOOD’ on the back of your hand, too. Why not? And why not call your mum real quick. She misses you.

FIXIN’ JUICE Now we move into damage control: the things you can do if you didn’t drink enough water or eat enough food and have woken with a fullscale, top-shelf, tomahawk-in-the-skull, shit-your-pants, four-alarm hangover. Step one: get up and make your way to the juice stand. There’s a bunch of them around, and they all know exactly what you need to dislodge that rusty harpoon you stuck through your head by not drinking enough water. Ask for a fixin’ juice and a bottle of water and flush the lot through your system. Get you some fixin’ juice and get you fixed. Go. NOREPINEPHRINE, SEROTONIN, OXYTOCIN, VASOPRESSIN, NITRIC OXIDE, DOPAMINE, AND PROLACTIN No, I’m not suggesting you track down these potent chemicals and inject them into your bloodstream. That would be dangerous, silly and pointless. You know why? BECAUSE THEY’RE ALREADY INSIDE YOU! All you have to do is go shake hands with the homeless, and these free opioids will flood your brain and make you feel better. ‘Shake hands with homeless’? You know, choke the pope, pull some taffy, give The Sarge what for. If you’re a lady, I’m saying you should go polish that lamp... or something. I don’t know any euphemisms for what you guys do... chafe the taco? Anyway, rubbing one out will make you feel better. Or possibly worse, depending on your religious background.

BLOODY MARY If a wank and a fixin’ juice hasn’t sorted you out, you might need the hair of the dog. This solution is very effective, but not recommended by health professionals for obvious reasons. However, if you can get a Bloody Mary down and keep it down, you will feel yourself quickly coming back to life. I hate to advocate alcoholism, but this works. It works good. Just don’t do it too much. You know that guy in the park who has no teeth and smells like wee? He’s a huge supporter of the hair of the dog technique, and look where it got him–in the park with no teeth and smelling like wee.

TAKING IT EASY Hey, take it easy! Know your limits and respect them. Respect yourself! Respect the sacred temple that is your body and know when to call it a night. There’s no shame in taking it easy. Just because your best mate got his guts pumped doesn’t mean you have to. So, relax. It’s not a competition to see who can lose their motor skills and load their pants up the fastest. Just have fun and be responsible. Party on.

CAMPING ETIQUETTE IT’S DAY ONE AND EVERYONE’S SETTING UP THEIR TENTS. IT’S FUN SETTING UP CAMP WITH YOUR FRIENDS. ‘HAHAHA! SUCH FUN WE ARE HAVING, MY FRIENDS,’ YOU MIGHT SAY, BUT THERE ARE A FEW SERIOUS THINGS TO CONSIDER WHEN CAMPING, AND ONE OF THOSE THINGS IS ETIQUETTE. WHAT IS THE CORRECT WAY TO CONDUCT YOURSELF WHEN CAMPING OUT WITH HUNDREDS OF OTHER PEOPLE? WHAT’S THE RIGHT THING TO DO? WHAT’S THE WRONG THING? IS IT OKAY TO EMPTY GARBAGE BAGS INTO YOUR NEIGHBOUR’S TENT WHILE HE SLEEPS? IS IT WRONG TO POO IN A PLASTIC BAG AND THROW IT INTO YOUR NEIGHBOUR’S CAMPSITE? SHOULD YOU SPRAY PAINT ‘FART CAVE’ ON YOUR NEIGHBOUR’S TENT, OR ‘SEX PEST’ OR ‘HOME OF MR. DICK SORES’ ? THESE ARE ALL GOOD QUESTIONS, AND THEY FALL UNDER THE HEADING OF ETIQUETTE. LET’S DEAL WITH THEM NOW.

camper’s campsite. You wouldn’t stomp through The facilities We’re sharing some facilities their living room, so don’t stomp through their on this camping trip, and while you might be site either. Go around. Duh.

tempted to wee all over the toilet seat, kick

Phones Leave that shit in your pocket and the door off its hinges, and write ‘Slayer’ create some memories, for fucksakes. This everywhere in poo–don’t. That’s rude and isn’t going to happen again. Don’t record selfish. Look after the stuff. Leave everything it–LIVE IT! Oh-my-God, what are you doing? a little nicer than how you found it. And if you You just looked at your phone because you use a porta potty that’s already in pristine read the word ‘phone,’ didn’t you? You gotta condition, make it better than you found it quit that shit. This has nothing to do with by providing a small bowl of mints or a little etiquette (unless you’re talking on your phone sign that reads something hilarious like ‘Seat in the middle of the night and keeping your Yourself’ or ‘If at first you don’t succeed–keep Friendliness Rule number one: be friendly. neighbours awake), but you’ll have more fun if flushing!’ Look after the facilities.

You should be living by this rule every day of you’re not spending your weekend doing what Packing up When Monday rolls around, you your life, anyway, and if you’re not–you’re an you always do. Just sayin’.

might be tempted to leave your tent behind

arsehole. You might think being unfriendly Noise A wise man once said, ‘If you’re bringing because it’s such a bitch to pull down and pack makes you cool and interesting, but this will music to the beach, you’re missing the point.’ up. But guess what happens if you do that? just have people thinking you’re a bastard and That proverb isn’t applicable to camping at a Guess where the tent goes? It goes in the to be avoided. Perhaps you’re a little shy and festival, but it’s a good one to remember for goddamn ocean and kills a bunch of cute little awkward and find it easier to come across as later. Camping at Splendour, though, you’re fishies. The tent poles actually end up getting aloof. This is a mistake. People (friendly people) gonna want to listen to music back at your tent, stuck in dolphin blowholes and stingray arses. find awkwardness endearing and aloofness which is cool, but be mindful of the volume. Do you want that on your conscience? Man, I lame. Don’t be lame. Say hi to your neighbours You might think everyone likes that song wouldn’t. Seriously, though, take your tent and and give them a hand if it looks like they need by that drug-fucked white rapper with dumb rinse it off when you get home. You can use it one, you adorable little weirdo.

shit tattooed all over his face, but you’d be again next year!

Space It goes without saying that allowing surprised how many people are already sick enough space between yourself and your fellow of it. So, unless your neighbour says, ‘Hey, campers is critical if you wish to have a nice man, I love this maddeningly repetitive song by time this weekend. Of course, everyone has their that drug-fucked white rapper with dumb shit own ideas about personal space, so it’s always tattooed all over his face–turn it up,’ keep an nice to check and say, ‘Hey, neighbour, am I ear on your levels. too close to you? Is this okay?’ before pitching Litter Why do you need to be told not to your tent and creating a weird situation. Another litter? Are you a fucking cockroach? Don’t space-related tip: don’t walk through your fellow litter. The end.

28 JASON CROMBIE

GUEST EDITOR JASON CROMBIE DEPUTY EDITOR MONIQUE PENNING PUBLISHERS CHRIS SEARL & CAMPBELL MILLIGAN

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CONTACT MONSTER CHILDREN SYDNEY OFFICE: 6 AUSTRALIA STREET, CAMPERDOWN, NSW, 2050 AUSTRALIA PH: +61 2 9517 2568

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LOVE DELUXE

SYDNEY ARTIST LOVE DELUXE WILL BE DISHING OUT AN ARSENAL OF BREEZY, ATMOSPHERIC BEATS FOR ALL YOU LOVERS TODAY. FROM INFECTIOUS TRACKS LIKE ‘COOL BREEZE OVER THE MOUNTAINS’ (KEANU REEVES’ HAWAIIAN NAME, BY THE WAY– GO AHEAD AND GOOGLE IT) TO THE RETRO GROOVES OF ‘SILK MIRAGE’ AND ‘SPICE OF LIFE,’ LOVE DELUXE WILL HAVE YOU MAKING EYES AT YOUR NEIGHBOUR IN THE MOSHPIT AND WONDERING IF THEY’RE DTF (DOWN TO FUNK).

WE FIRED SOME QUESTIONS AT HIM BEFORE HIS SET AND HE THREW IT RIGHT BACK, BELOW. INTERVIE W : MONIQUE PENNING

Best record you’ve bought recently?

LOVE DELUXE IS PLAYING

I actually bought two the other day. Angophora’s Scenes, very smooth,

MIX UP STAGE FRIDAY AT 3.30 PM. 4.45 PM, AND 6.15 PM

Balearic stuff with lots of guitar, and the new Hysteric EP on Bahnsteig 23 full of Euro synth edits.

The strangest thing you’ve ever seen at a festival?

At Secret Garden Festival I saw a huge Trojan horse being carried into the moshpit by at least 20 people. The guy at the front leading the horse into the crowd—who was a complete stranger to my friends and I—said to my mate Daniel, “Excuse me Daniel...” *Cue X-Files music*

What talent would you most like to have?

Festival fashion hot tip?

Hmm, maybe juggling, which seems like a useless skill but you can use it

Those sleeping bag suits that you can wear and walk around in, only for to impress people. winter festivals.

Act you definitely won’t be missing at Splendour?

You get to go back in time and hang with one music icon. Who is it and I definitely want to see Tim Sweeney, as well as Girl Talk to relive my Big why?

Day Out years.

Frank Zappa. He was such a skilled musician, you could learn lots of In what situation should people hit play on your track “Silk Mirage”? musical things by hanging out with him. Also, he was very opinionated and Anytime you want to escape to somewhere else for four minutes. intelligent so I can’t imagine you’d be bored talking to him.

How would you explain DJ’ing to someone from the 1800s?

What’s the best thing that came out of the 90s?

Playing recorded music to people who like to dance.

The 1993 Kenny Loggins concert movie Outside: From the Redwoods.

One song that will get you out of your house in the depths of winter.

Keanu Reeves’ best movie?

“Lança Perfume” by Rita Lee. It sounds like summer every time I listen to it.

Speed. One of my favourites.

Give your five-year-old self a piece of advice.

Most exciting act in Australian music right now?

Learn an instrument now so you can get really good at music and start

Chord Memory Band. Big fan of those guys.

writing your own early on.

LIPS

BY OUR MAN ON THE SCENE, VAUGHAN DEAD

INCONSOLABLE: MAN DROPS KEBAB IN DIRT AFTER BEING BUMPED BY GIRL RUNNING TO SEE KENDRICK LAMAR

MUSIC

FESTIVALS

I

HAVE

NEVER SEEN ANYTHING QUITE LIKE IT,’ SAID CROMBIE, TRULY ASTOUNDED. ‘IT WAS SO CLEAN, I DIDN’T EVEN CAREFULLY RIP FOUR PIECES OF TOILET PAPER INTO A MAKESHIFT SEAT COVER, I JUST RIPPED OFF ME DUDS AND LET MY PORCELAIN WHITE ARSE-SKIN

HEARTBREAK: MAN EXCITED TO SEE QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE DEVASTATED TO DISCOVER HE’S A YEAR LATE

SERIOUS REPERCUSSIONS WHEN TEMPERATURES PLUMMETED TO MINUS 4 DEGREES THE MOMENT THE SUN WENT BEHIND A CLOUD. SHE WAS LAST SEEN STANDING OVER A FLICKED CIGGY BUTT TRYING TO WARM FROSTBITTEN FINGERS ON ITS SLOWLY FADING EMBERS.

KIERAN BURKE, 37, OF BONDI

EXPERIENCE THE FULL GLORY OF

BEACH

LEFT

MOISTLESS PLASTIC.’ CROMBIE

CAMPBELL

YESTERDAY

ADMITTED THE URINE SPRAYED

KANGAROO VALLEY NSW, COULD

DUNNY

NSW,

WAS

INCONSOLABLE WHEN

A

LAMB

KEBAB

WITH

MILLIGAN,

55,

OF

FESTIVALS

NOT BELIEVE HIS MISFORTUNE

TABOULI, HUMMUS, AND SWEET

PAST HAD ALMOST PREVENTED

WHEN HE TURNED UP TO SITG

CHILLI SAUCE WAS KNOCKED

HIM

SUCH

MAINSTAGE AT 11:15 PM ONLY TO

FROM HIS GRASP BY A YOUNG

OCCASIONS EVER AGAIN, BUT

DISCOVER QUEENS OF THE STONE

GIRL RUNNING TO CATCH THE

SEATS

FROM

OF

ATTENDING

THAT THIS LATEST SURPRISING

AGE

OPENING SONG OF KENDRICK

TURN OF EVENTS HAD RESTORED

THEIR SET… AN ENTIRE YEAR

LAMAR’S SET. ‘IT WAS AWFUL,

HIS FAITH IN FELLOW DRIBBLY-

EARLIER. ‘IT WAS DISTRESSING

JUST AWFUL,’ SAID BYSTANDER

DICKED FEZZY GOERS TO ‘FIRE IT

TO

IN THE HOLE!’

CHAD MICHAEL-MURRAY. ‘HE WAS

SHIRLEY

CHESTERTON-HESLOP.

HAD

ALREADY

WATCH,’

FINISHED

NOTED

WITNESS

REVIEW: ‘I THOUGHT THEY WERE PRETTY SHIT,’ SAYS PUNTER WHO WATCHED PRECISELY THREE SECONDS OF BAND’S PERFORMANCE.

‘HE’D BEEN WAITING IN LINE

WALKING AROUND WITH THIS

FOR ALMOST HALF AN HOUR

BAFFLED EXPRESSION ON HIS

SOPHIE

FACE SAYING STUFF LIKE “THAT’S

27,

NOT

DELIVERED A SERIES OF SCATHING

AND WAS PUTTING THE KEBAB TO HIS LIPS FOR A FIRST BITE WHEN THE GIRL, ALONG WITH A GAGGLE OF GIGGLING FRIENDS, CAME FLYING OUT OF NOWHERE AND

BUMPED

HIM,

SPILLING

THE ENTIRE CONTENTS OF THE KEBAB STRAIGHT INTO THE DIRT.’

BACKSTAGE: GOLD BAR PASS HOLDER GOES THREE DAYS STRAIGHT WITHOUT SEEING SINGLE BAND

UNABLE TO RETRIEVE A SINGLE MORSEL

FOR

BURKE

WAS

CONSUMPTION,

DALE

ROBINSON,

19,

OF

JOSH

HOMME?

WHEN’S

OF

HEATHER-BRICKSTAFF, BRISBANE

HAS

JOSH HOMME PLAYING? I WANNA

REVIEWS

SEE JOSH HOMME? WHAT TIME IS

ACTS AT THIS YEAR’S SITG LINE-

JOSH HOMME ON?” HE SEEMED

UP FOR BEING ‘OFF THEIR GAME’

TO REALLY LIKE SAYING “JOSH

AND ‘NOT BRINGING IT,’ DESPITE

HOMME.”’

GOT

HAVING ONLY CAUGHT, IN SOME

WORSE FOR MILLIGAN WHEN HE

CASES, NOT A SINGLE SONG OF

REALISED CLIENT LIAISON

THINGS

ONLY

ATTACKING

QLD,

SEVERAL

AND

THEIR SETS. ‘YEAH, I CHECKED

THE XX WERE ALSO NO-SHOWS

THEM OUT. WASN’T FEELING IT.

FOR 2018. THE DUMB BASTARD.

THEY WERE PHONING IT IN IF

LAST

SEEN

THE

ONIONY

HAS ACHIEVED THE IMPOSSIBLE,

YOU ASK ME,’ SAID MS HEATHER-

REMAINS WITH ARMS RAISED

SPENDING THREE CONSECUTIVE

BRICKSTAFF TO FRIENDS ON THE

TO THE HEAVENS – IN A POSE

DAYS SITTING IN THE SITG GOLD

TOP LEVEL OF THE STOLLIES BAR

EERILY REMINISCENT OF WILLEM

BAR WITHOUT SEEING A SINGLE

DAFOE’S SERGEANT ELIAS BEING

MUSICAL ACT AT SPLENDOUR.

GUNNED DOWN BY VIET CONG

‘SEEN ONE BAND YOU’VE SEEN

IN THE OLIVER STONE WAR FILM

‘EM ALL,’ MR. ROBINSON WAS

PLATOON – THE HORROR OF HIS

OVERHEARD SAYING BETWEEN

LOSS BEING PLAYED OUT IN FULL

EXCESSIVE

VIEW OF ALARMED BYSTANDERS.

PORT-A-LOO AND

A

STRUMMER COCKTAIL FIRMLY

KNEELING

HORROR

OVER

NO

FEZZY

GOER

SHOULD BE FORCED TO ENDURE.

EASTERN

IN

SUBURBS

HAND.

CONSULTANT CLEO

ECSTASY: PORTA-LOO VISITOR OVERWHELMED TO FIND TOILET SEAT NOT COVERED IN URINE JASON ALEXANDER CROMBIE, 27, OF NORTH SYDNEY NSW, WAS BROUGHT TO TEARS LAST NIGHT UPON ENTERING A PORT-A-LOO ONLY TO DISCOVER THE SEAT AS CLEAN AND DRY AS THE DAY IT ROLLED OFF THE PORT-A-LOO FACTORY PRODUCTION LINE. ‘IN ALL MY YEARS OF ATTENDING

TRIPS

THE

TO

THE

THE BAR, MARKETING

AND

‘BACHELOR

SYDNEY,

FORMER OF

THE

YEAR’ CONTESTANT WAS LAST SPOTTED CURSING UNDER HIS BREATH AF TER BEING DENIED ACCESS TO THE ARTIST’S AREA. LOSER.

FASHION: GIRL IN MIDRIFF AND RIPPED DENIM SHORTS REGRETS DECISION NOT TO BRING JACKET AND PANTS AS TEMPERATURES PLUMMET TO MINUS 4 RACHEL BLACKLEY, 31, OF EPPING NSW, WAS LEFT RUING HER POOR DECISION-MAKING

WHEN

SHE

WALKED OUT THE FRONT DOOR TO ATTEND SITG WEARING NOTHING BUT RIPPED DENIM SHORTS, A FLUORO ORANGE BOOB TUBE, AND A DOLPHIN BELLY BUTTON RING. ‘IT WAS SO HOT WHEN WE STARTED DRINKING VODKA CRUISERS AT 9 AM, I WAS JUST LIKE… WHY WOULD YOU TAKE A JACKET AND PANTS? THAT’S JUST EXTRA STUFF TO CARRY… DER!’ SHE IS BELIEVED TO HAVE SLURRED. BLACKLEY’S DECISION, HOWEVER, WOULD RESULT IN

AFTER OVERHEARING GUSHING REVIEWS OF LORDE, VAMPIRE WEEKEND, GANG OF YOUTHS, THE PRESETS AND DUNE RATS FROM FRIENDS WHO HAD ACTUALLY BOTHERED TO GO WATCH THE BANDS.

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Electric Guitar & Bag of Grapes

LOST: Bag of Grapes. I left a bag of grapes on the bus by accident. They were really nice grapes, so

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OZ ROCK SUPER GROUP TO REPLACE DMA’S

Call me now, and I’ll come kick

A last-minute Oz-Rock super-group has been announced as a fill-in for festival headliners DMA’s, who

holes in all your walls. Don’t

were taken into custody last night for slashing seats on a train and writing ‘Get Fucked’ everywhere

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I Can Guess Your Height!

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I can guess any woman’s height

day,’ said the foul and tattered rag being manipulated by a human hand, ‘and I had a lot of close

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ask me how I do it! It’s my gift!

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had her St Johns certificate and a bicycle pump, or it might’ve been lights-out Agro.’ Flat-Stick to

and I will tell you your exact

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